Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 390: Reviews of Shakespeare

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandi. I'm X-teen and we are siblings and we read one-star reviews. Today we're reading one-star reviews of Bill, of Bill Shakespeare. Our good friend, Bill. You know I've said this before. I had a professor in college, huge crush on him, theater professor, flamboyantly gay.

Like, just like, looked at me once and said, I'm gay and I said, well, there's still a chance. I just was like, I know, it's just sad. But I was enamored by him, but his whole class was about. how William Shakespeare was different people. Oh. And like the conspiracy there. But he presented it as though like this were the curriculum and it were not. There was no like debate really.

And so he sort of like brainwashed me into this like very intense. And so it took. With his looks and with his words. It wasn't looks really. It was like a cult sounding thing. It was more the aura of him. Oh, okay. Okay.

Get a lot of aura. Got it. So anyway, we're here to talk about Shakespeare. Gays can be. Yeah. Theater is. Speaking of which, I'm in my first ever theater production. This is good timing.

I don't know about it. How did I not put that together? I did because I couldn't stop thinking about it because I'm so nervous and stressed about it. Oh my gosh, Alex Zedars in a play. I'm so excited to watch him in the play. The whole time I'm going to be whispering, did you guys know Shakespeare? Six different people. It's all a conspiracy.

And I'm not doing a Shakespeare. I would never do Shakespeare. That is not my vibe, I don't think. Do we want to tell anyone about your play? It's been good. It's a great experience, met some wonderful people. I'm distressed as shit. Radium girls.

Yeah, I feel like that's... Blaze keeps calling it something else. I'm trying to remember what he says. Radiohead. I forget. He calls it something completely not correct. Yeah, it's based on a very sad story. Yes, it's dark.

It's a very depressing play. It's perfect for else. I got to play an idiot and then a love sick cowboy, so it's pretty good. Oh, my God. Shakespeare can never. It seems like Shakespeare does a lot. That's because he's 16 different people. True.

Very prolific people. They've, yeah, we still talk about them. So all of them. Here is a review I have. This was sent in by Zoe, Bayshe, who sent in a review of King Lear. Okay. Also, this can, these contain spoilers. I had to say it.

That's the most Lieber thing you ever said. At the risk of alienating one person who's chomping at the bit to get King Lear down but hasn't quite had the time. Yeah. Well, just in case I wanted to say it, this is a one-star review. I, too, want to gouge my eyes out. End of review. I haven't read that particular play,

but I imagine that's got to be a really good reference. That I have read, and that I remember. You did. You did. You did. Eighth grade. That sounds boring. I think most Shakespeare is boring.

At least to me. I'm like gouging your eyes out, I guess. I mean, maybe it's just like the way they write a way he writes about it. is very, um, I'm like, just tell me he got to desire. Like, maybe he does. I haven't read it. Yeah. You just, you want him to get to the point. I'm a, listen, my mercury is in Taurus. I just learned that about myself. Yeah. Yeah. Probably you don't have Shakespeare's, uh, astrological chart ready to go here. How many do you think I would need? Like 40 for all the different versions of him.

Alexander, come on. Keep up. Like, how does that work? Was it like actually just a bunch of people together, like a writer's room? I would tell you, but I did vow secrecy in that final class. Oh, you're right. I forgot about that part. Yeah, and also I don't recall a single thing that happened, except for that I was like completely on board with this conspiracy because I thought, well, certainly it's obvious now.

Yeah. I mean, this was before I also hosted a true crime podcast and got a little more discerning. I also hadn't graduated with the journalism degree I was currently working on. So you could argue maybe I hadn't taken it. in all the right, like, kind of nuanced classes on reading between the lines. Yeah. Well, I'll check out your rape my professors review to see what you said back then. I know there's a chili pepper.

His aura is just one big chili pepper. Okay. That's big. Okay. I have a review. Actually, funnily enough, I wrote here, I'll start. What? What the hell?

Oh my God. I didn't. So I'll start next. Here we go. This is a review sent in by, I can't help us say it this way. Gessimodius. Just modius. She her.

What? What? Who? Who? Oh my God. Jess morius. Just morius. She her pronouns.

This is a one-star review. This is why I wanted to start, apparently, because it's an abridged review. of a Midsummer Night's Dream that says, no likey. And that's how, that was the tone I initially set out to, before I so graciously offered you this chance to start. That's your kind of author. Straight to the point.

I'm like. No likey. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Me neither. Me no like you either. Me no like you either. Well, I have a review sent in by Donica of The Tempest. Yeah, classic.

Classic. I don't think I've read it. No, certainly. Or a storm. Okay, anyway. I mean, isn't that kind of like saying, yeah, isn't there a cat in cats? You know, I feel like you're asking you down. Is there a cat and cat on the hot-in roof?

Probably. I didn't read that one either. Me neither. Didn't someone perform that at the Summit Country Day? I don't want to know. That wasn't it. What was the other one? Out or town.

Stop it. Okay. There's a cat between us moving a lot. I'm so distracted. Oh, you're looking at me now. Okay. Anyway, Donica sent in a review of the tempest. He said, you called.

The old god has arrived. He's like, this is my favorite book, so. It is his favorite play. That's true. Okay. This is a one-star review. This would have been fine if the weird kids in my class didn't do accents while we've read this. Why the fuck are you doing a Scottish accent?

It's written by a British man and it's set in Italy. End of review. I'm like so thankful that the youth. today have an outlet. Yeah, good reason. Because, like, I would write stuff like that in my journal. Like, I wasn't any sort of genius, but I'd be like, my glass news is so fucking stupid. But, like, there's got to be something satisfying about putting one star with that and getting to rate it outside of the school environment.

You know, that's got. I mean, you know, you get close to danger when you're talking like common sense media. That's what we're getting a little at hand with getting the kids on board. But every now and then I'm like, yeah, I can so relate to that feeling of like, what the Fuck. Maybe it would have been fine, but everyone else ruined it, you know. So true. Here is a review of a midsummer night's dream.

This was also sent in by Just Morios, and it's a one-star review. Having found the needle in the haystack but failed at lobotomizing myself with it, misfortune struck. Therefore, I had to unfortunately finish reading this miserable creation of a play. I shall watch paint dry now to find the ability to feel joy again. End of review. Oh, dear. That was written in September of 2020. Oh, wow.

This plagues us, I guess, this kind of content from so long ago. Yeah, no, I think it's every fucking high schooler has to deal with it. Like, why, though? Like, do you think anything written right now today? Like, what in 200 years are we going to put these people through? Twilight? Like, I don't know. Nothing.

Probably more Shakespeare. Oh, it's haunting. Like, I don't know what it is. Obviously, Shakespeare has had a huge influence on the world, on literature. Did you take that class too? No. Because I would have said Shakespeare's, what happened?

I only said a singular. Fair point. But come on. I'm not sure what I got from reading it. Someone could probably convince me I got something out of it. Yeah. I don't get it. It's too much.

It's too much. We don't need a whole class on it. If we're going to be banning books, you know, like why not get a little more Lucy Goosey with it? And if people are gouging their eyes out and eighth graders are meant to read that, I'm going to say let's burn that book. Let's burn all of Shakespeare.

Okay. Let's burn the globe down again. Now we're talking. This is a one-star view of a midsummer night's dream. Here we go. Also sent in by Just Madis. Couldn't tell you a damn thing that happened in this. Before and after I started skimming.

The writing was kind of like the mental equivalent of slippery wet noodles. I don't know if I'm making sense, but anyway, I wasn't feeling this at all. Oh. And to that I say, People like this deserve to read what sparks there in our frame. If they're writing about slippery wet noodles being the, you know. You know, I agree with that because it is hard to grasp. Yeah, it's a little esoteric.

That's how you feel about slippery wet noodles. I mean, in the context of a Shakespearean book report a little bit. Well, did you know that Shakespeare coined the term noodle? I'm just kidding. There is a 40% chance we Google that, and that's true. There is. Yeah, he's responsible for 40% of language. Exactly.

Honestly, maybe. Really possible. It's kind of fucking crazy. Every time I learn a new word that Shakespeare coined, I'm like, that one too? And now everyone's going to be like, wait, was noodle one or not? And we're going to say, nobody knows. 200 years from now, people are going to be listening to this podcast. Oh, we're making that content.

Now I see. We're just in the content. We are the content. Oh. Whoa. So I have a review here from Ellie, and this is of Shakespeare's Globe performing arts theater. Ooh. Yeah.

This is in London. And it's a one-star review. And it's from nine months ago. That's relevant. Horrible. No one is allowed to sit down or even lean on the stairs. The outside is as ugly as the inside. It leaks everywhere.

Not even the rich pack is safe. They're only after your money. They have no. interest in preserving any history or bringing theater closer to the people. Don't go here. Save your time and do something fun. For example, one, you could swim in the Thames. Two, eat out of a garbage bin. Three, get bitten by ducks and geese. Or four, get ruled by a monarch. End of review. What the fuck? This is what you do in good old England, e old England? Is that what we're saying? I mean, that's what this person thinks. Is implying? That's all you can do if you want to have some fun.

Just like burn the place down, like you said. True. I mean, yeah. It's gone through it. Like, if it has a few leaks, far for the course. Start fresh again. I got to say, like, what if that review said at the end?

When was the Globe Theater? Like 1536. Okay, I was going to say 1600. And then I was like, I don't know if that's right. I just made that number up. I just made that number up. So I'm going to say, like, imagine that review was written in 1600. It's like not even the richos or having it.

Right. You know. Right. It was 1613. See, I took that class. Yeah, I did not, clearly. A plus. Yeah, I feel like that review could have been written 400 some years ago.

Yeah, yeah. And probably still applicable. Honestly, it might have been copy pasted. It could have been, maybe it was etched in. She did a grave rubbing. Whoa, a grave rubbing of it. Was it a picture of a grave rubbing? It was a grave rubbing posted on Google reviews.

I didn't realize that was relevant. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's okay. Ugh. Now we know. You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet. Drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average.

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Of course. Go for it. But I feel like that's true. Like I think a lot of us can relate to that of like, oh, now I'm hungry. And now I have to either order food, take out, what have you, or go through a laborious process of cooking, a really deluxe meal. And you think that's going to be hard. But actually, it's not because Home Chef is here to get that delicious meal to you for you. But without the long, long time.

So true. Home Chef makes cooking. simple, fresh food delivered, easy recipes to follow, which I love a lot, and meals that actually taste great, which is important. Yeah, I would say. And people really love it. Home Chef is rated number one by users of other meal kits for quality, convenience, value, taste, and recipe ease. For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to homechef.com slash Beach2 Sandy. That's homechef.com slash Beach 2 Sandy for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life.

Home Chef.com slash Beach2 Sandy must be an active subscriber to receive free dessert. This is a review of, wouldn't you know it? Actually, I'm going to read a different one, but I do want to just end with this portion here. This is the last Midsummer Night's Dream, Sinai Jesmodius, and it's a one-star view that just says, Thanks, school. One star. And now we've got from Melissa, she, her reviews of drunk Shakespeare in Chicago. Oh, someone else sent something in from that grapefruit street.

Well, do you have one written by Samuel? Nope. Do you have one written by Donald? No. I know Donald. You do? Yeah. Fucking hates Shakespeare, but loves when it's drunk.

Wrong. Hang it. Love Shakespeare. Hates when it's drunk. Correct. If you love Shakespeare, I don't think you should be going to drunk Shakespeare. Shaked. I don't think any of these people had a love of Shakespeare necessarily.

What city is this in? Chicago. Oh, this one's in Phoenix. Oh, I said Chicago to clarify. All I heard was drunk Shakespeare. Classic. Okay. So Melissa says, these are all reviews of drunk Shakespeare in Chicago where the

Troop performs some Shakespeare play after one of the actors takes five shots. And then she said, I went once. It was funny, but once was good. I can appreciate that. That feels like a three and a half star for, you know. Here's what some other folks had to say. One Star Review by Samuel. Under the guise of impromptu theater is a heavily rehearsed act of rapidly mumbled Shakespeare

crammed with effortless puns and unceasing teenage sex jokes. For me, impromptu comedy, much like a good Myrongi Bay Bakery Pie, should have the... What? I... I have no idea. I wonder if that's a place in Chicago. It's not. It's a place in New Zealand. You know what? That was my second guess.

And when I said I had no idea, I meant I have absolutely an idea. So hold on a second. Much like a good Myrongi Bay Bakery Pie should have the thin, flaky facade of novelty not lifted to reveal an empty interior, but instead a delicious rich filling. What the fuck? I've been going to the Myrongue Bay Bakery since I was a young lad slash boy. slash chap. Oh. Growing up in the city of sales, Auckland,

many things have changed, but what hasn't changed is the quality of my favorite bakery. Whether it is the age, cheddar, fresh New Zealand prime beef, or flaky pastry, John and Mary have turned this place around since they bought it in 1961.

The Vietnam War was raging, and John at the time, who had served in the Korean War, met Mary over a fateful glass of Malbec. As John looked deeply in a Mary's eyes, blue. She leaned across the table and softly whispered.

This would go really well with a steak and cheese. End of review. Is this a real bakery? Fuck if I know. Google it. Where is it? I to go. Award winning pies in New Zealand.

I mean, where do people come up with this shit? I don't know. Did they get lost halfway through their review? They're in Chicago. No, it doesn't, mentally they're not. Certainly. No, they're really not.

Mary's eyes, parentheses, blue. I mean, really. I can't make this shit up. Oh, boy. Oh, man, I saw some lighthouses near there. Did you? Yeah, from an observation deck, but still. Well, John and Mary have really made a name for themselves, so.

Yeah, believe it or not, I did not have the cheddar and beef pastries. Too bad. Well, here's a review from Stempton by Grapefruit Street of Drunk Shakespeare Phoenix, which also five shots. and then they attempt to do Shakespeare. So same thing. I'll start with a five-star review. This is by Brian in Italy, who is from Italy.

Well, okay, first of all, is this like maybe an American novelty? Like, people come here and they're like, that's interesting because now we've got a New Zealand. I wouldn't be surprised if it's only an American thing, but. Well, fair point. But like, it's just, yeah, okay. I don't know. I could see this. I just think they should do this in London.

Isn't that already what they do in London? Get drunk and read Shakespeare? Yeah. That's all they do. True. And get bit by geese? Swim in the Thames and eat out of a dumpster? Yeah.

That's life. That's life over there. Anyway, Brian in Italy, five stars. Here's what Brian has to say. So much fun. So much fun. Check it out. Loved it.

Loved it. Loved it. Loved it. Stop. Loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it. Tired of writing, end of review. Why do they do this? I mean, it's not, I don't think, but imagine it was like voice to text, and they're just telling their phone, tired of writing as if they're actually writing.

You know what that would mean, though? Or the robot said that. That would mean they'd have to say, new line, every time, because I see that it's written new line, new line, new line. Don't do this to me. Oh, boy. It wasn't even that many. That's on trip. But that's what's so weird about it.

Yeah. It's weirder that it's not just like hundreds of them. It's weirder that you do a couple. You know why? Because they didn't copy paste. They were writing it out. They're tired of writing. Exactly.

Yeah. And I find that troublesome. Yeah. I do. So here's a review of Nomio and Juliet on Letterbox. I love that movie. I know you do. This was sent in by Blue.

She heard. Oh, I have, oh, I also have one sent in by blue. I believe she sent it. What if it was a different blue? Whoa. Cordon blue. You should look for a clue. Here's a two and a half star, three and a half star review.

I know Shakespeare is absolutely fuming that this is better than his version. Yes. End of review. So true. Oh, it's so good. That's funny. I want to mention, I don't know if you said it, I don't think so. Blue in one of the emails, she had called it, and rightfully so, a cinematic masterpiece.

I missed that delineation, but I have heard you say those exact words. I have, I have. I saw that, I want to say in high school. I don't forget when it came out. Oh, 2011, yeah, I was like a senior or was a summer after senior year, and all my friends went to see it. And we all loved it. It's fun. Anyway, I'm going to do one more of drunk Shakespeare.

I feel like this gives you an idea of a little bit of an idea of what happens. happens. Susan gave it a one-star review and called it a disappointment. After seeing the great reviews, we anticipated a rousing, fun, and slightly rowdy evening. We were sorely disappointed. Years ago, we'd seen a take on Shakespeare plays woven into one abridged version that was uproar... I can't say this word. Uproriously.

Ooh! That was uproarie... Okay, can you say this word? Uproriously. Uproariously. Oh my God. Wove it into one abridged version that was uproar. I can't do it.

Up. No, say it like a. Uh, prorous. No, that's not no help of it. Uproar-eously funny. And we anticipated something along that line. What we saw was more of a high school repertoire. I can't talk for those.

All these Shakespearean words. It's too much for me. Imagine you had to take five shots and then did Shakespeare. Like, I'm starting to get a little more respect for these people. I can't say these words sober. I know, I can tell. What we saw was more of a high school repertoire of aspiring actors practicing Shakespearean soliloquies while tossing in tons of various, mostly gay, sexual innuendos, and sophomoric humor,

including a handheld puppet and characters from such programs as Sesame Street, singing songs about killing children and pools of blood. Hey! We failed to find the humor in much of the 90 minutes, and we're looking around to see if others were laughing out of entertainment or polite. the latter of which we tried to muster up with great effort. Drinking is encouraged, perhaps do lots prior to the performance and the review. Aboriously, they're all laughing out there just to be polite.

I'm not too familiar with Shakespeare's works, he says, as he complains about how much he hates it. So I wonder how the kids in pools of blood, I wonder what play that's from. Maybe I should read that one. Yeah, maybe. Maybe not. Maybe when you're feeling a little bit less stressed about your upcoming theater play. Maybe it would make me feel better that I don't have to do whatever play that is. Although you might find it as like, I don't know.

I mean, I love the play we're doing. I think it's a great play. But I'm doing it. That's the problem. Yeah, it could be like a good escape for you to go to like, you know. Cool's blood. Bulls of blood. In your mind.

What else is new? What else is new? I'll meet you there. Okay. What to kill me? Jesus. I literally didn't say that, and you're putting words on my mouth. One Star Review by Donald of Drunk Shakespeare Chicago.

The characters are generally skilled at their craft, but by or beware, there's not much of real Shakespeare here or good Shakespeare and way too much improv that wasn't funny or was delivered at such a rapid or rabid pace so that audience members couldn't digest what was said or done. Improv delivered in this manner is like actors' mass. At the audience. Wait, wait. They saw my rehearsal.

That's crazy. Why are they talking about what we do? Love sick out. Oh, my God. Okay. They didn't even spell it right. Spelled masturbating right? They spell like a master baiting.

Yeah. Like a fisherman. Improvd delivered in this manner is like actors masturbating their craft at the audience's expensive time and money. But I really like the idea of those masturbating their craft at the audience. Yeah, what does that even mean? At the audience's time and money? Masturbating at it?

And faces. Is it masturbating to it or Matt? And cleavid. Wait, is that in there? Are you just saying cleavage? Oh, they're masturbating to the cleavage. in the audience. Oh, gosh.

That's terrible. They're masturbating at it. Add it, not to it. Sorry. They're masturbating. They're crafted it. Toward it. At it.

I don't know what that means. Oh, no. Did Shakespeare come up with that word, too? Improv delivered in this manner as like actors are masturbating their craft at the audience. It's expensive time and money. A lot of silliness and nonsense, but I guess that's what people can. for Shakespeare is always good to revisit, but this iteration of The Bard's work is not worth a visit. End of review. I don't think this person's expectations were set properly beforehand.

Nothing that's their fault. Neither was the person who saw an uproariously funny, like, interwoven abridged version of all Shakespeare and then thought like drunk Shakespeare in Phoenix would be the same experience. You know, no offense, but I think it presented as much Shakespeare. different tonally. But yeah. I hope, I kind of hope so. It's rough to be in that kind of an environment because I imagine you get a lot of disgruntled audience members.

True. No, I would not want to. I would only want to be the drunk one and no one else because that would get me through it. Yeah. But like, also that terrifies me. But maybe that would help the, you know what? How about I do it all sober?

How about you don't do anything? Actually, I don't do anything. That's fantastic. What am I even talking about? So earlier today, we were outside and I like was blinded by something. things so, like, glorious. I was like, what is that? And I look up and it's your hair.

What? Yeah, and of all days today, I'm wearing a braid, which is so weird because it's not like it was, you know, like flying all over the place. It shone through that somehow. I will say, though, that I was able to tell how much thicker my hair had gotten because I used to do braids and it was just like, oh, dear, you know, my hair has thinned so much. And now I do a braid and I'm like, yeah, it's going to blind Alexander later because Nutraful has really made my hair a lot more.

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For a limited time, Nutraful is offering our listeners $10. off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit neutraful.com and enter promo code Beach 2 Sandy. That's Nutrafol.com spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com, promo code Beach 2 Sandy. I could get overwhelmed very easily. And something I get extremely overwhelmed about

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Cool. Damn. Can this movie go five seconds without introducing a hot character? End of review. Is this a... What is up with these children's movies? These reviews get really... This one is wild.

I mean, I've never seen them a film. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, it's been a while, but that wasn't my takeaway. There was a lot of masturbating. Not by me, gosh. In the movie. Gosh, golly. They were hot, but I restrained myself.

Yeah, it was tough. My friends had to hold me down. Jesus Christ. That's because you are trying to masturbate your craft at the audience, and they said, Alex Zudor. I was up on stage doing No Me and Juliet. That was who I played. Who?

I don't know. I don't know any characters other than Nomeo and Juliet. If they're all hot, I can't imagine who you could have played. There was a frog. Do you have any more? No. Good, because I have another Nomeo and Juliet review. It's one star.

Jesus. Nah, fuck this movie. Why the fuck do a goddamn gnome get to be in love and not me? This has truly sent me into a spiral. A rabbit hole, if you will, as to why I'd pull absolutely zero bitches. And yet these gnomes are living a romantic dream. This is you at 18. This is your blog post.

That's what you said. I ended it with like, I'm such a nice guy. Where's my Juliet? Why do they never go for the nice gnomes like me? So true. Like they literally ended racism with their love. Change my perception of myself completely. And not in a good way.

The damn Elton John, hello, hello orchid scene was more affection than I've ever had in my time of existence combined. I feel lethal on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. Wish they died like the original. That's really good. Yeah. Written by Cassie.

My mask of sanity is slipping. I think it's already slipped. Girl, I, be careful. Oh, boy. Yeah, maybe avoid children's films, I'm not sure. We're all so fragile. It just worries me sometimes. Yeah.

Well, I've got one more review. This was sent in by Carrie, and this is of Romeo and Juliet on Goodreads. One Star. Romeo, we're talking. Romeo, not Nomio. That's why I also why I said Goodreads, because I don't think they have Nomio and Juliet, the book version of that one. You don't think so? I don't think so.

Not yet, because I'm writing it. Oh, okay. Yeah, your fucking weird blog that you wrote about it. Yeah, true. One star. Yo, fuck Romeo. Fuck Juliet. I just hate this play with all my heart.

I hate how young everyone. is. I hate how stupid everyone is. I hate how they fell in love in two seconds like babies. Are you for real? I don't get how people say this is the ultimate love story. Uh, where? Because all I know is this is the ultimate dumbass story. Like, how are you going to kill yourself over a shorty you don't even know? There's so much more to life. They're only like 12? I guess people didn't have brain cells in Shakespeare's time and love to romanticize about everything. My final verdict, this book is whack. It's so good. It is.

It is. It's the way with words. I really, I have to give so many props to the teachers out there. Yes. Who have a situation with the shit? Because I find it infinitely hilarious. I'm sure you don't at this point in your life. So thank you for that.

But wow, that's really good. This plays whack, yeah, or whatever. Yeah, it was said so eloquently. Yeah, they're like, I don't like how young everyone is, correct. Like, all of it's bad. Realizing that where I was like, oh, these are children. It's fucking gross and weird, and also, like, everybody needs to get a life and a few brain cells. So, like, I'm really with the kid.

Yeah, I'm with you. That's why Nomio and Juliet, I think, not that I've ever seen it, but I've heard it's hot. It went Romeo and Juliet, and then they made Romeo Plus Juliet, the movie. Okay. And that was another, like, refresh where it's like, okay, we have hot people in Shakespeare again, and they don't seem 12. And then they had Nomio and Juliet, and it's timeless. Which is off the charts. Just timeless.

Yeah. I'm assuming immortal gnomes. I mean, all gnomes are. Age is not a factor here, which is exciting. No. They're all like 10,000 years old. And I feel like some people want them to die at the end. And I can understand the frustration of that.

To free them of their mortal coil. Yeah. They must remain forever. So anyway. It's time for my challenge. Okay. And my challenge was to find people quoting things and saying it's the wrong person, misattributing quotes.

Okay, okay, okay. So here's an example. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him for lifetime, I don't know, whatever it is. Oscar Wild. No. Jesus Christ. No.

Santa. I don't know. Ann Isabella Thackeray Richie. That's all. What was my next guess? From her 1885 novel Mrs. Diamond. Mrs. Doubtfire. I almost said that too.

Yeah. I was about to say that. Yeah. Well, this is the actual, like the original quote. If you give a man a fish, he is hungry again in a. an hour. If you teach him to catch a fish, you do him a good turn. He ate a whole fish and he's already hungry? That's fucking gross. I mean, you don't know how big the fish was. Give him a bigger fucking fish than you fucking, like, what is your point here? Why am I so mad? I mean, I think the other

way, a fish for an entire day, that's worse. Like one fish a day or one fish a hour. It's been huge, you're right. You're right. Anyway, I feel like that one is often thought to be a lot older than it is. Like, I didn't know where that was from. I really thought this was like a biblical. I did. There's so many of those that people think myself included are biblical and they're not. Anyway, here's what Stephanie found.

So Stephanie discovered that the people on the cool cruisers out there on cruise critic, they do this a lot. Do what? Misattribute quotes. Oh, wow. The entire purpose of the... Hey, I'm really shocked by that information. I know.

Well, this first one, this post was written by Tiny Rod. Oh. And here it says they're talking about the spirit, which is a cruise ship. We are traveling on the spirit in December and the reviews are awful. Please tell me the condition of the ship is, as there were many complaints about old, worn, smelly, carpeting, etc. I am panicking. And again, they said the food was just awful. This is the first positive review I've read.

I love that they already booked this and now they're like, let me take a peek at the reviews. Yeah. Hello? Or they're on board? No, they're traveling in December. So you're right. And this is August. I see.

And they're panicking. They're panicking. So in response to tiny rod, busy fallis. No, wait, what? Oh, sorry, bucephalus. Don't even with me right now. I was like, there is no way on God's Green Earth that a cool cruiser wrote anything. It's spelled like busy phallus.

Okay. No, it's not. Busephalus. Do you know about Busephalus? Neither did I. Talk to me. It's a horse. Have you heard of Alexander the Great?

He rode this horse This pussy fell Okay, this is the response to tiny rod Tiny Rod I know I couldn't help myself It's so stupid It's so stupid

It's really unfortunate Anyway I did not have that experience However, I have no other cruise line To compare it to Since my only two trips were with this ship So keep that in mind I really don't understand

The food complaints Nobody I interacted with On the cruise felt that way the original poster of this thread is in agreement also. I'd be curious to see the reviews you are looking at. I can only speak from our personal experience, but as Shakespeare said, expectation is the root of all heartbreak.

End of post. As Shakespeare, first of all, you're a horse. What do you know about? Exactly. Secondly, as Shakespeare is a lot older than Shakespeare, though. Beer said, so maybe he would know. Well, he didn't know because that is not from Shakespeare. Shakespeare only said heartbreak once,

and it was in the whole... To be or not to be thing. Okay, so then what's the quote about expectation? Expectation is the root of all heartache. And no idea. I couldn't find anything. Wait, really? No, it said, like, it said it's often,

but like they say there's no evidence that Shakespeare. So multiple organizations that are experts on Shakespeare say he didn't say it. I don't think they know who said it. Professor. That I could find, because I tried to find that every time. It feels sort of like Buddhist teaching. Preference is the root of all suffering, like, if you have an expectation. Stuff like that.

Yeah, that's true. It's probably just been changed over the years. Same with like, give a man a fish. And a lot of these are like, not only are they misattributed, but they're not even correct from the original. Well, and then you make like, no me on Julia. And it's like, what part of this is actually accurate to the real story? 100%. It's actually 100% of the same words.

It's probably more accurate than the original one. I mean, probably. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Crazy. So then, this is so random. Then Stephanie sent in something, and it's from this blog thing called Skeptics. And the title is, did Mahatma Gandhi say, I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. And apparently that is something that is attributed to Gandhi.

Oh. That he said, I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. I mean. Beautiful. I mean, it can be relevant. Slay. So someone then said, actually, it's from this book, Mr. Gandhi, the man, by Millie Graham Polack.

And then in response, someone said they found a book, the Knights Templar and the Protestant Reformation. This is so. Wait, what? I don't think there's anything funny here. I just am so interested by it. And it says that when Stanley Jones, a missionary, met with Gandhi, he asked him, Mr. Gandhi, you quote the words of Christ often. Why is it that you appear to so adamantly reject becoming his follower?

And Gandhi said, oh, I don't reject Christ. I love Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike Christ. But the reference couldn't be found. Like, there's supposedly a reference, but then no one could find that. Okay, but the reference is Knights Templar. Say what it is again? Oh, wait, you didn't remember the Knights Templar and the Protestant Reformation?

So hang on. You said somebody found this book, like behind a secret bookshelf and, like, covered in dust. I think they found it on like Google books. Like they found it online. Uh-huh. And now it's nowhere to be found. This feels like an Indiana Jones. And then they said, but it actually seems to be from this book, Mr. Gandhi, the man, by Millie Graham Polack.

But you couldn't, they couldn't find it online. And so then there's another book. In The Christ of the Indian Road, East Stanley Jones supposedly asked Gandhi how to naturalize Christian. into India, and Gandhi said, I would suggest, first of all, that all of you Christians, missionaries, and all begin to live more like Jesus Christ. So maybe that's where the quote's coming from. Or maybe it's just because it's true. I don't know. Could be. Could just be like a good assessment of the situation. True. And then here is the final post. What website is this? Is this Cruz Critics? Skeptics.com.

Skeptics. I thought we were still on Cruise Critic and I was like, these people have got I do find it interesting to like see these kinds of random. Like this was written 14 years ago. So it's like all these random like, and it's just a few people just discussing this. The Knights Templar and the Protestant Reformation. And here we go. Okay. This is the final part.

The Knights Templar and the Protestant Reformation book referenced above attributes the apocryphal Gandhi quote to a secondary source, an article in Christian today by Dibbon Samuel, which in turn wrongly attributes the quote to the Millie Pohac book, Mr. Gandhi the man. I am holding a copy of the grand book in my hand. Holy shit. And that so unlike Christ quote is nowhere to be found. Not only that, but there are no statements in the book anywhere that criticize Christians for being unlike Christ.

Other sites mention a barra dada quote, Jesus is ideal and wonderful, but you Christians, you are not like him, which is supposedly in the Christ of the Indian Road by East Stanley Jones, but they had not independently verified that information. Sit the fuck down, everybody. Isn't that great? I think, I was like, oh, this is kind of interesting. The master Vader has spoken.

Yes. Wow. And that was Dave. So Dave, that was from, Dave wrote that last part. Dave. Profit in his own right, I would argue. Thank you for the knowledge. Now, if I'm looking for any sort of like new, I mean, I was going to say item of clothing, but really most anything, I had to quince first because I know they will have the styles

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It's just good stuff. It is good stuff. Half of my closet is quince, at least. It's getting worse by the day, both of us. Refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Head to quince.com slash beach two Sandy for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash Beach-2 Sandy for free shipping and 365-day returns.

wins.com slash beach to Sandy. Now a couple things that I found, and it's the same quote, so you'll see what it is. Actually, I'm going to read the quote and ask you where you think it came from. Okay, great. It's a very popular one. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Do you know who that's attributed to? Yeah, Albert Einstein.

Okay, I didn't realize that. Yeah, it's like always on like posters and shit. Well, here's a five-star review. Let this be a lesson. Of what? Good question. I'm so sorry. I didn't need to scream at your face.

No, I was thinking about the whole Einstein of it all. I'm familiar with a quote, just not that it was Einstein. This is a review of Atrium the Inn, which appears to be an inn in Fort Stockton, Texas. Okay. This is a five-star review written by Dwayne. Let this be a lesson. Never assume. The last few times I've stayed in Fort Stockton at name brand hotels, they proved to be among the worst ever.

As Einstein stated, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. So, not wanting to be declared insane on this trip, I tried staying at a different location. I found this remote listing on Hotels.com for the Atrium Hotel, at a price lower than those I've stayed at before. I booked here at the atrium. Wow. The room is very nice, very clean, has a kitchenette, modern conveniences, and the room opens up on a beautiful atrium with a pool, sauna, exercise hut, and lounging tables. It's a hidden gem and replaces all my other choices when going through Fort Stockton. They didn't include a cute picture of their view.

Do you know who originally said that? I don't. I don't think I do. Rita May Brown, an author. I know her name. And so she had written it first, and then it was adopted by Narcotics Anonymous. So it's often attributed to Narcotics Anonymous as well. I've heard that as well.

But it's trifecta, N.A. Rita May Brown, Albert Einstein. Yeah. Her 1983 novel, Sudden Death. Whoa. And then this is a review. I'm just going to read it. I have thoughts, but here we go. Two stars.

This is of the L train in New York, like the actual train. Sure. Why not? Here we go. Albert Einstein once said that the definition for insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome each time. This is what I liken my daily commute to on the L train. I swipe my card at the gram stop on the Manhattan-bound side of the tracks,

walk to the far end towards what will be the back of the train, and wait. Sometimes I read a book, other times it's just me and my old iPod. This was written in 2010. Oh my God. Yeah, didn't mention that yet. 16 years ago. Always I looked to see who's around me. It's always beautiful women.

I recently became the mayor of the Dunkin' Donuts, located directly next door to the entrance of the L train on the northeast corner of Graham and Metropolitan. Do you remember that? I do. Four square? Four square. Wow, that was a throwback.

That just, yeah, wow. That was a blip. Like that felt, especially for like social media apps, that one felt quick. Yeah, and I was in college, I think, so it was like, I was like using it. I had used it as well. Yeah. Pour one out. I miss it so much.

I know. What did I do? Not at all. One cannot exist without the. other for I almost daily check in to said Duncan and purchase at least one, if not two donuts, and a soda. So, after I consume random and unnecessary calories and carbs, not to mention sugar and fat, sugar which will be turned into empty calories, I assume, I then walk down 28 or so steps into

the innards of the intersection of Graham and Metropolitan, feeling fatter, somehow worse for the wear. There, below ground, bathed in a light that's artificial and cold, I stand, mouth agape, and view beautiful women. With crumbs. Sticky crumbs. Maple sugar dribbling from my chin. Yes, this is a woman-centric post about a subway station.

Deal with it. Down below ground, one would assume that the rules are different, that for some reason the normal rules of courting do not apply. No. Maybe, perhaps, because of the foul light, the more than tepid atmosphere and the lack of circulated air, aside from the wind from the moving train, that perhaps woman would be more susceptible

to the advances of a fairly well-to-do man, who's also a chronic overeater of donuts. And the mayor. Don't forget that. Have you hurt? Who's in his late 20s, who just wants a fair shake from a hot babe. So they're there, underground,

standing in their oversized tank tops, American apparel tights, the cowboy boots that are too big, sunglasses for days, hair askew, holding some vintage copy of Kafka's The Metamorphosis, hoping, like poker, Okahannist to be noticed.

Oh my God. Well, it's happening. It's working. This is a wild review. This is making me feel so weird right now. Oh, yeah. And like, thinking about this guy, thinking about all of this while waiting for a train. This is what I'm saying.

When people are like, well, what's, why would you pick a bear? Well, what the fuck? The bear's not looking at what I'm reading and writing a fucking weird-ass monologue with his sticky crumb fingers about it. That's the thing with the train. Leave me the fuck alone. They're going to work. They're not like it's so.

It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. Who hasn't fallen in love on a train? But you don't go and like fucking harass the person. You also don't just in person, but we're on the internet. Diccally stare at them. Yeah, yeah.

Gives me the creeps. They're noticed too by me and by every other person who has the ignoble pleasure to live near the particular stop of the L train. That motherfucking L train, which takes you past Lorimer and then to Bedford Ave, which stops in the Lower East Side, First Avenue and Third Avenue. who respectfully next. The train that has the most misconnections on Craigslist

written about it. The train that is ironically almost twice as wide as every other train that currently runs on the MTA train lines. I must be insane to ride this train. This train, for all that it's done for me, for all that I've earned and lost and loved, is only worth two stars to me.

I've experienced better. End of review. If you forgot, they quoted Albert Einstein in the very first sentence incorrectly. Dear God. Sorry. They quoted a woman. They misattributed a woman's quote to Albert Einstein and then went on with that beautiful.

Yeah. Soluqueque. And like, monologue? She's still alive. Like, that's like still. Like, it kind of, that makes it somehow more wild. She'd probably see this and go, no, Albert can have it. Yeah.

I really hope she doesn't see this, though. I certainly hope. Honestly, I feel bad bringing it to anybody. I was going to say, frankly, I'm upset. You've brought it even to me and to the people find you. is listening to this. You know the worst part? It's my last one.

Or maybe that's the best part. I think it's far better than any other, yeah, possible. Well, well, well, is that a thing about the L train there? I don't know. I didn't ride the L train. That was not on my commute. Hmm. So.

What commute? Like to things that I had that were. In Chicago? No, this was in New York. Oh, I thought this was in Chicago. It was specifically the L, like, Not the L train, like Chicago's L train. I see.

Okay. It was a specific train in New York. Understood. That has the letter L on the front. I see for love. Yes. Inspired by Romeo and Juliet. Thank you for listening to our podcast.

It's been a pleasure. Next week we have something fun planned that our patrons know about and have been helping with. And then the week after something even more. I would say like just probably patently insane, but just picture this. And then it just gets worse. Very excited for that one. Okay, well, we'll see you there. Bye.

Beach Two Sandy Water Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Sheeper. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borges Wendell of VW Sound. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows.

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