Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 41: Psychics in Albuquerque, NM

Episode Date: September 4, 2019

This week, we explore the underbelly (and overbelly) of Albuquerque. No clue what that means? Let's just say one has high metaphysical prices while the other is ruled by a farmer friar. Still not making sense? Then rub your Walmart crystals and take a hit from your Skyline flavor vape, because it's time for another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello. Hello. Welcome. Hello! Hello, welcome. Our podcast is called Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet.

It's a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion, and they're from the internet, and they're usually really terrible. Yeah. And that's about it. What's your name? I'm Christine. Hi, my name's Alex. What do we have this week week i feel like last week

i've like talked for 45 minutes too much i know a little too much so let's start i don't blame you but it was just too much i'm just gonna say that start writing on it um our theme this week was psychics in albuquerque and that was difficult so it was a little difficult until it wasn't for me it was okay always difficult that's my bad and because of because of that some people might be unhappy but other people will be happy i branched out me too i did things that have nothing to do with being psychic oh i branched out a little bit but we'll see yes as long as we find reviews, I think it's okay. I found some entertaining things, so. I mean, I think that's what ultimately matters.

That's what we're about. And then you gave me the challenge to find reviews of Skyline Chili from people who are not local to or native to the Skyline greater area. Wow, that's word for word how I gave it to you. Word for word. Yes, and for those who don't know, Skyline Chili is a Cincinnati, Ohio-based restaurant. It's a chain. It's a franchise. People say, okay, I don't want to divide people.

It's fast food to me, but other people are like, you can't call it fast food. It's like dine-in fast food. Dine it's fast food to me but other people are like you can't call it it's like dine-in fast dine-in fast food there you go so people think it's really gross it is fast though and when you really think of it's fast and lukewarm it's lukewarm chili served on lukewarm spaghetti noodles that are really mushy yes with a lot of shredded plasticky cheese on top yes and it And it's so good. So good. I think my brain is so warped because I was reading all these one-star reviews and I was like, I'm so hungry.

Like, I could eat. It sounds delicious to me always, but I think we were- Even when people call it sludge. We were indoctrinated at a young age. Yeah. We've been brainwashed since childhood. Yep. Growing up with Skyline makes you really just love Skyline.

It's really hard to explain i think i will always defend it and i haven't eaten it in years i don't know if you saw that article i think it was on oh god vulture maybe or spin or i don't know those are things something aggressive sounding um where they listed like the worst i don't know like the best local food to the worst and skyline chili was like they were like we're gonna put it all the way at the end like oh i did see that and it was really rude because they're like no one outside cincinnati seems to seems to get it at least from people i've talked to so i'm excited to hear those reviews okay but first uh should i give you a review of a psychic? Please. Okay.

This is of a psychic. This one is one I actually found. Of a psychic, Lorna Adams. I'm going to check real quick if I have her. No, I don't think so. Also, some of these might not be in Albuquerque, because I had to... Right, right, right, right. I did try to write those down.

I suddenly realized I was in Texas, because the geography just kept spreading. Yeah, right, right. I didn't try to write those down. I suddenly realized I was in Texas because the geography just kept spreading. Yeah. Okay, anyway, so this is a review, a one-star review from Marta. A total flake, absolutely. I pray to God dead people really do appear to her so she can know what it's really like to be in touch with the dead. She's a scamming, scheming, lowlife taking advantage of vulnerable people. End of review. I like that, though. Oh, no.

Well, okay. I like that in the sense that I liked how they said, I hope dead people really do come to you. That's a very original insult. I think Marta brings a lot of good energy to the table to her readings i think maybe she didn't hear what she wanted to hear and uh that didn't go over well i'm gonna be honest i was very surprised with how many five-star reviews these places had well mostly that's how they thrive people you know i it was so hard most of the ones i went through it was so hard to find one-star reviews yeah there were not many um five star ones were all very positive and nice and nothing that i'm like this they weren't won't work for my

free radio show isn't that a bummer i hate it when people aren't bad enough for a free radio show um let's see i have a review of anna's psychic readings it's a one star review by william i agree with the other review she is a very nice lady but she is doing this just for the money she's not a psychic she's not a medium she just contacts deceased relatives or loved ones and a review that's all what a what a loser all she does a lack of skill all she does is talk to my grandma who passed so what's the word for that that's a medium okay that's what i thought yeah a psychic medium but this person says that they're not all they do is she's just in it for the money grandma or no grandma she's

using her skill to be able to talk to the dead for money how dare she there were a lot of those like the person the owner or the psychic or whatever would respond and be like you tried to not pay me like that's what happened yeah this is a service not like a free carnival game that is true a lot of the reviews i found if they were a negative they were just about the money they're like oh too expensive like well well then just don't go there go call a phone number and if you truly believe in this stuff like wouldn't you pay top dollar for it to happen like that's what i don't understand if you really think this person has the ability to talk to your deceased relatives why are you saying oh this is too expensive for me what what i wish we recorded

the video recorded these if there was a dead relative i really wanted to talk to i would pay good money to let it happen it'll be two hundred dollars and like exactly grandpa's that crazy grandpa's like waiting on the other side right there in the room and you're like not worth it sorry oh man money's tight um yeah gosh all right so oh your turn that's my turn just kidding so my next one is of love spell in uh las cruces love spell but it's marked as a psychic. okay. this is a review, a one-star review by Christopher. sorry but this looks evil. end of review. that's it? that's it. what? and it's a local guide in Las Cruces. Christopher. does he just drive around like raiding things from like good to evil? the evil look of things? that's quite a blog he has going there. um but unfortunately i didn't

troll through his 257 reviews oh dear god 1500 photos did you do ctrl f for evil and see which other locations probably skyline chili is on there oh it's absolutely i think i got a lot of evil reviews oh yeah um okay so i have a review of mendy loic. This is the one I thought was Lorna for a minute. Mendy Lou, Lorna, you know. Lorna Lou. Lorna Lou. They all blend together. This is kind of a combo deal because I have a response from the owner. Give me.

So, this is a one-star review by Anna, which is interesting because the first one I just read, I realized it's called Anna's Psychic Reading. So, maybe there's some collusion and, you know, fraudulent activity happening here. I have went to Mendy Lou a couple of times, but the last time I saw her, it was because my dog went missing and I was desperate for help from anywhere. There comes my dumb dog. Rude. He's like, how much would you spend to find me? Probably my life savings she talked to me very

condescendingly and said that i needed to be a more responsible dog owner oh my god i'm like that's not my dog's missing please help who opened the gate man she was no help and i felt a lot worse after talking to her i recently had a friend that saw her and since she did not give her a tip even though she paid her she yelled at her for not tipping her and then worse after talking to her. I recently had a friend that saw her, and since she did not give her a tip, even though she paid her, she yelled at her for not tipping her. And then since someone went to her that knew her, she charged the person extra, saying that she was still owed a tip.

A very rude and greedy woman. So sad. Oh my god, wait. Okay. I didn't understand that. Please. Yeah, so the person goes, doesn't tip.

Uh-huh. So, that person leaves. And then someone who knew the person that didn't tip shows up at another appointment and gets charged extra to make up for their friends or their acquaintances lack of tip wait that's a brilliant business practice oh is that what it's called is that what it's called i love that idea so like if your friend writes a one-star review we're gonna ask for like an eight-star review. That's not the right math.

I don't know. I think... I think that... She's on to something. I think that won't work well for us, what we do. At all. Yeah, maybe not a little bit. And I don't think that works well for psychics either, normally. Clearly not.

I guess we'll see. Mandy Lou didn't have the greatest of reviews. There you go. Here's Mandy Lou's response. Uh-oh response to Anna. I have never seen or spoken to Anna above. I do not claim to have an ability to find missing dogs or people or objects. I'm a healer and spiritual guide.

I give to the best of my ability always. I have never asked for a tip. I am charitable. I am in love with God. I am doing my best to serve divinity. Here is a quote for you, Anna. Here's a quote for you, Anna. Revelations chapter 20, verse 10. And the devil who deceived them was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur. Oh my god. There's more.

Sorry. Did this person just call themselves charitable? And quoted the most intense part of scripture? And the devil who deceived them was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night forever and ever jesus christ i just was like that went from zero to 60 so fast oh my god and it's like my dog went missing and she didn't help me and then the psychic responds like you're gonna be burned with a devil in a fiery pit collusion you said about the collusion thing. Maybe. I think there's something there. There's something deeper going on here. There's obviously something deeper

and I think the spiritual healer is picking up on it. Clearly. Clearly. She's just trying to put Anna on the right path. That's all. But I did notice that Mandy Lou every time she got a negative review wrote I have never seen or heard from of this person in my life and there were like 20 and I was like what are the odds that none of these people... There might be all fake reviews. They could be. By competing psychics. By all the 20 competing psychics.

Yeah. If that were the case, we would have found a lot more, I think. Well, let's see what I have for you here. Okay. Because I have another review of Love Spell. One star by Rose Marie. Warning! love spell one star by rose marie warning fake fake fake bad service and did not refund money too much money and lies makes promises that are not kept and has not given results end of review so i'll dinner yes are you gonna say what i think you're gonna say

rosemary yeah is the name of another i know i was gonna say i found her place too this is really uh-huh this is really sketchy dude we're on this i was gonna we gotta lock our doors tonight and rosemary has seven total reviews of that one that left that one star so you can literally directly link back to her page and one of those reviews is of rosemary spiritual gifted a five star review dude i'm telling you so and what is the five star review is it like she's so beautiful and hot and i'll read it right now five stars okay she is a devil and must be thrown into a lake of sulfur. Oh my god, I was like, wait, five stars? No, okay.

It said, she is a very intuitive reader, very gifted, and very friendly. Made me comfortable. Would highly recommend Rosemary. She has been right about so many things. Very accurate. And has become my one and only advisor been to others before and they never gave me as much detail or info as she has and included two pictures she is writing about herself the sign rosemary she is literally writing

about herself i like that's my no one else knows my life the way that Rosemary does. Yes. My theory as well. So that's why when you brought up those two and we're like, hmm. This is getting really out of hand. There's something fishy going on. Especially Anna and Anna. You're right. Something demonic going on. I agree.

Wow. This is dark. Albuquerque. You watch out. The streets are dangerous at night oh yeah i've seen i've seen breaking bad what a spiritual show that was okay so now i did what you said you did and branched out a little bit i went to crystal shops well the way, I think Rosemary might not even have been in... I think she was in Las Cruces, too. Oh.

But I saw her. Or Santa Fe. I don't know. I did see hers on Google Maps. Whoa, what was that noise? Okay. Oh, no, it's happening. That's free radio shows.

It brings all the noises. Okay. What do you have first? So, I found a shop. I figured it was in the same vein. Crystal Shops? Crystal Shops and Psychics. A lot of them have psychics at work

there. Yes. So this is a one-star review by R of Crystal Corner. Not much of a selection of fish. They don't carry any aggressive fish and don't believe in feeding small fish to big fish and gets upset when you mention it. End of review. I hope that they

truly meant to review this location. Very confused. That sounds like they just clicked on the wrong location left of review. But I really want to think that they went in there and were like, how do you guys feel about feeding small fish

to even bigger fish? Oh my god, talk about bad vibes. I don't know. If someone came into my shop and said that, I'd take that pretty well. I'd be like, let's have a conversation about this. I think I'd call the police. Yeah, that'd be your go-to. Yep.

Yeah, you deserve to be a Yelp business owner. That'd be your go-to. Yep. Yeah. You deserve to be a Yelp business owner. Now, I have a one-star review of Rosemary Psychic. Yes! Okay.

This is by Adrian. Rosemary is after your money. Don't go here. She did a reading for me twice. The first time, it was nice. However, she did warn me about a person and told me to stay away from him. The second reading is where it gets weird. The person that she told me to stay away from is now, according to her, my soulmate.

She said that in order for me to keep my soulmate around, I should pay her $700 in cash. This is a common scheme fake psychics use when they want your money. I was in a very vulnerable state of mind and she took advantage of that, thinking she would catch a fish. A fish. Oh my god, write this down. But nope, not me. People like her prey on your vulnerability. Go at your own risk.

Better yet, don't go at all. End of review. I just love that she's like, this is a common practice that fake psychics use. Like, give me $700 cash and you can meet your soulmate? He's been to all these different psychics and they all do the same thing. This is so, I mean, I'm sure he has. Maybe they have a point then. They're all saying the same thing. This is so, I mean, I'm sure he has. Maybe they have a point then. They're all saying the same thing. This guy's your soulmate.

Yeah. Maybe the soulmate is requesting the $700 and he's like, if he does pay psychic $700, then I know we were meant to be. There's more collusion happening is what you're saying. Yes. This is getting very complicated i i feel like there's a very very deep and very dark web that's yes that's been woven across new mexico i like to call it the underbelly the underbelly of new mexico made up of psychics and spiritual healers

yep okay we'll just leave it at that let someone else investigate but not just them mostly them on the on their computer on the internet on using platforms like yelp desktop computers from 1998 okay i have a one-star review of mama's minerals crystal shop love that name mama's minerals crystal shop jay didn't i thought this was supposed to be mama's Minerals. More like Walmart's Minerals. What does that mean? I don't know. We're just adding into the list of clever names that Yelpers give to existing businesses. Now that would be a shocking, shocking state of affairs.

If Walmart opened a chain of mineral stores just minerals oh my god what would that look like a very wide selection and probably low prices super cheap they put everyone else all the small mom and pop minerals from china i mean that's probably more interesting than minerals from get some jade just anywhere yeah there you go okay i'm in there you go what the heck i'll buy stock yeah what's wrong with that there i mean walmart sells like essential oils all over the place now i think the only logical next step there you go. Anyway. I think it's very logical. It is very logical, if nothing else. Okay, from here is where I started branching out. Okay. So, after this, I was completely out. I tapped all, like, all of the... Your mineral resources. Mineral resources, trying to find

one-star reviews. So searched for spiritual i did everything spiritual healers spiritual uh retreats and just tried to find something okay that would be interesting uh i found a review of holy cross retreat center in dona ana county new mexico there are a lot of uh retreats and things that happen in like like, I know of wellness retreats. Yeah, especially like New Mexico, Arizona, etc. But this looks like a church. Oh, okay. Like a Christian or Catholic.

Maybe not Catholic. I would say probably Christian is my guess. Well, there is a crucifix. Oh, dear. Okay, well. So, who knows? Someone does out there, but I don't. So, this is a one-star review by Russell of this church that also has a center for retreats.

Okay, got it. I am disgusted with this place keeping illegal aliens from the proper authorities. Religion has no part in the everyday politics and shouldn't be allowed to do this without repercussion. End of review. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Sorry, Russell what? Yeah. The fuck? He doesn't think religion should have anything to do- I love that argument. Like, with politics. This is literally them. He's literally telling them to contact the government, is what he's saying, and turn in.

Stop making that noise. Sorry, it's bothering me. It's really terrible. Okay. Well, I have a response. Do you want to hear it? Oh, please. From the director, Father Tom Smith.

From the priest. Yeah. So this is a Catholic place. Oh, yes. I guess so. Unless he's just really proud of being a dad. Or FR stands for something else, like friar. Farmer.

Farmer. Here's our response. We are not doing anything for political reasons. We have been very clear all along that the gospel calls us to welcome the stranger and give help to those in need. We are also quite aware that if immigration authorities came here with a proper search warrant with a person's name on it, they would be allowed to enter and detain that named person. We are not keeping anyone from the proper authorities. I also happen to believe that our morals and our faith should inform our public decisions as individuals and as a nation.

Faith does not control politics, but it can be a part of the conversation about what is best. If you would be interested in talking about this concern of yours with me, I would be happy to do so. End of response. Amen. Who is this father? What farmer? Tom Smith. Tom Smith. I'm not convinced it's a real person. Friar Tom Smith.

That's beautiful. And I agree with that. And people are always like, you guys hate religion. Or what do they say? I don't. I mean, my point is, I think that's. To us. To us.

Yeah. I'm like, that's not. We don't feel that way at all. I just think. Look, look. If Friar Tom wants to come on here. If Friar Tom. Welcome him with open arms.

He can take my place. I think he has a lot wiser things to say than I've ever fucking said in my life. And wiser than Russell. But that's not that hard. No, he was going to say. Yeah. Well, that's really beautiful and touching. Yeah.

So, thank you, Friar Tom. Absolutely nothing to do with psychics. But. Oh, yeah. And it didn't need to be said. I just found it. I like it a lot, though. And happened to throw it in i just found it i like it a lot though in there oh i like it a lot we got introduced to a new new wonderful character listen father farmer tom

if mendy can talk about the revelations chapter 20 these are all interconnected something there you go yeah i think to uh farmer tom's actually Father Tom is part of this underbelly we're discussing. But maybe he's the only... No, he's of the overbelly. Oh, he's in the overbelly. I'm so sorry. Yeah. He's in the potbelly.

He's the good part about all this. Got it. Okay, so the next review I have... Oh, I'm still at Mama's Minerals Crystal Shop. So, I have a one-star review by cliff employees are not welcoming at all i'm just gonna dig in the dirt for my own minerals honestly and i don't think he was kidding yeah like i'm pretty sure he was serious i bet you can find some good ones in new mexico hey we should tell Cliff about Walmart's minerals. He might have some better luck.

Yeah, true. I just had the best idea. No. Yes. Walmart can cut costs and make it more of an experience for consumers if they just bring piles of dirt in and then you dig for your own minerals. It's like a family activity. That is always fun.

Family fun center. When I went on the gem trip in... Sorry, I knocked over a haunted doll. No. When I went on the gem trip in... Sorry, I knocked over a haunted doll. No. When I went on the gem trip in middle school, Oh, I love that trip! That was a blast. Remember that? Yeah, that's why I just brought it up. Because I remember it, and I had a blast.

Aww. Yeah, that was great. Yeah, that kind of stuff is so fun. We got to, like, pick out our little gems and stuff. Basically, what happened, you go sifting through some dirt. That was so much fun. Yeah yeah where the hell were we the carolina somewhere i don't know i cannot believe that our school just kind of shipped us off on buses all the time and yeah kind of nobody knew what was going on um okay so the next review oh no it's your turn huh yeah i'm so sorry so my next review is also uh a little out there

it's my last review actually okay this is of tome hill park um okay please make the connection for me here i looked up spiritual locations this is a place where every good friday a large group of people hike up there to three crosses that are up on top of the hill it's like a well that's nice yeah it's like a yearly tradition oh every good i thought you meant every friday and i was like that sounds exhausting i do not describe every friday as good just the good friday i do okay mondays am i right every year on Good Friday... Shut up. Every month... God damn it, every month. Every year on Good Friday, a group of religious folk...

Back in Cincinnati, we walk up the steps. Yeah, the steps at Immaculata, that's right. So here they walk up a hill. Yep. Okay, seems to be a trend. Walk up a hill to the Three Crosses. I like that. Here's a review.

A one-star review of this location i absolutely hate hiking it was hot and i just wanted to go home i hiked this thing back when i was younger i think i was in middle school high school and i was forced to do this thing due to my mom's thinking this would make me like religion more. Boy, was she wrong. I hated the death walk up. I hate the heat. I nearly passed out due to heat exhaustion. And just when I thought I was at the top, another hill was above me, and I nearly cried from the sight.

The people hiking it with us. It was Good Friday, I think. Yeah, I know, know right they're like i think we're there for a reason but i think we were talking about how jesus had to walk up a hill carrying his own cross and getting a spit on and bleeding all over the place but my experience was pretty fucking terrible the people hiking it with us were nice and the view was pretty but the only way i'll ever do this again is if i'm paid a million dollars. And even then, it would be a 50% chance of me doing so. Great if you like these kinds of things, or if you are the religious type, but not for me and never again. Nope. Oh,

and by the way, the hike down was even worse. I nearly fell down to my death a few times. Don't force slash bring your kids to do these things spare them please end of review sign jc penny what christ oh i almost fell to my death a few times is that what this person just claimed many times yes i see uh fell to their death maybe this person needs to talk to a professional. Uh-oh. Do you have someone in mind, per chance? Yes.

Her name's Mendy Lou Psychic. Another Mendy Lou review? No, I'm just referring this guy back to Mendy Lou who... Mendy Lou who... To Mendy Lou, comma, who is in love with God. And I think maybe they could have a nice chat. I do not think that chat would go well at all. No, no, probably not.

Maybe Father Tom could be the meteor. Oh my God, that would be great. Father Tom would be right in between. Yeah, I think that would be actually a productive conversation. Look, we're changing the world. Yeah. By, uh... Introducing these people who...

Hypothetically introducing people. There you go. I was like, how do I express this? conversation look we're changing the world yeah by uh introducing these people hypothetically introducing people like how do i how do i express this and taking credit without actually saying that we're doing solving problems that we're not there we go um okay yeah i have one more review i really i really like that one because like listen i also didn't like when i was a kid walking up the stairs and it takes like an, an hour or whatever. Could you imagine years later going back and being like, I did this at one point in my childhood and I'm going to give a one-star review to this place for that. And I'm so resentful toward my parents. It's like, okay.

I've never told them, so I'm going to tell TripAdvisor. I'm going to tell TripAdvisor. All my friends on TripAdvisor. Okay. Maybe their mom's on TripAdvisor. Maybe that's to do TripAdvisor. All my friends on TripAdvisor. Okay. Maybe their mom's on TripAdvisor. Maybe that's how they communicate. I see. I'm sorry, this is such a side thing, but it reminds me of, in My Brother, My Brother, Me,

they read a thing a long time ago on a Yahoo answer about a kid who would write messages to his stepdad on their dog with a magic marker. Oh my god, on the dog? And send the dog downstairs because he didn't want to talk to his stepdad ron and he's like i hate my stepdad ron so i write messages to him on my on the dog oh my god that's hilarious to like bring him spaghetti and shit like that anyway um okay this is uh my last one this is still we're still at mama's minerals crystal shop i just can't bring myself to leave still uh this is a two-star review by jesse had a big selection but prices were metaphysically too high end of review i don't know if that make this down for me please

metaphysically too high. Not in a literal way where money has anything to do with it. It's a spiritual toll, I guess. This is a toll it takes on them to purchase these and take them out of their element. Yeah. It's too high to justify it. The rent is too damn high.

The metaphysical prices are too damn high. That's my platform. Christine 2020. Yeah, I didn't understand that one bit. I wouldn't vote for you. Excuse me? I'm just putting that out there. Are you voting for Russell?

Oh, God. Church and politics shouldn't mix. And that's why I think all churches should report illegal immigrants to the government. Russell 2020.sell 2020 all right oh that's it huh yeah challenge time i think it's challenge time your challenge was to find reviews of skyline chili that were written by people who are not from Cincinnati, Ohio. Or the surrounding area. Yeah. Greater Cincinnati, Ohio.

The greater skyline. Greater Cincinnati, which includes Ohio, Indiana, and Kentucky. The greater skyline area. Yep. There are skylines in, like, Florida. Oh, trust me. I know. Oh.

Fort Lauderdale. Oh, yeah. And Tampa. Learned a lot about skyline franchises. And I really would like to open one in LA, but I don't think it would go over very well. Not at all. Maybe in like Pasadena. Why?

I don't know. It feels more like... Pasadena does not feel like it would like Skyline Chili. Okay, maybe not. What's the equivalent of like Fort Wayne, Indiana in Greater Los Angeles? Or what's the... Not... Liberty Township. How do we transplant in greater Los Angeles? Or what's the... Not... Liberty Township.

How do we transplant that to Los Angeles? Liberty Township. I feel like that's... You don't. Like Northridge. Did you just make that up? Yeah. You're just naming parts of LA?

I don't know many parts of LA. If anything, it's more close to like Orange County. Somewhere in Orange County is my guess. No way. Yes. Yes. Okay. close to like orange county somewhere in orange county is my guess no way yes yes okay so the first skyline i looked at was the skyline on vine street which is downtown and it tends to have a lot of out-of-towners because uh the the great american ballpark and the uh bengalals Stadium are both right near there. Convention Center as well. And a lot of events going down.

Exactly. So this is kind of where out-of-towners get a first taste of their, get a first and only taste ever of Skyline Chili. And probably last. And probably last. This is a one-star review by Lars. Is this what people eat in cincinnati it's underlined how i don't know it was on tripadvisor impressive advanced tripadvisor tactics you had to actually take

a coding course on online to really learn how to do that it was that important for this review a friend from cincinnati recommended skyline chili as it is considered a historic landmark i agree it is a landmark just like pearl harbor is oh my god the food in short was swill we were told never to twirl our three-way. Yes, very cute. But if your idea of food was Oscar Mayer hot dogs, pasty faux cheese, and overdone spaghetti loaded with swill-like chili, parentheses, swilly,

then you need to see an EENT to have your tongue examined. You're no throat specialist, in case anyone's wondering. The place was very well kept and polished, but no matter how pretty the plate swill tastes like swill i cannot for the life of me understand why cincinnati is so proud of this place i am guessing the owners are still alive because they do not eat

this horrible food cincinnati please find another landmark this one ain't it. End of review. Wow. Yeah. I don't really like the shade on the owners who are like in their 90s or something. Are they still alive? I think so. Well, I mean, that's according to Lars. Oh, I mean. One of my most trustworthy sources, I'd say.

True. That just made me really hungry. I want Skyline now. I was in there. I was reading these reviews like great give me some of that swill i know i recognize it as swell doesn't mean it's not delicious i think honestly like if i move back to cincinnati i might have to take a temporary vegetarian break that's my only problem right now i don't eat meat so i can't eat it and then sucks we'll get to that too by the way why do they have okay i'll let you get to it i'll get to it um but yeah you don't twirl it where are you

like fucking olive garden like a fancy place you don't twirl some five-star all three-way you just cut it with your fork yeah you just hack at it because it's like mush and it's lukewarm so you gotta try to eat it as fast as you can twirling will just cool it down too much, then it becomes cold. And then all the oil pools around it. You've got to be quick. You've got to be quick. Are we making you guys hungry? Yeah, they're like, oh man, I've got to make a journey to Cincinnati.

This is a one-star review by Sharon, who is from, I believe, upstate New York. I'm not sure I get it. End of review. She was so sweet. That's very fair. She was, like, in her, like, 40s or 50s, and at least based on her bio and stuff, and she was just like, I just don't get it. Just don't get it.

And that's fine. I mean... That way it stays... I don't... To be That way it stays a Cincinnati staple kind of thing. Like, you know, no one needs to get it. We love it. And to be honest, I don't really get it either. I just enjoy it. Yeah, I don't think there's much to get.

It's just... People in that region like it. And to be clear, I'm not one of those people who's like, how could you not like it? Because, like, look at it. It's fucking gross, but it's so good yeah um and i think of most oh geez sorry i think most of cincinnati is like that like nobody's out preaching like this is the best i mean i guess some people are the only ones they're preaching to are the people who like gold

star which is the competing one yeah and or some people are like you know i'd rather go to what camp washington chile or some other like i do like that local place okay this is a one-star review by elisa of the same we're getting into the chile politics of cincinnati you should have seen all the people from texas they were not having this it's pretty bizarre the whole thing though like how obsessed they are over cincinnati chili and then like it gets very heated since then he's also had a jerry springer as a mayor like it's like a weird place warm yes but yeah it is since i was kind of like a time warp where you're like is this a parallel universe maybe or we're just in cincinnati it's unclear um i wonder if jerry springer liked skyline chili he has pictures on the wall in the clifton skyline is it yeah oh well

then obviously he does um so what more do you guys need what more of a testimony that's like my life goal by the way i don't know if i've ever said that before my goal is to get my picture on the wall of the clifton skyline. Are you serious? Absolutely. Are you kidding me? Let's fucking do it. Yeah. Okay, we're going to get there, too, so don't worry. Now, this is another, my final review of, oh, no, there's two more, of the Vine Street Skyline.

One star by Aliza. Chilis really disappoint. Honestly, they've taken out all the good stuff and for anyone who is pescatarian i do not recommend chili's the only seafood option is shrimp end of review they have shrimp at skyline i'm pretty sure she thought this was a chili's oh i'm like literally because i'm at first i was like okay the chili disappoints i don't recommend the chili because I'm pescatarian. But then I'm like, definitely Skyline does not serve shrimp. Right?

I think she was recommending or reviewing a Chili's restaurant and Googled Chili. And got Skyline Chili. And they were like, oh, this is the Chili's that has a view of the skyline of Cincinnati. Perhaps. Yep. That famous five-star Chili's that's, uh, on the, that has a view of the skyline of Cincinnati. Perhaps. Yep. That famous, uh, five-star Chili's location.

Um, I, I think that if she did eat shrimp at skyline, she's probably, it's some big trouble. So yeah. And it's, that would probably warrant a one-star review.

Yeah. For me too. I would, I would not recommend that. Um, and then I get on this wall. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I i'm sorry you can serve all the shrimp you want this is a one-star view by chantelle of the same location i'm appalled by their three and a half star rating i saw a viral video online about this

chain and thought omg i have to try it so i round up the kid and Hubs to go eat. The moment we walked through the door, I knew we had made a mistake. The ambiance is very Waffle House. And the chili is very 7-Eleven. So then I was like, no wonder Alexander likes this fucking place. I'm literally, if you could see me, I'm raising my eyebrows and nodding like,

uh-huh, I can see that. Oh, yes, 7-Eleven. No wonder this is such a great place yeah i ordered the kids regular hot dogs for my daughter the description reads two hot dogs when we get her food i'm sorry i don't know i just have to clarify this made me laugh so hard and i don't know why but let's just go with it when we got her food it's one hot dog we call the waiter to let him know we were missing a hot dog. He shows us that there are two hot dogs in one bun.

What? Why? We're like, what? That's considered two hot dogs? He then directs us to the menu and points out the description, which reads, two hot dogs in one bun. Okay, so they got what they ordered. After all of this disappointment, I thought,

I'll just order some fries. Who can fuck up fries, right? So I call the waiter to order fries. He informs me that they don't have a fryer right now. The end. Oh my god. Two hot dogs. I love that on the menu it specifies,

we only give you one bun i had no idea that was a thing that's hilarious it's so strange but i i saw that in a lot of places like this is a really weird place i got two vienna vienna sausage style hot dogs in a bun that they called a two hot dog special and they poured some sort of sauce all over it that tasted like chocolate and cinnamon and i was like yeah that's exactly right yep anyway um this is all sounding fairly normal to me yeah i don't understand what the problem is to be quite frank okay so now to be what to be quite vienna sausage uh i went to Our Skyline on Ludlow Avenue. Oh, good.

Our Childhood and Adulthood. Haunt. Haunt. Where our photo... Let's vision board that to get our photos on the wall. Yeah, no, I want that one day. I know you said it was yours. I don't know if they've added one in 20 years, but it's Nick Lachey and...

Nick Lachey. It's Nick Lachey, Jerry Springer. Is there anyone else? A lot of people. Really? Yes. Okay, so... What do you mean, really?

Have you ever been there? Jesus. Yes, I've been there, but... Hey. I'm pretty sure... What's her face from Sex and the City? Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah Jessica Parker's on there?

Yeah, she's from, I think, northern Kentucky or Cincinnati. And I saw her once at the Graters on the same street on Ludlow. There you go. That's where we grew up. Anyway, you guys care a lot about that, I'm sure. But I just definitely attached myself to your new goal of getting on the wall. I hope that's okay. Yeah, whatever.

Please. Okay, thank you. If anyone knows how to help us with that, that would be she's from nelsonville ohio by the way oh never mind that's kind of rude that you would george clooney's from yes he's from kentucky okay so let's go here um this is a review so i kind of went off the rails a little bit as far as like not necessarily everyone was not from the area that made a lot of sense whatever you just said not everyone was oh god not everyone who wrote these reviews was not was not from cincinnati so there were some people who were locals that wrote reviews so you literally just completely ignored no i did it for all the last ones. Then when I got to our skyline, I wanted to throw in a couple reviews that spanned.

Something entertaining for us. A wider audience. Okay, totally fine. So Joe gave the skyline on Ludlow one star. Assistant manager was rude. Instead of asking me to quit vaping, he demanded it. End of review. What? What is with that why would someone think oh it's okay for me to do this inside here

it's not the same as smoking a cigarette oh it's good yeah real good uh i hope it was bubble gum flavor oh that was mixing with that steamy lukewarm chili line flavor could you imagine if they started selling those uh okay and finally because i had to do this i have a review from a vegan that's a good one this is a one star not shocking review by katherine skyline chili is a restaurant that has become outdated and frankly irrelevant skyline chili is also expensive for what you get i am a vegan and went to the skyline chili in highland heights kentucky i ordered a deluxe black bean burrito with no sour cream and no cheese. I brought my item home to eat. When I opened the box, there was some type of white curdled looking stuff on my burrito. I immediately took it back and told them they had messed up my order.

There was no other customers there either time I was there, yet my order was still wrong. The manager, Kyle, said they can remake it for me. I laughed and said, of course you are going to remake it. That is the least you can do. I then told him I needed something free for my trouble of having to drive back there. A York mint. They do sell this for a quarter. They're like five cents, aren't they? Or a quarter. I think they're a quarter. He informed me they do not give items away for free or credit a customer because of an error. I persisted that he owed me something free for having to drive back there. He finally gave me a credit for a drink.

LOL! I told him that was ridiculous. Most restaurants will pony up when they flub an order, but not Skyline. Skyline is, as I stated, overpriced and irrelevant in today's endless possibilities of restaurants where you can actually get great customer service i am ashamed for them also i want to point out i clicked on her profile yes all one star two star everything there were like maybe one or two fives the only five star i found was of Peeta Pit. Every other restaurant on there. Not a downtown. They had one of those on my college campus freshman year.

Which one? Peeta Pit. Oh, really? Am I bringing back traumatic memories? Yes. I'm so sorry. I don't like it. But yeah, so basically she's like,

oh, with the endless possibilities of great customer service you receive, and then her entire repertoire is one-star reviews. I am ashamed for them i look for skyline to close within the next five years they treat their customers like trash and no one wants to patronize a place that treats customers like yesterday's garbage they are horrible and if they make a mistake which is often it is made out like it is somehow my fault. I look forward to watching this company's demise. Jesus. End of review.

You should have seen the reviews after that that were like, LOL, did you guys see the vegan that reviewed Skyline Chili? I mean, people like this give vegetarians and vegans such a bad name because like, shut up. Why are you going to a Skyline Chili? In the first place. Asking for vegan food. Like, at the very least, I know they make vegetarian. They even have a vegetarian chili now.

Really? Yeah. What? They do. Oh my God. It's like black bean. It's not going to be the same. No, but.

But it's like an option. But it's like, okay. You could still try like a three-way i went to moby's restaurant it's all vegan oh yeah how was that so good all vegan moby guys like actually this is what alexander's life has become love all of the proceeds go to like animal i know i'm just saying it's very la it was very la but i love moby so it was really cool just to be able to go to his restaurant all vegan ally and i were sitting there eating our food it was like a sausage pizza sausage was probably soy based or something had fennel and beet i don't know but we're eating it and i'm like oh my god like it tastes like

sausage it's so good and ali was like yeah because we haven't eaten meat in so long but like of course suddenly so to me i'm sure if i have vegetarian chili now i'm gonna be like oh it's chili i know it's like chili and i'm sure they use the same ingredients yeah aside from the the grade f ground beef so like i'm sure it's not that big of a yeah and if i put it over spaghetti it'll be like the real thing and then i mean the cheese oh wait you can't do the coney but you can do the cheese if i get one of mobi's sausages not a sentence i'd ever think i'd say we can get one of moboby's sausages. Not a sentence I'd ever think I'd say. If I get one of Moby's sausages, put it in a bun, and put some of the Skyline chili on top of it. I'm in.

I'm in. So, I needed, after this, I was feeling very down, and I needed some redemptions. Oh, thank goodness. Now, this is when we're going to convince people that they have to go to Skyline. This is the time where everyone stops vomiting in their mouths while they're driving to work at like 8 in the morning and I'm talking about this. This is the time where you start to feel like, Christine and Alexander were right.

We'll see. This is a five-star review by Aaron. I don't dine out frequently at many five-star restaurants, but when my Cincinnati wife is feeling good and hungry it's skyline time for us that's their slogan feeling good and hungry skyline time can we move on we started out with the complimentary oyster cracker platter. Ugh. What platter is it? I love how they say it.

A new one. I like to dab a bit of the old hot sauce on mine, just to jazz things up. I then proceeded to dive face first into my cheese coneys and five-way, the works, while my wife went for the lighter, less gassy side and chose a four-way with onion instead of beans. We decided to skip the third course peppermint patties but maybe next time maybe um okay next up is a five-star review by jay wow an absolutely excellent skyline my four-way was near perfect. The cheddar cheese stacked high and the oyster crackers fresh and delicious. The hint of cinnamon in the chili will never fail to bring a smile to my face, prompting pleasant memories of childhood.

Great atmosphere and great chili. A true Cincinnati gem. Yes. Thank you. Yes. That was a review by me. No, I'm just kidding. That is how I feel and now finally to finally round out the actual challenge here's a review by mike

the last review i'm not native to cincinnati this five-star review by the way i'm not native to cincinnati that's an important point when reviewing Skyline and to clarify this isn't chilly in the traditional non-Cincinnati sense but damn if I'm not addicted to it anyway I don't know maybe they put crack in it but I don't care I always want more and I like this location because they let my baby daughter throw crackers on the floor and then they don't get mad at us end of review oh i love skyline too i don't want to be a vegetarian anymore oh it's so sad um when blaze's family came to the cincinnati for the wedding his dad

like was the one who sent me that article and so he was just like on his high horse about skyline chili and like made fun of me constantly for ever even being around it or eating it and his whole blaze's whole family is like that's disgusting so when they came uh for the wedding I made like little welcome bags for everybody staying in the hotels and then in uh blaze's dad and his brother i put big old cans of skyline chili in their little welcome bag to be like you're in my territory now you oh i mean yeah that too and um i think they i think they threw it out probably did not eat it probably not and i don't think that i blame them yeah they could have cooked it up in the hilton microwave one of the one of the best moments i had was when i was oh my god i'm like having a weird memory i was at school in dc very miserable and then i visited my friend kirsten and we went to

someone she knows place oh. Oh, yeah. Who was from, I want to say Northern Kentucky, whatever, from the Cincinnati area, and they made Skyline Dip, and it was so nice to get a taste of home. I know. But I was so miserable in D.C., so unhappy, and I don't think, they had a whole set up

with all these different foods, and I think Kirsten and I just like, ate the whole thing. Pounded this Skyline Dip, and no one else liked it, because they weren't from Cincinnati. whole setup with all these different foods and i think kirsten and i just like ate the whole pounded this skyline dip and no one else liked it because they weren't from cincinnati i think i think um well and so here when we go to that so we go to these bengals watching viewing parties with like you know cincinnati ex i almost said ex-cons that would be fun fun. Ex-pats. Ex-pats. And it's really fun, and a lot of times people will bring in,

they make their own Skyline Chili Dip and bring it into the bar, and it's really fun. Yeah. And oyster crackers and stuff. Yeah, so how nice. Bengals bar this Sunday. This Sunday. Where am I? Out of town.

Shit. Okay. Yep. Guys, I don't know if you listened to my other podcast, but there was a mistake with our New Orleans show, and it was marked as sold out for many moons. You put your selling tickets on here for your other punch. Listen, it's a tragedy. It was marked as sold out.

Turns out it wasn't sold out, so we went months without selling any fucking tickets. That's pretty bad. So there are some left. There are like 100 left. So if you're interested, I'll be in New Orleans and Atlanta this weekend. But I'll be back in time for next week's recording. Okay. Yep.

Good. Yeah. That's about all I have. Okay. Yeah, me too. Okay, great. Yeah. That was easy yeah our theme comes from our savior caitlin oh say savior caitlin savior caitlin amazing sent us a list of 50 states and 50 themes our theme for next week is ice cream parlors in charleston west virginia oh i'm writing that down i know it you

can everyone can hear it i have a challenge for you and it comes from britney who says um hello to the amazing she for siblings i'm obsessed with your content helps me get through my work days i must say i live in jackson, Florida, and I hate it. So all Florida jokes are welcomed by me. So this is a challenge idea. I think it's pretty fun. Let me know what you think, Sandy. Okay.

Find a review of a fire station that literally has to do with the rescue of a cat in a tree. Ooh. Is that too hard? I mean, since it doesn't, like, isn't narrowed down geographically, I don't think so. Because, I mean, I think that's literally a thing that happens. Considering how many fires... Like, I've witnessed that happening.

Really? Yeah. That must be a thing, then. Okay, so... I'm in. We'll try it. And, like, you can also do your expansion thing like i did yeah i'll i am very very good at bullshitting my way through these if necessary but this sounds

like it's possible to saving a raccoon from a tree or something feel free okay um and then she says more importantly i want to express my gratitude that you both have put out such great content thank you tremendously britney you're so welcome britney such a sweetheart thank you thank you britney for that that challenge and better make for some uh entertainment next week or i'm gonna blame you to everyone i'm excited you can blame me me too i'm just kidding i'll take the fall britney all right looking forward to it i'll see y'all next we'll see you soon bye Bye. Bye.