Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - 99: Halloween Reviews

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

WARNING: CONTAINS SEXY STUFF. Which basically just means we talk about Charlie Brown and Spooky Buddies. Please be safe this Halloween season and don't summon Satin and keep your wife away from lovely yellow minions.  Get your Karma Back To You pin before they sell out! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Subscribe to Christine's YouTube channel to watch her read creepy stories! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb-gAs8Evw3ht70wTk1TiMA Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. he's creepy and he's spooky he's really really ooky he's all together kooky it's alex andy oh that was so sweet no one's ever written a song about me before i wrote it last year i've been practicing all year wow christina you if you know what honestly if i would have guessed i thought you were only practicing for a week oh really was it that good oh that's what that means

yeah oh i just realized that literally means the opposite anyway thank you for the compliment and happy halloween everybody happy halloween a week early i told sandy i finished episode 100 last night and i didn't understand what that meant i was like wait but what about my part nobody does so uh i just hope it'll work because it's too late now. I've way too committed for this. So we'll see what happens. What's nice is no responsibility comes my way. That's true.

I didn't do anything. Just ratings and any potentially damning, you know, monetary changes. Just kidding. No, I think it'll be fine. I hope people enjoy it. Please listen to it, everybody. Just for my sanity's sake. Please do, God.

As if they're going to specifically skip that one. I don't know. It seems weird. Because it's different. If we have to beg you to listen to a specific episode, there might be something wrong. I'm just kidding. I'm sure it's wonderful. I'm excited for it.

It's just me singing that song. Oh, then yeah. Everyone's going to love it. Okay. Anyway, this is our Halloween. Our long-awaited halloween episode oh yeah long-awaited we've uh we've both got reviews and they are both um they are both they're both of our reviews are really good oh they're both really good i've used up all my creative energy we have we have one each and that's it they're both really good i've used up all my creative energy we have we have one each and that's it they're both so good we did used to do that which that was a lot of pressure to pick

one each that's true and then i made the episodes 15 minutes and we were like oh this is great and easy yeah that was actually kind of nice uh but instead we have several and they are from halloween all over the internet yes just spooky stuff spooky stuff and i think i'm gonna start with probably the spookiest of all which oh man starting strong eek a eek indeed which is a double eek it's a product i found on amazon called brock's turkey dinner candy corn now i'm gonna read you the description of this candy corn. New to store shelves, a full course meal presented in a unique mix of candy corn flavors. Brock's Turkey Dinner includes all of the traditional Thanksgiving favorites from roasted turkey, green beans and stuffing to ginger glazed carrots, cranberry sauce and sweet potato pie. Excuse me?

Now available at your local Walgreens. Is this still candy corn? Yeah, it's candy corn flavored like turkey and green beans. That's foul. No pun intended. I'm being very serious. That is disgusting. Yeah, yeah.

And so what was wild to me is where the one-star reviews where people were somehow shocked that it was disgusting. That's like eating those bean boozled being like oh this one tasted like boogers gross gross i thought it would taste or it's like them saying this one tastes like boogers i thought i'd love it but it's actually pretty gross they might be one of those people that loves the taste of their boogers and then maybe they should use my boogers for the flavoring i could make better booger beans than this oh god okay i'm ready i'm just gonna read you this review by molly oh my god do you see the cat behind me that just scared

me the heck out of my freaking mind his little head appeared he's a little spookster he's getting into the spirit of things he's not he's not hiie. He thinks he's a little witchy cat. Hi stinker. Okay. Holy cannoli, that scared me. Okay, I'm going to read you this review. One star by Molly of turkey dinner candy corn. Verified purchase. fast enough. Out of curiosity, I bid on two bags of these on eBay and outright bought another two bags to make sure I could try them no matter what. Bad move. Whomever greenlit this idea is probably in the Federal Witness Protection Program. I love candy corn, so I thought, how bad could these be? Obviously, quarantine has stunted my normally vivid imagination because I was truly shocked at how inedible these candies really are. I brought a bag over to a family member's house hoping they would like them or at least think of someone else to give them to. But for the first time ever, they politely asked me to please take them back home with me. I love that.

For the first time ever. I'm like, how often are you bringing weird shit to their house so now i have an open bag of these at home and one in my suitcase and two more unopened bags at home i'm not even sure rats or pigeons would eat them catfish bait by far the biggest waste of money and sugar ever end of review that last bit was probably pretty accurate that was a waste of sugar um but four bags she bought i feel like there's a yeah a deeper problem here and it's not with whoever came up with this idea it's with uh whoever thought it would be a good idea to bid on multiple bags of it on ebay and then buy two more well okay so that's okay if you're bidding

on them on ebay why not just buy them on amazon to begin with like she's like i bid on them and just in case i didn't win i bought them on amazon also like they're cheaper on ebay maybe i don't know but still like also sketchier why why wouldn't you just buy a bag and try it and then go from there instead of... Anyway, but can I just say something? I freaking love candy corn. I've been Googling. Really?

I know. I'm one of those people that loves candy corn. I know that is a rarity, but I love it. Unfortunately, vegan candy corn just doesn't exist. Oh, there was one. I think this didn't have gelatin in it they have milk products egg um it's not yeah it's not even a gelatin thing like there's one that target someone was like i bought this because it didn't have gelatin in it and i was like it's turkey flavored

talking about i have i if those are vegan i don't even care i'm not trying those just the concept isn't vegan so the whole the concept isn't really humanitarian it's actually like pretty demonic so i think maybe nobody should be eating this it's immoral but no i've honestly been searching for vegan candy corn because i love candy corn so much but i would never look at this product and think to myself because i love candy corn, I'm going to love this. That's not how it works. That's like saying I love jelly beans, so I'm going to love the booger jelly beans.

Yeah, but she didn't even say I love jelly. Oh, she did say I love candy corn. But she also said I will eat anything that doesn't get out of the way fast enough, which is really frightening. That's hilarious. But yes, quite alarming if you're in their way um wow anyway so there's that that's a whole lot it's a whole lot that's a good start you're like that one actually okay my first one is of the darkness it's a haunted house

experience thing in st louis missouri um it is they have like zombie laser tag like it's a haunted house experience thing in St. Louis, Missouri. It is they have like zombie laser tag. It's a whole thing. I clicked on about to try to get a little blurb about it. And it was like 20 things I could have clicked on to learn more about. Oh, so I thought, you know, I'm just going to tell everyone it's a haunted house with random attractions. But they market themselves as the number one haunted house in uh america oh okay so that's how they market themselves i'm not don't at me i don't know shit about haunted houses that's not my opinion my neighbor has a great haunted house in their backyard that you don't even know about okay this is a deep cut but hey

does your employee still work there i'd like to invite her to my neighbor's haunted house no does anyone remember i remember that was from the sex store right yeah when he was like hey does barbecue work there whatever my neighbor's having a barbecue you're seeing i never remember references to our own podcast but that one is I literally brought it up like two weeks ago also. Oh, maybe that's why. So that might be why. I was like, that must be etched deep. Okay, no, not that deep.

Etched very shallowly. Okay. This is a one-star review by Jonathan of the Darkness. Too small of a walking space. There's no way you can see where you're going with the amount of stuff hanging. The moving objects that pop out hit you. The outside characters get in cars and touch you like no other. Personally, we'll never go back, especially since a clown got in my car without my permission.

Since COVID is going on too, they shouldn't even be able to be within six feet of you. End of review. And then the owner responds is we don't have a clown that works here holy shit that's horrifying right okay and also i didn't realize this was written this is a by the way written a week ago from now um i didn't realize that until the last line about covid i was like holy shit yeah first of all this place is open um second of all you're going and then blaming like these employees these workers who are i don't know they got in your car doing their job okay but that's too far okay that's too far i that feels like one of those where you have to sign a waiver going in i don't know if that of those where you have to sign a waiver going in. I don't know if that's true, if you have to sign a waiver for this one. But I know there's the really intense ones.

I forget what they're called. Yeah, I don't like those. Where you have to sign a waiver and they're allowed to do whatever they want to you. And they waterboard you and they lock you in tight spaces. Yeah, so anyway, I don't think it's quite like that, especially because someone said that this is suitable for ages 14 plus. And especially because it was like a clown got in my car, not like somebody tortured me for three days.

True, true. In the basement. Yeah, but it did say that people touch you like no other. Ew, never mind. Especially during COVID. Oh, yeah. Ew, no. touch you like no other so never mind especially during covid like i oh yeah oh no i'm i'm i'm gonna just go out on a limb here and say i think this is a bad idea i'm concerned for the safety of multiple people in that state right now yes and could you imagine those employees having to do that having to do this every day uh no interacting with all these people so closely no i mean they

don't have to get in anyone's car i don't think but like you never know i guess maybe it's part of the job description maybe maybe they have a a quota of cars to enter man now my now my friend at the sex store will never come over because she's heard all this horror stories. That's so sad. It's really pretty sad. Okay. Now, I did something that I... Regret. Don't regret one tiny bit.

Oh. I went on Common Sense Media, which if you recall is where I found those reviews of like... It was movies, right? movies diary of a wimpy kid and all that yeah um it's basically where kids are allowed to write reviews of movies again i stand by christine 2020 stop giving kids internet but common sense media just won't listen so this is a review of it's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Oh, no.

And it's a one star. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of things. It's a one star by Teen Age 14. What does teen have to say? Warning. Contains sex. Stop. Stop! Wait, are you serious? Oh, I need to watch this movie again.

Warning. Contains sexy stuff. Oh no. Not for kids. The word blockhead is used among other bullying. Linus and Sally have con-

Is this gonna be about like sexual tension? Yes. Linus and Sally have constant sexual innuendo. What? I don't even know what that word means. Constant.

Just a constant innuendo. It's like they're looking at their relationship as a metaphor. It does make sense. Linus and Sally actually aren't characters. They're actually deep metaphors. But hey, a 14-year- old using the word innuendo i'm horrified and impressed at the same time okay i'm glad one of us is linus and sally have constant sexual innuendo violence is shown through halloween costumes

and also through snopies Also through Snoopy's flying... Snoopy's what? I'm so sorry. This is the end. Violence is shown through Halloween costumes and through Snoopy's flying ice scene. Yeah, okay. Maybe that one is like...

I don't know. My goodness. Snoopy. Also then, at at the bottom which i didn't realize you could do someone checked this review read my mind i i do not want to be in that person's mind either of them you know when you can do like this review is cool or helpful there's one unfortunately i do know about that read my my mind. And I guess somebody, some other teen was like, they hit the nail right. Their English teacher was like,

finally, they get it. They're using Norton's innuendo properly. For once, I think boomers would like, hate this. You know, normally boomers would be like, our teens nowadays are watching all this terrible stuff. But in this case, they're like,

what is this stupid teen talking about not my stuff right there were a lot of reviews on amazon where people were like this is kind of mean like they keep like hitting each other you know they're saying stupid and blockhead and whatever and then people were right like you snowflake blah blah blah and it was like holy crap yeah anyway your turn My next one. This is just a bad one. I don't like this. Okay.

Uh-oh. There's a main problem I have with this. Okay. This is of Netherworld in Atlanta, Georgia. This is a haunted house. And they apparently have a 15-foot tall rock golem. Oh. And rooms that move.

Oh. So some interesting stuff there but anyway here is a review by marcia one star if i could give it a zero i would for our weight we were headed through like cattle body to body you could see the people on both sides of the maze not scary at all 38 i would have rather given it to the homeless the worst haunted house i've ever been to and then multiple emojis uh end of review so this one caught my eye because they're like hey this 38 that i spent on this haunted house if i had a choice between this haunted house and giving it to people the people who are in need i'd probably give it to people in need that's precisely where my mind went yes and i'm like but wait so you're using that as an insult so they're saying basically like the worst possible thing i could do with my money is give

it to people who might need some food during this lovely no no no autumnal season second worst the first worst is to give it to this haunted house right right but so they're saying this is the worst but now you've won out and you are even worse than all these needy people yes i'm like shouldn't you just give why don't you just help people out anyway like why does it have to be a thing where you're like okay next time someone brings up a haunted house i'll maybe i'll give some money to the homeless instead throw it in their face it just seemed really like rude and like why are you throwing that in there as if it's something to like i don't know are they trying to brag they're not what it no not at all it reminds me of when people say like this food was so

disgusting i gave it to a homeless person outside and i'm like wow that check yourself man yeah seriously people yikes check yourself people gosh um that's great it's terrible right it's pretty bad it's just like i did not like that definitely a double take that's why i threw it in there so the first review i read because i was like okay get people in and then i'll read them get people in the car with the clown yeah with the clown and then i'll read this one that people are going to groan at and then the rest aren't too grown everyone out not in the same way well i have one that's probably just gonna bum everyone out because it's another child writing on the internet um and this is a one-star why are you finding all

these children on the internet are you seeking them well obviously you are by going to common sense media so i'm trying to make a statement just talk to my pr team i will not this is a review of the movie spooky buddies which is a direct-to-DVD family comedy in the franchise of the Buddies, like Air Buddies, I think. Air Buddies? Air Buddies? It's called Air Bud? No, I know Air Bud, but then there was like Air Buddies came later. Remember, Francisco was obsessed with those.

No. Is that like a puppy version? Yes, there are all these puppies, and there's like a whole team of them. Oh, my bad. Okay, I didn't know. Spooky Buddies. And so there's Space Buddies, Super Buddies, Snow my bad. Okay, I didn't know. Spooky buddies. And so there's space buddies, super buddies, snow buddies. Oh, yeah.

I'm reading this list. I don't know it off the top of my head. Oh, I see. I was impressed by you, but now I'm not. Oh, she had Santa buddies. Oh. And so anyway, now there's spooky buddies. And oh, my goodness.

People were very upset. Oh, there's actually... Okay, I'm not going to spoil anything. Never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People were very upset. I just looked at the cover and I was like, wait. Okay.

It's very... People were very upset. So I'm going to read to you a review written by Kid, age 11. And this is a one-star review. There might be spoilers, BTW. In case you were, like, hoping to see this action flick and keep the suspense alive. I honestly don't understand why people find this movie so shocking disclaimer i wrote this in paragraphs but csm common sense media changed it to a huge block of text thanks csm it's still written in paragraphs, so I don't know like what happened or why they're so angry.

Anyway. Okay, let me start off by saying this movie is a low three stars in my book because my younger sister likes it. I would have picked three stars, but the rating system on this website says that that is just fine. It's really not. Moving on, I am awestruck at how some people think this movie is too violent, too much searing, too much sex, etc. Okay, I too am awestruck that people think, I haven't seen this movie, but I too am awestruck. People think that there's too much sex in the movie Spooky Buddies? It might be. He'll explain, this child will explain why. Don't worry. Of all people, I don't want to hear this from a 12 year old child or 11 sorry i don't want to hear about how there's not that okay two ways

either would either this person this 11 year old thinks there's just the right amount of sex in spooky buddies there's not enough of it you're right or there's none there's way worse so i guess three way yeah so i'm hoping that their argument is there is nothing because otherwise i really don't oh god don't well me i don't want to hear this okay go i'm so uncomfortable i have seen this movie man many many times because i have a sister as mentioned in the paragraph above for the violence there is pretty much none in the beginning there is a part where a big black dog tries to eat some puppies souls one of them that sounds pretty fucking violent to me i know i read that and went

i don't want to see this movie it It sounds upsetting. No, it's terrifying. Apparently it traumatized a lot of children, which like, yeah, same. One of them is turned into a ghost and the others are presumed dead, I guess. At one point, someone gets knocked out, I think by a trash can lid, but I'm not sure. I haven't seen it in a while. In another part, someone gets blasted slash electrocuted with a magic staff, but is not injured in any shape or form. He kind of just goes flying and gets back up again.

That's about it. Okay, so the scariness is the main thing people seem to be complaining about. Yes, the dogs dying at the beginning are kind of sad, but they come back to life at the end. This is on the low end of the dog death spectrum. Oh my God. I would love to see this. I'm picturing it like hand drawn in pencil, the spectrum and like all these like these

names of movies. Oh my God. From like Lassie to All Dogs Go to Heaven. Oh, that's true. There are, I don't know why any adults make children suffer through this. Okay. This is on the low end of the dog death spectrum. Definitely below pretty much any of the classic books you may want to read to your children.

The big scary black dog really isn't frightening at all, in my opinion. My sister first watched this when she was four or five and nothing ever scared or bothered her. I think this will only be scary for extremely sensitive kids. Sex. There pretty much is none. I think there are some people in there who are married. Okay. Didn't expect that, but I'm glad it went this route.

Okay, continue. At the end of the movie, two bullies are hiding behind a bush and are implied to be nude, but that honestly sounds way worse than it is. That's about as far as it goes. In the language section, I think someone may have said dang, darn, shoot, or something like that.

Now, on to drinking. It is implied that a group of partying people think someone is drunk with the line it looks like someone drank a little too much punch. Quality. It is implied that a group of partying people think someone is drunk with the line, it looks like someone drank a little too much punch. Quality. This is not a good movie. The other buddies' movies are better.

The only thing in its favor are beagles. Because beagles are great. And, um, sorry, I can't think of anything else. The acting is terrible and I think that Disney just made this movie as a cash grab. Only watch it with your four to five year old child for a spooky Halloween movie. But even then, there are much better child appropriate movies out there. Thank you for reading this and have a good day. Warning, this movie contains consumerism.

End of review. I actually have so much respect for this 11 year old. Oh my God. Very many big words. No, an 11 year old oh my god many big words no an 11 year old writing all of this like this full movie review that's on a site that's meant for people like them to review movies so that adults can like know what to show their children you're right other other children to see what they would like i'm honestly very impressed by that review it was it seemed very level-headed and had like it but it was my only question is when this child no matter what you say i'm gonna say they're 11 years old so but continue no no this isn't even about

them my only well maybe actually maybe it is because it says uh i'm awestruck at how people think there's too much sex in this movie but i'm like none of the reviews on this website said that so who are you talking to or like where are you getting this idea that people think this is a sexy movie like i don't know where i don't know where that um that might have been my fault i did publish on medium.com i published an article about uh the sexy nature of Spooky Buddies. You called, like, Young Boomer dandy? No, it was a positive thing. It wasn't about complaining about it.

Oh, I thought it was, like, in defense of the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, and saying, but nowadays. Got it. No, it was... It's a good coming-of-age film. um it's a good coming of age film okay it really spooky buddies really led me into adulthood that is so true i do love the theory that like they're married people in it well i thought that was really adorable the i know they were they said that i thought it was very okay and then i don't know, they presented specifics saying, hey, this is why somebody might see this movie as violent. And presented the times, like didn't hide those, and said, but my four-year-old sister enjoyed it.

I don't think it's too much for me as an 11-year-old. I thought it was weirdly... I don't mind when dogs souls get eaten the whole thing and die it's fine with me i don't think it's too violent anyway i'm 11 can you imagine i have this like fantasy built up in my mind where one day we'll read i'll read one of these and then somebody listening goes oh shit like i wrote that 10 years ago on the internet that was me if that's true for this person i want to meet you. You know what I mean?

Especially because at the end, when they were 11 years old, they're already saying, warning, this contains consumerism. They use the word cash grab. But they're fucking right. Probably, yes. They're, I'm assuming, I'm making assumptions, but it's Disney. I'm allowed to assume that about Disney. Caring about financials.

So, yeah. It's Disney. I'm allowed to assume that about Disney. How dare you accuse Disney of caring about financials. So yeah, that was, maybe that's why I'm so impressed because they ended it saying it was a cash grab and warning parents about consumerism. I love that. I do too. I love this person. This is my new friend. I've decided. Hey, I called it first.

I was the one who came in swinging with positive things to say on my fist. You can befriend the teen first. Okay, I'm hoping they're not a teen anymore. Me too. That sounded creepy too. Yeah, never mind. We don't want to be friends with this person. We're just going to applaud them from afar.

We will applaud them from afar. All right, my next one is of the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum. It is now a place of interest for ghost hunters and for tours. So you can go and tour the whole place. You can also do overnights or what are they called? Lock-ins or lockdowns. I don't know what they're called. Paranormal lockdown.

They lock all the doors and you're stuck in there overnight. But you asked for it. lock-ins or lock-downs i don't know what they're called paranormal lockdown they lock them all lock all the doors and you're stuck in there overnight uh but you asked for it yeah that's precisely the exact it sounded it sounded really aggressive but i mean it's kind of what you're getting yeah what you know what you're getting into if you're wild enough let me just call you wild because i don't want to be insulting. But let's just say I would never do something like that. I know. You're getting dangerously close to insulting like a cross portion of our listeners. Probably a majority of them.

And also you. I know. I held my tongue. I know. Don't worry, guys. I'll take it. So this is a TripAdvisor review. So it has a title.

And it's titled Not Good Sad dot dot dot one star but not in the way you think oh um i know you're immediately thinking like oh yeah it is sad no just wait just wait it sounds like the title of a spooky buddies review so sad oh no could you imagine going to that place with your quote-unquote ghost equipment your duffel bag and they lock you in it turns out all you brought is a dvd player and a projector and you play spooky buddies it's the scariest night of all that would get the the the ghost moving because they would not want to watch that. Just like jump out all the windows. Yeah. Okay.

Here we go. I had been looking forward to going here for over a year and I'm sad to say it was very underwhelming. The building itself looks really cool and the free museum downstairs was amazing. Way better than both tours we took put together. Do that instead of the tours. It'll save'll save you time money and first world heartache we did one 90 minute historical tour which was disappointing and one 90 minute paranormal tour which was very disappointing it seemed like something a six-year-old would come up with done by a lady that reeked of wet dog the only thing insane here is the price of the tours

um i want to ask you a question so now we get into the meat it's just one more paragraph but based on saying using the words heartbreak saying it's so sad what like what would you expect from this reviewer now to say um like oh they're using this viewer now to say um like oh they're using this tour as a cash grab much like disney's spooky buddies as a consumer cash grab when in reality we're just profiting they're profiting off the torture and sadness of poor mental health conditions of the 1800s you would think you would think i would think but i like don't think because i know i know better but that is what i thought reading this and so i thought okay there's no way i'm using this because agreed like yeah yeah but here we go also what oh god now i don't even know what to expect dumbest take in the world

okay also i'm not a big fan of all the liberal propaganda there. Society was much better when the crazy people were locked up away from the rest of us where they could have an eye kept on them, instead of being homeless vagabonds, best case scenario, or engaging in mass killings, worst case scenario. And sure, in many ways things sucked for women way back when, but it isn't like men were sitting around on thrones living the life of leisure either. Most were working backbreaking jobs on farms or in factories, trying to support their families, assuming they were lucky enough to survive the wars they were forced to go to, to support other people's interests.

End of review. I literally could not have even imagined where you were going. Exactly! I'm so glad I stopped to ask you because. I cannot even. This just like gave me whiplash and I kind of knew it was coming and I still couldn't even expect it. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness. You literally think, oh, it's so sad. But no, it's their sadness is why is this place closed? This should still be a thing i tried to bring my my my sister here and they just gave us a tour and they wouldn't take her like what i asked if they still did lobotomies and they told me that was an outdated practice all the tools were behind glass i couldn't even oh my god i'm so stunned like you don't think you'd be surprised anymore by these but like i know this one got me that's just so on the nose i mean who wrote this again was it do we know it's it almost

read like it read like a joke i i don't have the name um my goodness and but it it it read like a joke that last paragraph but i i really don't think it is i mean just like the i mean there's so much wrong with it i'm not even gonna begin like i assume the people listening to the show are not like i don't get it what's the big deal like we all kind of know what's wrong with that but holy yeah can only mass killings what are you talking about yeah they're saying that oh goodness no you know what i'm not even gonna try to analyze this person because they're just, they have very problematic reviews. That's like, wow. Reviews, yes, and views.

Their views are okay, but the reviews. The reviews, now that's a problem. And I didn't say this, but I forgot to mention where this is. It's in Weston, West Virginia. So, yeah, if you're curious about it to learn more. Was that like a veiled um no no no i i don't even know i don't know where the person's from so the person probably isn't even from there they traveled there right with their sister they said they were looking forward to going there for a year so it seems like a trip they were like i can't live with this lady any longer i need to drop her off somewhere i mean i'm just

like wildly blown away because i i don't i know some about the trans allegheny what is it prison or i know something about this place i know two words of it they call it the trans allegheny lunatic asylum lunatic asylum right and then there's the waverly hill sanatorium and they have like um body shoots where they would put people in this like body shoot them i mean it's really it's like shoots and ladders yeah it's fun no it's like sounds medieval the way they like you know had to not had to but the way i guess the resources they had to um you know attempt to quote unquote assist people with mental illness and they would just like when they died launch their bodies down the body shoot and i'm

just thinking like i'm sure it's a similar place, you know, from a similar time period. And this lady's literally going, it was so much better back then. It's just, it's so wrong to feel that way. But yes,

this place was operational from 1864 until 1994. Wow. And it was, it was operated by the government of the u.s state of west virginia so yeah um i mean if you ever see those lists of people that um that uh were like reasons you could be sent away like nowadays it's funny because it's just so ridiculous it's like menstrual problems like it's just the most like wild list of what could make you a quote-unquote lunatic and i'm just thinking whoever this reviewer is, like, they're probably speaking out of turn and would be sent there themselves.

So, I don't know. Yes. So true. You're not safe. Well, that was what was so interesting about them mentioning women specifically. Because I assume on the tour, they got that whole spiel. Sure. They were told, hey, women were sent here for things today that obviously are not

issues right and but back then uh they were sent there for because of their menstrual cycle what i missed those days i wish i could live in those i mean wow it's it's so it's it's i don't want to know this person in real life i almost didn't use it i'm gonna be honest because i really didn't like it but i mean i just think it could lead to us that like nobody is gonna read that and go like yeah i agree you know i mean it feels somebody yeah it feels it feels made up but um and also i see the word liberal propaganda and i think oh god people are gonna add us about how we're bringing politics into things um which i'm not afraid to do but there's no then i start reading and i think wait what what what does this have to do with

being liberal i don't understand five there's no doesn't matter if you're liberal or not if you or you're just telling on yourself if you think that uh good treatment of uh patients means you're liberal on every level like health care right good health care at all well i mean i guess network okay well yeah that is okay this is a one-star view this oh this is sent in by jessica so um i searched halloween in our inbox because i figured there would be some and i found this one from jessica who says i was looking for reviews of how low scream the halloween event at Busch Gardens. I knew you guys would love this.

I fell down a rabbit hole of this lady's reviews, and at least half are for different Dunkin' Donuts locations. So this is a one-star review by Kathy of Howl-O-Scream, which is the Halloween event at Busch Gardens. Dunkin' Donuts expert. Yeah, it does say that Kathy, she has 260 reviews and is a local guide and has 630 photos so a guide to dunkin donuts which is useful in your community only dunkin donuts yeah we'll hold your praise for one moment so this is a one-star view of bush gardens hollow scream would give it no shining star emoji because i will not celebrate satin and give him glory and that is want halloween is praising satin the devil end of review yeah I take back my praise that is not useful for the

community really misspelled satan twice which I'm like you're not and that was of a dunkin donuts right no no halloween I'm kidding oh my god I was about to kill you I was like bush gardens okay I remember I'm just kidding so you asshole you got mad i swear i'm talking about satin the devil and you're not giving me any fucking attention here i just love that like instead of writing no stars she like found the really shiny star emoji just not a regular star but like the one that's going whoo and then also spelled satan satin twice which yikes he okay stick to the emojis stick to the emojis i seem to use the devil emoji instead of instead of satin that's like the kind of well maybe they kept typing satin they're like oh there's no satin emoji okay i guess i'll just

keep it typed out truly though and i'm like if you're this person would be the worst fucking devil worshiper or i guess not devil worshiper. Worst, because they're fucking spelling it wrong. They're probably going to accidentally summon him. So true, out of anger. So the pastor at their church is probably like, Kathy, you need to stop trying to run the prayer circle, because you're going to do something really wrong. You're bringing some bad things in here with your bad spelling. really wrong and you're bringing some bad things in here with your bad spelling.

It's like when websites have, they buy up the domains for the misspellings or when other, like when trolls will buy up domains with a little bit of a misspelling to either lead, like for political purposes to lead them, lead people away. I think there was one, I forget what it was exactly, but it was something similar to vote for DonaldTrump.com, but it actually went to a pro Biden site, I think. It was something similar to that. Anyway, I'm imagining the devil creating all these spells. Obviously, I know nothing about what I'm talking about. nothing about what i'm talking about uh the devil creating all these spells where that using the word satin to trick people who are dumb into summoning him and god just didn't get there he didn't pick up he didn't get to go daddy on time well they call it god addy

i'm so sorry that was so funny oh i love that i want to applaud but people get annoyed if you clap into a microphone that was hilarious yeah they'll get mad i actually really thought that was funny make fucking dumb ass jokes okay am i a problem if i found that funny that i'm no i appreciate it because i'm sure you're the only one that is That is hilarious. Oh, my God. I needed that. Thank you. Well, the business responded. The Busch Gardens owner responded. Okay. That's wild.

Okay. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen, but why would they even bother? Hi, Kathy. Hi, Kathy. As you reviewed does not describe a personal experience at Hallow Scream. It has been flagged for review for Google. End of response. Oh, I like that. Nice.

That's actually Satin himself trying to get a grip, get a hold. She summoned him. It worked. He's like, I know how to get to Kathy. It's all her reviews. That's how I'll suck her in. You know what? Satin would own an amusement park.

So true. Especially Busch Gardens. Am I right? you know what satin would own an amusement park so true especially bush gardens am i right oh yeah i've totally been there and have an opinion about it isn't it named after a beer i don't know it's spelled the same way maybe that's is it i i don't... Maybe a last name? Perhaps. Yeah. Well, it's interesting. Disney, Walt Disney World, was named after a film company. No. Disney.

Really? I just thought they had the same last name. The companies? Yeah. There's no person involved here. It's just companies all the way down. Oh, I thought it was a beer get it i'm sorry this is so stupid okay um so is our entire show always that's kind of the point yeah my next review is of i'm not gonna read it in japanese oh because i'm gonna go ahead and say the city though tried to uh fujiyoshida japan has an amusement park called

fuji q highlands and within there there's a haunted attraction uh that you can visit and it is uh designed this is from i found this on ranker uh designed as an abandoned old hospital as the story goes years before some doctors at the hospital decided to harvest and sell organs the vengeful spirits of the patients came back and got rid of all the doctors turning the hospital into the haunted building that exists today so it's an attraction within a theme park and uh apparently you're allowed to go in and tour it as you're at your leisure this according to this article it takes about 50 minutes if you take your time going through. Anyway, here is a one-star review by Geraldine.

They ran out of tickets for the attraction, so we did not get to experience it after driving two hours to get there. They should get rid of the ticket process and just have the haunted house stay open as long as the park. No tickets required. End of review. People just drive me nuts. I can't. Do you think she also brought her sister and was like, I just want to leave her inside? Something.

This place seems, I think it's really cool the way they do it. It seems very well structured i like like based on what i've read and i like the way they allow you to go through it yourself instead of a um specific plan uh but yeah that that means that you have to be a little more stringent when it comes to tickets and the number of people that get in there you can't have just can't just let any geraldine oh geraldine but yeah um i picked that also because i had read so many reviews that were the opposite saying uh most haunted attractions weren't strict enough saying oh like you are letting people cut in line just let anyone in you're letting you're letting too many

people in so they'll also they'll complain about four hour lines and then they'll say oh but it's too cramped and too many people are allowed in. I just feel like nothing you've read today makes me want to ever go to a. I mean, I'm not a haunted attraction person. I'll go to Waverly Hills or Trans-Algany and do a lockdown any day, but I will not go to a fucking jump scare, whatever you call it. You can find me at Waverly place and that's it waverly place yeah like the wizards yeah that's a very niche reference i think maybe not maybe i don't think it's as niche as you think but i think it's niche for me because i didn't know i had disney channel

until i was like 15 but yeah i've never watched it but i'm still referencing it oh my gosh okay well i have a review now alexander this is this is the first one i found and i saved it for last because i hate it the most and this i said blaze i'm looking up reviews for a halloween episode what should i look up and he said why don't you look up a hedgehog costume and I was like okay well I guess I can do that so I found this website uh it's a mascot website and essentially they have thousands upon thousands of every type of mascot costume and not mascot costume you could ever imagine and blaze and I were looking through and we were like they must just like create the designs and then like if someone happens to buy it they'll like make it because it was like hot dog with mustard costume hot dog with relish mascot like the most random shit um they had 26 different

minion costumes mascot costume and so i didn't didn't find a good hedgehog review but i did find a review of the lovely this is the title lovely despicable me mascot costume and uh a lot of them it was like also blaze and i figured out we think some of it was i think a furry thing because there were a lot of animals that was like their own separate like kind of uh personified animals right and then there was another whole thing where we were like i think this is for people who do like at times square or whatever and they're like disney characters but they're like off brand so it would be like red monster and it was like elmo but not uh-huh so this was actually called they're trying to corner every market every single market um so this is called the lovely despicable me mascot

costume i'm gonna it's literally the worst thing every time i open my freaking computer this is what i see i'm sending it on skype oh no why is that wait why is lovely lovely i mean i would look lovely in that but oh my god i have it full screen now okay i'm pretending it's you talking to me we have to put this can you describe it no okay no i won't even dare to try it's a minion in black and white stripe overalls with like half closed eyes so he looks like he's a little sultry um and he's kind of the hair is the best part he has like two it's like homer simpson hair two strands of hair and he's waving his arms around i'm gonna put this on our instagram i don't even care yeah that's so this is a one-star review by matthew

it's short so pay attention of the lovely despicable me mascot costume i'm looking at One star by Matthew. My wife loved it. No. Matthew's wife. I'm not one to kink shame and I still won't. No, I'm certainly not. But also, why is it one star? Why is it one star? I will shame that.

I will shame you to the end of days for leaving that one star review. But not because your wife enjoys it, but because, oh, maybe, you know what? Uh-oh. I got it. Yeah. I know where your head's at. I figured it out. One day, Matthew and his wife, scrolling through town, out of the corner of their eyes, they

both spot it. A yellow movement. The lovely yellow movement. scrolling through town. At the corner of their eyes, they both spot it. A yellow movement. The lovely yellow movement across the street. And she stopped, stared for a while, turned back to Matthew and said, I don't love you anymore.

And that was it. I'm leaving. Oh, my was worse. Mine was way more horrific. so let's go with yours mine was that he got home from work and said honey i'm i'm home early from my business trip and walked into the bedroom and saw this thing and he said wow she just loved it too much i never stood a chance look at him i never stood a chance. Look at him. I never stood a chance. So anyway. Head on over to our Instagram at Beach2Sandy to see what took Matthew's wife away from him.

Oh my God. Matthew never stood a chance. Holy God. This is something. Isn't it lovely? Isn't he lovely um isn't he lovely your turn well thankfully i just have redemptions left me too thankfully oh boy oh boy this is something okay so this first one is from my friend spencer who sent me a review of forest lawn long beach which is a cemetery mortuary uh in long beach california this is by elizabeth five stars

r.i.p to my grandparents xoxo and a review oh no i weirdly was really like that one i know at least because it's positive i feel like elizabeth's parents were like could you say a few words at the funeral and she's like no i left my review on google what more do you want oh my god i because i'm picturing those they have those online books where you can leave your yes your guest book or not guest book yeah because that's probably the wrong word you know what i mean yeah i know yeah i tried to describe it without using words and then oh i'd steamrolled you yeah yeah but anyway uh yeah i um it felt like one of those oh but on google for everyone to see like who wants to go there what if she just writes that on all she's like arby's on i-45 and accidentally wrote one that happens to be of a mortuary you never know just leave it never know condolences all over the planet hey you know what

whatever works if that helps you and makes you feel better you're not hurting anyone except that arby's he's like can you please stop acting like people died here? Nobody died here. Okay, never mind. Okay, yeah, you got me there. Okay, I have a redemption now. Now this is from Heather, who says, Hey, she for sibs. I was looking for a Halloween costume for my son and reading through the q&a is on Amazon and had to submit this. Thanks for all the laughs. This is the only podcast I can get my husband to listen to with me. So this is Alexander. This is Alexander. A review of a...

You keep saying this is Alexander. Sorry. This is a review of a Sonic the Hedgehog mask head thing. Hat? Hat. Maybe. There's not a picture, but it looks like it's a costume that you put on your head. It's just the head. I think it's like it's a it's a costume that you put on your head like it's just the head i think it's just the head it's a hat sort of for a costume so it i i i liked it because i discovered it and i went oh hedgehog just like blaze told me to find

and instead i found the lovely minion but then heather was like here here's actually a hedgehog costume good good good i'll take it so it's actually a q a and um somebody asked will this fit a 10 year old and now the first person responded i do believe it would fit a 10 year old well the uh the second person jason wrote yes it was bought specifically for a 10-old and it fits him perfectly. And then A. Anderson stepped in with their own answer and it says, Hello Jennifer. I do believe you are wildly underestimating the potential of this hat. This hat will not only physically fit a 10-year-old kid, this hat will fit them when they grow up. This Sonic the Hedgehog cap will fit them through the arduous path of adolescence and drive into successful adulthood. This hat will help your son or daughter through their first emotionally difficult breakup and hug them delicately with the attached blue

cotton chin strap. This Sonic cap will give them speed in times of immense doubt and godlike power in times of weakness. It is long fabled that when Michelangelo originally sculpted his famous David, he intended to sculpt the perfect man wearing this sonic cap. However, the increasing price of marble at the time proved problematic, and he opted to create David with a head of curls instead. While in truth I cannot count the number of times this particular hat saved my very life, I can tell you that I would be a mere shell of a man without the unwavering, inexplicably extraordinary presence of my Sonic the Hedgehog cap. It is hand wash only, though, so do be careful there.

End of response. I don't doubt any of it. No, it's fully accurate, I can guarantee it. Oh my god. As a lover of Sonic the Hedgehog. It's beautiful, right? But one thing that did... I don't know if I would question it, but they said in times of immense doubt, it gives you speed.

Is that normally what you want when you're doubting things? Yeah. Speed? Just a good distraction gotta go fast just get away from whatever your doubt whatever doubt you have just run away run away forrest gump hey true run away from your problems it's healthy yeah unless you're talking speed like oh we're not unless that is part of the sonic the hedgehog lore that i really hope i'm not familiar with that but i really hope not i hope not too so thank you heather and

your husband for listening to our show yes thank you um wow thank you for that especially that moment that struck me pretty deep that yeah it's it like leaves a lasting impression yeah i'm i will not sleep tonight i do love that right after that the answer just says yes it's accurate when it says one size fits all has a velcro strap it's like did you not see the last answer like you can't like step aside more that needs to be said right step aside back off someone oh my god the next question literally is can i do parkour in this hat and dennis wrote the hat is a bit loose but can be tightened with the strap you can run with it but i think it will fall off if you attempt any parkour acrobatics good answer okay i learned more about this stupid

hat than i have about anything else stupid sorry rude okay you don't have the speed necessary clearly to get out of your doubt i'm full of doubt i'm gonna call satin later and devote my life to him careful i know i'm like i shouldn't say that oh did you just send that to me alice in her i swear i swear to god i didn't remember with the freaking smash mouth it happened oh it does that it that happened to me and I didn't make stupid when it happened with the asparagus when we recorded that one time and the smash mouth in the freaking the stupid Dilbert dispenser you literally just talked about summoning satin oh boom the minion pops up I said I'm devoting my life to satin and then the

lovely sexy minion appeared oh no also if you are still doubting whether or not you should look at what this looks like you got to look it is something you have to look it up it's talk about satin um devoting your life to those eyes uh those eyes indeed those half half-lidded eyes um i was gonna say oh also i found out sarah was the one who sent me the eminem dispenser yeah who also sent you uh your godson monty jr the hatchimal so sarah thank you i did see that thank you i did email you back also but i want to give you public props all right i have one more this is from mary who wrote in saying, while shopping on Amazon for a Victorian style nightgown for a Halloween photo shoot, I stumbled across this review. So that's fun.

Love the show, guys. Thanks for keeping me sane at work. Mary. Here is the title of the product. It is a women white nightdress short sleeve vintage nightgown Victorian sleepwear lounge dress. Oh, hell yeah. It's basically exactly as described. I wonder if I'm allowed to wear nightgown victorian sleepwear lounge dress oh hell yeah it's basically exactly as described i wonder if i'm allowed to wear night Victorian style nightgown i want a nightgown this is a five-star review by susan titled beautiful

verified purchase early reviewer rewards i don't know what that wow it's in there so i'm giving you your props perfect for being awoken by ghostly moaning at midnight and tiptoeing down the creaking staircase of my victorian mansion with my kerosene lamp to investigate end of review but that just gave me shivers i'm like i some Wuthering Heights nightgown action like that. It really puts, like, it put, exactly puts you in that place. And that's exactly what I imagined would happen when you wear this. I saw the tall windows. I saw the shadowed branches shining in from the outside.

Oh, my God. The moonlight. The moonlight? The moonlight. I want this nightgown. It's werewolves. Oh, wrong thing. I must own this nightgown man that was something

I love it well thank you to everybody who submitted things that you submitted a long time ago and we just happened to find in the inbox thank you for everybody who is listening and for all these weirdos writing reviews on the internet

yeah thank you all so much and um since i'm not gonna be saying anything apparently next week for next week's episode thank you all for getting us to 100 episodes yes which happens next week thank you for that we'll be back for 101 hopefully i don't see why we wouldn't but i mean i don't know what's gonna happen unless apparently like maybe she's announcing something and the episode 100 is like an announcement of our retirement just without me realizing it it's an announcement of me devoting my life to satin and escaping this mortal coil that we call the earth so it's a complete surprise to me just as it will be for you all so uh enjoy it I hope

I hope I hope I do too first episode i'll actually listen to oh good like like on spotify or something okay well you'll i hope you enjoy it so i will hear your voice next week you sure will okay can't wait bye everyone all hail satan is that good yeah i was gonna let you summon the minion in peace without me being involved and now you involve me by asking how i felt about it Bye.