Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Reviews of April Fools Pranks

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

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With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Breaking news, Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet, we are hitting the road. We are going on tour again. We are going to 15 US cities, gracing them with our presence and gracing them with one star reviews.

If you've ever wanted to hear dramatic readings right in front of your very eyes and watch our mouths move alongside it, then wow, we have we got the chance of a lifetime for you. It is a chance of a lifetime and we are digging into your local hotspots. Oh, yeah, we're gonna be talking about what your haunted museums. Yep. Your disappointing aquariums, your overpriced sandwich shops. There's so many of those. I mean, maybe we'll even talk about like your high school or like

the your driving school from 10th grade or like something more. But we can't like guarantee that. But it's possible. Yeah, I feel like it wouldn't be the first time. Anyway, all we cannot wait to see you go see the full list of cities and grab your tickets now at beach to sandy.com slash tour. Welcome to beach to sandy water to wet a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted

to like this podcast. But I'd give it zero stars if I could. Hello and welcome to Beach to Sandy water to wet podcast where we read the worst reviews and most dramatic fashion. My name is Sandy. I am X team and we're siblings who read shitty reviews on the internet and this month is very silly because not this month. I mean, this month is very silly because not this month I mean this month is also very silly. This year is very silly. Actually everything's very silly. So this entire world is very silly But no, we are doing an April Fool's episode because this comes out the day after April yeah on Boxing Day of April Fool's

Which is like the ultimate trick right right guys, you guys? You know, we gotcha. We gotcha. Yeah, good point. They didn't see this coming. I bet you anyway. So we're gonna do April Fool's, which was basically like prank related reviews that we but before we get to that, we do have some very exciting things to tell you. And I'm not just saying that. I mean, it's true. It's it does feel weird that it's like an April Fool's episode that we're announcing this because yeah, you did mention that I forgot you have to give a little more oomph to make it. The timing feels suspect but we are being sincere when we say that we have set up a whole 2025 tour live shows all across the country. And when he says a whole tour, it means 16 freaking cities. 16 freaking cities. I wrote 14 and he's like, you counted wrong. And I was like, oh, Lord.

Okay, 16. So it's a lot. I think in our ad that we recorded, we said 15 and then we got a 16th show after that. We're all over the place. I can't keep track. We're going to a lot of places. that. We're all over the place. I can't keep track. We're going to a lot of places I mean truly all over the country. I feel like it so many new ones And a lot of new ones. Yeah, are we a lot of we allowed to say them now or not? Yeah, I think so

Oh, yeah, okay. Okay. I'm just gonna go through the cities And if you want to see the dates you can go to our website and it'll have the specific dates But there have you heard there are 16 of them 16 We don't have time to I'm just gonna go through city and stay the beach to san diem.com slash tour for the list yep we've got orlando florida tampa florida san diego california san francisco california sacramento california indianapolis indiana detroit michigan houston texas plano texas austin texas kansas city missouri omaha nebraska st louis missouri seattle washington portland Houston, Texas, Plano, Texas, Austin, Texas, Kansas City, Missouri, Omaha, Nebraska, St. Louis, Missouri, Seattle, Washington, Portland, Oregon, and New York, New York.

And so if you're in Plano and you're like, now I never come to Plano, I don't know. That's I imagine that's what you say down there. But we're excited because we've never been to Plano. We've never been in Omaha. We've there are a few places on there that I've only been maybe once or twice my life. So really excited for that tour and at each show, by the way, we read reviews of your town. So Plano, get ready. You're about to get rattled, you know, for the first time ever.

No, we read places in your town, whether that's like zoos or, you know, famous things or just like the regular coffee shop that's famous for its like wild owner, you know, things like that. I love clicking just random bridges too. If you have bridges in your city, it's just fun when it's so hyper specific that like people know the certain like streets or areas and then they got get all excited. that like people know the certain like streets or areas and then they got get all excited.

It's really easy to get our audience excited by just saying a random. It's really hard. How they're like, Oh my God, that's where I live. Oh, the Empire State Building and the nobody claps and I'm like, well, that's weird. And now Xander says, Oh, it's a CVS on 14th and just Sutherland, whatever. And everyone's like, that's my CVS. And it's like, wow, okay, I clearly. Yeah. You got better at it this last tour though.

I did get better about expanding my search horizons. So we wanna add one thing too that patrons, by the way, if you are a patron, you also get early pre-sale access to a lot of the shows. We don't have the details quite yet, but participating venues will have a pre-sale access to a lot of the shows. We don't have the details quite yet, but participating venues will have a pre-sale code on Patreon. Additionally, folks who are on Patreon can send in, Alexander created a whole system

where it's a form for submitting live show reviews. So you can do that if you're from Plano or- It's basically our normal one, but just for the cities. So there's that forum. You can obviously submit regular reviews as well for our upcoming themes and challenges, which are also available to Patreon. And our March Patreon bonus, we released our Columbus show from last tour. Yeah, we had filmed that.

And so we released that. It's coming out of the vault for for patreon. So Beach to sandy That sounds right to me and yeah beach to sandy.com slash tour for the live dates and according to my information When you have 16 venues in 16 different cities that are not under the same management, it's hard to coordinate all this. But the plan is for Friday morning, sale goes live to everybody. So get your tickets Friday. We'll be posting about it also on social media.

We'll link us in the show notes too. And we'll tell you about this every single fucking week until the tour is over. Have you heard of 16 different cities? Let's get into the episode, shall we? Let's do it, let's do it. This is a review from Grapefruit Street, She Her, and it is of fake puke. I'd like you to open my notes, Sandy, to take a look.

It's really... That's okay. Look, Sandy, you have to, it's part of the rules. Oh, it looks like a melted slice of pizza. It does look like somebody swallowed. The more I look at it, the worse it gets. It's a hole, then regurgitated it, and the toppings somehow all remained on top of the vomit. It's really an unpleasant sight.

It's accurate. So here is a review by Michael R. Block. It's a verified purchase and the title is OMG Did I Have Fun With This at a Party after I gave it to my granddaughter. Four stars. After my use, I gave it to my young granddaughter and the cycle was complete. She used it and her teacher was not as amused as we were. Mom and Dad received a call and I was grounded lol. After my home confinement was

completed. The granddaughter and I plotted again. That's cute. End of review. I thought the granddaughter was getting pranked. I like it this way better. Oh, no, no. I like how he says after my use, which we won't get into. What do you mean your use of fake vomit? What do you mean?

I used it in an adult way. Yeah. He's like, oh, I didn't get in trouble for my use, but I got in trouble for my granddaughter's use of it. Yeah. I love that. By the way, the LOL is of course a capital L lowercase o capital L. So I'm assuming lots of laughs is what we're going for. Not lots of love, okay.

I think lots of laughs, because it sounds like he's having a barrel of fun plotting with granddaughter. So true. Now you need to open my notes. This was sent in by Christine and I'm doing the smart thing. I'm not telling you what you're gonna look at.

You're just gonna see it. Yeah, that's nice. Thanks for that. You're just gonna see it. Yeah, that's nice. Thanks. Thanks for that. You're welcome. I'd be more mad except that that's also pretty much what my next one looks like. I was gonna say, I'm sure you've seen plenty of this just doing research. This is of eight pieces fake poop, realistic dog poop toy, fake turd adult gags and practical joke poo shit for Halloween April Fool's Day prank party supplies multiple shape and this is a five-star review. Can I get out of it though now or do I have to keep looking at it? You don't have to like stare at it. I just it's like once it's in my

face my eyes. Yeah it's hard to look away that's how what the the vomit was like which is why I closed my eyes while you read your right. So you can pretend is just like a Pete piece of pizza with bacon. That makes it better though, because it still looks regurgitated. It does still look like a puddle. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, this is a five star review of this fake poop. They got it in style, multiple shape and verified purchase. The title of this is ha ha, ugh, yeah, I dot dot dot.

So they're just like going for it. I thought I genuinely wasn't sure. I was on the fence of whether that was the title or you were just pausing to fix your monitor or something. And those couple pauses were also dot dot dots. That was beautifully recited though. Yeah, thank you. Here's the review.

Five stars. So I should feel ashamed for writing a review for this poo poo platter. For the cost, you get a lot of turd for your buck. I sent one in a care package to a friend of mine. We both had a good laugh over it. These are mostly latex or silicone I'd guess. They're squishy and it's rather disgusting, some of them were even kind of sticky. The little coiled nugget, not the two smallest, but the one right in between them, seems like it was cast out of more hard plastic and has

a little hollow under spot. The rest of the turds are squishy as mentioned and or sticky. They look realistic and I was even able to get my partner to gag when I handed her one. The big one that looks like the poop emoji is almost ball shaped and seems to be filled with a liquid or air? No idea but it is gross also. Quite the diverse selection for the price and yes they look very realistic. End of review. Yeah I think yeah I've learned that from your yeah I've learned selection for the price and yes they look very realistic and the review yeah I think yeah I've learned that from your yeah I've learned that thank you you've gotten that across it's just sick hey Christine sent a different review that someone complained about that they smell okay I mean it's like mmm but it but it

was like of plastic yeah right it wasn't that it was meant to smell. I think they just. Not that that would be anybody. I'd prefer them to smell like plastic, even if it were just like a faux. I mean, we were just talking about Nathan Fielder and just to side, real side reference, very minuscule reference, but the poop yogurt nonsense.

It haunts me, all this poop stuff. I mean, I have like a poop disease, right? But somehow I feel like I've been punished in this way where like, I don't find anything like I'm just like not that it's not my sense of humor at all. And I have a needle phobia. And then God was like, here you go. You have a poop disease and you have to get needles into your body. So what you're saying is God has a sense of humor. Yeah. What I'm saying is everyone else is laughing along. I'm just the Pagliacci of this show. You know what I mean? Yeah, I definitely agree with that. Yeah. So this is also from Grapefruit Street. I'd like you to look at mine.

I mean, they're the same, but they're different. There were multiple poop, fake poop. There's so many. And actually I'm a little bit mad at myself now. What? Like they are so similar though. Yeah, it's it's it's almost like they even have the same variety pack, but it's like different color shades and stuff. But I will say I'm a little bit annoyed with myself for not thinking this through because even though I had fake barf at the top, the rest are just the all of minor poopy poops. Yeah, my god, I'm like,

sorry, I'm sorry. I'm going between the tabs and looking at the two different collections of poop. And yeah, they're all different, but they're so similar at the same time. So they're making similarly- Who designs these and sends them to the manufacturer who's like, oh God, another one? So wild. Okay. Different molds and things for these.

Like how do you even go about like pitching this to a manufacturer? I just whatever. Okay. This is a one star review, okay, of these poops and it's a verified purchase. It says, description is misleading. While I never dreamed of writing a review for fake turds, here I am! We had a specific use for this purchase that ended up not working out because the description was misleading. I personally was looking for a reusable set of fake turds.

Again, never thought I'd need to write that, but here I am! This set ranges from inch size to a few inches, which I also couldn't tell by the images. But my biggest problem was that these are actually gummy, juicy, wobbly, I mean EXTRA GROSS. When you purchase fake turds, maybe this is what you want. For me, I didn't want it to be a one-use landfill situation, but instead, an ongoing turd joy. So depending on what you're looking for, these turds are not hard plastic, they're more like gummy worms. And to even prank someone I'm concerned, the chemicals of the juice and plastic could incur damage of what they could be placed on over time.

Currently untested, but if you do indeed want a solid, lol, this one isn't what you're looking for. Happy turding. End of review. Happy turding. Um, they didn't really explain, didn't really explain what their specific use was, right? No, just an ongoing turd joy. Ongoing turd joy.

Why can't you reuse these just because they're gummy? I think the idea is like, oh, you want it to sit out somewhere, but like the sticky ones, they get like kind of dusty and hairy. And then you got to rinse it. Like they're kind of not. Basically turns into real poopy diarrhea. Yeah, it's just kind of like it's not meant to to be a on display for long periods Of time I assume you sound like an expert This from your poop disease I was gonna say Alexander Why would you what it there's a you can't shame me for my illnesses in a work pop in a work setting like this

This is really fucked up. I'm pretty sure in the contract It says I can I made sure of that that was pretty important when I signed on to do this Okay, but you wrote it in pig latin and I didn't have time to figure out what I said. I just signed it Why do you think I wrote it that way? Foyled again. Well if you need to clean up your poopy diarrhea mess, I have a review also sent in by Christine of two rolls, no tear toilet paper, fake April Fool's pranks, no rip toilet paper roll for joke, funny novelty toys, April Fool's Day Christmas party. Excellent.

It's a fake toilet paper roll. Oh, you know what? That doesn't rip. I have one of these two actually I'm realizing but I think it's a different one because the many many words you said didn't quite Many words on my Amazon page. They're going for different SEO Words it's like fun kids boy girl engagement Talking about I love when they have uncle or something.

Uncle, yeah. Fun uncle just thrown in there. We're keeping it here. That's okay. Here's a five star review titled Perfect April Fool's Prank. This is a TP, that doesn't rip, okay. I've never seen that before by the way. I know, I thought it was very clever, honestly.

It's very clever and it feels less cruel than some of the jokes. I mean, it depends on the circumstances, I suppose. Here we go. These were so much fun. I missed April Fool's Day since I was out of town, so I decided to purchase these. You were still there. What do you mean out of town?

What do you mean? Like why didn't you just prank, you know, wherever you were? You could still prank on the go. Oh, don't worry. This mom has targets. Oh, I see. This is like a scheduled operation. This is, yeah, this seems to be the norm for this person.

Here we go. Understood. I missed April Fool's Day since I was out of town, so I decided to purchase these prank rolls of toilet paper. I placed them in two bathrooms and soon heard, What's wrong with this toilet paper? I can't use it. Mom, what did you do? My family immediately knew that I struck again. My daughter-in-law came out of the bathroom with the roll and asked if I did this. Later that evening, my son shouted, What is going on with this toilet paper?

We all burst into laughter. I love that nobody's changed it. They're like, well, we can't get a straight answer out of Ma's. So we'll just keep it on the roll. Just still you could still you get some scissors. Yeah. We all burst into laughter and I was finally able to carry out my postponed April Fool's Day prank. It was a silly, harmless, hilarious prank and I would definitely buy it again.

End of review. You know what I thought was going to happen, which also would have been clever. This was, this was excellent. But I will say as kind of like a, an extra prank, if you were going out of town and you put that roll on the toilet paper roll and then left, I mean, you wouldn't get to like experience the, you know, the pranking part. Well that's where the cameras in the bathroom.

That's right. That was last year's prank. Yeah Which I still haven't found out was a prank. Yeah, there's no finding out that yeah, there's a whole That's getting dark But maybe you have like an like a noise recorder, you know, just see what yeah And so that's a great place to also put a noise In its own way, but you could like leave it and then when you're out of town, it's like, nobody knows it's you, you know, or they do, but they can't prove it. But it seems like, uh, this mom like relishes in too much that it's.

Yeah. Yeah. This is not a passive prank. This is, this is, it had, it is somewhat passive, but it, they need to be an active long-term. It's just meant to be like a brief little on and off. But I wouldn't be surprised if she had some like long-term ones that have been running for years that haven't been.

The camera that's been like hardwired into the walls. Yeah. Hopefully not that, but yes. No, I got you. She probably has a good harmless prank. A solid poop somewhere that's been on display for many years. This is from Matt and Elise. Alexander, I need you to open it and look at it.

It's just horrible. It's only one poop this time, but it's just a really bad one. Oh, wait. I have- wait, is this the one I have? You have this one? Yeah, but that's not the- I just saw the review title that it's not- What, in your bathroom? What are you talking about?

Oh, you have a review of one. I said, I seriously thought you meant you have this one. And I was like, please tell me you're kidding. I didn't I didn't even mean to imply that. I'm sorry. Is this the loft? Yeah. Loft is gross party. Pooper fake totally brown.

The loftest that feels like you're like, you know, the different brands and like they're oh my God. I have one that someone sent in, but not that one. Okay, so this is- Not that review, because I saw this title. Great, yeah, I'm glad you did, because it's called Not As Wet As I'd Hope, Three Stars. What does that mean?

This person needs to send this to that person who wants the hard thing. I know, like this is why reviews can be so helpful though. Yes. Because you're like, you read this three star and you're like, oh, that's exactly what I'm looking for, even though it's not necessarily a positive review. It's sort of like, oh, that gives me information. I find it hard to believe that it's,

like, is the description that misleading? Can I just please read it so that we don't have to, like, discuss how wet it could be and why and why not. And I mean, I would love to Alexander, I so would, but like maybe, maybe after the show. I think maybe you'll get like a better understanding of this person's need, desires. I'm curious about your perspective,

but I'll hear those reviewers, that's fine. Okay. You could absolutely prank someone with this, but you'd have to pick the right spot. The poo isn't as visually moist and textured as I was hoping for. It's rather small as well, and the color is monotone. Some flecks, debris strewn in the smelting process

would have been awesome. I'm just like picturing them with like a clipboard, watching them smell at the poo. My god. Maybe a little more flecks in there. Like additional dash of, oh, flecks. Oh. Roll it around in some debris in a sandbox for a minute.

That's so true. God, that's sick. Some flecks, debris strewn in the smelting process would have been awesome, but God giveth and taketh and he gaveth this Duke as is. I hate that I just said that out loud. That was a sentence. I wish more people had this energy about like God's creation. Yeah, right.

God gave us this. It's like, you know how they say that it's awesome in that like it's full and fills you with awe. Like it's well, they say that it's awesome in that like it's full and fills you with awe. Like it's well, I guess that's awful. Nevermind that metaphor. Like now that you're saying it out loud, I'm like, oh yeah, wait, that doesn't make sense. Like really mixed me up with those terms. Okay.

But God giveth and taketh and he gaveth his Duke as is. Have yet to prank someone, but I will. It would be best used on a porch or a car maybe. Somewhere low down with a dimmer light. Okay, does your car, okay. Where were you putting it before? A toilet is too white. Okay.

And given most bathrooms lighting the, oh, I guess what they're saying is a dimmer light like a lower light level. I thought they meant like a dimmer light. Oh, specifically like a clapper or like a you know, put a yeah, a dimmer. You're right. A dimmer on it. Yeah. Yeah. A toilet is too white and given most bathrooms lighting the inauthenticity of this poop would be spotted a mile away sitting on a toilet. A port-a-john- Ben pranking you again in the bathroom because nobody should be seeing your toilet from a mile away because then you've gotten too exposed.

A port-a-john would be an excellent venue for such an affair. Although imagine bringing that sticky thing into a porta potty. Talk about one use. You'd never want to touch that thing again. That's true. Not that taking any fake poop into a porta potty is something you'd want to reuse, but you know what? Yeah, probably not. But also it would be sad because I feel like then people just would not use the porta potty. They'd be like, oh, that's disgusting. Like they're not going to clean it up. You don't even know. I'd like to think that they'd stay there

to see the results or they're using it to specifically prank one person who they're going in. You can go in after me. Yeah. I in my mind, they're not just like plate placing this at random. I think like a construction site, throw it on. I think it's the way that they're describing like, like these like plans that are so vague almost like maybe in a car or on a porch or

John at a festival. It's like I think this would be hilarious if you were like I don't know like a Camping trip and you know those like those little like camp it like before a hike before you go on a hike and you're in The park and there's a bathroom and you're all like, oh, let's pee before we go And then you go first and you put this on on your way out yeah that's something like that or you work where there's a porta potty on the construction site or similar or what about your co-workers sleeping bag or

next to or next to the campfire be like come out and finish with the with the with the moors or whatever the fuck you should just stick it on a stick with two graham crackers. Oh my God, imagine the fumes that would come off when you put that in a fire. Talk about a smelting process. I feel like everybody would expire. Couldn't be healthy. Okay, let's see.

He taketh, et cetera. All right. A port-a-john would be an excellent venue for such an affair those seats are black I would advise perhaps some Vaseline or spray of some sort during installation I like those. I love this review though. It's very well thought out Yeah, you can say that or spray of some sort during installation to mimic a fresh moisture from the specimen. I'm like, how close I mean, are you are people touching like, why would you need Vaseline? Okay, forget it. But this is like this person's a scientist in my mind hearing all of this. It's over. Oh, end of review. I didn't hear what you said. I thought you said something like rude to me, so I

End of review or no Okay, um, I like that review though Vaseline what a great idea. I just like I just like the smelting process part. That's about it Good stuff. Um, good stuff. My next one is from Skatey. She they and Skatey sent in something pretty incredible. And you're going to have to look at these pictures.

This is a snake. No, no, no, not even. It's the best thing ever. Snake prank with string clip golf snake prank clip on snake prank rubber snake snake prank with string prank snake toy realistic rubber snake P Dash rank toy Snake toy. Sorry you put out what was it called again? Uh snake

Can I look can I look um and now look at the photos? Yes That are included there are two photos that are included with the product description Hey, remember that hunger games prequel, the songbirds? Like this is what I feel like happened in the arena. Like this is like my sudden instinct is like ballad of songbirds and snakes. Like this is how they are coiled to kill. Wow, Alexander. This is Banana Grams.

How funny. This is like one of the wildest uses of stock imagery I've seen. It's a family, a white family, all in denim and white sneakers running through a gorgeous field. The dad is flying a kite, a rainbow kite, and both children appear to be tracking along coxics snakes that are about the size of like their torsos and they're very poorly photoshopped in just like early photoshopped they're just kind of like slapped on there in like this curly fashion I mean it looks really nuts and then the second picture is of of two people in the backyard

presumably a parent child playing with these snakes. But it looked like the kid, it's behind him. It looks like it's about to strike. Yeah. Like you can't tell if they're running away from them or... Alexander, wait, do you see the one in the tree? Hold on. Yes, there's one flying through the air. There's one above his head. Yeah. Oh my God. And then there's one like crawling through grandma's legs. Like I don't understand. This is the wildest picture I've ever seen. I know. It's crazy.

Such Hunger Games energy. So I do have a five star review. Oh, OK. Verified purchase titled Ruins Father in Law Relationship. Oh, my God. Here we go. This worked too well. My fiance's dad injured himself trying to get away. Alamayo literally ran into a chair and kept running dad injured himself trying to get away. Ella Mayo literally ran into a chair and kept running into it trying to escape. Our relationship has never been the

same." Frowny face. See, this is the risk you run as a prankster. And that's why I don't like to be in the prank space because I don't like to deal with the aftershocks of it. Like a hospital bill. Like I just don't have. Because you feel really bad. Like you're an empath. I'm an empath and like throwing fake snakes at people and making them go to the hospital makes me really anxious. And I just like no one's going to the hospital to like fake toilet paper. Like me. And it's like if I feel like someone is at risk of

Not liking me even though I was trying to do something in good fun. It's just not worth the risk for me Yeah, cuz your relationship with them will never be the same. That's right. I'm too codependent for that's it your fault actually Yeah, yeah in your head. It'll never be the same. Oh, but so I heard I do remember in the title, you said golf. Yes. Is that how that she did this? But then she said chair. So I thought like, oh, he tripped in like a sand bunker and like broke his ankle or something. But he tripped over a chair. I'm wondering where the snake maybe was it on a under a platter? A poo poo platter? You just lift you lift the lid of the culinary delight and it's a snake

I don't know it does say golf snake prank. You're right, but it also says P dash rank toy sort of Put a hyphen in there so I don't think the titles making much sense if in my head maybe it's because I just thought of a different review, but in my head, it's like, like at a poolside or something or like our beach or something. And there's like a fold out chair. Okay, I need to understand I need I know I will never understand I need to understand the stock images. Are they are they meant to be flying in the air?

Like I don't understand why the in the stock images both pictures they're like up in the sky is that do they have like a or maybe they're not up in the air? Like I don't understand why the in the stock images both pictures they're like up in the sky is that do they have like a or maybe they're not up in the sky but they're like up off the ground a bit. Or is this so it has a string. Okay, it does have a string. I remember the string and I thought maybe is that you pull it and it looks like it wriggles. It says so it says golf snake. Yeah, I think it's like wriggling

because it's just so like rubbery and that's its thing I don't totally let me see. There's actually a video on how it works Don't don't be too scared out center. Close your eyes. Oh My gosh, okay so they like tied it to these people somehow so like but like they do it on a golf course, I think because like So they like tied it to these people somehow. So like, but like they do it on a golf course, I think because like, so it's like, it's chasing

you. Yeah. So like when you run away from it, that's the next level of a prank. That's what I'm saying. Like that, that can seriously be because it comes with a strain. That's the whole point. So like, I don't know if in that first stock photo with the two kids running and the parents chasing if the kids are supposed to have the snake tied to them.

That's what I thought was happening. Like, the dad's pulling a kite and they're pulling two snakes. Yeah. They look very happy to be chased by snakes right now. Yeah, this feels like it's just all part of the plan. Yeah, it comes with like a clip that you can, I guess, connect to someone's shirt or something,

like an easy little clip. And that must be, but like, connect to someone's shirt or something, like an easy little clip. And that must be... But like, yeah, and the whole thing with the chair, I was thinking for some reason like a beach chair. But now I'm thinking of that person who... And that like, didn't we have a review of someone getting stuck in one of those? Like fold out a patio chair or lounge chair thing? Oh my gosh.

So that's, I think, what I was picturing. They got their legs stuck in there and just freaked out. Yeah, actually I do see, I can see that, especially by poolside or like a, yeah, okay, I'm seeing what you're saying now. For some reason I thought it was like some sort of knives out, like dark dinner party situation. And they were like, now eat a snake.

And then- That's interesting. Like fear factor type thing. Yeah, but no, no, not fear factor. More just like, more just like Nosferatu vibes, you know? Oh! Like, you've come here, but you don't know why.

Yeah. Surprise. Here's a snake. It's snake time. Pfft. That's a quote, right? Doesn't- Snakes for supper. don't know why. Yeah, it's snake time. That's a quote, right? Doesn't make for supper. Make time knows ratu says right before unleashing some snakes. He says that he says snakes for supper. So things are ramping up kicking into

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Go to hungryroot.com slash beach2sandy and use code beach2sandy. That's hungryroot.com slash beach2sandy code beach2sandy to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. Hungryroot.com slash beach Two Sandy, code beach two sandy. Okay, here's a five star review of that same lofty poop that we discussed earlier. That was, what was it?

Two, not as wet as I'd hoped was, uh, I believe Anton's review. Now this is a five starstar review by, interestingly, a user called Likes Literature. I have this one as well from Skady. Oh, you do, that's the one. But that's okay, because I have a different review of this product from Skady as well. So you read this one.

I'll read this one. So I have read this one, but it is definitely worthy of. Okay, I love that Likes Literature really made their mark here on this podcast today. The title is- I gotta not, I didn't even notice the name until now. Yeah. Well, me neither. So, so it's in that fun. Yeah. You've been like, this is an interesting fact about this review that I just learned. I'm improving five stars. The title is really works,

but can be dangerous. And obviously this does go hand in hand with what with what we just discussed verified purchase yes these really work 100% if you put one on the floor beside the toilet however be careful I had to go to the emergency room at 2 a.m. for stitches after one of these plastic turds caused me to wound myself so boys and girls do not try this part at home. I had put the stupid plastic turd in my pants pocket, forgetting I also had a switchblade knife in there. Oxynor, this happens to the best of us.

No judgment here. I went upstairs to the bathroom getting ready for bed. Unbeknownst to me, the turd had pressed the button on the knife partially opening it in my pocket as I lowered my pants the blade scraped a long cut until the chip stuck and like a pole vaulter it dug in deep severing and artery. So worst I just even begin. Imagine writing this and still giving a five star review.

The thing is, anything that could have been in that pocket could have done this. So like, that is of all so embarrassing that of all things for this to happen with, it was you literally could have just said I had a switchblade knife in my pocket and it accidentally didn't lock properly and opened yeah I Applaud the honesty I suppose we do there was blood everywhere And it was very difficult to apply pressure with one hand while hobbling around with my pants around my ankles Looking for my 30 years old box of Band-Aid stuff. I am not exaggerating, there was blood squirting.

Well, yeah, you fucking severed an artery in your leg. Because a knife pole vaulted off a big plastic turd into your pants. Oh my God. Okay, we'll get through this. I am not exaggerating, there was blood squirting and it was quite a mess. I live alone, so I ended up with gobs of cotton,

absolutely worthless in this situation, and two washcloths taped around my leg. I drove myself to the ER where there was a great amount of curiosity over how I could have done this. Long story short, do not put one of these turds in your pocket if you have a switchblade in there. And 21 people found this helpful. Phew, so many lives saved.

You know what's amazing? When Skady sent the screenshot, 22 people found it helpful. Skady was like, me as well. I as well. I will... Or whoever sent yours in. Let me take my switchblade out real quick and then I can hit helpful as well. Because this really has changed the game What a what a thing to tell people to do like don't put this in your pocket with a switchblade

I advice but also like could be really helpful because I am Random things in my pocket and forget they're there. Yeah, I'm like I'm guilty of that but Yeah, it's just a such a such a bizarre combo. It's usually like a weed vape, not like, yeah, scissors, but sometimes it's a scissors. Yeah, the tur the poop turds gonna like turn it on and hold your vape and it's gonna burn through your clothes or something. Oh my god. That's probably what's gonna happen.

So maybe yeah, maybe it is a thing with the turd. Maybe this turd is just dangerous and I would think so causes problems Well here is a one-star review of the exact same product this this thing is causing causing trouble. Yeah This is my last review It's titled it's too small I Bought this to mess with my wife My plan was to hide it in a litter box so when she scooped she would find it We're constantly threatening pooping in a litter box at each other in a joking way. Okay. Well, that's weird, but

That's very that's a very clever prank like if I actually I might do that to blaze like put like a We have a little robot, but maybe in the bottom I'd put like a giant Poop you're gonna put That in there And the litter robots gonna like explode. It's like I'm telling you, have you not learned anything from the switchblade incident? Do not put this in places where it can cause issues. Oh my god you're so right. I take it all back. Blaze also keeps his switchblade in the litter robots and we wouldn't want to cause any accidents. I always thought that was moonshines.

He's crazy. That little guy. No, he keeps his somewhere new every day and I never know where it is. And I was going to be like, I finally did it. I pooped in the litter box to mess with her. When I got it, I saw how small it was. It's literally the size of a regular cat poop. So I never put the plan into action because I don't think she would have even realized it wasn't a cat poop.

It's just too small. And of review, a plot point in like White Lotus. Sorry, I just watched that show last night where you'd like have the poop and you'd be like, oh, well, I don't know what to do with this yet. And you put it in your nightstand. And then like weeks later, someone finds it and is like, what is this? And it causes this whole like other side drama that you didn't plan for all because you accidentally bought a cat sized turd instead of a human sized one.

Okay. I'm calling Mike White right now. We're getting this next season. You know what? Shut up. Okay. The fake poop into disaster pot line is going to go crazy next season. It's going to be so good when they're at White Lotus.

I don't even know where they'd go next. What? You have to specify the nightstand. Nightstands play a crucial role in the White Lotus series if you have not picked up on that as I have just now as I am. This is how I operate my brain. It's magic. is from this is from Mellie she her and it's a five-star view of gangster no no what kind of

gangster pranks are we pulling it It says gagster, Christine. Okay. Gagster. It's like what makes this a gangster? I don't know. Oh my God. Gagster, no tear toilet paper. Prank gift looks like real toilet paper, but won't tear. Funny stuff for adults and kids.

No ripped TP. The review I have here from Mellie is called Poop Already, and it's a verified purchase. I mean, I can't really prank my always pooping partner yet because today he has decided to not poop at all. I have been having to go to the bathroom, but I am hiding real toilet paper in the cabinet under the sink for myself.

I can't rate it low, but is the universe sending him signals? I keep asking him if he needs to poop. I give him food, I massage his belly, this is all a fail. I'll keep you updated. And if we end up in the hospital due to constipation, I will bring this roll. Still funny, I even accidentally pranked myself and I laughed. End of video. That's the best prank when you can pull it on yourself and still find it funny. How does anyone prank this? That's insane.

They prank this. I guess of all things, this Tilly the Paper would get me at some point if I like. Well, apparently they picked the wrong day where they're having gastrointestinal issues and have set up the worst way to accidentally prank yourself. I love the forethought though of hidden toilet paper. But it seems like it didn't really always work. Also, I love, let me massage your belly real quick. What are you doing?

Hurry up and poop. It could be better. It could be worse. It could be like, you know, putting like mucil mucil. What is that stuff called? I'm pretending I'm pretending. I don't know. Um, no, I'm just kidding. Like the X lax or whatever, put something like that in his drink. Don't do that. Don't do that. I'm just saying it could have been worse, but then the ER part was alarming because yeah, imagine you do go to the ER, they give him something to get to pass everything. And then you're like,

here you go. And then you fucking ruin everyone's day, including the nurses, especially the nurses, especially the nurses. Uh, yeah. And like probably everyone in the hospital because the sewage system for sure isn't maintained to handle like an entire roll of whatever this is native. Someone described it as they said it was like fabric sheets. Oh at least the one that I had read earlier that that was like the texture. That would be the nightmarish thing for me to use as toilet paper besides you know all the normal awful things you know but that's rough one. That's a rough one to get. That is. That is. Yeah. That's my last one. Great. Oh, well, before we get into the challenge, I do have a voicemail. Yay. This one was sent in by Stacy. It's pretty scathing. Oh, and this this this situation is pretty. It's pretty contentious and serious. So we getting like

a breaking scoop. Right? Yes, scoop, breaking scoop from Stacy. Got it. Hi, pod, sibs. My name is Stacy. And I have a short review to send to you guys because this business isn't yet on Yelp. So I really just like needed to get this out somewhere. So my daughter Ruby started her own store. Our living room was full of things from like $1 to $80. She made a sign that was like, if you need help, just ask me. So I went into the store.

Okay, sorry. I really was like, oh, that's so cute. A boutique shop called Our Living Room. And then I was like, oh, this is not what's happening. This is a child. Okay, I get it. I see. I thought this was going to be an Etsy thing and the living room was full because like all those materials for shipping, I've been there.

Okay. No, we're talking to child. Okay. Just wait, just wait. It gets pretty serious. And I shopped around the aisles were not labeled correctly. Dare I say. The aisles were not labeled correctly, dare I say. And so finally I picked the books that I wanted and I went up to pay and one was $6, one was $5. And you know, I was like, do you need my card? Like, you know, do you need to ring it up?

And she said, do you not know how to add six plus five? And I thought that was so rude. I was like, wow, have you heard of tax? And she just was just really rude. And I'm actually hiding from her right now so that I can send this in. And I think she's coming. So I'm gonna go, bye.

Well, that was the most ominous ending of a review we've ever heard. She's coming. I'm hiding, she's coming. I mean, that's a risky run, writing a one-star view of a place that has an unhinged owner. You know what I mean? Like if this person who owns a store is insulting your mathematics skills, like prove yourself.

Hey Ruby, what's seven times seven? Actually, I don't know how old you are. So it could very well be that you know that. But you know what? I'm going to go. Oh, I think in a separate one, Stacey mentioned that Ruby's like 22 oh stop it that's where my brain was out of beginning and I know it's all wild it's all wild I so I so love this because yeah it has a cash register now and it's so effing annoying and but she doesn't

understand of course how it works so she she's not quite so tactless. If she were, you'd be hearing about it. So maybe Ruby can get in touch because Leona's a little better about customer service, but I will say business-wise, she's not got the head for it. She's always saying it's $5 and then she gives me money when I'm buying things. And I'm like, I mean, I love the story. I might have to stop by. But it's not going to last very last very long yeah I might have to stop by at some point now yeah I would I would hurry it we're running out of money and merchandise like rapidly because she gives it all away yeah I it sounds like it but yeah sounds good that

was a good one Stacey no offense Ruby but I'm not coming to your shop anytime soon yeah my math skills I need to practice first because I feel like you're gonna really haven it do a number of That was so good. I love that So thank you, Stacey if you would like to leave a review of If you've ever been to Ruby store or Leona store No, if you want to leave us a voicemail, you can go to patreon.com slash PhD Sandy patrons have access to the voicemail box and you can leave any kind of story

any kind of complaint any kind of I don't know saga, whatever you want. If you're hiding from your own child. Yeah, you just let us know. Now it's time for my challenge. And my challenge was to find reviews that mentioned a plot twist. Oh, yes. Yes. And my first one here was from Stephanie. By the way, I also put in there on the calendar because I like that. It was April fools pranks plot twist

I just felt like it was kind of a fun like fitting topsy-turvy episode, you know, yeah full of surprises full of surprises So here's what Stephanie has to say about this review. I'm about to read They said wow, I wonder if all Icelandic people sound so dramatic when communicating in English or just this guy I wonder if all Icelandic people sound so dramatic when communicating in English or just this guy. Tens of thousands of reviews of the Alhambra and no one found it helpful. I was the first. Stop. How many?

Oh my God. Okay. I love this. No one found it helpful. Yeah. It's crazy. Tens of thousands, literally 40, almost 44,000. So 43,981 reviews of the Alhambra, which is the second most visited site in Europe.

This is in Granada, Spain. One star review titled Legalized Fraud. I am sad to admit that my wife and I encountered arbitrary behavior from the staff at the Alhambra. We bought tickets online in advance and showed up at the main entrance to this architectural complex exactly at the appointed time. The territory of the Alhambra is large, so when we showed the tickets to the controllers at the entrance, we specifically asked them if there was any order for visiting the sites. They answered that there was no such order, the main thing is to enter the territory of

the Alhambra at the specified time, and then you can stay there until the evening. We walked from park to park, from palace to palace, and finally reached the so-called Nasrid Palace, and there we were stopped by an employee who said that we were two hours late, so he refused to let us in. I explained that exactly two hours ago we had passed through ticket control, we were on the Alhambra grounds in time, and then we walked around its vast grounds. I asked to speak to the senior manager to resolve this issue, but the staff laughed and said that the senior manager, quote, is now with his family in his big house. In the big house above, you know what I'm saying? With the big guy upstairs.

He laughed about it too, which is pretty fucked up. That is pretty fun. He's with his family in the family tomb. No. Fuck. Honestly, I'm not joking. I received exactly this arrogant and vile answer. I asked, what about money?

I paid for entry. And if I am not allowed in, I would like to get money for the service not rendered. The staff laughed again and said that I can complain anywhere. I did write several complaints to Spanish and Catalan authorities, but I received no response. Catalan authorities about this? Because you didn't do the tour right?

Yeah. Remember that time I bought the tickets for that tour in Germany and it was the wrong day? Oh, yes. I still like have so much like anxiety over that. I completely forgot. I didn't. That ended up not being a big deal at all. Well, you called the Kowloon police and I was like, we're in Germany.

And you were like, I just want an excuse. I called Collect because it's that important. The issue, of course, is not about money. Firstly, the amount is not that big. And secondly, my wife and I did visit the Nasrid Palace the day before the described conflict during the so-called night excursion. Oh yes, this is such a plot twist in my story, smiley face. The problem is that the Alhambra staff seem to have become so closely associated with the attraction they serve

that they imagine themselves to be medieval emirs, owning of palaces and complete tyrants. The Alhambra is very beautiful. Its architecture, its gardens, its fountains, it was built, supplemented, and rebuilt by generations of talented and inspired people. It is a great pity that some of their successors dressed in the uniform of museum workers are now desecrating their memory by engaging in arbitrary acts and, in essence, petty fraud." End of review. What in the actual... That's an intense dressing down of this person. A really dramatic scathing, I might even say. It's scathing and so extra.

So extra. Okay. Remember when you said the conflict the day before the conflict, I thought they meant like some sort of like battle that occurred in this area. And I heard like, oh, the conflict that occurred. And I was like, oh my God. Oh no, no, no, no. This is this is the bad.

They're talking about the battle that they're fighting conversation. Yes. This is this is the bad they're talking about the battle that they're fighting conversation. Yes Um, I love how they're like, it's not about money and we saw this last night But they are complete tyrants for doing this to me I think the plot twist is not what they think the plot twist is, you know It's like the plot twist is like you took this way too far Yeah, like what's really at the heart of this? What's it really about? What's going on, buddy? Come on. What's going on? What's going on? My next review was sent in by a couple people Stacy sent it in Corinne sent it in. And this is of the New York Marriott at the Brooklyn Bridge. Wow, I love that one.

Oh my god. It's a three-star review. It's powerful. I know. As a self-proclaimed Marriott aficionado and proud Bonvoy member, it pains me to pen anything less than a five-star review. Firstly, the WiFi. Oh, the WiFi.

Attempting to connect to it from my room was like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded. It simply didn't work upstairs, which in today's digital age, felt like being stranded on a deserted island without a volleyball to call Wilson. Then there's the $25 resort fee. Now I'm all for splurging on amenities that had a dash of luxury to my stay, but charging for a pool that has seemingly taken a sabbatical? That's a plot twist I didn't see coming. You did say semen and I thought a pool that has semen in it and then he's

I was like, I just got going. I think that we should probably address that. Okay I it took me a moment just in case anyone else had that same like, huh? Reaction, I did not notice I do even I'm so relieved you have no fucking idea. That's funny Well, that's a plot twist I didn't see coming. It's like buying a ticket to Broadway only to find out the theater's been closed for renovations. And the piece de resistance, the walk-in shower, a feature prominently displayed in my Expedia booking, it might as well have had its own photo shoot. Imagine my surprise when I discovered we had those generic hotel bathtubs.

It was like expecting to meet Kim Kardashian, but having to settle for Khloe instead. In conclusion, while my heart remains with Marriott, this particular say of the New York Marriott at the Brooklyn Bridge was a reminder that even the best can sometimes falter. It was comfortable, yes, but marred by a series of unfortunate hiccups that left me wondering if the bridge between expectation and reality had a few planks missing. End of review. What? They brought it brought the bridges back like was that chat gbt where they like put a bridge metaphor in here um alexander i have a bone to pick with this person yeah me too but which one do you have to claim that you're

the biggest you didn't say the biggest but like, you know An aficionado of Marriott and a proud Bonvoy member and then you don't book direct How do you expect to get that fucking walk-in shower if you book through Expedia and you don't get to like pick a room on the Marriott app Hmm you get to like go in mess around a little bit more I think that booking through Expedia. And you can use code beach for 20% Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sounds like you're doing an ad over there. I wish, no. Directly in the end. I wish they would give me something instead of just me having been always be traveling. 16 cities, have you guys heard about our 16 cities? Yeah, we're reading a review of Marriott at each city. Yeah, right, maybe we will.

Yeah, that's just wild to me. If you're such a, you know, whatever. I know, because you are caught up on the Bonvoy at all. I nailed it. And I guess for those who don't know, Bonvoy is there, is that their, that's their rewards membership thing? Yeah. Okay. Oh, I get it, their like rewards? Yeah. Membership thing? Yeah.

Okay. Oh, I get it. Bon voyage. Yeah. I've never thought about it. I've never said it out loud in my life. Anyway, my next one was sent to me by Katie. She her and with this, it's a, it's a review of a book.

Katie says, I hope I never have to write anything that this person is reading. Oh, this is a, so this, I don't think they mentioned plot twists in the review. But this book is titled Mastering Plot Twists, how to use suspense, targeted storytelling strategies and structure to captivate your captivate your readers. So it's a it's a it's a writing guide like it is Okay, it's by Jane Jane K. Cleland Cleveland CLE LAND Has a 4.4 out of 149 ratings seems, you know, very positive But here I love a good plot twist. Maybe I'll read that Here is a one-star review. Yeah, I'd be curious. I'd be like

Whenever there's a good plot twist, I'm like, how the fuck? I'm not seeing that coming. How did they do that? Contest. And I'm always like, Chad, GBT, put a bridge metaphor. Like maybe I'll just read a book about plot choice. Maybe. Yeah. Instead of just telling Chad to put a bridge in it. Put a bridge.

That's me at our shows. I'm always it is you at our shows. It is. Yeah. Always a bridge. Yeah. Well, it started when I didn't, I ran out of reviews that first Cincinnati show we did, and I didn't know I was going to run out of reviews. So I just clicking on bridges because I thought of it and I realized, oh wait, I should have looked at this earlier. Always a bridge too far. Few bridges too far if you ask me. Anyway, here is a one-star review.

It's titled, illiterate writing gives no confidence. Whoa. Christina, I know. Illiterate writing. Oh yes. Okay. The very first part is a section

the writer calls honing in on. I can't even recall what it was she proposed to hone in on because I was so shocked. Even if the writer was illiterate enough to write this, how could such a basic error get uncensored past a copy editor of any worth? Have all publishing standards been dropped? I'm pausing here because I'm not gonna lie. I was like, what's the issue? I didn't even realize it. Do you know why I know that? Why because my copy editor said, you know, it's home in on not hone in on and fixed it when I wrote a literal book And our editor went through and said

And I went wow, i'm a fool Um, but so that's wild but like yeah, I guess if they didn't catch it. I would have published Can you imagine they didn't catch that? I would have published that shit and this this reviewer would be all over it. You're ready for it. No, I didn't realize that. Because, but it's become such a common thing. Yes, that I was reading that. I forget it was like Oxford Dictionary or Maryam or someone reads Oxford dictionary. I was just going through the dictionary and I saw it. Yeah, home in on means to like focus in on honing is like a craft It's like sharpening something is originally what it meant. But then yeah, it's like a honing your craft I'm holding pigeon they

Find their yeah, so it makes sense that like when you like explain it. It's like, okay home in yes more sense But it's become so common that it's basically I don't know I wouldn't correct anyone or think that they're illiterate for doing something. Well, you would probably correct them, but I wouldn't. I certainly would not judge them for being illiterate. I mean, it's insane. No, I would say like, I guess it's kind of not the best look if you're writing a book about writing. But to be

fair, you know, they're writing a book about plot twists. So exactly, it feels like they have accomplished that. All right, read typos in novels all the time. I read typos in novels. And I'm like, this is like a best selling and it's like the third print, third reprint. And I'm like, there's still a typo. It's fine. It happens. Okay, it happens. It happens to the best of us, even the best writers like me, I would know like, this person also, if they're reading this book, maybe they're also a writer. They're like, I'd be curious to read every single thing they've ever wrote and see if there's ever been a mistake.

First of all, it's written. What did I say? They've ever wrote. They were. Thank you. I can play. I listen. This reviewer and I can play this game all day. We would destroy them. You know that Alex Center. We would destroy them. Me and you. Yeah, we would find we would find something.

Oh, find something. I was like mostly that would be from you. I know clearly I didn't get on. I get this. I also know. No, no, no. That was something wrong just now. I'm lucky on my part. But there is more. This person does not let it go easily. OK, they're honing in on it. They're honing in on this error.

That this is an increasingly common error is no excuse. How could anyone who loves words perpetuate it? And if someone doesn't love words, why would they want to be a writer? That's like being a carpenter who doesn't love wood, or a landscape designer who doesn't love plants. The really telling thing is that this is an error based on not reading enough. Anyone who reads prolifically, and surely every writer should read prolifically, would realize that the error happens because it mixes two common and clearly recognizable, if you

read enough, images, that of honing, sharpening, a blade, and homing in like a bee finding its way back to its hive, with an underlying resonance of focusing, zooming in on, a target. You simply can't hone in on anything any more than you can sharpen in on it, and anyone presuming to offer advice to others about writing should have a sufficient grasp of language and breadth of vocabulary to know this. End of review. Jesus, Lord in heaven. Question.

Yeah? Is it breadth? With a D. Guess what? Fuckin A I knew you'd find something. I knew this from before I read the first time I read it. I was like there's something and I found it. Breath and I forgot about it. Deliberate breath of vocabulary. So now I don't need to take their review seriously. I can't it until now. What an illiterate fool. Breath of vocabulary. So now I don't need to take their review seriously because they can't read or write. Yeah. And so that means that the book is back on.

Yeah. So basically it all doesn't count, yes. That's amazing to say. By their own standards. If you read enough, you'd know the difference between one letter in a word. And then you spell the word wrong. Isn't that so fucking funny?

Yeah. That's incredible. That was, that is Alexander, that is a plot twist within a plot, just within a plot twist. But their argument would be like, well, this isn't published and there's no editor, so blah, blah, blah.

But it's like, you can be nifty. I don't care, if you love words and you love to write yada, yada, yada, why are you perpetuating these issues? You can clearly tell in the review they're trying to write as like eloquently and grammatically correctly as possible. So I don't believe them. I know it's funny

Silly stuff. I do have a thing where on social media You just put an asterisk and write like on reddit You just put an asterisk and write breadth to like yes to like troll them back. Yes, you know, that's that's what that would That would just sum it all up. That would just sums it all up. Yep. And like also you have to read to be a writer saying you have to do anything to do that. That's still silly to me. I think like you don't have to read prolifically to be like, fuck off with plenty of people are amazing writers who probably don't read that much because they have things to say

like it's their writing because they're just writing and like even if they don't use good grammar or whatever, like that doesn't mean it's not good Bothers me. Okay. Anyway, I Have something else now. This is a five-star review sent in by Stephanie titled Bahama awesome and it's a review of rosewood bahama this is in the Bahamas I assume

I've This is in the Bahamas, I assume. I was in Amazon on my head, like on Amazon in my head, and I was like, is this a Bahama short? Oh, sorry. This is on TripAdvisor. My bad. TripAdvisor. Got it. Yeah, I realized I'm like, this is not I'm not being clear about what any of

this is. This is fine. Oh, it's a hotel. Okay, it's a hotel. Here we go. This is a five-star review. What can I say besides Bahama awesome? From the ride from the airport.

A lot of things actually. And they do actually. And it seems like you're about to. Yeah. From the ride from the airport to the ride back four days later and all in between this place was turnt. Service and friendly factor, check that box. Everyone was great and the staff seemed super happy with their

jobs and it showed. Food? So many choices and so little time. We love Costa and Katsuya. Date tip. Take out pizza and a bottle of wine from Pizza Lab and cuddle up with your honey in the room watching a movie. With your hot honey? Like for the drizzle? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To put on top. Excuse me, what'd I do? cuddle up with your honey in the room watching a movie with your hot honey like for the drizzle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To put on top. Excuse me. What I do. Your fake puke pizza.

Oh, no. Drink and gamble. Yes, please. Pools and beach. Great for Instagram selfies or relaxing and getting super tan. Jet skis are a blast if you are into that, which who isn't can spend all day chilling, drinking and eating. Same about the jet skis. Yeah, but also the same with about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Plot twist. Right about 3 p.m. hit the water park with a nice buzz. Crowds thin out and you've got to do the lazy river after a couple drinks. I want to do this. Whatever this is, it feels like it's the only thing that will

heal my soul. You know, when you you find like when you your brain tricks you into thinking like some product Yeah, we'll like fix everything like a yeah something for your back or something for whatever. It'll fix it all This is what this trip will do for me. Okay, I believe it go get to the Bahamas Um, put me on a lazy river with a nice buzz actually That's the plot twist is like you're're just like chilling, drinking, eating. Plot twist, there's a water park. And you can just zip on by. Yeah. No effort.

Yeah. Crowds thin out, you gotta do the lazy river after a couple drinks. Spend 20 to 30 minutes on that bad boy. Then hit the water slides to get a surge of energy and thrill at the same time. Gym is small but nice. There's probably several as this place is huge.

Cool design where all the hotels are separate but kind of connected. Loved it and will be back. You gotta go. And when you do, tell them Sir Glock sent ya. Well, I was going to, but that is... Maybe I'll say Sir G just in case I don't know my audience. Don't worry, there are more options and Stephanie also pointed this out the reviewers profile is under Brent M okay and then when the venue responded a few

days later they said dear BMAC DMAC okay oh you can call him it seems whatever the fuck you want what was the what was the glock thing sir glock sir Some that's something that's a choice. I don't know Wow, it is a choice. Yeah, it was all relaxing until you brought it brought Glocks into it But I guess besides that I mean this is the kind of person I would like to plan my trip because it's like Plenty of open-ended windows to just do what you want and chill and not overly, you know, plan or overly make sense. Fill your days. I mean, this is, they seem like they've got the formula. They have a something figured out clearly.

You know, like when you go somewhere, like when we were kids and mom and Tim took us to Hawaii and then you sort of develop like a vacation routine if you're there for like more than a week. Yeah, and ours was going to Play dance dance revolution at the arcade for hours single night night And in the morning we'd eat that pastry cafe, and then we go either one day We'd go to the beach and then alternating days We do something like more educational like a museum or tourist attraction and We did that for the whole trip like ten days and was like, that is a way to do a vacation.

You kind of, you enjoy the routine of it, but like you still get enough excitement, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. We had to figure it out. I figured out. So does Lord Glock or Sergio Glock. Sergio Glock. Sergio Glock.

At your service. And now I have two more. The last one I'm particularly excited for, but for a personal reason. And you'll see why and you'll you'll agree. But the first one. So these are both from Elise and Matt. And this first one is of a book. The book is called Home is Where the Bodies Are by Geneva Rose.

Yes, I know this book. I've not read it. A three star review. Does it contain spoilers? I don't think so. Okay. It's more of like a general feeling about plot twists in the book or potential twists or lack of twists. So there's nothing specific. It mentions a name that I don't recognize, but it doesn't seem like it's relevant. I'll probably never really read it, but folks, if you're nervous, just skip ahead a little bit. Yeah, so here's the three-star review. The next one definitely has spoilers. This one does not.

So, no hate to Miss Geneva Rose. I absolutely love her. But this book would send Scotty into a spiral. I don't know who Scotty is. I assume it's a character either from this book or another book. I would have died if you were like, that's the name I do know. The name I don't know comes later. Like I was like, tell me that's obviously the one you don't know. So that is the one I don't know. But the rest of the review makes more sense to me.

Here we go. It had about as many twists and turns as a drag strip. The plot was about as predictable as Kenny dying in an episode of South Park. I was just waiting for a twist that never came. The writing was still enjoyable and there were some nice sentiments here. However, staying up late to finish this instead of sleeping

when my baby sleeps is perhaps my biggest regret of 2024 thus far. Whoa. Maybe you will love it. I unfortunately did not. End of review. Whoa, you're right. That does pack a punch about the thought about the lack thereof. I'm curious to read it now and almost be like, because sometimes I read Goodreads reviews or whatever and I'm like, really? I thought and I couldn't disagree. I couldn't disagree more.

But so I'm just curious because it's been on my to read list for a long time. Maybe I'll I'm just curious because it's been on my to read list for a long time. Maybe I'll this Did not discourage me from reading this book like I'm this view is that valid? I don't know like whatever them sure they have the reason for feeling that but yes, so many good reads reviews I'm just like now the book is are they missing something am I missing something the book? I completely disagree hone is where the bodies are Where the bodies are oh wait, oh, I own this book Wait, wait, wait, okay. I Think hold on

Look what Eva sent me in my care package for Christmas Cute. Oh my gosh fun and it comes in this sick. Oh cover. I recognize it cuz when I googled it I saw the VHS tape and I was like wait a minute. I think I own this book. Yep. That's so cool. Yeah So I'm curious to read it. I I'm definitely gonna read it Rated T for thrilling So I will I'll keep you posted on my thoughts on the plot twist but nice Anyway, that's fun. I didn't realize it was it present. It was like presented that way in like a VHS box type thing That's cool. I like that. That's fun.

I have one more and this is a review of A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas, Akatar, a review of Akatar, which you and I both have read. I've read recently. Feelings about. Akatar, a review of Akatar, which you and I both have read recently, feelings about and have feelings about and, you know, mixed feelings, but but but feelings gone. Yeah. So this is my last review and this is not a spoiler free zone. I will be reading this is a spoilers of the ending and things that happen in the end.

Wait, so I get to feel like really validated here. You'll see the thing is your main concern that you brought up to me is not even mentioned in here. And I think your main concern is very valid. So I'm like, wow, there's even more like- I was so happy when you read it because I didn't want to make you read it to like get to the thing that I was telling you about.

But then when you said you were reading it, I was like, oh good, now I'll get like a natural reaction of like your thoughts. Cause I forgot that you told me what happened. Because yeah. And I know I'm supposed to read the second one, but you're reading the second one now for what it's worth everyone. I'm reading the second one. I'm almost done with it. I'm flying through it.

I'm really enjoying it. And I enjoyed back in Toronto. Throne of Glass. I'm not a SJM hater. I just the first one was not it for me. I don't think really. It was like fine, but not my jam. Here we go. Here's, here's a review. I actually don't know the star rating, but it's just the last

bit that was included. Here we go. Things I thought were stupid about the end. Spoilers ahead. Tamlin and Feyre's love is not worth the death of innocents. I don't understand why I'm supposed to think she made the right choice killing them when literally she just did it so she could get at Tamlin's dick. Do not understand that at all. The plot twist, where Feyre figures out Tamlin has a stone heart, was so stupid. She really heard two fairies call Tamlin a bitch and was like, oh my god it's literal! And she was right! Also, Amarantha's plan was stupid. She was either going to stab him or not and it was a 50-50 shot either way.

Resand getting a mating bond. Remember the 50% or not? I just like I forgot about that. Wow yeah that one that that wow that got me good. Okay It was so silly. Okay Resand getting a mating bond with Feyre Resand just completely red gay for me the whole time before that so felt like it came completely out of left field That's more of a personal pet peeve though. I get why it happened lol Anyways, this book was dumb But I needed to read it because my sister's BFF keeps talking

about it, and now at least I can interject her rants on how hot resand is with something. I really thought you wrote that for a second, because remember Renee made me read it and then I thought you were... For a minute I thought you were punking me and this was your review, and I got really freaked out. I was like, oh my god. So meta. That's why I read this I was like, oh, yeah

This is very weirdly relatable and I read it because so many people were talking about it to me and I was like fine Well, and I gave you a copy so you didn't have to go buy one Yes, that's probably helped because I think they're kind of expensive if and I got the second one at the library So it's going well nice. Um, but it was like the most worn book I've gotten from the library, which is so funny. It was just like a worn worn worn beat up. Um, and uh, that's funny. Yeah. But yeah, I, um, I can't disagree with some of those points. I thought I agree. It was, a lot of it was also like super cheesy and silly.

I just, I think I have a hard time with the cringy stuff like the cheesy stuff and and I think that's why maybe I'm just not made for this the kind of smell I don't know it's like I can get why it's fun but I think it takes me out of it when it's like a little too flirty like that's the thing with like in my complaint with book two but like I know it's a romance so it's not that bad but like they like take every opportunity to be flirty that they can. And it's like every single single interaction either starts or ends with flirtation it feels like. It feels like if one more character growls something to be like a sexy way. I'm sick of the growling person.

Yeah, they always growl at something. I will say that Throwing a Glass has been really fun and I feel like slightly. I mean, but then it gets, still gets really funny. But I say all this, I'm reading book two. I'm excited to finish it. I'm enjoying it. I didn't fourth wing. I got through pretty quick, but I didn't feel as interested in reading more. Yeah. I thought for some reason that I liked fourth wing better than Akhtar, but now that I'm reading Throne

of Glass I'm like no I like this one better I think yeah both of the others I don't know we'll start a separate yeah I also want to read a Throne of Glass it's good once I'm done with and I also have so many other things I want to read before that but yeah anyway I thought that was kind of silly because we've been talking about Akatar you and me yeah and then now we got to talk about it again. So any chance that I like to complain about something with you is great. So thank you. Exactly. So thanks to you all for hanging out. This was really

fun. I had a good time. And we're so excited that we got to announce our new tour. We are so pumped to see you and all these new different cities and even revisit some cities that we love. Wait for people in random towns to be like, holy shit. I just hope there's like one person in Plano who's so excited. And it's like, what? Well, Plano is like right by Dallas. I was going to say it must be near a big city because there's no reason we would be like it's the time we went to Lawrence, Kansas with M.

And we were like, what the fuck is Lawrence, Kansas? It's like the college town. It's like where the university is. So it's like, oh, I see. It's like very busy. You just don't necessarily know much about it. Plano has a pretty high, 290,000 people. Just in Plano alone. I didn't know that, I'm learning myself.

I'm gonna find it. Everyone in Omaha knows we're coming there. I feel like that you handpicked Omaha. I know I really hand requested it. Yeah, I know, I'm serious. He literally was like, I think we should go somewhere new, like maybe Omaha. And I was like, what? It jumped out at me because I've never been to Nebraska. Well, I saw it. And I said, absolutely. Fucking Lutely. Yeah. I mean, yeah, not that you were against. Of course not. Yeah. But yeah, no, I was like, I thought it would be

so fun because there are so many random cities. Because we go to certain cities and we've been multiple times, especially when it's close to home. But like, I don't know. We just I'm sure we have people who listen that are near Omaha that are like, when can we get a show? Let's get runs. Let's just do it. And then see runs us. Exactly. Do they have a vegan option by now? Probably not.

I bet you they do. And I bet you if you send in reviews, Omaha for our live show, maybe you can throw in some wrecks for for true, please. But yeah, no, we're so excited to see you all check out the full list of dates at beach to sandy.com slash tour. If you're patron, there should be check the Patreon page, you should be able to get early access to tickets for the next couple days after, and then this Friday after this episode is released, I believe April 4th, you should be able to, everyone should be

able to get their tickets. General on sale, yeah. That's everything. Yes. So I think that's it. Also, Oxlender, wouldn't it be fun if we go to each city and we do like a review of like we go like film something at like a famous place like how we did that troll bridge or whatever? Yeah, I think that would be fun or at least as many as we can because some of them are like our Texas days are like one city after another, like three days in a row. Maybe we order a food or something if it's like, oh, they're food or like their food or something. Yeah. So I don't know, send in your recs.

I'm curious or comment on Spotify. We see those too. Yeah. And let us know. Yeah. And we'll see you soon and talk to you soon. Bye. Bye!