Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 82: Scuba Diving in Guam

Episode Date: June 24, 2020

Disclaimer: These Podcast Hosts Be Wildin'. Wait, what does that even mean? Anyway, we're reviews of scuba diving in Guam, then Alex reads reviews where the reviewer vows never to return to a state/country. It's just as fun as it sounds! So don't *fundamentally* stop listening to our show and listen to episode 82 now! Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch to see the upcoming haircut disaster! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think between you and me i wanted to like this podcast but i'd give it zero stars if i could wait did you go after go no okay because your head went i know i was like trying to be like and we're off all right hello and welcome to episode 82 you never thought we'd we'd make it but we did yeah i know this is this is the one the one this is my goal so i was like there's no way it's 82 yeah is this the one this is the one and as you'll see it's very special because it's

just like all of our other episodes um we have no idea what we're doing that we struggled that's right we did struggle on this one uh big time i struggled all late last night and then this morning xandy struggled so oh no i was struggling last night and and then this morning, Zandy struggled. So. Oh, no. I was struggling last night and this morning. Got it. Okay. Don't worry. Yeah.

So, this week, we decided to go to Guam. I've never been. It sounds lovely. And we decided to do scuba diving in Guam. It does sound lovely. It's too lovely, because there are no negative reviews of any of these diving places that I could find. That's the weird part.

And I will say, when I say we decided to do scuba diving, we didn't personally decide that. I think you... I think I did. I think... Well, what I mean by that is we didn't decide to go scuba diving. We just decided to read about other people going scuba diving. And I'm sure our loyal listeners know that we would never go scuba diving,

because we're just not competent in that way. But just to be clear. I would go bungee jumping before I went scuba diving because we're just not competent in that way. But just to be clear. I would go bungee jumping before I went scuba diving. Really? I'm terrified of scuba diving. Oh, hell no. I'm so terrified of it. I'm scared of falling off a giant cliff, but okay.

Well, yeah, I'd rather scuba dive. Underwater, water stuff, I can't do. It scares the living shit out of me. I'm very frightened of water too. I guess the equipment makes me of me I'm very frightened of water too I guess the equipment makes me feel like I would feel safer but probably when it came down to it I would be absolutely panic stricken

and that said everyone loves scuba diving in Guam so the scuba diving community seems pretty fucking cool pretty chill I will say I got some negative ones so do not worry okay thank goodness but let's start things off though on a wholesome note that has nothing to do with any of this. We received an email from Berdell, and Berdell reminded us of Marina's email from one of our, I believe, COVID episodes.

It's like a game of telephone. Yeah. So as a reminder, Marina had emailed us and brought up the One Fair Wages Emergency Coronavirus Tipped and Service Worker Fund. And we mentioned it to let everyone know, hey, y'all can donate to this cause. And they actually, you also might be able to receive assistance from this cause. Well, Berdell emailed us and said, and brought that up and brought up Marina's email and said, to be totally honest, I had zero hopes of it working or being accepted. And Berdell says, even though I was living off tips from being a server, I didn't believe I would get anything.

And I thought it would be like $25 to $30, something small. And they gave me $500 and i was behind on my bills i would have never gotten a link to that without this podcast i wish i could just thank marina or even remember the episode because i didn't remember the episodes on well we sure don't either so don't worry uh love you all so burdell uh burdell is thanking marina It's thanking us, I guess. We didn't do anything. I will heartily take your thanks. The one fair wages emergency column. That is very, very cool.

Yeah, that's the one that I always remember. I started talking while you're saying it because I forgot it's 35 words long. It is so long. But no, that's so great. And I'm just so giddy about that it that they're just people were connecting it makes me so happy i just love it yeah and it was it definitely warmed my heart to see that um that that worked so well and for burdell and it was all thanks to marina letting us know that this service existed thank you marina so thank you marina thank

you burdell for what you're doing and thank you to the the fund as i call it so lovingly let's call it the loving fund yeah the loving loving fund the only other thing i want to add is that i if you follow zandy's stream streams plural um you know this I I came and visited this week or this past week and uh I mean I came to surprise M for a birthday exchange but then I was like hey by the way Alexander I'm staying at your house yeah um so we had a really good time and then I got to to take over his stream for a little bit on twitch how can you say the link so people can find it before i forget it's uh twitch.tv slash zandy schieffer um and you you see that also in the show notes i'll put that there just like christina i don't think i told you this i've

also been putting your uh youtube channel in the show notes you have um so go check out her youtube channel yeah that's so nice so because i was like i can't promote my own thing and not promote hers i guess it's very thoughtful of you you're welcome you're a libra so we had lots we had lots of fun on my stream uh hanging out and um yeah and guess what i'm coming home i'm coming home next week and i think i've already kind of mentioned this but we're doing some sort of haircutting stream oh yeah um so be sure to follow the stream follow our social media uh we will be talking about doing that and then you'll have the chance to watch her cut my hair again live on stream with my mom with our mom um hovering making sure nothing goes wrong not even hovering just

involving like literally self-involving yes um she's gonna be hating the whole thing but yeah she's gonna keep me from hating myself so oh how nice and hating you uh yeah yeah that's tough um anyway thanks everyone for listening to our lovely intro and i think should we get started yeah so i will go first then i have a one, because I think I had an easier time finding one stars, maybe because I was using TripAdvisor. I'm not really sure. Yeah, Google reviews did not have many. Huh, okay. Well, I found one of a place called Alupong Beach Club, and this is a one-star review by Ethan. Came here a while back with my cousin visiting, and I felt extremely awkward having

to compensate and make excuses for this place. The buffet lunch plate shown on the brochure is completely not what they actually offer. It's pretty misleading and agreeing with the review before me the chicken wasn't that great. The chicken was oily, the soup seasoned weird, and idk what even were those random shredded cabbage parts they threw in and called it a salad looks like they were trying to cut costs on ingredients we rode in a hot overpacked boat for hours sailing away waiting for dolphins to show up they give a disclaimer that the dolphins be wild and okay i honestly when don't there's literally no way that dolphins be wild wild and is that their way of saying oh they're wild so they might not show up and they have a mind of their own and

they're not under our our the human domain it's their way of saying nothing because it means nothing i'm gonna i got a comment on the fact that i was very confused i was like it's their way of saying nothing because it means nothing i'm gonna i gotta comment on the fact that i was very confused i was like it's just does this person not know what they're reviewing why are they talking about a buffet the number of people who commented about the food that these scuba places offer as lunch because they're like i'm paying a hundred bucks i should get a better meal than like you know the only one i saw about the food they were like oh and then the two it was a positive review and i was like oh and then the two owners they made me a beautiful lunch and we had a great time and i'm like what this seems so awesome yeah no uh the ones i found

had some issues with the food um yeah but so you know you first you get some oily chicken, and then you're promising wild and dolphins, and it just seems like maybe that didn't happen. Okay. That's what people say about us. Like, how do you describe those hosts? They be wildin'. They be wildin'. And you know what?

They're not wrong. But I love also that it's listed as a disclaimer. It's not like they like advertise that these dolphins are so excited it's like it's a disclaimer like i don't want you to be too you know this to be too jarring for you is that what they meant like my my when you said that my first thought was they're trying to be funny but like try to basically say oh you might not see any because they're wild animals no they're literally saying like they advert like basically they're trying to say they advertise that like these dolphins are going to

be like doing flips and like got it okay jump and like giving you know the finger and i don't know like what else drinking pepsi i like i don't know but but anyway um sorry i'm gonna get back to the back to the uh main point here they give a disclaimer that the dolphins be wildin', but honestly, it's not worth the long-ass boat ride. My cousin got seasick and had to vomit into the ocean. I'm sorry. My cousin got seasick and had to vomit into the ocean, and not too long after, about three other people followed along.

It wasn't all the vomit flowing into the ocean that we later had the option of snorkeling in, but it was the solution offered for everyone getting seasick is what had me disgusted, TBH. One of the staff took my cousin, kind of handsy in my opinion, and dipped her head into the running water shower they had on the boat. Call me a conservative, but i felt bad for my cousin whose mom i would have to answer to if anything bad happened to her what is going on so wait trying to follow this thought process the cousin gets seasick he vomits into the ocean and that's the fault of the people and also the chicken they're upset that that was the solution

like what do they want the vomit in the boat well he did say he wasn't he wasn't even disgusted in the fact that maybe they would have to go snorkeling in it which i'm just like what's wrong with you um he said it wasn't even that we had the option of snorkeling into the vomit flowing into the ocean why would you want that i don't know um oh my goodness but what was disgusting is that the cousin got her head dipped into running water um to i don't know and since he's such a conservative um this was very hard for him to watch yeah um and especially because his mom her mom you know we'll have to answer to a higher power the cousin's mom that's the one conservatives really believe in um your cousin's mom um the handsy staff was the first red flag

which i'm like i've seen already 72 different red flags but i guess if that's the first one okay the handsy staff was the first red flag that was a little bit questionable to me i brushed it off and went to the second top deck to sit, but from behind me I could hear the boat staff trying hard to converse with the other customers in the most sleaziest way possible. These guys are sketchy once they have you out in the ocean, with little chance of filing a complaint because TBH, who wants to be known as the Debbie Downer on a vacation over some dudes who make you feel uncomfortable? I honestly feel like I should have spoke up, but I didn't want to create a fuss. Aside from that, the bus feels like either a prison bus or a school bus because of the seats, and not to mention hot, stuffy, and crowded. End of review. Wow. I miss when we were just talking about Dolphins Be Wild and now here we are.

And not a single thing of the actual diving or the snorkeling. yeah i miss when we were just talking about dolphins be wild and now here we are and not a single thing of the actual diving or the snorkeling no no no oh my if you start off with talking about the buffet i guess you're not you shouldn't expect to hear anything of substance in there i just like to envision that there's this boat like four different people are puking off the side and there's dolphins wild in and like this, there's like sleazy guy. I mean, this is just the weirdest trip. I,

yeah, I, I, I'm hoping that the actual company does use that phrase. Dolphins be wild. Cause I don't think this person could, this person seems pretty, pretty lame.

I don't think they would come up with that. I will say, uh, before I forget, I was recently on the podcast Morbid. And there was like this whole string of us saying like Wildin. And at the time I was like, I don't even really know what this means. And so I Googled it. So I kind of have to give credit that that's where I learned of this word. You're not making yourself sound any better. I'm not trying, but I want to give credit where credit is due. And there was a whole thing where we said Wild

and Light, like Crystal Light or like Pepsi Light. I don't know. Wild and Light. It's like the lower version of Wild and Discount Wild and. If you have no idea what she's talking about, like me, go check out Morbid Podcast and listen to her episode there. Well, see, here's the thing. Ash listens to our show, and I just realized, like, oh, my God, she's going to listen to this and be like, okay, Christine, we taught you what that damn word means. Well, yeah. So I wanted to give credit. I'm glad you did, because, Ash, we appreciate your efforts, whether or not they led to anything good.

Actually, we don't actually fully appreciate them whatsoever um neither do any of our listeners but did you never watch that show wild now yeah but i never really like you know equated it to like the dolphins i guess Fair. I'll give you that. Thank you. My turn? Awesome. Okay. So this one is of Atlantis Submarine Guam. This is more of like you do dive, but you're actually in a submarine, which I thought that was pretty cool. That's neat. Some people didn't like it so much.

Oh. This is what Ramon has to say. Two stars. I find the people are extremely rude. They raise their voices on the phone in a rude manner. Make sure you will keep your time. They will charge you the full price, even if you have a medical condition. I hope no one will catch my flu

oh well they didn't seem to care as long as they get your money and oh my god it's like a fucking bioterrorism in a submarine like naval warfare i think it's called also also is this tell me dear christ tell me this is not written between like January and May of 2020. It was a year ago. Thank God. Yikes. Can you imagine a whole submarine full of people just surfacing with COVID? Oh, boy.

Yeah. So just because you don't get your money back, you're like, well, guess I must A, suffer through this experience and B, risk everyone else's health. Yeah. that's insanity i'm sorry yeah i know i agree and that's so fucked up could you imagine no hope no one will catch my flu that's such a scary statement like you never want to have write that out yikes don't want to be someone who writes that out no okay because like you know he does hope they all get his flu yeah of course the worst part of it as if they have it coming to them yeah these random people he was on that submarine going under like here we go here's my shot moment they were at their deepest point he announced it to the world he was like i have

the flu and they wouldn't give me their money back. As if they'd be on his side and be like, that's ridiculous. Wow. I'm sorry you didn't get your money back. I respect your decision to still go on the submarine and make us all sick. Yeah. So I can do the same thing next week. Okay. Here we go.

This is a review. This is where I was. I put a bunch of question marks because I was like, what the hell is going on? This is of a place or a tour called Axe Murderer Tours. Yes. Okay. You saw that? Yeah.

Reviews were so positive. Yeah. They loved it. AMT. Yeah. But I just like don't understand why it's called that and no one references it. Agreed. Okay.

I wasn't sure if I was crazy because that was the same thing for me. And I was like so pumped for these reviews. And I'm like, it seems like a chill diving thing. Like what? It's so random. So it's called Axe Murder Tours, literally. And I will say like, I don't, they were mostly positive. And then this guy named Paul wrote a review.

And I want to say, I don't blame him for this one. So this is one of those ones where I just like need to say it because it's wild. But like, I don't blame. Paul's wildin'. Paul's wildin'. The axe murderer tour is wildin'. Which like you'd expect. And I did also abridge it significantly because there was just one portion that was like the main point that I wanted to bring up.

So here we go. It's a one star view by Paul. Here we go. It's a one-star review by Paul. Rented a regulator and discovered while I was 25 feet underwater that there was a used chewing tobacco pouch lodged inside, blocking the exhaust port, causing water to leak in. End of review. Oh my God. That is foul and scary.

It was disgusting. That is so nasty i'm not even gonna show you because it's literally just like gross and like a chewing no thank you a wet uh dip pouch but like oh boy oh boy that's no good um and so that one i just like and then he wrote went on about how like he couldn't get they wouldn't replace it yada yada but that just, that sentence alone, I thought was worth referencing. Oh my God. You know what that makes me think of? Seeing rascal flats at Riverbend in Cincinnati.

With your scuba gear. Well, okay. Maybe not the scuba part, but when I think dip, I think of seeing rascal flats. That's such a romantic connection. Oh, my God. Anything Riverbend, honestly. That's true. I saw Blake Shelton there, and there was probably not much different than Rascal Flats.

I also got arrested almost at a country concert there. That was when I was there. Wait, was that Blake Shelton? I think it was Blake Shelton. Yeah, I think so. Which I don't even really listen to him, but some of my friends friends are going and zandy didn't listen to him but like some of his friends are going yeah and they made me they made me bring the cooler like carry the cooler as the only guy in the group yet the weakest person in the group but whatever um you didn't

even drink that at that point i did okay that was the problem at that point it was like my first time summer home where i actually drank alcohol it took a long time for that to get to that point and oh my god they fucking stopped me i was like i refuse to open this okay that's my favorite part is there like open your cooler and alexander's like no and then they threatened to like call over the police officer that was right over there. And they were like, this is our private property. You have to do this if you bring this on. I was like, okay, fine, whatever. So, like, but once I knew that, like, my friends were safe because I was this idiot, I should have just thrown them under the bus.

But I didn't. Damn. I opened it up. And, of course, one of them brought wine. And so then the security guards were making fun of me. Like, who brings wine to a concert? I'm like, I'm like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. They put me on a golf cart and like brought me to the sheriff.

And the sheriff was, oh, and the whole time, these guys were such dicks. Like they were like, the security at a concert. And they were not, they were like, they had a little bit of authority especially because alexander had literally looked at them and been like you're not the police he didn't say that but he was like they were like open your cooler and he's like no thanks like he like knew it wasn't legally required everything i was so obnoxious and then um and then we get there oh and they're like show me your id i'm

like i don't have it and they're like show me your id i'm like i don't have it and they're like when's your birthday and i told them your birthday actually because i knew you were 21 so i was like boom and then they're like no you're not no you're not where's your id i'm like i didn't bring it i don't have it on me um and they were like they brought me on a golf cart and they brought me over to the sheriff and the sheriff was super chill and super nice and they're like here we've got this guy. He had like a picnic. He was set up at like a picnic table.

I was like 20 or 19 or 20. So whatever. I was like close. And they were like, we brought this guy. He doesn't have his ID. And I was like, oh, no, I have it. Oh, my God. I told the sheriff.

I was honest to the police officer. That's like when the smoke starts coming out of their ears like they're about to explode. Literally, they yelled. They were like, that's strike three. That's strike three. And the sheriff, I'm not even kidding. The sheriff told them to walk away. The sheriff was like, please let me handle it.

Zandy. Because I was so chill and so calm. And I was like, oh, no, I do have my ID. It's not like you were drunk or belligerent or anything. Oh, yeah. I had had zero drinks so far and then um he sat me down interviewed me a little bit he's like are you in college i said yes he's like are you on financial aid i said yes and he said all right um well this won't go on your record you're just gonna have to pay this fine um and you're good to go and i was like great thank you bye i get a text that's literally like hey i just sort of got arrested

anyway um i'm gonna head out and i was like sorry pardon what logan's good logan's gonna pick me up we're gonna go get ice cream i was just like this is just not the night i expected um that was crazy i was like very impressed with your badassery. I will also, in the current climate of things, as far as a sheriff is concerned, I also want to just be upfront that we are, it is not lost on us the privilege of being in that scenario where it's like, oh, you know, my life's not necessarily in danger or that kind of thing.

Not that I'm saying anything against your scenario, but I just want to make that point. No, you should, because it was ridiculous, like how chill and easy it was. um not that i'm saying anything against your scenario but you're right absolutely no you should because it was ridiculous like how chill and easy it was like it was literally just walked up and like yep everything's good um just like just sign this pay a fine later yeah uh and you're good to go and that being said like enjoy the concert you really weren't doing much at all like you were literally carrying someone else's booze and you weren't drinking it. So in my opinion. But people have been killed for much less than what I did. That's the point.

Exactly. So we never fail to make things dark and heavy on this show. Anyway, but that was a wild story. Yeah. I remember it fondly. Good times. but that was a a wild story uh yeah i remember it fondly good times um so my only other review that i have before i read a surprise for everyone um is of blue persuasion diving and it's by gerard um five stars so this is a redemption this is definitely the best place to go diving with in Guam.

Kathy and Ben are so cute people. I dove 10 times with Kathy. She is a real professional. Excellent technician. You feel safe in the water with her. She knows all the good diving spots, will make sure that you never dive on the same spots as repeat. She's a perfect diving sitter you could ever dream of.

Reassuring, protecting you, while at the the same time you feel free during your dives. Material is perfect, and on top she takes photos of you underwater. What a nice souvenir, especially in the blue hole. I could also upgrade from OW to PADI Advanced during these 10 dives since she is official PADI instructor. Next time, I go for deep. They provide also free pickups from the hotel. Well, guys, you might think I have an interest in this positive judgment. Not at all.

I live in France. And Guam is not next door to come diving every week. And they are simply the best. I could compare and judge on the boat with all other groups. But feel free to dive elsewhere. It's your problem if you miss Kathy and Ben. I can answer any mail where you would need additional info. Jerry, 67.

Gerard. And they gave his last name. I am on Facebook as well. End of review. Gerard. I like how he says any mail. Like, I'm going to go write him a letter and ask about Cassie. I love it.

And was like, oh, and here's my full name so that you can find me on Facebook and ask me questions there. Like, I just need to tell more people about this. Yeah. I thought it was so adorable and so nice that was so comforting right i it's just pleasing to me that someone you know who's traveling i feel like a lot of times people will visit from other countries and be frustrated you know like last week with like people were just very openly aggravated about the language barrier and stuff so it's very very comforting when that's not the case just like my challenge today what was your challenge where someone never wants to

return to a country or state again oh after they're like in their review oh my god so he's jerry gerard is literally the opposite of that like he he's probably gonna uh commute to guam every every other day every weekend trying to well i have a review that's so funny okay so i'm gonna save my redemption for after this last one star um but my redemption about of blue persuasion also involves kathy so just get ready she seems to be like i love kathy already a gem yeah okay so this is my last one star it is of guam tropical dive station dive center aka gtds this is one star by rec d 150 but we give you a nice lunch that's the title on trip advisor btw my dive buddy wanted to dive the tokai maru and cormoran in guam only problem it was a last minute

and would be over christ and New Year 2013. I arrived a week early to immediately set about looking for a dive shop that could make this happen. Also in my head, by the way, this is spoken as like a detective. It sounds like it. You know, like I arrived early and immediately set about how to make this happen. Like the whole thing reads a little bit like film noir, you know? She was all legs. Yes.

Yes. Kathy was all legs. Kathy was all legs. So that's exactly kind of the vibe I was getting. Not really in some sentences. He definitely like pulls you right out of it, but we'll see. I'm excited to think of it this way, though. Okay, great. you right out of it but we'll see i'm excited to think of it this way though okay great i arrived

a week early to immediately set about looking for a dive shop that could make this happen gtds wow wow and not a good wow either after that you commenting on it being like some like film noir thing like i cannot like i can't like unhear it and not a good wow either which like is the moment where you kind of do like a wry smile when you're watching one of these you know like oh it's not like a laugh out loud moment but you're like oh i see you okay and not a good wow either walked into a pretty typical dive shop look i saw you look away from the screen which is why i couldn't hold it anymore this dame walked into my office see and she was all legs is the best part oh my god oh my god can you imagine but like in scuba gear like she was all and her fins were

oh my god where a wetsuit clung to her body oh vomitous okay please i'm sorry i feel like i'm turning into a version of myself that i hate and never knew existed continue oh shit we're too early in the episode for this to happen okay and then walked into a pretty pretty typical dive shop layout gear t-shirts and so on there was a gal working the counter and we exchanged pleasantries i'm sorry i can't i can't i'm gonna stop okay there's a gal working and what was with his gal they exchanged pleasantries i'm opening my um i asked blaze to buy me sour patch and he bought me the family size watermelon one so i'm i need i brought these just in case because i knew something i saw blaze deliver them and they're already almost empty it's been like 30 minutes i know you're joking but like you're

not wrong um i'm ashamed to admit okay there was a gal working the counter and we exchanged pleasantries. I start by asking about the Tokai and Kormoran and she replied, Sorry, we do not dive that location. Okay, on to my next question. I have my own gear minus tanks and weights. What is the cost and what do you have available for next week? Without missing a beat, she replied, $150.

I said, Wait a minute. I have my own gear or do you have a military discount and she replies doesn't matter 150 for two dives and we give you lunch a japanese style bento if i remember correctly the whole time she is all smiles and unicorn sunshine i hate this i can't hold it in like i'm i'm trying to like keep a completely straight face just not even like looking at you i'm just like i hid you i hid you from my thing because i was like i can't i'm struggling every time he turns away from the microphone i it just

makes it so much worse um also i hope you find some like, like, dun-dun-dun-dun, like some, whatchamacallit? Something that some local jazz cats cooked up. Yeah, like a literal jazz cat, like the Pink Panther. Okay. A Japanese-style bento, if I remember correctly. The whole time, she is all smiles and unicorn sunshine. She is completely oblivious to the fact that I was not on board with the gouge your eyeball out price tag. Honestly, I was in tourist shock.

I was now at the point of preparing myself that if all dive shops on Guam are like this, guess I will not be doing any diving and will stick to the sightseeing. So I cannot say for sure if this dive shop is all that. If their dive operation is anything like their customer service, it would amaze me if they are still in operation. Later, I would find out from active duty guys and locals to steer clear of the place. It's a Japanese tourist trap, and also to tourists in general. If you're into throwing cash out your car door window whilst driving down the freeway, this place is for you. However, if you've dived with more than a few different dive operations and have a feel for what pricing should be, I recommend you pass on this place is for you however if you've dived with more than a few different dive operations and have a feel for what pricing should be i recommend you pass on this place end of my new film noir

wait if if you like throwing trash on your window where did that come from cash oh cash out your window i think it's a trash i'm like what kind of people has this person come across okay that makes so much more litter bugs is who he comes with that's what the whole mystery is about like what are the bizarre in the local litter bug like yeah this is for people who litter this is like a children's film noir oh okay you learn a lesson at the end beautiful lesson except we learn nothing um anyway so that's my last negative one okay that was beautiful i i'm excited because i know the music i'm using because i've used it before oh good it's like that's yeah yeah yeah exactly cool okay um by the way do you know those those locations he referenced

the cormoran and the um toka or is it toku tokamaru tokai maru yeah do you know okay good i'll that's just curious oh you'll find out okay you go you read your review and then you'll find out you're next actually wait i literally just read wreck d's review i know all about both of them okay and everything else i guess i won't give my surprise okay no you give your five star review though right now now yeah i have two oh give them both because i have like mine my last thing's not a review so might as well just finish off the reviews okay this is a five star view of blue persuasion diving by alex the title is well-recommended. And again, this is maybe one that doesn't end up totally being a redemption,

but it is about Kathy. Totally recommend the dives with Kathy. Good knowledge, expert. It's not much only about diving with her. Thing is, in less than five minutes, she can transfer a passion that let you be feeling safe to do any dive with her. Wink face. End of review.

Ew. What? Poor Kathy. What? I know. She was all legs. He just, he really, objectifying her. No, I think this is one of those where, like, they didn't mean to come off so creepy and did. But they did.

Clearly, the English is not totally, like, you know, I think there's a little bit of maybe language barrier. Like, transferring passion. I don't know. I don't know. True, true. With that, yeah passion i don't know i don't know true true with that yeah i i don't know um the passion from diving with kathy doing into water and then diving into something else with her i don't know yeah yeah i mean i think also the wink face without the wink it would have been a lot less incriminating exactly and it's also the wink with a nose so i know i didn't want to say it but i felt like it was that is relevant you had to know that is very relevant oh no i don't like that so this last one is um it's four stars but it is a real redemption and this is of bell marine diving by fam 204

now i just fam 204 is extremely punny that's all you need to know see if you can catch on to the witticisms okay probably won't i'm not witty enough but continue great opportunity to see the deep blue get your cameras and your flashlights ready to see it all university of guam and the blue hole are favorites for all to see and review okay not at all what i tried and i know i get why you told me that they were punny because i'm like oh she's ruining it like i want to hear the puns for myself yeah if you had just read that normally i would not have known that they were punny. Because I'm like, oh, she's ruining it. Like, I want to hear the puns for myself. Yeah, if you had just read that normally, I would not have known that they were puns. Yeah, I needed to clarify the spelling there. And really, they couldn't find any other ocean puns aside from to see.

After the first one, I'm like, okay, not starting off very strong, but let's see where we build to. Okay. Yeah, it's literally the same sentence basically reworded three different ways um but listen i'm i'm in support of it why not yeah it's a positive review it's not hurting anyone it is um so that's my that's my page good good good okay before i go into my challenge i I would like to read some of an article written by Brandy Mueller on xraymag.com. That's xray-mag.com, by the way. And it's titled Guam, the tale of two wrecks.

because like i mentioned in last episode one of the big things is why dive scuba diving in guam is because of shipwrecks yes most notably forgot about most notably this these two wrecks so here we go let me read some of this article guam's apra harbor is home to a unique set of sunken warships. It is the only place in the world where a World War I and a World War II wreck sit touching each other underwater, and they can both be dived on one tank. The calm, warm waters of Guam make for easy diving, and both wrecks can be mostly explored above 100 feet the story of how these ships sank is almost as interesting as the dive itself so here we go the first one is the cormoran which was a world war one ship so here's a little bit of the cormoran which was uh captained by

uh a german captain it was a german ship German captain Adalbert Zuckschwert. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Love him. So, um, Oh wait,

no, I don't. Right. Cause like this is during war. Yeah, we don't, we don't, we don't,

we don't. I, I, I take it back. So here we go. During world war one in August, 1914, the Russian,

I don't know, was captured by the Germans off Korea by the SMS Mgen. Converted to an auxiliary cruiser in the port of Tsingtao, northern China, she was outfitted with guns salvaged from a disabled warship called the Kormoran, which had serious engine failures. She was renamed after that ship. So now it's the Kormoran, refitted Kormoran. I see. failures she was renamed after that ship so now it's the cormoran refitted cormoran i see once refitted for war the sms cormoran took to the pacific where she spent all her time avoiding allied warships and japanese battleships prior to reaching guam she had not sunk any enemy ships

news reached guam of america's declaration of war on germany on 7th of April 1917, and in an attempt to prevent hostilities between the Germans living on Guam and keep the Guamanians from harm, the Americans asked Captain Zuckschwert to surrender. He agreed to surrender and asked if he could go to his ship to let his men know the news. Uh-oh. Upon returning to his ship, he ordered the crew to scuttle the vessel. Are you familiar with scuttling? Yeah, it's like when you're a crab and you go...

Yeah, that's like Zoidberg. But no, when you scuttle a vessel, it means you intentionally sink it in order to not allow the ship to go into enemy hands. So he literally was like twisting his mustache like, yeah, let me just like tell my friends real quick. I'll be right back though. I'll just be like five seconds. Yeah.

So he ordered his crew to sink themselves. Holy shit. Scuttle. Okay. I didn't know that. Obviously. As the Americans saw this happening, they fired a warning shot across the bow of the Cormoran. The first shot fired by Americans in World War I.

Really? Mm-hmm. Ignoring this warning warning the captain sent his ship and 13 crew to the bottom of the sea these crew members are buried with full military honors in the naval cemetery in agana guam and the rest of the crew were sent to fort douglas utah for the duration of the war this was like okay goodbye yeah to you it's fucking wartime yeah it's it's fucking wild this was the only hostile encounter between united states and german forces during the pacific ocean campaign of the

war okay so lots of fun facts in there i mean truly i really didn't know that i mean maybe some people know all about it but i definitely am not one of them so this is the the cormoran in 1917 sunk um by it they sunk themselves to make sure the americans didn't get their hands on the ship um sacrifice themselves in their minds i mean yikes it's a big yikes but yeah um then world war ii almost 25 years and another war later guam was invaded by japan in 1941 japan occupied guam the only United States territory occupied by Japanese forces during World War II. The Tokai Maru was a ship built by the Osaka Shosen Company as a Japanese luxury liner in 1930.

It was recommissioned as a freighter to transport personnel and war materials for the Japanese Imperial Navy. On 24th of January 1943, the US submarine Flying Fish spotted the Japanese Imperial Navy freighter, Tokai Maru in Opera Harbor. The submarine waited just outside the harbor for three days for it to leave. Giving up on waiting, the USS Flying Fish fired two torpedoes, one missing completely and the other striking the Tokai but not sinking. Seven months later, another US submarine, the USS Snapper, was given another chance to finish the job

the flying fish started they fired four torpedoes three hitting and sinking the tokai maru the fourth hitting another injured japanese vessel the tokai maru sank next to the cormoran with one small section touching each other so that's about it but yeah so now they both sunk in like the exact same spot they're touching each other that's crazy two separate wars that's about it. But yeah, so now they both sunk in like the exact same spot. They're touching each other. That's crazy. Two separate wars. Two separate wars. That's really wild.

Yeah. And like two. Wild in some might say. Yeah, these ships are wild in. And now you have the opportunity to go and dive both of them on the same tank, which I think is really cool. I think that is the reason i would pick like i don't particularly want to do either one but i think i would pick scuba diving over bungee jumping just

because at least i'm like i get to see something really cool besides like just falling to my death yeah that makes sense but yeah i mean i don't know it's it sounds terrifying but like i feel like if i were in the right hands quote unquote maybe I'd do it but I'm a very like anxious person I feel like I would panic and that's like the one thing you don't want to do yeah exactly me too like the breathing I remember when I went skydiving and I literally didn't know how to breathe and people were like Christine yeah I don't know it was entertaining after the fact, but like, oh my gosh, I'd probably pull that same thing underwater, which doesn't seem like it would end well.

It's, yeah, it wouldn't, especially if you get the bends. I feel like just open your mouth and then like, there's water here. I don't know. It would just go badly. Anyway, so yeah, sorry. I just thought it would be fun to get a little history lesson. I actually am so glad because, you know, it gives me perspective and context. A little bit of context into- For my film noir film noir guam and yeah stuff i didn't know about

well i have a few reviews here um of uh for my challenge now so my challenge was from Elijah. And the challenge was to find... Let me read the exact words. Sorry, just so I... The challenge was to find a review in which the experience makes the reviewer want to never return to an entire state or country. I'm so excited about this one.

So let's see. This first one is written by lewis on trip advisor of a business park in malaysia okay and it's titled never coming back to this country one star location is good that's it lots of hustlers and dirty perverted men. I was stupid enough to stay here for five days. Wish I never left Singapore for this. Thank God I'm going home tomorrow. End of review.

Oh, no. That's depressing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's not always good stuff. I just pictured that he wrote that in the computer lab of his hotel, like that little computer room. And he's like, I'm never coming back here on those really old computers.

Internet cafe. Internet cafe type of thing. Yeah. I mean, maybe he had that urge, you know? It adds to the sadness of the image a little bit. Anyway. Thank you for adding so much. My next one is written by Nick.

And this is of Mua Caves in vietnam this is a one-star review we rode our bike past the scamming locals who want you to park at their parking stop one of the guys at the very end kicked our bike and hit my girlfriend on her leg as we were driving by when confronted 10 other locals jumped out with sticks knives and chains oh my god okay i'm picturing like fucking um some west side story or some shit i don't know like some crazy like all of a sudden mixed with like an apocalyptic like um what's the one about the zombies why do i oh mad max yeah like it reminds me of mad max or like what's the one about the zombies? Why do I, Mad Max. Yeah. Like it reminds me of Mad Max or like, what's, how do I always forget the name of the zombie show?

Oh, Walking Dead. Walking Dead where it's like, everyone has like a pipe or like a, they each have their tool and they come out of, I mean, come on. And to portray locals like that,

like, oh, they just all appeared with their metal bars. It's like, come on. Yeah. It's ridiculous. All of that happened in front of other tourists do not support violent locals we did end up climbing to the top despite the incident

big mistake should have just turned around and left even without that terrible experience the site is not worth a visit that much there are way more beautiful sites in northern vietnam plus the people are nicer after this incident and what I read online from other tourists, I'm never coming back to this country. It is way different from all other Southeast Asian countries we have visited, where this type of behavior can happen, but is not the norm. End of review. Oh my god. Literally, like, claiming that this happened one time. This is the norm here.

I don't know and then but it's like writing this review on like these caves like a a outdoor like i don't know it just seems bizarre the whole thing yeah they're like the national park people are like we don't know what to do with this yeah that's why i really like that review by gerard because it was like oh like i'm from france look how one like this place is wonderful like i can't be here all the time but like i don't know it just seemed very like wholesome and like kathy yeah this seems so wholesome and nice completely so i've got a couple more um this next one actually was sent in by kristin um who says thank you for continuing to be wonderful

humans and supporting Black Lives Matter. Christine, congratulations on your new home. My mom grew up in Cincinnati. It's a great place. And Alex, I found a review that fits your challenge for next week. Both the review and the response from the company are long. So maybe you would need to only read the most interesting parts. Kristen is not wrong. This is the fucking longest review ever.

It was seven attachments in the Gmail. But it's, I'm not going to read it all. But this is of, I believe it's Julia Travel Madrid in Spain. It's like a travel agency. Yeah. So this is a review by becky we're gonna touch on some highlights instead of reading the whole thing great i love in a bridge here's what becky says one star i actually did a seven-day tour of spain starting in madrid the tour itself on the whole felt very

disorganized the tour did not collect travelers from their hotels prior to departure. We made our own way to a Julia travel office and waited on the side of the road with our luggage for the office to open. We were told to arrive at the office early. However, it opened late. The tour departed an hour late. The bus was over full. This, of course, greatly affected communication

with the approximately 60 passengers on board. The tour I booked was first class. Persons booked on second class were also on the same bus. The bus simply detoured via two hotels to drop people off each day. I could see little difference between the classes, as all hotels for both classes were four-star. And as a classist like myself, I would really appreciate more division amongst myself and others. The first hotel was uninhabitable.

The room was unclean. There was peeling wallpaper, stains on the furniture, holes in the carpet, and light fixtures hanging from the wall. I had to pay to upgrade to room to a better quality room. The included meals were unsatisfactory. The

food quality ranged from poor to inedible. The guide lacked any local knowledge. When attempting to find tapas for lunch, something that we were urged to try at every opportunity, however we're never near to a restaurant or restaurants were shut by the time we got there, the guide pointed us in the direction of a street she assured us would have meals. This street was entirely closed, and this didn't appear like a strange occurrence. The time spent on the bus each day compared to actual time in cities was excessive. I feel I saw more of the inside of truck stops than any one city. The tour of Granada, which as mentioned above had to be paid on the first day and couldn't be refunded, was a walk through back streets pointing out architecture and not of any of the local sites

or monuments. Then there was a lengthy stop in a tea house for a juice. Of a three hour walking tour, little actual walking and little actual tour occurred. I fundamentally abandoned the tour by Valencia. I participated in no more of the arranged tours and paid again to upgrade hotel rooms i remained on the bus from valencia to barcelona again a very lengthy trip by the way i fundamentally uh left i didn't leave the tour i fundamentally left it it's actually really powerful of a statement oh it's bad. Thank you, Becky. When I returned to Madrid, I returned to the tour office to complain, and the staff there refused to speak to me, directing me back to my travel agent. And when I did place a complaint through the travel agent, I received a facetious reply from the company telling me I am wrong.

None of these things happened, and it's all my opinion and doesn't matter. We were treated like cattle. The tour was disgusting, and subsequently, I will never return to Spain. happened and it's all my opinion and doesn't matter we were treated like cattle the tour was disgusting and subsequently i will never return to spain end of review oh my goodness spain is like thank the lord good riddance um next is the owner response oh right i forgot already here we go dear friend that's like already a good start. Do you think they all sat around the desk like, okay, how do we start this? Like, good morning, dear acquaintance.

What is she to us? Our office is open every day at 8 a.m. The tour departs at 8.30 and we recommend our customers to be at our terminal between 15 and 30 minutes before the departure time. Probably if you arrive too early, the office was not open. But it's important to be there with time enough. The bus is the same for A or T travelers. So keep in mind that it wasn't first class, second class. It was A or T.

Granted, one's probably more expensive, but of, Becky has to put the whole class thing in. Yeah, they probably read that and were like, first class? Like, what? We don't have our fucking first class, Becky. The only difference is the hotel where you will be lodged. Although both are four star hotels, in A class, the hotels are better located and have better facilities. But the tour, the guide and the bus are the same for both categories. and have better facilities. But the tour, the guide, and the bus are the same for both categories.

You purchased a bus tour departing from Madrid to Cordoba, and there are 400 kilometers, five hours approximately, and of course we stop every two to three hours for the driver to rest. It's compulsory. It's a long journey, but we try to do our best to make it comfortable with music and all the explanations given by our guides. The places where our buses stop are the rest areas in the highway with restaurants, shops, and restrooms. I am sorry, but I can't accept that you say that the hotel was uninhabitable. This is a four-star hotel, very well located in the city of Seville, close to a very famous department store in Spain. There is an underground station near the hotel, etc. All our guides are local guides, and they are entitled to do their job. They know perfectly all the towns and villages we visit within the tour.

Julia Travel operates different tours with different durations, and we combine them to offer several options to our travelers. When you return to Madrid on your own, it was your decision, and you were free to leave the tour, of course. Our staff at the terminal listened to all of your complaints and kindly told you that you should make a complaint through your travel agency since that was the right way to do and of course your opinion is very important for us i'm responding to you because we want you to change your mind about our tours anyway there are a lot of ways for traveling there are people who

prefer to travel alone others in group or with their families and lodging in hostels other in luxury hotels others like to go on their own and there are people who want to be guided maybe you simply prefer to travel in a different way than we do we hope you return someday to spain although you do with another travel agency best regards oh i mean that that takes some some real finesse to be able to pull that off. That's very kind of them. To deal with a Becky. Yeah.

To deal with a Becky, you know? And, I mean, thinking about, like, every three hours you have to stop. First of all, thank God. As someone who has to pee every five minutes. I mean, yeah. It's unreasonable. Well, and to say, like, oh, it's inside of a gas station or whatever. It's like, listen, Alexander and i have been to many german uh truck stops that's one of our favorite things to see

it's literally the best and it's talk about like getting the culture i mean it's so cool they have like a little rut i i don't i assume spain is probably not that far off if they're going to like where she said oh there's restaurants and stuff i mean i feel like she's what was i i was literally about to say i feel like becky's maybe exaggerating wow well there was another part i didn't read where becky was complaining about cramming all the people like 60 people in a bus and they literally were like that is impossible our buses only fit 50 to 52 people like they were like factually like your review doesn't make sense yeah i mean truly what like she's gonna expect anyone to believe she was in the luggage rack

yeah people are ridiculous but yeah it's so funny about like gas stations and that's something true but like very americana too like i'm sure when people come to visit here from other countries they want to see those like diners and gas stations that we don't really see as like that special but um i don't know it's like just the normal stuff and i asked somebody or i don't even know if maybe it was on reddit or somebody asked um but they were like what to like europeans what is like the thing you think about when you think about america and like literally everybody wrote burgers and i was like i bet like even going to mcdonald's is like a cool not okay not to sound like you know whatever but like going to like a traditional

american mcdonald's is probably like an experience if you wanted to experience real american culture quote unquote and it's like the americans or australians who went to kfc in japan to see what how it was different it's the same kind of thing when i went to lived in germany i would go to mcdonald's to see what different things they had i mean they serve you so many so many better things they have like a cowboy burger and it's like a barbecue like burger um but yeah i like their point though of hey everyone likes to travel differently maybe this isn't for you because i think that sums it all up pretty well like hey for you because i think that sums it all up pretty well like hey maybe next time don't come to see us because um this isn't for you no no go get your five-star hotel that you want like and don't bring other people into your bullshit but anyway um thank you kristin for that email thank you for

the review uh i have one more oh you do good yep finishing off with a uh redemption of these kinds of things so it's it's a little bit off because it's not like the experience made them never want to return or that they don't want to return it's just that they won't return it's like they never they will never leave or they've been banned okay they they just that you'll see okay so this is a review of serpent mound in people's ohio yes the serpent mound the serpent mound for those who don't know um here's a little overview nominated as a world heritage site serpent mound is a prehistoric effigy mound that was constructed by native americans at least 900 years ago possibly much earlier um so it's like a serpentine like mound yeah yeah and it's uh 1300 feet long oh it's so

really cool um and yeah so it's in ohio and here is jolly zoo's review five stars titled great find this place is difficult to get to it seems that any way you try it's off the beaten path we were going from Cleveland to Florida and decided to make it a side trip I had seen the serpent mound featured in time-life most beautiful pictures in America and I knew that I was never coming back to Ohio so why not check it out we had a cooler and food for a picnic, so the reclusiveness of the site was actually a bonus. A great place to picnic. The site itself was great. The staff was extremely helpful, and they even offered to mail our

postcards on their way home. The mound is well-preserved and quite breathtaking. There's astronomical significance to the site, which made it even more interesting. There's a little bit of a touristy feel to the place, selling Indian flutes and other tourist stuff you see at any other site. That being said, the place is amazing and all natural. It was worth the half-day excursion off the highway, even if we are not archaeology types. There's also a little hiking trail next to the mound, which we enjoyed. Highly recommend this place. End of review. I love Serpent Mound. Yeah, I thought that was kind of fun. I want to go. next to the mound which we enjoyed highly recommend this place end of review i love serpent mound

yeah i thought that was kind of fun i want to um i want to go when i'm home i know i would love to go actually um that's the thing we could go do like i'm like what do we do when i'm home with covid safely i guess in ohio probably more than should be able to but yo there's like i mean people are just kind of living life normally which you know it's no good no um so wait so did they say they just wouldn't be coming back because they're just like since i'll never be back in ohio i see so i imagine you googled like i'll never be back i do lots of things and it was it wasn't difficult but um the problem was if you just did never i'll never come back they always talked we're talking about that specific chain or something i'll never come back to this location

so i had to do specific sites or like or specific states or specific countries yeah um so i did like never coming back to florida never coming back to ohio never coming back to texas california etc and like i did a bunch of different states and countries. And that's what I came up with. Love it. Oh, yeah. Well, is this the time? I think you did a great job on your challenge.

Oh, thank you. Thanks, Elijah, for giving that challenge. I enjoyed it. I thought it was a really fun one. I did too. Okay, folks. Well, we came up with our next theme, and I think you all guessed it. It's going to be zoos in Norway.

It was a random one yet, I think. I was like, let's do zoos. And then we were like, well, most cities have only one main one. And then we were like, what about a country? And Zandy was like, Norway has some zoos. And that is how we ended up here. I have no connection to Norway I've never been but I was like googled zoos in Norway oh look a lot of them. There's a lot so uh it's more than Scuba was in Guam so I have high hopes for this. As do I. And we're going on with our summer collection our

summer theme of uh being outside amongst other people someday maybe. Reading about what you're missing. Reading what we're all missing out. Anyway, what's my challenge? Your challenge is from Jen. And this is one that I decided to have you do because, yeah, you'll see. So Jen says, I work at a super popular vegan restaurant in Chicago, the Chicago Diner.

And that gave me the idea for a challenge. Find people who are upset that they ate vegan food at a vegan restaurant. This happens more than you know. Oh, boy. Okay, so find people who are upset they ate vegan food at a vegan restaurant. Yes. Wowza. Okay, this is gonna be

very very interesting yeah i think it could be fun i actually already have a theme or i'm sorry a challenge for you for next week so i'm really excited to bring that to your attention um next week so anyway thanks everyone for listening um be careful if you're going to a blake shelton concert uh and otherwise and scuba diving and we'll be back next week in beautiful Norway can't wait to see you there bye Bye.