Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 98: Cemeteries in Louisiana

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think between you and me i wanted to like this podcast but i'd give it zero stars if i could spit everywhere that's so gross okay uh let's move on from that one welcome to episode 98 of beach to sandy water to at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion my name is alex i'm christine and I am so excited to see all of you today. I thought you were about to say I'm soaked because you just spit everywhere. My laptop is, but I am bone dry.

Oh gosh, okay. Bones, that leads us right to this week's theme, which is cemeteries in Louisiana, or as I initially thought, haunted houses in Louisiana, which is why I was panic-stricken this morning. This morning? Yeah, and yet... When you finished your reviews? I came to the table. I came to the spooky table with lots of good reviews.

Well, I'm glad. Actually, I can't be mad because I finished mine this morning at 3 a.m so technically it was this morning aha well see it's all good we're all how we do things over here yeah so um i apologize everyone that i mistook the theme but we are in louisiana we are visiting some cemeteries very respectfully and reading reviews of people's experiences there. I'm glad you said very respectively because... Respectfully. I know.

The moment I said it, I realized I said that wrong. Very respectably because... Respectfully. What am I saying? I don't know. A lot of wrong words. I'm reading other things while I'm trying to talk to these people. That's your big problem. Respectfully. Okay. You know what words I'm reading other things while I'm trying to talk to these people That's your big problem

Respectfully Okay you know what I'm done I'm going to light this autumnal I'm lighting this autumnal candle Actually no I do have one from Leia and Moose I have that Maple syrup candle I've been lighting that a lot Lately it smells lovely

It does and it fills My room like my whole apartment it is like fast your your whole mansion it fills your whole giant mansion sorry really sitting in your literal mansion no i don't know what's considered a mansion but it's not this i can tell you that much but um there's that vent right there oh see i painted the room you haven't even commented oh it looks lovely i didn't i thought you were in a different room i thought you were in my mansion some sort of mansion's room do you see that hole i do that's where juni is that's juni's hole he went in that hole in the in the vents and so now if he comes out while we're recording i'm gonna have to

capture him um so don't worry it's a spooky episode and I'll make sure you all experience it with me also I wanted to add somebody I feel so bad somebody mailed me a couple people mailed me things to my new mailbox someone mailed me an M&M dispenser and I

threw the box away you idiot I feel really dumb there might be a card laying around. I don't think so because it was sent directly from eBay. So I don't know if it was like the person on the box was the seller of eBay or like I think somebody just bought it on eBay. Oh, wow. And sent it.

So anyway, it's not a Dilbert, but it is an M&M machine. I love it. And I am able to now relive my childhood sugar habit, you know? Yeah. Revive it. If they make those for Sour Patch Kids, I could use it because I have about six bags left of Sour Patch Kids after my birthday

because my Twitch viewers sent me the hog pen. They sent me so many Sour Patch Kids. I love Sour Patch. Anyway, thank you to whoever sent me that. You can email us at bccandy at gmail.com. I'm not sure if your name was the one on the box or not but i appreciate it um if anyone does have a dilbert let me know i will buy it off you because now i'm kind of like itching for that specific one um yeah so we'll see uh anyway so should we get started zini sure okay you go first i think you have more than me.

All righty. My first one is from a member of the Hogpen. This is from Vic, who I miss greatly. Hog number eight. I'm taking a mental health hog number eight. Is that what you said? That's what her jersey says. It's canon.

It's canon. You're hog number eight. But I miss them all terribly because I'm taking a mental health break from twitch streaming um hopefully be back in the next few weeks we'll see it's like really suspicious timing because you received all this candy and then i was like oh i have to actually take a break can someone send me a sour patch uh dispenser please while i take my break last night researching for this podcast like just drowning in watermelon sour patch oh those are so good those are so good because i have two giant bags of them here okay um just so you know so i don't doubt it this i'm just saying because you're coming to la soon aren't you oh fantastic i am yes good so this is of greenwood cemetery in shreveport. This is actually near Vic's school.

Just doing a little bit of triangulation, you know? Cool. This is a three-star review. This is a street. This is a three-star review by Mabel. Respectively. I just was laughing because I made a fake name and made it it Mabel and I was laughing at my choice of fake name. Okay.

Oh, this is good. Well, it says 24 hours. So me like a dummy goes there around 7 p.m. It only stays for like an hour goes to leave and gets locked into the cemetery LMAO. So please change the open time to whatever time you close the gates it's getting very cold in here somebody let me out of this tomb oh my goodness i can't see anything anymore that's dangerous i'll be screaming could you imagine like people walking by and hearing like let me out of here that's how they get this reputation to be fair

she's probably feasting on all the like offerings they leave at marie laveau's tomb which is like bourbon and candy and stuff oh is that a greenwood cemetery oh certainly not i thought i didn't hear what cemetery it was but maybe there are offerings at other cemeteries yeah like flowers those eating those okay maybe better be careful i know cats can't eat certain things but maybe there are offerings at other cemeteries. Yeah. Like flowers. Eating those? Okay. Better be careful. I know cats can't eat certain things, but maybe humans can eat them. Maybe poinsettia.

Don't eat that. That might hurt. That seems like a weird grave gift. I guess, but at Christmas time, maybe. I guess. Yeah, true. But hopefully you're not stuck there for Christmas. Well, I guess if you don't want

anyone to eat like if you have a problem where people always eat the flowers at grandma's grave then you're gonna need to switch it up and buy some poisonous ones oh my god and that'll keep the cemetery in business that'll keep yes it's like finders keepers rules if you die in the cemetery they have the right to the body. They get you. And that's why they like to lock people in. Yeah, it's so true. I think it makes a lot of sense.

And actually, but I was thinking also, if you're walking by a cemetery and you hear someone inside screaming, let me out, let me out, you're not going to do it. Even if you weren't there, you're going to be like, uh-uh. No, I would walk in the other direction. Yeah, no. Actually, I would go on my other podcast and be like in the other direction yeah no actually i would go on my other podcast and be like i had the craziest ghost story like i would you would exploit the shit out of it i know you correct um well thank you vick number eight for that um it's not vick

number eight jesus what it's not vick number eight it's first of all that sounds like a victim oh no um you're right hog number eight vic it's what hog number eight hog number eight named vic comma vic comma vic okay let's continue this is a two i'm trying this is a two-star view by henry of um st lou Cemetery number one. Okay. I don't know the best way to phrase this because the review has the name Kathy in it, but then the caption or the title has the name Kathy spelled

wrong. It's spelled C-A-H-T-Y. Like Kathy. Kathy. I'm going to say Kathy because that's what he says later. Just know that he spelled his wife's name wrong okay i was gonna say is there a reason that you're usually i just read misspellings correctly something like a lot of times because it's like a name and i was staring at it going what an interesting name and then i realized he literally just misspelled his wife's

name in the title of the review so i'm gonna read it it says, Kathy drags me here each November 1st. And now here's the, that's the title. Kathy better be alive, sir. Or I'll be really upset at this. And then the review says, two stars. Yes, once again. I'm so nervous. Yes, once again, Kathy drags me here each November 1st.

The only redeeming thing is it is across from Commander's Palace. I just sit on a tomb while she flits around. Okay, good. Okay, Kathy's alive, I assume. She's alive. She's either alive or she's a butterfly. I haven't decided. I don't think I've heard that phrase used for a human, but I appreciate it.

I just sit on a tomb while she flits around looking for long... Is she like stealing flowers so bad i just sit on a tomb while she flits around finding long dead and forgotten relatives resting places gee dead is dead leave them in peace and let us get something to eat across the street, Kathy. End of review. Do you think he showed that to her, like that review, and was like, look what I wrote. Now the internet knows about your habit of visiting dead relatives. You should be ashamed. I think he said it out loud to her and the phone just assumed it was a voice text and wrote it out on TripAdvisor. and the phone just assumed it was a voice text and wrote it out on TripAdvisor.

I'm going to be honest. That's not something that my ex and I, when we were dating, we didn't discuss how we would eventually deal with these moments. Would I be the kind of person who would be like, dead is dead. I know, but it's not something you consider until you're in the moment. The worst is that he's saying that Kathy drags him there to see her dead relatives. It's not like she wants to go for spooky tourism. It's like, oh, she just wants to see all her forgotten relatives.

You'll see all those reviews in the next 20 years. All the like, oh, drags me there with the Ouija board, et cetera. Oh, yeah. I don't know. I the Ouija board, etc. Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, I don't know. I feel like old people now aren't as into that. These youths are something. Oh, because the youths are dying. Is that what you're saying?

Jesus. No, I'm saying because podcasts like yours are so popular and all of these paranormal people are like in all these paranormal shows. Oh, Zandy called my podcast popular. So I, okay, last thing I just want to see or just want to say is that I actually changed my mind. I think that while he's sitting on the tomb, he's like writing this in a journal type thing where he's like,

once again, here I am. Yeah, yeah, I get it. Dragged away by Kathy and i just want a hoagie i want a po boy and is that what they sell at commander's at what is it commander i don't know what that is commander's palace but um again okay commander's palace it sounded like a strip club so i was just perhaps they might have a good shrimp buffet. I don't know. That sounds so nasty. It's a refined Creole fair and elegant jazz brunch in a chandelier hung space. So that's what he wants to do.

He's like, dead is dead. Take me to the commander's palace. Literally the opposite of a strip club. And it has three money signs on Google. So I apologize, Chef Commander. Whoops. Man, he's just sitting in the drizzle just dreaming of shrimp cocktail. All right.

Anyway, your turn. All right. My next review is of Forest Park Cemetery West in Shreveport. This is by Katie. One star. This is just bad. These are so... Some of these reviews were just so sad and so bad.

And like not... I don't know. There's so many issues people had. And very like understandable. Okay. But this one... I'm not saying but for this one. I'm just going to read it. Okay. Not pleased.

Mr. Hawkins was told of fire ants taking over my parents' marker. He said they would take care of it. A month later, still haven't treated the ant. And there are more things that I'm not pleased with. End of review. This is just bad. The one ant? Yeah.

Is there just one ant taking over the plot? Haven't treated the ant. Queen, maybe. I don't know. The queen? Or like, maybe, yeah. Then the queen needs to be treated nicely and said hey queen can you please not do this here yeah but there's so many grave offerings for her to enjoy treat her to uh a nice meal at

commander palace all you have to do is put some poinsettia down and you can kill off anything that comes near that's what we've learned um but i will say though just for posterity the owner did respond and said hi katie i followed up on your issue with fire ants if you are from shreveport you know that fire ants are the bane of our existence still we do try to keep them controlled as best we can if you are not from shreveport please know that fire ants are the bane of our existence yeah so that's good to know i i i also like the way that it was shreveport thing i don't know well i guess we know now i mean i do like that the way he phrased it was like i have followed up with the fire ants it almost sounds like just check i'm waiting to hear back

they're really busy this time of year uh if you're from Shreveport, you know how busy they get. I have a one-star review of St. Louis Cemetery No. 3 by Chicago Louie. Which is in New Orleans. Yes, I meant to clarify that earlier. The cemeteries, several of them are called St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, 2, 3. I didn't know that until at the end of my research. When I was like, okay, I looked through all of these from different cities. Let me go look at one specifically in New Orleans because I just did a general Louisiana search.

And then all the same ones popped up. And I'm like, oh, St. Louis Cemeteries 1 through 3 are not in St. Louis. Okay. Yeah, it's very confusing because they have different rules. Why would I even do that? St. Louis is in missouri oh my god i'm an idiot okay continue wait you thought that oh just making myself look like an idiot continue well i will happily and i will just say real quick that um the the it's very

confusing because there are three of them i believe maybe four i'm not sure and they all have different rules so some you have to pay some you have to be with it oh yeah some some which everyone hates some you don't one's owned by the catholic church it's all very confusing um and also nicholas cage is buried in one and it is really wild to see his tomb because it's one of the only things when he was um busted for all the tax fraud that um he wait nicholas cage is dead no no sorry it's his future you said he's buried oh that and i was like i knew his tomb was at one of these places but i'm like did i miss him and i saw it everybody like a weird i just got everyone like a weird pause if people listen to this like year whenever

after whenever he dies hopefully 50 years from now i don't know but like whenever that happens people are gonna be like oh yeah okay this was this was recorded after his death jeez i hope not now i'm checking twitter like i'm the one who said it i don't know why it would be true um but you think twitter's a place to look for right now if nicholas cage is dead yes alexander where else would i look just google nicholas cage and see if he's dead like like i understand if it just happened but well okay let me do it real quick i don't think you have that ability cage well here this is actually the most pressing news article from four days ago on gq.com nicholas cage is a leather jacket god okay so he's alive okay he's alive but he has a tomb

uh for future purposes. And when he got in really big trouble and they took all of his belongings, there's a law in Louisiana that you can't take someone's final resting place. So he still owns his burial ground, his tomb. Cool. Anyway, fun fact. Okay. So this is a review of the cemetery by Chicago Louie.

One star. It was just a bunch of old very decayed tombs needs some color otherwise isn't super interesting end of review okay probably one of one or two people in the world who say needs color when talking about a cemetery needs some color while he's walking through there going, let's paint this place. Give it a fresh coat of paint. You did a great job with that room. A mural?

This room? You did, yes. Oh, are you going to hire me for St. Louis? I'm just saying, you should be in the running. You painted that yourself? Yeah, I did it yesterday. I'm actually very impressed. Well, thank you.

No, it looks fantastic. Don't go too close. There are definitely some splotchies. That's okay. I would let you paint my tomb. Really? Yeah. Good, because I already did.

It was supposed to be a surprise. I already did. I'm picturing Forest Green with a painting of Shanti's face. Well, most definitely. Okay, phew. You're getting me nervous. with a painting of shanti's face well most definitely it'll be instead of i was thinking originally of doing like a glass etching of shanti's face glass etching yeah you know yeah like engraved glass okay do you think if we actually did that we could agree let have the international primate protection league agree to bring her to my grave oh dear and visit me

don't leave any poinsettias out because if anyone came to i won't leave any poinsettias out do you know what would be the worst i would like get a news a local news crew to come or i would just come tape it and um the worst part is that shanti's face would just be like that deadpan. She's bored as hell. She isn't all of her photos. She'd be sitting at your grave. Why the fuck am I here? This is a long trip for an old given.

I was taking a nap. Where are my cigarettes? Oh my goodness. We love Shanti. Nicolas cages nothing on you and your future burial plans. That's so true. What are you doing? I'm putting my Shanti. Nicholas cages nothing on you and your future burial plans. That's so true. What are you doing? I'm putting my Shanti paint portrait behind me, but like.

She's always watching. She's always watching me. Anyway, let me read a review of Providence Memorial Park and Mausoleum in Materi? I saw that. I don't even know. I should have looked this one up i saw that but i didn't know how to pronounce it whatever it looks like cemetery but materi um this one is written by sky bomb and noodles which might be another business or something i don't know but it's

a four-star review so it's like i don't think it's a business i think it's their given their given name okay well we know who to blame because here we go. Four stars. Thank you for accepting my mother in your cemetery. Thumbs up emoji. Oh, that's nice. Oh, yeah. It was positive.

Thank you for accepting Mama Noodle. It was just very much made me feel like, oh, okay, there's this application process and this person's like, oh, thank God mom made it in. I got in. We got in. Her resume was so good. Yeah noodle i'm sure people mama noodle i'm sure people actually notice know this but i wonder like how much i guess it also depends on the cemetery like how much say you have in like what the grave looks like i know what i mean i read a lot where people were like they said they weren't happy with

the way it looked so they're gonna remove it what like no i the amount of shit i read that i had to go through it took me so long to find these good these reviews challenge or theme it was very tough because some when people write a negative review right of a cemetery it's usually because some really shitty things are happening with their dead relatives yeah this is like the time that you made me do that challenge of us a funeral home that lost a dead body oh i know how to pick them yeah you do know how to pick them fo sho uh also alexander's drinking out of his shanti mug that i got him where i made him heat up water it's like one of those mugs where you pour hot water and then shanti's i say it like one of those mugs where shanti's face

millions of them exist oh but anyway um okay this is now this is when i messed up that was supposed to be for our patrons are that video where is it oh yeah it's on my phone i have to post that i'm so sorry um i'm sorry they're doing construction or something super loud i apologize this is when i messed up and i thought we were doing haunted houses so the first review i found was of a haunted house that's okay i apologize i just kept it anyway this is a one-star view of a place called the haunted mortuary which sort of sounds like on theme one star by wayne and by the way this was written january 3rd 2014 okay january 3rd went there hoping to see a haunted mortuary but it is now a santa workshop why did no one tell me end of review so huh written on january 3rd keep in mind this is like a halloween attraction

during halloween time okay got it it is a little rude no one told him but it is a little rude and also do those santa things stay up after christmas i guess so i mean i i don't know like do they go to Santa's workshop? Like, I guess there's cleanup to do. Isn't he sleeping? Doesn't he hibernate or something? He hibernates for 364 days. I'm not joking.

I'm serious. Isn't that what he does? For real? Or am I making that up? I thought that's what I learned as a child, that he hibernates. But now that I'm saying it out loud, it sounds really unsettling. Christina, but if he's hibernating how would he like know everything about you and just suddenly wake up with that

knowledge of like know what everyone's watching us all the time what's the point like what's why would maybe this hibernation includes like you know leaving his astral projecting to watch watch children what the fuck i'm serious you see is he like a bear to you like an animal type yeah i mean he's not very human right i don't know our views of santa claus are very different i'm i'm a little concerned that we grew up in different households because what the fuck i don't know like we literally went to catholic school st nick all that shit and you're just like yeah to me santa claus is like a bear but not the fun kind you said that not dangerous kind okay christina i literally hibernation really you think he hibernates for 300 okay that one like no

astral projects like yeah jesus christ i literally literally thought he hibernates for 364 days and astral projects like Jesus Christ I literally literally thought he hibernates this would have been better if you had just said you thought he didn't exist like that would have been more understandable even though that's not understandable it's ridiculous that's more understandable than you saying

he hibernates for 364 let me just check you're googling if Santa Claus hibernates okay someone4 let me just check you're googling if santa claus hibernates okay someone googled does santa have the coronavirus that's so sad does santa have covid19 does santa have a pilot license does he have an email um does santa i'm seeing if anyone else does santa sleep with his whiskers what the hell what does that mean i don't know okay i'm doing santa hi it's not up yet b yes hibernate someone else searched it debate.org does santa hibernate until next year's winter this is easily compared to what a bear does see christine you're literally

comparing him to a bear does he hibernate i mean listen alexander oh there's a mask called santa hibernating before christmas on redbubble okay there's a yahoo answers question what does santa claus do in july and august does he hibernate in a cave or hang out on a nude beach oh goodness yeah see he eats all those cookies then sleeps for the next he like like a bear like he eats all those cookies and then sleeps this is actually an interesting theory someone said that he actually what he does is he works nine to five and he makes all these toys and everything but he uses time travel to deliver all of them instead of just doing it all in one night he's actually doing them all in different nights but through the power of time travel exhausting exactly works hard so every morning

he steps into a time machine and just like goes some goes to the next person's house yeah and or not just one person he probably does in sections yeah but yeah wow so he's like kind of always working interesting i like that theory so let's pretend he's hard working um yeah and leave it at that okay this is the response on this is one of the response on debate.org well what else would he do santa obviously hibernates otherwise he would just sit there watching the elves make stuff and... Oh, dear. Okay, that got dark. Mm-hmm. Not going to read that.

Okay. This would cause world depression. Okay. I'm going to change this up. What the fuck? Okay. This is getting out of hand. I'm not going to read that.

It's not really a cool thing to say. Okay. Your turn. I thought I could trust my friend Jeremy132 on the internet, but apparently he and I have gone different ways. Okay. Well, here is a review of Cypress Grove Cemetery in New Orleans. It's my last one. This is by Corey.

Five stars. This is so stupid. Why am I doing this? Very good. this is so stupid why am i doing this very good i was buried very well and decomposed in the fertile soil so overall good job taking my life away from me harold and what happened i don't know that's what we're here for christina obviously based on our entire discussion on santa claus we're here to figure things out instead of just sit idly by i don't think you were supposed to read that out loud am i gonna be haunted i feel cursed already indubitably cursed it was a five

star review though so it was a positive who wrote this cory why i don't know because harold did something bad to them hey can i just tell you though it actually frightened me i'm pretty sure because i just read a stephen king his his new book of short stories and there's literally a story with that same concept really of someone communicating beyond the grave oh has anyone done that before yeah cory i how many times do we have to tell you sorry sorry so sorry is this where is this specific google review where stephen king got his inspiration remember alexander i'm just saying do you remember we literally did an episode on lighthouses in maine and said that is where Stephen King gets his inspiration as he reads internet reviews. It makes sense.

Wow. Okay. Wow. This theory just got real. It got busted wide the fuck open. Wide open. Okay. This is a redemption. Zandy, I only have redemptions left. Oh, redeem me, please. This is a Lafayette

Cemetery number one. Three stars by Travis. This is a great place for a phone interview. Quiet. End of review. Oh, that's interesting, actually. I like that. I feel like that would have worked before current day

because current day phone interviews are now Zoom interviews. And if you're sitting in front of, like, grandma's gra gravestone there's a lot more questions you have to answer honestly that would have been pretty cool like or that would be cool like for you and m for your podcast if y'all ever have like some sort of video interview with some publication you should do just not tell them but just do it in the cemetery and they're gonna be like what a nice virtual background you have on zoom and then no it's real and then they'll write about it and you'll but you won't make comment on it unless they ask and you'll be like oh yeah yeah we're just doing research i'll be like this is my studio we and they'll be like we caught them in the midst of their research like some like david attenborough thing anyway yes like we're on galapagos island okay let's move on yep i don't have another

review i'm out oh you know redemptions well i sprinkled them in because i only had four total you're right you did just read redemption so i have another redemption did it redeem you what harold did to cory i hesitate to call any of the thumbs up. I did. Yeah. Which was fewer stars in the Harold and Corey saga. So it was a four star technically. So, oh, four star.

Okay. Well, that's okay. This is a review of Hookman Cemetery in Rain, Louisiana. This is a four star view by Jojo. I live not far from here. I meet a lot of cool people. End of review. Oh oh okay i guess if everyone's doing their zoom hangouts i mean it's become like the new starbucks

except like you know you meet people at a coffee shop picture the merch now it's like headstones and over top the new starbucks i love it wow could you imagine then that that one cemetery that charges 20 for admission that people complained about that i've read too many reviews complaining about it oh my god i had to stop i was like i'm done going through these one-star reviews they're not they're not interesting i get it you don't like it like it's so easy to figure out you google the place and the only thing you can read about on the internet is how it's $20. So it's like, how are you surprised?

The problem is it leaked into the other cemetery that doesn't have that, that's supposedly free, where people were like, yeah, I came here, and they charged me $20. I'm like, no, they didn't. That was the other cemetery. That happened a lot as well, yes. Anyway. To be fair, they're named, like, the same thing. They should sell coffee at the other ones.

They should. That's my, that was my point in all this make some money they already sell like plots i was gonna say like poinsettias but then i was like i guess not i guess that's just a thing that you can take for free yeah i don't think coffee shops usually sell those anyway so that's true i don't know how that relates it literally doesn't anyway that's the end of mine okay good that was fun it was not that fun you sound like you had fun um i'm sorry that theme was that theme was actually difficult for us to research but hey we got some santa talk in there so um very fitting for halloween we're skipping to the next holiday it is time thanksgiving is no before oh does that

not count okay uh it is time for my challenge this is uh this was sent in by ashley it was to find a review where a person has a paranormal experience at a place that's not marketed uh to be like paranormal or haunted or whatever how did this go it was surprisingly easy really yeah i did it first because i was a little nervous and and like i said i wanted to make sure yeah i put pressure on myself because i was like i really want to find some good ones it was pretty easy there were apparently and they were i there were a lot of joking ones but um i was like the ouija board ones that i did that one time yeah yeah oh yeah but i think i skipped all i'm pretty sure if i remember correctly that all of these were legitimate

um well except maybe this first one but this one is special for other reasons is cory back no fox is back our good friend fox i love fox so fox gave a three star review of a smoothie king in atlanta georgia i saw a ghost here i swear i did must have been the spooky king i used to get the power smoothies from smoothie king because they would give me lots of energy for the gym i found out the hard way that i was allergic to whey protein so that was not so good these days i just get the regular smoothies and they're pretty tasty i don't like that this is a franchise chain all over the country but i do like their products and their prices are somewhere in the middle especially for atlanta not bad end of review it's so odd how he does

this because he gives real information but then it's like anyway also there's a ghost i i read the whole thing and i was like it felt like i had this tingle tingle go through my body and i looked at the name and it just totally validated my ting yes oh my god i didn't realize it was fox no i didn't know it was fox until after i read it then i looked i'm like of course this was fox like it clicked and i was like i felt like i was reading a letter from an old friend i felt like i was a civil war to your friends like my husband was at war was at the civil war and i was like in my house turning butter whatever i did back then and then you found out that your friend was allergic to whey protein

yeah and then yeah and then my my friend, my husband at war, Christina. Right. Right. Sorry. Sent me this letter about whey protein that they were using to fuel them in the battles and how he saw ghosts on the battlefield. It actually makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

I know you know that, but. Yeah, I know. I know. Because it happened to me. That's true. Here is a review this one was a little weird and hard to find because i i found it in the google search but then i couldn't find the actual review turns out they left it as a tip for the restaurant which you

can only see on mobile so this whole thing process of getting it it was a weird process but this was a tip about dj's dugout in bellevue nebraska okay force oh no no wait no so no so no stars that's what i'm trying to say oh it's because it was a tip but the tip says just the tip oh god you if you hadn't brought attention to it i wouldn't have noticed i would have heard it when i edited true uh so no stars because it was a tip but it says would be five stars but i saw a ghost in the lavatory end of review end of tip here's a tip for you yeah um but then there was a letter s afterwards and a period so i like i'm wondering if like they got cut off by this ghost or something went wrong it was it was bizarre it was a little bizarre situation um so i hope this tip tip tip lever is okay yeah the tip resonated with me i gotta say i i'm certainly well equipped to avoid this place. Well, let me get into the meatier ones, okay?

We've got three more. Okay. This is a review of Babalu in Memphis, Tennessee. It's a restaurant. This is by Stan, four stars. This place is haunted. I saw a ghost in the men's bathroom. He looked like he i don't know maybe mexican or from el salvador i'm not sure what a honduran ghost looks like but i guess maybe he could be honduran like maybe from the north i can see with certainty it wasn't like a costa rican

ghost deaf a central american end of review alex Okay, can we just talk about how he says, I don't know what a Honduran ghost looks like, as if it wouldn't look like a Honduran person. Do you know what I mean? I know. Like, why would that be a discrete difference? I know. For what it's worth,

this is like a, they call them, like Babalu is a southern cuisine with Latin flair. So I think that's why he was so intent on it being like a Central American ghost. So he saw like the chef and was like, he's wearing white? I don't know. I mean, also, listen, I'm just going to say something. And that's why I drink. Our demographics are, like, very heavily skewed female.

And I wonder why all of the reviews you've read so far are men claiming they've seen ghosts, which, in our paranormal experience, personally, we mostly hear from people who identify as women so i'm very intrigued that on suddenly on google reviews or yelp that they're suddenly men are involved now yeah but it's only the laboratories it seems or mostly i mean honestly yes uh well not to spoil anything but mostly yes mostly uh related to bathrooms uh Maybe, I don't know. Maybe, I have no idea. Why? I can't theorize to this, but maybe we'll just have to do some further research and actually go to these places.

Happily. You can go in the men's room. I'm going to wait outside. This next one, though, is actually of a Super 8 in Kingman, Arizona. This is by Matt two stars i saw a ghost my family were separated into two rooms and when i was walking back to see my grandfather i saw an apparition across the parking lot it moved slowly but smoothly at first i thought it was car exhaust but this is the middle of the desert and it was

too hot to see car smoke and there were no cars nearby because no one wants to stay at a Super 8, let's be honest. The ghost looked like black smoke, darker than the night sky. It moved slowly towards me and then vanished after I blinked just a few feet from me. I was terrified but I couldn't stop looking at its thick, smoky body. Long story short, this motel is haunted.

Oh, and the ice machine wouldn't work. End of review. Oh, and I'm also sexually attracted to ghosts now, I guess. I added the little, uh,

the tinge of, I mean, I didn't add any words, but the intonation, I did change up a little bit. Well, you hear like thick body and you're like, whoa. And it's especially spelled with two Cs. I'm just kidding.

It was not. And a bunch of asterisks and squiggles and a wink face. Yeah, I think I can gather what he's thinking here. Also, I'm like, if you confuse it for car smoke, did it not have like a face? Like a head? Like, did it look like a person or did it look like? It didn't seem to just let it said apparition and it was looked like a body but it was just like look like black smoke okay yeah got it sure yeah i'm interested in this but also kind of gonna close the door on it and lock it and never come back well i love that it was in the parking lot it would have been

a lot scarier if it were in your room though yeah it's kind of interesting though it's at the last place i would assume someone would say they saw a ghost was in a yeah a random motel parking lot you know also so such a weird coincidence that's also the most likely place where you would see literal smoke from cars and i love okay so it's like there were no cars around but then they were like but it's hot in the desert i'm like okay so you like saw in the haze like something but then they did say that it was it was a thick smoky body a few feet away so i'm like okay if it does approach them like yeah i don't know but if you say oh it was too hot to see car smoke that's not

how smoke works like it's too hot to see your breath okay yeah but there were no cars because it was a super eight let's be honest let's be honest so this last one uh is of the old spaghetti factory oh hell yeah duarte california okay that actually actually is very haunted and covered it on a... Dorte? Or the old spaghetti factory? The spaghetti factory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there are a lot of these, but I only...

I picked one. But yeah, apparently it's a thing. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I was just letting you know. I didn't know if you knew that it was like a haunted place. Yeah, I did. I found out.

Well, I don't know if it's this one. No, no, no. I found out after I read about that. Oh, got it, got it, got it. But I saw like five reviews and people were saying like, I've heard that it's haunted. Like they mentioned, they referenced that fact is what I'm trying to say. I think that's the same one. It might not be.

Well, here is a five star review by Veronica. Five stars because I saw a ghost. I had no idea about this place's history. I was there for a bridal shower. I went downstairs to the restroom. I was all alone. I kinda got the creeps as I was washing my hands, but thought nothing of it. As I was walking back up the stairs, I saw a little girl sitting in an old-fashioned chair.

She was facing forward, looking to my left so i only saw her left profile she reminded me of nelly olsen which i believe is their action meant nelly olison from uh little house on the prairie oh i was like i have no idea who that is i googled it um i act like some sort of little house on the prairie expert I don't know shit okay we all we all would have believed it I know I couldn't seem so like I don't know I was gonna doubt it no one would have no one would have cared to fancy lacy dress with ringlets in her hair I was about four steps from the top I glanced down to watch my step and glanced back up. She was gone. All this happened in a matter of four seconds.

I looked around and saw no one anywhere in sight. I went back to the bridal shower and my aunt asked, What's wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost. I wasn't sure what I saw. So I get home and Google this place and apparently little children ghosts are seen playing near the restroom. So that was cool and creepy. If anyone can also verify what I saw, that would be appreciated.

Maybe my family won't say I'm crazy. End of review. Please, this is a cry for help on Yelp. You know how to validate all of this stuff? Start a podcast and then no one can criticize you anymore because you're like, hey, I make 11 off of it now. I have a great idea.

I have a suggestion. I have a request. I don't know the right word for it, but I just want you to hear me out. I just want you to hear me out. What would you think if we, instead of doing what we do and read yelp ruse we started reading ghost stories the end that's the end that's it that sounds fun i mean you'd already do that well

okay you read creeps with christine so yes but what if we just did a show youtube channel look it up you cover a paranormal story and I cover a true crime story. Oh, okay. Now that you add the true crime element. Yeah, I'm absolutely into that. Now it's unique. Yeah. Can I do the true crime element?

There was this other one I listened to, but the true crime element was always lacking. You ass. I'm just kidding. Wow. Okay. I got really excited about that last one. That was spooky. The paranormal stuff is what spooks me. But I, like, so I remember when I listened, like, I would sometimes skip ahead to yours because I'm like, okay, this is weirdly.

And it makes no sense when you think about it. Because yours is, like, based in reality. It's, like, factual and, like, very serious stuff. Not that paranormal stuff can't be serious, but, but like the paranormal stuff is spookier even though like it's not confirmed to have actually happened always so there's people debate about this um i'm like pretty equally frightened by both but yeah what else is new well thank you zany that was very good you really nailed the challenge i'm glad no i had fun with it for sure they're always in the bathroom which is something i'm learning yeah yeah and so am i and that makes a lot of sense that's why when i die those kids probably died of like dysentery

or something you know that makes sense that's why they're in the bathroom well where else are they gonna go that's why my that's where the most turbulent energy is, you know? True. It's turbulent already. At least in my life. Oh, boy. Okay, this is getting gross. Anyway.

All right, everybody. Since our 100th episode falls on the week of Halloween, and that is going to be a big event, we are going to do our Halloween episode next next week and it's going to be all things halloweeny yay across the board we're gonna find the best reviews we can and i think it's gonna be a good time oh i it better be i'm gonna get a lot of candy so that you and i can both i'll fill my little dispenser and then we can eat our hearts out but not not on a microphone, I promise. That ASMR episode is coming next April Fool's. That's a Patreon bonus. Oh my god, people would lose it.

I know. Anyway, I'm excited. Me too. I'm really ready. And I can't wait. Talk to you then, everyone. Bye.