Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 73: Monuments in Washington, D.C.

Episode Date: April 15, 2020

YEGADS! In this week's episode, Christine philosophizes and Alex waxes poetic. If that doesn't convince you to listen to this one, then we don't blame you. But we hope you give us the chance to warn you about big brother watching you through light switches and of the dangers of fascist architecture. We promise it's worth it.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone! Hi guys! Welcome to B-Shoe Sandy Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. Hello, I'm Christine. Hello Christine, I am Alexander. Oh my, it is good to see you again after so many, many... All our travels.

Minutes apart, all the time we've spent out of our home and doing exploration of the world. Is anyone sick of podcasters referencing this pandemic? Because if so, don't listen to this because we are not going to stop talking about it. Well, welcome. This episode is number 73 and our theme this week was monuments in dc i hear they're beautiful i probably will never see them again as far as sorry that got dark uh we did live in dc and i've been to them many times so i don't really have a burning desire to see them again this was very nostalgic for me was it yes i used to like walk there constantly

like every day literally due to depression that played in my head when you said that yes um i was like i need to get out of all of my terrible roommate situations so let me walk to the monuments if you were like let me go to the mall to do some shopping. And they were like, it's not that kind of mall. So you're like, where's the GameStop? My little sister is coming. I need to buy something at Claire's. For a nice gift. I need to look nice

when she arrives. I would go into the Lincoln Memorial and go around back, and I'd sit there, watch the traffic, and do my homework. That's cool. It was cool. I enjoyed it. Those were those moments of like, ah, peace.

This is kind of nice, and it was quiet back there. That's very different from the reviews that I've read today, and I'm sure yours too. But I was in this freshman year of college I was in this do you remember this it was called university college program and it was the philosophy one that I somehow got into and we like lived on the same floor and like studied philosophy I don't know why I was I was trying to be like really deep I don't know it was still probably on the tail end of my emo phase.

And so I joined this like, that's how I met Allison. She was in it too. And we roomed together. It was philosophy university college program or something. And it was like this honors program sort of. Sounds really cool. But it was because we got to go to Scientology Center as part of our like class. And we went to see all the monuments and talk

about like war and the meaning of peace and war. And mostly I just like going to Scientology. So this is going to be the most boring episode yet because you're going to just talk to us about peace and war. You just said he used to sit back and do homework. Okay. I actually brought my notes from Farhang's class. That was my professor. We had to call him by his first name because this was a philosophy course. I actually brought my notes from Farhang's class. That was my professor. We had to call him by his first name because this was a philosophy course. Of course. Obviously. Anyway, so that's my story.

Let's talk about other people's problems. We found plenty. I'll tell you about what Diane had to say about the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. Finally. Diane gave it one star. Black mole growing on memorial i think she meant mole like oh black okay i was i was like there's there's no way there's an actual mole there right it could be they burrow i hear yeah and they but they go on top is it on top of

the memorial growing like in marble yeah and maybe each week she goes back to see its progress? It's getting so big. You take this school photo out there every day on the Jefferson Memorial. What are we talking about anymore these days? Wow, that was philosophical. Now you understand why I got accepted into that course okay speaking of philosophy let me tell you what jl thought of the lincoln memorial which is where you used to do homework yes wow my favorite probably my favorite memorial just because of the back of it it's cool

because yeah because it's like really cool to the touch well sure that too okay one star by jail wait why why do you think it's cool on a philosophical level there's a gigantic president inside well before you said philosophical level i was just gonna say okay listen yeah do we have to describe these by the way to people oh the lincoln memorial is a large building and there's a huge statue of Abe Lincoln sitting on a chair. Jake Chillen. Jake Chillen inside. And Alexander is out back doing homework.

Well, have you been to the Jefferson Memorial? I forget. I don't think so. It's, I don't think you have. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's like separate from the rest, but it's, it has, it's really beautiful, and I think there are like cherry blossoms too on it, like in the area.

And there's a statue of Jefferson just jay-chillin'. Have you been to the Albert Einstein Memorial? Yeah, I've been on top of it. Yeah, everyone was like, finally, a memorial I can sit on him. I was like, what the... Okay. Nobody gets to sit on Lincoln. All right.

This is what J.L. thought of the Lincoln Memorial. I've been here several times, and this was the worst visit ever. Coffee and hot chocolate all over the steps. I slipped in them on the way up and on the way down. Oh my God. So sad. That is sad. Those are scary steps too.

There are a lot of steps. The cigarette smoke inside the memorial was overwhelming. I had to run out before I threw up. Okay, I just realized why he probably slipped on the hot chocolate on the way out. Oh. I'm kind of making sense now. Wait, cigarette smoke inside? Lincoln sometimes likes to light up.

I didn't get away with that. People were complaining about how... Strict. How strict everyone was and how... Okay. Well, apparently people just pour their coffee down the stairs yeah this was a maybe this was during the government shutdown yeah it's like the purge the tea party but the hot chocolate party oh no i'm trying too hard to be philosophical your turn

oh okay that was it okay that sounded ruder than i meant did i tell you about the time i went uh well we both went during our eighth grade trips to dc but i forgot about that i got to stand on the steps of the lincoln memorial and we uh recited um what's that poem oh captain my captain i think what the it was either that or the all our architects of fate working in these walls of time or whatever. Oh, Captain, My Captain is about Abraham Lincoln. Oh, are you sure it wasn't? So that would make sense. Are you sure it wasn't?

Oh, Captain, My Captain. Green Egg of a Ham. Our fearful trip is done. It's all about slavery and the Civil War and stuff. Fun. Philosophical stuff. We went to a really weird school. Yeah, it was okay.

It was less than okay. Here's my review of the Lincoln Memorial. Oneophical stuff. Okay. We went to a really weird school. Yeah, it was okay. It was less than okay. Here's my review of the Lincoln Memorial. One of the two. This is a one... Not... Fuck. His name is actually Alex, but this is not by me. This is a one star by a different Alex of the Lincoln Memorial.

Oh, wait. I have to tell you something. What? I had a little bit of a rule. So, I tend not to use jokey reviews when i when we do these episodes yep but i had a rule where if they actually made me laugh audibly i would include them that's a good rule and i'm extremely miserable as of late and extremely jaded just by reading all of these dumb reviews that i'm like if that happens it deserves to be in here you should see him in his pink armchair right now holding my foot

the picture of ennui this is just i'm a mess i'm sorry i am a mess but a couple of these people made me laugh so here we go listen this is what it's all about here's what alex had to say about the lincoln memorial what if this was by you and you're like you're making yourself laugh with your own hilarious i'm with him here one star they wouldn't let me sit on his lap how is he supposed to know what i want for christmas this is so stupid i was like this is so stupid funny oh my god i hate okay well what's nice about these one-star reviews is they don't really seem to matter like right if someone one-star reviews the lincoln memorial it's not going with a joke it's not going to affect any business abe is not like reading these i I hope, in the afterlife.

I didn't even keep it, but there was one joke review I read that also made me laugh about the Lincoln Memorial. And it was something along the lines of, worst restaurant ever. Only one guy got a seat in the whole place. Everyone else had to sit on the stairs. It was so stupid. So stupid. It took me by surprise. Okay, I have one more of the lincoln memorial and this is a one

star review by stewart the patriot in me loves the gettysburg address plastered across the wall the libertarian in me is nauseated by the fact this reminds me of italy's fascist architecture. What? That's a first. I read a lot of complaints about architecture, but a reminder of Italy's fascist architecture? That's new. Eh, don't mind me. I'm just caught up in my own over-philosophized book world.

Besides, there's better uses for marble. Like, for instance, my kitchen counters. End of review. That was pretty deep. And I studied philosophy. Oh, you know, that was awful. My over-philosophized book world. Oh my god.

And like a true libertarian, he wants the government to give him marble so he can use it in his kitchen. Yeah, I paid taxes for that marble. Is that how that works? Okay. Oh my lord, that was bad. God, that makes me annoyed. Well, good. That's what I'm here for. I'm glad that I found some joke reviews. Me too.

Here's a review by B of the Lincoln Memorial. Two stars. Where are they hiding him? Me too. Here's a review by B of the Lincoln Memorial. Two stars. Where are they hiding him? End of review. Oh my God. Oh. This is like some national treasure shit.

What does that mean? I don't know. I'd like to find out though. I mean, he's right there in a really big chair. Oh, thanks. I didn't see him there. Yeah. Until you said there he oh there he is i mean like what what if what if one day the one day that b showed up he was missing it was like the grinch they took him away to their workshop to clean him up whoa the grant what does this oh god your thought process i took me like a minute to catch up it's not so

much a process anymore holy cow yeah that's right a pile there's that scene right crap on the floor oh i'm just taking everything your tree to get my dear jesus to to my workshop my dear he thought it up quick this is what you learn at American University. Yep, that's correct. My turn? Okay, I have a review of the U.S. Capitol Building. One star by BB. 9-1-1 has changed everything.

The enemy has become the general public. This is not a place to just drop in. did you just say 9-1-1 yeah they wrote it as 9-1-1 okay no slash no slash okay because i'm like you know what they're referring to i don't can you describe it to me thanks well i even remember where i was jungle gyms there was a dancing where's the chucky cheese lion jungle gym okay that's why it was in our first episode i talked about 9-11 i True, true. I just remember animatronics were involved with your first 9-11. Sorry, your 9-11 experience.

Yep. Now this is my second one. Let me read it to you. 9-1-1 has changed everything. The enemy has become the general public. This is not a place to just drop in. It takes planning. Unbelievable chaos. Staff, people yelling and screaming the best

person was a janitor that unclogged the toilet were they screaming because of the toilet you clogged i'd be screaming too i would also blame 9-1-1 for all of that too like i don't i don't know man it's an easy it's an easy out it's like i'm re-watching community for like the fifth time and that's what jeff winger is always his go to us is when he's being a lawyer is like talking about how 9-11 is the cause of it all the problems it sounds like this went the other direction, though. Like, people are just running around chaotically. Usually people blame tight security on 9-11. Yeah, that's true. Not plumbing issues. Well, it seemed like the plumbing was the only thing that wasn't an issue.

Well, it was an issue and then wasn't. It became a non-issue. It became a non-issue. Thanks to 9-11. God, for the best person. Jesus Christ. The janitor. Okay, this one, this is going to be a little hard for me to read.

Do you need a Kleenex? Is there one? No, it's okay. I'll try to get through it. There's not one. I'm just being an asshole. This is a two-star review by Hassan of the Lincoln Memorial. Sorry, give me a sec.

Oh, God. What's happening? Reminds me. I don't even know what you're going to say. Reminds me of what we used to be. And what we are now. End of review. Two stars.

Is that the poem your class read on the steps of the memorial because it's beautiful it's about the civil war this is actually this review was written how many years ago was i in eighth grade i don't have any idea 15 2007 yeah that's pretty good 20 no that can't be right 13 years ago yeah yep it says 13 years ago i didn't just come up with that so he must have he must have like been like wow that's how much this affected me two stars what do you imagine if someone 13 years later is still talking about like wow i remember seeing those those eighth graders read that poem on the yeah they probably are they're like they ruined our entire vacation they We got applause.

Oh, God. Are you serious? We got invited to the White House. What? No, you didn't. Not all of us. Just me. I'm such an idiot.

For waxing poetic. To sit on the president's lap. Uh-oh. Guys, we have lost our marbles. I told you that in confidence. Guys, we have lost our marbles. This whole episode has started off bad and it's not gotten any better. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. Okay, your turn, please. This is a one-star review of the U.S. Capitol Building by Micah. The Saltine Cracker? Nope. Wait, what is this about? Let me restart. The U. capital building okay the saltine snacker crackers on the food court were subpar i would highly recommend bringing your own saltine crackers before dining in the food court end of review no recommendation for

what kind like yeah bring your own. Just like homemade? Yes. Poke a little holes. Doesn't help me much, to be honest. I mean, I know it's surprising for all of you to hear, but that does not help me much. Did the 911 review help you? Because that's kind of the standard here. The bar we've set. I love hearing about good janitorial services.

That's true. I think it's custodial. Thank you. Okay. We know from these reviewers, we hate a PC America. I saw one review where someone was like, these kids are on their drums. What? Drumming around.

We should stop being so PC and tell them to stop. They're going to claim First Amendment, but whatever. And then he was like, if i had a speaker phone megaphone and i was shouting things people would kick me out oh god not kids with drums i'm like what is going on if i can imagine a bunch of kids with drums and then you guys are in the middle reading a poem and then he has a megaphone that's probably exactly how it went down it reminds me of what we what we used to be how it went down this is a beautiful reminds me of what we what we used to be

and what we are now um yep good i have next a double whammy it is of the martin luther king jr memorial it's a one-star review by brinley brinley says what a nice name i was i specifically was like i I'm not going to comment. I just said I'm being so PC. All of the dorkuses, all of the whatever else we've made fun of. And I loved that name, dorkus. Brinley says, one star. This place was terrible. It was so unrelaxing.

All I could hear was screaming of the people. It was so terrible, it reminded me of the Washington Monument. End of review. Oh my god, wait, what was this of? The MLK, Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. Oh god. Screaming of the people. Screaming of, that's something maybe you're if you say it's your conscience

or something yeah that see that is a very poetic way to put it like and it's more of like a oh like implies a great like distress distress rather than like just people shouting reading a plaque could be but um it sounds like probably not probably not but i love how they were like oh this was so bad it was like the washington monument it's like you're just comparing two things but not really saying what's bad about them yeah i think it's uh she wants you to just uh read between the lines you know yeah a lot of did you do that for us what what did you find between those lines there's a lot of people scream i hear the screaming of people everywhere i go in that city that wasn't between any lines it's word for word what they said

um i saw a lot of reviews that were like two stars another monument i'm like what are you doing there and why are you reviewing it and then we're here like another idiot reviewer as if we're surprised every time they keep coming all right uh now this next one is a redemption kind of oh god you know how much i like these this is a review a five-star view by andrew of the national archives and records administration and this is uh my favorite monument okay well i feel like most of yours haven't been monuments but whatever well a memorial is that a monument okay i'm counting memorials and monuments oh i didn't know that you created such strict rules well when i think of

monuments or memorials i don't think the U.S. Capitol Building or the National Archives. They're considered historic landmarks in D.C. Okay, so is that what we're titling this episode? No. Then why are you cheating? Because I cheat every single episode. Okay, fine. Just read it so that people can roll their eyes that you would pick something dumb like this. This is a five-star review by Andrew, and his photo is Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

So you know it's... Peeing on something? Not peeing on anything, unfortunately, but just standing there. If you appreciate the fact that you live in the most brilliantly conceived, advanced, and freest nation in the history of all of mankind... Jesus, that's bold. conceived, advanced, and freest nation in the history of all of mankind. Jesus, that's bold. Andrew's a bold guy, Alexander. That'll look good for him.

Then this place couldn't be anything but five stars. I guess if having to stand in line to see the most important documents, the original genuine articles ever produced by any human or group of humans is sufficient to make it a drab, mundane, or annoying experience, then maybe you group of humans is sufficient to make it a drab, mundane, or annoying experience, then maybe you'd be better off suited to skip it and go enjoy an obscure postmodernist art exhibition somewhere, or perhaps have a fascinating discourse over the complexities and merits of dialectical materialism. Everyone should see this. Oh, Andrew. End of review. That was not redeeming at at all it makes me not want to go there which sucks because we don't want to do that but andrew you're ruining it for me andrew stop ruining

the monuments for me my discourse also that i was planning for this weekend i'm not sure if i'm going to attend that i know it was she for madness dialectical materialism and we had so much planned for it and now andrew's ruined it all like what's the point anymore what's the point she for madness on we and post-modern existentialism oh jesus christ well unlike you i found actual redemptions okay here's my first one this is a five-star review of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Oh. And for those who don't know, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is a memorial for soldiers who died, but we don't know their actual identity.

Right. So it's from various wars, various soldiers soldiers and they have them in different countries as well but this is the one that's technically so i guess i cheated too it's in virginia arlington yes virginia so i'm so tired of you and your the dmv breaking your own rules yeah yeah yeah at least it was in line with the theme okay mark has this to say. Five stars. I am a 23-year Navy veteran. This was my first time there. I was able to take my family.

I had the privilege of being asked to receive an in-depth briefing on the history of the Guard. I was privileged and honored to be chosen. End of review. Oh my. That's lovely. Isn't that nice? Yes, it is. Did you get to see that in eighth grade? I did.

Me too. Yeah. Changing of the guard there. Yeah. And a lot of the reviews are like, why are there so many children here? And I'm like, I don't know, man. There's not a bunch of us over there.

I didn't choose it, but eighth graders. You get like 98th graders there. It's really a mess. That's a bad idea, but personally personally i'm glad we went do you remember when me too but do you remember when mrs greg gave that like intense speech before oh you didn't have mrs greg nope she gave such an intense speech before and she's like if you so much as like everyone had to wear all the girls had to wear cardigans it was very strict she's like if you so much as make one sound like you will pay for it like she's scared the ever-living hell out of us so we were actually quite silent and respectful for the most part it is quite a solemn place it

is yes so it's honestly if you are one to disrupt that you're a dick like i like yeah that would be it is something but yeah i'd recommend it to anyone to actually go and see the changing of the guards. Isn't that what they call outside the palace in London? Yeah. Okay. This is, now I have two. Did we see that? What?

Did we see that too? Yes. Cool. I was less solemn. Are you trying to like brag? No, I just was, I want to just talk about myself positively. This is, I have actual redemptions now oh thank god this is a five-star view of the capitol building so much history so many ghosts and i was really disappointed

because this was listed under not recommended and i thought this is exactly the kind of news i need to be reading to make an informed touristic opinion. That would be, that's interesting. I don't think I saw any ghosts when I was there. How would you know? So yeah, maybe I did. You didn't hear all that screaming? Oh yeah, the screaming of the people.

Uh-huh. Anyway, is that your last one? No, I've got one more. Okay. I have another redemption. This is of the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial. Five stars by Sam. The statue of Dr. King is an amazingly conceived and executed piece of art

that beautifully captures the quote it carries. Out of a mountain of despair, a stone of hope. His quotes around the background wall exemplify and capture the deep, thoughtful, and intentional nature of a man who was as deeply committed to the love of his country as he was to justice and equality for all. Here, then, is a paragon of civil disobedience, one that many today would do well to learn from and emulate. Only love can drive out hate. End of review. Oh my.

I found some winners. You found my thesis from freshman year college. Wait, was that you who, I think it was on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, read a thesis to a huge crowd and it was like a crowd of like hot dog vendors and street performers? Yep. Wow. And there was no applause for some reason, unlike your experience in the eighth grade. Well, there was, just your own.

It was just screaming at the people and my own claps. It was beautiful, I thought. It was something, I thought. It was a paragon. I'm a paragon. Yeah? Yeah, of civil disobedience. Oh was something I thought. It was a paragon. I'm a paragon. Yeah. Yeah of civil disobedience. Oh wow. Okay I have another I have another redemption. This is also of the Capitol

building. This is a five-star review by Rachel. What is the name of the red-headed tour guide that has a knack for puns? It's very informed and very very personable i went here on a school trip and i swear i recognized him just wondering what his name is somebody said it might have been sam thanks i don't what do you mean you recognized him like from tv i know i'm like trying to think of this at first i was like conan o'brien and then it said sam i was gonna say richard simmons but wow okay you know that the podcast wears or missing richard yeah yeah so maybe he found him in the capitol building oh my gosh he's stuck in a labyrinth what yeah that was a bizarre review but at least it wasn't negative i guess i just love that it was a student and then they went on a school trip and this is like they got home and they were like, I must know. Christina, you literally, last episode, talked about, still talked about that time that you

were at the World War II Memorial, I think, writing in your journal about how cute some guy was. Oh, it was Pearl Harbor. Oh, Pearl Harbor. That's what it was. Okay, maybe it wasn't the last episode then. But you were literally talking about that and you're like, I love how they did that. I'm like, you, many, many, many years years later are talking about it on a podcast about this random like

child that you had a crush on okay the saddest part is like i don't even know if he had a knack for puns or was informed and personable because it was just someone i was watching from like 50 yards away yeah three hours oh how sad and that person is out there and has this like what is it like their nose is itching they're like what is someone thinking about their ears are ringing ears are ringing that's what you say when someone's talking about you really ears ringing yeah my your ears must have been ringing oh i thought there's like some weird like superstitious kind of thing yeah like if your nose itches or something that's also a thing because i have tinnitus does that mean like someone's always always thinking of there are people

thinking about you day in day out why would it be thinking if it's your ears wouldn't it be talking about you just said thinking whatever there's a thing that elsie used to tell us if your nose itches that means someone's thinking of you. Thank you. Yes, that is a thing. So that guy's nose is itching right now. Yeah, but that's not a problem. And his ears are ringing. He's at the hospital because he's like, there's so much wrong with me. He's at the hospital. There's no way this is connected to that young girl at the Pearl Harbor experience I went to.

I wouldn't stop staring at me. It's horrible. Their beady black eyes. I thought she put a curse on me and I must be right. Oh my God. I probably did try to hex him. So you and I used to try to hex people and it worked. Okay. That would explain many things going wrong in my life what did i do to you guys to deserve that i would never hex you okay we only hex people in a positive way

if we wanted their attention i'm sorry but maybe i don't know my definitions but is hex ever positive yes if you're a witch like me okay i'm gonna change the subject should i talk about my challenge i think so okay my challenge challenge this week was sent in by random person. And it was to find a positive review where the reviewer mentions being banned from the establishment. At first, this was difficult. It sounds impossible. It sounds hard. But then I quickly found a new tactic, which is where I just typed in, I was banned.

Like within the parameters of Yelp and TripAdvisor and then scrolled through and clicked on every single review to see if it was like over three stars and I found some. Oh good okay. And they're crazy. Are they like oh okay my my thinking is the only way they're positive is if someone wins like big at a casino. Well. And gets banned. Very interesting. Oh okay. You're uh onto something there weirdly enough a pattern that i discovered this is a review the first one is a review of the wayside museum and this uh i will tell you the little subheading the wayside museum chronicles the story of old cornwall from 3000 bc to the 1930s which is told in very imaginative ways why until the 1930s why did they stop there

tell me because it just seems so specific right like why what happened after 1930 maybe something in court maybe you have to go to the goddamn museum to find out alexander is that when the museum was found and they haven't updated since teach you all your history yeah there's no women allowed inside and everything it's crazy okay um so this is a five star review by steven this happened a few summers ago on may 19th 2011 to be precise but i have marked this review as May 2014 because I can't submit the report otherwise and I have never forgotten the interesting experience that I had at the Wayside Museum on that day. Quoting my diary entry on May 19th, 2011, and censoring the rude bits, quote, the receptionist there took an immediate dislike to me,

saying I had photoed him without his permission. I had not. And forcefully told me to leave and not come back. Ye gads! What caused such hostility? I think that's the version of eek in England. In the 1930s. In the 1930s.

Ye gads! I left feeling somewhat confused and thankful that there hadn't been any other people around because otherwise I would have felt obliged to defend myself robustly not a pleasant experience for those on the receiving end I'm told the locals were very amused in the adjacent pub when I described what had happened to me at the Wayside Museum it was an exciting and memorable experience that I had that day hence the five star rating but for all the wrong reasons and after a suitable cooling

off period i will revisit the wayside museum to enjoy what i should have enjoyed back in 2011. so there's that so this guy gets kicked out for taking a picture of an employee. Claims didn't, but also for purportedly doing that. Right. And goes to the bar next door and regales the locals of this incredible story. They are so entertained, by the way. I guess he did censor out the profanity. The rude bits.

The rude bits. Yeah. Because I was like, this is the least interesting story. And he replaced them with the word ye gads. Okay. Sure. They were very amused in the adjacent pub, I'm sure. I forgot, this was on TripAdvisor, and there was a title saying like band. Like I was banned, but I still enjoyed it or something.

So I was wondering where the word band was, but it was in the title. So that's the first one. The next one. You nailed the challenge already. Thank you very much. The next one is of San Manuel Casino. Where is that? I don't know.

I knew you didn't know. I just needed you to Google it. Well, I didn't want to like totally, you know. Come prepared. What's the word? Docs them. Docs them. Oh, you didn't want to like totally, you know. Come prepared. What's the word? Dox them. You gads. Dox them.

Oh, you didn't want to dox them. I don't know. Who, the casino? Yeah. That's not how that word works. This is Highland, California. It did that thing where it brought me to closer locations because I wasn't in incognito mode. So Yelp automatically brought up results near me geographically.

And you don't want to tell people where you are right now? No, I'm just saying that's why. You don't want to tell them we live next door to this casino? I live in Cornwall. Are you not understanding this? Not at all, no. Actually, yeah, come to think of it, that makes no sense. Okay, this is in highland california which

i don't even know where that is so four stars by barbie san manuel casino is my favorite place to go i have good things to say about the casino except for the fact that i've been banned for i have good things to say about the casino except for the fact that I've been banned for a year for something that I did not do that was a total misunderstanding. I found a phone on a machine, and my intentions were to turn it into guest services on the way out. It was crowded that night, and I was in line for the buffet for an hour, and security approached me. Right away, I handed him the phone. Everything was good, and I enjoyed the rest of my night. Two weeks later, I go in to get my Serrano card, and I'm escorted out by security and told that I'm banned for a year. What I don't like about it was how I was treated,

and that nobody from San Manuel will listen to me to prove my innocence. My boyfriend who was with me that night is a high roller and is constantly being comped for how much money he spends. I am not a thief and I cannot accept San Manuel say it was a petty theft. I've tried numerous ways to explain myself. I've talked to head of security two times and they would not listen. They review it and say the ban sticks. This is unfair to me. I know by writing this I probably won't get a response from San Manuel or any help with this because so far that's the way it has been. And I'm devastated about it. But I want other people to hear about my experience.

Oh, my gosh. They picked up a phone on a machine and then proceeded to wait in a buffet line for an hour? Yep. Instead of just turning it in? They said they wanted to do it on the way out that's ridiculous why would you think that's a good idea and then in hindsight why would you still think that you did the right thing because obviously they went and reviewed the footage saw the person who took the phone and went and found them because that's how they knew it was and they probably reviewed the footage saw her eyes darting around the casino. Anyone watching me put this in my pocket?

And then the Pink Panther music played. It was crazy. Oh, have you played the Pink Panther slots? I don't think so. Oh, well, get with it. There's a response from our owner also. Oh, juicy. Just so you know.

Okay. September 8th, 2018. Barbie, thanks for the feedback. Certainly bummed to hear about your issue obviously we do not want to ban any of our guests we take these things very seriously best of luck with your future gaming san manuel casino that's the nicest fuck off ever we don't want to ban anyone anyway peace but it's already done don't ever come back um Yeah. And I do not want to accuse this person of theft. I don't.

I just think it was really not the wisest choice that she made that evening. She made a mistake by doing it that way. Like, I get being like, oh, I should turn this into security. But like, it's pretty shady looking, you know? If you pocket it and go get some popcorn shrimp. Understandable. And hey, it's not like you're banned for life. You're banned for a year.

some popcorn shrimp understandable and hey it's not like you're banned for life you're banned for a year and i know like maybe if it's a big part of you know your enjoyment of your area that sucks but i mean you fucked up at least you nobody can go right now so i mean a big chunk of that year that your ban is uh taken care of anyway um next we go to the Pechanga Resort and Casino. Where is that? That she Googles before I even ask? I think it's also in California. Temecula. The Pechanga Resort and Casino in Temecula. Five stars by Terry.

First, let me start off by stating that nor me or my wife are big gamblers, so our draw to the casino is strictly the food, entertainment, and shopping. The staff is almost always accommodating and helpful. My wife used to have an issue with type 2 diabetes, and when her sugars were low, the staff made sure she was comfortable and safe. Orange juice was provided as well as food assistance on several occasions. I don't appreciate the way security handled a personal situation when my wife was gravely ill. They banned her from the casino until December 1st for, in my opinion, an unjust reason. We have handled the situation in an appropriate manner and she has gotten the help

she needed. Also, they banned her from the pool and lied that staff knew sign language when they clearly didn't. She is fluent in ASL, which is American Sign Language. In fact, she almost became an interpreter for the deaf when she attended El Camino College a few years back. The way she was treated by pool and security staff is appalling and we are considering proceeding with prosecution and strongly considering never setting foot on this property again sorry i just like that they're like we're considering prosecuting and also never going back for that buffet it's like priorities justice and apologies need to occur she also was bullied by one of the dealers and fellow neighbor i will not name her as she is a single mother of three children,

but what she has done is harassment and heartless. We even supported her LuLaRoe business to help... The dealers? No. Yes. This is all sorts of a mess. What is happening? Oh my god.

I just picture it all happening at the pool. We even supported her LuLaRoe business to help her out. And she spread rumors that my wife stole from her. I hope that this can be handled fairly and in a timely manner. Until then, we will enjoy entertainment elsewhere. Yeah, because you're banned. You can't enjoy entertainment. Do we know what the hell happened?

Absolutely not. Is this just... I know we've said this before, but if you have to be this vague about it you probably fucked up somehow like there must be something that you did wrong because especially because there's three incidents separate incidents that have not been even remotely explained yeah like first off she was uh banned for being gravely ill and getting the help she needed so good okay but then second also there was the pool incident where by the way something about sign language she speaks sign language and the staff doesn't but but she was banned she was banned i'm thinking maybe she cursed at someone and they're like we

know what you just said and then they accused her of stealing and then even though she's different a dealer inside despite supporting her lula row business yeah but she's is that like some sort of like weird bribe like don't tell them all i stole from you i stole all those leggings from you all those lula row leggings because i'm supporting your business here i have no idea but But she's banned until December 1st. How many stars was this review? Five. Why? I don't know.

Like, at least the others kind of made sense. Like, they were trying to stay positive. But this one was like, what? I think he's, I mean, he's just like having one of those, like, Sarah McLachlan, like, you know, they used to bring us orange juice. Yes. Good old days before my wife flipped someone off in the pool and stole a bunch of leggings. And like, you know, they used to bring us orange juice. Yes. Good old days before my wife flipped someone off in the pool and stole a bunch of leggings.

And claimed it was sign language. Yeah. I like that it's like she almost became an interpreter, but didn't. Like that doesn't prove to me anything, but okay. Okay. So then. There's so many bizarre details in here that it's really hard to like... The LuLaRoe thing got me. I cannot believe a fucking MLM was brought up in this too.

I know. That's part... I was like, we're... What? I assume that this was just out of your own fun research. You actually just searched LuLaRoe and happened upon something that fit the challenge because it sounds like something you would do. It's actually just a miracle that this even passed upon my browser in front of my very eyes oh my god so this next one

i found and it's not it's a two-star review so it's a negative review but um i just thought it was really funny and i felt like i'd already accomplished the challenge and um it's it's somewhat positive so i'm gonna read it anyway this is two stars by steve of walmart generally most of the employees are nice i walked into their hair salon a couple days ago and the lady i assumed she was the manager excuse me walmart has hair salons yes alexander is it like a great clips like attachment or is it actually like it's like a walmart walmart hair walmart glass i eye optometrist. Yeah, but so does Costco.

That makes more sense to me. Yeah. But a hair salon? I feel like I've never heard that in any sort of big box store. Supercenter. I mean, it makes sense when you go in, there's a fucking subway. Center, you need to get a perm sometimes when you're getting your six inch sub i walked into their hair salon a couple days ago and the lady i assume she was the manager

stopped me from purchasing products that were on sale so that's the broad strokes of the story okay now do we get more details we do and this is one of those scenarios where like if it was left at that we'd be like you're clearly not telling us the whole picture. Now we're about to learn the whole picture. Well, okay. So they're honest. That's good. Well, maybe.

She told me I was banned from buying product there ever again. They were having a buy one, get two free sale. I asked a lady how many I was able to buy. And she said, as many as you like. Then this lady pulled out a sign that said six products was the limit at a time i agreed and purchased six then i came back the next day and purchased six more the third day i went this is amazing the third day i went in, she said I was banned from buying any more products. You have to understand, I'm a senior and very polite.

Like a senior in high school? No, a senior citizen. I'm kidding. The police? Nope. That's what it says. It says the Freudian slip. My mistake. Clearly, I have some opinions about Steve and his politeness.

The people who walked by while she was yelling at me probably think I'm a thief. She said that I would just go resell their products. Who care what I do with them after I buy them? I think some personal change needs to be made there. I think they probably meant personnel change, but it just occurred to me. I think some personal change needs to be made there i've owned my own businesses in my life and quickly fired anyone who treated customers like that end of review um steve you know what steve the problem is i bet many if not all these products

are labeled not for resale yeah so i know you act like there's no i can do whatever i want with them no you really can't no you can't and the best part is that he's not like i wouldn't do that and like even if i wanted to so what he's like yeah and like you're just gonna resell these on the street so go watch extreme couponing and be an extreme couponer if you want to do this shit good point he's too polite for that. Have you seen those people? True. Ruthless. Ruthless.

Okay, now this is the last one. And this actually goes way off the rails, so you're welcome for staying on them for so long. This was an email from Courtney that we received because remember I made a plea in the last episode for people to please send in some examples yeah um some some examples i got none thanks everyone look at all this hard work i had to find steve all on my own how dare they how dare you not do my research um so i did get an email from courtney though which was promising

for a moment i'm just gonna read it anyway because courtney's the only one who tried to help me thanks courtney for, for the effort. Hi, Sheef. Even though you failed, but whatever. Well, that's okay. Hi, Sheefers. I was looking for positive reviews from people that were banned per next week's challenge. Thank you.

But came across Alan's review of a local residence inn instead. Oh, it's just completely wrong. I just got so excited when I saw the email, like someone had found something. And then I was like, great, copy paste. And I was like, oh, this is... But I just thought it was worth reading anyway. Speaking of getting excited about emails, we just got an email and I only saw the header or the first line.

Subject. They called me... No, no, no. It was a between you and us email. They called me pod daddy. One word. Yuck-o. And it's another great nickname.

So thank you to that person. Terrible. I hate it. daddy one word yucko and it's another great nickname so thank you to that person terrible i hate it this is a review of a residence in by alan three stars who's telling the lie wife and i have stayed at residence in pleasant hill california for a week at a time twice a year christmas and june for about 10 years. In the last couple years, the complimentary morning newspapers have disappeared. We asked the desk clerk. We asked the manager. We were told this is corporate policy. To save the environment, there will be no more newspapers.

Gasp. I know. I said, if you don't want to give me a complimentary paper, that's okay. Sell me a paper. They said, no, that's not allowed. So today we are staying in a residence inn in St. Louis, Missouri. They do provide complimentary newspapers. Some days they provide two different papers.

I discussed our experience in California and the folks behind the desk were astounded. They never heard of such a policy. They must have been just as amused as the people at that pub earlier. Oh yeah, just absolutely astounded. Tell me more, sir, about their policy regarding newspapers. Maybe the message is on the way by Pony Express, and the rider didn't get there yet. Or maybe he died. Jesus, what?

Why go there? I don't know. Or maybe he died on the way. So who's telling the lie? Is the manager in California telling a lie? Is the corporate office telling lie to the guy in California and the anti-newspaper rule does not apply at all locations? Are the folks here in St. Louis telling a lie because they refuse to obey the ban on newspaper? But this is just the most recent aggravation. Years ago, they installed new wall light switches. The light switches watch you. Wait. This is devolving fast.

I thought it was kind of silly, and now wait a second. The light switches watch you. Actually, they have motion detectors built in. Oh my god. I got all worked up for nothing. If you turn on a light and if you don't move around very much, the switch decides you left the room and you don't need the light, so it turns off. When we stay in a hotel room, we often like to leave the light on in the bathroom

to find our way in the middle of the night. So we can't do that now. When we stop moving around, the lights go off. So we bring a nightlight with us when we go here. Problem solved. Next challenge. If we can save money shutting off lights, how about HVAC? Now Big Brother watches to see if you are actually in the room. If you set the system to cool in summer and if you go out for hours and hours, you don't really need cooling, so we'll shut it off for you. If you set the system to heat the room in the winter and you go out for hours and hours,

you don't really need heat. Problem! One night in the christmas season we woke up in the middle of the night and the temperature was 60 degrees yes we had not been moving we were sleeping but big brother decided we were out and did not need heat these are some issues with this hotel but we will be back it is a habit with us end of review oh can't break that habit i guess and then courtney wrote this got me curious about alan so i went to his profile and he has no less than four additional reviews complaining about lack of complimentary morning papers at various hotels wow and it's true i went and looked and then courtney says keep up the work i eagerly wait every episode courtney oh my goodness so i just had to kind of you know

share that with the world and on such a positive note yeah yeah big brother always watching love i was like we fixed this challenge at least like the freaking nightlight thing like we overcame this challenge god the screaming of the people also it's just in the bathroom if you didn't pick up on that the motion timer light yeah and it's not watching you in case you're wondering i feel like these places generally have like a thing you stick your key card into so that oh some of them have that yeah that's true so huh i would be very but some of them have timer in the bathroom well okay yeah i'm thinking but i'm thinking about the specifically the heat and air conditioning oh i see yeah i don't know about that.

But he also thinks he's being watched because the government cares so much whether or not he needs heat. Calling that Big Brother is a little bit much. You can tell it's one of those people who thinks literally everything that happens bad negatively to him is Big Brother's fault. Okay. Well, that's it. Thanks for listening. Yeah, thanks, everyone. What's my theme? Our theme for next week is cigar shops in Cuba.

Whoa. Okay. You didn't think I had one ready, did you? You stared me dead in the eyes. I know, because you were looking at me like, oh, what's our theme? Thinking I was going to have to pull out my phone and Google something. No, but you just said it so matter-of-factly. All right.

Well, I have your challenge. And this is from Harvey and Leah from Toronto. Hi, Harvey and Leah from Toronto. And the subject was eek. Please disregard previous Between You and Us email. Because they put Between You and Us in the subject. But it was a challenge. Hi, Sibling Schieffer.

I've been listening to your podcast for a while now. My partner has recently got into it as well. We came up with some fun ideas for challenges. Thanks for the free radio show. P.S. Alex, we're so sorry for the bowl cut and miss it dearly neither of us will ever recover we know you'd give christine's hairdressing zero stars if you could harvey and leah from toronto thank you for acknowledging that that makes me love the insult but i did love it was absolutely terrible i know i know i did love the challenge ideas.

One of them, which I have picked for you, is to find reviews of products requiring assembly where the reviewer admittedly did not read the instructions. I love that. Okay, good. So it goes, yeah. I'm also in the market for a couch, so that'll be perfect. It'll help your furniture shopping. Yes.

Yay. Yeah, lots of furniture oh god okay this is gonna be great okay good okay okay hopefully i'll have something good for you next week then can't wait all right bye everyone we're off to our dialectical discussion Bye.