Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 80: KFC in Japan

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Welcome to the Church of Yelp, where we teach you everything it takes to get yourself into hell. We're reading reviews of the "benign personality cult" also known as KFC in Japan. Then, Alex sings a warbling tune of reviews where the reviewer mentions a dream they had. All in all, it's a pretty fun episode to listen to as long as you're not Australian. Fair warning. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, he's done it. Clicky click magic trick. The clicker around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC cash back master card. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to episode 80. Wow, 80. 80. We're such elderly folk. That feels weird to say for some reason. It does. This is... what? It does. Yeah yeah i'm just affirming your feelings you're right well this this episode is reviews of kfc in japan and our chat my challenge which was from the jar that nurse kelly and james um gave to us as a review where a reviewer mentions a dream they had.

It was unique. I have some weird shit for all of you today. So it's probably good that we took a week off last week for the Blackout, the podcast Blackout. Yes, I was going to say that we just as we record this, just decided to be a part of the podcast Blackout. And so we don't we don't know how it went but i i hope many of you uh understood and were you know supportive of the cause and um if not whelp sorry good riddance right no i that's we did talk about that people who are um saying to podcasts saying hey like stay out of politics

stay in your lane and saying you've lost a listener if we lose listeners because we have a blackout for one week that's totally fine for a good reason we don't want those listeners because we feel like it no yeah it's ridiculous yeah anyway i also want to just say yeah people have been messaging me too on social media saying like you lost a fan a dedicated fan i'm like well you're not that dedicated if you didn't understand how i would feel about how emin i would feel about something like black lives matter movement so right it's like i'm not gonna i'm just not gonna cry myself to sleep about it is what i'll say like there's no question about our politics like we've never

hidden anything we're pretty obvious trump supporters and i don't like there's no question about our politics like we've never hidden anything we're pretty obvious trump supporters and i don't think there's anything to hide and this issue is beyond politics this is a human rights issue so if you can't get behind this if it were politics it would have been fixed in a different way look in the mirror yeah seriously look in the mirror and don't don't complain about your podcast trying to make a make a small difference like we're doing a small thing one week solidarity makes you upset like come on just trying to show solidarity anyway we're very also very eloquent so um i hope that's why we're podcasting yeah i hope you gained something from this weird awkward rant um cool well do you want to begin

on our kfc journey today well you know what we actually need i guess kind of announced because we didn't last week what your move oh right also there's that um amidst all the turmoil in the world right now there's another update uh which is arguably extremely less exciting but i did move to cincinnati um and the reason i kept this on the dl for a while was i wanted to make sure everything went through first before i made any big announcement and got everyone you know unsure and i wanted to make sure i had answers for everything before um announcing it and uh yeah blaze and i moved uh this week to cincinnati and um alexander a lot of people think i kicked Alexander out of the house. That was a

completely separate issue. I did not kick Alexander out of the house. He didn't leave because we were leaving. I was just feeling grumpy. I was feeling grumpy last night. And I see all these people commenting on how, oh, now we see why he moved out. I'm like, wait a second. That wasn't even the order of events. Yeah, we're all over the place. But yes, Oxlinder moved to his own place, and then I moved to my own place in a different state. So we are back in Cincinnati, and I am loving it here. I am very happy to be back.

And I am visiting LA regularly once quarantine lifts to work and record and et cetera, et cetera. So not much is going to change. A lot of people think this is some dramatic um you know podcast altering news it's really not that's kind of why i've tried to keep it relaxed because it's it's nothing's changing and also me moving out first was a good test to show hey look this works totally fine yeah yeah And look. Because we've recorded multiple of, like our recent episodes have been remote. Yeah.

Yeah. Mostly due to quarantine. So that kind of pushed us into the direction to begin with. And the transition phase. And here we are. Basically, everyone's doing their thing and being happy. And it's not negatively affecting any of our group projects including and that's why we drink and beach juice any water what's and that's why we drink um it's a show i heard of it's

like sounds bad the like it's on the list of worst podcasts ever on your list you keep by your bed it's on my ceiling okay so um anyway let's get into this shall shall we? Let's do it. Yes. So I did want to give a little more context in case people didn't research this. So let me read some information. I found some information from mash.com on KFC in Japan. And this is what they wrote. They said, and how it's different from US KFC. I've never actually been to a kfc personally so i don't really know how like but i don't think i have either we had i remember we had kfc

at the carries when we were younger yes once yes they one time brought it over and we were like what is this yeah our the german kids were like what is fried chicken it was very parents had very distinct i don't know like it's not even like burger king yes exactly regularly but just kfc was not on the menu burger king and skyline and that's about it um so anyway here we go kfc in japan reflects the local preference for dark meat over white meat and it serves rice bowls and bento boxes familiar to japanese consumers it is however far more expensive than in the U.S., which is partially made up for by the fact the workers receive extensive culinary and service training,

and you can get your chicken delivered straight to your door. Omnipresent images of the Colonel have the flavor of a benign personality cult, reflected in distinctive server uniforms and friendly mascots wandering the stores um so picture a japanese kfc and that's probably exactly what it is i don't know like bento boxes it sounds like it does make sense um and then there was a blogger facing called facing the rising sun who um wrote this i recently went to kfc and ordered a 10 piece two large fries four biscuits and four small coleslaws the bill was over 43 and that was without any any drinks so that's some like money

context because a lot of the reviews said how expensive it was and i think it was more like oh my gosh i'm shocked that this fast food place that i know for being fairly cheap is actually really a lot more expensive here. But like what Mashed said, part of it is because of the training they receive. And yeah, I don't know if it has to do with the quality. Based on the reviews I read, quality was also terrible. So I don't know. Yep. I feel like the things seem to be a little different, but also the same. And to add to what Alexander said, which we mentioned briefly last week, is that in Japan, also, it's become a Christmas tradition to pre-order, because they get so popular, to pre-order your KFC meal for your family and your Christmas celebration, and then celebrate

with KFC. And I did see some pictures of the Colonel Sanders statues that are omnipresent at these places dressed up as Santa Claus. And I saw one review and I didn't include it. But I saw one review where they said, I've never eaten here. But I really like that how they dress the Colonel or I respect it or something. And it was like in they dress the Colonel in like traditional Japanese clothing. And it was like it looked really cool. And yeah, so someone gave it five stars because they were like walking by and were like, oh, I like that. in like traditional japanese clothing one time and it was like it looked really cool and yeah so

someone gave it five stars because they were like walking by and were like oh i like that like that's cool let me go on google maps what a nice person to review a place like that like for that reason all right well with that note do you want to read your first one okay my first one is by je gene this is a two-star review overpriced skimpy lame i keep telling myself i will never go back hopefully i never will end of review hopefully it's as if it's like some other force compelling you to go to follow the colonel they can't they don't they have to hope that's all they can do is hope i will say that the um the skimpy was referring to the bikini they put on colonel sanders as part of their cultural uh trying to be more american you know and overpriced

the colonel mannequin was trying to show off the new wares. Yeah, he was holding a bunch of dollar bills. Oh, my God. Oh, Lord. Okay, well, everyone be careful. It sounds like Japanese KFC has its own kind of otherworldly draw. Okay, so this is a two-star review by Ron. If you're going to KFC in Japan hoping for a different experience from the U.S., don't go. It tastes exactly the same no matter what you order.

They were advertising chicken with a Japanese twist to it. Sesame seeds and a special Japanese sauce. A new take on KFC. Or so I thought. Guess what? What? It tastes... You have to guess.

Okay, it tastes the exact same it tastes exactly like regular kfc i was angry i felt cheated grossly overpriced and underwhelming never again avoid at all costs end of review someone just does not have a discerning palate they literally took a picture and it was covered in sesame seeds and sauce and i was like there is no way that tastes exactly like it tastes like a burger king seeds and sauce yeah um i don't know really the anger really i mean most people were excited to even just have exactly what they were expecting at kfc in japan yeah i think a lot of people thought oh the the price since it's higher the food should be like this mind blowing experience. But like, also, if when I went

to the Hard Rock Cafe in Berlin, I think prices were higher than when I went to the one in DC. I went to that one in Berlin, too. And even just being in Euro, it was much more expensive. Yeah. And so I didn't complain because, because hey i'm the idiot who goes to a hard rock cafe in berlin that's on me exactly i don't know what people expect out of this magical visit but that's okay i just saw geo jump into his window seat that was i miss him so much yeah you guys geo has his own window seat now so um if you guys thought I would get a grip on Gio's spoiled rottenness it's not happening can can you do you have a nice picture we can post on the podcast Instagram when we release this episode and I will say the room that I'm recording in

used to be like a little girl's room so the walls are pink and the window seat is like paisley pink and lime green and so Gio really fits right in and i mean he also fits in when he stands in front of that doll wall right there just a wall of dolls stop it they're all their walls of dolls that look like look like him it's terrifying porcelain very hairy faces all of them here come the carrots making their way up field followed by the whole wheat bread over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry, I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard.

Oh, and the broccoli boots it over the line. What a goal! How would you like to pay, sir? Credit, please. Make every purchase a win with the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard, with up to 5% cashback on your purchases in your first three months. Terms and conditions apply. My next review is from Colin. Two stars.

Only kind of made me feel like I wanted to die. End of review. Oh my god, Colin. Is that how you rate the things around you? You know, I guess so. At least it got that second star. If Colin had died, it would have been one star. It would have been zero because, you know, the dead thing.

What? How does that work? Explain that to me. Well, once you die, you actually finally get, if you go to heaven, you get the option of zero stars, if I could. Got it. That's what we all have to look forward to great you can finally use that cliche all to your heart's desire wow the trick is if you do use it you go straight to hell so it's kind of a catch how did you learn all this don't answer that i go to church anyway the church of yelp oh basically what we're trying

to form here the church okay this is our cult um okay this is a review by archie it's three stars i mean obviously kfc's original chicken tastes the same anywhere in the world but i was looking for unique menu that only happens in japan since kfc becomes part of a japanese tradition during christmas i thought they would have exciting menu options like maybe wasabi chicken crunch or that's so specific i know i know they've clearly set up a dry erase board that is not in their bedroom fair to go into a restaurant and being like, I hope that they have this totally made up menu item that just came off the top of my head. That's in my own brain and nowhere else. Negative review.

It's so wild. It's truly insane behavior. What if they did? Can you imagine being like, I hope they have this made up thing. And then you walk in and they literally had like wasabi matcha chicken soup or whatever you want and the thing is they wouldn't even give it five stars like they wouldn't even review it they'd be like it's not as good as in my head i'm psychic i'm psychic and then just like be like that's it like and also there were too many sesame seeds otherwise okay let's see i thought they would have exciting menu options like wasabi chicken crunch or matcha chicken strips like i would imagine the thousands of kit kat flavors they have over there you know but no kfc in japan only serves original and spicy chicken no complaints with the taste but i was expecting something wild and only got something

mild end of wolf this guy needs to franchise quickly because he has too many ideas for that little brain to hold am i am i am i wrong or does matcha chicken strip sound disgusting absolutely horrible matcha is i like matcha matcha kit kats are good like he's not wrong about that but um on chicken yeah it's unnatural i mean it all is but whatever like oh okay however wasabi chicken crunch is all natural organic okay Okay. That was gross. Thank you for that. You're so welcome. My next one is a review by Fallen.

This is one star. Just so you know, this is the KFC in Nagoya Hill Mall. The most disgusting KFC I've ever tasted. Go try KFC in BCS Mall. I don't kfc in nagoya hill mall because the chicken tastes like my grandma ass end of review oh my god i was not expecting that twist yeah it snuck up on me a lot of these like i said it was three in the morning i'm just like mindlessly scrolling through all the negative ones or at least the english negative ones and then this one was like wait wait wait yeah i did like a triple take and made sure like is this really what this person's saying

it's like this person's just like told on themselves like yeah it's i know what my grandma ass tastes like it's not a good look no no no bad look i was disappointed we couldn't read the japanese ones and like the thing is you could do translate but it's just not it couldn't read the Japanese ones. And like, the thing is, you could do translate, but it's just not, it doesn't have the same, translating them doesn't really relay necessarily the same thing that the primary language. Agreed. And we could then make fun of it and then be like, well, if we made fun of these, it's probably partially because of Google Translate. It might not even be what it said.

And believe it or not we we don't have the funds to hire a translator for these we did for we do for like other languages but japanese is more expensive we haven't gotten there yet yeah yeah our our we have like translators on speed dial for every language but japanese so far so iceland is 69 excuse me i don't know Iceland is 69. Excuse me? I don't know. I don't know why I said that.

I'm just going to read my next one. Wow. Okay, this is a one-star review by Karen. Good food at KFC, just way too expensive. The chicken little sandwich used to be $1.59. Wait, the chicken little sandwich? Like the movie? That's what it says.

Is it a little sandwich or is it a chicken little sandwich? I think it's a chicken little sandwich, unless maybe I'm just misreading that. Well, if someone watched that movie and was like, I know, that's what I thought. Let's eat that chicken. No, it's definitely the name of a sandwich. Chicken Littles. That's so fucked, dude. That seems wrong, right?

It does. It's like personifying your food yeah it did like and being excited about it oh my god oh yeah i saw so many reviews yesterday not from the kfc but for my dream challenge where people were saying shit like like oh i dreamt about this bacon stuff like but like i have no um like i don't feel bad for those pigs at all like very like specifically negative about dead animals and i'm like how what is wrong with you people okay here is a review about chicken little sandwiches by karen one star good food at kfc just way too expensive the chicken little sandwich used to be $1.59 and it is now $1.89. A three-piece meal

price was outrageous. We walked in to eat and left and went to Outback instead. It would be cheaper and better and more healthy food to eat at the steakhouse. If you could afford to eat at KFC, good for you. Unfortunately, we can't. End of review. There's apparently an outback steakhouse i don't know i the the only reason i selected this because you did say it was more expensive there but to like say that it's a dollar and 89 cents and then instead you're gonna go to a steakhouse makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. $1.89. Like, I mean, I guess they're little. Okay, I get it. But so, I mean, you're not going to find a steak for that. It also does impress me. It sometimes impresses me when people have no

specific prices from years ago. Or like, when the only one that that i remember the only one in my life is when our school cafeteria we went to the same school 15 years our school cafeteria yeah raised the cookie prices from 40 cents to 50 cents it was awful that's the only one i remember because of the massive like uproar it caused and it was very personal to me because as someone who packed my lunch every day, I still occasionally went in there for a cookie or 10. You know, whatever. So $4 versus $5, that's a big difference. Remember those drawers of cookies

you'd pull out a cookie from the drawers? How weird. Yeah, it was weird. Speaking of dreams, that is, okay, this is so random and weird, but that cafeteria is weirdly like the setting for so many of my dreams like no matter what it is i will oftentimes be in that cafeteria with the cookie drawers i don't like i don't know what that says but we spent yeah we

spent a lot of time in those cafeterias probably why like our entire childhoods and like each room had like significance okay weird okay i'm like as a food driven person that's probably what it is um but i will say yeah like i and i i want to be clear that i'm not shaming anyone for not having money to that's not at all what i'm doing or intending to do i just think it's wild that you would say a dollar 89 is too expensive so i'm going to outback steakhouse because i can assure you that there's nothing that cheap at an Outback Steakhouse. Yeah. I mean, such a fine Australian restaurant. Yeah.

As Outback Steakhouse. Australians are going to be in my DMs. I'm sorry. I'm just kidding. Get in my DMs, Australians. What? Nothing. I don't know.

Has Instagram reached Australia? Okay. nothing i don't know has instagram reached australia okay i don't know why i'm like what i'm saying or why it's even a thing okay weird mood this week i think yeah um they these people can deal they've they've been missing us for a week so they're probably like just dying to like get some content so whatever yes just kidding okay that let me maybe someday it'll get all the way to australia and finally they'll understand what all the fuss was about oh boy what we're doing i literally have no problem with australia i did but i think part of it is because a lot of the reviewers were australians like i did so many reviews from australians who were saying I guess makes sense geographically.

They're saying like, this is better than Australia or this is worse than KFC in Australia. Anyway, let me try to lighten the mood here after all that. I have a redemption. Oh, good. So this is by Hope Hill as a reviewer. Four star review. I'm a big fan of Snoopy. As KFC offers Snoopy mug menu on December.

I had lunch. Mug is very good. End of review. There's nothing I've ever wanted more than that fucking mug christina which one is there a picture what a collection there are two there's two send me send me oh my god let me figure out how skype um works can you see it oh look at how cute they are i know and it has like the snoopy skiing i adore it i really like it you get it now right you get why that redemption was needed i get it and the smokey snoopy mug is good They are correct on that front. This is my last negative review, and I also have a redemption.

So this is a three-star review by Alex. The title on TripAdvisor is massive KFC fan, pretty disappointed. This was my most anticipated food venue when coming to Japan and an influencing factor in deciding to stop at Osaka. I hate to say it, but it was pretty disappointing. The selection of chicken was not great. There were no legs and no hot wings in sight. The colonel's catch was not there either. The all-you-can-drink beer is a nice touch, but the restaurant service was lacking and it took me 10 minutes to get my first beer, which reduced the value for money.

However, the chicken on display was delicious as usual, so I have to give it to them there. All in all, I'm glad to tick it off my KFC bucket list, but I couldn't really recommend unless you're a huge fan of the franchise like I am. End of review. Wait, so he does recommend it to big fans but as a big fan he's disappointed yeah i just love the kfc that he has a kfc bucket quote-unquote list um it's so good to me it's so good to me yeah you like that yeah it's literally why he traveled to a japanese city just because he's a huge kfc fan which I didn't know really was a thing. I guess.

I don't blame you for not knowing that. I guess since I'm a huge Bloomin' Onion fan, I didn't. Yeah, you run in a different circle. I did. Yeah, I do. The Australian circle. Wowza. Anyway, so that was just wild to me. I mean, my goodness, people.

What the heck? I did see someone else who was like trying to eat at all KFCs in the world or like at KFC in every country. Listen, why not? Why not have a passion, I guess, if that's your passion. Yeah, okay. Whatever. You do you, but at the same time, like, I don't know. That makes you overcritical, I think.

Like, literally, you go to one KFC in Japan, you're like, KFC in japan is this yeah that's true i think and i assume regionally there's no hot wings in sight i don't know if you heard that part like chain restaurants are different regionally well that's true too like the the mcrib isn't everywhere at every time it comes out i think you know yeah i actually don't know how the mcrib is you are a huge fan that's a fucking mystery yeah let's redeem can you redeem us please uh actually jeffrey's going to do that for us thanks um this is a four-star view by jeffrey eating kfc in singapore the food is like so mediocre sometimes the chicken or burger is like i don't know how to describe it but just not in a feel in it you know what jeff no kfc not enough feel in it, you know? What? Jeff, no.

KFC in Japan in general is a whole world of difference. The chicken meat is ever so tender and ever so juicy. Burgers are really top notch. Anyone who is going to Japan, please go try it at least once. Don't take my word for it. Be your own judge. And if you feel the same way as I do, why not let the world know? End of review.

I respect that a lot, Jeff. Yes. Leaving room for other people to make their opinion. Yes. Yeah. And then like, hey, but also if you feel positively, spread that positivity. Spread that joy. Spread that joy, baby.

To all KFC fans in the world it's just you jeffrey and archie or you and alex the only two kfc fans in the world but you know you matter the two of you yeah well what about hope hill who got the snoopy the best snoopy marks you're right you're right hope is in my mind like a different level yeah yeah it's like one word hope hill like one first name oh my i know that's why i said it that way you did say it funky yeah good stuff okay well okay i've seen japan one thing i forgot to bring uh someone did say i gave it one star and said not many vegetarian options or something like that i'm like it's literally called peopleaschik. People don't... Some of these movies were wild, but I'm just so dumb.

So dumb. But yeah, like you said, I wish we could read the Japanese ones because I assume that there's some other wild shit in there. Yeah, I feel like there's probably stuff that's not necessarily about the US versus other country KFC. I'm curious to know from a Japanese perspective, but if we have any Japanese listeners,

maybe you can do a little translate-a-roo for us. Yeah. Read the thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of reviews for us. We love it when you guys do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Time for my challenge. My challenge was from nurse kelly and james who provided us with jars that have different challenges in them and one jar has themes one jar has challenges so you had picked a random challenge and the challenge was to find a review where

the reviewer mentions a dream that they had it was very difficult i mean okay it was difficult only that there was so much to sift through uh because there are plenty of places that had the word dream in the name um and also a lot of people said i've been dreaming about this like just like like as a saying instead of like literally i had this specific dream my first one is a five-star review of juniper and ivy in san diego california restaurant so this is by igor it's a five-star review i had a dream about the yodel last night in my dream i was alone with the yodel. There was some spooning going on. I was the little spoon.

Yodel was the big spoon. It was magical. First of all, do you know what a yodel is? No! I was going to say it at first, then I'm like, let me just let it sink in as is. I'm picturing yodel-ay-hee-hoo, but I'm assuming that's not the right. It is not. So apparently a yodel is a frosted cream-filled cake.

So it's like just a dessert that they have. And they say, Don't come here simply for food. Come here to experience food magic. This restaurant makes me want to be a better cook. It's been a month since I was here, and I still think about this restaurant. I really can't wait to come back here. The yodel beckons.

But I'm not ordering yodel next time I'm here. I want to make the yodel jealous. End of review. Oh my god! Well, it's too bad he's been banned from that restaurant for life. Like, what the fuck?

Hey, that yodel you just gave me, I'm going to take it home and we're going to spoon. It's going to spoon me. It's going to spoon me. And the server's like, okay. Oh, no. Well, let me just go talk to my manager one moment. He's like, we got another one. We got another.

Oh, God. Okay. My next one is of Santa Clarita Convalescent Hospital. This is a review by Steven. One star. Uh-oh. There's some chick screaming at night. Not okay.

Oh, and I have no good vibes about this place. I had a dream last night about my grandma getting possessed i'm praying for her to get better so she can get out of this insane asylum and a review listen if i took every dream i had seriously about someone being like possessed or in danger like i would not live a very fruitful life. So calm down, first of all. But second of all. What? Yeah, I don't know.

This is a lot. Oh, no. That makes me sad. Yeah, this wasn't a very positive one. But that's why I kept it pretty early. Oh, I know what I was going to say. Oh, tell me. What were you going to say?

Impeccable vibes only. Impeccable vibes only. Which is the chat room for our uh discord oh is it our general just in our general discord oh yeah for the beach to sandy patreon page oh yeah oh yeah um who hope by this time have played jackbox with us, hopefully this past weekend. Yes, that was the plan. Jackbox games, and we'll hopefully do it again. I mean, I would like to do it again, whether it's with you or without you.

I think it was terrible. Yeah, if it went terribly, then we won't do it again. But I don't know. You guys will know either way. No, I'm sure it was great. So my next one is of Hotel Joke in Paris. And Hotel Joke, I looked it up. It is unique.

They have a very unique style inside, and I think it's kind of meant to be whimsical. Like artsy type thing? Yeah, very. And this is in Paris. This is a five-star review titled Thanks for a Great Stay by Matt. Warm and friendly staff make this place worth staying at.

I really hope the managers recognize what a nice bunch of people they have working at this hotel. The location near the metro was also handy. Breakfast fine, security excellent, Wi-Fi, this was easy to connect to and worked well. For a second device, the system gives a set of login codes. These don't work, but getting connected just means giving a new set of fake credentials. No complaints here. Shower, very good in room 208. Very minor variations in temperature on only one of the four days I stayed. Very good.

The bed was very quite firm and extremely comfortable. The joke decor slash theme of this hotel is absurd, but I knew that before I went. But I still went ahead, and it didn't spoil my stay. If you go to the basement for a bathroom, there's a very interesting stairwell with stone walls. Take a look even if you don't need a pee. If you're a wheelchair user, you can still take the lift down to negative one to check it out. On my last night, I had a dream where Vladimir Putin broke my toilet window. He was most apologetic. This dream is not the responsibility of the hotel. I'll discuss it with my therapist on Wednesday. Although this is a no smoking hotel, I was pleased that the area outside the hotel entrance is clear of smokers. Often you have to walk through a bunch of stinking yabs.

Not here. Lovely staff. Thank you. End of review. You just sprinkled that right in there, huh? That's why I read all that boring intro that was just totally just information. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for the dream. Yeah, because I was like, I know it's coming.

And I'm like, they don't know. Well, they expect something, but they don't know that we didn't expect that i'll tell you that much so i was like i gotta just like include it all i almost i know i was gonna shorten it at first i'm like no no no no no yeah that wouldn't like show off the absurdity of this review really really need the context um oh my goodness i like how he makes it very clear that i know what you're thinking this is the staff's responsibility that Vladimir Putin subconsciously entered my bathroom. Normally, normally that's how dreams work at hotels. That is true.

That's what the staff does. They like pump in like sort of like dream gas. Oh, oh, oh, sure. Into these rooms. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't either. But, you know know you never know at the joke hotel so true true my next one and final one is of the chateau de l lawn in london oh my

and christina i don't know what this place is why i don't understand it it doesn't really exist when i search for it it's just on tripad No, it's like a restaurant-ish thing. Oh, mysterious. But you will get zero information from this review, I think. No! But actually, the review itself does not contain a dream, but you'll see why I'm including this. This is a review titled Unparalleled, five stars.

I gargled the bubbling red liquid as instructed, and then was served six eggs boiled in a pond beside me. This won a calm green, soft mint mist rising from it. I ate the eggs with my little finger. The yolk felt foamy and young. End of review. What the frick was that, Oxn that um and then there was a response by owner like looking around my shoulder so the response by owner is where the dream comes in

oxeter what is happening this is what the owner has to say thank you for your review there's a juni sorry he just stuck his face in the camera was juni there the whole time like around he just showed up also he has black sponges on his face stuck his head into the fireplace good boy thank you for your review i had a dream about you last night. In the dream, I handed you a gently warbling tune carried by my own mouth. You were wearing such muddy shoes, and we had just had the carpets done. I let the tune trickle out over my frustration until it became mist once more. You looked up to me the same way I look at my mother. Then you asked if you could pay with Amex. It was 65

pence. We are a new business and we value your custom, so I agreed. I called the bank when I woke and there was no trace. For now, I hope not to see you in a dream again. When I look at my little finger I want your face to vanish. Yet still, we are a new business, and we appreciate your custom. Thus, may you wander to my chateau once more. I will have a chair pulled out for you. Cash only. End of response. Are they flirting?

Are they crying yet? I don't think so. No, I think, like, I assume something happened. Like, I don't, okay, I hate to make assumptions because there's very little to go on here. Yeah. But they're talking about, like, cash only. They had a dream about a credit card. Like, I don't know if, like, the person didn't pay or if the person's, like, credit card didn't go through. Or it was, like, I don't know if, like, the person didn't pay or if the person's, like, credit card didn't go through or it was, like, I don't know.

I have no idea what's going on. Or if it's, like, some weird inside joke between them. Yeah. Because I looked this place. Well, I didn't. I tried looking this place up. It does not seem to exist anymore. This review was, though, from a year ago.

So it wasn't that old. But I couldn't really find it. But some of the pictures looked like it was some sort of, like, experimental, like, dinner, like, weirdness. Like, I don't know. But, like, uniqueness. Like an art, kind of art scene. Like boiling eggs in a pond next to you. Yeah, that seems about right. Yeah, and people were dressed, like, very whimsically, fantastically, whatever.

And so I don't know if this was like one of the like a dinner experience type thing like very artistic um but i also read this at very very early in the morning and um i was simultaneously like watching selling sunset oh yeah netflix and that show is terrible it's horrid and it makes me so uncomfortable and it makes me so unhappy but i can't stop watching it blaze and i watch like 20 minutes and then i was like my head hurts so much i have to turn it off it does it gets worse it gets absolutely worse i promise you that but anyway so no so what i was saying so i had to pause that because i'm like wait what did i just get myself into and then like i don't know i still

don't know what happened your landlord like pumps dream gas into your offense at night so that might be part of the problem maybe you wrote that i mean it did cost extra for that but the landlord was willing to uh comply you put it in your journal of your least favorite podcast that only has and that's why you're drinking it um it's your dream journal i don't know what the fuck is going on i mean i do like that they said like oh i had a dream about this and that you paid and whatever with an amex and then they woke up and called the bank as in like no no it was so real you don't understand this dream was so realistic there was um a floating to warble tune in my mouth and a pond of eggs you don't understand uh chase bank this

was very realistic this discharge has to be in there somewhere yeah i i don't know i don't like it i don't like it uh i'm curious though so it's working on that front i guess yes and i want to go to this place but i can't find any trace of it well and then and then like i searched i clicked on their website link but it went to a place called glass house um and i believe it was one word glass house but if you search glass house england you get a um uh kitchen nightmares episode oh of a place called glass house with two words so i don't think they're related but like i it was it's hard it was like one of those things that's like weirdly hard to find any information on. And there are only a handful of reviews.

And I couldn't find anything with this business name elsewhere. I mean, they're clearly working. Whatever weird thing they've got going on, they're working. They're doing a good job of hiding it. Yeah, it makes me want to see them, though, like even more. So if this is a whole marketing thing. I'm going to have some actually weird dreams tonight, I think. I mean, our podcast existed a year ago.

Maybe they're like, our goal is to get on that podcast. I'm sure that's exactly what they were thinking. And business will boom. Yeah. Because that is totally what we do here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We promote experimental art installations. Always. Okay.

Was that it? Yeah, that's all. Oh, that was fun. That was a good one. was fun that was a good one yeah that was a weird i mean i could read like a hundred reviews of um people who said like oh like i had a dream about this no i've been dreaming about i can't wait to go back oh this no key was non-stop spooning me like and i even tried to do like therapist and dream specifically because i thought it would be great to see reviews of like um like a psychiatrist psychologist therapist um anything similar to that where they said oh i told my therapist that i had this dream blah blah blah blah like i thought that could be entry makes for some interesting reviews yes but of course there was this like these massage

therapists it was like a lot of like massage places that had the word dream in it oh right right right that doesn't make sense i tried a bunch of different like search queries and i'm sure i don't know there's still more out there of course there always are with these but um i feel like i felt pretty good about those last couple especially good those were very good got pretty fucking weird up in here wow okay well um shall we say the theme and challenge for next week yeah do you have a theme for us okay well for this um theme uh we are going to go to a territory of the united states we are going to puerto rico We are going to Puerto Rico. We are going to do adventure parks in Puerto Rico.

I think that's perfect. It seems to be a lot of them. So this should be fun. We've been to Puerto Rico. We did. And I only vaguely remember it for some reason. Same here. I remember eating plantains.

Oh, we did that bioluminescence thing. Yes, we did do that. That was really cool. Yeah, and I remember driving and seeing fast food. Because I was like, oh, we're out of the US. But all this fast food. And I was like, I'm surprised they took US dollars. This was when we were little.

So I remember this whole thing. Yeah, this was last summer. So we were pretty little. We didn't really understand how the world worked yeah and i was like wait these guys are allowed to have a say in our elections their kfc is not nearly as good as ours despite all the sesame seeds so this is from grace who says uh hello i have some challenge suggestions for y'all to consider. Enjoy or don't.

Or feel entirely neutral about it altogether. So many options. Yeah, make up your mind on what we should feel. Tell us. You gotta let me know, Grace. Grace suggests a review of a bakery by someone who wound up receiving something they didn't order. So, for example, a bakery delivered a wedding wound up receiving something they didn't order so um okay for example a bakery delivered a wedding cake to the wrong wedding the review is from the recipient

of the dessert this wedding cake just showed up at my door yeah oh that would be the dream though can you imagine just a cake appearing at your doorstep yeah um okay great no i love that that's super fun i love a good i think so And I'm excited about to bake some bread. Oh my God. Yeah, I got to go do that right this second. If you mail that to me, I could probably write a good review. Literally, our mother. I'm using our mother's.

Oh, thanks. Okay, never mind. I thought you were saying like, mail it to me. I want some. Nope. I didn't know you were being a jerk. I'm just kidding. I do want it.

I want all the bread i can get well thank you everyone for listening hopefully you're staying safe out there we care about all of you and i'm just talking because she's not paying attention sorry i'm paying very close attention um no we very care very deeply about you thank you for supporting us we very care very deeply we thank you for supporting us um this week and every week and uh we will be back in a zipline adventure next week in puerto rico can't wait to talk to you about that bring your bread bye Bye.