Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 384: Reviews of Airport Shops

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

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Welcome to Beach, Too Sandy, Water, Too Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. And welcome to Beach Two, Sandy, Water, Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I am brother host. My name is Zandi. I'm sister host. I'm Christine. We're going to talk about airport shops today. We did just do a channeled message for Patreon. And by that, I mean, we did a bonus episode. Nobody knows. It came out of the blue from the heavens. The theme of the day, the month, was basketball. So we did an episode about basketballs. And it weirdly wasn't channeled due to March Madness. No, it had nothing to do with that. I was also staring at a basketball hoop, but that also had nothing to do with it. It was a channel.

message from the divine. And we did a bonus episode on that. Wait, was that when you're doing practicing your free throws? You were staring at basketball. Is that what's going on? That's right. And I said I have, I've just received a word from a higher source. So it helps your game. Probably not. Not really. So we did that. It's reviews of basketballs. It's unhinged. I read reviews of silent basketballs, which was just weird. I came up with all sorts of fun pranks. So if you go to patreon.com slash Pchew Sandy, you can find that as well as add free listening and

add free episodes on video, as well as these monthly bonuses we do. And Discord, fun place to hang out with everybody else. I'm going to start using Discord more because I use it now for my astrology coven. That's what it took? Because I'm like, I've been on Discord for my entire life. It took my astrology Coven to really get me into it. And now I'm kind of more active. So I'll try to hop into the Patreon one. But enough about that nonsense. It is nonsense. And you know what else is nonsense? The person who sent me a review this first person. And that's, This is an episode about airport shops. Oh, yeah.

Which is classic. And I have a review from Silly Sarah. Oh. So talk about nonsense. Delightful. We'll see. This is a review of the Panda Express in the Albuquerque Sunport. Do you know how I know how to spell Albuquerque?

And I say Albuquerqueque. Albuquerque. I say Albuquerqueurque to spell it in my head. Cool. Albuquerque. It goes through my head every time I hear that word. I like it. I like it.

Albu. That's me and. B-E-A-U-Fle was a big one for me. That's a good one. Yeah. Anyway, this is a review of Albuquerque, Sunports, Panda Express, one star. Why is it so bad? I will never think of Panda Express the same.

This food will haunt me eternally, and the cashier was screaming at his coworkers over the rangoons. It was never that serious. This Panda Express is more concerned about the placement of its rangoons than the quality of its food, which is chicaronis. There was something in my chicken that was not full. fit for human consumption. It tasted like a bandaid and burned my mouth.

Oh! End of review. A burning bandaid! Yeah, that's pretty rough. A really hot bandaid. Because originally I was thinking, this isn't a shop. This is a location in an airport, but it's like a food spot. And then I thought, burning bandades, this is like a public service announcement.

No, this has to be aired. And the fact that silly Sarah sent this in, there's nothing silly about this. Sarah, what are you doing? Sarah, what the fuck is your problem? Read the room. Oh, boy. You know what Sarah coincidentally works at a Panda Express at the Sunport? And loves to put Band-Aids in the microwave.

And has very, very, very strong opinions on Rangoon's. And their placement. And their particular placement. That's what makes her so silly. Okay, my favorite thing is it was never that serious. Like, how do you know? Maybe it was. Maybe it was as serious.

The health inspector was coming. You can't have Ranguress. by all the raw meat that you have out. Shit the hell this is actually. Put all the burning band-aids in the sandwich is so he doesn't find them. This is a review of the Argo tea at O'Hare Airport, which is the Argo tea is now permanently closed.

Oh, bummer. Tiffany, she-her, has her own horror story from this exact location. It's Tiffany T. Oh, my God. What? You're right, like, it's her tea. Like, she's spilling the tea.

Yeah. Okay. Tiffany. says, one star. I've had a vendetta against Argo T. O'Hare ever since they served me a fucking display sandwich in 2016. No. After I'd taken one very dense bite,

I overheard the boss employee whisper yelling at the other employee about how the sandwich he served me was not a real sandwich? With a bunch of question marks, and that's kind of the end. The not a real sandwich part really got me, Tiffany, and I thought, Okay, because that would really probably make me upset for a long time. Like, I think, like, viscerally would just, like, physiologically upset me.

Like, what did I just eat? If not a real sandwich. Like, how much of it did I consume? And what did I consume? That's, to me, the most important. And was it a Band-Aid? Was it a Band-Aid? Probably.

It's probably, like, made of wax or something. Oh, my God. Tiffany's, like, tastes the same to me. You know, Tiffany? A lot of reviewers would have said it actually does taste the same. And it was like, the best sandwich. I've ever had. But imagine an employee just being like, this one looks good.

And it's like, yeah, because it's literally not real. It's like, oh, flies them and touched it in days. Yeah, this one. And it looks great. It's sitting there for days and nobody's wanted it. It doesn't smell, so it must be good. And Tiffany is a cutie, patootie. I want to impress her.

Could be flirting. You could be, Tiffany. Oh, so here's the actual review. Sorry, Tiffany, yours was definitely a review. I just didn't want to, you know, I wanted to read the one that you sent as well. So this is a review by Jennifer of the same exact location. Okay? Just keep that in mind.

Oh, I am. Jennifer says, I met the one across from Stanley's kitchen, so grossed out. The guy making my drink wasn't wearing gloves and had open sores and scabs all over his hands. I tried to sit and enjoy my tea, but he started climbing all over the counters, cleaning with his nasty shoes on the bar where people eat. Sounds like a dream. This is not real.

This kid starts climbing. It sounds like the review of a Chinese restaurant we read like two years ago where we were like she was standing on the table like cleaning. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. But I thought it was going to be his nasty scabs and it's like no, his nasty shoes now are on the bar. Sounds like a little bit of everything. This is not what I expected from a high end tea company.

Okay, you're in an airport first of all. Not to say. They have like Armani and. Okay, but like honestly if someone were in there with climbing the walls, I wouldn't be surprised you there. I don't, even though it's more expensive there at the airport, it's probably worse quality, no matter what brand it is. And like worse, you know, it's just, you're in an airport. Like, it's, everything's a little worse.

Unless it's something for, like, customs or whatever, like a duty free shop maybe, if you want something specific. But yeah, it's just, it's just unfortunate that this is where also Tiffany ate a fake sandwich. So, like, a lot. But I do have, like, certain expectations. It's permanent, like, like actual food. Actual food. I would prefer no one standing on tables with their shoes on, or standing on counters.

I don't want open source touching my tea either. Yeah, there's so much there that I'm like, you know what, this is the bar is at least higher than this. I told you it was permanently closed, so at least we know someone took action, or at least no one took action and it spoke for itself and the result was just inevitable. That sounds about right.

I have one year. This is from Pickles, and this is of the Hudson's Coffee in the Perth Airport. Pickles sent multiple reviews and a deranged email that I enjoyed reading. So thank you, Pickles, including reviews of places in the Auckland Airport where I had an incident once. Oh, yeah. And even said that I shouldn't come back because the authorities are looking for me. Who said that?

Pickles. Oh, yeah. So Pickles. I avoided all your New Zealand ones. Pickles has a total in with the authorities also. It seemed like it. It seemed like it. Pickles is a type.

This is a review of Hudson's coffee in the Perth airport, though. This one is over in Australia. Here's a one-star review. Rat drank my matcha latte. Please don't. Please don't. Please don't even start. A period after every word.

I mean, listen, rats probably love this stuff. What don't rats love? That's where I'm like... Have you seen? Tell me. The newest rat trend. It's horrifying. Not even for humanity, for the world.

On all its species. Rats have started vaping. Hell yeah It's not good because they're now dying They think they smell good Like fruit Are they actually? Yeah

I thought you meant like I don't know what would make this okay It's squirrels Would that make it okay? Yeah They take them And then you can Like they're like looking

And they find the opening And they try to And they like are vaping But it's like nicotine or THC I don't know They're probably just Fuck So it's like not good

Humans are fucking trash But hopefully they at least Like feel nice when they're. Just like rats, they can handle it. Oh, a rat probably already, they probably eat plenty of weed. They vape before humans did. Heard that.

Someone did respond to that review and said, your review is quite alarming and we would like to investigate further. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that reviewer was not 100% serious because how can your mantra latte be in a place where a rat can start drinking it? It's ridiculous. You know what's so weird is that I didn't even consider the possibility that it was like a joke review until just now because I was like, well, the rats are vaping. So why not drinking matcha? I'm not saying it 100% one way or the other.

Like I just discovered macha like 10 years later than everyone else. Like, I'm sure the rats. I started drinking matcha very recently too. Really? I've had it before, but I've lately been making it a go-to. I've really gotten to enjoy whatever. You've become an enjoyer of said drinking. Today, I was in Australia in my rat costume.

And I was like, oh, look at this. What is this whole thing? I love macha. And I just slurped it right up. Or it was just you as yourself. And someone said, this rat drank my macha. Well, it could have been. Either way.

This is from Elise and Matt, she, her, and he him. This is a Hudson store, which is like one of those booksellers, candy, you know, snacks, magazines, etc. Overpriced everything. Logan Airport, specifically. And this is a one-store. Start review by Tiffany. Wait, I just re-read it and realized, I forgot. I forgot.

Bought a $40 sweatshirt here, got it home, and it looks like a rat gnawed on the sleeves. I'm pissed. End of review. He was rats hungry. Oh my gosh. It does look like a rat knot on the sleeve. But like, how did this happen in between getting it at the airport and landing at home? I'm like.

Maybe didn't notice? Are there rats all over the airport? That sounds like something I wouldn't notice, even though it's so obvious. Yeah, but like, wouldn't it be discussed more if they're just eating everybody's shit? Yeah. From Perth to Boston? Boston, those Logan Airport rats, I'm sure those are some heavy rats who love a good sweatshirt and on. There's probably just a floor for just then.

So it's by the sleeve. It's at the bottom of the sleeve, right? Because it looks like a middle schooler sweatshirt after like ever and ever picking it off. And then you like put your thumb through the like ripped hole. Yeah. Maybe it's another joke about rats that I just don't get. I mean, I don't think they actually said it looks like a rat, it, right?

Oh, that's true. They did say it looks like a rat. But they also said canad it, like with a... Is that how you spell nod on it? No, it's G. Yeah, they did gnaud, which... Gnaud. It's kind of cool looking.

Oh, a rat nod. Oh, yeah. Pissed. Pissed. Food used to be a major source of stress in my family's life. We would worry about what's for dinner, but it would be like an hour before dinner. And then inevitably, we wouldn't make the... kindest choices for our wallets or our bodies. And that's why our whole family here is so

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Go to homechef.com slash beach or too sandy. That's homechef.com slash beach or too Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. HomeShuff.com slash Beach or Too Sandy must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. Okay, fully not intentionally. I just saw my brother earlier. He's not, I know, he's supposed to be here, isn't he? But I'm doing this ad today alone, all by my lonesome. He didn't make me do it.

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We have a reviewed of Hummingbird Hollow Gifts. This is in the Juno International Airport in Alaska. Hummingbird Hollow Gifts. I love a little airport gift shop where they're like here, buy this large candle. And I'm like, this is a terrible place by a candle. And it's like $60. And I'm like, don't mind if I do. This place is fascinating because it's,

like a full-on gift shop in the airport. That's the most Alaska-looking gift shop you've ever seen. Oh, yes. But here's the review. This is a five-star review, and I just thought it was more interesting than anything. It looks like someone went in there and said,

I'm going to open up a souvenir shop in here and just like open their own little souvenir shop. Yeah. And here's a five-star review. Someone wrote about it. I am on a last-minute, unplanned trip from Sitka, Alaska to Anchorage. I was low on funds but had art to sell.

So I called Hummingbird from the plane and asked for a sales manager who does the buying. She invited me to come to the store where I was given a fair market price for my art. No way. I'm truly satisfied from an artist's experience. I didn't need to negotiate much because the art sold itself.

Thank you, Hummingbird. James Bennett. End of review. That's how society should be working. Amen. Wasn't that wild to read? Hell yeah. Love your art.

I would love to sell this for you. Thank you. What a fair price. They went out of business a month later. Just kidding. Oh, that art tanked the whole business. It ruined everything. No, they're,

They apparently are still going. Should we go? They're open 5 a.m. to 8 p.m. Wow, they're committed. I would love to go to Alaska. I've never been. I'd love to check it out. Have I?

I don't think so. I don't think so either. I am curious because they went from Sitka. I guess we got to go to Alaska now. That's what it means. I'm down. Apparently they went from Sitka to Juneau on their way to Anchorage. And Sitka to Juneau is a short flight.

So I wonder if it was just like a seaplane or something. Because like they called from the plane. True. And so I was like, oh, that's interesting. They either risk crashing the airplane or whatever they What they want you to think. Alaska, I want to check it out. Alaska can hang, I think.

I'd like to think so. So this is also in the Logan Airport, and it's also from Elisa and Matt, and it is of the Berkshire Farms Market at Gate B-21. It's sort of a market with different foods and... Classic. A classic. One star.

Menu stated that they had jelly available. When I got my order, I was told they did not have jelly available. I went to the counter to return my order because a dry bagel is not what I wanted. They would not refund my order. One star. No. No jelly?

No jelly. I think it means like they said there was jelly like to go like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because hey, as someone as a vegan who travels and loves bagels, it's hard. It's hard because they have cream cheese. Do you get to jelly, don't you? I get peanut butter.

If they have peanut butter and jelly, I get peanut butter and jelly. If they have one or the other, I get one or the other. I mean, that's basically sums up all my options. But usually it's just peanut butter or just jelly. But the dream is the peanut butter and jelly. Too bad. I would say, you know, maybe B-Y-O-J. But then, I should be Y-O-J, B-Y-O-K-Y-J.

What would jelly do? Yeah. That's totally what I meant. Bring your own Kentucky jelly? K-Y jelly. Go ahead. Yeah. This is from Stacey.

This is of the strip market. in the Pittsburgh airport. This is a four-star review. Just took a sip of my tea and severely burned my mouth. This happened on February 18th. And today, February 27th, I am still suffering. No reason for it to be this hot. End of review.

Nine days of burning. That blows. And they gave a four-star review. Oh. I just thought it was so weird. What are you doing? Oh. Nine days of the.

burning. It's like the burnt bandaid. Those two to me go hand in hand. I should read them back to back. There's nothing better than, no bigger than a one star for the burning bandaid. For this, I mean, I don't know. I don't order tea. I do know. If it's that bad and you're burned for nine days, that's too hot. It's way too hot. But this person's name is Dorothy. So that implies their age is above 70. So that's where I'm like, okay. Well, do you think her tongue's any like less flammable or what? No, I don't know. Like, it might be like from all the asbestos. as a child, it might have asbestos tongue. I almost think that would make her stronger.

They would. So that's where I'm like, so then if the only other option is a frail tongue, I feel like old people, it only goes two ways. Oh, it's either like she's like. Asbestos tongue or frail tongue. Okay. That's my theory. Nine days of this and she's still like, it sounds like she has quite a constitution to be.

What I would call it is a very good awareness of one's body and one's. And that usually comes with not frailty, right? Like that's usually. There's a lot of strength there. Yeah, she feels like a lot of strength. Sorry, Dorothy, you're right. I'm sorry. She's your wife. Look, we're going to talk a lot about my wife and my challenge.

No! What do you think I... Were you going to do that already? The fact you brought up my wife right now? That's so inappropriate. I'm so mad about this. It's not because I said it, right? No, my challenge is about blaming your spouse.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean you... Okay. That means I'll talk about my wife. You don't have a wife. Have you met her? Alex Zaynard. Yeah, you did in that cracker barrel. This is from Abby She-Her.

It is of the W. H. Smith at H. Thoreau Airport in London. Sounds fancy. It does. They also sell tea? What is with all? I feel like there's been a lot of tea talk. There's a lot of tea talk.

W.H. Smith, I think, is a bookstore, though. Let me check. I will say. Heathrow is a likely place for tea to be. Tea to be. A leading global travel retailer. Okay. So they do sell tea.

Got it. So, no, they sell book snacks. It's like a Hudson bit, like I think a little fancier. So plenty of tea. One star. I am currently in Terminal 5 of Heathrow Airport. Earlier this morning, I searched for a shop to buy a Bible, and I was directed to your shop. When I asked the shopkeeper about Bibles, he said, you don't stock Bibles there.

How on earth could a bookshop in the UK exclude Bibles in their bookshop in a public place as Heathrow? Whoa, okay. Excluding Bible makes it sound like they're banned in the store. Like, they just don't have Bibles in stock because they probably don't sell us. don't sell them. Huh. It is a shame that the UK that introduced Bible and Christianity to the world. Wait, what?

Huh? The UK introduced the Bible? I mean, King James. That, UK's got a lot already. Like, let's just let them have what they have and just, well, let's... The fact that there's something to be proud of, we spread religion across the globe along with a lot of other bad stuff. It is a shame that the UK that introduced Bible and Christianity to the world,

but not of Bibles in its bookstores. Martin Luther's just like rolling over in his grave. Oh my God, he totally is. My expression and impression was that the UK has lost it. Wow. By the way, this person is not like from the UK. They are literally just traveling through Heathrow. And they're like, surely of all airports, this one will sell me a Bible.

And like, look, I'd be surprised if not a single store sold a Bible, but for there to be one store that someone suggested to check, that didn't have a Bible to be like, look at the state of this country. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. I recommend strongly that you add Bibles to the books you sell in your bookstore in the terminal mentioned and all your bookstores in the UK. If you do not, mark my word. I speak as a servant of God. You should have let him finish.

If you do not, mark my word, I speak as a servant of God. All your shops will be closed down very soon. the zeal of the Lord will perform it. End of review. Oh, shit. He's cursing them. The fact, like, if you use your religion to threaten, I'm glad you didn't find your Bible so you could cast some spells.

I was in there. Use your religion to threaten someone. Classic. Use your religion to threaten an airport shop. Fucking get a bigger hobby. No, the entire chain based on their experience at an airport shop of theirs. Get a better hobby. That's boring.

What is it? Hobbyless behavior. Oh, that's right. That's hobbyless behavior. That is hobbyless behavior. That is hobbyless behavior. your ending. Yeah, which is so many of these reviews.

It's like all of these people need to get a fucking hobby. Yeah, that's usually how I feel. Speaking of which, this one is, this was fascinating how it was written. This is a two-star review of the Gaslight Marketplace in the Cincinnati, Kentucky International Airport. Beautiful. CVG. K. Y. Yeah.

This is a two-star review. Rude. End of review, but there's a TLDR, which means too long. didn't read. So they meant that about the word rude. Oh. And so then they led their TLDR is longer than the actual review. Fantastic. So here's a TLDR. I asked about a military discount and was rudely informed there was no discount for me. I'm not upset about not getting a discount. I'm upset about how rude she was in communicating it. I don't know unless I ask. I don't understand why it was necessary for her to be so rude. I wouldn't think that asking a question would elicit such a negative response.

End of review. Sorry, end of TLDR. Try asking if you sell. a Bible because then you're going to get a... Talk about getting a response. You could definitely get a Bible in that store, I bet. Probably. I would not be surprised at all. Now they have a section titled More Details. Wait, what is this on?

Google. Oh, oh, they made their own section. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. They did one word rude, then a TLD that was longer than the word rude, and then a more detail section, which is what we ask for. Okay. And there are some, like, sad parts of this, but it's definitely more

I think they're TLDR they're saying they think it means this is the part that's too long. And if you didn't read it. Yeah, like, they have it backwards. So I thought it was silly. But then here's the more details, which is what we always ask for. And here we go. I asked if they had a military discount and the attendant leaned back, raised her eyebrows, and asked if I was active duty. I told her that I was a gold star wife, which means I'm a widow of active duty.

Oh, dear. Before I even finished my sentence, she cut me off and barked out, Then no, that's not for you. I was completely taken aback by that response. I made a comment stating something like, okay, well, if he were alive then, which I didn't even think to say. I just sort of stammered it out of my mouth

because I was so shocked. I didn't even get to finish that thought, though, because she cut me off again to state that I still wouldn't be getting the discount anyway. He would be getting the discount. You bring that man in here right now, and he'll get a discount. Like you exhumed his body?

I mean, Jesus, this is so dark. Yeah, lady, I get it. But if he were alive, he might be with me right now. I followed up by telling her that I'm not offended that they don't give me a discount. I consider it a privilege when I get a discount. And I'm very appreciative. I don't know unless I ask, though. So what's the harm in asking?

End of review. I feel like she said I'm a golden whatever. And like the person did not like let her like explain. Because when I had not heard that time. I was like, oh, boy, here we go. No, me too. Wife or whatever. And I was like, here we go.

And then it was like, oh, shit. Yeah. And then I had that thought of like, oh, shit at that point, I would have just given her the discount. Oh, I would have been like, take the Bible. Take the Bible. Take all the Bibles. Take all the Bibles. That lady's gone.

That asked for 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was actually a man. That person asked for 50. They're gone. I love that. She said, he might be with me. Dude, the fucking back and forth about that.

I'm like, whoa. I bet you she's like remarried or something. Oh, interesting. Because like, well, I don't know that. I've literally no way to know that. But it feels like what you would say, I don't know this. But this is how I telling the story in my head. You had, like, lost this person in, like, recent years and we're still, you'd still, you'd not, like, moved into a new relationship.

You'd be like, well, then he'd be here with me, right? Yeah. But if you're, like, in a new relationship, it's like, well, then maybe he'd be here. But, like, yeah. Or they just didn't travel well together, which is. Or he's always the one who watched the bags at the seats. True. While she went to the gaslight place and then he's like, don't go there. That's what I do to you.

That name gets me every time. Gaslight, yeah. I want to, I've passed it every time. Do you know that I'd never put that together? Well, I thought I was like, wow, I'd never heard Gold Star Gay. I've never heard Gold Star Wife. And I did not. I've heard Gold Star Chili.

The Holy Trinity. Speaking of CVG, RIPP, RIPP. That is like, talk about nightmare blunt rotation. I don't know. I don't know how you personify a fucking Gold Star Chili, but it would not be pretty. You just need to put it in the circle with you. Oh, no. Oh my God.

It's so dark. Okay. Oh, shit. That was a dark one to bring for my last one. If the government got my husband killed, I'd better get a fucking discount, a gaslight shop in Cincinnati. Are you kidding me? Maybe that's part of it, like, Dick's Last Resort. Like, they're really gaslighting you.

They're like, we don't sell that. And it's like, there's like, we don't sell that. But it's like part of the experience. It's part of the experience. Oh, your husband's dead? Are you sure? Sometimes they get mixed up with the Dixlas Resort, and they're like, good. And it's like, no, no.

That's, you're supposed to be respectful in this shop. This shop. You're just supposed to. I know we poached you from Dick's last resort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know that was your last job. That's why we hired you. We know you got fired for gaslighting everyone.

And we said, perfect, you could work here. Have you ever been on one of those psychiatry wait lists? Because it feels so counterintuitive that like you finally seek some help and some medication, whatever it is you're looking for in that realm. And then suddenly you're on a waitlist and you're like, wait, How am I supposed to be helping myself if the system is just so confusing? And that's why we are so proud to have tachyatry as a sponsor. Tachiatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions

like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more. You know, these are things Alexander and I have both struggled with. Pretty much something on that, everything on that list, let's say. And we've been three. it as far as finding providers the old-fashioned way, and it's not easy, and it's not, it doesn't always work. So talkiatry is just such a cool service. I wish I'd had this like years ago, but I am so glad that they exist now, and I have a feeling they're going to be useful for a lot of people. Head to talkhyatry.com slash beach and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talkhyotry.com slash beach to get

matched in minutes. That brings us to my challenge, which was defiant. reviews blaming their own spouse for a bad experience. Oh, yeah. And let's just say I didn't do anything. Lee sent in they, them, sent in some great ones. So this first one is from the Rick Steve's travel form. You know I love it. You do.

However, I would like to warn you this might be triggering. I think we should say will be triggering. It will be triggering, not because of the Rick Steve's aspect, obviously. Oh, is this about Turn Island or something? No, it's about traveling with family. family, though. Here is a post, and the post is titled, Travel Stress and How Do You Deal With It? And Sonny said this. My husband unabashedly admits he hates to travel, so I travel with my children. But hope springs eternal, and I'm constantly pondering a travel destination and activities

he might actually enjoy. Let's face it, travel can be stressful at times. But I'm traveling with my kids, we found ways to decompress and regroup after stressful moments. My husband is less flexible and stressful moments become overwhelming to him. Pre-planning appeals to him. I'm more of a freewheeling traveler. Even when both of you enjoy travel, you probably face friction at times. What's your best advice on dealing with your spouse or partner while traveling? Okay. Okay. So very good question. Yeah, and some good responses. Okay. So Denise says this, when did you meet my husband? What you have written about is his travel mantra to the tea. I would joke. I would be like, ha-ha, but then I'm like, but this shit happens, man. Maybe he literally doesn't. He's like, I don't. I don't.

like traveling. Because I do it. And I do it every week anyway. You just don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So true. Holy shit. How do I deal with him? I don't travel with him. Like yourself, I've traveled with my children or with other gals. And then a lot of posts later, some good advice, people just explaining how they do it. This is what the original poster, Sunny, said. This is more description on their husband while traveling. Okay. As I am reading responses, I'm really sensing futility and travel with my husband. Oh. For starters, he is an engineer, so thinks very logically in black and white.

Plans decreases stress. Concrete is safe. Concrete is safe. So you should love an airport. What's the problem? He's a parking garage engineer. And he loves the stuff. The concrete, it's like his whole life.

If there's concrete, wherever we're going, he'll feel safe. Earlier when I read this, like, when I first read this, I was like, do not say that word wrong. Like, you're going to look so silly. Concrete is safe. Concrete is safe. But once you are through security at the airport, things begin to unfold beyond your control. Crowds, noise, the flight, etc. Rental cars and driving is a nightmare.

I drive because I get car sick. He complains. Public transportation is a better choice for us. I like people. Meeting new people, delighting in cultural differences. He generally dislikes people. Okay, I think I'm sorry. I hate to be this person.

But, you know, that like TikTok trend that's like, we're so sick of hearing about your shitty husband. Like, we're just so sick of it. It's just starting, Christina. Yeah, okay. Oh, good, it keeps going. I like people, meeting new people, delighting in cultural differences. He generally dislikes people.

Smokers drive him nuts. He'll move tables. And ruining vacations? Ugly comments directed at me, not anyone else. Without regard to volume or embarrassment. The result is that we stop talking. Why do you want to travel with this person? Like, you read this stuff and they're like, basically just saying the stuff,

like all this is out loud and you're like, do you not hear this? She's like, I guess it's futile. I'm like, you couldn't have gathered that already? Honestly, I think the triggers happen when he feels pushed into a situation he doesn't want to be in. Example. Same for everyone, bud. Like, I'm sorry. Welcome to being a human.

That's crazy to me. Examples where he turned nasty. Beaches with the kids in Hawaii. Driving me at the wheel. Passive aggressive reactions to navigation help. Restaurants hates to spend money. Flying with vomiting kids. Okay, this last one is not one I handle.

well myself, but to be ignored and then glared at when asking for clean clothes from the overhead luggage? Well, that was the last straw. We haven't traveled. We haven't traveled together in many years. I wish you haven't spoken together in many years, frankly. I'm fucking over this fellow. This is one of those where I'm like, oh, they blame their spouse? Yeah, because their spouse is awful. Deserves the blame. Hello? Hello? I'm really not loving this. No, it's terrible, but guess what? We bring it back. This is last post. under this forum. And Philip jumps in and says this.

Fermented grapes seem to work well. End of those. Fermented grapes. Fermented grapes works well. Does he think that? That feels like what Rick Steves would say. Yeah. Herod's like, oh, like if you're having trouble with your partner on your trips,

try some fermented grapes. No, actually you know what he does. He likes weed. Oh, yeah. He's a huge pothead. Yeah, he's like. Well, I don't know that, but he's a huge advocate for weed, like tremendously. So at least in.

Spirit is a huge pocket. I'm not saying it's going to fix him, but some weed might do that guy some good. The husband. Might. I don't know if there's anything. He sounds irredeemable as a husband. Yeah. What do I know?

Well, you're a husband to a beautiful wife. I know. I was sarcasm because I know the best. Yeah. Where is she today? What do you think? She's going to make money right now between the three of us. She's at Cracker Barrel.

Oh, right. Hello? She's working the gift shop today. Whoa. I know. She got a promotion. Did she get a discount? I do because I'm a Cracker Barrel.

I'm a Cracker Barrel husband. Gold Star Cracker Barrel husband. Wow. They call it the gold peg. Don't get that. I'm the golden peg. I should go. They reached Golden Peg, honey.

I did it. I'm finally a golden peg at Cracker Barrel. She always believed in me. The slime is now five, 15% off. She always saw a peg in me. I have another one here. This is also from Lee, but also from Rick Steve's forums. Okay.

And this one is titled Monte Pulciano area. Gregorian Chance. Question mark? Question mark. Okay. This is from the Italy travel forums, and this is what Phyllis has to say. Hi, I am planning a trip to Montepulciano next May, and I was hoping to find it.

an abbey in the area that had Gregorian chanting. Oh. When I search, all I find is the abbey of Saint Antimaux, which I have learned no longer has monks in residence. Does anyone know of any abbeys in that area? Thanks. I just am like, why are you trying to find these monks? You better give me a good reason before you want me to docks them. Believe it or not, people enjoy seeing them singing.

Gregorian chants. Yeah. Or chanting, one might say. Yeah. And it's something that they do for the public. I see. Presumably. Is it?

because I feel like they're not anywhere to be seen. Well, here's what Mac has to say. What a great idea. Why wasn't I thinking about that as part of our trip? I just gave my wife a heads up, and she reminded me that she hates Gregorian chant. What? She reminded me.

I can't figure out why. It's not like she has to remind me every time how much she hates her growing. I always think she loves it. Well, don't worry. I'm now recalling why I haven't been playing any of my related CDs. I know. This is what happens when you're married to a musician. Tough beans. We're going. Keep calm, chant on.

What? Tough beans. Keep calm chant on. I love it. If you couldn't tell us was written in 2017. Yeah, I could tell. I love the idea of a monk with a t-shirt that says keep calm chant on. Or like their gift shop, you know. No, yeah, the Abby's gift shop. Absolutely. Wow, that's really good stuff. Keep calm, chant on. Also, like, I love like.

Stupid wife. My wife hates Gregorian chance, but. She does. Thankfully, I don't take her to. Italy. I'd go solo. We do not travel well together. Oh, yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. Once she puked and I refused to get her clean clothes. Just ignore to her for the I was like, I'm embarrassed. I'm like, I don't know her. You glared at her and ignored her for the whole flight. Yeah, I was like, who's this stinky bitch? By the way. By the way, remember what she said, oh, I was glared at and ignored for like the rest of

my wife. No, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the husband. Is that fucking crazy. And I'm like, what do you mean? So he's staring at you. And just not like reacting. And just not like reacting. but like looking at you, which is just like... Like acknowledging, like recognizing, hey, you're, you need help. You're asking me to help. Because I mean, it's not really ignoring then. It's more like he just glared at me and refused to...

I mean, yeah, it's harsher than ignoring, I suppose. Yeah. It's like, wow. Okay. I have another thing from Lee sent in a review. He was all over this one, which makes me nervous. I'm like, you good. What are you up to?

Anyway, this is a V's house. It's a Vietnamese restaurant in North Richland Hills. Texas. Okay. This is a four-star review. If only we could do half stars, three and a half to four-ish stars. I think my husband ruined my experience. Ugh.

Was complaining as soon as we pulled into the parking lot. It looks fancy, he complained. I know you're used to eating it hole in the walls, but shut the fuck up because I want to try it. It says STFU. So maybe a little harsher way I said it. Still, that is what it means. If I take, if Blaze Tech as we shut the STFU, I'd be like, What teenager, what angry teenager stole your phone?

Oh, you haven't seen his Yelp reviews, though? Blazes. St.F. He's like, I told my wife, STFU. Yeah, he wishes. Yeah, he does. I asked if he wanted to eat in Haltam City. He says, no, we will try.

Okay, let's go in. The place has a modern field to it. The same owner as Fah V House, which Fah V House has a retro look to it on the outside. Anyway, he wants spicy beef stew. We ordered that, Bon Gaut, and Shaken Beef. We get our appetizer, and then they tell us they don't have the spicy beef stew. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. You know. And, like, the heart, her heart rate is going up. Like, this sucks. This suck. These people, whatever, go on. He looks at the menu and decides he will just share with me. He pouts.

Yes. We got. Oh, it's so hard. Like a child. Oh, it's so hard. We got the Bond got, and it was delicious. It's like the mini version of Bon Sheo. He said it was fine.

He said, I guess I'll eat it. There's nothing else to eat. It's like the mini version of Bon Seo. He liked them as well. He took a few bites of the shaken beef and says it tasted old. I didn't think it did, but he was just being a grim. The beef was tender and not overly salty. Sometimes the dish is too salty or too peppery.

It tasted fine. It was decent. I like the chili soy dipping sauce and the salad I went with it. Maybe I'll eventually be back without him. End of review. If I ever become a gold star chili widow or whatever it's called, I am marrying a woman. next. I don't give a shit. I literally

can't. I can't do it. No, it's like, I give up. And it's the same story every time. Like, it's very, like, that's why people are so fed up on TikTok. It's like, and it's like, right ladies? Like, no. Yeah. Like, no. And it's like, you guys just don't understand the, you don't understand our, dynamic and what works for us.

Yeah. And it's like, yeah, but you're supposed to be thriving, not just making it work. Not asking Rick Steves how you should drag your husband on a vacation. Yeah. I mean, of all people to have. advice, Rick Steves, I would go to. But yeah. Yeah, he should, he probably said Philip in there. He's like, that's probably a fake account. He's like, you're so right. Fermented grapes. He's just trying to add some levity to his own forums.

But he knows this needs more. He's a pretty wise man. I think he's been, as far as I can tell, happily married for a long time. He would reach out personally. I think he would actually say like this is actually. Couples massage. Oh, no. For her and her new partner. That's the rule.

It can't be with him. Now he's like a homewrecker also. Yes, as he should. Someone's kind of wrecked that home. So this one, also by Lee, sent in by Lee, is of Ladybug Bikini Espresso. So it's one of many espresso joints in Washington State, but this is one of the ones with bikini baristas, which is exactly what it sounds like. This is by Steve, who had a three-star review. Today, asterisk on today, because it actually happened the next day, and I think Steve is a,

It says technically I was there yesterday. So Steve has some sort of like OCD going on. Yeah, he finished it after midnight writing this review. So therefore, he put the asterisk to make sure that we knew it was technically submitted a day late. And the sickest part is I'm so glad he did that. It's, yeah. And I'm glad I got it out of the way. So here we go.

So you didn't have to wonder what that asterisk was. I do appreciate that. Today, asterisk, I was on an errand that took me to this part of town, which is pretty out of the way for me. I wasn't really very well caffeinated for the drive home. I'd never been to a bikini barren. rista coffee stand, so on a whim, I swung around the block and pulled up. The mirrored window opened up, revealing a woman in skimpy lingerie. I asked whether they sold tea since I don't drink coffee. No tea again. So much tea today. What is going on a...

Nespressor bar! Yeah. That's crazy. It's more of a hut on the side of the road, probably. Espresso hut. She said yes and offered a choice of about a half dozen varieties. I chose Earl Gray, my standard when Lapsang-Suchang-Suchang isn't available. Don't. Don't, don't. I love Your husband is, or your partner or whoever you're complaining about is probably right. Here we go. She prepared the tea and in a moment, surprisingly fast. I had a typical 16-ounce paper cup with a cardboard insulating sleeve. The price was a surprise.

$9. Ouch! I figure that's about $3 for the cut of tea and six for the lingerie, so looking at that, it was reasonable. Inside the cup, I found two stashed tea bags and water almost to the top. Stash makes good Earl Grey. Maybe the best in the middle price range. It was way too hot for me to drink right away, and I wanted immediate caffeine, so I topped it up with a water bottle I keep in the car. It was still too hot, so I opened the door and poured some out and topped it up with more cold water.

Hooray, caffeine. Powered by the tea, I shook off the drowsiness and drove home. Bikini barista stands have turned up in the news for some years. From the media buzz, one might expect a strip show with a drink. From other reports, one might expect naughty flirtatious conversation or a hint of nudity. But no, although lingerie was very skin, She was wimpy, top only barely hiding the barista's nipples, more butt cheek visible than covered, and front bottom also barely covered. Front bottom.

I love the front bottom. She was clothed adequately to avoid an indecent exposure citation, and the top was strictly business, nothing flirtatious. The talk. He said top, and I went, yeah, just the nipples covered. Strictly business. She drank so much business. The talk was strictly business, nothing flirtatious. Of course, it's possible that the barista might have been.

been more flirtatious if I had been alone in the car. She had no way of knowing that my wife, in the passenger seat, would have been more amused than offended. I thought, I literally thought he was going to say, my wife, who was hiding in the back seat. Like, I'm like, what do you mean? In my mind, I was just shocked there was anyone in this car. Oh, totally shocked, but then I thought, well, certainly she's like hiding the way he's like presenting this. Like, she had no idea that my wife was right there in the trunk. Like, what? Maybe I'll visit again when I'm in the neighborhood by myself, strictly for the sake of a follow up Yelp review, of course. End of review.

It's so silly. I mean, that is the weirdest way to bring your wife up later in the review and be like, oh, yes, someone else was with me. It was like, my wife and I were at this. It was like, I did all of this and had these moments with the barista. Oh, by the way. Totally described, like, I poured some out of the car. Then I poured water bottle in it.

And it's like, your wife was just sitting there? Did your wife even get anything? It's so weird. She just was like there in person. I mean, they're in, like, just body alone. That's kind of what my wife's like. Like, my wife's basically just a body that exists. Alexander.

Oh, right now. That's enough. Hey, you don't understand our relationship. The art dynamic is very specific and special. You're canceled. And you will never understand the relationship I have with my wife. So, therefore, you're not allowed to talk about it. And what do they always say?

And I actually enjoy doing laundry. It kind of soothes me. She's just better at it. She's just so much better at it. Alexander. I'm just kidding. I love doing laundry. Not for my wife, but for myself.

No, you don't. I don't hate it. That's like one chore that I like, like. That's what the wives always say. Cleaning toilets and if, hey, hey, hey, single people, I will clean toilets and do laundry. I won't, I don't like dishes. I do them. I don't like vacuuming. Why are you talking like as though you're not a happily married man? What? I said I'm sick of her. Oh, I thought you said I'm single for life.

Now that I'm a gold star cracker barrel husband, what more can she offer me? That was the pinnacle of our relationship. So I might have to move on. you're the golden peg. Oh, yeah, that's what I am. You're the golden bag. I forgot. Now that I graduated a golden peg. And she got a promotion.

That wasn't good enough for you. Well, she's gone to better things. She found someone new. Oh, she has? Yeah, Herschel. Old man from the Cracker Barrel sign? Well, no, that's not technically him. But yeah.

Check out our two-part series on Cracker Barrel. It was breaking news several months ago. It was breaking news. And people were like, can we stop now? Uncle Herschel was about to go M.A. And Alex did her wife had a complete neuroborate. erotic breakdown. Yeah.

And well, now they're happily married. And I still call her my wife because we're not technically, we haven't annulled the relationship. Without an annulment, I will always call her my wife. That's true. You are very Catholic, both of you. Okay, bye. Bye. Beach 2, Sandy Water, Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheaper.

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