Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 393: Reviews of Costco

Episode Date: June 10, 2026

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming, Ontario. Welcome to Beach 2 Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach 2 Sandy Water to Wet. I am Zandi. The sister host. I'm the brother host.

We're going to read some reviews of Costco today. I'm so excited to be here today to read about Costco. But first of all, I have something to say, which is that the reviews are in. Patrons have given us their feedback on our newest installation on Patreon, taken by the Tetris Blocks, a dramatic reading of an erotic short story by Leonard Delaney, author of The Infamous Conquered by Clippy Erotica. You know it well. I'm sure you do. Don't deny it. And Zandi had the misfortune of reading it to me aloud for Patreon as our apology for being behind on the bonus content.

It got weird. And he read the entire short story to me. And I had to then edit it and upload it. And here are some of the reviews from patrons. Oh, okay. Eric says, this was upsetting. Taylor says, I have no regrets. And I was like, who asked anyone about regrets?

I have major regrets. Brittany said, it's happening. Everybody stay calm. And Bex just said, oh, my God. So, you know, if you'd like to be part of it, go check out our Patreon. We have a lot of fun there. And we kind of go rogue a lot. So if you're into the sort of mishmash way we handle content, then you get ad free stuff.

That's always good. Yeah, and we surprise you. It's usually the last day of the month because we forgot. But March, I did, I was like, let's read reviews of basketballs. Why not? Yeah, what was that? I don't know, but it was fun. So, yeah, we have a lot of bonus content.

on there. Just wanting to give that a shout out. Yeah, like a lot of past stuff. Like our videos about naughty and... Yeah. A lot of content. A lot of content over the years. But yeah, hopefully even more content to come.

Yeah, we may need to like sort of make up for a deficit of people leaving after we posted that thing yesterday about a Tetris taken by the Tetris blocks. So anyway... Until we do the Concord by Clippy. Then all you sickos will come back. We know it. Well, let's get into Costco. This is a...

Hold on, show your membership card first. Oh, it's not in my pocket. Can't get into Costco with that one. Don't worry, the app will take 10 minutes to download and then you'll figure out a password. And then eventually a tiny little black or white photo will show up and then they'll let you in. Yeah, mine's a good photo. I'm going to show you my photo. Mine is not.

Yeah, my, yeah, don't worry. Mine isn't good either. Seven years, it says. That was not seven years ago. I've just been a member of seven years. First of all, it looks like you could have. been 20 years ago. Kind of look like a preteen, no offense.

And then secondly, I love that this is gold star member, which is like what everyone basically is. But it looks like. No, there's like an executive membership. Yeah, you're either that or like better. Yeah, I'm not there. But I love that they put a little gold star like you got a special award for seven. It's so sweet.

Seven years. I'm proud of you. I don't know how to look up the full thing. But if I can, people on YouTube, like the full photo. Sorry, it's like a little. There's no full photo. You know that right. Like there's no way they have a full resolution picture.

stored on the Costco app for you. I look surprised. That's usually how people look at a Costco. Wide-eyed. Okay, anyway, here's a review. This was sent in by Kirstie. This is in Croydon in the UK. Wait, really?

Yeah. I didn't know they have Costco over there. Oh, you did? Okay. I didn't know that either until 10 seconds ago. Here's a one-star review. Nice store, good prices, clean aisles. Unfortunately,

My digestive system chose this location to betray me near the frozen foods. No. Abandoned my trolley, lost my dignity, and learned never to trust a fart in Isle 7. Woodshop again, but emotionally, I'll never recover. End of review. That's not far from the Depends. Yeah, but the problem is it's way deep in the store of the frozen stuff. That's like all the way in the bag.

So is it depends. They are? Okay. Yes. All the way with the toilet paper. You're actually kind of in. the perfect spot. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. I would have thought depends we're like closer to where the pharmacy is. You know, I can't answer that for you, unfortunately. Yeah,

you're just making shit up. Oh, shit. Knowledge of Depends really only goes so far, which is that I associate it with toilet paper. So I know where that is. But yeah,

that is quite a bummer. And the good news is the frozen food. No one's really lingering there because it's so chilly. So like maybe. Suppose, but they do have some good samples there. Samples there.

Samples. And so there's, There's at least a little bit of lingering. Don't want to have an accident near the free samples. No way. Okay, wow. That's getting it. It's a bad spot to be.

Getting dark. Okay, here's a review of a Costco and Louisville, Kentucky, sent in by Taylor, Sophie's version, they them. Chris gave it two stars. The associates seem beaten down these days. Some of it is the demanding nature of Cairns these days, but I can't help but think that management doesn't have a part in it. I don't think that sentence means what you think it means.

But anyway. This afternoon, I watched people push metal carts in a wide open parking lot during a lightning storm. That type of disregard for employee safety is inexcusable. I'm going to hand my card in this week. That's Walmart behavior. End of review. Hand in their cart. Why do they have a cart?

What? They're going to hand in their car, their Costco card. Oh, card. I thought you said cart. I was like, what did you do with it? Well, you want to say badge? My gold star member badge. Maybe.

It's less confusing when you're talking about. talking about carts and lightning, I got in my head and I thought this person was going to, like, hit it so they didn't get struck by lightning. They were going to return it in a week. Oh, the cart? The car. I thought they said cart. I'm bringing my metal cart right back inside. But, yeah, so I was like, why are you doing it?

No, yeah, I mean, okay, so they're basically saying Costco is a heinous company choosing to, I mean. Orse their employees to push metal carts in lightning. Yeah, I mean, they give good health insurance. So I've heard, so I feel, you know, maybe that this is the downside. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the dangers of the job. They have to get good health insurance because I know you'll probably get struck by lightning. At some point.

Or someone will poop in the frozen foods. Oh, my God. You need good health insurance for that. Yeah. That's a biohazard right there. My next one is from Megan. This is of a Costco in Raleigh, North Carolina. One star.

Try to go in. My husband was behind me getting a cart. Got a very nasty look from the check-in lady. I don't understand why I told her my husband is getting the cart. Like we say, we all die eventually, so no need to have this nasty attitude, period. End of review. Hey, nobody says that. Nobody says that.

Yeah, they do. Everybody says that all the time. Wait, wait, save it again. We all die eventually, so no need to have this nasty attitude. Nobody says that. Let's not pretend like anybody has ever said that. They say it at Costco, especially in the parking. a lot when lightning strike.

Be ridiculous. That's what the Costco management says. Hey, we all die eventually. They point to their motto. Yeah. And it's like zero days since someone's been struck by lightning, just how we like it. Yeah. Now, get in the cart.

One of you guys to get in the cart. You have to push the cart. It's like the rotisserie chickens. That's how they cook them. Yeah. They put them in that's how they get those nice griddle marks. Yeah. It's pure lightning.

All natural pure lightning. This is a review sent in also of a Costco in Louisville And this is well actually I don't know Here's why Taylor Soie's version also sent this one in But it linked to the same review from earlier But it said beware of Irene was kind of like the title of The like ahead of the link

So I was like oh shoot But now I really want to know about Irene So then I searched for that like particular phrasing And I found a couple irines From the same Costco? From different caskos Oh okay So I have no clear

if this is even one that that's a that's a name that means trouble it does doesn't and it's always a manager it seems to be okay so irines you know what i'm talking about you know you're the problem um so beware of irene so it linked to the wrong review so i found a different i mean or maybe it's the same irene i don't know nobody knows this is a review i mean the clue is that this is in san jose california rather than the louisville that the little different little different but maybe it's like priests you know the the employees who aren't good get like shipped to other places you're The irenes. Yeah, the irenes are like priests in the Costco world.

That's not what I meant. They do something bad and they're like, you're just going somewhere else. I'll be honest. I was trying to get away from the priest before. And then you kind of double, you made it look like I doubled down. I was trying to say like, oh, yeah, but instead of priests or irines, you're like, yes, irons are the priests. Yeah.

We're saying the same thing here. You agree. You 100% agree with that assessment. Father Irene was accused of no wrongdoing, okay? We'll see about that. Why are we be wearing, Irene? Great question. Father Irene, here we go.

One star. If I could give zero stars, I would. Don't go to this Costco if you want your mom instigated. Oh. I mean, they might mean investigate it, but also that's... Investigated. In the context, I think investigated is not... Oh, I guess if they're like going through the receipt and stuff and they're...

Yeah, I guess they're... Okay, investigate in the Costco. Father Irene. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, especially by an Irene. If I could give zero stars, I would. Don't go to this Costco.

If you want your mom instigated. Irene is a manager and she cussed my mom. What a manager. Uh. So you see why instigated didn't quite match kind of the level of vocabulary the rest of it. Yeah, that's, yeah, I guess. I mean, it does remind me that story of that priest, though. Which one?

Amen. Here is another one sent in by Megan. This is a one star of the same Costco in Raleigh, North Carolina. Once I went to U.S. Air Force Base, it was true military base with helicopters and bombers. And you know, they checked me only two times. Entrance and exit. And this is two times less than in Costco. Every time I go to Costco now, I feel like I buy yogurts for my son in the Pentagon.

They've got this yogurt locked up, like it's some sort of. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I'm looking forward to see another checkpoint at the Costco parking lot. Seriously, it's really annoying. A checkpoint. Every time I see how people get angry at the employees before cashiers who checks photos in the card. By the way, I have absolutely no complaints about employees. I do understand they just do what they get paid for.

End of review. Oh, I mean, they should put a checkpoint in the parking lot for all the lightning danger. At this point, yeah. That exists. Yeah. I feel like whenever I went to my Costco, though, I would only go for the pharmacy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's... Occasionally, but you don't really need to go that often when you live alone. Yeah.

Anyway, on the way out, it was so fucking annoying because I had to wait through the line. Oh, with all the big carts and you had like... Sometimes they would see me and wave me through, but sometimes I would try and they're like, they would stop me. You ever take a little bite of your meds before you got out? Taking so long. You're like, I'm so hungry and I just need my blood sugar. me my Lexapro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just grind it between your teeth. I'm not even on Lexa Pro. I know. I don't know. Yeah, but it really worked, though, for the line for the bit. It did. So since your hair has been looking so good, tell me about some of your good hair days. How does it affect your emotions?

Well, thank you for asking Alexander. Not enough people ask me that on a daily basis. I feel more like myself than ever. I feel more empowered. I, like many women, have had issues with hair thinning. And there is something very, um, I'm. I don't know. It's scary about when your hair starts to thin.

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taken the postpartum formula before. They've all done wonders for my hair. And I feel more confident than ever. So thank you, Nutraful. Let your hair become one less thing taking up space in your head and see thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutraful. For a limited time, Nutifol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you visit Nutraful.com and enter promo code Beach to Sandy. That's Nutrafol.com, spelled N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L.com, promo code Beach to Sandy. You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact you might not know yet.

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It's just fucking horrible. I bought two. Caesar salads from Costco. I found a moth in one of this salad. Ew. Yuck. End of review. That's disgusting.

Oh, though, are there photos? Yeah. There's actually a moth. Yeah. Looks like a cicada. Oh, oh, oh my God. Oh, my God. That's not good.

That's not good. I don't like that. In a salad, come on. Shit happens, but, whoof, I would not want to be the person that happens to. It blends in. just enough. It's crunchy like a crew cone. It's crunchy just enough.

It really makes me want to scream. Okay. Anything but this. Anything but that, please. Someone could Irene on the hornier's. Irene, Irene would never let that happen. Where the fuck is Irene? She would literally never.

Never. It would be impossible. This one is from Kirstie. One star. A big fire next door started Friday night and the store was closed all day Saturday. No updates, no signs, website incorrect, and

Twitter feed silent. It's just like a pile of ashes. Where is the sign? Why aren't you tweeting? Oh, my God. Where's the customer service desk? The Fire Brigade tweeted several times about the fire. Massive Q's turned away with no advance warning.

I drove 70 miles for nothing. Seventy! Curious. You should have checked the firefighter Twitter page before you drove all the way to Costco. Yeah. Before you go anywhere, you should check your local firefighter page. 100%.

Because, you know, they do tweet about things. They do. do, I have checked it before. Yeah. I checked at that time that helicopter was above us in Korea Town. See, here's the thing, though. We check when we have an active sighting of something going on. I've never checked it like preemptively.

That would be a very weird thing to me. Right, super weird. And also, I feel like it's not really fair to say, hey, the Costco caught on fire or whatever, or there was a fire and evacuated, and why didn't anyone warn me? Mm-hmm. You should have shared your location maybe if somebody would have told you so.

And I wonder if do the different. Costco locations have their own Twitter accounts? That would surprise me. I think there's a phone tree. You don't sign up for the newsletter. You sign up for the phone tree? I feel like Costco has social media, but they're probably doing that same bullshit

that all the other brands are doing of like insert emoji and being quirky and relatable. I feel like although Costco, I would be fine with them doing that. I feel like because Costco would make it weird. But I don't know. I don't know. I think they have the bandwidth. I think they have the ability to make it.

I don't know if they do actively. I think that they should if they don't. And like they should lean into the lightning joke. Oh, yeah. They definitely should talk about their employees getting struck by lightning. That would be fucking hilarious. They should sell the sign that says zero days since a Costco employee. I put that right here.

It's good advertising. Yeah. Let's see if they want to sponsor us. Hey, Costco. Yeah. We're going to talk about that lightning thing a lot. So want to sponsor us? Hey, you know what?

If you don't, I'm going to print a picture that. Moss salad. So this was the one, one of them that didn't have a location. So I was kind of curious, what's 70 miles from this? And like, wow. Okay. Here they go. Did I say the fire app?

You know what? Just read a review. Yes, you did. Let's move on. You're correct. This is a one-star review. This was also submitted by Matt and Elise. I don't know how they find their shit.

Okay. I feel that way about most of these people. I know. About everybody. I found my own reviews and then I kept reading. And then I like, I just replace them with, yeah. Yeah.

I suck at this now sometimes. My challenge is all me, and that doesn't suck. This is a once review of a Costco in Massachusetts by Marianne. I heard they're thinking about removing their froyo. Oh, hell not. Not okay, I wish they wouldn't. It's the only thing that gives me life. I have 10 kids, and the only place they like is Costco.

They only go for the froyo. If they remove it, it'll make my life a living hell. End of root. Jesus. This. One person loved this. People's relationships with Costco, like, they're all so toxic. Don't leave me, Costco.

I'm going to be in big trouble if you do. This is Walmart behavior. I saw that so much. So many of people were like, I got better service at Walmart. It's like, okay? You think like Walmart employees are like always going to be mean to you just because it's Walmart? I got struck by lightning in Barcelona. What does it fucking matter?

What? Who? You? Who? But actually, who the fuck got struck by lightning in Barcelona? Oh, my God. Okay. It is not your turn.

Can you imagine that this person is like, the one thing keeping my sanity intact? The one thing keeping me from living my life, from making my life a living hell is the Costco Froyo. And if that domino goes down, Those are some picky kids. That's worth it. But also like some total bandwagon kids.

Like, fucking get a new interest. All of you like Froyo. Yeah, true. Which one started that? You know what? The reviewer probably started that. So it's probably on them for like being like, oh, let's go to this for Froyo. Fucking freak for Froyo.

Maybe all your offspring wouldn't be also. Ever thought of that? Yeah. Have you thought about that? Okay. My next one, sent in by Jill. She, her. and this is of Costco in Honolulu.

Two stars. I'm convinced that Costco is actually a high-security government facility designed to hide the sun from us. Walking through those sliding doors is like getting slapped in the face with a strobe light that forgot how to blink. Whoa. I know. That is profound.

Well, isn't it? The breakdown. Oh, dear. The lighthouse experience. Why is the lighting so aggressive? I'm just trying to buy a 40-pound bag of frozen, blueberries, not perform open heart surgery. It's a level of brightness usually reserved for questioning high-level fugitives.

Oh, my God. The reflection crisis. Between the polished concrete floors and the plastic wrap on literally everything, the glare is a safety hazard. True, your eyes. That would have just give you a migraine, too, with you for a certain point. As if you've never been in a Costco. I've never had a migraine either, so I wouldn't know. True, me neither.

Yeah. I spent 10 minutes trying to read the price of a kayak, only to realize I was staring into a portal of pure, unadulterated white light. What? The zombie aesthetic. If you ever wanted to know what you'd look like if you were raised in a basement and fed only vitamin D supplements, just look in a mirror at Costco. The cool-tone fluorescence give everyone the complexion of a Victorian ghost.

The verdict. The deals are legendary, but the lighting is a war crime. I've started bringing a headlamp. Not because it's dark, but because I need to protect my own warm white aura just to maintain my sanity. End of review. Wow. Talk about a mask of sanity. My 10 children are all wearing headlamps to get to the Froyo. That's how much.

And then they get the Froyo and it's white. And they're like, ah! That's how good. Oh, my. It's blinding. It's called snowblown. What is it called snowburn? Snowburn? Like when you get a sunburn, but it's because the sun reflect off the snow.

Oh, okay. I made that up. I mean, it's still from the sun. So I feel like that would still be called a sunburn. Right. And there's snow blindness, though. What's the thing I'm thinking? That's the amount.

Yeah. I said that a few times. I know. Okay, just making sure you heard. So I've a review. This is the last one I have, but it comes with photos. So don't worry, Alexander. You'll get a really good experience.

This is a one-star review sent in by Matt and Elise of a Costco in Massachusetts. New muffins version. Huh? Oh, new version of muffins. Sorry. If you're already lost, we're going to have. Of all things you've read so far, that's what trip me up. If we're going to be lost now, you might as well buckle in and just be lost the whole time.

Here we go. I'm locked in here. Jay says, new muffins version. Excellent price for eight pack of blueberry cream muffins. Fresh, nice flavor. Issue is minimal blueberries. Some of my muffins had zero to one blueberry. I guess a good cake muffin, but do not call them blueberry muffins.

End of review. Okay. Now, here are some pictures. This caption is, says blueberries. Oh, it does say blueberries. Well, it also says a lot of things. Yeah, that's the ingredients label. Jesus Christ.

The ingredients label, blueberries, let's say, are not necessarily near the top. Yeah, okay. It's like probably lower. It's like a CVS receipt. Holy moly. It does. Locust bean. Well, that's where the moth came from.

Oh, my God. It's in there. Just read the ingredients next time. How silly of us. It's organic locust. Yeah, this is not like a great. look. I feel like if I were like, doesn't this thing have blueberries and I looked at this list? I'd be like, actually, I think I'm better off not knowing.

Yeah. Locust, whatever, is not for me. Okay. Locust bean. That's a thing. But is it a locust? Oh, I thought it was like when they used, no, I thought it's like when they used beetle, like casing or whatever for like dyes or what have you. Okay, that makes me feel better. Yeah, I believe it's a tree. Oh, thank God. Okay, I really was worrying they were actually because bean gum is a vegetable gum extracted from the seeds of the carob tree. Okay, that makes me feel a lot better. Thank you so much. I will say, yeah, blueberries is up in the top.

So, like, top third of ingredients. Okay, not bad. Here's a photo that says actual interior of muffins. Oh, it's like four total blueberries. Yeah, they did say, yeah, zero to one, which is true because they're kind of cut at an edge. Oh, I see. It could be five-eighths of a blueberry in one of these. Oh, yeah, true.

Five eighths each? Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Five eighths each. And then this picture says $6.99 for muffins, good price. Hmm. So they've kind of laid out a lot of things here for us.

It's a good price for... How many reviews does they give it? One. Okay. I was like, there's some redeeming factors, I guess, the price. Eight pack of blueberry. Okay, to be fair, to be fair, it says muffin eight pack cream cake. No, none of this sounds good.

I'm actually going to close my phone. I'm feeling starting to feel a little bit ill. Yeah, that was not. I thought the moth really did mean, but this one's starting to wear on me a bit. You'd rather have moths or locusts than blueberries? I would say I didn't actually say that I would like to point out you kind of just twisted my words. But it was a question. It felt like an accusation.

In that case, you're like getting defensive. You're projecting something on this. So like, I'm going to continue to believe that you'd rather eat bugs. Okay. You know what? You tell yourself whatever you need to sleep at night. I'm going to sleep so well now. You're going to hear this when you sleep.

Kind of. Stop crunching on locust next to me. Here's a review sent in by Shannon Sheeher. This is my last one before my challenge. This is of Costco in Columbia, South Carolina. One star. Don't come here for fountain drinks. They're horrible and they taste like crap.

And the workers refuse to do anything about the taste that reminds me of water with snail remnants. Terrible, terrible, terrible. No, no, no. End of review. Oh, God. You know they hit the panic button. when this person arrived.

Yeah. The panic button that just put like snail remnants in the thing. Put it on the soda machine. They're like, oh, panic. Say the snail remnants. Snail remnants.

I said the panic button. So what's the difference? Am I right? Am I right, folks? Check the fire department's Twitter page first. If you're going to go get a fountain soda, you need to make sure

the fire department has not alerted the public of any serious issues. You can't blame the workers for this. The snail mucent is probably regulated, like really closely. You'd think it's a controlled substance? Yeah. Yeah.

One time I asked to see what she wanted. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, I know. And I had to buy a snail. Oh, my God, I'll never get over it. Yeah, you have to buy a snail. She just put it on her face and let it crawl around. I had to buy snail.

I had to buy snail. You know, I did have to buy snail mucon. Yeah. I didn't want to say it again, but here we are. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I recently went through finding a new psychiatrist.

And it is one of my least favorite things ever. Yeah, it's never easy. And it's always seemingly when you're obviously in need of the most help. So it's like a double whammy. Thankfully, there's tachyotry. Tachyatry is a 100% online psychiatry practice that provides comprehensive evaluations, diagnoses, and ongoing medication management for conditions like ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and more.

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That's talkkiyatry.com slash beach to get matched in minutes. I saw you walking down the street at some point, and there was quite the strut in your step. You are you, Roy Orbison? Geez, I did have a strut in my stuff. Thank you for noticing Alexander. I was wearing my heart glasses from Zeni. There are these heart-shaped glasses. There are RFID blocking, so if creeps like Alexander can see me, they can't, like, take my identity and stuff.

Yeah, I tried. Yeah, he did try. He said, I'm Roy Orbison. I'm going to take your identity. No, I love Zeni. They do give me, like, they make me feel like cute and edgy. I don't know. It's like you can find cool glasses that are, you know, like a statement piece, right? Like, or you can find just, you know, if you're looking for more affordable frames, just normal prescription lenses. They have transitions lenses. They've got so many options. But it's very customizable. So yeah, my heart glasses, I customize them to turn red in in sunlight or pink. Oh, that's like a laser to attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, to attack people like you. That's fun, though. But they don't offer the lasers yet, but I'm sure they will someday.

Hopefully. Yeah. If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time. Go to zeni.com slash podcast and use code podcast 15 for 15% off your first order. The style sell out, so don't sit on it. That's zE-N-N-I.com slash podcast promo code, podcast 15. My challenge. My challenge today was to find reviews that use the phrase, leave it to me.

Yeah, those are struggled with this. At first, because for some reason, it kept telling me there were zero results. His browsers have been acting funny today. It was bizarre. And then she sent me a screenshot. And I was like, oh, there are tons of, like what? I was like actually, so try typing in G-O-O-G-L-E.com. Hit enter.

Man, man, man, man, man. That's where I was caught up on that one. I know. It was hard for you. I know. Oh, thankfully, I do have something from cruisecritic.com. Oh, good. And I'm only going to read a short paragraph

First of two, let's see Short paragraph. I'm only just going to read a short paragraph on this comedy podcast. This is a post by Little Blue, who the original post is Enchantment of the Seas, Cabin 766666 review February 28, 2014.

I'm going to read about their experience with the food. The food. We ate at chops the first night. Amazing, amazing, amazing. The next two nights we ate in the dining room. and were seated at the same table each time. Had the same staff who were amazing, and we enjoyed the food and desserts both nights.

The staff even brought us extra desserts to try and sample. My drink never got empty before a new one arrived. We ate at the Wind Jammer once for breakfast, and only once. The food was cold, not good. Oh, wind jammer. You should know better. You should know better, people. Eat there for lunch.

It was just okay. I was disappointed. We never did order room for. service, but we did pre-order vanilla cupcakes delicious. This is my dining room horror story, though. We were at a table on the upper level right next to the balcony. Oh, my God. Leave it to me to drop my butter knife all the way down to the next level.

Don't. Luckily, no one was hurt. No one was stabbed with my knife. Don't say hurt. A dull butter knife. You threw a knife. It doesn't matter. I know.

Holy shit. Luckily, no one was hurt. The knife fell on a tray somehow. I was horrified. I wanted to run and hide. Yeah, from the police. Yeah, from the ocean police. Yeah.

Also, like, what do you mean that it somehow hit a tray? Well, it was going to hit something. I mean, it's kind of like cool that it landed somewhere that it kind of belonged, you know? Probably shocked the person holding it. Who says someone was holding it? I do. It's way better. You do say that a lot, true.

It's way better. for the story. And if there were to be a lightning storm, we'd be in the perfect scenario. If one's holding a metal, it's a metal tray too. And that's why it was so loud when the butter. It was actually thunder? No. What was so loud? The metal knife fading the metal tray. Oh, that's what was so loud. They thought it was thunder. They said zero days. And then they went, they immediately wrote it. They're like, boom. Zero days since the lightning accident.

Well, it already said zero. They just. They just had a bowl. It's a busy day for them. A butter knife falling and a crew member getting struck by lightning. Now that sign had a three on it. It's a three days since a butter knife has struck someone aboard. I mean, you got put butter on a knife, it's going to be slippery. The fact that you can be sitting on a cruise ship end, like of all the, you know how many liabilities and waivers and things, and they somehow, you somehow still miss a butter knife flung over the edge to where it can harm.

Someone. It's kind of, yeah, yeah. I'm impressed. When I'm at, like, baseball games or something, if I'm in the front row where the railing is, I always feel like I'm going to drop something over and it's going to land on someone. Yeah, that feels like an intrusive thought that would not leave until you had to, like, remove yourself from that spot. It'd be like a permanent intrusive thought.

If I'm having like a veggie dog and it just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it just like slips out, like, you know, fucking cartoon. This is what you, that's your, oh, honestly, Alexander, though, that you'd go viral probably. and we need that. We do need that. We need a viral moment. Okay. We'll plan that.

If you want to squirt your veggie dog out. Do not say that sentence again. At home flight. I know you're sitting in the VIP. You just told everyone front row like we're not supposed to notice. I meant front row of the upper deck level, but yeah. Oh. I mean like where there's a railing and people.

Oh, no. I thought you mean. I've never been close to the field before in my life. I was like, how often is it happening that you're behind home plate? See, I create a railing. stories of my head. In my mind, he was behind him playing with them. I'm so much more impressive or financially or whatever.

Well, you said down where the, and I was like, the rich people sit? Yeah, because I'm above them, so I'm going to drop it down to the rich people. Perfect. Okay, yeah. Eat them. Jesus. I'll drop a fork. Drop yourself.

Jesus. With a fork. You're like, ah. Okay. Well, uh, My next one is from a little website called tarotforum.net. This is the one that wouldn't let him in. It literally said verification failed and I glanced over and over again.

And it's this tarot forum and I'm like, oh, who blocked him? Someone. But I made it through. I'm on your Wi-Fi, by the way. It probably is like actually she's visited this enough. Anyway, here's the start from 2013, by the way. Okay. Really?

Gosh, leave it to me to make a donkey of myself. So here's the thing. anyone who has been following my threads about Sam, you won't need much background information. Oh, God. I mean, y'all, I could not find this. Oh, wait, really? The original, you can't click on a user and look at their history. At least I couldn't figure it out.

Maybe I just- But you're also blocked from the website, so. Exactly. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I needed to make an account-well. You all know about Sam. I love this energy, though. This is like so live journal days.

Oh, my God, yes. Of, like, you know who you are. Oh, yeah. And, like, I didn't think we needed. the context for us to follow along. I mean, maybe you won't be able to follow, but it's interesting regardless. So maybe you will get the gist. I'm sure the tarot cards will clear it up for us.

We'll see. Add a lot of clarity in detail. You know how I confronted him? And you guys told me to just let it simmer down? Well, guess what I... They're like, please, just cool it. Well, guess what I did to really now help the situation. I freaking messaged him again.

Girl. Drunk. Pissed off and drunk. Girl. Good Lord. I woke up the next day thinking, no, no, it didn't happen. No, girl. No way, it was a dream.

It was no dream. Terrific. I didn't say anything really that bad, but still, I needed to leave him alone. Did I? No, L.O.L. If you're wondering how I was able to message him, well, I was able to because I used my old Facebook account. He didn't block that one. I'm kind of surprised he didn't do that in the first place, but boy, I was no better by blocking him.

because I didn't want to hear it. Plus, I wanted to before he did. Have you ever regarded blocking someone? No. One time I blocked my ex and then we like never made up it. And then I was like, now I want to know. But I'm like, I can't unblock him now. Yeah, you can, but don't.

Well, when I blocked him, unfriended him. That's fine. No, but what I was saying is I wish I had not blocked him at the time. Not anymore. I don't give a shit anymore. But back then I blocked him and then I would like realize like, oh, fuck, now I have to like add him as a friend if I want to see his face. Facebook, huge mistake.

I blocked an X and received an email not long after that. Am I reen? Yeah, I was an update about my Costco membership. Who do you think? The person I just blocked. Okay, well. I didn't block her email. You get a lot of emails.

I guess, but like what would possibly come next in that sentence? So basically, Sam, everyone said, you know what to do, girl, like, chill. Yeah, just let it simmer. Let us it. like don't activate this again. And then she said, oh, chill, chill, we'll do that. Pissed.

Drunk, pissed off. And found it old Facebook account. Used a old Facebook account. That's premeditated. This is premeditated. So don't forget we're on tarot forum.net. So I asked the cards what he's thinking and what will pass between us now that I've made a complete ass of myself.

He is partner two, by the way. Wait, what? There's partner one and partner two. There are two people that are in this person. life. Oh, no, no. This is like they're pulling cards for like position one position two. Goodness, you were there.

Or you're here for that because I was like, there's a second person here. Can you get a click take of that? No. Say it again. No. Say it. I'm so pissed you're here right now. Say that.

That. That. Hank. That's time of a clear. Okay. I am listing the cards in order to how they were laid. The foundation of the relationship. Aid of Pentacles.

It sounds like there's a lot of hard work. a need for thorough understanding of what's going on here. In order for both parties to be happy, it will take a ton of hard work. The recent past, four of cups. There was a lot of stale air. Nothing is happening. This is because I wasn't doing anything to try to make a change. Do you know that that was a card I pulled earlier?

Four of cups? Yeah. Yeah. No. Okay. When I was nice about things, he kept pushing me away. He pushed my emotions away. That's why he blocked me.

He simply didn't want to hear it. Current state of the relationship So I made him hear it Oh yeah Five of swords reversed Neither party is victorious Both people are playing mind games Yeah stupid

Obstacles King of Swords I have no idea how to interpret that one At all as an obstacle Maybe there's a person that's going to make it hard for us to see eye to eye Bud Partner One's views Strength

I think that I need to be strong to not let him take advantage of me I don't really know what to make of this card as my view of the situation or how I see him. I see him as the line depicted in the card. Oh, no. I'm using soft force. Oh. Partner 2's views, page of pentacles. He sees that I am being very persistent, almost dogged persistence.

As how he may view the situation? No clue. Partner one's expectations. Nine of swords. I'm expecting the worst and panicking. I'm expecting for him to do something that will stop me dead in my tracks. Not sure. Partner two's expectations.

Page of Cups. He's expecting me to apologize or grovel. No. Okay. Outcome. Death. It can either be a deep transformation or the end of us ever talking. Not sure.

Hmm? Not sure. End of post. Your angels were like, let's hand select the most curated, obvious here. What's the outcome of your relationship? Death. It says it on the fucking card. I don't know.

could be a new beginning. I mean, I love the enthusiasm. Do you? Well, no, not in the context of this scenario, but in the context of... Someone who's blocking you, boundaries. Okay, let's be super clear. I love the enthusiasm about a card meaning something more than just doom and terror. Okay.

I would say, though, when you have an inclination, kind of go with your gut, and I feel like this person should also be... I saw it. This is like so... Oh, my God. There was this meme. I'll be very quick. A terror meme, but it was...

was like me when I asked for like guidance and it she like pulled three cards and it was like you already know the answer and then one is like it could be anything you choose and then the other one's like you don't need to know right now like it like all the symbols like well just like the three things that are like we're not going to tell you okay and I think death is very similar of like what's the outcome of this relationship that's already clearly on a bad footing and people on the strangers on the internet are telling you to leave this person alone yes and you pull death and you're still like, just can't quite read this. Like, maybe someone will come between us.

Like, and especially like if you, if you are like into this, believe in it, posting on TerraForre. Yeah. Like, it just feels like, yeah. Take the hint. Take the hint. Yeah. I mean, we've all been there.

I mean, well, I've been there. I don't know about other people, but I've been there. That X I talked about did message me on a different account. Irene. Yeah. Yeah. And I was welcome to it. And then like, we had a brief chat and then that was it.

And I was like, oh, that was good. but it was fucking five years after the breakup, you know? And it was a conciliatory gesture. It wasn't like a drunk late night anger rant. Yeah, it was really nice. It was a kindness during, yeah. So anyway, so yeah, let it simmer. Give it five years or whatever.

Let him cook, you know. Okay, go away. Jesus Christ. There are certain days when I want to look put together enough that people aren't like, but also not like spend a ton of time on getting ready. And that's when Jones Road really comes in. They've got some products that I've loved for a long time and some new ones that I'm just now getting to experience. I love the miracle bomb.

I've used it for several years. It's like the perfect kind of like shimmery, sheer tint to put on and give yourself kind of like a little glow, a little glisten. But without a ton of product, you can use it like as many different types of product on your face. It's just a very useful product. And I keep one in my bag because everywhere I go, I'm like, oh, just a little dab. of a little glow, you know. Yeah, I couldn't agree more with all of that. Yeah, he didn't be honest.

Yeah, I don't know what else I couldn't even add. You covered it all so, so well. Basically, we're twinning in that regard. Absolutely. Yeah. Modern day makeup that's clean, strategic, and multifunctional for effortless routines. For limited time, our listeners are getting a free, full-size mascara on their first purchase when they use code Beach 2 Sandy at checkout.

Just head to Jones Road Beauty.com and use code Beach to Sandy at checkout. After you purchase, they will. ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Hi, I'm Stasi Schroeder. On my podcast, I share candid updates from my personal life, chat with some of my best friends about what's going on in our lives, give commentary on the latest pop culture headlines, and sometimes deep dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast, Stasi, wherever you get your podcast.

Okay, my next one is of West Side Toe in Los Angeles. This first sentence maybe has never been said before in history. Five stars. Toe truck drivers are unsung heroes in my book. You know what they say? Oh, Scott. Someone's got to love them, you know? We should do that channel.

Have we done that where it's like, you know what they say? And then it's like somebody nobody says. I feel like that would be a good show. Somebody remind me of that. While L.A. City does their best to repair all the potholes in the city after a major storm. Their best? Yeah, what is... Scott's fucking a simp for the fucking tow truck drivers and the L.A. City?

The L.A. City? I mean, come on, Scott. I do appreciate the positivity. I do. Optimism, et cetera. You didn't feel that way about the tarot card. Which one? Death? Yeah. Also, I pulled... So then he was reading this and then I was like, what's the energy surrounding our recording today? And then this card flew out and I was like,

Exeter, you'll never believe it. It's death. And he was like, that's weird. Anyway, so now, and then I did it again. I came out again. And I was like, all right, that's enough of that for now. But anyway. Yeah, and I was in agreement.

Maybe I was accidentally doing a reading for this girl. Maybe that's how strong her energy is. From 2013. Just like through the timelines. Yeah. person's angel. That's insane. This is why these sites are so heavily guarded against people like you.

Me? Because of my negativity? That's not okay. While L.A. City does their best to repair all the potholes in the city after a major storm, many are not reported or haven't been repaired yet. Leave it to me to hit one of them at night on a poorly lit street. Bam!

I'm trying to leave it to you. Stop. Don't involve me in it. I thought I was okay, but when I left the restaurant I was at, I saw the tire was completely flat and rim almost touching the ground. I slowly made my way to the Chevron station two blocks down and tried to fill up the tire. No, go. West Side Toe to the rescue. My car warranty covers toes and they dispatched West Side Toe. They initially said it was going to be 90 minutes, but I got a text from the driver within 15.

I then got a call from the driver confirming my location and he was on his way. Curtius, fast, and reliable. When he arrived, he asked about the spare. And wouldn't you know, Honda doesn't include spare tires anymore on hybrid models. Leave it to Honda. Leave it to Honda. Drove me to the Honda Culver City, and he even walked me through the process of leaving the key in the key drop and where to park. I was about to say that.

I was like, I imagine. I went to the one in Glendale and then the one in that one if they didn't have appointments available. Nice. Yeah, good times. Oh, Glendale. I was going to call Lyft for a ride back home, but he offered to take me as it was less than two miles or so. On the ride back, he recommended I purchased a spare. tire and just keep it in the trunk. I didn't know you could buy a donut. Next time you are in a

jam, reach out to West Side Toe. They're also AAA and cover the entire West Side. End of review. Wow. All right. They got a 4.1 out of five, 186 reviews. For a tow company? Yeah, so. That's impressive. No, I, leave it to them. Leave it to them to get 4.1 stars out of five. Wow. Got to hand it to them. Leave it to me. That is pretty impressive. Leave it to me to eat a pothole in Los Angeles. Okay. Likely thing to happen. Very like. thing to happen. All right. I've got one more.

This is my favorite. Don't worry. This is of... I am worried now. Kensington Stables. Unfortunately, this location is permanently closed, but it was in Brooklyn, New York. What? What?

Kensington Stables. Yeah, what? Is that real? It's like out of the parent trap for some shit. Oh, it does. It does. Yeah, very much so. Maybe it's...

Chessie. Why did that name not take off? I don't know. I kind of like it. Oh, okay. So this was over 12 years ago. Back then, I think Brooklyn was just like... A twinkle in...

In the world's eye. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like open land. It was just like it for like farming. Yeah, there's a lot of farmers there. Yeah. Open hunting.

I will say. I mean, New York has a massive park system, a lot of green space. But it would surprise me when I'd look up like I saw like some sort of like animal rescue. And like you see pictures and you're like, wow. And it's like, oh yeah. This is in Queens. Whoa. Like, what?

Okay, all right. I don't know. There's some cool stuff, believe it or not, in New York City. No. I know. Okay, I'm reading the full review, but the actual phrase is in the photo that's attached. Love this. Maybe that's what happened to Irene, because I couldn't find the review.

Oh, it was in a picture maybe? Maybe it was in a caption. Caption, yeah. Oh, I didn't even think of that. My horse, bingo, had a mind of his... I'm never getting through this one. Why? Why bingo?

I don't know. It seems like a good name for a horse. My horse, bingo, had a mind of his own or I wasn't a good enough rider to make him obey. He would ride through the foliage, making leaves smack me in the face so he could grab a bite to eat. Kind of like a drive-thru for horses. Love it. Once I got past the fear of riding through traffic to Prospect Park and nearby standers in the park, it was pretty great. That's fucking crazy. I cannot imagine.

You know what? Now that they're saying that I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that's where they were. To ride up. Oh, my gosh. Especially a horse that wants you to smack your head into a tree branch. Think about what it's going to smack your head into in New York City. And biting the leaves, like eating them, it's going to eat a person.

That's how it works, right? God. The instructor who had us cracking up when she said she would ride her horse through a Burger King drive-thru was patient and stayed with us. I felt like an empowered warrior goddess. Until my bra got stuck on the saddle as I slid off to dismount and my boobs almost fell out the bottom of my shirt. Please.

Some guy was giggling off to the side. as he waited for the moment. Thankfully, an employee came to my rescue. Were you just hanging by the bra? This is horrifying. Unlike some reviewers here, I'm no equestrian, so this place exceeded my expectations because I had none. And $37 for an hour seems like a good price.

I think this is a fine spot for city folk who really don't know a darn thing about horseback riding. Disclaimer. The stable smells horrid. Oh. Not sure whether that means it's not being cleaned, as it should, like horse shit. You be the judge.

You likely won't be on your way to ride as soon as you get there because they have to set up. Also note, I went here two years ago. End of review. And then here's a photo captioned, leave it to me to get my bra stuck on the saddle. You have got to be kidding with me, right?

You have got to be... I love that someone in their party, like, took a photo. Hey, friends. This bitch is hanging by the boss her up. She's hanging off her horse by her brawreck. I'm not making that up. Feed her on the ground, at least. It's the front, but it's the front.

They're having to pick her up to get her unhooked. Anyone watching this on YouTube gets to see the, wow, you reenact this. I mean, she's hooked on it. Look, they're trying to get her on hooked. Yeah, she is on her tiptoes. It is, it's, yeah. And there's no, like, faces, so we're going to have this pop up for the YouTube video. So if you're watching on YouTube, you get to see this.

Really delighted about that. You do see Bingo's face. Bingo. I see. I thought it was like my horse bingo and I like, I have this horse. It's my friend Bingo. It's my horse. But they meant like this was the horse I rode for the day.

Because at first I thought, well, surely they're not that much of a city person if they have their own horse. And now by the end, I'm realizing, oh, they don't know that horse stables. That's literally why you say that phrase. Like they're like, I'll leave that to you to decide if horse stables are supposed to smell like horses. I'm like, isn't that kind of their whole thing? thing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever been in a horse table that didn't smell like horses shit, but. But I'll let you decide that. I will decide that. Leave it to me to decide that, please. Oxena, that was really a good one. It was fun, actually. Yeah. I was nervous at the start when I was

like, how is no one on Yelp said leave it to me? There's no way. It's impossible. And my brain fog was so bad that I was like, well, I guess none of these exist. And then I was like, I guess I'm leaving it to no one. Sure enough. I'm like, no, I just needed to look somehow. It's a different way. Someone's sabotaging your browser. After the tarot thing, I just know it's true. Something's messed up. I'll pull some cars afterward and figure it out.

I'll get to the bottom of it. I look forward to hearing what you have to say. I'm sure you do. Thank you so much, everyone, for listening. Check us out on socials at Beachy Sandy on Patreon. If you want to watch that uncomfortable experience, and otherwise, we'll see you here next Wednesday. Bye.

BeachuSandy Water Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borges Wendell, a VW sound. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV. Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free.

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