Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 39

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. And if you're just joining us, we're live from Evan's living room. It looks like Evan is about to purchase tickets to today's match. Kate, the real test is, will he use the BMO Toronto FC cashback MasterCard? Well, if he wants to earn cashback on his purchases, he will, and... Oh, hang on. He's at the computer with his card, he's done it. Clicky click magic trick. The clicker around the room. You guys just about finished. Sorry, we got excited. Thanks for snagging those tickets. Make every purchase highlight worthy with the BMO Toronto FC cash back master card. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think.

Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to the August edition of Between You and Us. And it's being released in August. And it's being recorded in the first 11 days of August. That's true. That's kind of crazy. Within the first 11. Nobody can know. That's pretty crazy.

Which of the first 11 days. It is. Somewhere in there. Somewhere in there. So. We just, we released the July one. Yeah. Somewhere also within the first 11 days of August.

That was our bad. No, we did not release it in the 11 days. Right. We also recorded it within the 11 days and released it in the last. I don't know. 19 days. Something. Yes.

I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm doing this. Okay. This is where we read reviews you send in to us. Want to go? Sure. Great. um want to go sure great my first one is of the eschert design fb289 squirrel proof peanut butter feeder oh boy so you put peanut butter in this feeder

and it looks like they have special bird peanut butter like for birds oh that's nice and it's meant to feed birds remember that time we got into a debate about whether you could put peanut butter on pine cones and feed it to birds? Yeah. By the way, did someone- Didn't we put glitter on it? Did someone send this in? Oh yeah, Jamie, aka Thamey. Okay, you didn't say it. I know. Oh. I didn't want to give Thamey credit. Why? I'm just kidding. I forgot. Oh, okay. I thought I did. I have a fucking hypothetical brain tumor. Oh, for God's sake. I do.

I haven't used that in episodes. Multiple episodes. Okay, fine. So, Jamie sent so many Q&As, and I'm going to read some of them because they're hilarious. I love Q&As on Amazon. This one is of the squirrel proof peanut butter bird feeder oh boy here's a question why do you love birds so much but not squirrels and here's an answer from amazon customer i am not sure what you are referring to i love all animals and birds this

question does not apply to me they're so so personally attacked. This is like that grandma who thought they were trying to take her suitcase. But it's my granddaughter's suitcase. Ask her if you can have it. Oh, I love that one. That was one of my favorite Q&As of all time. Then there's Q. What if squirrel shows up a moose? Can it stop both?

Answer. Depends on how determined the moose is then we've got if i want to protect my peanut butter from squirrels shouldn't i just keep the lid on and keep it in the fridge answer no peanut butter should never be put in the fridge wait that's not even part of this question okay uh that it should be kept out of the jar in your wildlife okay this does keep the squirrels out of the peanut butter but my husband can't figure out how to get the peanut butter either and is very grumpy about it i don't really know what the question here is is there an answer um lots of them oh boy so someone, tell him he has to be more creative.

Okay, I like people are playing along. And then someone said, I had to put a clip to keep them from opening the cage. No problem with getting the peanut butter in the cage. I'm not totally happen, still in learning stage. I hope this helps.

Definitely. I'm sure, I'm certain it did. Someone said, does this attract ants? someone said no it is squirrel aunt and mother-in-law proof wait what wait i don't know what kind of household do they live in it's more chaotic than mine someone said any plans for making a squirrel-proof jelly jar cage? Like peanut butter one and a jelly one.

Oh my god. It literally didn't even. I was like, jelly? I was like, what's your face? I don't know. I didn't get it. And the answer is, it will come to you in a dream. Are these people all high as a kite? Because none of this is making.

I should try that. I should stream that. Me just answering Amazon questions. Honestly. Someone said, I am a squirrel. Has anybody found a way to eat the peanut butter yet? I am a squirrel. And Sarah here says, yes.

And that's it. I'm telling you, this is like the least, I feel like everyone's getting more confused as time goes on. Like not one person has gotten any helpful information from these answers. Someone said, why don't you just store it in the fridge? And the top answer is birds can't open fridges. And then a lot of people being very upset that anyone puts peanut butter in the fridge. Yeah, I was going to say say i bet those people are abundant um i used to do that and one day blaze was like he like confronted me about it he's like can i talk to you i've had blaze confront me about

food related issues okay well yours were valid i understand that fear um yours were you needed an intervention um mine was kind of a cultural thing where my mom always kept peanut butter in the fridge and yeah they still do i was good the peanut butter back home is they do and i think you're not really supposed to it's a store in cool dry area which usually cool and dry pantry okay uh here's one what is the largest object to fit inside the feeder someone said a medium-sized squirrel to warn the other squirrels then you can leave the peanut butter outside oh my god so yeah this is that's the end of my banana grounds i don't know it made me so happy do you think that the person

the seller like enjoys all this communication i hope so i hope so too because i think probably i find it so funny i find it funny okay um remember how i said oh i think i read this on the last between you and us yeah well i just looked and it says that it was sent july 26th so that's impossible literally impossible and i must have just read it so that's impossible literally impossible and i must have just read it myself yeah i don't know why i thought that i had read this before um i've been agonizing over like whether or not i've read it i have not on the show so let me read it to you now this is from abby she her uh who said oh well it starts i found more from olga s so i guess this sounds really familiar maybe alexander maybe i did read something about olga and this is like you know what i mean like

maybe that's why oh my god okay okay abby has sent us a lot about Olga. Alexander, the first one was sent February of 2021. And so I must have just seen these maybe somewhere. I don't know. So anyway, now I finally, none of them had been read yet of the last ones. Like none of them had been labeled or read or put in a folder. Wow. So you're getting, we're at the tail end of the olga adventure i'm at the tail end of the olga adventure because the three that she included

here that abby included were all ones that have already been sent got it okay so this is a summation abby says 10 out of 10 would not recommend being her friend so this is a one star review of manchester grand hyatt san diego by ol So this is a one-star review of Manchester Grand Hyatt San Diego by Olga. It's a one-star review. Despite the breathtaking location and great potential to be the superstar, this hotel was an outrageous disappointment. I will spare you many phone calls and useless complaints for the sake of brevity and put it simply, we came to our room after eight long conference hours in order to change to more comfortable clothes and shoes, only to find out the latter were missing.

I just want to clarify. The shoes were missing. The latter was not missing. The L-A-T-T-E-R. Correct, the shoes were missing. Further investigation revealed that they were thrown out by environmentally concerned housekeeper who thought we placed them for recycling.

Brand new pair of leather sandals and sneakers, saving Earth one ripped off customer at a time. The customer service was incredibly sluggish, locating the housekeeper, making it seem as if shoe-stealing Robin Hood fled the country already. They also gave us the impression that we somehow should have been watching our shoes, and having lost them shouldn't grieve them selfishly like that. I get it. I plan to buy these amazing paper shoes sold at the local boutique for $120. The area around the hotel is pseudo-vintage flower kids ripoff,

and be all Californian about it. But for now, I have only blistered up feet to walk this earth and uncomfortable bejeweled conference nonsense footwear, primarily designed to distract people from my flawed knowledge of medicine. Wow. Which is completely unnecessary, let's say, at your famous zoo or art gallery. I miss my environmentally wrong leather Italian friends. They took me places without any pain or regrets.

But being in such paradise, I was willing to forgive all. Broken iron, $5 Aquafina, even parking lot view room, but you took my shoes. You so shouldn't have. Talk about a villain origin story. The energy it takes to write all of this. Wow. Wow. Oof. Here come the carrots making their way up field,

followed by the whole wheat bread over to the two dozen eggs. Sir, do you do this every time? Sorry. I've been a little excited ever since I got this BMO Toronto FC cashback mastercard. Oh, and the broccoli boots that over the line.

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So they had their shoes in their room. I have a response from owner. Okay. If you want more details. Please, please, please. Dear Olga, thank you for contributing your candid comments. That's a good way to put it. It's a good way.

Regarding your most recent stay with us here on Yelp, we pay close attention to these reviews in order to grow and evolve as needed. That being said, we are sorry to hear that your most recent stay with us was anything but spectacular. I've passed along your review to our director of room to look into the incident. He has noted that our housekeepers found your shoes inside the recycle bin and had throw them out as it may surprise you many of our guests actually do purposely throw out pairs of shoes away during their stay should they have been damaged or uncomfortable we are sincerely sorry about the inconvenience this has caused you we can assure you it was never to intentionally aggravate you we do hope you will see the good intention of our housekeeping staff and give us another chance in

the future marketing coordinator she put her damn shoes in the recycling why would you do that if you don't expect i don't know my guess is like she probably put them on top of it i don't know like i can't imagine what would make why it would make sense nobody no housekeeper would take the shoes and throw them away yeah just because they're near the recycling i don't think anyway unless this was some wild situation like i feel as if this could have been avoided if you just put your shoes on the ground on the floor like a normal person it seems that that's not what you could have even put them in the bed in the the shower. Yeah, true. There are a lot of places. Literally on the TV. Anywhere that's not inside the recycling bin. Because I'm not a neat person.

No. I'm a very messy person, especially when I'm traveling. I just throw shit everywhere. Ditto. I've never had this issue. Never. I've never lost anything because of a situation like this. And I know I don't put things where they're supposed to go exactly but i definitely don't put them where they're explicitly where the garbage

yeah where other things go like that i don't know weird that is very weird it's a strange situation i did not like the energy they put into that olga has some strong energy should we get some mom energy up in here yeah because be nice to m's mom sorry because m she her sent in uh an email about a review that her mom wrote oh that's nice this is a review of a mask toilet spray coconut and lime scent two ounce three pack odor eliminator bathroom spray i gotta say with these poo pourries and stuff i get it but i think when they start to smell like food i start to become like like sometimes when they're like a little too close to food what's the classic poopery like scent it's lavender yeah something like like potpourri basically yeah yeah but yeah the food ones i'm like it's

just not my jam well m says my mom is quite the eccentric woman and upon my amazon scrolling i came across a review for for a toilet spray that my mom reviewed. No, you just stumbled upon it. Incredible. Mom in the wild. Here we go. It's a five-star review of this spray. This may be TMI, but here goes. Yesterday was a very long day and I had to make a pit stop on my way home. Like many, I am not a fan of pooping in public places, but I was desperate. I had a spray bottle of coconut lime toilet spray in my purse, so I decided to give it a whirl. So I do my business after a couple quick sprays and voila. A few minutes later, I am waiting for my order and this guy starts exclaiming, oh my goodness,

it smells so good. No. Like coconuts. No. He asks the gal next to him if she smells it and she agrees. It smells great. That's a first. I may not have been greeted by a unicorn, but I am happy.

End of review. Oh my God. That's incredible. Honestly, so brave of you, Em, to be scrolling, see your mom's name, then see this may be TMI and continue reading. I'm very impressed. And then share it with us. And then share it with us. And then share it with us. I am so impressed.

And also your mom sounds splendid. Well, what did she mean about the unicorn? I'm wondering if there was like a, if it might be a reference to something or maybe in the description. The product has some sort of. I haven't, I only saw a screenshot. I was worried that was maybe a poop thing,

but it's probably something else i hope it smells so good it's a poop thing yeah oh my god that is i mean that's quite a testimonial it really is right it really is oh someone else reviewed it and said okay there's apparently something called unicorn gold which is another toilet spray yeah okay brand from squatty potty oh i was gonna say i've heard of that so i assume it's a reference to that okay the squatty potty um always has unicorns in the in the ads and stuff i think so that might be what it is that must be it okay we. We're learning. We're learning all of our poop spray. Lingo.

Lingo and references. All right. Well, I have another review from Olga. Good. This is from Abby Sheher. And this is of Gold's Gym. Olga says, I and my husband were really motivated to join.

As you know, 2016 will be a year of resolutions and great workouts. Thus, we appeared in front of the 18-year-old at the most receptionist after being let in individually through the door with the military level of security clearance. Multiple locks, press the button, camera in your face kind of a door. A little bit more about us. I, heavily pregnant and smiling, my smiling my husband polite burdened with the accent the receptionist promptly informed us that we need to show him our ids before he can utter a word about the facility my husband had an id and i did not if you ever were nine months pregnant you understand that even carrying a purse is a challenge once you carry a precious cargo on board

but this kind of understanding was beyond the receptionist, who proudly represented agentic cognition theory. I don't know what that means. Let me see if I can pull it up, if it's anything. Specifies the mechanisms by which people come to live in accordance with moral standards. Okay, so it's like self-sanctioned self-morality god olga's giving me an act an actual headache like i just complained about how much effort it was for

olga to write this think about how much effort it takes to read she's nine months pregnant i'm like girl if you can't carry a purse you shouldn't be like carrying this vocabulary no no it's too much effort and even though we agreed to skip the tour he refused yielding any information the possible contracts fees conditions of the contracts list of available equipment he proudly noted it's all because we have children here as if addressing heavily armed troglodytes or suicide bombers and continue to guard the entrance to the fitness paradise with the zest of the freshly recruited young Nazi. Whoa. Jesus Christ.

No smile, no apology. It was highly unusual for my warm, open-doored, open-hearted Clayton, where you can sign up for the tour of pediatric office with a ton of children around just giving your name. Okay, well, I don't think that's comforting to say. No. Oh, they just let anyone in with the name to view a child-filled business whatever where people feed you free cheesecake wait what what's happening what kind of pediatric office is this what is going on here

why not kick back with a cold, smooth bush? Smooth taste. Great value. Bush Lager. Enjoy responsibly. Must be legal drinking age. What the fuck? It was highly unusual for my warm, open-doored, open-hearted Clayton. Oh, Clayton is probably the name of the town.

Clayton, North Carolina. I'm sorry, I thought that was her husband. But this is apparently the type of town where Clayton, North Carolina. Okay. I'm sorry. I thought that was her husband. But this is apparently the type of town where Clayton is. Open-hearted Clayton, where you can sign up for the tour of pediatric office with a ton of children around just by giving your name. Where people feed you free cheesecake at bakeries and do not lock mailboxes. How do you know that? Have you been checking? Maybe you don't.

I don't like that she knows that. Then you leave a negative review of the postal service because they lose your mail, but it's actually because you won't lock your freaking post office box. We will skip joining this facility since one of our resolutions was to make the world a better place. What? She doesn't see the irony there. And I don't see it possible with supporting organizations like this one. What an ugly blemish on a smiling face of our small southern rural paradise end of those words together were yikes just like a coming from olga is like a what the heck olga olga olga my goodness

what the heck i know i'm sorry olga no wonder there's so many emails about olga i know abby was like i love that abby just kept sending them and the best part is she never said like oh i already sent this she's like check out this review of olga and i'm like honestly the fifth time was the charm i just opened it and i said what's this i love it i love Okay, I've got one more. This review, the subject is titled Six Days of Somig Metal. This is sent in by Maddie Sheher, and it's a review of sleeping pills. Oh my, Somig Metal. Here we go. It's a five-star review.

Verified purchase. Got these for a transatlantic flight from Seattle. Took effect about 20 minutes from consumption. I slept for about 4 hours and continued to use them to adjust to the time zone change. Every night I had the same dream about a spider wrapping me in a web very tightly

and speaking backwards. What? It seemed very scared and was furious. I could not understand what it was trying to say. 20 years passed in the dream world, and eventually the spider and I became close friends. And four years later, we were married. Understandably, our differences were too much, and our relationship fell apart from the inside. My infidelity was the last straw, and we never recovered from the betrayal. I would always wake up right before we signed the divorce papers.

I had the same dream every night for six days great product highly recommend end of review whoa do you think that's real i don't know i'm like i choose to believe things like this are real but honestly it's probably not that is the trippiest thing I ever did here. I'm like, okay, it's one thing to dream of a big spider over and over, but like 20 years past, we had a marriage. I was unfaithful to the spider husband. Like it just got so involved.

I am shocked. It's more of a view of that dream than anything. Yeah, I don't even care. Well, I do kind of care about the sleeping pills because i kind of want to know what's in them honestly beautiful um okay so that's my last one so okay so i was going to read one more from olga i'm going to save that for next week so that i end on a positive note because the third one by olga might be the worst and i'm like let's just save that okay good for later so I'm gonna pull up something positive let's see what we've got here okay I'm really really hoping I have not already read this one I don't think we'll remember if I did this is from Cassie who says hey Christian Zandy I was

Black Friday shopping on Amazon this is from 2021 and uh i came across things i'd like for myself instead of for my family uh including this cricket machine oh i know i know and it's the exact color that minty green that i've got nice yeah so this is called well i will tell you the subject of the email was cricket machine divorce drama no and here is the review it's a five-star review by edgar verified purchase and the title is if it vibrated i would be divorced by the way 9078 people found this helpful oh my god yep my wife loves this thing and for that reason so did i seeing the pure joy in her eyes was rivaled only by things like our wedding day and our children's births as time has gone by though i'm beginning to suspect that she loves it more than she loves me she spends all her time with it and when she's

not using it she's talking about it she's taken to snuggling it in bed and when i came home from work the other day it was sitting in my chair at the dinner table my children call it daddy i was getting tired of it and tried to confront it but my dog started snarling at me it's too late for me but you've been warned this machine is a homewrecker oh no that's goofy that's fun oh and that's in honor of lisa coming to organize setting up my cricket corner for me your cricket corner my love of the cricket has three blossomed geo growling at blaze all the time this is my new daddy so that's that i called your cricket daddy before all this so yeah you didn't even know anyone was in the room which made it even worse uncomfortable you know um anyway so

that's all i've got for you good stuff. Thanks all for your patience with our bonus episodes. Go check out our Patreon, because we just recorded two bonuses on back to school and summer products. They were interesting. They were really specific. Let's say both of them had

some erotica involved. Oh, God. Yeah. I'm just gonna leave it at that yeah okay we'll see you there or we'll see you uh next wednesday let's talk to you then bye-bye yep talk to you then okay all right Bye.