Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 62: Dunkin' Donuts in Concord, NH

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

Grab your plain sticks and your snotty coffee, because we're about to go on quite the journey. First, we read reviews of good old Dunkin' Donuts in the northeast, specifically in Concord, New Hampshire. Then, Alex completes the challenge of finding reviews where people used self defense tools on themselves. And it's just as ridiculous as you think! Tune in to find out where we're going next now that we finished all 50 states! Go watch our latest YouTube video to see us reveal the man behind the intro: https://youtu.be/l8Qzn-kW2wY Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A!  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. We're back oh man we're tired yes we have been flying around my arms are tired you were just you forced that one in there i forgot to say it real bad i thought it was good um hey everyone we went to new york and had our first live show. Believe it or not. It was amazing. It went so well. It worked. People were there.

Spotify streamed it to Spotify Global, which they lovingly told us five minutes before we went on stage. Oh, my God. I almost like pooped my pants right there. Yeah, we were a little bit a wreck, but it was great and fun. And I had a tiny little difficulty with my iTunes because the music wasn't playing. But I'm pretty sure that's because Spotify has some sort of like technical ban on apple products um so that was my bad but otherwise thank you to everyone who came out there were so many of you and we did a little mean greet it was amazing got to meet all of you someone gave me lemon pajamas that i'm wearing every single day now wait someone gave you a gift yeah oh sorry you weren't i didn't get a gift well

they said they didn't have any men's pajamas that would fit you. Also, you probably wouldn't. I wouldn't wear lemon pajamas anyway. Thank you to everyone who put up with me holding a slice of pizza behind my back in every single photo. A vegan pizza that he wouldn't finish and he would just like eat a teeny little nibble. I had so many people to talk to and I didn't want to. I don't know. I don't care.

No shame. Whatever. Just crumbing all over people. But yeah, thank you to everyone who who came out thank you to anchor uh thank you spotify thank you it was so cool for helping us well i mean really you guys put on that great event and uh we just kind of showed up for it and it was it was a blast you read reviews of new york um we are going to post the youtube the video they video filmed it filmed it filmed with uh they betamaxed it they filmed it with uh like a professional did you watch it no oh my god it's amazing is it really yes they like cut to our faces like

individual faces okay so this is like a cinematic experience i realized i make the exact same face every time i read reviews it's embarrassing but um it's a very high quality video dude they like seriously went all out and they had a photographer and everything so we're gonna post a video of the event and it's not like a normal live episode of a podcast like they really they went all out went all out so this is like. But we're going to put that on YouTube. And then we're going to put the audio ad as a bonus episode sometime soon. Which we had, like, the New York reviews were some of the funniest I've ever found. Yes. I had so much fun reading some of those. So, yeah, go to our YouTube channel, youtube.com slash C slash Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 Wet.

And keep subscribing to our podcast if you want a uh surprise bonus episode um i also wanted to uh let you guys know that friends with ellen was a real thing okay alexander was not making it up it was from community and i'm a huge community show i've watched the show five times through at least i'm like obsessed with it and I just haven't watched it in years and so it made so much sense to me and then someone posted that um a screenshot on twitter Allison Bree said it in community and that's where it came from in his head so okay this all explains everything can we all be friends again yeah stop telling me I'm wrong because I was right in my own way. In his own white cisgender way. He was very, very correct. Let him have it for once. Please.

For once, let him be right. Please. I'm sick of being such a downtrodden member of society. Okay. That was my only update. Also, we're on our last date today. Yes. New Hampshire. New Hampshire. We'll let you know at the end, we're on our last state today. Yes. New Hampshire. New Hampshire. We'll let you know at the end where we're going next. What a surprise. Yeah, tune in for that, because it's a fun little surprise for everyone.

Well, tune in for all of it, hopefully. Yeah, please don't just skip ahead. Stay tuned in. Good point. All right, so we this week did Dunkin' Donuts in Concord, New Hampshire. Yeah, thank you to Rachel and Nick for the suggestion. And what was your challenge? My challenge was from Ilea, right?

Yes. Okay. Ilea, she wanted me to find reviews of people, sorry, people who reviewed self-defense tools that they tested on themselves or on a friend. That was pretty easy. Well, not too easy. Because it was hard to find a... Just easy enough? It was a very solid challenge. That was pretty easy. Well, not too easy. Cause it was hard to find. Easy enough.

It was, it was, it was a very solid challenge. Oh, good. Okay, good. Thank you.

Um, cool. So who wants to start with, uh, um, why don't I go ahead and read a review of Dunkin' Donuts in Concord, New Hampshire? Wonderful.

This is a two star review by Janet. Out of the type of donut my daughter wanted. End of review. I thought I was gonna say comma and then a real complaint. No, I know. It just really bothered me. How did I think that? I don't know. So ignorant. It does bother me as well. There are too many where it's like, oh, didn't have the donut I wanted. One I didn't pick because it wasn't written very funny, but just the notion of it was funny is that someone said they don't have gluten-free donuts, so they refuse to go until they make a gluten. They have gluten-free brownies and pastries, just not donuts. I was like, go to a... That's ridiculous.

Whatever. That person sucks. We'll start off on a nice slow just like a bummer okay i have a three star by tucker by the way we're not specifying which duncan because they're too many they're all i went through like eight the same you think they're different because everyone says go to the one on main street nope that one also says go to the one on car seriously oh god, that was so annoying. They're always debating which one's... Like, this one's... the other one's better.

To be clear, they're all two stars out of five. Yeah, they're all bad, apparently. Three stars by Tucker. I've been to this Dunkin's a multitude of different times, so I guess you could say I'm pretty knowledgeable on how they run this location. They are very efficient, however, the cleanliness of the interior of the place just isn't up to par. The bathroom is a complete mess and there are dead slash live bugs that I've never seen before lining all across all the windowsills in the place. Oh, my God.

Someone get a scientist in there to see this new amazing ecosystem tucker has never seen that dunkin donuts has created in their bathrooms or wherever like their own biodome in the bathroom in the dunkin donuts biodome that sounds like a sports arena might exist besides cleanliness which can obviously be improved i have no complaints the staff is usually laughing and the manager constantly hounds in a positive manner on them to perform their best for the good of the customer end of review that was a weird end it wasn't it was most of the manager complaints were like this manager yells at their employees like screams at them in front of everyone that's all i read about and they're like teens that they're screaming yeah and they were those were

all just too much of a kind of horrifying i mean and the one i just like that this one is like um you know you could say i'm pretty knowledgeable on how they run the location because i've been to this one several times like it's not like i go every day for the last 20 years it's like i've been a multitude of times so you could say i pretty much run the place it's ridiculous they know me there i'm the one who always picks up the dead bugs i hate that shit people talking about if i were the manager of this dunkin donuts i wouldn't allow them to run out of monster energy drinks hey this wow that's very specific because i read that one oh i thought that's very... Specific because I read that one. Oh, I thought that's yours. It sounds familiar. If I ran this podcast, I would stop saying the F word.

If I ran this podcast. Like, the number of times people are like, you're doing it wrong. I'm like, you do it then. Yeah. And saying that we'd get more listeners if we stopped cursing. It's like, you know what? We don't need those listeners. We love the ones we have.

Earth, would we statistically prove? Okay, doesn't matter. All right. I'm done with mine. Enough about us. We always find the dead bug reviews. I think we've said all there is to say about dead slash live bugs. I think you'd be surprised.

We've been surprised in the past. That's true. Here's a two-star review by zach of dunkin donuts not a drop of chocolate milk to be found anywhere in the building end of review they mop it up the second it falls oh my god that's one way to say that you're disappointed that they don't sell chocolate milk so a very dramatic way but you know it wouldn't be online reviews if it weren't it's kind of amazing the things that people like go to dunkin donuts for monster energy drinks and chocolate milk yeah they had some special drink that used monster i saw that they were called energy or

something balls or something like i swear to to God. Monster balls. Sure. They were called something really strange and I kept being like, what is that? Yum. Anyway. It is kind of a bummer they wouldn't have chocolate milk. You'd think that's a pretty... With donuts? It makes more sense than monster energy.

It does. I'll give Zach that. Gio, stop. Gio's licking my computer. Oh, he's like, ooh, Dunkin' Donuts. I know. He hears monster energy drink yum yum yum mom always feeds me my go-go juice oh gross uh that's a toddlers and tiaras

reference for y'all i don't know if uh we've done one of those before okay so here we go one star by tracy so i just stopped for a coffee there was a a wait. Okay. It was fine waiting. Next thing you know, the worker is making my coffee, wiping her eyes and nose with her hands as she cries. I just. Wait, wait. Did I miss something? Do we know why this person's crying? Because she works at Dummy.

Okay. I guess. Not that she needs another reason other than that, but. No, because Tracy says, I just drove off incredibly rude like literally before getting there was a gun to her head some sort of hostage situation so i just drove off i'm gonna go to the starbucks um literally the woman was holding the coffee and she drove away if that makes sense yeah okay just i mean it makes sense It makes sense on an intellectual level. Yes, sure.

Next thing you know, the worker is making my coffee, wiping her eyes and nose with her hands as she cries. I just drove off. I don't want a damn coffee contaminated with her snots and her tears. I have made several complaints before. Yes, I know these people are probably being paid very little for the stress they put up with, but seriously? Several times I've gone in and the young girls have hickeys on their necks. Maybe that's why they're crying. Sounds painful. Stop looking at their necks, weirdo. Yeah, you're being real creepy here. And who cares? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Oh, I'll tell you why. And the young girls have hickeys on their necks. Just disgusting that someone would be

serving customers looking like that. And then to have torn up and stained white t-shirts as well. I am so done with Duncans. It sounds like these women, these young women are being kept in a basement like as hostages. I know. There's something going on here. Something very deep. Something sinister. Yes, we need to. And Tracy, they're like, save me. And Tracy's like, oh, gross. We need to throw out wild accusations at like save me and tracy's like oh gross we need to throw out wild accusations at duncan right now great no call it duncan donuts and they can't sue us since that's technically not their name anymore um that's legally true right renee uh yeah so i don't know apparently their shirts also are just torn up i did see that someone did complain about

their white shirts being dirty and i do think it's a poor poor decision corporate uncorporate level to have uh servers of coffee and donuts wear white shirts i will say i understand how that could be a problem fair point um but yeah that's i don't i don't know the woman was snotting in her coffee i guess i have a feeling that's not how it went down i don't want her snots that's what a what a terrible review and then the whole hickey thing in the how like they look like well you're going to dunkin donuts where do you think you are i also just like that who do you think you are you do not deserve any better treatment than what you're getting tracy's jealous she

doesn't have a hickey that's what it it is. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Sip in the tea. Is that what they say? I'm drinking. Only the cool kids, so you don't, you shouldn't say it. Can I? Okay. Nope.

Okay. Here's a one-star review. And the reviewer's name is hyphen hyphen. Like two hyphens. That's fun. So, anonymous. So clever. I've never been to this part of the country.

I bet it's nice. End review wait that's it is this on google what google your algorithm is fucking up something's going on i wonder what would encourage someone to look at a dunkin donuts and we're like be on their computer and even it pops up um even if it pops up what we both did last night what did I do last night look up Dunkin Donuts okay we've never been to but we looked at them and we were at a place we've never been look knowing that it's New Hampshire like this person knew it was in New Hampshire sure knew that they were writing a review of a place in New Hampshire and still wrote a one-star review about how they'd never been to that part of the country. Yes, I mean, I don't have a good explanation. Like, even if you're an old person, it's not even like you're writing a review saying, oh, Google, leave me alone, or, oh, like, I've never been there, stop.

It's just like... But in this case, it's a positive thing saying, oh, I've never been there stop it's just in this case it's it's a positive thing saying oh i've never been there but it how many reviews was it there's stars one so it's not very positive no but they say positive things i know i listen i think maybe wow i'm really i want to get to the bottom of this that's all really drawing a drawing a blank here. I mean, I bet New Hampshire is nice, to be fair. I think that's a nice thing we've said about New Hampshire. There you go, New Hampshire. You're welcome.

You're welcome. We're done now. What was that guy's name? Dash, dash. Or hyphen, hyphen, if you please. I'm done talking about hyphen, hyphen. Okay, I have a one-star by Rick. This is the worst location I have ever been to. Usually they screw up black coffee with sugar,

but I carry my own sugar because of that. Or the coffee is old. If you like the breakfast sandwiches, the English muffins are never toasted. And why don't you flip a coin to see if the meat is cold? I think that's a new sentence. It's a new idiom. Who would ever say that? Whose thought would ever be to write that out? Why don't you flip a coin? To see if the meat is cold.

My eyebrow automatically goes up when I say that too. Service is questionable. There are a few that are good. The majority hate goes up when I say that, too. Service is questionable. There are a few that are good. The majority hate their jobs and take it out on customers. Now, today, all I wanted was a French cruller. It's the only donut I just have to have. So I ordered my coffee and crullers. What I got was lukewarm burnt coffee and two stale glazed donuts.

When I called, the manager didn't really care. Bring them back and get new. No apology or anything. I told her I was working and I wouldn't be able to go in today and it would be a couple days before I could go back with the donuts. She said she had to have the donuts back today to get me new. I'm not going to keep two stale sticky donuts in my car for days to get crappy service and stale donuts. I just won't go back. End of review. Okay, then don't go back. That's fine. Also, no one wants you to keep them in your car for three days and go back. Nobody wants that. I can't believe, why would they call? I mean, okay, okay. It sucks. But I'm always baffled when people call and then expect something. Yes. Like, what are they going to do? Mail you, fax you a new donut?

Or like, send one of their employees to go hand deliver them? Oh my god, like a same-day delivery crawler service. Yeah, for literally two donuts. Yeah, crawlers. Crawlers. Yeah, and I just like that they carry their own sugar around. Like, this is a baffling human. Yeah.

I love Rick. You do? Oh, yeah. Like, this is a baffling human. Yeah. I love Rick. You do? Oh, yeah. Why? What is it about him? He carries sugar in his pockets. Okay. You really like this guy, huh?

Also, his car's full of donuts. Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point, actually. Okay, here's a review. Dunkin' Donuts by Skip. Two stars. Good service. The reason I give Dunkin's a two star

is they did away with the plain stick. The plain stick, without the dipped in sugar, can allow this plain stick once in a while. Bottom line, bring back the plain stick. End of review. I'm literally picturing him picking up tree branches and being like, I love Duncan's plain stick.

I think it's just dry doughnut. Anything inside. Yeah, yeah. Just the dough. I can guarantee you they did a study, like a research study, on their product called plain stick, and literally nobody wanted that. There was one person that I saw whose dog ate the plain donuts. Really?

Like, they literally said, I don't go to, like, I hate this Dunkin', but I only go here because my dog likes it. I'm not kidding. He's like, I'd rather go to Starbucks, but when I'm with my dog, we go here because he loves the plain munchkins. Lucky dog? I don't know. I'm like, are you okay, dog?

I'm not sure about that. Maybe the dog has diabetes just like this guy. Oh, yeah. So, therefore, should be eating plain. I just, I don't get it. I don't get it. No, there's not much to get. Okay.

One star by Amanda. A worker was obviously sick as he threw up on a customer. He was told by... Dr. Amanda is in the house? Is there a doctor? Wow. I'm impressed by that diagnosis. A worker was obviously sick as he threw up on a customer.

Oh, God. Just sorry. I keep getting like sh, like shutters. Like projectile vomited over the register. Yeah, there's no other close contact or out the drive-thru. Oh, God. Right into your car. He was told by his manager in order to leave, he had to find a replacement.

Otherwise, he had to stay and work. This is the kind of shit I read all over. Oh, my God. That's terrible. I find this to be not only unsanitary, but also very disrespectful to the other workers and to the customers. And maybe the worker that threw up. And the one who really has an illness of their tum-tum. This Dunkin' Donuts is no longer going to receive our business and we will travel out of our way to avoid it. The kid that was working was very apologetic to the woman that was on the receiving end of the vomit. She was understanding. This manager should definitely not be in the position she is in if she has no compassion for someone who is sick. And to think of the germs that were being spread around since shivers down my spine.

You couldn't pay me to do business there again. I believe that the manager's name was Jess, and a good course in compassion, food safety, and consideration for mankind might do her some good. The only reason I even gave one star is because in order to post, you have to be able to post. Get some compassion, you make me sick. Vomit. Projectile vomit vomit that review was bomb so bomb am i right oh my god you're so right yeah that was fucking nasty that's bad it really is i mean i send shivers down my spine it does it actually does it's bad somehow i have a one-star review by Kevin now.

Some woman cut in line and the cashier didn't spit in her coffee. What the hell? Can you imagine? He's like, oh, this is great for TikTok. And he pulls out his phone. I'm just waiting. That's exactly what I was picturing. Correct. I mean, I just like, there has to be that like, okay, now let's watch.

Now let's watch. It's a local guide for Concord, New Hampshire. Really? Hampshire really yes god all he did was projectile vomit all over her oh my god that would be a tiktok to watch tiktok to watch that's our new podcast no we just talk about yeah talk about tiktok oh my god tiktok talk okay hold on, TM, TM. Okay. One star by Robert. This dunking is by far the worst I have ever been to. They're rude, never get my order right. Never. They never have Splenda.

How can that happen? End of read. How can that happen? I don't under... It's impossible. How? This has never happened in the history of humankind or Splendakind. Go talk to Rick. He's full of Splenda and sugar and stale donuts in his car.

He's got what you need. How can this happen? How could this happen? Literally by them running out. Also, yeah, if they can run out of like plain glazed donuts, which apparently they do, I'm sure they can run out of Splenda. Here's a one star review by Sean. I'm sure they can write out of Splenda. Here's a one-star review by Sean. I was in this branch today, and I ordered a medium ice extra extra simple coffee. And it tasted pretty good.

But after drinking this coffee I get all the time, when I arrived home, my stomach was growling and grumbling. No big deal. Sometimes coffee does that to me, so I take care of business when that happens. However, this time was a little different. I've been on the toilet for over an hour with explosive diarrhea, and I feel extremely dehydrated, almost want to puke.

I'm very disappointed and may never return to this dunks for anything again. What? End of review. So, this person orders a nasty drink a nasty drink the half the do you know what the um no what tell me what it means so the well it's not that it's it's what i think is nasty is the extra extra it's like their cream oh they put extra cream yeah but you're lactose intolerant but yeah there's something going on right um let me get exactly what it is so i don't i'm not wrong it's the duncan extra extra creamer um how first of all how and why second of all tell

me i know right okay um so all it is is, it's a quote, that Dunkin' taste you love. Extra creamy, extra sweet. Made with real cream and real sugar. Ugh! It is not good for you. And this person literally... One tablespoon is 40 calories. Oh my!

One and a half grams of fat one grams of one gram of saturated fat um and uh six grams of sugar it's a tablespoon i'm not judging on that because i will say um a tablespoon of like back before my now i'm very anti-diet but before when i was you know wrapped up in the whole world i would buy coffee creamers and most of them are 35 calories per tablespoon like the um like all the coffee mate ones yeah so that's not like shocking to me but to get like a large whatever and then they put a lot duncan puts a lot yes of cream in their drinks people were complaining when it wasn't white enough oh god and so like i that's fine drink whatever you want but then if you're like i'm not shaming this person for drinking right it's their fault that i'm i have

a stomach upset that you're that's the that's the kicker man yeah that's something yeah that's bad come on guys oh my god but i love how at the end they say i may never return it's like bullshit well that's okay so now if you have that out you're like okay well i say i may never return it's like bullshit well that's okay so now if you have that out you're like okay well i said i may never return so i got i'll go back yeah i just want to test it again one more time um yeah maybe take a lactate first yeah try something different because also he said when this happens because it's happened before it's just worse this time yeah because his body's revolting body's probably like hey five days in a row is enough have we not been clear enough okay one star by brianna if i could give it zero stars i would i used to love stopping at this

location every single morning the people were friendly and knew what they were doing. Now, mediocre coffee and terrible service. The new team of teenage girls they got in are a complete joke. I had my last straw when I pulled up to the drive-thru, waited, then was greeted by a cackling laugh over the intercom. I placed my coffee order, then tried to order a wrap. When I ordered, some feedback came over the intercom, and she said, Just the coffee?

So I said for a second time, No, can I also have a chicken salad wrap? She asked me to pull up, and before I could even get my window up, I heard her and the other girls proceed to mock me and laugh at me while the microphone was still on. I pulled up, did not say anything because I honestly just needed to get to work. She took my credit card without saying anything. She gave me my coffee then said it would be a minute for the wrap, which was fine. While I waited, the three girls stood by the window and proceeded to scream, laugh, and attack each other with sharpie markers.

Needless to say, this location has taken a very bad turn. They have lost my business, and I made sure to fill out the survey online pertaining to that specific encounter as well. Sorry excuse for coffee, and even sorrier, customer service. Steer clear. Someone who's so, like, anti-laughter and stuff like an anti-fun that's so it's fucking these like likey guy or girl i don't know um or neither or neither i don't know who they are but someone who's so like critical of people enjoying their time at work that's insane to me at a dunkin donuts i was gonna say most of the complaints are like they hate their job yeah you know and if it's like oh they were talking and laughing i mean the fact that no they thought oh it's about me and it's like but you didn't clarify like

was it about you no i don't think it was anything that they said right but the moment they stopped ordering they continued to laugh they were laughing before you showed up right they laugh they're laughing at you they're laughing with you as you sit and laugh in your car with that grimace on your face freaking grinch i know what a grinch brianna you're such a grinch to go so far out of their way to like also like filling out the survey and everything like god damn i'm sure that survey does a lot too by the way what was it about your order that you think is worthy of laughing? I don't get it. What could they be laughing at?

You literally just pulled up in your car and ordered a chicken wrap. It's not like you're very, I mean, maybe you're very funny. I don't know. You don't seem very fucking funny to me. I'm not laughing. No. And I have a great sense of humor. Famously. Famously.

Here's one by Brad, two stars. I ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese with white cheddar wrap and got a steak, egg, and cheese. They offered to correct it, but I declined. That was fine. But I asked for my hash browns to be triple toasted extra crispy, and they were barely toasted at all. What? What? Wait, that makes no sense.'m sorry christina what i almost didn't pick this review because i'm like okay this person has a medical condition and then i think about it and i google

it and i'm like what how could this i need feedback from people to let me know if this is actually a thing please tell us because like as someone with a chronic condition, I'm not trying to laugh at someone's medical condition. I'm trying to understand how this could possibly make any sense, because I know with diverticulitis, if it is crunchy, it gets stuck in your intestines. Yes. And it makes you very ill. This is not that. This is specifically about the throat. This is the opposite.

And I read all, not all about. Maybe it's like halitosis. I read a lot. I read about different conditions that cause food to get caught in your throat. And it's like, what about that? And there was nothing about it needing to be crispy. That makes no sense. See, that doesn't make sense because the mushier it is, the easier it is to swallow.

That's the whole idea. Also, the other thing that made me want to read this review is the fact that Brad also ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese with white cheddar wrap. He eats other things. He eats melted cheese, which apparently is not too crunchy. He can eat egg. Yeah. That's not crispy. This makes me angry.

I hate when people fucking bullshit about medical stuff just to be like. Right? Just to be right. Yeah. medical stuff just to be like right just to be right yeah and to like hopefully get them to respond and be like oh my gosh like enjoy a free thing on life but because i and i read their other reviews they talked about a lot of different meals like never brought up the medical never brought it up never and some of them were five stars and it was just like it's probably because i read the review about normal sandwiches and normal and it was just like it's probably because i read the

review and sandwiches and normal thing and i'm like it's probably because i read the review and went oh yeah i sound like a shithead let me make up a reason like is it something about the hash browns specific like i don't know i'm fascinated guys is this another dorothy situation please let us know please uh shame us if necessary but um this seems it seemed very far-fetched it seems far-fetched and also like to be fair there were a lot of people who there were a lot of issues with the hash browns there were a lot of issues with the hash browns um most of the time it was that they didn't arrive with the meal at all so hey at least you got them's true. I think that's the only thing I can eat at Dunkin' Donuts. Even if they get stuck.

Okay, I have a one-star review by Noel. If I were myself, I wouldn't go here. Eek! Did you write that? No. What is that? I don't know. It's Noel.

It's a one-star review? I think he's a cool cruiser. I hated that. It's a one-star review? I think he's a cool cruiser. I hated that. It's one star? Yeah. It goes on. If I wasn't... Oh, there's more.

I was like, that's it? No, no. There's two more words. It's not much more. Oh, no. If I were myself, I wouldn't go here. Eek! Me thinks not.

End of review. Did that add what you were looking for? No. That added no layers. thinks not. End of reel. Did that add what you were looking for? No. That added no layers. I had to keep it because of the, you know. The eek? You know. Don't wink at me. When was this written?

Was this written by a fan? Yesterday. No, just kidding. I have no idea. Holy crap. Eek. I love it. I hate it. Why? Why did you have to throw that in there because i liked it it was also in the do not recommend section but you went searching for that one i did i'm i that made me happier though that it was not recommended i'm sure it does that's something okay i have one final one great it's a redemption oh my god my last one's a redemption too oh nice this is a

five star by kathleen i worked there and the staff is helpful fast and efficient they gave me a chance just what i needed end of ruby oh my god right oh my god yeah but it was a week ago too did they slick what they gave them a chance. Yeah, I don't know. Kathleen needed a chance. Kathleen, we'll give you a chance. That's Kathleen's only review. Oh, Kathleen. Five stars a week ago.

That's so sweet. We got you, girl. Yeah. All right, I also have a redemption. Hope you're doing well, Kathleen. Okay, give it to me. This is five stars by ST. Great customer service.

Had crippling anxiety picking out a free donut on national donut day june 2nd and ended up picking a choice i immediately regretted not was probably the plane stick oh god um oh god what do i pick the plane stick oh why did i say that oh could you imagine that so many choices not sure what to do and you have you end up with a plain stick all the colors in front of you i know not unlike regrets you may have when making a major decision in school life work and family the cashier saw the angst in my eyes and gave me a mulligan with a free donut coffee we got was good parking lot was spacious and clean the straws were good quality oh would stop in again that's so that's so nice they were really

looking for positives that's great quality straws i tell you it's important it's underrated uh review aspect that not that not to end on a bad note but that does remind me of someone who reviewed six different dunkin donuts Donuts in the area. And each one was a one-star review saying, the new cups suck. Get over yourself. This is not going to work. What you're doing doesn't, it just wastes your time. It's like they did it because of the environment or something, because of the foam.

I mean, they're probably still crappy cups they use, but they like try to make it a little more yeah well duncan has those like intense straws like those big orange and pink ones oh yeah oh those are something like now you know i try to bring my own because i'm that person but like they are nice straw i i will tell you they're nice straws i gotta say yes for as far as especially if you're getting like one of those XL terrible plastic Serasgo yeah they are nice straws they're good good quality uh huh

never they'll never never compost in the trash heap oh god or the ocean or the ocean

okay so I thought I was ending it on a bad note then you made it even worse well what the fuck do you expect from me that's true I'm so excited for this expect from me. That's true.

I'm so excited for this. My challenge from Ilea. People reviewing self-defense tools that they tested on themselves or a friend. Amazing. Um, yeah. There are all sorts of tools, but it was kind of hard

to find anything other than... Oh, you'll see. Pepper spray mace. Pretty much, yep. And a rechargeable stun gun, three-function flashlight and holster. Yikes! Black by Stun Master. Stun Master!

This is a review... Mom and Dad, I'd like you to invest in my company. It's called Stun Master. You know how I always wanted to be called Master, something Master. A review? Mom and dad, I'd like you to invest in my company. It's called Stuntmaster. You know how I always wanted to be called Master something Master. Sounds like something from Napoleon Dynamite. This is a review by VS Brown titled, A Taser That Can Definitely Give You A Chance To Get Away. Five stars.

Verified purchase. I messed around and tased myself. Oh. And I can tell it works. Just please keep it away from children.'s damaging but good to have for protection ladies if you are being abused get one of these taser and after you damage him

or in cases of a man she don't stay get out and stay out end of review what? I think the effects of the taser kinda got to their head and the review stopped making sense. The last brain cells were dying. As they were writing, I was like, whoa. They were on the ground.

Don't know what any of this means, but I hope people will find this helpful. And sure enough, one person did. Oh, good. Was it you? Nope. Great. That is a thanks. Thanks, VS Brown.

Thanks. Great. That is a thanks. Thanks, VS Brown. Thanks. My next reveal is of Hyper Whistle, the original world's loudest... Mom and Dad, I'd like you to invest in my company. You know whistles? Well, it's more than a whistle. Remember how hyper I was growing up? Well... And then you put me on... The two loves of my life.

You put me on Ritalin and I started hiding it. Started Hyper Whistle. Hyper Whistle, the original world's loudest whistle, up to 142 decibels loud. Jesus. Very long range for referee, coaches, instructors, sports, teachers, lifeguard, self-defense, survival, emergency uses. Oh, it got dark at the end there. Your teacher can use this. Lifeguard, teacher, if you're dying in an alley.

This review is by Sim, titled Plastic Danger to Yourself. Oh. I bought this because it claims the loudest whistle. I will give it that is an extremely loud whistle if you're the one blowing it. My son and I tested it out on each other without the earplugs that come with it. As soon as we got it, we were excited. He blew first and I thought he was doing it wrong because it wasn't loud, but he claims his ears were ringing. So I took a turn and blew hard and sure enough my ears rang. It seems the sound bounces back to the blower. Now we were only mere feet from each other and the person not blowing had no effect.

It kind of gurgles out if you blow too hard. The air exits the whistle halfway through and bounces back. The tip of it is solid, not expelling any air or noise. Not for eleven dollars I would not buy this again. I would stick with the double barrel whistle. I don't have a decibel reading, but I'm very happy with the double barrel whistle. End of review.

What is she talking about? I don't know. What is she talking about? I don't know. My... I blew it and my son's ears were ringing, but still doesn't or he blew i don't know i think like they blew too many of those double barrel whistles in their ears to serve damage i don't think that i love how like they readily admit that they're like oh it came with these earplugs

but we're not gonna use those well and also to say like oh it doesn't work meaning it didn't make my son's ears start painfully ringing from five feet away. That's not really what you want. Like, I don't think that's the idea. I think the idea is that people can hear it, which I assume happened. I highly doubt that the son mere feet away was like, did you blow it yet? What? Or he has hearing damage now.

Exactly. Exactly. Use your earplugs. Which seems quite likely, all things considered. Use your earplugs, folks. My next one is of Sabre Advanced Pepper Spray Keychain with Quick Release, 3-in-1 Pepper Spray, CS Tear Gas, and UV Dye. Maximum Strength police OC spray.

Finger grip for better aim. Optional practice spray. Sorry, I had to make your plugs in. Can you say that again? I'll say it one more time. Nope. Sabre. That was, I almost said that.

Dunder Mifflin and Sabre. Okay. This is by Brendan. Five stars. Titled, Tested When We Received It, Worked Too Well. Received the Sabre 3-in-1 spray fast with Amazon Prime. As soon as I got here, I took the little lady outside and had her test it. It shot far, at least 10 feet,

and the slight wind didn't seem to affect it that much. As far as effectiveness, after she sprayed it, I walked through the lingering cloud. Why? You know, just to test it with my dumb boyfriend brain. Yep. Do not do this. Trust me, it works. You don't need to make sure.

I swear to God, one of my eyes almost melted out. A direct spray to the face would have turned me into a crying little biatch. I'm honestly sure why I thought that I needed to do this. I've never gotten a new handgun or brass knuckles and said, you know, let's make sure this thing isn't faulty. Thank God. I wasn't, I had some doubts, actually. Yeah, the way he talks about it, it sounds like that's exactly what he would do.

At any rate, this is an industry-leading manufacturer of defensive products, and you can buy with the utmost confidence that their products are effective. End of review. Oh, my God. Oh, man. People are really something, huh? These are fun. People, guys, don't do this thing.

Just stop, please. Don't do this thing that you're doing please it's like just trust that it's working just exactly just trust it i mean hopefully you'll never have to use it but like i mean you know about how m's mom did this right no what happened um so linda had pepper spray and was staying at a hotel and wanted to test it out and she sprayed it into a vent thinking hey that at least that way it won't like come back into my face and it went into the entire floor's ventilation system and um a lot of people were displeased oh my god yeah she got in big trouble oh okay so they knew it was her? Yep.

I think. Maybe. I have to ask him. I know she also got in trouble for hanging her pantsuits on the sprinkler system. I heard that one. So no longer welcome at the Ramada. But I don't know if the pepper spray incident was ever determined to be her. That's impressive.

I'm calling her out now i guess to like right into the vent thinking like oh this way it won't go in my eyes it'll go in 45 other people's eyes that's so terrible all right my next one yes guard dog security pepper spray keychain with case oc spray for self-defense with dye. Choose a leather holster color. Oh, fun. They got my attention. Well, it got Brian's attention too. Brian wrote a five-star review titled, Good Quality.

Tested it on myself to be sure of the quality. And it had me rolling on the ground in seconds. Couldn't keep my eyes open. Highly recommend for self-defense. End of review. How did they type self-defense. End of review. How do they type this? Siri. Hey, Siri. Siri, write an Amazon review of my most recent purchase. Tell them that I can't open my eyes. Tell them also to call the police, please. Oh my god.

And then I have one more. Okay, I wanted to add to that. I forgot to tell you, Ilea also sent an example. So I don't know if you want me to read that at the end or now. Read it at the end. Okay, got it. That'll be fun. Here's a review of Mini Self-Defense Jogger Stun Gun for Women. Best concealed protection tool for joggers, runners, walking, Batteries, and Nylon Case by FoxFend.

Mike wrote a five-star review titled, This Taser Works. I bought this for my girlfriend so she can jog in the mornings and walk through the apartment parking lot at night. Because no one in the reviews tested it, I had a friend try it on me so I would know if it would actually fend off an attacker. This is the most cliche thing. No one else has done this before, so I'm gonna do it. Yeah, it's like a pioneer kind of thing. Like, maybe think for a moment why no one else has done this thing. It's a noble service, though. I'm impressed. Okay, at least it's five stars. I had a friend try it on me so I would know if it would actually fend off an attacker. I had a friend try it on me so I would know if it would actually fend off an attacker.

The answer is yes. Since an attacker is likely to be clothed, I had my friend shock my arm through a shirt and sweater for half a second. It hurt pretty good, and my entire arm was numb for about five seconds. I have no doubt that holding it longer would be able to totally disorient an attacker, if you can hit bare skin and a review the rest is i mean they had more but it was about like the design and i mean i gotta say though i wouldn't be so sure with that assumption that most attackers are clothed true you never know you never know but i've watched enough criminal minds to know criminals can get weird yeah but that's probably i mean if you have that thing then you probably don't want them to be clothed because it'll knock them down even faster maybe try with a

snowsuit next time instead just to go the opposite direction i have a pink one they can borrow you do that's all that's it oh yeah i'm ready i'm ready for what uh ilia has those are good every single one of those like kicked ass with the challenge thank you thank you yeah people actually do that stuff i wanted to find one of those, like, those cat things, the keychains with a sharp thing. The one I have. Where people are like, oh, yeah, I stabbed myself or something. But, oh, I did find one that, I don't know, wasn't that great. But it was one of those, like, pressure point things.

And he's like, I tried it on myself. And I know that if I pushed harder, it would have been even worse. So, this works. Yikes. So, the idea it would have been even worse. So this works. Yikes. So the idea, I have one of these. Actually, it got confiscated also. Not at the Korean market like Alex did, but at TSA. But it's like a kitty cat, and you put your fingers in it, and it has pointed knuckles.

And the idea is that they're the right distance for your eyes. You punch them right in the face. Or the idea is that they're the right distance for your eyes you punch them right in the face or the idea is that they just hurt like hell and i will say i accidentally tested those on myself because they were in my back pocket and i sat down in the car oh my god and boy oh boy does that hurt on your butt so okay so you know to punch people's butts it's like the snowsuit example if it hurts that bad on your butt it's gonna hurt real bad on your face okay so just saying i like those a lot they're sometimes illegal i will say be careful because check your state laws because sometimes they're illegal and um there are plenty of other self-defense options thankfully we haven't

encouraged people to do much of anything at all as far as what with this oh what do you mean i'm saying like we can't get in trouble. Oh. Oh, sure. I mean, I encourage you to get self-defense tools. Oh, yeah, but I mean, like, never mind. We can erase this. Alexander doesn't want you to, I guess. I want you to...

Fend for yourself. It's all about the fisticuffs. That's what Alexander always says. That's not what I meant by all this. All I meant was we're not going to get sued like we are by uh duncan donuts right duncan right except we are now now we are shit what is it called do you remember that book that i used to read where the sidewalk ends am i wrong i'll find it later okay so i also wanted to add real quick that um alia also sent in an example in her uh email she's gonna like one up everything i just said no no

i mean maybe we'll see i i read it when it first came in. I haven't read it since. Okay, good. It might be terrible. Love the show, she says. I was looking at stun guns on Amazon for self-defense and came across this gem. This is a five-star review by Josie. Not very debilitating, but very intimidating and painful. Very small and easy to carry. And the sound alone would be enough to scare off most purse snatchers and creeps. After I bought it, me and my friend tested it out on each other. Oh yeah. Probably could have taken the pain, but my instincts kicked in like I was being attacked by a giant bee.

You know when that happens. Oh, yeah. And I jumped away. Afterwards, we could smell my burnt sweatpants, and it left a scar that lasted about a month. Jesus. Yikes. I like how the beginning of this subject is not very debilitating. Although I didn't have days mental state and muscle spasms like it says in the instructions, and I'm not sure how useful the product would be on a large man or someone who is motivated enough to keep attaching despite the pain.

I'm sure that means attacking. Oh, God. Despite that, it's an amazing product for the price, and I feel much safer carrying it with me. P.S. Only needs to be charged an hour every every month and you can plug it right into the wall that's that was a really good one uh i can't tell if josie is tough or dumb or both um i love how they're like it didn't do as what it was instructed but could only last like a couple seconds yeah it says to do it for five seconds i can only last last two, so. Like, if you held that, if someone held that on you for, like, five to ten seconds, I have a feeling you would be experiencing all of those things. And maybe more.

And probably more. And probably unable to write this review. So, anyway, thank you, Aaliyah, for that. That was, I thought, a really fun one. That's a fun challenge. That was a good one. Very specific. Now, I want to find Alexander. I told Alexander

there's this book I wanted to remember the name of and he said Where the Sidewalk Ends and I want to be clear that is not the book that I'm looking for. I have it right here. Please hold. I'm holding. Wow, I buy a lot of books on Amazon. Wow! Okay. Weird brag. No, holding wow i buy a lot of books on amazon wow okay weird brag no i it's not even a brag it's really lame things one of them is called i am pushing the cat so don't be too jealous i love pushing you know that book describe give me you've given zero description of this book okay it's about um oh my god i bought

francisca a bunch of magic bunny magic pony series remember those what year are you in 2011 christina what i bought it a long time ago it's that book about um self or not self-defense but it's like that book written by the guy who worked on the secret service and stuff or who helped and he says like it's like the art or the art of self-defense but like learning the art of the deal how to win friends and influence people no it's like about about how you know people are like stalking you he's worked with people who've had stalkers i've recommended this book all the time i used to on and that's what you're drinking now i completely fucking forget ah i found it give me everything you have how to stop a stalker no but that's that's my next book

no i'm so sorry i found it it's called the gift of fear and it's by gavinBecker, and he's brilliant. He worked with several presidents and Secret Service and FBI. He was that guy at the New York show. That was our security detail. Oh, man. I believed you, because Spotify headquarters is in the World Trade Center. And I was like, maybe they have really top-notch security. I'm sure they do. But no, this guy, he basically does a of like work with people who have stalkers celebrities

who have stalkers that kind of thing and the book is called the gift of fear survival signals that protect us from violence and it's basically i highly recommend it to everybody who's listening to this um it's uh it's basically like how you can use your instincts and how fear actually can help you in a scenario where you might be in danger and how to follow your gut instincts rather than be polite. Rather than say like, oh, I'm probably just overreacting. And there's a ton of stories in there of like someone being in an elevator and being like something feels off, but like this person is friendly, so I'm are fine and then that person ends up being you know violent whatever so it reads like a like it i'm literally about to read a review from the boston globe but it reads like a thriller like it's like very intense and fascinating but it's also very helpful so highly recommend plus get a kitty key chain yes be safe out there everyone be safe out there love that

anyway that's my little spiel on your challenge sorry about that okay i'll come up with one next week the spiel oh you want to read another boston globe review yes let's just turn this into a book review where we read reviews of books all right how about you give us a theme for next week this is this is gonna be fun a special one i-oh. Okay, time for the big reveal. We're going international, folks. It's happening, finally. We're going to Indonesia for a massage. Nope, just kidding.

That's just me. That's just him. We are going to go to Canada. This is your big question you've been asking us. One of you or two of you have been asking us. We're going to Canada, and we've decided to go... I've decided to go to Halifax, because that is one of the places I've been in Canada and I loved it. So we're going to Halifax, Nova Scotia.

And Caitlin had sent in some suggestions. So we are going to do karaoke bars in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Love that. I went to several pubs there. Did not do karaoke, but they have some great bars and live jazz. Oh, going to do some jazz. Live jazz. So I'm sure we'll find some good stuff with karaoke bars i'm

excited i'm very very excited for that what's my challenge before i give you the challenge i want to give a quick note about the theme for next week oh right yes sorry because i am planning on going international as well but i haven't decided on the country so my plan is i'm going to provide a list of countries to our patrons right and they will vote on which country we my plan is i'm going to provide a list of countries to our patrons right and they will vote on which country we'll do next we're gonna do a poll on patreon so if you want to sign up for patreon patreon.com slash beach to sandy for just two dollars a month you can participate in our uh live monthly live things and you get to participate in polls where you decide what country we're going to

next yay yeah so we'll probably do more of those polls now too since we're kind of just lost in the world carmen san diego style now that we're outside of new hampshire i felt very good in new hampshire it felt safe we drove like 30 minutes to canada and now suddenly i have free health insurance and you know i don't know what to do with it. What the heck? Why would I want that? It's incredible. It's stupid. Cool. So, yeah.

Sign up for Patreon if you want to participate and we'll get a new country next week. Amazing. What's my challenge? Your challenge comes courtesy of Becca. Find a review of an escape room where the person complained about it because they were not smart enough to solve the clues so something negative so something i've written no probably um m just did an escape room for me and i barely solved it for you what does that mean you didn't know about this and built an

entire oh oh yes for me i thought you meant like for lemon and participated in an escape room like in your honor. I was like, that is a bizarre thing to do. M has done that too, to be fair. Because, because what? Sorry, because it was too hard? Yeah, because they couldn't, they weren't smart enough to solve the clues. That's great, Becca. Okay, thank you.

I'm excited. All right. So thank you, Caitlin and Becca. And we are super pumped for next week. International traveling. Going on a tour. Get your passport ready. Get your passport.

Travel visa. God, I'm done traveling. Thank you very much, though. Okay. Bye, everybody. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Bye.