Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 15

Episode Date: May 1, 2020

Since this was released at 11 PM our time on April 30th, we're counting it as the April Between You And Us. Deal with it or face us and our spirited personalities. Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to the very belated between you and us episode for april 2020 aren't we releasing it in may too oh are we yes may 1st may 1st whoopsie doozles well guys um we were kind of lazy about it because i'm not lazy it. It was more like we were releasing all these other bonus... Let's just say we were caught up in the Schieffer madness.

Yes. As one says. And we got caught up in the Schieffer madness. And then we were like, we never released it between you and us. And then y'all said you've never released it between you and us. So here we are. Technically, I could make it so that it releases on April 30th at 1159. That's true.

Then it will be our April episode. That means we have to do a May episode, too. Yes. Perfect. Okay. Well, welcome, everyone. We are, I guess, just going to jump into it, huh? Yeah.

This is the type of episode where we read reviews that you sent in via email to beachtoosandy at gmail.com with the subject Between You and Us. And it's all sorts of stuff. You find the reviews on the internet that are ridiculous and send them our way. And we read them back to your ear holes. Yeah. So enjoy. Now this one is really fucking weird, Alexander.

And I don't know what to do about it. We're starting off that way. Are you kidding me? I had to do it. I had to get it. I had to do it first. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Let's hurry up. This is your first it. I had to do it first. Okay, okay. Let's hurry up. If this is your first episode, maybe try with a different one. This is a five-star review of the Dorothea Puente house. Do you know what that is? I do not. That's because you don't listen to my other podcast. No, I do not. So, I covered this actually in a recent episode, and it is this woman who had boarders in her boarding house and she murdered them jesus

in like the 70s i believe or perhaps 80s um and i covered this a few weeks ago and jordan sent this email saying i was on a zoom call for my class at sacramento state and my professor mentioned the dorothea puente house in sacramento so instead of paying attention to class i started googling anyway found this review and lost my mind i guess jordan doesn't even know that i did an episode on this like when this came in i had done it like that week and so to be clear this is like a haunted attraction like what do people go to this for, it's basically, I just watched a Ghost Adventures episode on it. Like, somebody owns it now, and there's like a plaque out front. I think it's more of like a historical site, maybe, is the best way to put it.

I just opened the Yelp page. It says historical tours. And I know someone lives there, actually. Oh, wow. So, I don't know if it's just like, oh, you look at it and read the plaque or what. Just to let you know, the plaque, which I did see in the TV show, says, it was that awful, awful woman that did it. Don't blame me.

Signed, The House. Oh, weird. Okay. Yeah. And people say The House is haunted and whatever. Okay. The House is like, no, I'm not. I'm just talking to you.

The House is like, it's not my goddamn fault. Yeah. So this is a review by Karen. This is review number, if gets printed, maestro or maestro. A few notes on the piano, if you please. Four of this category. Writing this as enjoying usual pediatric size Starbucks hot chocolate. I called the number listed on the Yelper,

Yelper, in parentheses, Yelper, and then parentheses, capital Yelper. You already look like you have a headache. I'm so sorry. I called the number listed on the Yelper, Yelper area, a 916-443- Again, is a 916-443- A lady answered. She says, is not a tour house,443- A lady answered.

She says it's not a tour house, such as I say to her. I say and ask, is this area 916? She says, it is the number, but this is not them, a tour house. Anyway, this is Dorothea Puente house. If one knows the story, she, this Dorothea Puente, was an elderly lady, think a widow at that, that housed boarders, a care home, or is it care house?

Anyway, so she had six borders somehow a neighbor got suspicious when the police officers investigated the house the backyard at least five bodies were buried in her backyard okay i will say too this sounds like that crazy person's just ranting but like they're actually telling you something that's a fact it's weirdly like makes sense but like these you're uncomfortable by the fact that it makes sense you're like this can't be real because this these ramblings make no sense but like these are the actual facts yeah at least five bodies were buried in her backyard she says she cashed checks but no didn't bury them yet more investigation and then she disappeared at a bar in los angeles a gentleman talking with her somehow because of the news remember she disappeared. At a bar in Los Angeles, a gentleman talking with her, somehow because of the news, remember she disappeared. The Sacramento police looking

for her. The gentleman from Los Angeles called his police department and they called Sacramento. They flew out and arrested her. This review is to please tell Yelper area change the telephone number. Don't want any other out of town or any out of state person to call. They get someone's house or they get someone's apartment, not the tour house two hours after writing this i called my sacramento hotel you know where you know when you know who no i don't and the thing is like this sounds like someone probably english is maybe not their first language and even when you put it in perfect english like it still doesn't make it sounds like a robot wrote this wrote this trying to sound like a human you know where

they said the telephone is not the 916-443 but is of the 916-321 the reason i telephone the number is because one reviewer gave five stars and he's from sacramento so a local person he says the tickets benefit a children's shelter. Read any of my Food Bank or Salvation Army Corps reviews. All help children that town and that state. I would have been willing, creepy as it seems, to take the tour so it could benefit said children's shelter in Sacramento. I'm so sorry. I couldn't ignore it. I couldn couldn't it weighed heavy on my conscience

i don't know what is worse the review or the fact that you read it so well that makes me really really scared to be in the same room as you good point so i don't know what they're asking for here they've listed they've listed multiple numbers, so I'm a little overwhelmed by all that. Shockingly, 15 people found this useful, and I think it was just Karen over and over again. You don't see that that often. No. That's a lot of people. 15 people called it useful, 10 funny, and 12 cool.

Not the fucking cool. Cool. Wait, what? And then the other- Is how many stars? Five. Good? I guess? fucking cool cool wait what and then the other how many stars five good i guess i guess i think what happened perhaps was that karen called this place to ask about tours and they were like no i live here this is what i gather and then she's like oh well you need they need to change and not put your number on the yelp page if you live there if that's all they meant

to say 99 of that review was unnecessary i'm drinking my pediatric starbucks as usual what was this put in like a trans google translate and then maybe what i'm thinking is they wrote a normal review in english yeah put it into google translate to change it to let's say finish finish definitely finish definitely finish yeah um shout out to hetta um and then they took the finish put it back into english and then it's reverse translated yes yeah also hetta is one of our patreon supporters yeah so from finland if you want a random shout out hetta will you translate this for me i'm very translated into finish and then we'll translate it back and then maybe it'll make a lot of sense. Also, like the Starbucks hot chocolate, she linked Starbucks's mission to contribute to charity and hunger and

end hunger relief. I'm sorry, end hunger relief, to end hunger with their relief program. So I don't know. This is clearly a very charitable person, Karen is, but I don't really understand how or why. My opinion of Karen doesn't exist because I don't know what to think about any of this. She has 489 reviews. I don't want to know any more. I won't, I won't, I won't.

Thank God. I will maybe next week. Maybe next week. But not right now. It's too much for your brain. Okay,'m gonna go a different direction um here and read a review of read some reviews sent in by jamie who says hi christine and alex i love your podcast and while shopping on amazon i saw these reviews for where's waldo books um so i'm gonna read a couple of these interesting first one is a five-star review by Baby Crab Cakes.

This is the title. Lots of pictures, not much story. Wait, of a Where's Waldo book? Oh, yeah. Super. I liked the graphics, but I didn't quite get the story. What truly motivates Waldo just never materialized. Also, one thing that would help would be speech bubbles. Like,

there is a picture of Waldo eating an ice cream cone, but what is he thinking about it? Was the cone good? How did he pay for it? Did he forget sprinkles? I want to know. End of review. He stole it. What do you mean, how did he pay for it? Like, the way anyone pays for an ice cream. You never know, though. The way Waldo is. With Waldo, you never know though the way waldo is with waldo you never know i think baby crab cakes is on to something i'm i'm here for it so baby crab cakes maybe they should write a uh a nice uh where's waldo fanfic that has a little more detail maybe they have and maybe the link is probably in there uh somewhere because wow i especially liked it

because it was a five-star review so it was was fine. It was just more of like, hey. It's like when you write a paper for English class in middle school and your teacher's like, what's the motivation? You're like, I don't know. I'm just trying to write this fucking paper. I think what Baby Crab Cakes wants to know is not where's Waldo, but how's Waldo? How is he, though, really? That's what I'm saying. How's Waldo? How could he be after forgetting his sprinkles and stealing that ice cream cone?

This is proof that Baby Crab cares I agree and I care about baby crab cakes it just it's like turtles all the way down like you know oh my god okay sure here is that like the next review or something no okay this is a review by Milford it's a four-star review uh titled good book for a Child. We're still on Waldo. Yes, this is another Waldo. This is my last Waldo one. Thanks to Jamie sent in both of these. Milford says,

Always wanted this book as a child. Born and raised poor and never had a shot at it. And so I bought it for myself for Christmas. My only complaint is that I finished finding Waldo in all the scenes in about 15 minutes and found the rest of the can you find to be equally easy. Should have tackled this book as a 7 year old child rather than a 59 year

old man in a tinge of nostalgia. But nothing wrong with this book. For children. It did help me get through a rather lonesome Christmas day. End of review. What are these feelings? I'm of review. What are these feelings? I'm Milford. What are these feelings I'm having?

The reason I read this is because I just want to tell Milford. Because I am that old man. That we and thousands of listeners are thinking of Milford right now. Thinking of you. Wait, I thought Milford sent the review. No, Jamie sent the review. Oh, right. Okay, Milford wrote the review. Milie sent the right okay milford wrote the

milford wrote the review having a lonesome christmas day this was written in 2016 you know what milford i hope you prop that book up on its own shelf on your bookshelf and every time you pass its own shelf it gets the entire entire shelf okay i'm saying maybe maybe a candle or two maybe not i don't know Milford's life. To summon Waldo. You never know. I mean, he doesn't need to be summoned, clearly. He's already been found. But post that thing up on your bookshelf.

Every time you pass, you think, look how far I've come. Yeah. You know? And now you have, because you wrote that review randomly, you have thousands of people. Now you're on a fucking dumb podcast. And people who care about you milford and want to hear from you so if you're out there milford i fucking love milford and i'm sad that his christmas is lonely it made me really i'm really upset about that part i don't like that that's that's the last uh wild overview thank you jamie stop it no that was uh that was very

sad and also um touching. Yeah. It just makes you think about Milford. It makes me think a lot about Milford. And about how is Waldo? How is Waldo? Nobody's told me yet. That's the problem. That's the big problem here.

Okay. Well, maybe we'll find out. Marinate on that, everyone. Marinate in it, on it, about it. Because of it. So, this next email is from aster they them pronouns thank you for normalizing pronouns everyone it says hey all i love your podcast it's been great to listen to to get my mind off things in quarantine sorry our mother's text of our cat eating sour cream just appeared on my screen oh i'm like is this part of this is me trying to get rid of

dr mom's text okay i heard about this gem of a horrible review of my high school from a friend fun for context the school is an art school in san francisco and although it's not exactly a conservative leaning place about half the students are queer i wouldn't classify i wouldn't class it as leftist and the teachers definitely do not support Lennon. Okay. Let's just give you that as a little bit of context. Okay. So this is a review of Astor's school. This is a one-star review. If you are an eighth grader now, I am warning you not to go to this school. The reviews overall are good because SOTA used to be a good school. Not anymore. Let me explain. I used to go to the school and had to drop out.

It was really sad for me to leave all the people I once knew. It was very difficult to leave a school I once liked. And very distressing, giving me long-lasting depression that went on for months. I don't care about popularity, but I used to be very popular. Oh no. Ew. Yeah, ew. Many students remarked on my good looks and my spirited personality. Okay.

This is not a review of the school. It's a review of themselves, and I hate it. This is a personal pep talk. Many students remarked on my good looks and my spirited personality. My popularity reached great heights, but it was very fleeting, and I nearly lost everyone I knew. The school is feeding its students with leftist propaganda. We were shown a talk of a man who was extremely angry because of racism. I of course wanted to speak my thoughts.

I wanted to say he should be more calm so he can unite his people in peace so they can help each other live through the racism. Oh my God. I hate this so much. Says the popular kid. I get it. Guys, guys, we just got to live through it. Let me just explain racism to you real quick.

Since I have such a spirited personality. Instead, I was attacked verbally as the students and teacher overrode me. No teachers had sympathy for me. And I was censored. When I was in class some weeks later. Okay, if you're saying you were censored while you're writing an online review for thousands of people to read if they want to,

come on. It's like they fell from... It's like a very minuscule version of falling from grace. Yes, very minuscule. It's like a house of cards, but just a really weird and sad middle school version. When I was in class some weeks later, students were feeling very offended at something we were reading.

We got into a class discussion about it. Then I spoke up. Yeah, see, this seems to be the ongoing problem. I'm sensing a pattern here. It's not me who was wrong. It's everyone else. It's everyone else. It's everyone else. Remember my spirited personality?

Then I spoke up and everyone yelled at me because the simple question I asked offended them. I said I felt attacked and students stormed out of the room. The teacher sided with them, saying that I was at fault that they were so offended. After that incident, I left the school forever. This lack of respect that students are growing up with is as dangerous as their overly emotional theatrics and disregard for facts and statistics. No one will grow up learning basic manners or how to support arguments. All the other kids are oblivious to the leftist plots of the school. all the other kids are oblivious to the leftist plots of the school the school is very clever and sneaking in leftist ideals discreetly the sticker saying feminism is power the poster

saying anti-racist yeah that's very subtle what are you talking about so leftist to be anti-racist they're clever to be feminist and to say they're sneaking it in by like posting we are anti right saying feminism is power the posts are saying anti-racist the overwhelming focus on people of color and their oppression the debates with adults disagreeing disrespectfully and having marxist attitudes the handout in ninth grade in support of the vicious lenin this is where uh yes it was like that's no that's not a thing all of this slips away as kids are subconsciously being transformed into leftist machines and the more leftist the students become the more unhappy and unrested they become as the ideals of of Marxism are their foremost goals.

God, this is so extra. What the fuck? This turned so wildly. The sad fact is that I had a group of several friends last year and none of them talk to me anymore. I'm sure this will help, though, this review. Oh, yeah. On Google.

You're going to be the bell of the ball. The bell of the ball. The bell of the ball the bell of the bell of the ball on google maps the students themselves are become less and less friendly and more and more rude aloof to each other they are not aware that their poor behavior is not their fault but the overall energy level of the school this is very sad sA used to be an amazing school bursting with artistic talent. The enormous talent was what originally made me choose a school in the first place. Now as they pump politics into everything, the talent cannot flourish in this atmosphere. I am sorry to bring bad news.

And I must tell the truth, capital T truth, of what happened. Yours truly, of what happened. Yours truly, a sophomore girl. Oh my god. I just love that it's like, now that I'm a sophomore, I can see. By the time they graduate, they have a change of view of how they were acting. Or at least are a little bit embarrassed about this. If you can't say the question that you asked that made everyone offended, then you most likely said something

asked something really offensive if you should not have asked completely if multiple teachers are like yeah this is on you dude like then probably there's a problem right and it's not lenin's fault so and also like the whole thing about oh like oh bringing politics into it i i think a lot of people who say that are just like oh i disagree with this so therefore they're bringing politics into it but if they were saying things i agreed with sure it wouldn't then they'd be it would be fine i wouldn't even complain um and also and that's something that you see nowadays with a lot of video games including um lgbtq characters and every like into their games and people say oh i hate when game developers bring politics into things.

It's like, it's not what they're doing. It's real life. What the fuck? These people are real and they exist. Anyway, random tangent, but that's just what I thought of. It's like reflecting the actual world. What are you talking about? It's insane.

It's not politics, other people's fucking identities. Yeah. So all of this thing about feminism and about anti-racism being politics pushed in our schools. No, that's not what that is. Honestly, if the worst thing you can come up with is anti-racism is being too leftist, then there's a bigger problem here. I will say Aster added here. I asked around and apparently this student, after watching a video of a reading of a poem about the legacy of slavery said slavery was a

choice and then stormed out when people got upset she didn't have to drop out she just left the school on her own and then wrote this review i'd say her energy level was pretty fucked up this yeah this review has achieved near legendary status at my school and we consider it a treasure it's long but it's a trip it really is a treasure like if you that is a good window into like you're pretty you're at a pretty cool school i think and if you can be like you know that's that's that's our school's like collective meme like that's our thing yeah and you can take that negativity and put it into something and say you know what let's kind of laugh about it joke about it recognize how awful it is

but at the same time be like you know what like we're above this yeah like this points out exactly the things we're proud of about our exactly and our student body anyway thank you esther i thought that was just a trip i like i'm gonna since our high school didn't have a cool meme i'm gonna make pretend like i went to your high school yeah me, me too. Yeah, okay, good. All right, my next one is from Melissa, who says, hello to my favorite baron and baroness. I recently moved to a bigger place and need furniture, but I'm poor. So obviously the answer is Amazon futons.

Obviously. I thought it was going to be like Goodwill, which is where I used to buy a lot of furniture. But I guess Amazon has futons now. This was sent March 3rd, so probably can't really be going anywhere right now. You're right. Well, Melissa provided a review and said, have a five-star day. We are.

Wait, maybe that's our new slogan. Have a five, no. No? I like it when people say it to me. I don't want to say it to other people, that's all. Okay. So here is a review of amazon amazon's best choice products living room convertible linen fabric tufted split back futon couch furniture with pillows beige this is a review

written by kindle customer i don't know why it's a kindle customer but it's one star titled not good for muscle bears you truly get what you pay. In an attempt to be more of an adult and spruce up my bear cave, I decided to purchase this bed of rickety, rusty nails. Firstly, delivery was a day late, so after having had my old couch removed, I was left to sit in an old chair. For one day? Yes. Okay, just checking. A day late, so yeah. And forced to sadly reflect on my life choices. A day late, so yeah. And forced to sadly reflect on my life choices. Not a good look on a well-preserved bear turning 40.

Uh-oh. Secondly, when it arrived, the box looked like it had been used to rake the forest floors of Finland. Thirdly, while trying to set it up, I realized that not all of the pre-drilled holes for the legs aligned, and subsequently, I would have to muster some masculinity to use power tools to remedy the situation. After butching out, I was able to get it standing and my mood improved. And then a little asterisk, mood improvement actually due to the giant Manhattan I imbibed. Oh, there you go. Fourthly, the armrests are more of an intangible suggestion than actual support. Kind of like thoughts and

prayers. Fifthly, three days of use and all I can think about is how many books or cinder blocks I'm going to need to keep it propped up in some sort of cork and lead second lives as contortionists as they have started to bend in directions that make as much sense as the floral foam-esque cushions that adorn this dainty beast. I have that haunted house fear every time I actually do gingerly try to sit on it, because I don't know if it will be the end of my life or not. Oh! In conclusion, swipe left.

Thank you, next. End of review. Oh my god. That was a weirdly helpful review i i was about to say i learned every little bit of right information about this futon that i needed to know um unfortunately um melissa didn't say whether or not they actually bought this couch i assume they didn't based on this review um it's definitely not um not not a convincing argument to get to get the futon yeah i'm i'm not convinced after that one i know that we did a an episode recently on not reading instructions

and we've talked about this extensively since um but i will say as again the person in my relationship or my partnership who builds the furniture when like the the drilled pre-drilled holes don't align that's like the worst fucking thing because you're like i have to actually power drill holes into it like that defeats the purpose of buying pre-made furniture um anyway so so true i do i think if i read that i'd be like pass yeah i that's yeah i i i have a couch coming soon you do have a couch coming may 2nd so i'm hoping i'm gonna definitely be uh i would like to be present to see to see how this works yeah i'm i'm nervous about it but definitely check underneath in case the instructions are taped

to the bottom we'll do that seems to have happened in the past lord help me so this is from hayley it says hey guys your podcast is freaking fantastic why thank you especially during these crazy times i love going on walks or runs and listening to your podcast i find myself laughing out loud in public and i'm okay with it i found this review a few months ago when i was looking at joining a kickboxing gym this review didn't deter me i was planning on going but we all had to self-quarantine here in Massachusetts at the time. I like how Haley's like, no, I was going to go kickboxing. Don't you question that for one goddamn minute.

That's how I was with my climbing gym membership. I got it. I went a couple times and this happened. Darn, can't go. Oh, with my boxing gym membership, I was like, I don't even really have an excuse. I'm just going to outright not go. So this is a review with a response from owner exciting yes it is so this review is one star by lauren it says

the owner is not a good guy avoid him and this location at all costs worst customer service experience i've ever had dealing with him beware now let me read to you the response okay not much detail which makes me think that i don't really believe it exactly it's one of those very vague uh responses and when the when the response has you know a full paragraph to say then you know we're gonna maybe get some answers let's get let's get it response from owner no surprise you would resort to this i would gladly trade the one star review for not having to allow you in our building ever again i disagree with your comment regarding anger issues the level of patience it requires to deal with your temper tantrums and blatant disrespect for myself the business the other members rules policies is unreal. I'm sorry that you had a bad experience in our facility,

but we do expect all members and guests to abide by all of our policies, and anyone who does not believe they need to, or resorts to outbursts in our reception area to the point of other members asking to have you removed, will gladly be refunded and asked not to return. We make every attempt to try and make everyone have a wonderful experience, but we simply could not talk to you despite repeated attempts. You don't respect what we say or the fact that we're asking you to do what everyone else is doing. Your dirty sh- Uh-oh, here we go. I saved these in a folder so long ago that I'm like forgetting the, my own reviews that I picked your dirty shoes and areas that our members put

their faces is not acceptable. And I'm not sure why you believe it's okay for you to put your shoes there when no one else does. And we repeatedly ask members to put their shoes and belongings in the locker room. Any attempt to speak with you results in your cutting us off, talking over us, and pushing your point of view. We have made a handful of considerations for you, and it just continues to

be you forcing your rules over ours. If there were a review site for customers, I would warn other businesses about you and your behavior. Sadly, we decided that you are not someone we wish to have around end of response beautifully put also this tm tm tm a site yes to review customers is very interesting we should just start it right now and review our listeners oh god oh god you all get five stars from me you're the best six stars if i could at that time like really early on when we mentioned someone's one star review oh yeah then they responded and they changed it and they felt really bad and then we felt someone's one-star review. Oh, yeah. Then they responded. That was super awkward. And they changed it and they felt really bad. And then we felt bad because we kind of started this confrontation.

Yeah, we, like, pressured them into it. And we still feel bad about it because I think about it all the time. I was going to say, it's not like we think about it every waking moment of our lives or when we're trying to sleep, ever. Anyway, we love all of you. So much. Too much. Don't leave us.

We're so attached to you. Don't leave us. It's a problem it is actually very much a problem as i'm sure you've sensed in the last 40 seconds oh okay thank you hayley for that one i like a good a good solid owner response also solid salt very solid also i'm super glad that you're gonna um presumably go to this gym yeah you can let me know where they were putting their feet or just tell me where the faces go and then we'll know where the feet were. Right?

Yeah. Curious. Okay, this next one is from Courtney Sheher, who says, Been a listener from the beginning, and I'm a giant ATWWD fan too. Ooh! I just bought a house, and I'm researching vacuums and came across this gem. This is for a Eureka Blaze 3-in-1 vacuum. Here we go.

This is a one-star review by Victoria titled So Annoyed. Literally just stopped vacuuming, in quotations, so I could post this. I could not be more annoyed. The largest glass of wine is currently being poured. I didn't expect wonders from this thing. We have wood floors and stone throughout the entire house, so I bought this solely for the purpose of cleaning the one area rug and the three small rugs in our kitchen and bath, plus vacuuming the corners of the couch. The handheld vacuum may work, but wow, I have never met a more incompetent vacuum in my entire life.

Ouch. I know, that's harsh. Yeah, yeah. That's like, it feels so personal. That hurts my feelings a little bit. When the flat head is on to vacuum my rugs, it literally has no suction. I suck better on the regular. Beyond annoyed.

End of review. Whoa! Victoria! First she's bragging about her Italian stone floors. Now she's bragging about her italian stone floors now she's bragging about who knows what owning the largest glass of wine owning the world's largest glass of wine it's kind of like wow you're really rubbing it in yeah but and sucking it all in wowza that is a tough one man i don't like that one tiny bit. I didn't think so. Yeah, gotta say I didn't enjoy it.

What's nice, and I didn't want to spoil it by saying it, but Courtney made the subject of the email, between you and us, and then quotations, I suck better on the regular. No! So thank you, Courtney. No! For that wonderful review. This is a between you and us called Open Me, which I gotta say, didn't want to do it. But I did.

Those are tough because sometimes you're like, you know what? You tell me that you want me to open you. I'm going to keep you closed forever. Why is that? Why do we do that? I don't know. That's how I feel about our Animal Crossing contest. Oh, when people are like, I deserve this so much.

You're like, okay, okay well you're making me not want to pick you that uh yeah is that too much am i is that too mean i don't know i don't think so i was thinking more of like if they say um one take it to lemon land then i'm like oh oh i see he takes it personally i'm just kidding 95 of the entries okay but see lemon already had a pre-existing audience which i think is why i don't think it's anything personal i personally prefer the title the name nanner bay to lemonland me too yeah so i i mean i'm with you i don't really understand but do you know what the name comes from is it from uh i'm a nanner no n Yeah. No. Oh, I thought that's what it was. That's pretty good, though. No, I don't.

So it's named somewhat after my RuneScape character named Nannerfish, who was named after A Perfect Day for Banana Fish. Uh-huh. One of my favorite short stories by J.D. Salinger. J.D. Salinger. Well, I will say, you know, if you had maybe given a little more context, maybe we would have been like super- I thought it was implied you did yeah well i definitely thought it was from that song that we taught

our little sister uh it was from a commercial for like i hop or something about like uh oh it was for denny's it was denny's and it was like i'm the nanner post and our sister got weirdly like amused by that and so we tried to teach her the song, but she was like, two. And so, her version was, I'm the Nanopus. Like, Nanopus, Nanopus. Nanopus, I am the Nanopus. And guess what? I am a pancake.

That's good times. I want a ticket to Naner Bay, please. Thank you very much. Anyway. And guess what? I am a pancake. That was her version. I liked it very much. Okay. what i am a pancake that was her portion i liked it very much okay anyway i'm so sorry uh

this is an email from lisa and uh lisa says hey she for sibs first off want to say love you guys been listening every week since you started, and I still get I know, wow, that's a commitment. And I still get just as excited when a new episode comes out. I always find myself looking at the date on my phone to see what day of the week it is and how much closer we are till Wednesday. Oh my goodness! You guys

are trying to win over my heart and it's working. Anyways, I was scrolling on Twitter and I found this screenshot of an Amazon review. This would have gone perfectly for the challenge about finding reviews of noise canceling headphones that work a little too well sorry i'm late but it was still too good i had to share p.s we need more youtube content give the people what they want yeah we should get that's on you we're still waiting on you to release that one video on me i know but here's the thing no i broke my laptop yesterday but you know that already and that's not an excuse because it was yesterday and this video is supposed to be released in september

over six months ago i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry this is a review of noise canceling headphones on amazon verified purchase five purchase. Five stars by Adam. There's even a picture. So, not-so-funny story. Someone in the apartment unit above us got stabbed. According to the cop who interviewed us, the attack... You don't have to say not-so-funny story. When you say...

You just start with the fact that someone was stabbed. Yeah, I feel like... If you put it that way, then you're like, I know you guys might think this is funny because it's coming from me. Well, you know Adam. He's full of witty, hilarious banter. Class clown, Adam. Class clown, that guy. Someone in the apartment unit above us got stabbed, in all capital letters.

According to the cop who interviewed us the attacker rang the upstairs doorbell and when the guy answered the attacker forced his way in and stabbed the guy first of all don't ever answer the fucking door that's my lesson number one yeah it could be black-eyed kids it could be a stabber yeah it's neither way it no good. You want to know what the scary part is? Oh, I guess we haven't gotten to the scary part. Yeah. Hold on. Huh? You want to know what the scary part is?

I didn't hear a thing. Thanks to my amazing HyperX cloud two headphones. I got them on Amazon for 99 99 and free shipping. These things work as advertised. Probably the best noise canceling headphones I've ever owned. 1010 would buy again. Okay, you're the fucking stabber. Covering your tracks. Adam, you're the goddamn stabber, aren't you? I don't believe a word this Adam fella says. He put his headphones on. He's like, I didn't hear anything. Oh, yeah. What do you mean? Hey, officer, try these on. Stab, stab, stab. Let me stab someone. Let me see if you hear.

Oh, whoa. Amazing. No, you're right. It's totally stab, stab. Let me stab someone. Let me see if you hear. Oh, whoa. Works. Amazing. No, you're right. It's totally Adam. Right. He did it. Adam did it. I'm calling the police.

My next one. I'll send it to my Chloe. Chloe says, does Juniper need new litter? Yes, actually. How did you know? Well, Chloe says, came across this review while comparing litters on Amazon, and I had to take a minute to compose myself after. Keep up the good work.

Sometimes traffic jams need a good laugh. Okay. That's what we're here for. That's definitely. This is a review of the Neon Clumping Crystals Cat Litter Orange. Neon? The picture has a cat in some psychedelic sunglasses. Oh my God.

In neon. Neon. What is this? You'll find out. Okay. You will find out. This is an anonymous review titled, Neon litter added fun to my litter box, or at least color.

Five stars. I purchased all three neon litters to try them out. I thought the color and clumping silica would be unique and my cat is unique if not quirky so for fun sorry it's like those people who call themselves eccentric like no i know your cat's but my cat you have no you have no idea he wears this little hat it's crazy so for fun i filled the litter box with a bright orange neon and then added some bright pink and bright green in a yin yang pattern oh okay i know this was a bit crazy but i wanted to impress my cat i'm sorry and his top hat he's very intimidating this reminds me of those sand arts where you pour the sand yes in differentons. Yes, exactly what this is.

That's just what I'm thinking. Also, since the bag says the litter needs to be two to three inches deep, it took the full bag of orange and part of the pink and green to get the litter to the right depth. So I'm not sure if Sasha loved my art. It didn't look the same after she visited the litter box. But we both really like the litter. The granules are small, sort of like sand, and since Sasha is an indoor cat, her paws are sensitive to big litter like pellets or large

clay granules. The litter had no dust and completely controlled smell. Perfect! Even better, the bag says I only have to scoop two times a week. I scoop every other day, but this is still much better than two times a day needed for some litters. Since we keep the litter box in the family area, we need the odor control to be perfect, and the neon provided this. Plus, the color makes the litter box less of an eyesore. Sasha had no trouble transitioning to this litter. The clumps are easy to remove, and the rest of the litter is clean with no yellow stains you see in some crystal litters. End of review.

Oh my gosh! I like it because it was like fun and quirky, yes, but then actually informative and just nice. I kind of want some neon litter. And they actually obviously care so much about their cat and their cat's needs. And also, Sasha is so impressed with your art. I am sure. I forgot it was a five-star review and I was like waiting for the kicker. Oh no, yeah, it was five stars. Like orange was tracked all over my house or something. I think I said it twice just to make sure people knew. I appreciate it was a five-star review and I was like waiting for the kicker. Oh, no. Yeah. Like orange was tracked all over my house.

I think I said it twice just to make sure people knew. I appreciate it. It was it was very uplifting. I appreciate it. Yeah. I just wanted to end that was my last one. So I wanted to make sure ended with the positive one. So thank you, Chloe, for sending that that in.

I do hope I do hope you ended up buying it, Chloe. It sounds fun. I think I might buy it for Junie. That's it, right? It takes a lot to impress him. So we'll see. I'll let you Chloe. It sounds fun. I think I might buy it for Junie. That's it, right? It takes a lot to impress him. So we'll see. I'll let you know. Fingers crossed.

So I love that you ended us on a positive note because I'm going to end us on a not positive note. You've brought only negativity to the table, I'm pretty sure. This is a one-star review. This was sent in by Megan. It says, Ohio shout out. Thanks for always brightening my day on my drive to work wanted to share this review i found on amazon while searching for

games to order for quarantining enjoy so this is of the game exploding kittens have you seen that yeah so like i remember when that was a computer game yeah and it always upset me because you would like launch cats onto like spikes that's so weird you would like what is it now it's it always upset me because you would like launch cats onto like spikes that's so weird you would like what is it now it's a board game weird oh that's what i meant like have you seen the board i just i'm familiar with that weird i well now i guess it's a whole thing but well so it is a it is a card game and it's like really really popular like it's a target on amazon is it the same makers as that game is that what it was called exploding kitten i really thought it was like that flash game the flash game yeah and we

would play it on the same website as um like addictinggames.com addictinggames.com where we'd play slime volleyball stuff like that and then ebombs world wow what a good time we had back in the day i think it might be different, but whatever. You think? Yeah. Oh. Okay, well then, I don't know what I'm thinking of. I don't either. Like, murdering cats, the game? I don't know.

Kitten cannon. Kitten cannon. God damn it, you're right. Oh my god. Alexander, this entire- It's kitten cannon. Alexander, this entire time I thought that the board game was made by the kitten cannon people. That's hilarious. I'm such a dumbass.

Okay, clearly they're different. Well, at least now people won't have to add us on Twitter.esus we would have been so sorry folks i'm so sorry i clearly misunderstood this big time but there is a game the fact that there are multiple murderous kitten games are not great in my opinion but um we used to play kitten canon and uh i don't think we should admit that i know well too late that was pretty bad and um now there's a game called exploding kittens which is a card game and it's supposed to be really fun like it has really really high ratings i've never played it um but i will say that edward didn't fucking like it tell me more edward is really upset about it. The subject of Edward's one-star review is vulgar, not family-friendly, in my opinion. Verified purchase.

If you call cards like see the future, crawl inside a goat butt, and see many wondrous things with a picture of someone's head looking at a goat's anus family-friendly, then you might be happy with this game i am returning comma it comma because i consider this false advertising there's nothing sexually offensive here but a number of vulgar cards the one cited above being the worst end of review why when you see exploding kittens thank you would you go ahead say, this is great for the fam? To look at that and say false advertising. I thought exploding kittens was about actually exploding kittens.

And instead it's about a goat butt. And that's so much worse. Yeah. Edgar. Edward. Whatever your name is. They're all the same. They all blur together, these people.

But like. I don't understand it. Vulgar. and the vulgar is like oh crawl inside a goat butt and see many wondrous things that sounds like something stupid we would have said in the middle school thing fifth grade uh with a picture of someone's head looking at a goat's anus like i assume this isn't like an actual photograph it's probably like a drawing so whatever i mean what would you rather see even then i don't a cat exploding like i don't really understand the thought process of that

anyway so um i've heard that actually this is an extremely fun game so if you guys do want to play it listen it's on amazon um it says a card game for people who are into kittens and explosions and laser beams and sometimes goats. It even mentions the goats in the description. Literally on the box. Yep. And when you say you're into goats, you know what's implied. Wink, wink.

So. Edward, maybe you're just really into goats and you're not willing to admit it. Uh-oh. Anyway, so that is that. But hey, you know what? That review probably did them some some good stuff for business maybe people are like oh that's the kind of stuff oh i'm into oh i was i was like hell yeah ebombs world i'm gonna buy this game oh boy anyway that was my last one i know that was kind

of a bummer but it wasn't that bummer ish we go talk about goat anuses we don't get to do that too often don't and you know? We always wish we could. So... Well, guess what, everyone? You're in luck. Next week, we're doing the goat anus extravaganza. She for madness. She for madness, goat anus.

Goat anuses. Anyway, thanks for listening, everyone. Thank you, everyone. To our family-friendly podcast. Extremely family-friendly, especially for guys named edward and or edgar we are very much looking forward to seeing you next for whatever may come whether it is a regular episode a shiever menace or between you and us we seem to have lost all sense of uh normalcy yeah we're right there with all of you so yeah right we're losing it alongside you as alexander tweeted

by the way zandy's twitter is very funny and you should follow it um i don't think we've ever talked about like we haven't and it's at zandy schieffer with an x and uh he tweeted today something that made me laugh out loud and it was have you ever just given up on a pistachio yeah you know that feeling though it made me laugh so hard and so anyway if you are looking for something uplifting go follow it's really hard hitting too very just up you will learn so much yeah follow me on twitter at zandy schieffer i'm looking right now i have 3563 followers that's a lot yeah no i'm not unhappy and i let people are interacting with me i feel i'm just i'm very happy that i actually have people who care about what i tweet it's bizarre you and i both have very um for the most part

positive twitter experiences i definitely had a very bad one earlier this week yeah but i remember because poor xandy had to comfort me but most of the time because i would need comforting if i were in your position too but yes most of the time people are very supportive and kind so um shout out to nick who uh poetry by nick oh yeah also poetry by nick i actually saved one of their reviews in my may between you and us which i thought we were doing today and then i realized i already have an april one set so uh poetry by nick thank you for standing up for me and you are going to be in our next between you and us oh spoilers spoiler alert anyway thanks everyone for listening we will see you probably really fucking soon and for the record can i just say that the reason i said my twitter follower count was to see if i actually would get any new followers from this

not to be like braggy and weird oh i was like alexander never said my twitter i'm just gonna like she has like 10 times as many. No! So help me catch up. Okay, fine. We're not going to say my Twitter. It's literally the same, except it's Xteen instead of Zandy. So whatever. I'm trying to be supportive of my brother. Thank you.

I need it. I need all the support I can get. Okay, we love you guys. We love you. Sorry we complained. It's a bonus episode. Okay. Bye.

Bye. you