Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 367: Reviews of Renaissance Faires with Bryan Green

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach 2 Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your sister host, Christine. I'm the brother host. I'm Zandi.

And today we have our, I keep wanting to say, like, our sibling, our sibling host, it's probably makes it super weird. You want to be a sibling. Okay. Welcome to the family. Today on the podcast, we have Brian Greed. the host of the commercial break podcast, which he hosts alongside his BFF, Chrissy. It's very fun and hilarious, but damned if I couldn't write a one sentence, concise explanation of what it is. And I thought, you know what, maybe I hand it off to Brian to explain, give us a little idea.

It's fun. It's very hilarious. But I was like, how do I put this? Well, I think you did it well. It's a podcast that defies explanation because we don't even know what it's all about. You know what time. It's about friendship. We've decided that when people ask, we just say, it's about friendship. That's actually very, very touching. Yeah. When you and your best friend get together for a couple drinks or a cup of coffee and you sit and you talk over the events of the day or pop culture or things.

I thought you're going to say talk over each other. And I was like, yeah, I totally get that. You know that. That's exactly what I do according to the reviews on our podcast. Oh, man. We had a really good time because we just record an episode. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, we, uh, it's weird because he didn't invite us to his family, though,

Sandy. Sorry, this is a side note. No, I feel like we invited him into our family and like, I think we reveal too much about like ourselves. Maybe we came on too strong. But I do, I don't have a podcast about with family members. That's fair. I have a podcast with friends so you can come into our friendship circle. Oh my God.

Thank you so much. That's the first time I'm hearing that. But we are a thruple. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. I've heard that. Yeah. I've heard that listen to the commercial break for.

person to get that. Yeah, so we just did an episode there. It was a very fun. Brian Red Next Door posts, which some people, some listeners have sent in from their own like local pages, but I think aren't they really strict about how you can see, like what you can see, like you can only see your neighborhood, I feel like. Yeah, I'm not an expert on the minutiaa of Next Door. I got on it when I moved into this neighborhood, but my wife actually turned me onto this. She's like, you got to read some of these posts. They're insane. This is before I had the podcast. Right. And so we were kind of doing. doing it for fun when next door first started me.

Yeah, yeah. And now I just collect them as I go along. I'll read through them every couple of days and I'll be like, oh, that's crazy. That's so funny. They are. I thought Zandi and I, like, encountered everything internet-wise as far as, like, strange behaviors. We talk about, like, cool cruisers and the kids on consumer, what is it called?

No. You don't consumer reports. Super reports. Common sense media for the children is where they post reviews. So they're like totally different types of reviewers. But Next Door, I think I didn't really realize was quite so unhinged. If you read Chrissy's version of Next Door, it's murders, robberies. Oh, I see.

So it's like location dependent. It's location dependent. And so where I live in Atlanta, people are more concerned about their raccoons and lost chickens than they are. And the gougly eyes on a mailbox. I mean, listen, things are going crazy over there. Or one guy who just got a guilty conscience and said, I found this. In an unlocked, I found a MacBook in an unlocked car. Is it yours?

Is it yours? Yeah, that was absolutely bananas. So, yeah, this is a call to anybody out there. Check your next door. Send them, send them our way or Brian's way. Yeah, I feel like we'll make good of this of them. Oh, we have two, actually Zandi knows this, but we have two wild turkeys in my neighborhood running loose, and it's a mom and a baby.

And at first, you've never seen them. I mean, I don't live near there, but when I was there visiting, I didn't get to see them. time you'll see them because they're still out and about it's been months i went to egypt for two weeks i came back these damn turkeys were still like wandering around and no shit i yeah i've seen these like car i mean we're like 10 minutes from downtown cincinnati it's it's a small town but we're not like you know in the middle of nowhere and you see these like animal control like trucks driving around with like big nets and they cannot get these things and so the discourse about this on on like our local you know next door whatever it is over here it's it's getting really

heated in there about these turkeys and then people you know you you mentioned something about a chicken nugget on you on the i don't want to spoil all of them but uh like somebody was making jokes like oh like posting like turkey for thanksgiving recipes and then now people are forming factions so like protect the mom and baby turkey from it's like they're not really going to eat that turkey Sharon like don't worry you know that's not the kind of turkey you eat they don't think yeah i don't think you eat wild turkey no it's not going to be good um so anyway so it just made me think of that And I'm like, damn, I really got to get in there and check out what's going on. You've got a whole new treasure trove of information.

You probably more so than Zambi because he's in New York. So it's going to be a whole different thing. But it might be, that might be funny too. That's true. It's its own thing, but it's probably just so much depressing stuff. It's usually like knife wielding. Somebody with a knife wielding. Once in L.A.

I had someone with a machete walking down on my street. That was when I was over at your house and we had to walk the doors. We like went to coffee, came back. And I was like, oh, like 30 minutes ago, someone was. walking down my street with a machete. Wow. It wasn't us and we didn't see him. Wow.

Yeah, we have nightfielders here in Atlanta too, but not like New York. I feel like New York is a special breed of, yeah. Yeah, but you know, that's what you get for being the best city in the world, right? That's what you get, Zandi. With so many people, you get something from every type of person. It's getting hot in the hot tub. Listen. Zandi, would you like to explain to our guest because he doesn't even know yet what we're going to be?

Oh, yeah. He doesn't know what he's here for. He doesn't know what he's in for. I've no idea. What we're covering today. So we decided on the topic. Did not reveal it to you, not like on purpose. It's more of like, you know, we don't want our guests to feel pressure to bring anything. But we want, exactly, your fresh reaction.

We will be reading reviews of Renaissance fairs today. Yes. And I don't know if you have any, like any experience out of rent. I don't know if you've been to a run fair. I've never been to one personally. So don't feel bad if you have. Yeah. Yeah, one time, actually twice, but the first time I was a teenager and it was vastly different than it is when I went three years ago, or four years ago, three or four years ago, I went to the local Renfest here in, they call it Renfest here in Georgia.

And it's one of these that's like a permanent, permanent structures are up and they keep, it's open for like five months of the year. But it's permanent and it is huge and it is wild. And it is kind of interesting that this is our topic today because I was at a Halloween party over the weekend and this became the subject of much conversation for about an hour of the Halloween party. It does feel timely. It does.

It does, yeah. Why is it like just because it's a fall activity? It's a season for it, I think. I think so. I think it goes like for us, it goes late summer, like August. Okay, okay. I think through January. I think that's how it goes here.

Oh, interesting. You know, they take advantage of the holiday season and put up Christmas lights. Oh, right. You're down. Renaissance and Christmas lights, they go together. They're like, oh, don't you worry because I have done my research, Brian, and I did know. I actually am more familiar with it as Garf, the Georgia Renaissance Fair.

That is a few diehards. My first question for you was going to be, have you ever been to Garf and then make you try to figure out what that was? Yeah. But you just, you know, admitted that you had. I shouldn't say admitted. Admitted. You make it sound like, what have you been reading about? It depends on what kind of company you're in.

Some people go, cool, dude. Did you go to rent? Fest this year. Yeah, I did. And then some people go, you go to Renfest? But I'm not the dresser up. You mean Garf? Yeah, Garf. I was like, excuse me, Garf. Only two people said that, but I was like, that's what I'm going with. Hey, listen, it's, it colloquly, there's a, I can't even say that word, but there is a name for, you know, the kids grow up and they have different names for different things. We called it Renfest. Now they're calling it Garf. Now the cool kids are all calling it Garf. Kind of like Garf. I kind of like Garf too. I'm going to run. It's ridiculous. So Zandi's never been to a Renaissance Fair. I went one time in high school with this girl that, like, upon looking back, we had a very unhealthy friendship and relationship. And she gave my phone number to this weird man. And his name was, God, it was something about, it was like a type of food.

And that was his name. And that was his real name. Like turkey leg. It was something like that. But more like Flawn or something like. Flawn. King Flawn. King Flon the 3rd?

He wasn't even a king. He was like a fucking jester or some shit. And then she gave him my phone number and I got home. And this like literal carny guy. He was like, oh, I just do travel. And I was like, I don't know how to block on like a Nokia, whatever. But anyway, it was a very weird time. And I didn't go to one for many years after that.

And I went again. You didn't want to run into Flon. You didn't want to see Flon. I ghosted him. I ghosted him. him oh man oh my god i have to remember what his name is anyway sorry so that's i don't think i've ever even talked to zandi about that in my life so surprise zandi there's a story for you flan is news to me i'm sure where is flan we have to know now where is if anybody knows who the heck i'm talking about

they're like i can almost guarantee you yeah that flan still maintains his position i mean he yeah i don't think like you can even get from jester to like king you know i think he's just going to be or he was like something really lame like the town crier or something it's really not important guys uh anyways can i ask the question real quick did either of you watch the hbo documentary on the new orleans the louisiana renaissance fair the king of the new zealna renaissance fair i'm going to send you this please maybe you can put it up on your show notes i'll send you a link to this four-part documentary uh that was why it was a wild kind of um The director took very interesting stylistic choices and on this documentary about the guy who bought the Louisiana Renaissance Festival and became the king of this festival.

And he was insane. He was like a pill-popping, drinking, womanizing. Oh, it's that kind of documentary. Yes. Okay. He was giving it up. He was like he was too old. He had to retire.

And there was like a power struggle between multiple members of the Renaissance Fair to see who would be. come in charge the court that's it exactly did they have a joust a mud wrestling mud wrestling that's true it was just a lot of backstabbing and drama but it was very interesting wow i love it a couple years ago it's back during yeah missed that back during the coronavirus back oh yeah that's right um but yeah so we brought some one-star reviews to read to you today to can't wait yeah and so you know you can do what we do and bud in anytime you want You can wait until the end to give your commentary, but imagine, if you will, that there's really dramatic music playing underneath these reviews because there will be post-production there will be. That's good.

This is a two-star review by Seth of Garf, the Georgia Renaissance Fair. And this is my first time hearing the ones she brings, by the way. Right. So he might interject as well and probably will. Definitely. What? See, he's already doing it. he's already buddy good

Disglamer I worked at the Southern California Renaissance Festival for two consecutive years specializing in costuming scarf Is that not You shouldn't have dawned into your old There was only a state that started with B

Oh my God, I wish B Baltimore, maybe Baltimore County Baltimore Yeah, Baltimore There you go. Wow, Alexander, that just blew my mind. Thank you. So this is a traveling fair worker here.

I suppose so, yeah. Or at least they did two years there. You might know the guy, Christine. I might know the guy. I'm trying. This is what's the classified? It's like a, when you've run into someone. What the heck do you call it?

Oh, misconnection. Misconnection. If this was you. It's like W.S.C. Woman seeking Carney. Dear Flawn. You went by the name of Flawn or a similar dessert. I can't recall all the specifics.

Oh, God. Dear Crembrule, I miss you. That honestly says maybe closer. No, I can't. That sounds closer. I can't put my finger on it. I can't put my finger on it. It's like something.

Well, I'll look it up. I have photos of it on Facebook, unfortunately. Oh, good. Okay. Friend me immediately. I was like, I'm already going on Facebook to look. I was like, as I said that, I was like, I should really put it in my to-do list. Yeah, you should scrub that.

Clear that shit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, big mistakes. Say that out loud. Okay, the scarf, right. Okay, so working and costuming at the scarf. That's beautiful. The Georgia Renfest looks like someone had gone to the festival in Southern California and then did a proposal for one in Georgia by using cardboard, beans and macaroni

pasted to a piece of construction page. which like didn't you just say there's a full actual structure like a permanent structure hundreds of them yeah like one structure like a whole fairgrounds that doesn't speak like macaroni necklace to me but whatever okay no but i get it it's it's it it gives the vibes of discount renfest even i've never been to like i've never been to the southern california or any other one but it does give the it's dirt and right i get it i get what she's saying i'm i'm following here yeah okay good Good good. Though both Georgia and SoCal have their outdoor mall aspects, this is where the

similarities end. Costume requirements are non-existent for employees. I don't believe I saw a single period-accurate costume for the entire four hours we stayed. Imagine being upset. Imagine! The amount of reviews I read are people were mad at that? Imagine how your brain must be suffering all the time if this is how you approach the world. Like, it can't feel good ever.

That's not 13-100s. There was someone who said there was only one monk, and they were sad there weren't more priests and monks. Ew! They're like, who's ever complained about that? They said, whether you like it or not, religion was a part of that time, and I only saw one monk the whole time. What in the literal? Then wear, dress as a monk yourself if you want to. Did you guys?

Did you guys, Brian did not have the pleasure of reading one star reviews of Renfares for hours. Um, Sandy, did you, uh, encounter any, uh, people complaining about turkey legs because they were not, uh, period appropriate. Oh, no. I, I saw people complaining about turkey legs, but not because of that. Well, the one that I saw was very unique. It said, um, uh, there weren't even turkeys in Europe during this time or something. Like, historically, they're inaccurate. And I was like, I mean, just imagine being, anyway. Either were fried Oreos. Yeah. I'm sure that most of the people writing these wouldn't pass one up. Thank you.

You know what I'm saying? You know, I mean, come on. Port-a-potties, too. Good point, good point. I think, come on. And she goes, I'll give them a pass for that. And I was like, oh, that's so gracious. Thank you.

I mean, I hear what she's saying, but it kind of breaks the whole vibe. This isn't Disney World, right? It's Renfest. You're paying $25. Yeah, exactly. And then $20 for every additional thing that you do. And every turkey leg and every, yeah. When the eyewatch comes out of the,

costume. It kind of breaks the vibe anyway. Like, are you really looking for? I mean, a lot of the people, I recall, when I went, we're wearing Star Wars garb. That's become like a thing. That people now are a star, and you better believe people get all up, uh, all work of about that. Okay. Okay. Uh, let's see. So, uh, let's see. Oh, I didn't see a period, single period accurate costume, the entire four hours we stayed. Pro tip. A bodice is not a vest. In case anyone forgot about that. I wear mine all the time just keep in mind it's not a vest and then I think it's okay there were people making an effort at the correct accent for the time period but they were few and far between the food was what I would expect from a regular mall I'm glad I went on

the buy one ticket get one free weekend because I would have been very upset had I paid full fair and they did spell fair wrong like the rent of F-A-I-R and so I'm like is that a joke probably not but um oh nice little pun you know that is a pun fun fun paid full pair paid full fair anyway so that's the end of that first one of the garf um i feel like there are i have you ever seen the the show the west wing there's an episode of the west wing where bradley whitford's character uh he somebody is hired under him and this person is doing whatever task they're doing and they have wearing star wars pins and he explains you can't wear Star Wars pins in the West Wing.

And then at the end of the episode, they get in this conversation, she's all upset at him and she's going to complain to HR because he won't let her wear this Star Wars thing. And he gives this whole speech where he says, listen, I totally, I'm a Star Wars fan. I'm a baseball fan. I'm a basketball fan. He goes, but here's what I don't do.

I don't spend my weekends, you know, listing the top 10 episodes, my least favorite episodes, which ones Romulan show up in which universe is my favorite. He goes, that's not fandom. that's a fetish and there is a difference and you can't bring that to work right and he says but work hard and maybe some days we'll be able to allow it right and it was this whole speech that i thought was like really cute but then also like poignant is that sometimes i get being into renfest like i i i'm not but i get that there's fandom out there but sometimes we fetishize things there's a line yeah there's a line totally totally go and have fun go and have fun and if there's you know if you want

to be period accurate, then you do the work. I know, it's like, yeah, why are you do the work? I mean, this person is probably walking around with a clipboard and, like, staring people down saying, like, let me look at your corset. And, you know, people wear those revealing things. It's like, why are you staring at everyone and, like, determining how accurate they're, it's like, don't be a creep. Exactly.

And it all says made in China on the back anyway. Exactly. All the artists and goods, right? Yeah, exactly. I've got a review here. This is of the Kansas City Renaissance Festival. And this is one. ideas, Andy.

Oh, yeah. Tell me. No. Can we do a video where I take you to your first Renaissance Fair someday? Absolutely fine. What am I going to wear? Oh, no. It better be period accurate.

A period accurate bonus. Oh, my God, a monk. A monk. I did see someone on TikTok who was like talking about all the sexy outfits that rent fair and then they, it was a woman who was dressed like fully as a monk with like the shaved middle head thing. I think it was a bald cap of some sort, but like, or a wig of some sort. but I was like yeah that's that's the vibe yeah let's get like really I think they said like I got multiple people hitting on me when I was wearing this to like guys maybe it's the thing I don't know maybe um but no I would love to go to one my friend group we were very nerdy geeky but we were more like stay inside play video games or board games more so than we were going out in public period even in cost no honestly especially in cost

And we were like, oh, that's not for us. It takes a lot of effort, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Here's a review of Kansas City Renaissance Festival. The carf. You know what? There's a line. The carf.

Cacarf. This one, maybe some line was crossed. We'll see. Uh-oh. Here we go. One star. Ooh. What a letdown for the family.

The magician, while good at performing magic, had terrible manners when interacting with children. pulled a child up, poured salt in her hand, then asked her to verify it with salt by telling her to taste the damn salt. Meanwhile, he continues to tell a story about what girls would do in the 90s, saying they would snort it like cocaine. Then he pulls up another girl,

this time a teenager, and talks about how she could tie him up or not her choice in a sexual manner when getting ready to do a role. trick. Cool tricks, but incredibly dense and inappropriate for the audience and volunteers. And children. You have the audacity

to ask for tips afterwards to end of review. Wow. You see it all at these places. I got to say, this is proof that the bystander effect is real because not a single person is calling the police and he pulls up a second child to do more tricks.

I feel like we need to, someone in the crowd needed to be careful that the salt wasn't, in fact, Fact cocaine. Good. This sounds like the guy, right? Good point. This sounds like the guy that accidentally mixed up his salt with his glow.

Totally. Totally. Like he's a traveling guy. He's got a, you know, a lot of compartments. Who knows? Maybe it's just because of the one-star reviews I've read, but it feels like people are either way on one side of the line or way on the other side of the line where it's like either people are being way too much or like people are just so, the people are

so prudish and like just can't, don't want to see any. I don't want to see cleavage and are having like... But then sometimes it's like, oh, maybe this magician shouldn't be talking to young girls this way. Maybe somebody should really get a background check on this guy, please. Yeah. Like if you're going to hire somebody, yeah. It makes me worried about the whole fun thing. I feel like the Renaissance Fair in general is a place where older dudes may date younger girls.

I'm not saying teenagers are illegal. But I feel like this is the vibe of the Renfest in general is this. this and i because i've known people who are like into the really into the renfest and i don't know it just seems like sometimes like the younger girls you know younger ladies people that are younger than the men get enamored with these guys who are knights and warriors and wizards or something i mean i'd be like swept away you know how can you not i saw a falcon go at the rent fest yeah and you're still thinking about you're still thinking about that man who was like yeah with his strong uh forearm He's got the one baby arm and the one huge arm.

Fly! Fly, falcour! That's what the robes are for to hide. Get the blow from the magician and bring it back to me. Thou shalt snort it. I own all the blow in the land. Call the police on your way back, because we've got to get rid of that guy. Bring me all the teenage girls you can.

Okay, but no, there were, there were comments. There was so much creepiness. And I saw this one woman write a review of the, I think it was a Maryland or the I don't remember one of these one of these big ones and the review said something like if you don't want to get sexually like harassed or hit on you have to look normal like you have to dress like a normie like you're not trying to be part of it. She's like people will not leave you alone if you're dressed in any. Which is such a shame because this should be the place where you get to wear whatever you want. Like that's part of the fun. I don't want people being creepy. It's not like surprising, but like, you can't wear a, you can't wear a corset then. Sorry. There are a lot of boobs at the Renaissance Festival, but I took it as just everyone, you know, having fun and getting dressed up and trying to be somewhat period accurate. They like that.

But that, but then that when there's a lot of boobs that are out, then it leads. It's like a magnet for people who want to look at boobs, right? The Renfair is a boob magnet. Brian said it here first. You heard it here last on. awesome. That actually feels a lot more accurate, yeah. I like this.

Is it my turn to read or? Yeah, you want to do a read review and then I'll do my little game. Oh, yeah, he has a game that he brought that we both get to play, which is so fun. I love it. Okay, so this is another one. I believe this is of the garf. I can't believe I keep saying that. It might have been the Michigan one, the Michigan affair.

I'm not sure. This is a one-star review by Chris. The park itself. is a five. This one star is only for the tomato guy. I know the whole purpose is to say things so customers get mad and want to pay for tomatoes to hit the guy in the face, but he says extreme things about women's body parts in front of children. All parts. Sexist. Not at all acceptable in front of children. Fire him. End of review. Oh no. I'm like, buy a tomato, dude. Buy a tomato. Yeah. That's how they get you. But

I love why they said all parts. I mean, I, because when they said they're saying creepy things, I'm like, I can picture the parts they're talking about. Then they said all parts. And I'm like, oh, no, like, the armpits, the elbows, like, even the things that you wouldn't expect. The ankles? The ankles. Oh, my God. Now I'm mad.

Holy cool. The only person who was, like, true to the period. Who's just, like, being really skeevy about ankles and stuff. I'm not sure which is bigger. Your boobs or your cancles, man, but I love them both. Oh man. Wow. I do see why people get all worked up with these things. You know, it's like a lot of, um, everyone's just really hyper-focused on each other's, uh, attire and bodies. And body parts. Yeah. A lot of alcohol, uh, also probably doesn't help. I think if you live in the mind of the people that lived in the, in that time period, it's just kind of like let fly. Like, you know, right. You're kind of like going back. It wasn't, yeah, there wasn't politically correct back then. And it was very much. Children got to learn about

all the parts really young. And if you didn't like it, you just threw a tomato at them, okay? So just get with the program lady. You pay for a tomato to throw at someone. That's right. Sorry, you have to buy one from the local tomato guys. You have to buy one. Tomato guy. I love to know what the economics of the Renfests are.

I mean, I think I kind of understand from watching the documents. I was going to say, I feel like that would give at least one side of the finances. That might not be true for all of them, but it would probably be very interesting to see the money flowing. I don't doubt that they're all a little bit similar. I'm just going to say that. But anyway. It's the darndest thing, Alexander. Every week I come home and realize, well, I don't come home.

I'm already at home. And then I realize I need to figure out what to do for dinner. And it never stops. It never stops? Never. Every day I'm supposed to make another meal. Oh no. What are you to do?

What am I to do? I'm supposed to rely on Home Chef. I guess it's the only way forward. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal. kits for quality, convenience, value taste, and recipe ease. I should have known. Yeah, and as you all know, I've been on a Gordon Ramsey kit lately. Well, good news, Gordon Ramsey heads, because you can choose from Gordon Ramsey's co-branded dishes featured across Home Chef's culinary collection, classic meal kits, and express options. Each crafted to make you

feel like a chef in your own kitchen. It's not one size fits all. Home Chef has over 30 meal options each week. It's like one of my favorite things to pick which meals to get every week with choices for different diets and tastes, you know, if you have like a four-year-old at home. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off in free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to home chef.com slash beach to Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. HomeShuff.com slash Beach2 Sandy. Must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Well, I was thinking when I was looking at reviews what I might think a Renfair is similar to. So I created a little game.

It's called Renaissance Fair or Racetrack. And I have parts of one-star reviews of either Renaissance fairs or racetracks. And we're talking with cars, the car ones, not horse ones. And I would like you both. Either one you can discuss. which one it is. So I'm going to start with this one. I'm going to take it seriously.

You should. Here we go. Are there prizes? I get a period accurate modest at the end. You get a one hour rental for $30 with some of these places rent costumes out and I'm like, how gross. Like they're not cleaned. Of course they're not. No.

I don't think they have running water at most of it. I saw that. I saw people complaining about that. I'm like, I'm not surprised by this. Is this really worth the one-star? review saying there's no like electricity i'm like what are you going to plug your truck in what are you yeah i don't know anyway okay here we go a sad and grotesque skeleton of what once was it was a historic jewel now it's in shambles very very sad state of affairs and a review geez sounds like

dramatic the white house or something the east wing the east wing you just mentioned in the west wing, my brain went, oh, there you go. Other side. Very accurate. Oh, my God. I know. It kind of freaked me out a little bit. I feel for some reason, I think this is a curveball.

And I believe that this is probably someone who's very attached to racing, to like NASCAR racing or some kind of racing. And they feel like some hedge fund has come in and done them dirty with their local racetrack. I would agree. I feel like that's definitely where my. it's kind of creepy how accurate you were um because these you're correct it is a racetrack did you write the review brian you're big secret you know yeah you your local race track got rid of drag racing because that's what happened here it they got rid of their drag racing and so many reviews

were people complaining about that and this person was the most dramatic everyone else was like fuck you guys you guys suck and this person was saying oh a historic jewel oh someone came in bought the racetrack and changed how it went there you It was a shame. Hedge funds ruin everything. Private equity. It's ruining the entire world. Especially our racetracks.

Especially the racetracks. And podcasting. Don't tell them about that. Those people who bought up our show. All those billionaires that are paying us. They're pumping of their money into us. This next one, here we go. I wouldn't offer this food to a homeless dog, let alone a paying customer.

Whoa. Well, I feel like you would feed Renaissance fair food to a homeless dog. It literally feels like they do that. No, 100%. Um, homeless dog. I think they were all homeless in the Renaissance period. Yes. There actually, there was one review I read about a place that had, it said the only good thing that ever happened here was adopting our chihuahua back in 2005.

And I was like, what? And they said they adopted a family dog. A chihuahua. At the Red Fair, they said it was called the old pet rescue. And I was like, oh, my God. But I guess if they're getting dogs rescued. Yeah, I got a dog rescued. I guess we can all applaud the effort.

I do support that. I just am surprised it's a chihuahua. Like, that just feels like out of place. Well, I love that the idea they were like, oh, look at all these homeless dogs. You should take one home and get their house. Wow. Not the magician. He's on a list.

Yeah, we're not, no. I think this is the Renaissance Fair. It sounds like the same lady complaining about all of the... It is. It is, in fact, the Renaissance Fair. Yay. Now here's another one. It could go either way.

Well, or neither way. Cleanest porta-potties I've ever seen. Oh. I feel like I've never heard of a rent fair having cleanest porta-pot. I just, it feels like impossible for the amount that people have complained about that. Yeah. I don't remember. I almost think that I remember that the bathrooms were like physical locations, at least at mine, like actual bathrooms.

Right. I had a baby at the time when we went and I, for some reason, I remember maybe even a changing table in there or something. Oh, wow. Well, you keep bragging about the garf over there and all your... Yeah, the grassy. Well, it might have been the only bathroom location also in the entire 112,000 acres of the... You had to, like, trek there. Oh, my God, it was huge.

But I also don't feel like anybody would claim that a racetrack port-a-potty would be the cleanest port-a-potty we've ever seen. People are drinking and having fun. But maybe the hedge fund, maybe they wandered into the VIP hedge fund area. True. Like, oh, I use their bath. True. All right. I'm with you on this.

So maybe the racetrack? Let's do race-truck. This was a rent fair. No. This was the New Hampshire Renaissance Fair. The New Hampshire. And they did include a picture. It looked like a nice porta-potty.

set up. I got to say, I was impressed. Really? New Hampshire's where it's the kind on wheels where they like bring in the... Oh, I love those things too. I do like those but no, it was like separate porta potties but they were put in a certain like a type of certain situation and then they had the like hand washing in the

middle area. I've seen those at like sporting events only so I'm impressed to see this at a nice rent fair. I let us astray Brian it wasn't yeah. No, it's okay. I'm directionally challenged so nobody's surprised. I feel like we have another shot.

How ariadite your answer of you? That's what I say. Yeah, that's me. Here's one. And these next ones are pretty quick, but yeah, just curious what your first thought is. Thank God Max the Goat was there to lighten the mood. Oh, that's got to be a racetrack. Max the Goat.

Max the Goat. Max, yes. Max isn't like a 13. Because they think goat, you think, yeah, we're unfair. I think you're totally right. Race track. Well, it's actually a 13th century goat named Max because it's a unfair. No.

I thought that was a trick. They were complaining about the line or a line to get in or there was parking or something and apparently there was a goat entertaining people or was a character named Max the goat. It was not clear. Yeah, that's the upsetting part too is that you never really know reading them. Like it will say like the something twins and you're like something about this sinister and they're not giving me enough information about these people. Yeah, and then if you stay to find out more, you're going to have to deal with whatever they bring you.

So you got to like either. Yeah. Yeah. Son of a bitch. I thought I had that one. I thought I used logic and deduction to get to the problem. That felt really good. I was like, I think we've nailed it.

And he's going to be so bummed. We foiled his plot. I actually was curious because I was picturing an actual goat. This is a character who is Max the Goat Faye, who roams the streets of Renaissance Fair, spreading smiles, laughter, and joy. See, again, it's. It's too vague. It is, in fact, a character. It is, in fact, a character.

It's threading joy. Like, what does that mean? It could mean anything. Cocaine. Exactly. Okay, now we're talking, all right. For magician's sister. Oh, Max the goat.

Okay. The confusing part is on Max the goat on their Instagram page. Their latest photo is them with a goat. So it's like. Now I'm really confused. Me too, but you know what? Let's move on. This is such an interesting world that we're diving into here.

I feel like we should do this show from a Wrenfest, and then we really could. I'm so down. I'm being serious. I feel like that's an episode of both shows right there in one foul swoop. We just spend two hours on a stage. We go to Garf. And we go to Garf. We drive from Kentucky down to Garf, and we all.

And we read one-star reviews of Garf. And we sell tomatoes for like 10 bucks a pop. Yes. We're going to be rich, guys. Oh, my gosh. $10 tomatoes to throw at me? Do I have to get it? At $10 a pop, I'll take the hits.

Okay, all right. That's a lot of money for a tomato. I'm opposed to that. Okay, this one, all it says is one of the worst nights of my life. Holy shit. Where can someone possibly have that? Okay, here's my question. Are there racetracks and or Renaissance fairs that are open at night?

Is that a thing? Maybe. Yes. Yes. Yes. To bowl. Yes. Right.

Yes. Definitely. I don't know about rent we went during the day I don't know but I imagine they had light night time stuff you know they are there with all their boobs out it gets crazy there's no way they don't have after parties and after after after parties those bodices are flying off left and right after seven needs yeah I feel like the worst night of your life could that could mean anything I think we're just really taking a shot in the dark like your boyfriend broke up with you you saw a car crash that ended up tragedy that's what i thought i was like okay i will say it does have to do with what happened at the venue at the place it's not yes it does it does i'm gonna say race track i'm gonna say race track too yeah it was in fact a racetrack it was of the bristol motor speedway because

they had a baseball game there that went was a disaster an lb game uh the reds played against the braves and it was a disaster so they said it was a worst of their life. What do you mean a disaster? Like they just lost or was it like? No, there was a rain. It rained out one day. And this was like, I think, 100,000 plus tickets.

It was like the most, it was because these speedways are huge. And so it was postponed, I believe, a full day. So the ticket situation was a disaster. Oh, I see. And the venue itself was a disaster because they weren't ready. They did not prepare well. Yeah. So most of the, most reviews were like, don't let the MLB ever do this again.

Please. Yeah, I do remember this. Are you a baseball fan? Brian? Well, I like the Braves, and I'm from Chicago, so I like the Cubs. So when the end of the season comes in, if, you know, they're in playoff contention, then I start paying attention a little bit more than usual. But I do remember the Braves, I believe, playing at one of these racetracks and remember

hearing that there was drama of some sort. It was ridiculous. But that's the worst night of your life ever. Like you're lucky. That's the worst night of your life ever. Yeah. Must be a nice life. Yeah.

Must be nice. Yeah. Here's one last one. Okay, go. Got arrested in the parking lot for public intoxication. Shit. Well, that's really good. Another shot in the dark.

Yeah, another shot in the dark. It's a flip of the coin, but I'm going to say. Damn, I'm going to let Brian take this one. Renfest. Go Renfest. It's a racetrack. And unfortunately, they didn't provide any more details. They were just like, one star.

They arrested me. How do you get arrested? You have to be really fucking drunk. to get arrested at the racetrack for public intoxication. You have to have taken it up, three notches. That's, yeah. Just what they expect at the racetrack. Honestly, impressive.

I imagine there's more context, like, and then I tried to fight some guy. And I turned into a role. And I drove my car into his tent. Like, who the fuck knows? But yeah, they're like, I got arrested one star. It's the context for me. Pushed a porta potty down or something. Yeah, there's got to be something.

I just wanted Max the goat's phone number. We had a connection. We had a connection, I promise. Me and the magician got a little twisted and we got handsy with Max the goat. Oh, my God. I could picture this magician in the parking lot in the parking lot of Bristol Motor Speedway having the best time ever and people being so weirdly into it. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. What if they hosted a run fair inside one of these speedways?

Because I feel like that could be something. Actually, that could be not anything. That would be a disaster. Yeah, but I do. I can't imagine the history of all the Renaissance festivals that go on in this country that at least one of them hasn't either been inside or attached to some kind of raceway somewhere. Yeah, yeah. I was reading some of the Wisconsin one. They had races in the water.

Oh. They were doing races at the Renfair in the water. So boat races? Okay, I'm going to be honest, I was a little high. And there's a video of these things flying through the water and they were not boats. I think they were being dragged by boats. I didn't know what was going on. I just moved on.

And I'm only remembering it right now. Wow. So I have no details. And again, like, but that is the fever dream of reading Renaissance her reviews because you could be sober as hell and you read like they did boat race and you're like, what are you even saying? Like Max the goat was there. They did boat race.

It sounds like a weird dream you had, you know? And there's never enough context. Like he's spreading joy and cheer through the crowd. What is that supposed to mean? You know, again, I just am like too many questions are unanswered. Yeah. Like I've been to Disney and Mickey Mouse spreads joy and cheer to the crowd. I've been to Bonaroo, and it's a whole different kind of joy and cheer that people are spreading around the crowd. Someone named Mickey is spreading something around.

Someone's giving you a Mickey. Get with me. And listen, it's like, I'm not going to judge, but you better tell me before I get there because I need to mentally be prepared for what's going to happen. Yes, I need to meditate on how exactly to navigate this. situation that's right oh my god i love you guys i love you guys can i do sit here for the rest of my podcast listen we're having a good time i just like to yeah um that was good sandy nice game good job buddy oh that was fun and um i wasn't very good at it but that's okay yeah we didn't win it's one of those games and it's we've done these games before and it's like the point is you

can kind of go either way so it's kind of a crapshoot but it's so bizarre how like wait these are very different people having very similar seeming experiences. Yeah, we did an episode called Subway versus Subway one time where we read reviews of Subway Sandwich shops and Subway Stations. Oh my gosh. The other person had to guess. Some of them were tricky. They're really tricky.

Surprisingly. Same with Classic Lit versus Twilight. Oh, we did that too. Reviews of the Twilight books and reviews of Classic Lit and you're like, huh. Those are hard to get right. Is this person like into, that's really into romance? talking about like Jane Eyre or are they talking about like vampire teenage vampire smut yeah yeah yep yep yep yep exactly

uh man didn't the 50 Shades book wasn't that twilight fanfic that she started writing and then it became complete uh fantasy no you're 100% it was it has a weird tie to 9-11 it does that feels like a conspiracy i got to google this before I before I was This is the same night that you were reading about the boat races. It has to do with My Chemical Romance, too. That's a weird combo. This is getting really weird. My Chemical Romance was created after the lead singer

obtained a new outlook on life from 9-11. Twilight was inspired by My Chemical Romance, and 50 Shades of Gray started as a Twilight fan fiction. So therefore, Butterfly Effect. It's all Butterfly Effect. they got to remake that movie with like some updated material like this yeah with yeah like start off with the you know the most depressing day in american history but then yeah you know Dakota johnson's naked so we all win so big whoop come on guys wait isn't isn't isn't isn't uh

robert patinson who's in that movie remember me uh that there's a movie and it's become a bit of a meme and big spoilers for it all i know about this movie is you go through the whole whole movie and at the end you're looking at Robert Pattinson's character and then it zooms out and it says it's September 11th it zooms out he's in the World Trade Center and he's about to get be a victim of the 9-11 attacks that it is and it's just and the movie ends yeah it is Robert Pat yeah so I feel like there's already some weird crossover happening already um oh my god this is like one of those red string things we need to yeah we need to have a board my wall is very bare right Now, and I've been wondering what to do with it.

This is perfect. Pop of color. This is perfect. Yeah. That's crazy. It also has a 26% on Rotten Tomato, so I'm sure we can get some very good one-star reviews from there. You guys have a treasure trove of information. It will never run out.

Between Next Door and Robert Pattinson's terrible movie, you guys are going to be doing episodes until 2027. Cruise critic will never get out of here. Okay. This is my last one. It is of the Michigan Renaissance. festival. And this was thankfully posted in the not recommended section of Yelp, which is where reviews are even less searchable or findable, and they don't have any influence on the star rating. And Yelp has flagged them for some reason. Okay. And they're not factored into

the business's rating. So you might see why. Okay. This is a once review by Ron. This Renaissance fair is no longer the celebration of Elizabethan England like it once was. the rem a first of all they wrote remissants so things are starting to art that's how they really spelled it ariemissons he just said arie amissons then i would rather die than attend it's a music festival r em and related bands arie mason's

the opening acts are just all the people from the renfair who do michael Skype as a monk the remissants era is nearly removed from the overall concept this fair is now all about LGBTQ pride and being a furry there we go hell yeah hell yeah it has become unrecognizable as a renfair there's even a large group of furries who meet for furry orgy planning i've heard okay first of all okay who are you talking to The town crier, probably, honestly, if we're, but yeah, it's, I hate like how he has to hear it through the grapevine. And I bet some furies are like who are not, because not all fur, okay, I'm not going to get on my furry soapbox because I have a lot of respect for many of them.

But like, who, how, how do you know about the, who's like leaking this information to you? Yeah. I bet there's so many furries who are like, I want to know about this. Like, why do you know this guy who's a hater? right does he know about what's what their party plans are he's got some mole inside the furry oh my god you're right a literal mole dressed as a mole he's dressed as a mole in the furry community they should have seen it coming he's a fucking mole you guys yeah and you know they have what's that they don't need to meet at the renaissance fast that's exactly like what you have you have nothing better in your

head than they're planning an orgy what they're doing it like the furries used to in elizabethan times They used to have to meet at the town square. They instead have to meet at the town square. Okay, that makes a little more sense. Yeah. Then it probably was the town crier who was spreading the gossip, you know. I feel like he wanted to go to the racetrack and ended up at the rent. Very good point.

The older generation who kept up with the original Elizabethan concept are either dying off or not returning due to the conceptual changes. I have seen people banged. and by these Rennies who basically run everything behind the scenes, those who are creating their own fantasy world where they ban and blacklist anyone they deem as unworthy. If you are a member of a group of furries or a member of the LGBTQ community, this place is for you.

If you want to enjoy a fair based on the real Elizabethan England, this is not it. End of review. So where are we all meeting, guys? Are we meeting a historically accurate Elizabethan? That's the easiest choice ever. It's like in the office when Angela makes her like Christmas party based on the nutcracker and nobody goes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because it's like, well, nobody wants to be part of that. No offense. Have a good time at your history class. I feel like wherever Ron is going is not my vibe. So I'm heading to the Renfest. I mean, honestly, I get it. It's a very, it's taken very seriously by a group of humans who love that time period. They feel like they were there in some former life.

It feels their vibe, their thing. They like how the community is structured. And, you know, listen, there are, there is a community for everyone. Yes. I mean, you can go drink Fago at the, what is that? Insane clown, insane clown, the ICP, you know, juggalo fest. There is something for everybody. Apparently, there's actually big Renaissance Fair juggalo crossover in some states.

I believe in. I would imagine. Yeah. I would imagine. And in our. fandoms we get some people from both it's great i think like i listen there's a way to be cohesive and live amongst each other without like trying to throw furries under the bus leave them alone just care they're not they're not bothering you i mean they're bothering you but that's your

own shit if they're bothering you yeah maybe you should try it on then yeah like just maybe you should try to be a mole sometimes go in your reacting so strongly i mean go in your backyard ron and invite all of the Elizabethan fetish folks you want over to your house and you all cook time period accurate food on top of hot rocks or whatever it is no turkeys yeah uh only guinea fowl and uh wild boar or like pigeon or whatever the hell rat make sure you string together some period accurate clothing make sure you have no latrines whatsoever okay so you want to be accurate as possible go apparently you can have Cocaine, if you have a magician. Cocaine has been around for a long time, a lot longer than Elizabethans.

That's a natural remedy back then, okay? Yeah. It just goes back to what we were talking about when you guys were on my show a couple hours ago, which is everything at the end of the day becomes about politics in 2025, and it doesn't have to be. If you don't like the Renfest anymore, just say, I don't like the Renfest anymore. You don't have to knock at other people in their culture. Go somewhere else.

Go to the race track. It sounds like there's a lot of similar situations happening. That's where you're going to find. period accurate Elizabethan behavior maybe not clothing her food but behavior certain behavior is going to be primal yes oh well thank you Brian this is so much fun this was great I really appreciate you and we had so much fun on your show so go listen to that folks if you aren't already a listener and where can people find you they can find at Brian W. Green on Instagram at the commercial break on Instagram and tcbpodcast.com all the audio and video but

of course you can find the show wherever you're listening to this wonderful show which we're such big fans of we've actually bought advertising on their show before we were like we all sound familiar to each other and we're like fine we'll finally let him on he gave us enough money I paid the gatekeeper welcome to 2025 that's right gatekeepers everywhere it's been a great deal of fun this has actually been a really fun afternoon and so I hope I hope we do it again. Would love to next time bring Chrissy. We already discussed that.

Absolutely. She said she missed it, and I know that she will be, she'll have a ton of fun if we do this together again. So let's plan it. And thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you, Brian.

Bye, Sandy. Bye, Christine. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. Hello, thank you for joining us for part two of our latest guest episode. Oh, that sounds like I'm going to kill him, guest-asode. Guesticide. I'm accused of guest-decide.

We're going to do some between you and us, some reviews that people have sent in over the years that we've collected and curated, if you will. And I think that's all. A lot more official than what I do, which is just click emails and be like, okay, that looks good. Well, what do actual curators do? don't they do the same thing if you really think about it i don't think so you just click around until you like what you see okay i didn't i've never noticed that with the like museum curators i didn't know that's how that worked i but most of my knowledge comes from night at the museum and i didn't even watch the whole thing so that's not i know you think it's a documentary but that's not usually

how it goes got it i've a review of moose tours what's that at least in mat sent this in um it is uh the north conway moose safari moose tour oh why didn't you just say the whole name um because i really hadn't memorized it yet and i had to click on the link um it's a little bit alarming because it happens at night and all the photos look kind of like they take you on a tour to go see moose okay in new hampshire that i figured out well i just I don't know. You seemed confused. So I thought I would explain it further. Well, when you added more words, it was a little more clear to me. Moose tours, I don't know what that means. I just want to show you, like, this is a picture. When you go to the place's Google page, this is kind of the, all the pictures sort of look like this, where they're all at night with a big kind of spotlight. It looks kind of.

Jesus, poor moose. Yeah, they're scary. I mean, this is a scary picture. It looks like they're like... Oh, my God. Like looking for Bigfoot, but it's moose. Yes, that's what I was looking for. That's what I was thinking of. Bigfoot style, like kind of blurry in the dark.

Terrify. Spotlight shined on them. And so I have a couple of reviews because Elisa and Matt sent in two. I'm going to start with just one, but it is a review, a one-star review with an owner response. And the owner responses are what make this really special. Okay. Uh-oh. This is a one-star review by Jessica.

of the North Conway Moose Safari Moose Tour. Driver is insane. We came up to the White Mountains for a long weekend, looked for a moose tour, but also they were closed for the season, so my friend and I decided to go look ourselves in moose spots. While driving around, we spot this moose tour bus pulled over, so we decided to turn around and see if they saw one.

Driver flashed his light at us, so we kept our distance and figured we would check spots after he pulled away. A few stops later, he gets out and yells at us for following him. I remind him it's a public road and he threw a rock at my car this driver slash owner is severely unhinged don't bother. End of her view. That's one of those things that

feels illegal but isn't. It's like when you're like... Throwing a rock at someone? Okay, not that part. But it's like when you're out like a tourist somewhere and you see a tour group go by so you kind of like tag along and just listen. That's what it feels like. They're kind of like following

this person. A huge faux pop. Like this person is going to show them where the moose are, but they didn't pay for that privilege of being shown where the moose are. So it's like, it's not a good thing to do, but I don't think throwing rocks is the answer. So I'm very curious to hear what the owner has to say. But you know, they do say Bigfoot throw rocks too. Oh, that's true. So it might have been the moose is what you're saying. Could be a moose getting revenge.

Moose are scary. I know. They're giant. I wouldn't fuck with them. So it seems like also a very. unsafe thing to do to be like to go to moose spots by yourself without a designated tour guide yeah danger um i'm glad you had some insight here into your opinions i'm glad you had insight to your own opinions um because there's a response here from the owner no yelling done hey another terrible

from someone who never took our tour most are three people in car another i love how they're just like oh yeah well you recall i have a second review i know but I love how they're just like, oh, man, more run-ins with people who hate us. This is like the classic, you know, when you're, when you have haters because you're so successful, that's kind of what's happening at this moose tour. Yeah, you would know. You told me about it before. We never advertised we were closed.

Hello, Jessica. These people thought they had a plan to follow bus. We were never advertised. We were closed, so all didn't say closed. And yet she finds our Google map page easily enough to leave this terrible review before the night was over. but expects readers to believe she didn't find it or couldn't find it before, so to know we were still open, hmm, are we to take this person seriously?

I don't know anymore. I'm confused. Yeah, actually, I don't know. Yeah, they've talked their way out of this because I don't know what's going on. I just started backing away from the entire situation. Apparently, she'd read all the five-star reviews from the 2022 season and thought, we need to follow that bus. What happened was we had video issues and had to stop.

Yes, not so awesome. to see a car and tent on following bus and shining their brights into cabin while trying to show those aboard the nearly two hours of wildlife DVDs. Wait, you get on a bus to watch two hours of wildlife DVDs, I'm sorry. Yes, you will be learning more about that later.

No, that doesn't, does that count? It's rough. I don't know. When I went to Hobbiton in New Zealand, like they had a intro video on the bus, but it was just for the ride to the location and it was not that long. I mean, it has to do with Lord of the Rings, which is like a beautifully produced product.

Yeah, and it was like Peter Jackson himself was like talking in this video, welcoming you to the tour you're about to go on. So if the moose was talking, that'd be another story. Now, that would be cool. That's called CGI, the good use of CGI. Nearly all that attend find these moose and wildlife videos entertaining and informative

and they help pass the time between moose hotspots. Sorry that this reviewer felt so entitled and told our driver, it's a public road in such a smug way. The rock was thrown into the ground. Yeah, that's not a good look, bud. That feels bad.

Good news. The bus that night saw a moose. Photo gotten. Made our driver finding moose on seven of last eight nights. Further good news, folks. Driver in 2022 was 70 out of 76 nights through the Thursday after Labor Day. A week of heavy rains didn't help, but since seven out of last eight tours.

And now three out of four nights so far in October. Wow! What people like this reviewer doesn't understand is some of these moose know the bus and trust the bus. They don't trust cars. Sure. Well, the bus has a giant antler on top. They think it's a big moose.

And it throws rocks, which moose might do. And it throws rocks just like a moose would, exactly. They don't trust cars because lots of times people act erratically. Moose see car lights pulling up and the moose will leave the scene. Countless times the bus stops and lights up a moose, the moose stays there. Some are part ham for minutes. But as soon as they see car lights, they bolt. That's just how it is.

All our driver does every night is attempt for those aboard to get their money's worth. and there's nothing wrong with that in this company's opinion. And now in 16 full seasons, our driver has done over 1,700 moose tours and has driven the moose bus over 265,000 miles, has been making people happy since way back in 2007. Readers, please be sure to read the reviews, which are complimentary. We reopen in May 23, and our schedule is in photos.

And here's our phone number. Please wait until mid-May, thanks. End of response. Yeah. Rough times. prepared. Yeah. Well, prepared.

It didn't sound prepared. It sounded more rambly than anything. But yeah, I guess, like, don't follow the moose bus tour thing. I don't know. That seemed like a shitty thing to do. Yeah, it feels like something, like you said, like a built-in faux paw. Like, you should know better than to admit you are doing that on the internet. Yeah, like, you don't look good saying that.

I mean. And especially when they're pulled over and then you like pull behind them and wait, that's like a really scary. catchy to me. Like, if I were on a tour bus and, like, in the middle of the night and a car kept following us around, I'd start to get, I mean, I'd probably realize we're on a moose tour and maybe someone was following the moose tour. But also, my brain would go, uh-oh, that can't be good. Uh-oh, yeah.

I don't know. Like, why would you be following? And then the driver throws a rock at the ground. Yeah. I mean, I imagine there's a busload of witnesses who, uh, wait till review number two. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yeah, you're on to something there.

But, yeah, first I'm just like, these poor moose, just getting lights shining. But I do believe that they're used to this bus, I imagine. Like, I don't know. That does seem believable. So it does seem disruptive. They truly probably think it's part of the wildlife, like 265,000 miles. They got, yeah, since 2007, this damn bus, and they're still seeing moose hang out around it. That's a pretty good sign, I think.

I don't know about moose behavior, but I'm learning. you're learning like a fast track too much well i have something sent in from sent in by jill they them who sent in a review of hogendos caramel cone ice cream oh that sounds good there we go one star oh no just i just noticed that they put their name it was reviewed on ice cream dot com first of all what i did not that's something i would type in when i was 10 years old and learning to use the internet Right? And it would be some like really like completely different than what you're expecting. Something inappropriate, probably. I'd type in like fungames.com and it would be like, oh no. That is hilarious. What? There's a quiz to see which flavor you're feeling.

I'm doing. I'm bookmarking this for later. It's literally just like are these just different? What? Like it looks very put together. Like when I pictured that, I pictured like an old like I don't know. Yeah, like an angel fire. Yes, that's what I was trying to come up with, but something like that, where this hasn't been updated in 20 years. Oh, I really thought maybe this would be like a certain brand, like Hagenda's owned this domain, but it looks like it's not even that. They like sell them? Well, maybe out center, maybe it's all these brands. Maybe it's, well, no, that doesn't make sense there.

I mean, they've got all sorts of ones. What the heck is this place? Anyway. And popsicles, that's not ice cream, please. What did you say? Popsicles. Oh, yeah, that doesn't count. What did you think I said?

it like cut out oh you sounded so offended i was like no i was like what that was that okay here's a one-star review of haggendos caramel cone ice cream and oh the other thing they wrote it on ice cream com but their username is 50th b day so i assume that's a temporary one cool here we go so sad purchased the caramel cone ice cream my favorite to end a week of celebrating my 50th B day No come in my caramel cone ice cream. Hello? What the fuck? Tell me that's supposed to say something else.

That also doesn't mean. C-O-N-E. I know, I don't know. Caramel cone? I think the cone is like in the ice cream. It's like the crunchies. I could be wrong. Like I don't understand, but.

Maybe they meant no caramel in my cone. They definitely, their title was no cone. in the caramel so oh that should be the opposite maybe they just don't know how to use a computer or you just don't understand what this ice cream is because this ice cream is like a pint of caramel cone ice cream oh i thought it was like a handheld yeah i know that's confusing especially hog and us i know yeah i just googled it to triple check but understood well i have a question oxenter what does a perfect day look like to you could it be finding joy in the richness of life being silly with my loved ones, quiet time by myself, or get all my chores done, then have a sweet.

Jesus Christ. Whatever one was the loneliest one. Yeah, same, quiet time. Which vacation do you prefer? An exciting adventure, a delightful city experience, a gorgeous beach, or a pastoral country village. Ew. Sorry. None of these.

Mine is a country village. I'm going to click that. Ew. I bet you're alone. That's nice. Yeah, and you're going to, like, I don't know. There's probably cows. Is there a Wi-Fi?

Oh, I don't know about that. You have an hour of free time. How do you spend it? Making cookies for friends. Don't say that and laugh at me. On my favorite hobby, outside. Experiencing nature or practicing my fresh dance moves. Oh, my God.

What the hell? The second one. What was the second one? Oh, yeah, my favorite hobby, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just staying inside is my favorite hobby. What's your superpower? My sentimental heart, my creativity, my social skills, or my deep intellect.

And this one has a woman reading a book wearing a fedora. So you know that that's legit. That's too deep for me. I thought I was deep. Holy shit. I know. I know you did. I wanted to give you a little bit of a heads up on that.

I honestly, I would feel weird saying any of these right now. I know. Yeah. Like none of these. I would say it's your creativity. Aw. You have one. won the lottery.

What? Sorry. You have won the lottery. I think I'll, this is terribly written. You have won the lottery. I think I'll shout with glee. Okay. Experience luxury.

Share the bounty with my family. Spread my investments out into little chunks. And this has a woman looking at a laptop with a graph on it. So you know it's legit once again. Yeah. I have to pick one of those four. So like stock options. sharing with your family.

I'm assuming that's out. Where's pay off credit card debt? Let's make it like actually believable. Spreading out investments into little chunks. Let's do that, a little chunks, aka rent and the rest goes to credit cards. Yeah. What is your favorite place in town? The donut shop, my favorite coffee shop, the farmer's market, or chilling on my couch.

Okay, I was going to say my favorite coffee shop. I'll do that because I have one of those. Cool. All right. Let's see what your ice cream is. Chocolate. I want to kill myself. I fucking hate chocolate ice cream.

You don't like chocolate ice cream. You just ruined my day. I'm sorry. I didn't do it. It was ice cream.com. And then it says, you'll love these. No product found. I'm just fucking.

This is starting to piss me right off. Okay. Well, let's get some moose tracks. Am I right? Oh, Alexander. I do love moose tracks ice cream. It's pretty good. I'm sorry, I did have to just do that.

So are you all finish with yours? Or is there more to the cone situation? Oh, me. I thought you were asking the listeners if they're done with their quizzes. Oh, no. I thought you were expecting people to be taking this at the same time as you.

I hope everyone got a good answer. No, the only problem was that there was no come in it. Oh, God, okay. I don't know why I brought it back up. I, when we announced our upcoming themes for December on Patreon and I was thinking of a new password to use I was going to do I love coming and then I was like I can't make people then I was like should I just do coming because it's coming Georgia and I was like in my head I was like thinking of the city and I was like because

I was trying to come up with an inside joke and I was like you know this just feels wrong I don't want people like to have to type this type that like if their work computers are tracking their keystrokes you know yeah not true Then I almost made it coming Georgia, but then it was like, that's like long and annoying. And also it still says I love coming in it and probably still trigger some sort of security alert, yeah. Anyway, that's not the password.

I don't know what it is, but the people know. Well, nice try, people. Let's see. I have another Moose Tour review from Elise and Matt. This is a one-star review by Jake written three years ago. The driver is nuts. the moose movie kept shutting off during the trip and the driver kept stopping the bus to get out and fix it also he yelled at someone who what what he has to get out of the bus to fix the movie okay I know you'll

hear more about that too hit his on the antenna or something like what's going on yeah the antenna's hidden underneath a big antler and he has to like twist it around to get service you know like a satellite dish yeah the driver is nuts the moose movie kept shutting off during the trip and the driver kept stopping the bus to get out and fix it. Also, he yelled at someone who appeared to be following us and then threw a rock at their car. Not a good example, especially when there's kids on the bus. And not only that, people are crazy these days, so not a good idea to start road rage. We managed to barely see one moose who kept hiding in the woods and the driver kept driving back and forth to see if it would come back out. The other tour was better by far.

Don't waste your time and money. End of review. Wow. Okay. So interesting, interesting perspective we get. Yes. Isn't that fascinating? That is fascinating. And I do very much agree with that road rage thing. It's really not worth it, dude. It's not worth it. We grew up with a dad who had terrible road rage and people would get out of their cars, come up to his window, and they'd yell threats at each other while we're sitting in the backseat. In like, Ohio and Kentucky in 90s, not a good one. Our stepmom had to be like, he might have a gun. And he's like, he wouldn't do that.

like anyway he's like it's illegal to shoot someone i'm like yeah yeah good times uh so there's a response though to this one oh boy is oh good there better be what do you think the owner what do you think their gripe is with this review i'm trying to think um so like i i could see a couple things i could see them like focusing on the children on the bus and being like i didn't do anything inappropriate that a child like that's part yeah that well that's part of it okay like the kids are or whatever and then also like having to get out of the bus to fix like something about that movie i don't know like fixing the movie there's something about that fucking i don't know what it is but this like hours of moose footage or whatever like sin her i'm so i imagine they're very

defensive about that film they're pretty defensive about the film but you'll be you'll be excited to hear the immediate accusation here oh Do they think it's a fake written by one of the people? Yes, yes, yes. I mean, it is pretty on the nose, but also, like, getting out to fix the movie seems so weird. Like, is that real? And, like, how would the other person know that? But if they even, if, but, like, maybe he didn't do that because that's a weird thing to do.

I don't know. Fair enough. All right. Well, I'll tell you. Response from owner. We rarely get a poor review from reviewers who actually took the tour. So I'm curious if this isn't passenger in car who took info from our initial reply to drive. to driver's terrible post below.

We have since revised the reply. In any case, October nights were advertised as four-hour excursion with the possibility of seeing a moose. A moose was seen, offered multiple quick looks. We'll address the other tour company's false advertising later.

We did have an issue to begin the night and found a loose plug. The movie did not keep shutting off. It happened three times. That seems like it kept up. kept shutting off. It feels like it kept shutting off. The movie did not keep shutting off.

It happened three times just as we were beginning the night and again. Turns out, so four times. Wow. So once an hour. Pretty much. Once per hour of footage. Turns out there was a plug that needed to be pushed in. I found the plug.

Played four more DVDs through the night without any issues. Four more DVDs. What's happening? What the fuck are you showing? And I need to know what the system is like. Like, like, if it's one of those, like, really shitty TV at the front of the bus that, like, only the people in the front? Are there multiple TVs in there? Maybe he's calling. Maybe he's calling the office to be like, it's not working in there.

And that's why he's getting off the bus. And they're like, we're fixing the satellite right now. They're like, the plug. Doing some sort of. The plug. The plug. What plug? I'm so.

I don't know. He literally says there was a plug that needed to be pushed in. That's so weird. That's usually what plugs are. But anyway, okay. And then he played four more DVDs without issue. Plug needing to be plugged. Yeah.

No yelling. Yes, driver approached car that was following car while movie was still playing. At end, Rock was thrown into ground, not at car. There was one child on the bus, and he was sitting up by the driver's seat watching the movie. Being a passenger. He was distracted. Don't worry. Yeah, don't worry.

He was riveted by all this moose footage. we've got. Being a passenger in car would prevent her knowing there were no children on board except the one up front. And I'm like, that's still a child on board. But they said there were children. Didn't they say plural? But they said especially with kids on board. Like there's no way for a driver to behave, especially with kids on board, which I feel like you would say if. I think we got them on a technicality. Me and the moose owner guy. We got them. We got them. It's all thrown out in court. Zandi, I don't think so. Many people were so appreciative

that this company stayed open in October. We have seen moose on seven of last eight tours. The night this reviewer, a two-year-old bull offered good looks. He actually stayed in the tree line and came back out a couple times. These last few weeks of the season were advertised as a four-hour excursion

with the possibility of seeing a moose, so fair was reduced to only $35 each. Again, more with our driver found moose on seven of last eight trips. This sounds horrible. Look, I would love to see a moose, but a four-hour excursion in a bus with multiple DVDs that keep shutting off. So when it, but when, when they said $35 a person, I was like, that seems like weirdly reasonable. Yeah, for four hours or four hours. But no thanks. No thanks. Jump in a van in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and that's $125 each. Because it was decided to stay open, many people saw their first moose ever and left five-star reviews.

And all families with children told this is not the time of year to do this and to come back in the summer of 2023. We try to be honest with everyone having an interest in doing this. Many nights, our driver gets a round of applause at the end of the night. For 2022 through the Thursday after Labor Day, our driver found moose on 70 out of 76 nights. Folks, those are impressive numbers. maybe the whole point of this review was to promote another company okay now they're like changing

see this is not a good way of sewing doubt in the jury because it's like you already sewed enough doubt with like the kid versus kids debate like don't suddenly say oh they work for another company are they a passenger in a car or are they working for another company you know you got to pick a defense

like you can't yeah it's like are you going to say that the defendant is innocent because they were, they had an alibi. Are you going to say it's because someone else did it? Like, you can't just throw out all this stuff. You got to focus. Keep the jury focused.

Yeah. And in this case, you're right. You got to convince them, like, that they were a passenger. They can't suddenly be, because now it's all out the window. Now they're from Jackson Hole, Wyoming. And all of a sudden, like, they are a different company. Like, what? Now you've lost me again.

Maybe the whole point of this review was to promote another company. The car probably originated out of Lincoln. In any case, this reviewer took the tour. Probably why. Wait, where is this? This is in New Hampshire? Lincoln, probably a different Lincoln, I assume, where there's another moose tour. So this is not in Nebraska.

No. Because hearing like Wyoming, like why are we all of a sudden in what, talking about Jackson Hole, Wyoming? That's a good point. I forgot about the Jackson Hole part. I'm like, why, why is that a part, a thing to bring up? I'm telling you. Okay.

In any case, this reviewer took the other tour. I'm not saying the name of the company. I also don't know how to pronounce it, but it's another moose company. I'm surprised there are so many. In any case, well, there's one other one that we know of. Okay. There's this one and then the one that they've been bitching about the whole part. I'm surprised there are two of them.

Fair enough. In any case, this reviewer took the other tour before Labor Day. and took ours in October. The other tour does an excellent job most nights, too. We are in constant communication throughout the season. In 2021, our bus saw moose on 13 more nights than their bus did. That's what Larry, the owner, told us. He says our driver, quote, has a lucky horseshoe up his butt.

In 2022, similarly, our bus saw moose many more nights than that bus. He got so discouraged. Oh, no. That he closed early. This guy, he's like, man, that guy's just too good. He's like, ah, him and that, he made a deal with the devil, clearly. I mean, he got so discouraged from 2021 that he closed early in 2022. In 2022, we saw Moose in 70 out of 76 nights through the Thursday after Labor Day.

We heard this like 10 times. Yeah, we heard this 7,000 times. The other tour doesn't speak of their 2021 and 22 statistics. Silence. this is crazy they keep trying to advertise that they have a 97% success rate when it just isn't true in the last two years especially we give our actual stats and they advertise false information so there's that but when someone is staying in lincoln i send them to him oh that's really nice of you you're like i've no a shitty tour that's so nice over there and when someone is staying in north conway he sends them here not anymore after he reads this fucking yeah right wait he's like yeah this guy brings me business but I'm going to gloat the gloat about how much better we are. Oh, my God. We actually pushed him out of business.

That's how much he sucks. Jesus. We were 70 out of 76 nights in 2022 past Labor Day weekend. Again, you've said this. The heavy rains mid-September didn't help our cause yet are seven of last eight and three of four in October. Those are impressive numbers. And fingers crossed that 2023 will offer similar results.

Save travels, everyone. Hope to see you in May, June, July, or August. Oh my gosh. This is really turning me off to Moose Tourism. It really is. And I looked into this other guy. It doesn't feel like this guy has any connection to this other person in the car. Like I went to look at her reviews and they're from different areas. They're not, they have no like crossover ratings. So it's just a weird thing to accuse. And like if it were like five reviews, but these are. two reviews, like, just move on. Can't you just look at your roster and be like, oh, this guy, Jake, was either on

or not on my tour? Yeah, yeah. Like, you could literally just say, like, oh, this guy was on our tour, I checked. Which happens a lot. Which happens all the time. But then I'll, I feel like you could also just lie about that. And I bet that happens and also whatever, anyway. But then why didn't he?

You know, he set, he set the stats. He got them there. Yeah. Good point. Well, I have one here. This went viral somewhere on the internet. Somewhere. On Facebook, I think, based on this screenshot.

But this was sent in by Boyd, Sheher, who said, It has come to my attention that there are two Kellys that submit reviews. Tell me you're a millennial without telling me. So I will henceforth be known as Boyd. So this is Boyd, who was like, there are too many Kellys. um so straight from boyd not my opinion um certainly not i will say we do have a lot of certain names repeated emily in our a lot of emily's olivia um yeah charissa so many charisza um um okay here is a review of an apple bees grapefruit street oh my god i can't keep them straight

There's Grapefruit Avenue. Oh, God. Oh, true. Here is a one-star review of an Applebee's. I came into Applebee's expecting the usual comfort food, and I ended up having one of the strangest dining experiences of my life. Our server barely acknowledged us. He dropped off menus, disappeared for long stretches,

brought out our food with zero enthusiasm, and never once checked to see if we needed anything else. No drink refills, no condiments. It was like we were invisible unless we were holding the chrots. check. After our lackluster meal, we walked out to the parking lot and immediately spotted our server sitting in his car with the windows cracked and a cloud of weed smoke pouring out. He saw us, smiled like we were old friends, and then cranked up his stereo. Out of nowhere, he started singing to us in a fake Jamaican accent, he's white, repeating the

phrase, we don't serve apples or bees at Applebee's over and over again. He sang it 14 times. We counted. End of review. Oh, man. I wish we had someone who could do a Jamaican accent without it being horribly offensive. Yeah, it's certainly not going to be me. To do this song for us, because I would love to hear it.

Oof. But I think most self-respecting people wouldn't. I would hope. It's only like stoner. Applebee white stoner Applebee servers who are sitting in their car who need an attitude adjustment apparently and who are yeah able to do this um we don't serve apples or bees at Applebee's it's true I don't really know what to make of this do you have a take on what any of this means I mean not what it means but like what does this mean what does it mean I don't

know it's just like a it seems so innocuous and like, like, just, I don't know. Is this a weird run-in with a weird- I mean, I'll be honest, it doesn't necessarily feel like a one-star to me. It's like, what a strange evening we had. Well, it sounds like the service sucked. Fair enough. And then also like-

Well, you know what they do? Service doing a fake Jamaican accent, high as hell in the parking lot, singing. Like, yeah, I wouldn't write a one-star review, but I never would. So, like, but this one is one where I'm like, I guess I could see why. but I'm glad they wrote it because then I got to read it. Fair enough. I mean, I guess maybe it was like, you know, they said he didn't seem to like give us the time of day until we were holding the check.

Maybe they tipped really well. And so he went out and I'm calling my guy. Well, the dispensary is right next door probably. Or going to the dispenser, I guess, as people do nowadays. Yeah. And cranking up my favorite tunes, my favorite weird Al Yankovic song. I haven't checked in a little bit. It's been a couple years.

I have a feeling there are some, there's something with an apple on the Applebee's menu, you know? There's got to be, right? There's got to be something with apples. An apple, grandma's apple pie or some shit? Yeah. Apple, um,

Apple turnover, probably not that. Um, maybe not though. Apple juice. Oh. No, got him. All right. I've reviewed from Mari, she, they. Um, this is a review of,

I believe it's of Wicked, the film. The first one? I don't know, but I believe so. Let me see when this was sent in. Well, actually, maybe not. It might be the new one. It says this was sent in four days ago, and the screenshot says one day ago.

So maybe it is the new one. But it's a one-star review by Karen. My kids are super, super fans of Ariana Grande. I thought it was going to be a nice princess movie because she wears pink. Instead, it was full of witchcraft. and dark magic. I could just feel this heavy presence and energy the whole time.

I feel my kids were affected by it. They got home and they were all trying to cast spells. Now they believe in magic. Now they believe in the darkness of hell. End of review. 16 people found this helpful, so that's good. Nice. That was funny.

Yeah. I believe in the darkness of hell. about because of religion. It sounds like a religious. We were required to believe in the darkness of hell. That was part of the whole deal. Yeah. I remember once someone asked, I was like, oh, I'm Catholic because I was like baptized, but I wasn't like practicing.

I was in college. And they were like, do you believe in hell? And I was like, no, I guess not. And they were like, well, then you're not Catholic. And I'm like, yeah, that's true. And they were probably trying to like get you and you were like, okay. It was literally in like a. philosophy class or some bullshit and I was like yeah yeah you're probably right because I was like I guess not I mean I'm like I think it's a stupid thing to believe in at least in the way that we were taught to um one time in um one time in college I also I was at the hospital because I was be well I was I had Crohn's disease I didn't know what it was yet but I was in the hospital for a few days and they were like do you have any religious affiliation I just kind of like said Catholic because I didn't really know like you know what I didn't give you your last rights and this

fucking priest shows up. I'm like, this is not. Like, I wish they would have said, do you want the clergy to be here? And I would have said, I'm an atheist through and through. Like, I would have known better. But my survival instincts clearly weren't top notch at this point because I said, oh, I mean, technically I'm Catholic. Like, it wasn't even written.

Yeah, no. And then this fucking priest shows up like the following day. And I was like, I don't think so. And he, like, prayed over me. And I was like, that's when I learned I was no longer Catholic also. So, you know, we all hit a point where that happens. Yeah, I mean, when you're in a bubble, a Catholic bubble, and then you leave, you're like, I guess this is my part of my identity. Like, I got to tell people if they ask.

Yeah, I'm legally required, I think. Yeah, it's like when I found those old Reddit comments from an account and I was like, why you, I was like a freshman in college being like somewhat defensive of Catholicism. And I was like, huh? Who is that person? Who is that? And I was like, yeah, wow, I was, I was in it. Anyway, glad to be out, glad to be here. No one's so wicked.

I have a review sent by Annika. And this is actually a misconnections post on 208 misconnections Facebook group, which is 208 is the area code for the entirety of Idaho. Oh, the entirety. of Idaho. Wow. I think about 12 states only have one area code. Really? Yeah. Maine is one of them.

Really? I didn't realize there's that many. Alaska, Hawaii. I think Connecticut got one, like, and the second one, like within the last decade or two. Like, I feel like that's a thing. Yeah. Interesting. Okay. Anyway, so here's a misconnections

post from good old Idaho. I want to go to Idaho. I've never been. I do too. And Iowa. you were the guy in the Walmart scooter off Fairview and Eagle with a dark brown ponytail and a prosthetic leg maybe in your 30s I was staring my kiddo was staring and crying just so you know I was hardcore checking you out beneath my sunglasses and my kiddo was tired and whining to go home not because she was afraid of you I'm single and clean up nicely winky face sincerely that tired redheaded milf in the juice aisle and of Whoa, coming out swinging, man. Redhead and milf. And by the way, I'm single. Wow, wow.

I mean, hey, honestly, put yourself out there. You're fully because if they don't want you at your full self, like, they're not the right one for you. So if this connection was meant to be, it'll happen. I swear my child wasn't afraid of you. She is just really hungry. Yeah, I love that one. She would love a new stepdaddy. And I love how specifically.

specific this description is where it's like this actually might find the person because people will be like oh wait I actually know someone who is exactly though like good old ted he's got a thing for redheaded milfs so so many like misconnections because I've read so many from my other old podcast and it would be like so vague like oh the beautiful redhead who was standing here you had great energy you had great energy and I loved your, it's like something like that. And it's like, well, you can maybe give a little bit more context? Yeah, that feels like you are talking about yourself more. Like, I just loved your energy. It's like, well, okay, a lot of people don't. It's like they're doing a little creative writing, like the thing, sending it to the newspaper. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow, that's good. Wow, that's powerful. I want to know if they found each other, you know? Me too. Me too. Or maybe I don't. You know, maybe I'll let the mystery live, live on.

I saw one recently that was it was a TikTok I've been getting some like hyper local TikToks which is always kind of fun and I got one of a bar downtown where this woman's like if you were on a first date with some guy named Ryan on like Tuesday whatever the date

you need to dump this asshole because he walked over and hit on me while you were on your first date or whatever and you know it's a huge jackass and everyone in the comments is like oh I know Orion and something like I'm sure we all know plenty of Ryan since it is But it was really funny.

I was like, holy shit, this, Pete, you can't get away with shit like this anymore, dude. I mean. I mean, you can and you do. You can. And they do. But yeah, the TikTokification of like drama. Yes. It's dangerous.

It gets like, I mean, millions of views, not that one, but some of them get millions of years and it's like. And it's such a double edged sort of like these people who are just like, yeah, they're assholes and they do asshole things, but like, millions of people don't need to know this person's an asshole and find their location, find their full name, find where they work, call their job. It's like, people are obsessed with like... How will they ever learn? Like, oh, anyway, how will they learn growth and, like, experience?

I was an asshole at one point. I've done asshole-y things that if it was... Yeah, and who do you think made you go viral on TikTok and then everybody called your work and said, do you even believe in hell when then you're not a real Catholic? That was all stage. That was a lot, yeah. Wow. Anyway, this is from Abby Sheher, who says,

short story short, my cat ate some fennel fronds, and I had to Google it to see if it was toxic. Oh. And here are some posts that make us all uncomfortable. Uh-oh. Yep. Here is a Facebook group called Episcopal Cats with Problems. What?

That's amazing. I know. I know. And it has this, like, cute little rainbow episcopal flag. Why are these? I'm telling you. I don't know. And it's from 2024, so it's, like, relatively recent.

What? And the AI generated title from meta is cats enjoying fennel as a healthy treat. And this is a post written by John Michael, which sounds like the most episcopal name ever. John Michael says Well, not really You'll see why This is me Oberon

I made a new treat discovery today JMS John Michael Went to our favorite year-round weekend farm market And came home with a fennel bulb Complete with fronds Which he cut down to store away

To use in recipes Well I hopped on the counter And began nibbling And I liked JMS asked the cell phone voice If they were harmful to me And they are not So I'm asking him to please sprinkle a few on my food at meal time.

This is me, Oberon. I figured that out, Oberon, pretty quick. I was like, why do they say it again at the end? Signing Oberon, signing off. 182 people like this post. I mean, hey, if you keep, I mean, granted, you're bringing it out to the world, but if you keep this behavior within your Episcopal cat group, like, I love it. Have fun.

Like, like, minded people. people will flock to it. Well, it's not just Episcopal cats. It's Episcopal cats with problems. So I think there's like a little element of like understanding and like grace that people are giving these pets with problems. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's not all. I know you were worried that was the end. I was. Here's a comment by a gizmo. Hey, remember that fun music we used to use for pets? No. And it's like, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yeah, I have it somewhere.

Can't wait for you to find that. Yeah, good. I'll get to work on that. Can't wait. Gizma says, I've never had that. I need to ask mom to get me some to try it. I can't. And then here's a response by Alex.

Alex here. Me too. But most human food is icky, achy, achy, achy. And it worries me. Bad food might have caused the horrible deformity in men, humans. That poor tail placement gives me bad. That's new dreams would hate to have to start wearing pants. I'm sorry.

Do cats not have penises? First of all. Good point. Second of all. Nope, I don't want to go into it. Well, this is, okay, this is so much worse than I expected. Maybe they shouldn't keep this behavior on it. Like, well, no, they should keep it away from the public, but.

I'm glad it's in a private group. for cats with problems. Yeah, so this feels like you're violating these poor cats. Big time. You're violating these cats big time? Uh-oh. Okay, I was trying to just add

validation to your point, not just kind of nippling. Here's the last comment. Leroy here. Never feed or smelt fennel. Wonder what it's like? I get raw burger and ross pork and other good stuff when Human eats supper

so I know worry. I love the Abby's like, I just wanted to see if it was poisonous, and now here I am. I feel like us in like 2010 would have loved this. Oh, I know. It's so millennial nonsense. It's so millennial nonsense. So it's cringe, and I'm a big believer in embracing your cringe. Have fun.

Find your people. And I has cheeseburger. I'm just so uncomfortable hearing this. I'm so uncomfortable. I'm just glad it's not poisonous, honestly. Yeah, me too. No, that's good that we learned something. Imagine these best if it was poisonous.

We never would have gotten any of that nice content. Man. Now, because of this, I'm just thinking about all the clips you can take from our show over the years of me being cringe. And, like, I'm thinking about it, too. Just kind of having inward panic because it was like, it was Spotify, it was Spotify wrapped season. which is on the one hand very nice and validating to see all these people who really enjoy our show

but as someone in this current mental state who also has this irrational fear of being perceived it's sometimes like oh wow all of these people listen to this bullshit all the time uh oh it's great and I'm very grateful for it but like my brain's also telling me like hey this is scary by the way People tell me, are people, people in my head tell me, what's wrong with them?

Why do they like this? Oh, I don't think, I don't know if I think something's wrong with our listeners. I think something's wrong with me. I think something's wrong with them because they seem to like listening to us so much. Yeah, maybe it's a mix. We're wrong for each other. Yeah. Well, never mind.

That came out wrong. I'm going to read one more thing here. This is a review sent in by Silly Sarah, who apparently was like there are too many saras and yeah there are a lot of them i'm not saying there too many but this one is a silly when i when we were saying names earlier yeah yeah that would have been a that would have been a good money certainly there can't be more than one silly sarah certainly not uh they she pronouns uh and this is a review of frost gelato abq uptown so it's a gelato shop a dessert shop in albuquerque and this is a come in my cone no come there might be

lots of cum. I forget this review. So I'm not, don't. So just brace yourselves just in case. One star. My girlfriend had gift cards. So we went to so we wanted to go to Knob Hill because it's close to my house and we'll be giving it. But they told us they didn't take it for us. So we piled on things in the car and made the trek across town to the uptown location. Once we got there after we gave our gift cards to the lady behind the counter and I proceeded to try to further my agenda with my girlfriend at the time. After about 15 minutes, though, the ladies still have not been able to tell us how much is on my card. So she said that she could take care of it when we ordered our gelato. So we ordered our stuff and prepared to pay is that time that she

informed us that because she had said, would work did not. Period. That's the first period we've had. The first sentence. Okay, cool. That was one sentence. Here we go. Luckily, I always give a little extra cash in my pocket just in case my baby needs that something nice. Yuck. So even though our cards were not accepted, I was able to pick the young lady informed us that she would like the owner or manager know the problem and took my gift cards with our name and information.

At this point in the story, things take a dark turn. Oh, no. That was not me adding that, by the way. That is what it says. It's just confusing because that is the most normal sentence we've had yet. Right. Here we go. Yeah, it does feel like a narrator jump.

in. Yeah, right? Yeah, like someone else jumped in. Yeah. We never heard back that are the lotto cards. I don't even know how much is on them. You could have been thousands, tens of thousands of dollars worth of gelato, but I never know because we gave you our cards information, never heard back. And there's a hole in my life because when I wake up, I want gelato. When I go to sleep, wish I had gelato. When I go out, my friends, I tell them about how much I would enjoy having some gelato, but I still haven't got my gift cards back. And so my life surprisingly void of gelato, and meaning. I can't help it feel like I got a nice relationship. Would be stronger if we had more gelato. Really good. I don't make the world go around. So basically in the way that you could find out about what happened to our gift cards, that would be awesome, because then we get a bunch of lotto.

We can tell people how much we like your gelato. We can tell people about your amazing customer service and your gelato. Also, I'm pretty sure my dog would like to eat some gelato. If you can make a dog flavored, pretty sure we get even more gelato right now. but I'm not getting any more gelato. Really, would I want my life a lot to gelato? End of. Hey.

It was terrifying. Hey, that's terrible. It's so scary. I don't know why, but it felt so scary. It's bad. Oh, man. I can't get over further my agenda with my girlfriend. I didn't know what that meant.

I didn't want to know. I don't like that one bit. And I love it later's like, you know, we have a nice relationship, but it would be nicer with some gelato. Yeah, but it's never been the same. same ever since the dark ages begin like i think this person is just like sitting there just it's just like james a joseyce novel basically they're tossing and turning they're having delusions of grandeur of what life would be like um with a loto gelato or whatever the fuck they kept saying yeah but they kept saying loto LOTTO like corrected um so it seemed very much like

speech to text uh yeah so it was interesting can you imagine that place stole tens of thousands of dollars from this guy that's so by the way it wasn't even his gift card wasn't his girlfriend's gift card like what's the fuck it's not even like yours she's probably like hey babe can you write a review of that place just see if that helps them send us our like give us our gift cards back you're not banned you got it i'm so on this right now they're gonna give it back in no time oh my god they're never gonna let you into the building again dude banned for life i mean it's it very much seems like they're big fans. They're very passionate.

Like to an unhinged level. Oh, 100%. Well, that's uncons. Can you imagine there could be hundreds or thousands? Who the fuck would give you a gelato gift card for what I presume it's a small business who doesn't really know how to use gift cards? Thousands of dollars. That's probably they put it in and it was like $18,000 and they're like, sorry, this

card doesn't work. Can we have it? Because it's going to put us out of fucking business. There's tens of thousands of dollars. is on Frost Jolato A, B, Q. Like, really? Like, let's be for real for just a minute, you know? Let's be a little bit reasonable for a fucking second.

But I love how, like, the one location didn't take it. They're like, no, we don't take $10,000 gift cards. Try going uptown. They'll just take it from you and never give it back. Oh, man. It was all a sinister plot, I'm sure. Clearly. It's, it became very dark.

What do they do? Do they buy their own gelato? with their own gift card. I mean, presumably someone had to spend a $10,000 on this gift card. So I guess, is that what that is? Is that what that is? You can buy gift cards and then you're using the gift cards to buy product. Yeah.

I think that's kind of how it works. You know, I think so, too. You got a good point. Well, I failed to mention that that last one was also my last one. Well, considering this is being added on to a guest episode that we recorded weeks ago, but it was so much fun. It was fun. The Refuse of Renaissance.

Renaissance festivals, fairs. I don't even know. I know. I forgot. I was like, what? Which one? What are we doing again? That was so fun.

Yeah, that was a blast. So, yeah, so that'll be your guest episode for now. We don't have another one lined up yet, but we are working on them. And, yeah, you'll see those probably in a month or something. I don't know. We'll see. Whenever we find a way to get them out to you, if you have any that you recommend, anybody you want us to to interview or talk to or read reviews with Let Us Know.

Otherwise, thanks for joining us, and we shall see you next week. Talk to you soon.