Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 32

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. hello and welcome to the first between you and us of the year this is beach too sandy water too wet that's true i forgot about that i know it's this is one of the first years where i don't forget it's 2022 but it still feels very it feels already that we're deep into 2022 this is the first year where you don't forget it's 2022 in my head it made more sense 2022 this is the first year we don't forget it's 2022

in my head it made more sense it's also the first year that it is you're so right um sorry what i was trying to say is normally in january i think you're hung up on the last year yeah i keep saying writing 2020 or something but no i know it's 2022 it doesn't feel like it's 2021 still in fact it feels like we're halfway through 2022 already i know i agree i feel like this year is already dragging right and it's january right maybe it's so cold and miserable all the time i think that might be part of it because i've been having those same dang thoughts this is such a relatable podcast you're welcome everybody so relatable and we're here to read reviews that you sent into us so that we can

feel even more relatable reading your content yes commiserating with you reading what you find on the internet um we just recorded a patreon bonus episode y'all that was i know we've said this the past few months but this was one of our best we're having fun on fucking patreon we like uh we're a disaster we just did one when we talked about in that one episode but we did uh fragrances based off of fairy tales and disney movies and we just talked about them for a little while and it was lots of fun we even played a guessing game of like i'll read you or i'll tell you what scents i think um the base notes of this perfume and you guess the fairy tale or the disney movie we weren't very good at that no we were terrible but it was fun and um we i feel like we really got we got into it it was it was quite a conversation and um and you can listen for like

two dollars something like two dollars a month yeah how much it is it's um what a lucky get for you um you get to listen to us talk about i don't know goldilocks for half an hour but it was really fun and i feel like we're just kind of um devolving on that platform so we're trying to keep it together here for for you folks we are okay good to know we're trying well i can get started with a review uh this was sent in by Madison, who sent in a review of a child safety lock. I don't have the product full name, but it's one of those. So they had searched child safety cabinet lock. Oh, yeah.

So it's one of those. I'm going to need to purchase those. Safety locks. Pretty soon. Yeah. Here's a two star review. This is by Pam. Doesn't work with all magnetic door locks. I wish my toddler hadn't

eaten the box it came in or I would have returned this key. The magnetic polarity seems to be opposite that of our locking system. Though we don't have a safety first system, somehow I thought they'd be interchangeable. So you have to place it in a completely different location on the drawer front and I'm lucky they work at all. I guess having a big key is nice, but I never grabbed for this one. It's now our backup key. So very boring, not stuff. But the fact that they just gloss over the fact that their toddler ate the box it came in so they can't even return it. I think you have bigger problems than just the cabinets.

Right? You need to be monitoring a little more closely than just a magnetic system. Your child's just, like, eating things. This feels like such a sitcom scenario. Oh, like, the baby, we need to protect the baby from this thing. And the moment that you start doing that, the baby's doing something else dangerous over in the corner. The baby's eating something. I feel like this is also a sitcom of, like, the baby ate the Super like what are we gonna do i don't know that's where my brain what did that

happen leona did your parents buy super bowl tickets for the hopeful bengals who are playing today and i'm very nervous for clearly my mind is in a weird place but i i don't know that's always my thought of like yeah the baby ate something irreplaceable oops i don't know whoops a daisy the baby ate the box that was supposed to protect it from all the boxes you know um wow oh no pretty deep all right i have a whole folder here and i sometimes go through our when i'm up late at night and just like pick random ones yeah so i i'm just gonna pick one let's see what do i have here oh we go. This was sent in by Jessica. And it is a review of Boca Chica Eco Lodge in Panama.

Oh. And Jessica wrote that they stayed at this resort with their husband for their honeymoon. Congrats. And they noticed the hosts were a bit odd but when we got to know two other couples staying there we realized how off their rocker they really were the hosts yeah oh of this like resort lodge yeah it's a lot okay i thought it's a resort one um it's a boca it's called the boca chica eco lodge oh it's a lot okay so the uh the reviews are pretty good but the owner's response is what kills her so let's read this and there's a law. Okay. So the reviews are pretty good, but the owner's response is what kills her. So let's read this. And there's a basically anytime they receive a quote less than average score, which is 9.6 out of 10. They respond. Wow. Like kind of defensively. So I'm sure I like that. And Jessica also says we spent callous nights in the pool with our new friends reading responses from harry and erica who are the owners hilarious i'm glad you made a friend

over this so fun that makes me really happy okay reviews like what what an on-brand situation this is like a frank and beans situation that's so true alexander um okay here it is so this is a review that the category selected is awesome and jerome reviewed it 9.2 out of 10 i don't know if you can even do that but apparently you can how i don't know mdb or what no it's booking.com so i think what you do is you select all the different categories and then it averages averages. So that's pretty good. Yeah. 9.2 out of 10 is pretty excellent. That's like an A minus.

And this is what Jerome liked. The humor of the owner. Breakfast, sea view, and pool. And that's the whole review. Okay. Nothing negative except it's 9.2 out of 10. Okay. Here's the response from the property.

Except it's 9.2 out of 10. Okay. Here's the response from the property. My sense of humor is limited, especially when it comes to responding to a 9.2 review, which is below our average of 9.7. Now remember he said he liked the humor of the owner. Excuse me? Oh, come on. This owner's been listening to our show too much and has been like brought up, lifted too much to the point where they think all reviewers are wrong.

They're 10 out of 10. Uh oh. I know. My sense of humor is limited, especially when it comes to responding to a 9.2 review, which is below our average of 9.7. The staff, who were rated 7.5, Erica and myself, went to great lengths to make your stay as wonderful as possible despite you arriving late at night with your five-year-old child, which was and is forbidden by our terms and conditions, which meant that we had the right to turn you away and cancel without a refund. She proceeded the next day to kindly dislodged some nine mosaic tiles from the middle pool seat, which was observed on our CCTV monitoring system, yet we did not raise this nor the repair costs involved we and the other guests also had to endure her screaming and crying tantrums and we were reminded of our no children policy furthermore we rearranged other guests to ensure that you and your parents could be in close vicinity by having an adjoining living area

with an additional single bed which was provided free of charge as for being marked down on value 7.5 if you received a 25 discount as this was a special easter deal making it 50 cheaper than our competitors cheapest offering end of end of response i'm kind of on their side now a little bit okay okay 7.5 okay that if they knew exactly that they said oh the staff was a 7.5 and the staff's like excuse me we went way beyond what we should have for you we did all this and we still can't get a perfect score like what does it take complaining what does it take but that's like leaving a three star saying everything is perfect like yeah but like i feel like if that happens you don't need to go on the rampage against somebody i don't know i mean i what i assume happened is this person

these these owners were like oh my god we just went through hell with this this person we did everything we could but it was so terrible and then they were like well they obviously saw the 7.5 and we're like what the fuck like how is that granted i don't have a business because i couldn't handle it because i'd be like that like that is i feel like i would be insulted what is she for madness then okay like a business a business where people can review me in the customer service capacity we're on the bbb i fucking hope on the triple b we'd probably have to pay because it's a whole sham the thing f rating um they'd be like we're gonna give you an f if you don't pay it It's like, well, we're not dealing with customers. Give me an F. I dare you. Anyway, I don't know.

That sounds awful, all that stuff. Yeah, but the person's like, I really like this place. It was awesome. And then they're like. But they gave him a C. They give him a C for the staff. A C. And because the staff is the two of them, it's very personal. It's not like, oh, this is someone we hired.

It's like. Okay. And with the pool thing, ripping up tiles, the baby causing all this commotion. This is one side of the story. That's true. But the thing is why. Yeah, I don't know. I know.

You're right. I feel like they weren't appreciated enough for what they put into this. This visit. I mean, I can see both sides of this yes i agree i agree thank you my turn your turn i'm about to go on a rant i'm gonna go on to our our apple podcast reviews and respond to all the four star four star ones please excuse me i'm not good enough for five please don't i'm not i'm not gonna read those are you kidding me okay here's one that's kind of relevant to you oh great this

is from cassie she her uh and cassie sent in a review of the my baby sound spa white noise machine for babies you realize that you've just read two things that relate to me because the first one was also baby yeah no because these were the first two that i put in the folder for this episode oh excellent and i was like this is weird it was just happened to be the first two that i saw that i like oh okay great so we got another baby one i was not planning this don't worry uh six soothing lullabies for newborns sound therapy for travel relaxing kids newborns baby songs adjustable volume auto off timer by ho medics ho medics it's probably home medics combination but the m is capitalized so i know i think they're saying like like it looks like ho medics which i'm not against it's home home hoe it up everyone it's home medics you're right

Medics, you're right. You're right. You're right. I know. Here's a review. This is by Natasha. Two stars. Are we the only ones that hear it talking to us?

I don't even know how many stars to rate this. We bought it for the white noise to use for our newborn baby's naps, and it's the only noise we've used on the machine, and I suppose it does produce a white noise, but that's not the only thing. Oh my god. I hate to even write this and broadcast to the world that I hear voices, but that's exactly what's going on. I didn't hear it for the first three to four days. Then the next night while I was falling asleep, I heard a weird computerized faint voice like talking under the white noise saying, and this is really funny, eggs and pastrami. Oh, dear. Over and over. Oh, dear.

I can't remember what other strange phrases I heard for the next couple nights, but I was reluctant to tell my wife about it, fearing I would sound crazy. But the next day she asked me if I heard the sound machine talking. Just today as we were laying down to nap, I heard it again saying, No spitting, lol. There's not always distinguishable words, but there's always a ringing, clanking, or chiming in the background under the white noise. It's a lot more hilarious than it is creepy, and there's a lot more sinister things it could be saying subliminally than talking about breakfast and general public manners, but I gotta say that it's pretty weird. I didn't post reviews very often, but I had to on

this one. I'm going to try to record a video to see if the voices come through, and if so, I will edit and add that. I hope that it will record and get some public confirmation that it really is talking to us. We can't be the only ones hearing this. So sounds machine talking to me equals one star, but if it wasn't for that, it still wouldn't get much more than about three stars because of the following. Very loud buttons, blah, blah, blah. Very obvious short loops in sound. Very large differences in volume. Bad sound quality quality overall i actually would like to return this but i threw away the packaging after the first night thinking it would do the job but that was before it started talking to me ha ha ha i still might try though end of review oh no bud we've all been there cassie says um uh this is actually not an uncommon phenomenon for white noise machines and even breast pumps.

Oh. Apparently, because modern breast pumps start talking to you. Okay. But that, I think, is a phenomenon just like that you're hearing it. It's not like actually talking, right? I assume there's some sort. Is it picking something up? I don't know.

I assumed it was like. I don't know where it would be coming from. Like that you're just imagining it. I mean, it reminds me. it reminds me i don't think your breast pump is talking yeah no but it's picking up something i figured like some sort of isn't even like interference like from a tv or something i don't know i don't think so i think it's just that phenomenon where humans can like hear if you hear a really low sound and that's sometimes what they think like ghosts are like if you hear a low sound your brain automatically turns it into like words oh okay i forget the word for it when you're like

looking at interesting random shapes and you can like make a face in the shapes it's like a human thing but yeah i mean i would i would lean more toward lack of sleep oh yeah true true that's where i thought we were going like kind of makes sense if you're using a white noise machine it's usually for like either newborn like sleeping or for sleeping yourself when you're struggling to sleep and every time he hears it it's when he's about to fall asleep i'm like the thing i was thinking about is how like radios and walkie-talkies will interfere with technology um and if there's like some sort of like a bit like speaker system or something so that's why i guess breast pump wouldn't make sense that's the one that i don't get like i get if it's you know a wi-fi uh sound

machine that you have to use an app for which is what i have like sure but the breast pump doesn't make sense no so that's battery operated that's why like when we were little and had our walkie-talkies we'd pick up uh the zoo because we lived like less than a mile from the zoo i forgot how cool that was and we but we like the first time we heard it i remember we were like what the heck who are these people talking we thought it was like who is this we of course as kids were like this is some secret spy stuff people are talking and then eventually like i guess one of our parents or something said no that's they're picking up the employees at the zoo talking by over walkie talkie we're on the same like it was so cool it would be like frequency

it would be like go to the uh the park it was a lot of parking lot yeah i think that's what it wasn't that cool but it was pretty cool like we'd hear about like the gorilla cage yeah and in hindsight like it's very boring stuff but like yeah it was at the time so cool it was so cool um yeah so i mean maybe it maybe maybe they live right near a deli a diner or something yeah pastrami eggs and pastrami like or they're not sleeping enough and they're you know dreaming of their breakfast i don't know but yeah i feel like it could be either one and i love that he's like listen i'm really embarrassed to share this but i just need to know if i'm the only one there's something called music ear syndrome it's a condition triggered by silence or background sounds that cause some people to

hear phantom music singing or voices that's the one some people some i i've had the experience where you're in a really silent place and you can you like start to pick up things that aren't there because your brain is just like searching for patterns yeah and that's the same with i just heard the word the other day but um when you look at random patterns in your mind i'm sorry not random random shapes yeah like well it could be like static in a tv and you see faces for example or like on a tree like the knots in a TV and you see faces, for example. Or like on a tree, like the knots on a tree and you're like, oh, a face. And it's like, you're just kind of. Someone else is like, what?

Yeah, exactly. Or clouds. Like you're just kind of drawing that. Anyway, that's what I would guess. But if M were here, M would be like, it's definitely a ghost. It could be. Who owned the diner next door. It could be.

Which, another possibility. It is an option yes it's a possibility um so i have one here from miriam who says uh her pronouns are she her sheifer who goes to a college which in australia is years 11 and 12 and was looking at reviews of the school when she came across this one as a proud local guide she felt the need to alert us about this review so here we go this is a one-star review by tyrone the science staff are very corrupt they love accusing the hard-working students of nc of plagiarism especially giving out an assignment that they literally made you do in

a group. The students want to help each other equally like communism, but the teachers are far right authoritarian capitalists and think they are the best, especially the big forehead man. Oh no, down with the big forehead man. I don't know what's going on here, but I agree. I'm just picturing one of those authoritarian statues where they like exaggerate the features of my god so true the totalitarian leader and his forehead is just bigger than ever the math staff are also very corrupt because they love giving out in-class assignments about topics that they specifically said won't be included i don't think that's really what corruption is but you know they really love trying to make everyone do bad. In conclusion, they are a bunch of Muppet.

And I'll say that again. A bunch of Muppets. End of review. Wow. I think this person was clearly in a class about some sort of political structure or like authoritarian. Taking it too far taking it really in a weird direction um but hey you know what down with capitalists i'm always on that i hear that and my mind's like okay this person's right you're like tyrone i get it yeah i'm with

you big forehead man has got to go down let's freaking let's freaking take them down take take that forehead down miriam miriam let me know if this is true if like everyone there is so corrupt by making you do things that they said they wouldn't do um and also uh she said this might be an idea students love comparing their school to authoritarian regimes especially in high school so maybe that could be a theme or even a challenge oh gosh that's so true though like that there's some fucked up things people are willing to compare their high schools to yeah yeah all right um all right my next one this is from uh felicia and this is of zoo med floating beta exercise mirror oh it's like this like floating it's like a floating like mirror thing no for a uh like a fish in a fish tank oh for a fish okay it said exercise didn't it yeah it says an exercise mirror i don't fish i i'm sorry i'll let you know i'm sorry but beta like

the beta fish beta exercise mirror i think maybe it's for them to exercise their brain or something. Yeah, because you know how you put two beta fish next to each other? I don't know anything about beta fish. Oh, okay. Tell me everything. Tell me. I feel like I'm going to say the opposite of what it actually is. It's like, don't listen to this quote unquote pet advice.

I'm not. I was engaged with the zoo briefly over walkie talkie, but I didn't learn very much about the fish population. Oh man. Yeah. We didn't get to their, their beta fish house frequency. That the frequency, it was too far removed from ours. It was underwater.

We were, it's a totally different frequency. We couldn't even understand it if we wanted to. But apparently, you know know you can't put two betta fish in one tank because they'll kill each other for like dominance or whatever but i think if there's one that's alpha fish not betta i think that's why they're called that and then they're beta okay no because then and then i think if you put two next to each other they will like try to fight each other real chad fish in there to show them the ropes oh this is so stupid okay i didn't know that is that why like fish tanks have like mirrored on the inside oh i

don't know how like fish tanks like you can see through a lot of them are like two-way glass or one-way glass where you can only see in one way that's for beta fish i think that's just okay that's just a general thing yeah i don't know it doesn't feel like they're trapped in a fucking poor tank oh i agree um also y'all fish fish do not belong in bowls do not get a fish bowl if you actually do own want to own a fish get an actual big tank oh sorry again i wasn't in the right frequency i'm sorry don't listen to me no but there is something about you know how they wouldn, you clearly don't know. You keep like putting this home. You know what I'm talking about.

You know, Betta fish. But they sell them in like separate containers from each other. They can't be in the same container. They can't be together. So I guess, I'm assuming this is what this mirror is for, that they get stimulated. Probably in such a small space, like yeah because that's where they have another territorial interest yes that's what it is yes well here's a

fish mirror basically okay great here's a one-star review nope my fish poked it once and left it alone he hates it probably hates me I've thrown this away end of review oh no he's just trying to buy different products for his fish to love him.

He's like, I'm trying everything. He's like that rich parent. He's like, I'm trying to buy your love, you know, little beta fish. He poked it. I love that. He poked it and didn't touch it after that. He is a beta. He looked at it and was like, all right.

Yeah, you win, mirror. This is your fucking fish tank now i don't i don't want to get involved my fish jumped right out of the tank the moment it saw the itself in the mirror here's the new fish in town it's in this mirror oh sad fish um that's good let's see what do i have what do i have uh i have reviews here. These were sent in by Raven. He, him. We've got. I was going to say. We've done a challenge, right? From him.

Yeah. Okay. So he sent reviews of the Amazon ECHO dot. Oh, I was about to say it. I'm an idiot. Christina. Christina, that's a word. You should say it.

You should know it's a whatever. You can spell it. That was so kind of you. We never that kind. I know. I usually am not at least. I'm kind of like relishing this moment where I'm kind of a good person for a minute. You know, I was thankful for me.

I'm probably going to ruin it because it's hard to read this and not say the word. say the word so i guess if you have an alexa like sorry or maybe turn the volume down on your phone or put headphones in yeah okay there you go i'm glad oh nice morning that's my suggestion um and these are verified purchases of the amazon echo dot what if you're listening to one on listening to us on it does that go off you think probably i would think it did it does if it's talking to itself because if it hears itself so why wouldn't it like it would be able to hear itself talking right if it's loud enough i think some of them though are like voice familiar like my really i might never were my new google one is so i don't know if the i have an siri like the whole apple home thing that might be what is so i don't know if the i have an s-i-r-i like the whole apple

home thing that might be what's that i don't even know what that is it's like basically the same thing but an apple so it's like i turn on my hedgehog light with it oh fun i say hey siri turn on hedgehog do you think it just turned on the hedgehog is on yep so now like someone's sneaking around my room oh nosy was sleeping in there earlier she might be like what the fuck does it talk in there no it's just it probably it probably didn't say it in there it probably just lit up yeah um okay so this is a review of the amazon echo dot uh this is a one-star review. It's a verified purchase by Mike. And the title is, Read this before you buy any Alexa device seriously.

And then around them, there are like two stars. Like he found a symbol, like a winged symbol, basically. Oh, to bring people's attention to it? Yeah. Wow. And it's a one-star review, verified purchase. I hate this little device from hell.

I used to love it. I bought one for every room in my house, my office, at work, and they were good. But now, despite Amazon's alleged spying, some genius at Amazon decided to allow this thing to wake you up all hours of the night with a loud obnoxious noise and a bright yellow light. It will say, you have a notification oh good it must be a really good reason for amazon to notify me of something mid-sleep at 2 a.m on a tuesday you ponder so you wake up the rest of the house by saying alexa play notifications here's the best part this little alien intelligence robot without feet from hell will say please rate the pair of shorts your wife bought last week. We need your review.

That's really funny. Well, I sure do love reviews, but at 2 a.m. after being woken up to leave one, sadly, I don't give a flying poopsicle about the shorts, and a big one-star rating is all the revenge I can muster. This has been going on for weeks now, and it's enough to drive you mad, because you will contemplate unplugging the dirty little money siphon and cutting your losses but you'll give the demon

one more chance and she will allow you to sleep for a length of time in which you will forgive her treachery but then boom like a thief in the night a hurricane will be boiling out in the atlantic and this little weather girl from hell will want to notify you of the imminent doom three days ahead when the storm will be in your state you'll think how nice it is for all of the imminent doom three days ahead when the storm will be in your state. You will think how nice it is for all of the warnings you have heard thus far in social media, television, and every news outlet in existence to be repeated to you as you climb into bed, but it gets even better. As soon as you listen to this golden nugget of doomsday propaganda and ponder how it is that you will sleep now because three days may not be enough time to dig a deep enough hole to hide from impending doom. She lights up again.

Oh my, maybe flying dragons are headed this way. I better play the new notification. When your wife wakes up and says, stop, she has been doing that all evening, they literally keep changing the time of the storm by maybe an hour this way or that. Well, by all means, the information could save one of our spoiled lives, and we wouldn't want anyone to not know at which precise moment the raindrops will occur. But I do miss life before the artificial noises and alerts bright yellow lights and bad news desserts you may say that this is a growing pain with alexa and ai technology kinks in the programming i say with the amount of money i've poured into this monopolistic conglomerate i

should at least expect a decent night's sleep in return you may say in page 74 paragraph d of the updated and revised owner's pamphlet there is a way to turn this feature off. I welcome that comment but feel the need to say that I'm not looking to become even slightly better educated on the device. I simply bought it to use as a voice controlled radio. This extra baloney does not appeal to me and has made me regret this purchase and every other from the brown box headquarters who secretly reads my mind especially when it comes to allowing me sleep although kudos for recommending the sleep sounds but it rarely works we just need to be mindful of the six hours that most people like to not be disturbed i regret selling my amazon stock at 2400 and i regret purchasing all of

these alexa devices and don't get me started on teenagers and Alexa devices, the combo that don't mix. They always, always, always leave the device at top volume. So when you walk into the bathroom at dawn and whisper, Alexa, what time is it? You then need to set an appointment for a blown eardrum and apologize to everyone for waking them up while the teen sleeps soundly through it all. Congratulations, Amazon, you have destroyed my sanity. Weird goal, but excellent execution. Very clearly destroyed your sanity. Oh my God. That was so, I got lost in the whole hurricane business. I was like, what is this of again? Like, wow. When the rain's going to drop, it's like, oh yeah. Did you catch that it was literally notifying him every time the weather service changed the time by like an hour yeah i mean okay i i i don't want to blame this person because this sounds like a pain and they did address like hey

look if you're telling me don't tell me to look at the notification or how to change this or whatever like i i agree i don't think it should come like this like i feel like all of these things that are happening should be turned on features that you could turn on but i had like one of the first not the one of the first like years i had like one one of the first generations of the uh alexa and i never had this issue i never had an issue i never but i never set up any notifications on purpose because i didn't want them well i had one yeah did this happen the same one that you had the old school the big one yeah yeah and i still have it it's downstairs i unplugged because i switched to the google one but that one was always fucking banging on i'm sorry i'm not i don't know i'm british banging on banging on about some every time i ordered something from a m a z o n it would be like why

am i spelling that yeah i have no idea where that came from. Every time anybody would order something, it would be like, bing bong, you have an alert. You have a notification. And I'd be like, what are my notifications? And it would say, I don't understand. I never have that. And you had to specifically say, read my notifications. If you said, what are my notifications? It was like, I do not know what you want.

Bing bong, you have a notification. Wow. It drove me nuts. And then you'd be like, what is it? And it was like, your wife's shorts arrived two days ago. And it's like,

God, okay, I know. I never had that issue. I don't know. I mean, this was like in the last year it started doing that.

I believe it. That's really annoying. That's really annoying if they added that. I certainly didn't set that up. That sounds obnoxious. Yeah, if you didn't set it up

and it's doing that, that shouldn't be an opt-out thing. It should be an opt-in thing. And I thing like you should just be able to say please turn that off and it should just like turn it off yeah i feel like it should have a feature where you be able to go stop can tell it to stop yeah it just knows how to do it and then the alexa goes i'm an empath and i sense that you don't like when i do this um yeah i don't know oh god if alexa became an empath and we're all screwed um so i just love that it's made by amazon i don't think so i just love it's like 2 a.m please leave your review for the shorts that you bought and you know amazon

they like list the entire title of the product it's like 18 words long like drawstring men women unisex shorts oh my god that's so true and he's like one star that's actually now that bait that betta fish mirror that was like the shortest amazon title that was an amazon product that's the shortest amazon title we've ever had and yeah i still needed explanation for it it was six words wow that's impressive the one before it was the or the one i had a few ago was the uh um was that really long like white noise thing oh man that was that was a trip that was a trip i'm i'm that sounds terrible um my next one is from Caitlin. She, her, uh, who, so sees this church and this church has like a big, like a bush that's like kind of shaped into a cross. It looks terrible.

Like a topiary. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but like arms are like really tiny. Um, so it's just like kind of goofy looking. Anyway, that's like just beside the point. It looks like a, um a um like you know what it looks like the shape of spinge bob the costume the mascot costume like kind of wonky rectangular

little arms anyway yeah i'm not gonna like uh say exactly where this is but not what's it what what is it triangulate triangulate the location of caitlin uh but uh the church would have a sign outside that said let us pray in their garden and it was lettuce l-u-t-t-u-c-e that's fun so yeah um whoever runs this outdoor situation is having a good time right right a lot of creative control so here's a one-star review of this church this is by steven not friendly if you are new also what is it with the dogs don't you understand that there are some of us that are highly allergic to dogs an old woman was promenading her service dog around from the looks of it the woman has the service the dog performed was as a companion she brought the dog by me to pet it

really end of review oh no this poor woman so literally starting like not friendly if you're a new and this woman friendly this woman who seems to be friendly who has a happens to have a service dog was gonna walk by and like greet you and bring her dog by hi welcome this is me and my dog and you're like leaving a one-star review that people there are so unfriendly and it's really yeah which i'm like i don't know dog allergies like i guess yeah that's the thing but i mean just remove yourself from the situation i guess right i'm like this person must go everywhere and just be like really service dog like you're telling on yourself by saying it's a service dog like it's actually a service dog yeah like and the fact that this person said it's a service dog is like okay then it must be because they're complaining about it but still saying it's

a service dog yeah they're admitting it like if anything they lie and say oh someone just brought their family dog in you know to get sympathy but they don't have mine steven doesn't have my sympathy um good thing he's in the house of the lord oh good thing maybe he'll be forgiven good thing i don't think so but it's like that it's like that meme of karen's or whatever like 30 minutes before they harass an 18 year old server and it's a picture of like women in church like praying or something and they're like go straight from sunday service to like a denny's where they'll yell at everybody i feel like that's what steven is steven's gonna go here and then go harass some minors don't even welcome me into their new into their church into their stupid

church get this dog away from me lady oh boy okay um i think this is my last one is this yeah so this is a review another review from raven and it's of the amazon echo dot um sorry to do this to you but i love it that's another one my bad everyone just like put their headphones down oh wait right true i should have clarified this is a longer process than you thought. So one survey by Jay verified purchase and the title is no, no, no. You got time? Read my review. These suck. Amazon sucks and only a 90 warranty. That was the title. The title. Like I interrupted thinking the title was over, but it just kept going. Oh, it kept going. it's now over people are very very passionate about this yes they are the uh i can see why it would be frustrating i mean i've experienced it but like because it's

like talking to you and you're like how do you not understand what i want you know yeah and it's touted as this like smart device and it really if it's not acting smart that's frustrating not acting smart even latest update no just no by google home we're tired getting ready for bed i love the song mondo bongo by joe drummer from the movie mr and mrs smith no one in the history of the world has ever said that sentence. And I'm not saying people don't love that song. I don't know what the fuck that song is. I'm not saying people don't like the movie Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They'd be in the minority, but I'm sure they exist.

But this full sentence? Okay, this is the part where I want you to now take out your headphones, turn up the volume. Oh, no. Really loud. Okay, got it? Ready? Oh, no. your headphones turn up the volume oh no really loud okay got it ready oh no is are they about to go through their process of getting alexa to uh yeah this is the i want everyone to experience

this with me in this reviewer alexa play mondo bongo response mondo bongo by joe drummer and the mescaleros is only available on Amazon Music Unlimited. Would you like to sign up for Alexa? Be quiet. $3.99 a month and you can cancel at any time. Alexa, be quiet. I didn't get that. Would you Alexa?

Shut up. Like to sign up for $3.99 a month. You can cancel anytime you like. No. My girl starts listening to Roxanne by the police and was like, oh, yeah, you like the one from Moulin Rouge, right? So I Google it and it's called El Tango to Roxanne by the police and was like, oh yeah, you like the one from Moulin Rouge, right? So I Google it and it's called El Tango de Roxanne. Alexa, play Tango de Roxanne.

Playing Tango de Roxanne. One minute into it, we realize it's just a piano instrumental with no words. Alexa, play Roxanne from Moulin Rouge. El Tango de Roxanne from Moulin Rouge is only available on Amazon Music Unlimited. Would you like to sign up for $3.99 a month? You can cancel anytime. Now we're all worked up. 45 minutes passed when we wanted to sleep and I want to know, Amazon, have we not paid you enough money? Does buying your freaking products mean anything? How about you just give me a routing number to a bank account and just route you all my paychecks? Will your services work right after you've taken all my

money or will you still want more? Also, I know fact mondo bongo was free on normal amazon music latest update my girl and i were in the mood for a fun time we even have a playlist called fun time music is everybody is your volume up again okay alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor a random song not our playlist alexa be quiet alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor alexa be quiet alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor alexa shut up alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor what do you think is gonna happen i'm sorry i'm sorry i like i agree this is very annoying like at least try a different phrase say play playlist fun time or something just add the word playlist in there play my playlist fun time or something like give it a little bit more because clearly

this isn't gonna work it's not gonna work four times it's not gonna work she's not an empath yet she doesn't know she's learning she's learning my girl all pissed what the f i'm done just make it stop it's giving me a headache i unplug it and plug it back in two minutes later okay let's give this one more shot and you guess what you want what what he says i don't want to know alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor alexa never play this song again alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor alexa never play this song again alexa play fun time music playing fun time on the dance floor alexa be quiet unfortunately writing this review instead of having a fun time with my girl because this stupid piece of shit is garbage don't buy it

these are great when they work it might be the conspiracy theorist in me but i firmly believe you get prioritized bandwidth on cloud processing while a new user or you just have one i bought one skeptically and it was great now i have two dots and a flex i am plagued by audiobooks randomly playing at 3 a.m almost shot my cat when my kitchen echo started playing an audiobook at 3 a.m and i thought someone was in my house okay that would be terrible don't shoot your damn cat but it would be terrifying to hear like a man's voice or something coming from the kitchen yeah constant disconnects misunderstanding phrases it never had issues with before one good thing i've been getting to work

on time more because i'll set an alarm the dot will disconnect from the internet and not reconnect and then it will go off and not recognize any commands so after 20 seconds of yelling at alexa to turn off or sleep i'll sit up see it red and drag my butt out of bed to rip it out of the wall this has become a twice-weekly occurrence. Immediately plugging it back in connects to the Wi-Fi in 30 seconds. Dear God, people, if unplugging it and plugging it back in reconnects it, my Wi-Fi

isn't the issue. Write programming to maybe try a reconnect every minute rather than bricking it until unplugged. Like, what the heck? Also, be aware it's only a 90 warranty on these hockey pucks from Satan. Mine was pretty good right through that window. I'm about to go to Google Home and try Craig's listing these things. Or if they piss me off enough, I might just try to see how much distance I'll get with them in a skeet thrower.

Don't buy these, please. Wow. Sorry, those were so long. Those were very long because people are passionate and there's a lot going on and very annoying stuff happening there. Alexa, play Funtime time music that's so funny i love how they like just gave up on like everything that night instead of and like i like the wife's like come to bed honey like it's okay like we don't need to know like if alexa's not gonna listen to me like i gotta get this to work and if not then she ruined my fun time

and also now i have to write a review about it on the internet instead of oh no i also like hockey pucks from satan yeah that and the person before that was so descriptive there's so many like each one sounds like it could come from its own review like a new description beautiful stuff good stuff um i have a redemption thank god yes don't worry for once i usually don't but uh this is from jill they them uh who sent in who was looking for battery operated tea lights and then this came up in recommendations and this is a let me get the link here uh this review is of the fox valley traders large white goose plastic garden decor 23 inches high it's just a plastic goose okay yeah i own that goose the same one remember the goose yeah you have a goose it's actually slightly different that's the one i originally was going to purchase

i was between that and then the one from mileskimble.com but that one i also researched got it well someone had a great idea for it. Ready? Yeah. Five stars. This is by Jonathan. She is so beautiful. A gentle beast perfect for guarding any castle. I bought this lovely girl to bring with me to college.

I very respectfully put color changing LED lights in her so she glows and sets the mood in my dorm room. She lights up my life and I love her. She is constantly attracting new people to our room Oh my god. You can't really tell. It's kind of dark, but there's a little picture. Oh, I love it. Of her all lit up in her glory. So I was shopping for these geese because my mother-in-law was in town and noticed how there were all these geese outside people's houses here in Cincinnati and northern Kentucky. Like, you know how that's kind of a thing?

Yeah, yeah. And she had never seen that before. And I was like, maybe it's just a local thing. Like, I don't really know. But then I Googled, like, garden goose. Yeah. And it came up with that one. And then the one thing. Like, I don't really know. But then I Googled like garden goose. Yeah. And it came up with that one. And then the one on the website where I ended up purchasing it.

There's a garden goose on TikTok that gets outfit changes regularly. That's what I did. So I bought her the one. It's probably the same one because they sell outfits. So I bought her one with an elf costume. Oh, yeah. It goes like on your porch and it welcomes everybody. And so the idea is like now for holidays and stuff, I can buy it a new outfit.

Yeah. And I just love that. I love also respectfully put lights. Yes, I was going to bring that up. Thank you for asking for consent, I guess. But how fun to put lights in it. Right. I hadn't thought of that.

Yeah, it's such a fun idea. I really want one. That is very cute. Maybe someone will get me one for my birthday. P.O. Box is something something something i was looking at alexander but it seems like he's not gonna do it so if one of you want to do it then beach to sandy.com send her one so i don't have to god um but anyway have fun yes so i thought that was a good good end thank you jill for bringing us up there uh instead of of bringing us down like the rest of you emailers.

The rest of you Satan hockey pucks from Satan. Anyway, thanks for listening. If you want to check out our Patreon, you can go to patreon.com slash beach2sandy. If you don't, that's fine. We'll be here on Wednesday for another episode. And that's about it from me. That's all from me. Thanks, y'all, for listening.

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