Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 94: Airports in North Carolina

Episode Date: September 16, 2020

You give podcasters a listen, you feed them a meal. Teach podcasters to steal listens, they probably get kicked off their platform. This made slightly more sense with apple sauce...  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Follow Alex on Twitch for Jackbox Games and more! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everyone, oh my goodness, welcome to episode 94. 94? 94, welcome to our podcast. It's called Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. It's a podcast.

It is where we read, this sounds like we're doing a play for our parents and we're like, welcome. Our show is called. And we look to each other like, okay, your turn to take over. Please say something. It's called Dance Recital. Hi, everyone. Welcome. This is Beach to Sunny Water 2, a podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most

dramatic fashion, only for our parents who really wish they hadn't had to come and watch watch our performance except they actually stopped listening like 90 episodes ago that's that's true um this was all in an effort to get our parents to watch us uh do something do our talent show in the in the living and they're still not watching so that's okay we like you guys too we do um and don't take this the wrong way christina but it feels like the fact that we've done this 94 times it definitely feels like we've been doing this much more than 94 times it does it's just me it's probably just a weird number because those before the 94 times we did um actual recitals in our living room 94 000 times so this just feels

kind of similar to those awkward experiences that i definitely have captured on home video somewhere i don't want to see that life is a blur basically and let's just keep moving on this week's theme was sent in by eva it is airports in north carolina the entire state. The entire state. And the challenge was given to me by you and Kat. She had sent in an email and wanted reviews of venues that are based on the performance that the reviewer saw there and not the venue itself. That's right. And I think Joshie also had suggested something similar.

Oh, that's right. If I remember correctly, which I probably don't. If not, correct us and we'll hopefully remember for next week. If not, correct us and we will ignore your email and never admit our wrongdoing. Exactly. So before we start, I want to, I know we don't really do intros on this show, so this is going to be very short, but I to um thank everybody who wrote in about my dilemma of direction out my my lack of directional skills i woke up the more the morning that the

episode was released to a bunch of emails and um people were so helpful and i feel so validated people it's honestly there were a couple different things people suggested um as to what might be going on and some people uh wrote in saying they had something similar or like uh an issue like an issue that was in the same class like the same vein um and so thank you everybody for your help i plan on responding to those emails i have not gotten around to it yet but they are in a folder that zanny made for me called x teen to respond so i'm they just kept coming in so i was like gotta put them somewhere i had made a folder probably like a year and a half ago called x teen to respond and there are

still emails in there from a year and a half ago because once i put them in the folder i went okay now they're in a place that i know i need to respond to them. And then I just kind of ignored it. So I do have a couple. Honestly, I should just put all emails in there. Reroute all emails into that. Just have you do everything. Don't, I won't do it. That's the issue here. But anyway, I think the biggest consensus that seemed to occur from these emails was something called developmental topographical disorientation, aka DD and um it's basically this this idea that you kind of lack the ability to create a map in your own head and like you don't see the world in a in the way that most people do as far as like being able to picture where you are kind of topographically like on a map and I didn't know until i read these articles that like

anybody could do that like i've never heard of such a thing like can you alexander like for example can you if you're like in a place trying to figure out where you're going can you kind of like picture bird's eye view like what your location is like what i've never even heard of such a thing i like i don't even understand how you could do that. So anyway, it's basically like a cognitive disorder. And I had therapy that day. So that poor lady, I walked in and I was like, I have to talk about this neural disorder. And she was like, oh, dear. Okay.

Another one. Another one. I know. And so she and I talked about it for a long time. And I think that might be actually what it is. Exciting. That's great that people put a name to it. I know.

As in like for you, like a name. There's a name. Not like whoever invented this. I mean, the people who wrote it. Thank you. It is. And my therapist was like, well, is this like helping you at all? This like it's not just adding to your stress.

And I was like, no, because it's putting a label on something that I thought was just me being and everyone always yells at me like oh you just don't pay enough attention and I'm like that's not it I really try so anyway I feel a little better about that so thank you everybody who wrote in that's all so now we can actually do the episode okay no that was that's it is really great and I'm glad that you yeah that all those people reached out for you wait one more question can you like when you close your eyes can you see pictures can you like conjure images i think so okay because not everyone can really yeah like i mean i think so like i can i can imagine what that would look like i guess okay well there are a couple things that are related to so when i mentioned that to mom the whole like uh it's called dtd um and she was like well you know

you were really really really terrible at fine motor skills and it took you like a year to figure out how to like pick up a cheerio and so i think there are some related, you know, maybe deficiencies that I had growing up that were related. And she's like, well, I was really busy teaching you to pick up Cheerios. So sorry, I didn't teach you how to learn to read a map. And I was like, OK, no one's blaming you for this. This is clearly something going on in my brain. So in any case, pick up Cheerios. Pick up Cheerios.

And guess what? I can say now that about 50 percent of the time I can pick up a Cheerio. 50%? That's actually, yeah, better than I expected. Okay. Well, thanks, everyone. I mean, people with, like, PhDs wrote in. It was just, like, very, I felt very validated.

Mom wrote in? She did. She was like. What the hell did she have to say? She had to say, you just need to pay more attention. You're just not paying any attention. Eat your Cheerios. Eat your Cheerios one by one and you'll get there.

All right. Do you want to go first? Sure. My first review is by David of Raleigh-Durham International Airport. One star. I have to start by saying that this is not about the airport. The airport experience has been smooth. For that, I am grateful.

The only thing was a restaurant inside this airport, Whiskey River. I sat in one of their chairs at the restaurant, and the waitress was very rude about it. I understand that this sits are for their customers only, but they're... I'm trying to watch your face and understand i just love the that this sits instead of these seats they said this sits okay i'm trying to get through it i understand that this sits are for their customers only but they are ways of letting people know is against their policy for others to even have a sit in their restaurant end of review someone literally went in sat in their restaurant and

they were like can we help you nope i'm just sitting in your restaurant how do you think that that's okay it's like you're not at the mall or like you and you go into the cheesecake factory and sit down to like go through your receipts. Like that's not how a dining. Don't get me wrong. I understand that airports get very busy. But why do you have to walk into a restaurant to a restaurant? They weren't even like, oh, there are these chairs outside. They literally said I was in their restaurant and they got mad at me for sitting there.

Oh, by the way, most of those restaurants, you have to like see the host to be seated so they probably just walked in past the host stand and like sat somewhere without even like acknowledging oh my gosh and i love but they even said that they understand that it's for customers only and yet they were get left a one-star. It's actually so much worse if they understand. If they didn't understand that, I'd give them a pass because they've never been to an airport before. Or a restaurant. Or a restaurant for that matter.

Oh my goodness. Okay, so, oh God, with all the suitcases too. No, I'm just hanging out. Okay, I have one of charlotte douglas international airport this is a one-star view by jeremy american airlines are you people insane copycat from united airline and delta 2 seriously stop being so freaking stupid like United Airline and Delta. They are a bunch of asshole, low class and sickening, uneducated people with their and no heart whatsoever. Stop making a bunch of excuses when the flights.

It is not a repeat. It's not necessary to cancel the flights and or delays since there are nothing wrong with the fucking weather in Northeast, not Southeast or West side or East side. Duh. Hello. So open the fucking doors air so people can fly home. Can you guys stop fucking around with other people's lives? Totally fucking insane. Nowadays, all the airlines are copycat each other,

dicks and balls. Oh my God. fucking insane nowadays all the airlines are copycat each other dicks and balls oh my god this is so much longer than i remember i'm so glad you found this because if i were reading this the my neighbors would be calling the police right now i can't breathe totally fucking insane nowadays all the airlines are copycat each other dicks and balls licking just to make people lives more miserable nothing but a bunch of assholes operating none shitty rules end of review i i am picturing the worst thing ever just like this person just sweating red in the face like just freaking out like it's just just this for anyone to have this type of stream of conscience conscience like like i don't get it dick and ball licking like just going on i just love that like

there's clearly nothing wrong with the fucking weather in any sort of east west south north uh i like duh hello when they said duh after like eight sentences that meant nothing i was like i don't now i'm really baffled that that um this makes sense to anybody and then it says can you guys stop fucking around and i didn't really relay this properly but then there's about 18 dot dot dot dot dot dots and then it says with other people lives so i mean really this is there's a lot of thought that went into this can you imagine if this was a guy who didn't understand where you could sit in the airport and so he went to the restaurant he's like i'm actually really busy my flight's delayed so i'm writing a review on yelp

yeah i wouldn't approach him based on what he wrote i would not approach him no i'm sure looking at like this was this was one of those reviews that it's obvious that this wasn't just a calm typing like you know you could visit like if you saw this person writing this you could tell they're writing this they are like you could tell you'd be like oh yeah that man must have just written dick and balls yeah he has carpal tunnel specifically from that because of this review yeah um the one he says can you open the fucking air doors so people can fly home i don't know i just some of it is humorous and then the rest is just frightening oh my god i don't even know but a lot of people did say like oh how dare they cancel my flight the weather's fine and they're saying there's something wrong with the air traffic control tower.

And it's like, well, what do you want to do? Still hop on your plane? That's what I don't get. Go flying? Like, they're canceling it for a reason. Right. If they say to me there's an error with the airplane or like a mechanical failure or mechanical issue, I almost hope that the entire flight gets

canceled at that point because i'm like i'm not gonna feel comfortable getting on this plane in an hour when they say it's all been fixed because yeah what the hell is wrong with it and there's one there were a lot of people who didn't understand that the weather doesn't have to be in that location like you're in north carolina i get it that like it's not you know necessarily going to be as bad but there are people who, well, it doesn't make sense that my flight was delayed. The flight next to me going to Topeka wasn't delayed. To get to Topeka, you don't have to go over the Bermuda Triangle. Right.

Anyway. All right. This next one is of Raleigh-Durham International. And this is by Kathy. One star. one is of uh raleigh durham international and this is by kathy one star we flew out of raleigh durham june 11th at 5 a.m everyone from curbside check-in to tsa was extremely rude the tsa agents purposely made us miss our flight as they purposely held up our stuff once they knew we were in a hurry. We asked for help from five different people, and half of them just ignored us. They weren't doing their job.

They were intentionally getting a thrill out of seeing two young women and three babies struggling to make their flight. End of review. Oh my god, to ever think that anybody in a service-type industry is getting a thrill out of three babies being in their presence. That's so false. I like it. Sorry. This is such a bold accusation.

It is. Like, what? It's actually like pretty wild. They asked for help from five different people and then only half of them ignored them. So like two and a half people actually like came came up and like did something i don't understand like or just acknowledge their presence what were they doing i don't know none of this this like were they asking and also were they asking other passengers like help help me from these tsa agents please yeah everyone's like giving them a wide berth yeah making sure they don't make eye contact oh my god yeah all those

tsa agents want to do is go home i can promise you that much uh can you imagine if you were like you worked for tsa and you were getting ready to go to work and you were like you woke up at like 3 a.m and you're like i just really hope there are extra babies in line today that i can just like make the mom's life so difficult that would be so much fun work is so fun at the tsa line exactly why does anyone think that the world revolves around them to the point that people have fun like screwing with them in these ways like forcing someone to making their babies cry it's just so bizarre oh boy um okay i have one star review by jerry this is also of the charlotte douglas international airport we ordered the house fried rice and pot stickers my dog would

have turned its nose i had very low expectations going in they were not low enough when i went back and told the cashier to pass my disappointment along to the chef he said okay okay i was expecting something else he said okay okay if this place did not have a captive and every evolving audience wait hang on no i read that i read that right dinner theater yes uh if this place did not have a captive and every evolving audience at the airport it wouldn't make it two weeks gangas spelled like gangashis Khan. Genghis is Mandarin for... Is there another way to spell it? I'm sorry. Just to clarify. Well, just...

I'm just curious. I just wanted to clarify what I was saying. I see, I see. Genghis Khan. That makes sense. I don't know if it, like, without the Khan part, has the same, you know, intonation, like, same... True, true, true.

Meaning behind it. Genghis is Mandarin for don't eat here i hope i've been clear enough end of review wow we i hope you've been clear enough too unfortunately you haven't been unfortunately not we'd love to hear more from you we'd love to learn what the fuck you're talking about mandarin and also i googled gangas mandarin and it did not, that's not what happened when I put it in the translate. Well, of course, they're just being an asshole. Oh, is that the name of the restaurant?

I get it. Christina, you didn't get that? No. Have you never hosted the show before? I, wow. Yeah, I didn't get it until right now i love that i can see that gangas is mandarin for don't eat here okay i get it well i like that jerry said i hope i've been clear and i'm like actually you need to clarify it like further but i'll have alexander do that

for me because apparently don't worry i'm i'm familiar with these types of people. Alexander speaks Jerry, Yelp, and Mandarin. Oh, no. Well, at least they have a captive audience that's ever evolving. All right. My next one is, again, of Raleigh Durham. This is by Lenny. This is one star. Not recommended.

Their security is so rude. Would let you go to some of their restaurants. This particular security, she was rude. She sounds like a robot. Back in October, I kept brushing her away after she said you need a boarding pass to go to one of the restaurants. In the airport, I was telling her to get lost. Their restaurants are not good anyway. She was not going ruined for us on my birthday. She kept repeating herself, and I kept telling her to get lost.

Same thing with license plate situation. End of review. What? Did she go to the airport for her birthday? Christina, so basically what I'm trying to tell you here is, you think your person isn't being clear enough? Come on. Look at the people I've dealt with.

I get you right. What is going on here? I concede to you here. Thank you. Well, also, give me the credit I deserve. Then with the license plate thing, does she also go to the DMV on her birthday? Like, does she go to just the world's worst places to experience life on her birthday? Like, literally.

The airport, TSA, and DMV. That's like some sort of like you lose a bet. And like the person says, okay, for the next five birthdays, you have to go to like the airport, the DMV, the Cracker Barrel. Okay, that's a positive. I'm just kidding. I was a joke. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

That was not funny. Wow. The Social Security Office, Parking Enforcement Bureau. Oh, wow. You're good at this game. I'm never going to play this game with you. I love that the security is like, you need to have a boarding pass to literally go beyond security and eat at a restaurant.

She's like, get lost. Lady, get lost. Literally, the amount of times they're like, yeah, I had to brush her away. I told's like get lost lady get literally like the amount of times they're like yeah i had to brush her away i told her to get lost uh yeah i know she wanted my autograph or something it's like no no she wanted you to not you know uh she kept trying to wish me a happy birthday and i was like get away from me buzz off buzz off creep oh okay okay so we don't have further clarity is that what I'm understanding? No, that's about it.

You're welcome. That was just birthday time at the airport. So now I have a one-star review of the still Charlotte Douglas International Airport. This one's by Jamie. I'm on the E terminal and all of the announcements are in some gibberish language. Why is this place so hostile to Americans? End of review. Oh, no. I know.

I hate that. I hate that, too. You're in North Carolina. What possible gibberish could it be? Unless you're flying to an international location, or it's just, you know, in Spanish, which is an often used translation in the U.S., I can't imagine what quote-unquote gibberish it would be that you so aptly cannot understand.

I mean, just imagine you're just like telling on yourself like that, you know, like, hey, this sounds like gibberish. I don't understand this. And also I feel threatened by it. Oh, yeah. I like that the announcements are in a a different language and so she's like wow they're so hostile it's just like how do you you're right like you're outright admitting like insane xenophobia right there yeah absolutely there's no way around it

oh your turn this next one is of ashville regional airport this is is by Katie. One star. I stopped using Asheville because of the simple fact every time I fly, I'm stuck watching the lame stream media at the lounge. They refuse to have a Fox News channel because it's too controversial. What a joke. Well, too controversial just lost you money. I'll drive the hour 15 minutes to stop listening to the hateful commie rhetoric. End of review. Oh my god. Can you imagine writing this out and using the word hateful and not like having like second thoughts and being like, well, maybe I'm the hateful one here.

The hateful commie rhetoric. It's so hostile toward Americans, these airports in North Carolina. It's so sad, huh? That these airports in north carolina so sad huh um that's pretty bananas i have a i have a proposal this is part of christine 2020 what was my other platform christina i don't know and i don't want to know i'm gonna look it up because i wrote it down why in our show notes oh eradicate all ocean worms is my first platform what are you serious yeah that was it yeah and now i have oh my god now i have a second so dumb i have a second um also oh i just went back i typed in christine 2020 on my notes app i have a bunch

also um stop giving teens internet christine 2020 yeah i was gonna say i feel like that's not where it started but yeah that was definitely a thing um christine 2020 needs the nebraskan vote it's so stupid what is this uh this is so i don't know and i don't want to know idiotic okay anyway what's your next thing now bring back ranch dressing christine i'm sorry okay i don't know that was another one bring back that was another one yeah so okay now that was gonna say what does that have to do with this um everything so my new platform is that i think before anyone gets on an airplane tsa should

scan not only their carry-on but also their yelp profile and you know if they're writing some of the i'm actually into that rhetoric then maybe they should take a time out and sit in the cheesecake factory or whatever restaurant that guy was in and like you know think about river yes whiskey river like take a float down whiskey river and think about what you've done think about what you've done wow christina i'm actually this is the first platform of yours that i'm behind not eradicate all ocean no christine no definitely not that um well thank you for finally i finally finally won the vote. I'm trying to be as amenable to all voters as possible. Yeah, you finally got my vote.

So one more vote. Literally just one because no one else gives a shit about this. No one else gives a shit about Yelp and airports other than us because it's literally our careers. It's literally all we care about. That's true. Okay, so that's my comment. Hey my comment hey i'm voting i'm voting okay i if that were your only platform i would vote for you you can't take it back no backseat that's how voting works i never no no no you can't take it back no you're not you're stop your hateful commie rhetoric

is really bumming me out right now hateful commie rhetoric is really bumming me out right now. Hateful commie rhetoric, Christine 2020. If that's what you want, that's what you'll get. I have also, Alexander, a review of the Asheville Regional Airport. Oh, goody. And there's two in a row that I want to read to you. Is that okay? Please.

Okay. So the first one is by Truth. It's one star. TSA threw away my three and a half ounce applesauce because they saw it as a security threat. End of review. Okay. So that's unfortunate for you.

Sounds like TSA, yeah. Also three and a half ounces of applesauce. Do you think they come in that much or do you think that she like specifically poured that much into a ziploc oh that's good to like meet the requirement you know oh that's a good question i wonder anyway well obviously they didn't meet the the requirement meet some requirement which is probably you can't bring applesauce in a ziploc bag um so this is now one that i found like pages later by a different account but this is one star review by petacular pet sitting

this airport sucks burgess at tsa was rude and hostile good job burgess you got my two individual cups of applesauce hope you're happy end of review so it's literally just burgess here something's going on someone's taking people's applesauce that's yeah it's nothing to do with liquid requirements burgess just really loves applesauce burgess stop you need to you need you're being too obvious you need to be more discreet i was gonna say don't tell burgess to stop i but i see what you're saying you need you're being too obvious you need to be more discreet i was gonna say don't tell burgess to stop i but i see what you're saying you're trying to be i'm trying to give you trying to help burgess god help got it help burgess get some more what you don't understand is that i need burgess's vote for 2020 oh jesus christ yes you do you have no you the only way

is applesauce the only way is applesauce is to help him get the applesauce he so urgently needs. Yeah. And the problem is you give a Burgess an applesauce, you feed him for a meal. You teach a Burgess how to steal applesauce. You feed him for at least one meal. So hopefully more than one, depending on how well you teach him for at least at least one meal so more hopefully more than one depending on how well you teach him and then you become president so that's why you get his vote that's why that's why i've really specified my i'm trying to go niche remember when i said i was trying to get trying to cater to every voter i'm now trying to cater to only one and it's just purchase one at a time here a problem is like as you go from one to the next you'll lose other

people's votes so like that's the thing at all times maximum you'll have maybe like three because you'll jump to the next one and like teach them something and the person like three voters ago was like well that's i don't like that platform i thought you said you'd never steal applesauce from anyone and now you're teaching people how to do it exactly i thought they signed yeah they signed on for your um uh on for your applesauce like security platform that's what that's how i originally got petacular Pet Sitting to sponsor me. What do you call it? When a newspaper says...

Endorse. They endorsed me. You'll have to learn this stuff once you're seriously running. I don't think I will because it seems like... Is that part of your appeal? It's part of my campaign is that... You're ignorant. I'm ignorant

is that um english is not my first language and that's why i'm really hostile toward americans because i just speak gibberish all the time with some commie rhetoric oh i speak commie rhetoric gibberish all the time your turn here is a review by um david this is of raleigh durham one star review this was previously a five-star review until jamie at rdu airport location threatened to physically assault me because he did not like me using my rewards at his location from my Emerald Club membership. National slash Enterprise has borderline criminally cancelled my membership without valid reason while I still had over $300 of unused credit. I've reached out to area managers, risk managers, corporate customer service, and others, yet

no one ever returned a call i have since switched to renting with hertz and already a president circle highest rewards membership level member jamie told me he didn't care about the thousands of dollars yearly he lost from a customer like me because in his words there are a million other customers if you need to rent a few times a year enterprise and national might be okay but if you rent regularly don't expect them to honor their reward system worst experience with a major corporation i've ever had end of review wow this person gives me quite a headache yeah and i'm thinking like the the whole threatening thing like's the same with those people from before. Like these staff members want as little to do with you as possible. Yes, correct.

Beyond what they're meant to do for you. Right. Like they don't want anything beyond let's let this transaction happen. Let me help you. I'm supposed to help you what I'm getting paid to do and move on. They don't look forward to going to work so that they can have a physical altercation with a customer that's not the plan that's not the goal um and i love that there were two lines there was two separate thoughts in there one was that this guy was like ready to fight him and then because he wanted to use his rewards and then

the other one was that he literally gave no shits about him and said he was just like the millions of other customers out there so there's like two very discreet uh opinions going on here that i'm pretty sure the second one is the most uh valid and most likely but i'm very glad to know that this person has uh such such like such a good car rental per customer you know the fact that they are at the highest level it's just like such a weird thing to brag about i mean like i got a travel credit card and it like automatically put me in one of those dumb like you know whatever circle tier whatever like tier oh you know you know the name you don't act don't act ignorant you're not this is this is part of your political bullshit. I'm the everyman's president.

No. Actually, I'm just the president's circle president. So if you're in the president's circle. I fly frontier. I am just like you. As she uses her Delta Onyx Amex. Onyx? I don't even know.

The Onyx Amex. You got to trademark that. That's good. it's just such a weird thing to brag about it's like that's not impressive that just means you're like spending way too much money or like a lot of money on rental cars or you have like a fancy credit card which like okay i guess that is something people like that guy brag about but yeah um i don't think that guy really gave a shit also um excuse me when he was like oh he didn't care about the thousands of dollars he was losing and i'm like he's not losing thousands of dollars

like he doesn't give a crap that the company is losing your shitty business anyway that's that's all i have to say uh cool so all i have left is redemptions okay do you i don't i've i've some not redemptions but okay how do you want to do it one i'll just let me read my last one okay i have one more this is a review of charlotte douglas international this is a one-star review by angie fire alarm's been going off for over 10 minutes nobody around to try to turn it off none of the gate agents know who to call or what to do downright hilarious and a review wow that does sound pretty comical i hope you use that in your next sitcom script oh yeah oh yeah i like that everyone's just like scrambling but except like this person's just writing their google review

i like how instead of like texting their partner or except like this person's just writing their Google review. I like how instead of like texting their partner or their like friend, like, hey, guess what's happening? It's really funny. They're like, I know who would like to hear this. My Yelp followers. This is what they come to my Yelp page for. Grade A comedy. Grade A comedy.

But I also feel like that's the thing is if I were in an airport and the fire alarm went off i wouldn't like leave you know true because then you'd have to go back i would assume i would assume it's a mistake and i would assume someone would fix it but what if there were actually a fire i don't know like you know what i mean like i feel like my first instinct wouldn't be to flee it would be to just look around being like oh this is annoying i think my first instinct would be whoever gets up first i'm taking your chair if it's near an outlet which probably like isn't the best way to go about it but yeah you're right that doesn't seem like a great place to be when a fire breaks out okay so i just have redemptions should i read those let's do it yeah i've got one i have one

as well okay so this is a redemption of the charlotte douglas international airport this is a five-star view by jeanette my first time on an airplane what an experience end of review oh isn't that nice i like that a lot because i saw a few that were like my first time on an airplane it was awful and i'm like yeah it is pretty awful actually but this person uh jeanette had a good time which i really appreciated i'm glad i'm glad for jeanette mine is a five-star review of asheville regional airport this is by mary the night shift manager for cleaning the planes etc went above and beyond to help me get my check-in bag off the conveyor belt and into my rental. I am disabled and was having difficulty pulling it and lifting it.

His name is Thorn. I couldn't have done it without him. He is awesome. Thank you, Thorn. Oh, that's really nice. I know. That's lovely. It's so rare that you see those.

I know. It made me happy. Wow. Well, I have a five star review also Wait what was that one for? Asheville? Asheville Okay I have one for Asheville as well This is five stars by Tom

The boutique airport The genteel southerner LOL A cute airport with petite planes End of review Was there like some sort of writing prompt that they got before writing this it sounds like it seems so specific the way they like what like gentle southerner lol i don't know i have no idea i just thought it was funny how bemused tom was with his own writing so true yes i'm i would consider myself bemused um and then i have one more this is a

will grove airport in charlotte this is a five star review by marlin this is the airport that i usually fly my jet out of great service first class all the way i always have my private limo waiting when i land end of review i. I hate it. I know. Sorry I had to end on such a downer of a five star. I hope that's a joke. Okay, maybe. I don't know. Well, at least I loved a five star review.

Oh, it wasn't a joke. It was sincere. I made sure of it. I clicked through their profile. Really? You're like, ooh, I wonder if I can get this. It was like Marlon. He's my next voter.

Get Marlon's number. More money. I bet Marlon's in. He's my next voter. Get Marlon's number. More money. I bet Marlon's in the president's circle at Hertz. Ooh. I bet I could get him to not only sponsor me, or wait, what is it? Endorse? Not only endorse me, I bet I could get him to contribute to my campaign. At least contribute like a limo or something.

Contribute a limo. I like that. One individual limo or something contribute a limo one individual limo contribute for the ashville airports limo i just want one limo uh from ashville north carolina that's that's my campaign contribution hey you know what whatever works you know what i think it's time for a challenge is it it is it is i'm ready the challenge was from kat and it was to find reviews of venues that are based on the performance that the reviewer saw there and not the venue itself okay starting off with one of mississippi studios in portland oregon um this is by harriet so this is a three star review Went here for the

Anna Teju French Chilean rapper Known for her social and political activism It was a great venue But the show was just okay I think it was just due to taste really Since I don't care much for rap And even less when it's in a language

I have a hard time understanding I'm sure it could have been better if i had seen another artist though end of review oh so just middle of the road you know that's depressing you think yeah because i just i'm like if you're gonna go see a show like if you're gonna go see a rapper perform why would you give it and you know you don't like rap i don't know i'm just like what it's just so weird to me it's like if i were if somebody i knew were like hey do you want to go to this i don't know sporting event with me and i didn't particularly enjoy the sport but i went anyway i wouldn't go home and be like wow i don't like watching the sport i'm gonna give it a shitty

review yeah like you knew it i don't know if you were like i love this artist and they did a bad job okay sure that is a good point i don't know yeah that is that is weird it just feels like an unfair like they can't win because you already it's like if people were going to for example my live show and we're like well i hate the podcast anyway so i didn't enjoy myself one star it's like well then why are you going i don't know whatever maybe they were hoping to like change their mind change their mind i guess but still then why would you leave a review like like that is i think that is even though like other ones were like goofy and whatever this one was very much like fit the challenge and yeah i guess

not in a great way because it was just like a lose-lose yeah it's like they can't win the artist can't win and neither can the venue and neither can the venue like the venue was great but yeah anyway i don't know okay here is as a performing artist i have a lot of thoughts that's all oh yeah tell me more i just told you all of them i thought that's it i thought that those were all your thoughts those are all of them i thought that's it i thought that those were all your thoughts those are all of them you didn't think that was a lot it feels like a lot no i honestly i could hear so much more from you i'll tell you later just kidding please don't okay i mean yay all right my next one is of the globe theater here in la this is a three-star review

by mickey rupaul work the world tour show was terrible the audio was so bad the audience couldn't hear anything but bass no conversation no jokes could barely hear the lyrics i my friends and other walked out when they took a break wasted our evening plus it was crazy hot to boot everyone including the entertainers were fanning themselves i would expect so much more from you guys come on sent for my iphone end of review i especially like that part i don't know but like i've never seen that on a yelp review until like today so i was like okay yeah that's like they literally somehow included sent for my iphone wait maybe they literally sent it to like rupaul's manager or something and then like copy and pasted it into a yelp review because they were just maybe this was in 2017 so i think at that point

it wasn't like that impressive to own an iphone it wasn't like the first you know like it wasn't um it wasn't bragging rights um like if you had an a Blackberry you wouldn't write you would write sent from an iPhone sent by my iPhone or whatever the fuck at the bottom of your email um I don't you know what I don't think I would do that but I did watch the video of like it was like talking about it was like this Karen who went to get the like when the iphone first came out and waited and there were people waiting in line and she paid the person in the front of the line eight hundred dollars uh so she could be first because she was planning

on buying out the entire at&t store of their iphone stock and she got in and they were like uh it's only one per customer. And all these people were like camping out for it. And the guy who got the $800, he was with two other people apparently. And so, or like two other people were in line as well, like his friends. And between the three of them, they only were planning on buying two phones. So like it worked out perfectly where they got an extra 800 and they got the two phones that they wanted oh my god yeah so i thought that was pretty funny and that guy who was actually in front of the line like in this video uh is a

musician and youtuber okay so his name is mark rebillet rebillet r-e-b-i-l-l-e-tbillet, R-E-B-I-L-L-E-T. Rebillet. Rebillet. Rebillet. Rebillet. I think I'm trying too hard. The video I watched was called How to Funk in Two Minutes, and it was amazing. Oh. So, yeah, very talented musician.

Anyway, random side note. Let's get back to reviews. I have two more. Okay. And they're both of the same place. Good old Paul Brown Stadium. No way. this should be fun um this first one also includes a little stadium related stuff but i just like

i liked it uh this is by roger one star terrible atmosphere i felt like i was in a depression museum the terrible attempt at stadium food made it even worse end of review okay everybody stop what's a depression museum and how do i go there and get a lifetime membership how no we're gonna be put on display christina oh no you're right we're the first exhibit we're the only exhibit um wow depression museum that's a new one also i want to add that uh if in case you don't know paul brown stadium is the bengal stadium in uh oh yeah in case in case you're not from cincinnati like you know and it was really sad reading these reviews because we went a lot growing up because

our dad's big fan we are as well but um speaking of which christina when you're here on thursday uh i want to watch the bengals game did you watch it football yeah i did i don't want to talk about it horrible so bad i didn't even text you about it i threw i literally threw my remote across the room ally my ex-girlfriend she said that she didn't recognize me the first time she watched me watching football so i should have warned her i like turn into a different person yeah it's really frightening i literally i was gonna text you i was gonna text you because um it seemed to be going well all of a sudden and then blaze was like oh your brother must be so excited and then things went really not well and he my palms were

so sweaty he literally goes don't text him don't text him no thank you i know i text him i was like i'm not planning on it i throw i threw my remote across the room okay it wasn't that dramatic i was it wasn't like aggressively i just like tossed it but um i mean a shanked field goal to lose and like that penalty before it was a legitimate penalty but i don't think he needed to it was so to draw the it was a whole thing it was a whole thing anyway i don't want to talk about it it's's a depression museum, okay? New game coming up. New game coming up.

And speaking of which, here's another review of Paul Brown Stadium, one star by Garrett. Would be a much nicer stadium if the team didn't make it look so bad. End of review. Amen. Very succinct and like... I love that. Very true. I mean, i mean yeah it hurts but it's so real it's so true it's a true fact it's a true fact um wow thank you sandy that was very good you completed the challenge with flying colors i tried i tried i tried my best now i'm sad because i got

into a talk about let's snap snap out of it snap out of it i'm sad because I got into a talk about it. I'm sorry. Let's snap out of it. Snap out of it. I'm not a human baby. We'll watch Thursday. It'll be fun. P.S. I'm coming to LA this week, guys. I'm back.

So, Zandy, I have a theme for you for next week. No, you don't. Do you actually? I do. Shit. Okay. No, I'm ready to anyway. You are?

Yeah. Okay. Great. Okay. I'm like 10 seconds. No, I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to anyway you are yeah okay great okay like 10 seconds no i'm ready i'm ready i'm ready i'm ready our theme for next week is preschools in indiana preschools i'm down for it it's either preschools or daycare centers i can't decide you know what we'll just we'll find figure out what's better as we go. We'll just feel it out. No, I like that. Okay.

Okay. So someone on Instagram DM'd me, Mia. And Mia sent me a hilarious... I didn't read the rest of the... Okay. I read most of the review. The main thing was the first line. And let me read it to you.

This is a review of Cecilia's Cafe in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Here's the first line. It's a five-star review. Okay, let's get right to the bleached, spiky-haired elephant in the room. Yes, Guy Fieri has left his smarmy, greasy fingers all over Cecilia's. Oh, no. But this was a five-star review, so they were actually saying, if that's not your thing, stay away.

But they gave a five-star review. So sent that mia sent me that review and then said that it would be a great challenge reviews mentioning guy fieri uh so i think that it would be fun ideally not including his restaurants like his specifically branded restaurants to find reviews that mention guy fieri okay i gotta write this down right now One of my hair idols I am down I am down to clown if you know what I mean Nope don't want to

Mia thank you for that challenge Christine 2020 Thank you Mia and thank you to myself for the theme If you don't have anything else to say I'm gonna head out and get my season pass to the Depression Museum and I'll see the rest of you next week. That sounds good.

See you there at the Depression Museum. I'll be behind the glass case. Jesus, it's like a mime, but actual. But a mime, but like actually crying. And actually touching glass. And actually smacking this is so dumb okay be let out of my glass cage no one let her out okay bye everyone Bye.