Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 404: Reviews of Tiki Bars in Hong Kong (Patreon Re-Release)

Episode Date: August 26, 2026

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Hello, everyone. It's your sister host, Christine, here. I wanted to let you know that this week we are releasing an old Patreon bonus episode from 2025. It is reviews of Tiki bars in Hong Kong. Apparently, this was some sort of inside joke from back in the day, as in a year ago. We were unable to record this week. So apologies, but hope you enjoy the Patreon episode. And don't worry, patrons, we'll make it up to you with something chaotic. coming soon. All right, love you all so much, and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode again. Bye. Welcome to Beach, to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, Patreon. We're here with The promised episode that we promised because we're nothing, if not true to our word. Well, sometimes.

Occasionally. This time we are. As promised, we are doing teaky bars in Hong Kong. Yeah. When it doesn't really matter, we're always true to our word. Yeah. When it doesn't really cause that much of like a, you know, issue in my timing and planning. When you all wouldn't give a shit if we didn't do this.

Right. When the stakes are extremely low. No one was sitting there like, if they don't do Tiki. bars in Hong Kong. I am taking away my membership. And yeah, that kind of pressure, honestly, probably wouldn't have even led to the tiki bar episode that you're about to receive. So count your blessing. We're all blessed. Too blessed to be stressed. And we're doing tiki bars in Hong Kong. And if everyone's like, what is going on? I don't even really know. I forgot until Alexander reminded me and he forgot until he listened to the audio and reminded himself that we have promised apparently. In our

teaky bar episode, I think we joked about doing a page. Patreon episode about Tiki bars in Hong Kong specifically. And we signed some sort of social contract with one another. Yeah. That didn't really matter because we obviously forgot about it immediately. But here we are with Tiki bars in Hong Kong. And there are like two. I was going to say, no, I found at least three different ones.

Oh, I found two specifically. And then there was a third that I wasn't sure if it was a different spelling of one of them. So I was like, this is either two or three. But yeah, let's give it three to be generous. A lot of them are permanently closed. I'm going to say, but I found like multiple, but yeah, most of them are not around anymore. Yeah, yeah, for some reason or another. Would you like to go first, Andy?

Sure. My first one is of hony, hony, teaky cocktail lounge. That's one of the one. That's one of them. That's one classic, classic one. Classic honey hony home. This was a classic tiki bar. No.

It means, it's like a Hawaiian term for kiss kiss or like a nice kiss. It's nice until you hear this review. Uh-oh. Here's a three-star review of hony-honey-tiki cocktail lounge in Hong Kong. Good vibe and great location. But the sofa in the indoor area makes people itchy, gross. End of review. And then you see permanently closed on the tag and you're like, uh-oh.

You're like, wonder why. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The thought of that, yeah. Mo is so uncomfortable to me. Like on any level of people, strangers all itching in the same place. There's just something bad about it. Well, that's nice.

Don't worry. Permanently closed. I know. It's actually down the street from the one that's the one that's still open. The only one that I saw that was still open. Yeah, yeah. And they have this really weird couch in the entry. And you're like, that's strange.

Where do they get this couch? They do have a couch in there. See? I'm just saying maybe someone did a curbside pickup and like, we need a couch for our new to keep. Wait, that's a teaky bar couch. That's the perfect teaky bark couch for my teak bar. What a weird coincidence. Oh, boy.

Does it appear to be moving? Oh, no, these are just small little insects. Let's put it inside. The fifth teaky bar it's been in. Oh, my God. It's just made the rounds. Yeah. Okay.

So this is also a review of a hony-honey. And it's from TripAdvisor. This one's called Awful Interaction with Staff, and it also has a response from owner. Oh. Which many of these did not. So this was one of the few that like kind of surprised me. Yeah. That's my finale.

Oh, wow. I think. This is the second time I've been to hony, hony. I've been for the awesome atmosphere and unique drinks. Unfortunately, when myself, along with my friends were leaving and waiting for the elevator, we were verbally attacked and intimidated by the door slash elevator man, then by two of the other so-called managers for picking up counters that were left on the table besides the business cards. My friends and I picked them up and clicked them a few times, not realizing they were off limits, and after about 15 to 20 seconds, the man standing there butted in, got right up in our faces and

said, what makes you think you can touch those? They aren't yours, in a very aggressive manner. I told him we didn't know because they were sitting on the table, yet he continued to argue with me while being uncomfortably close. I was upset with his tone and asked to talk to a manager who proceeded to defend the man while also getting extremely close to my face. He then said I should leave because I'm crazy. To me, this was the pettiest most disgusting experience I've ever had in Hong Kong. I'm extremely bothered by the way I was treated. If the clickers are so important, A, don't leave them on a table with your business cards by an elevator,

and B, let customers know respectfully to avoid such unnecessary arguments. My friends and I will never be going back here again. Like clickers. Are they talking about remotes? What are they talking about? Do we get some info? Here's a response from the owner. Okay. Because I was, did you have like a, like a guesstimate of what this thing is? Like, not guesstimate, a guess of what the clicker thing by the elevator would be.

Like when you were about to say it, is there something you were going to say like, oh, a thing to. No, I don't know for the lights or something, but I don't know. But they said they were playing with it for 15 to 20 seconds. And I'm like, I'm so glad you got that. Because to me, I'm like, that's like a lot of seconds. When they said that, I was like, that's not a short amount of time to be fucking around with something. And I'm assuming, like, a lot of times they're underestimating to just say, especially when there's a range, 15 to 20 seconds. I'm always like, so double that maybe.

Yeah. That's a long time. If you're in a gift shop and you're clicking something or messing with something for 15 to 20 seconds, I'd still think that's a little extreme. Let alone, like, at a bar where there are things that you're not supposed to be touching. I'm curious. Okay, okay. So I'm glad. So, okay, go to talk about it.

Here's the response from owner. Dear Courtney, we are sorry about your experience. We always try our best to make our guest experience pleasant. As you mentioned, your previous visits at HoniHoney were very good about service and drinks and atmosphere. I would like to explain that the clickers you and your friends were playing with by the elevator are an important tool for security. They need to monitor how many guests are in and out of a venue in compliance with our alcohol license and guests. Oh, my God. So they're just like up in the capacity of the police show up and they're like,

Like, you'd lose your alcohol license. Like, no. 15 to 20 seconds of clicking those things. Yeah. 15 to 20 seconds. That's a long time. At taking it at face value from that review. In compliance with our alcohol license and guest capacity.

They were not just left there to play with. The elevator areas where our security staff stands by the elevator. That's like how you get in and out of this place. There are a number of other things that lying around hony-honey, for example, fire extinguishers. This is honestly a good point. It's like the best PSA. It's a little extreme, but it's, I think, I get the other thing.

Would you pick up, would you play with a fire extinguisher? Like, this isn't a toy. You know? Other safety tools. Yeah. Yeah. And even if it were, that would be weird to pick it up. Yeah.

Yeah, there are other things you shouldn't play with. I mean, I'm guessing knives. There are a lot of options of things laying around a tiki bar you probably don't want to play with. There are a number of other things lying around hony, hony, for example, fire extinguishers that are important and not supervised all the time, but we rely on a guest's common sense to not start playing with them. We try to accommodate everyone, and it's our job to make our guests happy.

However, we do not tolerate guests abusing members of our staff or venue property. That's why you were asked to leave the venue. That said, we hope you will understand and feel always welcome at hony, hony best regards bar manager. It's like when you go somewhere and you see a sign, well, in this case it would say, do not touch the clickers and you're like, oh, that means they've had a problem before. What kind of moron to make that sign necessary? That is so stupid. Yeah, when it's like no, yeah, like can't be barefoot, can't be carrying a crocodile.

This person's telling on themselves to say, we were playing with it for 15 to 20 seconds. And again, they were drunk and again, I don't believe it was 15 to 20 seconds. People have no shame. Is a super specific range. Yeah, no shame, man. It's impressive. How would you go post on the internet and then get called out even more? Yeah.

Man, I wish I could live life that way. I do too. Sometimes I really do. It must be so freeing. Right. Yeah, just to give no fucks, you know. Yeah, we give too many. It's like really exhausting, frankly.

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There is a one-star review here. And just for clarification, they mentioned the leave home safe QR code. And that's what they had done in Hong Kong for COVID time. you'd have to scan to like say that you're at this place and it was like I think it either if you were vaccinated it had that info but also it was so it could track who was where so if someone got COVID they could oh god it was a lot of like tracking stuff like a little alarming yeah yeah there was I know that like they can literally just look at my phone and figure out where I go but it for some reason it feels a little alarming to have to check in on a QR code yeah I was reading the the

Wikipedia page and it mentioned that the software came with facial recognition, like, as an option. Yikes, okay. But I don't know. I imagine that caused a bit of a stir when it was happening. Yeah. I think so. But meanwhile, if it meant I could go to the tiki, teaky bowling bar, I would have been all about it. I would give you my social, I would give everyone in the bar my social security number.

I mean, that just means I dropped it on the way to the bathroom. But I would, I would give it to everyone just to have a day there. An evening. Here is a one-star review. Very disappointed by the service. The music and the vibe was good, but the staff was super. super rude to my family. We were shouted at when we first entered. We were heading to the reception counter and didn't notice we walked past the leave home safe QR code. The staff got furious immediately.

They could just kindly ask to scan the QR code instead of being impolite. The staff even took off his shirt while my family was re-downloading the app. He looked like he wanted to start a fight. I was honestly scared. Then he sent another staff over to watch after us. Just like we would escape scanning the code. He also said something in another language, not English or Chinese, to that staff with angry tone. That's already a red flag. That wouldn't be something nice. Yeah, he spoke a language that I didn't understand and I got even more afraid.

Yeah. Spoke a little German. Uh-oh. You're in trouble now. I take it back. That is really concerning. Yeah. We went here once in return because we had a great time.

After this, we don't think we will ever come and come and. again, don't go if don't want your day ruined. End of review. Oh, my. Wait. And so the shirts are coming off. Like, I don't know. There's no response, right? No. Man, I was like, I wanted them to be like, we didn't take our shirt off or like. Yeah. Yeah, the reason we took our shirt off was for this normal reason, obviously. We take our COVID precautions seriously and he whips off his shirt starting a fight. I don't know. That seems very unlikely, but like how she's like, it's like he was trying to start to fight and I'm like, I mean, yeah, that's literally probably the only like very obvious physical sign of like, I want to fight you is like when a man, it feels like just such a cliche.

It's like either crack your knuckles or take off your shirt or both. Like punch your own fist and take your shirt off. I feel like now we're going to, now we're going to rumble. Oh, everyone knows. Don't do that in front of her. She's going to be ready to rumble. I'm already ready to rumble. I will just understand that. you're now ready to rumble. Do you know what I see? I see.

You were always ready. You're always primed. I'm always ready to rumble, okay? That's one thing you need to know about me. I have another, remember when the manager at Honioni said fire extinguishers are also in our building. And we want you to not play with those either. Yeah.

But you're more than welcome to come back. How did they say it though? They said like, they said, we... There are a number of other things lying around hony, hony. For example, fire extinguishers that are important and not supervised all the time. But we rely on a guess common sense. Common sense. Common sense.

That's what I was looking for is the fact that, yeah, it's just a common sense thing. There's something about that. It really gets me. It's really good. It's like the perfect comeback. Okay. So this is the next one I have. Let's see.

This is also of Hony-Honey. And it is a three-star review. And there is a typone here that's obvious, but I just want to say it out loud anyway because it makes me laugh. HoniHoney is a popular tiki bar in Central. I think one of the reasons why it got so popular is because this is the one and only teaky bar in town. It's great for theme parties and such. Out of the many times I've been here, however, I never felt fully comfortable. I guess one of the reasons, because it's always packed, never enough space to walk.

I mean, I can understand that from a club, but Honey Honk is a bar. Sorry, hony hony honk tiki-tong bar. Honi-hon-honey-hunk honky-tong. Hold on. Honi-hawkey-tik-tong. Honi-honky-tok. Honi-hon tiki-tong. Honkie-tong. No, it's not.

No, it's not. On-T-M. You brought it into the general consciousness when you said it aloud, and there's nothing you can do now. It belongs to all of us now. Hey, that Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville at at Newport on the levee in northern Kentucky. It's going to have some competition. And they're going to go down.

He's going to go down. Hony honky tiki-tiky-tong is going to swoop in. No, it's a hony honk tiki-tong. No, I don't like honky in there because honky-tongy-tong-tie-tok. Honi-hunky tiki-tongk. Oh, boy. It's pretty good. It's pretty good.

The way we argue about it immediately. The way we suddenly pick sides about. Put your favorite in the comments. Either hony hunk tiki tongue or homie hunky tiki tongue. Just write one of our names and we'll know that you've voted for us. Yeah, we're going to upload this and be like, why are they commenting our names? Why did they put a poll up? And why is Christine's name in capital letters in Zandis?

This is really small. Okay. a three-star review about, oh, wait, I just read mine, didn't I? Or did you have one? Wait, no, it's my turn, I think. Okay, I'm sorry. I got right back. We got derailed. I've had all sorts of dental issues due to my teeth grinding at night, and it's so frustrating because you can't really control it because you're asleep and you don't really know it's happening until you have these symptoms. But Remy became a sponsor and I was so thrilled. I trust Remy to protect my teeth using their custom night guard along with over 350,000 Americans.

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I didn't finish my review. You didn't finish yours. We're in the middle of something, probably. Oh, my goodness. Okay, honi honk. That's the last thing I said. Oh, yeah, you said the typo. I said the most genius thing that's ever said.

Okay. The only time we managed to get some room was when we booked out a table at 6 p.m. And still, people were trying to sit with us at our table. One of the fun things about hony home. are their drink selection. They have a big menu of Hawaiian-inspired cocktails. It makes a whole night seem a little more happy. The embellishments they add are always really cute.

One of the must-try items is their watermelon vodka. Have you tried spiking a watermelon? It's hard work, but they do it for you here. A whole watermelon, chilled, spiked, and mess-free. Note that if you want this watermelon drink, first of all, you need to share it with five or more friends. That sounds like an email forward. must share with seven people or the girl from the ring will come out of the window or come out of the mirror.

That's your go-to. That is my go-to. Yeah, I think because I was so scared of her that those were the only ones I actually ever paid. The only ones I get are the perverted like copy-paste ones that exist now. So, so bad. Do you want to hear the Easter one that I got? Yeah. You said, yeah, actually.

So I'm not going to walk in. I'm not going to let you walk out. Okay. I don't know why you gave me a second chance, but I'm trying to take it now. Please don't. Ready? No. Happy Easter, you snow bunny hoes.

It's time to hop over to Daddy's Church. Which are your gay friends saying this? It's usually Logan or Stephen. It's, yeah, okay, I knew it. It's time to hop over to Daddy's Church so he can fuck you like a rabbit. Be sure to ride that cock until your Easter basket is full of eggs and Daddy's cummies. Aging her. I mean, that's enough.

No. I'm skipping to the end. I know. That's too much. It gets crazy about going to something. It says Jesus is coming at one point. Stop. At the end it says, it says,

best be sure to send this to five of your best Easter bunny hose. If you get five back, the Lord isn't the only thing that's risen today. And there's more. I'm going to not read the rest. And then... This is the first year I didn't get a single one. And I told Stephen I didn't get what it promised me.

and it was because I didn't send it to five of my best Easter money hoes. It was my fault. I did. I certainly didn't get one. So you could, you know, none of my friends seemed to want to send me one. If you're like completely shocked and appalled at what just happened, it's this weird trend that only Renee and Stephen do. I guess not because a lot of people seem to do it. But it's this thing that at least got widespread usage with the, when Renee discovered it.

But it's this thing where you. forward copy paste these like emoji riddled yeah there were a lot of emojis I skipped disgusting a lot of like squirting water and it's like it's always about like a holiday especially if it's inappropriate so like Easter or and it it's just meant to be a shock to the system I think yeah it's meant to make you feel embarrassed and turn your phone over real quick before anyone in line that traitor Joe saw it you know what I mean it's like yeah oh god um it's so anyway You're welcome, everyone. One of their, okay, sorry, watermelon vodka.

Well, yeah, need five of your friends. Five of your closest friends. Your Easter bunny hose, yeah. Your, five of your Easter bunny hose. Note that if you want this watermelon, first of all, you need to share with five or more of your Easter bunny hose. Is that what it is? Easter bunny hose, yes.

Second of all, it is spiked. Oh, and third of all, it's a little pricey. I think it's over $1,000 for the watermelon, and if I remember correctly, I, of course, then had to do the exchange rate, the conversion, and it was like $100. So I was like, oh, that's not nearly as shocking as I had hoped it was.

Because I was like, a thousand dollar watermelon is a crazy thing. The price has got me because they say dollars, it's Hong Kong dollars. And I wasn't familiar with that. Quickly, they go into the thousands and it feels really alarming if it's a couple hundred bucks and suddenly it's in, yeah. Yeah.

The decor of this place is, is really cute. It's decked out like what you would expect to see and why full of color, hula girl posters, hula girl skirts, et cetera. Oh, wait. What would have been even better is if the wait staff was dressed that way too. End of review. Oh, who's dressed like that? Oh, like that. No one's dressed like that. Oh, yeah, there's only posters. Oh, posters. I missed the word posters. So I was imagining the people dress like that. Oh, no, just posters. Got it. That's a shame. Yeah. I do love that. I like imagine that the staff. member who saw that was like, how do I report this?

Delete, delete. I don't want this. I don't want our manager to even get the idea of putting us in grass skirts, you know, in a bar. That sounds so uncomfortable. Because, and they would probably get so gross after like all the spilled rum and sticky. Yeah. And also like, one thing I unfortunately didn't think about until now is like culturally. Oh, you didn't?

That was the first thing I thought about. But. No, it was not. I'm ashamed to say. I was like, oh, well, yeah, maybe we just shouldn't do that for other reasons, too, I imagine. I don't know. I think I've just had this conversation so many times having been to so many. Because Blaze is always trying to put on grass skirts.

I know. You have to tell him, no, it's not appropriate. You're like, you're from Connecticut, Blaze. It's only not appropriate because I spill so many drinks all the time and I don't want to have to clean that. Yeah, that makes sense. That's it. Okay. My next review is a tiki, teaky, teaky bowling bar.

This is a one-star review. Had Ricky Martin, live and Lovita Loca on Constant Loop, unacceptable. End of review. Oh, my God, that is unacceptable. You know, I'm not going to go against this review. Yeah, that's a little much. Live in Lovita Loka's way, like that song needs to be played once every like 6,000.

It's so much. It gets in your head so easily that more than once you're in trouble. And it doesn't kind of stop. Like, it's just so much all the time. It doesn't give you any breathing room. So, like, to put that on loop would be insufferable, I think. When I was in band in middle school, of course, I played the keyboard. And there was a Live and Lovina Loka button.

No. What? Wait, that's probably why. That's what I called it. You hit the little DJ button. Yeah. And it would start playing Live and Lovina Lola Lola Lica. Okay, but like the DJ at this bar probably calmed in sick and they were like, we've,

Listen, Alexander, he played the keyboard in middle school. That's bring him up. And you're like, I know just the thing. Hit the one button and it just plays an instrumental version that does not sound good. Okay, but imagine if that's what the DJ actually does every week. So when he called in sick, he's like, I'll tell you how I do it. So just walk up there, have one of the busboys go up there and hit that button. And then they're like, wait a minute.

That's the extent of what you do here. Is that why that song's playing on Loop every day? This reminds me of a video. I just saw TikTok. I found it really funny. This person was like trying to film the DJ at this club and the music was going, but they were filming the lighting guy and the lighting guy was just looking like smiley and like, like kind of like making eye contact or looking at the video and like, uh-huh, like what my,

it was so funny. And the caption was like, I thought this was the DJ. And it's like God doing the lighting was like not, like he was, he seemed to be enjoying himself, but wasn't like DJing. He's like, watch this. And it's like, looking up the camera, like, why are you filming me? And it turns from purple to green. Yeah.

Watch this. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah. Good times. Okay. Your turn. This is a five-star review. It's called Best Maitai ever.

And this is, which one's this of? Honi, honey. Oh, this is of Watiki Island. Good, because that's the one that's still open. Okay, good. And I just realized I never actually found a review from there. Okay, good. Yeah, I've got it here.

Five stars. This is the successful one. Snuggle deep in the concrete jungle of Hong Kong. No, on that couch. Oh, don't snuggle on that couch. Oh, no, the itch is going to run deep. Why do you think there's a sign that says don't snuggle on this couch? Oh, no.

Well, Christina, what do you think hony-honey mean? Oh, wait, no, that's the other place. Oh, yeah. That's why they didn't name it that. Yeah, smart. Snuggle deep in the concrete jungle of Hong Kong lies an oasis of good drinks, good vibes, and good peoples. Whatitiki Island Lounge is a paradise within a hectic and crowded city. The owner, Phil Lee, is a charming lad and very welcoming.

Oh. Oh. Charming lad. That's exactly who I want to run a tiki bar. Don't see. That's, like, sounds like, Phil, Phil, Phil, Lee. I think, like, is the son of the guy who made Trader Vicks? Like, okay.

What's Trader Vicks? It's like a teaky bar chain, like one of the most famous like teaky bar chains. So this is nepotism. Maybe, yeah. Oh, there's one here in Kansas City. Should I go? Okay. You know, I'm just going to shoehorn this in.

You know who's, okay. I'm trying to think the best way to ask this because it's, do you know, you know Steve Ayoki? Yeah. Like the DJ guy? Yeah. Do you know what his dad did? Or what his dad's famous for? Yeah.

We talked about this on the... Yeah, because we did reviews of Beni Haute. Oh, yeah, we did. Isn't that crazy? In fact, we talked about it extensively. It just gets me every time I think about that. Yeah. That's like, hey, yeah, you were set up for success, but at least you weren't like, I'm just going to make my own habacchi thing.

You're like, I'm going to do my own thing with all this... I'm going to become a lighting guy, but then someone's going to film me and I'm going to be... Performing. They're going to think I'm... That's how Steve Ayoky's career began. He began as a lighting guy. He was doing the lighting at the Benihana. He was doing the lighting at the Benihana.

Famously, one of the best parts. Honestly, it's underrated. It doesn't get a choreography of the volcano onions. It's the only thing. And it's just because it's a little showier. That's probably real reason. So, okay, Phil Lee. The owner, Phil Lee, is a charming lad and very welcoming.

He recommended their infamous. my tides, which I simply could not refuse. Long story short, I ended up chugging six my tithes before my flight and would have drunk more if I had more time. The chicken dish is amazing and their special sauce with fries is off the roof. Go check it out if you're in Hong Kong. Oh my gosh. Are you okay? Hey, what? You chugged six of them before your flight? Hello? Honestly, that's a way to do it. It's like the most alarming sentence I've ever read because like a really sugary sweet, syrupy rum drink. Yeah.

Then you take a Xanax, Zoloft. What could go wrong? A weed gummy, a Xanax. Yeah. All of that sounds like a recipe for some really intense colored vomit. Next thing you know you're in the brig on the ship or on the plane. On the jet bridge. You're on the jet bridge because you've been escorted off the plane by police.

Oh, boy. In a random flyover state because they have to turn. Oh, no. Flyover state from Hong Kong to... Where do you think we are right now? He's flying back to Kansas. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Today's episode is brought to you by Vinted.

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so you keep everything you earn. Hey, guys. It's your friend, Michelle. Collins, and I'm here to invite you to listen to The Michelle Collins Show. Yes, that's my show, unfiltered, unscripted, unhinged, and covers pretty much everything you're going to want to care about. It's funny, it's fearless. It could go off the rails at any moment and often does. So follow, rate, and review the Michelle Collins Show wherever you get your podcasts. And let's spiral together. I have two more. One is a five star and one is a one star with an owner response. I think I'm going to leave the owner response for the finale. So I'm going to do this

Five star of Tiki Tiki Tiki Bowling Bar. Bro, okay, since my dad works there, it's just amazing. I literally love it. I first went there when I was six, I think. The singers in Tiki Tiki Bowling Bar inspired me a lot, especially my dad. He's a singer there, but now he's a receptionist. Pretty sure that's just because of COVID. But overall, this place is just perfect, full of people who are mature, nice, and yeah,

five stars for this. Thanks to the owner for making this place. Much love, XX. Wow. I never view kiss kiss. They could have more write your parents' boss days. Yeah. Because this kid is like, you're doing a good job, keep it up.

But I feel like many kids' letters would be like, don't talk to my mom like that, you jerk. What? What was that? You know what I mean. Not really. I don't know what you were just talking about. I was just nodding. And then I was like, wait, what?

I'm saying like it's nice to see a love letter from a kid to their parents' employer when most of the time I imagine a kid writing a letter to their parents' employer would be like, go fuck yourself. True. Pay my dad more money and treat him like a human, you know. But I like that as a dancer at the tiki bar, it's like, no. Singer. You're nail. Singer at the tiki bar, you're nailing it. You mean to tell me he sings and he just stands there the whole time on the singer.

You got me there. There's probably a little bit of dance and maybe some hip shaking. You got me. Oh, my God. I just, that is like so wholesome in like a weird way, the weirdest way I've ever heard. Like,

I didn't see that coming. That was funny. Yeah. I've won my final one. It's a one star with a known-a response. Here's the one-star review of a hony-honey-tiki cocktail lounge. Customer service is the worst. I have ever experienced in Hong Kong.

I had a shocking experience with the manager, Max, who used the F word when I expressed disappointment in his lack of responsiveness to my booking inquiry. It took three days after I expressed timing was critical to get a response. I was ready to pay top dollar to book the entire place for a private event. I don't understand why the owner would hire someone like that to manage a service business. I'm thinking either Max is the owner and therefore he doesn't give a dame or the owner is blind. I would not recommend anyone to hoony-honey unless you don't mind the low-class treatment. End of reveal.

What is that? I don't know blindness has to do with any of this. That one was just really just. There wasn't even anything about. No matter what the context is, but like, this one was just like, what are you even trying to say with that? It's like, what is that even supposed to mean in your, in your mind? Here is a response from owner, okay? Your email chain, colon, sent on June.

10th at 622 p.m. Oh my God. As mentioned, I would like to reserve a party space for 30 to 40 people for Friday, July 3rd, from 8 to 11 p.m. I would like to know if you have a separate outdoor space we can reserve. Will there be music and games? Also, I would like food and drinks to be included. Please let me know how much it would cost and please send me photos of the space. Sent on June 10th at 833 p.m.

So next email, sent on June 10th at 833 p.m. So two hours, 11 minutes later, just says, hi, Max, is it possible to get back to me today? And then the owner chimes in here to say, plus your call at 8.30 p.m. asking for an immediate answer while I've told you it was the rush hour and that we were busy. And so I would answer you the next day. So so far this person emailed at 622 p.m. 8.30 p.m. and called at 830 p.m. and called at 830 p.m. Oh, my God. This is, yeah, in a couple hours. Time is of the essence. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, we're like, yeah, we. We know that's why we need to hang up. This on the next morning at 1018 a.m. The owner gets this email.

Hi, Max. Can you confirm if you received this email since I haven't heard from you? Oh, my God. Relax. I never say that, but relax. And then here is the email that they sent in response at 3.38 p.m. That same day, the owner sent this. Dear Sarah, thanks for your inquiry.

Sorry for the delays of my answer. Unfortunately, I cannot take big groups on Friday night. Please see attached our menus, corporate pack, and corporate pack. Hope you'll find a place that can accommodate your needs. And then, so that was it. And then this is the answer from Sarah. My God. Max, I'm very disappointed with your extremely slow response and disappointing answer,

which you could have provided during our first phone call as I gave you all the details. I will be going online and giving you a very negative review. Hard to believe you are the manager for the restaurant. You should be fired. end of email. And then here. Yeah. And then this is a final

owner response. This is the last email that he sent that that was before the review was written. Great. Darling, I don't need you and your party. Sorry for the delay of my answer. Not. I believe that I don't have to answer right away.

I'm a bar, not an office sitting down at a computer all day long. Second thing, I've answered your call on a busy rush hour. Haven't seen your answer. email yet, so you should calm down. Third thing, you should be aware of the regulations. And so a group of 30 plus people isn't allowed.

Please put your bad comment. I don't actually give a fuck. I'm the owner, by the way. Bye. So that was the final email and then left us with this. So considering this email chain, I believe that I've been fair and on time to answer your request due in three weeks time. As I've mentioned to you in my last email, we are not a corporate corporation that spent

hours in the front of a computer answering emails right away, especially for a request in three weeks' time. I think you should review your future expectations when you make an inquiry to a small bar or a restaurant. Thanks for understanding. Have a nice day. You get to just like immediately take. It's like you're running a bar and then they're like you're so unprofessional.

People feel so entitled to like immediate service and don't consider anything else. That's insane. That's like so nuts. That was really nutty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that one. Oh, my God. At least they're like, hey, I'll be honest.

I have zero interest in responding to you. Hi, darling. Yeah, I love the responses. All of them were so good. Yeah, and this person's like, yeah, good thing your party's not going to be here. Could you imagine 30 plus people like this? Oh, God. Yeah, can you imagine the weeks leading up to it of like planning?

Like, imagine what a nightmare that would be. Yeah, like every day expecting an email back. cocktail napkins like, oh, my God. Oh, boy. Well, maybe they should have accepted because they're out of business, but I'm just kidding. That didn't. That didn't. I'm sure that wasn't the reason.

I have a feeling it wasn't. I don't know that for sure. Wait, I just realized Sarah, her dad actually owns a chain of teaky bars. Oh, no, she's married to Phil, Phil Lee. Oh, no. The lighting guy? The lighting guy. Uh-oh.

Uh-oh. With her, she's the, she's the bulldog, you know? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. She gets all the, she gets all the itchy couches off the street. She's no nonsense. No, she just nickel and diamond everybody. I don't even know what that means.

Okay. I don't know what that means, especially for picking up a couch on the side, off the side of the road. I don't think it means much of anything. Oh, well, that was fun. I kind of weirdly was into that, like, T-E-E. I like a very specific theme every now and then because it really makes you get creative about searching it. Yeah, and we only had so many options. So it just kind of had to commit.

It worked out. I don't know. I had fun. Yeah. Let us know you think. And hopefully we'll be back next month with an equally niche topic. Hopefully we'll be back next month. Hopefully we'll survive.

Yeah, I hope so too. Listen, I don't know. You never know. Every now and then it's worth just letting the universe. snow. This is what I'm hoping for. Okay. Okay, everyone, hopefully see you next month, I guess. Bye. Beach, Two, Sandy, Water, Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borhees Wendell of VW. Sound.

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