Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 60: Pizza Places in Wichita, KS

Episode Date: January 15, 2020

After forgetting it existed, we finally find ourselves in Kansas! We read reviews of pizza places and discuss the future of the Tootise film franchise. Then, Alex reads a variety of reviews of gay bars and they're just as good/bad as you expect.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hello folks, Christine here. We're about to get started with the episode, but quick announcement. Beach Dew Sandy is doing our first ever live show next week on Thursday, January 23rd at 5.30 PM in New York. Tickets are only 10 bucks and include food and a little meet and greet with us we know it's short notice but we would love to see you there so for tickets go to bit.ly slash beach to sandy live that's bit.ly slash beach to sandy live welcome to beach to sandy water to wet a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what

they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this Wet, the podcast where Alexander is still sick and I'm Christine. It's been a whole week. Just kidding. We recorded last week's episode yesterday. 24 hours. So he is still a little bit ill. But hopefully my voice is a little bit better than yesterday. Maybe it'll be like Phoebe and Friends where her raspy voice becomes like her new favorite singing voice and she like, you know what I mean? Smelly cat. Yes, exactly. Smelly smelly cat oh jesus it's like she's in the room with us funny um hello everybody today is a theme we finally went to wichita missouri oh just kidding uh wichita kansas since kansas was the one that we saw

had us plucked right off the map and never actually covered. Whoops. Oopsies. We went to Wichita and Alexander informed me that someone informed him that Pizza Hut had been founded there. I believe Kelly was the one. I believe so, too. And it, yeah, it was, it has pizza places. It has a lot of pizza places. Yeah. Not many people mentioned that Pizza Hut was invented there.

I saw like one. I know. i didn't see anything like that do you guys know that about yourselves come on guys wichita please i mean step up i know that la rosa's was invented in cincinnati and like but that's not something to be proud of well his pizza just pissed off some cincinnatians for the first time ever um for the first time ever why you're very confident in that we're usually very defensive of cincinnati and very positive but that's i think something i'll say i hate la rosa one con um and then alexander had a challenge uh which was sent in oh wait shoot i scroll all the way down

three people i know but james was the original one that I picked. And James actually tweeted that he's coming to my first show in Phoenix in four or five days. Cool. He's like, I'm coming to see you at your show. That's crazy. And now I'm even more nervous because he just fucking reminded me that my show's in five days. Thanks a lot.

Is that a gay bar? Maybe. Okay. It is now. Okay. Why not? Any bar can be a gay bar. Right, guys?

Technically, sure. not according to some of the reviews i found oh i see uh speaking of which my challenge oh right let's talk about this is relevant i'm not just yelling about that up yeah my challenge was to find uh reviews of gay bars where um there weren't enough women people Available women. People complained about available women. For dating. Then someone else said another challenge would be to find reviews where there aren't enough gay people. I forget the third one. The third one was similar, where it was like... Oh, I don't remember.

Something about a gay bar. Yeah, I knew it was all gay bar themed. So I found some reviews. James, Heather, and Candice, thank you. Thank you, all three of you. I'm sorry. But I think I did hopefully all three of you proud. At least least two of you we'll maybe figure out the third one eventually i did my best so let's get started with some reviews of pizza places great or maybe it was someone who didn't know it was a gay boy oh that's what it was

yeah so i have all three yay so i made all three of you proud it's like it was kind of stand up stand up live phoenix i never knew this was a gay bar no that joke didn't land at all i'm sorry that's where i'm performing in five days get it james laughed i heard it thanks james thanks james james i want you to laugh also on wednesday because oh this comes out that day oh yeah f i'll be very far away i'll be in indonesia oh james oh james oh my friend james i hope you listen to this before the show laugh really loud because it's our first show and it's gonna be a shit show okay let's not stop talking about my other show thank you uh who

wants to who wants to go first i'll just read one go ahead this is of picasso's pizzeria that's my first one one star by devon only gave this place one star because I had to. I ordered three slices of pizza and the crust tasted like the black part on the marshmallows when you roast them at a campfire. The guy baking the pizzas was so baked, he overbaked them. Then he punched my ranch off the table while cutting it into pieces and then expected me to use it anyway end of review says a little bit of everything i'm really confused i got i got a picture of this person in my mind about a third of the way through they they seemed so yeah so i pictured a stoner and then when they punched the ranch i'm like oh this guy's aggressive what's he

on like coke or something you mean that the. I was talking about the reviewer. Oh, I'm picturing the baker. Candlestick maker, stoner, all sorts of fun things. I pictured all sorts of things. Really violent, apparently. When you said, it's like the black thing in a marshmallow, I was picturing like a teenager journaling. More specifically me.

Very poetically. Trying to be very, very deep with my metaphors. And then it just turned into some sort of violent video game chaos. Is that how you play video games? Yeah, punching the ranch. Punching ranch while trying to cut pizza. I'm the one who plays video games that are like, and then till your eggplants. Like, I don't play clearly any actual action games.

Well, there was a lot of action in that review. So what do you have to say about Picasso? For God's sake, this is very interesting. This is a one-star review by Benjamin. Rude manager. Quote, if you're unhappy, that's your problem. I'm turning my back on you now. End quote. We stopped by because the place looked cool. Got inside, placed our order, left our drinks and an inexpensive

personal item at the table. Asked the woman behind the counter, mind not clearing our table? We have to run outside to the car real quick. Sure, no problem. We come back in and our order that had not been touched was gone along with our drink and our personal item quote sorry i forgot to tell the bus boy end quote we reply okay you made a mistake so can we get our item back no can you get it out of the trash can no it's be refunded end End of review. What? Okay, they're being weirdly vague. Here's the response from owner. Personal item.

Here's the response from owner. Okay. I think it might answer some of your questions. I have many. Do you have a guess? That would be fun. Do you want to guess what the personal item is? Like a baggie of weed.

Oh, you're close. Okay. Response from Kurt, the owner. The Patron tequila that you brought in your water bottle was the personal item you are talking about, yes? It is against the law to bring alcohol into an eating or drinking establishment. Our manager tried explaining this to you for over 15 minutes, and then she finally said she had to go back to work as you were causing a problem. Several customers commented that she handled the situation properly. Sorry, you're not happy with the outcome.

End of response. Boom. That's hilarious. Our personal item. I like how he also said inexpensive. The moment you say personal item and not say what it is. You mentioned it three times. This is the moment I know you did something wrong.

He didn't even say like like, my water bottle. Yeah. Also, I'm just wondering how this went down. Like, who figured out there was tequila in it? Yeah. Maybe he said, maybe he, I don't know. Probably ended up admitting it at the end. He probably said, don't throw away my tequila. And then it just fucking devolved.

Sir, we don't serve tequila. I know. I brought it in my personal item. A little VSCO girl with her. Oh my god! Is that what this is all about? That whole trend? I could get on board if that's what it is. A way to carry tequila around?

Save some turtles and drink some Patron. I'm a VSCO girl now. Oh no, I hate it. Your turn. I have another one of Picasso's by Dan. One star. I have another one of Picasso's by Dan. One star. I applaud this place for hiring the mentally challenged, but don't put them on the phone to take orders.

Stop. I'm yelling at this person. I know. Not you. I mean, both, but. I explained I'd never been there, but it was recommended. So I ask about full pizza, and the guy says they have the ginormous for $30 plus. I say fine, what kinds you got?

And his says that's it for full pizzas, so I assume they specialize in one kind of pizza. Wrong. Got a cheese pizza. Didn't want that. Paid $30 for a pizza I didn't want because they manned the phone with a moron. Asked what we're by in the Delano district and the idiot gives me the address. Shaking my head. You make a first impression, Picasso.

I didn't have time to hatch this out with you and shouldn't have to for $30. End of review. I'm... Confused? Yes. Me too. this out with you and shouldn't have to for 30 end of review i'm confused yes me too and like really not pleased for someone who is uh insulting other people's intelligence yeah did not write a very well written review what did he say you make a very good first impression my friend smh you make a good first impression yeah um you make a first no not even good you make a first impression picasso oh sure that's what i always say yep um leave picasso out of this yeah for real there were a lot of uh hilarious pranksters who wrote about the work of art i hate that that was their pizza it was unless it's five stars and i can't it wasn't oh um wow this guy probably thought he

was clever too all these all these clever there's nothing clever or smart about that one though i did read about their ginormica pizza because everyone called us something different they were like i ordered one of their mega normus pizzas i ordered one there's ginormica pizzas there were all sorts of different wording for it. Also, don't hate on a cheese pizza. Yeah, I don't know. No. Okay, I have one from a place called Oak and Pie.

This is a one-star review by Melissa. One of their hostess kept coming up to me and asking me if I could rip off pieces of my food so i could give it to them to eat kind of weird end of review was the hostess a dog probably like coming up begging at the table what please rip off a piece of fruit oh my gosh do they keep them in the basement or something and don't give them food? What? Is that real? It was just so like casual. Did that actually happen? It seemed like a legitimately weird.

I have no. I like how they all. Melissa also said it was kind of weird. Yeah. As though like this doesn't on the spectrum of weird things that have happened to Melissa. It's like this is weird for a pizza place. I've had this happen elsewhere. Right. On the spectrum of things that have happened to Melissa. Maybe it's like, hmm, this is weird for a pizza place. I've had this happen elsewhere, but. On the spectrum of things that have happened to me in a pizza place. This is somewhere, falls somewhere in the middle.

Wow. That's a new one. Yeah. That's a fun one. I read it three times because I was like, I don't know. Yeah. I don't know either. I think Oak and Pie is really managed by a dog.

Maybe. Which like props. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't put them on the phone Oak and Pie is really managed by a dog. Maybe. Which like props. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't put them on the phone. Don't put them on the phone. That's the only thing. Otherwise, Dan is going to write a terrible review that no one wants to read. But we do it anyway.

We do it anyway. It happens all the time here. All right. Here's one of Il Vecino. I fucking hate that. I was planning that. I know you were. Obviously. You looked right atino. I fucking hate that. I was planning that. I know you were. Obviously, you looked right at my eyeballs when you did that.

And I tried, my hand weren't wrapped up. I tried to like raise my fingers as if I was like Italian. Actually, it was really effective. Good. Well, this is a one star review by Steven. Called on Pi Day for takeout order only to be told they changed their mind about takeout orders so I was unable to order.

Will never patronize this establishment because of deception. Jesus Christ. People take things way too personally. Very dramatic. There were so many of this place because apparently they used to do delivery or take out and then they didn't anymore

and so so many one-star reviews were like this is misleading this is terrible that you don't do this anymore like how dare you and it's like whoa i just like never think to do take out anymore nowadays like i always do either delivery on like i mean we live in la so i guess we get like many options we're very spoiled very spoiled but like when i was at long view do you know papa murphy's have you heard of papa murphy's didn't we discuss this in an episode probably where i read a beach or beach you see anywhere i read a uh between you and us and you were like i think i've been there and it it was a different Irish pub. Well, no. Okay. That was different.

No. Papa Murphy's is a pizza chain. Oh. And you go, well, you can call ahead and say, hey, I want this kind of pizza. Then you go in their drive-thru, they give it to you and then you go home and bake it yourself. Oh, that's a lot of work. You take it home and bake it.

But it's a thing. I mean, I... And apparently it's very popular and there are a bunch of places like it, but I'd never heard of it before. And I looked at me like I was crazy anyway, not to burst your bubble, but there are a lot of things in LA that are popular that are not necessarily, um,

this was in long view, Washington. Oh, I thought you said long beach. No. Oh, I thought this was like a weird LA trend that they're trying to start. No,

it's very much. I've never heard of this. it is very much not an LA thing where you have to bake your own pizza I was going to say that would never fly here also there's no pizza there's like cauliflower and shit which I like but whatever okay me too

but I'm just saying there's no pizza pizza's not a hot commodity in this town. Not really. Like it is in Wichita. I don't mean to laugh. My turn? Sure, go for it.

Or did I just do the dog one? I just did the Il Vecino one. Oh, okay, well, I regret asking. All the rest are of Pizza Hut. Nice. Nice. Nice. This is a one-star review by mp mr pizza

might be sick but my wit is as sharp as ever you just said i like cauliflower like five minutes okay let's hear what mr pizza okay has to say. Okay. Tonight. See, you liked it. You laughed. Oh my god, so stupid. Tonight was the first time I'd seen my mother. Oh my god. I know, that's why it's so stupid.

She was in the pizza oven. She was Mrs. Pizza. Okay. What are you talking about? It's a pizza. It was like, oh no, there's my mother at this pizza place. Don't eat her. I'm witty.

Continue. Okay. One star by MP. Tonight was the first time I'd seen my mother in a very long time. I decided to skip the cooking and order pizza. Therefore, I called this location. And as I was asking the young lady some questions about the deals they currently have, to make a long story short, this girl kept answering me with her unhappy attitude, and after I asked to speak with somebody else, she snapped and told me, don't call back.

Pizza Hut needs to properly train and hire professionals if they want to keep their business running. Words can't explain how much I wanted to crawl through the phone line and beat her. Oh my god, no wonder your mom doesn't want to see you. I can't believe that. Holy crap. However, tonight was a very special night for me. Crap.

However, tonight was a very special night for me. Sorry. It was also, like, based on the picture, like, a 60-something-year-old woman. Or, like, middle-aged to older woman. Oh, sorry. Miss Pizza. I'm sorry. Miss Pizza. So just the line with, like, flowers around her and stuff.

So the line of, like, wanting to beat her through the phone line just got me good. Wow. However, tonight was a very special night for me, and I knew my attention would be best spent elsewhere. Look at that. That's the one reason she's not going to... Going to beat her mom instead? ...fly through the phone.

Oh, this energy I'd use to beat you, I will beat someone else. I'll punch your ranch right off the fucking table. Oh, God. Jesus. What a... Wow. I will make sure my family and friends never order from this pizza hut store

end of review they're they're grateful i think they're grateful for that they maybe are i think they come out ahead in this in this scenario i think your photo that's insane surrounded by flowers is tacked on the wall of like do not let that should never be your go-to i'd like to beat this i would like to crawl through the phone line. First of all, no one should ever say that. Never. To this teenage girl, because she is not a professional. I don't think I picked it, but I saw one review.

It was like, she sounded like a high schooler. And I'm like, well, she probably was. Oh, my God. Leave her alone. Of course she was. Yeah, the Pizza Hut ones were wild, because people were like, what, are they just hiring people who don't want to work there? Yes, of course. And it's like, this Miss Pizza says, oh, they need to hire professionals who went to like four years of pizza school.

Maybe that's what you did, Miss Pizza, how you got your title. But geez. Yeah, not everyone's an MP. Not everyone's an MP. I played an mp in a steven spielberg movie i don't know what that means military police i was a i was a an extra in bridge of spies wow this is quite a turn we're taking did you know that i did know that yeah fun fact i never saw it you never saw it. You never saw it? It was my film debut. I know. I heard you were, were you on it?

Yes, I'm in there. I can see you. I was in the theater with, um. I remember this. With my friends and I was like pointing myself out. I'm like, there I am. You can't really tell it's me. I'm pretty far, but it was definitely me.

Were you in Cincinnati when you watched it? Yeah. It's pretty funny that like someone in the theater was like, there's this idiot screaming that he's in the movie because it was filmed in germany in berlin yeah that was cool though anyway i hope there's a yelp review of that theater i saw tom hanks in person that's pretty actually that is probably your biggest claim to fame at this point yep yeah i thought so anyway um i have a review of godfather's Pizza. Oh. By Shrenda. I'm sorry. I didn't want to laugh at your name, Shrenda, but I couldn't help it.

You just laughed at... That's mean. You made fun of MP for like 10 minutes. I know, but this is like an unfair thing. It's like, what was that name that we had in the Nebraska or whatever? It was like Dorcas who owns like half of Nebraska or something weird like that or Wyoming. This woman owns more of Nebraska than you'll ever understand, that you'll ever comprehend. So does Shrenda. Shrenda does as well. Well, here's what Shrenda has to say

about Godfather's Pizza. One star. I'm picturing like Miss Shrek. Stop. What Shrenda does as well. Well, here's what Shrenda has to say about Godfather's Pizza. One star. I'm picturing like Miss Shrek. Stop. What? Shrenda! Doesn't look like it. Okay. One star. Don't ask me how the pizza is.

I wouldn't know. Tried to place an online order and it would never let me do so. Fine. I gave them a call and was put on hold for over five minutes. Ridiculous. I hung up. End of review. Shrenda, how was the pizza?

Oh, got her. I'm actually afraid of first, so maybe I shouldn't. I saw this and I'm like, five minutes? That's nothing. That's nothing. I thought you were going to say like five hours. I know. I was like, you should get off the phone, Shrenda.

But five minutes. Five minutes is nothing. And if you have to say over five minutes and it's like you probably got off the phone at 505 you're you're completely right because you wouldn't exaggerate to over five minutes if it were like nine minutes exactly you're right and so shrenda if it's a busy time you're calling they've got a lot going on give them a little more than five minutes shrenda is a busy woman a lot of places to go a lot of places to be. Yeah well Godfathers is not going to get her business I guess.

I guess not. Whatever. What a really unfortunate occurrence for them. Agreed. I have another review of Pizza Hut. This is a one-star review by Edgar. It's supposed to be zero but had to press one. Never going to forget when there was white worms on the Parmesan cheese and flies on the crushed pepper.

End of review. Ooh, wait, okay, what? Hashtag never forget. First they were on the phone. No, I thought that too. I thought. They meant supposed to be zero stars, but. Oh, God, I'm dumb.

I'm like, what? I had to press one. No, it sounds. Okay, I was like, operator. supposed to be zero stars but oh god i'm dumb i had to press one no it sounds operator it sounds like they were shiranda hitting zero over and over again trying to get a hold of the teenager on the other line yes um no yeah edgar i believe meant he had to press one star because he couldn't do zero it's a fun way of saying they think there were were there at there were worms there was white worms on the parmesan cheese and flies on the crushed pepper.

I kind of doubt it. I do, too. Oh, maybe, I don't know. Like, oh, like the shakers? Maybe on the shakers. Like in there, there were like moths? The white worms are a bit much. Like the flies, maybe there was a fly near the pepper shaker.

I'll give him that. But the white worms. I don't know. Those mothsoths i will have those little larva things we do have a lot of a weird amount of reviews with little white worms yes one of them remember that hotel where they were falling from the ceiling yes oh my god the horror movie the weird nightmare yikaroos okay no anyway i you're right i don't know that i believe him but it is enough for me to not want to eat at that yeah so it did the trick edgar well thanks edgar here's another godfather's pizza review by wanda one star has really gone downhill since i was manager three years ago

end of review wanda wanda's got a little bit of a vendetta Wanda is fucking bitter as hell Yep What do you think happened? She can't be doing better things Right? Because if she's doing better things She wouldn't turn around and go on Yelp and stalk And try to bring down her old

Agreed Like if she's now CEO of some company, she wouldn't be like... Let's see how the Godfathers is doing. And even if they were doing poorly, you'd be like, oh, I'm glad I got out of there. But instead, she writes a one-star review. She's not doing great, huh? She's bitter. Wanda, it's okay.

Things are going to look up, but don't be mean to the current manager. Maybe they have a vendetta. I bet there one star reviews about you wanda not that you deserved them i'm just saying you know you don't you don't want to be that negative negative force sharonda sharonda whoa it's all coming together now um yeah wanda i'm sorry that you're having a tough time okay i have a review um by el this is about pizza hut also it smells like a chucky cheese a sort of kid sweat scent end of review oh stop that's the worst thing you've ever heard that's just as bad as that stripper scent episode a couple weeks ago. But, like, maybe worse. But much worse.

It's a grown man talking about kid sweat. It really, like... That's foul. It's pretty revolting. And it was the same location as the white worm, so maybe just stay away from this place. God, that sounds like some sort of, like, serial killer would be like, the sweet scent of child sweat. But, like, literally, yes. One million percent.

Gross. It sounds like this guy spends a lot of time at Chuck E. Cheese. So just. So icky. Icky. Icky. Can you imagine though, like kids. What if he did say it smells like a Chuck E. Cheese, you know, that vanilla.

The body butter. Body butter. It's all so nasty. Oh God. It is also nasty. Okay. Well, good images aren't going through my head right now. Thank you. Oh, God. It is all so nasty. Okay. Well, good image isn't going through my head right now.

Thank you. You're welcome. I have one more of Godfather's Pizza. This is by Mr. and Mrs. Jerry Morrow. One star. They have a joint Yelp account. Joint Yelp. Or joint Google reviews account. This always ends very well for everyone.

Oh, yes. Yes, it does one star service sucks black girl rude food sucks end of review woof a roo woof a roo what is happening kansas yeah that's a couple you guys are terrible yeah at least i found each other true i hope each other off the market so they can be miserable together oh no miserable people together mr and mrs pizza are also fucking strangling people through the phone oh geez there's a lot of violent couples in kansas i've heard yeah kansas what's going on there you guys want to like say like give us something to let us know some context for what's going on i'd rather not know i want to dig dig deep into the the kids but underbelly of the chucky cheeses and

the mr and mrs jerry morrows of wichita okay what's happening you can do that on your own i don't want to be part of that okay um the only one i have left is a redemption do you have any more yeah i have a couple oh. You want to hear mine first? Yeah. Okay. Here's one of Pizza Hut by Todd. Yay. Two stars.

And this is one where I included it because I need to ask you what, just what's going on. For my wisdom. It's pretty quick, but here we go. Two stars. Total crapshoot. No pun intended. End of review. Oh, oh no what's the pun i don't get it

they have poop guns i'm sorry you know what that's as intelligent of a response as i was expecting out of you you looked at the recording like oh god i hope it's not recording is this episode almost done like um well i did read i did read one that said um that their bathrooms were i'm not don't be eating something right now somebody said their bathrooms were overflowing with diarrhea oh perhaps that's what he's referring to maybe but it just doesn't make sense right like no it makes no sense without being without description like without more information it doesn't make sense i will say i wasn't expecting sense so um i went into it with that yeah and uh attitude you got a better response like at least you came up with something that was a really good response looking at this and staring at this i'm like i don't get it am i missing something crapshoot maybe that's a crapshoot that's a kansas saying

probably maybe it's one of their pizzas oh yeah maybe it's the name of the manager it's as filled with white worms oh okay yeah that's foul okay moving on okay uh here's another pizza hut my last review uh one star by jamie this location has the worst customer service they hang up the phone on you in the store a fat guy that claims that he is the manager is very rude end of review but how could he possibly can't possibly be the manager how dare he be so rude his name is wanda i mean sharanda i see him every time. He's wearing his whole Pizza Hut outfit, but I'm not convinced he's the manager quite yet. He just wanders around behind the counter pretending he's the manager.

It's pathetic. He keeps giving orders and people are listening to him for some reason. He's tricked the entire store into thinking it. I don't know how he does it. He even gets a paycheck. Remember that one review you read where it was like um every time i go in there there's a fat man playing video games yes god what is going on first of all everyone's just like shaming everyone a lot of shaming going on yeah everyone's kind of

like um quant qualifying their reviews or the reviews of specific people with like things that don't have to do with exactly anything um and jamie is also a local guide so i don't know how that happened i'd love for jamie to give me a tour who gave him that badge wasn't google google not you again not you guys and again they gave mr and mrs morrow a badge oh god don't get me started if anyone can get a freaking badge Oh, God, don't get me started. If anyone can get a friggin' badge. Okay. What if he's projecting, and he's actually not a local guide, he's just trying to trick everyone, and so he's like, I see a liar when I... I know a liar when I see one. Because he looks in the mirror and he was like, you're just pretending.

He clips that badge on local guide. Oh, my God. And he says, this paycheck is a lie wow um i think that makes as much sense as poop guns yep none of this makes sense okay let's hear a redemption let's feel better it is a redemption of a pizza hut so here we go oh fun it's a five-star review by john there are numerous why people keeps on visiting this, and one of those is the fine taste of their pizzas. I'm a pizza lover, and I can certainly tell that Pizza Hut, with two Ts. Wow, is this a real person?

That's how you spell Jabba the Hut. I know, that's what I thought it would be. Maybe he spells Jabba the Hutt. I know, that's what I thought it would be. Maybe he spells Jabba the Hutt. He more often writes out Jabba the Hutt than he does Pizza Hut, so his phone auto-corrected it to H-U-T-T. Shit, he thought he was back on the Star Wars forum. There is Spaceballs where Pizza the Hutt is actually the name of the character. That's right. I didn't even think of that. Weirdly, that's the first thing I thought of. Okay. And I can certainly tell that Pizza Hut is one of the top stores that serves amazing hot, fresh, cooked pizza.

I guess I was going to say, what's like raw pizza? But I guess there is literally a place in Washington. Is that supposed to be Papa John's, but like the cousin? The less racist one yeah oh i see i would also love to recommend why is papa john's racist are you joking no you don't know the drama behind papa john oh why he was kicked out no i'm like what wait maybe what rock are you living under he like said you live under it with me we have the same address he lit he said all he said the n word in like a oh oh oh yes like a uh a call like a

board meeting call or whatever yeah it was this recent right i mean like a year ago oh maybe i'm just anyway i live under a rock so my joke was kind of funny it was funny and you were like what i laughed and then i moved on and then i went oh god i probably shouldn't ask because i'm gonna sound stupid and yeah here we are i do i think i it got overshadowed for me by all the news about um shack like having his own um thing he bought like a share in either pizza hut or papa john's i think it's pizza hut what he like opened his own pizza hut i don't know you know do you live under a rock or what what are you talking about papa john's and shack the brand and nba legend hoping for slam dunk yep that's the one that he did that because of, it looks like, after what happened.

Yeah, it was an attempt to reverse the scandal, you know. I'm going to be honest right now. The way I learned about this was on Munch Squad and My Brother, My Brother Me. He did a segment on this and he briefly mentioned the scandal. And that's the only, I knew it through the lens of shaquille o'neal that's so bizarre to me that's how i see most of the world to be honest with you christina you that's why you always like see yourself above everyone else because you're seeing it from a view of a seven foot seven person see the world from a different

vantage than the rest of you except shack only you. Only you and Shaq have that vantage. He and I get it, you know? Just clip on that badge. Nope. Walk around. Nope. Okay. I'm going to finish this redemption.

Oh, probably a good idea. I am a pizza lover, and I can certainly tell that Pizza Hut is one of the top stores that serves amazing hot, fresh-cooked pizza. I would also love to recommend their pepperoni pizzas. It makes me tremble. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm already feeling like no one's written a review ever like this about a Pizza Hut, and then it gets weird. I know. I would also love to recommend their pepperoni pizzas. It makes me tremble in excitement just by telling how delicious it is. There's something weirdly gross about this. I'm very uncomfortable.

It's not weirdly gross. I am so uncomfortable. It's very openly outwardly gross. I would also love to recommend their... Let me try it over and over again. I'm sorry. It makes me tremble in excitement just by telling how delicious it is. Comma.

Enter, enter. Thanks, Pizza Hut. You were still there after so many downfalls. What? No wonder you're trembling. You've had quite the life. Thanks, Pizza Hut. You were still there after so many downfalls and for that i will give you four

star wait it wasn't even the five star review it was a five star review oh what's the last one for i don't the tremble trembling feeling he wrote the review is five stars and then he wrote for that i will give you four he went to click four star but trembled too much and hit five he's always trembling oh my god you need to see a doctor i don't think it's a pizza hut oh my god i like this whole thing was so strange at first i was like oh cute and then i was like oh dear oh no um so yeah there's that for you very it did seem very innocent at the beginning and then at the end it became the least innocent thing ever it thing ever so gross it's almost like he and kid sweat guy are like in cahoots oh no i don't know what the downfall let's let's hope not for the sake of humanity yeah please kansas you can't let those two it's like much like mr and mrs morrow a tornado of terrible will happen anything but that

i do wonder like if the downfalls are pizza huts downfalls or like his own downfalls like you were there through no it must have been must have been his own like you were there when my webmaster quit for my star wars blog i don't know i'm trying to think of the downfall that would be pretty sad when this tremor began in my hand god God. I don't know, man. I couldn't click four anymore. I can only give five. Only five. It's my curse. It's like the Midas touch. The Yelp-us touch.

That one I like. Thank you. I like that one. That was really nice. I'm just throwing things at you and seeing what happens. I thought it would make us feel better, though, this review. I did have a... It was supposed to, but no.

It made me feel worse. I did have a gleam in my eye when you said let's feel better and i said let's feel worse no it didn't work yeah yay you should know me better than that by the way next time i'll i'll know okay um your turn to do this fun thing by james and heather and candace okay well thank you to all three of you. So my challenge was basically gay bar stuff. So people who didn't know it was a gay bar, people who wanted more women to hit on, people who wanted more gay people there. So I found a handful.

I think I found five reviews. Okay. And here we go. Ready. My first one is of Riches, and it's possessive. So it's R-I-C-H apostrophe S. Riches, got it. In Houston, Texas.

Also, some of these places, I believe, closed down. Oh. By now, I don't know. I was, oh my God, first little story. I was going through Google, got to page 30. Oh my God. On the Google results, and it said, instead of giving you the results it said uh it brought up like one of those little boxes i had to click to say to see whether or not i was a bot because i was going through so many results i did my research it really gave you like a captcha

yeah but yeah it was a captcha but it was just one of those box clicking things. It was like, click on all the pictures. Of gay bars. Of gay bars that you can see. Based on my research, I know every single one. His eyes literally... What was that? That was my chair. Oh my god.

I thought Pizza the Hut was in there. Holy crap. Okay, go ahead. Okay, so this is of Riches in Houston, Texas by Nurbeck. Two stars. $20 entrance is okay, but $20 for water? Also, they don't sell alcohol,

just water. Too many guys and not enough girls. I won't go there next time. This club just ruined Halloween party. End of review. Oh no! How dare they ruin Halloween party with their water and not enough girls. Sir, that's vodka.

I'm like, what do you mean they're selling? I guarantee you they're not literally selling $20. There's no way any of that was real. And no booze. There's no freaking way. Maybe so him. At a Halloween party? Like, come on.

Oh my God, I figured it out. Tell me. He was too drunk and they cut him off and they kept being like, sorry, we don't serve booze. Oh, there you go. We only serve water and there was there he just everyone looked like a guy to him but there were girls there he was too drunk maybe maybe one's in costume it's a masked ball you know eyes wide shut kind of thing sure um go highbrow on me, whatever. Wow. This one is of Tootsies. Love it already.

This place definitely closed down. There was some controversy around this place. A lot of one-star reviews. And the movie. This is one star by Brenna. Once upon a time, I was enchanted by the thought of this bar. What could be better than a big gay bar mecca in Kansas City? Clearly, I was mistaken.

I've been in this bar once. I've attempted to go back twice. There will be no further attempts. This isn't really a gay bar anymore. Don't let the rainbow light fixtures outside fool you. This place is a disgusting meat market with a cover charge. I first went here in April. It was so-so, filled with a mix of people. The music was danceable. The drink prices were average.

Since this time, I don't think I've seen one gay person. That normally wouldn't be an issue for me if the bar was actually a fun place to hang. Unfortunately, this is not the case at Tootsie's. All you will find here now is a couple of random gay people standing outside, bewildered at the ruins of what was once a purportedly fantastic homo hangout. The music has become less than desirable, as have many of the patrons. In addition, I'm sure as heck not paying a $5 cover to enter a bar whose only inhabitants are the bartender and five guys who think seeing two girls kiss is amazing. End of review.

Hey, bud. You alright? I don't think so. Um. Oh, okay. First of of all i think you need to address something very important is this kansas city kansas or kansas city missouri missouri kansas this is your fucking episode today i tell you what okay um except this was missouri i know but like it's a shitty review so i'm saying oh yeah so they don't kansas wins this one i think um i do love when someone is so well i don't really understand the the viewpoint then again i am seven feet higher than everyone else

but i don't really understand the viewpoint of normally it's totally fine if i don't see any gay people around me but like here there are only five gay people and they're all i don't know crying in the ruins or whatever the fuck. It was like, it was very dramatic. Also, like I count how every time I go outside, I count the gay people I see. Yeah, yeah. What? I don't know.

This place was just full of negative reviews. So I think it was just like a very, it turned into a not so good place to be. And then it closed down. Controversial indeed. Controversial. And there was some actual like legitimate controversy that i'm not going to get into about that place let's maybe not um but um didn't seem like a good place to be anyway so it probably worked out for the best yeah i just i do also like the one line

of um really early on but it was i've gone once and i've attempted to go to yeah i don't know what that means they got to the front and then people, the people lamenting or whatever outside were like, don't go, do not go. It's like some weird like thing from the Odyssey or something. What in the world are your references today? I don't know. Like the Odyssey and there's like this cave and they're like,

oh, go in, look at the rainbows. And they're like, no, do not enter. I'm over here referencing. The Cyclops is in there okay oh are you done um while i have this voice i gotta do it i'm over here referencing like tim allen movies and you're over there like talking about tim allen movie did you reference isn't that who plays tootsie no oh it's not robin william, that's Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh. That was really similar, though.

Who plays Tootsie? I thought it was Tim Allen. I've never seen either of them. You have never seen Mrs. Doubtfire? No. Yeah, that one's a questionable one, too. Does Tim Allen actually play? I thought so. Dustin Hoffman.

My God. Christina, that was bad. We all know that I don't know anything about actors. Yeah, that was pretty. Tim Allen, Christina? You know Tim Allen? He played, like, Santa Claus. all know that i don't know anything about actors yeah that was pretty tim allen christine you know tim allen you played like santa claus yeah that's the one i was picturing okay well we both just embarrassed ourselves quite a bit who was it woody harrelson no no who was it dustin hoffman they sound the same they all sound the same those are very different names. Listen. They don't look... Nope, none of them look alike.

Nice try, though. None of them look... They all look like Jude Law to me. Oh, my God. That's a deep cut. We're not dealing with this Jude Law thing. That's a deep cut. Okay, I'm sorry.

We're talking about The Odyssey. Can we not anymore? Let's move on. Great. This is a review of the bird cage in santa monica by ronan okay one star this place is a disaster not even sure if it's a gay bar anymore because the past three times i've been here it's been polluted primarily by a bunch of douchey straight guys this last time i even had the pleasure of witnessing some breeders mocking

gay patrons with their fabulous impersonations of how they think gay people speak. Guess we're back to having no gay bars on the west side again. End of review. Well, that's just sad. Oh, yeah, it is. Why are you reading me that? Because it fits the challenge. It's what the people wanted.

That there were not enough gay people there? Yeah, that was one of them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, thanks a lot. You're welcome welcome i guess even in like the west liberal trash state or what do they call it oh god what was that loser liberal beautiful sign about that and i'm trying to figure out how i can purchase that um

liberal lousy lousy lighted on fire i don't know something about liberals um even there people are still fucking trash monsters what a surprise what a surprise i mean i'm not too surprised me neither not even remotely people need to come here to our liberal hellhole to uh yeah you really like tell us about how liberal and terrible we are you literally live in this not you i mean one i literally one lives live in this but one lives in this bubble yeah and then i hear this shit and i'm like oh right the world's trash okay i found it by the way lunatic left-wing liberal losers yes oh it's so good that's the

quadruple l um somebody made that beautiful sign, right? Yes. Oh my gosh. Same person who made me as the... Who's the same person? The Baron of Cream in front of my timely manor. Did I ever tell you guys that I got him that on a canvas print for Christmas? I don't think we mentioned that. Yeah, I did. I need to tell that Twitter user.

Yeah. Who is it? Do we know? Yeah, it's... Well, that's the thing. They made a separate one called Sibifer podcast memes oh yeah guys go follow that no oh shit go follow sibling she for podcast memes it's very fun for i mean it's about us so we're gonna like it no matter what but i think it's a fun time fantastic and the best probably

the best that and like uh beach too sandy memes the uh and out of context or that's what i meant peach too sandy out of context um which is water too wet ooc you guys are so clever um those two are just the best anyway so sorry i've got another one okay great this is of hunters's Palm Springs by Bobby. Hunter's is usually a nice bar with a great vibe, great bartenders, and usually a fun crowd. Unfortunately, on Saturday night, multiple straight bachelorette parties descended on the place and literally almost outnumbered the gay guys. This is alleged to be a gay bar, and I like to see other gay guys. No offense to the straights intended. Not women in

cocktail dresses gawking. If this trend continues, the bar will morph into a hybrid straight club like many bars have done in San Diego. The Abbey in LA has actually banned these parties. Too Bad Hunters has not followed suit. I will go somewhere else down the street. Sad because it

is usually a nice place this is so depressing yeah no there were many reviews like that where it's like yeah they go and they're like oh i wanted to go to a gay bar to meet other gay people because this is a place to go not to be like stared at yeah and then it becomes a whole thing of like oh well it's taken over now it's become it's like where oh then they've let like the women come in and then straight guys realize oh there are women here so then they start going and then it just becomes a like i said a hybrid bar or mainly straight bar in the end straight people people ruin everything. What a surprise. Um, yeah. I, yeah. It's like, come on.

I mean, it's not like a show, you know? It's just, it's like back in the 90s when everyone's like, I have a gay best friend. It's like. Yeah. Yikes. Yikes. Are you friends with Ellen? Am I friends with Ellen?

Wasn't that a whole thing? That's how you would ask. What? You've never heard that? No. that's how you would ask what you've never heard that no that's like when it was like hold on i'm googling it i was like i thought you meant my stepmother i was like i think so have you never heard that am i just making that up yeah i think so i'm sorry but i want to tell you something but i don't tell me i don't know what it means i have a t-shirt that says friends with ellen and i don't know if that means something that i didn't know

i got it at her show that was a way to ask to ask if someone was gay or not back in the day what if it is and i've just been wearing it around i don't know where i heard that growing up but i heard that growing up i probably i told you a lot of big big fat lies growing up you might have oh my god you fucking told me that i'm googling it there's nothing about it no i feel embarrassed everyone i went to a live show of ellen's in chicago with alissa and they gave she gave out shirt or we bought shirts said friends with ellen i think or best friends with ellen or i don't know um i will say though uh i told auxinor one time that you could speak a language if you stuck your head underwater. Or I could... I made all sorts of stupid shit up. Yeah.

I told the people that my dad was an astronaut. Now I feel like an idiot. I wonder why you thought that, though. I don't know. But it sounds vaguely familiar. Maybe it is a thing. Well, now I feel like an idiot. It doesn't matter.

One more? You ready? Another one? For God's sake. This is my last one. No. Okay. I'm ending with a redemption.

Thank the Lord. ending with a redemption thank the lord this is a redemption and this is a review where someone didn't know it was a gay bar this is a review of Stir in Philadelphia by Jason four stars I was looking for a nice place

to get a few cocktails on Thanksgiving after spending the day with my family so my brother his girlfriend and I discovered Stir in this nondescript a nice place to get a few cocktails on Thanksgiving after spending the day with my family. So my brother, his girlfriend, and I discovered Stir in this nondescript alley a block and a half from the hotel we were staying at. Being Thanksgiving, there were few patrons in there. We plopped down at the bar for a spell and proceeded to have a nice time. The music videos were entertaining, but not so loud that you couldn't carry on a conversation. The bartender was charming and very easy on the eyes. I mean, hello, it is a gay bar.

Hello. And newsflash, I am gay. I didn't know it was a gay bar until we entered the place. Newsflash. Newsflash. I love this guy. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to literally talk over the entire review.

I'm going to just repeat that anyway. The bartender was charming and very easy on the eyes. I mean, hello, it is a gay bar and newsflash, I am gay. I didn't know it was a gay bar until we entered the place. My brother didn't seem to care. He's such a good supporter of his gay bro. Anyway, the drinks were ice cold, the shots were wonderful, and we had a really nice time in there. I would like to go back the next time in Philly to see what it's like when it's a little busier. I suspect it can be a bit of a cruisy place and who doesn't enjoy some nice man candy with their ice cold drinks end of review oh my gosh that rivals the yo-yo review as one of our top wasn't that sweet redemptions ever that was sweet huh i wow i i knew it's literally a a nondescript gay bar with great

drinks a hot bartender and some straight allies yep that sounds awesome that's open on thanksgiving it's open on thanksgiving even better i that's that was my main takeaway damn just kidding that wasn't but oh thanksgiving my main takeaway was the big news flash we've all been waiting for I'm gay I love it wasn't that nice I wonder if he puts that in all his reviews like news flash I love how these were he was talking about it well I was like hello it is a gay bar and then was like oh by the way I didn't even know it was a gay bar and by the way I'm also gay like it felt like the order was a little off but other than that great review i thought he was gonna be like it's

a gay bar and i'm totally okay with that i know i did not want to do something totally fine with it because that's just obnoxious um like that person who claimed to know like have gaydar but like in a very real way where she scans a room and it's like one two three oh my god crazy people okay that it that's all oh god i'm so glad we ended on a nice note jason i hope you get to go back to that bar that sounds fun and i bet you that bartender is looking at you right back it's gonna say it i hope you guys find what you're looking for agreed that was nice yes that was um a lot of it wasn't but that was yeah thank you for the the three of you for the challenges um i hope i made each of you proud i at least at least tried to touch on each of your um suggestions so so proud good they better be they fucking better be

and all three of you better be at my phoenix show on wednesday what's our theme for next week? So, uh, I have come up with a theme that I came up with many moons ago and not in the last 30 seconds that actually Alexander came up with, uh, by searching in our, by Googling our inbox and cities in Mississippi. Surprise newsflash. We're doing Mississippi next week, uh,

because that's one of the only ones. What if I said that's the only one we have left? Oh, my God. What's the other one? New Hampshire. New Hampshire is going to get pissed. Okay. We're doing Mississippi.

Saving New Hampshire for last. And we are going to. The theme is casinos in Biloxi, Mississippi, which was sent in by Melissa. And we were like, that's random. And apparently it's not random. And it's like, holy shit. There are tens of thousands of reviews. Shit ton.

This is going to be wild. This is perfect. So I didn't know this was a thing, but here we are. And thank you to Melissa. Thank you, Melissa. What's my challenge? Your challenge actually was written in by Laura. Well, somewhat similar.

Okay. So I'll tell you what Laura said, but I'm going to change it up a little bit. Tweak it. Laura said the challenge would be a one-star review of a popular infomercial product where the reviewer has never bought or used the product. So kind of going off of that, I would like to challenge you to find a review of a product based on the commercial so not even based on the actual product just based on the commercial so it could be an infomercial i love that yeah that's actually super fun okay and that's listening by whom uh this is by laura okay laura and then melissa did the... Thank you, too. Okay.

Awesome. I'm excited. That's fun. As seen on TV. Uh-huh. Okay, cool. Well, thank you guys for listening. We hope you enjoyed today's episode and Monday's Between You and Us.

Because it was really good. Yes. We have not recorded it yet. But it will be... We'll record that next. Super good. It's going to be amazing. You're're gonna love it i promise i promise okay thanks everyone thanks everyone and be careful out there especially if you're in kansas Bye.