Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 6

Episode Date: July 8, 2019

We've intercepted Bob Schieffer's emails to bring you this very important episode. He'd probably give this podcast 0 bombs if he could. But we hope the rest of you enjoy another exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them, but ones our lovely listeners sent us! If you'd like to submit a funny review, email us at [e-mail] with "Between You And Us" in the subject line. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Between You and Us, the sub-child of our main child. Yes, that's... I don't like that way. Our grandchild.

Let's not say that. Okay. Well, in this offshoot of what we normally do, we read reviews that you sent to us via email. Yes, preferably ones that you did not write yourself. Exactly. So these are reviews that listeners have sent in to us with a subject between you and us. And we're here to read them to you, so why don't we get started? Okie dokie.

I'll go first. Okay. let's see where should i begin okay this one's weird this was sent in by nolan and you're supposed to say hi nolan hi nolan and they sent for a second i thought you meant it was reviewed by nolan i was like i don't like nolan we don't want to think no we don't want to thank kermit this was written the review is written by kermit correct wow actually i don't know i think we might need to call the police you'll see okay hi nolan so nolan sent this in um they found it on a uh on the google play store for an app called flip Skater. One of my favorites.

Kermit, with a picture of Kermit, gave this game five stars. I'm really into skateboarding, and I'm a skateboarder myself, and I'm only 11, and this game is fun and addictive, but in a good way. I totally recommend it for skaters. Please take the gun out of my face now i read the script and gave it a five star please don't seduce me i want to go home end of review what the fuck i don't know help call the police i don't know and i i i don't know but it

was five stars five stars okay so they had a positive experience there's a gun in their face and they're going to be seduced. I'm very worried about this person, is what I'm saying. They asked nicely to not be seduced, so I don't think they will be. Okay. Don't worry. I just want to go home, it says, which is concerning to me. Is it? I watch a lot of Criminal Minds.

I'm, like, wondering about this app now. Is it, like, that popular, or is it just, like, and it's just a... Oh my god, maybe it's, like, um, the dark web. Oh yeah. Yep. Is that, is that what you're thinking of? Is it called the deep web or the dark web?

Um, the dark web. Okay. The deep net. No. Okay. I don't know. Don't act like I know anything about this. You know, as of today, I'm a grandmother.

So. Excuse me? Oh, stop it. I looked up flip skater looks pretty fun but there is well there is actually a deep web below the right web and then there's the dark dark web where the dark shit is that's what i said yeah so it depends on which one you're talking about though there are two different things talking about all of them wow whichever one kermit and Nolan live in. They live there?

Oh, no. What a life. I didn't know what to do with that, so I had to read it out loud. Well, let's let the listeners decide if police should be called. Okay, your turn. Perfect. So we don't have to deal with it. We put it out there.

Let's go straight to the FBI. Our job is done. This is a review from Miranda. Two of them, actually. With the subject, between you and us, Southern Charm. Oh my god, that's like our offshoot show on TLC. On Bravo. Totally.

Is that actually a show? I don't know. That's probably why. It's definitely not ours, that's for sure. So Miranda says, I love the podcast, you guys keep me sane on my boring Wednesdays at work. I've taken it upon myself to look up McDonald's reviews in the Macon the macon georgia area oh dear that is quite a task you've committed to uh-huh uh-huh it's nice to know my home state of georgia has pulled through with the southern charm we're so known for uh-oh and then this is my favorite part of the email that's fairly

unrelated is it a compliment to you and no okay i'm an actual toddler when it comes to attaching things to emails so if it's done incorrectly i'm sorry was it done it was done perfect oh miranda you're fantastic you're not a toddler you're at least at least of middle school age when it comes to attaching emails no no teens remember no teens yeah you're not allowed to be a teen no teens you can be an infant or a toddler, just no teens. I'll tell you in emojis if that works better. What? I don't know.

This is a review of a McDonald's, two stars, by Josh. Store was very clean, great atmosphere. It looked like a wonderful team, working very hard. I ordered a number three with a sausage, egg, and cheese English muffin. Waited about two minutes. I was very pleased with how the service was. Finally, I see my order being put in my bag with the absolute love and tender care. Then, this willed beast with some weave screams without even looking towards me,

Tree-fa-doodie. I don't know how to say that. It's spelled T-R-E-E-F-O-D-U-H-T-I and then in parentheses 340. And froze my to-go order on the counter. My burger box was open and my burger fell to pieces as well as my fries were scattered at the bottom of my bag. End of review. I'm crying for you. Yeah.

Josh. Poor Josh. Poor Josh. Poor Josh's burger's burger what a trauma it's so traumatic i hope josh is okay after that trauma god they were so freaking annoying oh they are um oh i laugh but uh this one is not funny okay um This is a one-star review by a mega hedonist. I will never again visit a McDonald's since they are now catering to the Muslim society that is invading our country. And I don't mean just moving in. I mean moving in for the purpose of conquering and taking over the country. People, wake up before it's too late.

End of review. Oh. My. God. Oh my god oh my god problematic to say the least really i found it very charming southern charm very charming oh that just turns my freaking stomach yeah i hope you don't go to mcdonald's i hope you don't leave your house anymore boy howdy howdy. Boy, howdy, Miranda. Thanks for those. Well, that was dark.

Okay. Starting things off right, huh? I guess so. Here's one that was sent in by Jenny. Hi, Jenny. Or Jen? I'm not sure. Jen.

It says, hey, hey, love the podcast. Five stars. Check out this gem. Now, this review is of the Buc-ee's in New Braunfels, which is the Buc-ee's I went to in Texas when I was visiting the area. Fantastic. I've never been to a Buc-ee's yet. It was the most incredible experience.

I've seen more Buc-ee's merchandise than I ever need to because in our home many things that you brought home with you uh yeah i wore the shirt yesterday yesterday i have my uh koozie in my room my my camo bucky's koozie yep and anyway so this is a review not a sponsor yet just oh can you imagine the possibilities one star review of bucky's first of all how dare you second of all this is what matt had to say one star they have a meeting during full moon beaver hats darkness chanting a very buzzard ritual with red hats on i saw this i ran and a review oh so i think i've struck something i think jen has fucking introduced me to after or before you visited oh that was while i visited oh it was at the same time actually

understood i was running the understood the the full moon gathering if even if that were true that would not be deserving of a one star i agree it'd be a five star it does say three years ago it also says very buzzard ritual i assume they're trying to say bizarre i'm not positive oh buzzard also fits yeah considering we're in texas and they're wearing beaver hats anyway i don't really know and matt also had posted 35 other reviews so like oh maybe he saw 35 other rituals. Oh, he just can't escape them. Maybe he's the problem here, not Bucky's. He shouldn't be writing one-star reviews of anything but himself. Someone liked it.

I hope it was Jen. I hope it was Jen, too. Okay, your turn. My next one was sent in by Chelsea. Chelsea loves a podcast. What? Just saying. Seriously?

Would you believe it? Holy shit. And this is an Amazon review. Five stars. It's of a mouse pad that looks like the moon. Okay. And the title of the review, it's by Elliot, by the way, five stars. Mice on the moon is always a good idea.

No. Here we go. Oh, cute. Yeah, right. This mouse pad is so cool. It's a great conversation piece. Nobody's talked to me about it yet but when they do you bet your sweet ass i'll talk about it at length it's a great way to show my co-workers that i'm into the moon

which is kind of my brand end of review i don't even know 24 people found it helpful oh my god it is a great conversation start no one's asked me about it yet but i love how like the co-workers have seen it but no one will talk about it because they just don't want to talk about it. What's this person's name? The reviewer? Elliot. I love that Elliot's just waiting for someone to ask him about his interest in the moon. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. He won't bring it up himself. He's waiting for someone else to start the conversation.

24 people found it helpful, and hopefully got some nice responses on Amazon. That's just kind of comforting and precious. Elliot, if you're out there, I want to talk to you about your mouse pad. I love your mouse pad. Mice on the moon is always a good idea. That's what I always say. Thank you, Chelsea, for being a matchmaker between us and Elliot. The conversation needed to be started at some point, and I know he was waiting. To be started at some point. And I know he was waiting. This is.

Hmm. Oh tell me. This is interesting. Oh tell me all about it then. Samantha sent this in. Samantha says this is. I know. Can you believe it.

Samantha says this is a review of my favorite local Mexican restaurant. By someone who has never eaten there. So it's already a good start. Those are some of my favorites. She says, I'm a huge fan of And That's Why You Drink. That's how I found the show. I'm so glad I did. Thank you guys for keeping me laughing in the car alone. Nothing weird about that at all, Samantha.

You're welcome. You're welcome. There is something weird about it. You're very weird. Yeah. Just kidding. I only laugh when I'm in large crowds. Yeah.

In public. In public. Okay. This is a review from yelp of margarita's jalisco looks pretty freaking good to me yeah this was written by chris who let's just say he's a popular yelper oh you're gonna learn more about that cool guy also his profile picture is him and his holiness the Dalai Lama no we made the 25 mile drive from Lawrence

wait he and the Dalai Lama made the drive his holiness whenever he says we I'm gonna assume it's the Dalai Lama oh god we made the 25 mile drive from lawrence on a night and time they advertised as being open 6 p.m on a tuesday my birthday by the way happy birthday but we're turned away in the parking lot as we drove up a man i assume was the owner knocked

on the window of our car and said we're actually closed for maintenance i told him but we drove all the way from lawrence to eat here to which he replied sorry you can't close a business during business hours for routine maintenance just because tuesday evening may be a bit slower than most yes you can yes you can chris for an emergency such as a power outage flood or bomb threat yes whoa but maintenance absolutely not chris has bomb threat on the mind remember that okay you're interested in that phrase for an emergency power outage flood or bomb threat yes but maintenance absolutely not i had heard that the food was good here in the service excellent but i will never find out because i will not be back you had your chance margaritas

jalisco and you wasted our time and our gas you blew it combat critic gives margaritas jalisco one bomb out of 10 for obvious reasons and a spot on my wall of shame more bombs are better p.s we drove over to el Centenario just a few blocks away. They were open, they were packed, and we had an excellent meal. Read my review elsewhere on Yelp. End of review. Jesus. So now...

Too much. If you... Far too much. ...are anything like me, you are intrigued by the paragraph. Combat critic. Yes. It's Margarita Jalisco, one bomb out of ten. By the way, it says, for obvious reasons.

It's written like a headline, like capital F, capital O, capital R. For obvious reasons and a spot on my wall of shame, more bombs are better. So, I'm like, what on earth? Is that a blog? I type in Combat Critic and I find combatcritic.blogspot.com. No. And Alexander, look how good this website is oh yeah it doesn't it actually has its own domain combat critic.com um and blaze told me not to

review this place person well probably shouldn't because he rates things in terms of bombs first of all yeah i think that's all we need to know and then i stumbled upon i didn't even know this person wrote the blog until i saw this his holiness and i an article and it's an article about him meeting his holiness the dalai lama do you think do you think his holiness gave him the idea to review based on bombs is that where that came from similar aesthetic you hey guess what though good news great news i am visitor number 276 121 okay so it's a fairly popular travel value is now portland oregon's number one blog hooah oh are you allowed to say that what hooah am i allowed to probably said it really poorly shut up so he's visited 41 countries and counting.

Mm-hmm. I just checked his review of Hotels of the World, Florence, Italy, and I don't see any bombs yet. He's very... Is that bad that I hasn't mentioned... I don't know. He said more bombs are better, so... Oh, shit.

Never mind. Eight bombs. Eight bombs? Why would you rate things in bombs? They're really cute. Who? The bombs. What do you mean? Look at them. Go in one of them and look at the bombs how do i look at them like scroll down just find one look at where he says eight bombs out of ten more bombs are better they're really adorable i like how he has to specify that more bombs that's a sign that you probably use the wrong measuring tool shouldn't use bombs as your descriptor of good places.

Five stars, ten bombs on my blog for only the most flawless restaurants. Oh, because it's bang for your buck. Oh. If I hate a place, they get one to two bombs. Okay, so he hates this place. They got one bomb. Wow. Oh my god god this is very cat i don't see any of these bombs that you speak of where do you see this look at these bombs look at them

oh my god they're so cute they're like uh clip art bombs yes they are i feel i'm kind of liking this i feel a little bit like the headline of this blog is actually also used for a flat earther blog don't you like look at this i feel like it goes hand in hand it's also called a third wave media group llc publication it's a very confusing website on mobile. Oh, only on mobile, yeah. Definitely not any other format. Honestly, not sure what to do about this. So that happened, and, you know, Margarita's Jalisco should have known better than to fuck around on Chris's birthday.

Oh, I'm sorry. His Holiness the Dalai Lama's birthday. Yeah, I was gonna say. Yeah, I messed up. Oh my, he has a lot of pictures with chefs. He's like a big freaking deal, dude. He's been Yelp elite 2014, 15, 16, 17, 18, and 19. Oh my god, wait, ready? This is the slogan. Combat critic on the front line. Okay, so clearly this is some military, like. Well, I would hope so. If not, then this is extremely problematic. Still, I don't love that he's using cute bombs. Well, no.

Okay. Combat critic. On the front lines in the battle against mediocrity. Follow me to travel value. That's very dramatic. But it looks like he puts a lot of work into this blog. So, whatever. Oh, yes.

No, he's very successful yeah combat credit gives orchard animal hospital two bombs out of ten more bombs are better why does he keep doing that i don't know don't talk about an animal shelter and then write bombs usually just most things you shouldn't write bombs for maybe you don't write bombs does he review airports talk about oh gosh you're right probably he travels to 41 countries and counting true oh my god you're right zandy that's problematic i'm just gonna say it again like i say it about most things but right oh well i don't even know who gave us who introduced us to combat critic me what didn't somebody send you that reveal

nope it was me i found it all let's try samantha taking the credit thank you samantha thank you for introducing us to the his holiness's best friend what if they are best friends it looks like it from the photos hey i've never seen a picture of his holiness like that bowing down in front of somebody else ever groveling on his knees jesus that's not oh my god and the fact that he is are you still going you're obsessed with this guy that he is a wall of shame if you're two bombs or fewer It's a lot smaller than I thought. Guess what got on there? Madame Tussauds wax museum. Okay. I mean.

That's so sad. I mean. That's so sad. Well, all I can say is tough titties and kiss my bloody ass, Madame Tussauds. Well, we can't say he doesn't have a way with words. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay.

He does have a way with words. That is correct and word art and word art yes anyway your turn my thank god blaze was like please don't he's gonna find out i think blaze had a good point there i think he did and then i ignored it well no one listens to these anyway right we don't have any followers no No. Shit. We get one bomb out of ten. More bombs are better. Okay, moving on. More bombs are better. Moving on.

This is an email here that we got from Erica. Okay, thank you, Erica. Erica says, absolutely love listening to this podcast instead of poking my eyes out when I'm bored at work. Oh, dear. Okay. Recently, I was searching for a nail salon on Yelp and thought you guys could do this one some justice. That's all I do is fuck up. And then Erica ended it with, stay beautiful and funny.

So I'm the beautiful one, you're the funny one. I'll take it. This is a five star review by Allison. Oh, five? Okay. Of Onyx Nail Bar. Uh-huh. And this got review of the day, February 16th, five. Okay. Of Onyx Nail Bar. Uh-huh. And this got Review of the Day, February 16th, 2013. Review of the Day?

What is that? I think it's like actually a rare thing to get. On Yelp? Literally, it seems like the review of that day throughout all of Yelp. Holy cannoli. How do you get that job? That's a winner. Huh.

Five- star review. Um, what? The frick? Seriously. I have no idea how I got to this place. Or what happened after I walked in. All I know is that I walked in, got my eyebrows did, and left. When I realized I was sitting in my car, I said to myself,

What just happened? Here, I'll explain. I was driving back from lunch and realized my brows were hairier than Bigfoot himself, and I needed to get a wax ASAP. I saw Onyx and pulled in. When I walked into the salon, I literally stood there staring. Bright white marble walls and floors, four huge flat screen TVs, a bar, bartenders, huge chairs, and just the spiciest effing place ever.

Oh, did I mention they have a bar? I did? Good. A guy came over and asked me how he could help. I just pointed to my brows and said, wax. He laughed and called a girl over named, quote, Judy. I use quotes because I know that it's not her real name. Still cute, though. The wax was all of five minutes, and they look freaking amazing. I'm super sexy. Seriously, the wax was fantastic, and only $10. What got me borderline crazy psycho about this place is that it's

literally a bar where you can get your nails done and other spa services. I've never seen anything like it. Sure, you can get wine and stuff at other places, but vodka? Holy crap. All the chairs are facing the same direction so you can watch TV. They supply you with a cocktail menu, all the drinks have catchy names, and just relaxation. Not only that, but everyone, and I mean everyone in that salon, looked happy, friendly, and totally zen. I will be going back sometime this week for a pedicure with vodka. I mean, I'll have a vodka with my pedicure. Or just a vodka. I'm confused. End of review. Hey, I know we were gonna do a couple more, but I actually just made an appointment.

Oh, yeah. At Onyx for a vodka. Your dream place. And a wax. To look super sexy. Sexy. That is... Wow. I mean, to be fair, like, she did call herself borderline crazy psycho.

So... Who is this sender? Email sender? Email sender email sender email sender was erica erica if you did not after that review go to this nail salon you made a big mistake that's what erica said erica said oh really five star review but i busted out laughing reading it also considering going to this place yes you obviously absolutely right considering i mean hello this is amazing did you just google it no i hear furious typing and she's not looking at me now she's just watching her computer oh wow this is very cool i am very intrigued um i thought so

that's why that's why i read it i'm very pleased about that thank you for bringing this to my attention yeah just gotta go to dallas texas soon oh my okay i have a pretty good one here read it to me uh-huh okay this is from this is sent in by jordan jordan says hi alex christine geo and juniper oh who was just here forgot olive but that's okay that's true uh so thank you jordan jordan's a really sweet email um hi jordan sorry what oh hi i haven't i hadn't said hi um jordan's review is from a person named cassandra but it's like two separate words cass and then sandra oh interesting get it not really cassandra writes this is a chinese restaurant in little rock arkansas oh the food was gross maybe that's just how they make it here but it is nasty this definitely is not chinese food as i know it maybe that's just how they make it here like purposefully okay no this definitely was not chinese food as i know it it was not made as i am

accustomed to they have no idea what gravy or garlic sauce is? I should hope not. Gravy. My son did not finish his food and he usually overeats. They have no idea how egg foo young is supposed to be made. It is supposed to be egg patties over white rice with a side of brown gravy, but that's not what I got. I got a bunch of weird rice paper looking stuff with some brown liquid on the side and no rice they need to go to new york and work in some restaurants to learn to cook their food correctly and a review that was awful just really rude but she's definitely an expert on chinese food it sounds like it i mean when you got a kid who overeats you gotta hit up all the chinese places gotta get that gourmet that arkansas gourmet anyway so that

really irritated the hell out of me so there we go yeah i'm irritated too now yeah thank you i'm now googling egg foo young we'll see tell us all about it we'll see read the recipe to us Tell us all about it. We'll see. Read the recipe to us. Nope. It's made different ways. So she's wrong.

I feel like most things are. Yeah. What a shocker that she's wrong. What a shocker, Cassandra. Also, calm down. Also, calm down. He usually overeats. I love that.

Did Jordan say anything about going to that place? Like being in that area? Jordan says, I found this review when I was looking at reviews for a Chinese place in Little Rock. Okay. Maybe Jordan can go and try it out for us. Let us know how it goes. Please send me some. I'm hungry.

Let us know how the gravy is. Ask for some chicken and dumplings or something and see what they give you. Some gravy to go and then just pack it up and send it our way. Gravy to go. Gravy to go. Please don't do that. It's our new startup. Nasty.

The two people who don't eat meat. True. That means that we won't get high off our own supply. Okay, valid. Okay. Okay. I've got one from Andrea. Hi, Andrea.

Wow. Andrea also loves the podcast. What? Keep up the awesome work. Thanks for all the up the awesome work you told me we got zero bombs i said one from andrea more bombs are better so this is a five-star review of a picture frame on the michael's website this seems like a very necessary review for one to write okay how many stars five oh okay uh title is a great personal safety device oh frizz beat it at a thief after my crowned jewels little did he know i had a black picture frame lying around end of review what i don't know what the frick is that about i don't know that's about it oh and

then in the bottom right which i assume is their maybe their their title and location it says crowned a jewels owner prince ali's castle is this like a teenage a teen pretending to be funny and like pretend let me go you say pretending to be they're not doing a great job oh my god well at least they gave it five stars what a kind teen exactly that's what's important i'd rather i'd rather i'd rather a teen um is that an Aladdin? I'm thinking like... Was there a time where there was a picture frame? Maybe I should have looked that up. Probably not.

I typed in picture frame weapon Disney movie. More bombs are better. Tell me what came up. Disney Park Cinderella Castle Once Upon a Time keepsake picture. Oh, nice. You know what came up for me? Disney's Aladdin concept art, The Palace Great Scene. I think we need both of these.

$2,400. I'll be the first person to review this item. Do you want to? Okay. Patrons, start sending us money and we'll spend $2,400 on Disney's Aladdin concept art, The Palace. Great scene. I like that you say, start sending us money.

They're like, we already do dipshit. That's why we signed up to Patreon. Non-patrons send us money. I found something. Tell me. I clicked on Walt Disney World entrance picture frame Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse. And there's one review. It's two stars by Billy.

And it just says, Mickey and Minnie Mouse have no noses. I guess. I guess you get what you pay for. Oh, my God. Otherwise, it's a very cute frame. Wow. End of review? End of review. Thank you for that billy what i love about it's only it's a cool between you and us episode 749 oh that's a lot of money it's not

noses it's not noses what i like about these episodes is it kind of just devolves into just this is like what we normally talk about in the living room in the living room on the couch just hanging out and then ally and blaze just suddenly are gone and we're like where'd they go why did they leave us uh okay you have another one for us i do so this is uh from lena hey she for sibs hi spelled she for wrong though do you think this is for us probably not the other sheep it's like is it like written like bob sheifer maybe bob sheifer and who's that god you've got a lot to learn about this town i know that name from somewhere yeah he's like he's a journalist and he's, like, an anchor. He was a, or is, he's still alive.

Yeah, he did a, what the hell show? 60 Minutes. Sure. Yeah, he did. For, like, 23 years. He's the host of 60 Minutes. Okay, sorry. Oh my god, shit, sorry. We accidentally intercepted Bob Schieffer's email.

This happens all the time. Okay. So, hey, Schefer Sibs. Love your podcast. Everyone around me is always jealous of how I literally lulled at seemingly nothing. That's funny. Anyway, I like how they're jealous. Like, oh, I wish I could laugh at nothing.

I have that problem. What? That you're jealous? No, just laughter is a problem for me sometimes. What does that mean? Just like those people who are jealous. Wait, what do you mean laughter is a problem for me sometimes. What does that mean? Just like those people who are jealous. Wait, what do you mean laughter is a problem for you? Sandy.

What? What do you mean? Nothing. Nothing. Are you okay? No. Should I call the police? Yeah.

I actually called them earlier. Should I just give them... Was it when someone was trying to seduce me? Yeah, should I update them? Get the FBI involved. Oh my gosh my gosh okay i just want to go home i don't know what's happening yeah don't we all this is from lana and it says i saw this on instagram and thought y'all would get a kick out of it especially christine so it is a screenshot from instagram from an account called server underscore life it's in their instagram

story it looks like it was some from something called the pub pembroke uh and it's a google review initially posted by mallory rose underscore so it says these are the type of people who complain at my job and then uh local guide rated this pub two stars. On June 1st, 2019, I got intoxicated with the House Cabernet Sauvignon. I called the restaurant to notify them, but they did not seem to take it serious.

Consumers beware. End of review. What? Can you repeat that? Sure. That went right over my head. This is a two-star review of a pub called the Pembroke Pub. On June 1st, 2019, I got intoxicated with their house cabernet Sauvignon. I called the restaurant to notify them, but they did not seem to take it serious. Consumers, be aware.

So I did hear it right. Yes. They got drunk. It makes less sense. Do they think that it's a normally non-alcoholic? A Cabernet? I don't know. God.

Could you imagine dealing with these people? No! Daily. This is just one of the people that wrote someone to also write a review. My God. On June 21 21st or on june 1st i got intoxicated with their house wine why is renee texting us i don't know she made a group chat called she for children spelled not like bob sheifer but spelled like correctly finally someone's texting me and not Bob. Okay.

Okay, are you good? What? Do you have another one? Oh, I have one. Okay, good. This was an email from Jira? J-E-R-A? Jira?

Jira? I don't know. Hera? Hera? Hera. Ooh. That's cool. Hera? Hera. Ooh. That's cool. Like mythology.

Should I continue? Sorry. Hey, guys. You'll like this one. Hey. I found this review on Ticketmaster for that groupie podcast that Christine stocks. Wait, this is not a review of my podcast. It was the show in Boston at the Wilbur Theater. Are you serious?

It was a five-star review from Amanda, but oh my, is it interesting. Oh, thank God. Are you serious right now? Love you guys and love the podcast. Keep up the good work. Oh, Siri. Shit, that scared me, Siri. God damn it.

Oh, we've got ghosts. Okay. Wait, sorry. So somebody wrote a review of my show in Boston? Yes. At the Wilbur? Yes. Oh, dear God.

Okay. sorry so somebody wrote a review of my show in boston yes at the wilbur yes oh dear god okay is this a five like i actually forgot it was a five-star review okay oh fuck okay just read it has nothing to do with you i okay i think i know what this is someone emailed us oh shit really just read it oh you're gonna hate this i'm sorry titled don't buy box seats you won't see anything oh the seats we had in the box should not have been sold we could not see the stage at all i could see into the wing of stage left that was all luckily there were two unoccupied seats in the balcony and 45 minutes into the show the usher allowed us to sit there we were also distracted and annoyed by the constant yelling of a pair of girls behind us the show was the usher allowed us to sit there. We were also distracted and annoyed by the constant

yelling of a pair of girls behind us. The show was a podcast, not a concert. The staff should have said something, as multiple people were disturbed by them. I finally requested they stop yelling in our ears. They only screamed louder, literally causing my ears to ring. The persons next to me thanked me for speaking up, as they were clearly irritated as well. Overall, the show was good, but between not being able to see the first 45 minutes of the show The persons next to me thanked me for speaking up as they were clearly irritated as well. Overall, the show was good, but between not being able to see the first 45 minutes of the show and the yelling, it's doubtful I'd return to this venue or see the show live ever again. I will stick to listening to the podcast from home. Hey!

And overview. I know, there were issues at that show with people yelling, and so we created a separate security rider to say once one person yells out loud, they get one warning and then they're out of the theater. Yeah. I remember. You learned from it. It has been implemented. I will tell you that much. You have learned from it.

But come see us again. But it wasn't your fault. I didn't know. We couldn't hear it. If we had heard it from the stage, we would have said something. We couldn't hear it. Yeah. See, I provided you a platform to reach out to that fan now who did give you five stars.

So like, at least they're still a fan they couldn't see my beautiful face yeah well they could after 45 minutes that was the same venue where blaze got seated in the wrong place and then someone came and was like this is my seat and they were like blaze it was terrible well at least they recognized i know it was terrible being just a dick and oh god and then someone saw him peeing in the bathroom and texted me about it, or DMed me about it. Ew. I know. Did they DM you a pic?

No, thank God. Just a DM about seeing him peeing in the bathroom. Were they trying to seduce him? And Blaze was like, I just want to go home. He's like, why is there a gun in my face? Five stars. That was his review. I'll rate it five stars i promise it was an app developer who cornered blaze in the bathroom at the wilbur in boston it's entirely possible is it no okay okay so i'm sorry

this one i'm very excited about okay we're ending on a good note this is the last one good no it's a one-star review ending on a note a note this is sent in by jordan we've got a couple jordans tonight did we this is the same jordan i don't remember they both came from you so i don't think it's the same jordan okay this jordan says hey guys just want to thank you for the laughs i work at a restaurant and one of my favorite pastimes is reading our reviews on yelp that's where you and i differ jordan i can't read our reviews because then i cry forever especially knowing which customers are 1000 going to leave a nasty review so that is kind of funny they go home and can see like who posted and say i know that person i mean that's why you get so many restaurants who respond like oh we know who you are. Oh, I remember you. Yeah, don't worry. So I knew I had to share my

all-time favorite review that yours truly contributed to us getting. Let me just note now, we are a locally owned pizza restaurant and are not Italian despite our name. It can be confusing, but once you see the menu, it's pretty obvious. So this is of Paisano's Pizza Grill. So this is of Paisano's Pizza Grill. And Paul left a one-star review. Paisano is Italian, so why is the music heavy metal? Staff not very accommodating. There was another older couple in-house and they felt the same way.

Why such loud music? I really do not like writing bad reviews but these quote brothers must have a different crowd in mind than the over 60 group king's pizza is far better just thought we'd give you guys a shot southern hospitality seems to have disappeared sad oh and a review what does that have to do with southern hospitalityity? Where is this located? Side note, Jordan says at the end, I also just want to say, the band playing at the time of the heavy metal music was Foreigner. Oh, dear, dear lord.

End of review. They're not catering to the over 60 crowd, yet they're playing Foreigner? Okay, whatever. These brothers seem to have a different crowd in mind than the over 60 group what i hate so much is when reviewers say there was another couple there who agreed with me like it's like let jeremy eat his pizza in peace of course he's gonna agree he's nodding with you like okay crazy yeah why would you he's like can you believe this music and jerry's like i have eight foreigners t-shirts from all the

concerts i've been to i'm over 60 of course i love this foreigner is so funny because i was like i wonder what music they were possibly playing that's the best see that's where it gets kind of like oh i get how it would be funny for jordan to read these and be like oh yeah that's good and i like that it's not one of those where they go in and be like, how dare you, you piece of crap. I know you're just trying to subvert our restaurant. They're just like, lol, that's funny. Why don't I deal with it with humor?

The quote brothers take it. That's true. You know about those brothers who never consider the over 60 crowd. You gotta consider a baby boomer every once in a while teens come on teens get with the program don't forget about them don't ever just because they forgot about you they just want some italian music whatever that even means that's on that goes that one that one i was gonna go with that papa americano that's a good one those are the two that like i don't want techno thrash house metal in my italian restaurants no more rolling stones also when we open our gravy to take home

what's it called um gravy to go gravy to go we can just play some how's it going yep that both of those were totally right i'll just sing it into a microphone that's is that part of our our stick more bombs the banner well if you want to give us bombs please don't you can go on apple Podcasts. No. And five stars is the best bombs you can give us. It's sort of like Star Spangled Banner. The bombs burst into flames or whatever. Listen. You need to read your Second Amendment.

More patriotic. Read your coloring book version of the Second Amendment. I remember they were going through the airports and all that stuff. So topical so i am nothing if not so topical that's what they say well we're done here thank god thank god i just want to go home we will see you guys with another episode this coming wednesday what day is this coming out this is is coming out Monday morning. Oh, for God's sake. So, like, literally tonight? Yeah, tonight at midnight. So I get to edit this nonsense. Oops.

And then you'll see another episode from us on Wednesday, and the next Between You and Us will be the second Monday of August. Oh my goodness. So we'll read some more of your reviews then. Send them in with Between You and Us in the subject, because we have so much fun at least i do reading them i do too very hilarious our email is beach to sandy at gmail.com so we hope to hear from you soon and also if you have

something to say that's not like if you want to say something else what like if you want to send us an email about anything else uh-huh just send And don't put Between You and Us, because if it's Between You and Us, we don't read it until it's time to prepare for these episodes. Right. So, yep. That's about it. Yep. Follow our instructions and no one gets hurt. And we won't try to seduce you.

Too late. Too late. Okay. We're too good at that. We can't help it. It's just only natural. Okay. Let's just only natural okay 10 bombs out of 10 10 bombs out of 10 more bombs are better bye Bye.