Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 86: Climbing Gyms in Colorado Springs, Colorado

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

We're back with possibly the most garrulous podcast in existence. Are we using that right? Anyway, help Christine reach her goal of terminal velocity and help Alexander reach his goal of man spreading all over the internet. We promise the experience will be anything but lugubrious! Ok, no, that definitely can't be right. Where's my thesaurus... Subscribe to Alex's YouTube channel to watch his Joe Exotic transformation! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyamOY_uT2j3KM_wDCOSLNQ Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode 86 of Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion my name is christine my name is alex hi everyone welcome this week's happy to have you here theme this week's theme is climbing gyms in colorado springs colorado it sure is and my challenge from josie was to find a review where the reviewer genuinely apologizes for the behavior of who they were with at the place being reviewed I had a blast with that one really okay because they were actually okay I found one negative one but didn't use it because it was like I don't know would have taken me an hour to get through so um they were all positive instead oh well that's kind of a

refreshing I have an update before we get into climbing gyms good then i i have an update as well what's yours okay wait why don't you tell yours first yours is more important okay so for those who don't know we did um a special stream on my twitch channel for my haircut and made me to look like joe exotic and it was a whole thing we raised over two thousand dollars for uh the lgbtq freedom fund so thank you to everyoneotic and it was a whole thing. We raised over $2,000 for the LGBTQ Freedom Fund. So thank you to everyone who donated. It was an incredible time. I had a blast. Anyway,

I created like a somewhat of a highlight video. It includes a bleaching process that wasn't shown and it includes footage from the stream. So if you want to watch that, you can subscribe to my new YouTube channel now i have one too we're just kind of spread i'm spreading all over the place i'm just man spreading man

spreading man spreading my way through the internet um yeah it's uh xandy schieffer x a n d y schieffer i have two subscribers right now um i'm one of them you're one of them yeah i'm gonna upload it uh on the day that this episode goes live sometime in the probably morning so hopefully y'all are uh interested in watching me get my hair cut because it was lots of fun and i had lots of fun editing that video if you're not interested in watching him get his hair cut maybe you're interested in me cutting someone's hair so you can watch it for that purpose as well yes it's also entertaining for that i also wanted to add that we got an email. This is my update. This was sent in by Mary. Okay, this is like big hot intel right off

the press. This is the subject is Target Sheets. And Mary says, Hey, Christine and Alex, I'm listening to your listener episode talking about the Target Sheets smelling like burgers and onions. I used to work at Target and they also had slippers that smelled that way i thought someone hid a burger in the shoes for weeks until i realized we kept trying to send them back and they said they were fine haven't heard this about the sheets though love your podcast mary weird oh my god i hadn't seen that it could conspiracy goes all the way to the top. It deepens to the top. It deepens all the way to Mary's role at the top of head of target. Head of target.

We got the head of target. I'm pretty sure that's what Mary does. To weigh in on this crazy saga. Wow. That is something. I just was very interested in that. So anyway, thank you, Mary, for the update. Yes.

Thank you for that insight. And now I'm ready to record if you are. I'm ready. Why don't you go first, though here's the problem i really struggled with this theme that's weird i did not at all well okay i only found three but they're like solid some places just don't have yelp like don't have much on yelp oh yeah yeah and then I did use a couple emails from listeners, but they were on Google. So I'm worried that you have the same ones, if that makes sense. Yeah.

So I found gyms in Colorado Springs that came up when I typed in climbing gyms. So I figured... They might have a wall. They might have a wall, like in the bathroom or something. Dad's gym in Ohio, like random blue ash gym had a climbing wall and it was actually like decent okay well maybe that's the case let's pretend so i started doing that so this is a review of iron horse physical fitness center one star by michael if you want to know what it feels like to grab thunder and arm wrestle zeus's dick with your butt wait wait wait wait

Grab Thunder and Arm-Wrestle Zeus's Dick with Your Butt. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Go on. I need to hear this. If you want to know what it feels like to grab Thunder and Arm-Wrestle Zeus's Dick with Your Butt, go here. So you can witness a bunch of 11 Bang Bangs demonstrate how large their upper body is while hiding the fact they haven't done legs in a while because of the solar eclipse. End of review. Excuse me? bang bangs is that is that something i googled that it didn't come up with anything that made sense i thought i was the only one who called like who was considered a bang bang with my upper i have my upper body strength i didn't i just didn't know that word had gotten around to colorado springs yet Maybe people do call you that.

So I guess maybe it's just manspread all over the internet. Manspread all over the internet. Like your YouTube channel. Anyway, I didn't even know what the hell that was. So there it is for you and your ears. I did enjoy that he was not wrestling Zeus's dick with his butt, but arm wrestling it. That's a good point i don't know where the arms come in and i don't think i want to i don't either your turn yay my turn um

this is a review of city rock uh this is a one-star review by rafael okay let me just check real quick because i definitely use some city rock one from well i have three city rock ones so cool cool cool cool cool so we probably did the same one anyway it's not this one so go ahead okay let's read this one is it the james is it a long one yes it is a long one but i don't remember the name on it does it start with worst climbing gym ever in all caps yes oh yeah but that one was sent in by julia so instead when you read it we can just give julia credit for it perfect okay here's what rafael has to say well it has enough walls challenges and ropes but the staff is rude and abrasive sometimes i brought a superior from work

who has climbing experience and the staff threatened to fail him on the belay test for doing a tiny joke answering the question. End of review. It's like, do you have any illnesses? Yeah, sometimes I just like faint in midair. Ha ha ha ha. No, we're not going to let you climb this large wall. The fact that this person gets upset that the gym is taking safety seriously. Excuse you.

He doesn't get my sense of humor. It's like that's not the place to test out your new joke, your new stand up routine. Exactly. And in the owner's response, they did say we do take we do take testing seriously as if they have to explain that. That's one of those weird insults where they're like i guess that's sort of a positive actually like i think maybe that's a good thing that we don't like his hilarious jokes during our important training thing is like if you go to a new gym they are not going to know you they don't know how experienced you are they don't know that you've been climbing for whatever number of years so they're gonna have to test you yeah but it's rafael superior so they should have known superior he's next level i mean the number of belay tests i've had to take and i'm not even

that experienced but like it's just normal that's just the way it goes oh yeah alexander rock climbs yeah in case you not right now not right now um earlier when you said maybe it has a wall and I said yeah maybe in the bathroom I thought you were joking like maybe there's just like a wall to climb oh and so I was like haha yeah maybe like a bathroom stall and then you were like yeah like dad's gym has like a and I went oh I'm an idiot okay I didn't hear you say the bathroom well you'll hear it when editing goes through. That's hilarious. I don't know how I missed that.

I think I was just thinking. Because you were explaining a real thing. And I was just muttering under my breath about climbing bathroom stalls. So I just want to apologize in advance for that line. Liz and I would go to that gym that dad used. And they had a legitimate climbing. Up in Blue Ash? They had a few ropes and everything.

Yeah. Was that the Blue Ash gym? That was a very intense place i was like very impressed that was back when i actually worked out and i was like damn this place is legit bad times but then they were like you're an adult so you can't like come here for free anymore just because he's your dad so bye bye jim um okay i was like i just want to climb the bathroom stalls a few times while i wait for my dad to finish his personal training routine on the treadmill or whatever remember when dad discovered what an elliptical was and like kept explaining it to me and i was like yeah i know what that is i think so oh he's like i read the new yorker while i do my elliptical oh christ okay anyway um this is a so this happened again where now i'm at a and i didn't even realize these were not climbing

gyms at first i just read the reviews so this is lifetime fitness and this is a one-star review by md terrible place don't go i was injured there at the outdoor pool by a flying tent i was injured there at the outdoor pool by a flying tent i'm suing them for negligence end of review a tent so at first i was thinking like camping like someone's camping on the gym property now i'm like okay maybe they just had some sort of setup with like smoothie samples underneath yeah yeah i think that must be what it is because if you're in the pool at a gym it must be the smoothie the smoothie tent coming in buy our smoothies oh my god yeah like poking him right in the eye um so uh yeah i mean he says he's i feel i've

developed this theory where i think the more vocal you are on the internet about suing someone the less likely it is that you're actually suing them because i think writing i'm suing them has more weight to it than like you know actually doing it behind the scenes or at least i think writing i'm suing them has more weight to it than like you know actually doing it behind the scenes or at least i think it does on yelp yeah um so i have a feeling this i like that theory the suing didn't actually happen but um i just love that i love that the number of people who say they're suing people i'm like there's no way there's no because then yelp legal like yelp legal would be an entire different like law practice that renee would probably have majored in i don't think you

major in anything i don't really know how it works but anyway what type what type of law are you in uh you know the online reviews kind the online the one star one one star protection suits. Anyway. But yeah, I feel like it's just people trying to get something out of it. Yeah, to make like a make a statement. Yeah. And or maybe having the gym response saying like, oh, I'm so sorry. Please take this free whatever or take this.

Yes, don't sue us. We'll give you a refund. It's like when people think it has weight to say like i'm gonna review you on yelp and then they're like and then he looked so scared and i'm like i'm sure i'm sure the owner of walmart looked so scared that you're gonna comment about him on yelp they gave me some free chips and salsa because of it they gave me a free smoothie after it got fished out of the pool your turn all. Alright, my next review is by Josh One Star of City Rock. The staff is lugubrious

with very little knowledge about lead climbing. They tend to have little respect towards the customers and grunt at the fact that they have to do anything along the lines of their job description. They are garrulous when explaining simple ideas such as belaying or how the harness works my recommendation is to leave city rock and go straight to springs climbing center where respect of the climbing is given and a review and where they give you a free thesaurus whenever you

use their elliptical. This is, okay, first of all, that was also emailed to us. So I just want to, so I'm actually glad because I suddenly had six reviews and I was like, this is a lot. But so now we're sharing some of them. You're like, yeah, that's hilarious. Let me see who sent this in. Oh, Grant.

He says, I have something with like 85 commas and then says, you may want with like 85 dot dot dots. And then said that they audibly screamed and almost crashed their car when we said we were doing Colorado Springs and then sent this review. So also thank you to Grant who found that same beautiful. Thank you, Grant. Geraless. Wow. Yeah. I actually.

Legubrious. I did. I did Google both of those. So. Can you describe what they mean to me?. Ligubrious. I did. I did Google both of those. So. Can you describe what they mean to me? Yeah. Ligubrious. If I remember correctly, was like lacking interest, like was looking or sounding sad and dismal.

Okay. And then garrulous is excessively talkative. Wow. Especially on trivial matters. talkative. Wow. Especially on trivial matters. So listen to what they thought that the staff was excessively talkative, especially on trivial matters. Okay. Okay. Hold on. I want to request first. Hey, can you use it in a sentence? Absolutely. I have one right here. They are garrulous when explaining simple ideas such as belaying or how the harness works oh i see literally literally when it comes to the most important safety aspects how to not fall off a mountain

when they're the most important safety aspects they are quote excessively talkative especially on trivial matters um so this person thinks that uh how the harness works and belaying are trivial matters oh my god oh my god and for those who don't know belaying is when you're at the bottom holding the rope keep it basically keeping the person who's climbing alive and not plummeting to their death yeah and the harness if you don't have that harness on right what the hell that's not good worthless argument yeah oh my I just, I can't with those words. Ligubrious.

I mean, wow. I like to have both of those words in one paragraph is like, what are you trying to prove, Josh? I mean, oh, but the voice you used, too, though. That was like reminiscent of Hat Guy again from a comic book store. My zine is better than anyone's zine. It's more lugubrious than all of your zines combined well i think that josh is the uh chief editor of the uh zine climbing weekly but i mean weekly oh my god the thesaurus this guy must have okay um let's see okay so I'm glad you did those two um so let's see I have now one

this is of a climbing gym technically in California I'm sorry about that Christina my typed in I just because then I was so frustrated that I couldn't find I literally found nothing like is it my gym which one is it um no I just typed in climbing gym so frustrated that I couldn't find I literally found nothing. Is it my gym? Which one is it? No, I just typed in climbing gym on Yelp to see what would happen. And the first one had a good one. So I just clicked it. I was very frustrated because I literally hadn't found one single one.

So I just was like, I need to find a climbing gym review. So I found one. And this is one star by Peter. I'm so sorry, everyone, by the way. This is of the wall climbing gym review so i found one um and this is one star by peter i'm so sorry everyone by the way this is of the wall climbing gym in vista california which is near colorado sort of this is one star by peter i was here with the kids to have them climb one of the workers rudely told us to get out of the gym area after one of the kids touched something that almost fell. Well, if it was properly secured, that wouldn't have been an issue, so probably not the safest place anyway. After I asked why didn't someone tell us, then he said, well,

there is a sign. But we were right there in front of you for five mins while you watched us? What a smart ass he was. He could have explained nicely the situation instead of snap at me rude then he tried to stare me down he climbs for a living i teach jujitsu for a living if only my kids weren't with me dot dot dot oh my god that is not what i expected to hear not quite plans for living well guess what mr what i do i teach jujitsu like wait what wait hold on what is that i i fail to see the parallel here but you you do you do something that uh requires physical strength and so do i and so do i but i have kids here that's the only thing stopping me from breaking you in two. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, I hate how people think that's a good look for them.

You know, like. To like threaten someone vaguely. Yeah. On the internet. I, someone in, I remember someone in high school was like, like we were arguing about something dumb. Like it wasn't anything. That sounds about right.

Like just typical high school stuff. And his argument was literally i could beat you up and i was like i know i was like i didn't know what to say i was like yeah i know you'd be like do it and you if you knew me in high school like of course you could like nobody's arguing that you were gonna beat them up it's so weird also it's not it's not impressive to say i could beat you up it's's like, okay, well then do it. Like, I don't understand. Okay.

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I just love that he's like, oh, he says there's this. Also, my kid touched something that almost fell. Well, it clearly wasn't secured properly. It's like, oh, okay. I see. So your kid's not the problem. And I will say that the owner did respond. And I'm not going to read the whole thing,

but it was really kind, like way kinder than my initial thought and then they said very gently that children are not allowed in the fitness area which is stated in their orientation and on several signs but they said they are so disappointed when things like this happen and they will be having one-on-one sessions with employees to ensure it never happens again then they extended a one-month membership to everyone in his family so i was like geez this is a nice guy this shit works yeah unfortunately i know unfortunately um but so that was that on that so if you happen to be in vista california wherever that is good luck i assume that's probably near la ish because i feel like anytime i type something in on yelp it automatically directs me to the la area but i don't know maybe vista is in is where yelp is headquartered oh

they're just trying to draw you into their little center i don't know yelp headquarters san francisco oh it is california what a surprise oh i know I know. No, but Vista is closer to like San Diego, I believe. Okay. Well, it's in San Diego County. Yeah. Just checked. Okay. Anyway, your turn. Sorry. Okay. Yes. So this is my last one, but I promise you it is a doozy. I'm excited. I'm going to use a fake name. I'm going to use a name Tina for the, there's someone named in the review that I'd like to make a fake name for is what I'm saying. Okay.

So this is a one-star review by James. Is this one Julia also sent? Yes. Thank you, Julia. Okay, got it. Cool. Worst climbing gym ever. I've been a climber for going on 10 years and a member with six companies,

over 20 actual gyms all across the US and have probably climbed with every pro climber in America you've ever heard of. Oh, so zero. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you. Sorry, continue. I can't say it's zero for me, but... Oh, I know. You probably get the zine, the weekly zine. Not to mention climbing in all styles and many outdoor areas all across the country. The experience I've had at City Rock is beyond awful. After two months of paying full price for partial access to this mediocre at best facility, I have had multiple experiences with an employee.

Shoulder length brown hair, dark glasses, exceptionally glib, and a royal case of resting bitch face was super rude to me twice. The first time, she all but told me to get the hell out of the gym when they were closed for a day for renovations how did he get in she's like please leave there's a crane coming

your way and it's also sounds like this wasn't the first run-in that this employee has no had with this person oh god i chose not to complain about this experience at the time as i figured i would let it go after the second experience i must relay this nonsense i was in the gym bouldering tina approached me yet again to tell me to remove my headphones as she was concerned she would not be able to get my attention an action she had literally just completed. This is terrible. Oh my god, Tina, you bitch. How dare you.

And I love how it says approach me yet again. Yet, oh, see, this is the problem. You're right. Like, they're clearly indicating that this is an ongoing issue and they're just not, they're choosing to ignore several details. This employee doing their job is not the one at fault okay like tina doesn't want to approach you nobody probably wants to approach you yeah she told me in an exceptionally blunt tone that i would be kicked out of the gym should i wear a second headphone? This policy was just enacted and was clearly written by someone with a personal vendetta against headphones. The only language posted in the gym about it is written

most passive-aggressively, basically implies people who listen to headphones while at the climbing gym are somehow less than. If I had to guess, I imagine City Rock's management could not adequately define five different scenarios that this policy of staff needing to communicate with an on-route boulderer would even be implemented. The long and the short of this is, headphones at the gym are a problem because the gym's management is making it a problem. Upon being treated so vindictively for absolutely no reason by Tina, in conjunction with the lackluster experience regarding the ongoing renovations, I, along with four of my family members, will be canceling our memberships and going to Pure. Hope your 100% pointless policy is worth thousands of dollars to you.

Like it literally seems they've gone with this policy to give the staff something to do. As in, be the headphone Gestapo. I can confidently say this is the worst climbing gym ever. By the way, do yourself a favor and fire team end of review poor tina i mean really tina just wanted a summer job and oh james is an asshole like how uh how insane of a person do you have to be to compare a climbing gym staff to Nazis because of their headphone. But did you see Alexander how passive aggressively the sign was written? Because I think you'll change your mind because you know how the Gestapo is traditionally very passive aggressive.

And if you read the sign, it doesn't even have a smiling face on it. It just says, please don't wear two headphones. It doesn't even say bra in it come on no i mean this is just insane it's just bad i mean and to like call out a specific member of the staff and say you should fire them that's so fucked up tina here did not create this policy no leave tina alone tina is enforcing a policy so that you don't die yeah and also like personally when i climb i do wear headphones i've never been like my gyms have never had that policy but it based on what james is saying it's just one earbud in like if you have one in you're okay yeah yeah like i i don't get it like i don't get it if there's a rule just fucking do it yeah but that's the same people who don't wear masks because how dare you

tell them to wear masks so passive aggressively like that's just the same kind of attitude that doesn't make logical sense and it's for your safety but like people still don't give a shit yeah there was a response from the owner oh okay good um so i'm not going to read the whole thing and also i did cut out i think a paragraph or two or two of James's because it was just way too much rambling. But here we go. This is a response from the owner. Thank you for your patience while I discuss the situation with my employee and her manager before replying to your email. I believe it only fair to discuss situations with everyone involved.

So I just want to make a note. I assume that's what they wrote before they continue to finish the review. Oh, I see. To like say, hey, I hear you. I'm going to discuss situations with everyone involved. So I just want to make a note. I assume that's what they wrote before they continue to finish the review to like, say, Hey, I hear you. I'm going to discuss it. We'll get back to you. Sure. And here we go. It's clear that you are very angry with the way you were treated. And I'm sorry. You felt as though you were belittled. That is never our intention. I've discussed and coached the employee in question on the best way to approach our guests. When discussing a safety policy, thank you for the opportunity to do this. I will not be relieving this employee of her duties. I believe in coaching and correcting, not simply terminating people.

Sometimes how we think we are presenting ourselves and the perception of others doesn't quite match up. I would like to clarify why we ask that our guests don't wear two headphones. I understand that there may be other gyms that don't have this policy, but there are other gyms that do. Pure is an awesome place to climb, and we support our fellow climbing gyms. Pure and City Rock are also very different gyms. We have roped climbing here, including auto belays, and there is a very high rate of injury slash accidents with this type of climbing. We find it a best practice to limit headphones to only one so we are able to communicate with our climbers in case of an emergency. Climbing is inherently dangerous and risk mitigation is something we take very seriously.

Yeah, so like... Smiley face. Smiley face. Auto blaze or like where you don't have somebody... Do you remember when I did that and I got stuck? Yes, I do. Because I was so scared. It wasn't hilarious.

You were freaking... I had like a panic attack. Well, because you get to the top attack and you're like you have to trust this machine and it's funny like because the machine is like like they're fail safes and everything like you're safer than most of the person and yet it doesn't feel that way which is why i did it because i was like oh well this way i don't have to like freak anyone out who's trying to belay me at the bottom it'll just be a machine then i got to the top and they were like well you just have to throw your body off of this wall let go i was like what do you mean let go i can't just let go

so then i started climbing down and everyone freaked and was like christine you have to like jump off like no you don't do that i was really freaky i was like i was gonna you need to get an employee which i never do i'm like so conflict averse or like i don't want to be a bother but i'm like i'm gonna you have to get employee you're like i'm not getting an employee i was like you have to get an employee because i'm going to be up here for the rest of the day yeah um and so eventually i don't know what happened but you ended up just coming down your poor friend was there like liz was there like um what do we do i mean liz but liz is like so encouraged she's like the best to climb with because she's so encouraging and like this is sweetest no matter what's going on there was like there were multiple

people laughing because I remember I looked around I just kind of hung out up there yeah I hung out out there for a long time because I couldn't get down and then I looked around people were just kind of watching for a while and I was like well this has just become a spectacle um I mean there's so Christina there's so many worse things you can do in a climbing gym don't worry you could be like james oh no crying on top of a wall it was so bad anyway good times i got down and i vowed never to do that again so here i am on the ground the safe safe ground it's because like when you have someone belaying for you you can let go and you can feel yourself the tension is there yeah but if you're using an auto blade if you let go you just start dropping and like your rope auto blade if you let go you just start

dropping and like your rope is slack until you like go a certain drop a certain amount and so my whole body my whole like intuition slash body was like well don't fucking throw yourself off this wall yeah because then i started to kind of drop and you were like no you have to like push off you have to like really just let yourself just like float to the ground. It's not like plummet makes it sound like you're going like at terminal velocity. But that's what it is for like 0.2 seconds until it stops. That's not how it works. That's not how terminal velocity works, but yes. Okay, anyway, point being I understand why they say don't put into headphones because

maybe we need you to pay attention to the rules and like if there's something wrong yeah exactly um but there's so i'm gonna read the last paragraph i value feedback from our customers but would encourage you to contact management prior to slanderous internet reviews containing individuals first names i find it completely unnecessary and very inappropriate should you choose to terminate your membership we'll be happy to refund your june membership dues as well as the initiation fee you paid in april of this year additionally we can continue this conversation via email should you feel the need again thank you for the feedback we at city rock hope you continue to enjoy climbing as much as we do thank you heather so other responses are so much more professional and like courteous than

any of them wow why am i deserve these responses but it just shows right it shows like the level of bullshit these companies have to put up with but also like the high road that they take and yeah it's it's impressive honestly and that's what i said about climbing just before you did this they're chill places generally like generally and the people who work there the people who are there i've never had an actual bad experience um i'm sure they've they happen but like generally they're pretty chill places like they're not trying to ruin your day yeah you know at least most of the time um i will also say you did change um you changed the name right of the employees yeah okay cool just curious i made i made tina up because i'm thinking bobs burgers today for some reason oh cute man poor tina now i'm just

even sadder for tina um but i have a one more here this was sent in by aaron um who says hi x sibs which is fun like love that letter x i don't know much about rock climbing gyms here but i see people climbing a lot in the garden of the gods so i'm attaching a one-star review of this beautiful free attraction in our city so this is a review so thank you aaron this is a review. So thank you, Aaron. This is a one-star review of, what's it called? Gods? Garden of the Gods. Garden of the Gods. Yeah.

Justin gave it a one-star review. It seems to be a common statement that Garden of the Gods is the highlight of Colorado Springs. If that really is true, then it's a perfect representation of the repulsive, laughable, and downright appalling nature that is Colorado Springs and really all of Colorado. This is literally nothing but a pile of rocks. Unlike the beach, which is a different experience every time you attend and contains a countless amount of adventures to be had, these pebbles don't change. They don't change during the seasons, they don't change during weather conditions, yet on every repeat visit it always manages to feel like that feeling of disappointment that there's less to experience this trip than the one before, despite having nothing noteworthy on the original trip to begin with. How is that possible? Colorado Springs finds

a way. I mean, what can you actually do with a pile of rocks? The only possible answer you've come up with is climb them, but guess what? You can't even climb the damn things without going through the hassle of getting a permit the worst part though is the fact that the locals make a bunch of crap up just to make excuses for the fact that such a cruddy little area exists where they live crap like these rocks look like kissing camels um no is that real i assume it must be right like two rocks that look like that? I don't know. Oh my god, it's real. Does it look like that? Aw, yeah.

It does? I mean, yeah. Like, I can see it. If you squint. If you squint. Well, okay. No, I think so. Why not?

Crap like, these rocks look like kissing camels. Um, no, they don't. Really, they don't. Even the offensively pompous title of this place sucks. If this place is truly a land of gods, then a walkthrough of this area will convert you to atheism faster than reading a book by Richard Dawkins or Christopher Hitchens. Yeah, it's free, but so is drinking your own urine. Doesn't mean it's worth doing. If you've never been here before and have only been within 100 miles of this area,

then you've been there far too many times than necessary. End of review. What an exhausting life. I know. I know. To be so angry about something that's not even like intended intentionally at you. It's so cynical.

Like, come on. I mean, maybe like for some reason there's something very personal going on here. Like this place has been pushed on them their whole life and this is where they got dumped also yes just a lot going on so they might just have things going on in their life you know i'll give them a little bit of benefit of the doubt but leave the kissing camels alone they actually kind of look like the more i look i have it up on my second monitor here i i see it oh these camels are lovely they're forever in love too i'm putting

this on my second monitor aka my cell phone kissing camel oh it's kind of cute right like someone looked at that and was like to me they look like turtles you know like turtles with big shells no i think it looks like look at the one on the left looks like a camel lying down you know yeah it looks like a turtle to me i don't see the turtles as much as camels i actually see camels more well comment below with what you see anyway yeah so that's that i i do like that they somehow expect that like the beach the pebbles should change every time they show up. It's a really weird thing to request of a rock formation that it be different every time you show up.

Yeah. That's literally not the point. Not the point. And also, like, what can you do with a pile of... What do you expect? What do you want to do? Put a condo building there? Like, I don't understand, like, what purpose?

Yeah. Wait. How many times have they been there? Why do they keep going probably that's where they their true love left them on at the altar under the kissing camels when they sleepwalk at night and end up there they find that's right subconsciously they're drawn there which is why they're so angry at the place We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world. We share to each other.

I am future. I wait in the world of echo. Discover the extraordinary with echo. The spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil opens May 8th under the big top at Toronto Lake shore Boulevard West tickets at Cirque du Soleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them.

Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. Okay. Time for my challenge? Yes. Let's fucking go. Josie, thank you for this one.

I like this one. It was to find a review where the reviewer genuinely apologizes for the behavior of who they were with at the place being reviewed. So part of this also was I said that I would try to find a review where they apologized for their own behavior. And I did find one. Oh, okay. And I'm going to read that first. Okay.

So this is like a two-parter or three-parter. Sorry. It's a review, a response, and then the apology. So ready? Yep. The first one was a five-star review. June 17th, 2019. This is a five-star review of an optometrist in Daly City, California, written by Kelly.

Five stars. I called and was given an appointment within two days. Front desk clerk was very nice, as well as a doctor. After the exam, I was given a trial pair of contact lenses. I was then informed that they can order my lenses and they will hold my prescription. I would have liked to get my prescription, so I may search different prices, but overall, great place, and for a year of lenses, it would be $300 with a mail-in rebate of $50. That seems pretty cheap, but again, would like to have had the option to see if anything was cheaper. Great experience overall, getting ready to call and order them from the office. End of review. So then a couple of weeks later, the owner responded and

said, um, it was really good talking to you kelly your feedback has been valuable and we appreciate it we apologize that that's what got communicated to you about your contact lens prescription just as a note for all our patients the contact lens prescription belongs to you once we do the contact lens exam fitting and finalize the prescription simply ask for it after your exam if you'd like a copy for your record. Thanks. So saying like, you can just have it, the prescription. And then Kelly updated the review. Oh, I see.

Also five stars. So like originally left five stars, which was great, despite having a little bit of feedback. Sure. Five stars said, thank you, Dr. Costa. I agree. And I apologize for my misunderstanding. And I would like to thank you for the trial pair of lenses and for speaking to me personally end of review wow how wholesome this is the most wholesome experience yelp has ever seen yeah um so big shout out to the doctor big shout out to kelly keeping us happy today that was so nice big shout out to big contact. Big Contact. Making money left and right. My eyes.

Wait, is that what it goes? Who? Look with your special eyes. What's that? Isn't that like 1-800-CONTACTS? Oh, I don't know. I know that in SpongeBob, he yells my leg. I thought that's what you meant.

Nope, that's not it. Okay. Did you know that I once met the guy who yells my leg? Oh, you did tell me that. Yes. I don't know why. I clearly just inserted that anecdote. Yeah, no wonder you wanted tell me that yes i don't know why i clearly just inserted that anecdote yeah for the sake of telling you my bad i would like to apologize for my previous behavior

that is your claim to fame i'm surprised you're not verified on instagram you know what you just jump off a kissing camel oh oh the dream okay i, I have slept walked before, so we'll see. Oh, God. I don't want to come pick you up if that happens. Can you imagine if I sleep walked for like days and end up at the Kissing Camels in Colorado Springs? It's like the Mecca for sleepwalkers. Okay. My next review is a review of Panchita's Restaurant restaurant in san francisco by nikki this is a

four-star review thank you panchita's for being open late all those nights we'd be drunk in the mission i apologize for my friend muttering where's my fucking tacos over and over he went home slightly more sober thanks to your delicious pupusas end of review wait so he's like where's my tacos and then he ate papusas and sobered up oh that's good good stuff okay my next one is a five-star review of a restaurant called zoe's in virginia, Virginia. This is written by Lauren. Lauren says, My parents are regulars here and surprised me for my 23rd birthday last weekend. It was amazing.

We were seated in the large booth by the entrance and had a personalized card on the table welcoming me. To start, the bread, butter, and rosemary-hardened breadsticks they bring out are yummy. I had the crab bisque, amazing, and the 8-ounce filet with the Oscar crab added, and it was amazing. Seriously, my taste buds exploded. Everyone enjoyed our dinner, and Kathy was a great waitress. Kathy, if you see this, I apologize for my parents' behavior in calling you Angel all night. They love you.

I felt special, and I really felt like they cared about me enjoying myself. Also, try the blueberry martini. Delicious. I sure hope to be back next time I'm in town. End of review. Angel. Angel. I just, that's so cute because it's like,izing for a well-intentioned, but maybe not well, not awesomely received.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like I'm sure the parents weren't like trying to insult her, but it's probably not necessarily everyone's favorite pet name. Well, I think it was, I mean, Josie mentioned, sorry, she tried to order in Spanish when all the servers speak English kind of thing. Like, you know, like the intention is good. Right.

You're right. Like that's what her mom does. Just like side note. Sorry if that was weird. And so that's just like, I feel like we'd have things, anyone would have things that they're for their parents that are like, sorry, my parents were like this at the restaurant. Even though the parents meant well, it's just like,

I know that it might make you uncomfortable kind of thing. I like it. I like it. Yeah. My final one is of the Children's Hospital, Los Angeles. This is by M, five stars. Dear Lab Tech Andrew, I apologize for my argumentative screaming child, though he was not happy. It was nice that you made an effort to distract and make him feel comfortable.

In his state of distress, he didn't even feel the needle. He only freaked out once he saw it. Thanks for being a good sport. I hope your eardrums have recovered. End of review. Please don't sue me for your future ear care right oh that's sweet poor baby that's that yeah this is this whole challenge was so hot fun and wholesome for me um there was one where it was like this fucking back and forth with the owners because

this person brought their like a big group or something to this restaurant they got a specific type of um meal and it was like specific courses and it was like timed or whatever and they complained about how long everything took and the owner was like well here's how i remember it i came over when someone told me about what was going on and your friend started throwing the f word around at me and so the only apology it was still a one-star review was them saying i'm sorry my friend said the f word but and then like it was just so negative a fake apology it was like one of those like things like well that's the only thing we did wrong or like sorry you feel that way but exactly yeah and it was a place where it was like a 20 tip was included automatically and they're like we don't want this as part of it and the

person said okay well then please leave it's all covered we'll cover it that's how bad it was that's how bad it got no that's just so sad anyway sorry for that weird rant but it was negative and everything else was positive so i was like i just want to keep the positive things keep keep the good times rolling and then after them explain the negative to everyone to ruin it anyway wait you're like me i'm very happy with how it turned out oh thank you josie for that um cool i can't believe it's over that's it that's our show like we're retiring it's over goodbye forever just kidding you're stuck with us um cool well so alexander i have to come up with a theme oh is that why you've been looking at your phone the last 20 minutes no okay i have a theme okay what's your theme not that we've just haven't just been talking about it

okay i'm so excited the theme for next week is jails in texas this is gonna be fucking crazy it's gonna be bad it's gonna be rough yeah we decided like we talked about this so she came up with jails and we were like where do we go and she was like what about texas like, oh, yeah, there's some cities we haven't done in Texas. And then we're like, why don't we just do all of Texas? All of Texas. All of Texas. I'm excited. I'm excited as well.

It's going to be some weird shit. And now it's time for your challenge. This is courtesy of Victoria. Thank you, Victoria. Your challenge is to find a review of a dog park where the owners were the problem, not the dogs. Okay, that's good. That's good. Oh, there's going to be some complainers out there. Yeah, I bet there's some problematic owners out there and problematic owners writing reviews and problematic owners having reviews written of them. I will also add

that as someone who goes to dog parks frequently,'ve been witnessed to many of these oh yeah incidents so i you know what i love i love my nephew geo but i don't miss going to the dog park i know i know a lot of people love it and it's like a thing but for me i just it's not my thing i like going to the dog park but only if i stand by myself and listen to music and no one talks to me because i'm don't want to have human interaction it stresses me out for some reason but then again the ones in la are like all dirt so it's like not even fun to like grass it's nothing to look at no water it's kind of stressful and just busy and lots of things going on and everyone yelping about each other yeah yes oh my god that's all i do i just sit on yelp it's a problem that's all we do ever these days true anyway all right well thanks everyone for

listening we will see you next week in prison can't wait to see you there bye Bye.