Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 397: Reviews of Lululemon

Episode Date: July 8, 2026

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Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach Two Sandy, Water, Too Wet. This is a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Zandi. Hi, I'm X-teen, and I'm the sister host. I'm the older sister. I'm the brother.

The little brother. Sure. And we're here today to read you reviews of Lulu Lemon, our favorite. I have one pair of pants from Lou Lemon that are allegedly of size large, and they sure don't feel it. So that's my experience with Lou Lemon. So I had a Lulu Lemon phase, aka a manic episode. Yeah. And I do have random things from them.

And they've lasted since until now. Yeah. And I wear them occasionally. And guess what? Once at a Baltimore Lulu Lemon, I was recognized. You know, I knew there was something. That's why I brought up. I was like, there's something connected here.

Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, you got recognized. I feel special, you know. Yeah. Special, very special. Would you like to go first? Well, I should give you the honor. Why?

Because you've been recognized inside a Lulet Lemon and I've not. That's my claim for the fame. Yeah. It was probably because I tried the pants on and they were like, that's don't. They're like, you're not allowed in here. You're an eyesore. Also, that was at Talbitts. No, that was at Talbitts.

Aritza. Am I wrong? I said Talbitts. That's a little different. What were you talking about? We were talking about Oshkosh, bagash. We were? How would I know?

I mean, sometimes I do dissociate for a long time. This is a one-star review sent in by Pickles of Skinless Jesus fame. Okay, today I opened our inbox, and I was like, let me type in Lou Lemon, and I see Skinless Jesus. I took a photo because I was like, this is not okay. Whatever our searches are, all of them were bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus with no skin. It's true.

There's a lot of that. All thanks to pickles. She sent that original one in. So, so bad. So here's a one-star review. Poor customer service. An employee knocked my door and just opened it when I was naked. I asked her why opened my door?

She said she just wanted to ask if need any size change. No respect to naked customer. Only respect to clothes. Yeah, it was a little like, yeah. I mean, you're naked, put some Lulu on it. That's the thing. They'll respect you once you're wearing your Lulu woman. In five, in dressing group five, we've got naked alert.

I mean, like, you can't. No, that's fucking crazy. You can't go barging. I mean, this is an obvious thing. You can't do that. You'd like to think. You'd like to think it's an obvious thing. But, you know, no respect to naked customers.

For what it's worth, that former listener who recognized me. Former listener. I'm just making assumptions. Oh, I was like, what? I almost called them a listener, and I was like, odds are they're not. Alexander, you can't just. But this is the scarcity mindset I keep telling you. you about when you talk about, oh, a person statistically who listens to your podcast and

recognized you and had a good interaction with you and you're like, statistically, they no longer listen to my, like, that's not even true. That's how bad yourself talk is. We're going to have, this is a for privacy. Will you give us a little privacy for a minute? Britt, they, them, sent this one in. It's a Lulam in at the Eastern Town Center in Columbus, Ohio. Oh, oh, at the Strand. Oh. Is that where we had our show? I don't know.

Maybe. It feels like maybe. Columbus has all these like names for things. It's crazy how they do that up there. It's crazy. I'm like, good job. This is a one-star view from Leah. My mom was shopping here alone.

Already off to a good start. My mom. I feel like that's what you'd say about like a 17-year-old. Like my 17-year-old was shopping here alone. Exactly. My mom was shopping here alone and there was a long line to get in. The employee letting people in asked how many people were in her party. What the hell? And she said, one, the man held up an L on his forehead.

What? What? I said, loser. How unprofessional and disrespectful, especially now around the holidays. Especially now? This is not a situation that's especially, it's all the work bad no matter what. My mom has no friends, okay? Leave her alone.

Oh my God, I've never even heard anything like it. I love that. Like, if he, I like that, the idea that somewhere there's a security or like a, you know, camera and they look and he's like no i was doing lulu lemon loser maybe he was saying lulu no i don't know if that's a thing oh my god it's something though

that it's so unbelievable that i think you can get away with that oh that is so absurd it's like what tom hanks does like he does such insane things he's like no one will ever believe that's bill murray that's what i'm about that like or is it No one will ever believe anyone. This is what I'm saying. But yeah, no, that kind of shit.

Oh, wait, it was Jude Law. It always is. I had to say it. And no one will ever believe you about seeing Jude Law three different times. Here's where I'm... Including in China when he was assuredly not in China. Here's what I've grown to learn is that like I don't need external validation. Like I was seeking external validation whenever I saw Jude Law without...

Like he was your like... Your angel or something? Well, it was sort of like, I see, there's my angel, giving me a sign. It's Jude Law in Shanghai. I met, you idiot. I meant that just, I just realized what you thought I meant. What? Wait, what did you mean?

What I met, I was seeing external validation to prove that I saw Jude law. Not that he was my validation. I thought you were like having a come to Jesus. this moment of like, I've had this growth now. A come to Jude Law moment, maybe. Judas? Holy shit. I just was trying to say I now believe my heart believes it.

So it doesn't matter. Here's what I'll say. You won't get mad at me. God knows my heart. Okay. That's something I heard and I liked it. So I'm going to say it. I feel bad for God.

Me too. Oh gosh. I have something sent in by Stacy just as a reminder. These are of Lulu lemons. We're kind of going a little. All over the place. Can you imagine your mom calling and like crying, being like, this man was mean to me?

Like literally it's something you'd expect from your 17-year-old. Not judging this mother. Like, and it's relevant. She was there alone. Oh, my God. But I think the whole story, if you put like a 17-year-old in, it like makes equal and not a sense. Or maybe more.

It made more sense. Maybe more. Okay, this is a two-star review. It's sent in by Stacy. I spend $400 and the worker would not even give me an extra bag. He shoved everything in one bag. Overall, very disappointed that they would not give me an extra bag, even though I made the stock market for Lulu Lemon go up and the roof.

What? You did that? Ring the bell. That's amazing. $400 whole dollars? A hero. Moved the stock market? A hero. Careful. People will just start jumping off buildings in a second. Jesus Christ. She returns one legging. She returns a half a legging and suddenly people are jumping off buildings.

It was a little... Excellent. Poetic? It did hit pretty hard. That's right. Emotional. You're not wrong. That's what I thought.

You know what? It hit like a prick wall. Oh, shit. Okay. So who's turning it? Oh, it's my name. Oh, by the way, we did just have a bonus episode recording, which ended up being a tribute to one of our patrons, Grave for Street, she, her.

In that we opened some thing that she sent our way and then read some, just for Fun read some reviews she sent in about like this guy named, what was his name? Iowa of Steve. You tell me. That was your weird friend. He's not my friend. He talks way too much about your wax. So this is from grapefruit Street, speaking of which.

But okay, grapefruit Street, she heard. Here we go. Lulu Lemon. And this is in Scottsdale, Arizona, one star. Spent $495 and $25 in their store. Paid cash, $500 bills. Wow, we. Look at you go.

Stock market, I feel it's going up. I feel like climbing. The guy, parentheses, question mark. Whatever that means I would not like it. No, it's not good. The guy at the till gave me 75 pennies for two. There's no way that Till had 75 pennies. I said, that's okay.

I don't want pennies for change. You can keep it. I saw quarters dimes and nickels in the register, but he said they were low on those, so he was giving me pennies instead. I'm taking everything back tomorrow and never spending a penny there in the future. But you've got 75 to spend.

So many. No, I guess they have those penny, those rolls of coin. That's... 75. I want this to be true. Pennies. I want this to be true. Because someone who talks like this,

They counted out, they stood there and counted out 75 pennies. You're probably right. It's probably. So they counted up 25 to take out of a, I don't know how many are actually in a lot of us. Maybe they're marketed. Maybe they are. You got me there. What do I know about a roll of coins?

I feel like I've spent a lot of time unrolling those. Did we do that as children? Why can we do that? It feels so familiar. Isn't that like really dingy back room? The cafe our parents had? No, no. I'm not.

Oh, I brought it. I've got it up because I'm not... Because you scared me for a moment. Backrooms, no. But like, no, yeah. I've done that a lot. We did that a lot. And I've sorted coins a lot.

Why are we always doing that? Huh. That's troubling. Anyway. I've also filled those things. That's the worst. That sucks. This is a one-star review sent in by Blue, she heard.

Love the crew t-shirt. I bought two sweaters, one Navy Blue and the other green. As soon as I received them, I tried them on and loved them. That same evening, I wore the green first for one hour. While eating a bite of Greek salad, a tiny piece of tomato fell onto the sweater. I immediately took off the sweater to clean the stain. After placing it on my table, I used mild soap and water to clean the stain, then hung it on a hanger to dry. As I liked the style and the fit, in the evening, I bought two more, one black and one white.

The next morning, I realized that the stain had not to be. disappeared, but it was appearing on the back of the sweater. In addition, water stains had appeared. So I put the sweater in my washing machine with a very mild detergent and cold water, delicate cycle, put back on a hanger to dry for the day. Once again, the next day, I noticed that the stains were still there. So I wrote to Lulu Lemon customer service and included photos showing the stains on the sweater. The response was, Lulu Lemmon's warranty does not cover accidents. Although it is advised not to to dry clean, I took it to a dry cleaner. The owner's comment was that the problem was due to

poor quality of the fabric. Oh, you hate to hear it. For a cost of $11, the stains were gone. The owner also mentioned that it was possible that sweat stains might appear with water or under armpits. It's frustrating because I paid $110 for the two sweaters. I then decided to cancel my order for the other two sweaters when they were delivered. I wrote a second time to Lula Lemon. Their response, No, nothing can be done. Nope. Furthermore, when I received my sweaters, the black one already had discoloration marks on the front and back. We're actually just pre-stain it for you.

Don't worry about it. Go take it to your dry cleaner friend. Oh, if you love him so much. Oh, my God. The color wasn't uniform. I even had the impression that I received a sweater that had been sent upside down. I also took additional photos. I used to be a regular Lulu lemon customer, but I assure you that's over now.

end of review. Wow. I was meaty. Wow. Tomatoy. See, I love that beginning where I was like, one little tomato caused an avalanche. What you should have said, really. It feels like it, right?

What you should have said was when they said, we don't cover accidents, feel like it wasn't an accident. I put it there on purpose. Yeah. And I think my sweater should be able to handle that, which, guess what? It probably should. I mean, for the price, outright. And like it always seems to be the expensive ones that I immediately stain and then can never get properly cleaned.

Of course. Which is like, why? That's maddening. I know. Is that the point? I don't know. There's also the, they think they received a sweater upside down. Oh, yeah.

I assume they mean the design. I just said that and was like, that blue brought it up too. Because yeah, I'm picturing like opening it like, why is it upside down? Oh, no. And then having to turn it right, which is so silly. It's like a reverse. like a tarot reverse card reading. I don't know. Yeah, it's exactly like that. Could mean an omen. Alexander and I have been much more active than we have in past years, at least.

That's true. I didn't know where to begin when it came to like finding basics. And that's why I was so excited. It felt like I like manifested that Fabletics became a sponsor. I agree. I'm wearing one of my Fabledics shirts now. And he didn't even realize. Crazy comfortable. And they have something like different types of shirts and options and colors. Oh, it was, they're so. They're so. cute. And they have these like butter yellow ones. And I'm like, ooh, I would never normally wear that. But it's affordable enough that you're like, oh, I can buy like a set and try it and see. When you sign up as a new VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off everything, which makes it so easy to grab. I'm in a biker shorts era. So I've got probably every color. Actually,

my neighbor, Ann, said, whoa, you look good. And I went, hey, thanks. I was very excited. So I got a compliment. Good. You deserved it as long as you were wearing your fabletics. It was. Shop now at fabletics.com slash beach to get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select Beach when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited time offer, so don't wait. Again, that's fabletics.com slash beach for 70 to 80% off everything as a new VIP. I think one of the many cool things about Hungry Root is that they start to learn your taste and start sending you things that they think.

you'd like and turns out things that you actually will like. Yeah, I didn't realize like how much I was into like chia and stuff. And then they sent out and I was like, how did you know? But even with Leona, though, it is, but in the best way because, you know, they send groceries straight to your door. So like, I'm not going to complain about it. But yeah, I've discovered some new things that Leona likes too, which is great. So we add those into the rotation. And then it kind of like builds on itself. It's a really cool service. Yeah. It's like to be seen is to be loved. Oh my God. Wow. That's right. I don't know if we're allowed to say that, but I'm going to pretend it's the case either way.

Here's the thing. It's the truth. And you're going to love Hunger Route as much as we do. For a limited time, get 40% off your first order. Plus, get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungarroot.com slash beach to sandy and use code Beach2 Sandy. That's Hungarroot.com slash Beach to Sandy. Code Beach to Sandy to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life.

Colleen sent this one in. And this is a review of the Wonderlust belt bag. Is this what you own? Do you own this? I do own a belt bag from theirs, and I still love it. It's great for Kings Island. Well, you're going to be happy to hear this five-star review. Oh, good.

I've seen a few reviews say that the belt part is too long for the bag, and being a petite person, I agree, but everything else about it is wonderful. It's so durable. I recently was wearing it over my shoulder across my chest and got into a head-on car collision. Jesus. The bag was under the seatbelt, and there's now a visible line in it from the seatbelt locking up, but not one mark on my chest because when the bag is full, it created a two-inch cushion between me and the seatbelt. Thanks, Lulu.

End of Roos. Like, it's a fucking airbag, but for the seatbelt? Yes, it's like a little soft landing. That seems unsafe to wear that in the car. Oh, it's absolutely. Of course it's unsafe to wear that in the car. Hmm. It's like as if someone, you know, every now and then those clips go around where it's like clips.

those where they say like, oh, don't ever wear a claw clip in your hair because when you crash, pieces will get embedded in your skull. Jesus. It's like final destination. I get it on my feet, my TikTok feed, like regularly. Like, remember ladies? Like, don't wear a clip. And I'm like, okay, if I'm in a head-on collision that bad, there's other. Yeah. And like, aren't they plastic? Yeah. And they're like, oh, but. I feel like they'd break first.

Okay. There have, yes, there have been documented instances. Okay, they're dangerous. They go. They can get into your head. Okay. Goody. Good to know. If you lean back. and you can feel it, it's probably not a great spot to have it there. There are worse things in my head than that. Pedy being one of them. Maybe we'll get him out.

Put a clock clip right here and then get in a head-on collision. Yeah, and just pick out that fraction of a whatever. There we go. I'm not going to say units because I forget how big he's supposed to be. 40 millimeters? So Rachel sent something in, and she had mentioned that Lulu Lemon designed the Canadian Olympic uniforms. Really?

Back in 2024. So you haven't seen them, huh? Neither had I. Nope. And I'm kind of surprised I missed it, but. If you missed it, I certainly missed it. So here's a picture of the specific look that this review is about. Okay, it's tough for me.

It is tough. I will say when I looked at other stuff, there were some good things in there. Things I liked. Of their designs of different jackets and, you know. Uniforms. This one, here's like a far away clip of a picture of a team. But anyway, here we go. No, but seriously, by far the worst Olympic uniforms I've ever seen.

Like, how did this design get past everyone at Lulu Lemon? Looking like the illegitimate love child of bacon and a guy who took a shotgun to the chest. And then they included a picture of strips of raw bacon. That's what I felt ill about. I look. It's similar, like the coloring of it all. I looked at it. I thought the color looks sickly.

It's because it looks like raw pork. And it also kind of looks like an American psycho Patrick Bateman with his like plastic. Yes. Like he's wearing the plastic and it's splattered in blood. Terrible. Picture it. Anyway, enjoy that image. Wow.

Yeah. Well, that did paint a picture. Thank you. You're welcome. This one is a review sent in by Holly Sheeher. It's of the Steady State Pullover hoodie. And the title of this review is, if head is shaped like beaker from the Muppets, one star.

Poorly designed. Good quality. Not if you're eating a fucking Greek salad, though. You better be wearing. Oh, yeah. If you have a head that is extremely small, this might be the hoodie for you. If you are ordering double fat XXL, like me, as I'm somewhat horizontally gifted, then chances are this isn't.

the case. I feel like though your head shape doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how. I don't know, but I love horizontally gifted. That's amazing. That's hilarious. It's really good. That's really good. That's so good. I'm somewhat horizontally gifted. Chances are this isn't the case. I was able to force head through, but it was difficult and it hurt. For those with medium or small heads, you still won't be able to get on without removing ear pods. And if you wear earrings, you may injure yourself. I have never returned any clothing. This was a first. Very disappointed in the brand as higher quality items normally fit large, not small. End of review. And what is this? A hoodie. A hoodie. Okay. But you know how they do? Like they are so tight. Oh yeah, yeah. Like I don't wear. I don't like that. I thought they were saying their head was too small. No, they said if your head is tiny, it might be the sweatshirt for you. So this is, yeah. But I being horizontally gifted. I have had plenty of sweatshirts. Zandi has the big head problem. Yeah, but like most of mine now are large or X-L, and they don't. They're fine.

Yeah. But once I get to medium and I feel like I'm between medium and large, I'm all over the place. You can feel that. As if I care. But you can tell, yeah, the mediums, sometimes I put them on and I'm like, but that's how I felt about those sweatpants where I was like, large sweatpants should be able to at least like pull halfway on. You don't know what I mean? Like, there's something geometrically, like, right, maybe if I'm beaker shaped.

Mm-hmm. But yeah, the response to is like. You're close. We hear you. Thanks. I've been training all day, every day. I can tell. We hear you. Like, okay, thank you, Lou.

We hear you about your feedback about it being big enough. Yeah. It's valuable insight. Okay, I'm sure it is. Anyway. This was sent in by Grapeford Street. This is of the Lulu Lemon Never Lost Keychain, Nine Inch. This is a black keychain.

It's just a strip that says Lulu Lemon on it. Keychain. What is that? What would you call that? Oh, like a keychain, a lanyard, I don't know. Yeah, but like what material is that? Oh, nylon. Okay, nylon. It's like a seatbelt. Anyway, this is the 30s.

Wait a minute. Do you see that mark? That was cut off by a firefighter. Crazy. Oh, my God. There's a lore behind this. Yeah, eBay listing was used in a Lulam and car crash and passenger. Is that why it's $36, which is, Jesus. Wait, that keychain is 30. Yes.

The fact I've spent money at this place. I mean, I can't. Now I'm like, I don't, I probably couldn't afford it that and little now. Well, I mean, frankly, after I heard they barge it on naked people, I'm like, I don't think so. Oh, that makes me more likely to go. I know. Anyway, this is a review of that keychain, one star. Not worth it.

Literally so overpriced. I'd rather get myself a piece of paper and write Lulu Lemon on it. And bam, we have identical twins. identical twins Bam Bam But I would Like if somebody

Like just put a piece of paper And then put it on their keychain I'd be like this fucking great I like that I mean yeah I don't know I'd be like what's going on here I'd totally love it

I wouldn't put it on my keychain No I'd be like what's happening here And are you doing okay But otherwise pretty funny Pretty good Pretty funny I'd put it Okay I've one more

And this is from Blaze Not mine Spelled the same, though, and says, seemed excited about my blaze, but then said, have yet to meet a lady who is a blaze, though, and then said, I'm lonely. Oh. So if there are any other blaze ladies, lady blazes, I should say, lady blaze. That's what I call blaze. Lady blaze. If there are any other lady blazes out there, let us know.

Maybe you can finally meet your match, two blazes in a room. You know what they say? I'm lonely. Five stars. Relatable. I love this too, because this is actually from. the Lulu Lemon app. I'm sorry, website.

And I didn't know this, but apparently you can make a profile, sort of. So it says zippies. They're zippy Z, I guess, is the user, five stars, location, Michigan, athletic type, sweaty generalist. Is this like your eneagram? Yeah.

What does that mean? No clue. What you like, material and colorway, what you didn't like price. Here we go. This is a five-star review of a Lulu lemon. in scrunchy. Quite the pickup.

Well, it worked. I wear one on my wrist and the girls stop flocking to me. No normal guy buys a scrunchy for himself, so it must be his girlfriends, right? Right. I can finally have some peace and quiet at the beach this summer. Also, I can shoot one across the room of my boss when he gets on my nerves. Solid eight out of ten, because the price is a little high. End of review.

So, yeah, obviously a joke review, but I like the idea that, like, hey, this is worth so much more than just a scrunchy. It has multi-purpose. Yeah. I feel like, depending on where you are, I feel like if you're in a place where there would be women flocking to you. Right. It's a weird place for you to have a scrunchy on your wrist unless you have long hair or are with someone who does. I'm not judging. True. It would be more effective.

Like, why not a wedding ring? You know? Because I'm trying to think of ways that I can do that. Well, because does Lulu Lemon make a wedding ring? No, that's a problem, so I can't get one. Also, I actually just don't like rings. Sorry, everyone. Sorry, but your wife, she doesn't mind.

Ex-wife. Don't say it ain't so odd. I'd say to her what happened. I'm so sad. I'm so sad. What happened? My barrel wife, all tapped out. It can't be.

So I tapped out. It can't be. She rolled away. No. Anyway, what were we talking about before you brought that up? How much you have wedding rings? And now you don't have wedding ring only because your favorite Brian Lillol Lemon hasn't made one yet.

Yes. But I don't know if I'd wear it anyway because I don't like rings. Could you do a scrunchy moment? That's the thing. I wouldn't want to do that like when I'm at the club. I'm trying to keep people away from me. I don't think that scrunchy's the way to go. Okay.

Here's what I'm going to ask you. Because that was clearly like, ha-ha, a pickup. And I want to be clear, this is not a little lemon scrunchy. I don't know where I got this. So don't use this as the- Trust me. We all knew that wasn't really little scrunchy. Just don't zoom and try to figure out what the cost is, because I'm going to have you guess what the price of a Lulam and Scrunchy is, but I don't want you using this to, I don't want to sway.

I wouldn't know. I feel like you should be able to get a three pack for like five bucks. Well, yeah, exactly. But I don't know. A scrunchy should be, this was a free product in like I got, I bought something and they sent me a scrunchy for free to clarify. Generous, wow. Well, it's not. That's what I'm saying.

That's probably the worth. Yeah, I was being sarcastic. Right. But $18. Okay, yeah, that's kind of crazy. It better last forever. It will ward off the chicks. I'll sleep on it.

Don't sleep on it. Can I wear this in a car crash? You can. However, it's not advisable to take it to a dry cleaner ever. For any reason, and don't make me squeeze your head in this door. No, don't do that. Don't make me hang you over a river. But if you squeeze my door enough, I might be able to put a Lulu Lemon pullover on.

He's like more like beaker every day. Oh, careful. Careful. So how do you feel about the billing process a dentist might have? Feel super good about it. What? No, I have looked into getting some sort of night guard custom made at the dentist and it was incredibly expensive. And time consuming.

And time consuming. And I don't want to go to dentist anyway, right? Okay. Sorry. I have to say it. But Remy was able to deliver a kit to my door. I got my custom little night guard and a bottom one too, by the way. And now, double decker.

And I don't have to worry about damage to my teeth from my grinding, especially because I've literally lost a tooth to that before. And that was not cheap either. But I bet it was fun. Was it? No, it wasn't? It wasn't. Can you believe that?

I can't believe it. I know. Well, protect your teeth with Remy by using code Beach to get 55% off your new. night guard from now until the end of August with Remy Club subscribe and save. That's 55% off at shop remi.com slash beach with code beach. Thank you, Remy, for sponsoring this episode. Sometimes in life, you know, when you're going through things

or there's a lot going on and you just need a little joy. Sometimes you do a little thing called overspending. What? I've been there. I've been there. Yeah. I once went through a breakup and bought myself a TV that I did not need. Yeah.

Well, sometimes you've got to. cope, you know? And it's good when you have like a protector there, like Rocket Money who is there to kind of catch you when you fall. Because we're all going to fall. Inevitably, we all kind of have our hangups, our hiccups with money, finances. Rocket Money has been such a huge help for both of us. We've loved their service for a long, long time. They track subscriptions. They have the ability to cancel unwanted ones within the app with just a few taps, saving users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions, which is just like it keeps going on. Yeah, and I love there that they automatically will save money for you on the side. They'll take it straight from your account just based on your spending habits. You can set an amount, but you don't even have to do that. Yeah. So I think that's really fun. It's a lot that you can kind of just trust their doing.

And it gives you like a better picture of your finances, which I think is like so, so useful. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash beach. That's rocketmoney.com slash beach. RocketMoney.com slash beach. All righty.

Time for my challenge. Yay. The challenge was to find reviews that mentioned Christmas in July. Oh, perfect. So here's one that was sent in by, actually, too. So click whole post. That was like, yay, Hanukkah in June. What?

Oh, click whole post? Okay. Click hole. It's like a. satire thing. Anyway, it was like, yay, Hana and June. It's like, yeah, it is kind of absurd. Like, what are we doing? Well, Naomi Liu sent a couple reviews in. These are of Christmas in July. Oh, right. The movie. Oh, the movie. A movie from 1940, I believe. And here's a little description of it. Based on Sturgis's unproduced 1931 play, a cup of coffee, it follows an ambitious clerk who

was tricked into thinking he has won $25,000 in a coffee company slogan contest and begins using the prize money he is errantly given to fulfill his dreams. Wow. And presumably this takes place in July. This sounds like fun. Yeah. So it's a three and a half star review here. Here we go. Love a movie from the fucking 1940s that depicts the crushing hopes of the working class and the inescapable cycle of capitalism. And it hasn't aged a day. So fun. And really, review. It hasn't aged a day. It's so sad.

It's like, I know, I would never want to watch that because it's like, well, it's just a fucking bummer still. It's not like, wow, what a cool look into history. It's like, no. Yeah. And even then, I think it was a comedy, so it was probably funnier back then. Very funny. Maybe it's not, but in my head it is.

Anyway. We can't trust that head of yours. Yeah. Here's a four-star review. If my coworkers had done this to me, I would have actually. drowned them in this fuck-ass coffee. End of review. So, I guess the plot point is that they were tricked by co-workers.

And there was no revenge had. Maybe. Or not as much as this reviewer beliefs was necessary. The justice to be served. This reviewer thought death was the appropriate. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah.

Well, I mean, the war started a year later. Or like, you know. What war? I don't remember the name, but it'll come to me later. Okay. I hope so. I hope you dream about it. I hope you dream about World War II.

You know, the sick part is, I probably will. I know, that's why I keep saying it. I'm manifesting it. I'm manifesting it. That I dream of. Considering your ancestors. What the fuck? You're born, too.

I am born. What the fuck did I do to do anything to do to deserve? This is a five-star review of two daughters design company. Okay. They were about to kill you for saying. Two daughters decorating or whatever you were about to call it. Yeah, that would have been a problem. I was already shaking in my boots,

especially because this is located in Atlanta. Here's a five-star review. Christine made our Christmas in July wedding of our dreams come true. Whoa. I was literally brought to tears when I saw it all come together. We had so many compliments on our wedding decor.

Christine and her team paid close attention to detail and were very professional. We cannot thank two daughters design company enough for pulling off a Christmas miracle. End of review. Just the other daughter that didn't get a fucking shout out though. True.

Could it be handy? What if it's Christine who has two daughters and it was like a grand gesture type thing of like your daughters? I named this company after you, so you better give me labor. You're not allowed to be part of it. No, you are, but you're just an employee of mine, and I'll save your money on the side. Well, probably have been with the-

I don't know why I'm so rude to this, Christine. It might be because of my relationship with someone else named Christine. It's so weird that you're like projecting all this on someone named Christine. So weird. Anyway, and then Christine responded and said, basically, it was a joy to work with you. It was- said they were both very sweet. Joy to the world.

Joy to the world is right. Here's a picture Oh, I was so, I had already Just. There's two more if you were. Oh, that's actually quite lovely. Oh, yeah, they did a great job. You know, who'd love this.

Santa Claus. VPH. Valerie Parhill. Yeah. Oh, my. She would be all over this. It's not even July yet. Yeah, but she's June 22nd.

She's counting down the days. She's deck. I mean, I was saying she decorated. I guess you do decorate before. Oh, wait. So this is the one she posted, okay, on June 22nd. Here's the next one, June 23rd. Okay.

And here's a video. And there's a live stream for a sneak peek. And so you can kind of picture, well, this is kind of fun. There's a lot more whimsy there and like beach house looking Christmas stuff. But these are all like this is a totally different vibe. This crystal angel. This feels, what is this? What is this haunting situation?

Is she? What's happening? What the white witch? Who is that? It is horrible. It is horrible. We have to... Is this a sacrificial thing?

Like the rabbit? Oh my God. What's happening? I'm taking a screenshot. This is weird. That is so scary. Wait, I'll see what it's called. It has a thing here.

Hello? A holiday maiden with fur-trimmed cape. Choice of bunny or bird. Hello? I mean, really. This looks like I'm just haunted by all. I really regret all. I'm not comfortable at this.

I'm not either. Anyway, these daughters or the... their parent. Or one of the daughters. Or one of the daughters. Just one of them. Did a great job. No, just one of them.

Christine. Christine, whoever Christine is did a great job. Thanks. My next one is from a little site called cruisecritic.com. Yes, Christmas in July. And as I always do when I did the site colon to search just cruise critic. Don't give away all our secrets. I won't give them all away.

We got more. Definitely. I did. Coolcruisers.com. Yeah. I'm a mistake. I do that every single time. Instead of what?

CruiseCritic. Oh, I do that too every time. Yes. I didn't even notice. And I do Coolcruisers.com because I'm like, I think that's the website. But that's just the, that's, it's like. We just got to buy the domain and forward it for our own sake. It's not a bad idea.

It's a very bad idea. That's a bad idea. We should edit that. So it sounds like I'm agreeing with you earlier. That's a bad idea. Or that it was my idea, that it was a bad idea. We just got to buy the. domain and forward it for our own sake.

That's a bad idea. It's a very bad idea. Here is a post titled Christmas in July. Got to Cruise said this. Hello, I've received advertisements for Christmas in July sailings. These don't appeal to me at all, but maybe they do to others. Just curious, would you enjoy a Christmas in July cruise? I would love to hear your thoughts.

End of post. Okay. I'm very curious. Here is the first comment under that one. Easy answer, no. Okay. That's it. Easy answer no. Yeah.

I will say like people then have other things to say not much. Their problem or their thing is you cannot replicate a Christmas market. No, no, no, exactly. On a cruise ship. Where are you going to go? I mean, yeah. And I was like. Great point.

Yeah, what is, it feels like it's just going to be a cruise with Christmas decorations, which is its own thing, but. And like Santa Claus is there probably. Probably. And I imagine July is a popular time to cruise? I don't know. Is there ever unpopular? Like, what's the off season? I actually don't want to know.

Please stop asking me. I assume it's weather related and, well, I'm sure. Okay, never mind. All right. I don't want four, four. Jude law. I'm fucking cursed. Jesus Christ in heaven.

This is from a site called cruise critic.com. Nailed it. The post title is, it's Grinchmistime, aboard Carnival Cruise Line. Now, this shit I would sign up for in a fucking heartbeat. And I am reading. You can't even. The entire thing that Ohio Jim Rat has to say, and I feel like it's just like a PR blast about what this is. Ohio Gymrat.

I know. I connected. That's the thing is we're friends on here. That's how I found this. I didn't serve. This wasn't from a search. Is this my soulmate? We're friends on cool critz.com.

Is that my soulmate? Who, why? Because they love Grinchmas. They didn't say that. They might just be the PR for it. Oh. I'll take it. It's really weird that I was like, yeah, I relate to this guy so much.

We're friends on here. And then you're like, is he my soulmate? I didn't understand. Like, stay away from my friends. I didn't understand what the hell you were talking about. I thought you said Ohio Gymrad and pointed at me. And I'm like, yeah, that's me. Mercury's retrograde right now.

So things are getting lost in translation left and right. What I was saying is, oh, my God, Ohio Jimrat. They're so close. They must be my soulmate. We said her friends on there. And I was like, can we get back to my soulmate? This was posted in 2015. So Ohio Gymrat probably isn't even a gym rat anymore.

Probably isn't even Ohio. Yeah, probably isn't alive. and probably is no longer a listener. Statistically, statistically. So there's this little thing called therapy. I think you've heard of it. Yeah. Yeah.

Would you say it's done some good stuff for you? I would say it's done a number on me. Does that help? Just kidding. It's like probably been the number one help for me in navigating life and healing and growth in all areas of life. Same. And that's why we have a lot of opinions about therapy. and how accessible it is, which is not enough, unfortunately, not accessible enough.

And especially when it comes to places that will take your insurance. We are so excited to have Rula as a sponsor. Rula does things differently. They partner with over 100 insurance plans making the average co-pay just $15 per session, which, I mean, talk about like a difference from what the norm is, right? That's real therapy from real licensed professionals at a price that is actually affordable. And some other platforms, they're going to just match you with the first available, the first one that they find for you, whereas Rula takes into account a lot of different parts of your personal experience, which goes a long way when finding a therapist. I agree.

Go to Rula.com slash Beach 2 Sandy to get started today. That's RULA.com slash Beach2 Sandy for quality therapy that's covered by insurance. Thousands of people are already using Rula to get affordable, high quality therapy that's actually covered by insurance. Visit rula.com slash beach two sandy to get started. That's rula.com slash beach two sandy. You deserve mental health care that works with you, not against your budget. Oh, these old things? Well, who are you calling four eyes?

She's wearing her four eyes glasses and I'm wearing my sunglasses that are from Zeni. Yes, we love Zeni. My heart glasses still to this day, I wear them as like an accent piece. But I do love these. These are cool too. These are like blue light lenses. And I like them because they make me look well red, I think. But also serious.

That's definitely what I was going to say. Serious. Very serious. And you too, Alexander, you look very serious. Yeah, because I'm cool. That's what being cool is all about. One thing, I mean, I just love these sunglasses. I mean, I can wear them indoors and see very weirdly well.

I don't know why I like that, but I like it. Okay. I'm happy for you. But also, I keep them in my tote bag with like my peas. I also keep in my pocket a lot. Yeah. And they have never had any scratch, nothing on them. They look great. And they're just, I do not treat them well.

Oh, good. But that's my own thing, you know. But they're holding up real well and I love them. But that's kind of the good thing because Zenny, by the way, an online eye shop in case you haven't figured that part out. They offer prescription glasses, sunglasses, blue light lenses starting at under $30. So you don't have to feel like, oh gosh, I'm spending a leg on this. You pick a frame, you upload your prescription, and they ship it to your door. you're not getting upsold at the counter.

You can take your time. You can use their try-on feature, which is also really fun. And I could not have had a better time picking my heart glasses. And like which shade of pink they're going to turn when the sun hits them. I mean, oh, my God, anyway, Zeti is very fun. And they have lots of cute glasses. And I have LASIC, I vision, whatever the heck. I still buy my sunglasses and blue light lenses from there.

If your glasses are overdue for a refresh, now is the time. go to zeni.com slash podcast and use code podcast 15 for 15% off your first order. The style sell out so don't sit on it. That's z-e-n-n-I.com slash podcast promo code podcast 15. Here is what Ohio Jim Rann has to say. You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. For the upcoming holidays, Carnival Cruise Line will be giving guests a chance to grow their hearts three sizes and will make the season extra special with shipboard appearances by none other than The Grinch.

These experiences and more are part of the line's exclusive Seuss at Sea program and partnership with Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Don't. He's rolling over in his grave. Please leave that man's name out of this. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I just hope that Bartholomew Cubbins cruise is existing because that's one of my favorites. All those hats. Don't say shit like that. That's my favorite story. Since when? I don't know. It was the first one in a book that we had.

So I read it a lot. I think it's the first one that's in On Beyond Zebra. Hmm. Hmm. I don't even know how many hats it is. Someone check them on that. 10,000, a thousand? We need a fact checker on here.

Yeah, we do. Who's like Bartholome, but just specifically about Bartholomew Cubbins. 500 hats. Thanks for checking. I think that would have been like 10th, like, guess. I can't get over the Grinchmas at sea. This is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

And you're going to learn more. In July. My God. Decked out in his signature Santee Clause costume, the legendary green character, who's as cuddly as a cactus and charming as an eel, will surprise and delight guests of all ages as he makes appearances on all Carnival Holiday Cruises taking place throughout the month of December. The young and the young and heart can catch a glimpse of the cantankerous curmudgeon as he slinks and slithers throughout the ships. No! With both scheduled appearances and spontaneous pop-up visits. It's.

No, absolutely not. Don't come up my pipes, Mr. Grinch. Don't come out of your pipes? Keep him away from your pipes. I did say don't come up. That's so much worse. Oh, no. And I only clarify because I know it's on record, and I really hate that.

And I knew you needed to know now before it gets out. Because I would never, no, I don't think I ever would have found out as if I listen to these. No, but someone would have found out. Yeah, everyone. one else would have heard it. But no one's going to be like, hey, remember when your sister said that about Grinch going and up her pipes? And I'll be like, no.

And then I'll forget it. But they will now! Like, I'm going to forget this either way. So it really doesn't matter that you brought it up again. I can't. With the slithering across the ship, it made you want to. It made you think of him slithering up your pipes, you know? Jesus Christ.

I'm so sweaty right now. Please just make it stop. Never a fan of the holidays. The Grinch will be up to his usual tricks in an attempt to stop Christmas from coming. Just ruining your day. You love Christmas? Come on board and he's going to try to fuck it up. He's like, your hot cocoa just smash.

Which is your vibe. So I think you'd love it. He will playfully disrupt the on board festivities and steal various items from crew members throughout the ship. No! It's like the worker. And they don't know what's happening. They didn't expect that. They're like, person overboard.

You can't say that. Getting pickpocketed everybody. Okay. I would dress up as the Grinch. And be it and pickpocket everybody. I say it's all part of it. Yeah, that's a great idea. He will also participate in the End of Cruise Holiday Show, which promises lots of surprises.

The Grinch is an iconic and beloved Dr. Seuss character, and we're looking forward to incorporating his mischievous personality into our fleetwide holiday activities next month, said Christine Duffy, Carnival's president. Why are they all Christine? I don't know. Arts and craft sessions where kids can create their own Grinch Christmas ornaments and masks, as well as Grinch-themed face painting sessions, will also be available. While special screenings of both the live action and animated classic,

Dr. Seuss's How the Grinch Stole Christmas will be shown on Christmas Day. Wait, what? It doesn't mention July. I'm just realizing, I don't think it says July. anywhere. Why am I reading this right now? You wanted to make my day? I literally, that was not that, but that was not my thinking, no offense. But I was like, oh, Grinch, Cruz, perfect for her. And I guess my brain skipped over the part that this was supposed to be Christmas in July. You know what's so funny is I thought to myself, it's so many layers, like there's no way anyone could make this work. It's already

too layered to be beyond Christmas time. It's like someone pitched this idea. And they liked it, but they realized their actual Christmas thing would be more popular. They need to just like, yeah. So they had to throw it in July and like make an excuse to use it because they put too much money into the idea already. But that's not the case because you're right. It's so involved because it is a Christmas. Just a Christmas thing. Oh, man.

Well, I assume families cruise because of the holidays and no school. Right. Well, I feel silly, but I'm not done. Oh. The PR goes on. I don't. Oh. Kids can even come.

complete their own Grinch Good Deed tracker, and once the card is filled, receive a certificate affirming that they, just like the Grinch famously says, grew their heart three times its size. You can't use that twice in a fucking one press release. Agreed. The Grinch will also be incorporated into the sousette sees green eggs and ham breakfast with the cat in the hat and friends. Including Bartholomew Cubbins? You know what?

I doubt it. I don't think they were friends. Guest appearance? I don't think they were friends. I feel like I'm trying to think of the lore. Like, I feel like one of them would be a character in the other's world. You're trying to think of the lore. You're trying to invent the lore, just to clarify.

Yes. Okay. Yes. But I'm picturing like Bartholomew Cubbins goes home and reads the cat in the hat. How does he get home? Because he has so many hats. I'm going to be honest, despite it being my favorite story, I don't remember anything about it, other than he had a lot of hats.

I feel like it was your favorite story because you opened the book one time and went. Oh, okay. A lot. All right, fine. A lot. And then close. I'll host it immediately every time. I didn't even remember how many fucking answer were it.

Never got that far, yeah. Okay. The fleet-wide Grinch appearances are part of Carnival's exclusive partnership with Dr. Seuss Enterprises, which debuted in 2014 and features exciting youth, family dining, and entertainment experiences

inspired by the amazing world and words of Dr. Seuss. The Seuss-at-C program includes such fun activities as the Sousa-Paloosa Parade and Storytime as well as character interactions, Dr. Seuss books, toys, games, and popular movies. Catch me on that, cruise. Final paragraph, don't worry.

Grinchmiss complements Carnival's annual holiday celebrations during which ships are ornately decorated with Christmas trees, wreaths, and mistletoe. Uh-oh. With caroling... I'm chasing the Grinch. Yeah, he's going to pop out of a pipe right next to it, and you're like... Jude, I am.

Oh, no. With caroling and other activities held on board, Santa Claus also makes an appearance, toting a bag of gifts that are distributed to youngsters and a special menu is offered on Christmas Day with traditional foods. End of PR statement. Remember that like good deed list? What if it's the kids just having to return all the shit that they grinch like steal, you know?

It's like now bring this back, bring this walkie talking back to employee number seven, two, six. We don't give them. We don't give them names on this ship. Ever, yeah. And here's a comment. Okay. Cruise sweeper said this. So long as he doesn't reach out and try to take away my cucumber sunrise from the alchemy bar,

I could care less who's on board for entertainment. Even little green men. Roll eyes. Oh, wait, the Grinch is green. Eek! It's a perfect book. It's a perfect epitome of Cruz. Like, what are you even saying?

Stop it. Oh, wait, he's green. Okay. Like, yeah. Even if they're little green men there. It's so stupid. Did you think you just, like, had a fucking epiphany? Yeah.

That's the bit. So don't take my green drink. Like, I get it. Wait, cucumbers are green. Eek! Roll eyes. Roll eyes. What are you going to do about a roll eyes?

Imagine that all these ornately decorated chips and then they're like, they take the grid shit. They're like, which one? We're going to let them lose. They don't know when they sign up. It's like one of you gets like grinch crews. And it's fucking hell. Hang on here. Your walking.

727 because you are. And they have a crew meeting. We've been training for this. We can do this. That little green man can't get to us. Grinch team six. I need you all at your stations. Who's on pipe duty?

Patricia, get to the pipes. We know some freak in one of the rooms. We know some freak in one of the rooms. It's going to be all about this. Our name's Christine Schumer. Okay, I'm leaving. Oh, good. Good idea.

Okay, bye guys. Beach 2 Sandy Water Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borhees Wendell of VW Sound. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. Where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long. Catch Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy. Fantastic. The Matrix Trilogy.

Welcome to the real world. Mean girls. Shut up. Titanic. I'm the king of the world. And so much more. For showtimes, press nothing. They're free 24-7.

That is so fetch. On Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Think your favorite theme park attraction is world-class? Well, we're putting that claim to the test on For Your Amusement. The podcast where we exhaustively evaluate the world's most popular theme park rides and attractions. I'm Ryan Bergara. And I'm Byron Marin. And on this podcast, we'll hit everything from the legendary classics to the newest headliners in full day.

detail. That's right. The thrills, the theming, the storytelling, the history, and whether they actually deserve the hype. One attraction at a time, we're answering the ultimate question. Is it truly world class? We nailed that. No, I think that's great. You love it?

Find out on For Your Amusement. Follow, rate, and review for your amusement wherever you get your podcast. Bye-bye.