Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 387: Reviews of 7-Eleven

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everyone. My name is Brother Host. I am hosting Beach, Sue, Sandy Water, Too Wet. That's the podcast. We read negative reviews. on the internet and the most ridiculous ones. And I'm sister host. Well, yesterday was 420. A. And so today we decided to do a 420 adjacent theme because dispensaries are just a slog to get

through and are typically not super funny. And Alexander mentioned munchies and we ended up on 7-11. So here we are reading. I'm surprised we hadn't done it yet. 7-11 reviews, which you're right. Feels like perfect fodder. So I'm going to be like, yes, you did because maybe we did. I didn't check.

According to me, we did it, which means nothing. Anyway, my challenge, though, you don't even know what it is yet. I don't know it. I don't know it. My challenge was to find reviews where someone mentions being high, which also sounds like something we've done. Yeah. But I thought it was fitting and I found some fun ones.

Oh, okay. I'm trying to figure out where my notes are. You know, it's the funniest thing. That is funny, that you don't have them. Well, I opened my notes and it's empty. And I went, I certainly thought I did this last night. I remember it like it was yesterday because it was. was, I think. Can you imagine it was all a dream? I mean, maybe. How high were you on 420?

Oh, I found them. They were just screenshots in my phone. I was about to say, are they screenshots? There's screenshots in my phone. So I went kind of all over the place with my 7-Elevens. This first one is a 7-Eleven in D.C. Oh, no. Because I used to live above one in D.C. Is this the one? No, I don't think it exists anymore. There's like a really pretty looking one nearby, like in Fargy Bottom, but I don't, it's not the same because it wasn't at the bottom of a building. And it wasn't particularly pretty either. It was not. I lived by myself and many days my entire food intake was from that 7-Eleven.

And it often consisted of Doritos and Mountain Dew. And then breakfast, the same Doritos and Mountain Dew when I woke up after a long night of League of Legends. I don't miss those days, but we're revisiting them. Do you remember when I came to visit? It's so funny because like when I came to help. you. I didn't come to visit. I came to help you move out. First of all, I got hit by bus. That was a whole thing. She was in her car. Well, yeah. That's true. My car did get total, though. And then it was a

hit and run. And then I got subpoenaed. It's a whole thing. But so as I went to help move you out and you were like, okay, here's a bunch of pull and peel twizzlers and beef jerky and whatever. And I was like, this is so fun. And we like had this great night. And then like, later I find out like, that was literally just what he ate every day. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's not fun for him. No. And I got that because I had. And I got that because I extra dining credits or whatever and I could use them in the store. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. So I just got a bunch of rock star.

Like, that was a drink of choice at that point. And I was like, I've never had an energy drink. That was fun, though. That was fun. It was fun for a minute. And then we went to the Grand fucking Canyon. What a cool trip that was. That was so sick.

We have fun. We have fun. Here is a one-star review of DC 7-Eleven. My hot coffee had a cockroach in it. I noticed as I was stirring, I had to pour it in the sink. bought bottled Starbucks chilled coffee instead. End of review. You poured it down the sink?

Hey, it didn't matter, I don't think, because there were multiple reviews of this location talking about roaches. So sometimes I'd see this and be like, okay, like maybe they're dramatic or something. No, I have 100% believe this happened. It gives me the creeps out of dinner. Except it might be a Starbucks ad.

Like, there's also a picture of the Frappuccino. It's a frappuccino bottle. Oh, it could be like a secret agent. Like stirring up discord. Isaac here, a local guide. Local guide. Starbucks probably paid for that. Oh my gosh.

I knew it. Say it ain't so. The pouring down the sink and buying a different coffee just kind of makes me want to scream. But that it feels very D.C. Like, oh, on a roach of my coffee? What's next? The rats there all over the place. I've got a whole ecosystem, basically.

I have one here in Wisconsin. This is a one-star review by Chris. We're 7-Eleven, rude staff, and I stopped here for an emergency stop To buy some tequitos. I stopped here for an emergency stop To buy some tequitos, and it's been three days. I've been bad from my...

I don't know. Three days of what? There's no punctuation. I stopped here for an emergency stop to buy some tequitos, and it's been three days. I've been bad from my stomach. The tequitos were cold. Only ate one.

And after that one, I started. feeling my stomach bad. Don't even bother even for an emergency. The amount of people that... I'm having a tequito emergency. And then it makes you say... It's cold. I don't care. Like, just give me my tequila.

What? What are you talking about? You went there for an emergency. And the amount of people I saw who hold 7-Eleven food, like their hot food, to a certain standard, it's kind of surprised me because they're like, oh, this wasn't good. And I'm like, yeah, it's a 7-11 tequito.

And that's fine. Like, it is what it is. But, like, I don't know. It's good when you're, like, drunk or high or something. It's good like in an emergence. Oh, wait. Oh, wait a second. Oh, wait.

But no, probably shouldn't make you sick, though. I guess that standard is. Oh, this explains why I don't remember. 1.30 a.m. say my time stamps. I'm like, where are these timestamps? Oh, this was last night. You made it, though. I made it.

You made it here. Somehow. Remember when I opened my notes and they were empty and I was like, am I losing my mind? I thought, you know, I looked at it. phone. So I was like totally thrown. And I've done that before. Yes, you have. I have literally shown up to record and not had any notes. And it was the thing where you thought you did and you literally never did. Which is crazy. It is. Yeah. Crazy is a good way to put it. And I thought I had a volunteer. To your law. My low standard. Okay. I shouldn't be talking about standards anymore.

My next one here is a 7-Eleven outside of St. Louis. I don't even remember looking at St. Louis 7-Eleven's. But here we go. When you're on Google Maps, you just kind of fly. I click around. Yeah. One star. Overnight guy doesn't respond to thank you. Have a good night.

Or how is it going? Last couple times, he hands items over for DoorDash and says, there you go. He looks like a walking time bomb every time I see him and mumbles to himself. What's a walking? Okay. Like, I feel like that means he's going to, like, cause some sort of... He a unabomber? Some sort of newsworthy event.

I thought it meant, like, he... Oh, that ticker of his. He's eating so many tukitos. And I thought, well, that's kind of fucked up. But then I was like, wait, it's actually more alarming that they think he's like, and honestly stop pushing him. Yeah, true. Every time you're like, how are you? How's your night?

And he's not answering. And you see him as a ticking time bomb? Like, back off. Yeah. If anything, you're making it worse. You are guiding him to blow up to something. You're in the news article if you keep this up. So true.

You should be glad. Local door dash driver. Overly polite door dash driver. I ever met, died the way they lived, being really fucking overly polite. I love how you're saying overly equal to saying thank you. Well, no. Well, I actually said overly, so never mind. It's this person saying, why are they not?

Like, it's like they have high stance for everyone else. Again, and it's a 7-Eleven. In the middle of the night. The standards should be more in the middle. A 7-Eleven in the middle of the night, we can all agree, is a liminal space. There's no question. I mean, Zani and I've had our fair share of liminal spaces recently. That's so true.

We were just in a really, really, really, really potent one. I don't know the right word. It was like a very... I know the right word is not potent. No. But I don't know what it is. It probably doesn't exist in this dimension. It was that unhinged.

And we watched a bunch of people wearing the same outfits, sing Austrian ballads. And it felt like how did we end up here? But it also felt like, of course, we're here. You know what I mean? I feel like a 7-Eleven anyway in the middle of the night. Like, you're supposed to be sort of like an NPC, right? Like, you blend it. Like, you don't want to create any commotion.

You don't want to be... causing a stir at a 7-Eleven in the middle of the night. As someone who lived above a 24-hour 7-11. Exactly. Absolutely. And he minded his own fucking business. Oh, my God. In and out.

In and out. No. Overly politeness. I know exactly where every little thing was. And I would go, boom, boom, boom. Pay, scurry out. I was just like those little roaches. Scurry and on out.

And they said, there's our ticking time on. Honestly, yeah. I fucking looked it. Mumbling to myself because I was so fucking mentally ill. Drinking monster energy. Over-cafine. going upstairs to play League of Legends. Okay, they didn't know that fact.

They might have. They assumed, I'm sure. They might have read between the lines. I'm sure they assumed. Oh, man, that was a dark time. Yeah, be careful in a liminal space like that. It's like you don't want to disrupt the balance. You might end up like falling into somewhere you don't want to be.

I always thought I would love, I would like thrive if I had a personal chef, you know? And then I realized be the change you wish to see in the world. That's what Mahatma Gandhi was talking about. Oh, becoming your own private chef or what? That's exactly right, Alex. And I'm so glad. How is that even possible for someone like you? Why is he digging?

I don't know. Sorry. Giovanni, what are you digging for? He's setting his bed up. I'm sorry. It's one of those days. But thanks to Home Chef, I actually do feel like this is, all jokes aside, I do feel like my own private chef.

And when Blaze comes home, I'm like, oh, our private chef made this. And he's like, you mean you? And I'm like, well, yeah, but Home Chef also is my private chef. in that they make it super easy for me to do the stolen valor thing and really just make a name for myself. And believe it or not, that's a lot less expensive. Oh yeah, that's true too. You're spending a lot less money on food. Oh yeah. And on like cooking. I'm not hiring a private chef. Because this actually breaks it down so even someone like me can make a really delicious dinner that looks like somebody fancy made it. And people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users.

of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. It's easy, and Leona eats it, so I'm genuinely, like, I feel so accomplished. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box plus free dessert for life. Go to HomeCchef.com slash Beach2 Sandy. That's HomeCheft.com slash Beach2 Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. HomeShuff.com slash Beach2 Sandy must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. You know, we always talk about how great therapy is, but sometimes, when your mental health is suffering, therapy can't fix everything. That's why

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use your existing insurance like Sandy did instead of paying monthly subscriptions or out of network costs, which, as we all know, can get crazy. Yep. Head to tachiatry.com slash beach to complete the short assessment and get matched with an in-network psychiatrist in just a few minutes. That's talkkiy.com slash beach to get matched in minutes. Okay, here's a one-star view by Carly. This is also the same 7-Eleven, actually. It was pretty wild how many I found in a row.

Like, I found like three in a row from the same place and was like, that's a good ratio. But a bad sign for that 7-11. It's a terrible sign. Yeah, I'm not going to specify the city, but it is somewhere in Wisconsin. Okay, so basically I would come here because bang energy drink is $2 cheaper here than the other nearby location. So if you don't mind being threatened in broad daylight, go ahead and cop that bang. Get it. Cop that bang.

Not really. Like bang energy. I think that's just how the youth talk. Okay. I hate it. You're trying to make it something more because you hate it. Am I right? Or am I right?

Now I order bang in bulk. Okay. It's just like the way they say things. It seems like it means more than it means. You know what I mean? Sorry. I'm not going to say that word. Just don't answer me.

A.N. Uh-oh. Okay. Ten times. So basically I would come here because bang energy drink is $2 cheaper here than the other nearby location. So if you don't mind being threatened in broad daylight, go ahead and cop that bang. Now I order bang in bulk online because I had a horrifying experience here that was just made worse by the way staff reacted. I was like minding my business purchasing my caffeine and I put my

prodig bag on the counter to look for my wallet. Then some guy who was clearly on meth, parentheses, two years clean, so I would know. Came in saying he was going to snatch my bag because he saw me steal a banana. That's a fair exchange. This is the liminal space that I'm talking about. Don't put your prodig bag on the counter. Something's going to happen. Keep it close by.

You're right. You're right. It's not even an issue of safety. It's an issue of disrupting the balance. Disrupting the entire balance. That's right. I put my prodig bag on the counter to look for my wallet. Some guy who was clearly on meth two years clean so I would know came in saying he was going

to snatch my bag because he saw me steal a banana. First of all, bananas are like 50. 50 cents or something. Second of all, I like how that's the issue. Like, maybe if I had a tote bag, a free tote bag with me from the library, you can take that in exchange for a banana. In my head, it's like, I don't even know what a banana costs. Oh my God. What is a banana?

$10, Michael. Yeah, exactly. Okay. First of all, bananas there are like 50 cents or something. Second of all, I have enough 7-11 rewards to get a free banana. What if it was? It's so good. She's like, I actually have plenty of points.

Don't worry. And I can prove it to you. I don't need to steal them. It's like, that's not how it goes. Okay. Also, I thought she was going to say enough points to get a new prodig bag. And I was like, that's crazy town. How many tequitos did you eat?

Third of all, why would I steal a banana right at the front counter in front of the cashier? Fourth of all, if I'm carrying a prodig bag, why would I feel a need to steal a banana? Mind you, I have like $5 in my bank account, but he didn't know that. So he's like coming at me and my partner. crazy and threatening to square up and throw hands and I was like, okay, so that's not what we're going to do. I was trying to get the cashier to back me up because obviously I didn't steal the damn banana. And get this, she makes me empty out my whole bag on the counter. So I was like, look, I didn't steal this stupid banana. Are you happy now? Is everyone happy? Was it worth it?

What's crazy is I know 7-Eleven is a billion dollar company and the cashiers don't make commission on bananas. So even if I did steal the banana, it's not that deep. And in all honesty, if someone's really struggling to afford food to the point where they need to steal a banana, let them take the fruit. But really, it's not that deep. And the fact that I have to get all humanitarian about it proves that the 7-11 is just a waste of time and mental energy. Wow. End of review. I kind of like that person. And I love someone who's two years sober who's like, and I know what fuckery looks like, you know, like, I've been there.

Imagine telling on someone for stealing a banana. That's like, I couldn't imagine for many reasons. Like one, none of my business. Like just period. Just none of my business. Like just period. Just none of my business. Two, like, I don't want to start a scene. I don't want to be responsible for that. Wait a minute. Maybe it was undercover boss. The boss was stealing the banana to see what his employees would do.

No, the boss was the customer. Oh, who was like seeing 50 cents leave his pocket. He couldn't let it go. He couldn't let it go. You know, he said none of my business. This is his business. This is literally his business. It is undercover boss.

You're right. And there was a time when he couldn't afford a banana. Or a prod a bag. Or a Prada bag. He knows what that's like. That's why he created this beautiful reward system they've got now. Yeah. That's only bananas.

That's all you can get on that app. Until you get to the Prada bag. But it's bananas all the way down. And then at the top, there's a Prada bag. I think an argument that could have been made in that review or in the moment was, hey, I'm buying bang energy drinks. I'm not also buying a banana. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Read the room. That could be one of those things where like when I was going down for Doritos and Mountain Dew, I was not getting a banana. Yeah. Someone would say, are you okay? If I got a banana. You know who buys a banana? Yeah.

Like Blaze buys a banana. And I get it. Like that's fine. And if he had his prodig bag on the counter, I wouldn't blame you if you said, open that up for me. Show me you didn't steal a banana. That's how much this man lives banana. True, true. And guess what?

He stole all of them. Oh my God. What? Griffin McRoy did like a DJ set on YouTube and all this. Okay. We're going to talk about that later. We can't derail too much. But that being a thing is wild to me.

Okay. And so, of course, I hear Carly Ray, and I'm like, and all of a sudden I hear ring, ring, ring, ring. I'm like, what is that? No, ring, ring, ring. And then the comments are going, oh, oh, oh, no, it's happening. And then I hear ring, ring, ring, ring, ring. And then it's like, I'll call the White House, have a chat. And then Griffin's standing there like, with his donkey come shirt.

And I was like, oh, man, this is really good stuff. I feel like I'm in a talk about dimensions and the absurdity of it all. Anyway, ring ring ring, banana phone. What if... Prada. Talk to me. He says, you stole a banana. I swear I saw it.

She goes, this is my banana phone. Puts it up to her ear. And then you can't argue. She says, you must feel pretty stupid right now. This is the LG banana phone. Remember the LG chocolate? This is the banana phone. Yeah.

Oh, that's... This would work on me. And then when you press it, you go, beep, that's the side of your mouth. How'd you do that? This is my actual phone. That's your buddy. Actually.

I think that would definitely get you out of a quandary. If you stole a 50-cent banana, you could say, oh, I thought, I'm so sorry. I thought this was my banana phone. Oh, this is so embarrassing. At the very least, like, you're putting on a show. It looks just. They're at least going to be a little concerned about your mental well-being and say, maybe get out of here.

So speaking of banana phones, this is a review of 7-Eleven in West Pasco, Washington. Here is a one-star review. Yellow Pages has the incorrect phone number for the 7-Eleven on Court Street and 44th in Pascoe, Washington. Please do not call that number. It's a personal cell phone number. Thanks. End of review. It's mine.

I think so. It's God. It's someone else's phone number. I think so. And they're really annoyed. It's their only review ever. I really think that's what happened was people are calling for the 7-Eleven because of the yellow pages. This was four years ago.

The yellow page is 7-9. I want to call it real quick. That's terrible. Hi, what temperature do you heat your tequitos to? How much is your bang energy drink? I've got a cop that bang. How do I spend my banana points? I've got so many banana points.

You know that that didn't change anything. Of course. And by the way, I love that whoever was calling in the year 2022, when she said, where did you get this number? They said, the yellow pages. Which, like, also probably they have a yellow pages from, like, years ago or something that they're looking at. Like, I don't think it's a present concern because I'm assuming it's probably correct.

I think yellow pages still exist though, so. I know, but if like one person calls you and says like, oh, I got this number through the yellow pages, I feel like if they said I got it off Google, then yeah, maybe there's bigger concern. Yeah. And like, that makes sense to leave a Google Maps. Exactly. But the people who are getting it through yellow pages are not going to be on Google Maps because

then they just use that phone number probably. Maybe she wrote a review to Yellow Pages, like on the thing and was like it didn't work. A review of Yellow Pages. I mean, I don't know. That's our next episode. How do you send a review to Yellow Pages? Oh, God.

I don't know if that's even a thing. You just made it up. That's true. So this is a one-star review of that same 7-Eleven in Wisconsin. 130. 131. And that was a long one. 134.

That's how back to that. You don't see that every day. And look, I'm on a VPN here because I'm just like surfing the states looking for 7-Elevens. lurking around Wisconsin. Okay, so here is a one-star view by Jet. Don't stop. Just keep going and find another 7-Eleven somewhere else. I just stopped to get hot chocolate,

and the dispenser looked like a hot chocolate crime scene. Dirty, dirty, dirty, needless to say, we didn't get anything. So beware. Okay, but what if I have a hot chocolate emergency? What else am I going to do? Oh, no. I'd rather have cold chocolate. be sick for three days than not have it at all.

Okay, so it being dirty was the issue. I guess because I thought like, I just saw a hot chocolate crime scene and I thought that feels important. I was... It also feels not important at all as I think about it a little more. Whoa. That's crazy, dude. Careful, don't upset the balance.

Too late. I have one here of a 7-Eleven in Leavenworth, Kansas. Lovely. That's a two-star review. Once again, this location's steps up with their rude and obnoxious staff. I was like, oh, oh, a redemption, how nice. I will say, there are a lot of, okay, not a lot, because a lot of, there's one that had

a 1.7 total rating. Jesus. This one has 3.7 total. But like, the people who love it, love it, and it's because of staff. It's always like, oh, TJ's like the best person. I love seeing them every day. And they're not drinking the coffee and getting cockroaches in it. They're having a good time.

They have expectations that are a lot lower. I also was going to add this morning, I dropped something else. off at the post office and as I searched through my GPS for one, one of them was listed as 1.7 total stars and I thought, even for a post office, that's pretty bad. And I thought, it can't be that bad. I show up, first of all, the entrance says no entry. So you have to find a totally other street. So whatever.

Finally get there. I'm walking in and there's a big sign that says, we do not sell postage or stamps. Oh. And then underneath it says we cannot scan barcodes to ship packages. What do they do? I literally was like, I'm dropping this thing off of the prepaid later. And she's like, that's all we do. And I was like, you don't sell stamps?

That's surprising. Is that allowed? No, I mean, this literally has a one-star review on Google. So, anyway, that's what I thought. I was surprised. Anyway, is it your turn? Yes, I mean, I forgot I started this review. This is the Leavenworth, Kansas one.

Once again, this location steps up with their rude and obnoxious staff. The grungy-looking guy at the register had a big old burrito in one hand and took my cash with the other. His mouth so full of burrito, he couldn't tell me what my toll. Oh, it was. Say thank you or even grunt. I blame myself. Not sure why I go back to this place. You blame yourself. Self-awareness. That's why they probably live two stars instead of one. But after saying a million times, like, it was horrible, it was disgusting. He did all these things. I blame myself. It's like, well. Poor Rhonda here. It's just like, yeah. She's like, I should know better. I should know better. Burrito Joe was. The banana man. He's the one who scans your banana for your bananas.

That's Rafi. I'm obsessed with that banana thing. Now, this is the thing I've been most excited about for a long time. I told Zandi when Skylight calendars came through as a sponsor, I was like, I have been wanting to try this for so long. Actually, my therapist originally recommended the Skylight calendar because she saw my ADHD symptoms kind of playing out in real time as one of the heads of my household and was like, you might need some help there. And so when it's like, you know, fate, destiny. Yes. Skylight came through. So excited.

And you basically touched on what I was going to touch on. The organization with ADHD goes such a long way. And what a great way to do it, too. I think a lot of organizational things don't work for me, but this works. This all-in-one digital smart calendar syncs seamlessly with Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, Outlook, and more giving you customizable views for daily, weekly, or monthly planning. We have Blaise's jujitsu schedule on there. We have my work schedule.

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Okay, so the last thing I have here are a couple Glassdoor reviews, so employees' experiences. This is from Sarah, she heard, like many years ago. This is a one-star review of 7-Eleven by a former employee who's anonymous. The title is Run, Run Away. And now up here it says doesn't recommend working here has a negative outlook, but does approve of the CEO. So. That undercover boss episode.

Yeah. Oh my God. That changed everything. He was such like a real down-to-earth guy in that episode. Yeah. When he ripped that banana. He caught 20 shoplifters. Oh my God.

Sorry, he accused 20 shoplif. Yeah. Okay. So this is run, run away from former employee. to run away to the CEO. I liked the CEO. I worked at 7-Eleven full-time for more than a year. Pros, easy work, co-workers were enjoyable.

Consolent, parentheses, area leader, is a huge, arrogant, self-serving individual. Very little room for growth. It's all predicated on false and misleading promises that rarely ever come to fruition. Fruitition? Oh, my God. What does it mean? Nothing. I mean everything.

Oh, well, here's the advice to management. Find a bridge. Oh. Do they mean build a bridge? Find a bridge sounds like you're telling them to jump off. Oh, they might be saying that. I thought. My first thought was build a bridge between management and advice to management, build a bridge.

But find a bridge is. That's how they play it off. If anyone calls them out. They'd be like, oh, it wasn't a threat. And then they're like, this is my banana phone. That wasn't a threat. It was a nursery rhyme. I must have hit the wrong keys on my banana phone.

Oh, so sorry. This finicky thing. That's so silly. Oops. Oopsie. Find a bridge. Like, don't people say it, find a bridge and jump off it. Is that a phrase?

I don't know. My brain says that to me a lot. So I think that's a phrase. Yeah, well, it could be. I'm listening, but I'm not doing it. Don't worry. You should just build a- That's in case my therapist listens.

You should just build a bridge instead. And then jump off of it. At least I leave my leg. Bridge. Okay. Okay. This is my last one. And this one is a one-star review. And this is also in Leavenworth, Kansas.

Here we go. One attendant gave the worst customer service I think I've ever had in this store. She was extremely rude and not helpful at all. Also, I believe she needs to be aware of your personal hygiene. It was not the best. I think she meant her. Anyway. The smell was overwhelming to be quite a lot.

honest, and she will not be the next American Idol. I hope my future visits will be better than this one. End of review. Wait, what? Christina, I have no idea. What? That took such a weird turn. Is that not a thing that people used to say, like, it will not be the next American Idol.

Is that a thing? Oh, maybe. Like, was that a thing in like culture, pop culture? Well, I'm thinking of the shows like, you must, what's the survivor one? I don't know. Put your torchy out and skisks. Put your torchie out. Put your torchie out and skedaddle, I think.

Stand up and get the fuck out. I've seen like 10 seasons of Survivor, so I should definitely know this one. I know. People are screaming at us. So maybe we should just move on. Oh, it's, you didn't survive. Sorry. There's one for The Bachelor.

So, yeah. Oh, here we go. You're off the island is an informal phrase often associated with reality TV or corporate culture. Like you're eliminated. So people use it. You voted off the island. Outside of that. Similar, right?

But the American Idol. It does. I just feel like that's not a thing. I just, regardless, yeah, you're right. So out of left field. And so my first thought was, why is this person singing? And then there was a sentence left. So I thought maybe it's going to mention the singing. Helks in her, that's not a thing.

And then it didn't. I looked it up. It's not a thing. Like, nowhere. I don't trust the internet. In my head, that's something we said back in the day as like a, you're voted off the island. Are you sure it's not like next top model? Maybe that's what I'm thinking about.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. All the gays. you're right. I just think that might have like a, that probably is a catchier afraid. That is. Yeah. It's probably something like that.

Speaking of being high, am I right? Time for my challenge. I can't wait. Where I had to find reviews where someone mentions being high. And yes, I gave this challenge to myself. Because I thought it made sense. And I was like, oh, God, no. That's news to me.

This first one is of a place called the Market Basket in Madison, Wisconsin, like a corner store, I think. Here's a five-star review by Connor. Dude is super chill. I was high as shit and dropped some glass bottle and he was chill. End of review. Oh my God. The pan. Like this is why I just, I can't.

I would be like, I'll pay you double. I'd be like, especially if I'm high. I'm like, take my money. You'd put your prodig bag on the counter. Yeah, I'd be like, and then walk out. Say you can even have my banana phone. I'd give you the $5 in my bank account, but I need that for all the bananas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please don't take whatever you do. Don't take my banana points. That's all I have left. Give me my 7-11 card. You can have the rest of my wallet. The rest of it you can have. Yeah. And the guy's just like,

we cannot escape this banana bit. I'll never let it go. I love it though. I don't care. I'm obsessed with it. It's so stupid. This next one is of a restaurant called Arrivederchi.

Restaurant. Oh, good. I literally sometimes just when I'm feeling blue and I happen to be on Instagram, it's weird how often those things cross over. I sometimes click into my profile and watch you saying, Elap dance. It's that one clip of that Italian strip club.

And then you say like, hey lap dance. And it makes me laugh every time. That's good. Follow us on social media at Instagram.com slash beach two Sandy. But actually, like, it's so fun because they post clips. We have a social media group now who helps us with social. So like they post up. They're scrubbing like our old episodes too that we have video on.

So we go on to the Instagram and go, what in the world is this about three times a day? Yeah, because I keep forgetting about these old episodes. Anyway, it's fun on there. Here we go. This is a five-star review of. Are you better than Ereche? Elapence. Okay.

This is San Diego. Five stars. Bar none, the best Italian food in all of San Diego. I've been here dozens of times, and never once have I had a single item I didn't absolutely love. The staff is super friendly and genuine, too. The wine list is delicious, and they don't try to pillage your pockets with overpricing things. The Veal-Aso-Bucco is so amazing I got high on the way home and had my pastoral. feeding me the leftovers as I drove.

Whoa! Perthases, don't try this at home, kids. And don't try this outside of home kids. I was going to say, try it in the car. I get what the phrase. I get what they're trying to say. But yeah, maybe just don't try this. Maybe they say don't try this on the way home kids.

Don't put on the way to the restaurant. I mean, don't get high on the way there either. Because then you're going to be really in for a situation when you have the veal lap dance in front of you. And you're like, oh my God, I'm so high. Wait, I shouldn't get lap dances while I'm trying. driving? That is none of my business personally.

As long as I'm not high. I'll accept. Anyway. I lost the plot. Well, here's the rest of it. But yes, this place is absolute aces. Also, mushroom risotto. Try it.

I promise you won't regret it. End of review. Okay, but also once you said you were high and eating food, like leftovers in the car, not that I, like, that sounds delicious, but I feel like the baseline is different. When you're high. When you're high. And also, their judgment is lacking. Oh.

Oh, yeah, they're driving home, right? Yes, they're driving, getting high while driving as their passenger feeds them. Eating veal? While they're being fed veal. Imagine dying or crashing your car and then the police come. Oh, no, imagine that you die and you float above your body. And they describe this as like a very serene kind of detached experience. And you look down and you see just like veal splattered all over the road.

And you're like, wait a minute, I'm that dumb bitch who just died eating veal on the freeway. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. I'd rather the driver feeding the high passenger veal. Don't do that either. I mean.

But like there are so many better ways this could have gone. Here is another review. This is of Master Philly Cheese Stakes in Portland, Oregon. Classic Philly Cheese Stakes spot. But weirdly, I have had a vegan Philly Cheese Steak. The only one I've had was in Portland. Well, that feels right. The vegan part.

Yeah. Here's a five-star review of this Master Philly Cheese Stakes. Not going to lie, I was high as fuck when I ordered from here. I can't even explain the life-changing flavors I experienced. When I have some good money again, they will for sure get my business. I ordered via DoorDash, but the food was fresh and hot when I got it. Philly cheese steak, cassidia was what I ordered. Highly recommend, don't sleep on this banger of a restaurant.

End of review. Oh, my God. Cop that bang. I cop that bang. Yeah. Wow. But same thing. gets me where it's like, yeah, you're high.

Of course it's going to taste good. And it's a Philly cheese steak that you're door dashing. Like, that's what you want right now and you're high and it's going to be delicious. And I'd say that's helpful, but I feel like high people and people who are often high would order that regardless. Like that's just already something. Although, I feel if that's kind of your own vibe and you're like, you've had that experience, which I have had where like you order something and you're like, oh, it's really not as good as I thought it would be. Like maybe it is helpful in that way of like, okay, maybe it's a little.

lives up to being like real good munchies. Real good munchies, at the very least, at the very least. Here's a review. This is of Daisy's donuts in Orange Beach. I love all these choices for high restaurants. We've got like veal picatorre. That was crazy. Osabucco.

That is crazy. Donuts is donuts. And then we've got the one before this made sense. Philly cheesecake. All that makes sense except for the veal sort of. Yeah, true. And even that I can kind of see what's happening with leftovers, like really like yummy leftovers. I mean, yeah, I'm sure.

I do not discriminate with food when I'm high. That is for sure. So I'm going to read the first couple paragraphs. If you had to guess where Orange Beach is, what state? What would you guess? Florida. It's in Alabama. I looked it up because I was like, it sounds like a California thing.

I was like this must be 50-50, California or Florida. Yeah. Nope. Nope. So this is in Orange Beach, Alabama. And this is a three-star review. These were pretty good donuts, not really good, and definitely not great, but pretty good. Yep.

They do, however, have some really fancy, trendy, cool toppings for the donuts. One night we went, I was high as a rat, and I bought some of them. We got cinnamon toast crunch, fruity pebbles, reases, and a few others. They were just okay. Oh, see, like that is the reviewer. I'm like, well, that's not going to cut it. High or not high. Exactly.

I just don't think so. If it's just trendy toppings, but they're really not that good, like, sorry. No, exactly. I also especially liked it's mentioning high as a rat since we had talked about in a recent episode about the squirrels and the rats vaping. They vape now. Yeah. So now it actually makes sense. I've never heard that, but now I get it.

They are out back waiting for those stale cinnamon toast crunch donuts to be chucked out. They're in D.C. hitting all those vapes, going to the 7-Elevens. Oh, imagine the 7th. drinking the coffee with their cockroach Yeah, yeah, the cockroaches kind of That's the thing. Then they want them to throw it out. It's a whole like symbiotic relationship.

They sit in the bottom of the drain. And they're waiting. Yeah, and they're like, give me, give me, give me hot coffee directly down my throat. That's what rats love. Cockroach after midnight. Banana phone. All right, let's go.

Beach Two Sandy Water Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah. Vore Hes Wendell of VW Sound. Thousands of free movies and TV shows. We're coming at you with everything we got. This is the mindset. Free. This is the mantra.

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