Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 88: Adult Video Stores in Missouri

Episode Date: August 5, 2020

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly today something is coming kong godzilla they can feel it fight together it's human up or face extinction godzilla kong the new empire now playing only in theaters. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach 2 Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion.

My name is Alex. My name is Christine and indeed these are the worst reviews of all time. Yeah, we picked some quality ones here. We did nothing. Oh, I thought you were going to say we picked a theme. I was like, I had nothing to do with this. Oh no, I picked a quality theme. I am very pleased with my decision. I'm sure you are. I'm sure you are. I certainly am not. Well, I think that everyone's going to love this but you then, because this is a good episode already. I know it.

I'm putting it out there that this is the special not for kids episode that I've chosen. And also, if you're a child, why have you been listening to us? Because they're cool. I don't think we've ever had a child, why have you been listening to us? Because they're cool. I don't think we've ever had a child-friendly episode. Rebel teens. Okay, now let's get to the fun. Okay. Why don't you go first?

You look excited for this. I'm so- Very comfortable. Frustrated. Okay. This, okay, I also- Did we even tell it? Did we say what the theme is?

No. Okay. I picked the theme because we decided, was thinking let's do missouri what do i think of when i think of missouri i think of adult video stores i feel like uh i want to be also clear here that like we know that missouri is not just adult video stores like speak for yourself okay, I just want to clarify. I have had lovely times in Missouri, and it's a great place. Okay, here we go. This is our view of a place called Romantics with an X at the end. I could have guessed.

I want to add that I want... Okay. You are not feeling this episode. I'm not because I like... it's a weird go between like i i want to be clear that i'm very sex positive and i'm not trying to critique these people at all like as far as that on that level but i'm trying to critique them on a level of being a customer and i don't want i don't want anyone to get that twisted so oh yeah no that's fair and that's that's very true for both of us yeah sure this is not like a haha let's laugh at people who uh you know go into adult stores that's not what this is oh god absolutely not no no no this is this is we're

just finding the the ones who uh choose to write reviews when they shouldn't right so here's a one-star review by Murray of a place called Romantics. This location is completely barefoot hostile. If you're a dedicated barefooter like me, don't go there. You'll be told all sorts of lies about being barefoot. You'll be told there are health code laws that required you to wear shoes in stores, which there are not. The health department regulates businesses, not customers. You'll be told that you could contract all sorts of diseases through the bottoms of your feet, including COVID and STDs. The manager asked, why do you think stores have no shoes, no service policies? However, she refused to allow me to answer. Feet are not disgusting being barefoot is not disgusting you can't catch diseases through the bottoms of your feet there are no laws

requiring you to wear shoes in stores this is all just podophobia gone wild i wonder i wonder if they picked up that dvd while they were That's exactly what I was thinking. I was like, yeah, I was like, I think they're reading off the shelf behind the counter. When I tried to explain the law regarding contributory negligence and how that relates to liability, she said I couldn't possibly know the law because I am not an attorney. When I told her she had podophobia, which is more obvious than the nose on her own face, she told me I couldn't possible know that because I'm not a psychologist. I told her that I've done the necessary reading. How preposterous of me that I think I can know something merely because I've done the required

research. The item I purchased requires batteries. Oddly enough, she was able to read and determine what size batteries it required, and yet she's hardly an electrical engineer. I would think a non-electrical engineer would need to try various sizes of batteries and then just hope for the best. How can she possibly know something like that without being an expert in that field of study? Brackets, thick with pointed sarcasm. If you're a barefooter, stay away from this store. Even if you do wear shoes you're probably better

off not going to this location end of review that is a new one a very very very new one yeah wow i thought so i was like well i feel like you know i wouldn't be totally shocked to find this person reviewing a store and saying you know i couldn't get a barefoot but the fact with that combined with the fact that it's an adult video store was just like a wild combo that i did not expect i mean that would work anywhere like that review we yeah would be wild no matter where it's written oh my god i've never heard anyone argue against that policy ever well there's there is there's an entire like organization that's like pro barefoot i mean yeah it described it as if it was like some sort of movement or some sort of like group it is interesting um apparently there is no law in the u.s that requires customers to wear

shoes in stores and restaurants um however there are what what to say however there are laws that allow businesses to make like private businesses to make regulations so they can deny you for not wearing shoes or shirts just like they can deny you for not wearing a mask per se although obviously i think it's more dangerous to not wear a mask than to not wear shoes absolutely i'm with them i'm with this person on that front i gotta gotta say. I agree. I would never think that COVID could be transferred through your feet. Not that I know much about it, but. That's interesting.

I don't think you are any sort of electrical engineer who would know such a thing. You're right. I'm not a podiatrist. What's a foot doctor called? I have no idea. That's correct. Oh, good. I got something right.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. And yeah, businesses, they can generally do what they want when it comes to those kinds of rules as long as it's not discriminatory. Yeah. And I think that's kind of where he's getting at is that it is discriminatory, which like it isn't. So, sorry.

Same with like the people who go and say, oh, you're discriminating against me, forcing me to wear a mask it's like nope yeah so that's that fun thing that was literally the first review i read and i this is going to be a fun start trip that might be one of the cleaner ones we get though i know exactly probably the cleanest well here is a review that i have of Moonlight Adult Boutique in Kansas City. This is by Jay and it's five stars but it's not a redemption. In my humble opinion.

Leo and Bianca are amazing. They are both very attractive girls. Come see them. They are worth the trip to see. I have locked them behind this glass how creepy you're like if you come here for one thing it's you should come to ogle these two people at the store

i know it's it's bad that is that is see it wasn't very redeeming right no that was gross grody as i like to say. Now, okay, I feel like maybe I worked this up or I built this up to be too much because the next one I have is also not like super disturbing. I mean, it's disturbing, but it's not, you know, the level that I kind of built this up to be. Yeah. I mean, I don't think mine have been that or that crazy.

I think the only reason is because I read so many that were like so. Okay, here's the thing, folks. People who write, it seems to me that people who write reviews of adult stores are either A, making hilarious jokes about, or either A, they're legitimate. B, they're making hilarious jokes about uh you know sexual acts or c they're writing some weird sort of fantasy fanfic i guess that's exactly what fanfic means doesn't it um because some of them were like very sincere but like clearly didn't happen and i was like oh dear goodness why are you doing this on Yelp? Save this for your live journal.

And then the other ones were like, ha ha, guess what I did in the back with four dudes. Or, you know, I was like, okay, no, that also didn't happen, but you're clearly trying to be funny. And I read so many of those that I think I just like scarred my own retinas this morning. Well, I had a blast reading them. So I don't know what's wrong with you. I'm sure you did.

Okay, fine. So this next one is, oh, it was sent in by Alyssa who said she's from the St. Louis area and lives in Rolla, Missouri, which by the way, you know how you like to look up like the promotional video? Yeah. So I tried that, but instead I found the Rolla, Missouri rap, which was created by two engineering students and is exactly what you imagine it to be.

Can't wait to watch it later. Yeah, I watched the entire thing. So if you are interested in that, please go check it out. And they taught me how to say Rolla properly. So Alyssa says she's in Rolla, and there's a local shop slash adult video store called The Pleasure Zone and sent this review.

This is a one star review by Jorge. Insects all over the place in the parking lot. You can't even walk in there. The insects are running all over the walls. Don't come here. End of review. Okay.

They're tripping on something. End of review. Okay. There's no... What? They're tripping on something. Oh, that is terrifying. I know. They're in the parking lot. You can't even walk in the door. They're just kind of like... Makes me think like you look down and it's just like all black like...

Yep. Swarm. Insects like crawling around your feet and like you literally can't step without crushing them all. Yeah. Hordes. They're crawling up your legs. I wonder what they're doing there there what do you think they'll buy i don't know but apparently there's been like a biblical wrath sent against them for whatever they were planning so probably buying one of my favorites ants with no pants

you just glanced down when you said that as if you were i know you're not i hope you're not reading off a piece of paper but it really looks like you had that pre, you know, locked and loaded for this episode. I wrote down a bunch of insect related adult films titles on my hand just for this episode. Well, I only wrote down one because I only need one and it's called Podophobia Gone Wild. Oh, man. I only need one, and it's called Podophobia Gone Wild. Oh, man.

Well, I've got a one-star review now of Vegas Video and Temptations Spa. It's in Carthage, Missouri. There's a one-star review. Also known as the Las Vegas of Missouri. The Las Vegas of Missouri. Yes, famously. But not according to this local guide, says gives it one star and says. Place is nasty. I wouldn't take my dead dog there.

End of review. Oh, my dead dog and I have high standards. Yeah. Well, there was also an owner response. Oh, God. All caps. And it just says under new management end of response all dogs alive and dead are now welcome into our shop your dead dog would love it that's so disturbing why would you even say that why would your brain even go there that's the thing is like we don't find these like weird reviews like this when we do grocery

stores, gas stations, like people talk about them being gross and nasty, but not in such colorful ways. That's exactly right. They're a little more peppery. I don't know. That's maybe not a word. But I think the way people see it, they're like, well, this is kind of like, i don't know that's that's maybe not a word but i think the way people see it they're like well this is kind of like i don't know like oh how could i describe an adult video store rather

than a guy i mean i don't know it's very specific vibe that needs specific language yeah well that's disturbing um so this is my last negative one, but it is a saga. I think I'm ready. I've actually named it. I've named it. You named the saga? Yes. What did you name it?

The Saga of Jacuzzi John. The Saga of Jacuzzi John. Wow. What about the Journey of Jacuzzi John? Blu-ray edition. Okay. I don't like when you come in and make my shit better and then try to you know one-up me i'm just on a roll today i think it's this this whole adult video store theme is just really getting my creative juices flowing you say in the most monotone voice

in the history of mankind because i'm saving my energy for more uh movie titles insect puns okay great well this is the saga of jacuzzi john now this is a place called the club st louis which came up when i searched for adult video stores it is not an adult video store um it's a private men's club and uh somebody in the yelp reviews actually described it it says club st louis or the club as it is referred to in the gay community, has been around for many, many years. It offers men a place to work out, swim, and socialize. The club has earned quite a reputation as a sleazy place. However, those views and opinions are usually from someone that hasn't been to the club recently or hasn't been to the club at all.

Now, I figured that out after I saved all these reviews because I was like why is this Jacuzzi John talking about jacuzzis it is because this is more like a men's club rather than like an actual you know it's not like a video store or anything like that but too bad you know what I don't think anyone's complaining with this theme I think they're probably happy that I'm veering off the path. So this is a, I'm going to read to you the star rating and the date and you can kind of follow along. The Journey of Jacuzzi.

I like this. Fuck. I guess I like Journey of Jacuzzi. Yeah, I can tell. You just used it by accident. I tried because I was playing, I didn't, it wasn't by accident. I was playing with it

and then I was hoping I'd be like, no, you're right. You know what? Saga is better. But it's not we don't need angry emails telling us how journey is better than saga so you better just use journey I think like maybe what if it were like the spa the saga of spa sally I mean it's not that yeah exactly it's not that fine just move on accept that i'm smarter and better and funnier and the best go

the saga of jacuzzi john no it sounds terrible compared to journey fine this is a two-star view november 2016 today a low mark for a very unnoticeable sign to indicate that one item wasn't working can Can you guess what it is? The jacuzzi. You guessed correctly. Yes. I would never have guessed jacuzzi based on that sentence if you hadn't told me what the journey was called.

The journey. Okay. You don't have to struggle alone. Get free confidential mental health and substance use support at Canada.ca slash mental health. If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988. A message from the Government of Canada. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis?

Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Or visit Rebelses.ca. Order up for Rebelses. Two stars, November 2017. So that was November 2016.

This is November 2017. A year later, okay. A year later. Oh, he'll tell you, don't worry. I was so disappointed on the near improper signage over the jacuzzi not working, I haven't been back yet. It is almost a year later. Dot, dot, dot.

In two days it is. Dot, dot, dot. So it's been a year later dot dot dot in two days it is dot dot dot so it's been a year it's been a year two days and wow still upset over it john still thinking about but hasn't even gone back to check you know what i mean like it's just still upset it was like maybe like one day where the signage was messed up and then every day since then it's been working or everything's been perfect. Maybe they upgraded the jacuzzi to one of those heart-shaped ones from The Sims. You'd think so, but unfortunately, John has another update for you. About six months later, April 2018. Two stars. I went today.

Sadly, the main reason I like to relax here was the jacuzzi was not working again. I think he combined two sentences there, just to be clear. Yeah, okay. That clears nothing up, but thank you. Okay, great. I went today. Sadly, the main reason I like to relax here was the jacuzzi was not working again. So this time I didn't go in to waste my money.

But a couple weeks later I did. It's okay. I don't get as excited as I used to. I guess it's not the same for me. Oh my God, what? Is this in general or just about jacuzzis? This is taking a fucking turn. I think it's just about jacuzzis this is taking a fucking turn i think it's just about i think it's just about jacuzzis oh my god i was like john i'm actually worried about you it says it's because

i've been there both in general or about jacuzzis no you're just not getting as excited about things anymore it's okay i don't get as excited as i used to what is happening i'm sorry it's just like i forgot how like sad it becomes all of a sudden i'm legitimately crying okay i guess it's not the same for me anymore, but I do enjoy relaxing. Maybe I should get me a jacuzzi. Only if. I think you meant if only. I'm not sure, though.

Nope. Don't make assumptions about Jacuzzi John. Only if. Okay, two months later. Three stars in June of 2018. Debated ongoing today. I can't believe how often this is being updated. I'm sorry.

Okay. Debated ongoing today. Just hate to go and find if the jacuzzi is being closed. The biggest thing is also being too hot out and waiting on the bus to get there so okay fast forward to oh my goodness just give him a call i know right hey it's a jacuzzi up and running not today john he has enough wherewithal to create a yelp account with a pretty swanky profile photo so i i'm a little surprised that he hasn't managed to pick up the phone is this all like the same yelp thread

yes oh my i don't think i've ever heard or read this many same here um yeah so then this is the september 2018 four stars i guess my simple calm desire was answered i visited the day after attempting to the jacuzzi was closed again but the following day it was open less people i think but it really didn't matter much i'm only there to enjoy the jacuzzi steam room a little and sauna but mostly jacuzzi hopefully a nicer cashier he was a smart ass but i guess he had too many people not realize the credit card reader wasn't done yet end of all reviews wow i know so we had a happy ending kind of it did redeem itself to four stars uh from one and you know there was that i'm sorry from two it never went down to one but there was that moment where you know there was like the denouement um at the end there but there was also that like midpoint where you know he was really at a low and he really felt like what's even the point right uh yeah like what is

even the point and and i feel like like is it even worth getting on this hot bus i don't know to get into a jacuzzi to get into like not like an ice bath a jacuzzi that is a valid point um and you know at the end it's like you know it was redeemed a little bit in that you know his simple calm desire was finally answered and i feel like his at least maybe not happiness but at least like um contentment was has returned to him which is what i what i wanted for him honestly and um what's nice is that he mentions the word calm. And truly, despite the fact he wrote like five separate reviews in the same chain, he was truly calm about it. Yeah. He was very sad about it, but he was calm.

And I appreciated that. He also mentioned the word jacuzzi a few times. Just a few. I think just a few. And I think that really goes to the core of, you know, John's being. And also, this is uh my entry to the austin film festival oh wow okay um good thing we're recording this skype session this is a screenplay in case you didn't figure that out screenplay i thought we were putting this short

film in like uh oh no no no no no this is a screenplay because I think the words are really what the strong suit of this whole story is the verbiage. Okay. What else could there be? Also, he spelled smart ass A-X-X. Oh, this just has so many twists. Okay, this story is... Sorry, this journey was really something. Thank you.

Oh, sorry. Was it a saga, a story, or a journey? No, it was a journey. And it was... I don't know what to call that. Wholesome-ish? Not real... I mean, it was weirdly basic, but in...

Like, there wasn't... It was just literally about a man in his jacuzzi. Okay, do you know what actually... But it still spoke to me. It reminds me of is the are those meditation apps where when you fall or those sleep apps where when you're falling asleep they have like an actor read you a story i feel like that's the kind of story that they would read you where it kind of what that's a thing yes okay there are these sleep apps where good night moon

no no it's like stories that are really boring they just like read you stories until you fall asleep like there's one i listened to um and it was like and then i walked down this and i looked at the leaves and i was walking down the path and then i felt like i should have a cup of coffee like it just like was a meandering tale yeah and it's very soothing you know yeah not to me because i was like, well, now I'm thinking about coffee. So how am I supposed to go to sleep? But I also have an elevated sense of constant anxiety. True. But I feel like this would be a good contender.

I don't think so because I think Jacuzzi John's story was a little too deep for that kind of app. More powerful? Yeah. There's a lot more to it. More compelling, maybe. More compelling. Absolutely. Like you were, i was on the

edge of my seat yeah oh good okay thank you i'm glad that you really like my screenplay you're welcome all right well i have another review of vegas video and temptation spa this is by uh myself i mean alex um this is a uh three star review you know what i'm gonna call this a redemption i've been i've been kind of under the fence but since it was three stars i didn't want to but the message was so powerful and positive so here we go it's a wait but this is not by you no this is god no okay i didn't know if this was like a a wink wink you wrote on your own creepy review no the the joke is that we share the same name that's all that's hilarious that is hilarious um and the joke is also that i would never write a review like this here it is

three stars i've never personally gone but really thinking about it would love a place to relax rub out a big load or try and find someone to have fun try to find someone to have some fun with yes no stop it wait there's a response from the owner ready well what's stopping you end of response oh my god this is the worst kind of i didn't know yelp flirting was a thing and yet here we are here we are and And then they never responded, though. They never said what's stopping them, but it must be something. That's the only review that person has ever written also. Don't do this. Why are you?

She discovered that Skype has reactions, so she did a crying reaction to my story. It was so powerful that I literally saw your room light up blue from the screen changing color. Yeah. And actually, they didn't have an angry emoji. So this is my call to Skype to please send me as many angry emojis as possible. Because I really didn't appreciate what he just read to me. That crying one fit better for Jacuzzi John. That's true. Because it was a tale of sadness. It was. And redemption. And redemption. All right,

your turn. Wow. Okay, so I have some redemptions here. Now, I once again want to be clear here that I consider myself very sex positive. These are not being read in a shamey way. But instead, I literally wrote this out in a celebratory way that also simultaneously makes me feel extremely uncomfortable for these people's children if they were to ever find their Yelp page. So that's that on that. This is a five star review by Lucy of In the Garden of Eden. Hi, I'm Lucy and 48 years young. Ha ha. My fiance is a very handsome, intelligent and sexy man of 67 years young. Ha ha. My fiance is a very handsome, intelligent,

and sexy man of 67 years young. Ha ha. There's no ha ha on that one. You have to send the reaction on Skype. Have you not figured this out yet? Anyway, we were looking for another store but saw the Garden of Eden and were tired from the drive and dinner out.

So we stopped in and wow we found a hidden gem. This store sells different supplies for helping with erections. Viagra must be up in arms. My soon-to-be husband and I found several pills. We bought a particular one with light green two count pills advertising reports of lasting seven days. I feel like that's not supposed to happen that's not okay isn't that the thing that's like literally the opposite of what you want in a medical way reminds me of like the office when andy finds like gabe's uh like thing of like what seahorse powder or something gross yes crushed seahorse oh my god seven days seven days are you like going out into like the desert and taking peyote at the same time yeah that's what it seems like right

you've got to be doing something like that seven days what do you do go to work like like what i feel like it's it's very telling that that she wrote we found several pills like it sounds like she found them on the carpet of oh they're no they're in the bargain bin just scattered loose loose in the bargain bin they have a little scoop like at bulk sections oh my god no oh no advertising reports of lasting seven days and not to take one only 60 hours apart at minimum and then they literally just held down the h key for like a really long time it's just like 40 h's in a row oh my god so it says we enjoyed the h has turned into we which makes me feel really not great okay it's like i think

h is is a way to laugh in like you know like different languages they like laugh online in different ways you know i mean like like in um spanish it's like i do like with j a yeah but like i don't i don't know about h i'm just like trying to be like, give them the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty sure they just held down the key because it turned into another word. Okay, it's maybe something in real life was distracting them for seven days. Seven days worth of age keys. Okay, it says 60 hours apart at minimum age. We enjoyed from one single dose three days with several erections. It was as if he was a teen again.

Nice! Just talking about it, he gets erect. We are coming to do more shopping. I'm 48 and I love my man. I'm so happy he has no bad side effects, lest I would never allow him to take the pills. Viagra gives him headaches and blurred vision and and in all honesty, it does not work as well as the ones for sale at the Garden of Eden. I'm going to be his sexy, naughty nurse-y next week.

See y'all soon. I'm like, I don't want to see him. Yeah, wait, who are... Oh, they're seeing us? See ya soon! Thank you from both of us. Mark and Lucy from Springfield. Let's see if we can talk him into one...

Oh, I hate that I have to read this part. Let's see if we can talk him into one oh i hate that i have to read this part let's see if we can talk him into one of those remote control little gadgets i could wear in my panties while he controls the remote he always has the tv's remote shouldn't be a problem lmao end of review oh my god okay that was a beautiful beautiful that was beautiful it was so wholesome and also somewhat healthy the whole seven day thing and like it's not healthy the questionable pills i don't i'm not gonna speak to that but the whole attitude of like oh no side effects otherwise i wouldn't let him take them like it's very like they seem very healthy and happy together. And although the one thing that I want to comment on, one of the things I should say is how she said that he gets a wreck just thinking about it.

I'm wondering if it's some sort of placebo pill. I'm just throwing that out there. That's what happens. You don't say. I was like, I don't think that's how normal pills work like actual ones that actually work yeah but hey if you hadn't taken them the police estuvo effect wouldn't be in effect so hey that's right it worked out for him that's good that's right i agree i hope there's still no side effects oh i'm glad you actually asked about kind of the future of them because

there's a review that was written um three years later that actually i realized is the exact same person with a different account of the hospital of a hospital like a local hospital no it won't go down it's been three years it was fun at first this is a a review of the same location and i will say these were all put in like not recommended which i was like that's pretty bummer this is a five-star review by lucy and this was three years after that other one my husband and i adore all the inventory he is 20 years my senior and we do all our sexy shopping there wicked ultra heat is the absolute top dog for both of us a little pricey but two ounces

lasts a long time and it is worth every last dollar yes we're regular customers i love this store now that i'm losing the weight i put on after getting married boy oh boy is my hubby gonna get the thrill of a lifetime time to take take baby, me, shopping. End of review. You get it. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Can you imagine if this was your stepmom or something and you got on the internet and you were like, oh, no. Considering we have a stepmom, no. Why would you bring that up? I'm just saying because clearly they just got married. Oh, I see what you mean. Okay. Recently. I'm like, what? If okay recently i'm like what i'm like if they had children he's 70 so if they had children presumably i mean i'm just making wild assumptions here but i would assume they had been from a

previous relationship that's why i'm saying that however i will say if you do know know this person i assume you already know all about this because it doesn't seem like she's hiding anything you know which is great and pretty healthy if you ask me be open yes as long as my stepmother doesn't do that then i'm thrilled for you and your stepmother oh man well hey you know what it sounds like those kids are growing up in a healthy sexual environment. Very sexual environment. And they're also, you know. Making quite some assumptions about their living arrangements. Yeah, you are. But you know what?

I'm trying to be positive here. Yeah. Also, it is a household too where they kind of just recommend taking the pills that you find. To see what happens, you know. Yeah, true. Out of the cookie jar. Out of the cookie jar. Yeah.

It's like, Helby, you want some cookie? Grab some pills out of the cookie jar out of the cookie jar yeah it's like how do you want some cookie grab some pills out of the cookie jar okay i'm sorry i said that um where were we is it my turn yes all right this is my last one this is a redemption a four-star review of vegas video and temptation spa this This is by David. Here we go. Four stars. I'm not gay and I love the jacuzzi. Close your eyes and you can be in your own little nirvana. You won't know or care that you're eye candy for someone else. If you're homophobic, you have a lot bigger problems than going to a men's spa.

End of review. Oh my gosh. So it's just like the jacuzzi thing again yeah except with a nice message yeah but these it is a nice message and also these jacuzzis are like life-changing apparently apparently wow i mean they have the power to erase homophobia and also john's depression you know what we can only hope about the homophobic i don't know what john's situation is but yeah if only if only jacuzzis were the the ticket to uh erasing homophobia here's the thing maybe they are and we just haven't been looking in the right place we've been looking at lawmakers policy

changes and really we just needed a good old-fashioned jacuzzi well you know what we could look at laws and policy changes but implement jacuzzis into those. Oh, I see. Just combine them for ultimate power. A free jacuzzi for every household. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

That'll fix it. I think so, too. I want a jacuzzi. I mean, listen. What? It's 2020. We've tried everything else. What do we have to lose?

Yeah. We've tried nothing, and we're all out of ideas uh we've tried nothing yeah we've tried nothing at all um oh i have one more redemption sorry oh lay it on me because those other those other ones were just a combo deal from lucy this is a five-star review by of the x spot by chris i haven't heard of that one the The X Spot? Yeah. I don't remember. I think that was in Springfield. If you want to rent or buy a video or special toys, this is the place to go.

There are also video booths in the back with small single person rooms. You're not supposed to have two people in there, but... End of review. I'm like, but what? You were waiting. I can make make an assumption but i want to hear it also i'm sorry that you ended on such a positive note for like holding hands around the world

and um ending problematic systemic beliefs and here i am throwing in chris and his rule-breaking um sex acts i don't know i think that's something that's pretty wholesome if you ask me oh is it i'd say so i mean hey you know what like you do you with who you want to do you with wow that's raw zero actually you know what i think you did just fix everything that was the what i got out of the review i had just read by david and that's what i got out of your review so it's just like you know we've we're all in the same message here. The message is just coming across loud and clear. Yeah.

Okay. You do you with who you want to do you with. Did I do that right? Both say the same thing twice? You literally said it exactly right, Alex. That's incredible. That's how much that means to me. For something that makes absolutely zero sense,

you said it so perfectly, and I applaud you thank you thank you two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast only six dollars at a and w's in ontario experience a and w's classic breakfast on now Dine-in only until 11 a.m. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo,

the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West. Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo thanks its presenting partner Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Time for my challenge. Oh, thank God. time for my challenge oh thank god this was a challenge sent in by uh tori who said uh suggested that i try to find a review where the reviewer name drops their sorority or fraternity oh yes

i would just like to say a couple things one these were all old people like bringing up like their back fraternity and sorority days which was kind of fun and wholesome and yeah they were all positive i didn't i i i looked through so many reviews i swear like this wasn't the case of like oh just picking the first ones i find i looked through so many and i had google ask me if i was a bot at least five different times. Really? It was so annoying. I thought I was going to ask you if you wanted to join their fraternity. I was like, oh, that's fun.

No, I was not invited to Google, Google, Google. I don't know. A good one. That was a good one. That was my best one of this episode. But yeah, no, they were all positive. Everyone was so nice and they brought up their fraternity or sorority,

but they were still positive reviews okay well i would like to say you're welcome because clearly the last two that i've given you have all been extremely wholesome and i feel like i did it by accident but i'm going to take credit for it okay you i'll give it to you all right this is this first one is a five-star review of leo parties in fort myers Florida, which is like an Italian restaurant. This is by Diane. I called and told the manager at Leo Parties that I was bringing six or seven girlfriends to the restaurant at about 4.30 for happy hour. We wanted to be upstairs on the rooftop bar.

God bless Don. on the rooftop bar. God bless Don. He made that available and gave us an actually spectacular waiter who couldn't have been more efficient, more professional, and more fun with all of us for the three hours that we spent at the restaurant.

The food was fabulous. The night was beautiful. And the service was spectacular. Applause to Fernando from New Jersey for a very memorable night for six ladies from Kappa Alpha Theta. End of review. Oh, yeah. Heart, thumbs up response.

She is speechless over there, everyone. She's just sending Skype emojis. Yeah. So your Skype or my internet froze for a second and and it was right before you leapt into Fernando, and it just suddenly attacked me in the best way. So thank you for that. I don't know if Fernando actually works there or if that was completely unrelated, but I assume that's the waiter they were talking about.

No, that was... That was... Tell me. That was the head of their sorority i was like i'm literally trying to think of anything i'm like what would a man do at a sorority like be like the chef i don't know like what do they what do they have at sororities clearly not anything that i know about yeah i don't know anything about it i when the first time i found out that like someone i talked about their fraternity mentioned their chef i was like you're what yeah it sounds insane right i'm like you're

what they're like yeah we had someone cooked for us and clean for us and everything i'm like you what i know i actually would like to join a sorority now that i'm old because i'd really like help with all of those things because i definitely certainly don't want to do them by myself exactly do you think they'd let me into Alpha Theta, whatever that was? Kappa. I struggle with all these. Kappa Alpha Theta. Kappa Alpha Theta.

They have pictures. They also included pictures. They're pretty adorable doing their little logo. Their logo. Their gang sign. Their logo. I don't know what to call it. Okay.

I'm excited about this. Sisters for life okay this next one is a fry street tavern in denton texas um this is by gary this is a five-star review this is by far the best bar on fry street i am a sigma chi at the university of north te North Texas and you can find me at Tavern at least three nights a week great drink specials and incredible bartenders end of review okay I'm not gonna lie that really didn't feel necessary that that was the one where I guess it wasn't a younger person this time

I am assuming maybe they just found out they made it in and they just are like what update what reviews can I update to clarify now yeah this new part of me i think a lot of them were a lot a lot of it was about uh networking so like i would actually i would try to search for these places and or sorry these fraternities and sororities and a lot of the results were like people's yelp pages like their business pages and it was talking about what fraternity or sorority they were in

um and so and then also a lot of these fraternities sororities had their own yelp pages so it was difficult to find oh that's right each one had like 10 to 20 each sorority and fraternity i searched for pages that i went through all the way to the end every single time oh my god sandy i went crazy yeah i can tell by your eyes. But yeah, so Sigma Chi is apparently one, it's like one of the biggest fraternities and it seems to be like a big networking thing. So maybe that's what, maybe it's like, hey, come meet us Sigma Chi at the bar. I'll be waiting for you. Yeah, it seems to be.

All right. My next one is of Panera Bread in Melbourne, Florida. Okay. This is written by Mary. This is a five-star review. Met my Chi Omega sisters there for brunch. What a great place this is to have a meetup. We pushed the tables together, laughed, shared stories,

and probably entertained everyone around us. Great avocado and egg sandwich and peach mint tea. End of review. You know, Chi Omegas were always entertaining everyone around us. Oh, yeah. That was one of my favorites because I'm like, I can't tell if this actually happened or if you just bothered everyone around you. Well, sure.

No offense, Mary. You seem quite lovely. I'm sure they're lovely, but I feel like it's one of those things. I, honest to God, wish I were more like that, where I just didn't kind of care as much if I were constantly disturbing other people or like what everyone else around me thought about me. Because I feel like if you're just with a group of people and you push together some tables and you're loud and boisterous, like certainly there will be some people who are

annoyed. And like, I wish I were the person who'd be like, who cares? Yeah. But I'm not. So end end of story i am not either when other people are louder than me like when i'm talking to them and they're really loud and i can see other people looking over i get so anxious i start whispering i'm like let's talk down here i'd try to like bring it down but um anyway yeah uh and also i was that person who went to panera in college all the time and just sat there for hours and studied and worked because I wanted to get away from my roommates.

Yeah, I used to go to Panera by myself all the time. So yeah, I would probably have been like, what are these ladies doing? I'm trying to do my homework. Exactly. But you know what, Mary? You had fun. You do you. Whatever.

No, I'm very happy for you, and I support it thoroughly. I just wish I were more like you. Yeah, we all need to be more like Mary. All right. I think so. My last one. You know, there's something about Mary. Stop it.

I knew you were going to say that. I hate it. Okay. Let's redeem whatever you just said and have a nice one at the end. This is of Little Buck Island, which is in St. Thomas, which is the gateway isle of the U.S. Virgin Islands in the Caribbean. This is a five star review by V titled Turtles Galore. I love turtles. I have been fond of turtles much of my life. love turtles. I have been fond of turtles much of my life. And as an alumni of Delta Zeta with turtles as our mascot, it was wonderful to spend a few hours swimming with turtles.

We took the snorkel and sail cruise from Marriott Frenchman's Cove, and it was a three-hour tour, including snorkeling, sailing with light snacks and drinks. It was a great family time, and I highly recommend. go to like a cool state school like i but even that even then i was not fit for greek life and now i'm just like damn it maybe i wish i had been i i want to be a part of this turtle sorority i know right right man i'm like i want to go on vacation with my sister is there like a gender neutral sorority term probably not fraternity i guess could be both your mates i don't know what about like instead of theta it's like theta oh you know theta theta triple theta that's a good question just like because i don't care who's in the sorority i just want to be part of it you know

i want to go to panera and swim with turtles is that too much to ask and have also a chef no it it shouldn't be i mean like honestly it shouldn't be i don't know i'm like trying to look it up because i want to find out how to join a sorority oh no it's like cool let me know most because most yeah most co-ed fraternities are just called fraternities right and like but like what do you call your fellow members i guess you'd have to specify by gender, like a brother and sister, which I'm like, listen, that's not. Or you would say sibling then for gender neutral.

Then I said, I don't know. Right. That'd be so weird. I know it means the same thing technically, but it just seems so much weirder. I mean, people are saying brotherhood can technically be gender neutral because it's like, I don't know, but it's not. I don't know. It's like saying like a man like uh man like oh ever since the dawn of man mankind like yeah exactly mankind whatever anyway well yeah we'll figure this out another time but yes um i

had so much fun with that challenge tori thank you for that because it was it was really wholesome i swear i not even like i expected some no offense to people in fraternity and sororities but as someone who reads so many internet reviews all of the time i expected so many negative ones like oh like i'm a member of this i deserve better or something i just i expected that bullshit and i didn't see any of it i maybe you're just close-minded maybe but not and not any longer not any longer your eyes have. That's what counts, y'all. My eyes were open. And also, no, I've always had, I used to be like, ugh, I would never have joined a fraternity

when I was going to college. And in hindsight, I'm like, that would have been a great idea for me. That's what I'm saying. I could have definitely benefited from it, for sure. I think I've made a big mistake. And there are so many different kinds, too. I mean, it's not like like you see like my understanding was all from movies and stuff so yeah it turns out that's that's not what it's

all like all right you ready for our theme to give me our theme okay so i found this theme this is from megan and megan wrote in in september of 2019 so almost a year ago at this point and megan says you haven't done an episode in my home state of Maine yet. And actually, you had written back saying, we actually next episode are doing antique stores in Portland, Maine. And you told her that she was the first person from Maine to write in. So she had suggested a couple topics in Maine and then says, lighthouses could be cool too. But in order to have enough choices, I think you'd have to expand the search to all of Maine, which doesn't follow the pattern of previous themes.

you'd have to expand the search to all of Maine, which doesn't follow the pattern of previous themes. So luckily for Megan and for us, we've scrapped our entire pattern and structure, and we're doing entire states now. So, Megan, we are going to do lighthouses in Maine. Hooray! I'm so pumped. I'm excited. And I went to Maine. That was my last, last, last stop on the tour, on the Nesquik Drink tour.

So that was the last place I, like, traveled, like, visited for visited for fun you know i've never been to maine i would love to it went there in vermont and i freaking loved it and as someone who's currently in a huge stephen king uh phase right now i'm just like i'm feeling it feeling it good good i want to head there someday too so that's perfect well i have a challenge ready this challenge comes from a member of my hog pen which is what i call people who subscribe to me on twitch um and this is from jare and jare says being a book nerd i usually prefer story in book form as opposed to the movie adaptation of that book my challenge for y'all is to find reviews in which the reviewer says the movie is better. Okay. So the reverse. All right. All righty. Well, thanks, everyone, for getting through that

one. I had fun. I don't know about you all, but I had fun on that journey. There was minimal sweating. I thought there would be a lot more. So I'm pleased with the outcome. That's all we can ask for. Minimal sweating. All right. Thanks, everyone, and see you next week. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye.