Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 54: Menards in Eau Claire, WI

Episode Date: December 4, 2019

Don't do us bogus and give this week's episode a listen. If you don't, Alex is going to take Christine's bathroom breaks away. So hear all about how the state of your local Menards means America is dead, and about how much better Timmy Ho's is compared to everything.  Subscribe to our Youtube channel to see our latest video: A Haunting in Bavaria: youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to join our monthly patron only live stream!  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 54 of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast where we give the worst reviews in the most... What? Shit. We reread the most... Fuck. We reread the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

My name is Alex. My name is... Oh, dang it. I forget. Oh, gosh. Darn it. My name is Christinalex my name is oh oh dang it i forget oh gosh darn it um my name is christina christina christine welcome to the show um alexander seemed very confident and i think it went to his head yeah i was like let's just bust it out because i haven't said that in a while oh yeah sort of worked i didn't do a good. So this is episode 54, and the theme this week was Menards in Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Eau Claire. Eau Claire, Wisconsin.

From Riley. Well, the city was from Riley, our patron. For those who don't know, Menards is a home improvement store based in Eau Claire. To be clear, it's pronounced... Well, to be clear... Hold on. Now I'm very confused. It's pronounced Eau Claire. And... Well, to be clear, it's pronounced... Well, to be clear... Hold on. Now I'm very confused. It's pronounced Eau Claire.

If you're a French snob. No. Really? Shut up. The actual French pronunciation, which I'm sure many people also say, is Eau Claire. But many local residents... I told you that fun fact. I read it as well.

Many local residents insist on calling it Eau Claire. And we are not... Damn it. Eau Claire. We're not local residents i told you that i read it as well many local residents insist on calling it oh claire damn it oh claire we're not local residents i'm this is a shout out to them okay fine so i'll say it my way you say it your way okay we'll see how who gets the worst reviews in the most dramatic passion passion whoa it is always some of these are very dramatic. Always me. Dramatic passion from these people. Cool. I had a hard time with this because on Yelp, there were only two locations. Whoopsie daisy.

With like 20 reviews each. Whoopsies. Sorry. Somehow I did still find some, but I also had to expand to the wider area of Wisconsin in general. And that is always okay. All right. Great.

I always insist on that if necessary so uh i also gave you a challenge that was suggested by samantha and it was to find a review of a canadian in the u.s comparing coffee to tim horton's coffee yep we gucci on that front cool i mean oh fun okay i never i thought that would be difficult it was difficult but okay but i figured it out um it was difficult but i figured it out good i'll start with a one-star review of menards by terry was looking for a shed and a co-worker walks by and says hi and doesn't even ask if i need help lost my purchase if you can't even ask. End of review.

For God's sake. There were so many of those. But I'm wondering if they meant, well, they said a co-worker. I assume they mean employee. Oh, they said co-worker. They did say co-worker. So I assume this isn't like Terry's like, yeah, my co-worker from the DMV didn't help me when I was at Menards. One star.

Oh, my co-worker i thought my thought was oh he works at menards and his co-worker didn't help him find the sheds yeah i've got very confused he means an employee i assume an employee i did see a lot though of people being like i saw no smiles it was the worst day of my life i I know. That's so true, though. The amount of people who said, this is the worst day of my life. I was at Menards. And I'm like, what? Your life must be pretty great. Yeah, it must be great in all clear.

Some people were saying, this is one that I didn't. I'm like, I'm like referencing. We do that a lot, though, because there's so many. There's one that said, oh, it's staffed by beautiful women. Too bad they're all airheads. I was like, that's just mean. That didn't even make the cut? That didn't make the cut.

Oh, okay. It's kind of lame. Yeah. So this one is really wild. This is a review by Bee, and it is a one-star review. I'm just going to try my best. Here we go. And it is one star review.

I'm just going to try my best. Here we go. I went Menards and the store manager, Nick, decided to treat me like shit. He told me I was an asshole and not to come in his store because of some bricks a year ago. Then, after escorting me out for not wanting to help me, he told me to fuck off. And my wife has a nice ass. Wait. Okay, this store manager is kind of losing favor in my eyes, but this is getting pretty bad.

God, I'm like so over. Is it not over? No, there's a lot more, and there's no punctuation like how we love, you know? Yeah, we love those. And so I can't read it to save my life. Okay. Then after escorting me out for not wanting to help me, he told me to fuck off and my wife has a nice ass. I imagine he waited

to say this outside so he would get caught, but I have several witnesses that I don't even know. They're just customers like me and couldn't believe his actions. This is much of a repeat from last year.

If Menards don't get someone new in there, we are going to Oiket the parking lot. Now I figured out eventually that what that means pick it pick it oh pick it oh my lord but it's spelled very much not like pick it yes if menards don't get someone new in there we're going to pick at the parking lot for nick

to be removed any out there want in i'll post any nick haters out there calling one and all i'll post the start date on here and Craigslist and Facebook. I'll post the start date on here and Craigslist and Facebook and I'll put a sign on the highway. Wait. Come oink at the parking lot. Big picture of Nick. Hate this guy? He said my wife has a nice ass.

I'll post the start date on here and Craigslist and Facebook and I'll put a sign on the highway. Maybe we can get a full parking lot together and get this piece of work out of there. End of review. I wonder how that worked out. I wish so badly I could find the other. I haven't looked very close. I really hope someone writes in and says, yeah, I actually had a weird experience at the Auclair Menards. There was one guy with an Oiket fence sign.

And it had a picture of a guy named Nick. I don't really know what was going on. He was standing next to this lady with a really nice ass. I don't know who she was oh my gosh uh yeah i just like the whole thing was one sentence by the way that's terrible that is bad except for the part that says any out there want in and then a bunch of spaces and a question mark um i'm like who why why nobody would want in because somebody also my favorite is that there's nothing here that says like anyone else would be involved yes or like care or concerned because it just says he treated me like shit he told me i was an asshole because of some bricks a year ago like he plays that off

so casually it's like what happened with these bricks what did you do to him through his car windshield last year yeah i don't know yeah and then uh he escorted me out and told me to fuck off i mean i just like nobody else is gonna be really that fired up about this yeah and i bet like anyone who shows up if they did show up nick would be like oh this guy yeah we have a problem because he did this to me last year and they're like oh and then they just leave oh it's my favorite anyway um i do want to figure out if this ever happens. So I'll look it up. And Pickett is spelled O-I-C-K-I-T.

Okay, yes. So I'm hoping that the Craigslist post is still pretty differentiated from other Pickett requests. My next one is a one-star review by Mark. This should be illegal. I did not give you permission to access my phone. What you're doing is clearly an invasion of privacy. So on a scale of one to ten, you get a zero. End of review.

On a scale that no rating website uses ever. And literally it's one out of five stars, and then he says, on a scale of one to website uses ever and literally it's one out of five stars and then he says on a scale of one to ten you get a zero well to be fair they did take over his phone and yes what do we know we don't know i assume it was one of those dumb google things where google messaged him and was like leave a review for menards how did you know i was there we get a lot of those i know but i love them so i should have known i thought maybe they got a text like use your 20 off coupon today oh my well did you find out about menards and fucking rebates 11 jesus the fucking 11 11 rebate i'm it honestly made me not want to shop there because it's math it sounds like a nightmare and it's like work to get money back people had a

lot of like very understandable issues with the arts i will say like i was hard for me to find reviews where i was like this person is clearly in the wrong um because a lot of times i was just like ugh this sounds terrible and like they're treating and then so one of the things i did was i went on glassdoor and indeed and for like probably an hour and a half on the plane, I was just reading one star employee reviews. And it was the most depressing thing. It does not seem like a good place to work. No. And the owner, I'm sorry, the CEO.

Oh, is it not a good person either? Menard. Maybe that is Nick Menard. Oh, wait a second. Oh, my God. Isn't his name Nick Menard? I don't know his first name but no this guy was literally saying the manager nick cussed him out i don't think that the ceo was there cussing him

out about some bricks from a year ago unless it's like nick jr it could be nick jr um but yeah like the billionaire menard yeah he uh apparently is very anti-union. Apparently their practices are very backwards, and you have to clock out to use the bathroom, which is questionable at best. And there's just a lot of very serious issues. And so I read hundreds of one-star reviews from employees, and not one of them was remotely entertaining

because they all just made me feel sad. And so when people were like, oh, the employee didn't even look at me, I'm like, no wonder. They probably had to pee and they weren't allowed. Yeah. No, it does not seem like a good company. And a lot of people were complaining

that because of their practices, they basically have a monopoly on hardware stores within Auclair. And they're not allowed to have Home Depots or Lowe's come in because of the, they supposedly paying off city council members, like bribing them. There's some deep drama, conspiracy underbelly stuff that,

um, I don't know enough about to not get sued so i'm gonna shut up i know i'm like i don't really know and obviously i can't just trust uh you know ron on yelp.com but it's the i mean i do but i should you want to you really want to with all my heart i do anyway so oh... Poor employees is basically the gist of it. Yeah, yeah. And I know that that is the case all over the place. I'm not saying just Menards, but...

Yeah, but this episode is not to build up Menards. It's to build up the employees that work there and... And just be nice to people, man. Anyone working in retail or working at these distribution centers, etc. I've decided to start a union i'm unionizing oh yeah yeah okay what does that mean for me am i am i like give me mandatory sick leave okay shut up i'm not paying you anymore uh hey sit back down no no bathroom you haven't clogged out well speaking of ron do you want to hear a one

star review by ron ron says well the tax return is in the bank and it's time to buy a lot of house upgrades so i grabbed my list and headed for menards i walked into the store at two o'clock on a monday figuring things would not be too busy first up is lighting for outside the garage i Good one, Ron. I was really proud of that, Ron. Isn't the point of the desk for you to walk up to the desk? It's a desk. He said he stood in the aisle for 15 minutes. Well, then go up to the desk.

It's right there for you. He said he walked past it twice. I was like, that's not what that means. If you walk past the help desk, it means you don't need help. Typically, when I walk past on behind a table, my entire goal suddenly narrows into one specific agenda. My entire goal suddenly narrows into one specific agenda, and it is to not have that person speak to me. Because it's like either they want to sign me up for something or ask or speak to me in general or help me. And you don't like that. So my whole goal is to pass that person without making eye contact.

Good call. Anyway, this is not about me. This is about Ron. Oh, did I mention that he never got out from behind the helpless desk to see if I had any questions? Not. Well, it's on to the window coverings area where I had a couple things on my list. I know what I want to buy, but again, blew 15 minutes rooting through the displays without finding what I need. Oh, this time there were two sales types with aprons standing there chatting.

Do I detect a pattern here? No. I don't pattern here? No. I don't. I think he's legitimately asking. Okay. And my answer is no. Ron, that's a no. It's a no from us.

Dog. Don't do it. Okay. Next up is a handful of things in the garden department. Along the way, I passed four or five apron types without anyone offering a smile or asking me if I need help. I wandered through the aisles past three apron types looking for things. But by this time, my patience was running thin. I decided to leave.

On my way to the exit, I passed a couple of apron types. Stop saying that. I don't even know why. Why would you say that that way? I don't know. Employees? He's been playing like Pokemon Go or something. Fire type, water type, dragon type, apron type.

I passed a couple of apron types. He always capitalizes it too. Proper noun. Okay, that's polite. I passed a couple of apron types and not a one acknowledged me. Hey, I get it. I am invisible. Next stop is Victoria's Secret to offer a hand in the changing rooms.

Being invisible does have its advantages. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I know. Ew. Any, like...

Sicko. Why would you end it like that? Like, yeah, you're like this obnoxious guy. And then. And then you just. Turned out you're a total fucking creep. Yeah, it turned like. I'm glad you were not helped.

They probably saw you trying to eye the apron types up and down. You look. You can't. You can't. Stop it. He offered all of the apron types if he could quote give him a hand in the changing room with their aprons in the changing i mean god damn yeah ron okay ronald you need to calm down and please stop being a pervert that

was good what a gross way to end it why it's literally the last it's unnecessary so unnecessary all of it you're right is like irritating but then it's like okay he's just like a needy guy yeah i was just rolling my eyes the whole time and then at the end i was like whoa okay that's bad oh it just escalated anyway well i have another terry review a different terry okay oh both terrys interesting my first review was terry my third now is Terry. Got it. One star. It was not good. I think I got robbed. But stuff happens.

End of review. Sorry, what? It wasn't good. They got robbed. But stuff happens. So it's okay. Terry, no. Stuff doesn't happen.

It does, apparently. but stuff happens so it's okay no stuff doesn't happen it does apparently so i don't know if it meant like got robbed with price oh sure maybe some bricks were stolen i saw someone else who was like yep bricks were stolen from my parking lot they wouldn't check the footage so oh my god it was what's his face b yeah from the parking lot the bricks yeah a deal about some some something about bricks i don't know maybe stole a year ago but yeah i think terry got robbed too terry bud yeah sorry to hear that stuff happens so it's okay you know stuff does happen on the on the one hand i'm like okay maybe that's the right attitude to have oh but still one star okay true it depends on the scenario if someone robbed you at gunpoint and they were wearing a Menards apron, I think that

one star is pretty justified. You know those apron types. If you're mad that your AA batteries were a dollar more than they are at Walmart, then I don't think that one star is warranted. No. But too bad Terry did not give any more context. It's either gun or no gun. We gotta know. Gun or no gun. We gotta know.

Gun or no gun. If there was a gun to you, it's okay. Knife, maybe two stars. Things happen. Fists, three stars. Just threats of violence, four stars.

More bombs are better. Pickpocketing, five stars. That's how it goes with thieving. Bombs, ten stars. Bombs, ten stars. Bombs, 10 stars. The more bombs, the better. True.

Okay, I have a one-star view by Abe. You notice the people who find this place enjoyable seem to look like they just wanted a place to wander around aimlessly and browse like it's a flea market? You mean ghosts? I'm reminded by. Doesn't that sound like a ghost? Ghosts enjoying a flea market? Wandering around the flea market aimlessly. That's what I'm reminded by. Like, does that sound like a ghost? Ghost enjoying a flea market? Wandering around the flea market aimlessly.

I don't know. It just made me think of ghosts. Ghosts who haunt old things at flea markets. That's true. They climbed out of the cupboard. Yeah. Sure. If, on the other hand, you actually need something, you know what you're looking for, you find it on the website.

The website says the location has it in stock, expect to have the actual store and the people who work there prove themselves illiterate, unhelpful, unable, or unwilling to speak English, or generally avoid you, making their silly blue smock lab coats with the words, Ask me for help, add to the absurdity of it all. That was a long sentence. Also, they're called aprons. Thank you. Order it online, whatever it is. of it all that's a long sentence also they're called aprons thank you order it online whatever it is america is dead whoa but that's eye-opening yeah i don't know

if you knew that i'd wanted to i wanted to let you know but i wanted to let you down easy so i had abe tell you america is dead no one knows how to read write or think much less provide service but hey it's good to know if you just want a cheap set of chinese-made golf clubs a hoodie a bag of jerky and industrial soaps the size of a cinder block there's a menards for that end of review jeez i wonder what he was looking for if it wasn't? If it wasn't jerky or soap, I can't imagine what you could possibly want at Bernard's. Oh, my God. Freudian slip. Oh, no.

At Menards. Okay. My next one is a one star by August. This is of Menard Inc. So, of the actual headquarters. Corporate. Corporate. Google, not a zero star option for this place.

I waited 10 minutes for them to answer the phone at the local store. I must have finally annoyed someone enough for them to answer. They have not sent me hundreds of dollars of rebates they owe me. And if you email customer service, you're wasting your time. Just change to a dollar store already. That's what it's slowly becoming. Name it Junkville. End of review junkville yeah but i love how they're like change it to a dollar store and yet every other review is like i spent thousands of dollars at this place i want my well he just

said he's owed hundreds of dollars oh yeah no that too yes um which means he spent thousands yes i want this lumber for $1. Yeah. Well, apparently lumber cutting there is $1. Is it? Yeah. Okay. Just so you know, some Yelp reviewers or Google reviewers found that to be quite a bit too

much compared to Lowe's and Home Depot. Interesting. But I know nothing about it. I'm not even going to comment. I do like Junkville Dollar Store. I would absolutely purchase my halloween decorations at a store called junkville um probably all my jerky and hoodies and chinese golf clubs also yeah i might need to um we might change the beach to sandy

store front name just junkville do you think we have to pay him for that oh gosh i don't know maybe we'll give him some rebates we'll tell yeah we'll tell him he'll buy some stuff he'll get some rebates he can call corporate we'll say wink wink and then you can call us and we'll be like oh maybe fax us you'll be you've reached the union you reached and we can't help you because we finally got our bathroom we're in the bathroom all the time now. This is what happens when you unionize. Yeah. America is dead. America's dead.

All right. So I have a review. It's a one-star review by Tony P. They did my girl bogus. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Teens are just beyond my comprehension. That is not.

There is no way that's a teen. It was a mirror selfie. It looked like a teen. Is that what teens say? I don't know. Do they say bogus now? There's no way that's a teen. It was a mirror selfie. It looked like a teen. Is that what teens say? I don't know. Do they say bogus now? There's no way. I don't know.

They did my girl bogus. Before I continue, how do you say SMH? Is it shaking my head or is it SMH? Or is it SMH? I'd say SMH or shaking my head. So either one? Yeah. Okay.

They did my girl bogus, making her look where the item wasn't even at y'all suck smh gotta find some serious workers if you need anyone reply to this i need a job low key okay also there's a face afterward i like it so it's a colon uh-huh and then an open parentheses and a close parentheses ew so it looks like a little oval mouth and then open parentheses and a closed parentheses ew so it looks like a little oval mouth a little kermit mouth i don't know what to describe it as but i don't like that i've never seen that before that face i was wondering if that's a teen thing they're like oh but i need a job so they want a job still low-key though low-key oh don't do him bogus don't't do him. Just his girl.

Just his girl. Making her look where the item wasn't even at. Y'all suck. Shaking my head. Allie's not caught up, so I'm going to start saying that and not tell her why. I'm going to do you bogus. And if she complains about someone, I'm like, why are they doing my girl bogus? She's going to hate me more than's gonna hate me and then all the teens

in the world will their ears will start just like sure yeah uh hopefully it'll keep them from using that term jesus okay oh it will let's hope okay so what made this theme a little bit easier for me was people would review the headquarters in euclair oh i did notice this but from but they're from other places right so uh this is a one-star review of the menard headquarters by kip very poor customer service at muskegon is that how you say it i think so muskegon michigan harvey street store Almost like a trap. I even used to work for this company. Very disappointed in what they have become.

We ordered a door. Naughty Pine. Oh my. K-N-O-T-T-Y. For the record, but I don't like to, well. Okay, let me just finish this sentence before I make any other comments. We ordered a door, knotty pine, and one of the knots looked like a huge poop splatter against the door.

This was to be installed in our daughter's room. No thank you. I asked the millwork manager and the GM to help me and if they would reinstall in their house. They both replied no. But if I'm not happy, then I can write the company. I called headquarters and that is exactly what you have to do with up to 45 days to process your request. The Better Business Bureau gives Menards one out of five stars on customer complaints. The Better Business Bureau gives Menards one out of five stars on customer complaints.

The BBB lists four satisfactory resolutions out of 1,000. My business is going elsewhere. Management and service is worthless. Buyer beware. End of review. Also, if anyone's looking for a poop door. A poop splatter door. Low-key, I got you covered.

Low-key, Kip's got you. My Skitt how sooner god damn it i'm sorry okay so i have a little thing to tell everybody um when we were we were little we used to watch this children's not i knew you were gonna bring it up naughty we used to watch this children's show called naughty and he was like naughty naughty naughty and one time when we were driving home from college together Naughty. We used to watch this children's show called Naughty. And he was like, naughty. Naughty. Naughty. And one time when we were driving home from college together on a road trip or like a trip back to Cincinnati, I said, remember that show we used to watch called Naughty? And it's spelled N-O-D-D-Y. And Alex Heder looks at me like, we never watched a show called Naughty.

What is wrong with you? And I was like, no, it's called Naughty. Naughty in toyland because naughty in toyland thinking i meant you know naughty um oh that's how you print when it's a weird accent that's what so not and it took us forever to figure out like i was like why are you so horrified by Naughty? And then you looked at it and were like, I see. Yes. It made a lot more sense after that. Are you playing the Naughty theme song?

Right now? No. Oh, I thought you were. You got excited. Absolutely not. I thought you were. It's really good. You guys, have you seen Naughty?

We're not playing the theme song. Google it yourself. Just for a minute. Just for a minute, please. Big Naughty is going gonna come down and copyright strike us we're we're too deep into naughty naughty the little man with the red and yellow car naughty naughty his tickling bell means he's the happiest little fellow in naughty in toilet oh the moment i said that i knew i regretted

why did i pick something that has anything like closely related to my favorite thing and i don't know why we watched that because it's very strange and i'm pretty sure it's like a small british show but i think we just watched a lot of PBS. That must have been where it's from. I watched a lot of Lunette the Clown from Big Comfy Couch, which was a Canadian show. Oh, it was? Yeah. So a lot of people don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Really? Big Comfy Couch? When I do the clock dance. Major Bedhead? The clock stretch. You cannot do the clock stretch. No, you literally cannot.

You physically cannot do that. I can do the clock stretch just fine. She is the most flexible person I've ever seen in my life. Me? Oh. No. As if you can put your leg over your head and do the fucking clock. Like, what about at noon?

Yeah, noon is tough. Isn't noon where you just lie down flat no that's 12 30 isn't it oh yeah yeah you're right i don't know liar liar pants on fire hanging from my telephone wire is that what that's from that's from like comfy couch major bedhead or something okay anyway can we continue no one cares about our nostalgia they care more about menards and au clair yeah everyone cares about that it's your turn oh um this is a two-star review by drew this is my last negative one the last two are redemptions drew says nice, but largely incompetent. End of review. Okay.

Okay. How many stars? Two. Yeah. It's a little condescending. Would have liked three there. Would have gone with a three. At least.

True. If you're going to be mean, that's the thing. If you're going to be mean, at least give them some stars to kind of counter it. To buffer. Yeah. I think. Don't be mean and be mean them some stars to like kind of counter it to to buffer yeah i think um be mean and be mean with your two-star view you just say oh they're really nice but they're incompetent i mean i guess it does get the message across yeah but it's it's but there's no there's no reason why there's no explanation because it doesn't give enough context if they said well

this is a specific scenario that happened like they messed up this then i could be like okay i won't go there for this service then alexander will approve your yelp review yeah well if they're cutting cutting your wood and you're like you know what they got the measurements all wrong i got home it was really messed up blah blah blah then i'll be like okay i won't go to that location for my wood cutting needs it was too naughty for me too naughty looks like poop that is the weirdest i've never heard of such a thing in my life yeah it looks like poop splat that's disgusting what's wrong with you uh i don't know what's wrong with anyone okay here's a one-star review by J.L. of Menard Headquarters. to the depot, be ignored all the same, but pay lower prices.

Many years ago, I used to shop at Menards due to the sales help I received, but no longer. As they say, at least kiss me before you fuck me. End of review. Woof! Okay. He and Ron have got something going with their Menards.

Calm down, man. Go get kicked out of a Victoria's Secret. Go meet in the changing room and do whatever you gotta do. Jesus. Sorry. Okay. And then there's that face. Colon, open parentheses, closed parentheses.

You mean when they're doing each other bogus in the dressing room? That's disgusting. Okay. Alex Zinner, stop it. Skittle time, sorry. Alex Z time sorry sir okay so i have my first redemption this is by walter and it's a five star review this is actually the first review i found okay because i was seeking one star reviews and they were all depressing and this is from walter made me feel better menards is the best store i have ever been to and i live in south carolina

known for its stores known for it's high caliber i took my kids here instead of six flags and they flank okay okay i also checked and there's not a six flags in south carolina so i'm confused as to what the south carolina has to do with anything is there there's even a menards in south is there perhaps no oh no no i don't think so what location are they reviewing the this the the eau claire one yeah i think just because they just but is so would there be a six flags up there um they like went maybe they were i don't know okay i don't think this makes any sense so i'll let you continue acting like i i know uh i took my kids here instead of sixags and they thanked me for the wonderful experience.

Save big money at Menards. End of review. Save big money at Menards. A lot of people wrote about how obnoxious that was because apparently they play it in the store. They do? That's terrible. Over and over again.

They have one in Cincinnati. I've just never been. I will. I actually looked at reviews of that because Mom and Francisca and Tim are getting their Christmas tree there this year. Oh, interesting. And I was like, Menards!

I know what that is now! But I will say, this one just made me happy that Walter and his kids were... His kids thanked him for taking them to such a wonderful experience. I mean, apparently, some of these stores, they're massive. So, hey, it's a trip. They sell jerky and... Oh, what else could you ask for? Only Chinese golf clubs, but that's it.

I've got one more review. Great. It's a one-star review. I'm not going to give the name of the reviewer because it's of their company. One star. One star. I wouldn't even give you scumbags a rating. Cedar Rapids, South.

The manager is a fat, lazy, drunk slob. How does such an embarrassment to life still have a job? What street corner did you find him on? Apparently you hire anyone holding up a sign, will work for food. Go Trump! End of review. What?

I cannot make that up. I'm 100% serious that that is a real review that I found. Oh. Oh. Go Trump! End of review. What? I cannot make that up. I'm 100% serious that that is a real review that I found. Oh, what an asshole. Makes you feel icky, huh? Oh. What the fuck? What the fuck?

Yeah. Okay. So I'm glad I said that now instead of waiting until after your second redemption. So we're going to hopefully end on a better note. More redemption. And this is a five-star review by Tim. I love this store. I shop there all the time.

It is always my first choice. Parentheses. And no, I don't own it. End of review. You're not the billionaire of Menard fame. You're not the adopted son, Tim Menard. Wow, so weird. No.

That's kind of sweet that he would think that his review was so glowing that the only possible explanation is that he owns it. Or maybe he does own it because it's a little fishy that you'd have to. True. You'd be so defensive. I don't own this store. Like he's a franchisee? Could be. Could be, Tim.

Tim, we're on to you. I do like to think that the CEO of Menards would go onto Yelp and write a five-star review that just says, this is my favorite store. I love this store. Like in his free time that i'm sure he has yeah he's like all these people talking about anti-union well i'll show them i'll show them how great my story is by telling them i don't have a profile my alter ego the profile photo is just like the menards logo

a little fishy but it's uh it was in the non-helpful reviews section or whatever it's called. Okay, so this is the time for my challenge. And Samantha sent in a challenge for me to find reviews by Canadians who were comparing coffee, American coffee, to Tim Hortons. Yes. So let's dive in, shall we? I went to a Tim Hortons recently, actually, when we were in Halifax at the airport. They had pretty much nothing vegetarian except for donuts, so it was a little tough because I just wanted a breakfast sandwich. But it was all right.

It was all right, yeah. I think the airport location is probably not representative of the franchise as a whole. They'd won at Wright State. Did they? Yeah. In Dayton? Yeah.

Wow. I would go there. I didn't know that. Good times. Okay, so Tim Hortons. This is a five-star review by Jennifer, who is from Canada, and it is a review of Tim Hortons. five-star review by jennifer who is from canada and it is a review of tim horns this is the best coffee shop i have ever been to starbucks sucks

end of review that's the first one okay just a basic that's a good baseline like a really good what we're looking for because things are gonna get a little weird okay as they always do looking forward to it but i wanted to like complete the challenge i know it's a it's comparing tim hortons to american coffee i don't know if the inverse works the same way but i think we'll just have some fun with it we're here to try to have fun you sound like you're having a blast by the way i know i'm just weirdly nervous for these this is why i don't know we get you've you've given us so many really bad ones in the past. You're right. I'm just like not sure. I mean, the whole like cruise ship thing. I'm still not over that. Red flags everywhere.

Okay. This is a review of a place called Top Pot Donuts in Seattle. Now, this is written by Andrew, who is from Canada. And it's mostly about the donuts. But also. I'll accept. You'll see. I want to hear it.

This is a two-star review. This Dugnut place... I also just want to clarify, he wrote Dugnut. This donut place is like the downtown hipster Seattle girl that talks a lot of game about having great tastes and being a foodie, but her idea of a great meal consists of organic lettuce and local figs served in a recycled jar. That is weirdly specific. Someone's projecting or had a really bad experience with an ex, I don't know. With all the fancy hand-forged signs and all the hipsters going in, I assumed this place

would make ridiculous donuts. The place looked promising, it looked like a place that didn't mess around with making donuts. It was below average at best. These donuts are so dense it's like biting into a sponge. Only reason for one extra star, at least the cashier was nice when she charged me for this overpriced disappointing donut. I could get a much better dug nut at Tim Hortons for far cheaper a timmy hose donut tastes fresher and far less heavy sure it's less fancy inside timmy hose and there aren't as comfy seating areas sure there aren't any hand forged signs outside timmy hose and hipsters don't like it because there aren't bookshelves lined with books to which they will never read and timmy's won't even host

an indie poet reading but timmy's makes better donuts and drinks. And the rim on the cup rolls up to sometimes reveal a prize. That's all that matters. Honestly, that is my number one reason for going to Timmy Ho's. By the way, literally all that matters when it comes to coffee. I'm kind of with him on that. Seattle is rough for coffee, man. Remember our challenge?

I hate this holier-than-thou attitude. It's so bad. him on that seattle is rough for coffee man remember our i mean you challenge it's i hate this holier-than-thou attitude so bad exists when it comes to that whole coffee scene and the but the fact that it was reversed this time where it's like yeah tim hortons is better than seattle coffee i love it or coffee shop like that's hilarious because it's usually about starbucks like how all the small shops are better than Starbucks. That was, that is, that's a new one. I know you said Tim Hortons. I just like to kind of point, thank you, Timmy House.

Also, I do say Doughnut and Dugnut because like he does. I cannot, oh, that's, that was the other thing I was going to say. He spelled Dugnut wrong twice. He did. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yes. That is hilarious. was the other thing i was gonna say he spelled dougnut wrong twice he did yeah yes oh yes that is hilarious seems to be right most of the other times but dougnut just specifically twice which is

interesting where are we but timmy's makes better donuts and drinks oh my god it's not over i'm sorry oh no i was like where are we like we was like, well, we're in the podcast. No, we're still at Top Hot Donuts. Okay. And the rim on the cup rolls up to sometimes reveal a prize. That's all that matters. I cannot handle not having Timmy's here and having to deal with awful donuts and overpriced drinks every morning and cup rims that don't roll up to reveal prizes. Get your ish together, Seattle. End of review.

That's very much a you problem. You do not have to be there someone's homesick yeah that's all it is maybe they were deported maybe they do have to be there true i'm just saying you never know everyone is carrying a heavy burden isn't that a thing what i don't know i don't know you just looked at me with the wide eyes and shouted that at me i don't know where that came from. I think I learned it on Naughty in Toilet. Stop.

You learned too many things on that show. I have Naughty. Naughty is to blame for your personality. And that is not a good thing. Continue. I'm going to read two more for you. This first one is Margarita's three-star review of bagel j's i've tried their blueberry muffins and while they're much larger than what you

would order from tim hortons they're definitely not as good as tim hortons i won't be trying any other muffins i don't know why this one makes me laugh. I won't be trying any other muffins. No more muffins for me. That's so tragic. I had one blueberry muffin. It wasn't as good. I will never eat a muffin again.

These people are Canadians. You're being a little dramatic today. A little much for me. i i'm not you can't even roll up the muffin top to reveal price never say that again what the heck it's naughty and toiling no okay i'm gonna i'm gonna read one more review this is a review to read one more review. This is a review of Krispy Kreme. And this one is of a Krispy Kreme in Oxford, UK. Interestingly enough. Wow. I love, by the way, in case anyone's wondering, if you ever want to buy me a donut, buy me

a Krispy Kreme donut. They're my favorite. Don't look at me. Like, who else can buy me a donut? Do we even have Krispy Kreme out here? No. I don't think so. Or I don't know, but we have them in D.C. and they're very good.

Okay. Four-star review of Krispy Kreme by Amanda. North American donuts in Oxford! Hurrah! As a Canadian living abroad, I get overexcited about things which remind me of my home. And maple donuts? This just about caused me to have a coronary. What more to say about it?

Well, Krispy Kreme is Krispy Kreme. It's no Tim Hortons. Only Canucks will get this reference. They did not say that. Yes. Also, I looked it up and I made sure that that was not a derogatory term. Oh, okay, yeah. Because I wasn't sure.

That's a good point. I just didn i was like it's good to think about and apparently everyone was asking and on reddit and not everyone you know like three people on reddit of all places you think on reddit everyone's asking that okay all my friends and i were talking about it um and people in the bathroom in the bathroom that was the other oh that was the other episode yeah we just recorded another episode i keep wanting to reference you and us coming out this this uh sunday you hear about a young woman meeting friends in the bathroom yeah covered in glass mark your calendar mark your calendars uh so i looked it up and apparently people say it's nobody takes it

as an offense unless you like are meaning it as an offense essentially okay they said the only place i've ever heard that was in the u.s which i'm like well sure i don't doubt that for one second but they're like oh we call you yankees and you call us canucks okay whatever so i don't know you guys correct me if i'm wrong but that's at least what the internet correct or either way correct me either way especially correct me if i'm right yes um first pages of Google, all of them said it was fine. Anyway, point being, well, Krispy Kreme is Krispy Kreme. It's no Tim Hortons. Parentheses. Only Canucks will get that reference. So no mention of how unique or wonderful it is in that sense. It's a bloody donut shop,

and I went there for some donuts. It did not disappoint. I got the maple one. Typical Canadian. And it was divine. Brought my taste buds straight back to my Canadian motherland. End of review. I've never had a negative view of a Canadian. Until now. Until today. Yeah, this one was a bit much because she kept saying, well, what else is there to say? I will tell you how it was maple one or two more times. Yeah. I love a good long John Donut. Don't get me wrong.

That's right. Yeah. But. I like how she just keeps saying, listen, it's just a bloody donut shop. But here's all the other things about it that aren't very interesting. Did I tell you I was Canadian? Hello? Typical.

Is this thing on? Is this thing on? They had a poet reading at the Krispy Kreme in Oxford. The maple, typical. Just all the parentheses that say, like, reminds me of my homeland. Typical Canadian. Eating maple on my right. And then the whole Tim Hortons.

As if people outside of canada don't know what it's very strange anyway so those are my reviews of canadian i mean a lot of it was donut related but yeah you went on tim horns is very donut heavy nice little donut um that's kind of why i left in that first one that just says starbucks sex yes tim horns because you're like this is the only one that actually matches the challenge however they're all very dramatic like this is the best coffee shop i've ever been to in my life like okay oh no i think it i think it worked i'm i approve um thank you i hope samantha i was about to say i'm not sure if samantha approves but um i don't know get your ish together seattle uh did you know there are Tim Hortons, though, in England?

Wait, there are? Yes. Tim Hortons UK is a thing. Shit, I gotta tell. What's her face? Do you know her? She's Canadian. Oh, I did hear that.

Loves maple. They have a bunch in Ireland. Really? A few in Northern Ireland. Maybe there are a lot of... A few in England, a couple in Wales. Maybe there are a lot of... A few in England, a couple in Wales. Maybe there are a lot of Canadians over there. Well, we know of one who is like...

Who seems to not think that anyone else knows about what Canada is. What Tim Hortons is. I bet like the next day they like walking down the street, Oh shit, is that a Tim Hortons? Oh no, they're here. Well, good job. Thank you very much. We got through it.

That was fun. Do you want to hear our theme for next week? Oh, shit. Yeah, sure. Bring it on. Our theme for next week is car dealerships in Fargo, North Dakota. Wow. Car dealerships.

Oh, we have not done that either. We have not. We've done car washes. I keep feeling like we've covered all the main categories. I know. That's a big one. And the movie Fargo. Have you seen Fargo? No. Actually, yeah. I think that I fell asleep. Part of your homework is to watch Fargo. No, I saw it once. No, because you... I fell asleep. I didn't want to watch it again. Okay, forget it. I know it's cold. There snow it's cold there's snow

there's a car dealership so oh that's cool yeah i think okay so i found one that i think is pretty good um pretty interesting this is uh from gloria and uh gloria says that they're only into the july episodes but had a great idea for a challenge we'll see about that we'll see about that Gloria um so I it's it's a little specific so we can maybe branch out but I'm going to read to you what Gloria said and then we can see what to do from there Gloria says how about tasking someone to find a review of noise canceling headphones that work too well like maybe they missed a fire alarm or something so I'm thinking maybe nope that's good you think yep just that just that okay i'm in great perfect thank you gloria i i i love this i'm so excited because that is so true i got some and now i'm

paranoid whenever i'm walking around i'm like am i missing someone it's one like talk trying to talk to me i used to listen to them at night like listening to like a um meditation or something to fall asleep and then I would start like freaking out that I would miss you know a serial killer entering my house or something so I can write one I have something a little less dramatic but I would wear them to the gym and I the whole time it would make me I thought I would wear them because I'm like okay block everything else out right focus on me because i'm like really anxious about going to the gym and stuff and if anything it just made me more paranoid and i'm like is someone saying something to me that i'm doing something wrong or that i'm like am i making weird noises well i don't think

i always think i'm making weird noises um in. Am I like, yeah, just making too much noise with the machines or with the weights or whatever. I need, my brain needs some help. Oh, yeah. Well, maybe you should do some reflection on this one. But yeah, thank you, Gloria. And we will get on that and we will get back to you guys next week. See you then. Bye.

Bye, guys. week see you then bye guys