Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 42: Ice Cream Parlors in Charleston, WV

Episode Date: September 11, 2019

Adjust your husky pants and let us show you the world, shining glimmering... something. We're back and we're hungry for what West Virginia has to offer, hairy underbelly and all. So turn your ;( upside down and let these regular bloody stupid johnsons take you on another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our patron only Q&A!  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. We're back for episode 42. And we're back for episode 42 and we're excited we are excited had a good one i think so oh it's about ice cream i love ice cream it's hard to go wrong with that i feel like i'm reading an ad i love ice cream oh what was that i love ice cream.

Promo code beach. For $10 off all your ice cream orders in Charleston, West Virginia. I was going to say, only available in Charleston, West Virginia. That was our theme this week, ice cream parlors or ice cream shops, which was easier for me to Google in Charleston, West Virginia. It was easier for me to Google Dairy Queen. Oh, yes. No, I just only got one of those.

I got, I think I got some of those too. Um, what was your challenge that I so lovingly gave you, but I don't remember? My challenge was actually from Brittany. Um, and it was to find a review of a fire station that literally has to do with a rescue of a cat in a tree. I'm very excited. I took some artistic liberties here. I'm sure you did. And branched out, so to speak. Stop it.

You're such an idiot. But all of mine had something to do with cats. So we'll leave it at that for now. That alone is already very disturbing and exciting. It's going to be nice. It's a fun one. Okay, great. We'll do... I that for now. I feel like that alone is already very disturbing and exciting. It's going to be nice. It's a fun one. Okay, great. I don't think we have... Oh, we reached 100 patrons.

Oh, yeah. We did. Oh, my God. So that means we're going to do our live stream with all our patrons. We have set a date for Thursday, this Thursday. So if you want to get in on that, you can go to patreon.com slash beach2sandy. Yep. If you want to get in on that, you can go to patreon.com slash beach to Sandy.

Yep. And we're doing it through our YouTube channel and then posting an unlisted link on Patreon just for patrons to see. And you can use that link to hop on and chat with us. I'm excited for it. Me too. Me too. I've never done something like this. So I'm excited for everyone to see my beautiful face.

I will show you the way. Please. The world. I will show you the way. Please. The world. I will show you the world. Shining, glimmering. Splendor. Something. Shining, shimmering.

I don't think any of that was right. You know that I'm not a Disney mega fan. Yeah, you don't have to be to know that song. But anyway. Okay, who goes first? I'll go. Okay. I've got a review from husky's dairy bar i was so hoping that you would find this place i found three reviews from there so this

place is a winner i really want to go alexander i want to go to all of these places honestly wore husky shorts when he was little that's why you want me to find it so you can tell people about my husky pants yeah yes when my mom discovered husky pants she was so happy it was a game changer yeah she was like oh my god my son can fit into clothing and i'm still have trouble finding my size because i'm not that tall but and i'm i'm not like that wide but like for some reason i have an awkward size that wide my though the my pant well part of it was i feel like we were we were like kind of german kids and i feel like we weren't like scrawny like francisca is uh ever i was never that chunky pretty husky husky husky but these

problems that we're talking about um have nothing to do with ice cream well well no they had a lot to do with ice cream that's true but i no, they had a lot to do with ice cream. But I don't think our problems compared to the problems that these people in these reviews had. I just want to say real quick, Renee at one point told me what the equivalent was for her as a kid that her mom bought. And it was the most absurd name. I just texted to ask. I'll, I'll probably just shout it when I get it.

Okay. But not while you're just reading. I don't know what you're talking about. Sorry. Like the Husky equivalent for girls. Oh, cause one time i told her about that and she's like why i had to wear whatever the brand was okay i'm excited to find out it's bizarre okay go on here's a one-star review from ingrid of husky's dairy bar oriental ran not very friendly expensive not impressed just being honest end of review oh my god if you're gonna list a list of complaints and that's your first thing

i'm not gonna take the rest of it seriously or that is i'm not even gonna repeat it no it's terrible that's fucking insane what is wrong with people why would you say that and i hate when people say uh just being honest i'm like no you're being an asshole not honest that's not an excuse to be an awful person well i mean it's the same as when people say no offense but and i'm like you're about to offend me very very deeply whatever ingrid i'm not racist but i'm not racist but let me just tell you i'm just being honest that's all oh i hate it too god that's really a rough start man yeah good job i wanted to start low so the rest can maybe seem a little funnier we'll see oh we'll see well okay we can only go up from here i guess so this is a review of ellen's homemade ice cream which you probably saw it was

big over there i mean there are like four total places a lot of reviews though so i was totally fine finding them but yeah people have a lot of opinions on these four places so ellen's homemade ice cream i thought it looked great but langston did not have a good time langston gave ellen's homemade ice cream one star i enjoyed the excellent ice cream and shakes there for years one day the owner overheard me asking the clerk for the dregs of my shake and all of a sudden for reasons not made known to me after that i was no longer allowed my dregs all my life any dregs were offered it's too many dregs i cannot believe how many times that word is used in this review and i'd like everyone to take a drink every time the word is mentioned okay

after that i was no longer allowed my dregs all my life any dregs were offered still in the stainless steel mixing container at no charge not sure what her point was but the clerk said dregs were thrown out if dregs are thrown out the drain, why not let me have them? It would help create goodwill. Okay, Ebenezer Scrooge. Goodwill towards man. I had paid for the shake, and it would have cost her zero to continue allowing me to enjoy the last few millimeters. Oh my god.

Yeah, you expect him to say dregs. Googled synonyms of dregs. And it was like, no results. So he was like, okay, I'll say millimeters. Her refusal to allow me my dregs benefited nobody and it seemed personal to me. This happened a while back and I haven't been back. Semi-colon.

I'll never go back. Whoa.-colon. I'll never go back. Whoa. That was poetry. It is beautiful. I think that was patently unfair. I tried to work this out with her, but to no avail. She wouldn't acquiesce. I can make superlative shakes at home.

He just discovered the SARS. Oh my God, literally just picked out of nowhere. I mean, maybe he found dregs and was like, you know what? I use dregs a lot. Let me try to find other good words. Big words. I can make superlative shakes at home a lot less expensively. It's not always just the food.

It's the attitude perceived too. End of review. What? I don't know. Okay. That really devolved. Really weird. I just got, I just heard back from Renee.

Okay. Tell us. The brand is called pretty plus oh she said the shame of my life that's kind of that's that's a nice thing it's precious that is better than husky it really i wish mom had found pretty plus she would have been thrilled yeah we never discovered that unfortunately so i wore really tight tank tops from limited to instead and boys husky jeans and probably probably boys' husky pants. Okay, your turn.

Okay, I've got another review of Huskies by John. This is a one star. It's nothing like I thought. I thought it would be a dairy where everything was made out of husky milk. What? But it's nothing like that. There's some good drugs from the guy behind the store. But other than that, the place sucks.

End of review. What is happening? John found some good drugs. I mean... And then found Google reviews. What is husky milk? I assume they meant milk from huskies. Oh.

Or from... Oh, what? Oh, that didn't even occur to me i was thinking husky like again like the pants i don't know i was oh god never mind yeah i take it back i take it back train of thought but so this guy's just being a jerk yeah gave one star and tried to be funny it was hilarious as you can tell by all our uproarious laughter. Yeah, but I believe, based on my next review, I'm just going to read it now. Do it, please. Based on my next review, maybe John was telling a kernel of truth in there.

Okay. This is also of Huskies by Christine. Oh, no. Oh, God. One star. You found it. After putting in our order, we were witness to a drug deal. Couldn't wait to leave.

Milkshake and slushies were disgusting. We had to throw them away. Definitely will never go back. End of review. It's because they're made with husky milk. Yeah, mm-hmm. Yeah, it's pretty gross. I'm not gonna lie.

Mm-hmm. So really, it's all related, all of this. I mean, we always seem to find or force a web of connection between all of these reviews. So there's definitely something going on here. Very true. We always try to figure out the underbelly situation going on. Witness to a drug deal. I feel like I'm so oblivious.

I would probably witness a drug deal and just not think there was two pals hanging out behind the ice cream store. And if I would ever have that thought, like, oh, I just saw a drug deal. I'd be like, no, I don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah. How would I know that? And convince myself otherwise. Christine here sounds like the kind of person that witnesses something and says, yep, that's a drug deal. Oh, I know.

No matter what. And then she calls the police and it's like, nobody needed you to do that. Thank you, Christine. Okay. This is a review of Scraper's Ice Cream. Did not see that one. You didn't. No. That one was on Yelp.

And I found a one-star review by Jessica. I think it's sort of like that Cold Stone thing where they have a slab and they... I love that shit. That's good. I honestly told Blaze we're going to get ice cream after dinner because... Tonight? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to come?

Yeah. Actually, let's just go now okay okay bye all right we're back with ice i know i'm just kidding we didn't go anywhere we're not gonna eat on the microphones everybody calm down okay but we have i mean this is a once i review by jessica they need to wear a hairnet because the girl basically had her whole head in the ice cream while chopping it up. Ice cream was good, but should have just gotten Dippin' Dots. End of review. You know your ice cream's not that great if the person's thought is, I should have gotten Dippin' Dots instead. I know.

That's what I wondered. A lot of people said, I just want to go to Dippin' Dots instead because there's one in the mall. Yeah. Ew, I really don't like Dippin' Dots instead. Cause there's one in the mall. Yeah. Ew. I really don't like Dippin' Dots. It's a personal thing for me too. I just don't like it. It reminds me of the beach water park.

Oh yeah. In Cincinnati. That place is pretty foul. Maybe that's why. I don't think I really, it was anything about the taste. It's just a weird thing. I don't love them.

Well, I found, I found that there was a Dippin' Dots location. I did, um, read some reviews, but they were all like positive they love dipping it's a it must be a thing i'm and it's fine i just it it sucked for me because

i was trying to find bad reviews and everyone had glowing reviews of dip and dots i mean i guess like if people don't stick their head in the dots then like we're all gonna be okay that's true that's fair i was i'm glad i mentioned before i didn't even realize but i'm glad i mentioned that it's sort of like one of those scrape like those yeah because i was like chopping it up what on earth oh yeah i think that's what but i'm like yeah picturing someone with their like hair all the way down ponytail not looking and just like rolling up her hair into the ice cream okay i have a feeling it wasn't that extreme but that's how i'm gonna picture it great okay i'm done picturing it okay my next review is of ellen's homemade ice cream oh we're back this is by uh john oh my i'm such an idiot what what i mean i know but what i just realized

it's the same john as that other drug deal review. No. I just realized it. I had a few of those too, like repeat ones. Yeah, well. Did you come across a. Maybe this guy has some. This is part of the underbelly. Did you come across Sasha? I don't think so.

I saw Sasha on multiple of these, but it was just maybe on Yelp. Yeah. Okay. Well, here's what John has to say about Ellen's homemade ice cream. One star. It's not homemade. This doesn't make sense. How is a restaurant where the ice cream is made at called homemade the only home to it is the homeless guy behind the place it's restaurant

and a review oh my god there's just so much with this what i'm wondering now wait this is that same guy it's the same guy who was talking about husky milk. So they both kind of seemed like stupid, trying to be funny things. He's like, that homeless man didn't even have drugs on him. Now I'm wondering if there's some ulterior motive here. You think that he owns a scraper's ice cream shop? He owns scraper's ice cream. He owns a Dippin' Dots in the mall, probably.

Oh, oh my God. Allegedly. I'm such an idiot. You know what I just read? The last name? John Dippin' Dots. Of Big Dippin' Dots. The family lineage goes back hundreds of years.

Oh my God. Could you imagine if Dippin' Dots was actually named after someone's last name? Lord. I'm going through this person's Google reviews. It's just absurdity all over the place. What's happening? Like, you'll have one that's like, seems kind of normal. Like, this guy's own trampoline park complaining about, like, the lack of go-karts like there used to be or something.

Very normal, very normal. Okay, you know. Well, and then you'll get one that's like of a Mexican restaurant that says lots of illegals. Like, just a terrible one. And then a review of a Chipotle that says all the workers know that Qdoba is better. What in the world? But then like a one-star review of a PetSmart that says, I got my pet groomed and he came back with peanut butter all over his face. What is happening? And then of a red lobster. One star. Lobster is blue, not red. And my color

blindness has nothing to do with it because even when I look up pictures online, lobsters are still blue. That's not funny. It's not just there. It's false advertising. Oh, that's not funny. And so this is the homemade ice cream one. Yeah. Oh, God.

This guy. This guy. Wow, what a trip. I'm sorry I introduced everyone to him. He's a riot. Yeah. I kind of regret this. I regret it, too.

Well, I can take you to Baskin-Robbins. I would like that. Okay uh i have a one star review from trish i would also like to add to you that this is my own web that i'm weaving you're weaving your own underbelly web an underbelly web of hair ew get ready okay too many like body things going on here i did not have a very satisfying time when i was trying to get ice cream with my daughter she had tried to get a peanut butter chocolate ice cream cone but instead was given a chocolate hairball scoop i know i will never come back to that store again end of review okay now i'm thinking chocolate hairballs chocolate hairball

flavor sounds gross i looked it up it is not a real thing yeah so i assume they're saying that they got hair in their chocolate ice cream i guess does that know what that means well no well she said i tried we ordered peanut butter and we got chocolate hairball i'm just like i don't know it might have been a typo but i just read that right after she put her head in the typo she put her she put her head in the ice cream oh yeah i just think that something's happening on or something is happening here and i have a third one after you do your next one that really something about solidifies this whole a hairy underbelly okay hair web okay well here's one of dairy, two stars. From Danny.

Ice cream is always good. However, the place looks like a dump. Constructive criticism. End of review. I'm just being honest. Hey, if Danny says constructive criticism, that must automatically mean everything that he said was constructive. Aren't they doing construction?

Isn't that part of the thing what oh never mind i don't know why are you trying to make a pun i thought you said they were doing construction i think i misheard you okay it said that ice cream is always good however the place looks like a dump oh and then just said constructive i think i got that confused with like it looks like a dump and they need to do never mind like if there were something specific saying hey i don't like that there are the napkins are all over the place maybe come put them in one single spot there was one that was literally like trash bags were on the counter next to the ice cream and like there were photos they posted of literal trash bags just on the counters at the ice cream

if you ask me that's constructive criticism right there. That's disgusting. It needs to be changed. Pretty foul. Um, yeah, but. One was, oh God, I wish I had kept this one. One was a, it was a Dairy Queen one. And it said, they have a pest, period.

I found a mouse in a trap in the bathroom, period. Food is good though. Oh. I was like, that is repulsive that's pretty gross not liking that so on to more of the hairy underbelly yeah so this really solidifies this for me because i found all of these right at the same time and i was like what is going on in this town everyone's this is by sasha it's a one-star view of Baskin-Robbins, famous for its hairball chocolate. Whoever designed this store is a regular bloody stupid Johnson.

Oh, no. That's what I always say. That's exactly what you say. I knew you wrote this. Capital BSJ. The ice cream case is along a wall with only about two feet between the wall and the case, so you have to squeeze by people on their way to check out. Also, this last time I've been there, there's a guy with a rat tail serving,

and all I could think was, please don't dip your rat tail in my milkshake. Probably just as clean as the next teenaged boy, but the rat tail gave the impression of dirty that was impossible to shake. End of review. That's rude. It is quite rude.

That is quite rude. What is with the hair stuff, though? Don't dip your... I'm telling you there's a problem happening here. I think, yeah, I think it seems like Charleston is used to a lack of quality with their ice cream, and they're like, yep, when I think ice cream, I think hair in my ice cream. Gross. They just can't shake that feeling.

Can't milkshake that feeling. Oh. Oh, my. God, we're on a roll. Terrible. God, we're funny. We're so funny. Okay.

I've got one more review. Okay. The Yogurt Mountain. Oh, my God, we're on a roll. Terrible. God, we're funny. We're so funny. Okay. I've got one more review. Okay. It's of Yogurt Mountain. Oh my God. I was hoping. It's not quite. It's fro-yo. It's whatever.

Close enough. This is a one-star review from Mary Lou. I hate yogurt. End of review. Hey, at least Mary Lou's honest with her constructive criticism just being honest why why

why yeah why indeed oh my goodness who would climb yogurt mountain unless you like yogurt just don't go Mary Lou when I was little I read a short story about ice cream

mountain it's really good let's hear it i don't remember it i only remember ben the pen few i'm relieved he's just about 10 no he lives in a palace a palace in dallas anyway we'll talk about that another day um yeah let's turn off the mics like and we'll just chat about Ben the Pen, because that's what we do here. That's basically what we do. I was going to say something else about, oh, I found one of the reviews of Yogurt Mountain, but it wasn't good enough. The whole thing wasn't that great, but the first line was, I hate this Yogurt Mountain. I was like, what in the world does that mean? hate this yogurt mountain i was like what in the world does that mean i think i'm almost 100 positive that i referenced this before but it reminds me of that rugrats episode where they're playing

like mini golf and there's like a giant ice cream sundae like tower thing and they think inside is where all the ice cream is and they go inside and it's like empty oh that's tragic i don't think you mentioned that i could be completely remembering that wrong then but i love that show yeah good times um so i have one more review as well it's okay so this is what i did i kind of ran out of yelp reviews so i expanded my search and this is pretty close to charleston as far as i can tell but it's in ohio because it's right over the border. Sorry. It's in Jackson, Ohio.

Okay. But it's nearby. It's outside of Charleston. This is Michael's Ice Cream in Jackson, Ohio. One star review by Sheena. Small portions compared to other ice cream shops. Their small scoop is literally the size of a small ice cream scoop. Not worth a 20 minute drive.

What? Did they, like, have a brain fart there and just meant to say something else? It's the size of a small scoop. Oh god. Just like you can't win. You started us with someone who had a thesaurus open, used some

great big words, and this next person, this final person, who just can't use other words. Well, hey, your last one was, I hate yogurt. Yeah, true. I'm not criticizing you. It's just constructive criticism of these Yelp reviewers. I'm just being honest. I'm just being honest here.

Oh, my God. This is, like, tough, dude. People are bananas crazy. Banana split. Banana split, am I right? Anyway, thank you for suffering through that, everybody. Yeah, I enjoyed that. Something about those reviews really just tickled me.

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This was hard. Because, I don't know. It was just hard. It was a tough thing to find. Did it have something to do with this morning you saying, wait, shit, was I the one who was supposed to do the challenge? Maybe. Maybe a little bit.

But I did some research and went through pages and pages and pages of Google results. Okay. And this is what I found. Great. So my first one is a five-star review from Anna of the Chicago Fire Department. Okay. I want to thank all the men who came out to rescue the cat stuck on the tree on the 2300 block of Cortez Street. It was a beautiful rescue. God bless you. End of review.

You know what I'm picturing? Tell me. I'm picturing Anna like in her little back room painting a watercolor of like that scene. You know how people like have weird scenes of like their backyard or like the lake outside. I just sort of feel like she probably has paintings of it on her wall somewhere yes and i'd really like to purchase it i would love that it's beautiful yeah now i'm picturing that too that is nice yeah it's really quaint well the reason i included that review uh-huh is because i wanted to show you that I did find a review that fit the challenge where it's literally about rescuing a cat in a tree. Right.

Because after that, I don't know. Things went a little haywire? A little bit off the rails. Okay. But they all had to do with cats. Okay. All right. I'll take it for now.

So we'll see. Yeah. Maybe take it like after and then look back and say you know what that was acceptable well i mean i accidentally did a review in literally the wrong state just now so you do that all the time though not the state i usually mix up remember when we did like what was it rhode island and you're like i'm just gonna do or connecticut i think you've met multiple times let Let's just leave it at that. Oh, nobody asked you.

Okay. Well, I'm telling them. Here is a four-star review by Casey of a fire department in Concord, California. Oh. And I say A because it literally, the Yelp page was just called a fire department. Sorry, a fire department? It was just fire department. Oh.

But it didn't have... Oh, the name. Okay, I get it. So here's a four-star review. Security is knowing that there are a group of highly trained professionals right down the street from my condo that work and live at 2945 Treat Boulevard.

This station is located across from Citibank on Treat, and they do so much here than just fight fires. I like to think when they aren't battling fires like Kurt Russell in Backdraft, they are rescuing little kittens out of trees. Now, I asked a firefighter the other day if he has ever rescued a cat from a tree, and he said they don't do that, And they would just call Humane Society. Winky frowny face. So besides a fire station, it is also a training center

where they all get together to learn and practice the great art of fire protection. End of review. Do you think she just doesn't leave them alone? Maybe. How did she get the opportunity? Well, it seems like she thinks about them a lot, like, in her wicker chair on her front porch. And, um... Are you still on, stuck on Anna?

Yeah, I'm, I was trying to think of... You're kind of just, like, thinking Anna's just jumping around to different fire departments. Well, I was just picturing where her easel was set up this time. Mm-hmm. And she's definitely in a wicker chair. But I was thinking, like, she's obviously considered all this a lot to the point where she needs to write it out on the internet. And very well thought out. And how on earth did she get the opportunity to ask them?

Like, did she just go over there? Yeah. I mean, that's something that, like, Tim would tell me. Then he was like, oh, yeah, I'm pretty sure this was Tim. He said, like, when he was doing long road trips, if he didn't have a place to stay, he'd go and talk to the fire department. Sometimes they'd let him sleep in their parking lot in his car. Yeah, but his brother's like a fire

chief, too. Okay, but yeah, but this is nowhere close to that, like in a different state. I don't know. Is fire chief even the right word? I don't know. I don't know anything about this. You should ask Anna. Anna, yeah, or about this. You should ask Anna. Anna?

Yeah. Or Casey here. Casey. You should ask Casey. But I don't. Yeah. Just talk. Actually, Casey doesn't probably know, but she'll ask for you.

I really don't think it's. Like, I remember when I was little being like going to a fire station and like just talking to them. What? Were you. Did we lose you? I think this was in germany and we got on the fire truck we were friends with melanie and her husband who worked at the fire station oh he did i just feel like this woman i bet she just like wanders over there sometimes yeah but

isn't that a thing like i bet curious i think curious george does that okay all right you're right you won me over with that thank you thank you for the big red dog does that. Okay. All right. You're right. You won me over with that point. Thank you. Clifford the Big Red Dog does that. Literally every childhood thing, like growing up, this was instilled in my head that I can go and talk to a firefighter whenever I want because they are friendly and will talk to you. I don't think you should do that though. But like maybe if I bring them cookies or something, can I do that? I mean, yeah, but they probably won't eat them well why not because maybe they're poisoned what oh my god well i guess not in la maybe in a smaller town okay maybe la is a little different but yeah this is i don't know i just love that she asked if they do that and he's like no we don't do that i mean even if i were in cincinnati just hop on over say hi see how they're doing but they're probably like i'm trying to eat my sandwich bring them a beer

like you guys on the clock and they're like, yeah. Get drunk then. I'll drink it and watch you drink water. And ask questions about your career path. Yeah, why not? I don't know. They're human beings. I just think people should leave people alone. Okay, maybe, maybe. All you firefighters out there,

let us know. Should we leave you alone? Because obviously we can't agree on this. Oh boy. I don't know. Okay, but I do? Because obviously we can't agree on this. Oh, boy. I don't know. Okay. But I do like that Casey only gave it four stars. I do like that. I think it's because of the whole kitten situation.

The winky frown. The winky frown lost a star. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Okay. Well, it's good to know that the, what town was that? Concord, California. That the Concord, California Fire Department doesn't rescue cats.

So, if you are up there, be careful. Just call the Humane Society or rescue it yourself. Nope. You know what? I'm not going to suggest you do that. I do not endorse that plan. I'm not getting sued for this. Okay. Next, I have a review of the New York City Fire

Museum. Okay. This is a fun one. Well, not really. Just... Okay. This is a fun one. Well, not really. Just, okay. This is by Bloss. Four stars. I attended a holiday party here and liked the venue. I only visited the ground floor museum exhibits and the third floor party venue,

so there may be something fabulous I missed on the second floor. There are tons of interesting things on the first floor, from old fire truck carriages to a touching 9-11 exhibit, and my personal favorite, a wall dedicated to the dogs of the fire department of New York. There are some pretty old pics on display of fire companies with their dogs, as well as a few specific stories about particularly brave firehouse dogs. There's also a taxidermy dog from a Brooklyn firehouse who rescued cats from burning buildings although he did not like cats

in normal circumstances. End of review. Oh, baby! How cute is that? He was like, you know what, I'm going to put aside our differences and rescue you anyway because my dad says so.

Yeah. His dad's. His people. His parents. His parents. His parents. Women, too. I learned that from a... You learned that women can be firefighters?

You know when I learned that? Curious George? No, I'm pretty sure they didn't have any women firefighters in there. Different times. No, I learned that from an erotic novel that you read a review of. Oh, no, you're right. Blaze. Blaze.

Blaze. And I made a comment. I was like, well, what does she do there? And I said, she's a secretary. Just kidding. She's the head of the fire department. I'm sorry, guys. That was a time.

It was in context. It did not sound like she was a firefighter for the record. Because I definitely didn't clarify what her job was. I had no idea what was going on. No, it was not clear from the description. So anyway, Clifford the Big Red Dog's parents. Precious. Precious.

I love that. Because I think Clifford did help put out fires, too, right? I thought you were going to say, I think Clifford was taxidermied, too. And I was like, oh, dear. Well, I'd hope so. I hope not. Like a medical marvel. Take a lot of work.

I don't know what else to call it. Biological marvel? A dog of that size? Yeah. He got a taxidermy. Yeah, he definitely fought fires. Yeah. If I recall. So did you. Yeah, he definitely fought fires. Yeah. If I recall.

So did you say that this was at a party? She was at a party? Yeah, so the third floor was the venue for the party, but the first floor and second floor had museum exhibits. So I just feel like I can't go to a party like that because I would just be crying at the wall of dog heroes or the 9-11 exhibit. It seems like a very uh up and down kind of emotional place to have a party like takes that meme to a new level of you go to a party and just hang out with a dog oh yeah but this is like a new level it's literally a wall of dogs that died like firehouse dogs there's a taxidermy dog well i'm just thinking too like the party's on

the third floor so she had to wander in the dark down to the first floor exhibit and she's standing at a wall of dogs by herself it's just so sad okay you are putting a lot more color into this than uh it's watercolor actually my friend anna is painting it and i painted this picture for you got it lord yeah that's beautiful thank you for sharing it was it was a nice little beautiful story huh okay my next one is quite the tail wink tail frown wink wink frown frown wink yeah um it's upsetting at times oh oh no no it's has a happy ending god okay i can't handle that right now yeah i don't have my ice cream yet and it's frustrating at times but Yeah. I don't have my ice cream yet. And it's frustrating at times.

But yeah. Oh, I can't wait for ice cream later. Okay. Let's just take a picture of us with our ice cream later. And that'll be our Instagram post. Okay. This is of Fire Station 10 in Austin, Texas. Great.

By Kimberly. Five stars. And this is the review of the day, July 3rd, 2008. On what? On Yelp. Oh. Mm-hmm. Damn.

Okay. Mm-hmm. It's a saga. I forgot they do that. I didn't. You know that story of the old lady who calls the fire department to come and get her cat out of a tree how you know anna too that's so weird such a weird you know that painting that's like you know that famous painting at the painting at the louvre okay go on i always thought it was a bit silly just enforce the notion of scaredy cat who climbs so high he cannot get down.

Who would ever call the fire department about a cat? We went on vacation and had our cat-loving friend come over to the house and feed all five of our babies. Mind you, I always considered myself a dog person. And I was raised to believe that there are dog people and cat people. So you are really not proving yourself with five cats nope well kimberly gets into it okay kimberly is setting the scene here giving us some nice much-needed context because oftentimes we read these and we hate these people because there's no context okay fair we're getting some context. We don't hate anyone. No. We just vaguely dislike some people on the internet. And pretty directly sometimes.

Yeah. When I met my sweetie and learned of the five cats, I did pause. Pause. Oh, good. God, we're so funny. I know. I am allergic to cat dander, but i fell in love with all five sneezes and all my favorite was yawn spelled j-a-n which is pronounced yawn and i spelled it out

for me so shy and skittish that yawn really described him well, but aware, painfully shy, this was one cat who never needed anyone. The other cats were pretty open about asking for help when they needed something, not Jan. He seemed afraid of the other cats, especially the alpha male, who Jan would never look at, ever. When we returned from vacation, four kitties were happy to see us, but not Jan. Disappeared. We thought we heard a cat's slight meow when we walked around the backyard. No. Haunted by Jan, the memory of the little shy gray Persian smooshed face beauty, we went about our lives.

What? Still, every now and again, we thought we heard his cry. No, I don't like this. This was not a constant meow, but we heard it once at, say, 2 in the morning and another time at 6 a.m. Whoever heard it, though, said it was clear even if it was one meow. Memories. He has run away to another family who wasn't on vacation. One night at around midnight, as we were trying to get the kiddos to bed, we all heard it. The kiddos? Like the cats?

No. Oh, real children. Real children? Okay. Because all four of us at one time, and we all screamed. We ran to the back porch, and there it was again. A shadow of a whimper of a meow. And it was coming from under the deck in the backyard.

We got out the lights and sent our boy under the deck, searching for Jan. You go under there. Boy Wonder said he saw him, but every time he would try and reach for him, he would skittish away. So shy, not wanting to ask for help. So needing help. What to do? Rip up the deck. It is midnight

and we are going to rip up our deck. We have to. Now. The four of us look around for tools and then we realize this is a job for professionals. People who know what they are doing. We might hurt him as we rip into the deck with the saw, hammer, and sundry tools that we were frantically gathering. But who to call?

At approximately midnight 30, the XXXL fire engine red fire truck pulls up to our house. I know our neighbors were completely freaking out. Four burly firemen quickly rip up our back deck and find a very emaciated gray furball who always looked sad in that Persian sad kind of way, but now looked really sad as he tried to evade capture. He was tiny.

This was two weeks after our vacation ended. Two weeks! And we were on vacation for two weeks. His collar had gotten caught on a nail under the deck. Honey! And he had tried to escape it, but it had wrapped around his right front leg, and he had rubbed the area raw, trying to get out of the strange jail. Wait, this is really terrible. Why are you reading this?

I don't like this. Well, because... I'm sweating now. They got him, though. But he's traumatized for life. Maybe not. Okay, go on. I am, though, so... Okay, that's fine. You can...

You'll be okay. All right. All of the skin was gone. Raw like when you cut a chicken breast. What? Why are you doing that? And the smell. The guys from the fire station just kindly stared at the four of us bawling our eyes out.

Yawn. What has happened to our yawny poo? Really, looking back at it, I think they were some of the kindest, strongest, bravest men in the world. I am not exaggerating. Hugs for everyone. They saved our scaredy cat, and for that, I will always love them.

End of review. I'm crying. It was a good... Was he okay? Yeah. They got him. They got Yon. But they heard the little meow for two weeks.

I know. That's why I said it's frustrating. It's so bad. It's bad. Oh, no. But they got him. Okay. Yeah.

And the fire department got the five-star review they were looking for. All right. Well, I guess it was the review of the day. It was. Oh, sad. Okay. Well well is that the last one that was the last one great i had to see i ended on that note because i knew you wouldn't want to hear any more after that thank you am i right yeah you also left me in a really bad mood so i guess there's that well it's better than putting you in a bad mood and then you being in a bad mood for the whole episode. Fair?

I guess that's fair. I guess that's fair. Yeah. Okay. Cool. So is that it? Do we do a theme? We haven't given a theme.

All right, let's do it. The theme for next week is antique stores in Portland, Maine. Love it. Yeah, I'm excited. You just came up with that? Yeah. That's a good one. Love it. Yeah, I'm excited. You just came up with that? Yeah. That's a good one. Thank you.

Well, I have a challenge for you. Oh, good. Comes courtesy of Lauren. I don't want it. No, you don't. Find a review of a cemetery where the reviewer is excited about their future plot. Good, huh? Oh, my God. I'm going to start researching that, like, today. Good, huh? Oh my god.

I'm going to start researching that today. Yeah, no, it's hilarious. I'm very excited. And I'm sure they exist. I'm sure they do, too. So I think this is going to be... This plus antique stores is going to be a weird episode. Oh, it's a weird one next week. Oh, you guys are in for a treat.

I'm so excited. Okay, cool. So we will see you guys next week, or we'll see you Thursday if you're sticking around for our Patreon live stream. Yeah. And if you are a patron and you can't make it right at three o'clock Pacific time, you'll be able to watch it later. That's right.

All right. Well, we'll see you then. See you then. Bye everyone. you