Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 71: Universities in England

Episode Date: April 1, 2020

Love a good panto? That must mean you're British! So stop whatever yawn-fest you're participating in, and join us as we read reviews of universities in England. Christine also reads some of the worst reviews we've had on the show, and there's nothing redeeming about them. So... enjoy? Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, sirkoto51, and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Hey folks, so unfortunately we received a bit of disheartening news this week. Beach Shoe Sandy received a cease and desist letter from Yelp's legal team, believe it or not. Yeah, apparently one of the elite Yelpers whose reviews we read, they contacted Yelp's legal team who then reached out to us and we're not going to share, our lawyer advised us not to share the Yelper's name or the specific review.

But apparently it was enough for them to want to contact Yelp. In other words, we are no longer going to be reading reviews from Yelp. They asked us to please stop using the service from here on out. So we just wanted to give you that update before we got started with today's episode. But don't worry, we're going to continue with the show. And from now on, we're going to stick to TripAdvisor and Google reviews. But please, please, please, if you are a local guide, don't reach out to Google's legal team.

Yeah, we're not ready to face that. We can't afford that, basically. Yep, our lawyer has advised us to please leave Google out of it. Thank you. April Fools! Take it away, Dad. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to

Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Welcome and hello. Hello and welcome. This is Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, the podcast with a lot of pizzazz. And spunk.

And spunk during the self-isolation period of our lives. during the self-isolation period of our lives. And we heard the news that people are listening to fewer podcasts because they're not commuting. Did our mother send us that? Maybe. Did she send us that article? Perhaps. No, no, no.

She was like, oh, at least you're doing something that is still going. I'm like, well, yes, I can't complain. But I told her but did we send that to listenership is down our mother yes yes i did welcome to and that's why we nope welcome oh my god wrong fucking podcast i'm gonna charge you every time for advertising a dumb podcast that's trust me uh you won't get much at this rate things have been going super not great with this uh quarantine not to complain a lot of other people are having it way worse no i know can you believe it um but i just uh i want to say we're still uh we're still going strong trying to connect with you guys and

make content hashtag content and we love you and we love you so much i decided i gave up on uh my like five day a week sobriety so i'm having a beer oh yeah i'm having my third rum and coke of the night can you tell this week's theme alexander was universities in london and in england england just in england are you kidding with me no shit oh. Well, that complicated things for me. And my challenge was sent in by Audrey. And it was reviews of places that shouldn't really be reviewed, such as Anne Frank's house or the Vietnam Veteran Memorial. So thanks. Thanks for that.

Oh, God, I forgot about that. I'm glad I'm drinking. Yes, I hope you know what you've done. Also, I think this will be a fan favorite, though. I don i forgot about that i'm glad i'm drinking okay yes i hope you know what you've done um also i think this will be a fan favorite though i don't know about that also side note everyone our shows are canceled yes sorry so we're very sad we've been trying to wait for like so we've gotten confirmation now um and we want to reschedule we don't have dates yet we're still working on it we're hoping that we can um honestly i don't know the situation with refunds i assume there are refunds i just yeah i can tell you at least that much is so our booking agent is the same as and that's where we drink and he's probably going bald at this point because he's had like the most hectic, insane month ever trying to reschedule literally every show that he's booked for the next three months or whatever.

And so for Unless We Drink, he's rescheduled like four of the 21 or something. So we're trying to throw Beachy Sandy in the mix. So we're waiting on that but once it is rescheduled um and it will be if you had tickets you will either be able to go to the next show obviously and your tickets will what's the word carry over carry over and uh if you are not able to go you will get a full refund so there you go okay either way perfect it sucks yeah it sucks sorry everyone really and it sucks for us but we're sorry okay we will come back to you we'll figure it out that just gives us more time to uh hone our craft and for you to find more friends to bring please there we go anyway um so you don't have that many reviews

is what i'm gauging by your reaction to so here's the thing i found um so i went really full steam ahead with my challenge this week which was to find reviews of places that shouldn't really be reviewed and i went so full steam ahead that i kind of um it's it's not balanced evenly let's just put it that way okay i do have three reviews and one response okay and they're all quite hearty okay good that's fine okay i think that's plenty let me close this window because that bird is it's like where the hell are we i don't know i don't that bird isn't it's tropical sounding we promise we're still in quarantine in isolation what if we went to jamaica we would probably bring it to jamaica for the first time have fun okay okay okay so in that

case let me go first i don't have that much that many more i think i have five in a redemption but they're fairly short, so. Oh, good. So you, oh, I have a redemption as well. So you go first. My first one is of the University of Cambridge. So it's my first one. This is by the science enthusiast.

One star. Oh, sorry, me? Oh, this is you? Yeah. You want to do that? Okay, fine. I'm very smart. This is you.

Why does a university still exist in Cambridge? The educational institution is a waste. The internet and personal experience are true forms of education. End of review. Uh-oh, someone didn't graduate. Someone had something go wrong, and so letting out some steam there. Uh-oh, someone spends a lot of time on youtube i feel like that's a mean version of michael scott i'm just saying like that's like street smarts

kind of like uh you don't need to go to cambridge school yeah trick question never mind what's your trick question that was he said that in a show but i forget the quote he's like trick question oh when when r Ryan was quizzing him on his business school stuff. Ryan started the fire. Okay. Fire guy. Here's my first review. It is of University of Cambridge.

Interestingly enough, this reviewer has a similar name. Not similar, but just as weird. This is a two-star review by CambridgeLady2014. Someone's a little biased. Incredibly disappointing. And okay, the reason I picked this review is because I'm finally watching Schitt's Creek. What? Finally?

Yeah, I never watched it. I know, I'm binging it. I'm finally watching it. It seems to be the only show left that I haven't actually seen, which is pretty sad. But it reminds me of Moira a little bit with her fake accent. I love Moira. Yeah, she's the best. So here's the review.

Having watched untold Shakespeare performances over the years, I had always wanted to see a play at the Cambridge Open Air Festival. It was, as I'm sure the others in the season are, a truly amazing location. There is little to touch the Cambridge College backs on a summer's night, and the combination with Shakespeare must seem perfect as an experience. What a shame that it was marred by what has to be one of the most embarrassingly bad versions of a Shakespeare play I have ever suffered. Shrieking actors, and I use the term shrieking extremely loosely, overplayed and hammed it up in a way more suited to a school panto than some of the finest plays ever written. A school what? I don't know. I meant to look it up okay hmm well called you out there

panto this is not that bread that comes in a box that like christmas german bread not german i don't know no i don't know why that popped in my head i'm sorry i googled the word panto and a picture of a mime came up, because apparently it's short for pantomime. Oh. What is a panto in England? A panto is a traditional fairy tale complete with songs, dances, jokes, exaggerated characters, and lots of audience participation.

The British love a good panto. No, obviously they don't. Oh, God. Okay. Educational podcast. And hammed it up in a way more suited to a school panto than some of the finest plays ever written. Shakespeare's masterpiece was rendered both boring

and incomprehensible by the bad performances. A group of lackluster tourists and elderly relatives raised their odd feeble laughs of clap for the sake of form ouch terrible waste of money and an awful way to spend an evening why not take a walk instead end of review i guess i was just really confused why her name was cambridge lady 2014 and she had such a terrible time maybe she made the count before seeing the play in such anticipation she lives in cambridge yeah but it seems like she was so invested in finally seeing the play that's true why would she have not seen it earlier maybe just no play in cambridge was

ever going to be like live up to her expectations true I think that's what I think that is clear from that review like don't meet your heroes and if your hero is Cambridge Cambridge outdoor theater or something then don't then just stick to your panto your child's panto okay my next review is of University of Cambridge by Rob. Two stars. What if he was like, I saw the best play ever in 2014. Reminded me of my child's panto. You know how the British love their pantos.

Rob says, don't dislike it. prefer oxford end of review oh my god just stupid why would you even take the time i mean oh my god what i mean what you could ask that about and what about your lady huh cambridge lady why take that time and not only that time at least rob took five seconds okay that's a fair lady took five minutes she had to find her thesaurus to get most of these words true um well the next one i have i kind of i thought we were still just like london based although cambridge isn't cambridge so yeah i don't understand england so i don't don't look at me london school of economics i did do that one it's coming up okay so Okay. So my friend Danielle actually studied abroad there.

Cool. And it was extremely difficult. I've heard about it. And she and I FaceTimed the other day for the first time in like three years. And she goes, I just love catching up with Beach T Sandy every week. And I went, what? Well, hi, Danielle. I know.

And she goes, I was like, you and my mother-in--law the only two people that i can think of who listen regularly and um and then she said oh do you remember when i was sitting friends are just better than yours i guess they oh i did we have a question no they won't hear this so i don't think that's a good point my friends will so i'm glad i said something nice yeah they're great um hi simon okay so so i thought of the first one yeah i mean simon kate love a good lauren all right don't put me in a bad situation here i'm putting favoritism towards okay now i'm worried that i'm forgetting people and i know i am yeah see because like i think john listens to kate john ashley they might listen to stop i'm nervous now. I'm nervous.

This is so weird. Okay. Logan and Nick. I mention them all the time. Are you done? I'm done. I'm nervous. Okay.

So, my friend Danielle said, do you remember when I was studying abroad? I want to listen more because I remembered more people. Do you remember? Okay. Sorry. What did Danielle say? She said she studied abroad in london and she said remember how my final paper was about podcasts and i went no and she's like yeah my final paper

was about like podcasts and everyone was like why would you write a paper on podcasts that's not a thing because it was like six years ago or five years ago and i was like danielle i'm pretty sure you told me about that at the time and i went I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Because our thesis was about podcasts. Really? Yes. And I remember being like, that's dumb. No, I didn't say that.

Christine, I remember that you literally just said, Danielle listens to this. I meant that's dumb that Christine didn't know what the fuck a podcast was. Oh. I'm sorry. That came out really wrong. No. So I just like very surprised that a she listens regularly and b she told me what a podcast was before i knew what it was that's funny

okay are we done now sorry bye danielle i know you won't listen to any more after this one she's done as she should be okay this is so because i thought we were stuck in london i then went to a graduate-guided Cambridge University and City tour on TripAdvisor. Of course you would. This is a one-star review by Eugene. A tour to miss. Worst tour possible. Tickets not asked for or even checked.

Tour just started. Tour guide had little voice. Dry, nervous delivery. No verve for Cambridge University. Delivered boring information such as, this building is where the double helix was discovered. Yawn fest, am I right? Or is it snooze fest? It's definitely not yawn fest. i right or is it snooze fest it's definitely not yawn fest i know that

that's that's that that's that theater festival though that they do at cambridge not at the london school of economics in today's economy saving money is like an extreme sport coupon clipping promo code searching it takes takes skill, speed, sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix,

Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Today. Something is coming. Kong.

Godzilla. They can feel it. Fight together. It's human up. Or face extinction. Godzilla Kong, the new empire. Now playing only in theaters. So disappointed we left the tour early and gave up our tickets fare.

Worth it. Suggestions. so disappointed we left the tour early and gave up our tickets fair worth it suggestions get audio earphones so guide could be heard over cambridge traffic noise especially this weak voice student guide outline interesting non-tour book information and stories that tourists are really interested in buildings are inanimate recommendation for sure do not go and then there's a response from the owner dear eugene thank you for taking the time to give feedback we are very sorry to hear that you did not enjoy your experience as soon as we saw your review we called you to investigate your concern and you told us that you arrived five minutes late for the tour, which had already started, and you stayed for only five minutes before deciding to leave. When you arrived, a team member escorted you to the tour group, and because they wanted to get you to the group quickly for your own benefit, this resulted in them not checking your ticket.

We also feel that staying for five minutes of the tour is not enough time to decide that our tour is the worst tour possible and we feel this is very unfair we take our reputation seriously and our tour guides are given a carefully prepared script and receive full training we wish you would have come to see the manager when you left the tour and reported your concerns so we could have resolved the situation since speaking speaking with you on the phone, I have issued you a full refund. Best wishes, Cambridge Alumni Tours. Wow. That's like the best English response of like, oh, really? It's like a total smackdown and yet very well said.

With a pinky up the entire time. Okay. Also, one of my closest friends is from london and i'm sure does not appreciate this but again doesn't listen to the podcast so so screw you joanna i mean i mean i don't know this person i can say whatever i want about all my lovely friends just kidding i love you all very much i think this quarantine has driven me mad as they say yes in harry potter me too me too um well my next reviews are from university of oxford uh this is by krista oh wait no kirsten oh wait no those are two friends that i didn't mention alexander you can't do this to me i'm gonna keep doing this the rest of the episode because i have people to

name okay guess what how about baronhard our father he listens okay fine i have three friends are you guys are you happy alexander that i have three friends. Are you guys, are you happy, Alex and her? That I have three friends? Yeah. Great. I'm glad because they're my friends too. Congratulations. Hi, guys.

You win. This is a one-star review by Espen. They're a bunch of arrogant nerds and don't know what they're missing. Huffing emoji. End of review. Is that what that review is? Where it's like, you're like. What, that review? Or that emoji? what that review is where it's like you're like what that review or that or that emoji is where the like steam's coming out of the nose yeah there

are no horns but yes i know what you mean huff yeah these nerds these nerds well so what are they missing do we know no i i that is not clear because we're big nerds i'm not sure what espen's interested in like what what what Espen is into. A Shakespearean panto. Mmm, they don't know about a good panto. They don't know. Yeah. Huff, huff, huff.

And they should. My next review is of Chelsea College of Arts. This is really weird. Okay, I'm ready for it, though. Are you sure okay this is uh i'm pretty sure this is the guy whose sister stole or sold his 10 renaissance paintings oh yes do you remember times my god i do remember that's from the dollar store episode i believe yep which you wouldn't really equate that, those two things.

But I'm pretty sure the Renaissance painting story was from the- Go listen to that episode if you have no idea what we're talking about. That was a good one. This is, I swear to God, the same guy. Okay? One star of Chelsea College of Arts by Peter. Buckle up. Buckle up.

I'm nervous. Wait, can I pour another drink? Oh my God. Already? Okay. Here's the thing, y'all. We have to record two more bonus episodes, so this is just a good start. This bottle of rum just appeared on the table.

I swear, everyone listening is like, they are devolving into chaos. I think a lot of people can relate, but this is the most I've ever drank in my life. I mean, truly. It's during quarantine. It is insane. And we, in LA at least, we have Drizzly,

which like delivers booze to your front door without touching. Like they just like leave it at your door. Well, I found the dustiest bottle of rum in the house and was like, no one's going to miss this and grabbed it. I did it. It appeared and I went, where's that from? And you that from and you've been in my room for the past week things are going

really well everyone let's keep talking about fine uh educational institutions please okay this is a review of chelsea college of arts by peter one star i came here to do a course in 1984. Oh, no. That's it? I'm not kidding. I'm sorry. I'm interrupting already. No, no. You're going to have to because this is the baddiest thing I've ever read. If you're writing...

What happened to me was beyond belief and I have never spoken about it until now. And I'll also say this was in the not recommended so no one's even gonna see it i'm sorry hopefully this was therapeutic peter because it sounds like it's about to be yeah the first day these poor listeners are like just get on with it. It's a saga. I'm sorry. The first day was chaotic as we didn't know each other. To my knowledge, there hadn't been an introductory day. The course was chaotic.

Students didn't know what to do. They were hanging around, doing nothing and talking. The head made every student fill out an assessment form, rating the quality of the course at the beginning without experiencing it first

to get good statistics statistics they were then given what looked like childish projects work was not assessed properly i was the only student not given a drawer for my work and i couldn't get one i then was allowed to leave it in an ital girl's drawer. Georgina Alexandria Concato. Okay, I'm still confused about the whole drawer situation. Where are these drawers? But then there's a question mark. He's not sure of her name, but it's so specific. So I guess they got drawers for all their art supplies,

and he's the only one who didn't get one, so he had to use... Georgina's? Georgina Alexandria Concato, question mark? Where's Georgina's review of, like, ugh, this asshole? This guy! The teachers called me into their office regarding a poisoned... There's no way. Sorry, I'm sorry.

A poisoned what? sorry i'm sorry a poisoned what the teacher the teacher god this is gonna be a struggle huh you look like you're gonna pass out okay the teachers called me into their office regarding a poisoned pen letter sent to them by my sister belinda oh you're not wrong about saga belinda the sister of peter's sister belinda sent a poisoned letter how does that work what does that mean is that a british thing it said pen poisoned maybe it means like it was rude i don't know i really don't know

a poison pen letter sent to them by my sister belinda davies A poison pen letter sent to them by my sister Belinda Davies. She. Christina, what is happening? I'll delete it. I'm sorry. She didn't want me to do art. That happened when, that's why I actually stopped.

I went to school for computer science. And christina here wrote a poison pen letter and uh his teachers said the teachers were like sorry you got you gotta go they asked me to read it but i did not as it was awful nasty childish rubbish except they took it seriously as As the course progressed, I realized I had become isolated and disregarded. Not much communication or talking was apparent. The one guy I passed a few comments to was a punk called A. Riches, but I was made to realize, as his father was an architect and my mother a machinist, I wasn't accepted by him. I had some bullying from students in the segment of the review. Okay.

In all capitals with asterisks. Mm-hmm. With the 11 exclamation points. Okay, so this is, like, chapter two. The next installment, correct. The first one. A day out visiting the exhibition, the age of Rococo was quite an elderly teacher.

What in the morning everyone turned up and went in. I stood outside while my back was turned. He started throwing punches into my back. The second one. The most severe attack I had ever encountered. I was told not to use the college toilets by a student when one day I had to. As I went in, the youngish teacher followed me and went for me like a wild animal, ferocious heart punches into my back. No reason for this. Later, I think it was he who called me into his office to look at a picture of a man wielding a knife.

He said, this will happen to you later on. What? I don't know. This can't be real. None of this is real. This is not a thing. He actually took a fiction writing course. It's got to be something like that.

At Chelsea College of Art, and this was part of his thesis. Five months later, I passed him by in Portobello Market when he put his hand over my head to smack me. The woman he was with said to me, that's better. Okay, these teachers are just like beat, literally just beating up on him. Yes. Like punching, like what's with his back? Why? Yeah, it turns his back boom boom boom

boom it's like it's all these punches what is happening i don't know i like that the woman that the teacher was with was like that's better the third one at the end of the year i did the carpentry class which was my last day i and my sister knew the teacher. He used to live locally to me in Mile End, London at 16 Rhonda Grove, Bow Mile End. Oh my God. What? Why are you saying all of this? He later sold his house and moved out of the area. My sister used to visit him and sold him a drawing. I went with her once. I was standing doing my project when a can of wood DIY was knocked over. Teacher told me to pick it up. You've made a mess. He then started punching and slapping me around the head. Later, a girl approached me and told me I was privileged. How? I searched for a police

station and could not find one. I spent all afternoon and evening walking asking but no one knew i gave up and went home i remember that a riches had asked me if i was returning to do the second year and hoped i would but i didn't go back and lost my chance at a certificate signed peter l davies what there needs something i need more but not i don't need it but you really know there are so many blanks here that i want filled just for the sake of closure do you like that belinda his sister was brought up again but like not in a negative like wasn't she the one who wrote him a poisoned letter and then um who and apparently belinda's an artist herself. Well, she did sell his 10 Renaissance paintings. Oh, yes.

Back in episode whatever. I think that's where all of, from the dollar store, I think that's where all of this animosity came from. Probably. But doesn't that make sense that it's the same fucking person? Yes, it does. Okay. But it also doesn't. It also absolutely does not.

Anyway, so that's my review of it. That's my last one and I just have a redemption, so. Well, I'm glad you read it, I guess. I'm just going to do rapid fire, I guess. I'm glad all your cool friends got to hear it. And two of mine did. Well, they'll hear some more from me now. Lucky them.

Great. My next one is by Haley. It's a one-star review of University of Oxford. Oh, Renee listens to this show. Sorry. Hey, shh. I don't care. Haley says, Stephen Hawking wheelchair.

End of review. Oxenar. Yes. What was that a review of? Oxford. He didn't go to Oxford. He went to Cambridge. I was going to say, did you Google this?

Maybe this is like, remember how the other person said they don't know what they're missing? Maybe they were missing Stephen Hawking. Well, he is dead. So humanity is missing him, I guess. I'm missing him. Yeah, I can tell. I can tell. I miss him every day.

That's why you named all your pets after him. It is, and it's also the reason I only named three friends because he was my fourth. And that's it. You and Haley would get along. Who the hell is Haley? The person who gave a one star review of Oxford. I thought this was another friend. I was like, I can't do this with all your friends.

No, no, no. Okay. Go ahead. And the next is a review by Marco of Oxford called. I'm sorry. It's a one star review by Marco called Oxford called, I'm sorry. It's a one-star review by Marco called, why do I keep saying called? I don't know.

It sounds like you're a radio DJ. Like this one's called. I've been practicing that for my next audition. Froggy 101. That's a bumper sticker that Dwight has. Okay. Anyway, Marco,

one-star review of Oxford. Their dictionary sucks! End of review. Don't you dare, because Cambridge Lady 2014 used an Oxford... Comma? Wow. Oxford dictionary. Oxford thesaurus. Thesaurus, thanksaurus so many words to write her cool panto

I have one more before a redemption this is of Oxford again one star by Salah and this one truly sums up our show I think we should probably end our show after this one oh okay

one star by salah don't you love how the internet lets any moron like me give one of the most prestigious universities in the world a rating of one out of five smiley face end of review oh my god truly five professors just fainted like in the world they just dropped no 28 people liked it and i almost did too because i'm like yeah that is very true that really sums up the insanity of what we do here on beach to sandy water to it ouch that one's got a sting for those uh really well-educated folks over there ouch i bet all those oxford alums listening are like i know there's so many of them too okay i have one redemption and this is of london school of economics economics

economics i don't know i say economics but economics i bet the i bet the londoners say economics i'm gonna say economics this is a four-star review by skip great place to learn some economics smiley face redemption and it was a legitimate review i looked what do you mean by legitimate like he literally lived there and went there oh really oh okay like i looked through his profile and he like lived in the area a That's a little much. Yeah. Yeah. What? What if he's just a fan of their, like, basketball team? I thought you meant my behavior was a little much. Or their cricket team. You didn't mean my behavior

was a little much. I don't know what I just said. You said that's a little much. Oh, yeah. You going through his profile? Hey, come on. You go through their profiles, too. I do. I've done, I did that for many of these people. But what if he's just a fan of their cricket team growing up? He up there you know then wouldn't he say great place to learn some cricket you got me there i usually do my redemption okay what i did was i googled worst university in england oh and according to the guardian the guardian had a title or sorry

the guardian put out an article titled the worst university in the uk um and that goes to buckinghamshire new university got the honor of the the worst quote-unquote worst i don't know they had all these ratings and whatever. That's quite a title. And they took certain things in, but they gave it to them. Well, I found a redemption. Oh! Because I didn't like that.

Okay, how dare you, Guardian. And this is what Kay has to say. Kay gave Buckinghamshire New University five stars. I just love it and will be joining soon great atmosphere for studying my sister dia is at this uni and she says it's the best university ever end of review that's a sweet that's nice she just wants to go where her sister goes and honestly most of the reviews of this place were positive really yep compared especially compared to the bigger university so i know it bothered me too that's why i say guardian

you can shove it you we're the worst podcast and i dare you to publish you want to publish about us then you are my favorite publication and we are very good and we love you and we love you okay let's move on the next thing i did was i tried to look up hogwarts reviews to see if anyone made like a fake page nope didn't happen so that's the end of my college reviews okay shoot um i guess should i go to my challenge i think that's normally next. Oh, God. Okay. I can relax now.

It's great. This is from Audrey, and the challenge was to find reviews of places that shouldn't really be reviewed, such as Anne Frank's house or the vietnam veteran memorial so what i did was i went to reviews of um the anne frank house and the vietnam veterans memorial to begin my journey i guess let's just go this is uh a one-star review of anne frank's house i hate this already yeah it's terrible and I want to say real quick the good news about this is it was well that sounds bad. The good news. I was gonna say it's really easy but it's only because there were so few one-star reviews of all of most. That the one-stars were quote-unquote quality reviews. Yes and they were easy to sift through whereas like a lot of places people just write dumb ones that like aren't.

Jokey ones. Jokey. Yeah. So there were a few of them. However, the ones I did find were not great. So this is a one star view of Anne Frank's house by Teresa. Very disappointed. Ripping off the tourists.

There is nothing to see inside besides the walls and a couple of documents don't waste your time standing in this long line there are so many nicer and more beautiful places to see in amsterdam end of review oh my lord my headache has begun this is a bad start yeah um there's one more okay how can you go in there and be like, where are all the plasma? Okay. There's just so many walls. I need some entertainment. Here's a one-star review by Michael of Anne Frank's house.

The rooms are so small. End of review. Oh my. What? People are terrible. Let's move on to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. This is a one-star review by Irene. By the way, I will say real quick, if you haven't been to the vietnam veterans memorial have you been yes it's beautiful

i think it's beautiful it's it's the one that's like uh it's all one yeah we're on the big wall like a black wall with all the names etched into it i find it personally very powerful. It is. I believe it is. A lot of people don't. Here's a one-star by Irene. I went to see the Vietnam Memorial and was shocked. It was off the beaten path in a pit. It's not in a pit. That is not true at all. You can literally see the Washington Monument. It's in the same area as all of them.

You just walk through and you can walk by it. And it is very powerful because you walk and it's like it's in the same area as all of you just walk through and you can walk by it and it is very powerful because you walk and it's like lower than you and then as you walk you go dip down right into a pit oh no no she got you just kidding this black wall was filled with names of young men who died for this country the tone that you use there is perfect for this review but i hated it so much this black wall was filled with names of young men who died for this country and there were no fountains eagles or flags after passing the world war ii memorial i was appalled were their lives less valuable? Do they deserve less respect?

I'm sorry, were there eagles at the World War II Memorial? This is what I'm wondering. I'm trying to remember. Is the World War II Memorial the one where it's statues of soldiers? Or is that World War I? I mix them all up. I don't know. I should, especially if you...

I used to walk down to this whole area all the time when I went to GW. I know. It's beautiful. Everything. No, the World War II Memorial. Oh, obviously. It's the one with all the states around it. Were there eagles in there?

No, there's no eagles in there. It's just insanity. Wow. Lesser? No, of course not. Why would anyone think that? There's a circus in the middle of the World War IIi memorial where all this the trained bald eagles do flying acts well it's it's if someone thinks of uh um the vietnam war and is like oh what about patriotism not these dead like obviously she's she's worried about things that aren't the names and the people right like where are the fountains and the tragedy of their loss instead she's thinking of her own birds birds her own birds

after passing the world war ii memorial i was appalled were their lives any less valuable do they deserve less respect to memorialize our veterans on this plain l-shaped black wall in a pit is an abomination and a complete disgrace why even bother end of review i encourage everyone to go see it see all of these memorials and that's the thing i don't want them all to be the same that's ridiculous that's really you don't want that there can only be eagles at one only one next i went to pearl harbor this is a one-star view by kate we've been there we have been there i remember i have a journal entry i should probably stop talking i have a journal entry where i saw this guy walking around

i thought he was cute and so i kept saying i think he likes me I keep following him into other rooms at the museum. I think it was a ghost, Christina. I think it was just a teenage boy who had zero interest in me. This is a one-star. Teenage boy, if you're out there, let us know. Definitely not. This is a one-star review by Kate. Tourist trap.

Super expensive and not even that cool. Looks better in the movies boring skip not you quote not even that cool like what looks better in the movie what when it's being bombed jesus christ no before that when it was really nice and calm and nothing going on. Everyone was laughing and playing cards. Oh, boy. This is a review. Laughing. That's what I pictured. I know.

I didn't watch. I did, actually, and it traumatized me, that movie. I didn't watch it. Emily and Melissa made me watch it, and it traumatized me. Oh, I have a poster of Emily in my room. Alexander! I realized I said it again, and I went, why am I breaking her up again? This is horrible.

This is a review. Oh, right, because I have no other friends this is a review and she definitely doesn't listen definitely not this is a review of pearl harbor by sandy and sandy sandy sandy sucks oh i hate sandy already way too sandy and uh she's been elite yelper for five years and has um the word yelper in graffiti as one of her profile photos here we go we have some elite yelpers that are listeners but hopefully sandy's not one of them i can already tell no no it's like the local guides. Like sometimes people slip through the cracks that are meant to be here. Sandy says, Guess what? Some Japanese people bombed an American ship and it sunk back in December of 1941. A lot of people died on the Arizona almost 2000.

America went over to Japan after that and fucked them up to get revenge. So now to remember this horrible event, you hop on a boat and go out there to the wreckage and they show you this huge wall with all the names of the people who died. As you go out there, you can see some of the tops of the boats. Why didn't you just give me all the names on a piece of paper and save me the boat ride? Yeah, a lot of people died. Who cares? I didn't kill them. It wasn't my fault. We get along with Japan now after we'd bombed them, so why bother to waste your time with this stupid memorial? Total unhealthy waste of time dwelling on a horrible incident in the past. I went once.

Clearly. I went once and that was one time too many. Not a fun trip. It's not advertised as a fun trip. It's not supposed to be a fun trip. It's not supposed to be a fun trip. Didn't learn anything I needed to know that I didn't already know. Very boring trip for people who love World War II history.

Yawn. It ain't my fault. That wasn't my war. I wasn't even born. Screw this place. One good thing is that the Battle of Pearl Harbor lowered the population. Oh my god, it just gets worse and worse. I didn't think that was possible.

And this is not a joke review, I very much checked. And since the world is overpopulated, that is a good thing. Sounds like a ruthless thing to say, but it's true. Those ships should be pulled out of the water and the metal recycled, instead of letting them rust away and ruin the environment. Get over it! It's war, it's ugly, it's horrible. Move on and learn from it.

Well, actually, fish live in the ships now, so maybe that's a bad idea. But you can remove parts of the ships, like the tops, where there aren't any fish. Okay, now we're getting into some things I did not expect. Clean up your mess! Anyways, don't go there. Total waste of time. The lesson you need to know is that war is bad and killing is bad. End of story.

Most boring time I ever had sprinkled with moments of profound sadness. Enjoy. End of review. Yeah, that's how my day's gone. Fuck. How's yours? Well, it's fucking worse now. Then we got an email from Sharonaron oh my god sharon please bring

us some joy sharon said my 14 year old daughter went to auschwitz uh with her school oh no on a field trip back in february well i was actually gonna bring sorry i didn't to interrupt but bringing it back to sandy i was gonna bring up concentration camps and stuff because... Yeah, saying like, get over it. I mean, that whole idea of like not preserving history is so fucked up. To say, oh, get over it and learn from it. It's like, that's exactly the fucking point. That is the point. Of a memorial with information about the war that occurred surrounding it.

It's scary how weirdly insensitive sandy is to it all despite saying oh i'm a or talking about being a world war ii buff or whatever fan yes that's like saying look at right like a concentration camp for example and being like what a waste of metal and wood you should recycle it what are you talking about no sense no so sharon lovely sharon said my 14 year old daughter went to auschwitz-biekenau with her school on a field trip back in february and naturally i looked at some reviews to try and prepare her for the experience have you been i have not i have you have mom never took me because she was like a couple concentration i've never been to one in my life i couldn't imagine what kind of person would write a negative review of one of these yeah i and it is one of those things where you go and you it's hard to describe this is probably

the deepest darkest one star type of reviewer that you could find on the internet if you have the opportunity please go it's one of those things where if you have the opportunity do not miss it okay i yeah i'm not gonna go too much into it this is very i will say people are always very surprised when um when i say i haven't gone but it's pretty i mean i think it's just because like we only went to visit our family specifically i didn't go yeah i went during specific tours like with with mom when we went with her um her students i'm pretty sure and then i went with another thing when i was studying abroad it wasn't like with family right like when we were little kids we just wanted to see our family so i've never actually been yeah like uh separately and we

didn't have the opportunity when we were visiting family but if any of you have that chance i would recommend it just for the yeah it sticks with you but it that's not a bad thing it should no that's exactly the point um so sharon says after looking at tripadvisor i've come to the conclusion that some people are fuckwits and shouldn't be allowed near the internet which like sharon i'm a little annoyed that like our show didn't lead you to that conclusion first but um let's see hope you're both safe and well and have plenty of bamboo bog roll left. That's to you. I assume that means toilet paper.

Yes. Liz, actually, I just talked to her on the phone because I called Liz out and said, oh, she didn't thank me twice. She brought it up, said she listened to that episode. Oh, God. And was like, she told me that when the whole crazy toilet paper panic happened, she meant to text me to thank me, but didn't. And felt really bad that she didn't. Well, you should feel bad, Liz. Yeah, Liz, you should feel bad. Just kidding.

Sharon says, love the show. You're keeping me sane. I'm a college lecturer for students with learning disabilities, so that's working well. And having my children constantly asking for food, so thank you both. Smiley face. This is a review that Sharon sent sent in by foxy pear one star the title is disappointed after wanting to visit here for many years this was a great disappointment was mainly walking around not entering more than a handful of the vast amount

of buildings no atmosphere as we expected there to be end of review what kind of atmosphere are you hoping for that's not an atmosphere you can prepare for saying we didn't get to walk into all of the many buildings i don't even know how to begin you see one gas chamber and you're like right i'm okay i don't need to see more to understand the gravity of what is going on here. You see one building like with the bunks and with the, where they slept and it's. I don't even know how you did it. I don't think I, I honestly can't even think about it.

No, it's, I vividly remember the entire experience because of that. And it was disappointing right i mean my first thought was where's where's the atmosphere what's where's the atmosphere what's the vibe we're going for here what does that mean like what the fuck does that mean i don't know okay well i have one last one okay this is a can't wait donner memorial state park oh the donner party correct give us a little rundown. This is where people, unfortunately, were stuck during a passage to the West and resorted to cannibalism, to eating. Was it in Colorado, Utah? I don't know where it was. That is a good question, and I don't remember, even though I went to the cannibalism exhibit.

Oh, nice. Yeah. How was that? how was the atmosphere fascinating um oh it's in truckie california it's in it's in california the memorial is okay but is that where that hat i think so i'm picturing like the mountains in colorado preserving the site of the donner camp interesting. Interesting. Okay. Truckee? That was our sister's doll. It was named Truckee. She actually

named all of her dolls Truckee. That was her thing. I don't know why. That was her thing. Anyway, sorry. So, Donner Memorial State Park. The doll was a cannibal. No? That's probably why. My sister did have a really weird fascination with... Okay, Donner Memorial State Park. One star by Melanie. You know why we're here. probably why my sister did have a really weird fascination with no okay donna memorial state

park one star by melanie you know why we're here we came for the cannibalism we came because we have a sick fascination with people who resort to eating their debt and all you give us was one tiny plaque come on end of review do you do you want a demonstration do you want video do you what do you want i know it's one of those ones and i keep i've said this the past like four episodes where they're self-aware where they literally call it a sick fascination and they're weirdly self-aware about it saying watch a youtube video i have a problem listen to it that's why we drink but i'm going to put you down because of my problem because i want a plaque with more information about cannibalism it's same with

all these other things it's more about you go and you're like wow you pay respect gravity of the experience and you especially if you already know why you're going there, what more do you want? Like, are you going there for fun? Use the Google. Use the Google. If you're gonna complain. End of story. Yeah, so it's in Truckee, California, which I did not realize. Me neither. Fun fact.

Fun fact. It's a bronze figure of a pioneer family peering westward, topping a tall stone pedestal in a pass through the sierra nevada mountains at donner state park so it's more than a plaque it is a large large statue i would see if i saw that i would be like wow let me think about what happened here very powerful and not be an asshole yeah yeah. Yeah. Yep. And it's an unofficial tourist attraction. I think it was built as a memorial, not like advertised as a tourist attraction.

But obviously people go there. But yeah. So. Wow. We've got some places to visit now. I think so. Well, I have been to Anne Frank's house and Auschwitz. You have? I've been in either.

Wow. Yeah. That was like one of the only things I did initz. You have? I've been in either. Wow. Yeah. That was like one of the only things I did in Amsterdam. I don't know how to do it. I was only there for like a day and I was like, I gotta see that. I don't think I could. I honestly don't know how I could do it. I mean, I'm going to do it, but I don't know how.

I'm scared. Em has like a VR, like the Ovilus thing. Mm-hmm. And one of the like- Oculus? Oculus? What the hell did you just call? Ovilus?

Ovilus. I thought it was called of oculus oh oculus rift oculus quest quest quest christina just let's move on and you can tour anne frank's house yes interesting yep that's kind of cool it is cool but i didn't do it well i sorry i know that someone used cool as like saying, but you know what I mean? The reason, I mean, the reason it's really cool, quote unquote, is because they like specifically create the entire home in full detail. to documents that are quote-unquote boring according to what's his face and like read them and and see the actual rooms and the dimensions and like walk through it without obviously being there and so it's like advancing the understate you know it's like allowing people who wouldn't be able to go to amsterdam to see it i think it would be wonderful if that's that becomes the norm in schools where you read answering diary and then you get to actually view it and

have that hit you and put like the sensation of being there right and I did that stupid VR thing and I tell you what it scared the have you done one of those I have Alexander I was screaming mind blown like I didn't do that I did some of the like space ones like Egyptian pyramids I was I didn't do though like the tours of things holy shit yeah it's crazy i played some weird games but it's crazy i almost bought one and i didn't we'll buy one beach to sandy we'll have a youtube video struggling i actually have someone buy us our uh po boxes i haven't even have one of those i have a uh i did there is a patreon video on that sweet drink of me trying one for the first time.

Oh, I need that. And I didn't know Em was recording it. And it's basically just me screaming, like, look! And, like, smacking my arm into, like, the Hilton Garden Inn couch. Because I'm, like, in a hotel room. Like, it was really wild. Anyway. That's what I've got for you today.

Thank you. That was honestly, I'm, that was, that was weirdly, it was weird. It was, I don't know. I don't think I'd go that far. Nope. It was kind of nice to do that, though. Get that out of the way. Because.

I mean, it basically, it's like we dipped into the worst of it. And now it's only uphill from here. Because tonight, like you said earlier's like we dipped into the worst of it. And now it's only uphill from here because tonight, like you said earlier, we have two drunken episodes to record. So those will be hopefully more fun. Thank God we got the concentration camps out of the way before we talk about. Oh, but we didn't. You didn't tell them that we're doing a concentration camp special next? Xander! That'll never be a thing.

No! I'm telling them so they're not worried about me and my sanity. Anyway, thank you for listening. I'm sure you're not, but if you are, thank you very much. We are going to be releasing, spoiler alert, two more bonus episodes. Do we know when? Is this like a scheduled thing you know what they're just gonna fucking deal when it comes up they come it comes up you need to calm down

yeah i'm gonna get them they're gonna just be like oh my god yeah super like that um we're going to release them as we go and uh hopefully you'll still be there for them and haven't left us behind because we love you dearly. We do. And we're very thankful for having your support during this crazy time. Very much so. Now let's reveal our theme and challenge for next week. Oh, crap. Okay.

Okay, I've got a theme for you. I bet you do. Just finish the book. Congratulations. South of the border, west of the sun. Sure. So we are going south of the border west of the sun sure so we are going south of the border to mexico yay and your theme oh there's a big wall in the way oh no how do i get no they're trying to keep us out with our coronavirus bullshit um literally they are trying to keep that was a thing i read that they're like actually trying to like stop americans from coming in um so anyway our theme for next week is

and i think we did something similar before but resorts in mexico oh god this is gonna be a trip it's i it's fucking not so and especially right now trip oh god probably spring breakers being idiots and still going oh they would never okay yep that's our theme well i have a challenge for you and this is from our new friend burdell hi burdell burdell says hello she for siblings if you can see this we can i see you i have a request for a challenge i hope it's not too hard but that's why it's called a challenge lol so sometimes reviews get responses from the owner and as crazy as a review is the owner or responder tries it best to keep it professional and light-hearted so as a challenge find a review that receives a response preferably from the owner that was rude

shady or not professional heck yeah thank you in advance ps more bombs are better yes they are and i think that i'm gonna find some good stuff here i think this is gonna be a gold mine i'm looking forward to this one thank you bridell this is very exciting um and actually um now before we end it i do have a request to our listeners okay uh for our listeners and no reason but i will encourage you all to watch the documentary tiger king on netflix yes good idea there's a reason for that for the future of what we're doing so please watch it if you are thinking about it leaning towards watching it please watch it asap for the sake of your beach to sandy enjoyment that's all i'm gonna say that's all we're gonna say except

for you should definitely watch it wink wink blaze and alexander and i all thoroughly enjoyed it i watched it all within 12 hours it's very rare that we all enjoy something together so thoroughly so just take it as you will and enjoy it yeah and we'll see you soon and you'll hear from us very soon slowly so goodbye Bye.