Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 380: Reviews of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives with Bridger Winegar

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach to Sandy Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I am your sister host, Christine. And I'm your brother host, Zandi. And for the first time ever, those titles are actually applicable to today's topic.

We have a special guest with us today. Bridger Wieniger Wieniger is here. He's a writer-comedian host of the hit podcast with awesome guests like yours truly called I Said No Gifts, but most importantly for today's topic at hand, he's an expert in a particular field of study called The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. Welcome, Bridger. Thank you for coming on our show. Oh, my God, I'm honored.

I'm so happy to be here and on such a special day. That's exactly what we were hoping you'd say. Yeah, this is definitely a first. We don't do too many, like, specific reality show. I don't, this might be our first, but it's such a phenomenon. We just really have to. It's a fun, pop culture phenomenon. Can you give us a little bit of info on like the allure, like why you're drawn to the show before we kind, for those who haven't seen it?

Of course. I grew up in Utah, a former Mormon. So that alone was kind of the appeal for me. But I began watching the show and found it extremely boring and stupid. And, but there's something about the way I watch it was these women feel very much like people I grew up with. So I was like, well, this isn't interesting at all to me. These are just like boring girls I went high school. They're everyday life, yeah.

But then it worked its charm on me. And once you get into the show, you realize about every 40 seconds, there's a new unbelievably high stakes drama for these people. It's just their lives are. But high stakes for them. To anybody else, they're like, oh, that's just like, I wouldn't even blink an eye at what they're worried about. So it's an interesting high stakes, low stakes that's happening. Like the lack of alcohol, probably, the lack of, probably plays into that, I imagine. Yeah.

You know, most reality shows, especially like Real Housewives or whatever, you watch those shows and they're almost always drunk. They're like feeding them. Yeah. Yeah. Constantly. Feed into the drama. So you watch Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and they're screaming at each other stone cold sober. So it's like, how is this happening?

You know, that's actually fascinating. I hadn't thought of that because, like, the drunk screaming gets old on those shows. Like, maybe the sober screaming might be a little scarier. I don't know. It is a little scarier. Yeah, it's pretty scary. Pretty scary to me. I mean, I don't like screaming at all, believe it or not.

Well, it depends on the context. High stakes, I'm in. Yeah, I was glad to hear you say it's boring or something. You didn't say anything too kind because we probably won't say too much. This is the golden age of television in this show is art. I'm going to say. We have to cancel. Lukeworms start for Secret Lives of Woman Wives. No, not really. It is a very exciting show. We watched it together, right?

In a hotel room. In Sleepy Hollow. Most likely. Yeah. Oh, that's right. The only place you should be watched. Well, it was just a given, right? Like, what else are we going to do in Sleepy Hollow? Leave the hotel? I don't think so. Well, you know, here's what we do on this show, Bridger. We read one-star reviews of things. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a little famous on this show for bringing reviews from a website called Common Sense Media. Oh, I love Common Sense Media. You're familiar?

The weirdest thing in the world. It's so fucking weird. It's children leaving reviews of shows and movies that they shouldn't be watching. How do you abbreviate this show, by the way? I say Secret Lives, but then that doesn't quite get you to what the show is. Secret Lives, right? Because Mormon Wives is a little more important. That's true.

That's true. That's true. Yeah, Secret Lives, I feel like it's. I've read a lot of people say they have an issue with the word secret when watching this show because it doesn't seem like much of anything is a secret in their lives. Absolutely, no element of this show is secret. It's all on display. Most of the words in this don't make any sense. They're barely Mormon.

I guess it should just be called wives. Oh, yeah. That's catchy. Let's call it wives. So this is what parents need to know according to common sense media. Now, there weren't any actual kid reviews, but there were several parents who chimed to. in their opinions. I hope one of them thought it was a good idea for kids to watch.

Actually, all of them did. No. I'm not kidding. What? How? I don't know. Listen, I don't know you stickos watching this show. Maybe it's because the lack of alcohol.

I was going to say, like, yeah. Maybe that's the one winning point. Okay, so here's a parent review. Oh, wait, actually, I'll tell you what parents need to know. Okay, if there are any parents listening, you're not sure if your kids should be watching this kind of content. Here's what you need to know. Parents need to know that the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is an unscripted docu-series featuring a group of self-defined suburban Mormon moms famous for their TikTok videos.

Okay, seems like relatively harmless. This is Joelle. She's a parent of a nine-year-old, and she gives this show five stars. That alone is... Okay. So funny, the absolute best. It contains some language and sex, but I still let my nine-year-old watch it. She is part of the pride community.

If your kid is against sex, then don't let them watch it. But if they are flirty like mine, then let them end up. You're flirty nine-year-old. What's that? What does that mean? Don't answer that, anyone. But what does it mean? No, I'm troubled.

Sorry. And then they said ages nine and up is the show's for ages nine-n-no. My favorite part, usually it says like, contains sexy stuff. Does it say that? This title contains sexy stuff. It does. That's crazy. I forgot to tell you.

There are also little tags. Not too much drinking, though. Nine-year-old. Nine-year-old. This person says it's for ages 15 and up, four stars, but it has too much swearing. And then this is the last one I'll read from Common Sense Media. Now, oh, that was my other question, Bridger, I was going to ask. Because this person said one star off for the swearing.

And I wonder, like, do you feel like that's the most egregious sin they commit on the show? Because I feel like there are bigger fish to fry when it comes to this kind of thing. Yeah, I definitely think there are. I mean, I think that just being absolutely vile to each other is probably being bad people. Right. Okay. Okay, fair point. So otherwise perfect. Just a few words. Yeah, absolutely. Cool. Okay. This is by Odette, a parent of a 13 year old who says this show is for 14 year olds and up. So it's getting better? Not allowed to watch. What happens in that year? I don't want to know. Well, maybe they got flirty, you know, like the nine-year-old. get flirty, that's when you're ready?

Once you go through puberty, get flirty. Okay. That didn't happen until I was like, 30. I'm actually waiting for it to happen. One day. Odette says, a parent of a 13-year-old, this is for ages 14 and up. Funny, but a little inappropriate. The show is very funny and entertaining, but it does have some inappropriate and intense scenes.

I think 14 and up can handle it, not 13. Wow. No shit. They act like it's, they were like, oh, it's. It's so funny, like as if it's not a reality TV show. Like, it's funny. Don't get me wrong. But that's not usually when I think of reality TV.

I'm like, oh, yeah, I'll watch it because it's funny. Not for a nine-year-old anyway. Especially if you're leaving reviews on this website, I don't feel like you're watching this type of show because you find it funny. I feel like you probably think you're like, oh, I love the drama. Yeah. I have a review here. I want a different route.

I have professional journalists. Oh, you actually wrote reviews. Highbrow, I see. Yeah, and these are the kinds of people that I feel like they're well-spoken, so I'm afraid to get on their bad sides. Yeah, they use big words. So their reviews are perfect, and I love them. But yeah, here is a review by Carol Midgie at the Times, so made it all the way to London this show. Wow.

Here we go. This is the sort of world in which people will open up about their heartache or marital pain, but only after they have put on lip gloss and had a demiwave. Where to begin with the Cofford car crash, that is. the secret lives of Mormon wives. Perhaps with the title. Secret? Ha!

It is basically the Kardashians with added religion. What there is much of is boring analysis of whether Dakota cheated on Taylor, why Zach didn't ask Jen how she was feeling, whether Whitney and Miranda should be let back in the group or something. I may have been comatose at this point. And will they ever shut up

about the so-called soft swinging scandal, which is when two of the couples apparently engaged in some light husband, husband swapsies, who cares? One denies it saying it was just spin the bottle, but the other is fuming, saying that while they didn't have actual sex with other husbands, they blindfolded each other and had to guess who they were kissing.

What are these people? 12? End of review. They're flirty 12-year-olds. That's a professional? I will say, there were a lot of paragraphs, and so I cut it way down. But they used the word swapsies.

Swapsies is excellent. Oh, in Europe, in England, that's actually a very high-brow word. Yeah, it's a royal term, I think. Oh, good, yeah. Swapsies. But the scandal. The swinging scandal is basically, I think, probably two and a half seasons of the show,

this haunts these women in a way that is unlike anything I've ever seen before. You know, it's still really unclear if they know what swinging is. Right. If they know what sex is sometimes, it's a little like the emotional maturity of these people. At some point, they mentioned spin the bottle. Right. So you start thinking, swinging. But then, like, I don't know if somebody's, like, feeding them information.

Like, maybe this needs to get sexier. Maybe there should be sexier details. So later on, they're like, we were all showering together. Oh. Then it's just sounding like public showers. What? And it's even unclear how many of them were, I think maybe one or two of them was actually involved with this. And it seems like it must have gone on for about 30 minutes.

And then now it has just defined the rest of their lives together. And that kind of kicked off the show, right? Like, wasn't that kind of how they got into the show or was that? Yeah, that's kind of how the show took off because I think people followed Mom Talk, which I had no idea what this was until all this happened. But Mom Talk was just them doing basically choreographed dances and world-class comedy. World-class. And, yeah.

I guess one of them was swinging or something or two of them. that blew up on TikTok because Taylor, who's kind of the fan favorite. And that that is another scandal of the show, which is who is a fan favorite. But she revealed to everyone the swinging scandal. So then Hulu got word of all of this and said, let's give them a whole series. Hulu can't resist. And let it be defined by this thing that's barely part of their lives. By the end of this episode, we need to have something to get Hulu's attention.

We got to have some sort of scandal. We have to swing together, you guys. I'm sorry. I think that's, I thought that's what we're doing. You should be sorry. Don't look at me. Don't say that. Listen, I grew up in the Catholic church to me.

Like, this is kind of what's happening, no? Okay. I will say, I feel like I was thinking about those parents who are like, oh, yeah, this show is great for my kids. I wonder if they're like Catholic parents who are like, look at how they are. Like, look, we're raising you right. I feel like they're pointing to other religious people. Oh, they're like, look at these heathens. Yeah, we were as Catholics, I feel like that was such a thing.

Yeah, they were. Other religions. The Catholics were drunk, but they were. repressing their sexuality, right? And evangelicals in particular hate Mormons. So maybe these are reduced by evangelicals. That makes more sense on common sense media. On common sense media that does track, doesn't it?

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I'm not even just saying that. Are you flirting with him? What's happening? Yeah, I'm above 30. I'm flirty. Okay. Here we go. Awful. Awful people. Conniving, greedy, self-absorbed narcissists who talk like they were raised by YouTube comments. It's a brutal watch. Binging it is an act of masochism.

And my only real takeaway from these last 10 episodes is this. These women need to go back to middle school and relearn how to communicate like human beings. While the men, who get some screen time too, are basically, lost causes, jealous, spiteful ex-husbands are soon to be ex-husbands who can't keep their dicks in their pants no matter how much Jesus insists. End of review. Wow. It feels like people took it kind of personally this show.

I don't know. Yeah. I get very angry. I mean, that's kind of the nature of reality TV. I would think you're not supposed to keep it in your pants for reality TV. That's kind of the whole point. That's what I think, too. Right.

I'm conflicted because I absolutely agree with this person and absolutely don't agree. Like, that's what the show needs to be. But they're also deeply wrong. It's like you would write this as a five-star review. Right. Dustin would write it as a one-star review. Right. It's a matter of perspective, you know.

Right. And I'm going to stand up for the men, which is something I don't want to do at all. Classic, Richard. I don't think that there's any problem with them keeping their dicks in their pants. I don't think that's ever an issue on this show. These men are like they're, it's just them more controlling their wives. One of the other scandals is someone almost goes to a Chippendales show. Almost.

Almost. So it's like a very like very sexually conservative for the most part. Like these guys are, there's really no affairs or anything. The show could use more of that to be frank. Wow. Okay. So it is very like soft. Okay. Got it. Got it. When we went to Chippendales together. Yeah. We went to Chippendales together. That sounds sarcastic. And our mom was there. I got humped in the face.

That's true. He had leaned in this guy and he was like, it's like, what did he say to me? He whispered in his ear. We were all, like, sitting there. And it was like my matriette. And Alexander's sitting there. They got to him and they whisper in his ear. He was so nervous. He says, don't be sad.

I always say don't be sad. I always say don't be scared. But this is what he said, don't be sad. And then gave him a chance. As he was about to straddle my chair and then he straddled my chair and hump me in the face. The darkest thing of ever witnessed. This is so sad. This was before I realized I was bisexual.

And I haven't been back. I've been back, but not since realizing that day he was bisexual. It was like the day after. And I was like, dang it. Like one day too late. I think it's okay that you'd be. I would have enjoyed getting humped in the face more. I don't know that you would have.

Probably not. I was, I wasn't that uncomfortable. I was just thinking, huh, my mom's behind me, isn't she? Like one row behind me. Your mom was in the row behind you? Had you planned to be there together? Yeah. It's just like sometimes we actually run into each other on the Vegas strip, you know?

No, we were there for my bachelorette. It's a whole thing. It was a really weird crowd. We had like 10 or 12 people. I got a better view than she did. A big group. Yeah. And of you going up on stage too.

Don't be sad. It was so ominous. It was so kind. Like, English was his second language. Or it wasn't his first language. So like, he said that and I was like, okay. Like, I guess, but you could have said anything else. I've been sad ever since.

He could have said I'm about to hump you in the face. I know, right? Like, this should be a time for celebration. It made me think, oh, is there a world where I should be sad right now? Oh, and now he's humping my face. Maybe he just saw your depression on your face, you know? Maybe he was like, this will help. It was completely irrelevant.

He was just like, yeah, he's like, oh, don't be sad. Oh, wait, here you go. I'll fix it. You have been in therapy since then, too. Yeah. Okay, I have a game. I call it the not-so-secret nine-to-fives of Mormon wives. Wow.

Thanks. What are we calling that? Can we shorten that one somehow? I could never, by the way. I was like, what rhymes with lives? Okay. Not so secret nine to fives of Mormon wives. So you have to match the review to the venture bridger.

So these are like the different women's like kind of business ventures. And I was going to give you multiple choice, but I think they're pretty obvious. We're going to try without. We're going to do hard mode first, see if how it goes. But I think they're probably pretty obvious because they kind of have, well, I guess you're not going to help with this one. No, no, that's okay. That doesn't mean I won't say things. Okay, great.

Here is a quote about one of the women, one of the main women on the Secret Lives. She's messy, confident, beautiful, and brings the Mormon and the mom to the franchise that it's never had. She's a train wreck, and train wrecks are so entertaining. End of review. And that's one of these new ventures that one of these women have. Wait, oh, so it's like one of their businesses. Well, this one is not so much a business as a new kind of TV. venture.

A new, do you know it? I might. Does it have to do with The Bachelorette? It sure does. Okay. She brings Mormon to the franchise. Oh. The Bachelorette franchise.

That was a hard one. I see. In my mind, it was brings Mormon to the Secret Lives franchise, which I thought there was more than one. If anything, they're not bringing the Mormon. Right. Okay. I see.

This game needs workshopping. This game needs workshopping, doesn't it? Yeah. No, I think it's working perfectly. Thank you so much, Frisier. Of course. Now, I think some of these might be a little more obvious. Okay.

I wouldn't trust anything about my looks to someone who has such poor judgment about their own. Blank has had the most worst work done to her face in the review. Is that Jesse? Yes. You said that way too quick. I know. I have a picture. Because I don't, I forget them.

I have a picture of all of them. That's a review of Jay Z. Stiles, which is her salon. I've been to Jay Z. Stiles. Have you? Is that where you got your beautiful locks? My extensions are from the Jayce Stiles extension. They weigh 70 pounds. Wow. No, I went there last summer as a little field trip. I should give them a one-star review on. No, it was an excellent experience. Oh, good. It's a salon slash wall of hair, and you can kind of buy extensions. And Jesse Draper was also having it

kind of a yard sale in her own business. So she was selling like old cell phone cases, used athleisure. Sure. What? Fascinating. Like Lula Rho extras and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, interesting.

See, this is fascinating insight, culturally speaking. Okay, how about this one? These are so freaking good. In terms of effects, well, I had twins, so ha-ha. Oh, interesting. So this is some sort of supplement. Is it called Baby Mama or something? It is.

Baby Mama prenatal gummies by Macy Neely. Okay, Macy. Wow, good for her for launching a gummy. A gummy, yeah. People say they taste like candy, but they give you ocean burps, which is really foul. That's the gelatin. They taste like candy, but they have the nutritional benefits of candy. That's right.

And that's why they're... But it gives you twins, so. But it gives you twins. Yeah, I love that notion. Like, thank God for these gummies. I had got double the babies. Here's a good one. The audience was full of kids with Apple watches on full brightness.

One woman even climbed over the back of her seat to get to the restroom. It felt like going to the movies, not a theater. End of review. A theater. Is one of them running a movie theater? No. One of them is in theater now, though. Wait.

Oh, my God, of course. This is Whitney Leavitt in Chicago. That's exactly right. Ding, ding, ding. Kids with Apple Watches on full brightness, no class whatsoever. People climbing over seats and throwing trash on the floor. I expect a Broadway show that stunt cast's reality stars to be a classy environment. Oh, I know.

And I mean, I will say, like, I read reviews from some professional journalists who had serious problems with this casting. Really? Serious problems. I mean, I don't know how good she is at acting, but. It's hard to believe that there were no ulterior motives in casting someone like that. No one else was interested in taking the role, you know? Oh, that's totally it. Nobody else.

And then this is the last one I'm going to read. It is a redemption of Whitney in Chicago on Broadway. She makes great character choices. She's on pitch, and she has a supported belt. Her lines are so clean and sharp. I think my only big issue was she's just a little too quiet at times. End of her view. That was written by her husband.

That's probably like the only time they've ever been Any of them have been called Too Quiet Oh absolutely I did see something about Whitney Because I've admittedly only seen season one And then a bunch of clips Because I was like I can't I can't

But in season one I remember to me Whitney At first I was like oh I kind of like Whitney But by the end I was like Whitney's horrible But I read that she has some redemptions I don't know what feels like it's back and forth She's kind of all over the place isn't she Like how people feel about that these, them. She is all over the place.

She's the one who has a different haircut than the rest. So she's easier to tell who she is. She's probably the most like savvy. She's also, she was on dancing with stars and she was like, I don't watch that show, but I watch it because I'm trapped in all of this at this point. Yeah, the universe, cinematic universe. An unbelievable dancer. She's such a good dancer, but she does kind of play into the villain element.

Okay, okay, okay. Which someone's got to. Someone's got to do it. Somebody's got to do it. So I didn't know she was such a good dancer. Okay. Well, I guess that explains the Broadway thing. I was going to say, I feel like I don't know anything about her.

And yet I was like, why is a Mormon wife person? On Broadway? Not a Mormon wife on Broadway. Who let a Mormon wife on Broadway? Who let a Mormon husband on Jeopardy, you know, and stuff like that? Oh, Ken Jennings. I love Ken Jennings. Mormons do have kind of like a weird musical theater culture.

There's like a very serious dance Going to Dance Class Culture within Utah And then I think just like kind of the Inherent corniness or innocence of a lot of musical theater I guess that makes sense within Mormon theater Yeah Theater kid

Were you a theater kid? I wasn't I can't sing Oh me neither I can It's not very well Okay Can I'm capable No

I guess I can watch me I'll sing at some point This episode Please don't One underrated thing about Rocket Money is that I have saved so much time using Rocket Money. If you're unfamiliar, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. And if you can hear that I'm kind of like muted tonally right now, it's because I'm traveling. And I'm my daughter sleeping in the other room.

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This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independence American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTC Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. Okay, I've got one more review before my own game. Oh, okay. But here's the review. This is a half-star review, which we don't get off and so we love it. Yelp doesn't get so nitty-gritty. So here's a half-star review.

My wife insisted we watched this show based on recommendations she saw on social media. One of the worst things I've ever watched. Our divorce is pending. And of review. People love threatening divorce over shit like this on the internet. Yeah, reality TV causes a lot more problems for people than I realized after reading these reviews. People are just, like, distraught. Yeah.

I have a game. And this game is called, coming up with a name. I'm not doing that. Is this of secret life? That's not what it is. Secret lives. I'm like, of the American teenie. Secret lives of more, what are we talking about?

Mormon wives or friends. Oh, a review of one or the other. Of friends or a review of secret lives of Mormon wives. Oh, okay. I like that. There's a lot of overlap there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Weirdly, you'd be surprised at some of this.

Here is a one-star review. I've given the show plenty of chances. but I always find myself wanting to commit suicide by the end. Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. Holy shit. I'm telling you. There are people feel strongly about what you shows.

I got to say I hope it's Mormon wives because I feel like that's a lot of seasons of friends to keep giving it a chance and wanting to kill yourself out to every episode. I think it's friends. I'm going to go with Brager-R-R-R-R-R-E. It feels like a lifetime project. It is, in fact, friends. Well done. Well-done.

Good job. Good start. Good start. Here is a one-star review. And there's a blank in here. It would give away some information, but I feel like it could be relevant to either. Here we go. TV does influence society.

Just look at the surge in popularity of blank shops after this shallow little piece of work debuted. Besides, real people who look as good as these people do not have any problems. End of review. Okay, wait. It's a blank shop, you said? Hair extension shops. That feels like it has to be like that or like spray tans. What is that?

Is it? It's friends. It's a coffee? Capuchino, yeah. They call it a cappuccino. I realize as I'm reading this, it says real people, and I'm like, oh. Oh, real people. That kind of gives it away, but I'm glad you didn't say that. No, that kind of applied to both, frankly.

Okay, coffee shops. Okay, that's interesting. It said cappuccino shops. So I feel like this is a problem with places that serve lattes. That is an alien. That's not a thing. I'm going to swing by the cappuccino shop later. Oh, man.

Here's a good two-star review. Okay. This was a visual trash fire. End of review. A visual trash fire. That feels more modern slang. Right. I'm going to say secret lives.

I would say secret lives as well. I mean, I don't know that either of these shows is known for its visual pizzazz. That's fair point. Yeah, I think secret lives. You are correct. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Here's a five-star review. I wish they were my friends. L.O.L. Love the show. Well, I wrote that, and I'm sorry that you're bringing it up. You wrote that about our show. Yeah, our podcast. I wish I were their friends. Well, you're not.

You're a brother. Sorry. It has to be friends, right? I'm going to say secret lives. Okay. It is in fact secret lives. Damn, just get at this game. So you found the word friends in a review of secret life.

See, very sneaky. Now here's a three-star review. This is a, it should be one-star based on the wording, but here we go. This is a good program at looking at the dark side of humankind. It does have some truth as perversions of human frailty. End of review. I'm not bluey. Wow, that's, it's just heavy, huh?

Yeah. I'm going to say friends. I'm going to say secret lives. Neither. Just saw the review of those. Jesus. It said Law and Order SVU. Oh my God, the frailty of Jesus.

Because I will admit, my first plan was Secret Lives or Law & Order because I thought those are so different. Oh, right. And then I was reading, people give Law & Order a lot, law and order a lot of positive reviews. People don't really hate that show the same way. I was surprised except for wokeness. And I was like, that apparently happens one day, like one season. But, yeah. And I was like, that won't work for, no one's complaining that secret lives of Mormon wives is going woke, you know.

I don't think. I don't think. Not yet. Not yet. That'll be season three. Okay, wait, I have to read this one. This is a one-star review. Like a fresh breath of carbon monoxide.

That's got to be secret. Are any of them secret lines? No. It's a, that's got to be friends, right? It is friends. Yeah, you're like, yeah. Carbonyx sign. Five-star review.

Last one. Really inspiring women. Funny, love all their drama. I would recommend this to anyone. Secret Lives. Oh, interesting. Let's see here. Bridger's like, let me hit up.

Inspiring women. Yeah, I'm going to say Secret Lives. It is. Yes. Okay, I just found another one. Here's a one-star review. Here we go. Last one, I promise.

What is wrong with you people? This show is awful. I don't understand what is wrong with everybody. The only reasonable conclusion that I can come to is that there was some sort of mass hypnosis. End of review. Mass hypnosis. So, they're both very popular.

Yeah, friends feels like... It had the staying power of like that pop culture like takeover type. I don't know though, but mom talk is a big deal. I don't know if mom talk can survive this. Isn't that the quote? I think that's friends though. That feels more mass. I'm never doing this fucking game again.

I think you just got 100%. You just got 100% and I got like 4%. That's so annoying. You know what? That was impressive. I told you he was an expert at this field of study. I will say you didn't get the Law and Order SVU one. That's true.

That's true. And I'm going to be mad about that for the rest of the year. As you should. But to give you both credit, you both were like, what? And you were very confused. The perversions of human. Human frailty. I was a little concerned. I promise we don't usually just do games like this.

I do. You do. But I do have another game real quick. Now, this one doesn't have a fun name because I forgot to give it one. But this is essentially a Price's Right style game where I'm going to give both of you two different products or services in the world of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. And you have to tell me which one is the higher cost more expensive. I love it. Okay. I love it.

Okay. Show-wife showdown. Yeah. So a couple of them are like almost exactly tied, but then some of them are like significantly up and down. So we have first duo. Which one's more expensive? A, a full set of extensions and color at Jay-Z Stiles.

Or the estimated starting rate for one sponsored post on Jen Afflex Instagram. Oh. Look, if she were related to Ben, but she's not, right? That was a whole thing, wasn't it? Well, that's another drama scandal that happened where she was telling everyone she was related to Ben Affleck. And that seems like her husband, Zach Affleck, I never say that because I call him the White Witch most of the time. But Zach Affleck, his family seems to have kind of gaslit her into thinking she was related to Ben Affleck. That's crazy.

And so, yes. And so I imagine she didn't feel too good once she said. And I bet everyone's like, oh shit, don't say. Well, I think she did okay because then Duncan did a whole thing. She ended up in an ad with him. And they did the two Affleks. Like she literally got a whole ad deal out of it. Don't worry.

She's okay. And the point of the ad was, I'm the worst Affleck. The worst Afleck. It's pretty clever. That's pretty good. Yeah. So do you have any concept of how much like a full set of extensions and color at Jay Z. Stiles would cost?

Well, mine was like 900. It looks great, by the way. But that's the thing. You clearly got top of the line. My guess, I wonder how much extensions cost. It must be hundreds of dollars, right? Probably 600 bucks. I was going to say hundreds, but I don't know.

And then what was the other thing? The starting, the estimated starting rate for one sponsored post on GenFlex Instagram. I feel like that would be over a thousand. That's got to be like 10 grand. Multiple thousands. So I'd be surprised that the hair extensions match that. Which one's more expensive? I think it's the post.

I agree. I agree. One post is estimated to cost about $2,600 on the feed. That's not that bad. Let's go in on one. This is according to the internet also. I don't know. I don't have like many sources except for what some random skinny website told me.

I bet those like, I feel like somewhere on the internet you can look up your net worth. Yeah. And then it's like $400. And I was like, thanks. Well, what do you consider all the debt? Yeah. Like, where did they get this number? And a full set of extensions in color is about $1,800 and can be more than that.

Are you shitting me? No. Okay, I did not have a... Listen, I, here's the thing. I've never gotten any, like, cosmetic stuff. I know, hard to believe. But I'm getting my brows, my eyebrows done, like, microbladed next week. And they're like, that'll be, like, $650.

And I was like, what? For buy your eyebrows? And that's in Cincinnati. So this shit is expensive, man. I just got a haircut. And I don't know. I've never had this happen. But she was like, oh, like, let me do your eyebrows a little.

And she, like, with her razor, like, shape my eyebrows. Very little. She'd never done it before either, but she took one look at you and was like, this is an emergency. And it's like, I never thought my, like, I don't know, I don't pay attention to my eyebrows. Don't they look great? I've never heard of barber or anything offering that sort of service. I think it probably had to be a special occasion. It must have been.

Yeah. I think you just walked in looking extra scraggly. That must be it. Beach 2 Sandy is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart Choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called AutoQuote Explorer that allows you to compare your progressive car insurance quotes with rates from other companies. So you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you. Give it a try after this episode at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance,

company and affiliates. Not available in all states or situations. Prices vary based on how you buy. Now we've got the value affleck. Oh, the value affleck. Yes, that's what she goes by, Jen, in the Dunkin Act. Value Affleck, yeah. So self-esteem. Yeah, I know. That feels rough. Okay. Have some self-worth. Have a little bit of. If it pays the bills, it's going by now. I guess it must pay the bills. This is the Value Affleck Duncan Meal is one. of the little duos we've got here. I love Duncan.

I can do this one. One single 44 ounce dirty soda with all the add-ins. Ooh. And I feel like Bridger might have more insight into that. I think the more affordable is going to be the soda. Okay. Interesting. I would guess Duncan only because their meals, I feel like to me are so cheap.

I feel like they have like a $5 meal that includes like multiple things. The value meal is $6. A single 44-ounce-dirty soda with all the add-ins is $7.50. So they're pretty darned close. That was close. I mean, it's been a while since you moved out, Bridger. Maybe the inflation has really got. Well, because your damn show has probably gotten these places on the map,

and now they're probably charging, like, triple. We're going through the roof. I'm serious. That's what I'm thinking with that, like, that Friends Review that had the blank shops. I'm like, I picture someone do like the soda shops or something. All the soda shops. I can't believe that didn't even cross my mind. Yeah, that would have gotten you,

Maybe. You guys, I need you to know that one of mine is, what's more expensive? The cost of opening a swig soda franchise or the median price of a house in Draper, Utah, which is, I think, where two of them live. Yes, that's where my parents live now. Oh, well, not to put you on. Oh, we know. On blast. We just were curious when your parents' house comes.

We were just doing some... I'm doxing my parents. Yeah, that's what we do on this show, just some Google Earth. So opening a Swig franchise or buying a house in Draper. These are about like median prices of both. I don't know anything about either of these things. I don't own a home. I don't plan to.

As we're in her home, she's like, ha-ha, loser. What the fuck was that? Sometimes I just have to get a little like boost to my ego. I don't know how much either of these costs, but I'm like at least with the franchise, you're not paying for like anything but franchising, right? Like you don't have to pay for the building.

You don't own the building. Right. I don't know how franchising works. I never mind. Dude, I don't fucking know Alexander. Don't look at me. I'm not. But I want to be right.

I want to be able to get this correctly. That's right. That's how, yeah, that's right. I'm going to say it's probably cheaper to buy a house. No, I'm going to say to, yeah, to buy a house in Draper. I will say they're almost exactly the same median price. 800K is the price of a house in Draper. an 800 to 900K is the Swick Soda franchise,

depending on what city you open it is. That's expensive as fuck. Yeah, apparently it said it was also like a booming growth for this company. Oh, that. Because of this damn show. Yeah. Oh, they're blowing up. They're everywhere.

They're opening them in Texas now, all sorts of places. And then you go to one and it's disgusting. Is it? Is it? Is it just really sweet? I mean, soda is already so sweet. Yeah, and then you put like coconut cream and stuff in. Yeah.

Coconut cream. Not, and let me correct you. Coffee Mate. Oh, coffee mate coconut flavor. That's sick. That is horrible. That's illegal. That should be illegal.

Yeah, I would totally illegal. I'm going to call the police. That's insane. I forget what they're called, but in Maine. I was in Portland, Maine. And they had these like, similar, but like energy drink. And it was all, I think it was all energy drink. And you would get either sugar-free or regular energy drink and then put a bunch of

flavors in it and mix the energy drinks. And you could be like, oh, give me a surprise. And they mix a bunch of flavors. These people are so. I love energy drinks. So I kind of loved it. But, yeah, I think I'd like swill, swell. Swill is such a good name for it.

It's right there. That's our competing brand. That seems like a mistake. But, yeah. Which one's more expensive? And remember, some of these are the same, some are not, or close. We have a nine-month supply of Macy Neely's prenatal gummies or a clip-in extension pack from Jay-Z styles. Oh, just the, oh, clip-in extension pack.

So you're not getting it at home in the dark. You're doing it home in the dark. Yes. That's right. Okay. I'm going to say, how many nine months of the vitamins that give you twins? A full pregnancy's worth, yeah. I'm going to say the gummies are slightly cheaper.

They are. Okay. I was going to say, but you get twins with those. So that's actually you end up paying way more. I'd say they're priceless. Honestly. Pregless. Wow.

Yeah. So a clip and extension pack is $5.50 and a nine-month supplies, $405. And those are called... 4005. Yeah. And those are called the Fertile Mama Gummy. It's not for me. I'll tell you what.

It's not for me. Yikes. Not for me. Yikes. I'm going to take nine months of fertile mama gummies and see what I have. Be so careful, Bridger. I wouldn't recommend that. That feels like a recipe for disaster.

A hormone disaster. There was a review I saw where this woman was like, I'm 60 years old, but I still love these gummies. And I'm like, is this your grandma, Macy? Like, what's happening? Who is that? I'm like, I want to stay fertile. No. No.

Fertile till I die. Fertile grandma gummies. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Okay. This is my last one for my fun little game that doesn't have a name.

Option one. A ticket to see Whitney on Broadway at like a starting, starting price. Which one's more expensive? That or a full set of lash extension somewhere in the area. What part of the... The Salt Lake area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I love Salt Lake.

We love the Salt Lake area. It's beautiful. We have had some great times. I feel like we... We did one-star review. We did a show in Salt Lake. And we did a couple shows in Salt Lake. That's where the whale is, right?

All hail the whale. Don't you guys have a whale? There's some players. It might be completely. People are screaming. and so I'm listening to this, but there's a roundabout with a giant whale in the middle. And then I started chanting, all hail the whale. That felt very Utah.

It felt like Utah, didn't it? Yeah, but we had a blast. It sounds kind of familiar to me. I think it's a newer development in town. It was like rainbow whale? Like, it was beautiful looking. Yes. And there's like a cult behind it.

But now that you're saying that, I'm just wondering, oh, am I just proving that I can imagine things? Oh, I could picture a big whale in the Salt Lake City. It is called out of the blue. Very cool. It's called what? Out of the blue. It's in Salt Lake, yes. Out of the blue. Well, we read a lot of one stars. The ones that were my favorite were of the Salt Lake, the Great Salt Lake,

and people going there to do wedding photography and then having like the world's worst day of their lives. Covered in bugs. They were like, oh, I was sinking into the sand, and then I realized the sand was moving. It wasn't sand. It was bugs. And I'm like... I was sounding on a cloud of gnats. Yes, in a wedding dress.

And a vampire walked by. Yeah, that's true. Like someone dressed as a vampire. Salt Lake's weird, man. I don't know. People lately have been asking us what, like, one of our favorite reviews is, if we have any. And that one just always pops to mind because it's so insane with the vampire, bugs that are in a wedding dress.

Oh, my God. Talk about drama. You guys really know how to do your drama over there in that town. Yeah, so we have a ticket to see Whitney on Broadway in Chicago or in Chicago on Broadway. I was telling him this earlier and he's like, in Chicago, though? And I was like, no, Chicago on any... I'm new to the whole being gay thing. So I was like, Chicago, I was like, yeah, the city.

I need to get into the... It's okay. Now that Whitney's on Broadway, you'll get into it. I've never seen Chicago, which I feel like I need to. Well, now you do. I mean, I only want to say it. Whitney and it. Must see.

I hear she's a lovely dancer. So full setting is flashing sessions. Okay. The full set of flashing settings. Or a ticket to see Whitney. on Broadway. As someone who lived in New York for two years and went to zero Broadway productions

because they were too expensive, I'm just going with that because of that. Yeah, I'm going to say eyelash extensions are a little bit cheaper. They're about exactly the same price. What is this game? You're like, surprise, the answer is zero dollar difference. Fine, fine, fine.

You told, okay, fine. You're right. The lash extensions were about $20 cheaper. That's a lot. Well, not when you're getting into that. the hundreds. When I'm a, I'm, okay, sorry, I'm not used to being in the hundreds. It's also the amount of volume you get on your lashes.

I don't fucking know. Yeah, I can tell. You know, your volume, there's no volume on yours. Right. He's compared to my eyes. Cut it out. Oh, were you, oh, I thought that was to our editor. No, cut it all out.

Cut the whole show out. That's all the game I brought. Hey, that's all, I haven't brought anything else. The game should have been called the wife is right. Shit. Okay. Let's restart. Let's start the story.

Go back to the beginning. Got it. Take two. Absolutely. That's so good. Damn it. Very good. The wife is right.

Or the price is wife. The wife. Or the wife's wife. Or the wife wife, wife, wife, wife. I don't know about that one. Now we're having a stroke. But that's a new game. I don't know what the game is.

We'll come up with it. I want to play. Well, we are so honored to have had you on our show today, Bridger. Thank you for coming. Oh, I'm so happy to have been here. This was so fun. I do want to say people, go watch our episode. Watch all of them, but our episode of I Said No Gifts was so much fun.

We definitely. A blast. We definitely went a little, yeah, whack-a-do in that one. And there's- You therapists. We were like, oh, we're going to go into therapy mode here, like we always do. Immediately trauma dumping. But yeah, we had a great time, and the show's so fun.

It's a podcast. You can also watch it right on YouTube and all that good stuff. Yeah, you can do whatever you want. You can watch the podcast crazy. I know. Listen, it's back in my day. A soda wasn't 7.50 and I couldn't watch my podcast. But here we are.

So anyway, thank you. Is there anything else you want to add for like where people can find you or follow you? I just have the podcast and I have a Patreon where I do these recaps of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, which is even if you don't watch the show, it's kind of a surreal experience. I might have to pop in there. It sounds engaging and fascinating. That sounds like how I would want to consume this. Because I don't want to actually sit down and watch it. It's a good hotel watch, like on a background.

But I would love to get more info on it. So I think that is a good way to do. Yeah, this is more of a utility podcast ultimately. It's just informing people. Then they don't have to watch the show. Just like Whitney, someone's got to do it, you know. Someone's got to just break the news to the rest of us. Yeah, get dirty.

Yeah. Love that. Well, thank you so much for joining. This was so fun. Thanks, you guys. It's delightful. We appreciate you. Beach You Sandy Water Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and

Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borrehees-W. Sound. Thousands of free movies and TV shows. You swear? If I'm lying, I'm dying. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra. Free. This is the... Movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls and Gladiator.

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