Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 84: Historical Sites in Italy

Episode Date: July 8, 2020

After the success of our Disney Parks episode, we decided to do another one! Oh wait, never mind, these reviews are of Pompeii. But apparently some people can't tell the difference. In an attempt to redeem the craziness, we read our oldest reviews yet! And if that doesn't float your gondola, we talk a lot about sewage. If you want to watch Christine mangle Alex's hair LIVE, follow Alex's Twitch channel here: https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A and to participate in Jackbox Games nights! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling, winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling, saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem?

Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. What's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin? Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin at participating McDonald's in Canada prices exclude delivery. Important update. We postponed the haircutting stream. Sorry. But we have a new date.

It is this Friday. So two days from when this episode is going out. It is Friday, July 10th at 6 p.m. Eastern Time. 3 p.m. Pacific Time. 5 o'clock somewhere. 5 o'clock Central Time. So if you want to watch her cut my hair live on stream,

go to twitch.tv slash Xandy Schieffer. X-A-N-D-Y Schieffer. If you don't know how to spell our last name, get with it. Get with the program. Or just Google it. Thanks for listening, and we will see you there to chop off Sandy's hair.

Bye. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if i could so Welcome. Welcome. To my house. Yes. Thank you. You're talking to me. I thought you were talking to them. I was, but also to you. Zandy is visiting Cincinnati and he came over to record and we realized we didn't have the right mixer. So either we had to Skype each other from a different room or we had to sit and use one microphone. So we're sitting and using one microphone.

Yeah, it seems to work fine. We'll see. Godspeed to us. Is this episode 84? It is. Good, because I wrote episode 84 question mark. Oh, I do that a lot. Because I wasn't positive.

I'm usually wrong. So good for you. What I do know is that the theme this week is... What did I call it? Never mind. I don't know. I think I said historical sites. You flew too close to the sun.

Oh, Icarus reference. Wow. Thanks. Historic sites in Italy? Yeah, I said historical sites. Historical sites. Historic, parentheses, A-L, parentheses, sites. Squared.

Yes. parentheses al parentheses sites squared yes yeah and my challenge was to find uh reviews where someone asked for the manager in the review i'm very excited did it work yes kind of like not specifically saying the words i want to speak to the manager okay but like obviously asking for the goal yeah that's their intent. Yes. Well, great. I guess let's get into Italy. Let's get into it.

We went there one time. Oh, we did go there one time. I ate pizza and pasta and gelato every single day we were there. I bought a hat made out of Heineken cans from a street vendor. I forgot about that. Because I thought it was really cool. I forgot. From a street vendor.

Yeah. And then I wore it to school in eighth grade and got in trouble. Yes. from a street vendor i forgot about that i thought it was really cool i forgot from a street but yeah and then i wore it to school in eighth grade and got in trouble yes because it had beer on it i one time wore a coors jacket to school because tim used to work there and i also got in trouble yeah um the two we were the only two people in high school who didn't drink so that was like the irony of it all silly but then my teacher my first um class of the day she said i can't wear it so in my second class of the day i taped paper all over the hat oh my god because it was like hat day or something dumb in eighth grade it was like silly hat day and that's quite a silly hat so i taped it what it is really silly i have it i just wore it yesterday like the other day maybe we'll

make that the photo that'll be the photo um i forgot to bring it but anyway i taped paper all over it and so the rest of the day people were like oh cool a hat made of paper i'm like uh-huh i'm like underneath and beer yeah um we did go to italy and we're definitely tourists yes the pizza was excellent and um it was a good time oh and then i went with renee in high school oh nice yeah and uh it was the first time I ever drank wine. And we got caught trying to, we were sneaking into the, we were staying at this like Airbnb or not Airbnb, like a bed and breakfast of the normal variety. And we couldn't open this bottle of wine we had bought because we didn't have a corkscrew. So we broke Renee's expensive tweezers trying to open it and put knives in it and stuff.

Jesus. And then we snuck into this lady's kitchen, like private kitchen, and we're digging through her drawers looking for a corkscrew, and she appeared behind us. And she gave us a corkscrew for our wine. Oh, good. And then I called Tim, and Tim was like, are you drinking? And I was like, no.

But I think the way that I was very exuberant about his trip to the zoo with Francisco that day. And he's like, you've never been this excited to talk to me in your life. Yep. What have you been drinking? It's wine. I have to go now. So anyway, lovely times.

Lovely times. Shall we get into it? Let's get into it. I think I have more than you. Yeah, so why don't you go ahead? Okay. My first one's a brief one. This is a review of The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

I swear to God, if this review mentions pizza, I'm going to be so mad. It's it's very annoying isn't it i'm so sick of those reviews very annoying isn't it yes uh it does not okay yeah we got a bunch of comedians in the comment in the yelpers going uh where's all the pizza where's the pepperoni and giving it one star review saying i made it all the way to the top not even a slice of pizza for me. What? Mm-hmm. Like, hello. Incredibly annoying.

And the problem is those got like 30 likes each on Google reviews. See, you're just like encouraging these bozos. Come on. This is a review by Ben. One star. Waste of time. Wasn't what I expected. Tower is barely leaning.

End of review. I guess like that's kind of true like in like cartoons and immediately like you kind of expected to like i don't know like i could see that being a serious review yeah if you're four i know it is a serious review i was pissed no but like i'd be i'd be um disappointed i wouldn't be disappointed well the worst reviews i'm looking at they were like oh our cars got broken into every single person's car got broken into and i'm like that is a worthy complaint i also have a review of the leaning tower of visa so i'll read that quick this is from maxine one star i bet your toilet is more interesting in the review you know what what? What? It just might be.

It might be. Three people liked it. So those three people agree. Those three people know. They must have those new low flow toilets. Oh. I think that might be it. That must be it.

Yeah. Wow. People are really bored easily, huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I have a one star review. Now we're going to Pompeii. Nice.

Where we've been. We have been there. And it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Yeah. So what I did was I searched boring in the reviews. Oh, no. There were a lot. There were like 18 pages of reviews that said it was boring.

Oh, no. So this is one by Jane. One star. How terribly disappointing, overpriced, and just plain boring slash horrible. Before I write my review, here are a few things to know to put my review into perspective. One, I actually enjoy museums, history, and art. Two, I lived in Egypt 20 plus years, so I am familiar with ancient art and wonders. Three, I actually appreciate challenges on a trip because it makes it more memorable and you get to laugh afterwards

sometimes. Four. I appreciate challenges? What does that mean? I think what she's saying is like, I can appreciate when things go wrong. Which I normally would respect, but everything else they said is really obnoxious. Yeah, I mean, if you're writing this review, you probably are trying to overcompensate in one way or another. Number four, if there was a negative 20 rating, I would have picked that. Having said that, please note that this site is so uncreative, unoriginal and unworthy. I really don't get what all the hype is about. It's not even that ancient since they had to

build so many structure around it to keep it standing. Even the freaking pillars didn't make it. Some barely did, I guess. Go to Egypt or the Met in New York to see what the word preserved means. It was hit by a volcano! Do you know what happened there? Hello? I just can't. Go to the Met. That one wasn't hit by a volcano. What?

I don't know. I just don't know. Okay. If anything, this made me value and appreciate Egyptian wonders. Instead of paying at least 20 euros a person, you can simply look at the photos I uploaded. It's all the same. All the stories were about people killing each other or washing that for entertainment, prostitution, and how they ate meat and fish. Now, I'm not even going to go for describing service or prices because I'm so annoyed, but let me point out to you that they gave us a wrong map and we got lost for two hours

trying to exit. I not only wish I can take the ticket money back, I actually wish I can reclaim the whole trip cost TBH. End of review. The whole trip to Italy? I think so. Oh my god. Not just the not just the ticket. The ticket to Pompeii? Yeah. Wow, what the hell are they thinking? Well, as soon as they know about wonders. They claim to have an appreciation for history, but... And wonders. Yeah, apparently they don't know what happened there or something.

I think maybe they just got lost. And overheated? Maybe, yeah. Overheated, probably. Overheated. Someone's a little... I get grumpy when I have too much sun. Yeah, a little heat stroke happening. So anyway, I just like shocking to me because I'm like,

if anything is interesting, because it's old and destroyed, like it's a ruin or like Pompeii, which people were very upset that the Coliseum wasn't like maintained and didn't have snacks, by the way. But I was like, I wanted to watch a show and see people kill each other. I don't know. I thought that's what happened here. They were like, damn, it's really falling apart. Have you seen Gladiator? I'm like, do you have any idea?

People are nuts. This is a two-star review of the Pantheon in Rome. We went to that as well. We did? Yes. It has a big hole in the top. Yeah, I do. What's the difference? I mean, this is a dumb question. Between that and the Colosseum?

The Pantheon is like... The Colosseum was where they had gladiator fights and it's like a big open arena. And the Pantheon is like a temple to the gods. It's like enclosed but with a small hole in the top. Sorry, it's not an open ceiling. It but with like a small hole in the top. Sorry. It's not like a, it's not an open ceiling.

It just happens to have a hole in the ceiling. Got it. And that's what I remember. Because it's falling apart and they're not preserving it. No, because. It's supposed to. See, this one's preserved well because it's owned by the Catholic church now. They have a lot of money.

There are plenty of reviews about that, about how um pagan building that was meant to honor many gods was is now run by the catholic church and turned into a church i had no idea about that by the way which sounds exactly correct though yeah that sounds exactly like how the history works there yeah there are plenty of reviews like that i'm like well you know what they're not wrong so that's a lot of this so i'm not gonna say anything about that. I'm not going to read any of these on the show. So here's one that is somewhat related. This is Talana, Two Stars. Two Stars? Because this place should be cool.

I studied it in college and was excited to see the dome and the hole and all that. But if you're a woman, you can't wear shorts that are too short. If your tank top is too revealing, they won't let you in either. However, you can buy scarves from annoying people all over the front of the building if you want, then they'll let you in. Also, they don't have sign saying this. They make you wait in line, then spring it on you at the door. Drop the very old religious BS and this place would be superb. End of review. Very old religious BS.

I like that because it's like- Drop it, Italy. Drop the Catholic stuff. It's more like what they meant, but then again, this was always a very old religious building. It's literally a temple. It's the definition of very old religious. I mean, listen, I agree. I think you should be able to wear what you want obviously but like this doesn't surprise me because i feel like every

religious site in europe is the same way where you can't have your shoulders revealed or your legs or it's it's weird like you would think like even in in germany i think in cologne don't they do that for the yes i think. They're pretty strict about it in most places. I do like that they say, I studied this in college, which is like, okay. And they were excited to see the dome, the hole, and all that. What did I say about this place? It's a dome that has a hole. Yeah, did you study in college as well?

No, I studied it in mythology class in seventh grade. That's right. I must have too. Clearly, I didn't in mythology class in 7th grade. That's right. I must have too. Clearly I didn't even remember the hole in all that. So I must not have been paying very close attention. Wow. The hole in all that. That's great. Okay. I have a one star review

of Pompeii again. This is my last one of Pompeii. This is by Lots2 CNDew. Wow. Yeah, very clever. I don't know if everybody followed that. Are they a local guide?

They probably are. Because the title of this review is Disney Wannabe. Excuse me? Let's remind ourselves that this is about... This is Pompeii? Pompeii. Disney W wannabe. By the way, I don't know if everybody knows this, but Pompeii is basically...

This is... It has a big hole and all that. No, it doesn't. It has a big volcano and all that. I believe it was Mount Vesuvius erupted in 59 AD or 49 AD. I forget when. A long, long time ago. And buried the city in ash.

And killed basically everyone. And a lot of the people and even animals are preserved. The way that they died. Which is so fascinating to me. And you can see the whole city was basically just preserved under ash. Like you said.

And that's why I love this other person saying it's not even that ancient i went the wrong way it was 79 a.d sorry i knew it ended in a nine anyway it is it is very sobering uh sobering experience to go see and it is very tragic one of a kind like you can't see that fascinating and yes it is not something that you would see every day kind of morbid's not the right word maybe but it's kind of just like a little dark yeah because you're seeing the way people like their last moments on earth basically um and it's fascinating i thought it was really cool but obviously lots to see and do thinks it's a disney wannabe i can't i can't even imagine what they have to say i'm excited it's the wrong. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever?

Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. One star. We were so excited to see Pompeii and it started off pretty

good with the brothel rooms. The first thing we entered, the teenage boys with us were getting a kick out of the images of services available at the brothel. That is where the enjoyment ended. The rest was a big tourist trap and a feeling of being a mouse in a maze with a map that was meant to challenge. We saw no human forms aside from one that was stuck behind a locked cage inside a glass box. There was also a dog in the same location, along with dozens of pottery that reminded me of props from Raiders of the Lost Ark in Disney. Except it's real. We then came across a blocked fence that you couldn't see around.

My nosy crew climbed up and around, only to find... Body molds! Yes, they are taking what they excavate and making molds and replacing the original finds with fakes. Disappointing. Then we came across a section that we thought was under excavation, but again, after some snooping beyond the line, we found a wheelbarrow, bricks, and sand. They were rebuilding the site.

Once again, disappointed. After walking around, baking in the sun for three hours, we gave up and called it quits when we came to the house of the tragic poet, where they once again had the area fenced off. But this time there was a sign that said the chained dog mosaic was being restored and included a current pic of what the mosaic looked like and what it would look like when they finished completely restoring it. Really? Don't waste your day, your money, your energy, or your sweat. Okay, so they think this is a big conspiracy kind of thing yes they think that like oh this is all fake because they're restoring it making it phony but like somebody commented uh or like posted something else being like well they're not gonna just like let you nosy your nosy group um self-describe like have

real bodies laying there so that you can just like touch them and like what do you expect why wouldn't they put them behind glass i don't understand yeah they're very disturbed that well clearly they have no boundaries so they're climbing over fences and looking behind places they're not supposed to look so that's the exact kind of person that this place probably doesn't desecrate these bodies. I only saw one dead dog. I'm like, Jesus. Oh, God. And the mosaic is being restored. God forbid.

God forbid. God forbid. Yeah, that's something that I don't understand is like the whole restoration, like the hatred towards restoration. You think they know what they're doing. Yeah, exactly. I mean, they're the experts in their field also i love the i do follow i think it's baumgartner restoration on instagram and he has a youtube channel as well um and he does art restoration so like people who own like really old art will go to him to restore all and

he like puts a whole like process on you like in video cool i'm like cleaning all of it and it like goes from like really dingy looking paintings and sometimes he actually like paints in it and like to like fix spots that are like chipped off and yeah it's like great it like restores it to what it was originally meant to be you'd think you want to experience what it was exactly what it looked like or i mean at least kind of the whole point of pompeii that it was like preserved to the point where you can almost see that or can't see that and it's not like they're lying i mean see they're making it sound like a conspiracy like they're hiding the

body molds behind a fence yeah whereas i'm like i don't think anyone would tell you otherwise like i don't think they're they're not pretending they're not trying to like mislead you no one painted this mosaic nope not us okay uh i have one this is my last official or my last review and then i have a little bonus thing okay so this is of saint mark's basilica in venice italy cool this is a one-star review by greg you must walk through in a specific path with hundreds of other visitors like cows going to slaughter yuck mosaics on floor are beautiful ceiling is a lot of gold leaf not to my taste unless you're an enthusiast going in is not worth more than a short wait in line the exterior is beautiful end of review i'm more of an open concept kind of guy. Oh my god. I like a little rustic modernism.

Reviewing a fucking place like this and saying it's not to your taste. Goldleaf is a little tacky IMO. As if they would actually want to match Greg's vision here. I was about to say, Greg, I don't know what I was about to say. Create your own basilica create your own god he probably did he probably has a flat screen and um you know some turrets and the same exterior though as saint mark's but inside it's all modern right it's also on a in a subdivision on a cul-de-sac so that's the only other difference it's not technically in italy it's technically in the midwest but it's pretty similar welcome one and all to greg's basilica

i almost said saint and then i'm like you know he doesn't deserve that nothing about he's waiting to be anointed fingers crossed fingers crossed they say it has to happen once you're dead but he's hoping that he'll be the first yeah he'll be the first yeah the uh the tv room in the basement all all leather uh what are these things recliners um lazy boys lazy boys uh with a big projector he even has a popcorn maker he hasn't quite figured out how to work it but a couple pinball machines yeah he's waiting i mean he's planning on charging like undercutting the basilica and charging just like one euro less to go see it um unfortunately none of his neighbors in small town indiana uh have euros so also unlike a lot of these religious places he does actually um he does condone nay uh promote wearing really revealing tank tops and short shorts that actually gets you in for free

that actually lowers the oh my god sorry okay now that we've um made up an entire backstory to this for this stranger and like shit all over greg i'm sorry greg i'm sure you're a lovely man and there's nothing wrong with small town indiana as people who are from ohio i only said that because i've been watching parts of that for the fifth time in a row. Me too. Yeah. I promise you it was not meant as a dig. Yeah.

Except at those people in Bloomington, those racists that just made the news. Right. And Greg's subdivision. But otherwise, everybody's a racist. Okay. I'm sorry, Greg. We love you. You know that.

Okay. I'm also in Venice now now i'm at the grand canal in venice i didn't find any i've read through really i didn't find any good ones i found uh i think one decent one um this renee and i went there and then renee was like we're never paying for that oh renee and i went it was very cool um it was very crazy very hectic uh it's just very a lot. Like, it's definitely not what the quote-unquote cartoons say about the canals and the gondola rides. I'll just read this to you.

Okay. This is by, I mean, literally this person's name is Ray Loves Disney. I don't know. What is it with all these Disney people? I didn't even notice that until now. No, like, look, I think our most popular episode still to this day is that our disney episode so we're not hating on you guys we know that a lot of you like disney stuff but what is up with these people it just seems like the disney ones are the ones who are the

most angry which is what's throwing me off um anyway this is ray loves disney one star title is venice is a huge dirty tourist trap took. Took the train from Florence to Venice. You not so much arrive in this city as you are more regurgitated into it. Upon stepping out of the train station, I was met with throngs of tourists, boat taxis everywhere, vendors selling everything from tickets to flags, boats everywhere, every style, and all of them going in different directions. What you do not see are any clear directions or signs about what to do next and how to get to your hotel.

Okay, but like what city do you get off the train? And they're like, here's a sign to how to get to your hotel. I know. I don't understand. That's not how anything works. The thing is, I think this person, Ray, has a view of Italy based on like Epcot Center. I was about to say. And it's a small world or whatever.

Where you arrive and they're like, here's literally a sign pointing to your hotel yeah because there's like a tourist at my tourist destination i know that's the wildest when people get so angry about other tourists literally you are a tourist ray you are part of the problem like when you complain about traffic you are the traffic i do that a lot too i do too but during like corona virus i mean currently but when i was in la during the corona craziness i would be driving somewhere and i'd go where the hell do all these people have to go there's a pandemic and then i'm like i'm in my car right now i am part of the problem oh no sorry christina hey i love disney just as much as the next guy um let's see sorry there's next guy is also a disney lover actually probably uh this is okay

there's no sign how to get to your hotel or what to do next which is like also like step two that's hilarious you've made it next up for all the money venice takes from tourists they do not seem to want us there at all one guide suggested that signs could ruin the scenery well so does 18 000 souvenir shops squeezed into every square kilometer travel guides completely lie when it comes to the city every one of the four i read suggested getting on a vaporetto number one and taking the local city tour. What none of them mentioned is that you are squished beyond belief and you cannot even reach for your camera. I could only hope that the man pressed up

against my back was not also helping himself to the euros in my wallet. The absolute worst about Venice. Took a tour from a born and raised guide in the city who told us the truth about the sanitation in the city. 65% of all raw sewage goes directly, directly from the toilets into the canals. She pointed out the pipes which hang on the sides of the hotels, schools, and apartment buildings, not to mention hospitals. I can only venture a guess about their hazardous waste. I just looked around at the goofy couples taking their selfies in the gondolas, wondering what was going to photobomb them when they started perusing their pictures. What? Like a flying shit?

Yeah, I guess. Coming out of a hotel? Some hazardous waste? Or maybe you? Probably looking really angry in the background. You're an angry mug. And oh yes, don't forget the food. Venetians pride themselves on fresh fish.

Do you really, really want to eat it after what I just wrote? End of review. I don't think they get the fish out of the canals. Probably not, because... I don't know, though. I mean, maybe. If so, then yeah, you know what, Ray?

I'm with you on that point, at least. That's pretty foul, but I don't actually... I'll give you that. I'll be honest, though. I don't really want to eat anything after reading what you just wrote. No, that is true. My appetite is a little... But it's true.

A lot of the... They do have... I looked... Business Insider says they do have a modern septic system with septic tanks, but many people still rely on the old historic sewage system, which literally just takes out solid waste and then puts the rest into the canals. Oh, that's not pretty. And there are photos of people like swimming in them.

And they're like, that is extremely. Do not swim in that. That's what I was going to jokingly say. It's like, it's not like anyone's swimming in that, but I stopped myself. Cause I'm like,

well, probably. Apparently when the tides go up, like people swim in it. Oh no. And, uh, there was a shop owner who was interviewed and he was like,

no, once the tides go up, we have to double sanitize the walkways because it's so filthy like don't put your body in that they're all sinking could you imagine sinking into sewage i mean i know you can yeah i didn't want to answer that wow anyway so that's uh just a very dramatic well at least ray taught me something with his review yeah i learned a lot i learned nothing about disney which is surprising you'd expect someone who goes to disney so much to mention well actually i did learn that um that they do give you step-by-step instructions which actually i kind of appreciate since as

someone with like full-on panic disorder i i do appreciate when someone tells me exactly what to do i mean that was what was nice about and this sounds dumb maybe but going to indonesia as an american it was expected that i knew nothing yeah they were like we'll like so literally i was walked through every step of the way and it's like if anyone's taking advantage of me and my money whatever like as long as i don't have any anxiety i'm okay well that happened when we i went to china one summer with my dad because his company our dad's company is like uh works with closely with China I was busy working a summer job at an insurance firm in Cincinnati that's right you were you were so pissed still regret it yeah and so we went in um

so our good friends are Chinese my life is so hard. Sorry. I know. I know. I was working at an insurance firm at a paid internship BTW. But yeah, so we went and our friends are Chinese and they were like, oh, and the daughter's our age. So they were basically like, oh, just come along and like, we'll handle everything. And so since they were our friends, like they could just tell us what was going on, but we just kind of follow which was really nice um and they took us to all the like non-touristy spots but we didn't have to like figure it out which was great yeah i went ali's company i went with ali and her for her work and her company did everything yeah like paid for our places too and

everything and like all transportation like literally at the airport we just walked up to a booth she gave her name and they drove us to the uh hotel and they like took care of us completely i mean it was and i've done i've definitely done the backpacking thing i was very lucky as a broke 20 year old or whatever and i definitely um that was also great and fun but definitely more preparation and stress was needed and it was great in its own way obviously and now i just sound like a douchebag talking about the different forms of travel. But I guess our parents are from a different country, so they're more likely to go to those places.

And we miss it because it's Corona season. We're really... Are you ready for my surprise? Let's distract them. I happen to be on Reddit. Oh, what? Really? Yes.

That's weird. And I saw a post about graffiti at pompeii okay um and as in graffiti from when pompeii ancient graffiti yes oh hell yeah from 2000 years ago so i would say 2002 i was like yeah that's pretty ancient um i did search to make sure it was true and real. I found some articles. I didn't find anything like a.edu or anything, but there was also nothing that was saying the stuff wasn't real. You didn't check JSTOR? I did not check JSTOR.

I was trying to come up with the name of it. I was like, what's that thing? But the post that they had made was from's from cashgar.com.au and it's and their blog. So apparently that's like a they sell that's like an online store, but they also have a blog like travel blog. Oh, OK. So this was part of their blog and it's the body graffiti of Pompeii and Herculaneum, which was another city that was swallowed up by the Soviets. Yeah, they don't get many of the credit, huh? No, they don't.

So first I'm going to read the one that's not as relevant. This is what was in the Reddit post title, but I need to include it because, yes, this was written at a brothel. This is graffiti from a brothel. This is a graffiti from a brothel. And it says, Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up.

Now it penetrates men's behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity. End of graffiti. That's good. Five stars. Five stars. Five stars. So I included that because that was like probably the funniest one

and the best one but um the thing is the reason why i wanted to include this was because of ones like this this is at the exterior of a small house gaius sabinus says a fond hello to statis traveler you eat bread in pompeii but you go to nukeria to drink at nukeria the drinking is better end of review it's like i just got chills it's the og yelp yeah it's in pompeii there's more this is at the house of cuspius panza i don't know how to i love it i'm trying the finance officer of the Emperor Nero says this food is poison. End of review.

The finance officer. So it's like a real life testimonial. Yes. This is amazing. This is at a woodworking shop of Potatus next to a bar. Would that you pay for all your tricks, innkeeper. You sell us water and keep the good wine for yourself.

End of review. Oh, he's giving them shitty tables. Oh yeah, I can see it. And then, um... This is at a Herculaneum bar. Two friends were here. While they were, they had bad service in every way from a guy named epaphroditus they threw him out and spent 105 and half sesterity most agreeably on whores

whoa and that was not me that was two other guys this isn't about me i promise and then here is the last one. At the Inn of the Mule Drivers. We have pissed in our beds. Host, I admit that we shouldn't have done this. If you ask why, there was no potty. End of review. Oh my god. Oh my gosh. That's it.

So we've got some nice ancient reviews. The oldest reviews we've had on the show. The oldest reviews. That's on the show. The oldest reviews. That's amazing. That's incredible. Thank you. I love the guy who is making all the women weep that his junk is going elsewhere. That's the one that was in the title of the Reddit post.

I'm like, that caught my attention. Man, that's perfect for this episode. Yeah, it was weirdly, it was like weird fate because it was the same day i was researching too so that's really crazy i and then i'm like why do people find this place boring i think it's so cool yeah i mean i know i'm kind of a nerd i guess but like it's so interesting to me i don't know whatever it is um like truly where do you find something else right and like that it's that it's all preserved in that way? Yeah. All right.

So, now, this last one I have is from Anna, who emailed some reviews of her favorite places in Italy. And Duomo, and a picture of her holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. So, that was cool. Good, good, good. So, thank you for that. Thank you. I didn't see it, but thank you. Thank you.

Because it's, you know, it's not leaning all that much, according to the one guy, but like it needs people like you to hold it up. So Duomo di Milano is the second largest cathedral in the world. Oh, and she mentioned how all the reviews about leaning Tower of Pisa were about not having pizza. Oh, yeah. So Duomo di Milano is her favorite cathedral. And here is one of the reviews.

One star by Schrodinger's Dog. Title is, Surrounded by pigeons and intimidating street hawkers approach with extreme caution. Before approaching or even considering approaching the area surrounding the Duomo, unassuming visitors should beware that the vicinity is swarming with thousands of pigeons that have long ago lost any fear of humans. Make no mistake, these pigeons will fly directly at your head or else within inches of your person, forcing you to take evasive action.

In so doing, however, you will inexorably place yourself in the flight path of another incoming pigeon, making eventual collisions with the evil creatures inevitable. As if this wasn't bad enough, you will have to contend also with aggressive street hawkers pursuing you through the streets as you scream through the clouds of pollution and pigeon feathers. A trial of strength for the pious, perhaps, but not one that I would put myself through again so long as I live.

May God have mercy on you all. Jesus Christ. And for you. one that i would put myself through again so long as i live may god have mercy on you all jesus christ some da vinci code shit but yeah i feel like if you read between the lines there is a code a secret code oh that was actually ancient graffiti on the wall it seriously sounds like it's a cloud of uh pollution as you scream through it like what what you know how ridiculous this person would look if any of that were true like that was actually happening oh it made me laugh um now i have a redemption should i read that before or do you have anything else okay just my challenge so we also got an email from taylor um who sent reviews of this place called largo d see this See, this is going to be bad.

Sorry, folks. Largo de Torre, Argentina. It's where Julius Caesar was famously stabbed to death on the Ides of March. It's also home... This is from Taylor. It's also home to an awesome cat sanctuary where the cats are free to roam the ruins. That's kind of cool. So here are a couple.

I picked five. These are all five-star reviews. are a couple. I picked five. These are all five-star reviews. I'm sorry. I picked three. These are all five-star reviews. The first one is by Demon Cat. I didn't come here, but I just saw a YouTube video about a cat here, and now I'm trying to find it. Five stars for entertaining me.

Okay. That's nice. Next one is by Daniela. Five stars. This place is amazing i saw it last time i was in italy but didn't get to stop in made up for it this time and visited no less than four times and even ended up adopting a cat from a distance for a year on my last visit they care for all the stray cats that live in the ancient ruins and even house many cats that cannot live outside due to health issues they provide corrective surgeries and spay and neuter all cats to prevent overpopulation.

The staff is very sweet and truly care about the cats and work on a volunteer-only basis. If you can, I highly recommend stopping by and adopting a cat at a distance. It will make you happier than you think and will impact that cat's life immensely. Beware, it does smell fairly strongly of cat urine but honestly that can't be helped with all the cats they care for end of review very understanding i like that i know so they're the only negative ones as taylor or taylor mentioned were the ones that were like it smells like cat piss and then there's one more by patrick five stars who is a local guide so was was Daniela.

But I like, wait, I like that. So you can adopt cats from a distance. Yeah, so I guess you just like pay to. You pay them and they're like, oh, well, this is yours. And you can like, like how you did with the. Shanti. Shanti. I have a brief update about that in a moment. Oh, yeah.

Five star review by Patrick. Professor Huffington and Sir Mandrake are two adorable kitties that you must make time to see. Be sure to bring merry offerings of mirth and catnip. End of review. And then there's a picture of the kitty. So those are just some like redeeming happy posts. So thank you

to Taylor and thank you to Anna. Thank you Taylor and Anna. And just a quick thing about Shanti. So yesterday, uh, I mean, by the way,

you guys have been so hilariously loving of Shanti and like, I'm so glad that you guys appreciate Shanti as much as I do. Um, yeah. And as much as Andy does and Shanti is just, I mean, I made Shanti Alexander's photo when he calls me. So Shanti just appears on the phone, which is great. yesterday alexander and my sister came over and they were sitting in

the living room my sister's like what's that painting and i was like oh you know what a listener in houston gave us to me she works at the houston zoo and the elephant one of the elephants paints obviously like she knew knows how much i love elephants this is the only time i like fully burst out crying actually two times once when someone gave me riley gave me a fallout boy a signed fallout boy t-shirt at a live show in kansas city and then secondly when i received this painting from an elephant so i was like look there's even a trunk print on the back and i turned it over and it literally said made by shanti the elephant's name is shanti i was like blown away because i was like i didn't even make that connection i love it so anyway now there's

two shanti sheifers in town yep watch out world watch out everybody that's all that's my update shanti crashed the server crashed the server shanti oh my god um okay brief update zany just showed me um something a marvelous mon who's one of my uh lovely twitch viewers um made this beautiful graphic it's shanti like you know stylized in green yeah two side by side shanties yeah it says crash the server shanti and then in the second pick shanti has these cool shades on yeah shanti's shades yeah so we'll post that maybe well by this point um let's post it we can post that today yeah and then so when you're listening to this it's our post from monday yeah oh my gosh yeah shanties are the best

mascot oh shanti and now there's two shanties and I just am so happy about it. Me too. Me too. All right. Challenge time? Yeah. Let's go into my challenge. So my challenge was to find reviews in which the person asked for a manager.

Who came up with that? Did someone come up with that? I came up with that. You came up with that? Yep. In my very own brain. We both came up with original things this week very rare current first i'm probably not gonna have anything original this week um unless i come up with a little bit you already don't know that you or you already don't have anything well edit that out let's see

this is a review by um deanna of the Bull in Worthing, England. One star. Titled, Awful. Don't waste your money. When you make a booking and receive a confirmation email and then enter the premises and get told the computer keeps going down so the booking has been lost, not a good start. We were told to go and get drinks. I asked if the pub were paying and was told no.

We were a family of five and ordered two mixed grill. I have never been so insulted in my life. The dinner was to celebrate my son's birthday and to celebrate Father's Day. There was no eggs on the plate. Eight chips each. The steak was so small I thought it was a sausage. No onion wedge. The chicken breast had been cut in half, and they had half each. I understand there was a wedding there in the day. Clearly, there was not enough food left. I asked for the seafood platter and was told there was none left. Was not told this when given menus.

Then I ordered the Caesar salad. It was disgusting. There was two small shavings of cheese. The gem lettuce used was all the core, so bitter. The only meal which was acceptable was a children's meal. My other son ordered the sausages and mash, and there was one spoon of mash. We all came home very hungry and had to eat when we got home. The meal, that's food only, came to 75 pounds. Disgusting. If my partner would have allowed me to take a picture

of his mixed grill, I would have reported you to trading standards for misrepresentation. You imagine the partner just swatting her camera away. Please stop. I'm sick of this. Take a picture of your mixed grill. It is against the sale of goods act to misrepresent i expect an email detailing why this happened to us and review you expect an email detailing why this hot why they gave you shitty lettuce yeah that's my that's my version of um hopefully that's acceptable it is because you are requesting communication right

yes okay good via a review which is not going to happen it just goes left it just gets i don't know like the whole thing my favorite part was they were like we were told to go and get drinks because this the system was down yeah and so and they were like well are you guys paying for the drinks and they're like no why would we pay for the drinks? Oh, I didn't even catch that. Yeah, they said, we were told to go and get drinks. I asked if the pub were paying and was told no. What an insane thought.

They're like, while you wait for your table, go grab a drink. I just keep picturing like this is like a mouse restaurant because they're getting like eight french fries each and like a piece, a little tiny spoonful of mash. And I hate how they were like, oh, yeah, I know there's a wedding there today, but I expect the best of the best. I want my shrimp now. I need everything to be perfect. And yeah, so they gave everything one star. One star value, one star atmosphere, one star service, one star food.

Everything. They were not happy about this. No, no. I wonder if they ever got that email, lol. All right. My next one is of Center Park's Woburn Forest in Bedford, England. This is by Neil. One star titled, Swimmer's Itch.

Uh-oh. So been to CP loads of times. Always fine. Went this time and woke up next day covered in spots. Did some research and found it to be swimmer's itch. Look it up. Disgusting. Tropical paradise it isn't. Water contaminated by microscopic larvae. My wife commented on loads of kids with spots and scabs. And no, it wasn't chickenpox. I've had it and we know the difference. Went to medical center. They didn't know what it was. They asked me and I suggested

maybe bed bugs or dust mites. They said would get someone over to check bedding, etc. Which they did only to dismantle the beds, leave all the bedding on the floor in our and our children's bedroom. So we came home around 5 p.m to an uninhabitable lodge at that point we gave up and came home a night early and checked out on 5th of november center parks management oak 454 so i expect an email and compensation also gross a b it sounds like someone was swimming in the venice canals yes c larva that's too many yeah bad words in there huh yeah that's just like really not great yeah so gross thanks neil um my next one is a one-star review of harrah's laughlin in nevada wow what is that harrah's like a casino oh it's like a the chain

got it that's how you say it right harrah's i don't know h-a-r-r-h sounds right laughlin sure in nevada i know how to sing nevada yeah well you also knew how to pronounce eau claire so yeah i don't want to talk about it yeah i thought we'd be honest with you okay this is a one-star review by Sheldon titled Worst Birthday of My Life. I came for my birthday to stay here, being first-time visitor potentially last time. I loved the property and staff. I even filled out survey cards for a few of the staff. However, security, for no reason whatsoever, evicted me from the casino before the end of my

stay on my birthday. I'm sorry to spit everywhere. My favorite is when you say they had no reason whatsoever. It's so stupidly vague. There's nothing that I did at all, I promise. It just happened out of nowhere. I was just minding my own business. His reason was because I was calling security too much. Security is there for a reason to help out hotel guests. I needed an escort from security down to the pool due to being harassed by other hotel guests. Every other security staff was fine, but this guy had a negative attitude the whole time. Evicted me from my room without even me letting find my roommate. I didn't even get a chance to get my passport.

So once I was evicted, I was stuck in the rain and could not get a hotel room anywhere else due to not being allowed back on hotel property to get my passport. This was the worst birthday experience I ever had. There was no reason for me to be treated the way I was. And by my own bodyguard. I want to come back and visit other Hera properties, but after this issue, I am very scared. Furthermore, I called two days in a row for my passport and still have not heard anything. I expect an email or phone call. Sheldon,

and then included their phone number and email um should we call them they went to Arizona State that's an Arizona State University email address oh the mystery deepens and there is actually a response oh my own are ready hello I believe we have addressed this issue with you over the phone end of response oh shit oh shit yep that's what happens when you ask for a manager after you have done something really wild arizona state student traveling with friends to a casino in nevada on their birthday getting on their birthday getting kicked out of their room because they were being harassed by other guests for no reason whatsoever and they needed a personal escort to the pool and every single time and and the response from the guest relations manager wasn't apologetic it was simply we've dealt with

this move on we've fedexed you your passport yeah please don't come back here i love when they threaten like i don't like i want to go back but i don't think i here. I love when they threaten, like, I want to go back, but I don't think I will. And they're like, oh, sorry, did you not catch that you're not allowed to? You were kicked out? Hello? Nobody's going to let you back. Yikes. Okay. I have one more. Thankfully ending on a more positive

note. Well, kind of. This is a review of Rev's Smokehouse in Somerville, South Carolina. This is its only review. This is from 2012. And this place is no longer open. This is a review by Aaron, four stars. I loved this place.

We got food from there very often. Then one day, my husband had a craving. I went to pick up some food, and the doors were locked. I was very disappointed. If the owner or cook is able to read this can you please send me the recipe for the cornbread cheesy onion thing it was amazing we're actually moving to las vegas june 3rd courtesy of the air force and if you open a new place we won't be able to eat there please email me the recipe i'm so good at keeping secrets oh and they included their email i'm so

good at keeping secrets yeah erin i hope you got that or at least figure out your own version of the recipe i hope you're okay because it seems like you're very gung-ho about this recipe sad huh though i know it is a little bit i love how they put four stars like what like for a place that was already closed like holding one ransom like yeah holding one ransom. Yeah, it's like, if you open up again, I'll change it to five. If you open up again. For me. No, I hope Aaron figured it out. And I hope the business owners of Rev's Smokehouse figured their stuff out.

Maybe they have another restaurant somewhere. Maybe she, like, financed the entire thing. Maybe, maybe. I would think maybe she's an angel investor. She's not good at keeping i mean we can all tell she's not very good at keeping secrets so i think we'd probably know if she were an angel investor on anything i might have to email her and uh ask for that see if she ever got that uh recipe yeah it i'm curious though because i'd also like it now now

i want it also is wild to me that people just put their phone number and email and like don't get me wrong i understand that you can like google most people's but it is you're just kind of putting your yeah private info out there it's bold it's pretty bold uh yeah yeah yeah yeah well that's it for me oh my goodness i love that it was ending on like a i know a totally different angle i'm glad i found that one because it very much felt like okay this is this is nice and refreshing oh my gosh i'm just so pleased i'm so pleased um well thank you for stepping up to my challenge okay i paused it thinking we would need a minute but actually both of us are prepared once again for once maybe we're finally becoming real podcasts for a second let me sorry we're getting there okay so i have a theme for you uh this one was sent in by aaron uh and the theme is

garbage plates in rochester new york garbage plates you know what that is um yes that's we talked about that didn't we maybe so aaron says traditionally it is either two cheeseburgers hamburgers italian sausages chicken red or white hot dogs served over any combination of two home fries french fries baked beans and or macaroni salad traditionally it is then topped with a meat hot sauce mustard and onions and so jenna marbles is from rochester and i remember she and julian at one point did like a vegan garbage plate episode. What? Yeah, it was very funny. I need to watch that.

And so I don't know. A lot of it is really overwhelming to my palate, I think, but I'd probably eat it anyway. So she says, so Erin says, this is an awesome local staple and the people in the Rochester area have very strong opinions on their plates with a capital P, by the way. I'm sure you guys can find some great material out there. Our minor league baseball team even has weekly plate nights each season where the mascot is a garbage plate instead of the usual red wing. Love that.

So it was after we did the Runza episode where Aaron was like, you got to try this. Hopefully you're still around to hear this. I know. Hopefully you haven't left us yet. So I think that would be a fun theme for us. I love it. I love it.

Great. And I remember where I've heard of it. I love it. Great. And I remember where I've heard of it. The YouTube channel Great Big Story. They have like very short like usually zero to five minute videos but they have some longer ones where they just highlight something in the world and they did one on garbage plates. It was like two minutes. I saw that. So go check that out if you want a little brief history and intro into it. Great. No, that's a great one. Garbage plates in Rochester.

Okay. What's my challenge? So your challenge is from Jimmy Mack, who says, Hello, team. Thank you for the amazing show. You all have been an inspiration for my teaching. I have made student lesson plans for students to do dramatic readings of primary sources. What?

I love that. How fun. I wish you were my teacher. Yeah, I know, right? You should teach them about the Pantheon. Yes. I hear it has a nice hole. It's a big hole or something.

Before teaching, I used to work in marketing for a college campus and had to respond to the Google reviews for the campus dining. So here's the challenge is reviews of college dining halls where it's the parent that leaves a review uh the place of review instead of the student oh i'm excited i love all the ones like this where it's like hospital cafeteria or places where you don't necessarily think of the food right away i and like the idea of these parents like probably so many like karens who are complaining oh i'm gonna ask mom she had a review for every freaking place we went because they only serve junk and they only serve taco bell and i was like that's what i want yeah

but it's like also for me that was literally like just because of how i ate like there were healthy options yeah but i didn't know i know and mom was like and she was always mad at the thing and i'm like yes yes you're right your anger out's the school's fault that I drink. I started drinking cherry Coke every single day for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's their fault that I can buy Monster and Rockstar with my dining dollars. Exactly. So I'm going to I'm going to check on mom and see if she still remembers any of her one stars.

I remember when you came to Redlands to drive me back to Ohio and I had extra money. So we went to the little student store and like loaded up on garbage to like for our trip. And then I was helping him move out and I found just like piles of like Twizzlers under the mattress. Okay. Well, you know what? It was a fun weekend. We drove all the way back. We had a fun road trip.

Went to the Grand Canyon. Oh my God, we did. And we went to the world's largest my god we did and um we went to the world's largest candy store we did we ate a lot of junk that trip

that was fun that was fun anyway thank you everybody for listening um we will be back atcha

next week with some garbage yep talk to you soon bye bye everyone you