Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 14

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

If you normally listen to our show in the presence of family, we'd recommend switching that up for this episode. And if for some reason you let your children listen to this explicit podcast, DEFINITELY keep them far away from this one. Ok now that the warning is out of the way, allow us to tickle your ears with our tiny hands as we explore awful reviews and the people who write them.  Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD, and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly important message tickets are available now to see beach 2 sandy live in concert in podcast we are going to be reading one star reviews of local places our shows are in los Angeles at Dynasty Typewriter on May 10th and in the Cincinnati area May 17th at the Liberty Funny Bone. Hometown show! For tickets visit beach2sandy.com slash tour. See you there! Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between You and Us,

the special version of Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, where we read reviews that y'all send in to us. April edition. Shit, it's March. March edition. March edition. The very special spring equinox edition. We're not going to title it that. I am. Okay, read your review now. Oh, already. We're getting into it. Okay, let's do it. Okay, so I have a few here. I have one. First, I have one from Karen. Say hello to Karen. Hi, Karen.

This is from Karen. It says it's all the way from May of last year. So we're almost a year out. Thank you, Karen. Now, Karen says that they were looking on Indeed at employer reviews and found a five-star review for a company called True Force Pest Control in Phoenix. This is a five-star review by a former employee. Subject is, okay. Not good management, but good owners.

Great employees. False promises and all over the place. If you do sales, you will make great money. Enjoyed most days and had growth potential pros food cons katie no end of review i was like okay this seems reasonable enough what did katie do to you anonymous employee it didn't it seemed to outweigh the food though because it was a five-star review true the food must have uh that's true Katie you can read that and be brush it off and be like you know what anonymous employee I couldn't have hurt you that bad if you're giving it five stars I wasn't so bad that the lunch buffet

was tarnished they flew in food every single day for their employees I mean it is a pest control center so famous for their buffets full of chemicals yeah um okay that's my first one thank you karen that just made me laugh thanks karen okay um this one is from andy they them hi andy andy says holy shit y'all just gonna be honest i was looking for a dildo while looking at the reviews for one i came across this wild trip of a review. Thank you, Andy, for your blunt honesty. I appreciate it. I hope this man is able to find peace one day.

So it's interesting. So it's from AdamEve.com. So Adam and Eve site for the Adam and Eve blue dolphin. Oh, dear God. And it's funny. On here, you can describe yourself. So the reviewer, despite being anonymous, is between the age bracket of 25 to 34, is male, and is in a relationship. Okay.

And it's a verified purchase. I love when we can build out a character on these reviews. Really, really setting the stage here. Give us some context. So this review is titled, Like a New Boyfriend, and it's a four-star review. I was skeptical at first when I received it, since it was a little too firm and smelled like rubber.

Oh. But once you get him going, he warms up nicely and learns to be flexible. The smell went away very quickly. Now, it does whatever I want, whenever I want, is quiet and discreet, and doesn't look at other women anymore. He's all mine.

End of review. Okay. Finished off with a, yes, I recommend this product. Oh, I can tell. I think maybe I'll pass. Thank you for the recommendation. Well, Anonymous, good to know. Andy, thank you.

I hope you did end up buying that one. I wish you luck in your purchase endeavors. It seems like you have plenty of information to go on. Yeah. You know what? That's one of those reviews that to some might be helpful. I think maybe, probably it would be. We often don't read helpful reviews.

Anything that describes very specifically the smell of something makes me really not, unless it a candle or an essential oil i don't want to partake that's a good point thank you so much for that that's lovely i love this for a family-friendly show okay so uh thank you andy now the next one i have is from ashlyn and ashlyn says hey guys so i personally have used these wipes. They aren't for me, but this review is hilarious. This is from Target. It is a review of Grapefruit 50-count facial wipes up and up compared to Neutrogena oil-free cleansing wipes pink grapefruit.

So they're the Target brand, like face cleansers? I'm familiar with up and up. Got it. Up and up, yes. I got that Target card, 5% off. Highly recommend. The smell went away almost immediately. They're not paying us anything. And it's a fucking credit card.

We shouldn't be advertising credit cards. They can afford to pay us if they want. What the fuck, Target? Yeah, Target. Stop begging for my free advertisements. Shut up. You're literally wearing red and white right now. free advertisements.

Shut up. You're literally wearing red and white right now. This is a one-star review of the Grapefruit 50-Count Facial Wipes. It's written by Millie and the subject is cheese and rice.

And Millie... Already a winner. And Millie would not recommend. Oh. These wipes are the biggest woat what is that w-o-a-t oh waste of all time time waste of all time no um are the biggest waste of all time that doesn't make sense i don't know um let's come up with something good though okay These are the biggest... I want to say something like waste of a purchase or waste of a trip, waste of a...

Now you've got waste in my head. It might not even be that. Did you Google it? Yeah. What does it say? Worst of all time, which makes less sense. This is the biggest worst of all time. Just saying.

Yep, you're right. Okay. Oh, dear. Urban Dictionary says, people who suffer being a WOTE often live in pathetic suburban townships and pretend to do things like put out house fires. What? That is oddly specific. Are you okay? Whoever wrote that had a very specific neighbor they didn't like.

Yeah. Usually started by the aforementioned WOTE, this fire. Oh, my God. Okay. I feel not good about that. Yeah, let's just find out what this woat has to say about this woat. Get back to the facial wipes. Oh, the biggest wipes of all time. Oh, wipes, okay.

That makes sense. Yeah. These wipes are the biggest woat. Actual death. These have caused my face third- degree burns to an extremity. Okay, what is with woats and burns and fire? That's actually really true. Now I'm kind of reconsidering.

I don't know. There must be a subculture we don't understand. Something about this makes me think this is exaggerated. No. I don't know. You don't think? Actual death? Come on. Also, they said to an extremity. Like, they were trying to say to an extreme, but an extremity is definitely just like a body part.

Which extremity, though? Hopefully, I mean, I would imagine your face is where you're using this, but. These have caused my face third degree burns to an extremity. My face kills every night when I wipe these little shits. Will never purchase again. Buy these if you need something to make you cry and bawl your eyes out. Oh, and also stab your heart out. Up and up, you screwed up

real bad this time. End of review. You're doing something wrong. Also, why are you still using them? Every night it happens. Every night I cry my eyes out and burn my face off. But so it's funny how they say up and up. I wonder if they know it's associated with Target.

You know what I mean up. I wonder if they know it's associated with Target. Oh. You know what I mean? Like, I wonder if part of the reason why they have this side brand or like they have their their brand name is something specific is maybe so that when people complain, they're not like, oh. Well, yeah, because I mean, I think what's Kroger's one called? Healthy something. Yeah, I feel like.

Like Kirkland is Costco. Yeah yeah i'm sure you're probably right about that marketing wise um i do so ashlyn wrote i'm probably not don't say that i'm not right about most things on the on here um ashlyn wrote i'm curious if their doctor diagnosed them with extremity third degree burns or that's a self-diagnosis also why keep using them but that's exactly what i was wondering so uh we're on the same page all all three of us i like how they say i'll never purchase these again but i have to use all 50 before before i make that decision you know what i kind of respect that gave it gave it a shot maybe it was just the first 49 that did that yeah turns out it was all 50 all 50 yeah you're right just keep trying it over and

over again and then at the end they said you know what i feel comfortable writing a negative review because i tried all 50 and my heart real shot has been stabbed out of my body to an extremity to an extremity okay this is one that um i believe was also on reddit but um krista also texted it to me and it was in an email from Kelsey. Like your friend? My friend Krista. Okay. Got it. Sorry.

And then... I was like, who are you giving your phone number to? Are we doing this now? You have no idea. Can you imagine? Yeah. Yeah. I could imagine having stalkers.

I'm sure you could. Think, dream about it. Okay. This is... This was sent in by Kelsey as well. So this is a review of a Korean barbecue place called Jen Korean Barbecue House, written by Troy. It's one star. Came to this place for the first time and I was very disappointed.

We ordered a whole bunch of food and it came out raw. Our server Rich was a very poor server he didn't help us at all when we tried to explain that the food wasn't cooked he told us to cook it like what we came to eat food not be given raw meat if i could give less than one star i would but i can't end of review oh my god yeah oh my god for those who don't know, when you go to a Korean barbecue restaurant, that's kind of the point. They bring you the meat and then you cook it up on a large hot table. A hot plate. Hot plate.

But so why do they think that their table's on fire? I don't know. I don't think they thought. Or it's a fake review which is always possible with some of these but just it's not even it's it's not even funny enough to be a fake that's the problem it's not like this weird you know when people try really hard to be funny oh i know um you know we don't know anything about that we would never do something i've never done that like that but i've totally seen it uh-huh um yeah that's kind of the point uh also that's why there's a fire in the middle of your table um also please god don't eat that raw

please please that is that is i think the biggest thing we should learn from this i really hope because i mean sometimes i'm like maybe they should make people sign waivers walking into these places can you imagine you sit down you're like, I guess this is tartar, steak tartar. I'm just going to eat it raw. It's like that cook your own steak thing. Yeah. Someone reached out and said, yep, I actually work at one of those. Really?

I worked at one of those. Yep. And you know what? That review was fun because they were like, oh, who knew? Yeah. This was a great time. Okay. Well, thank you. What was that thank you all of the above thanks kelsey

thanks krista thanks to anyone else who sent that in because i think it was on reddit so i think other people did but kelsey and krista you win you're the special ones this time all right this one um is sent was sent in by alissa and uh it's called between you and me shelf pegs and alissa says greetings to the god and goddess of review jesus that's a new one i love it i love it too what who's this who sent this alissa alissa okay um wow that's beautiful so oh alissa says you haven't lived until a shelf in your kitchen pantry crashes down while you're sleeping and it has you convinced there's somebody in your house. On to Amazon to look for stronger shelf pegs where this beautiful review lives. Can I be totally honest?

Yeah. I thought you said shelf pigs. And I got excited. I was like, what does a shelf pig? To be fair, shelf pegs are much more exciting. No, but they're not. Okay, Alyssa, I was really excited. You called me a god.

You were talking about shelf pigs now i'm half as excited but i still appreciate the god comment i'll amp you back up so basically alissa's shelf fell down in the middle of the night that is terrifying yes and so they found this review while looking for new shelf pegs this is by uh oh it doesn't say the name but it's called lifesaver color name silver verified purchase five stars it began as an ordinary enough day the promising bright blue sky welcomed my unsuspecting wife into our sunny kitchen okay so i will say this is one of those ones this is one of those ones where they wrote like they're like for a second i forgot what our podcast was about once i started this is my fan fiction okay about shelf pigs okay that makes more sense which is sad um no this is one of those where they like wrote something like with the

intention of being entertaining so i actually have to focus but it actually is entertaining oh okay which is to me, kind of a rarity. Spoilers. Hello. Okay. All right. It began as an ordinary enough day. The promising bright blue sky welcomed my unsuspecting wife into our sunny kitchen, where she planned to open a can of cat food for our famished Russian blue. But then the unthinkable happened. Unbeknownst to us, deep in the bowels of our pantry,

the cheap plastic builder installed shelf pegs had pegs pegs okay pigs had been gradually weakening for years as my wife reached gently into the top shelf a corner peg gave way setting in motion an unimaginable avalanche of destruction as the chain reaction of collapsing shelves unfolded cans of beans soup cat food and tuna combined with jars of curry, marinara, and pesto toward an inevitable collision with the hard tile floor. The cat quickly retreated to her hiding place under the bed, from which she has only recently emerged, thin and skittish. My wife's terrified shrieks alerted not only me, but also a diligent neighbor who, in an abundance of caution, dialed 911.

alerted not only me but also a diligent neighbor who in an abundance of caution dialed 9-1-1 when the police and paramedics arrived they burst through the door to find me standing over my kneeling wife in a flood of crimson goo they had me in cuffs before my wife was able to convince one of the paramedics to taste the evidence staining her head what if they're part of some weird cult taste it it's just marinara taste it taste the blood um delicious he enthused i was released from my restraints and a series of embarrassed apologies and goodbyes followed as well as a promise from my wife to share the serendipitously discovered recipe for curry bolognese a A quick Amazon search uncovered 50-pack shelf support pegs, 6mm L-shaped clips for kitchen and bookcase shelf cabinet closet shelf bracket pegs with hole polished nickel, and we were on our way to reclaiming our happy lives. The pegs arrived,

as predicted, in a mere 48 hours, attractively packed in a reusable box. The economical price was a welcome surprise in light of our anticipated short-term increase in grocery budget. The round peg slipped seamlessly into the round holes and the added security of a screw through the well-designed hole has brought back the comfort of a good night's sleep. We now rest comfortably in the knowledge that decades from now our great grandchildren will be able to confidently stuff those pantry shelves with freeze-dried food and survival gear, knowing that although they may have to endure a post-apocalyptic dystopia their shelves will never fail thank you that was a that was a solid review and i love that it's actually a verified purchase so like they're not fucking around that they actually probably had their pantry fall on top of them um yeah that's one

where it's like you know that might actually convince people to buy their product i literally was like maybe i need new shelf yeah and then i was like i don't have a pantry what am i doing yeah but that's somehow it was convincing i do like i think my favorite line was about um the serendipitously invent new invention of uh curry bolognese the collision that's funny anyway so thank you alissa that made me laugh and i love that they came upon it randomly by searching for shelf peg not it wasn't like a viral one yeah that's true i do like when we get those i love that people are just on the internet doing this with no real intention except for some mild

entertainment so um speaking of viral ones uh i have one that was also on Reddit and sent to us by, I think multiple people. Okay. But I picked Taylor's email cause it was there. Okay. Um, cause it was there. Good.

So, um, so it's kind of, okay. So it's a, it's a weird review type thing, but what happened was, um,

you know, I'm just, just i'm not gonna read what taylor said until after so greater's ice cream okay which is the ice cream place in cincinnati that's very famous they tweeted a picture of their ice cream and said giving you what you need today just like some tweet okay that's clever nothing crazy um pat Patricia took offense. Oh, shit. And responded. Um, hello. It's hashtag Ash Wednesday.

Thousands of Cincinnati Catholics fast and certainly don't eat ice cream or appreciate your ice cream ad on this particular day. Didn't realize Grater's is anti-Catholic, but i'll remember that next time i'm buying ice cream end of review that's the most insane thing anyone has ever said absolutely ridiculous that is the most she needs some to raise her blood sugar immediately she needs to get out of her fucking bubble lent is not safe for for patricia no lent is actually extremely dangerous fucking weird bubble you live in where you're so offended that when you see ice cream on twitter onto what that's the thing it's so funny because like twitter is the most offensive place on the planet. I know. And this is what gets to Patricia. It's terrible.

This is what burst her stupid Lenten bubble. It's terrible. Wow, that one really got me good. And I don't appreciate that Patricia is tainting my beautiful city of Cincinnati with her stupid Catholic anger. But, sure, okay. Well, here's what Taylor said. I didn't want to spoil anything. Taylor said, I'm sure you, as Catholics, will be glad to know that you can no longer eat the Cincinnati original.

What a bummer. What a bummer. First skyline, now this. This is just becoming a real travesty. Oh, that's good, huh? I mean, can you, again, I know I say this all the time, but can you imagine if that's the thing that makes you the most angry? Like, this is the most upsetting. Imagine if that's the thing that makes you the most angry.

Like this is the most upsetting. Like this upends the equilibrium in your life to a point that you're like, I must make us take a stand here. I mean, that must be Patricia. You must lead a really nice, cushy life. In a very nice bubble. Exactly. Beautiful bubble. Wow.

I mean, it's clearly. Catholic bubble. It's a nice Catholic bubble. That sounds terrible. Yikes. Yeah. Wow. Okay okay patricia chill out if bernie schieffer can make it through lent i know without an anger burst out then like you can too patricia crazy crazy um i wonder if like can you imagine if like so now lent is over wait no it's not i have no idea when's easter oh my god

what's happening no lent is we're like in the middle of lent right now i think yeah easter is not for another like one two three four five weeks cool i was close though i think ash wednesday was uh february 26th last week two weeks ago um yeah my bad so we're in the middle like patricia has not even made it very far no but you're just like a week into what um but can you imagine afterward when when her kids or friends or whoever is like hey let's stop at graders can you imagine her being like oh actually i don't eat graders i know let me tell you why i know like who's gonna be like you're right, Patricia. You're right. No one. Yikes. I'd hope. I hope so, too. Wow.

I send you all my good wishes in this trying time, Patricia. Good luck out there. Must be tough. All right. So I have one from Alex. It says, hello from Canada. Love the show. Hello.

Hello. Wanted to share a hilariously odd review i found on amazon i was looking for tiny plastic hands of course you were before you judge give me a moment we didn't judge because i'm going to see my favorite drag queen katya next month in toronto katya wears these little plastic hands in her youtube show alongside trixie mattel so naturally i need naturally, I need to have them. Need to have them. I weirdly wanted to read the reviews beforehand. Get it? Hand. And well found this one by E. Enjoy. Thanks for the laughs. Okay. Makes sense to me. So let me show you the picture. This is a picture. It's a hand with a bunch of- And you can put them on your fingers. Tiny hands on your fingers, right? Okay. Creepy,

your fingers right okay creepy but fun yes quite fun so this uh is a review by e verified purchase the subject is really nice tinny hands to do tiny things nice finish and great quality i bluff my cat with them tickle all my friends oh i you know what until that moment i was like i want to be friends with this person Tickle all my friends. Oh. You know what? Until that moment, I was like, I want to be friends with this person. Now I'm second guessing. No longer. No longer.

You won't be after this next line either. I bluff my cat with them. Tickle all my friends and coworkers. Where do you work? Can you imagine? There are very few positions where that would be appropriate very very very few negative positions maybe yes maybe zero zero yeah also tried to drink a beer it cost me a beer it's just so matter of fact yes also tried to drink a beer it cost me a beer i would have

liked a version that fit on my thumb but still funny i highly recommend for immature people or wookies end of review i don't know what wookies have to do with it honestly i don't either but sure i i can't say that i i understand that reference i love that they just openly admit to being an immature person. Or a Wookiee. Actually, that's true. We don't know which one. Maybe that's where that comes in.

Thank you, Alex. Well, how did they spell Wookiee? W-O-O-K-I-E. That's not how you spell Wookiee. It's not? It's two E's at the end. Oh, shit. So they're not a Wookiee.

So what are they? Immature person. A Wookiee. But the other kind. Oh. Whoa. The one with one e um so thank you very much alex i love that i hope that you found them just as entertaining as e bro did we look forward to seeing your review of these i do too um the the picture makes me laugh and it's

really weird but if somebody came at me in the work in an office setting with many many fingers i would be really uncomfortable so maybe i don't recommend doing that but um drag show seems more appropriate we approve of this in terms of an entertaining review right but not of the actual actions content right and leave your cat alone yes please okay your turn okay let alone yes please okay your turn okay my next one was sent in by kylie um kylie said we're hilarious oh kylie you silly goose um and yeah so this is a review of an app called a street street cat's tale it's like a game it's an app it's an app a game app got it um you love apps it says about this game a tale of a street cat left alone um is this the one that like only our little sister plays maybe it feels like maybe that's

what it is well the dankest meme lol had this to say one star worst game ever i was so old and i died can you please put some to an adult for one day but i can't there's not enough food sources can you please make it easier to get the leftover fish i can't find the lady game made made me cry now fix it now end of review it's like that child in charlie in the chocolate factory which one give me the dead fish i don't know the one that screams at her dad i'm not great at pop culture uh yikes there's a response from the developer no way they're like here here's a dead fish for you they They said, hello, thank you for playing. Sorry, but I don't get what you're trying to say. End of response.

I like that they apologize, though. Yes, it's weirdly polite. For your trouble. Weirdly polite. However, please stop. However, just leave it at that. Please stop playing our cool, cool cat game. That's so ridiculous game can you imagine i wonder how many reviews this game has and they're like wow we got a new review and that's it 1000 reviews oh okay great yeah yeah i guess i just never have heard of it kylie did not um prepare a review for us of the game though so i still am not sure what to think about this

game kylie what the hell yeah come on kylie i hope uh i hope you have fun i hope that wasn't you kylie yeah maybe that's what it was just cry for help yeah literally thank you kylie all right this is my last one this is from kathleen it says hey y'all love the show while shopping online for a box fan to keep the hordes of north carolina mosquitoes at bay i came across this fantastic review of the b air for tana 20 times high velocity electric industrial and home floor fan 20 inches on amazon okay that was a lot of words for a 20 inch fan yeah you're right but i see i was like this sounds so crazy heavy duty it was like 20 inch that seems to be that's not that big it's really not huh less than two feet less than two feet but that seems to be like the formula on amazon like the less thrilling it is the more words they use to describe it so that you happen

to want to purchase it like you'll be looking at phone cases and it's 20 words long yeah like why it's like for any possible reason you could ever purchase this piece of plastic. They list every phone ever made, whether it fits or not. Yeah. Okay, this is a review written by Amazon customer 5stars. Verified purchase. Title of review is, I will buy another. I have to tell you something. This is the best fan I've ever owned.

My daughter got off work last night. She was hungry. I said, want me to make you eggs she said only if you eat some too i make eggs for both of us i told her to come in my bedroom to eat okay all is good i put my paper plate of eggs and toast on top of my glass of milk and open the door to my room okay way too many details please get to it don't speak too soon alexander i'm We're setting the stage. I would bet a million dollars that not all of these facts are relevant.

Then I'm a millionaire because you're wrong. I put my paper plate of eggs and toast on top of my glass of milk and open the door to my room. Daughter is following behind me. As I open the door, the puppy runs in. I said, honey, get her out, please. Okay, I'm starting to think maybe I'm right. This is too much. I said, honey, get her out, please.

I turn to walk in further. My fan is right there. It blows my paper plate off my glass of milk. In an attempt to catch it, my milk sloshes up out of my glass. The milk gets caught by the strong wind of the fan and blows into my face and eyes. I can't see! My daughter's writing this review for me. I'm still blinded. I'm in the

hospital! Voice to text is my savior. Oh my god. I can't see! I step on eggs on the floor and spill more milk which gets caught by the wind. I screamed the entire time this was happening. I was blinded by milk. I gave up and just sat on the foot of my bed.

Daughter witnesses this entire debacle and died laughing. I have... Okay, love that. I, of course, couldn't see her laughing. Only hear her. Moral of the story, buy this fan because it is seriously strong. End of review. Cute.

Okay, I like that review a lot also i said kathleen but um their name is kate apologies kate says hope you enjoyed this review as much as i did peace and blessings kate ps i bought the fan it's fine oh it's like oh i my eyes lit up when you said kate bought the fan he's not rubbing that your eyes work so well when other others of us are suffering so deeply god when when they mentioned that i'm picturing like a uh like in a space shuttle with all the droplets of fluid like floating around in zero gravity well it's like the milk got caught in the fan i'm trying to picture that i'm just picturing like a wave of milk just kind of oh that's even better sloshing into your face even better oh boy all right my last one um

the title of the email is between you and us parentheses nsfw so it's not safe for work close your eyes and ears children so yeah um this one is uh even less safe for work probably than that first one that i read which i didn't even give a warning for. Yes. But we're not, we're an explicit podcast. We're explicit. A-F. Yeah. W-O-A-T.

This was sent in by Hazel. Hazel says, okay, I saw this and I just had to send it. I don't know if you can read it on air, but I thought you'd get a kick out of it. I don't know if, uh-oh. Well, okay, great, Zany. Yep. I saw that and I was like, you know what? I'm going to do it anyway because I'm in this mood recently where I don't know oh well okay great yep i saw that and i was like you know what i'm gonna do it anyway because i'm in i'm in this mood recently where i don't give a fuck whoa whoa

whoa watch out i'm coming for you watch out it's the woat coming through bad boy what does it mean again worst of all time sorry'm sorry. I meant that like when people say like sick. Okay, got it. You know. Okay. It's cool. This is a review of a product called Come and Gone.

No, thanks. It's a, quote, post-intercourse pre-cuddle cleanup solution. I want to kill... Why are you doing this? I want to kill you. Connie gave it five stars

titled Amazing Product. I'm literally closing my eyes. I know. This is bad so you can leave the room if you'd like okay i'll speak to my my husband and i have been together for 43 years to this day we still i can't do this i regret this actually you're an idiot why are you doing this i don't know i regret this all righty and i haven't even done it can you change it that's bad why are you doing this i don't know i regret this all righty and i haven't even done it can

you change it that's bad why are you doing this change it to this day we still cannot keep our hands off of each other i can't do this i don't know what i was thinking when i read this my husband's ejaculate is the consistency of cake batter and pungent. Alexander, our little sister and our father and my mother-in-law listen to this podcast. Hazel sent it in and challenged me to read it. Nobody wants you to do this. Hazel wants it. Oh my fucking god. It is always a rush to the bathroom to do a quick cleanup, but after the last attempt, I fell and broke

my hip, and cleanup has been taking more of a mental toll on me than usual. After my daughter bought this product for me, I no longer have to wait on the bed holding the semen in, hoping it does not erupt out of me like a volcano. Alexander! It gets worse. No, I will never forgive you. I quit the podcast. Finally, no more wet undies or glops of man goo on my floor.

I am getting older and rushing to the bathroom is just not an option anymore. Thanks to Come and Go, there will be no more sliding around on loose semen all over my floor thank you so much end of review thank you so much hazel i hope you're paying for your daughter's therapy bills if you describe this to your daughter and she bought you this product you you have a very weird family i weirdly no i respect that i'm like whatever they're open about this kind of stuff. I mean, it's an adult daughter. Let me tell you about your father, honey.

I assume because they've been together for 43 years. Let me tell you about your father. No. I'm sorry. Yeah, Christina. No, thank you. Our family is probably weird to some others, so everyone's weird in their own way. No.

I'm not... You know what? Oh, so now suddenly you're just... Connie, I respect you, your husband, his ejaculate, and your daughter. I respect it fully. I just don't really want to be a part of it. Well, too late. And I'm really not super thrilled that I got actually forced into listening to it.

It's what the people want. It's what zero people want, and now we have no listeners, and we have to start all over again. Okay. That's a fun adventure. Thanks, Hazel. We have one. We'll have Hazel. Hazel's more important than the rest of them it's okay that was a bad one that was so okay but it's so graphic and terrible that i had to read it you didn't have to yes i did you don't understand my thought process here but it makes sense and i said i wish you had one i wish he had warned people more thoroughly i told everyone can you

imagine if this is one they're showing their family members like hey hey listen to this funny podcast i don't care because we say some gross things on here so hey guys if you got through that listen to my true crime podcast where i talk about like dismembering bodies exactly why are you even because that's okay all right this is worse no it's not. No, it's not. I disagree. No one's getting hurt here except for Connie's broken hip. She broke her goddamn hip. But it's not like out of malice. I'm hurt deeply.

Okay. Well, on that note, we're out of reviews. Saved the best for last. Yeah, I'm leaving now. Thanks for listening. Come see us live, LA, Cincinnati. I won't be there but alexander will um and also uh support us on patreon for a monthly patreon live uh on youtube that we do

it's patreon.com slash beach to sandy we would love to see you there and follow us on social media at beach to sandy just wherever just find it we're there we're on instagram we're on the gram we should make it beach 2, like the number 2. Yeah. Is that a good idea? I think so. Okay. You can make that separate account and try to grow it.

But I'll have zero hand in that. This is like where the rift has begun. I'm splitting off into my own podcast where I don't read stuff about people's body parts. You can keep Beach 2 Sandy. I'm going to go to Beach 2 Zandy. Okay. Fair. Fair point. All right. Look out for that soon thanks everyone thanks everyone bye oh by the way if you're like how did these people get on the

show and why and why did they do this you can send in emails to us at beach to sandy at gmail.com with the subject between you and us and then we might read it on air we have over a thousand of these so please write nsfw right and yes if it is hazel thank you for warning me i appreciate it and i appreciate you sending that in goodbye Bye.