Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Between You And Us: Episode 7

Episode Date: August 12, 2019

Slip on some lulus, take a sip of yuppie crack, and dive into another week of crazy reviews sent in by you! Whether your name is Shinny or Sheenad, you'll enjoy this exploration of awful reviews and the people who write them.  Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy to fulfill our dream of chatting with you live on video. Or check out our new merch designs in our online store at shop.spreadshirt.com/beachtoosandy. Buy our merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Logo by Courtney DeKorte. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly it's tim's 60th anniversary and roll up to win is back roll your way into prizes like coffee donuts and even 60 tim's gift cards play now on the tim's app rules apply canada only no purchase necessary visit the tim's app. Rules apply. Canada only. No purchase necessary. Visit the Tim's app for details. Welcome to Beach to Sandy, Water to Wet. A podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. It's time for our August Between You and Us episode. Welcome.

It's time for our August Between You and Us episode. Welcome. Welcome to our show where we read reviews. And this time we're reading reviews that you sent to us that you found on the internet. Yes. And you emailed them to us at beach2sandy at gmail.com with Between You and Us in the subject. When Alexander and I look through the folder, we have a whole folder with hundreds of them. And when we're looking for ones to read read during the episode you just hear us go like pretty annoying and then we're like we can't i can't tell you what it is yeah i can't tell you

what it is and then i like go to tell or something i'm like well it's it's about a place you'll find out yeah anyway so we're very excited to reveal these to one another yes we love these okay so why don't you get get us started okay let's see i'm trying to decide which one to start with it's tough it is right goodies today i mean i know i do yeah they're all so different um i'm gonna read this one this was sent in by courtney hi courtney um she said i was trying said, I was trying to... Hi. I was trying to explain your podcast to my brother and started Googling our local beaches. I stumbled across Pier 60 Park in Clearwater Beach, Florida. So this is the review that Courtney sent in.

Thank you, Courtney. It is a one-star review by Cole of a beach in Clearwater Beach, Florida. It's too crowded. And I got coughed on, so I won't be back. End of review. How dare that random passerby. It's too sandy, water's too wet, and I got coughed on. What if this were, like, Black Mirror and you could and you could like rate other people that cough person would be oh they would have learned a long time ago not to do that though

they would be to be fair one of those dregs of society the dregs indeed typically the reviewers are the dregs exactly so this is quite a twist thank you courtney it's a double whammy. All right, your turn, Zadie. Okay, I've got one from Ab. Ab? A-B. That's your initials almost. Not quite. Yeah, my initials are Abs. You can guess why.

Sandy, Gio just stuck half of his face in the door. A snout in the door? Yeah. Gio, come on, you can open it. He doesn't know how to open doors. Well, I just taught him. He's practicing. He's so bad at it. He thinks that a door means he can't, which to open doors well i just taught him he's practicing he's so bad at it

he thinks that a door means he can't which i think is probably a good thing it's been pretty good until we got an air conditioner in our room so i have to keep the door leaned closed and then every time he comes in he wants he just stands out there and goes until i climb out of bed groaning and stuff okay anyway he gave up your turn here's a um a review um they said i've been listening to this podcast since it started uh ages ago in december and it has grown to be my absolute favorite podcast who is this ab oh right i'm just gonna say six pack that's what i like to call them exactly so. So, uh, what they did was they found random Google maps,

ratings of the Andes mountains. Oh God. And so I have a few for you. I can only imagine. Here's a five star from Troy. Love watching my kids fall off the mountain. Great experiences. I saw them fall to their death.

End of review. Yes. Call Derek Morgan at the BAU. There's a serial killer on the loose. And it is a dad in Teva sandals. Oh, I picture Troy. That just went really weird. Oh, yeah.

Evan said, five stars, I fell off. I like it, but I broke my bones dad dad was waving at me from the top maria said was five stars was never there just beautiful view of nature which is to me very sweet of them how does she know though pictures i guess um and then here's one final one from rosalie three stars cool place never been had to do a science project on it that made it lame if you had free airplane tickets i wouldn't recommend going here maybe go to a place like paris where there isn't halt boundary to write about god bless megan got to cover paris i had to cover this mountain i think they meant a plate

boundary so that's why i was confused there the hell is a plate like tectonic plates like in case of earthquakes or something i don't know i guess it's something that if we had watched her diorama presentation we would know exactly i think that's our fault for not paying attention we should have paid attention in middle school yeah. Um, okay, great. So this is one, okay, this one, speaking of Megan, this is sent in by Megan, but she said it's in Australian, it's pronounced Megan. Did you know that? Um, it sounds like something, I know they're from New Zealand, but it sounds like something that Flight of the Conchords would say. Megan.

Okay, great. So sure. So I believe it. She says, it's pronounced like Megan in Australia, so hopefully that means I'm free of the ATWWD Megan hate. We'll see. We'll see. Just kidding. Megan says, hello to two of the grooviest cats in the game, the bad boy of podcasting, Alexanderander xanadu sheifer and bad girl cree cree

bad girl i didn't even care what she's in it at that point now i'm like yeah we love megan's here bad girl cree cree human embodiment of a unicorn that's so nice i found this on a facebook page and did some hunting to find where it's from it's a google review of a restaurant slash bar called frankie d's in lutz florida so uh oh love the podcast mates thanks for all the laughs oh my god love from sydney so you can call us mates i know i feel really special um so this one actually i've seen and i think people have tagged us in it as kind of like a meme but um and I think you may have actually retweeted it on the account but I never really got to like fully read it so I'm gonna read it here okay let's let's hear it so thank you Megan probably other people sent this in too to be honest but she actually went through the trouble to find where it was from so that was

nice appreciate that David gave Frankie D's one star don't bother calling for takeout they put you on hold and never come back and then we got an owner response from frankie d's yep who i imagine is frankie d i think i know this himself yeah you do i'm pretty sure oh yeah this is bad frankie d owner responded sorry for your inconvenience. The server taking your order had a seizure while doing so and couldn't complete the process. When you showed up to retrieve your order and it was not ready, even though there was an ambulance in front of the restaurant and we were tending to the medical emergency at hand, we offered to complete your order at that time. I am sorry that you declined and chose to instead complain in a public forum end of response that is awful what a dickhead so awful like the guy showed up yeah saw a man

in an ambulance so knew all of that went like knew at least something went down and still needed to complain still needed to complain that makes me feel better about the one-star reviews we get it's like sometimes you i don't think you can do anything to please people. Exactly. Yeah, that's true. But what I like about this story is this was all over the internet now. So, like, that location hopefully has... I hope this man was shamed into writing nicer.

Or at least thinking before writing. At least they got a thousand more five-star ones or that to counteract that one negative one that's ridiculous agreed or everyone who does write one-star reviews knows that any minute now they could be plastered all over twitter so thank you megan and thank you probably to everyone else who tweeted that at us or sent it i just call all like megan's megan i kind of it. I love it. Yeah. That's much better. Yeah. I agree.

Yeah. Especially when they call me a bad boy. Okay. Bad girl. That's well, our cousins used to call me. Really? You're like,

no, they didn't. We'll find out in a couple of weeks. That's like when I, Francis is always like, remember when you tried to make people call, call you Chrissy Kiwi? I was like, first of all, you weren't born yet, so don't even.

Oh my God. I tried to make it a thing. Chrissy Kiwi did not catch on. Didn't work. Listen, it's in the past. And let's hope it doesn't. Bad Girl Cree Cree. Coming in hot.

Coming at you. Your turn. I've got one in from Chrissy. Chrissy said...rissy kiwi chrissy kiwi says reminds me of the sugar-free gummy bears reviews oh dear god so you know it's gonna be juicy this is of uh jordan's skinny syrups sugar-free coffee syrups pumpkin harvest collection i threw up in my mouth again so it's stuff like pumpkin caramel pumpkin cheesecake pumpkin spice coffee syrups oh my god these are coffee syrups oh my god i know this sounds like something you would drink your praline latte okay leave praline lattes out of this why wouldn't you compare it to

a pumpkin spice latte? You'd probably also drink that. I have, and they're great. Today I had the cloud caramel macchiato. It was so freaking good. Yeah, those are pretty good. They're so good. The cinnamon one?

I just had the regular. They're so good. So good. Not vegan. What is it? cinnamon one i just had the regular i don't know they're so good oh so good not vegan what what is it it was a whole thing because ariana grande was the one who like introduced the drink but she's vegan but the drink has egg whites so it's not vegan it's a whole thing yeah listen awkward okay eva and m taught me a lot on tour jeez i didn't know about that my brain is filled with useless knowledge well i'm I'm not vegan, so I'm pescatarian. Oh, thanks for...

We all wanted to know. Thanks. It's a thing now that I do. I know. Shoehorn it in when I can. Okay, let me read this review. It's an Amazon review of one of those coffee syrups by Teresa. Three stars.

The title is, A Delicious Yet Traumatizing Way to Drop Some Unwanted Pounds. Title is, A Delicious Yet Traumatizing Way to Drop Some Unwanted Pounds. These products, along with a lovely pumpkin aroma and taste, are also perfect for those looking to drop a few pounds. And it's not because they are zero calorie. I've completely cleansed my entire digestive tract on average three times an hour in the past 24 hours. It starts with a slightly annoying but not major stomach cramp. Nothing big enough to draw too much attention or caution to.

But it's definitely a sign of things to come. More fitting, a sign of things to go, which will be anything and everything in your gut, large and small intestines for hours to come. It then turns into a slight sweat that begins on your brow, upper lip, and tops of your cheeks. Then, faster than you are able to wonder, why am I sweating? It hits you like a Moab in a Taliban bunker. Stay near your restrooms if you can, because once it hits, it hits. There is no, oh, let me walk down two flights of steps to the restroom. Only hard, fast action you have absolutely no control over.

Incidents people will be talking about at the office holiday party for years to come. I thought at first perhaps I had somehow eaten something covered in E. coli and was about to run to the ER for help. I realized I'd have to wait a few days because I wouldn't be able to make it to an ER without needing to have the interior of my vehicle detailed after the trip had I tried to make the trek in the beginning. The first 12 hours are the worst. As you sit on the toilet huddled over in pain, you are left to face the fact your possible addiction to pumpkin spice everything may have you knocking on death's door. Your life as you know it may end.

You will be alone and sweaty with a tear-stained face, lying dead on the floor in a public restroom. End of review. My watch just notified me please start breathing please start breathing again and i can't i can't that was so listen i have ibd you have ibs i can't listen to these reviews my stomach hurts my empathic response is too strong it's bad huh thank god i'm allergic to sugar-free stuff, because I think my life probably would have ended a long time ago. Oh. Oh. Gross.

So gross. But, like, beautifully written. Yeah, and I think that one was, yeah, a little less gross than usual. Yeah, I don't super love the ones that are like, it rocketed out. And I'm like, I don't need to know that. That one at least wasn't graphic. Yeah, it was just very poignant. Yes, quite.

It makes you really appreciate your loved ones, you know? Yeah, I do. I do now. I didn't. Now I do. Okay, my next review was sent in by Rachel. And Rachel says, hi, Alex and Christine. Thanks for keeping me entertained at work.

You're welcome. Here's a review of the Fort Wayne Tin Caps, a minor league baseball team, which you know how much I love. A Fort Wayne, Indiana? I assume so. Fort Wayne, yeah. Fort Wayne what? Tin Caps. I love that name.

I do too. Oh my God. Is that like a Johnny App apple seed reference or something because it's an apple their logo is an apple with a tin cap on oh my god i love this yeah the note the name tin cast was chosen following the 2008 season alluding to john chapman better known as johnny apple seed oh that makes me happy i love minor league baseball i wish they were treated better they're not treated fairly yeah um and paid fairly but it kind of sucks being in la i mean we have great baseball obviously we have the dodgers here yeah um but then the closest minor league baseball team they're like a few but they're all at least an hour away i don't think that counts for traffic

so that's just far well i'm a yard goats fan so through and through true um okay so this is a uh review of the fort wayne tin caps by william it's a one star review i know it hurts doesn't it disgusting one star it rained end of review fuck that you know what I think is happening? Tell me. I think someone named William Rockwood is trying to get a William Rockwood theme night. That must be it. Just like Helen McGuckin. That's sick. Helen McGuckin got it.

And now here come all the copycat killers. Oh, that's true. They put Helen McGuckin on parade and now everyone's gonna write one star reviews sneaky i'd like to think that that's well no because it's just a shitty thing to do it is it rained yeah anyway like those people who are like i gave this one star because i don't want other people to find out oh i hate that i just wanted to go out of business so no one can appreciate it okay that's That's so dumb. Anyway, your turn. Okay. So this next one is from Samantha.

Samantha says, this review is from one of our regulars at my work. The worst part is that I knew who he was just from the peanut butter quote. Oh, God. You're welcome. I'm excited for this peanut butter quote. I know. I like that because that set it up nicely. So this is of a Whole Foods in Indianapolis, Indiana.

And so she works there. Yes. Oh, cool. Okay. I like when people send in reviews of their own work. Yes, I agree. This is a five-star review by Roger. This review is for Allegro Coffee in Whole Foods.

Get some nitro brew. It is buried behind construction on the north side of East Market Street, or accessible next to the hot food bar in Whole Foods. This weekend I had an exhausting experience picking macaroons at Whole Foods. Sounds like he's picking them from a berry patch. Picking macaroons, it was exhausting. The buy five, get one free combo really messed with me. $10 well spent. I was able to pick five with my counterpart, but number six took a great deal of thought. After an exhausting five minutes, we decided to keep it simple and settled on

coconut. Upon picking up that coconut macaroon, yes, I used a tissue, I realized I did not have the resolve to make it all the way to the peanut butter poop machine. I needed help. Sorry, slow down. What? The peanut butter poop machine. Cool, great. Glad I'm still in the exact same mental space I was five seconds ago. What I love is they included a picture. Oh, good. Sorry, a video of the peanut butter poop machine.

I would prefer not to see that. One of those moments where I guffawed downstairs when we were looking at these was viewing this video. Okay. It's one of those machines where you put the peanuts in and the peanut butter comes out. I've literally never seen that. You've never seen that? No. Oh my god. It's like it grinds the peanuts for you. That's so cool. It's very cool. I go to Whole Foods pretty regularly. Let me show you this video. I'm a pescatarian, in case you were wondering. Shut up. I'm not saying that.

Okay. What is that? Look and see this video? Sure. Oh! See what he means? Wait, what did he say about it? Peanut butter poop machine. Oh, see what he means. Yes.

In that regard? Yes, absolutely. It looks like clumpy fro-yo coming out of a machine. He also included a picture of plucking macaroons. Plucking. And holy shit, does he pluck. Look at this. It's like a whole thing.

This Whole Foods is incredible. Wait a second. Samantha, where in the hell is this Whole Foods? Indianapolis. Seriously? Yeah. What? My LA location doesn't have this shit? I worked in Indianapolis for a bit. Never went to that Whole Foods. I regret it. Anyway, we're not even done yet. So he just said he didn't have the resolve to make it to that peanut butter poop machine. I see. Even though he has a video of it.

From probably a previous... See, that was a spoiler. Oh. Just wait. Okay. Just wait. I shouldn't have shown you that video yet. A few sniffs later, I caught a hint of dank-ass coffee brewing about 20 paces southwest of me,

slightly masked by the fresh coffee aisle directly behind me to the north. Does he have a compass? What is he doing? southwest of me, slightly masked by the fresh coffee aisle directly behind me to the north. Does he have a compass? What is he doing? I think he just has a much better sense of like direction. I don't know. I think he's in the wild. He thinks he's in the wild picking macaroons. That's what it is. Trying to find his way with a compass. Watching too much Bear Girls or something. Yeah. Covered in faux reclaimed barnwood stood a coffee shop where brunch and brews were being served to a group of yuppies of which all the females were rocking lulu he paints a picture for sure right and literally provides let me tell you like 10 pictures are you serious not of the lulus only of the lulus tell me he's

not posting okay thank god no they're like 10 different pictures three videos in this review anyway okay my eyes instantly lit up with the words nitro cold brew i saw that tap and almost wanted to go streaking through the store 24 ounces of delicious coffee for $4? Yuppie crack! Moments after I saw that cold brew tap, reality struck. Basic bitches love smoothies, especially for $6. That is a good freaking price. I couldn't hate. No surprise, a couple in front of me ordered two smoothies, then I turned to Smeagol. All I could think about was that darned precious nitro brew. So the problem he's having is, oh no, all these people ahead of him are going to be ordering smoothies.

So it's going to take forever. I see. Okay, thank you for translating. Fast forward. Amanda O. made my freaking morning. She whipped up two different smoothies In under two minutes By the end of the third I had my nitro brew

I was able to get off my ass And get to the peanut butter poop machine Life is good The end What just Yes that was Roger Roger you're a star Roger has 575 friends

Is elite 2019 has 369 reviews. Roger knows he's a star. Roger knows he owns it. He doesn't need you. He doesn't need me to tell him that. No way. So that's one of Samantha's regulars. I love that.

Samantha, you're so lucky. Samantha saw that review and was like, Roger's at it again. He's running around in his Lulu's with a compass. Roger. That whole Lulu thing, that's so bad. Oh my god. I love Raj. Raj. What a guy. Yeah. What a guy.

He's a guy, alright. Okay, let's see. What should I show you? Something good, please. Okay, so this one is bizarro because so i told you i told you i was saying earlier that like we get we have like hundreds of reviews saved in this folder to go through and i just like randomly click on them and i clicked on one um from allison and it said hi glad you both enjoyed my last review and i'm like wait

yeah i picked and i was like there's no way this one's also a winner and it was and i was like holy crap so we have our first dual entry dual contestant winner i don't know congratulations allison you got something you don't get anything i mean you get something you get a propane grill no you don't steve har Harvey's not in the building. Skeeve Harvey. Skeeve Harvey. My mistake. So Allison said, glad you both enjoyed my last review of the spiritual lady at the retirement community.

Of course I went, what the hell is that? Alexander went, I have no idea. Then we went and found it. And then, no. And then you found it, read the first two words, and like, oh, okay. There we go. It was the, Alexander read it. It was the woman who went to, she like i'm a spiritual entertainer and went to a nursing

home and said it was haunted like complained wrote a bad review that the place was haunted so bizarre that was one of my favorites yeah allison says i just got back from vacation visited one of minnesota's 10 000 lakes i guess we're supposed to guess which one of them um which one did i go ice fishing on sneer brainerd i bet it was that one and found this gem in my inbox so here's the review um it's by judy it's a five-star review of saint vincent de paul catholic church in brooklyn park minnesota we love a good Minnesota. We love a good Catholic Church. We love a good Catholic Church. Scares the hell out of us. Literally.

Okay, so Judy wrote a five star review. Thanks for all your help. Even though technically you weren't really supposed to, since I'm not a church member and don't live in Brooklyn Park. Still, thank you, Pastor Oki, for the food and gas cards. I was the elderly woman temporarily living in my car, and my granddaughter works with lions, etc. What?

Worst use of etc. ever. Right? Don't write etc. Explain what the hell you're talking about. Then etc. would be the tigers, bears. Bears, oh my maybe like what actually maybe what could possibly be after the lions i think we're supposed to gather that for ourselves i was the elderly woman temporarily living in my car and my granddaughter works with lions etc you prayed that she wouldn't get eaten. No worries. She's alive and well. And, well, lions don't eat people. We're not part of their diet.

Please pray that the majestic lion doesn't go extinct due to sports hunters and trophy hunters or to farmers poisoning them, black magic practitioners, or starvation, disease, etc. They need your helpful prayers too. God bless and thank you. End of review. That was a winner that was and you did give us a winner what in the world well what i'm wondering

what if like what happened is this woman is like to her granddaughter is like oh i like i had this guy praying for you that you wouldn't get eaten. And the granddaughter was like, that's not how this works. The lion is the one that's in real danger. Like, I don't need protection. Like she works at a sanctuary or something. Oh, okay. Let me tell him on Yelp. I don't think this is on Yelp.

Wherever the hell this is. I have no idea where this would possibly be. I don't either. But I love that one of the problems is a black magic practitioner might cause the extinction of the lion. Well, because, I think that's because they use parts, probably. Like lion's tail, I don't know, I'm making stuff up. Lion's tail. Lion's tail, okay.

Tooth from lion. Alright. Eye of lion. This, this. Like ivory, like the ivory tree and stuff like that. Okay, sure, sure, okay. But yeah, that is very sad. But also I'm really glad that Judy daughter granddaughter has not been eaten yet that's that's good news the pastor

was like i'll pray that she does not get eaten by the lion thank you pastor anyway and i do appreciate that um allison that made me they helped her out though too no it was sweet it was very sweet thank you allison yes thank you save thank you. Save the lions, y'all. Yeah, save them. Cool. Wait, sorry. What was I working on? Okay, sorry. I just went back to figure out how Allison's connected to both of these wild reviews and

how she has access to all. She's in the et cetera part. Oh, got it. She said, I work in local search reviews for a living. Oh. I notify clients when they get a in local search reviews for a living. Oh. I notify clients when they get a review and help them deal with advising the client on how to handle. That's right. So, like, she does a noble job.

Yeah. That's kind of cheating, though. No, it's great. It's cheating. For the between you and us. It's great. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

I know, but I just love that she has access to this. So, there are people out there who read more of these than we do. Because I'm like, sometimes I'm sitting there, I'm like, there's no way in hell someone goes through hundreds of like McDonald's reviews. And she has to do something about it. Yeah. We can just complain. Allison has to do this for a living.

That's true. Allison, thank you for your noble service. Thank you for your noble service. Et cetera. Et cetera. Okay, my next one is from katherine great katherine says my whole family loves your show we now search for reviews to send each other and to send to your show my sister found the review below of one of our favorite ice cream places and i knew i had to

submit it i hope you enjoy oh sorry kate thank you kate full name katherine not that it matters kate but the thing is kate didn't provide her sister's name oh sister found the review and kate's taking all the credit john and kate plus eight that's the only kate i can think of okay let's stop thinking about kate's um except my friend kate okay hi kate anyway this is a polar cub sorry this is a polar cub in white house new jersey okay five stars from rebecca this is an ice cream place? Yes. I love Polar Cub. They're super fast and really nice. Every time they are just delicious. My friend, well, she's not really my friend because she cheated with my boyfriend, but enough about me. That's another review. Anyway, she said she went there and it was not good, but she deranged one time though i asked for sprinkles

and they didn't give them to me but i got them don't worry christina if you're reading this i hope you and michael if you're reading this i hope you have fun with christina end of review hey hey bud are you okay rebecca are you okay hey back you all right over there um holy crap yep yep that's a review for another yeah where is that review I'd love to read it I I didn't find it girlfriend no I know I didn't find it I'll go get ice cream with you yeah I know I might use it I know my name might uh you know spawn some bad memories but I promise not to cheat on your boyfriend or whatever it was that happened. Rebecca reviewed 11 places. Nine of them were five stars.

One was four stars, and one was three stars. She deserves better than Michael and Christina. Except the three star has me a little bit wary of her. It's of Cracker Barrel. So the fact that someone could give Cracker Barrel Lesson 5 is a little upsetting, but... Maybe that's where Michael and Christina, you know... Oh, true. Bad memories.

Bad memories. Oof. Okay. So, let's see which one should I do. Okay, here's one. This was sent in by Chantel. It says, Hi guys, this is my second Between You

and Us email. So I clearly haven't read the first, but I couldn't resist sending you this review of a shoe store in my local mall. Love the podcast, Chantel. So this is a review by Jerry. It's a one-star review of a local shoe store. I am here to write about my previous experience at Globo Shoes in Lime Ridge Mall. I have an annual tradition of buying myself some nice new crisp fresh army green Crocs. I was like picturing these shoes as it was going like this. Like leather. These could be kind of cool. Oh, whoops. I normally go to factory shoe, but i thought that i would give this place a good old toss in the noggin the worst part is they had crocs but not my army green ones in addition they did not have the little charms that you put in the holes i needed to replace my number one

i need i needed to replace my number one dad charm from my little boy named Logan. But I must give credit where credit is due. I am unsure of the fine lady's name. It was something weird. Like Shinny or Sheenad. Oh my god. Please spell those for us shinny is spelled s-h-i-n-n-y i guarantee you her name was not shinny

is she nad s-h-e-e-n-a-d It's Sheenad. S-H-E-E-N-A-D. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Okay. That's bad. Okay.

I am unsure of the fine lady's name. It was something weird. Shinny or Sheenad. Something along those lines. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. She saw the... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is very difficult. Like Sinead O'Connor or something? Maybe.

That could be. She's just like helping him find his croc jewelry. Okay. She saw the anger and frustration within me, but simply mediated the situation by telling me to go elsewhere. Well, that's probably the best advice in that situation, yes. And he was so thankful for it. At least he was thankful for it, true. The fact that she was easy on the eyes definitely helped, too.

Oof. All in all, sad experience, but amazing customer service by shinies. Stop trying! I know know just move on i wish he had changed it to a third i do like you know i don't think he like picked one though yeah he's like that it was definitely shinny he's like sheenette no not sheenette that was other guy. That was that guy at the bank. All in all, sad experience, but amazing customer service by Shinny. I may go back there to get my young chump Logan some crispy navy blue crocs. End of review. One day, my son, I will call him a young chump.

You'll call him Sheenad. Sheenad the young chump. Oh my god, that sounds like a Dungeons & Dragons character. There it is. Sheenad the young chump. In his crisp. I've always wanted to play Dungeons & Dragons, and now I have. I got you a goddess kit, a starter kit.

You never play with me. You need people who want to play. No one will play with us, you guys. No, we really don't. It's so sad. It is sad. Not as sad as Jerry's day at the mall. And Shinny's day.

But let's not get started on Sheenad's day. Let's actually not. Okay, thank you, Chantel. Thank you, Chantel. Oh, maybe it was Chantel. Wait a second. Chantel! It all comes together. You didn't tell us.

You helped him find the croc jewelry. That's so bad. Poor Chantel now. Okay. Your turn. So this is my last one. This is from John. Who has this to say?

Shefers. I've only been listening a few days and I'm caught up. I found a one-star Yelp review of a local dive bar and thought it was pretty funny. I mean, it's nothing terrible, but the reviewer did get a few chuckles out of me in the short review. Your new fan, John. Okay. Thanks, John. So this is a review by Daniel.

A one-star review of Bobby's Lounge in Plattsburgh, New York. I thought we could end on a little bizarre note. Well, I have one more. You do? I told you I have seven. Well, on mine I meant. Oh, okay. I mean, we're ending on a bizarre note no matter what we say, so.

Okay, so here's my final one, and I'm ending on a bizarre note. matter what we say so here's okay so here's my final one and i'm ending on a bizarre note can't wait as i walked into this establishment i immediately felt profoundly uncomfortable at the eyes that were staring at me usually i'm cool with being objectified but only in the privacy of my own home. The violation of my person only continued after ordering two shots of Jameson. Not Johnny Walker, mind you. Simple salt of the earth Jameson. Having not foreseen the upcoming attack on my agency, I gave the bartender a $20 bill,

something I had received from an elderly relative during the recent holiday season, which was cherished as priceless heirloom. While admiring how the cinematography in Showtime's Escape at Dannemora was able to capture the seediness of this legendary establishment, the bartender blindsided my guest and myself with change that totaled $8. $6 per shot of Jameson, and I wonder that I may have PTSD from being blatantly taken advantage of. It's clear that the bystander effect is real, because nobody in the bar did a thing to stop her.

They just sat and ignored this classic example of injustice, clearly not a place for people who have any integrity or admiration for justice. End of review. What? What? Daniel. That's Daniel for for us what in the world i don't know that's kind of what i want to figure out so he essentially says he has ptsd from this experience which is not how that yes like no and then he says the bystander like what is he doing is did he get like a minor in

psychology and he's just trying to throw it out there probably something like that i'm talking about being objectified by eyes by what what is he talking about i don't know he only likes to be objectified in his own home that's alarming what does that mean on his webcam oh maybe i don't know i don't understand this i don't know what there if there's anything to understand. That's more troubling, maybe. Probably. I think the fact that there's no sense to this is even more troubling. It's like senseless violence.

Senseless. To our senses. I think he experienced some senseless violence. Is that what that was? That's what he thinks it was. Yep. Well, thanks for that, Daniel. But also thank you to john john yes thank you john

um cool well i'm also gonna end on some weirdness please do but it's kind of redeeming sort of this is from a tira oh i pronounced it correctly good job uh i scrolled to the bottom to see sometimes a lot of times people write the pronunciation in there. Which is very helpful. Yeah, and her pronouns. Also very helpful. Atira, she here. Okay.

Atira says, hey, BTSWW friends. Podcast has become one of my favorite things. Second only to reading crazy customer interaction stories from a Facebook group I'm part of. We should be in there. We should be in there. What the heck? And then she says, that's what this email is about.

When I worked for PetSmart, I was introduced to a fun private Facebook group for PetSmart employees. The group has since evolved into a larger community space for current and former employees of all kinds of pet stores to come together, share stories and bond over the all too common experiences of working in pet retail. Let's just say the things that happen in pet retail are a special kind of crazy. I cannot even fathom.

I know, right? I know when you did your Pet Stores in Salt Lake City episode, you became a little discouraged from pet store reviews after stumbling upon horror stories of hurt animals, grooming disasters, and other disheartening content. But I have to tell you that there's a fun and funny side to the pet store topic as well. Oh, okay, and then she actually wrote a side note it's very small font so i don't know if i'm supposed to read it out loud but it says a lot of those grooming horror stories have two sides to the story which isn't well represented which i

i believe seeing as most yelp and google negative reviews have a side that clearly isn't being represented so that doesn't surprise me uh in this facebook group i'm part of members often share their stores yelp reviews that give them a laugh okay so i'm gonna read these kind of out of order i'm gonna read two of them um this one says a person who used to work at pet smart checked his message requests and found this waiting for him from a Uh-oh. Hey, I bought a hamster. H-A-N-P-S-T-E-R. Mm-hmm. That's how you spell it.

Hey, I bought a hamster at Pecco Wallago. And I think its paws is vroak. That's it? And a review. And then at the bottom it says, If you reply, Lena will be able to call you like it's on facebook messenger oh god could you imagine it's like they reply and then immediately accept the thing yeah hey i bought a hamster hamster at peko walgo and i think it's paws is

broke okay that's disturbing these are seeking help for the hamster yeah on facebook not the way to do it maybe but now this one's the best this was shared by madeline it's a review of a petco in georgia they didn't have the food i needed wellness weight management and they didn't have the dog spray i needed amber wood they have a large selection of cookies and the things that will help you kill your dog definitely. There were no customers there, only me. This place is giant. I recommend it to anyone who is looking for yums that are unhealthy and addictive. They have plenty. I don't recommend it to anyone whose goal is health and longevity. I don't recommend it to anyone whose goal is health and longevity. My dog eats very healthy, and I don't allow addictive crap in his diet.

He's very, very healthy. Finally, and sadly, their staff called my dog a senior. How rude. That's so good. My dog is 11 years old old catches two balls at once it's kind of endearing how defensive she is about her dog's age it's like soccer mom times 4 000 my dog is 11 years old catches balls at once, learns new commands every single week, and he is a puppy. Okay, okay, okay. Wow.

I think zero of the above statements are true. Since, this is so bad. Since they called Bruno a senior, I've been thinking about his passing. What I'll do without him they planted a bad seed i will never go there again end of review oh my god now now i have some insider info here um atira says that amberwood dog spray is actually a pet smart product so petco doesn't even carry it. And also, anything over seven years is considered senior age for canines.

Hmm, good to know. Puppies can be 11, I guess, and catch two balls at once. I mean, I get, like, calling, if you, like, love your dog and still calling it your puppy, but, like, when you go to a place that's trying to give you certain services and products geared towards your dog. It's not like it's offensive. I know, and they're not saying it to be... Whatever, yeah. Whatever, indeed.

So that was just unpleasant. So yeah, that was the one I picked out of Atira's little slew of horror. I love that. So thank you, Atira, for your... Thank you for peddling your slew of horror i love that i love that so thank you atira for peddling your slew of horror for peddling your slew of horrors and also thank you for working with little animals yeah thank you for that we like that not like animals not the senior ones though no no no just puppies only if they can couch catch two balls at once amberwood spray well he's like perfume cologne amber that's okay yeah i don't know what also i love that it's like wellness weight management food none of that addictive crap god god lord help us lord help us i can't

imagine i mean people who work in retail good bless yes indeed all right that's my last one i'm out too all right so if you want to be potentially be included in next month's episode send us an email beach to sandy at gmail.com with the subject between you and us between you and us we are excited for next month's already so send them on in and we will folder them and hopefully read them sounds good all right guys talk to you in a couple days bye