Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 75: Buffalo Wings in Buffalo, NY

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. We are 75 years old today. Oh, is this number 75? It sure is. Well, good thing we've got like a really hotly requested episode.

Good thing our 401k is in the toilet. This week we are covering buffalo wings in Buffalo, New York. It's weird that buffalo is in both of those things. I don't understand it. Can someone tweet at me about it? Actually, no, I do know the answer. So years ago, God, I don't know. I think it was the 60s or 70s. They opened up a buffalo wild wings in Buffalo, New York, and it was their first successful one. And still the best. Yeah, and still the best yeah and still the best of all yeah oh my gosh you guys are so mad and i can feel it from afar i love it um i

before we start doing buffalo wings uh i wanted to say thank you to everyone entering our animal crossing contest thank you guys which ends on friday may 1st this upcoming friday and uh wow a lot of you have entered so there's gonna be some stiff competition yeah um we're excited that you guys want to win this and we're excited to share our islands with uh whoever wins i will say some of you are think you're very sneaky and technically alexander and i never said you can't enter from multiple emails but some people have definitely been sneaking in multiple entries with different subjects but they're the same names yes so we're keeping one of your entries yes in the folder so don't think you listen you're talking to the sneakiest bastards alive you can't get past us

we're actually going through every single one to make sure that uh no one's like putting a bunch of their own in there so so if you're worried about that don't worry about that if you're like a couple and you're putting two entries in that's okay two different names two different emails that's okay that's fine because we want to tear up families with this we want you guys to hate each other we want to tear up families with this contest. We want you guys to hate each other. We want to cause as much chaos in your households, your quarantine households, as possible. Yeah. Under the guise of Animal Crossing. We want Animal Crossing to ruin your lives. Rip it apart.

And indirectly, we want to ruin your lives. I'd argue rather directly, but... Anyway, we are being vigilant vigilant and we are being thoughtful and we believe that this will be a very fair and uh happy ending for one person until their lives are ruined one person and then everyone else will just be mad at us i'm sorry about that yeah until we have our next contest i wish we could give me when we give away a copy of doom i wish we i'm just kidding we're not doing that i wish we could give... When we give away a copy of Doom. I wish we could... I'm just kidding. We're not doing that.

I wish we could give 2,000 Animal Crossings. Unfortunately, we cannot. Maybe someday. Well, someone was like, hey, aren't you giving away a copy of a Switch and Animal Crossing? Nope, can't afford that. Oh boy, oh boy. I wish. I wish we could do that, but unfortunately, no.

Maybe next year if you guys support us on Patreon at patreon.com slash beachtoosandy. Oh boy, folks. Okay, well, now I guess we do Buffalo Wings. Yeah, I'm excited for this one. Me too. Me too. This is a hotly requested subject. Hotly.

And guess who was very excited? Hannah. Hannah. Yeah. Did you use Hannah's email as well? I didn't. I just read it. I used it okay quite thoroughly

because hannah yeah says this i live in buffalo and i have been waiting for you to do buffalo that's why i am typing in caps i'm so excited i did not read that in caps but it is all in i wish more people would explain why they were typing in caps i think that would solve a lot of the world's problems uh anyway with that being, I wanted to give you some places to look for reviews that might make your life easier. And Hannah, you did make my life easier because I looked up every single place you requested. But I will add at the end, Hannah says, Alex, please, for the love of all that is good and holy, do not do Buffalo Wild Wings. That is a disgrace. And I didn't.

I actually didn't. You didn't you didn't because there were thousands of reviews and could you imagine spoiler alert you did i did so you know why because hannah asked us not to do it and i went hannah you know better than that because if you tell me not to do something i'm gonna do it but also that's the fun of it like why are people going to buffalo wild wings in buffalo i think that's worth peering into yes i did peer into it because i wanted to try and there were thousands and they were terrible, but they were all just boring. So I'm glad that you found some things. So Hannah, I just disobeyed you.

Shall I start with what Hannah says is the first wing place in Buffalo? Let me guess, Anchor. It is Anchor Bar. Blaze knew that. Where they were invented. I said, do you know anything about Buffalo Wings? He said, there's this place called Anchor where I think they were invented. That's bizarre. I had no idea about this. What do you know about Buffalo? That's like where Tim's near from, from near, our stepdad. Yeah, Tim's near from. And they also get so much snow. Yes. Because our grandma Pam always tells us how

much snow's in Buffalo. Yeah. And they have the Buffalo Sabres that Pam is a fan of. I don't even know what that is. It's a hockey team. Got it. That is my probably second favorite hockey team. Got it. Okay. Okay.

Anchor Bar. This is a review by Tico. One star. Bathroom had weed seeds all over changing table. Like, what the hell? End end of review what could it mean what could those weed seeds mean like marijuana i assume so i don't think it was like dandelions i hope it was i hope someone just was like fertilizing i just don't know and also like that it makes me think of like uh people who complain about their kids getting or they're worried about their kids getting drugs and their halloween candy oh yes who gives out their drugs

just they would use it for themselves like they're not gonna give your child their lsd or whatever the fuck you're worried about and who would, quote, weed seeds on a changing table at Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York? It's not like a pill where you can Google like CS350 or whatever. Like you can't look up what a weed seed is. I mean, I'm sure you could. You see some seeds and you're like, well, but what? Okay. I guess if they saw seeds.

Yeah, I don't know. Personally, I can't recognize weed seeds. Did we say it was on a changing table? It was on a changing table. Why are you even looking at that? That's a good question. Well, what if they have a child to change? I guess so.

Then you got some weed seeds. I have some free weed seeds. Maybe it came out of your child's bottom. Then something's up with you and not with the changing table. Stop feeding your child bird food, bird seed. Yeah. Famously, birds eat weed seed probably do okay educational podcast we're drinking right now by the way if you can't

already tell you asked for more drunk drunk episodes i'm not quite drunk but no we're definitely not drunk but i made neoni, so we're fancy drinking. Fancy drinking. They have gold-plated rims. It is the most extra thing I've drank in many moons. Okay, you're welcome. I also started with Anchor Bar, and I have a one-star review by Bill. By the way, as Alexander said, this is the place that claims the original, like, to have invented the buffalo wing.

One star by Bill. This place invented the wing? Meaning what? They first discovered that a chicken has wings? No, Bill. Bill, that's not what that means. Buffalo Bill, can I call you that? That's not quite.

And they were so happy about that fact that they decided never to add flavor. The frozen wings from Costco have 20 times more flavor than these wings. End of review. I just like the like blatant misunderstanding. Or like forced misunderstanding. Oh my goodness. Well, can I just make a comment on that about how the Costco reference? How many people like wings from other places and had to say it oh it's so annoying so obnoxious i'm gonna stick with blank

restaurant i went to quaker steak and lube and their wings were far better it's like then just eat there shut shut up and eat there just shut up and eat your wings you you support the businesses you want to support but don't put down other people because you don't like their wings better than Quaker Steak and Lube. Is that really a place? Yeah. I do not know the words that you're saying. Okay, Quake. Let's go through them one by one.

No, I don't want to talk about it anymore. You don't know about Quaker Steak and Lube? Do not. Well, okay. That's on you then. It sure is. Apparently, some random person on the internet likes their wings. Okay.

Here's another review. That much I know. That much I figured out. Here's a review of Anchor Bar by Eric. One star. Not so good. Asked bartender for unsweetened... Sorry.

I'm trying to say it the way they wrote it. I know, I love it. Not so good. Asked bartender for unsweetened iced tea. Asked did they have sweetener. She had limited knowledge. Asked someone else. They said, didn't you ask bartender? Which started the visit as a whole bad.

Packed up food and left. End of review. They were probably like, we're not familiar with unsweetened iced tea, but maybe talk to the drinks master. Yeah. And then Eric said, I'm not familiar with punctuation. So we're both pretty SOL, I guess. Oh, no. We're pretty much lacking some necessary knowledge for what we want to do.

You know what's shocking is the number of people who walked out of places angrily. I just can't believe how many people do that regularly. I know. I don't get it. The last time I saw that was when we did the Crab Shacks or whatever in Maryland. So many people were like, I just walked out of the restaurant and left.

And I'm like, okay. Congratulations. And that's fine that you did that. Just why tell everyone about it because there's it's like those people who announce when they're leaving a group on the internet oh my god you fucking nailed it it's because i had a group on the internet of 22 000 people or some shit and people would post like pictures i hate this who back i hate this group so i I'm leaving. Everyone's like, congratulate. Then leave.

Why are you still here? Exactly. It's really annoying. Anyway, this is a review of Duff's, which seemed to be a pretty big competitor of Anchor's. Since you're getting ahead, let me tell you about Duff's, because Hannah mentions Duff's. Right, yes. Duff's, parentheses. Obama was here once, so were other famous people,

but meh, they're not as important as Obama. No one is. No one is. I will say a lot of people mentioned that, so I already knew that. I didn't see any. Oh, really? Well, actually, I just went through the one-star reviews, so that's a good sign. Yeah, I found definitely plenty of one-stars.

Never mind. This is a one-star review by Lars, who also went here. I don't know if Hannah put that in her email. Um. Lars? No, no Lars here. That's not as important as Obama. Weird.

Weird. I've lived in the area for 35 years, was here once and never again. I ordered the wings. There were leftover from the night. Reheated and had some sauce thrown on top. When I called the server over and stated the above, I was told I was crazy. They do not do that, and these were just made for me. I told him and another server to please touch them.

And that... And that we'll find the wings underneath we're cold when they saw this was so okay that sounds like a fucking biblical phrasing they saw this was so they saw this was so the lord gave it unto them hot wings when they discovered that a chicken had wings um when they saw this was so the one said to the other i'm gonna kill you oh it is like cain and abel i was about to say cain and abel right here old testament verbatim by the way when they saw this so, the one said to the other, I'm going to kill you. The wings were taken away and I was left to sit there without anything. A few minutes later, the one serve came back and said, are you all set? I can get your bill. I went off on him,

telling him I don't have anything to eat and I wasn't paying for cold leftover wings. He finally agreed and got me a salad. I took one bite and said, that's it, I'm out of here. I am willing. I'm picturing them bringing the salad and immediately with fork ready, stabbing into it, biting it and just shouting that with lettuce spewing everywhere.

Prepared for this very moment. I took one bite and said,'s it i'm out of here i am willing to give restaurants a lot of wiggle room but not for cold wings and salad with lettuce which is brown okay that is very specific i'll give them lots of wiggle room unless it deals with my wings or brown lettuce salad you want wings and good food go somewhere else end of review that seems so that's too specific to be considered wiggle room that is not wiggle room also like just that the server touched a touched his food yes touch his chickens and then went i'm gonna kill you to the other server i was like if okay it's not true i doubt it is, oh boy, oh boy, do I want to watch that.

Because, oh my. Also, what does any of it mean? I'm going to kill you. What is that? There's nothing like that. I know it's crazy if that actually happened. But why is that worth one star review? Because what does it mean?

Why? I think it must mean that this other server is already in hot water for always serving yesterday's chicken wings for fun i don't know why and this other server is like how many times do i have to tell you yes stop picking the chicken wings out of the trash can and giving them to our lovely loyal customers like l. What a mess. Okay. Well, I'm bringing us back to Anchor Bar again. Oh, great. With a review by Joe. It's a one-star review.

Expensive, overrated, understand construction, should be closed. P.S. A buffalo wings is a wing. You can get them in Florida. End of review. What? I'm going to be honest, folks. Florida reviewers are their own special breed.

You know what? You're not wrong there. And Joe providing what he thinks is a very valuable service. Very valuable. Telling not only the business business but other people on google reviews that you can indeed get wings in florida thank god because all these people didn't know until i was wondering yeah buffalo wings are chicken wings is that what he said not even a buffalo wings is a wing so wise man when he saw it was so you know what he went back to florida if we get enough patron subscribers

we gotta pay um one of those airplane skywriters to write that because that is beautiful we have a lot of phrases like prepared for an airplane skywriter i think probably too many probably a lot we're gonna need a lot of patreon support so if there's a um if there is a skywriter out there offering their services at a reduced rate given the current uh given the current situation uh hit us up you mean like because no one will see it because no one's outside of their house hit us up because as long as we can see it we're happy we're not doing this for anyone else this is so dumb okay this is we're still at duff's on my end here we got an email from jayden he him who's 15 years old a teen get out a self-professed teen it's a one-star review of duff's by william

terrible wings exorbitant prices lousyy service. I will not be returning, nor will the 11 other golfers with me. And I think this is one of my favorites. I'm picturing, is this William? William! I'm picturing William setting up like a Google survey of sorts, sending it to everyone saying, okay, will you or will you not return a survey monkey look at this all of them said no i gotta tell the business all 11 of my golfers that's insane that is insane oh my god 12 golf that's a dozen golfers oh my god they just

lost a dozen golfers business that could be 144 wings dozen golfers dozen wings each that's right it's a baker's dozen. I don't know because I can't do that math. But that's a lot of wings. I guess it's 12 more. And a lot of chickens. Than 144. So 156.

That's a lot. Now you're just showing off. Too many chickens. You know what? Why don't I join William and yourself and go to Duff's Famous Wings myself? I thought you were going to join his golf league. I would. My golf league is not meeting

right now neither is williams that's so sad what a tough life after duff's ruined it golfers can't golf they had one meetup scheduled and duff's ruined it all and now all 12 golfers will never be back such a shame about all those visors missing from the duff's landscape that's exactly exactly what i was thinking i know okay here who isn't here's my first review of duff's famous wings uh this is a review by benjamin one star not what it's cracked up to be the soggy wing is just be a vehicle for their thick sauce. Not what a true wing should be. End of review. Ew! If anyone says vehicle

when they're talking about food, I'm in. I'm in. A vehicle for their thick sauce. That's so disgusting, dude. Yeah, it's, the word, the phrasing is just... It's no good. I'm putting it on a plane, on a Skyrider. Okay. Vehicle for on a skywriter okay vehicle for your thick sauce vehicle for your thick sauce nasty beach too sandy water too wet vehicle for your thick

ears veto veto veto veto okay okay guess what um i need a hint. Guess who's from Buffalo? Obama. No, damn it. William H. Macy. Fox. Wait, Fox? Fox? Remember Fox? Yes, from like episode...

I don't even know what episode that was. Like episode negative 10. Yeah, Fox. It's been so long. Somebody in our Patreon livestream actually mentioned him. And I forgot until I stumbled upon a review of his. No, you literally stumbled upon it? Well, as a reminder, he has 12,035 reviews, so it's really not hard to find them.

That is true. Especially considering he's from Buffalo. Okay, this is amazing. And he has 12,035 reviews and 40,450 photos on Yelp. So just in case anyone needed a refresher so there's this place so so fox would single-handedly sync our podcast single-handedly yes it makes me nervous but i'll let you i love fox i have nothing bad to say about fox i think he's doing quite a service um most i think most of his reviews are pretty positive i I think, if I recall.

This is a three-star review, though, of Elmo's, which is another wing place. Three stars by Fox. This is what you get when furry fluffy puppets on Sesame Street decide to open eateries and bars. Which is what I also said when reviewing Grover's on Transit. He has a way with words, friend fox i love fox this place was formerly saint elmo's and sold only unleavened bread and the blood of christ it nailed lots of headlines when it was made famous in the tragic saint elmo's fire of the 1980s the saint died but the place was rebuilt hence it's now only called elmo's okay okay wait wait wait how serious is this not i think not i don't know where saint elmo's fire happened though oh i don't either well so now i'm like i don't

think a saint died and that's why now it's called elmo's i can't imagine oh is that what he said okay i'm just like so fox stop messing with me because i'm like oh all i know about saint elmo's fire is that it was a vhs at our house and my mom always said, you're not allowed to watch that VHS. I know it was like a movie, but I just like Googled it, and it's a weather phenomenon in which luminous plasma is created by a corona discharge from a sharp or pointed object in a strong electric field in the atmosphere, such as those generated by thunderstorms

or created by a volcanic eruption. That's not what I thought it was. Me neither, so I feel like an idiot. Okay, me too. Fox, you're making us feel like idiots. It's Mom. She never let me watch that VHS tape. I saw Elmo, and I thought, this is for me. The movie's about a group of recent college graduates

who embark on a series of misadventures in the real world. Yeah, I did remember reading that on the back of the VHS. Okay, well, you know what? Fox, I'm going gonna not take anything you say seriously because you're stressing me out by how dumb i am well i'm glad that i made you a drink because you're gonna have to take a drink every time the word souvlaki is mentioned that seems do you know what souvlaki is yeah it's like a dessert right no it's not it's a pastry it's a baked good maybe i'll just tell you it's uh it's chicken on a it's like meat

on a skewer i was close it's greek and it's like skewer i was not close i heard nothing but great things about their wings and their souvlaki both are pretty pricey so i was hoping it'd be worth it so far i've only tried their souvlaki and it was one of the most bland white bread unimaginative and tasteless souvlakis i've ever had it was to souvlakis what taco bell is to tacos okay rude by the way rude i fucking love taco bell and we live in los angeles so we know vegan options taco bell has pretty good i'm hoping their wings are much better elmo's is mainly a drinking establishment some places that are mainly for alcohol also happen to have incredible food but i tried the signature dish that everyone raved about the vastly overpriced chicken souvlaki pita pocket and it wasn't even close to being one

of my favorite souvlakis in town in fact i found it to be the most bland the most generic and the least greek souvlaki i'd tasted i'm out of alcohol i know honestly i don't know if there's some sort of like code like he's like triggering some code with all these if i use souvlaki 17 times yeah i'm gonna summon saint elmo's fire or saint elmo himself perhaps i thought he died in a fire that's exactly why we need to resurrect him with souvlaki okay oh their other dish of choice is supposed to be their wings so i do plan to swing back by and try their overpriced wings at some point, but for now, based on their souvlaki and prices and service alone, this place is one of those very, very few family businesses that I will award less than a three to. Combining the hype, the expectation, the prices, and how much I didn't like my sandwich, giving it the

usual three for a poor family-owned restaurant would be too much. Edit. Since I wrote this, I have tried the wings, and while they were good, I can't even remember how good. So until I try them again, I am keeping St. Elmo's Fire as a three. A 1983, to be exact. Perhaps if Kermit the Frog joins forces with them, it could be a different story. End of review. You're not wrong when you say Fox has a way with words. He has a way. What kind of way? I'm not sure, but a way. It exists. A one way into his own mind that I can't really understand.

Well, thanks, Fox. Thanks, Fox. That is good to know about Elmo's because I didn't even stumble upon Elmo's. Hey, because I have another review of Duff's Famous Wings. This is a one star by Richard. This is a one star by Richard. I was immensely disappointed on my first visit to Duff's on Saturday, June 10th, 2017. 602 PM and 38 seconds.

That will live in infamy. I always read from the locals that Duff's is the place for wings in Western New York, not Anchor Bar. I was undecided whether to get the 5 or 10. I figured that they would be good, so I bought the 10 and had them to go to take back to the hotel. The staff was friendly, and they were not too busy because it was around 4pm. A quick check of the beers on tap. It was all national brands, no great local beers on tap. Really pathetic. The wings I got were dried out and very salty. If I was eating them there at the bar, I would have sent them back. Oh. And these

wings were expensive. I did not want to drive back, so I suffered and ate all ten. Stop it. Oh my god, you suffered through all ten, you poor thing. I'm, like, I'm just amazed. Do you know what reminds me of that one person who said they hated their food so much that they left it for housekeeping?

Yes. I was like, what the fuck is the matter with you? At least he's not putting his suffering on others. That's true. Except me right now in this very moment. I did not want to drive back, so I suffered and ate all ten. Hey, I'm still alive to tell you about my experience. Hey, I'm still alive to tell you about my experience.

What pisses me off is that I could have walked over to the Anchor Bar, which I'll probably do next year when I visit. I find it hard to believe that Duff's franchise is this garbage. I'd never go back. End of review. That took such a turn. I know. Like, he was like, oh, they're kind of dry and salty,

and then was like, I'm not dead yet. And don't forget that they said that the staff was nice, too. I know, everything seemed fine. Yeah, except it apparently wasn't fine. Oh my god, I suffered. There's one that I found that I didn't end up picking, but the guy was like, I forced the rest down my throat. Whoa.

Shit, he's gonna die. I just forced the rest of that Negroni down my throat.'m sorry to make you suffer so badly oh my god where's housekeeping they need to finish it it's called me you can pass it my way um no but all i was saying is that there was one review where this guy was like i had to force them down my throat and i was like like you didn't though like that's you did no one's forcing you to do anything i just can't imagine if you're like you it's like that thing where the the staff is like well you ate it and you're like well yeah but i hated it and i want my money back it's like yeah but you ate the whole thing what are you doing oh boy well next we're going to a place

called picasso's pizza okay that doesn't say wings, but whatever. Yes, I know. But it is a wing place, or at least that's one of their famous dishes. And I will say... Not souvlaki? Not sou... What was that? Like, I never read anything about souvlaki at any of these places.

But Fox is very... His tastes are very particular. This is a one-star review by Louis. And I want to let you know that I picked this for the hashtags at the end. This is a review of Picasso's pizza. I order from here a lot. I like the pizza wings and fingers. However, the customer service just-

Wait, pizza wings and fingers? Chicken fingers. I know, but who says fingers? Is that a thing? I'll have the fingers. Could you imagine? It doesn't sound good okay you know what's weird is we call them chicken wings but chicken fingers

yeah i think it's all weird i agree okay you're right i like the pizza wings and fingers you're right it's no good you said it so casually and i'm over here like wait no one says it like that right no good however the customer service just plain sucks. Eh, maybe just below average. Anytime there has been an issue, they will offer to bring out a new item. The problem is how often they mess it up and the lack of concern in their voice with no apology or credit offered when you don't want another cent. Hashtag, white pizza with 500 raw onions in a pool of water. Hashtag, gross fail hashtag union road

picasso's end of review can you repeat that first hashtag for me please hashtag it took me so long to like parse the words hashtag white pizza with 500 raw onions in a pool of water okay that is sounds like the most disgusting pizza ever yeah and i'd like to help i i'm hoping and i'd like to think that that was uh an exaggeration because that's raw onions in a bowl anyway that just like that hashtag so very much who does that hashtag gross fail i mean okay if you're i really hope that's the only hashtag of that like that's the only time oh we should check instagram yeah let's do it could be yeah maybe we'll post that tomorrow with our pick all right i have one now of the bar bill tavern and let me tell you a little something about the Bar Bill Tavern.

It's Hannah's favorite. Actually, according to Hannah, quote, this is a Buffalo favorite. Okay. All right. It's Buffalo's favorite. So not Hannah's favorite. My bad. Hannah's favorite is coming up next.

Spoilers. Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, wait. I have one more of Duff's. Oh, great. We're back there again. i forgot i had this one this is a review by someone who goes by the name me and so it's not me it's by me but it's by me okay got it it's a one-star review of duff's famous wings their wings come from chicken grown in chernobyl or on a diet.

Seriously, more than a buck. A piece for almost all bone. No spank you. End of movie. Oh no. There's a lot that's not worth unpacking here. I didn't like that and don't want to be near it anymore. I guess they're saying the mutant chickens are too small yeah so but some people complain they're too big i'm like when people oh my god and also when you think about

mutant chicken you don't think of a small chicken like that's silly that's like right cornish hen exactly like maybe they're just using fancier meat or something yeah nobody wants that i want those mutant fucking chickens that doesn't make sense no chernobyl chickens you know are humongous their fingers are giant and i don't think you'd survive eating it i'm just gonna put that out there i don't think that's a good idea i don't think that what that guy in the hotel room should try it because he seems to almost have expired after some salty wings true let alone Let alone mutant wings. True. Anyway. Mutant wings.

Good stuff. Mm-mm-mm. Okay, I'm going to Hannah's favorite now. Buffalo Wild Wings. Okay. This is a one-star review by Grace. This is my last one before our redemption. To start off our visit,

we entered and were immediately greeted by a seemingly polite staff member who quickly seated us. Setting our table, our party of four was all secretly hoping this woman was our server due to her politeness and attentiveness. But contrary to our hopes, we were soon greeted by our server, September. Firstly, she politely took our order of drinks and appetizers as well as our meals. No complaints there. As our 40 minute stay was coming to an end she began to pressure us to leave my daughter was still thoroughly enjoying her four-piece chicken tender meal when september ripped the tray out from under her somehow i doubt

that but why i don't know she's been polite up until this point and then all of a sudden violent extremely violent to top this all off she added a heart on our receipt She's been polite up until this point, and then all of a sudden... Violent. Violent. Extremely violent. To top this all off, she added a heart on our receipt. I know. Gasp. I know. I know. The horror. To top this all off, she added a heart on our receipt as if she were my significant other.

Keep in mind, I am a female. Okay. Okay. Holy shit. That a female. Okay. Okay. Holy shit. That is the... Okay. We've had some insane shit here, but this is wild. Why would you even...

Why was that where your head goes? Like, if I were 12 years old and going to, like, Skyline Chili, and that happened to me, I might have this thought of, like, oh my god. Does she have a crush on me? But excuse you? Well, it's not possible for a female to have a crush on a female anyway, so clearly that's out of the question. She added a heart on our receipt as if she were my significant other. Keep in mind.

I don't want to do it again. Keep in mind that i don't want to do it how atrocious is what is that that's real yeah i think that was you ad-libbing some dumb shit parentheses keep in mind i'm a female and then end parentheses and then how atrocious like i don't understand you must have like quite an imagination like probably everything anyone does you're like you're not my significant other okay calm down it's like she put a heart on the recita you know it's not because you're special okay okay it's because september is lovely and just wants to be kind it's been hot in here and i've been a little sweaty and i'm a lot of sweaty holy shit how atrocious all in all i will not be returning to this location ever again what a horrible experience my guess is that she made up the tray part to like make it seem like

something happened that would make the christina this is insane this is so freaking insane to me i don't i don't know. I cannot speak for what is wrong with this person, but what? Anytime I write anything, I'm going to put a heart just to see what happens. It seems like this really caused a rip in the space-time continuum for this person. If I were September, I'd say, don't fucking flatter yourself. Yeah, exactly. I will cross that heart out right now.

As if. As if. You wish, Grace. Jesus Christ. Anyway, Hannah, that's what you get for telling me to not look at Buffalo. I'm very glad you did not listen to Hannah. Me too. But I'm also glad I listened to Hannah. Yeah, me too.

So here's actually my review of Barbell Tavern and Buffalo's Favorite by Hassan. One-star review. The service is absolute tragic. How can a person be starved to death while waiting for wings? If the people working here knows that it gets busy, why not expand the place? Why shove a million people into a four-by-four box? Honestly, it's patatic.

I think they meant pathetic. No, I think they meant patatic. Whatever the hype is about the wings, it's not worth it. First, you have to wait two hours in freezing cold buffalo weather. In a 4x4 carton. With 999,999 other people. That's just the waiting room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

First, you have to wait two hours in freezing cold buffalo weather to get a table and then wait an hour for it to even get the food. So disappointed. The people running this business should address these issues and fix it for better customer satisfaction. End of review.

I'm glad we have an expert on customer satisfaction. End of review. I'm glad we have an expert on customer satisfaction here. Thank God. I think that the fact that people are waiting in line to get in doesn't show that they're good business. If anything, that's a sign that they're really bad. Failing big time.

They're in big trouble going forward. That does bother me. If you're willing and other people are willing to wait in line like what are they going to do knock down the buildings next to them and be like oh guests okay i don't know how they're set up this place specifically but people who complain about the lack of space there's a reason of course they want to have a giant space and feed as many people as possible and make as much money as possible. Yeah, well, somebody did in one of the reviews. I don't know if it was of that place.

It might have been, actually, because people complained it was so small. They were like, well, there's a building next door. And I'm like, they could just expand there. And I'm like, but that's another store. What do you mean? That's not how that works. You can't do that. That's not how that works.

Not that I know. Hasan would know better than me. Apparently. So is that your... Do you still have one more? I have one more redemption. That's it. Oh, just that I know. Hassan would know better than me. Apparently. So is that your... Do you still have one more? I have one more redemption. That's it. Oh, just a redemption.

Me too. Okay, good. This is a redemption of Buffalo Wild Wings, just for Hannah. You know what? Hannah, hopefully you've stopped listening. We had some good times at Buffalo Wild Wings doing trivia. Music trivia. That is true.

I do miss the times at Buffalo Wild Wings. But now if I went, what the fuck would I eat? Celery. Last time I went, I got so sick from there. Really? Oh my god, it was miserable. Oh no. Well, stop it, because I'm trying to redeem them right now. Okay. This is a five-star review by Elizabeth. I'm going to give

this location a five-star only because our server, Andy, is amazing. Gave my friends and i a show first trick included having to copy what he did with his hands to get our meal for free what um yeah you cannot alert buffalo wild wing is corporate to what's going on here sounds like money laundering using magic to launder money is that what you think should have used that trick in ozark first trick included having to copy what he did with his hands to get our meal for free didn't happen don't worry with his hands to get our meal for free. Didn't happen.

Don't worry, corporate. They didn't get their meal for free. He mind blew us. Okay, I don't think that's a phrase that people use. I didn't realize it until I said it out loud that that's really not a thing. He mind blew us. Don't say it again. No, no, no, no, no. Keep going.

I don't like this. Second trick was a card magic trick. Blew our it again. No, no, no, no, no. Keep going. I don't like this. Second trick was a card magic trick. Blew our minds again. That's better. Yeah, much, much better phrasing. Why didn't you use that first? Thanks again, Andy, for the good time. Be back soon just for you, Tofu.

I don't know what that means. Just for you, Tofu. Maybe just for your Tofu? I like Tofu. I don't think they have Tofu at Buffalo Wild Wings. Otherwise, i'd be going there i think maybe um they call them tofu now it's like a pet name oh that's cute back for you tofu back for you oh my god that would be weird yeah that's not okay either maybe it's because he served tofu i don't know i was dinner i can't figure it out either your meal is free or we just give you tofu. Would you accept? I will mind blow you.

I hate this. I hate this so much. Okay, that's it for me. Oh, thank God. Hannah, don't ever tell me what to do again because look what happens. Hannah, you've derailed this entire episode single-handedly. Oh, my God. So this is this last one.

Based on the reviews, this is somewhat of a polarizing place. Uh oh. But the last one that Hannah mentioned is Sal's. It's in Depew, New York. And it's a little bar, but they have Hannah's favorite wings in the entire city. Got it. So a lot of people won't like Hannah because of that because they have breaded wings. Oh shit.

That's what I read and people hate that. But good news. Paul and Hannah would get along, because this is what Paul has to say. Five-star review of Sal's. Great place for a drink and some wings. Say hi to Sue. End of review. So I want all you out there in Depew, New York, to go say hi to Sue.

Say hi to Sue. This review was written a year ago. I read about Sue. You did read about Sue. Yes, many people mentioned Sue. Sue is great. Okay, good. Well, most of them were negative because I only read the one stars.

You know what? They all said. Sue, I care about you. No, I do too. But they all said, service is terrible when Sue's behind the bar. And I was like, that's not very nice. That's not nice. I like Sue.

Yeah, so does Paul. And I bet Hannah does too. Hannah, that's not very nice. That's not nice. I like Sue. Yeah, so does Paul. And I bet Hannah does too. Hannah, go say hi to Sue if you haven't already. Hannah loves Sue. Hannah and Sue go way back. Hannah and Sue sitting in a tree. You know what I mean? I don't.

Wait. No. I know. Don't tell me. Christina. Christina. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for those hearts.

Oh, no. Sue drew a heart on Hannah's receipt. I'm not ready. It's ready for those hearts oh no sue drew a heart on hannah's receipt i'm not ready it's like she's her significant suddenly no it's like it's like when you're in elementary school and like suddenly you're like married like you get married on the playground or somebody you know writes a note or whatever and you're like well this is very serious adult business binding exactly it's like she drew a heart on the receipt so like now she's my significant other yeah which isn't possible because i'm a female i can't imagine how your mind would work that way hannah i hope your mind works that way and that sue writes hearts on your

oh wouldn't that be nice it would be nice i think that's a nice love story i ship them i ship them too i stan it i don't i don't know what that means hella dope my sis okay should i ask jayden yeah jayden jayden our resident teen for this episode i love how jayden made fun of golfers it made me laugh yeah that's a golfer it made me laugh too um okay i need to refill my negroni before i read you field trip reviews about people getting lost i'm legitimately gonna order vegan wings right now because i'm so hungry okay okay all right i'm negronied up i'm ready to go i know bad news for everyone so this so my challenge this week was um given to me by you uh via well given to me by mahali via you yes and mahali just simply sent the word challenge in the subject and then the email says find a review where

someone mentions being lost or left behind on a field trip well thank you everyone who helped me this week it was really really i feel like i got a lot of help for. Yeah, because you were a baby about it. I was a huge baby about it and it worked. So take a note. Okay. Okay. Depends on how hard the challenge is for next week. Once you come up with it.

Once I come up with it. Wow. Way to call me out. So a few people wrote in having found field trip reviews or already having them. For some reason, some people just saved these things. They're like us i guess um and i only used two so i'm sorry if i didn't get to yours um i just i had found some on my own so i i only used two of this one sent in but i appreciate everyone who helped me out um now this

one is from alia hershey pronouns who says hello the gods of podcasts. Jesus. I picture us. That's me. I picture us above a cloud with a trident. That's the wrong one. That's the side. That is not. Wow. My version of a god can have a trident.

Okay. Hello, the gods of podcasts. I found a review just for Christine. Love, Aaliyah. P.S. I love you guys so much. You guys make me so happy. Hope you can read this and use

it in the podcast smiley face so i shall i shall do just that this is a review of the natural history museum two stars by ms many years ago when i was about five i came here on a school trip and as school trips usually went for me i I got lost. This is like hitting really close to home for me personally. I don't remember how or why. I just remember joining a different group of kids that were on a different tour. So every time I come here, I shiver just a little bit. All right. So the best thing about this place is the building itself.

The exhibits do not impress me. Not to mention, if you're in search of dinosaurs, then this is not the place for you. I'm not kidding. The place is what, three stories? And of all the rooms, all the exhibits, they've only got three dinosaur reconstructions. Lame-o! Sure, there's other cool stuff to look at, but let's face it, we want to see dinosaurs. End of review. Who's we? You and your five-year-old friends? No, he and the new group he joined. The new tour group. The wrong tour group.

Oh, boy. I don't know what turned there, but something turned where. Yeah, that was... See, the thing is, if you start off your review that way, I'm not going to take the rest too seriously because you literally said that... What? You get shivers or chill?

What did they say? Shivers. Shivers every time they go... That's already starting off on a bad note i know and it's no one's fault but your own i know and i mean the fact that like they got lost in this building and now they're like the best part is the building and i'm like that's the part that you got lost in i don't know what to tell you got lost looking for dinosaurs i guess that might be it that would explain a lot so thank you alia for sending that the next email is from lacy who basically just copy pasted this review and wrote hope this helps lacy and it did this is a review from like one of those baby blog sites like where you can like post forum you know like my cruise for cool cruisers no i'm not familiar with the baby forums you're gonna have to remember cool cruisers for this review unfortunately you

know how i love to bring it back pulls up chair pulls up chair no but i miss that i miss that so much elixir you just like put a hole in my heart i'm so sad you can just do a solo episode of those i will and people will actually love it i will and then no one will want me back again my new friend jeff who works with blaze said he wants us to say eek more i saw that and that's why i sent it to you and was like you fucking literally put it in the rest i was gonna literally put it in a folder called christine because it talked about the eek and i refused to read the rest of it thanks jeff this is from a baby blog website okay and the post is by mama teapot wait what's teapot's name gaston

it's a big candle a big candle the big candle is not a mom as far as i know but it maybe it is but the way that thing like moves around it probably would get lost on a field trip. What is that supposed to mean? Okay, you write your weird fan fiction about freaking Lumiere getting lost in the Natural History Museum. It's because he spins so much. What? No, he kind of waddles, doesn't he?

Like the clock? The clock waddles for sure. The clock for sure waddles. But I don't think Lumiere spins, does he? Don't they dance? Be your guest. Dancing is different. Be your guest. Be your guest.

And then they dance around. Okay, so anyway, this is from a baby blog post, which seems to be shockingly similar to a Cool Cruisers post. Maybe these are the future Cool Cruisers. I'm regretting this. This is by Mama Teapot. Friday, my son's preschool class went to a pumpkin patch for a field trip. I was going to go, but my seven-month-old has a double ear infection,

and with the chill in the air, I thought it unwise. The teacher, a brand-new fresh-out-of-college teacher, told me that it would be okay to not come. His girlfriend, him, and the teacher's assistant had no children in their group because so many parents had signed up to be chaperones. He said DS could be their kid. DS stands for Dear Son. We all know that over here. In parentheses, dear son. I thought, awesome.

He'll have plenty of people there to watch over him. He's been having lots of issues hitting kids at school, but this last week he's had no incidents. Oh, okay. So I go to pick him up after the field trip and the teacher comes out to the hall and starts telling me how ds got lost and wandered off while everyone was ending lunch they looked everywhere for him and finally found him he had gone to a playground where another school was playing they told ds that he should have stayed with his partner and not gone to play and asked if he knew the kids around him he said sure they're my friends i love this kid this kid's like yeah making friends wherever i go i also want to add that

like i'm not i don't think it's funny when children go missing on field trips like i i watch a lot of good i'm glad you said i was worried you never know what people are going to accuse me of but like i watch a lot of svu i'm like i do a true crime show i like i'm very aware that this is not a laughing matter most time these reviews are all of like the you know things things went okay in the end um and these people are willingly i'm typically in both of these stories on the side of the parent because um you'll see anyway the teacher kept saying how chaotic it was and asking me if he had issues with strangers and being friends with everyone as if him wandering off was his fault alone. I stood there being perplexed at how he could somewhat be blaming my four year old for getting lost while I should have been yelling at them for losing my kid.

OK, wait, wait, wait. Four years old. I didn't realize how young. Did you mention that earlier? Uh, preschool. OK, yeah. Preschool. OK, four.

Damn. Yeah, that's a baby. That a small small small shit right it's not like a preteen or something he's like yeah i'm making friends it's like a little i mean not that i didn't not that i pictured a preteen like a four-year-old damn okay that's a little little child um and yeah i like this the mom saying like, like, mentioning that they should be or could be getting mad about this. Yeah, and I feel bad because she didn't really realize it. Well, I'll read it and then you'll see what I mean. There was no, I'm sorry, we weren't paying attention or I'm sorry this happened. He then went on to say, maybe for the next field trip, you should come along just in case. And I said said for sure

since i can't seem to trust y'all so the more i thought about it and shook the perplexed out of my mind the more mad i got i admit i'm slow to anger because i want to make sure i get all the facts and i want to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt just because he's the teacher and he was there i wasn't but for a teacher to lose a kid on a field trip after assuring the parent that there's plenty of supervision maybe even too much and then somehow twist it to be ds's fault no he shouldn't have walked off but he wouldn't have had he been supervised as any four-year-old on a field trip should be angry face but like truly and i and so i was like i mean i'm i'm with the parent on this

i have a very limited view of this parent just because it's just based on this. But I like them. Yeah, I feel like some people are like flat the handle immediately. And like clearly this person doesn't. But I've been in that situation and you I'm sure have too where like you get home and then you're angry. And you're like, I wish I had said this and this. And you're like, wait, I probably should have allowed myself to feel more than I did. Or like defended myself or whatever it may be.

I'm very not good about confrontation. No, same. And I fear it. And so I feel bad. But so that was one. So thank you, Lacey, for sending that in. And again, I want to be clear. Like, I am on the side of the parent here.

I don't like. Not that. Yeah. Yeah. A four-year-old. It's a four-year-old. Yeah. Like, if it wanders.

If the kid wanders off if it wandered the kid wanders off um don't blame the kid uh he's four and he loves to make friends okay now this is uh the last one i found this one um this is on a another blog called savvymom.ca and this is written by rebecca who's a journalist rebecca Eckler, a journalist, blogger, and best-selling author of nine books, three on parenting. So I just, I thought this was a very, like, endearing and also, like, vulnerable thing to post on the internet. Oh, wow, okay. You'll see why. I'm not sure there's anything more mortifying than having to turn yourself into a teacher, especially when you're a volunteer parent on a field trip and have to admit you lost a kid.

Yes, I lost a kid. Spoiler alert, he's fine. I make a point of going on one field trip a year with my son's class. He's delighted I come. It's special to him because usually I'm at work. But I suck at field trips, obviously. Like I said, I lost a kid. And the scary thing is, I only had to take care of two children

one sorry it just gets worse so buckle up two children one being mine the school field trip was to the ontario science center which i figured was a good field trip to join i hadn't been there in forever it's indoors and parents didn't have to go on the school bus which i think is sort of unfortunate since i find five and six year olds to be pretty entertaining conversationalists. Then again, I was quite content in an Uber with another mother, so we didn't arrive with headaches. When the teacher told me which kid I had to look after along with my son, my heart literally sank while also starting to beat rapidly. I couldn't believe my luck, or rather, unluck. He was the same kid I had to look after during my annual school field trip last year when I went to the Toronto Zoo. I hate to admit this, but I lost this kid last year too.

God, what is this nightmare? Yes, yes, yes. I lost the same kid twice on field trips. After panicking for a few minutes, another mother who has no trouble yelling at other kids thankfully ran after him and yelled that he had to stay with the group. He finally listened, so I didn't have to tattle on myself, thankfully. I don't like yelling at kids that aren't mine. I find it entirely uncomfortable. I don't like being responsible for other children that aren't mine. It's just so much pressure.

It's definitely too much pressure for me. The weird thing is, kids, even if I've just met them, like me. A lot. It's not that i don't like other people's children it's just that i'm a little a lot terrified that a kid is going to get injured cry throw up or have an allergic reaction on my time the days leading up to volunteering on a field trip make me so anxious that my back hurts i'm so tense now this is making me nervous like i hate this i'm not like having children i don't have children but like i'm just thinking there must be so many new layers of anxiety added to your life that i've

never even considered nope and i don't even want to consider them no i don't the fact that i was paired up with the same kid i lost last year seemed like a bad joke or maybe some higher field trip power was giving me a second chance to not screw up. Here's the thing. The same kid I lost both last year and this year is a runner. He ran off last year at the zoo as fast as a cougar. If you have a five-year-old, you'll understand just how fast they can run, like they are training for a marathon. At one point, I even wondered if the gift shop sold some sort of bright-colored hat so I could find this kid easier.

I got more exercise chasing this kid all morning than I've had in the last three months. The floors at the science center are massive with rooms and caves everywhere. So within an hour, I'd probably said, come back over here to this kid no fewer than 85 times. By the time I got home, my voice was hoarse and I kept asking myself, why was I paired up with this kid again?

The teachers must know what this, let's say animated kid is like and they know how laid back I am. That's probably why they're like, she comes once a year, we'll give her like the most difficult one. I turned my head for maybe two and a half seconds when I realized the kid I was in charge of was nowhere to be seen. I immediately panicked, asking another mother to help me find him. Since there were about 393 other schools there, also on field trips, I felt like I was looking for Waldo in Where's Waldo, except I felt horrible too because I was a parent volunteer. All I really had to do was not lose him. I yelled out his name.

I ran around the entire sixth floor, all to no avail. After 10 minutes of sweating profusely and inwardly swearing profusely and running around like a headless chicken, I knew I had to tell on myself. It was the only and smartest option. The sooner I knew this kid was safe, the sooner I would feel like not puking. Was I mortified to tell the teacher that I lost a kid? Yes. Was I worried I'd never be asked back on a field trip? Yes. Was I worried the teachers would think I wasn't up to the task or was a complete idiot that i couldn't take care of just one other kid yep all of the above i found one of the teachers and admitted i'm so so sorry but i lost name of kid i can't find him i was blinking back tears which i hope the teacher didn't notice i am now i admit a field trip failure ftf to lose a kid once is one time too many,

but twice? This amazing teacher found the kid within 20 seconds like a drug-sniffing dog at an airport. She could just sense where he was. Let's give thanks

to all teachers. How they watch all these kids every day without losing one? I bow down to you. I learned absolutely nothing at this high school. When you are with boys who just want to run and run and run and don't care about learning anything, you spend your entire time chasing them, making sure they are in your vicinity.

None of the boys in my group learned anything either, except that the science center is big and an awesomely fun place to run around. They had a wickedly fun time. I, however, actually laughed inwardly when I was saying goodbye to the teacher and she mentioned there was an upcoming field trip to make maple syrup. By the way, this is in Canada, which I love how... Yeah, this is the most Canadian thing I've ever heard. So stereotypical.

She mentioned there was an upcoming field trip to make maple syrup. Was she kidding? I'm still traumatized. I don't think I could handle losing a kid for a third time. Like I said, I get an F in field trips. I may deserve an A for effort, though? Question mark. End of post. Like you said, though, being very vulnerable. time like i said i get an f in field trips i may deserve an a for effort though question mark end of post like you said though being is very vulnerable you know i know that and to admit all

that and i i know that was more of just like a blog post than a review but um i just i found that and was like what a story hopefully someone out there is hearing that and like okay i feel better about this one time i feel better right i could imagine that happening to me one day like holy shit i feel like people are so judgmental of other parents especially like when they don't even have children you know what i mean and so like i'm sure people everyone i feel like people have done stupid or shit i mean people everyone's just trying to get through things i don't know i mean a lot of parents i think i'm like the average age of a parent like a new mother i'm like can you imagine no i would just i don't even i can barely take care of my dog exactly everyone's got to

figure it out sometime if they want to so let people figure it out on their own time as long as they're not being i don't know if intentions are good who gives a shit i can't imagine having to run after no that sounds someone else's five-year-old in a museum i mean but hey it's nice that they invited invited her back to the next the maple syrup maple syrup one which sounds a little better but then again i don't know how those kids will handle uh having all that maple syrup and then running around actually good point maybe they'll get stuck in it yes that's literally what i was thinking uh-huh totally the stickiness yeah anyway thank you for that suggestion thanks to everyone who helped me out that was a fun that was like a little change of pace i actually like that though like in a good way i just was dying at ds i was like

i cannot and by the way i didn't say this but every single ds had dear son in parentheses every single time it said it um so that's that do you want to give me my our theme for next week our theme for this week is bowling alleys in philadelphia pennsylvania oh my gosh okay that's fun i decided bowling alley it's just off the top of my head i love bowling uh me too i feel like that's one of our like uh experiences. So I googled where the most bowling alleys are and the consensus seems to be like Philadelphia. Midwest kind of. Oh that's probably why we like it so much. So like Pennsylvania actually apparently has a lot and I was like okay well Pittsburgh we've already done so let me try a different city even though it's like what really

far east in Pennsylvania so maybe not quite I don't know if people in Philadelphia consider themselves Midwest, but. Probably not. Probably not. The point is there seemed to be a lot in Philadelphia. Great. I'm on board. I love this. I love bowling.

This will be fun. Well, I have a challenge for you. And like, I didn't even, I went through some emails just now and I picked one and I did not even realize this is from Aaliyah who just sent me who also sent me a different email with help with my challenge so now Aaliyah is giving you a challenge oh and the challenge let's see it says hello cool cat and kitten get it because it's only two of you okay well wait am I the cat or I'm the kitten you're the kitten for sure well I just had this idea for a challenge that you could look for reviews talking about how an at-table cooking experience goes wrong now i'm picturing benihana that kind of thing that's what popped in my head for example this is uh alia's

example she says for example someone gets food flung at them or a big fire starts okay i can only imagine those onion or maybe maybe both. Those onion volcanoes. Oh, yeah. Disaster. Hope you guys can read this email. Love you so much. You make me laugh and keep me up all night

because I can't stop listening. Sending love from Aaliyah. Thank you, Aaliyah. Thank you, Aaliyah. For helping me double today. Heck yeah. I love it. I love it.

I love it. Aaliyah's all over this episode and will be all over the next episode. Apparently so. When I try to figure out that challenge and guess what because you helped her so much why don't you guys help me we're just gonna be we're gonna start getting those one-star reviews that emma and i started getting where people are like they complain too much yeah that's what i do yeah that's kind of the point right

someone like this whole this whole podcast is about complaining come on this is what we do we complain about the complainers this is what we do yeah someone tweeted at me the other day like you're always blaming your listeners i'm like i don't mean to but if i am i'm so sorry i don't blame you i do appreciate when you guys help us though yeah oh yeah we appreciate you even if we hate you sometimes i mean oh shit did i just say that was for our beach to sandy journal entry our live journal god let's hope that doesn't go like get released public um all right well thanks everyone for listening um maybe look forward to another episode later this week because we love you and keep putting out this random content we're still stuck inside so we've got nothing better to do we'll see then talk to you who we love so much. Yeah, we care. We care.

Don't read our journal. Oh, God. Bye.