Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 96: Corn Mazes in Iowa

Episode Date: September 30, 2020

Normally since it's his birthday, we'd say 'All hail Xandy!' but we're over here hailing the corn cob cannon king instead. Maybe next year, Xandy. Maybe. Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Watch Alex's 12 hour birthday stream! https://www.twitch.tv/xandyschiefer Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. happy birthday to you happy birthday to you i was hoping you'd interrupt me by now yeah i really want to this is making me i was hoping you'd stop me before i had to change the octave change the octave is that what you're gonna do go an entire octave up not on purpose but like it was gonna happen by accident it's gonna happen anyway happy birthday it's sandy's birthday week

thank you it's also literally this is releasing on my birthday that's right what if i yeah so today is Zannie's birthday. What if I said, what if that whole thing was about International Podcasting Day and then I forgot it was your birthday? Happy International Podcasting Day. That's true too. Yeah, you share it with the best. So happy birthday to one of the great Libras of this nation and a Libra that I love and hashtag Libra gang hashtag Libra gang and Zandy how are you happy birthday you have a lot of exciting things happening this week on your birthday yeah it's I planned things very poorly okay like well maybe maybe it was planned well I'm doing well i'm overwhelmed as heck i had to cancel stream today because it was just too much like this week because sunday night monday morning i released my new podcast yay zany has a new podcast and it's so good and

everyone is so excited like people were like oh we're excited to support it and then it came out and everyone was like holy shit shit, this is really good. Like, people are really excited. Don't get me wrong. I was also excited. I also felt good about it. I think it's a great idea. I'm, like, talking it up myself because I love it and I'm doing it for a reason.

And yet I'm still shocked by the reaction. People have been so positive and so nice. I mean, we're still shocked when anybody likes our show. So I think it's like fair. That's a good point. Especially if you're doing it by yourself. People will message. Yeah.

It's harder to do it by yourself. That's true, though. I think that was the worst thing was doing a podcast by yourself. You sit there and you're like, wait, who's going to make me look funny? Well, yeah. Not that it's not even a comedy podcast, but like who's going to make me sound interesting, funny, whatever. Like it's just me.

And also like then it's all on your shoulders. You can't like rely. Yeah. You can't rely on anyone for help and you can't blame anyone else um for things yeah but if i have off days it's the whole thing is an off day i can't carry carry your weight the whole way you know like i do most most of the time well so true xandy's podcast is called human seeking human and do you have like an elevator pitch or like a log line? Sure. Let me try. In Human Seeking Human, I'm reading old blah. See, I'm already fucking it up. Yay. I'm put on the spot. Why didn't I prepare for this? No, I read personal ads from old newspapers. Isn't that the best idea, everybody? Celebrate people who are trying to find love through other means that we don't have today.

They're kind of outdated. It is considered outdated now. So especially with apps, the apps and dating sites we have now. So it's a fun little exploration. And it's very positive, which is I feel like it's just all around positive. Yeah. And heartwarming. Not explicit. Nope. It's family friendly. Purposefully. It's family positive. Yeah. And heartwarming. Not explicit.

Nope. It's family friendly. Purposefully. It's family friendly. For once. Family friendly. Very positive. I'm trying to keep it very uplifting and trying to have a lot of fun with it too.

It's great. So far the response has been really positive. And honestly, the thing, all I'm feeling right now is I'm so ready to record episode two. I'm so excited because of the reaction I've gotten now I'm even more that much more motivated to uh continue it I can't wait and um so you all should subscribe it's uh episode one has released and there's a trailer which is also pretty good but the episode itself is great uh it comes out Mondays Mondays yes so now you have a Monday show and a Wednesday show and a Sunday show if you listen to my show and that's why we do and like in every other month maybe if I remember a show if you

watch my YouTube channel and then Christina's new podcast is going to be on Tuesdays then I'll do another one oh gosh can you imagine Thursdays we're gonna fill up your week uh Zanny's also doing a birthday stream on today when this comes out. Yep, on my Twitch channel. It's a special 12-hour stream. 12 hours. So I will be streaming myself on my Twitch, twitch.tv slash Zandy Schieffer, X-A-N-D-Y-S-C-H-I-E-F-E-R. And it's going to be wild.

I'm going to be drinking, probably not for all 12 hours, but I'll be drinking alcohol. I will be opening gifts. I'll be crying a lot. That's a big goal that my community has, the Hogpen. They want me to make me cry on my birthday. Like positive cry. I was, what if they just wanted to bully you into tears for your birthday? Well, they do that on the other days.

On my birthday, they want me to cry for good reasons. Got it. Well, I was planning on stopping by. The crying part, I'm not super, you know, looking forward to. Then don't come for the gift opening. Okay. Because that's going to be emotional. I will try and stop by.

Okay. So that's that. That would be so much fun. I think so. And I'm excited. And also, we did do a... I brought Zannie some gifts two weeks ago when I visited. Or a week ago.

It was early. I came early with Zanny's presents. So we did a gift opening. And there's some Shanti-related merch involved. So I'm going to post that to our Patreon for patrons to watch. Yes. I'm so excited for that video. Yeah.

We had fun with that. It feels like ages ago now. But that was a birthday thing. to watch yes and i'm so excited for that video yeah we had fun with that it was like it feels like ages ago now but that was a birthday thing and oh we we got some gifts from listeners that we showed on our stream on patreon so the and that's why i drink mailbox got some uh mail and i brought it to xandy's house and we opened it on the patreon stream and xandy okay i have one final gift for you and i'm worried i hope it doesn't interfere with anything but my gift to you if if you don't have anything else is that i am planning the hundredth episode oh really did you have a plan i don't have anything god no because you haven't

mentioned it in weeks and i was like maybe he's doing something okay i i was planning to plan something like i was like okay i gotta do something for this but i swear to god there was no nothing beyond that point okay good because it got to oh my god really because it got to the point where i was like because i've been planning this for weeks and it got to the point where i thought i should probably tell him i'm doing it so he's not like oh my god constantly anxious about it so i do have a plan and i am working on it right now and it will so you have no nothing to do for the 100th episode that is the best gift anyone will ever give me i

thought you'd appreciate that um that's a relief because i just checked today i was i had to re-listen because i was like wait what's my challenge again and it was like i saw episode 95 i'm like wait that can't be right it's right right. It's right. I think it comes out Halloween week, interestingly. Halloween week, right? Yeah. So anyway, that's my update for you. And happy birthday. Thank you.

Thank you. And thank you, everyone, for the birthday wishes that I'm going to get. He's guaranteed to get. But I mean on my 12-hour stream. I'm excited for it. So hopefully see some of you there. Even if you stop by for a minute, that'd be cool. I'll stop by.

Or not at all. I'll do a quick stop in. Everyone's going to pay attention to you. I'll take a break. I do like to sometimes get some attention and then leave. They do love giving you attention. They like to make you cry, that's why. Yeah, that's true.

Well, I guess we have a gift for you all, and that's to actually start our episode for once. Yeah, 10 minutes in, that's okay. You, I guess we have a gift for you all, and that's to actually start our episode for once. Yeah, 10 minutes in, that's okay. You'll live. It's my birthday. Leave me alone. It's International Podcasting Day. Yeah.

We have the power for once. Oh, wait. Doesn't that mean we should take the day off? We. Yeah, this is it. This should be our last episode, or the last of the episode. Great. We should just be done.

I'm already closing my computer. Bye. Our theme this week, by the way way was corn mazes in iowa and i was working on this last night after a couple glasses of wine and i wrote i see it in my notes here it says maze maze did you spell it like corn yeah i thought that was clever like maze maze i love that i was like how does nobody say that i think that's does do people say that am i just like they must right maze maze you can't have just come up with that right maybe you did but i don't think i've heard that in my life i was like wow that's so clever because you can do amazing maze maze amazing maze maze to be like i just read a lot of reviews a lot because it took me a while i didn't see that one yeah okay so good for me and there were a lot

of maze mazes in iowa uh so i apparently came up with that uh at 1 a.m pretty drunk so i think it's like people it's like michael scott who was like you know what i came up with the unicorn before i found out that someone that's you right now everyone's like you've never heard that before yeah i feel like i came up with this uh i'm sure yeah it does there's definitely some places called that um i guess i just was like how has nobody really oh wikipedia literally says a corn maze or a maze maze really yeah that's funny maybe that's how it started maybe someone was like what if we turn oh my god you're probably right that was the origin of the corn maze was because why else would you fucking go it's a bunch of corn let's make a maze

out of it okay you're right i love how it says a maze maze is a maze cut out of corn actually i i've looked at that word enough now where i can't really understand it like it's like just a bunch of letters all of a sudden um maze maze is a maze cut out of a maze field whoa this is too much okay let's get into it before we hurt ourselves okay all right my first one is of the pumpkin ranch it's a pumpkin patch in madison county iowa and i made sure that all of these have maze mazes as well don't so they might not be called maze maze but yeah here is a one-star review by alex i went today and there wasn't much for older kids i just don't know many people that have little kids and not older ones we go there as a family and my older kids can't do anything because there isn't anything for them

end of review okay i wonder if this person when they had children um if the children came out already grown that's it seems like they don't know anyone yeah that have little kids and not older ones it's like they don't understand the concept of like well they were and they will they right yeah it seems like a flawed logic somehow and I can't really figure out how it is, but I think it's flawed. In my circle of friends, all of them who have younger kids also have older ones. So therefore, that applies to all of Madison County, Iowa. Yeah, it seems that way. It's almost like they're like, I've never really met a young kid before.

Like, I don't think I've met a young kid, and I don't think any of my friends have met a young kid before like i don't think i've met a young kid and i don't think any of my friends have met a young kid without them having older kids like around them too yeah like older siblings yeah i don't know you know what i you know what this is a very very philosophical all right this is a one-star view of bloomsbury Farm in Atkins, Iowa. Now, Alex and I really struggled, really struggled. It took me hours to find any. And it was, yes, because I guess on Yelp, it's that thing again where there's like six reviews of each place. And then on Google Maps, it said there were like a hundred of each place.

And most of the ones on Yelp didn't have any reviews none on tripadvisor i had to like scour and so then i would click on like recommended for your search and i would click on it and like find something and it would be like this is in illinois and i was like what the f so it kept taking me to illinois i have one in illinois because i was like fuck it i can't find anymore okay i cheated and i thought i was like okay i'll. I can't find any more. I cheated. And I thought, I was like, okay, I'll look up the geographical. You know how I am about geography. I was like, maybe they're connected. They are connected. But the one that I found is two hours away.

But it kept coming up every time I searched for it. So I don't know what's going on. But I did find several in Iowa, so don't worry. Okay. But I only had three, and I only had two. So I was like, I need one from illinois to illinois is fine we'll allow it i told daniel last night i was like is this in idaho idaho idaho or iowa and he's like i went i was like great because i wrote in my notes idaho

but then i thought i remember anyway what's the difference i don't know today i was driving and i was to the pharmacy and i was like wait was it iowa i hope so because all of mine are iowa i forgot too okay even after i told you it's definitely iowa so i'm hoping it is i well we'll find out from somebody who's gonna be like uh you said idaho whoops well what if they maybe they'll say you said illinois and then i was. So we'll see. Oh, my God. And then you're the only one who didn't cheat. They all sound the same. Okay. No offense.

Illinois, Idaho. They always an Iowa. They're so similar sounding. Yeah. Okay. I don't know. And they're in the same general vicinity. I don't actually know that.

I think Idaho maybe isn't. No. Idaho is much farther west. I would. Yeah. You know,aho borders washington well i've been officially diagnosed with dtd in case anyone's wondering i was after several weeks of uh of uh analyzing it and talking to my my provider so uh i have an excuse finally for why i don't

know where anything is this is a review of bloomsbury farm in atkins iowa it's a one-star review by maria i'm sorry that's it is very exciting what that you got diagnosed like you have like that is a really i i know i brushed that off but i do no thank you i'm also going to read a book called the body keeps the score which i'm only mentioning because a couple people in the patreon peach Juice Annie stream recommended I read it. And today my therapist said you should read that because it has a lot of information on how your body takes... Is that about like the really old scoreboard in Wrigley Field

that like people, like humans still change the numbers? The body, that body, they're all interchangeable, but somebody, somebody just changes the score with his hands. It's like the old church bells, you know? Somebody rings the bell. Yeah. Okay, never mind. Bloomsbury Farm in Atkins, Iowa.

One star by Maria. Bloomsbury Farm is a waste of time and money. Most of the attractions offered were about as exciting as what you could find at any old city park. The llama in the petting zoo charged people that approached the fence and didn't immediately shove a food pebble thing down its long neck it kept stalking people along the fence lines and was just waiting to spit on some poor little unsuspecting kid the petting zoo would be a happier environment poor kid poor fucking llama

if you were kept locked in like that for no reason wouldn't you want to spit on people i know i would the petting zoo would be a happier environment if the llamas were eradicated oh my god now i said eradicate all ocean worms i said nothing about llamas okay to be clear that is not on my platform and they're gonna drag my name through the mud literally at the penning zoo well now you just lost iowa's vote i lost i was the only vote i needed or was it idaho i can't tell the difference so i think think I've lost both. Well, then you lost both, yep. Oh, my God. We should eradicate.

Also, the word eradicate. Who uses that language, right? Who uses that language when talking about animals at a petting zoo? Please. What the heck? The petting zoo would be a happier environment if the llamas were eradicated. In their place, there should be more pygmy goats and piglets. The food sucked and

ranged in price from three to five dollars. I suppose it's an exciting place to get to see if you're under five years of age, but every other pumpkin patch in the area offers cheaper prices and the same, if not better, attractions. Bloomsbury only offers a large jumping cushion, pig races, some small racing bicycle type thing for kids, a $20 zipline ride, a pumpkin blaster gun, a corn pit with slides, a small petting zoo, a food area, the gift shop, hay rides to the pumpkin patch, a corn maze, and two haunted houses. With as much money as they're bringing in, you think they could offer some better crap to do. End of review. Do you have access to their books? Like what? Well, I just love that they're like it's the same old

stuff you could find at any city park and then they're like there's a hayride and a corn slide and a gun that you shoot pumpkins out of and a petting zoo with llamas and haunted houses i was like this doesn't sound like the parks that i go to no but you know what but have you been to iowa i'm going on my my pundit speech. Oh, you're like, what? I'm going. I'm like, oh, it's your politics thing. Stump campaign?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm going on my next platform to eradicate all ocean worms. Okay. I think Iowa has a big problem with ocean worms for sure. They don't have a problem with ocean worms. They have a problem with llamas. But if I can get them to agree to it like, hey, can you imagine if ocean worms invaded your space, Iowa? You think llamas are bad?

Just wait till the infestation. You know, you guys scare that some xenophobia about ocean worms. Some xenophobia about ocean worms. On my side. No one has said that in the history of history i'm not afraid to play dirty politics i have an idea actually this is actually a useful idea tell me tell them that the llamas they have not their natural prey are ocean worms and say we will remove the llamas and put them to the coastal states so that they can eradicate oh i see that's actually like a double yeah like you this is a win-win win-win win-win coastal states get llamas like think about boston with llamas those people spit on everyone like you're right they're gonna fit right in they're blend

right in they won't even know they're animals yeah they'll just walk around uh fenway park okay i love it thank you thank you for running my campaign that's why i'm your campaign manager house of cards nope we're not getting into that fucked up shit it's not gonna get that crazy we're just gonna have llamas eating ocean worms but nothing too crazy yeah well nobody thinks that a campaign's gonna get as crazy as it is but i've seen all the shows that's a good point you've seen all the shows you just slippery slope covered in ocean worms my next one is of howell's greenhouse and pumpkin patch and their main profile image is one of those creepy pictures of a baby and a pumpkin, which people right now are probably very offended that I called your babies creepy because you've probably done that. To be fair, your challenge was to find creepy babies.

So I think it's on the brain. Creepy babies are on my mind for sure. This is in coming a poorly named city i forgot what it was called coming iowa oh i have one from cummings iowa or coming iowa um this is by hayley one star one hot dogs is 11 which is way too expensive try not to buy hot dogs in this place. Thanks, but not too much. End of review. She's getting the hang of it. Thanks, but not too much. That's right, isn't it?

I don't know if they're trying to say thanks, but not much thanks, or they're saying thanks, but that's too much for a hot dog. I think they're trying to say thanks, but no thanks, but they didn't know the think they're trying to say thanks but no thanks, but they didn't know the idiom. Like thanks but no thanks, thanks but not much.

I think things just move differently in Iowa, just in general. But there is an owner response. Okay. We apologize if there is some confusion during your purchase, but we only charge $3 for hot dogs. End of review. Oh, my God. But we only charged $3 for hot dogs and a review.

Oh, my God. I mean, it's like the age-old exaggeration that can easily be debunked. Unless some teen is running a scam where they're like, oh, hot dogs are $11. That's a good point. Good point. Going to take the extra $8 that's left over. Hey, I'm not running on a platform of math i said oh my god because i was so fast oh okay don't worry i was impressed as a campaign manager i need to bump up the confidence yeah all right your turn so this is a review um this is when i got misguided and i ended up researching this place called kono's corn maze

in homer glen illinois which really irritated me because i found out afterward that it was not in the right state but i just went with it since i was really struggling to find them so this is a one-star review by lou of kono's corn maze While planning my yearly trip to the pumpkin farm in Homer Glen, I stumbled on these reviews. After reading all the reviews here with five-star ratings conspicuously absent, are any honest comparisons to the other farm that most of these reviews seem to be referring to in an illicit and negative way. Last year, we saw the ads for this place, and it sounded like it might be as good as that farm,

which we usually visit. If you ask me, this place should be called Clownose. Clownose. Don't laugh at that, Christina. Clownose. I thought it was Clownose, but that's not what they're... Clownose, but they're trying to say, like, it's a clone of quote the other place yeah i'm glad you get it because i read it three times and was like i

don't know what's happening but i'm glad you already are smarter than me this place should be called clone o's as they as well as others attempt to emulate the farm that all of these jabs seem to be aimed at their ads look the, they claim to have as much stuff to do, but when you show up, the disappointment is written on your kids' faces like the mud on their shoes. And they will ask, dad, now can we go to the other place with all the cool stuff? Yeah, you might save a buck or two here, but they don't have half of what the other place has animated displays food rides pig races on and on pig races what oh yeah i did a pig i went to a pig race at the one in la they're just pig racing little pigs yes they have little pigs and then they go like okay ready set go and then you just like pick one that you think is going to get to the end the fastest.

Like they just put them in a little thing and they run around. It's sort of like when they do with like ants. Don't they do that with ants? Okay, what? Okay, too far. Nope. Ants? Or sometimes they use ocean worms and they just pick.

Nope, next. They're like like which one which one's gonna cross the atlantic first they do it with like and spread their illnesses um yeah no sometimes they do with like bugs or things where it's like you don't have a control over them you know what i mean but you just like pick one or turtle races jesus christ okay just you know what where you're like i'm gonna just pretend i pick that one and then whoever makes it to the end like you win anyway so pig races and on and on what is isn't ironic i don't know what that means wait what what oh ironic Well, ironic means... Can you explain it?

Probably not. No, Alanis Morissette can. Yeah. What is slash isn't ironic is that you all know who I am talking about without even mentioning their full name. It is funny how everyone likes to attack the guy on top. There is a reason why they are on top, people. This place is a letdown after going to the other place.

Don't waste your time or money. I'm sure this review will end up in the filtered section, as did any other non-five reviews of this place. End of review. God, so cryptic. What the fuck? It was creepy. Is it?

Okay, because I was like- It's like a Dan Brown novel. It felt like all the maze mazes in the dan brown novels where you're just like trying to piece all of it together figure out who's involved who's nefarious i i don't you don't what i like i'm trying to understand is he saying so i you want me to tell you what i think yes because i think maybe you understand it better than I do. So my understanding is he loves the other place, this one place. He tried out this place, checked out the reviews, noticed that there were a weird amount of

five-star reviews, not as many negative ones, and was like, huh, well, I like that other place so much more. I don't know why people are saying the opposite because the other place is so much better. And so he was like, well, this must be some sort of like campaign or coordinated attack of the other place that everyone seems to know is better. Why is he not mentioning it?

Because he's afraid that if he mentions it, he'll be put in the filtered section. I know he's saying that he will anyway, but I bet that he's thinking, oh, if he mentions it, it might come across as it being in the tax office. What do you think it is? He might get filtered. I couldn't figure it out. I read all the reviews of this place and I was like, I don't know.

The thing is, it doesn't help me. Yeah, it doesn't make me feel like I know what the other place is. So I'm not going to go there. Klonos. Klonos. Oh, yeah, Klonos. Yeah so i don't not gonna go there so i don't know clonos oh yeah clonos yeah i don't know i think i think he was trying to create this into to be like the next dan brown novel and really it's just another yelp review like don't tell him i said that it's written on their faces like it was like the mud on their shoes what the fuck does that even mean who's writing mud on your shoes it doesn't like the

it doesn't the analogy doesn't make any sense i also just love the phrase what is slash isn't ironic which i'm like wait is it or isn't it and i would like to say if anyone fucking asks me and says well nothing that alanis morissette says in that song is actually ironic i know that yeah we know that come on isn. I'm already getting anxious about people telling me that. It's like rain on a winter night. Oh, I'll be singing on my stream today, by the way, when this comes out.

I'm doing a drunken karaoke. To say like, oh, you just got paid and you get a free lunch, that's so ironic. Wait, is that even the lyric? I't know i i i ascribe to the theory that it being named ironic is the ultimate irony because none of it is actually ironic oh i see you know what i mean yes is it yeah i never really understood i always have trouble

understanding the real meaning of irony. But I do like this line in the song that goes, this is the only one that I certainly know is not irony. It's a black fly in your Chardonnay. Wow, that's ironic, right? It's the same with rain on your wedding day. I don't think that's ironic. It's also not ironic.

No, no. I don't think that's ironic it's also not ironic no no i don't think much of it is i mean the worst part is then the guy fucking dies in a plane crash which i'm like did we need to go that far well that's pretty ironic he was afraid to fly he packed his suitcase kissed his kids goodbye he waited his whole damn life to take that flight and as the plane crashed down he thought well isn't this i night isn't this nice and isn't it ironic don't you think like no it's just sad it's just really really sad anyway sorry that i brought us down that path um i'm just gonna let you take the blame for that for once uh even though you don't deserve it yeah um okay thank you for listening to me and lou you're welcome now it's time to listen to dan uh who gave dan brown yeah actually holy shit is this like his he got like

you know how when you put on a book and you write like oh uh uh elizabeth gilbert It's a magical novel. You'll be all about it. What are you talking about? Like when somebody writes a book and then they'll say, they'll have other authors, other esteemed authors write like, turn paging.

Nope. Page turning. Couldn't put it down. Like Stephen King. You know what I mean? When they have other authors write. So what does that have to do with this? I forget what you were saying. I thought so.

Oh, when you said Dan Brown. And I was like, maybe this is Dan Brown's like, you know, talking about Lou's review and being like, this is the next great Dan Brown novel. If you ask me. Signed, Dan Brown. Well, let's see what Dan Brown actually has to say. This is a three-star review of Howell's Greenhouse. Again, this is in Cumming, Iowa.

Google Maps has the icon for this business located on my house. This is obviously incorrect. The icon for this business should instead be located further east end of review like on the actual property of the place and there was a response from the owner oh my god we're so sorry for the inconvenience we have requested to google that the icon be moved further down so the issue should be resolved soon thank you for pointing this out to us end of oh my god do people just show up? Probably. At this person's house.

They must. Because when you think about it, a place like a pumpkin patch, it's going to be property mainly. So they're going to see someone's property and be like, okay, we're at the pumpkin patch because Google says so. If you were that guy, you could never own a pumpkin because they're going to be taken away. True. He probably owns his own

pumpkin patch and people are rifling through it or and he's rifling through them that was not whoa that was terrible or he sets out a little can next to it and goes pumpkins 40 dollars and then if anyone's like all right and then guess? He doesn't get a bad review. This other place does. True, true. So, you know, he's like, this is my, I have a new racket here. That would have been smart. Until Google moves the pin. It's like in Germany, I mean,

they might have them in the States. I've never seen them. But in Germany near Oma's house, they have that sunflower field. And you show up, pull off the side of the road. There's a little collection box for money. Whoever owns the property and grows these flowers just does it by the honor system. You put money in, you grab a knife and they're massive fucking sunflowers and you just cut sunflowers or whatever.

And they have other flowers too. And you pick them and you pay them money. Mom always gives a little extra, of course. And then it's a lovely little thing. I do appreciate that it's honor system, but I think we all know that it's Bavaria. So God is watching. True. So there is that overlying fear at all times.

You can't really just do what you want because you know God is watching. You know, hey, you people listening, you, you know God is watching. How many times do we have to remind you? Yeah, come on. So anyway, where were we? I don't know. Your turn. know god is watching how many times do we have to remind you yeah come on so anyway i don't know your turn why don't you just read a review so this is in nevada nevada iowa this is called berry patch farm it's one of those places where you pick your own berries fun do you know what i'm saying like you go and you pick your own berries yeah you get a little knife

and there's sunflowers. God is watching. God is watching. I've never been berry picking, but yes. I've never been apple picking. I've never been berry picking. I've never done any sort of picking. I've been sunflower cutting, but that's it.

Me neither. You've been to a pumpkin patch with Em, right? Wasn't that a whole thing? Like your first time hanging out or something? Yeah, we went to a harvest fair. Harvest fair. I'm sorry. But like, I don't know that we participated in the actual pumpkin patch, but. But there was mud written on your shoes, correct?

Written on my shoes and my face. There was a corn maze. We got lost in it. There you go. So there you go. Berry patch farm in Nevada, Iowa. Well, you pick your own berries. One star by Todd.

Don't go to berry patch farms unless you're expecting to pick your own berries. One star by Todd. Don't go to berry patch farms unless you're expecting to pick your own berries and pay ridiculously high prices for the privilege. Though on their website, they say they have raspberries, blueberries, and other berries available. And when you call, they will say they are available. You will arrive to discover they don't have any berries unless you pick them yourself. That would be fine if they had told you that before you made the 40 minutes to an hour drive depending on where you live in Des Moines.

Having just had a knee replacement, I was not about to pick any berries, so my one and a half hours on the road there and back was all for nothing. Besides that, their prices are ridiculously out of line and more what you would expect to pay at a Whole Foods in Seattle than at a remote farm in central Iowa. $4 for one half pint of black raspberries, $25 for a gallon of blueberries, that and a condescending attitude as though you have never purchased berries before and the berries are so qualitatively superior to any other berry that you've ever tasted that you're considered impertinent for even questioning the price i've been buying and eating berries there's no way this person's gonna tell us how long they've been buying and eating berries who says that you're about to be no one cares surprise of a lifetime that in a condescending

attitude is that you have never purchased berries before and their berries are so qualitatively superior to any other berry that you have ever tasted that you're considered impertinent for even questioning the price i've been buying and eating berries of every description since before the impudent young female vendors grandparents were born generally less greedy fruit vendors realize that the farther you have to drive the cheaper the price should be for the price they're charging the berry should be hand delivered to my door end of review jesus this is where i mean i don't want to unpack this but like where would you even begin there was so much there this person is not like something's wrong a pick your own berries farm like that's what it is so

if you call and say do you have blackberries blueberries they're like yeah on the farm where you get them pick them and like yeah they're gonna pay they're gonna charge you four dollars for a half a pint i don't even know how much that is i know i 25 for a gallon of blueberries i'm like that just went right over my head. Sounds like a lot of fucking blueberries. But a gallon? Think about like a gallon of milk, fill that with blueberries. That's a lot of fucking blueberries, right? Yeah, but 25. I don't know. Yeah, that says a lot. I don't know. It seems like a lot. I don't. I buy berries, but I buy them from

Whole Foods in Seattle, so I can't really. And they actually deliver them to your door. Exactly. It's called it's called amazon actually wait gross oh my god wait that's yeah literally amazon owns whole foods that's weird okay that just got weird uh yeah uh okay let's see a half a pint of raspberries right now at iga is 4.49 and this person is saying it's too much when it's half a pint for how much? Half a pint is $4. Okay, so his problem is not only is half a pint $4, you also have to pick it yourself.

So, like, why not just go to the grocery store and spend an extra 50 cents? You can say all of that and not be an asshole about it. It's possible to have problems with the business without being a total dickhead. That's exactly what it is. It's like you could say, hey, this is more expensive than some other places I've been to.

So I wouldn't recommend it for prices. And hey, warning everyone, just so you know, you cannot buy any pre-picked berries. You'd have to pick them yourselves. And also warning that there's an impudent child running the vendor. And I'm really, i'm like the crypt keeper because i've eaten every type of berry since before her great-grandparents who says that shit hey i'm really fucking old and i eat a lot of berries oh all right here's my next one it is a review of haunted carter farms this is in princeton iowa this is by brian two stars this was an all-night event

unfortunately four hours were spent standing in line the corn maze was long and well put together but only three goblins we were a family of three and got sent with a group of 19 not worth the time nor the money won't be back end of review only three you say the money to goblin ratio was terrible remember that old episode about car washes where she oh no it was the flossing ratio where she was like the time cost ratio to floss is just not worth it for me in this current career path. What? The cost benefit analysis?

Get my Excel spreadsheet out. Let me count the goblins. Let me put the money in. The number of goblins. Time spent in line. Let's create a pie chart and see what comes out. I mean, I guess the more goblins, the better, right? 10 goblins are better? More goblins the better, right? 10 goblins are better? More goblins.

I feel like the fewer, in my line of work, the fewer goblins I encounter, the better my health, mental health really is. It's so true. So I think maybe that's why I also avoid places that are intending to frighten me. Maybe that's why. That's the thing is like when i when we record this that's like my one time a week i'll spend talking to a goblin you can only handle so much of it i know sorry sorry poor blaze is uh the martyr who lives with the goblin he lives with them

me okay i said he lives with him as if it was just like i'm trying to make it a third you and your weird goblin friends his name is geo okay uh i have a redemption yay was that your last one no i actually yeah let me give one more negative one oh okay this is a quick one this is of enchanted acres in sheffield iowa this is a two-star review by joe used to be great plan to take a second mortgage out before going end of review oh no oh no i mean they act like these places are so expensive and i understand that they can be really expensive but sometimes they're like it it's $12 for, and then they list like 65 different things, including a petting zoo.

And I'm like, I mean, I don't think that's that bad, but like maybe I'm just a noob at fall activities. I don't know. A noob at fall activities. I like that. But also like these, these places have been in business for years and like if they charge too much they would probably be out of business it's how it fucking works i don't know like who are these people to say oh my god their prices are too high they need to change that it's

like well yeah they don't well especially when it's um like family-run farms and stuff and i'm like in there a lot of times like fostering animals and like adopting out animals stuff and i'm like i mean if it's 10 bucks like your money is going to help this farm you know it's not like a big corporation necessarily redeem us please so this is a redemption of howell's greenhouse and pumpkin patch in coming iowa which you read yep i read two reviews from there yeah this is a five-star review by ari i have a confession i was totally obsessed with the idea of bringing the baby to a nice pumpkin patch and taking some memorable family photos for her first fall i'm completely unfamiliar with the des moines and surrounding areas so picking a pumpkin patch that we'd enjoy felt like shooting in the dark.

Howell's was a great choice that went above and beyond my expectations. For starters, getting there is a piece of cake. Parking is free and was situated on a grassy field. We didn't have to pay to actually explore the grounds. There's a fenced-off area that has a ton of of activities and that's what you're paying the admission price for. The fenced off activities looked like fun but we opted to pass since the baby is too young. We decided to just stick to walking around and sightseeing. The grounds were quite beautiful when we went and the photos we took were lovely. Other noteworthy things. The cob cannon was awesome. You fork over a dollar, or was it two,

and shoot corn cobs at a plastic pumpkin target fastened on top of a silo. Guess who hit the target? I demanded that my boyfriend called me the Cobb Cannon King for the rest of the day. He simply rolled his eyes and ignored me, jealousy at its finest, but I digress. The ice cream was delicious too. End of review. I love the cob cannon king all hail the cob cannon king i just love this family where she's like i just want like she's like listen i know it's basic but i wanted to get cute pictures of my kid with a pumpkin so sue me and went there was like wow this is way better i thought we'd have to pay

but it's free and then was like, there's also a Cobb Cannon and I won. Now I'm the Cobb Cannon King. End of story. You know what? I take back what I said earlier about the creepy baby and the pumpkin. It is creepy, but do you.

You do you, everyone. I'm sorry. I think this is reminiscent of my favorite Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale of the Cob kin king oh i haven't read that one i just read it how does it go oh oh i've listened yeah i haven't read it but i've listened it oh i see you read the audiobook yeah i read the audiobook yes yeah i uh i just loved it it just made me happy i was like yeah be up front own your own your basicness i love i love a good harvest activity um but i'm pretty sure in the though in the the actual original german fairy tale yeah instead of a plastic pumpkin on the silo it was a real baby yeah you had to sacrifice the baby those fairy tales are fucked up right so she was the

king but then she was overthrown and murdered for her crown yeah and also there there was a gingerbread house and somebody ate a child in there there's a documentary about that actually called midsummer oh is that what it is oh i read that audiobook too um it even had pictures okay anyway so that's that that's my redemption well thank you for redeeming us um just in time for my challenge yay so my challenge was given to me by mahali and it was to find a review that mentioned a creepy child or creepy baby um and i think i found some good things for you let's see um this first one is of a mcdonald's in rice lake wisconsin This is by Sheila, one star. I no longer go to this particular McDonald's all because of one creepy kid that works here.

When you're in the lobby, he won't leave you alone, is always staring at you, and is constantly walking around your table. Very creepy. Told the manager. She just laughed. Confronted the kid myself. That didn't help. Guess what? McDonald's food isn't anywhere near amazing enough to put up with that mess. As if his creepiness isn't bad enough, he constantly speaks to you like you're stupid. Feeling simultaneously pissed off and creeped out is definitely a new feeling I wasn't familiar with until last summer. Thanks, McDonald's. Oh, and I decided to go through the drive-thru, figuring that would be safe, recently on the way home after a long trip, and guess who was working? Yup.

Once again, he spoke to me like I was an idiot. Felt like I had to cleanse my food with prayer when I got it. May reconsider McDonald's again in, I don't know, years. To be safe. End of review. You'll never be safe from the creepy McDonald's kid. What is he saying to her? What is she saying?

I don't know. What did she confront him? I'm so mad there's no more details of like, I confronted him. About what? That's the thing. So I read a lot of these and a lot of the creepy kid things were like, there's a creepy kid who worked here who wouldn't stop hitting on me, who wouldn't stop asking for my number, who did this or

that. And yeah, that's really creepy. And I don't know, this person might also be actually very creepy and doing not okay things. But we don't know because there's no, like, they didn't say what happened. And if the manager is laughing it off, I'm like, what's going on? And then it's like, I confronted the kid myself. But you know, you go to those McDonald's in like in like like you're on a road trip and you go to a mcdonald's and like you sit down people and they're always there's always a worker who's like walking around the dining area

looking for trash or something ask you how your meal is like i don't know like i feel like that's a normal thing in smaller areas i've never encountered that uh particular really experience that someone's asking me how my food is you've never had that no at a mcdonald's really strange well that's what i was picturing um i did like that they said they had to cleanse it with prayer yeah that was pretty good you might as well do that at this point who knows who knows what demonic forces are now residing in your big mac yeah um i did see another review where the person gave five stars and said creepy kid was nowhere to be the creepy kid the other reviewer mentioned is nowhere to be seen i just but then again they might have been there but they were like wait that

can't be the creepy kid they're talking about or doing anything creepy they could have been the creepy kid he's like i don't see any creepy kids because i'm the creepy kid i think that is the most remarkable uh plot twist that i just created oh my god it's wonderful thank you okay my next review is of mcminniman's kennedy school are you familiar with mcminnimaniman's chain up in the Pacific Northwest? Yeah. Well, I worked with a guy with that last name. And when I was like, what's your last name? And he's like, it's this. And I was like, oh, OK, that's weird. And he was like, oh, you don't know it. And like it turns out he was like part of that like family or something. Oh, I thought this was a joke. Are you serious? No. Yeah. Oh, wow. OK yeah oh wow okay yeah yeah no it's it's like a

it's a very very famous thing up there like very well known basically i said oh that's like a confusing name to spell and he was like oh he just wasn't having it with me um he didn't like me much after that but well when i started dating allyie, she lived in Oregon, in Portland. And she lived very close to McMiniman's Kennedy School, where they went for like they have like a salt saltwater like baths and stuff. It was like it's really cool. And it's so to describe it's really hard to describe what this is, but I'm going to just let Wikipedia do it. McMiniman's is a family owned chain of brew pubs, breweries, music venues, historic hotels, and theater pubs in Oregon and Washington. They do everything.

Oh, wow. And they also have little passports where you can get them stamped at each location for kids. Oh, I like that. That's so much fun. So anyway, this is a review of the Kennedy School in Portland. Four Stars by Riley. Fun place to take out-of-town guests as the school has a creepy kids vibe to it.

Probably in large part to the creepy kid pictures throughout the property. I've never been a huge fan of the hippie, quirky, Northwest McMinimins decor vibe. I'm more of a modern girl. But we really enjoy this place and come here frequently for $4 movies in the theater. The theater itself has a good sound system, recently upgraded, and more importantly delicious Cajun tots and good cider and beer. The theater itself is a bit drafty during the winter so bundle up, but other than that I love this theater.

People working here are always friendly and it's just a cool unique transformation of a space that probably would have been torn down and replaced by more houses in most cities highly recommend walking around and checking out what the kennedy school has to offer oh and eat some cajun tots end of review and don't make eye contact with the creepy kids on all the walls it is so creepy though you walk in it's like an old it's an old school house so you go in and they have like old school photos and all these creepy pictures of like kids from the early 20th century and their like classmates and stuff it is super creepy but that's kind of the vibe but what you can do is like they have like this really weird

small a few small like bars in there and you like go in and it's like there's a bar with like three seats there's another one that's like oh like a ton of seats it's it's really cool and so we would go there uh you put your name on the wait list for the uh saltwater baths and then you go grab a beer and walk around the whole like schoolhouse looking at all the creepy photos see that's like a dream i would love something like that i mean not now because obviously that's not gonna fly right now but man that sounds like something i. I would love something like that. I mean, not now, because obviously that's not going to fly right now. But man, that sounds like something I would enjoy. Just the creepy vibe to it.

I'm all about it. You would love it there. It's so cool. No, it's a really cool place. So anyway, creepy kids mentioned. So there you go. I got it. You did it.

Here, this is my next one is of Z100 radio station in New York. This is One Star by Ophelia. Okay. Please, please, please stop playing radio commercials for scary movies like The Lovely Bones, Paranormal Activity, etc., etc. I love waking up to Elvis Duran and the Z-Morning Zoo, but I hate being half asleep in my bed

and hearing a creepy child voice narrate, I was 14 years old when I was murdered. Not appealing, okay? I love the rage page. I love the phone taps. I secretly love butt bucks. I even love the top nine and nine, but I honestly can't keep my radio on this station

because of those commercials are too much to handle, at seven in the morning and a review can't you just like mute it during commercials or i don't know i think it's like they maybe have it as their alarm where like the radio starts or something like when they wake up um also this was 10 years ago i just noticed yeah there's that um that was a unique uh where did they rate that even it's on yelp can rate it on yelp okay yeah z100 has a yelp page interesting because it's like at their headquarters they're like station right yeah yeah okay so yeah um station studio god i don't know how to remember when i kept saying police studio or what was i saying police studio i don't know i don... Remember when I kept saying police studio or what was I saying? Police studio.

I don't know. I don't remember. Something dumb. All right. So this is my last one. It's a very long one, but I'm not reading all of it. So I'm going to end it after the good part. Abridged.

Abridged. This is of the Fairfax MRI Center in Fairfax, Virginia. Ooh. One star by Polly. Horrible. I went to the one in Centerville twice for ultrasounds for my pregnancy. When you call to schedule, they use a scheduling company to do everything for them so you don't actually talk to the office. The woman on the phone told me my appointment was at 1.30 p.m. and to be there 15 minutes early.

So I arrived by 1.15, filled out my paperwork. I had a full bladder as I was told to have. I was seen at 1.50, so not too bad. However, the tech was very rude, even to go as far as to say babies look creepy at this point, and printed out a picture of my baby and said, here's a picture of your creepy baby. End of review. Oh, no. Oh, that's the best one yet. Right.

I saved it for last for a reason. Here is a picture of your creepy baby. I love it. I love how he hands it over and goes, but see, wasn't I right? Look how creepy this baby is. She's like, that's my baby. Polly, I'm not wrong here. Come on.

We got to agree on this, right? Before you leave. Look at that. Look at his little creepy fingers. Make sure that you tell me that you know that this baby that is inside of you is creepy. You got to tell me. There's a bet going around in the office and I need everyone on my side that I can get. It's like some sort of pool. it's like the creepiest baby and like this this tech is like it's polly's

baby have you seen polly's baby come on one vote for polly who votes for polly all in favor of polly's baby say i i i just i oh you want to okay whoops uh man man poor polly but i mean to be fair babies do look kind of creepy at most points of their childhood no i would i would probably agree with this tech but i also wouldn't necessarily agree with telling no like saying that out loud no the bedside manner is not exquisite i think on his part uh it's really maybe not what you like you can think that and tell people later but maybe don't tell the person who's uh doing your literal ultrasound i'm inclined to agree oh boy well that was our first foray into falls andy it was that was a long one too i think autumnal adventure we hope we hope you enjoy our little extra extra love in

today that's creepy yes for my birth it's my birthday though alexander can do what he wants and i will resume christine 2020 on october 1st perfect uh so i have a theme for us alexander we're going to continue the autumnal adventures of beachy sandy water Too Wet. Okay. Okay. This week, we are going to do a topic that two people have sent in. Nick and Sophia both sent in apple picking in New Hampshire. Okay. Love it. So we're doing another fall activity. I hope that's okay.

I love it. So here's a challenge. This is, for me, autumnal vibes for very specific, because of a very specific incident. But for everyone else, it won't be. This is sent in by Jacob, who said, I thought a good challenge idea might be a review that someone complains about the experience because they were on drugs. Oh, why is that? I don't want to know why you think that's.

Because the last time I went to a haunted house, I was on drugs. Oh, okay, okay. I thought this was pointed at me in some way, and I went, I don't want to know where this is going. But yes, you did. We talked about that one time on the show, actually, because you got recognized. Yeah, I was very uncomfortable. Well, it wasn't, okay. I was just worried that I was coming across, because I don't often partake in the marijuana.

And it was just weed. It wasn't like you were taking ecstasy or something. Oh, yeah. When I say I was on drugs, my ex's mom gave me an edible. Yeah. So it was that level in Washington State. So it was legal. But did you hear that, Dad?

And teens? You were, yes, you were intoxicated. And I'm sitting there about to go in a haunted house. I'm so scared. And then someone was like, are you Alex from Beach 2 Sandy Water Tourette? And I'm like, I don't know. I think so. Yeah, you're like, I don't remember.

Oh my God, that was a trip. Literally. Okay, well, thanks everybody for listening. Check out Zandy's new podcast. Check out his birthday stream. And if you're on patreon you will get the gift opening video soon and see the new shanti merch that xandy has um and we're excited to talk to you next week can't wait talk to you then bye everyone bye bye Bye.