Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 372: Reviews of Locksmiths

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Welcome to Beach, to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Oh, I'm locked out. Good thing I have a yellow pages. So good that you have a yellow page. Go to the L page.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And then look up. Oh, I accidentally picked up your white pages. Oh, shit. Don't go to L. Why do you have both of these? Don't go to L.

Lampignally. Comma, Leon. What? Oh, no. 9-1-1. What's that? Don't miss bit. I don't know what this is.

Welcome to episode something of locksmiths. 372 is when we're going to be here for locksmiths. And Alexander is going to be outside. But somebody. I'll let him in eventually. The theme does tend to be that you call a locksmith that you find via like the literal yellow pages.com. Yeah. And it's some sort of scam artist. Yeah.

Who is spoofing as like a real company. Did you see that? No, I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, that was something I saw all the time. I think I was on Reddit. So I was like deep dive into like our legal advice. About locksmiths? About locksmiths.

Locksmith scams. Yeah. And it's a really common thing. I mean, I saw a lot of people. call the locksmiths, locksmithies. Locksmithereens? What? Locksmithereens, that's so true.

That sounds like a fallout voice. Wow. Yeah. Locksmithereens. Well, calling them scammers. Yeah. When they weren't. Well, and sometimes they probably weren't.

Okay. It's like podcasters. Oh my God, it's a just like a podcaster. Every one and two podcasters. We're all scam artists. So which one of us is it? Us or J-Shay. You're obsessed with Jay Shetty.

I told you I watched a documentary. I know. You referenced Jay Shetty twice last episode, the same way. It's a rule of threes. Okay, so we're done? Jay Shetty? Yeah, uh-huh. Totally done.

We have an episode of reviews of locksmiths. And then your challenge. Yes. For some reason, my notes say reviews mentioning X. Mentioning X? I think I must have hit a key. What could it be? Yeah.

But also, maybe I just didn't write it down. Huh. Do you remember what I? No, I didn't do your challenge for you. I don't remember what it is. What the hell? I write down all your challenges. I was hoping you had it written in your notes.

Oh, shit. Okay, let me go look. Because I don't care enough. I mean, because I want to be surprised is what I meant to say. Shut up. Well, apparently I didn't write it down there. But it's basically reviews of people finding hidden items or objects or doorways or entrances. See, should have written it down.

And maybe it would have been a little more whimsy in your life. No. That wouldn't. That would have made any difference to the level of whimsy that I experience on a day-to-day basis. Thank you, though. Okay. I have a review here that was sent in by just Jen.

She-Her. This is a Culver City locksmith. One star by Noah. Do you like paying money for M-night Sharmelon movies that aren't the sixth sense? If you answered no, you should never call the Culver City. Locksmith, this is a dishonest business that is looking to take advantage of you. It is my fault that I locked myself out of my place. I found a few options in my area and called them.

At Culver City Locksmith, I spoke to Angie. She quoted me a $29 service charge and told me picking a lock cost about $15, but could range in price depending on the lock. The estimate I received on the phone was for $44. After receiving the estimate, I told them I would use their service. In about 30 minutes, the locksmith arrived. Their locksmith, David, checked out my locked door. The deadbolt lock was unlocked, but the bottom lock had been locked. He looked it over and then quoted me $149 to pick the lock.

If you are still shaking your head in disbelief and have blurry vision, I'll do the math for you and affirm the price is $105 more than the quote. When I expressed my shock and explained I received a quote of $44, David first told me he meant to say $139. What? Just $10 less than the other one. Yeah, hang on. I held my ground and David explained that my lock happens to be very difficult to pick, which is why it costs so much.

It's an exotic lock. We have to import it. One of a kind. Yeah. I asked him if he could throw in some sea monkeys for free, but he told me the sea monkeys would be an additional $83 because my apartment appeared like a difficult environment for sea monkeys. Oh my God. That's the deepest cut insult I've ever heard. And like the comeback to be.

so ready for a sea monkeys comet. Yeah. What? Because I have no idea. I haven't thought of sea monkeys in like 30 years. If somebody came at me with that, like, it would take me at least a few days to improv such a good line. Yeah.

About sea monkeys? Yeah. Yeah. Well, now you're ready. This doesn't look to be a good habitat for sea monkeys. That's like fucking beautiful. So it costs extra. I mean, what?

It's so silly. That's the silliest thing you've heard. I'm glad that this Yelp reviewer propagated the joke, if nothing else, you know? At least they got shared. Yeah. But I did see a lot of, that's how these scams operate. So you see monkeys for search. Okay, I'm not saying the actual companies, but sometimes it's actually just random people

who put their phone number on the internet and are like, I am a locksmith. And they doesn't know how to pick locks? Yes. I mean, literally that's. Sounds like a locksmithereen if you ask me. A locksmothering to your heart. I mean, if they are able to pick locks, what else makes a locksmith a locksmith? That's really deep.

I wonder if you need to be sort of. Someone's mailed me a lock pick set back in like Reddit Gifts days. I think I was like, I don't know, freshman in college or something. And I got a lock pick set. If you put your ad in the yellow pages for real, you were like locks. I could know how to pick locks, but I could put my ad in the yellow pages. But you do know how to put your ad in the yellow pages. Uh-huh.

I just learned that last week. You've got the tools and that's half the battle, as I've heard, unless you reach an exotic lock and that's kind of where your skill level is going to plateau. I'm just going to be like, I'll be right back. Let me go to my van and then I'll never show up again. So that happens. When people go and they're like, oh, my lock was like this digital one and he was like, I got to go and then took the money and left. Something came up.

Now that I see this lock. And then they'll call the company and the company be like, we don't know who that is. But also, that's also a really good scam on the company's. I was going to say, the company's probably in or not. We don't know. They go like this on the phone. Hello, I don't know who it is. It wasn't me.

To be clear, everybody. She's holding her finger up above her mouth to appear as if it's a mustache. So she's putting on a disguise with her finger. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to leave anyone out. Oh my God, I haven't even read one yet. I do prefer the people that pay me money, but it doesn't mean I want to leave everyone else out. It's sort of like a human instinct, you know.

To only care about the people that give me money. That's why we sit on this big, beautiful throne that only our patrons. Okay, this was sent in by Taylor, Sophie's version, They Them, and it is a one-star review by David of a locksmith in Louisville. Train wreck, completely incompetent, stunning to observe, couldn't open standard door handle. A fucking Gary Larson cartoon, like. I was going to see, I picture like E.T. with like a dredge coat on,

but I think that is a Gary Larson comic, like an A. in a dutch coat being like I don't know how to open a door handle. Yeah, a lockswood shows up, but can't open the door handle, just knows how to unlock it. What? It's like some men in black shit. Like, I don't know. It's something very unsettling about that. Couldn't open standard door handle.

It feels like you failed the first test of, like, being a human. Like, that feels like the first thing you'd have to learn. Even velociraptors know how to do that. Oh, so true. Wasted my time and disturbed my neighbors in the building. Yeah, a locksmith so loud, he disturbed my neighbors and had the unmitigated gall to want to raise the price from $85 to $125 because it took him so long. That was a no.

I'm not responsible for his ineptitude costing him time. I have seen the same type of lock opened in 10 seconds, parentheses sickeningly. end parentheses. Huh? I mean. Sickeningly was not like capital S necessary at the end there.

Period space, parentheses, capital sickeningly. Wow. It's really sickening the way that it opened so fast. Maybe it was like. They got like vertigo?

Okay, I was going more on like ethical morality standpoint. Like it was a lock picker. And they were like, Like, making a lock. Does that make any sense? I don't think so. They were like picking a lock.

And it was really sickening because it was a violation of that presence trust. Oh, so it was sickening because when they saw that lock open in 10 seconds, it was like someone pick lock like a preschool to steal all the crayons or something. So I was picturing more like down now. What? What? You're referencing Downton Abbey? I've never seen Downton Abbey. And that's the last place I'd expect a locksmith to appear. Ten seconds is all it took to break my luck and break my trust. Oh, you're still thinking like fallout boy lyrics or something.

Maybe that's my problem. Maybe. That's one of them. I'm stuck in a fallow boy song and all I got is lousy t-shirt. Okay, it is pretty lousy. Okay, I think your idea of the nauseating is a little more. appropriate. That they got vertigo from how slow this one or the last one, how quickly the last one worked. I've seen this happen in 10 seconds, which made me sick.

Chris Angel went right up to it. And snapped his fingers. And I vomited. Like that is something you would have said back in middle school. Yeah, like when David Coppfield fucking gets all those people and teleports them to a different part of the stage. I've never seen it. Never mind. The auditorium.

I'm like the alien who can't open a door. And I'm like, David Copperfield is what? I saw that when I was little. Oh, wow. That was crazy. That would have gotten me. I watched so much Chris Angel, though. It was crazy.

It didn't have time for David Copperfield. No, I saw it in person. What? Yeah, at the arena. And you were left behind? I got moved like 500 yards without even realizing it. Your vertigo that day was so. I threw up everywhere.

Oh my God. Carrot Rosoto everywhere. Alexander. I was reading Harry Potter and that's when it all began. Don't say that. You're going to trigger it. I have a review here of A. Okay, Locksmiths. Family owned and operated.

This is in Toronto, Canada. One star. This was the most unprofessional interaction I think I've ever had. First, I called, and the owner said he could come the next day, no problem. Then, over text, he said the day after instead. And then he said to call an hour before I wanted him there, and he'd tell me whether or not he had the time. Then the gentleman proceeded to tell me about his whole day and how he didn't have lunch. Then he insulted my neighborhood,

demanding that I sit and watch his parked truck while the lock was changed. So I said, no thanks and goodbye. Oh, and they charged $75 for a $30 lock. Don't do it. Oh, my God. This guy also sounds like some sort of cartoon character. Every lot, most locksmith based on the reviews I read are cartoon characters. in how a way,

behavior. Yeah. No, thank you. I didn't have my lunch today. It's like, okay. I feel like that's,

he has to add that into his schedule. Like the telling it people about his day has to be part of the schedule. Call me an hour beforehand. Before I'm ready,

if I haven't had lunch yet, I'm going to come right over to tell you I haven't had lunch yet. It sounds like a chapter of the little prince, like the man on the planet who's so obsessed with his own itinerary. I don't know. Feels like a,

yeah, like a cartoon character. Okay. Have you? Have you ever hired a locksmith or called one? Yes. Me too. On Westchester.

Oh, wait, no. It was that our neighbor was a locksmith. Their son who was living there was a locksmith. So Blaze, like, knew him from working at the ER. Oh, yeah. And so he was like, hey, buddy, can you help me? Blaze knew if it is. Yeah.

From working at the ER, he knew that our neighbor's son was a locksmith. Like, you say that as if it makes any sense. I thought it did. Doesn't it? Blaze is going to be like, that's all wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's right. I'm pretty sure he knew our neighbor somehow from the emergency room. I just don't remember the locksmith connection. Did Blaze get locked out of the hospital?

No, of our house. They were our next door neighbors. But how did he know that this person at the ER was a locksmith? Like, what do you mean? The person either worked with him at the ER and their son was a locksmith. The son of the person Blaze worked with? Yes. Okay. I thought it was, I thought he worked with the son.

I mean, maybe. Who's moonlighting as a. I mean, maybe. Maybe he was a locksmith and went to work at the ER. It's one of those scams. Alexander. He's got scammed by a door-to-door. Locksmith.

It's not even when you call in the elevator. I'm your neighbor. And it's like, huh, I don't know. I don't remember you. Don't you remember me from the ER? He's my son. He lives right next door. He's my son.

He's my son. He's my son. Oh, my God. No, it's real. It's probably a pickup line. Sometimes Alexander would say things to me, like, you're making that up. And I'd be, like, so insistent that I wasn't that I would just start crying, wick into a huge fight.

But I'm telling you the truth. Because I don't have any memories. He never believes me. He thinks that I'm too absurd. Because sometimes I exaggerate, yeah. Sometimes. But, like, what would I be exaggerating in this story? That's downplaying it.

What would I be exaggerating? You should have said, I exaggerate all the time because that would have been more true to your form. No way. Come on. Don't be ridiculous. Because that would have been an exaggeration. However. Assume that of me as a pattern, but I'm not that way. There's a lot of audio evidence of you exaggerating stories.

Alexander. Is that why you like Jay Shetty so much? Did you know the pillowcase you use can have an effect on your skin and hair, I mean, it makes sense when you think about it. No, when I don't wash it for weeks. Your hair or your pillowcase? Both. Okay, so I learned that actually sleeping with a blissy pillowcase reduces fine lines, wrinkles, and sleep creases.

Helps prevent breakouts, which is always good. And it helps your hair because it reduces frisened breakage. And there's something about a blissy pillowcase. I didn't know if I would like the texture because I'm like a very texture-based person. It's really nice and cooling. I don't know. I feel like I've gotten into the house. habit of using it almost every night. It's also fully machine washable. They have over 100 colors,

including new Wicked and Harry Potter designs. Yeah, there is a million. I think there's a tie-dye one. That's really cool. And zodiac ones, too. Yeah, Zodiac ones are good. I assume the star signs. Yeah, I've had to cut myself off, you know. Yeah. Because you're a listener, Blissie is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissy.com slash beach to Sandy. That's B. ssysy.com slash beach two sandy and use code beach two sandy to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you. I love sleeping. No way. Really?

Yeah, I do it every night. Wow, that's awesome. Well, you must be a really big fan then of the Lisa mattress. You better believe it. If you've ever slept on a mattress that feels like it was designed for you, that is Alexander's new mattress from Lisa, not from Lisa, my aunt, from Lisa the mattress company. Yeah, I took their little quiz. on what kind of mattress I would want. So fun.

And it came back with the legend chill hybrid mattress. Oh my God. That was made for you. It was. It was. It was basically my name on it. Yeah. Basically.

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Lisa.com, promo code Beach. All right, all right. Relax. I'm relaxed. This is from Taylor. Also, Taylor Sovey's version. They them. One star of that same locksmiths, I think, in Louisville. I hired Charlie in part based on his Yelp reviews to unlock a door to which we had no key

and to re-key to exterior doors to match keys we already had on a house my wife and I purchased this week. Charlie was able to unlock the door without a key and successfully replace that knob and deadbolt. He then spent hours trying to re-key the front exterior door before declaring, I needed new locks and he would not be able to complete the job. He subsequently was unable to put the previous lock back on the door, and after saying he didn't feel well, replaced only the handle, leaving it without a working lock. The old one...

That's okay. That one guy won't get in. You can't easily handle. As long as only aliens from outer space are trying to break in. He replaced only the handle leaving it without a working lock. The old one functioned fine. just wanted a new key for it, charge me $75 and left. Charlie was nice enough and expressed regret about not being able to complete the job, but ultimately, I wasted three hours and paid $75 for him to unlock one side door and break the lock on my front door, which I now need to hire a

different locksmith to fix. In retrospect, I should have pushed back on paying, but after three hours on moving day where I had several other things to do, I was frustrated and needed to move on so I could focus on other things. Given this experience, I cannot recommend hiring this locksmith. End of review. There's two people said, oh, no, in the reactions. This is the response from,

oh-oh. Remember last episode when you had that challenge that was, well, guess what, buddy, Buster? This is one of the wildest kind of comebacks I've ever heard. Charlie, business owner, says, unfortunately for this client,

I was suffering from lithium toxicity that day. What? I don't know. What? It's quite a doctor's note. If you're going as far as to like write a doctor's note. Does that happen if you work with metals too much? Maybe. All the locks licking me too much? I mean, it sounds like it would.

Unfortunately for this client, I was suffering from lithium toxicity that day, making me unable to see straight. Sorry, but what? I don't know. The perils of the locksmith. I mean, really, it's like the mad hatters, you know? Yeah. The lithium locksmiths. That's what they called them.

I told him I didn't feel well. I had no idea what was wrong with me and went to the emergency room. See? Oh my God. It's all coming together. Okay. That's what happened. Where I saw my favorite neighbor.

Blaze. I had no idea what was wrong with me and went to the emergency room that evening where I was admitted for testing. I was there three days. Oh, my God. I know. It was really scary. Gary. Jesus. I called the client to explain the situation. Service, charge, and labor were $75 plus parts. I opened a stuck door for him and repaired the strike before installing his lock.

He was not charged anything for the more intricate work I was unable to perform. End of response. Wow. I mean. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. If that's not a true story, then this guy gets points just for the boldness of it. I mean, I got to use that excuse. It's a good one. I've been prescribed lithium before. You have to use it so sparing. Like, you have to use it at the right. Little lithium?

No. I mean, do not, do not equate what I'm saying with any sort of prescriptive advice. No, please. I see a psychiatrist tomorrow. Yeah, that's really not for me to say. Wow. Wow. Goodness.

I have a review of locksmiths and safe man. Safeman. What the fuck? Security. Safe man security. Safe man security. Maybe that was his last name. Hardware.

Maybe that was his last name. name and he was like, I just don't know what else I could do. That would make a better business. Nominative determinism. Wow, that's beautiful. Thanks. Here's a one-star review of this place. It's also in Toronto. Avoid this company. Needed a stuck lock replaced. This place charges by the half hour. Any locksmiths should be able to replace a lock in a few minutes. Guy shows up a half hour late, then proceeds to take over 90 minutes to change the lock. when he's really just pissing around and making noises pretending to do work. Like, clack, click. Kong, con, kong.

Like, I'm doing it. He tries to charge me for 90 minutes work. I call him out on it and like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he drops the price. This is theft. Don't let these people in your house. Oh, you heard my sound effects? All right. All right, I'll give 10%.

You got me. You got me. Oh, no, your nest camera in the living room is. me making all those mouth noises? Be boop. That's wild, dude. You made all these noises pretending to be working. Just like texting while eating a hammer against the wall.

Like, pretending. It's like clon, clon, clon, conk. Oh, God. Okay. I have, oh, this is my last one for this. Okay. For the theme. It's actually a thread on Reddit in the subreddit, Petty Revenge.

And the title of this post is Locksmith screwed me over. This was posted seven months ago by a now deleted user. It had quite a bit of talk for the petty revenge subreddit. I recently locked myself out of my condo and had to have a locksmith come. Dude plays with the lock for 30 minutes and cannot pick it. My dog is going crazy and neighbors are pissed. So I tell him to leave and my neighbor was able to get on my balcony and let me in. I had to pay the locksmiths.

That sounds so unsafe. I know, but like that's what I would do. I know. Well, yeah, but the neighbor made it to my onto my balcony. Not everyone's privileged enough to have a neighbor who's a locksmith like you and I did. I know. Allegedly. I thought everyone had one of those. I know. They're not a dime a dozen.

I had to pay the locksmith's after hours fee to get him to leave. What? I know. He's just squatting there eating chips and watching TV? Is that what you think squatting there is? Watching TV on what? Oh, it's wrong. I'm like, what on a portable TV?

I don't know. I was picturing that portable DVD player. I was picturing this person. You caught my faux pa. That's right. Assuming that this person made it inside, which obviously they didn't. Well, I don't know.

They clearly couldn't find their way in. Well, they said the neighbor made it to the back. But we don't know if the locksmith and neighbor aren't the same person. With a mustache. Yeah. Hold on. Let me climb up the balcony. Now like, oh, no, I'm your neighbor.

Not the locksmith. This is what happened at my house. house. Yeah. Oh, that's who was climbing through my window? Yeah. Oh, yeah. By the way, I was inside, not letting them in.

Yeah, I was actually in there the whole time. Listen, he was known to go into purgatory when he smoked too much weed. That's true. Time to time, he couldn't be counted on for things like this. Where does I work? Like, I don't remember this happening at all. We call it out multiple times. I have no clue.

What? That's why we needed this neighbor. Poor neighbor. I've locked myself out so many times. Oh, my God. Is that why you asked them to move with you to Kentucky? Yeah, I pay them handsomely. You have a locksmith on call.

You probably need with it, honestly. I do. I do need one. But I don't have one anymore, and I live with that downside, you know. Yeah. You understand. I do understand. I had to pay the locksmith after hours fee to get him to leave.

Next day, I am pissed because I paid $80. for a service I didn't even get. I went on and explained the situation on a Google review and was ready to move on with my life. The owner then replies and calls me a liar. I get heated now and call them and say, how dare they call me a liar, and I post the receipt on Google.

They then call me and say, I was scammed. Then another locksmith company calls me and said it was them that the dude who came to pick my lock used to work for their competitor and was using the wrong receipt pad. What? So I basically slandered a small business because I was given the wrong receipt paper.

I took the review down and got refunded. Wow. I know. Oh my gosh. I mean, that's just to even get to the bottom of that. I feel like it's so rare. Like, how would you even? Like, the fact that this is even.

Like in a court of law, a receipt with the place's name would be like pretty good evidence. And it would be like, oh, he was just using them. Do not say things like that in a court of law. Someone commented two episodes ago or something. We said something about lawyers wouldn't do this. And everyone was like, yeah, that's exactly how lawyers argue a case. And I think someone just said, you two would be terrible lawyers. I mean, I've been saying that for years.

I've been saying that for years. Imagine if this were an advice podcast in any way. I know. Because it's not. What do you think about the other sibling comedy podcast where they like give advice? And they're like just don't. The only thing is you can't actually listen to it. Like that, there's a theme.

The only advice you should get from this one. one is don't have a sibling. Oh, I thought like we were having good time and stuff. Not anymore. Oh. I have a review. This was sent in by Justin over a year ago in our other email. This is of Edward C. Mangione Locksmiths Incorporated in Albany, New York.

One Star Review. I'm a tractor trailer driver and left me stranded. The respect a truck driver gets for serving America. they have no clue what we go through without trucks. Everyone will not survive. Jesus! I think I said it very wrong, but there's no punctuation, so I got to choose how to say it. They're walking dead much.

Everyone will not survive. They meant without trucks. Everyone will not survive. But it's sort of like, oh, I'll have my truck and I'll survive. You people will never make it without us. Well, there is a response from my owner. Oh, okay. What are you talking about?

We have zero clue who you are. what you're going on about. Oh my God. What are you talking about? That's the best response. That's how I want to respond to every review. And I wish more people would just come out and say it. Yeah.

Even when it's like a canned response from like Denny's customer service or IHup, whatever, I wish it were just like, what are you talking about? What are you even saying? That can make us for so many reviews. So true. What could be possibly happening in your mind for this to make sense? I love it. He left me stranded.

in a truck. That's the thanks I get for serving America. Yeah. Now I have a three-star review of the same place. Good old Edward C. Manjone. Mm-hmm. Three stars. Their prices are crazy, for real, but I understand. Also, they open at 9 a.m. not 8 a.m.

Roll-eye emoji. Here's the response from owner. Well, we've all been standing here since 8 a.m., but all right. End of response. Oh. We're here. I will say, I think this business had a lot of negative reviews, and there's some really mean responses.

And I guess you could just say, well, we're standing here, so. Yeah. You could probably easily gaslight people. Like, I was here all day. Oh, I'm sure it happens all the time on this fucking place. God forbidding app. Yeah. Oh, wait, do you have any more?

Nope, that's my last one. All righty. It is time for one of my favorite reviews that I've ever read, I think. Oh, wow. What a treat. Last night I was doing the thing where I laughed. Poor blaze.

Yeah, where he was like, what's going on? My challenge was to find reviews where people mention discovering like a hidden passageway or a hidden doorway. I'm trying to think of anything else. A hidden room, you know, whatever. I didn't go the way of like you're supposed to find it. Like it's an escape room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went the way of like actually finding.

Like stumbling. Yeah, yeah, something like actually meant to be hidden. And I have a couple here. I have four reviews. So this first one was sent in by Rebecca, she, her. And it's of top dog hot dogs in Rockport, Massachusetts. And when I tell you, so Rebecca sent it in and said, I've been thinking about this review for over a year ever since I, like, went to this restaurant or whatever.

And I feel like it technically fits. So here you go. Interesting. And it's been on her mind. I'm worried that they're going to find something in the hot dog. Oh, no. A secret passageway. We found the secret staple.

I have a secret passageway if you want to ever get to purgatory. What? What? Alexander, that was us climbing through the balcony and trying to get into the house. I was me eating an entire weed cookie when I shouldn't have eaten that much. I was there. Top Dog Hot Dogs in Rockport, Massachusetts. This is a review by Buster.

Guess what Buster? Guess what Buster? This was the best meal on the island and it had some of the best. Okay. I forgot where we're, okay. Hold on. Rockport. Rockport, Mass. Yeah, it's an island.

And there is a part where I will mention, I guess I'll say it now because you mentioned it. There's a thing called the Bear Skin Neck. No, why? Because it's the name of a picturesque, narrow peninsula in Rockport, Massachusetts, which has charming shops, art galleries, restaurants, and iconic views of Rockport. And a horrible name. I know, but.

Bear skin, neck? The neck part really throws you off. Yeah. Yeah, the neck, me too. And it's like, like, there's like, Throg's neck, which is like, why, why are you putting neck with all these gross things? Sensory. Unpleasant.

Yeah. Why not Throg's Valley? I don't know what a neck is. The neck of the woods, neck of the. But if it were, like, bears. neck. I'd be like, okay. But, you know, then you wonder, it could mean a number of things.

It could be like maybe there was a person named bearskin. Maybe there was a bearskin neck style handkerchief that people. It could mean anything. I don't think it means that. I don't know. You never know. You know, I never know. I'm not going to Google it because I don't want to go here.

Well, they probably have a lighthouse, so I'm going to go there. Of course they have a light. And they're like have charming boutiques and you love nothing more than an art gallery. I know that about you. You know me so well, clearly. Oh my God. They filmed the proposal here. Never mind.

I'm in. I knew it. If Sandy can't get it, nobody can. Alexander, this is like really the wildest review that I've ever read Buster. This was the best meal on the island and it had some of the best workers as well. It gave me a very generous portion of onion rings and the chili dog was very good. There was a big problem with the register because I ordered and paid for clam chowder, but they had run out.

And so the kid had to refund me and then I had to give him part of the refund back in order to pay for the chili dog. Can you take out the cost of a chili dog from that refund? It was a disaster. How? Sounds like you just made another transaction. I'm confused. It was a disaster. But the kid handled it very well and got things.

Then how was, what's the worst? Okay, I need to let this finish. I'm sorry. I can't. Alexander, if you think this is a fucking. I'm realizing that there's a mystery location that we're going to discover. A mystery something. Yeah, there's a mystery to be discovered, certainly.

Okay. It was a disaster. But the kid handled it very well and got things back on track. quickly. Then the kid needed a side of onion rings. Nuts. Okay. Then the kid needed a side of onion rings for another order, but they didn't have any prepared. I offered to loan him some of mine in exchange for another reason. What? Like they were, you're going to give it back to the kitchen to then give to someone else? But only on loan. In exchange for... You want to buy back these onion rings I just bought for me?

And give them back later. What? In exchange for a refund. I offered to loan him some of mine in exchange for another refund. How many did this person buy? They're like, wow, I've got so many. Let me give you some back. Just wait.

I'm sorry, okay. He'll find out. He declined the offer and went back to making onion rings. Yeah, wow. He then asked us how the food was, and we said that he gave us way too many hundreds. So this friend is trying to get rid of their honey brains. There's an ulterior motive. For money, though.

Jesus, it's not like you said, hey, I have extra. They can have it. Like, you're trying to get it back for money. Which also would be weird. Just giving it away. Yeah, don't be weird. Oh, my God. This is only the setup for the actual story.

I can't believe this. The story doesn't even happen in this place, by the way. He then asked us how the food was, and we said that he gave us away too many onion rings. All things considered, these guys were doing a great job given the circumstances. I may come back again very soon. New paragraph. Afterwards, we went down to the end of the bare skin neck and we met another kid climbing

underneath the rocks. What? This is relevant. Is that worth it keep the onion rings? We saw his head sticking out. Of what? The rocks. The rocks?

Jesus. We saw his head sticking out and looking around in a very suspicious fashion. We thought he was hiding his stash under there, so we went to take a look. He showed us that he had been mapping the caves underneath the rocks. What the fuck? That's cool. This kid was very suspicious. He had a jetpack on and a big bag that had a dollar sign.

He was going to go rob the underground. Like, what are you talking about? No, he tunneled underneath the hot dog place and takes all their onion rings. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, it's tragic. Okay. He's shown as he had been mapping the caves underneath the rocks.

This kid was very suspicious until we got to know him. And then we discovered that he had a heart of gold. What? What kind of experience led from suspicious to that? You realize this was just a child. He's like hiding out down there. this kid was very suspicious until we got to know him

and then we discovered that he had a heart of gold he was a good kid and spending his youth under the rocks had made him tough wait does he live down there

now I'm now I'm good concerned like Patrick's Star I don't know okay this kid was very suspicious but he had heart of gold yeah he's tough now

because he lives under the rocks toughened up our friend went down there for a few minutes and toward us sizable length of these caves. But this was not nearly the full extent of the cave. If a friend of mine goes and disappears for minutes, like...

They're like, we'll go have a Cabernet, Richard. You go down and explore the caves. Yeah, like in the fucking bearskin neck cave system. Yeah, with a child who's suspicious with a heart of gold. I would not. I would be... His head pokes out of the rocks because he apparently lives there. Yeah.

Our friend went down there for a few minutes and toured a sizable length of the cave, but this was not nearly. the full extent of the caves, which the kid had explored. He said that when the tide was lower, the caves were much more expansive. For all his faults... What? What are his faults? I'm worried now that these people are just like...

Was he just ugly? Like, we have to like, I don't understand what his fault would be. Are these people just blatantly racist? Maybe. For all his faults, there's no clear answer. For all his faults, this kid did not hesitate to help us when we needed him most. Did they say with what? No.

Why do you think Rebecca has not stopped thinking about this for over a year? There's a mystery here. Oh, a foot for sure. I'm kind of fine not knowing about it. I don't want to go to Massachusetts. I need to get to the bottom of it. Have fun. For all his faults, this kid did not hesitate to help us when we needed him most.

Like to give him onion rings. It's like Batman or something. I know. He lives in the cave. This orphaned kid living in the caves. He's tough as nails. Tough as nails, heart of gold. And when you really need him,

That's when he comes through, yeah. Later on, we went to get an ice cream, and we saw this kid riding his bike. He was talking on the phone while he steered. He looked like a young version of Bruce. Who's Bruce? Bruce Campbell? Bruce is a guy who lives around here. What?

Oh, Caveman Bruce. I must be Caveman Bruce's son. One and only son. Okay, he was talking on the phone while he steered. He looked like a young version of Bruce. Bruce is a guy who lives around here and drives on his motorbike pretending to sing Italian music. One time, my friend. We pretend it.

What's that? Okaro, a chatore. Maybe he just makes a... You sound like a minion, basically. Yeah. Bruce is a guy who lives around here and drives on his motorbike pretending to sing Italian music. One time my friend who lives here stopped to talk to Bruce. Overall, this was a great restaurant, and I may come again very soon, end of review.

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It's all one story, and it all really comes together. It makes so much sense. It feels like Washington Irving would write a story about this. You know what I'm saying? I think that's who this was, yeah. Yeah, probably. But imagine being this child and reading this one day. You know, like, and being like, what the fuck? Some kid, some guy? Maybe they thought like street urchin, and they didn't really understand. understand that it's just the saying.

And they're not like literally living in the urchins. I mean, maybe I'm mistaken. And that is what they are in Massachusetts. Yeah, this kid is an urchin. And Bruce, imagine being Bruce and coming across his Yelp review. Because you're like, oh. He looks like a young version of Bruce. Yeah.

Because if Bruce lives there, somebody saw this review who probably knows Bruce. Yeah, for sure, especially the friend who one stop to talk to him. This reviewer doesn't even live there. No, he's visiting. He's just like, oh, you know, Bruce. But do you know how exciting that visit was for Bruce? Buster, man. Man. Oh, Top Dog Hot Dogs was the original business. Yeah, top dog hot dogs. On bare skin neck. It's all very unappetizing. I kind of hate it all. Okay. So Hotel Carmel in Carmel by the sea, California.

Now, these are reviews. Do you remember when we stayed at a Hotel Carmel? Yeah. Santa Monica California. I only remember because we went there later and you told me we stayed there. And we took a picture underneath the sign. Yeah, yeah. Okay, Hotel Carmel. Three stars by Mark. Major misrepresentation of room setup. I booked a three-night stay for the suite, the attic.

My negative experience is not due to rude staff or lack of professionalism, but rather an expectation of privacy the hotel was unable to provide. The nature of my visit was for my honeymoon. So privacy was clearly my first priority. Okay, buddy, we get it. Are you sure? Because he's going to remind you a few more times. Oh, okay.

The attic is structured more. like a cheap upper unit build out within a large garage space. The front desk lobby is directly below the suite and is occupied 24 hours per day. As guests check in, their voices and conversations are easily heard from within the suite. There is zero sound barrier. The bathroom has a window and no exhaust fan, leaving us with a conundrum if we want to enjoy the shower. Humidify the entire unit but retain our privacy or leave the window open and broadcast how great it is to be newly married and on vacation. Within the suite was an unlocked utility closet with open access to the attic crawl space, which was full of random storage items. It immediately evoked a sense of amateur hospitality. I was more like The Shining or something. Yeah. Not like amateur hospitality.

I'm thinking like horror movie. They posted pictures. I mean, it's nothing. I mean, what is amateur hospitality compared to like hospitality you don't pay for? Like, what does that mean? Like you have a shitty hotel. It sounds like a bed and breakfast style of like just, but this is bizarre. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't like it. I don't either. It's unsettling, isn't it? No, I'm on their side. If I'm staying somewhere and I can get into an attic crawl space from my room, that's not. Yeah, no, no, no, especially if it's like clearly used by people, like people use it. Yeah.

I mean, or even if it's not. Some kid looks up there, I heard. Yeah. He picks all the locks. A kid mapped it all out. Oh, shit. And he picked, and the other one picks the locks. The other one?

The other one. Okay. Okay. Okay. Within the suite was an unlocked utility closet with open access to the attic crawl space, which was full of random storage items. It immediately evoked a sense of amateur hospitality and clearly would be a major safety concern had I checked in with children. And then I put in my own Astrosk, like, but I didn't because on my honeymoon. I might next time, though.

Talk to you in 10 months. Yeah. This hotel suffers from incurable defects that severely negate its value for guests. would not recommend. Jeez. End of review. But then there was an update because originally,

actually the review was a one star. And here is the update to three stars. It was five days later. Hotel management has responded to some of my concerns via email and indicated room improvements are being made. Well, they probably didn't know you could get into their like attic crawl space with a bunch of like storage items in it. I'm sure.

Like someone found it. They found our stash. I'm updating my. review from one star to three for their willingness to make things better. I love it. I know. I thought that was really like refreshing. Yeah.

Don't see that too often. Especially when underneath is just pictures of this creepy-ass crawl space. By the way, the number of people who found crawl spaces in like hotel rooms and stuff. Yeah. I don't like that at all. Yeah. I mean, I'm about to read them to you. So I don't know why I just like brought it up as though I weren't.

But just something about it. Like the fact that it happens so often. Yeah. Like, I only have two more reviews, but it seemed to be like a relatively common thing. And I don't love that. No, but I'm also not one to look for it, I guess. I am. Airbnb, that's one thing.

Yeah, that makes sense. Have you seen barbarian people? No, obviously I have not. You know, I'm not going to watch that. It's so good. I don't have to, you know why? Because I'm going to read this review called Creepy. Okay.

It's from TripAdvisor, and it's going to blow Barbarian out of the water. Cool. Silverstone Innsuits in Lancaster, PA. I'm shaking my boots already. I know, right. Amish country. Barbara, who wrote this review, it's called Creepy. Property is beautiful, and so are the building structures, but I'm fairly convinced the property is haunted.

I stayed in the butternut cottage. What the fuck is that? Where Mrs. Squash was killed. It feels like an off-brand of candy. The Butternut cottage, like butterscotch swamp or whatever that's like. I stayed in the butternut cottage, the original house for the property, and had two terrible nights of sleep. I was unable to experience breakfast because the first morning I was there, I slept in too late due to being up all night. And the next day I had an early train.

So I cannot speak to the quality of breakfast. I feel like the both of those are your fault. Yeah. I mean, I know you couldn't sleep. It depends on why. I can't sleep either, but it's not. Oh, but they're not. Not did they say what happened?

Like, how, give me any evidence. Yeah, I will. Please. I can say, however, that my lack of sleep causes me to temper my great opinion of the property. I understand that the cottage is old. I do. But nowhere on their website does it discourage sensitive sleepers from staying in the cottage. There is an extremely creepy crawl space door that is locked and is the stuff of nightmares.

It's a door? Crawl space door, yeah. Huh. But it's locked. Okay. Because, like, it's probably storage. But this sounds like you. Not that you'd write this review, but you'd be like, there's something in there.

No. It would freak you out. Well, I would wonder if... There were a locked crawl space door in your hotel room. I think you'd freak out a little bit. I mean, it depends on, like, what... If I were staying in a cottage, perhaps, because that's kind of creepy. Okay, but what if you were staying in the butternut?

But you know how Airbnb has, like, a locked door? And it's like, oh, that's just where they're supposed to do. Yeah, but usually it's like a closet. Yeah. Not in a butternut cottage of fucking crawl space door. You think it's filled with taffy or something? What are you talking about? No, I think it's filled with squash.

Oh, shit, yams. Yeah, that's why it smells so bad. Okay, so there's a creepy crawl space store that is locked and is the stuff of nightmares. The house also is built over a stream, and all night I could hear the water dripping underneath. It doesn't sound like a stream. I don't think streams drip. That's like that. Like, I was like, oh, that sounds pleasant.

in the water dripping. That's what it reminds you of immediately. You know, it's so weird that you said that. Why? That's the thing of like the dog or the person looking at the hand of, never mind. I just saw a TikTok video of someone coming in to their partner's room where they're like the partners on their computer with headphones on and they like get on all fours and crawl pretending to be the dog. No, no, no, no. And it wasn't until the lick that they looked down and scream because...

The licking is a horror. Because they were like, that tongue doesn't feel right. That makes me, like, want to hurl. That's so creepy. I just saw that video. I know, yeah. That's like out of a horror movie. People were like, oh, it reminds me of that, like, creepy pasta.

Yeah. No, that was before, well, I guess it was an early creepy pasta, yeah. Yeesh. Anyway. She was just staring at me. She was like, I'll lick your hands. You can lick too. Okay, sorry, guys.

Let's get back to the butternut cottage. Sometimes I lick my hand and groom the cats. Don't say that. I was in her. That's... Like, Marco woke up the other day and his hair was crazy. So I was like, come on, buddy. I got you.

And I licked my hand and... Did you really do that? I did do that. I didn't lick it again after I touched him. Thank God. Yeah. But then Punky walked in and he thought, well... And I was like, well, I used my aunt already.

And then I just licked her. With straight up. And she said, wait, that doesn't feel like a cat. And you said, he... Menzkin Lake, too. All right. So, it's over a stream. Yeah, that's what the front does said.

Yeah, there's a stream, a river underneath. That's why you hear a dripping sound. Yeah. It's not a busted pipe. It is built over a stream, and all night I could hear the water dripping underneath. My mind played tricks on me, and the water dropping began to sound like dogs, barks, or people talking. What? I don't know.

I don't think that's. ever happened in the history of water drops. Good thing you say that because it says clearly my experience is idiosyncratic, meaning one of a kind. Yeah, I mean... Because you're, like you said, this is not a thing that would happen. But I would have much preferred staying in the main house had I known how uncomfortable I would be in the cottage. I would not recommend staying in the cottage if you are a light or sensitive sleeper and are prone to bouts of an active imagination. I was so creeped out by my experience that sleeping in my own home last night was difficult.

Please add a note to your website about the nature of the cottage and its creepy door and noises. That's insane. I mean, that's insane. I'm sorry. That's too far. And if it carried on to your own home, that's your own shit. Like, hello? Like, you need to do some processing of something.

Therapy, please. Please. I need some for sure, right? At least get off trip advisor. I mean, really. I mean, really. Dogs barks to people talk. I mean, how is this?

It's a. It sounds scary, but like, it's scary being in that person's brain, not being in this cottage. I mean, I'm sure both are scary. I have a feeling that my stay at the Butternut cottage would be a lot less scary than this person. But like, if I had a crawl space like that, which like in air, like, you know, creepy, I stayed in a really creepy Airbnb in Maine. And of course, like, it was right after I started getting into Stephen King. And so we stayed at this creepy place. It was like February.

So it was like super quiet and creaky and really old house. And there were like these locked doors that were just like very. ominous because it's such an old house. And I felt very, very creeped out that night. But I just put chairs in front of them. Oh, nice. I mean, because I was like, well, at least I'll hear it. Yeah. If it opens. Well, when I was in Maine, I stayed at a shitty hotel close to the airport and by the mall that's in my room's from like cigarette smoke. Oh, okay. So we both had kind of similar. I would have, I did spend the night in like one, a nice place for like two nights for my lighthouse trip because I had points. And then I was like, but I'm like, but I'm like,

not going to do the whole trip like this. And then my last night was in a fucking worst hotel because it was so cheap. And I was like, that's rough to do it for the last night. That's rough to do it for the last night. And then I walked across the whole mall parking lot. This mall was dead. And then I crossed a major street to try to get not. There was a crosswalk.

It's, I'm being dramatic to get to Chipotle. But they were closed due to staffing issues. Oh, dear. And so I had to walk all the way back without food. Oh, dear. Anyway, I did love Maine. Beach, too. Sandy, Water Too Wet, is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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This is a review of Nights Inn in Danvers, Massachusetts. So another Massachusetts. I'm telling you. They're fucking creepy-ass state. They are creepy-ass people. They're creepy-ass rooms and creepy-ass doors and creepy-ass hotels and creepy-ass caves. I lived in a basement townhouse of a townhouse and it was so creepy. Everything about it was creepy.

Yeah. Knights in Danvers, Massachusetts. This is by Tracy who wrote a knight's title for her review called A Nights. night in danger. What? Oh, no. Yeah, that's about how I reacted also. One star.

This is our non-rated rating for the nights in Danvers, Massachusetts. I don't know what that is. A non-rated rating is not anything. Useless information to me. First of all, I booked this room to save money, and because of the continental breakfast, I am sure that many of you will do the same thing, too. Let me tell you about my experience with going frugal and why I will never. never do it again. First, upon check-in, there was a disheveled man sleeping at a table and moaning

in a dark corner of the dying area. Sorry. That should have been a red flag right there. Little did I know, that would be foreshadowing the events that were soon to follow. What kind of foreshadowing is that? There's going to be, okay, I don't even want to know. At speed of Stephen King, this feels like there's some sort of bigger picture we're not getting, but I don't think it's going to happen. The front desk clerk of the Knights Inn was frazzled in acompetent. The check-in process was a nightmare. What should have taken five to ten minutes, tops wound up taking 30 minutes as there was patrons waiting ahead of us. We were upgraded to a renovated room because the two-queen bedroom that I booked weeks in advance was not available. What a joke.

Our king room smelled disgusting. The kind of aroma that makes you lose your appetite. It was an indescribable pungent smell. Thank goodness I used my perfume to cover up the rancid odor. Hey, at least we could breathe. Let's talk about, and then someone in the room downstairs is like, what's the ghost of Lady Elizabeth, her rose perfume? Covering up all my farts. Oh, no. Oh, no.

It's that man sleeping at the table, just farting. It sounds like me. The dark corner. Let's talk about the interior of the room. The Knights Inn is in desperate need of hiring an interior designer. There is an apparent lack of artistic vision in the decor of the room. The walls have an ungodly paint palette. Even the refrigerator was a disgrace.

What? The paint palette was ungodly? The aesthetic. This is wild. Ungodly, yes, correct. Wow, these standards are... I know. It had a tray to collect dirty dripping water.

That tray had black speckles all over it, which one could infer was mold. I'm like, but that's not interior design issue. Yeah, that's much further than that. This motel definitely does. does not deserve a one-star rating. I mean, the shower water never even got hot. It stayed warm the entire time. As far as breakfast was concerned, don't even bother.

When you awake, you'll be greeted with a limited breakfast selection and measly portions. There was no carefully thought-out beverage options. I hope you don't mind bagels and oatmeal that you must make by yourself. If you get down on your hands and knees, you'll find yogurt in a cleverly hidden refrigerator. That's the secret. That's the secret hidden refrigerator. It's a secret yogurt fridge? With all this sinister stuff, like, oh, this is a, that's just foretelling or foreshadowing.

It's like a night in danger and the big mystery thing was a hidden yogurt fridge. This is crazy. If you get on your hands and knees. You walk, where? Wait, is this in, like, the common area? I have no idea. They'd, like, want to see who would, like, demean themselves for yogurt. Those milk mouths, those dairy freaks.

And they have like CCTV. I'm going crawling towards the yogurt fridge. And like pictures of people who did it above the fridge. In a big folder called like blackmail. It's called yogurt yahoos. Yogurt Yankees. What? Massachusetts.

That's true. Oh man. They hate the Yankees. You're right. If you get down on your hands and knees, you'll find yogurt in a cleverly hid refrigerator. If you choose to eat in their diet, area, it is a teeny section behind the lobby where guests are packed in like cattle. Be prepared to sit at small round tables for two.

Did the night's inn make us feel safe? Well, the fire alarm was suspended from the ceiling with an exposed cover dangling from a wire revealing no battery. Many electrical outlets were not usable, making charging devices difficult. I forgot to mention there was a creepy ceiling crawl space covered with dirty fingerprints all over it. Plot twist, there's two. Wow. I wonder if there's yogurt up there.

And the crazy thing is I found it by searching for that crawl space. And then I was like also a hidden yogurt fridge. Like this couldn't get any better. I'm not kidding. After this, I was like, how did she find the hidden refrigerator review? I was like, did she think to search? No, certainly not. I was like, oh, a crawl space with fingerprints all over it.

And then I was like, step aside. There's a yogurt fridge here. I forgot to mention there was a creepy ceiling crawl space covered with dirty fingerprints all over it. And by the way, there is a picture of that. And it's really creepy looking. It does have fingerprints all over it. I mean, I know that's because they climb up there, but it's like really gross. I'm like, can you just wipe off the fingerprints maybe?

I don't know. I thought that we were going to reenact the horror movie Vacancy. Needless to say, this caused for a restless slumber. That's a problem, though. When it's in the ceiling and I can't put a chair or something in front of it, then I get a little creeped out. Like Elsie's house in Maryland had that ceiling drop thing to the attic. It always creeped me out so much. Yeah.

Because we wouldn't, like, we drive in the middle of the night to the, house. Yeah, someone was sleeping up there. No, that's what I'm saying, though. It would feel, like, the house would be completely abandoned and then we'd show up and it's like, how do I know nobody's up there? Yeah, but this house is always, it's like the most dilapidated house I've ever been in. So yeah. Yeah, and that's why it's so creepy. And moldy, the mold in that place, man. That place stunk like. It's like really bad to even think about. Yeah, see that I remember. I still actually have issues. Like, like OCD issues related to that place. Okay, this caused for a Restless slumber. On top of that anxiety-induced stress, when the AC unit was in use, it blew open the orange curtains, prohibiting our privacy. I love that they throw in orange curtains. Remember that interior design? Remember how ugly this place was? Imagine it with orange curtains. Oh, my God, it's getting worse. Yeah.

Therefore, we were torn between bucking the chair against the window to tame the restless curtains or barricade the door because we were nestled away from civilization and feared what was lurking around this hidden gem. One plus that I failed to mention to you in case you heed my warnings. There was the jumping breakers 80s inspired Miami Vice themed lounge parallel to the secluded motel. Whoa. A good venture up there will be the highlight of your stay at this seedy motel. There you will rub elbows with other irritated patrons from the Knights Inn. Together you can kick back $9 glasses of wine and beat yourselves up about why you'd be so cheap in the first place. I mean, you are on vacation, right?

Probably. Why be so frugal? Pay the extra money. You only live once. Did we survive? Yes. Did we have a great time away from these facilities? Most definitely. Will we ever stay here again? No way. Do we recommend this place to you? Never. Let's just say I cannot wait to get home and take a real shower. At least at home I do not need to worry about hot water and perverts who might be secretly filming me from the filthy fingerprint covered perverted peephole. Oh my God. Okay. Paranoid much. No one wants to be up there. Yeah, that got a little much at the end there. I can understand the discomfort of having that there, but I would say, like, you're jumping a little far. Yes.

But the description of that bar made me think of our grandfather. Yeah. And I'm pretty sure he stayed at a Knights Inn on Central Parkway, right? War, but see, this is the confusion. Because there's also the White Castle right there. Well, there's a White Castle down there. And actually, also the White Castle headquarters was right there, too. Like one of their corporate buildings.

But so then I wonder if we're, like, conflating White Castle and Knights in. But I also remember it being. Because I'm not. Okay, it might be a central inn. There are a couple things down there. Anyway, but I remember mom would always be really upset that he'd go there because it's like really seedy that motel. But apparently he just would hang out with the people in the bar. Yeah.

And like buy everyone drinks and have fun. And then we'd be all at home by ourselves. Well, yeah, because he'd always get in fights with people. Anyway, he gets mugged a lot. He does. Just in life. And he deserves it every time, I think. A night in danger.

That's what we call him. He's dangerous and he's in danger. And he's somehow fucking 90 years old. Jesus Christ. Anyway, nights in. Good times. Good times. Well, that was fun.

Good job. Lots of hidden things. I think the cave system was fantastic. The cave system. And the fact that that was one where she was like, I just have not stopped thinking about it. And it finally actually fits. It fit. And against my better judgment, I'm curious to know more about the situation.

I know. And it's like, oh, he told like, oh, the caves were so much more extensive. And I'm like, how do you know? Because he told you that. Like, how hell do you know? You don't even live there. Yeah. You don't even know Bruce.

You just know about him. Yeah, but his friends talk to Bruce once or their friends talked to Bruce one time before. It didn't even seem like he knew about what, though. No one does when it's Bruce, because Bruce is just speaking in gibberish. He's just speaking. And minion. What did I call? Yeah.

Banana. He's just saying banana. He's speaking fake Italian on his bicycle. Bucca de Beppo. Pasta. Oh, shit, that one's real. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Anyway. Let's get out of here. Bye, everybody. Beach, too, Sandy, Water, Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheaper. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borges Wendell of VW Sound.