Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 24

Episode Date: June 28, 2021

Listen to this episode to for tips on how to keep Joe Biden away from your hard case luggage! Check out our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy! Listen to Alex's newest podcast, Human Seeking Human: https://linktr.ee/humanseekingpod Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly we are all connected discover echo from cirque du soleil opens may 8th under the big top at dorado lakeshore boulevard west tickets at cirque du Soleil.com. Echo thinks it's presenting partners' sun life. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Beach to Sandy Water 2 at the podcast where we read the worst reviews in the most dramatic fashion and I just I just I started it I hit record and didn't tell

Alexander so I could do the intro. Yes you did good job though. Thank you. So I can't complain I mean I thought you'd normally do that if you had something weird to say. Well you're usually better at starting it. That's true true. You could use some practice, especially on such a bonus episode like today's. Yes. So today we're doing a Between You and Us. We're actually going to be recording two today because I still have not heard back from the MacBook gods

about whether it's salvageable. And they said looking less promising than it was initially. So that's great. Great news. And so we have a lost episode on that computer. We can dream. We can pray and dream.

The lost beach. The lost episode. People will write sagas about it years from now. Oh, I already wrote one. Oh, you wrote one already? Oh, good. And we also owe you patrons a bonus episode so we're gonna figure all this out i promise we're nearing the end of june here but we will get you two things of each by the end of june and that's why we're we are

recording to you right now so yes oh let's uh shall we get into it okay so my first one this is actually from a friend of mine this is um wait really you've oh okay no i'm like super happy for you thank you this is uh well for my friends uh this is from spencer and philip who uh are friends in long beach who wanted me to read this review of gypsy's persian grill okay questionable name to start off in long beach so yeah i know right it's like already big yikes off to a bad start here we go here's the review it's a one-star review. On Tuesday, June 15th, 2021, my best friend and I arrived at Gypsy's at 5 o'clock p.m. to enjoy our weekly dine-in experience. This has been one of our top choices for healthy food, great alfresco dining, all enjoyed while being serenaded by the wonderful singing of the local parrots at sunset

oh god wait there's apparently parrots i thought they meant like parrot heads like margaritaville style no i i assume they mean actual parrots which i don't know i don't think of parrots like sitting on the beach really what i guess if you teach them a song like margaritaville true true parrots singing margaritaville true true parrots singing margaritaville it's entirely possible and i'm sure someone has done it the always friendly staff has been a plus until this evening upon arrival we were politely asked for our seating preference which we opted for the of course alfresco under the parrots, under the parrots sky. Sounds like some sort of, I don't know.

It sounds like a war novel. Um, anyway, it's, it's actually the prequel to, uh, yeah. Bridge to Terabithia is not a war novel.

Let me think. Yeah. You know, well, it doesn't have to be, it could be a war, the war that led to the events of Bridge to Terabithia. In my limited understanding of childhood literature.

Of books. Of books. No, what's the one that everyone reads? The River Kwai? The Bridge on the River Kwai? See, that's why I got Bridge to Terabithia mixed up. Okay. That would have been a good one.

My mistake. My big mistake. mistake was pretty big very different books by the way um i wish i just had left that pretended like i didn't recognize to see what people because i feel like the tweets would be just immaculate if people were trying to correct me on bridge to terry with you not being an actual adult war novel yeah anyway okay the afternoon was a bit hot the parrots were silent oh the pedestrian traffic slow but trepidatious there was a sense of atmospheric agitation maybe caused by the high humidity and the intensity of the heat to our unpleasant surprise the person working the cash register not the previous host rushed to our table and violently threw the two menus at us ostentatiously.

She, filled with contempt and self-loathed, yelled what we managed to interpret as, there is a chicken barbecue not there. Okay. What? Never mind. She yelled such words while rushing back to the phone my friend and i two long beach local professional residents former members of the united states armed forces were mutually shocked disgusted preyed upon and hurt we have always cherished

this place have recommended it to all friends colleagues and family members we have always cherished this place, have recommended it to all friends, colleagues, and family members. We have always sponsored it by either dining in or ordering online for delivery. We loyally pride in giving them as much business as we could during the COVID-19 pandemic, fearing this gem would close its doors because of financial hurdles. This has been a place we call a true family-run business, with a great sense of pride, impeccable business ethics, and fantastic food services. We are hoping this negative assault was an isolated incident and wish no one else experienced such poor, hostile treatment. Sadly, we are now so disgusted at the way the waitress treated us that we may need a long time to recover

before we continue on supporting their business. As far as recommending it, not so sure anymore. For 12 years, we had deposited our trust in them, and sadly, right at this moment, it all feels like we never existed. We left their premises immediately after feeling disposed off like a spent match, a sad and disheartening experience we weren't shy and sternly expressing to the waitress what prompted us to bounce off the chairs and abruptly leave the premises i apologize for referring to her services as a bitch to their credit the wonderful longtime manager expressed her most sincere apologies end of review i love that the bitch came at the end like if you read all the way to the end you get to learn the true nugget of what happened

yeah what well but i mean still i don't know what happened i was breathing really shallowly because i thought it was about to end and i was gonna but no it just kept going and now i feel a little bit lightheaded um i i don't know i they ran over and said there is a chicken barbecue not there what you don't understand is they were assaulted by menus and as two members of the armed forces they have seen some things i imagine in their time in the military so if we are seeing this as another oh crap they were felt preyed upon is red f Fern, is where the Red, that's not a war novel, is it? I don't know. Actually, it probably is. Listen, I feel like I've read some.

It's either that or like a dinosaur movie. I think it was where a dog died. No spoilers. Sorry. Big spoilers. So anyway. Oh, it's about a boy who buys two hunting dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Adopt not shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's what it's about uh so anyway anyway i don't know where i was going with that except that like i feel like with the red fern gross because neither do i i don't know like i was trying to redeem myself i didn't know we were still on that didn't work um i don't know i feel, that was a really powerfully and stupidly written essay for like a waste of time. It was a total waste of time for everyone involved, including us. So like, what do you think would have happened if the parrots were singing? Like everything else is the same.

Do you think that would have changed things or do you think he just would have left that part out? Because like the parrots were silent was a really dramatic moment for me. I think it actually would have changed a lot um they probably would have flipped the script and said uh instead of praising the parrots they would have said ah the only thing we don't like are the parents and then and then in this time they would say oh the parrots were especially loud it's like when you're writing a an essay in english in ap english and then you're like i need a thesis statement that has three parts to it. And you're like, so it's going to be something about the parrots.

I don't know what. It doesn't really matter. True. But it's just something about the parrots. So whether they're good or bad or out of tune. And to be fair, they introduced the parrots and then later did bring up the parrots. It's true. So it was well written.

Full circle. And it was actually all in MLA format. I didn't tell you that. It was. Oh, my God. Completely, yeah. We should upload the MLA, the bibliography later. I give it, I'm going to give it a B, though, because I feel like it lacked what it had

in floral writing. You know, what's the word? Yeah, just the way that you speak as well. It's the same word very dramatic writing with quite the flourish substance flourish yeah it was flowery flowery writing thank you not floral writing flowery writing i am listen it's okay i'll get through it the end it's funny though that review you gave at the end of this writing is exactly how i feel about where the red fern grows it's actually i was reading your term paper from eighth grade

you were like adopt and then at the end you wrote adopt don't shop oh okay well thank you spencer and philip is that correct that is correct hell yeah if i'm gonna remember anything it'll be that okay so this is an email from elise uh and i actually don't remember what it is i read all of them apparently except this one right before we recorded so it's gonna be a surprise for everybody at least it was in the folder so i assume at one point i thought it was hilarious we'll see uh at least i trust you it better be elise poor elise is probably actually i really hope it is too because if it's not and we just kind of sit here shitty elise would feel if we were like never mind what if yeah and then i say oh cut all this out and then we forget to then we forget that

and leave it in yeah that actually has not happened before for the record not that i said that very quickly as if that's something that happens i think it's because it always went through a two-person process whereas like if you caught that i didn't delete something you would have been like um hey dope but if no i mean we've never cut out a review sent in by somebody no because the other person said that's not funny well it's not because it was not funny we did delete one remember it's called i initially i haven't saved on my computer hopefully this one maybe not maybe it's on the other one called the lost episode or the lost review of vichy sani and it was one that somebody sent in

i can't tell if this is real you don't remember this i'm so confused okay well you're just calling it the lost at lost review now because it was such a big to do when we deleted it i don't remember because it was about um oh it was so funny we were laughingdo when we deleted it. I'm trying to remember. Because it was about, oh, it was so funny. We were laughing so hard, but then it turned out we felt like it was too much violation of their privacy. It was like somebody's resume. That's right. Oh, someone sent in resumes, I think.

Yeah, they sent it in and it was so funny. But then at the end, we were like, I feel like this is pushing it on privacy because we just didn't even think about it and then ranted on about all their job experience we did do that but it wasn't because it wasn't funny yeah it was too funny and we felt like we were overdoing it with uh compromising both the sender's job uh and the reviewer so yeah we didn't want it has happened but not for unfunny reasons but at least we'll see okay so lost review though i call it that what if it's really lost it's probably lost now you've lost everything really fucking because

i don't think i have i don't know what i would have ever done with that since we literally decided not to use it but maybe we'll send it to that one person true actually that's kind of a cute idea okay so elise says i'm a long-time listener from canada i really love the podcast i was looking at the screen protector and couldn't help but giggle when i read this review so this is of the bezo three-pack tpu soft screen bezos jeff bezos three-pack b-a-z-o unfortunately it's the knockoff but it is on amazon uh for lg velvet 5g maximum coverage hd clear precise hole position questionable what fingerprint support fingerprints oh is this a computer no it is a an lg velvet 5g oh cell cellular telephone cellular device okay 12.99 scratch resistant soft fiber 1299 1299 i know i said 1299 i'm like what is this one of those

what are those are they called jitterbugs no no it's a screen protector what are we talking about oh i thought i said i thought you just said it's a cellular device sorry bazo three pack tpu soft screen i forgot at the beginning for LG Velvet 5G and it has like I didn't listen to anything until 5G. I'm so sorry. There's so many words that they get lost. Okay. It is a screen protector scratch resistant soft fiber layer $12.99. Okay.

So screen protectors. Yeah. Do you remember the jitterbug though? Yes. And I remember the commercials very well. Yeah. Giant numbers. Man. Those were those were fun they are now called lively really and they still sell them yeah i remember they also had like crickets but those were before the cricket wireless i think

came along which i always thought was an unfortunate you know and then don't get me started on the cricket machine there's a lot of remember that time i read a cricket review and then you read a cricket review but yours was about actual insects and you were like oh did we get the same review yeah that was actually yeah that was that was a weird moment this is what happens when i listen back to our episodes okay this is a review it's a one-star view sorry elise has been sitting on like pins and needles this entire time this is a review it's a one-star view sorry elise has been sitting on like pins and needles this entire time this is a one-star view uh by hayden it's a verified purchase called it's not worth the money i was expecting the screens protector to only be a stick-on piece of paper not too

happy about that one but it does go on nice and easy to install doesn't take a... I just remembered what it said. Sorry, that really took me by surprise. But it does go on nice and easy. Easy to install doesn't take a rock of science to figure that out. I was happily there. I was like, I don't feel like this is...

Oh, Jesus. Okay. This one would have been good for your idiom challenge. Like false, wrong idioms. Yes. Rock of science is. I don't think I've ever heard that before. Rock of science. Okay.

Doesn't take a rock of science to figure that one out. Wish it was a little bit thicker for a screen protector. Not worth the money. Definitely not. One star. Oh, my goodness. Rock of science is just like the most ironic statement of all

because it's like, this doesn't take, it's so simple that it doesn't take a Rock of Science. Sequel to School of Rock. A Rock of Science? Wait, actually,

he's a substitute teacher for a chemistry course. Actually, that could be really fun, Sandy. Or like Bill Nye gets involved. of science rock of ages rock oh i like it sandy tm tm tm yeah we'll work on that well thank you elise rock that was good i don't even know how you caught that because like i clearly skimmed it and didn't even notice so i'm amazed that you caught that so very good work good detective detective work. Thank you so much. Good job reading words because we struggle with that sometimes.

That apparently I'm incapable of doing. All right. My next one is from Madeline. This says, hi, sheful people. I just found this review of Bob's Burgers that I think you should see. Okay. Love you. Bye. This is of the show bob's

burgers oh hell yeah one star i hate this show it shows inappropriate stuff and i don't let my little sister watch it the characters are weird and this is boring i don't know why this is still in the tv even if this is so inappropriate for teenagers and adults. And of course, kids, I wish there was never in the TV. Never ever. It's disgusting too. I wish there was a zero star review. Arr! My mom says I am too intelligent for my age.

Seriously, mom, I am seven years old. That's enough for me to learn to know how to write and paint. Winning the spelling bee of my class doesn't count anyway i hate this show end of review you know what at first i was like oh come on and now i'm like wait i actually trust this child with my life this rock of science the seven year old rock of science i trust with my entire life i don't even know how she convinced me but she convinced me it's so good sorry so mom thinks she's too smart for her age my mom says i don't even know how she convinced me but she convinced me it's so good sorry so mom thinks she's too smart for her age my mom says i am too intelligent for my age seriously mom i am

seven years old and then says that's enough for me to learn to know how to write and paint to learn to know how to write and paint that's amazing that's that's very a good distinction you don't know necessarily how to paint but you you learn to know how to so's very a good distinction you don't know necessarily how to paint but you you learn to know how to so you know how to but you can't do it that's exactly right you don't learn to paint you learn to know to how to to to do it how to paint it too i think that oh i love that she said i won't let my little sister watch it but then like clearly either continues to watch it or like has i don't know i can't tell i feel like um like it sounds so they say i don't know why this is still in the tv even i wonder if they had a bad bob's burgers experience as a six-year-old

and then a year later they wrote this review because they thought i can't believe this is still airing because they turn on their tv so they're like i'm going to go do kids even use a tv i feel like they all use like ipads now or whatever i don't know that's a i mean i guess when i was little a seven year old because i feel like when i was seven and we'd watch cartoons i always wondered how they got the cartoons into the tv like i mean this is really i but i'm i was no rock of science obviously but i remember um i would at one point when we were watching johnny bravo i like couldn't figure it out and i was like oh maybe they're people in costumes and then like when there's a dog it's like a person to be fair i don't understand a lot about animation so i mean clearly it led me all

the way to nickelodeon where i still don't totally understand but i remember once that so the reason she stopped working in nickelodeon was because um and i was there unfortunately um they called me i went to try to calm her down she was screaming being dragged off the premises saying show me how you put the cartoons in the tv screaming screaming screaming and there's this someone dressed as spongebob but she was like see see he's not in the tv it's like there's a costume somewhere it was a whole thing there's the gary costume it was a whole thing i don't know i don't know why you brought that up that really soured the mood here yeah also i'm pretty sure we weren't supposed to talk about that after that whole

lawsuit but that's okay it's okay i feel like after i settled i guess they settled you don't have much of a say i don't know somebody settled you're at least you're not in jail i'm like out of jail and i feel like that's a win for me um but i do yeah i don't know bobsburgers i'm gonna look at with a different you know as a in a mind of a seven-year-old i feel like um i used to be so frustrated when like uh some of the older shows like the simpsons and stuff would come on and i just wanted to watch cartoons and i would or like king of the hill i remember i feel like i felt this way about south park i felt about south park and King of the Hill when I was little.

And it was like, and now I love King of the Hill. But like at the time I was like, this isn't funny. It's, they're smoking. It's inappropriate. So yeah, I guess I kind of get it. We were a little sheltered, huh? Yeah, I know. The inappropriate in my mind is like the cigarette, I guess.

But it's okay, little girl. You'll find shows to watch. Again, you have an iPad, so you'll be fine. Okay. This is from Jen, who uses she, they pronouns. Thank you, Jen. They say they're part of the Hogpen 2. Jay Alia?

Or Jay Alia? Okay. This is a whole thing, and i just talked about it last stream this is someone's name who i don't know how to say and i think i asked the first time and then i forgot so it says i'm jolly like one word and then parentheses j space alia or alia so i i don't know that might help this might help me but yes i see a description and i still don't know they won marbles oh marble race recently i've yet to win one of those but so jen says this is a review i saw on twitter don't know if it's been making the rounds

online or not but thought it was great and i'd never seen it this is a review of the movie cruella which came out this year yeah and this is a three-star review by a pro user on IMDb. Three stars. Five ladies walked into the showing late and spent a few minutes continually changing their seats and whispering loudly to each other. They finally got settled in and then this kid started

making noise. One of the women got up, walked over to the kid, and told him to please shut the fuck up. The kid's mom yelled at her and called her a white trash bitch. And she yelled back and called her fat. And a major shouting match broke out. They walked out and continued fighting right outside. And at this point, half the audience had gotten up to watch them instead of the movie. I was sitting all the way in the back, so I was able to do both. Double feature.

And then I heard the sound of a taser. The mom tased the other lady twice. The mom stormed back into the theater, grabbed her child. She was still holding the taser and rushed out so fast. About a minute later, the movie paused. By the way, I love that the movie is still going. There's like a taser and like Dalmatians are on the screen oh my gosh i haven't seen it but that's what i imagine about a minute later the movie paused and soon after the cops showed up they listened to all our accounts and then the theater manager offered us refunds or to just go into the next showing

the movie was all right but the experience was unforgettable living in new york city is so fun what the heck i just got that got out of hand that is not well yeah christina that's that's out of hand good way to put it sure i love the like positive attitude though like oh my experience wasn't ruined it was just such an interesting day in new york another interesting day in new york never a dull moment you know i love those tiktoks i've seen a lot of oh here's a normal day in new york city and it's just chaos like just some like constant total tornado of yeah that's the wildest part because i'm picturing like oh my god this like white trash comment i feel like this could happen anywhere and then like the taser came out and i was like this is but i think the most new york thing of all is the reviewer who's just like, I don't know. It's just kind of like I got a double feature here.

It was kind of fun. They waited so long to pause it. The NYPD interviewed me. They're like, this will work itself out. Let's not pause the movie. Yeah, like, it's fine. I keep one eye on the Dalmatians and one eye on the taser fight. Also, I love that the woman who tased the other woman had to run back in to grab her kid.

Like, she was probably like, at one point had to weigh the decision of like, do I run? Because I know someone's calling the cops. or do I go get my kid first? Oh my God. Good for her for, for getting the child. Yeah. Good job. Not abandoning your child after tasing another woman. Okay.

Wow. So thank you, Jen. Thank you, Jen. I'm going to just call you Jen now because I keep, if you forget, I'm not, I know. Yeah. Listen back to this episode. This next one. This is from, I have no, Jen. I'm going to just call you Jen now because I keep... If you forget, just listen back to this episode. This next one, this is from... I have no... Okay, I'm going to guess Heather based on the email address.

Okay. Who says, hey, sisters, just looking for a new grinder on a Wednesday night and then... Here's a review, five-star review. This is about weed. It's a five-star review of a grinder on Amazon. Is this about weed? Do you need to step out of the room? Why?

If it is. I need to step out of the room if it's not to recollect my thoughts. Not. You know what? Let me just. Yes, but that is a. Yes, that is a use for these grinders okay where they're the hand you can also people say you like you can buy them quote unquote for

grinding spices okay because allison one time got blaze one uh of a dragon ball z one yes and blaze was like does allison know this is for weed and i was like it's for weed like i literally didn't get it technically you can use one in the kitchen for grinding spices yes or herbs that's what I meant yeah yeah and that's what it said in the packaging and so blaze was like does Allison know this is for weed and I was like I don't know it's for weed so probably not yeah um this one I'm not so sure about so Heather maybe it's in the picture it looks pretty heavy duty so it actually might be not for weed oh okay it looks pretty but based on based on this review i think someone was at least the very least partaking experimenting and so we grinding when they wrote this here it is

five-star is a nice grinder. The best grinder I have, ever. Let me tell you, if you need a grinder so deadly, for any reason, or no reason at all, why do you need any reason to buy a grinder? No, you don't need a reason. Or perhaps you want to grind something so preciously really nice things you can buy this grinder absolutely nice grinder i recommend it to all of you guys and ladies i definitely care about ladies too yes let me tell you don't think too hard just buy it end of review

this is verified purchase so something i didn't doubt for one second that this person owned the grinder i don't think anybody is concerned about whether or not they have experience with it i guess it shows even though it's pretty chaotic and kind of all over the place it does show a lot of like follow-through that they went and reviewed the product i don't know i feel like i feel like i don't even do that when I'm like... You don't review products? No, like even if I really like something, it takes a lot for me to like remember and then go do it. And I feel like, wow, this person clearly had other things on the brain and still was like,

I need to profess my love for this. You don't even need a reason to buy it. Listen, you've convinced me, I guess. That was weirdly calming i guess yeah it was secondhand high it somehow flowed it did despite i care about the making very little sense let's just say no no not that it didn't make sense it was most of that was redundant you could have said all of you could have stopped after the first sentence or two repetitive um so i think we got the point pretty early i guess is what you're saying yeah yes i did yes i did um well interestingly i had was that an amazon product it was okay we're doing a lot of amazon today because julia sent me this great uh jeff bezos's

birthday no it's not for real i don't fucking know i don't give a shit about jeff bezos this is not a cancer there is no way in hell sorry just saying um he is uh-oh you know what he is what is he fucking gemini no what you're married to one a cap i knew it i knew it that was my gut instinct yeah i knew it oh oh listen to be fair gemini's and capricorns do not get along well typically i just found you know we i found out blaze's moon sign or his rising i can't remember his gemini and i think that's why you heard it here first she's not gonna marry jeff bezos i thought about it because i feel like i can't pronounce the names that he wants to name our children so it's not gonna to work. You know.

Are you thinking of Elon Musk? Yes. I'm saying it out loud. Also, don't marry Elon Musk either. I was saying it out loud and then I was like, wrong guy. Wrong, wrong, really wealthy billionaire. Wrong billionaire. Wrong, terrible person.

Although Elon Musk is in fact a cancer, which does make more sense. Oh, fuck. That does make sense. Yeah. Listen, this is fascinating. Everybody who listens to this is and does not give a shit yeah some people are like this makes no sense you're just you're probably contradicting yourself i'm fully just screaming oh yeah totally a hundred percent

i mean but but the ones who are with us they're really with us with us they're really with us so thank you to those reason to be with us to everybody else don't worry we're gonna move on right don't worry we'll move on as soon as possible so this is from julia who sent an email uh that just says featuring amazon questions answered by people who don't really understand what's going on so i always love the question section i just never really stumble upon them so i was very excited about this and uh it is of let me read the product name here swiss gear 7739 trunk hard side spinner luggage white checked large 26 inch by swiss gear so it's like a nice looking suitcase okay i paid attention this time and i figured it out it's it's a lot of work i feel like if you miss one word, then you're totally screwed. Like spinner, you could be like fidget spinner.

There's a lot of options, but it is a lot. Oh, yeah? Lots of them. Tell me all of them. What else could spinner mean? Weed? Oh, yeah, a weed spinner? There has to be something, right?

With weed? No? I will Google weed spinner. Don't look at me. I'm no expert. Don't Google weed spinner. That's not good. Weed spinner.

Oh, a long weed spinner garden tool. Good job, Christina. job that's what i meant i meant weeds outside you you have such a dirty mind i didn't mean drugs i meant fucking i meant plants it's literally you stick it on a drill it's one of those things that you stick in the ground and go and then it like spins the weeds out like that's fun it looks kind of fun oh and that man is standing oh yeah he doesn't even need to bend over and hurt his back it's very the whole thing looks it's very phallic the way he's presenting i mean i wasn't i was thinking it he's presenting his tool very foul well i think there's a reason there's they're not showing his face and i won't go any further than that uh but this is indeed luggage oh it's not okay it's not a phallic it's not a phallic gardening tool phallic gardening tool um

so i'm gonna read a couple of these uh here's the first one the question is will the large trunk fit a wedding gown and And here's an answer by Francesca. Well, that's a broad question. Without knowing or seeing the dress, is it slim or poofy? I have the smaller of the set, I think. It was not offered as two pieces when I purchased, so now I have two questions. It is well made and they are deep. Look at measurements, try to figure it out, or order it.

If it doesn't fit guess what you have option to return if you have a little time simple good luck and congratulations end of response you know who has a little time francesca but hey that was actually at first i was kind of annoyed but then they actually gave suggestions and were polite about it but at first i kind of rolled my eyes like oh it's someone who's gonna give them shit for asking a question for being like oh you didn't give me any details yeah well um you might feel this way about uh oh this is francesca again i didn't read the names of the people so some people i guess just answer every time they get an email like these

those are the top people in the world like the top amazon the people i care about no no just oh just top in general in the world oh okay cross the board so uh then you'll like what francesca has to say but that does not include the people that get those emails and respond saying leave me alone amazon and just like answer a question with something that has no it's not the right answer well here's a an answer by francesca what is the size for the large read the information it tells you made in switzerland is the next question read the info it tells you okay thank you francesca um consider okay francesca you're losing me here considering just considering the title i can tell

you the description is also probably convoluted so it would be nice to have somebody who flat out tells you i do love when you just scroll past the amazon questions and someone's like ask the exact thing you're wondering and like not just a random person but like the company responds and is like this is what it's made of or this is how large it is and i'm like okay yeah settled asked and answered but then there's like four other francescas who are like read the description i forget or like it looks pretty big i'm like that's not helpful yeah and with at least that first one francesca was helpful because it was a question that there is no clear answer to yeah she didn't want to say yes or no without exactly but when there is a very clear answer francesca still wastes these people's

time because i assume they get an email saying yes definitely her own uh people probably get an email someone answered your question and you're like and then you click on it and it says read the description says well screw you too. I mean, I'm going to be honest. Swissgear answered a lot of these questions with very specific information. So I feel like if you're asking this now, most of the details are already there. Probably, yes. But then don't bother responding.

Yeah, exactly that too. Yeah. And if you're're gonna spend the time saying it's in the description and knowing it's there you might as well just copy and paste it stick it in there throw it in there and help help them out well we're leaving francesca behind because now i would like to introduce you to donna hi donna now donna is just a gem donna is my new favorite amazon person and i read a few of her reviews and they were just golden but so Donna she has a profile photo and most people on Amazon do not have a profile photo her profile photo is of

seemingly like a 65 to 70 year old woman looks kind of like a school principal with like the blue like background when you get like a school photo taken yeah and just kind of looking into the camera and it's it's just very professional oh i'm looking in now yeah she's definitely much older she's probably in her 70s so this is her response to the question does this work as a carry-on for japan airlines i don't know okay thank you donna oh my gosh donna she She did spell don't, D-I-N-T. But I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. What kind of you? Now there's one more from Donna here.

Will you be getting the pinkish bag back? I'm dying to have it. Donna says, it's my granddaughter's. She loves it and I will not be returning it. Donna! Donna, no, that's not what they mean. It's not granddaughter's. She loves it and I will not be returning it. Donna! Donna, no, that's not what they mean. It's not for you. Nobody's going to take your... I promise no one's going to steal your granddaughter's bag.

Except Biden, am I right? Taking our guns and... And our hardback luggage. Our Swiss gear luggage. Our hardcase luggage. It's my granddaughter's. She loves it and I will not be returning... What if she was like

well can you imagine telling the granddaughter like grandma donna calls up and it's like i can it's like hi gg what's going on well there's someone out to get your pink suitcase it's like what an odd thing to think is gonna happen oh my god that's so must be must have been so weird seeing that email thinking why is this person asking for my luggage that i bought for my granddaughter oh yeah yeah yeah like you know they they must have they only made one custom made forever for anybody wild wild it's just the weird it's just the strangest like mind like i can't imagine how your mind would go there but i mean don has had a lot of experience with amazon and there were some issues where um her husband opened a um a dishwasher utensil holder and he used it before realizing that the divider was missing

so all the forks ended up in the bottom of the dishwasher and wow you know a lot about donna donna was pretty disappointed in both her husband and Amazon for both of those. At first I thought you were making a joke. No, I'm fully. Very weirdly specific. So it's either this is something that happened in your real life with Blaze

and you're projecting it onto Donna. Also entirely possible. Or you actually looked into Donna's history. Oh, I did look at her profile and she has quite a few reviews. I may be bookmarking this for future episodes but i think uh it's my granddaughter she loves it and i will not be returning it is probably amazing the highest uh i love donna my next one here is from sierra who has a lot to say that sounded really like wow i was like is it rude no it's not rude it's fantastic and it's wonderful thank you

i was just reading it all and i'm like okay what am i gonna say in all of this because i want to keep very personal things out uh anyway um sierra says long time listener and that's why i drink decide to take the plunge listen to y'all and i'm so glad i did you guys are so funny have lovely voices that helped me get through my work day. Side note, we're not going to be releasing what we just read out loud because it felt, again, like we're releasing personal information. But we just found out Sierra works kind of nearby me. So I might go. Nope, that sounds scary.

I might run into them. Do we know that their pronoun? Okay. I might run into them at some point and I'll keep my eye out and I'll put in dry shampoo just in case. So keep your eye out, Sierra. Yeah. Keep your eye out.

And then it says, anyway, I just wanted to send in a review of the Starbucks my roommate works at in downtown Cincy because I think it's hilarious and I hope you guys do too. Maybe I'll end up there too. It's entirely possible. I don't think I've ever been to the one in downtown. I only have like once and I made Franziska run in and pick up everything. That sounds about right.

Anyway, here is the review of the Starbucks one star by Barry. You know what you did. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no! There are fewer things scarier than like a really veiled, threatening, but refusing to give information type review.

I don't know. Because your initial thought is you go through all of the bad things that you've done and you think, what could Barry be alluding to? What are the bad things that Barry has done or whoever the customers have done that you probably didn't do? If someone wrote in to us and said, Zandy, you know what you did. I would think, you know, I probably did do something. Yeah.

I don't know what. I would think, I know I did. But I would come up with all the worst things that I've done. A lot of things. And I think, yep. Which one is it? Yep, I know I did all of those things. What about it?

What do we do now? You know what it's like? It's like when somebody says, we need to talk. And it's like, cool, cool, cool. This could go in so many bad directions and could be about so many things. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. This is like, I know what you did last summer at the Starbucks.

Barista edition. You know what you did. last summer at the Starbucks. Barista edition. You know what you did. Last summer at the Starbucks. Barista edition. Barista edition. And I'll never forget it. Maybe it's a positive thing. I'll never forget it.

I'll never forget what you did for me. It could be. It could be. One star makes that not very plausible. Well, you know what? That's just happened to me in uh palm springs that's right i was gonna talk to you about that i did see that and i saw the facebook post too and everything oh really see long story short we were i mean whatever i'm not gonna tell

the whole story but renee and i were going to starbucks in on our baby moon that she hates when i call it that and uh in palm springs and we were walking inside and we saw this man come up to this woman and her daughter and start just like harassing her and like cornering her and screaming about the mask. Because she was wearing a mask and her daughter was wearing a mask. And he said, you know, they lifted the mask mandate. She said, yeah, I'm a journalist, so I know. Accused her of child abuse and everything. He accused her of child abuse and everything. He accused her of child abuse, was like, yeah, screaming at her, saying just, I mean, unconscionable, unconscious, why do I do this?

Unconscionable. Unable to be pronounceable things. Things. Exactly correct. And it was just horrifying. And like, he said, well, you're a journalist. So, I mean, it was like fully QAnon attack. attack like it was like very obvious what mindset this person was coming from but just like a woman and her daughter and she went inside and she was like i mean like shaking so badly and i had

something similar happen to me at a chipotle like last year so i we were both renee and i were both like oh my god so we went in behind her and she was like could barely get her order out so renee walked up and was like take a minute and like collect yourself and she was like shaking and was just totally thrown you know and so renee ended up buying her starbucks for her and her daughter except apparently we forgot the bagel so that was a problem the daughter was like um where's my bagel? But yeah, so it was really like, you know. Can't eat a bagel with a mask on anyway. Yeah. Yeah.

Hello. And so it was just like really a horrible thing to watch. And we just like didn't know what to do. So we like did the only thing we could do, which is like, here's a latte. I don't know. Thanks a latte. Thanks a latte. For dealing with that.

You know what you did. You know what you did. And so we chatted briefly and she was like clearly very shaken up as i would be and she was like wow like this was gonna just turn my whole day upside down and like yeah thank you for stepping in and at least like giving you know supporting whatever and uh she said my name's christine and i was like my name's christine of course i screamed um and she said with a k or c because she was a k and i was a c and then like a few days later i got home and on my instagram this verified account commented on

one of my posts and was like hi were you just in palm desert at a starbucks and i was like oh my god even i got the notification said uh someone commented or no that you commented on a post that i'm tagged in i was like why is she commenting on this so many days later and i checked it and i was like oh yeah because i rarely comment i like don't think to comment because i believe she posted on facebook and someone in the comment says sounds like christine from and that's why we drink and her longtime friend renee and then so and said her podcast is great and then someone replied like don't forget her brother and talk no they didn't wait for are you for real oh i missed that it was hilarious i was like i was

like doing the whole like oh no i i didn't do anything here i was well and i even felt that way because like renee was the one who said like let me pay i was totally shaken too and renee was like let me pay for your starbucks like renee's the one who paid the bill blah blah so like when the woman was like wow that was so kind of you i felt kind of like being like well i just felt like i was kind of i was yeah just along for the ride but you know um but it was just so crazy because she posted on facebook and she's a journalist at cbs so she had like a following and a page and so people were commenting and liking it and all it said was like Christine and Renee like she remembered our names and a couple there was I think a couple people were like oh I think I know who you're

talking about I'll DM you and I was like oh my god it's so wild the odds of that worked out that way but no it's great that you were there I'm glad you got a shout out. Well, that's all I cared about here. That made my day. Sorry. So that was just to say when we're reading, you know what you did. It's like when you said it could be positive. I'm like, well, actually, maybe. Can I read what, is it Alyssa? Lisa?

Alyssa said, don't forget about her other podcast. She hosts with her brother alex the baron of cream the bad boy of podcasting beach to sandy water to wet such great people on both podcasts sometimes they are the only reasons why i make it through a work day between their compassion and sense of humor they always make my day a bit brighter meanwhile i'm mocking a child for not being able to eat a bagel with yeah you'd be nice still feeling bad about that um what did uh did christine respond uh not to that one so that was a response to someone else but um but yes so uh jess before that had said i do believe this was christine sheever host of true crime paranormal

podcast that's how you drink and her longtime friend renee they are truly amazing humans and then christine said yes someone connected us on instagram i now have a new podcast to listen to two no nope christine just said one so christine's like no no no it's only a matter of time we don't it's only a matter i'm flying to actually it's funny i'm going on my own sort of baby moon to palm springs next week and i hired someone uh to accost a journalist. A stranger. So that I can jump in. It's all for the PR thing. I see.

It's just a stunt. Just like you just did. A PR stunt. Well, I didn't want to. Okay. Yeah, it was all a PR stunt. But hey, got some content out of it. Got some exposure in CBS LA.

Oh, and then I went't see Christine's update. She said, I found the Christine Renne from Ohio who helped me last weekend when the crazy man accosted. Oh, and it was Jennifer who was a member of my Hong Pen who connected to Lady Bell on Twitch. Yes. This is so funny. This is so wild. Anyway, sorry. I know I just turned this about like me, but really, just when you said it could have been something good at the Starbucks.

Yes. I was like, I suppose. That was very fitting that story it was uh it was like a puzzle piece that you had a good segue uh and so anyway yeah you know what you did sounds very threatening and menacing and ominous i might reply to that post that the other christine made and say you know what you did no that? No, that's not appropriate. No, highly inappropriate. She's been through enough. Yes, agreed, agreed, agreed.

Wow. Well, I hope that your friend, I feel like maybe I won't be going to that Starbucks downtown. After all, I'm like really busy. Why, do you know what they did? No, but I don't want to know if this guy's going to return

and follow up with this ominous threat. True, true, true. But be careful out there, threat true but uh be careful out there man yep be careful that was my last one so okay great because i actually have a redemption here and this is from carly so this is of the oh my oh my goodness uh okay the name of it is the oh wow okay that's that sounded really not not okay i don't know what yeah that's what it says i swear okay ready capital h o lowercase o capital a lowercase o capital o lowercase o now say that out loud that How-oo-oo-oo. That's kind of what I said, huh?

How-oo-oo-oo. How-oo-oo-oo. That's what I'm saying. Pet training clicker with wrist strap. What? How-oo-oo-oo. Pet training clicker with wrist strap. Okay. Dog training clickers.

New, black, and blue. So they're like the kind that you like. I'm familiar. When we would train Geo. Like click, click, and you give them a... They associate it with the command and the treat. Carly sent this review in, and it's a five-star, of course, all capital letters, verified purchase. It's a five-star review by Patrick.

The title is Great to Train, and this is a review. I bought these to help train my blind goldfish where his food is with the vibrations it seems to work pretty well smiley face oh my gosh 235 people found this helpful 200 that's a lot of blind goldfish foods up here yeah interesting little one interesting if that's legit that's pretty interesting listen i'm not questioning you because i don't know much about fish but how do you know goldfish is blind christina i don't know why i'm asking you like you know but i don't know i don't like that you looked at me with that question i just feel like okay if that helps the goldfish get to his foodies

before they get too soggy like i love that yeah because that's its biggest concern i mean how soggy the food is underwater a good life underwater he's trying to live a good life just like any well-bodied abled that's not correct like any abled goldfish he wants to be able to experience his food right as it hits the surface and if he has a little clicky yeah yeah yeah no i think this is a great review and i'm glad this happened and i'm glad that was helpful and i'm glad this goldfish is able to feel the vibrations i'm just glad patrick took the time to find a product to just like help the goldfish because i'm sure that's true i feel like the goldfish i guess might have found it eventually uh but it's like so nice to think he was like how do i help my

goldfish find the food yeah true faster i just thought that was very heartwarming so i enjoyed that thank you carly and thank you huawu pet training clicker that's great it didn't say dog training it said pet training it's a pet training there you go oh all right well that's all i've got. Me too. Yay. Thanks, everyone. We're going to go record the second one now. Yeah, this is fun.

So we're going to do a second one, and you'll probably be getting that. So that'll come out this week too? I suppose so. Oh, sweet. We've got a week until the month ends. Yeah. So y'all are just going to get these. We're going to cram it all in one week.

We're going to cram it all in. All right. That's fine. All right. Well, we'll see you in about eight seconds. Okay, see you then. Bye.