Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 92: Parking Violations Bureaus in Los Angeles, CA

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

Christine and Alex, the scum of the earth, are back to discuss communism, Kafka, and The Parking Enforcement Agenda (PEA). Christine also throws curses around like they're nothing, so we're sorry in advance if we ruin your life. Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello everyone, welcome to Beach Tea Sandy Water Too Wet, the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion. That's Alex. Ander. That's Christine.

And we're here to bring you another depressing theme today, which is... This one sucks. Yeah, this one sucks. This is so sad it's i don't even what's the name of it uh parking violation bureaus in los angeles california oh god i mean i still haven't paid my parking ticket that's in my bag it's like 75 that's the only reason it sucks because it hit too close to home especially because i'm supposed to go to the dmv this week and i'm dreading it because i then i looked at dmv reviews of the dmv i have to go to why and i just don't want to go now haven't you learned your lesson it's like the best time to

show up is at 4 a.m so that you can get in when they open at 8 oh forget about it anyway welcome to our show where we complain and we read other people's complaints. Just complaining all around. It's a big round circle of complaining. Do you have anything to say before we get started? Nope. Great. I mean, I'll say I'm looking forward to speaking at you all today.

I'm looking forward to speaking at you. I feel like I had to say something. As well. I'm also looking forward to speaking at you. I feel like I had to say something. As well. I am also looking forward to speaking at Alexander. So nothing else is new. Okay. I mean, I guess I think I have more than you. So should I start? Get going. Okay. So first off, wowza. A lot of these were just depressing because it just, I mean, I know this comes as a shock to most of you, but just like sit down if you're not sitting down. The system is kind of corrupt. I know that that's shocking news, but in any case, some of them were very depressing. So I found ones that weren't as like wildly sad. And I learned, Alexanderander that i had a word a word that really doesn't feel good when i

read it and i it took me 0.05 seconds to realize why and that word is crook and it's because whenever dad yelled at people he would use the word crook really yeah he uses that word like oh these are just a bunch of crooks when like if he were talking on the phone to like a customer service or whatever yes um so every time i read that which was a lot i was like oh that word doesn't feel good why and that's why so this is also therapy hour anyway i'm gonna read the first review this is one star by louise these people are so rude and unprofessional. Specifically, Diane. Don't our taxes pay their wages? I've come across honey badgers with higher social skills. Do what you're good at, Diane. Load freight, clean pig pens, milk cows, treasure hunt on the beach, pick up garbage, but Diane,

don't work with people. The only positive person that makes this experience tolerable is the helpful and friendly security guard. End of review. Wow. I kind of was into that. I mean, it was mean, but at the same time, beautiful. It's beautiful. Oh, I just hung up on him.

I'm sorry. Did you just hang up on our Skype call? I hung up on him. I'm sorry. Did you just hang up on our Skype call? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got really overwhelmed by the poetry of Louise. I apologize. I just stayed silent. I was like, I don't know what to do or say.

What just happened? I started muttering, I hung up on him. Oh, no, I hung up on him. My bad. what to do or say what just happened i started muttering i hung up on him oh no i hung up on him um my bad i was just gonna say that uh reading this by louise i wonder if diane sits back behind her counter and like just dreams of the day she can go treasure hunting on the beach as a career instead of working there you know and i hate that that fucking attitude of, don't my taxes pay your wages? Oh, God. Doesn't that mean I can treat you and talk about you and do whatever I want?

Are you Honey Badger? Also, there's a lot of implication here telling Diane that loading freight is something she can do. Which, like, that seems like a tough job. I don't think, like, farming, which seems to be half of her accusations or half of her suggestions are farming and then uh then there's load freight and treasure hunt so i don't know where the others came from but well that's the thing that's why i feel like it was kind of beautiful because i don't feel like it was necessarily an insult it was more like hey like you're better suited to these jobs that are all respectable jobs however you wouldn't

have to deal with people as much i guess we can pretend uh we can pretend louise was just trying to give like some maybe she's a career counselor and was just giving some insight you know my favorite part is treasure hunting on the beach because i wonder in what world does diane or i'm sorry does louise think that's a career i mean like at least one that you can just get as like a menial labor type job. I don't know. I don't know. I want to live in that world. Me too.

Some Goonies stuff right there. I love it. I know. All right, your turn. Back to the sadness. Here we go. Here's a one-star review by joey there are so many kind people in the city unfortunately none of them work here with the exception of the security guard the

employees here are an absolutely terrible representation of the city of los angeles end of review wow i this security guard though i i read about that i know i read about that person a lot i don't know who they are but I read about that person a lot. I don't know who they are, but I read about them a lot. There were mixed reviews for me because sometimes I'd have reviews where it was, oh, the employees were so nice, except for that security guard who was so mean. Yeah, I had both. I had both sides of the coin.

And it's almost as if these people all have different varying opinions and are probably all pretty wrong wow what a shock that people on the internet don't agree okay i have one star review by tom so where can you find the most absolute horrible excuses of human beings anywhere on the planet is it too sandy water too, a podcast about negative reviews. The end. The show is over, folks. We've treasure hunted our way to Beach Too Sandy.

We've treasure hunted our way to Beach Too Sandy, where we are the worst of the worst, the scum of the earth. I will read you Tom's list of where else you might find something yeah i'll let i'll let you finish horrible excuses of human beings and i don't know if you're gonna want to you know be part of this list any longer but here we go so where can you find the most absolute horrible excuses of human beings anywhere on the planet is it in terrorist cells in the middle East? Close. Oh, God. Okay. Yes. Never mind.

Beatrice Hussaini is not associated with terrorist cells. But surprisingly not the worst. Maybe it's in the government of North Korea or even somewhere in the slave mines of Africa. I can't believe you add us to this list. What? I take it all back. Oh, my God. Still not horrible enough. I know. all back. Oh my God. Still not horrible enough.

I know in Congress or perhaps working in customer service at Cox Time Warner Cable. Almost there, but still not the reigning king. I truly believe the worst human beings you will ever find, you can find right there on Xerox's payroll calling themselves the los angeles parking authority indeed there you shall find possibly the worst excuse for human beings you just might ever find ever end of review okay i feel like in terms of um severity we went the opposite way yeah i was thinking that too he he hooked me with terrorist cells yes and then he kind of started to dwindle down i mean i did and then said almost there to almost to the worst and it's like wait you think that people who work for cox time warner cable are worse than terrorists i mean i think they're making owners well yeah no

it's that's really not a good comparison um like i get the joke there but it's a little i feel like the joke would have made more sense if they'd gone the opposite way yeah yeah but i think they're kind of insinuating that on um that on the spectrum no pun intended uh of worst to worst like customer service people at time warner cable are worse than the worst people on earth i think that's kind of part of the joke you see okay like i i just i just figured the point was oh okay okay then it was just too much like honestly correct yes you're not wrong like i recognize i know people are sitting there like it's a joke like obviously this person doesn't think that i'm like well yes but like i feel like the joke would have made more sense xander wants

to workshop it in the writer's room so we'll come back with an opinion we got to get a whiteboard out here got to get some index cards. Tape some things to the wall. I know the best way to ruin this person's joke is to overanalyze it. And I don't like this joke. So I'm overanalyzing it to ruin it. Great. Let's move on.

Okay. I have a review by Sal. This is a one-star review. All one sentence. Here we are. They use the communist system when you ask for a review of your citation even if you have evidence they said that they mail to you the decision and always a citation is valid then you know the answer is like dictator employees end of review holy shit are we supposed to play that backwards i don't get it can you

can you read that back to me? Yeah, hold on. Terror cells. I'm Warner Cable. Oh my God, we figured it out. Milk and cows. I'm Diane. The worst of the worst. There it is.

Oh my God. I don't understand what's communist here. What's communist i don't get it okay not not what's communism i'm not inviting people on twitter to tell me what communism is that is not what's happening here okay i literally was like people are gonna add us if this is some sort of reference to how communists do parking violations. So I literally typed in communist parking system on Google because I'm like, there's going to be something I'm missing here. And it just came up with communist infrastructure on Wikipedia or something. I'm like, okay, I'm not reading this. Never mind.

I don't know. I feel like it's just one of those things. Oh, let me shout communist because then people will take me seriously. And it turns out three people actually did thumbs up this review. They thumbed it up. Okay. Well, it worked. I'd like to talk to all four of these people, the reviewer and the three people who thumbed it up.

Sit them down, focus group. Hey, tell me about this. Tell me what the fuck you mean. Sit him down, focus group. Hey, tell me about this. Tell me what the fuck you mean. Huxander's the worst executive producer of any show or head writer because he's just getting everyone in a room and making them explain their jokes and making them rewrite them.

Because it's not funny unless you explain it in explicit detail. Right. But yeah. And then dictator employees, I feel like that's a little bit of an oxymoron yeah that's a good point at the end there is like the citation that they mail to you the decision and always a citation is valid then you know the answer is like dictator employees okay you know what it is just a this is just a fucking robot writing this or something that none of this makes sense i feel like this is some communist writing this in another country some communist nation uh using a bot you know yeah yeah you know how they do that don't tell us if we're right because i

know we know we know the answer don't talk to us about this don't talk to us about communism don't talk to me or my son about communism okay this is a one-star review by selma which is an interesting name when you hear the review unnecessary parking citation karma will get you beware end of review no. She spelled karma back to you wrong. Yeah, no, I don't like that. I don't like that you just said that to me as well. Beware. Like, you might be the first person to read that review aloud, and you write it to me and thousands of people who are now going to. I feel like if I read it one more time,

I'm going to, like, three times in a row, I'm going to, like like summon bloody selma or something it's not that youtube song bloody selma bloody selma no sorry it's and it's a very serious topic i'm sorry that i'm joking about that song it sounds like green day I'm sorry that I'm joking about that song. It sounds like Green Day. No?

Isn't it? Don't they have a song? No. Don't they have a song? They have a few, yeah. Don't want to be an American idiot. I don't know. Very different theme of music, but yes. Oh, they have a song called...

Wake Me Up When September Ends. Yeah, can you do that? Since your birthday will be over. Wow. They have a song called Blood, Sex, and Booze and Bloody Valentine. My Bloody Valentine? No, they don't. Never mind.

That's wrong. I'm wrong. Let's move on. Are you talking about the band? I don't know, Alex. Oh, my God. I'm not really talking about the band i don't know alexander oh my god i'm not really talking about out of your element here leave leave the youtube green day my bloody valentine references to the expert me okay i know those are the three you wrote your dissertation on

so i'll just stop interfering oh gosh okay here's a one-star review by Casey. I hope you use my $73 to trim the tree blocking the sign with the street sweeping hours. End of review. This one just cracked me up. It's like a fundraiser charity where you can determine where your money goes, to which school at your alma mater, but it's just to that one tree, oak tree out front hey look i get it i get it i got this ticket i paid you my money just just please fix this problem for future generations please dear god yeah because i just frustrated the whole street sweeping thing i i don't know we've been uh subject to that many many times and oftentimes

the street sweeping is put in there's a lot of bullshit anyway you should look up um pictures of la parking signs because there are some where i think it's like five or six stacked on top of each other of like rules and dates and times and holiday hours and meters i mean it's actually it's pretty twisted like it's pretty bad a lot of these reviews i read were people from out of town who were like i just i'm from tennessee we park in fields that was a quote i didn't make that up they said they said that sounds like you're being mean to people in tennessee i'm not they literally said we just park in the nearest field. What is all this?

And I was like, okay, you must be lost because it seems like you don't really understand. Like, you know. In LA, where are all the fields? Garages. Oh, God. Okay. This is One Star by CJ. This is One Star by CJ.

This is to the scumbag R. McCabe, serial number OA122, agency 13. I curse you. May you and anyone related to you rot in hell for all eternity. May you born as a cockroach in your next life and all the one after that because you are not fit to be a human being. End of review. Can you stop reading these at me i hate this remember when i said i'm excited to talk at you it's literally happening you're just cursing me over and over again i hate it i'm sorry i don't know what to do she just did the sign of the cross can we just okay i know y'all can't see but

she literally just did the design of the i don't think I've ever seen you do that. Should I just hang up on you again? No, hey, I appreciate that sign of the cross because I'll take whatever I can get because I'm fucking scared now. Apparently I'm going to be a cockroach. I'm going to get karma or something. I'm going to burn in hell. And as are you, you idiot. Why? You idiot. um gonna burn in hell and as are wait as are you you idiot why you idiot you just cursed me and my relatives or people related to me oh shit you just cursed yourself you fool damn it

i take it all back okay good we're all you wouldn't have if it didn't affect you how do i undo my sign of the cross? I'm just kidding. That's probably actually going to summon something. I feel like that's very Kafkaesque. Like, you will become a cockroach, my brother. You will become a cockroach. It's pretty on the nose Kafkaesque.

It's actually very exactly the plot line. No spoilers. Okay. Spoilers. I don't know. I'm pretty sure the first page is that he wakes up as a bug. That's what I said. No spoilers.

Because it's the whole point of the book. I'm not giving you a spoiler. I'm telling you that you're going to be a cockroach just like the guy in Kafka's story. Gregor Samsa, I believe. Gregor, yeah. Zandi Samsa, the cockroach. I'm sorry. I'm going gonna stop cursing you there's something i was gonna say oh yeah never mind it was gonna be a joke about when you were listing

all the ways you were gonna be cursed and then i was gonna talk about you too but it's no longer funny because you're no longer listing the ways that you're being cursed oh darn too bad too bad Oh, darn. Too bad. Too bad. Your turn. My next review is a five-star review. I hesitate to call it a redemption, but this is by Marty. This is five stars. What a place! You get called up after waiting forever.

And while I waited, three of my pubes turned white and one got curly. Aside from that, we have to come together as a human race. The moment we unite, we will at peace. End of review. Oh my God. Did they just have their pants down? Watching and waiting? Listening. TMI.

Listening for the curl? Yeah. god oh god i am so sorry for that okay i don't i don't want to unite with this person i shun you i shun that person you don't want to you don't want to at peace i don't want to at peace at all okay i want to conquer i want to i want to curse you for all eternity i i do like that they said like aside from the whole pube thing we have to come together as a human race like aside from that what that's the most important information but uh i guess now side note um this person has written 189 reviews with 207 photos. Thankfully, this was not one that had a photo. Thank God. I was like, don't click through those without knowing what's on them.

I reached out for comment and photo, but didn't hear back yet. Okay. Check our Instagram. I hope you never do. Content warning. So I have one here that is by Tim. i believe this was a five star i think i forgot to write it down but i believe this was kind of like you a five star um that's not a redemption which do you think would elicit a faster response from city law enforcement

a call to 9-1-1 because jason was hacking in your front door with a bloody axe? Or if Jason parked in front of your house 19 inches from the curb? I think we all know what the answer is. End of review. 19 inches? Sorry, that's very specific. I think that's the rule in LA. For a second, I was like, Jason. Who's Jason?

Then I realized it's a reference. But I'm like, if someone doesn't know that that's a horror movie reference they'd be like who's tim's boyfriend why are they hacking people it's tim's oh no he has an anger problem and he does not he's also not good at parking wait that's a five-star review yeah it was in uh not recommended yes i i wouldn't recommend that to people either maybe this is the theme of the episode or something but if your review has to mention terrorists slave owners or uh time warner cable or a time warner cable i don't i don't think it's a thing you should be writing oh okay well alexander's

canceling any sort of as the head producer of all tv american horror stories over a lot of tv shows have now been shut down due to alexander's hey i said you were if your review mentions those okay all right talking about not if you're not if you're piece of media not a communist employee if i ever heard one that's a dictator employee thank you very much a dictator employee talking at me right now yeah i have redemptions andy please redeem me i'm i need it too bad because there is a capital a agenda happening here if as long as it's not a feminist one it's not oh god forbid i don't think i could bring myself to discuss the capital f a again but. But I do have an agenda, the parking agenda. Capital P parking agenda.

Oh, I know. Capital P, capital E, capital A. The parking enforcement agenda. The P. P. The princess and the P. Okay. Now that's a cultural reference.

God, we are so on it today. Oh my gosh. Okay, this is... I'll read you these reviews. Let's see. Oh, there's three of them. And they are clearly... There's something fishy going on here, Zannie.

Tell me if you can figure it out here's a five-star review by lou as a frequent visitor to los angeles one thing i absolutely love about the city is the remarkable parking enforcement service recently while paying a visit to my dying aunt i parked on the wrong side of the street on a street cleaning day for three minutes too long though i was quite upset initially i have since learned my lesson and i'm now very grateful I don't get it. This person, these people, this is Officer Davis. Or somebody. Oh. Who the fuck would write that? That's what I'm saying. this person, these people, this is Officer Davis. Or somebody.

Oh. Because I'll read you the next two. Who the fuck would write that? That's what I'm saying. There were like three five-star reviews, and all of them were like, I am so grateful that I learned my lesson about parking. And it's like.

What? I know. Who says that? Nobody except for the P, the P-E-A. Oh. So here's a five-star review review by jennifer okay i received a parking ticket number one i was illegally parked number two i was pissed for getting the ticket number three i let the officer have it. Parentheses. You know what I mean. No. I did. I did until you said that.

We all did until you clarified. And now we're all confused and concerned. Ultimately, I understood that if I hadn't parked illegally, I would have never had this encounter or problem. And for me to take it out on an officer, capital O, is just ignorant, period. So instead of contributing to the LA Department of Transportation's $130 million a year coffer, I will just park legally from now on, no matter how much it pains me. BTW, there's too many cars and people in LA. Also, they're just doing their job, period. End of review.

It's just so weird, right? I feel like this is a clusterfuck of agendas here. Now we're talking about how too many cars as well. First of all, you're part of the problem. I know, I love it when a person with a car complains about all the cars, which I used to do constantly so okay now i think this one by lars will really like bring it home because i'm pretty sure jennifer and lou like didn't really they like got their assignment from the dictator and then

they didn't really fall they like went off the rails a bit which which is like, you know, not part of the agenda. And I think Lars really, really like brought it home for us. He got a gold star. Kudos to the parking cops. They raise a lot of money for this wonderful city, especially the newcomers who can't decipher the plethora of no parking signs. Honestly, they're all written in English and aren't hard to figure out. Oh, and the USC students who bitch and moan about parking in front of a driveway just for a second.

I have some advice. Get a bike. End of review. It's just so weird. Kudos to the parking cops. Also, every time they mention a parking officer, it's always capital O. That is weird. That's so weird, right?

And those are the only three five stars of that entire place. That is not an autocorrect thing, I assume. No. I don't know why that would ever happen. And it's like they're all saying, I learned my lesson the i just have to follow the rules just like you should like it's just really weird it makes me feel icky to hear yeah it doesn't feel right they raise a lot of money for this wonderful city and then the one before they mentioned the exact amount in the coffer like yeah also like that tree in front of what's her name's house is still

covering the signs so how much money do they need so true anyway i guess lard did kind of go off the rails about this usc yeah i was gonna say yeah that that seems very specific though the beginning about kudos to parking cops and how much they raise for the city is just like okay that's really weird. Like, we don't get... So there are places that don't even get those kinds of five-star reviews, so it's really fucking weird that there are parking enforcement bureaus that do get those five-star reviews. Yeah. Which makes it seem very fishy,

because we read a lot of fucking reviews, and a lot of them don't have these kinds of reviews where they're like, kudos to you. Yeah, it's really strange. And so like, of all things, why would you go on here if you didn't get a parking ticket or have to interface with these people? Why would you go on their Yelp page to begin with? Like, I get that. Which is funny because normally we complain that people don't leave five star reviews

when they should. That's true. So now we're just like, wait a second. Why is this happening? It is. It's an outlier, thoughlier though like this is not normal so that's three of them being not normal like this with the same type of punctuation and stuff i don't know first of all accusing people of being ignorant because the signs are in english a and b writing a five-star view uh demanding that people follow the rules of cops. Not on board.

So I've just decided this is an agenda. End of story. End of story. I'm with you there. It's an agenda, and we're not a part of it. I mean, we're undercover a part of it. Yeah, we're undercover. That's why I'm not paying my parking ticket.

I just want it on the record. Wait, no, that was, wait, that was, you're not paying my parking ticket. I just want it on the record. Wait, no, that was, wait, that was, you're not paying your parking ticket because you're part of the agenda and they said you won't have to pay your parking ticket if you write a, are those written by you? Is that what you're saying? I'm Lars. No, I was trying to, I told myself at the beginning of the episode that i would find

a way to talk myself out of paying that parking ticket and then i realized that we were moving onto your challenge so i just had to force it in i think it worked it's like forcing in random things into our episodes yeah uh okay well that's that on that on that and on that note it's that time for that challenge where i have to find a review of a book movie or something where the person reviewing it had a hand in creating it yes this was from rose you, Rose. How did this go? Pretty well. Yay. I got to say, I did not struggle. So this first one is a review, five-star review of a product on Amazon called Men's slash

Women's Funny National Pancake Day Eat Me T-shirt. Oh, that is funny so it it's a t-shirt with the picture of a pancake that says eat me on national pancake day oh i mean hilarious yes and it comes in black navy brown olive and dark heather i'd like it in brown please okay ordering it now what if i okay so i have this alexa thing downstairs and what if and sometimes i didn't know that this happened but like she was blinking a weird color so i googled it it said oh that means you have a notification and i went i didn't know she gives me notifications so i said um hello what's your notification and she said your package of i forget what i was ordering like filing folders or something will arrive today by like today by 8 p.m or something and then um i was just thinking what if you bought me that pancakes this is a long way to say what if you

bought me that pancake shirt and she's like your shirt. Your brown men slash women's funny national pancake day eat me t-shirt. Like, what if you were surprising me and it was like, it's arriving on your porch. Anyway, I don't know why I thought of that. But I just learned that she can do that. And it kind of scared me. So I didn't know that was a thing. So me neither. If she's blinking orange, apparently that's what it means.

Okay, I'll be on the lookout. Yeah. so i mean either if she's blinking orange apparently that's what it means okay i'll i'll be on the lookout yeah so this is a verified purchase uh this is a review by linda titled makes me smile five stars yes i'm reviewing my own product as an artist and being new to the clothing i forgot what the challenge was i was like she made that shirt oh my god i completely i'm sorry your reaction i was like wait what that just like took the wind out of my lungs because i just realized like holy shit someone made that shirt and we get to meet her i'm sorry go ahead yeah you do as an artist and being new to the clothing industry i want to make sure my product is good so so I purchased this shirt.

I was really happy with the color of the image, the fit, and the material. It held up well to being washed. The colors stayed bright and the shirt has held its shape through several washing. I will be happy to wear this shirt year round, not just on National Pancake Day. I did a small run of t-shirts on well-known brand of shirt and the feel of this is much better It tends to move with you and does not feel binding every time I wear it. I giggle just a little bit end of review So that means she's always giggling. Yes, like you'll see her by she's always wearing a pancake a brown pancake shirt

And she's always giggling year-round honestly, actually, no, it's not just the National Pancake one. Because there was also a same type of shirt for National Watermelon Day. Oh, my gosh. Created by the same person. Say it ain't so. And they left the same five-star review. But instead of National Pancake Day, they wrote National Watermelon Day.

That's how strongly she feels about her differing designs. Yeah. Listen, get it. I respect it. Hey, it's like, that's how I felt reading these reviews. I was very like, you know, whatever. And they were all honest about it. I mean, obviously.

What? What does the watermelon one say? Eat me? I'm pretty sure. Let me check. I have to find it to find it what if it just what if she just puts different foods and then just writes eat me i'm pretty sure that's what it is that makes me happy did anyone else review it no she just i love this this person okay here this one is called novelty watermelon day eat me men women t-shirt and it says it's a shirt that has watermelon with bites out of it that says eat me it's national watermelon day i think she's just the unrecognized genius of our time. Yeah, I agree. And yeah, one review is on this one.

It is literally word for word the exact same, including the same typos, except it just says National Watermelon Day instead of Pancake Day. That's incredible. That's incredible. Whatever. You know, hey. Oh, no. I, um, that's incredible.

Whatever, you know, hey. Oh, no, and also, I assumed their pronouns, I don't know why, but I apologize for that. But wowza, this person is a genius, I think. Artistic genius. Yes. That'll sit in the Louvre one day. I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I don't know when National Pancake Day is.

What if it's like today? National Pancake Day is every day. Did you not read the review? National Pancake 2020 oh we missed it february 25th fuck let's go back this year let's start this year over yeah i'd love to live through it all over again it's so true wouldn't that be fun um not totally you know i would of all years i'd rather not relive this one i i don't know i'm probably in the minority there but um yeah you are that was a weird and then oh wait christina oh shit never mind august 3rd was national watermelon day we missed that too oh shit okay well anyway let's move on damn it oh next year i can't get anything right this next one is a review of jazz america

which is an album by alexa weber morales uh it's a five-star review by alexa weber morales titled of course i love it i made it sorry okay here we go. Let's be honest. I am reviewing my own product in full view of the world rather than pretending to be someone else reviewing my own product. I wonder if the Amazon system will pass it through the filters and publish this. Anyway, this was a lot of fun and work to create. Looking back from the vantage point of releasing my second solo album, I feel even prouder of this collection of originals and

covers. When you write songs and then go through the process of arranging and recording and performing them, you have no perspective. Is this any good? Does that even matter? What compels you to make this music? I suppose there's only one answer. You are more miserable in silence than while struggling to define new sounds, And that is why you cannot stop. No matter what claws at you from within or without. End of review. Oh my. It was, this was a deep one.

Do you think she also copy and pasted that onto a ton of different things? I don't think so, but maybe. But it was not the only rating. So someone else gave it five stars as well i do love that they're being so open that it's their work you know yeah no that's why i respect it a lot and i like that they're trying to give a little bit of insight into um yes what they made and what they did and like also it like shows their personality a little bit um which gives a little context into what they're what they've produced so i like what's

the name of this album jazz america one word j-a-z-z-m-e-r-i-c-a what does that remind you of that cd like if you had that cd i don't know usually we're good at this but i don't know it's very vague my answer um it reminds me of at Barnes & Noble when they would have, or at stores where they would have headphones that you would put on and then you got to click. I feel like Jazz America would be one of the options that you could listen to on the public headphones at Barnes & Noble. I love that.

Yes. Okay, you've nailed it, actually. I love that. This is how my brain functions i don't really know it's it explains a lot about how i don't get impressive if i came up with that it would have been actually um i'm sure eventually you would have my next review is of odds and ends emotions in poetry uh it's by christopher d martin uh and here's the description dive into one writer's lifetime compilation of poetry from whimsical words floating under clouds to dark thoughts from the deepest part of the soul readers will inevitably find a way to relate

five star review by christopher titled very pleased yes i am reviewing my own product i purchased the first copy like anyone else would, but I am not writing this review about the content within. I simply want to say that I am pleased with the production of the book itself. As well, it was printed, shipped, and delivered in a timely manner. End of review. Well, that's so lovely. Right? They're like, it's not my place to review my own work, but it is my place to review the people who helped me distribute it. Yes. That's lovely.

I know. I think it's great. I really like... That's why I had so much fun with this, because they were all very positive and forthcoming, because I'm sure people exist that... Like fake it. Yeah, that pretend that they didn't create something. But I like that there are people out there who give themselves five-star reviews i

mean like it makes sense of course anybody would do that you know why wouldn't you why wouldn't you all right i've got a couple more this next one is of a review of the movie the return of tommy tricker what's that it's from 1994 uh here is the description welcome to the world of stamps with tommy tricker and friends as they learn the magic of traveling through time and space for the mere price of postage oh support the usps folks so yes absolutely do that uh i don't know if uh watching this movie will help but hey um it might try it might be inspirational here is a review by oliver titled great entertainment for children under 15 years this was written um so the movie's from 1994 this was reviewed in august 1999 on IMDb.

I acted in this movie as Charles Merriweather. I recommend this movie for children. I am now 15 years old, and I understand that kids my age will find this a waste of time. When acting in this movie, it gave me the chance to be myself as a kid, and now I look back on this movie with great memories and would love the opportunity to act again in a great movie such as this oliver morgan varlo and a review what a name yes yes i hope he's gone on to do great things yeah um not in acting because i looked them up

and there were no more uh credits at least in reviewing yeah but hopefully in reviewing or whatever they wanted to do in life whatever they found uh i don't know maybe a new jazz maybe a new jazz album oh jazz america 2 jazz jazz america 2.0 reload that's really funny i love that they were like i know teens will hate it but anyway it's a great movie yeah uh there i mean hey it's a review by a 15 year old what do you think i i expected exactly that and i'm very pleased if if i wrote reviews um as a 15 year old i know i would not want to be reading them nowadays you know like i would not did you know that that happened um what i'm really embarrassed about it so like i never bring it up but i wrote a review so brian wrote a book at one point and it was on amazon and i wrote a review about it

and uh this person like wrote this like nasty scathing response being like learn to speak english if you're gonna write a review of a political uh textbook or something and i i like found it or brian found it or somebody found it and sent it to me a few years ago and i was like mortified because it was me writing at like age 12 or 13 being like you you will love this book lol like it was just so fucking stupid and i just gave it five stars because i was like oh that's so cool that like his book is on amazon and i hate how nasty people are like that though like the fact that they would like i don't know i think i responded which is even more embarrassing and i'm like this is a 12 year old so just so you know or something

and i i doubt they've responded i think that was like on my old yahoo account but it's somewhere on amazon so if anyone knows how to find it please don't because it's really embarrassing um anyway so i think that review that that 15 year old wrote was so much more eloquent than whatever the hell i was writing at that age so that's true and they were i did like how they were like i hopefully we'll have the opportunity to act and like it was very just it was nice it was very like um you don't get too many nice reviews no very like uh well spoken yes all right so this is my last one this is from goodreads uh This is a review of the book The Loners by Evan Urema. It's a four-star

review out of five. A review from the author. The Loners was my first book, and for that reason, it was my baby. It was that special one that all of the other books I will write will be compared to. And it is also the template by which I will gauge how I improve and grow as an author. This is a story that I put a lot of time in, daydreamed constantly about the fantasy world that I created and the characters I met. So I would definitely say that I had the most emotional investment in this story than any I would write from here on out. The characters were people I'd want to be friends with, the setting, a place I'd love to live, and the adventure, one that I would be excited to take. That said, since it was my first, it's not without its mistakes.

Skills need to be sharpened. So that said, The Loners is by far my favorite book with the largest investment of my emotions into it, but also the one that I am the most self-conscious and critical of. I loved writing it, and the characters and setting I don't think I'll ever be able to top. And it was the hump to get over, and after finishing this one, all of my other stories came so easily. For that reason, I'm eternally grateful that I wrote this, and though my style and editing skills weren't as sharp back then, this one seems to be the crowd crowd favorite and i hope that you as the readers will agree end of review wow i know wow alexander so i'm like i'm a little bit taken aback because

at first i was like wow he's really setting the bar high for himself because how is he going to top this he even said he's not going to top it like no other book will compare but then he said however it has the the most issues so now i don't know which one to read i know there's just i mean it's it seems it's he says it's a favorite but i yeah i just really liked it and i also i believe so if i could be mistaken but i'm pretty sure i saw uh other reviews that um he had written and they were he wrote four star reviews of all of his books wow so he like gave a critical review of every other book that of his own that he's reviewed wow he's given himself a four-star review oh my goodness which yeah i i respect as well because it's like i don't know self-aware i guess but not i don't know because i don't know his but like yeah

the fact that but i don't know that's how i am too like i feel like if i would review something that i did of my own i would probably leave it a four-star review yeah alexander and i write one star reviews of beachy sandy constantly and just post them like under like mysterious accounts yeah all those ones that are really mean those are actually by us those are us so don't like don't believe a word they say um oh i love this uh he responded to there's an ask the author and it said can you tell us a two-sentence horror story, which I'm pretty sure is like a Goodreads auto thing, and I'm not going to read it because it's four paragraphs.

Yeah. Can you tell us a two-sentence horror story? To sum it up, no. Yeah. He starts with, I'm sorry, and that's its own sentence. I can't do that in two sentences. Anyway, so very fascinating so wow okay well thanks evan for being so honest and vulnerable yeah right i like your work that's when i wanted

to end on because i just felt it like summed up this challenge really nicely it did it was just so i don't know made me feel warm inside do you know what i wish i wish we had a way to find reviews written by people who wrote it or who made it but they didn't say like they were pretending it you know what i mean i would love to read the fake ones where the author like signed into a fake account and wrote a review about how great it is that's what i want to read it reminds me of when like people on reddit will like respond to their own comments before they like switch to their alternate account. Yikes. And like will like compliment themselves.

Yikes. And it's just like woof. That's so. Nice job. Not smooth. Uh-oh. Anyway. Well, thanks, Andy.

That was fun. Yeah. Thank you, Rose, for that challenge. That was a good one. Very creative. All right. Well, I dropped the ball and didn't have a theme prepared, but I got one for you now. It is malls like shopping malls in New Jersey. Yes. I like it. I like it. I feel like Jersey is very mall oriented, a mall heavy place.

Mall heavy place. That's the first time anyone said that, but you know what? I'm going to take your word for it. What's my challenge? that but you know what i'm gonna take your word for it what's my challenge oh you know what i just realized what this is from the same person that gave this week's challenge oh that's okay the same email so yeah rose did give a few challenges um and i'm gonna expand on it a little bit just like you did so i'm gonna just give you what i think uh find a review of a of a store where the person got lost okay so they specifically said um in an ikea which i think would be pretty good as well but like i wanted to keep it a little bit vague so where the person was like complained about getting lost could it be also like in a museum or is it just a store it can be a museum how about yeah how about review of a location

where the person got lost i'm very excited about this well that's very funny that we got a two for here rose is the first uh back-to-back challenge suggester so thank you rose totally accidental yeah i like just happened to see that and was like oh that's a good idea and then right before I read it I scroll

down who's this by wait a second oh my gosh that's amazing well thank you Rose you also have one of my favorite names so I'm sure

that that's not a coincidence okay well thanks everyone for listening we'll be back soon I'm sure we have a between you and us coming up at some point this month yeah now that we're in september and otherwise we'll see you next week and hopefully we won't get lost see you then bye Bye.