Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 5

Episode Date: June 17, 2019

A Beach Too Sandy love story: We love you very much and we will never hurt you. Come join us as we dive into our email inbox and read the best of the best citizen reviews! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [e-mail] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hi everyone, and welcome to the June edition of Between You and Us. Beach 2 Sandy, Water 2 Wet is here with your reviews that you sent in. But it's not your reviews, it's citizens' reviews that you made a citizen's arrest. Citizens' reviews.

However, also it is my birthday month and also we're a week late. Sorry. Oh, yeah. A couple days ago I was like, wait a second. We do these the second Monday of the month, right? And I was like, so it's coming up. Nope. And then she was like, no, that already came and went.

Nope. I track every day of June. We are late. already came and went nope i track every day of june we're late well this this is the third week edition it's special you and us it's really special it's really special so let's read your reviews what do you got for us okay so emily sent this one in um hi emily emily says hi she for sibs which i like uh so emily's from minneapolis and they said they were buying a memory foam mattress from amazon before the millennial foam mattress companies became a thing so like casper promo hey hey we uh i know they haven't approached us yet so so emily says

when my intrigued slash broke self was looking for a new mattress, this short and sweet review convinced me to buy it. So this is a review of the Zinus Memory Foam 12-inch Green Tea Mattress, size queen. What? Why is it green tea? I don't know. I'm looking at it. Is the mattress green? I mean.

Like puke green? No, the wall behind it is green. There it is. I don't really know why it's called green tea um cool so here's the review five stars no name subject marshmallow love story this mattress feels just like a hug from a marshmallow while you sleep the marshmallow loves you very much and will never hurt you. End of review. Oh my god.

And then Emily wrote, P.S. My own marshmallow love story is still going strong three years later. I love that very much. Anyway, thank you, Emily. Send that to me. Send what to you? I could use a marshmallow mattress. Marshmallow lobstery?

Is Allie not living up to the romance? She's too skinny. She's not a marshmallow. Hopefully she listens to this episode. She's too skinny. She'll love that. Anyway, thank you, Emily. That was funny.

And I'm glad you like your... I'm glad this was actually a productive review. That was a sweet one. She literally said, that's the one that convinced me to buy it. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, that's true. Which I love. Okay, your turn. All right, I have one from Sophie.

Sophie says, hey. Hey. I'm from the UK, but I live and work in Amsterdam. I thought I'd send you my favorite coffee shop review. I thought I'd send you my favorite coffee shop review. Um, a wildly weed based spin on your coffee shops in Seattle episode. So here is a review of greenhouse namaste coffee shop in Amsterdam. This is from Simon.

It's a one star review. The place doesn't have a toilet. My father-in-law almost crapped himself. The staff laughed. I don't, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't sell their seeds on my website anymore. Bad service. End of review. What? What? That took a weird turn i mean it started off on a weird road and then it took another weird turn i've only been to amsterdam once in my life i've never been my understanding of major european cities is that if you can't find a bathroom in a cafe you're

gonna find a public one somewhere that charges you like a euro or euro and is like it's very clean well taken care of however it does stress me out when they public places like easy to find have you seen that when they wait outside the bathroom have i seen that yes when you're like in the stall least favorite it's terrible because you're in the stall and they're like standing outside with like the cleaning supplies and you're like okay favorite it's terrible because you're in the stall and they're like standing outside with like the cleaning supplies and you're like okay i need them like please give me a little space sometimes don't speak the language oh yeah no yeah and the but the best part though about their bathrooms is that the doors actually cover everything that's true the full american ones

don't you're like people from europe i'm like, that's one shocking thing they find when they come to the States. And they're like, why? Everyone can see my Birkenstocks. What accent is that? You know, Amsterdam. Amsterdam? Mm-hmm. Wow, that's pretty wild.

Yeah. Okay, well, I don't know what that means. I don't sell their seeds. That makes me feel weird. Like marijuana seeds? This is a family podcast. Oh, God. Teens.

Teens, turn down the volume. I assume so. Maybe it's lemon seeds or something. On your vitriola. What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't know. It's late, guys. We're recording at like 10 o'clock at night.

10 p.m. This episode comes out in two hours. I'm a grandmother. I'm going to have to edit it speedily so i'll wake up tomorrow tomorrow to all the complaints seedily okay so let's continue next is an email from aardvark man i love aardvark Man. Wow. Aardvark Man. Does Aardvark Man love us? Love your radio show. No. The first line. I love it.

Thank you. Saw a post online with reviews of animals. And it immediately reminded me of your podcast. Okay. Reviews of, excuse me? Like a zoo? Petting zoo? The bird sanctuary in boise genus and species of particular animals i shall read to you in their biomes in their biome oh words from fourth grade in their geodesic geodesic domes so So this is from Instagram.

Welcome to my meme page, which I hate that I said that out loud. Okay. So Artworkman says, here's a few examples. So here's one called Birds, a review. Since the dawn of time, birds have... What is this? I'm so... I'm intrigued. That's so good since the dawn of time birds capital b have mocked us they eat our seeds and then go cack as far as i'm concerned birds have it coming

how do they fly with the aid of devils nonetheless i rate birds three stars for their athleticism and their handsomeness two stars have been deducted for being worth more in the hand than in the bush and a review that was so dumb i love it and then there's a little chart that says athleticism bush oh my god bush trickery handsome is the third star. Bush Trickery? Yep. I love that. Ugh. And then the next one is Snakes, a review. Oh, yay.

For centuries, snakes have fascinated the imagination of mankind. So far, we have learned two things about their power. One, they can bite. Two, they are tubes. I'll give them that. I rate Snakes four stars out of five for their dedication and their respect oh one star has been deducted because we do not know how they move and and that is untrustworthy end of review that is fair this is the last one oh what what aardvarks turtles aardvark would be good for the next round turtles are view turtles are very nice

five stars oh phew i got nervous there i was like how could you deduct from the turtles you can't oh shoot aardvark man signed it loud ninja so now i don't really know what's going on the name of the email is that's the idea loud ninja says does not want you to know keep doing you thank you loud ninja for that it made me laugh it made me laugh i made me laugh too it made me hello lmao hello teens are you there is it teens memes welcome to my welcome to my teen page. Please never say that again. Okay. Never again. Your turn.

Okay. This next one is from Laura. Hi, Laura. So, I'm going to read a review of a steak restaurant in Vegas. Okay. That Laura sent in. Great. And Laura went to Salt Lake City and saw some sort of murder podcast that you're associated with.

Oh, I'll just throw that in there because they said, I don't know. Fuck. Whatever that is. Laura, you're a champion. I love you.

And where? Salt Lake City. Ever heard of it? Um, that's the show that I didn't, we didn't do yet. Oh, that's happening in September. That's the, that i didn't we didn't do yet oh that's happening in september

that's the oh my god so when they wrote when laura wrote this they thought it was gonna happen and the weather canceled it and now laura hates me oh shit laura's not listening to this bomb cyclone hit and i ruined laura's and my friendship laura i hope that our friendship can remain strong i'm sure it can let's hope no bomb cyclone can get in the way of your friendship Friendship. Laura, I hope that our friendship can remain strong. I'm sure it can. Let's hope. No bomb cyclone can get in the way of your friendship. Okay, this is a lengthy one.

Okay. But I enjoyed it. So this is a review of a steak restaurant. No idea what it is. In Vegas. One star. My friends and I staying in vegas for the weekend we heard you guys were the best steakhouse a couple of my buddies went there for lunch you guys and your staff don't serve steaks for lunch that's pretty moronic and pretty weird in my opinion your voice your douche voice yeah i funny. Yeah, I'm moving my hands. I'm getting really into this.

He's like gesturing. Yeah. Hit me up for any... What, voiceover work? Voiceover work. So they went all the way out there for nothing. 30 minutes from their hotel just to get shut down by Echo and such. I don't know what that means.

I don't either, but you probably just set everyone's machines off. Echo? Stop it. Alex Zinner, don't do that. Alexa? Alex Zinner, you don't under... That... It looks like this device isn't registered.

You can find setup instructions in the help section... Alex Zinner, you literally just set everybody's thing off. Don't do that. Okay. Is that not allowed in the radio world? It's not allowed. It's a very well-known fact. Okay.

Here's some great advice. If a customer wants a steak, please make them a steak. Trust me, your steaks are expensive, and I guarantee they're more costly than a soup and salad that your lunch offers, LOL. That is hilarious. Now, you ready for my rant? Is that what it says? Yes. Oh, no. Yeah, you ready for my rant? Is that what it says? Yes.

Oh, no. Yeah, it hasn't even started yet. So me and my other friend, we went there for dinner that same night. Show up, no line, 6 p.m. I would like a table for two, please. She's like, we're sold out. Okay, how about the bar? There's no seating, full.

Okay, how about put me on a waiting list? How about the bar? There's no seating. Full. Okay. How about put me on a waiting list? She grudgingly and arrogantly took my number down. Never called. Never texted. Probably finds that's true for all girls that he meets. Am I right? But I'm...

Not even the courtesy one. Sorry, like the courtesy caller text. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That sounded weird. We came back in an hour later we asked if we can get it to go sorry a hour a hour okay oh yeah i'm just trying to read this as true to the writing super just confirming she says we don't do stakes to go here so i said you'd rather lose a customer and a lot of money and risk getting a lot get bad rate.

I can't read this. And risk getting a lot get bad ratings on Google and Yelp and everywhere on social media. She didn't care. She could care less. I'd hold her to ask her manager if we would get a steak to go. We just wanted to try it. She declined. She's a real bitch.

Oh my god! There are asterisks there, but I assume that's what they meant. Oh my god. It was B for asterisks. Oh my god! What a fucking asshole. So without eating at this place, for driving all the way out there, you're getting one star on service

alone and another from my earlier friends from lunch. And it's too bad. Because people really listen to me and my opinions on Yelp and Google and Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. LOL. With my total of 80,000 followers. You're welcome. Never eat here.

Wasted time and money. There's a steakhouse next door called hamptons eat there end of review what the fuck is happening who is this person alexander you need to tell me everything about this person what is ask laura oh wait laura's not your friend anymore no i need to know hold on i need to know about this person's 80,000 followers. I have no idea. I'm crying. This is horrifying.

Yeah. 80,000. My combined 80,000. Like, I'm trying to, like, picture how that's possible. Combined 80,000. Like, probably 79,988 Yelp followers. And then 12 people on Twitter. I feel like that would be like if I went on Yelp and reviewed something and said, I have

a podcast and my opinion matters. Like, what the? Literally nobody gives a shit. Sorry. And we at least, we can recognize that about ourselves. Right, right. Exactly. I'm fully self-aware of that fact. Yeah. No one cares what we think, but we're going to say it anyway. Okay. Well, now you're hitting a little too close to home. That was wildly uncomfortable. Yeah. I didn't like it. She was a bitch. Yeah. How could you say that?

yeah i didn't like it she was a bitch yeah how could you say that i just did because because they were full and they couldn't give you a steak to go because that wasn't their policy yeah as if that's her fault well and then she didn't text you back no wonder you're so insecure what was the guy's name um i don't know uh i think it was michael michael or that's the name of the steakhouse okay it's the person's name was michael michael's a little jackass more like a big one teens i'm so sorry for my swearing language okay my turn thank you laura thank you laura please love me again yeah um this is from sam now this is very well first of all it's really funny because sam sent two emails in a row and once and they said correction in the subject and i kept going back and forth between the emails thinking nothing is different

between these two then i realized the first one the subject said between you and me and then the second one said between you and us and she like sent a correction to make sure it went in the right folder. That's funny. So Sam says, Sam, you definitely as a she. I don't know. Definitely what their,

what their pronouns are. However, they look quite beautiful in their photo. So you see, okay. Yeah. No, I was just curious because a lot of people do include it to help us.

Include their pronouns? Yeah. Yeah. Samantha H did not include their pronouns, but I'm just going to make an ass of you and me and assume it. I get it. Now, Sam says, I'm assuming you've been sent this and Sam also made an ass of you and me because we have not been sent this as far as I'm concerned.

Because it is like the best review ever. So, this is something that I've probably seen it before. I have a podcast where I read these things. Just kidding. I've heard you have 86 followers. On all social media. Your opinion really matters. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry. So, this is something that like I googled and it was actually a real thing. And I've never heard this before. Somehow. Maybe it's been tagged on Twitter, but I've never seen this. It's this review of eyeliner. Have you?

Okay. I'm just going to read it. Yeah. So this is a review, a five star review of Kat Von D's tattoo eyeliner. Tattoo liner. a review a five-star review of kat von d's tattoo eyeliner uh tattoo liner and uh i just cannot believe that this is this is real okay the review or the product the review okay the product's real too that's a dumb question so this uh reviews by blunt redhead is the name of the user. Five stars. This product is truly amazing.

June 28th, I was pulled over in my car calling for roadside assistance when a distracted driver hit me going 55 miles per hour. I was taken via ambulance to the ER where I remained for eight hours. My mascara was running down my face from crying and all other products had been wiped off in the transfer to the hospital. But not my tattoo eyeliner. I'm posting a pic to show you this product lasts and looks amazing through anything. Never buying another liner again. Here's the picture. Oh my God. She's in a neck brace.

What? The subject. And like is bruised up and everything. Oh, he's banged the fuck up. Put the eyeliner. Her head has giant welts on it. Eyeliner on fleek, right teens? Dab, dab.

The subject. I am, I am. What? I was just dabbing. You just weren't looking. I was in a car accident and my eyeliner didn't budge is the subject. Jeez. So that went viral because obviously.

Well, yeah. I wonder how much Kat Von D paid that driver to hit her. Oxen her. Sorry. But like look at at like her eyeliner really is just still there yeah it really is like her mascara is everywhere but um anyway so i just thought that was hilarious and i've never heard about this before i've never seen that either so that doesn't mean no one else has sent it it doesn't i have not seen it so thank you sam sam Samantha got through our filter somehow. So thank you, Samantha. That's amazing. I like that.

And I looked up. It's real. That's a fun little. Well, not really fun, but you know what I mean? A driver. There's a little story behind it. Nice picture included. Oh my gosh.

She took a selfie with her neck brace. She's not even smiling. Okay. Your turn. Okay. This one is from Ash. Smiling. Okay, your turn.

Okay. This one is from Ash. This isn't really a review as such, but some complaints on a Who Called Me website. That's what they said. Oh, I love those websites. After a personal experience at work, I searched the number to find out if it was a scam, and the comments were too funny not to share. So here is a comment on one of those Who Called Me websites. Here is a comment about on one of those who called me websites. This caller called today at 425 p.m. on March 16th, 2019, and wanted to talk about energy and electricity.

I told this woman with an Indian accent, I need her name, company, and want to report them to the UK GDPR website. And where did she get my number from? She paused and told me to shut my bloody mouth. You know what? I did. End of review. What? I don't know.

With her Indian accent. Come on. People suck. People are trash. Oh, terrible oh terrible yeah and you know what i did way to stand up for yourself yeah yeah right well thank you ash i i love that idea though the um that's kind of yeah it's really funny who called the who called me websites yeah where you write like a description of like well this number called and they did this basically a review of a phone conversation i feel like a lot of them would be so boring but if you find those good ones it's really good oh so good thank you thank you ash

i smell a challenge i know right i'm thinking okay so this is from nelly uh nelly says thank you so much i look forward to the podcast every week uh so this is um what was that nelly says just want to say i love the podcast so much look forward to it every week thanks for all the laughs you're welcome you're so welcome for our public service um we bring joy and they said this is a bizarre review of trader joe's in fort collins colorado yeah okay this is by richard it's one star this how intrusive and how much google tax you i am not even at trader joe's. I am nearby this Trader Joe's. Big Brother is so now. Nobody realized how true 1984 would become. End of review.

35 years late, but yeah. This how intrusive and how much Google tax you. I was still trying to process those words when you got to the end. It's tracks without an r tracks you google tax okay i am not even at trader joe's it's one of those things where you know an older person so funny sees that oh i know they said like oh how was your experience at trader joe's their phone lights up with like yeah exactly i mean like what you have gps enabled on your phone that's not like just turn it off i i don't know i don't know how google knows everything google's all seeing eye and it's gonna kill us all what can I go to bed? Big Brother is so now. What does that mean?

It's so fetch. It's so now. So fetch. Okay. Stop trying to make Big Brother. Who sent that? Nellie. Thank you, Nellie.

Thank you, Nellie. Oh, you made me laugh. Made me laugh too. So now we're even. Unless we make you laugh more, then you gotta send us more shit. Alright. I've got something from Cody. It says,

Hi, first of all, I'm absolutely loving the podcast. Aww. Put on to the real point of this email. Please. Oh, I'm so sorry. This crazy freaking review. So, one-star review of Silver Dollar City. And if you're like, what's that? Like I was.

I am. I read the review before I knew what it was. And I was like, what is going on? It's an amusement park. In Brancis, Missouri. In what? Branson? Branson.

I thought you said Brancis. Branson, Missouri. Zip code 65616. Ever heard of it? Yeah, of course I've heard of it. I would have guessed that was a dollar store. I know, that's what I thought. No, that is what I thought.

Okay. And then I was reading it, so I'm like... And then I was like, I got on the roller coaster, and you were like, what the fuck? Yeah, this is a bad one. I've gotten... I'm reading ones that I shouldn't be reading, but I'm reading it anyway. What does that mean? Just wait.

It's by Quagmire. One star. The lady was a fucking bitch when I tried to get in, telling me, let me see your ID. When I presented a coupon, she threw it away and didn't let me in. Let me see your ID. Here's a coupon for a two for one car wash. She threw it away and didn't let me in since I was using my mother's debit card. At last, after I jumped the fence to get in, I was consistently chased down by guards.

And when I was getting food, because I'm a human being that likes to eat, the servant bitch that's supposed to take my order with a smile told me my card declined. And I had to steal that food, too. First of all, smile told me my card declined and i had to steal that food too first of all it's not your card it's your mother's debit card so don't even fucking try to take credit for that so they jumped the fence get in uh card declined so they had to steal the food being chased what the fuck is happening after all that shenanigans i was riding the oh so famous time traveler and this was at the point where i'm like there's a ride in here where are we like at a dollar store i was like what the hell like uh i was writing the oh so famous time traveler and the lady that put seatbelts down

squished my fucking nuts so hard with the pull-down bar i had to get a vasectomy one star because she was hot end of review and then i realized pcp was a bad idea what in the goddamn world cody warned us cody said it was a crazy freaking review cody cody was not wrong cody you should have put more of a warning well i think we would have read it anyway so i can't put the blame on you. Well, we can. Just so it's not on us. We can. We do have microphones, and you don't. My mother's debit card. She asked for my ID.

I gave her a coupon, and she threw it away. There's so much to unpack there that none of it should be unpacked. There's a lot to unpack. Yeah, I didn't like it that's why i read it oh for god's sakes thank you cody for that experience oh my god it was an experience that was one of those indeed all right so this is my last one um it's from amber and amber so i i was confused at first but this was referencing an old episode it says i know you

don't remember anything that happens in our episodes. I don't remember anything that happens. Full stop. Oh, my bad. So Amber says, it was only a matter of time before you got to a Fox review. Oh, shit. I don't remember that reference either. I see.

I told you. Amber got us. Amber's a better fan than we are of our own podcast. Okay, I'll read it to you. Can you please give us context? It was only a matter of time before you got to a Fox review. I literally said to my husband, I wonder when they're going to find a review by Fox. And the next day, an episode with a Fox review was released between you and us, episode three.

I live in Buffalo, New York, where Fox is based. So this is a user on Yelp. And I suppose in episode three, we read a review by Fox. It wasn't. So it's not like a place called Fox? No, no, no. It is a person. This is funny that I'm being so.

Okay. I don't remember that person. I should have probably looked it up, but I did not. Well, listen to our previous episode. Episode number three, Between You and Us. Which one are we on now? I don't know. Who the hell?

We're not even in the right week. I live in Buffalo, New York, where Fox is based, and he has reviewed every place in town and has been at every elite Yelp event I've ever been to. He even came to Friendsgiving at my house. Uh-oh. Amber! Hopefully we didn't make too much fun of him. You need to be more selective about your

thanksgiving guests hopefully this doesn't get around to him i had to stop listening and text my sister about this immediately parentheses she's a very big beach to sandy fan we just call it beaches i love that a couple of beaches listening to beaches we just call it beaches does that mean so i don't know if you've fallen into the fox rabbit hole yet. Here are some reviews from a quick scroll. I haven't seen him in a few years, and I'm not 100% sure what he's up to now. We shut him down. But he travels, like, a lot.

So, I have two reviews for you. By the way. Oh. Maybe. Okay. Oh, it was a starbucks review someone sent in a starbucks review because it says ps not the amber from the start from his starbucks review was that the one that was uh the starbucks in kentucky yes i believe so oh shit what was that again oh it was bad wait maybe not i don't know it was between you and us it must have been two thousand years later okay we're back we just went through a rabbit hole

as amber suggested we not do we did it anyway and i found the review so confused and it wasn't the kentucky one it was not it was in Poland, Ohio. And it went like this. Starbucks review. Three stars. More like sour bucks. Oh. Because I make a sour lemon face every time I come in here. This one.

Amber is addicted. I remember us being like, who the fuck is Amber? They both got PSL. And I told them they were being basics. Well. Basic beaches, am I right? That's us right here. Oh, raffle copter. I told them they were being basics. Well, it's true. I had the Tazo tea with peppermint and as usual, they charged me over $2 for a teabag and a cup of hot water. It was not even average. They used to use really good tea for the peppermint tea.

hot water it was not even average they used to use really good tea for the peppermint tea since they change it up it sucked asshole so that was the one uh okay and that same person this is the person and i actually i went on fox's page on yelp typed in starbucks and at 11 pages she lost her shit she's like what how in god's name am i supposed to find that so i'm sorry amber that that was such a roundabout situation but anyway point being um amber sent these reviews from fox okay i'm excited the first one is um of dark tan d-a-r-q-u-e tan um let me open it let me ask what that is it's a tanning salon oh that's what i was gonna guess oh good i'm so smart you're very intuitive this is a dark tan in houston texas it's it's a chain god he does travel huh this is his review four stars i can't eat a human being but i know a shark can i don't deal drugs now used to be a narc man i have a ton of dogs though i call them my bark clan but if i want to look

sexy i go straight to dark tan oh my god stop what is it over? Oh no. Please hold. What? It was super interesting using this dark tan, which was right across the street from my favorite. It's not as good by any means, and it's a little strange with the way it's set up where you're basically out in the open. Nevertheless, I like that it's over here and it gives you an alternative to the one that I usually use, which is often quite busy. This one is really quiet. The girl here is really sweet, too. And the cats have stopped peeing on me since I started tanning, too.

The fuck? Because once you go dark, you never get marked. Oh my god. This is... He set me up. This is the picture. Oh, dear. It's a half-naked photo of him in the tanning salon. Oh, dear.

And a Victoria's Secret bag is covering his junk. Okay, so that was the first one. And then there's one more that I'm going to read. And it's a review of Red Robin in Cincinnati. Uh-oh. In Kenwood. Wait, oh, Kenwood. Like the one by the mall that we used to go to.

I went on a date at a Red Robin in Cincinnati. That one? No, I went to the one by that movie theater in the middle of nowhere. Okay. I'm sure there's a lot of... You know what I'm talking about? No, sir. But I've been to this Red Robin in Kenwood.

I saw Spy, that Melissa McCarthy movie. You know, did you not see that movie? Yeah, but wasn't it? Oh, okay. Yeah. What? Wasn't it called Spy? I don't know.

It was great. I really enjoyed it. That was the best part of that night for sure. Cool. Oh, Milford. Okay. I gotta give a shout out to my Milford clan. Stop it.

Okay. Are you ready? Yes. Okay. This you ready? Yes. Okay. This is from Fox. By the way, holy shit. Fox has 9,812 reviews and 34,074 photos on Yelp. Jesus Christ.

Fox says about Red Robin and Kenwood, Cincinnati, Ohio. Not to be... Not to... I'm so nervous. Not to be confused with Rent Robin, which is when Batman isn't making enough... Jesus Christ. Not to be confused with Rent Robin, which is when Batman isn't making enough money from his endeavors and has to pimp out his sidekick to pay the bills.

I'm not a huge fan of Red Robin burgers or any corporate chain. Okay. Okay. However, this is the best Red Robin location I've been to in the whole country. Not because of the burgers. Why? You'll find out cincinnati not because of the burgers they are still the three-star standard that every other location

provides but this is because of the servers because when i ate here they were extremely nice to me and that was a long time ago before i was remotely well built oh my most recent time in cincinnati i came back to this mall and checked out the red robin i once loved while i was looking for the kung fu tea oh yeah i get that now when i go back there i don't know what that is francisca loves it, too. The bubble tea? Yeah. Never mind. Okay. Well, Fox likes it, too. I wonder if I saw Fox there. Really tan, well-built.

I think I did. Rhyming words together? Oh, yeah. My most recent time in Cincinnati, I came back to this mall and checked out the Red Robin I once loved while I was looking for the Kung Fu Tea, and three of the girls working at Red Robin were leaning out the entrance to the Red Robin, whistling at me in that sort of way that makes a boy feel really good. Is this like Grease? Yes. Rolls reversed, like gender reversed. Grease. Some women might not like such catcalling.

Me as a boy, I fucking love it. Oh, boy. I don't like that. Being targeted at me. I turned around and they ducked behind their little desk. Then they were peeking out of it and giggling. I would wait your money that this did not happen. Of course not.

Was this like after or before he went to Spencer's? It was after he had held a few too many fumes from that dark tan. Then they were peeking out of it and giggling. I waved and they giggled some more. If there is one way for a solid three-star chain to earn a five-star rating for me it is to have their servers wolf whistle at me when i'm walking by thank you very much for making my day you girls lovely people end of review that's a very uncomfortable five stars fox come on fox you fox fox is such a fox

anyway um thank you amber for that nonsense Fox! Come on, Fox! How are you, Fox? Fox is such a fox. Anyway, thank you, Amber, for that nonsense. Thank you, Amber. I'm just going to say it fine. I have to. No, I guess I am a little glad we got to go a little deeper into the rabbit hole, even if we were pushed by Amber. Amber, you just fucking shoved us into a rabbit hole. Oh, man. Okay, well, I shoved us into a rabbit hole. Oh, man. Okay.

Well, I have one more from Jess. A couple reviews, but here we go. Jess has this to say. Okay, I have to first say that this is my most absolute favorite podcast on the planet, as I tend to find people pretty ridiculous 87% of the time. Oh, that's very specific.

I found myself reading toilet seat reviews, I know, wild Tuesday night, and wanted to suggest checking them out. I read them all in your voices. of the time oh that's very specific i found myself reading toilet seat reviews i know wild tuesday night and wanted to suggest checking them out i read them all in your voices oh anyway attaching a couple of faves because why not keep up the five star worthy work jess thank you jess so here are a couple um very excited this is the first one is a two-star from Tony. I don't ask much from a toilet seat, yet somehow this thing still manages to disappoint. All I need from a toilet seat is that it stay in position,

be relatively sanitary, no foam or wood, and maybe provide a bit of insulation from the cold, cold porcelain beneath it. I didn't realize I need to consider comfort in the equation. First, I bought the name brand seat to go with our new Kohler toilet. In their desire to add value and innovate, Kohler has a cutting edge design. And I mean that quite literally. Oh.

This is the most uncomfortable toilet seat I've ever experienced. Oh no. It digs into your thighs when you are doing your business. The best analogy I can come up with is that the slope on the seat makes you feel like you are sitting on a five gallon bucket. What? Our plan is to move it to the guest bathroom. We don't like our guests staying too long. End of review.

Wait, that's clever. I thought that was kind of funny at the end. Yes. What's his name? Thomas? That was from Tony. Tony. Tony.

Tony, I'm so sorry your butt hurts. Yeah, I hope it didn't actually cut you because the last thing, like the last thing you'd want to be cut by would be a toilet. I, Allie and I were just talking about toilets. because the last thing like the last thing you'd want to be cut by it would be a toilet i ali and i were just talking about why toilets oh i didn't know what it was gonna be but no matter what my question was why because we were talking about when they were foam oh god aren't those the worst and i'm like how much talk about unsanitary like the when you like whoosh down onto a foam toilet and it's like, and it's the comfort never outweighs the mental discomfort, massive discomfort. And it's like this,

um, this like poof of air. And you're like, I don't want to know what's particles. And then you get up and it's like sticky to sticking to you a little bit. And then you like, it like unsticks and you can, it like,

it like comes up a little bit and you like hear it reflate oh god no reinflate gosh i know my words anyway good times on those tony i'm sorry i feel your pain yeah no that was actually a pretty legitimate review and it was two stars despite being injured he made best use of it by kicking his guests out of his house yep love it love it uh the next is from little willie it's a one-star review i get it ended up on the floor bolts slip wife was taking a crap seat slip and she ended up on the floor true don't buy and a real. Oh, no! Oh, no! Poor Mrs. Willie. Mrs. Willie. Mrs. Willie had a spilly.

Stupid. Poor Mrs. Willie. My new children's book. Poor Mrs. Willie sat on a... The dilly. Yeah, is that what it's called? Nope. Thank you guys for listening. Sat on a wet willy. Nope Yeah, is that what it's called? Nope. Thank you guys for listening.

Sat on a wet willy. Nope, I'll work on it. Whoa. What you doing on there? Performance of willy. On little willy. Oh, God. She went to Philly and sat on a toilet seat.

It floofed when she sat and poofed. This is not going anywhere. And then she fell down on the floor. It is. What time is it? It's like 11 o'clock. 11 o'clock. I'm so tired.

Yeah. And I have to go edit this so it can be released at midnight. Somebody put that in an anthology please my poem I'm gonna go ahead and not do that but someone else you're free to just do what you want I don't care oh guys thank you for listening we're done here thank you everyone for sending in your reviews if you'd like to have your review

read by us send us an email at beach2sandy at gmail.com. And please, in the subject line, include between you and us. And we might read it. We may read it. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks, everyone. We'll be back soon.

See you then. Bye.