Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 59: Resorts in Charleston, SC

Episode Date: January 8, 2020

We have some actual exciting news this episode, so listen up! Then listen to us read some ridiculous reviews written by both real and not so real people. I'm too sick/seeping too much to think of funny things to write, so just try to enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. you do it okay i don't know well yeah because i'm gonna get in trouble is that why what because i'm gonna get in trouble for my announcement oh i thought you meant you do i was you do the intro i don't want to talk much this episode alzuner is sick and he has a fucking neck pillow strapped on himself it's it keeps my head up um i'm so sorry about that everybody i do have an

announcement that we're not sure if we're allowed to tell you but we're going to tell you anyway which is very exciting and we have been sitting on this news for a long time and we did tell our patrons so if you are a patron you have already found out about this at least the ones that show up to our live stream and watch them that's true um we are doing our first ever beach you sandy live show can you believe it we can't nope uh it is going to be in new york in january which is now surprise surprise so um we don't expect like droves of people obviously but if you are in the area um it will be uh january 23rd i believe at 8 p.m 5 30 p.m and um i think i was you know in pacific time you'll figure it out eight five whatever 5 30 p.m and we have not created like the event page or tickets yet so sit tight yeah don't panic don't panic okay but we are

going to do a live show the the um format is all set we're really excited it's gonna be really fun can't wait hopefully see some of you there oh and there's a meet and greet fun thing. Oh, yeah. A little mingle sesh. A little mingling action. So if you want to mingle with us, now's your time. Yeah. And when I say now, I mean January 23rd.

Yeah. Be there. At either 530 or 8. Be there, please. I still might be sick. We'll see. You're not going to be sick. I feel like I'm going to be sick forever.

Okay. Well, by then then i'll probably be fucking sick that's true good luck this week you want me to keep going yeah please this is a beach juice only water to a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion um i'm christine and that is alexander hi he's very sick uh by very sick i mean i think he's like all right but like he's not dying i don't think but he might think he is um also today's theme is resorts in charleston south carolina correct not charlotte north carolina which i looked at first because i'm like there aren't any here why what

am i doing i kept getting it confused too there's charlotte charleston there's charleston west virginia uh yeah you gave me a challenge um and that was please remind me uh that was to find a review where a person knowingly eats something they're allergic to oh yeah that's a good one yay so that's that that's that well can't wait i like how you show up you're like like, you talk, and then you're like, I have 10 reviews to share. I do. I went a little crazy. Okay. But I'll just get started. All right.

This first one is of Charleston Harbor Resort and Marina. My first one's by them, too. My first maybe six are. Oh, perfect. This is by Allison. This is all caps, so I'm going to do my best to express that without killing my like throat expire by the end of this very dirty yucky hotel and management does not care about repeat business in fact we were told all they could do was refund the resort fee after we told them about the horrible condition of our room do not stay at this quote motel unless you want to pay luxury hotel prices for third-world-feeling accommodations.

End of review. Whoa. Too far, Allison. Too far. There were a lot of people who tried to excuse their, they were like, well, I just had a nice chat with the person at the front desk, and then they called the police on me. I'm always like, was it a nice chat? Were you threatening them that they were third-world accommodations, perhaps?

Just a couple blows were thrown, and then now the police police are here i just brought my taser just to show them what is this the third world i've never been to the third world but i hear the resort fees are outrageous okay so my first one is also of the beach club at charleston harbor resort and marina and this one is by zoe zoe gave one star the rooms looked nice and were very colorful based on the price i was expecting so much more than what we got i found an erectile dysfunction pill in my bed there were a couple where i kept them because i was like oh shit third world am i right yeah i found an erectile dysfunction pill in my bed and i am a female so it definitely wasn't mine

this was absolutely revolting and proved that the bed hadn't been made my family wasn't able to check in until two hours after we were supposed to the cornbread was very good. I love those where they end with something positive and yet like completely off the path of where they were going. The least relevant news that I could ask for about what a hotel is like. But that must be really good cornbread. Now I really need to know about this corn. But finding an erectile. That's pretty bad.

Can you imagine? Well, either you know what it is automatically or you like google it because i have like the little number on it yeah and like you're holding it and you're like oh god yuck anyway what just the fact of finding that in your bed means like somebody was in your bed using that yeah and they never cleaned it well that's pretty bad it's pretty bad well let's hear what else people have to say about the Charleston Harbor resort. Marina. One.

This is a one star review by Noel. The rooms are really nice. In my opinion, I stayed at the harbor side. I chose a room with the Harbor view, which did have a nice view of the Harbor. My main complaint is that the walls of the rooms are paper thin. As I sit here writing this,

I can hear my neighbor cough and clear his throat. I could hear the lady across the hall from me last night talking. Not really the experience I want when I come to a resort to relax. And then there's an edit. Oh god, okay. Night two. This is actually how The Shining was written. Stephen King was just so horrified by the coughing next door. Night two. This is the noisiest hotel I've ever stayed at. Doors slamming constantly. The sounds of people dropping heavy things, despite the fact I'm on the top floor. We'll definitely not be staying here again. End of review. I think there's a ghost or something. I think she needs to take a nap. Something's up.

I just... Like, people are coughing and dropping things. She left her sleeping pill in that other person's bed. Oh, no. She's forever on the hunt for her sleeping pill. Her lost sleeping pill. That... Night two. I mean, pill. That night too.

I mean, really, like this is just so dramatic. Okay. Let's see. Now my next one actually moved away from that third world establishment. And I went to Palms Vacation Rentals. This one's a doozy. So just buckle up. This is one-star review by jonathan by far the worst experience i have ever had at any rental property the owner of this company

is satan spawn herself she and her employees are the rudest people i've ever encountered she entered house without notice or warning while my brother was in the shower upstairs and she was walking around in the house. I have rented many houses in my life and never experienced anything like this. Disgusting walls, numerous nails and staples sticking out carpet that would stab your foot. Elevator was very sketchy. The patio was gross and grills do not work so don't expect to enjoy a nice cookout the box springs on the beds were too small for the mattress leaving holes for the kids to get trapped in end of review wait so the owner walked in and like to the bathroom or just to the house well she heard there was a 911 call someone stuck in a box no um apparently the okay so here's what happened all there were three people who wrote

very similar review all obviously in the same party um one wrote that their aunt had had an aneurysm and this owner of the company came barging into the house and it ruined their like family's grieving the other one said it was her wedding and the owner of the company came barging into the house and it ruined their like family's grieving. The other one said it was her wedding and the owner of the house barged in and like ruined her wedding. Like it was really bizarre. God, what is this? This is a saga. I know.

So they used either an aneurysm or a wedding as an excuse. And this is, let me just say, so that's what I discovered. Then there's a response from the owner that she copied and pasted onto every single one of these reviews. Per our contract, you must be 25 years of age to book and check into our properties. The mother, primary renter, called two hours before arrival to inform us of a medical emergency, and we encouraged her to file with travel insurance, which would have given her a full refund. She stated she did not want to file with travel insurance because her young 21, 23, and 24 year olds still wanted to come. We do not normally allow this, but because of the family's medical

emergency, we made an exception with the guarantee that the 27 year old daughter would arrive the next morning to vouch for the underage guests. We made an agreement with the mother that we would come to the house the next morning to meet with the 27 year old but she was not there the only reason the police were mentioned was because of threats coming from the 23 year old oh my god and lack of cooperation upon inspection before arrival the house was in great condition and at no point did anyone call to report issues and the elevator is regularly maintained and in working condition we are very sorry for your family's loss oh my god it was just like a shit show because every single one of them was like i cut some stuff out because

like the hot tub was broken and she's like you guys broke the hot tub we found the piece like in the fucking house like everything that they were complaining about and then the guy who's saying i've i've rented so many houses in my lifetime i'm like you're either 21 23 that's a 23 year old i feel it and she's like nobody barged in we rang the doorbell like three times oh my god what a while anyway i just love about how the box springs trap small children and like there were yeah by the way there were no small children you're not supposed to even have children there or people under 25 that are unsupervised. As far as I know, there were no children. I mean, there were these three, but you know.

Yeah, well, got them. And my next one is of the same place, Charleston Harbor Resort and Marina. One star by Doug. Nasty, dirty, and chaotic. They will slip a charge in anywhere they can. Parking, 25% auto gratuity on food and beverages. Poor will slip a charge in anywhere they can. Parking? 25% auto-gratuity on food and beverages? Poor service and poor food.

I had a fly in my mouth from coffee. Seriously. A big, black, mushy fly in my mouth. Don't waste your time here. This place is gross. Oh my god, I'm gonna fucking throw up. Okay the the idea that you would

that it would linger long enough for you to know just how mushy and big it was is horrifying the description just got it's like they're chewing it as they're writing this review oh yeah it's big yep uh-huh oh it's black i give it two stars. That's mushy. Two stars for presentation. Whoa. Three stars for texture. It's fucking gross. And like, if you're drinking coffee, it's not like you think, oh, that could be a raisin. You know?

Like, you know that that's- What if it's a coffee bean? It could be a coffee bean. A very mushy coffee bean. And well, if it's been sitting in the coffee somehow, it's probably a coffee bean. It's gross. Let's pretend it's a coffee bean. It's probably a coffee bean. It's gross. Let's pretend it's a coffee bean. All right. My review?

Yeah. So, you know this place I just was talking about, Palms Vacation? Yes. So, their whole Yelp page is just a shit show of like, they had a lot of, let's just say there are a lot of problems. It's also a timeshare company. So, there are all sorts of issues with that. And then, let's just say this review was

under not recommended um i found several under not recommended that as you'll see are very much real people who most definitely stayed at this resort and had great things to say this is a five-star review oh these are redemptions sort of this is a five-star review. Oh, these are redemptions, sort of. This is a five-star review by Michael. This is under not recommended, no pro-fuel pick, and this is his only review. Five stars. First off, I am a real person. I'm convinced already, Michael. Thank God you told me, because you never know. I was questioning it when I heard your name was Michael.

Now I'm not at all. First off, I am a real person. I am from Charlotte and just stayed at an exclusive properties property this weekend. Like most people, I generally don't write a review unless I am pissed off. But in this case, it is just the opposite. I am happy. I won't go into details, but I give exclusive properties high marks in every single category. The place looks just like it does in the pictures.

The place was just wonderful down to every single small detail. Sandy, the manager, is someone who obviously takes a lot of pride in her job, and it is because of my many positive dealings with her that prompted me to write this great review. End of review. Oh, no. Sandy, stop writing reviews on your fake profile please we get it yeah he's looking looking for a raise or something from the higher ups did anyone read the yelp page lately um there's one other five-star review i'm

just gonna read the first line uh it's also under not recommended it began by michael written by i think this one was shandy no i'm just kidding she ran out of fake names i don't actually know the name of the person who wrote this but the review began with no one asked me to write this review exclamation point and then about how pretty much the exact same review about how every single detail was exactly as advertised jesus anyway so that's that this place is just kind of a mess one of those yep one of those well it's good to hear that yelp not recommended reviews is working it does seem to work sometimes working as intended okay i have one last one from charleston harbor resort marina

this is by ender one out of five stars i would not recommend this place to anyone except my worst enemy end of review we've never i think we've never had that before that's a new one they would always say they wouldn't even recommend it to my worst enemy but this person actually would recommend it to their worst enemy so like actually let me think about that for a minute who's my worst how much do i really hate tom though i would love to picture tom sitting in that hotel eating a mushy fly that's i love fucking a it's like there's no details but just like just know that if i think tom should go there like that means something yeah that's saying a lot saying a lot all right my turn yep this is um a review of the mills house windham grand hotel and this is kind of one where i'm gonna need your opinion afterward happily based on a photo

okay so this is by bs which listen i don't even want to go there. But it's a one-star review. And her subject, so she wrote a subject for her own Yelp review, which is interesting. I noticed a couple people did this. I don't see those too often. So the subject, every word is capitalized. Mattress not so grand at Mills House Wyndham Grand Hotel. Clever, clever. Claps, snaps.

No. The word grand should precede the word canyon in regards to our mattress depressions at this alleged four-star hotel. Perhaps the mattress is an original from this former Holiday Inn. The lobby is impressive, and upon check-in, we were met by a very friendly and accommodating staff. All except for a manager, who, upon seeing an iPhone shot of our sad bed, as I quickly returned to the front desk, replied to my lament with,

Some people don't care about the beds. Quite frankly, I can sleep on anything, even a sofa. Spoken like a true amateur in the hospitality industry. A comfortable bed should be the cornerstone of reputable lodging. Run, don't walk, to the nearest reservations desk at dozens of other available choices in beautiful Charleston, South Carolina. Unless you can sleep anywhere, even on a sofa. And now she posted a photo and it's clearly like after

someone had laid in the bed but like i don't think it's that i'm gonna send it to you not that grand i don't think it's like a grand canyon like i mean i see that there's like an indent but like it looks like someone has been laying there unless i'm like really maybe looking at it wrong it literally looks like a bed right like i Like I don't think it's. Maybe it's the angle of the photo that they took, but it does not look like anything crazy. It looks like someone just got out of bed. And there's a photo of a wrinkled up bed. And I was scrolling and I just saw the tops of pillows and I was reading this review and I was like, I cannot wait to see this fucking canyon.

Like maybe a child stuck in the bottom of the spring. I don't know what to expect. And then I scrolled. But it wasn't that, right? It wasn't that. It just looks like a fucking bed. Anyway bottom of the spring. I don't know what to expect. And then I scrolled. But it wasn't that, right? It wasn't that. It just looks like a fucking bed. Anyway. Oh, weird.

Yeah. Like if you're not finding like pills and springs in your bed, like come on. Yeah, why are you even complaining? Stop complaining. My next one is of Tides Folly Beach. And I have someone who's just as clever as that person. Oh, impossible. I dare you.

Oh, just listen up. This is Scott with a one-star review. Tried for 30 minutes to call for reservations only to get no answer and two times they pick up and hang up.

Here's some advice, Tides. You need to tidy up your service when people are trying to call for questions. I'll be staying somewhere else. You just lost a $4,300 paying customer.

End of review. First of all, you win. Thank you. You're right. You found someone way cleverer than actually anyone I've ever met, to be truthful. Impressive, huh? $4,300. Is that not the same amount of the guy who threatened to leave that bar last week?

The Dave and Buster's? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think so. I think this guy's traveling. Who said he four thousand three hundred dollars in quarters yeah not really but that's how he understood it he just yeah this guy probably whipped out his bag of quarters and was like why won't you accept my money just kept hanging up oh my god what a crazy i love when they're like you won't be having all of this money of mine.

I know. It's like, other people are staying at hotels. Yeah, don't worry. They'll fill your room. Don't worry. Okay, so my next one, I actually wrote a reminder above it that says, I'm on her side. Okay. But still wanted to share.

Because, well, I'm on her side partially. It's just one of the wildest things i've ever read so i'm just gonna read to you and you can choose for yourself okay i can't wait to pick sides choose your own adventure this is by ann it's a two-star review of that same place the mills house windham i booked the mills for a 40th birthday getaway with five friends who rarely see each other due to work and kids we chose chose this hotel for the location, the star rating, and the outdoor pool. Our plan was to sightsee in the morning and in the afternoon dip in the pool and have a few cocktails before dinner. Both Friday and Saturday, the Courtyard and Barbados

Room were closed for a private event, so we didn't have access to either. Instead, we were directed to the Best Friends Lounge, BFL, if we wanted drinks bfl is small dark and serviced by a curmudgeon of a bartender named chris our first night my friend asked for three glasses of water and three cocktails chris put three empty glasses next to a pitcher of ice chris put three empty glasses next to a pitcher of ice water sitting on the bar and walked away my friend thought the glasses were for the water so he started to pour it and chris returned and rudely yelled what are you doing those were for the drinks he tossed the water out of the glasses. Saturday. Chris is just my friend.

Saturday late afternoon, the rest of our group arrived and we met them in the courtyard for a welcome drink. We were told we couldn't order another drink there due to a private event they were setting up for the Barbados room and directed us to the BFL again. Ugh. Oh. Ugh. What? What? Huh? Not relate to us. Like, Bud Light sucks. Or, everyone hates Catholics. What?

Huh? Is what she wrote. It was really weird. He obviously hates his job and serving others. I think the problem goes deeper than that, my friend. Yeah, I think so. At this point, we wanted to enjoy the warmth and pool, so we asked the host of the Barbados room if we could order food and drink at the pool. She told us there was no poolside service up there, but she would send someone up to take our order.

A guy in a sling came up with a pad of paper and yelled to all of the patrons of the pool, They sent me up here to take an order! Who's ordering? So my friend spoke up and asked if he had a menu. He didn't. Ordering! So my friend spoke up and asked if he had a menu. He didn't. She described an item she saw on the menu earlier, but he did not know the sandwich she was describing.

He seemed incredibly annoyed and told her he was just sent up here. He didn't know what was on the menu. He doesn't work this side of the house. So he took her order from her memory of the menu. This is so bizarre. What is this? Twilight Zone place. In our drinks order, she apologized and tried to make a joke and said, We're just a few old ladies who are hot and trying to get a drink.

His response was, Well, look at me. I'm in this black shirt. I'm hot, too. He came back up about five minutes later, yelling to the whole pool, They won't do it! They won't do it! And making a cut motion to his throat. What?

It was really embarrassing. He told us we had to go down to the BFL and basically... Which right now I'm picturing is like a dungeon where Chris is like a fucking troll from Harry Potter. He told us we had to go down to the BFL and basically place a to-go order. Like, why the heck is this so difficult? Ordered food and drink at BFL, which was two floors down. Went back down after 10 minutes to get my to-go wrapped in a to-go box. Crackers were so old that they tasted like the chemistry of the ingredients had changed the flavor. I know this is long, but just saying bartender was rude is not helpful to anyone. End of review.

I actually agree. I know, I was like, this is actually the most beneficial review I've ever read. That's actually helpful. Wowza. Anyway, I just like couldn't understand what was... What the heck? I don't, I still, yeah, I don't understand what the hell just happened there. Something's in the water.

Something's in the water. It's a fly and it's really mushy changing the chemicals bud light sucks like what the fuck oh man okay i have another one of tide's folly beach by jennifer one star was a glorified super eight location is nice but didn't even have vending machines. Said they were not making enough money off of them. End of review. Who? She gave a resort a one star because they didn't have vending machines.

I saw another one star about vending machines, but it was... They had no food on the entire premises. The vending machine was only half full. And it was all off-brand snacks, which actually kind of made me laugh. That's funny. Oh, my God. Come on. Come on, people.

Come on. You didn't pay to be... Like, most people are like, I paid this money. I deserve all this stuff. And this person's like, I paid all this money. I deserve a vending machine. I deserve to pay for more stuff. Ay, ay, ay. So that was actually my last one oh shit because it was like three pages of reviews

because they were so freaking long okay i've got a few more i'm sorry now this is your time to shine oh no i i i need a i need a break do you need a spritz i need a tea sip oh careful don't break yourself this is a review of tides folly beach by levy i said levi it's levi wait what i can't read names what did you say levy l-e-v-i i didn't even notice everything's like blurry okay wasn't levi like raised from the dead or something no that was lazarus like the genes i don't know well they didn't make a comeback i will say according to my teenage mom jeans are in they're cool again all right so this is a review by levi of tides folly beach one star pet resort wet sandy smelly dogs you know are seeping on these beds and relieving themselves on the carpeted rooms i was completely

disgusted upon this discovery and was ready to leave still feel disgusted for my children playing on the floor and sleeping where dogs sleep absolutely disgusted end of review i have to plug i know that was bad huh someone doesn't like dogs i'm sorry seeping i think they meant sleeping but i like the word i think they meant seeping you did my children were seeping on the beds they seeped all over what is happening i don't know if you're apparently that that resort allows dogs and they found out and they flipped their shit i just um like okay like i get it if you get there and you're like this is nasty but if you're like my kids have just been playing on the floor all day a day later they're like

oh my god there were dogs in this room at some point in history potentially yeah i'm distraught watching your kids play on the floor and you're like or the next whatever you're like i feel so bad for them you're just watching them like i feel so, you're like, I feel so bad for them. You're just watching them like, I feel so bad. They're in like puddles of urine down there. Like, what? Exactly. Whatever. He'll probably let them play outside.

What? Like, I don't know. No, he probably doesn't. Probably not. You're right, Levi. I need to blow my nose. Oh, God. Oh, no.

I'm seeping. Ew! This neck pillow is amazing. I should do this more often. You really haven't taken it off since it arrived on your Amazon box. Yeah. Gotta break it in. I'm pretty sure there are times that you have worn a neck pillow while we recorded.

Potentially. I'm pretty sure this is not the first time. That could be. Oh, weird. Well, I should do it more often. Weird is right. I don't know why it took me so long to do it again. I don't either.

Okay, here's another one of Tides Folly Beach. I think my last one from there. Okay. One star by Nancy. I hope most of the patrons that stayed at the Tides submitted a refund on credit card. If I had stayed there and experienced all that has been written in these reviews, I would expect more than 50% refund. End of review. What the F? You're just like yelp shaming everyone yeah nancy just showed up gave the place a one star proceeded to say they didn't stay there but would have asked for 50 if all of these people literally said people's stories were true she'd never stay

there and also if she did stay there i mean nancy this is like i mean this is a step below the people who are like my friend stayed here and this terrible thing happened this is like she's like all these strangers are having terrible times like doing our job like where we read these negative reviews and being like as if we would read these and be like wow let's leave one ourselves yeah you know what and i have done that but it was only when they were abusing animals yeah not about also if someone left a review like i had a terrible time i'm not like what the hell is the matter with you call american express idiot yeah what it is literally that yelp shaming like stop She's just, like, on her weird throne of, like... That's so funny. I don't know. Nancy.

Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Nancy. Okay, so this is my final review. This is of Kiowa Island Golf Resort by Andrea One Star. Okay. It's a trip.

I arrived in my very expensive room at around 10.30 p.m. in my very expensive room at around 10.30pm to discover that this resort, which boasts of at least 12 different restaurants, does not provide any kind of room service. I called the front desk just to be sure, and they suggested I drive off the island and go elsewhere, as all of their restaurants were closed. I explained that I had taken an Uber to the resort, as their reservations desk person had suggested. Whereupon we both came to the conclusion that I was shit out of luck. Then, upon unpacking, I came across roaches in my top floor room. The front desk assured me they were palmetto bugs. Uh, no.

I've lived in North Carolina and know the difference between palmetto bugs uh no i've lived in north carolina and know the difference between palmetto bugs and roaches and these were roaches i cut one in half on the back what i just got like full spotty fucking spine chills what in the world it's not done i put one in my coffee and then left it on the table. Someone drank it. I cut one in half and the back half kept crawling while the front half's antenna kept swirling around. Creepy. Alexander, I am not okay. I can't continue.

I can't go on. I can't go on. I'm Lazarus. Take me out. Don't revive me. Creepy. Smooth move, Xlax. I'm afraid to turn the lights out or close my eyes. This is the most ghetto resort I've ever been to. Totally overpriced and don't recommend at all.

Plus, they put me on the top floor. No elevator and I have a bad hip. Some vacation. I can't wait to just get this over with and go home. Oh, and the TV in the bedroom doesn't work. End of review. I am horrified. I'm picturing this woman on the-

No wonder she's a bad hip. She's on the ground cutting up bugs. Right? How gross is that? So disgusting. Why would you do that? What are you trying to prove? Like, it's not like she said, and that proves it's a cockroach.

Exactly. She just is like, look what happened. I don't know. It's back half-ca- Uggs in her. What in the goddamn world? This is probably the most crazy person we've ever encountered. I think so. Because everything seemed so like, eh, okay, complaining.

Anyway, then I cut it in half and half of its body parts were moving. Right. The TV also didn't work. What? I love that ending. It's just so nonchalant. The cornbread was great. Can you imagine though, like the person, it's like the other lady next door who was like,

I could hear the guy coughing next door. The lady across the hall was fucking cutting. Cutting bugs. What the frick? Does everyone else think this is psychotic or am i just like oh no it's it's too much i mean it's nuts right like it's way too much you're obviously okay with roaches enough to touch them and cut them in half so like i mean well she knows why are you complaining she lived in north carolina i don't know i mean clearly i pinned them to the wall for the cleaning staff to find.

What if she has one of those butterfly boards, but it's just fucking cockroaches? Like a million cockroaches. And brings it to the front desk. These are not palmetto bugs. I was looking for palmetto bugs for my collection. You lied to me. Specifically only the bottom half for some

reason. Oh god, I'm so grossed out. Also, don't fucking kill bugs just because you feel so inclined okay god thank you who's this lazarus lazarus uh no lazarus's wife andrea andrea chill find a new hobby god i'm so horrified by this okay it's bad is that it that's all I have. Oh, my God. Well, it's time for my challenge, which now I hate because it's about eating things. And I just, like, feel so revolted at this point.

Oh, that was bad. Okay. That was bad. So, the challenge I gave you was from Rebecca. And Rebecca suggested that you try to find reviews where someone knowingly ate something that they're allergic to. Yes, and I enjoyed this one. This one was fun. I was cackling long into the night as Blaze attempted to sleep beside me. So I found a couple here. I think I have three or four.

beside me so i found a couple here i think i have three or four um the first one is at a restaurant uh called hoolahan's fort worth texas and misty left a one-star review also titled this one um despite no need for a title which just seems to be a new a new trend yeah what's happening in the it's called my experience which doesn't really add much. A memoir. Day two. My Experience. My Experience last Saturday was a horrible one. I know everyone has their bad days, and places like this get busy.

However, our waitress was rude, and it took one hour and 47 minutes to get a salad and a cheeseburger. When it was brought to us, I noticed there was mayo on the burger. I am allergic to eggs, so mayo is a no-go for me. I was not responsible and hadn't read what was on the burger. It was on the menu.

It said mayonnaise on the menu, by the way, just to clarify. I was not responsible and hadn't read what was on the burger but i did tell her to put everything on the sign i told her i am allergic to mayo and she took it back a manager came over and drilled me yes drilled me about why am i allergic to mayo i was so stunned at the fact that i would be asked why am I allergic to mayo or what ingredient am I allergic to? First of all, the only way to absolutely prove it to you was to eat the mayo and let her see what happens.

Second, she should have never came up to me and drilled me about that. Regardless, the manager should never came to me questioning what I told the waitress. Just fix a new patty. When I got another burger i was very suspicious but i ate it anyway i ended up in the emergency room that night oh my god i had looked at the word ate it anyway allergic oh no and that's what came out i ended up in the er that night because i had an allergic reaction to the mayo. Yes, well, that part I think we've already figured out.

Thank you, Misty. It was an allergic reaction to the mayo. Needless to say, I will never go back to this location due to the absolutely rude staff. The only great thing that came of that night was the great seashell cocktail and the band. What in the world? Wait, okay. cocktail and the band what in the world wait okay so let me just say if if the manager's coming over to ask you why you're allergic to mayo to me i think oh what part of mayo so is it are you allergic to egg because exactly they probably cook things other things with egg thank you because i

was like there's no way the prison's just like why why? Why are you allergic to this? It's like, that's not. It's probably a freaking health hazard when you're telling them, oh, I'm allergic to mayo. And they're like, well, shit. If they're ordering a burger, the buns often have eggs. Exactly. Contamination. Also, if you're like, it's different if you're intolerant or if you're super allergic. Yes. Or hyper.

I'm making these up. X, they're super allergic. Yeah hyper i'm making these up extra super allergic yeah ultimate allergic last anti-lazarus which means you'll never be oh no that's the worst yikes anyway so i just was like my favorite line is i was very suspicious but i ate it anyway ali and i so i've been vegan since november um oh yeah i don't think we've talked about it on the podcast it doesn't matter so um i ali and i were in the uh louisville airport and we like sat down at play because like we asked the one woman at the front of this one pizza place and we're like do you use uh any dairy or egg in your pizza dough?

And she was like, no. And we were like, okay, great. We sat down, we ordered, we asked the waitress again. We said, do you use any? Because we weren't like, I don't know, we were just worried that maybe they actually did. She was like, oh, let me ask the manager. And she came back and was like, yes, we do. And I was like, oh my God, we literally just asked someone

and they said the wrong thing. Yeah, and it's like one thing if you're like if that's that's our dietary thing but like you're right true like if you're literally going to have an anaphylactic shock because you you have to place over that i'm like i don't understand yeah you you should tell them when you sit down say hello i am allergic to egg hello please take that seriously i uh there were some i mean it went both ways obviously there were a lot of places where it was like they confirmed there was like nothing in it and then i ate it anyway and whatever like got really sick so obviously there was that route but then there were a lot of places where it was like i got so

sick because there were peanuts in my food and they were like yes like there are you never didn't tell us there was an allergy right like never didn't tell us there was an allergy right like you didn't tell us there was an allergy or you know whatever it's like because they're required to do that yeah to be fair you were flying from los angeles to kentucky yeah no i'm not blaming the louisville airport i think veganism maybe hasn't hit as hard in the midwestern states as it has in um not as hard southern california not as hard i'll give it that um so okay next one please this is one of those ones where it was a yelp forum but it's written well you'll just see it's it's written by theo y I love Yelp forum. Yelp forum. And basically, Theo posed a query to the group of Yelpers. Theo says, at 31, I've suddenly become allergic to shrimp and it kills me.

First of all, probably wrong. Wait, yeah. You shouldn't say that unless it actually kills you. Be more careful with your choice of words. Well, maybe it does. I don't know. I don't think so because last Monday, I ate shrimp for dinner. An hour later, my tongue ballooned and was sore as hell.

My throat's scratchy too. I thought maybe it was genital herpes. Actually, kind of hoping because I love shrimp. I do want to add it says gentle herps but i'm creative liberty choosing to say genital herps gentle herps hope i got some gentle herps again but no the swelling eased and i had another shrimp just to see oh my god and sure, my tongue is swelling again. Has this happened to anyone else? I've heard about developing allergies but to shrimp? This is like one of the most common allergies.

I know. Shellfish. Okay. I've heard about developing allergies but to shrimp this late in life? It seems really weird to me. Well, maybe there's something in the latest batches of shrimp. Oh my god, this person is in such denial. What are batches of shrimp?

I don't know. Like Nabisco put out like a recall on the latest batch of wheat things? No, it's the batch of shrimp. Maybe there's something in the latest batches of shrimp. I don't know. The second shrimp I tasted was from a different outlet though possibly from the same fishery any what the next one is my favorite any news on this oh my that is hilarious though possibly for any news on this It would suck if all at once I just couldn't eat shrimp anymore.

What a rotten week. So this is basically a once-hour review of his life. Yeah. Or of the week. Theo, you're allergic to shellfish, and it's pretty common to develop that. Don't worry, Theo's dead. What? Don't!

Theo didn't stop eating shrimp because he didn't believe it. He's in denial. Jesus! I'm sorry. Raise him! No. Theo, I hope you're okay out there and dealing without eating shrimp because he didn't believe it he's in denial jesus i'm sorry raise him no um theo i hope you're okay out there and dealing without i hope you just stopped eating shrimp that is a quite the problem that happened to oh yeah brandon's stepmother literally was at a restaurant and like loved seafood and then one day just her throat like closed up and they were like you've developed i mean it's the fish are fighting back. And I truly...

I'm like Theo. Like, I would be in such hard denial. I'd be like, does anyone have any news on whether fish now suddenly make... Is this normal? Yes, Theo. We all have news on your allergies. Anyway. Did anyone, though?

Did you read through all the news? So, here's a response. Uh-oh. From Bella. I love shrimp. So that was not helpful to anyone. Yelp forums are a place where like the internet, like etiquette, internet, like any, it all goes to die. It's just like a free for all of weirdness.

This is, okay, I have two more. This one is a three-star review of CJ's Gourmet Pizza and Grill by Forrest. I have a dairy allergy and bought a buffalo chicken salad. They put shredded cheese on my salad. I didn't even notice

until I'd eaten more than half of it. What? Sorry. How? How? Oh my god. They put shredded cheese on my salad. I didn't notice it until I'd eaten more than half of it.

I took one lactate, so hopefully I'll be okay. We didn't mention my allergy, nor should we have to. Yes, you should. What are you talking about? That is insane. You ordered a buffalo chicken salad i assume that every ingredient is in that if you're ordering it from just like a chain pizza restaurant if you have a legitimate allergy to something that you consume well one lactate fixed it so i think maybe that's why i'm like, okay. Yeah, legitimate. Lactose intolerant is different. Also, right. Right.

People are just so great. I mean, it's like, and it's for me, like, it's a choice for me to not eat certain things, but I'm so careful about it and I make sure of it. If you have a fucking allergy and you're going to like potentially go to the hospital. That would be. No, it's terrible. And this guy's saying, I shouldn't have to say. I shouldn't have to tell him I have an allergy, which by way how would they know sir you don't forest oh would they know

i don't understand they just should any news on this they just should that batch of force and theo just think everyone needs to be like oh my up to date i took one lactate so hopefully i'll be okay that line makes me want to just... Have we heard from him since? Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Needed two lactates. That was the last review ever posted on Yelp by anyone.

Okay, I'm sorry. I have one more, and this one is kind of a twist. So I've accomplished a challenge, right? Because it's one of yours. I'd like to say you have. I'd like to... I think you have. Okay. think you have okay like people ate things they knew they were okay so this one is a little different this is another forum a segment very short but it's a post by christina and then a response from another user christina's post is titled ever heard of a caper allergy

i was eating at a restaurant at south center and while i don't have a caper allergy i am not particularly fond of capers that is what i found in my caesar salad does anyone else think that a restaurant should disclose foreign or new items in standard menu items now the response to this are mostly what you expect of like what are you talking about also caesar salads have capers and anchovies and like if you don't know that oh yeah i bet this person would be like there was anchovies in my caesar salad what the heck so then this is the response that i just cherry on top and then goodbye this woman responded just ask for them removed love a former food service employee who is sick of people using an allergy for when they just don't like a certain food end of review oh that ended nicely ever heard of a cape allergy anyway i don't have a cape allergy and then someone wrote why are you doing this and she wrote well

it's my first review on yelp i didn't know or my first forum post i didn't know how it worked people are not that not ridiculous anyway i found good job in my salad. Good job. That was pretty. That was good. Thank you, Rebecca. That was a fun one. Remember how I'm supposed to give you a challenge? Yeah. Maybe I should give you the theme. Okay, great.

Let me know. So we deservedly got some flack. Oh, I meant to mention this at the beginning of the episode. Oh, I meant to mention this at the beginning of the episode. We said that after today, we'll only have two states to go, New Hampshire and Mississippi. But we forgot about Kansas. We were wrong. But I was right to say that we definitely forgot about one. And I said, we probably forgot about one.

People are going to let us know. And they did. You were right. Kansas, we forgot about you. We are so sorry. So because of that, we are going to let us know and they did kansas we forgot about you we are so sorry so for the because of that we are going to do the kansas theme yay kansas and they were like kansas city missouri is not kansas and i'm like i know i promise i know that i know that i just i really we've both been there in my head that it's in missouri thought it was like we did topeka but we thought we did Kansas I guess in

our heads so sorry but we didn't so um this is partially from Kelly so Kelly um was listening to the Runza's in Nebraska episode classic um oh boy he's got Uggs in her t-shirt no I apparently that the minor league baseball team there they the minor league baseball teams did like a food week or whatever where they did their local foods and they did the runs us that's so cool which was fun anyway go on fun stuff so apparently kelly says that pizza hut started in wichita kansas really so i think that we should do pizza places pizza places in wichita kansas i'm so excited oh you mean wichita missouri oh yeah sorry the missouri one i'm excited yay okay so thank you kelly and thank

you to every kansan who's still listening despite our mistake last week and thanks for letting us know that we're idiots i mean we do it already but thank you for reminding us exactly okay let me give you your challenge please so this is one that's been in the back of my head for a while and i just went to looking for who sent it this is from james and uh james suggested uh it says reviews of gay bars where straight men complain about the lack of available women oh man i know i'm excited about this i'm scared i know what my plans are this weekend oh i actually i just typed in challenge gay bars we got another one from heather saying um reviews of a gay bar where there are not enough gay people so that's interesting okay oh and james also dm'd us about this channel thanks james james is getting through um we hear

you james finally when did he write it two years ago before the podcast existed 17 before we were like before we were alive that's not good math um oh by the way we're teens yeah we're 14 um and then tannis had also said a review of a gay bar by someone who was not aware it was a gay bar which seems to actually kind of fit into lack of available women so okay so i'm gonna do like a gay bar challenge kind of thing yeah that sounds good how's that uh we probably should have waited for uh gay pride but you know what no fuck it i've been to a gay bar and i went there for uh um trivia and i went a couple times it wasn't until the third time when i found out it was a gay bar. Oh. Guess what I did? Set it on fire.

I did not. I did not write a one-star review. That's for sure. You were like, I can't find any hot dates in this trivia night like usual. Sorry. That was rude. Anyway. Yeah.

So thank you, everybody, for those. That was, I just X'd out, but it was James, Candice, and Heather. Thank you, all three of you. Let's hope I make you proud next week. Thanks, everyone, for listening, and hopefully see some of you in New York. Stay sandy. Stop. Okay, I'm done. Bye.