Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 58: Arcades in Nashville, TN

Episode Date: January 1, 2020

Christine (cactus print) and Alex (stripper scent) bring you the first Beach Too Sandy episode of a new decade. We read reviews of arcades, arcade bars, and dueling piano bars (for some reason) in Nashville, TN. Then Alex lives up to his challenge, reading negative reviews of kitchen products that weren't used as intended. Hopefully we don't ruin your entire decade with another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White.  Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello. hello i don't know what just happened oh my god jesus hasn't been that long i feel like you've just been sitting here collecting like breathing in dust and just coughed up a cloud of dust wow oh my god it's been so long the end of 2019 and we are decrepit and aged technically they're gonna be listening to this on uh in the new year in the new decade does this come out on the first so

so we are starting off strong we have probably expired by now based on that noise I just heard. I don't think Alexander has much time left. I was trying to do a hello and welcome to be and it just didn't work. Yeah, we noticed this is beach to sandy water to wet a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. My name is Alex and I'm Christine and welcome to 2020. I hope this is the first thing you're doing in the new decade. I hope that we don't ruin your day and set a bad... Ruin your decade. Set a bad tone for the next 10 years. Today's theme was arcades in Nashville, Tennessee. Yes. Thank you, Sarah, for being a patron and suggesting that one. Yes. And then what was your challenge again my challenge was from page another patron page challenged me to find a negative review of a kitchen product where a person complains that the item will not do something

that it isn't advertised to do love it and then i looked at the email and it actually says kitchen parentheses or other well yeah but i just noticed that today you usually get mad at me when i try to like broaden this challenge and i probably would have been but then i would have appreciated it while doing the review because or challenge because it was pretty difficult but i think i'd got some things um should i go first i think i have more than you today. Yeah, go for it. Okay. The first review I have is of a place called Laser Quest Nashville, where they have laser tag and also arcade games. I didn't see that place. That sounds great.

It looks fun. This is a one-star review by Mark. My 13-year-old son and I tried to play laser tag around 7 p.m., but nobody there. We decided to play video games instead. After spending about $25, my son, who is very good at video games, won an Apple Watch, but the machine refused to provide it. The manager would not get on the phone with me, nor give me the name of the company LaserQu quest supposedly leases its fraudulent machines from this is a business going down the tubes it is empty it is filthy and there is some scam going on with its video games i have given you fair warning dot dot dot i don't know why this one got me so good i think it's because like you didn't win an app like they're not going to

give you an apple watch those things are always rigged so the manager was probably like wait we rigged this for it not to happen how did it happen exactly i mean i'm pretty sure you're never i mean you're never going to get an apple watch from a laser tag place what are you doing yeah also is it like a claw machine because they have those where it's probably one of those um stacking blocks they go by really fast and if you stack it all the way to the it's probably one of those um stacking blocks they go by really fast and if you stack it all the way to the top you get one of the top prizes okay and usually those are things like apple watches or like yeah i don't think you want an apple watch it said he went to the front desk and demanded to call the manager and the poor guy behind the

desk was like i don't know how to do this for you. You're not getting an Apple Watch. It's probably just an empty box. Exactly. They're not putting real Apple Watches in there. Anyway, I hope they got an empty box though. Yeah. What if they were like, we never said it was an Apple Watch. We just said it was the box.

Like that radio station years ago that had a contest to win a Toyota and it turned out that they gave they gave away a toy yoda no that's just me and they got in trouble they got sued of course they're misleading people they lost i'm pretty sure they had or at least settled or something they paid her out something but anyway they're like what kind of toyota And they're like, it's small and green. Camry? Okay, your turn. Yeah. Okay.

So my first one is from Game Galaxy Arcade. Technically, this is in Madison, Tennessee, but I think it's really close. Alias gave it two stars. Anytime I just walk in and begin playing playing there's always a large black man parentheses fat playing the ps4 end of review oh my god yeah i it's just literally just um an observation well it's maybe more than an observation it's a maybe more than an observation. It's a little more than an observation. Okay. Yeah, that's kind of how I felt afterwards.

Just like, oh. An uneasy. Okay, alias. About this character that's writing this review. There were a lot of really. Questionable. Yeah. People are fucking racist.

Is anyone surprised? Nope. No. But I was just like, ugh. Some of it was. And it was like a lot of times people just being like, no, no, no. Is anyone surprised? Nope. No. But I was just like, ugh. Some of it was. And it was like a lot of times people just being like, no, no, no. This isn't about race. Ugh. But he was black.

Why bring it up? Exactly. Parentheses fat. Why wouldn't you just say it? I don't know. Fat man or fat whatever. That's what did it for me. Parentheses fat.

Because I was like scrolling through and like just kind of glancing over things. And whenever I see parentheses, I like my eyes go to those. Yes, yes, yes. And I see parentheses fat. I'm like, this is going to be good. Well, bad. But yeah. Fat, bad.

Fat. Parentheses fat. Yeah. Oh, my God. It took me a while to get to that point because I got caught up in the rest of it. But. I'm glad you made it. Playing the PS4.

Probably, you know what, that guy, though, the man playing the PS4 probably is like, God, every time I play the PS4, this small white man, he's skinny, comes in and looks at me. Yeah. Fucking creepo. Creepo. Okay, my next one is of Go USA Fun Park. This is arcade games and go-kart racing nice you found the good places i found a lot of um the places i would never want to go to

that seem like they require a lot of skill that i don't have this is a one-star review by dustin the kids that run the go-karts are little cocky smart-ass pricks. If I did not have my four-year-old son with me, I would have slapped a few of them around like their parents should have. They were rude and very unprofessional. Stay away. End of review. These kids I wanted to slap around were very unprofessional. That's what I thought.

Oh my God. They were so unprofessional. So I bent one of them over and spanked him on the ass. was like. Oh my God. They were so unprofessional. So I bent one of them over and spanked him on the ass. Just like his mother should have. I like how if his four-year-old weren't there. Yeah. It's like, you maybe do this to your four-year-old, so why not do it to other people and show your four-year-old that you do it to everyone.

It's not just you. Not just you. Don't worry. Dustin, don't worry. Dustin Jr. Dustin Jr. Okay. Poor Dustin. Poor Dustin Jr. everyone it's not just you not just you don't worry dustin don't worry well dustin jr dustin jr okay poor dustin dustin jr dusty okay now comes my dave and busters oh oh yay it was almost too easy i was gonna there were so many negative dust david b so bad. It was really bad. I read probably hundreds. Okay.

My first one is a one star from Amanda. Okay. We went to Dave and Buster's last night with our kids, as we do about every other week. We were there almost five hours and spent over $500, and after eating, we left our food and drinks on the table while we played games for several hours. Then, about 30 minutes before we were getting ready to leave, when we returned to our table, it had been cleared and all of food and drinks had been thrown away. After telling our waitress, she had asked what we had left and she would have it reordered.

However, she returned to tell us her manager said they could not replace what they had thrown away. So we, of course, were very unhappy and will not be returning there. End of review. An idiot! How? They were like, what did you order? We'll replace it. And she's like, we ordered $500 of Kung Pao shrimp. And you threw all $500 of it away.

After we left it sitting on the table for several hours, I told Allie, I read this review to Allie and she was like, that sounds like a health code violation. Of course it does. Why would they possibly think it's okay to leave your table for several hours and everything to be there like it was before. Well, most people under exaggerate, under embellish, or they, I don't know the right word. They were like, we just went to play a few games.

Just for like a few minutes. And it was like, actually to the manager will be like, you were gone for two hours. But they admitted. Ruddle admit. That they left for several hours. This is under embellishing. And they left for a few days. And came back a week after next. They go every other week. And they were like, this is them under embellishing and they left for a few days and came back a week after next.

They go every other week and they were like, this is our table. At least the waitress tried. Oh my, I like that they're like, we'll replace it. And then the manager was like, dude, fuck no. They're here every other week. They do this every other week. They always walk away. You can't walk away from your table for hours and expect it to still be there.

I cannot believe people think that way. That's wild to me. Like, in my thought, I'm just thinking, after several hours, you're finally like, okay, I'm ready for seconds, or I need my Coca-Cola again. Like, what are you doing? I had an existential crisis reading this, thinking, do I just not understand how Dave and Buster's works? Maybe. That's what I was thinking.

I was like, have I just been wrong all these years? Do I get a table for the entire night and all food has to remain there? I don't know. I don't think so because if you leave, you leave. If you leave with food that you had partially eaten for several hours, I don't know. All right. So this next one came up in my searches and it kind of didn't occur to me at the time. It's not necessarily an arcade. It's the Big Bang Dueling Piano Bar. This is not an arcade at all. It came up on the list, so I just hit a new tab and started reading reviews.

It came up on the list. I guess it's fine. I got several, and then I was like, this is actually not an arcade, is it? It is kind of like a... I don't know it's like a touristy spot where people have bachelorette parties and stuff okay like all of them and they do have games but not arcade games oh well well sarah hope you're happy sarah i hope you're super super happy this is a one-star review by Meg. We started off having a great night until the bouncer kicked us out without any reason whatsoever.

We were there with all of my aunts and uncles. I know there's more to it, but I love when it just goes from one thing to the other, like they're related. It's like, how dare you when I had all of my aunts and uncles there also we have like 45 aunts and uncles so i immediately just pictured a huge crowd we were there with all of my aunts and uncles and just settled a 400 or more tab i asked for the manager and he was this dopey geeky little man that didn't care about what i don't know okay we let him know we also had civil servants with us and he was completely ignorant about it there are so many bars on the strip that do not have a six dollar per person cover save your time six dollars and dignity and find yourself a real Nashville country bar. What?

What happened there? All of her aunts and uncles are civil servants. I don't know. It's not like, oh, they're all in the military. It's like... I've never heard that before. They're like postal... I saw multiple where it was like, how dare you disrespect a member of the U.S. Marine Corps.

Oh, yes. I did see some military ones. Okay. I don't know. Dave and Buster's. Yeah, civil servant's a new one. But that's a new one. Interesting.

I mean, that could cover a lot of things. Like, if you're like a... I don't know. I tried to look up examples of civil servant jobs to throw out there, but I don't know. Like a postal worker? I think maybe that's a public... I don't know i don't know shit someone who some of the examples were basically like some administrative assistants some teachers i think if you're like a public school teacher i'm not sure though i don't want to get yelled at for saying it wrong yeah let's just this guy probably

i mean the fact that well just like this nerdy geeky little man that didn't care. Dorky. Wasn't it dopey? Dopey. Dopey. Geeky. Little man. Yeah. I also, I feel like we've cracked the formula here.

$6 a person. And she had all her aunts and uncles. So if we put a Y or an X somewhere, it's like algebra. What are you doing right now with your hands? It's a Y. It's a Y? Yeah. You know, formula.

Letter Y? Yeah. Oh. In algebra. Like Y equals MX plus B? Sure, except for aunts and uncles plus civil servants equals $6 a person. Oh. Okay.

You see what I mean? Someone figure out this equation. figure this formula plus and then pendaz pendaz oh no parentheses fat plus a number of aunts and uncles times six equals six or equals 400 so then we figure out how many aunts and uncles because each person was $6. There's a lot of aunts and uncles. Okay. But the question is, was the $6 included in the bill? Yes.

That was just a cover charge. I know. Just let me have this. No, it's just an interesting mathematical hypothetical I'm bringing to the table here. No, I brought it to the table. You just fucking threw it on the floor, asshole. I left for only a few hours and I came back and my mathematical equation was gone. Well, sorry. Your turn. My next one is of Dave and Buster's.

God damn it. I think my next like five are. This is by Nikki. One star. Food was terrible per staff menu has changed at least four times in the last year alone if at a sports bar i don't want kale basic wings were horrible games didn't ever let you finish your turn before turning off. Horrible place. End of review. I personally love to eat kale when I'm playing. I think what Nikki doesn't understand is you don't have to order everything off the menu. Oh, shit. Yeah.

Nikki. You just, you'd only need one thing. Or two. Go crazy. Get a couple. Get three. If you're really feeling it maybe a drink too i did read the food you don't need the kale well you probably need the kale it sounds like you don't eat a lot of vegetables but you don't no one's gonna force you to eat the kale i mean i will if i see you around but it's okay i've heard it's great i've heard the food okay thanks oxenert dave and buster's kale i don't know the best yeah yeah they make a good kale sandwich i don't know what their food sounds pretty bad i read a lot of

reviews they were very questionable yeah um most of them were about the food i have not been to a dave and buster's in a long time though the last time i went i was full when i got there because i had just gone to hooters oh i see you had quite a uh a culture-filled day i see yes um i went to the one in newport kentucky was probably the only one i've ever been to remember newport and the levee wasn't there one there one there? I don't think so. Yes, there was. I don't... There was. No, there's like a weird little games thing in the Levee building. There is a...

Like called Game something. I think they changed their name now. Game and Busters. Game and Busters? Yeah. No, the Dave and Busters was up by the Hooters. Okay, I don't know. In like Sharonville.

I don't know where the hell it is. Remember Jillian's? Yes, Jillian's was up by the Hooters. Okay. I don't know. In like Sharonville. I don't know where the hell it is. Remember Jillian's? Yes. Jillian's was the shit. Guys, we had a place called Jillian's and it was so cool and then it shut down. Yeah. That was in Kentucky, right? Yep.

Maybe that's what I'm thinking about. Okay. I promise I only have two more of the piano bar. It's in Springdale. The Dave and Buster's. Okay. That's great to know. Only two more of the piano? You can't give me shit dave and busters okay that's great to know only two more of the piano you can't give me shit for all these dave and busters ones okay this is by jonathan

okay cool bar and fun environment but extremely sexist a group of friends and i were in nashville from out of town and one of my guys was told he couldn't dance with his female friends near the pianos because it was females only this place is extremely sexist we'll never come back and excuse you the photo was of um a young white man in a ralph lauren polo so no i think i think he knows a thing or two about prejudice. I think so. Well, I appreciate these reviews in the sense like, okay, good. Now I know this person won't be going back. That's true.

Good. Yeah, we can go to the piano bar without worry about some douchebag being around. What a weird way of looking at things. Like, who cares? It wasn't even him. It was like, he's like one of my friends. My friend. I wanted to see my buddy dance.

On the piano with all the girls. And they didn't let him. What is this? Footloose? Yes. Oh, okay. Well, I've got a review from Dave and Buster's. Oh, God.

This is a one star by William. Extremely overpriced. Forces you to buy a card, then charges strange amounts for games. It is truly a huge scam. Also, it stunk like vanilla body butter. Parentheses, stripper scent. End of review. Oh my god!

What the fuck? Who is this? William. William, what the hell have you been doing? William has 177 reviews and 506 photos on Google. Whoa, whoa! So, probably hitting up the strip clubs, taking some photos. The gentleman's clubs.

Yes. Can you imagine he goes with his wife and kids and he's like, he like kind of starts smelling. What, honey? It's vanilla body butter. What? How do you know that billy vanilla body butter parentheses percent parentheses fat nashville is a weird way of using i don't know vanilla body butter first of all gross why would you now like no yeah if any of you guys are listening hopefully this ruins vanilla body butter

for you it ruined it for me good not that i'm really a fan of body butter especially if like a grown man is talking about it in the context of an arcade that is so weirdly specific it is and also is that the truth like is that a stripper scent quote unquote i mean parentheses don't look at me i have no idea i'm just like baffled by that i feel like william's the only person on earth who's willing to admit that he knows that it is i like how he has to explain it to the plebeians out there well he did because i did not i think most people wouldn't understand that one yikes you'd think oh geo learned to the door open good boy hello honey come, honey. Come up here, honey. Okay, that's just disturbing.

And just brings up an image of Billy that I don't want to have. Okay, I promise you the last one of the piano bar. This is a one-star review by Nicole. I paid the piano player $20 to sing Happy birthday to my 75-year-old mother. He brought her on stage and proceeded to sing happy birthday. I want to fuck you. He then continued to sing explicit words to her. She was completely humiliated.

I left a voice message for someone to contact me but no one ever returned my call trashy place end of review that's hilarious oh my god how much did she pay 20 bucks oh some reason i was thinking mixing up the age i'm like 75 bucks for that well yeah i'd be kind of pissed but why would you pay that much oh my god that's hilarious i just feel like if you're going to a place where a lot of them were like, oh, they use so many explicit words. I'm like, you're at a place where bachelorette parties are the primary target audience. Apparently one, there was this one review that was like, my friend asked really, really politely for him to play Back That Ass Up. And she only asked a few times when the music had quieted the piano guy snapped

and said i have a bachelor's degree and blah blah blah my fucking god well probably yeah i would snap too like eventually he did play back that ass oh my god i was like that's sad that is so sad i feel like in nashville especially i remember i was like at the airport and there were all these shows in the airport like incredible bands and singers and i was like yeah they're everywhere in this town yeah okay maybe even at dave and busters i don't think anyone incredible is at dave and busters based on these reviews i read smells pretty vanilla body butter to me that's true all right your turn here's a review of dave and busters by skiller swag for god's sake one star eh well if you hate chucky cheese then this is a adult

version where people get drunk and throw stuff at you and the manager asks you to leave so yeah enjoy your stay end of review what they don't know what he doesn't tell you is that he's actually the mask the chucky cheese mascot he was all pissed and he was like you guys are stealing my customers coca-cola thrown at him kicked out of the bar i mean if a child is a chucky cheese addict it makes sense that they would grow up into a d and Buster's addict. Yeah. But does he like it or no?

One star, right? One star. Maybe he's still a child. Yeah, it's tough to tell what's going on here. It was a very childish review. I prefer childlike. Childlike? Okay, childlike review.

Childlike innocence. All right. The next one I have is of a real arcade, I promise. Itlike review. Childlike innocence. All right. The next one I have is of a real arcade, I promise. It's actually of a barcade. It's called Headquarters Beercade. It's one star by Steve. Just got kicked out for picking up some lemon tongs. Like from behind the counter?

Yes. Or behind the bar? Don't fucking do that idiot people have to use that to put in their drinks that's nasty when i see people trying to reach for like lemons and shit behind the maraschino cherries i'm like you can't put your filthy fingers back there i spent a lot of money in this place a righteous bartender flipped and had me tossed lol i guess i'll take my 12 friends elsewhere amateur hour yeah good get the fuck out get out my 12 friends the 13 of us jesus and his 12 disciples lordy get the hell out mistreated no i hate that and literally calling the bartender right the righteous bartender who doesn't want your fingers all over who's literally just saying get the get your filthy

grubby little hands off of my tongue yeah jesus it makes me so mad and then he i mean the bartender has to fucking wash that now yeah asshole and maybe dump all those lemons that you've put your grubby little hands all over picking up why are you picking up lemon tongs stop it you shouldn't be doing that will you and your 13 fucking west side story friends go across the street i don't know man i do love when people are so like you just lost so much money it's like it's such bullshit yeah no they didn't because you were gonna just steal all their fucking lemon slices anyway i saw a review where someone was like complaining that they didn't get served by the bartender and they were like well little did they know i had 4500 in cash in my pocket

it's like as if they were gonna give them that much money or any like they probably saw that and were like this guy needs to go there's some shady drug deal going on here. $4,500 in cash. Yeah. Oh, my God. And that was at Dave & Buster's. Oh, my God. What are you doing there?

Those aren't even, like, the quarter machines anymore. No, exactly. Little did he know I had $4,500 in quarters in my pocket. Reloading his game card with those quarters. Oh, God. Oh, boy. pocket reloading his game card with those quarters oh god oh well speaking of dave and busters i actually have a review from dave and busters wait what yeah this one is by aaron oh my god one star a bad rave with expectations and no drugs end of review. What? Poetry. It's like a bad haiku. Yep.

A bad, sorry, say it again. A bad rave. Okay, false, first of all. Nobody has ever, I mean, unless you really misunderstood the concept. Okay. If you were on drugs, then it would make sense that you were in there and you're like, whoa, that's crazy. Not really, though. I guess maybe.

They're overwhelming. When was the last time you were there? Those are like, whoa, that's crazy. Not really, though. I guess maybe. They're overwhelming. When was the last time you were there? It's flashing lights and crazy. Apparently never, because you told me there literally wasn't one where I said there was. Yeah, true. A bad rave with expectations and no drugs. I don't know what the expectations part of it is. I think she has some really faulty expectations about what's going on at this Dave and Buster's.

Could be. Send her to Chuck E. Cheese down the road. No, there you'll find some expectations. And a real rave. Yeah, and lots of drugs. And lots of drugs! Have you seen those guys on stage performing? They don't even look like human beings.

One guy there I saw had $4,500 and quarters in his pocket. I thought you were going to mention 9-11. Yeah, I... yeah. Wasn't that our first episode? Zala had $4,500 in quarters in his pocket. I thought you were going to mention 9-11. Yeah. Wasn't that our first episode? Yeah, I re-listened to it recently. Yeah, there was a reason I brought that up, by the way, if you never listened to our first episode. My memory of 9-11 is watching an animatronic band,

which I guess relates. It was not at a Chuck E. Cheese. That would have made it even darker. Oh, it was at Jungle Jim's. It was at Jungle Jim's. I'm sorry. It was not at a Chuck E. Cheese. That would have made it even darker. Oh, it was at Jungle Gyms. It's at Jungle Gyms. I'm sorry. Yeah. Which I'm going to very soon.

Well, tell it I say hello. Will do. Okay. This next one is of a place called the Soda Parlor, where they have ice cream and like handcrafted sodas and arcade games. No arcade games. No arcade games. Oh, okay. Yes.

I don't know. I don't know. God damn it. Based on what you've given me so far. I would never do that. Oh, okay. Never do such a thing. One Star by Parker.

I ordered something and then took a drink. Then I looked down and there it was. The drink was? I'm about to tell and there it was. The drink was? I'm about to tell you what it was. Any guesses? A mouse. No, that would have been more reasonable. I ordered something and then took a drink.

Then I looked down and there it was. A big puddle of spit. Right there in my shake shake and let's not forget the huge pile of black hair in my shake and a few what okay something there's something missing here oh my god is this person paranoid? I looked down. It was all melted. Spit all in my drink.

I don't know how you would... And what kind of idiot would spit into it after it's done and serve it in a way that... You know, like, wouldn't they spit in it while making it? Create a whole puddle out of it. Yeah. And then also there was a pile of black hair. Yeah, that is... Which apparently he had forgot. Like, we had moved past the pile of black hair. Yeah, that is... Which apparently he had forgot.

Like, we had moved past the pile of hair already. Yeah. And then the spit was discovered and that was the last straw, not the hair. Let's not forget the huge pile of black hair. So there's a pile of black hair and a puddle of spit. Okay. Very, very descriptive. Yeah.

I love it. Okay, there is a response from owner. Good. Hey, Parker. Oh, here. Although I wasn't there to see said milkshake, it def didn't sound enjoyable. Well, observation of the decade. Already.

Already. Let me assess the situation. January 1st. Oh, yeah. The new decade. We're never going to top it. I should ask. Have you watched any VHS tapes recently?

Because no one on our staff has black hair. Or black hair that's falling out in such massive amounts to cause a pile or any reason to spit in a milkshake of yours. This sound like a demon girl that comes out of wells. Oh, God. Do you have one of those at your establishment? Are you not following the hilarious joke that O has presented to you? I assume he's talking about Samara or whatever. Yes, yep.

I seen the historic documentary called the ring maybe it was a specter with a grudge or a haunted milkshake from a soda parlor long forgotten I don't know but I checked the security feed and they were clean but we all know how hard it is to capture a ghost either way sorry for the unpleasant experience and we will gladly refund you if you email us but parker if you did watch that vhs tape you don't have long you must show the tape to another person immediately oh okay when was this written two years ago okay so not like 12 years ago the movie came out i love that it very much makes me want to go to that place i don't wow yeah i'm weirdly into that response i like how he like i assume this owner got high or something yes we're like oh i or something. Yes. I must be.

And we're like, oh, I've got something for you. It must be because the fact that, like, the second line was, have you watched a VHS tape recently? Yeah. It's like, what is that? I didn't get it right away. I didn't either. I was like, what?

I thought he meant, like, the security footage. Yeah, me too. I was like, God, VHS tape. All right. Anyway, so there's that. Well, I have one from HQ Beercade Nashville as well. Oh, fun. This is that barcade thing.

This is a one-star review by Jesse. Video games. End of review. Oh, oh. Jesse, get over yourself. Jesse is a hater. Obviously. jesse get over yourself jesse is a hater obviously does he just like is he one of those people that's like children are gonna love guns if they play video games well what's nice is since that all we know about jesse is this review yes we can say whatever we want oh i see about him so our assessments are accurate yep i love that that's how this works. Yep. Automatically the truth, no matter what we say.

Why do people even do this? I don't know. On the internet. What are you doing? At least it's a short one. It is short. You know, they didn't spend too much time being obnoxious and just throwing it out. They just threw it out there.

At least they didn't, like, write a freaking novel to tell people nothing like a lot of people do. That's true, I guess. Looking on the bright side. Yeah, thanks a lot. No problem. All right, I have one of Dave and Buster's, your favorite place. Oh, yeah. This is One Star by Happy J.

I ordered the steak, shrimp, and crab sauce pasta. My steak was cold, sent it back, and they just microwaved it. My girl ordered the chicken pineapple with broccoli and steamed rice. The broccoli was straight out the freezer, sent that back, and they brought it out so hot that fire was coming out of it. Got a discount and thought it was because our food was cold. Come to find out, they didn't give a fuck about serving us cold food. We got a discount because my it was for the wrong reasons. So I don't want it. Can you please take it back?

Oh, my God. Just what? I just love that the broccoli had fire coming out of it. I read that four times. Like, it was hot as fire? No, it literally says that it was so hot, fire was coming out of the broccoli. I don't think this guy knows what broccoli is. No.

No. He was looking at an oven. He was very confused. You expect me to eat that? No. Sorry, we don't expect you to eat that, actually. don't expect to eat that actually but thank you for trying all right and i've got one more okay this is of two bits another um barcade one one star review by mike quite possibly the worst food i've ever had Bologna sandwiches in jail are worth more. BLT literally had 1.5 pieces of bacon on it.

Crinkle fries? $11? Surely this is some joke and someone will be coming to give me my year of free food. A year of free food? What does that mean? He won the pch clearinghouse what the fuck surely someone will drink my doorbell yeah literally like thinks that the money you spend is worth a year of food but i see okay the eleven dollars yeah sure i mean he

he is in jail i think so eleven dollars probably could get you a year of bologna sandwiches probably someone will be coming to give me a year of free food that is actually edible from this place, right? If you've ever eaten here and gave it more than one star, then you work here or know the owner.

Or you just eat a lot of bologna sandwiches in jail. Either way, do not try this place. You've been warned. Places like this should be shut down for insubordination. Still can't figure out why sites won't let you give zero stars.

Insubordination? Maybe it's a prison guard. Right? There's no other sensical... This person's worldview is very much prison-focused. It's bizarre. Yeah, he thinks a lot about prison. Which, you know, I mean, just saying, just pointing it out. Just pointing it out.

What was the other thing? Oh, God, I was saying idiotic. You said it was all of it, but there was one in the middle. About if you've ever eaten here and give it more than one star you know the owner or um i think that um if you work there i just think people have a misconception that if you work there you're supposed to absolutely adore the place which i think the opposite really happens it does oftentimes i worked out of dave and buster's i don't think i would want to go there and rate it five stars on my day off. Exactly.

You know, unless like really they did give me a free of a year free food or something. And also, you know, as Happy J is a perfect example. They do know someone there and they still gave one star. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And that was but that was idiotic. And I wonder if that person's quote girls and girl's, end quote, friend or whatever. Parentheses fat.

Parentheses fat. Parentheses. What was the other one? Stripper scent. Parentheses stripper scent, yes. I wonder how they would feel. Maybe they'd be like, oh, you gave me one star for this? me one star for this there were a lot at dave and busters that i read that were white people accusing dave and busters of being racist yeah i did see that but saying that they weren't accusing

dave and busters they said not to pull the race card and then said they were white and i was like you're not pulling what are you doing yeah you're not pulling you're stealing a race card from someone else do not pass go go to jail and eat your bologna sandwich idiot i just got really god i just kind of got them good went blind then started yelling um there were some that were there was this guy that was like not to pull a race card but our server and it truly oh by the way this guy timed he said he times everything so he was like it take it took 28 minutes for my food to arrive it took 17 minutes for our drinks to arrive it's like parentheses don't worry i time everything here with the parentheses people but then he was like not to

pull the race card and i was like oh because sometimes that does not end well like if people literally are talking about real racism there's real racism that we've found. Yes. It's hard to believe. We went mining for it and we did find it. No. So he was like, not to pull the race card, but our server was African American and we were white. So I think that is why she didn't bring our food on time.

I was like, you are so fucking idiot. That's so dumb. Oh, God. People are such morons then this other one was like uh i think that this establishment didn't want us to be there because we were white and then he's like me and my 17 friends needed a table and i was like oh so that's not the reason they didn't give you a fucking table i saw another review dave and busters and it was like we had 15 people waiting and they told us that they couldn't accommodate

us all yes what is up with these like gigantic parties you're gonna just show up walk up with 15 people and expect them to be like oh yeah come on we have the 15 person table right here for you like what shudder i shudder at the thought oh a year's worth of free food just for you because you are white middle-aged men. Here's my final review, Alexander. This is of a Chuck E. Cheese. Why did I not even look up Chuck E. Cheese? I read at least 10 reviews

that mentioned Chuck E. Cheese. I'm glad you didn't because I read the ones on Google. Oh, good. There were a lot, a lot of reviews. Not surprising. but here's one i just i just picked one this is by pb that mouse can die in fire my son wanted mickey mouse and he screamed in fear because a fat short mouse came instead end of review whoa this is a real part like a real dad like this was not like a troll account yeah what do you wait wait wait oh i know what they expect

mickey mouse and what it was just like a disney day i mean i don't know if that exists but like we're going to disney world son it's in the strip mall yeah and then blame the freaking mouse for it oh the poor mouse god that's so sad what do you it's fucking chuck e cheese somebody wrote how can you go to chuck e cheese and not like know what to expect you know i don't know what you're thinking yeah what do you and also that like because the mouse literally should die in a fire because it looks the way it does like it didn't even do anything it just didn't look like mickey mouse and for that reason it should probably burn god um yeah there were a lot of reviews of chucky cheese a lot of them very questionable like i haven't been we god i don't know did we win a couple times when we were little but

i have good memories of it i was scared really scared of the mouse you were terrified i would hide under the table but it's not like my mom would be like oh my god this mouse is awful she literally brought her matches she literally brought matches and was like trying to light them on fire and i was like this isn't on this is an irrational response mother yeah uh yeah i don't know man yeah i was scared shitless that thing is scary i understand towering under the table. But guess what? I met Mickey Mouse once and I was terrified of him too. So I don't think it would have been much different.

Also... Never meet your heroes. Am I right? That's right. Mickey Mouse is definitely my hero. Some of the reviews were like, Chucky was there and he didn't even look like he wanted to be around the children. Nope.

Oh, wow. What a shock. Also, if he did look like he really wanted to be around the children, was like oh wow what a shock also if he did look like he really wanted to be around the children i think i'd be more nervous i'm not sure anyway true very true especially if it smells like i did read a scary dave and buster's review like that yeah where they accused the manager of being a pedophile it was intense so i didn't read it no no um yeah should we go ahead and go on with my challenge i'd like to know what happened so my challenge was from page find a negative review of a kitchen product where a person complains that the item

will not do something that it isn't advertised to do great so i was talking to ali and i was like what the hell do i do and she came up with the idea of looking up spice grinders oh because people will often use spice grinders for weed for marijuana yes i remember one time allison goforth gave blaze an herb grinder for weed and said this is for spices and blaze was like no it's not i think it's for it was a dragon ball z oh yeah weed grinder yeah and we were like i think this is but they add for on on amazon they often post them as herb or spice grinders. Sure, exactly. But some of them will mention weed in the description. This one, the Golden Bell Peace Spice Grinder, did not mention weed. Okay.

It says it's a stylish premium grinder at the best possible price. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so it's specifically for spices. Oregano. Or is it? Or is it? Well, here's what customer says. Uh-oh.

Title of the review is trash. One star. Worst grinder ever. The metal bends so easy, so if you drop it, have fun trying to bend it back to fit. The paint chips off from everything, so you'll be smoking chemicals. And the middle and bottom piece gets stuck. Mine has been stuck for three weeks. Nothing opens it.

So not only did I waste my money on this product, I wasted my herb in the grinder, since it's stuck. Just use your hands. This is not worth it. End of review. Use your hands? Yeah. So like crumble. End of review. Use your hands? Yeah. It's like crumble it in your fingers? Yes.

Seriously? I don't know. Or maybe, yeah, what the F? I don't know anything about the marijuana leaf. We would never know anything about the herb. I would say, though, it is... I love when people accuse a product of being faulty when they fucking drop it. Right?

Oh my god, I dropped it. It broke. It's a fucking lame product. It broke. And it's like, oh, I'm smoking chemicals. Then don't use it to grind something you're going to smoke, weirdo. I guess you'd be eating it otherwise, though, if you were using it. No, that's true. There were negative reviews about it from people who were spicing, grinding spices.

I wonder why this thing was painted. Yeah, that's questionable. Questionable indeed. Well, some of them, some I did see with symbols like from Dragon Ball, etc. What? Like there were other ones in Recommended that had things like Harry Potter logo and stuff. Here is a two-star review of the same product by Milton, titled Flimsy and Hard to Open. Oh no.

I am giving two stars because this thing was so damn hard to open, it made me sweat. When you tighten it, it is so hard to untighten and open, especially the bottom. And I'm no weakling. Okay, Milton. No one's questioning you here oh my god by the time you open it you won't even want to smoke it's okay end of review is it okay I don't think you're okay no Milton is not okay I don't even want to smoke because you're so sweaty it's so gross

Milton oh he has no he's no weakling he's pretty damn strong though he's pretty strong he can't open a little plastic container but that's okay it's okay it's okay my strategy for these reviews was to search in amazon kitchen products and just like read like go through a bunch of reviews and that sounds like oh it was it took hours uh super fulfilling day indeed it was not but um last time i did that when i was going through amazon reviews i ended up buying a bunch of shit remember that i did like pet products and i just ended up buying a bunch of products off amazon thankfully i managed to well the thing is though it's like reading all these one-star reviews definitely doesn't i was like reading these reviews and i'm like oh really does it oh that's that's pretty bad and it's like

something i'm not even interested in but i'm like oh okay good to know you're like writing your own one-star i won't buy this um so then i came upon this let me read the entire title it is quite long okay power licks milk frother handheldheld Battery Operated Electric Foam Maker for Coffee, Latte, Cappuccino, Hot Chocolate, Durable Drink Mixer with Stainless Steel Whisk, Stainless Steel Stand Include. Black. Whoa. So it's meant for coffee and coffee drinks. Frothing. For frothing milk.

Okay. And here's Trish's review. One star. Okay. I'm so curious titled too weak for protein powder wait no trish has this to say i don't drink coffee drinks bought it from all the positive reviews used it on my protein powder drinks but it's way too weak nothing compares to a vitamixer probably good for other drinks donated to my kitchen at work and no one seems to use it end of review at work it's like clogged with all your nasty protein gross right what's her name trish trish god damn it come on trish what do you do have you seen a milk frother guys it's like really little and it's like words

you literally just stick it in milk. The whole point is that it puts air in the milk, not like mixes up your protein powder. I read so many one-star reviews where people were like, yeah, I just started using this to mix my coffee with my milk. And I'm like, well, I guess if it works for you, fine. But it's literally not what the point is. No. fine but vitamin literally not what its point the point is no like they basically use it as a spoon that they don't have to turn which is like such a fucking waste i love it i like if you use it as a frother it makes sense because it's something that like you can't do with a spoon but all these

people were just using it as like an electric stirrer what do they do what why okay i don't know i i it's like buying a straw being like this doesn't work nearly as good as my dyson it's like to pick up dirt it's like this is not you can't compare a milk frother to your vitamix no that's literally that's so dumb also if you have a vitamix why are you buying a milk frother like if you already have the best fucking blenderamix, why are you buying a milk frother? It's so dumb. Like, if you already have the best fucking blender on the market, why are you buying? They're like, let's see if this is a handheld blender. It's like, no, it's not.

They even sell handheld blenders. That's so fucking crazy. That's funny to me. I like that very much. So now I have a couple, two more, and they are not of kitchen products. Okay. Oh, so you did follow the instructions unknowingly. Unknowingly.

I found these because I'm like, I'm so desperate for reviews. Sorry. That's okay. No, it was fun to search through, kind of. You seem really convincing. I did like the ones I found, at least. Okay. So here's a review of 100% organic muslin swaddle blanket by Addison Bell,

oversized 47 inches by 47 inches. Best baby shower gift. Premium receiving blanket. Parentheses cactus print. Parentheses fat. Parentheses stripper scent. Definitely stripper scent on this one. I like cactus print.

That's the most uplifting parenthesis so far. Yes. Agreed. Well, here's what Ryan has to say about it, though. It's a one-star review titled, Not Worth Your Money, Scratchy, Scratchy, Scratchy. I'm really disappointed in the quality of this blanket, especially for the price. Even after the first few washes, it's extremely scratchy. It's too scratchy to swaddle my baby. I tried using it as a burp cloth because nothing else

was handy at the time. My little one's face broke out within an hour. I'm so annoyed. There's no way you could use this as anything more than a car seat cover. I'm hoping if I continue to wash it, it will soften. I'd recommend organic bamboo instead. This is the first cotton muslin blanket I've bought, and I won't do it again. You can find better quality muslin for better prices. Just keep looking and forget about this product.

End of review. I know it wasn't meant for this person, but I put my baby's face on it. And the face broke out. What the heck? Just like, what do you mean a burp cloth? You put your head through it like a hole and like a poncho and use it as a burping cloth? Yep. Isn't this a blanket?

It's a blanket. Oh my God. It's a blanket. Just like put it over your head and use it as a baby burp cloth yep isn't this a blanket it's a blanket oh my god it's a blanket yeah just like put over your head and use as a baby burp cloth there was something else i was gonna say damn it i keep forgetting oh what it was really interesting alexander oh i know what it was it was a hilarious joke tell me when you said it was really scratchy. Yeah.

Yeah, I was going to say, well, it is made of cacti. It's good, right? Nope. My next review is of Johnson's Baby Oil Creamy Aloe and Vitamin E, 8 fluid ounces. Yum. What on earth are you using this for, person? Amazon customer. this is written by mm no mm is the name no yeah just two lowercase m's my mouth is full of this baby cream i can't

write a review not for not for them for their baby stop three star review but it's it is critical titled terrible mosquito bites after being Outside for One and a Half Hours. Bought as a bug repellent, parentheses, which it's not advertised to be, so maybe it's unfair to hold it against the product, end parentheses. What are you talking, oh my god, bought this as a moving vehicle,

and it doesn't seem to work very well. I don't know if this is an unfair standard. When I found this, I was so excited. I'm like, this is like as a as a moving vehicle and it doesn't seem to work very well i don't know if this is an unfair standard when i found this i was so excited i'm like this is perfect and then i listened to what the challenge was again i'm like fuck it's not a kitchen product i'm like i cannot i know this is not used to repel mosquitoes but that's why i purchased it ready ready for the rest no so bought as a bug repellent skipping the parentheses and it did not repel mosquitoes at all my baby was covered in over a dozen huge terrible mosquito bites after being outside for one and a half hours so sad it didn't work as a repellent end of review what 11 people found it helpful what what is going on what's the product can you tell me johnson's baby oil creamy aloe and vitamin e what in that title suggests

that bugs won't fucking love it i don't know i don't know it's oil like the bugs are probably gonna be all over that shit juicy baby juicy baby And you let your baby out for one and a half hours before being like, you know what? This is enough. Maybe a dozen is enough bug bites for today. If we hit 12 bug bites, we'll go inside. I know we're like sitting on this swamp covered in oil waiting for mosquitoes to not come near us. Oh, and then that like that wrinkly log floats by. It's Christina.

It's me. Nice tan skin. Write a by. It's Christina. It's Panskin. Write a review. We need it. Stop putting strange products on your baby because you think it repels bugs. How fucking wild are people? What would possess... And that poor baby's now covered in fucking mosquito bites.

They sell... They sell that. You can find something I'm sure that's nice and natural for your baby anything amazon just look for it just be better for your child be be better people better be better just glad they didn't feed it to i thought we were gonna go that route because it said and i was, this can't be good. Use the baby oil to cook for my baby. Oh, no. Ah!

Gross. Very gross. I'm so angry. Yeah. Like, this is why people can't win. This is why nobody can win. This is why, I mean, people... Ugh.

I'm angry. People suck. Is that the last one yep i'm out i'm done tapping out page i hope i hope you were happy with that page man oh man tell you there's no hope left no going to 2020 starting really good start not strong at all good start um i wish everybody well i wish dave and buster as well it seems like they're really struggling yeah they're having a hard time yep their reviews on yelp were pretty fucking terrible yeah and um i wish them all the best in this new decade they dave and buster's date both dave and b appreciate it. You think? Yeah, they do. I can tell. I can feel it. Guess what?

What? I didn't pick a theme. Hold on. Okay. I picked a theme. It is resorts in Charleston, South Carolina. Cool. Because we have not been to South Carolina.

And after that, we only have two states left that we haven't been to. Mississippi and New Hampshire. Yay. Okay. Is that really it? Man. I'm pretty sure because that's at least, yeah, if we're on 58 and we've done a couple of repeats, I think that makes sense. That makes sense.

But I feel like there's got to be one we're missing and someone's, or some group of people are going to be very angry. But a lot of people will be like, you've never covered New York City. And we're like, we have. Or we've never covered Cincinnati. And we're like, we have. So I think a lot of people will say that anyway. You know what? You're not wrong.

Yeah, I'm usually not. But yeah, if you guys can think of one that we actually really seriously have not done, let us know. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure we have covered 48 out of the 50 that's crazy are we doing a dc one did we do a dc we did do dc oh okay so we did um post offices oh that's right yes we did do that you're right that's crazy exciting guys i know man most of 50 states gone over a year so it took us long enough good point okay um what's my challenge your challenge comes from rebecca thank you rebecca no no thank you rebecca well rebecca is a fairly new listener been listening for a couple weeks a couple weeks ago so like a month

i bet she doesn't think we did new york yet um what nothing i'm just yelling at rebecca oh yeah rebecca said i can't believe you haven't done new york city cincinnati oh my god i was like i told you or la damn it or nashville or nashville i don't think we have done nashville uh we're aware we did it twice okay that's true yeah just so you guys know, we're not crazy. That's true. So Rebecca absolutely loves this podcast. Thank you, Rebecca. I thought of a challenge. So here we go.

Find a review where a person knowingly eats something that they are allergic to. Idiot. Don't do that. Don't do that. So bad for your tum-tum. Thank you. PSA of the week, everyone. PSA of the decade.

I think we've already hit all the stops. Let's go to 2030. I think we're good. We've gotten enough wisdom packed into one decade. We've got to just cancel this show. It's all over. All right. I will do that then.

Okay. Begrudgingly. Begrudgingly make Rebecca proud. Thank you, everyone, for listening. We look forward toudgingly make Rebecca proud. Thank you everyone for listening. We look forward to a whole decade of this crap. Do you? Probably not. Don't answer that.

Bye. Okay, bye. Parentheses. Fat. Bye.