Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 409: Reviews of Coffee Creamers

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

A belly full of white dog turds.Right now, Fi is offering my listeners up to 30% off and free shipping when you visit fitracking.com and enter promo code BEACH.“Treat, don’t trick, your teeth this month and go to shopremi.com/beach and use code BEACH at checkout for 50% off with Remi Club.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome to Beach Two Sandy Water Two at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. I'm your sister host Christine here with Doggy Gio. I'm the brother host, Zandi, with my little nephew. My buddy, who's you going? He's being such a ham today. He wanted to be on camera.

He wanted to be on Mike, but he has some really bad takes, and we just couldn't. It's not good. It's really, like, not it. It's not it, you know, so I keep him quiet. Anyway, how are you? I'm okay. Good. I don't know.

I'm okay. Good. That's better than usual. I'm hardened to hear this. Yeah, it's like every time. I see you. I've had another 10 hours of therapy. Yeah, it's like onward and upward we go. Wow. Great. Every time you see me having another crisis, but it's okay.

Oh, yeah. Why? What's been going on? Anything big? A lot of big things. There have been a lot of shifts. I announced this week that I was leaving my role as co-host of, and that's why we drink. The other podcast that we need. The other one. The other one we always forget about. That none of you know about. That nobody knows about. And yeah, it was a very bittersweet. experience and it was it was a hard couple days there making the announcement and but there's been a lot of support and it's been something in the making for a very long time so this is nothing like overnight or any sort of their tower moments yes but it's like I yeah how do I even say that I don't know I don't

know but things change things change and for what it's worth I have seen I've been through I mean I've been here through watching you basically through the whole You were living with me when it started. Yeah, and it's been amazing in so many ways. But this process of you ending your time on the show has been extremely impressive to see, I think, because you've been doing what's best for you and you have been figuring that out. And I think you've been doing such a good job. And I'm very proud of you for making this decision in the way that you have, especially. Thank you, Sandy.

That's so nice. But, yeah, of course, bittersweet. That's my brother. Listen to my little brother. He's so nice to me sometimes. Sometimes. I mean, you've been doing this job for like a decade. Yeah.

So. I mean, that's the longest I've done any job. That's the longest I've done, frankly, anything. Yes. No. Like, really. I mean, I was thinking about it. I'm like, that is a huge chunk of my life has been in that's why I drink.

True. I mean. Huge chunk. It's like been probably in everyone's orbit in my life for a long time. It absolutely changed my life. Yeah. In a billion ways. Yeah.

It put us all in a weird trajectory. And NAM's life, too, I'm certain. Like, it's such a, it was such a non-expected path, you know. And it-you-all made something. It was exciting and wonderful. But still, like, as sad as it is, I'm so fucking excited for you. Thank you. Getting to watch you go through all of this and, like, make these decisions.

It's like, oh, yeah. Yeah. She knows what she's doing, and she's doing the best thing for herself. I appreciate that. As tough as it might be. Yeah. It's exciting. I think I'm very excited.

But also, I feel like you have mourned this for a lot longer than the listeners. Yeah, that's the part that I feel. Yeah, it's like there's been such a long grieving morning processing many hours of 30. You know, there's been so much. It's big life changes that have been impending for a while. But nothing like, nothing overnight. But it is for the best. And I feel that in my heart.

And we're still going to be here hanging out and having a wonderful time. And Gio apparently wants to get back, I guess. But he hasn't really been involved in a while in either show. So it's finally his time to step in, I guess. Yeah, it's like one door closes, another door opens, and Geo runs right through. Yeah, only if it's cracked open enough where he can fit his head. True. He doesn't.

He doesn't understand he can push a door open. And I rue the day that he discovers that. I have a feeling he's not going to learn anytime soon. This is a little idiot. He's like already got gray hair. Yeah, he's had plenty of opportunities. Yeah. So let's talk about coffee creamer.

Okay. Stupid show. I love coffee creamer. I'm a freak about it. Oh, yeah? I'm a freak about it. I used to work as a PA in Los Angeles, and I would get the coffee creamer, and I get to pick it when I went to stock it. And it was like I felt like I was on top of the world.

It's so sad. What was your go-to? I loved anything disgusting, like the smores, like extra smores plus extra. Everyone on set as a PA when you bought the extra smores coffee cream or how'd everyone feel? So this wonderful. Not have that job for long. Not. This is what I'm saying.

I had no job for long. That's why the podcast, 10 years is like, you guys, I got to quit before I fuck up. Because if I fuck up with the coffee creamer again, you know, then it's going to just, I better leave, you know. So today is a turning point for us because we're doing coffee creamers. Which apparently is something to you. I didn't know coffee creamer was this. Extremely pivotal.

What the hell? To my life. And even as I researched them last night, I got really more time. What? I was like this. No. Absolutely not with the powdered creamer. Like, absolutely.

I don't know. In an emergency. I meant to look into this. How is it that so many of these say they are dairy-free but they contain milk products? Is it just like the lactose? Like, I don't know what dairy means. Oh, dairy. I think they mean lactose.

Well, no, but you're right. That shouldn't. Alexinner, they can't be trusted. I wouldn't worry about it. It's the Amazon brand, which I'm not saying Amazon is trustworthy, but I'm saying like it's their main staple brand says that. You know, the only, there's a discontinued coffee creamer that I love because all the coffee creamers I love have been discontinued. You have horrible taste.

Exactly. And there was this one by Chobani and they made this shamrock green coffee cream. Oh, Jesus. It was so, it was like, you know, the, what's the McDonald's shamrock shake? But it was like for your coffee. Oh, M.G. It was so good. I mean, it sounds good.

It was so good. It sounds tasty. And then it, but it turned everything to this browny green. like slimy color. And like keep in mind, this is February, March, you're already in like this. It's not like, oh, it's fall. We can pretend it. Whatever.

It's just unpleasant. And I was like, man, they can just get rid of the fucking green food coloring. And they just discontinued it instead. But I was tragically sad. I think the green coloring really turned people off. Yeah, I would hope that did. It was unfortunate. It didn't turn me off.

I was like, yum. Luck of the Irish, you know. Gross. I think I only have some like pumpkin spice creamer. my fridge right now. That's what I use. Oh, so good. I'm up. I do, I love my creamer. I don't know. See? No, don't, don't. There's no camaraderie here. Stop it. I have nothing. I'm not on your level. I speak for all of us. I will never be on your level of coffee creamer obsession. No. There was this woman, Jenny, and I loved her. She was such a good mentor to me, but I did really

give her a run for her money. And she ended up, like, leaving and getting a really cool job elsewhere. So I'm happy for her. But she one time had to be like, Christine, the amount of carcinogens. And I was like, and this was a time where I was exercising like every day. And I was like, this is how unwell I was. I would bring a tablespoon with me to work to measure my coffee cream or my extra smores. So I'd be like pack in the flavor. And she's like, there are carcinogens.

And I was like, this is my one tablespoon a day of like not obsessively fitness pal, whatever. Sorry, trigger warning around that. But end of that discussion. But yeah, she was like, you're poisons. And I was like, Jenny, I swear to God, if you touch my coffee creamer. Like, it's my one joy in this life. It's not anymore. I have many joys in this life and I'm in a much healthier place.

But, you know, age 22 in Los Angeles, coffee creamer was one of my delights, one of my joys. And it remains a joy. Okay, I've made this weird. No, I know what you mean, though. You get that little, like. It was like a right spot in my day. And then when Jenny tried to take it from me, I almost clawed her eyes out. But she.

Oh, Jenny Craig. She's Jenny Craig. Isn't that some like weight loss? What the fuck? Jenny Craig? Who's Jenny? It's like some diet thing. Who?

Who? Who? Just, you're like done with trigger warnings. I'm like, yeah, what the hell? You just triggered half of the 40-year-old. I don't know how old Jenny Craig is. That feels like what? Half the 40-year-old.

What are you talking about? These poor people. These poor old folks, 40-year-olds, so old. That's like me almost. Yeah, I know. You're so old. Go ahead. I am going to read a review that Andy sent in, they them, of delight Irish cream.

Coffee cream. I was about saying, I forgot we're talking about coffee. Me too. And I was staring at it. I was like, oh, yeah. Irish cream. I'm like, what am I doing? Whoa, okay, I'm back.

We really didn't go anywhere. It's wild that I forgot. This will snap us into things, I'm sure. Lock it in, lock it. This review is titled Woman Superhero. It is a five-star review. You're right. I'm totally grounded now.

And I'm going to read it as written. Okay. Then what you put much put-put-Liv-Creamer on it, that thing on it, but her butt to creamer. Very soft, soft. One no, but that showed it in there. Yep, I know. Okay, no matter what, creamer, but that showed it is not a definite.

Okay, but I know but too much on it. End of review. Yuck. Big yuck from me. That's a no. And then they said, yes, I recommend this product. I bet you do. Talk about carcinogens.

I don't know what's going on. I don't like the proximity to any bodily space that this person is participating in. It feels like this is getting a little too far. I didn't also like showed, which kind of made me think maybe they were saying shoved in that sentence, showed into it. I see that. Yeah. And the word, one of the butts is B-U-T-T. Yeah, I see.

There's something sinister happening here. Very soft, soft. And that would say that. One no, but that showed it in there. Shove it in there, you see? Yeah, but. But. Ah!

You can't escape now. So this was sent in by Anna, she her. And it is the International Delight, Almond Joy coffee creamer, who says, for those who take their coffee with candy bars, yes, please. Has been made abundantly clear about me. I actually would prefer this, I think, to the extra s'mores or whatever I was making up earlier. I love an almond joy.

Everything you love about almond joy bars is here. The taste of coconut, toasted almonds and milk chocolate. Man, that does sound good. Three stars. I'm out. This is a review by a user called Anoyed Woman. Three stars. A oxymoron.

Like, annoying. Sorry. I just think about my wife a lot. Did you see this? I did. Yeah, Ryan said this in like probably two years ago for my birthday or something. Listener Ryan, and it had a cracker barrel. And it said, I won't tell if you don't.

It had a cracker barrel. It had a cracker barrel, a gift card to go visit your wife. So I'm going to go do that. Yeah, she doesn't not let me use her employee discount anymore. So I could use that gift card. No, I'm sorry. That's what, it's for me, actually. Oh.

She lets me use her employee discount, but I still need that. Yeah, you do. The way they raise their prices. Double baked potato. Yeah. Three stars by annoyed woman. And the title of the review is, I only use this creamer so it's a pain that I can't find it. The creamer would get five stars.

It's my favorite. I love it because it tastes very. real, which my family tastes real to what, I guess. An almond joy, which I get, is that what they mean? Okay. I don't know. I don't know. Much of an almond joy is the texture also. So it is hard to understand how it could be that real, but. Yeah, and nothing about an almond joy feels real. The raspberry white chocolate tastes like cough syrup. Oh? Why is that in the almond joy? I don't know. And also, like, that's what you want to feel real about. It tastes just like cough syrup. What's real? What is real?

Like in this, oh God, here we go. The whole state, that was worse. Oh, God, here we go again. The raspberry white chocolate tastes like cough syrup. I tried it because I could not find this anywhere. I was so disappointed. I'm done with international delight until they bring this creamer back. I make entire orders from Instacart just to get this creamer, only to be told it is out of stock.

As you can probably tell, it's morning. And I haven't had my coffee. which I can't drink without cream. Cancel culture needs to leave the creamer out of it. End of review. Amen, these woke people canceling all the good creamers. Yeah. I'm so over it.

That's so funny. Can you imagine the hate that the Instacart or driver must get when they bring all the other stuff? And they're like, I don't want any of this. I just wanted the one fucking creamer. An entire Instagram. I've done that for other things. I have. I'm trying to remember.

Like, it was like if I needed an ingredient. or something. I was like, I have to throw other stuff. Like, I might as well make a full purchase kind of thing. And it has happened where they'll be like, oh, well, there's no time or whatever. And I'm like, well, why the fuck do I make the entire order? But you kind of got to go into it on knowing that's a possibility, I guess. I suppose so.

Especially if you're doing these creamers because apparently so many of these are discontinued. Well, and they are constantly trying shit. And then just put them all in my cart and then there's none left for the rest of you. I can't tell if this is like a low point or a high point for a food scientist. working in coffee creamer. I can't tell if it's like, oh, you get to experiment and do all the crazy stupid shit that gets canceled. Yeah. Or it's like, oh, you just do the bullshit that no one else wants to do and like make up crap based on candy brands.

Those seem like the same thing. Maybe. I don't really know what the difference is. Apparently, the white chocolate just isn't cutting it. In my group therapy concessions, we went around talking about our like ideal coffee order. See, this is everybody's, it's important. And I want to say three out of the six of the six of. of us said white chocolate. And I was shocked. I didn't even say it. And I love white chocolate.

Oh, you didn't even say it. That's like, it wasn't even me. Wow. That is surprising. Yeah. And so I was thinking I should do have some more white chocolate stuff. Can I say something too? I don't like white chocolate as a food, but I love white chocolate coffee cream or anything. Interesting. Food scientists? Well, I thought, are you having a ball? Good question. Is this evidence? Is this data? Evidence. Here is something that Gene the Bean sent in. Lovely.

She sent in a review of Starbucks, pumpkin spice, non-dairy almond milk, and oat milk coffee creamer. Why both? I've had that. It's not for me. Why almond animals? I don't really understand that either. It feels a little weird to me. It does.

It's a one-star review on Target's website. Disgusting artificial flavor. If you think this creamer will replicate the sumptuous pumpkin spice latte flavor, you are going to be sorely disappointed. This is to pumpkin spice what Derek Zoolander is to supermodels, all show and hubris while providing nothing that was promised. Zoolander was funny at least. This product is garbage.

End of review. This one didn't even turn my mug green like that Shamrock shake one. Zoolander, what a fucking, what a choice for a reference. What Zoolander is. And then to explain it as if like, oh, let me explain. You see hubris. And it's like, to be fair, I haven't seen Zoolander in a while. To be fair, no one's seen Zoolander in a while.

I don't really understand why it's even being brought up in this review. It just seems so outdated. And like... Well, this review was written in 2023. Yeah, the height of... That was late when he was doing severance. Like, total vibe should. And they're like, you know, the hubris of Zoolander.

And the way... It's so funny. Geez. Wow. What a... What a choice. Alexander. What a choice. So, I don't know if you know this. I do know that you know this. Gio's a runner.

Oh, I was just thinking about all those times when we live together. He's an escape artist. And your friend Simon came and accidentally left the gate open and Gio was gone. Okay. So this is why I have actually used FI, the tracking caller, for years. And when they reached out to be a sponsor, I was like, oh, I have a lot of endorsement for this bad boy. Fai makes the world's smartest GPS and health trackers for dogs and cats.

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Hey, sometimes it'd be before FI, you'd be like, oh, where's Gio? Oh, the neighbor. And how long has he been missing for? The neighbor would be screaming and spraying a hose at him. And I'd be like, uh-oh. Oh, boy. I'm escape artist.

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treat don't trick your teeth this month with Remy by using code Beach to get 50% off your new night guard with Remy club. That's 50% off at shop remi.com slash beach with code beach. Thanks Remy for sponsoring this episode. So this is a review of the International Delight Hershey's Chocolate Liquid, like this is not for me. Carmel's not for me. You sent too many words. Too many words. Not for me.

This review. Can you say the word liquid? I did. And that's bad. Yeah. I know it's like there's powder. Why wouldn't it be? Because there's a powdered creamer, I guess.

I know. But like you shouldn't have to lay, I don't know, maybe. There must be a better way. I don't like it. I don't know why. I didn't like that. There must be a better way. Liquid creamer.

Gross. Something gross about that. Well, it also says, Hershey's chocolate liquid caramel. Yeah. No, I don't like it. Don't throw a liquid in there. You can't just willy-nilly toss liquid into it, a phrase or something. Like, there are certain words you need to be really discernible.

learning about. Here is a five-star review. This was also sent in by Anna, and it is a five-star view called We the People, so you know. Oh, it's going to be good. In order to form a perfect cup of coffee, should I sing it? We the people, in order to form a perfect cup of coffee, demand the back to stores. Okay, it doesn't work, actually. They really lost the plan. In order to form a perfect cup of coffee, demand them back to stores. We may have to drink crappy coffee. I have had this creamer in my coffee every day for over five years and now you pull this

crap on me. This has to be against the Geneva Convention. I am in hell. This is Christ. This was me in 2016. I was going to say you are one of these people. I was just thinking that. I was not quite this bad. Okay. Whatever you say.

I mean, correct me. I lived with you so. Yeah, I guess you get the I will correct you because you're wrong. Okay. That was around the time when I put that good vibes noly and I my brain was for really having a hard time sounds kind of like earlier this year, you know,

these things are cyclical. Okay, this has to be against the Geneva Convention. I am in hell. I got a belly full of white dog turds and no coffee cream or underwent or you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know why it says that. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to read it again. Don't make me. I don't feel good that there's a dog sitting next to me.

No offense, Gio. A belly full of white dog turds? Is that what it was? Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it anymore. How did that happen? How did we get to that? It just was, I'm in hell, and this is what hell is like, I guess. Ew, gross.

That would be gross to have that in your belly. Yeah, I think we can all probably. Oh, don't be insulted. Geo looked at me like, what do you mean? My white turd. I wish they were white. That would be. Eating white crayons or something again, Gio?

Oh, God. Alexander. Samson and Burgess, good times. Alexander, I knew he would like make this go on for far too long, which is why I almost didn't read the last sentence. Well, you shouldn't have. I'm in hell. Oh, I see. It all makes sense.

It all makes sense. Your belly is full of white dog curds. Alexander, change a subject, please. I'm going to change it to Amazon Saver original coffee creamer. This is a non-dairy and I believe powdered coffee cream. I know. I know it well because I read. classic one.

Many reviews of it. Classic. Giant Hub. This one, I screenshot because of the person's name. Oh, good. Their name is this. I've bought this once and used it once.

It worked for what I had, and that's all that matters to me. Problem solved. Thanks, a happy customer. IDK. That is their username. I wonder how long Amazon had to eventually make the character element when they realized some people didn't understand

that they had to, like, Right. They were like, I guess we just unblock character limit on the title or on the username. On the username. I guess. Yeah. And also that has nothing to do with this review. Oh, so that's for sure you get totally different. I don't know what product, but they were. So they eventually figured out how to leave a review. Yeah. So here's the review. They actually left because it's a verified purchase. Got it.

One star of this creamer. Wish I never bought this stuff. Do not touch this cheap crap. Made a huge mistake, guys. Ugh. End of review. Shit. You know what, though? Could have been me at my job in 2016. Like, if I had bought the wrong, which I did often, buy the wrong coffee creamer. Yeah, I bet you did. It sounds like it.

Boy, you'd be, you're not feeling good about that. You're feeling very bad about that. Yeah. Because, like, Juliana Rancic is coming over, and she only likes, you know, very pert. She doesn't like the extra smores, wouldn't you believe it? I wouldn't believe that. I know. It's hard to believe. Well, she, like, when walking around, like, with dog turds and

her stomach. Alex Alexander, don't say that stuff. Okay, okay. Okay. I'm sorry. Thank you.

What else we got? This is a review of Amazon Saver, but it's the hazelnut variety. Oh. Powdered. I'm an original. I'm an original cremate. Oh, are you a purist about your Amazon powdered coffee creamer?

I'm the original creamer. That's gross. And somehow probably true. This is a review by Jerry, five stars. The taste is awesome. That's the title. Another review.

Marge, yes, Fred. This hazelnut coffee creamer tastes like, ah, darn, like spit it out, Fred. No, the taste, you just had a beer. That's it, Marge. That hazelnut coffee cream with beer tastes just like what I just said. Put the beer down now, Jerry. Jerry, what in the world?

You have a problem, Jerry. Jerry, this is an intervention. Jerry's drinking beer, snorting creamer. What is going on? By the way, Jerry is... What? Yeah, I don't know. Who's Fred?

You're asking me? I was about say Fred did... Or Jerry did this, but then Marge and Fred, is this a sitcom reference? It sounds like it. Marge and Fred is... I assume that's some sort of sitcom. Fred Simpson

March Flintstone That's the one Yeah Yeah so Always always Always with the beer On both of those shows So I don't know

Maybe it's because it was like Nope there's no explanation Because it says this hazelnut Coffee cream with beer Wait what? Ew Yeah, ew I didn't understand

I thought they were saying They had too much beer And now they can't write a review or something Sounds like both Christina Sounds like a lot of it Two things can be true. Here is the one-star review of that same creamer, the Amazon one-star, one-star.

By Norma, it's terrible. This is leaving a layer of film on my tongue, and I have to use my finger to scratch it all off. I will not buy this product again. I'm in hell. I'm in hell. I'm in hell. I love that. I got to scratch it off with my finger. It's the only way. That's literally insane. That's truly beyond insanity. There's no reasoning for any of this.

There's no reasoning. If you're on Amazon, buy yourself a damn tongue scraper. Okay? Stop it. Brush your teeth like a normal person. Do anything. I don't know. Do it in the bathroom at least.

Or don't do whatever you want. Just don't tell me about it. I don't care. I just don't want to know. I do gross shit, quote unquote gross shit. I don't want to shame myself. That's what my therapist tells me not to do. We all do gross shit.

But like, you know, don't post it at all. I don't post it out on the Amazon one. I don't write Amazon on. Scraping my tongue with my finger after drinking coffee. God, imagine sitting next to her at work in the cubicle and you look over and you're like... You hear the scratch. It's like it has begun for the morning. That's one of the scary stories to tell in the dark.

Right? Yeah. The tongue scraper. The tongue scraping lady? Okay. Oh, honestly. You'll hear it. Uh.

That's not what a tongue scraping sounds like, but... This is a review sending. by Bunny, who wrote They, she, Faye. I love that. New to Patreon and said, this is not at all related to my submission, but I'm using this opportunity to beg and plead for an explanation of she for madness.

I remember it being brought up in an early episode, and the beautiful and magnanimous X-teen said not to explain it, which really sounds like me. It really sounds like me. We're such idiots. And it's the way that you gave me so many compliments while saying the rude, fucked up thing I did that, like, makes

me want to tell you, especially because you just started paying me money. Like, either we're referencing something that only the two of us would understand, or we're like trying to hide things. Well, I wanted them to figure it out. I wanted them to figure it out. That's it. I think that's why I said it, but it's kind of messed up for the people who just don't know. Maybe it's just Bunny.

Well, Bunny. Buddy's the only one who cares. Let's have a little talk. Here's a trick. Replace the S-C-H-I with an R and an E, and then you've got your answer. That's a riddle. There it is. Only a couple of people will be able to figure that out, I think.

You're going to have to use your, what's that, no, what's that thing from like the Da Vinci code, your cryptex. Oh my God, you've got to get out the crypt. I don't know what it is. Yeah, I know. The codex. Your codex. Get your codex. Get to work, Bunny.

Figure it out. Well, Bunny sent in this review of the white chocolate mocha Chobani coffee creamer. It doesn't sound good. Moka, I'm out. But that's what white chocolate. I know. I don't like the word mocha. One star, something is wrong.

There is something very wrong with this creamer. I love Chobani, and I've had this flavor in the past, but as I took a drink of coffee after using this white chocolate Chobani creamer, I was disgusted by this awful, very strange taste. I have no idea what I just drank. Something fell in the batch? Something went bad in this batch? I don't know, but please fix this.

I can't pinpoint the taste, but it's not fit for consumption. It almost smells like a urine smell? Oh? I don't know. Ew. I hope Chobani reads this. They didn't. Spoiler alert.

They didn't. End of review. Something is wrong. Written by anonymous, verified purchase. Sounds like they're starting this monologue. Like something's wrong. Something is wrong. Something pissy.

There's piss. Also, I love that the first guess is that something fell in the batch. Yeah. It would have been funny or if they said someone. Someone's urine maybe Yeah, someone unloaded. They emptied themselves into the batch. Stop saying that.

They just ate like 16 white dog turds. And then peed them out? Uh-uh. Like sludge. Alexanard. All right. Now see, this is when I'm like, I try to play the game and then he makes it not fun because it's like you made it fucking gross and weird and like unpleasant.

Go back to your other podcast. Oh, wait. I'm so sorry. Too soon. Too soon. Here's a one-star review of that same Amazon Creamer by Pat. Yummy in my coffee. I'm sure this is just as bad for you as they say,

but I only have one cup of coffee a day and really like it. So I'm living life in the danger zone. I really enjoy my coffee with this in it. End of review. That was literally me like finding any dopamine. It's like, oh, look at me. go. And then when Jenny said carcinogens, I was like, I'm going to double up today. Just fucking really go for it. You know, meanwhile, I was dying and every other way, like,

working 13 hours and, like, drinking beer every night. But, you know, the coffee creamer, I felt like I was really living on the edge. I know that feeling so well. Yeah. And like something, but to be fair, as we're kind of discovering and talking about, coffee creamer, whatever the fuck it is, is disgusting. It's a gross. It's inherently gross. Like, I get that. I love it. It's how I feel about tinned fish and other things where I'm like, inherently, I get that it's kind of gross.

But at least with that, it's like, you know, traditional thing. This is more like, what the hell are we even eating? Yeah, what is this? Who knows? Carcinogens and Jenny in 2014. I don't know. I also like Twizzlers, so whatever. I just got roasted for liking Twizzlers.

Really? It went really, it was like, I felt like, wow, I haven't gotten this. Was it from like a Red Vines lover or just to have Twizzlers? Hater. It was a very, very dry response of, oh, so you like the taste of candles. And I said, honestly, I might actually. And then I realized, Webb, maybe I'm also the problem here. And I thought they are kind of like dusty bites.

Like, they're waxy. Extruted candle, it feels like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I get that. Dusty, waxy. And I said, that's what I like about it. But I heard myself say it aloud. And as I defended it, I thought,

Geo, your breath stinks. All right, let me move him. Thank you. I have one more review. Fantastic. Gio, he can breathe this way for now. Good boy. This is sent in by Andy,

who sent in something, my first review, I believe. And they also sent in a review of International Delight, white chocolate raspberry flavor. Oh, that's the one that tastes like cough syrup. Well, here is a five-star review titled, please, please don't discontinue this creamer.

Oh, I love that they're begging before it even happens. That's probably what I should. There we go. Okay, here we go. Yes. No, the moment you were telling your story earlier, I'm like, oh, I have a review for you. I should have petitioned.

Okay. This white chocolate raspberry creamer is by far my favorite creamer ever. But it just so happens that in the past few months, it has been a little bit challenging to find it. I have to travel 16 to 20 miles going to several different stores before I can get it. Wow. It's by God's grace that I found it at a particular store, and I have to get on my knees and use a cane to reach it.

I thought they meant to like, supproscel or to like thank the Lord. And I was like, holy shit. I was going to make a joke. Like, do you think they prayed? And then they said, I got down to my knees and I thought, no shit, they're really thanking God. Works, it works. Wow.

It's by God's grace that I found it at a particular store and I have to get on my knees and use a cane to reach it because it's buried so far back in the fridge behind other creamers as if it hidden. I bet you people hide it back there. That's an insane thing I would do. So I should not put that behavior on other people. Not that you don't drink a lot of creamer, but how often are you like restocking your creamer where like it's going to be there when you get back? There was a time where Blaze would be buying like four at a time because I was drinking so much coffee creamer and they were seasonal.

So he would like, he really would stock them up for me. But only a couple. It wasn't like we were like buying a million of them. But I would, it would be a bummer though when they were gone and he would have to look. Yeah. I feel like that would be a good thing for couponing. Like, I bet there'd be, especially since they, like, rotate seasonally. I wonder how often you get those, like, coffee cream or coupons.

Don't give me another exciting, thrilling hobby to pursue right now. I can't. I'm very busy. You're right. Yeah. Good grief. The lengths that I go through to get this stuff is as if I'm an addict. I just wish companies would stop getting rid of my favorite things.

It just doesn't make sense. Leave this flavor alone and get rid of the goofy flavors like the candy and cinnabund flavors. Oh. In essence, please, please, please. Please don't get rid of this flavor. I love, love, love your brand. White chocolate raspberry creamer. Keep it, I say.

I demand that you keep this flavor. Well, I strongly suggest that you keep it. Please. End of review. Do you think they're still on the ground with their cane muttering all this? They included a selfie of themselves. No. With the creamer.

I love this review. Okay. First of all, the nails are glam. And I love how the idea that they're on their knees with a cane. And scooping out the hidden creamer with those glamorous nails. Out of the fridge. After, by the way, having thanked God the Lord above for bringing them to this divine Walgreens where they sell it. Like, it's really something.

20 miles from home. Oh, my God. What a journey. What a quest. Wow. That was beautiful. And the selfie. I thought you were going to say on the ground, but this was better.

Just like a selfie with the acquired product. Imagine them in the store. Like, I found it taking a selfie. I mean, that is kind of what I was imagining. Yeah, yeah. All right, so I think it's time for my challenge. Is that right? I would say so.

So my challenge this week was to find reviews mentioning deja vu. Yes. And it feels like deja vu because nobody sent any in. But I don't blame you. It's hard because you have to look up all the different spellings of how people would type it. Including like the actual correct one, which I didn't know and had to copy and paste repeatedly because it has the little hat and all sorts of stuff happening. Not the hat. Not the hat.

So this is a review. I do have a couple, though, that I feel. found. This is a review of Rutherford Grill in Rutherford, California. You know, when you search something on Google and then it, like, shows you the preview of the text, but when you hop into, like, Yelp or whatever, it's like, you can't find it. So you take that and you've caught whatever. So I was searching for it. And I was searching for the phrase, like, my great aunt, because that's in this review. There were like 200 reviews of this restaurant mentioning great aunt. And I was like, what is it happening? And the place has 3,600 reviews. But I was like,

The fact that's so many great, and then just the word aunt had like, I'm like, how many ants are going to this place? But parents have something. Hey, I wonder if there's some matriarch of this town. Could be. Could be. Madam Rutherford. Everyone's a great aunt. They're all related.

Oh, shit. Freaks over there. He's all incestuous. Alexana. All right. Now, see. I'm okay, okay, okay. Immediately.

Okay, okay. Immediately gets us in trouble. Okay, so this is a five-star review. When I first walked into Rutherford Grill a few years back, I thought I was having deja vu. I was at a 90th birthday party for my great aunt. So, Madame Rutherford has her parties here, I guess. It's so weird. When I first walked into Rutherford Grill a few years back, I thought I was having deja vu.

I was at a 90th birthday party for my great aunt. Have I been here before? I asked my mother. Her reply was a simple, no. Sounds lovely. What a nice exchange. But after I went to the bathroom and sat in our large booth studying the layout Went to the bathroom and sat in our large booth I'm sorry, at that we're going to, the stall was going to trigger something.

Sat in our large booth. But after I went to the bathroom and sat in our large booth studying the layout, I couldn't shake the feeling. As I read the menu, two words popped. Veggie burger. Caps in its own line. What the hell? Come on.

This is Houston's. Houston's is a restaurant I frequent whenever I crave a veggie burger. None of this freezer crap BS for me. My mother knows that I love a good juicy hamburger, but nothing compares to the veggie burger at Rutherford and Houston's. So I asked the house. What is Houston? I have no fucking...

Did they change their name? I have no idea. Maybe. Maybe that's why it's deja vu. Maybe. So I asked the hostess, and sure enough, she was surprised. I knew the two were connected. By a tunnel underground.

No, that's me. That's how I imagine it, but I think it's probably just management. I love the veggie burger. And when they have the option of those crispy, thin French fries, it's true love. Coles, lazy love. Veggies love hate. For me, veggies are hit or miss, but at Rutherford, They grow all their own vegetables.

They are fresh, crisp, perfectly seasoned, and sometimes slathered in oil or butter, just how grandma used to make. Another great find is the knife and fork ribs. Amazing. My mom devours the grilled vegetable plate, and I always make sure to steal her artichoke. It's killer.

Huge and slightly salty. The heart is also perfect and plump. Ah! No, no, no, no, no. It's giving Dennis from It's Always Sunny somehow. Okay. Like, we're getting creepy with it. Yeah.

It was like fine and now you're getting too sensual. Yeah. And you keep bringing up your mother and aunt as the crow flies. Yeah. Anyway. That was weird. That was weird. That was.

Ten people found this helpful. Do with that information. Honestly, like, it just, the, the daveo of it all getting lost in there. But, like, that just makes it so much worse. Oh, I forgot also. That was even a thing. Yeah, that part is bad because it's like you sat in the large booth and as you studied the layout, you couldn't shake the feeling. And that sounds so like, it sounds like one of my favorite Leo DiCaprio movies.

Which one is it? With the Dreaming. Oh, what's Eden Gilbert Grape? That's the one. And I feel like it gives that vibe. Inception. Yeah, that's the one. This is a five-star review of the same place and it has nothing to do with deja vu, but it does have to do with an aunt.

and I just happened to glance at it and I went, well, I have to bring this. You have to. Wait, this is a Rutherford? It sure is. It's a five-star review by Haley. Here we go. Written December 31st, 2017.

This is New Year's Eve. I ate here with my family to start off the night. Soon after we got our awesome food, my aunt started choking. Dejave. Okay, I know. This happened at Houston's last year. When she was 89.

Soon after we got our awesome food, my aunt started choking. A server ran over without making a scene and gave her the hamlet. The hamlet? What is happening? I love that she, without making a scene, gave her the hamlet. That's funny. I love this one's choking to death and you're like, but I wouldn't want to upset the other tables.

A server ran over without making a scene. scene and gave her the hamlet and literally saved her freaking life. I have a great amount of respect for this place. Our server was awesome. Food is always on point. Big thanks to our server, Kristen, and a big thank you to the server, Serena, who jumped into action. End of review.

I feel like the aunt is probably like, hey, can we chill on, like, talking about this? I'm traumatized. Whoa. What is happening at Brother First? Like, written the day of New York. It's not even midnight yet. It's not even midnight. It's like, we started our evening.

here. Things have been off to a great start. Five stars. My aunt almost died. Yelpers. Do I have a story for you? Truly. And it didn't even get an oh no. I know. That's weird. That's weird. Did it get a cool? It didn't get anything. I know. Bummer. So this is a review. We're back to the Deja Vu Now challenge. After the choking aunt, I just had to really. But it sounds like they take aunts very seriously at this restaurant. So it's a place to be. You get like a seat of honor probably. Yeah.

I bet if you were choking, they wouldn't give you the hamlet if you were just an uncle. Okay. And they would make such a seat about it, too. True. This is a review of budget rental car at the Denver airport, and it's a one-star review by John. Brutal. I'm having deja vu all over again. It was here in this line 15 years ago.

And if I would have remembered how slow the service was, I never would have booked here. Long lines, disinterested, and mought enough. staff, end of review. 15 years ago. I have a feeling that's a long enough time to try it again. I would say it's not. Yeah. And 15 years from 2011 to 2016.

Oh. You mean 2026? You know, budget might have up there. But then again, they are budget. Like, you know what they're called, right? I mean, if you're going to do, yeah. If you're going to pet, yeah, yeah. It's like same thing when people complain about like hurts.

Yeah. They're telling you right in the name, it's going to hurt. Like, you know, Bunny earlier. Talked to me about Bunny. Bunny, they said they were listening back to all the old episodes to make note of any reviews that mention like more like Stank of America, you know, like any of those. And they said they're doing a relisten for that. And I was like, oh, surely that will have some import for us and some,

Some, like, will be able to use that for something or someone will. Just for the library of Alexandria or something. It needs to be kept somewhere. I was thinking of Congress. Congress, maybe. I'm a big Congress fan these days. I know. I've heard that about you.

But then the other thing, what did you just say? As Bunny. Buddy's tracking it. But I was going to say, Buddy needs to add a new list. But now I'm like, wait, what was it? It hurts rental car. Oh, it hurts. The dumb fucking hurts joke.

Just make a whole. category because I think you already told that one four times. I think we're already up to pretty high on that one. All right. This is my last one. This is of the Phoenix Hotel. This is in San Francisco. And it's a four-star review written by Corey titled Throwback Property Thoughtfully Renovated

slash Fun Oasis in a gritty neighborhood. Okay. You don't need to make multiple titles for a title. Okay. Unless you're doing A-B testing. And TripAdvisor, I don't think has instituted that yet. That would be great. be crazy.

That would be funny. That would be very funny. Four stars. I feel like I've deja vu. I've read this fucking review before. Nope, just A.B. Testing. Wow.

Four stars. That feels like maybe too niche to understand. But maybe if you post stuff on YouTube, you'll know what I'm talking about. Okay. If you're a fan of bunkhouse group hotels. Huh? And who is it? I have no.

I only said honk. I was like, yeah, everyone is. Like, duh. Didn't have to say it. Fucking pathetic question. Yeah. If you're a fan of bunkhouse group hotels, this. What is that?

It just makes me think of beatniks. I don't know. I'm like the bunkhouse group. I don't know. It feels like you're living in like... I think about the fact that when we go on tour, we sleep in at least one room every tour that has bunkhouse. Yeah, that's what it's giving like bunk house. I feel like we probably have slept in a bunk house property.

And I probably didn't like it. Probably not. I don't mind it. But when I have to climb up to the top and then I have to pee and then I bang my shins on everything. I've always been the bottom bunker. I know. It's just, as the eldest, there are certain things that I called way back in the day that I now

regret calling. Yeah, no, I love it. Yeah, carmic punishment. Here we go. If you're a fan of bunkhouse group hotels, this is a must visit. For newbies who maybe dig Hilton's or cookie cutter new properties, you might miss the point. For newbies to SFO, the sidewalk characters might be a shock. But that's just a tenderloin.

Once you buzz into the lobby, you're in an oasis. in the city. Most friendly staff ever. Amazing adjoining restaurant and pool slash grounds are just quiet enough and super chill. Loved morning coffee in the lobby. I felt like I was having deja vu and was nine years old on a road trip with my parents, except for all the exceptional cocktails and super sexy rooms. My parents didn't pick the sexy rooms back in the day. What a choice. I'm like super sexy. If you're going to go super sexy, you might as well say cocktail waitress. or something, and then you're like, rooms. What is having to do with...

What is any of this having to do with being nine years old? This is the least road trip-sounding thing I've ever heard in my life. And you're drinking coffee in the lobby of a hotel. Maybe it's because it's like one of those, like, hostile vibes where it's like, oh, everyone's just, like, gathered. Everyone's what? Everyone's dead. Very hostile environment.

Oh, I thought you meant there's just, like, from the horror movie that I never saw. I've never seen it either. Loved morning coffee in the lobby. I felt like I was having days. Javoon was nine on a road trip with my parents, except for the exceptional cocktails in super sexy rooms. Robs are so soft. Room renovations are just enough to make them new, spotless, and comfortable, but make no mistake. You're still chilling in an old motor lodge. Soak it up. And for a sceny place, I didn't have any noise issues and even slept with my window slots open.

Didn't want to leave. End of review. Wow. That's something. I don't know how it feels. about that one. I don't know if I want to go there. It is a tape. But them saying it's a motor lodge. So I'm like, okay, maybe it is road trippy vibe. I guess.

But then the rooms are just so dripping with sensuality. It's like you just walk in there and go, holy smokes. Honestly, that was. I'm glad mom and dad aren't here. I'm going to say. That was a little uncomfortable and we would go on trips like mom and Tim and we'd stay in a micro towel and how sexy those rooms were. I was like, holy shit.

What are you going to say next? Because I have zero. It would be so uncomfortable. The micro hotel with, I have a picture of one of the little soap bars in the packaging with a fly on it. Sexy. That was sexy. That was a nice touch.

Sometimes we would just like, you know. We'd get a love of bread and yogurt at the oldies. Sometimes we'd even dip like offrin triscuits or wheat thins into cream cheese. Oh yeah. Yeah, we did do that. Yeah. It was sexy as fuck. Yeah, microchelle.

So sexy. Anyway, okay, thanks for listening. Thanks, everyone. That idiot is ruining my puzzle. Oh my God, there's a cat on the puzzle. Get him off. Okay, I got to go. Okay, we got to save this puzzle.

Bye. Beach 2, Sandy, Water, Too Wet is produced and hosted by Zandi and Christine Cheever. The show is edited and mixed by Sarah Borheese Wendell of VW Sound. Can I pee? I'm so sorry, Sarah. Hello, and welcome to Pluto Fo. If you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, just stream it for free on Pluto TV. where all your blockbuster favorites are landing all summer long.

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