Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet - Schiefer Madness: Karma Will Prevail

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

From bidets to porn sites, we talk about pretty much everything this episode. Thankfully it's a bonus episode, so we can do what we want! And so can you, but we'd encourage you to donate to the One Fa...ir Wage Emergency Fund by going to OFWEmergencyFund.org. With your leftover money, feel free to buy yourself a plague doctor mask. Buy our brand new merch! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wet Support us on Patreon at patreon.com/beachtoosandy for a monthly livestream Q&A! Go subscribe to our YouTube channel and watch our first ever live show in New York! www.youtube.com/c/beachtoosandywatertoowet Logo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White. Music by PSOVOD and tyops. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Welcome to Beach to Sandy Water to Wet, a podcast featuring real reviews written by people who just need the world to know what they think. need the world to know what they think. Between you and me, I wanted to like this podcast, but I'd give it zero stars if I could. it's corona time oh i was like what's our important message we haven't i haven't been briefed she for madness we're doing another bonus episode um thanks to all of you who've sent in you know corona related reviews for us to read we appreciate it and you're welcome and you're welcome um yeah so i mean i don't think i have any other intro do you no i'm pumped okay you go first okay well i will start
Starting point is 00:01:33 with an email from marina marina says first i want to thank y'all for putting out extra content during this trying time i've been running around non-stop between my bar's new delivery service and helping people in my neighborhood and both of your surprise episodes came out right before Thank God you already said you're welcome. I know. You covered all your bases. I know. It's so true. So Marina says, hoping to plug something i love love you for promoting no kid hungry and i've been working to promote another organization that is helping service industry workers who have lost income or
Starting point is 00:02:09 been laid off it's called one fair wages emergency corona virus tipped and service worker fund whoa okay i know it's a mouthful but the website is ofw emergency fund.org did you make sure this doesn't just like link to her PayPal? You know what? To Marina's PayPal. Well, I sent a couple thousand dollars and haven't received a receipt, so I'm not sure. Where did you get a couple thousand dollars? All these bonus episodes.
Starting point is 00:02:35 All our patrons. I'm just kidding. This is cool. Okay. Good to know. It is a great... I did look it up. Yes.
Starting point is 00:02:42 Don't worry. I'm not just throwing out whatever links are. What if this is Alexander's fucking PayPal? He put up a dummy website. Damn, no wonder he's getting thousands of dollars to send to himself every week. To send to myself. Anyway, yes. So, yeah, you know what?
Starting point is 00:02:57 Hey, if you've got some money and you're like, you have the means, you're like, hey, what else can I support? Check it out. See if it interests you. And yeah, I trust Marina because Marina sent in some quality reviews. Okay. Here is one. This is of Clorox hand sanitizer spray 16.9 ounces on Amazon. And I'm going to read Marina's note first. Marina says, I thought this was particularly funny because I looked at all the other recent reviews and I couldn't find a single person named Kelly. So that's relevant for the review. Here's the actual review by Josh titled It's Hand Sanitizer. Five stars. It's hand sanitizer, Kelly. It kills all sorts of
Starting point is 00:03:37 icky cootie bugs. If you don't like that the pump can distribute the sanitizer in a spray, don't pump so hard or put your hand closer to the pump considering the cost was under five dollars during the covid19 outbreak and a major brand name people trust it's a fair deal end of review oh my come on kelly get it together do to you yeah kelly's not wasn't happy but um are you sure it sounds like this person's not happy and kelly really doesn't have much to do with it i don't think anyone's happy but marina thinks that uh it's someone in his life who was complaining about this hand sanitizer and he's just transcribing the spiel that he said to her i think he's just putting his journal his life journal online i
Starting point is 00:04:19 mean it makes sense everyone keeps doing where else would you do it but on Amazon? And then here's another review of the same product by Cindy. One star titled Scam. I think this was a scam. It was only alcohol. Plain alcohol. I was wiped off. End of review. She's drunk.
Starting point is 00:04:39 Yeah. Holy shit. Exactly. She drank it. She sprayed it into her mouth. Cindy. No. Don't do that cindy cindy take some notes from josh and put your hand closer to the pump not your mouth not your pump wait i'm i think i've had too much hand sanitizer today too stop drinking my hand my gallon time i
Starting point is 00:04:58 tried hand sanitizer no why christina bus9. It's always the answer why. A lot of things happen on bus 709. I thought we agreed to consult each other before we revealed any of our memories. We've revealed many. We've revealed that we've had glass thrown at us. The Pokemon card. Yeah, the Pokemon card. When I was, I think, pretending to be a project, a school project, like a robotic dancer.
Starting point is 00:05:22 And we said you had lemongitis. And I was hiding behind the seat. We we said you had lemongitis. And I was hiding behind the seat. We told Logan you had lemongitis. Yes. Well, this one, the one I'm about to bring up was a time when you had hand sanitizer and you told Logan it was flavored. And he didn't believe you and didn't want to try it. First of all, terrible.
Starting point is 00:05:41 I tried to make him eat it. Yes. First of all, that's terrible. Are you sure? But then I was like, come on, Logan, try it here. to make him eat it? Yes. First of all, that's terrible. Are you sure? But then I was like, come on, Logan, try it here. And I licked it. Oh, so you were in on the game, Alexander. Well, yeah, because I thought it was funny.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Yeah. Because I was younger than you. Everyone always blames me. I was the little brother. I had no choice. Yeah, right. But I actually did try it. Yuck.
Starting point is 00:06:01 Did not go well. What flavor was it? It wasn't flavored. That's the point it was just plain hand sanitizer i don't know oh that's fun you were preparing for for these times anyway that's all marina well says thank you guys again for being dope and i will await your next episode with a bated breath oh my gosh that's funny oh thank you Marina. Okay, so I have, let's see. Okay, so this first one, it was in our Corona folder. And yes, we have a Corona folder.
Starting point is 00:06:31 And it's from Rachel. And technically, the actual content doesn't necessarily have to do with Corona. But it is considered quarantine entertainment. And these reviews were written during the quarantine. Oh, that counts. So I figure it counts. So, Rachel says, last night I watched the most ridiculous movie, and when it was over, I knew the reviews would be pure gold.
Starting point is 00:06:51 The movie is called Assassin 33 AD, and the opening scene is a husband and what? So, what, killing Jesus or something? Literally. Really? Literally. Or, well, you'll see. I'll tell you in a moment. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:03 But good guess. And the opening scene is a husband wife played by heidi montag montag montag montag yes from mtv's the hills and their kids in a car they get hit by a truck the husband escapes but heidi and the kids get trapped in the car it catches on fire and they die that's the first five minutes i will summarize the plot based on the trailer to avoid spoilers a A group of terrorists, obviously they had to make the terrorist Muslims, want to avenge the death of their family by preventing Christianity from ever happening. How? They build a science lab and convince young naive scientists to figure out time travel.
Starting point is 00:07:37 First of all, like they have to convince scientists to figure out time travel. That's all it takes. They just haven't had the motivation yet. Obviously, they succeeded, and the terrorists go back to 33 AD to kidnap Jesus and call him a fraud. Since then, he could not die and be resurrected. If Tiger King wasn't enough for quarantine, I highly recommend watching this movie. Here are a few reviews I found noteworthy.
Starting point is 00:08:06 Thanks for making me laugh, Rachel. So this is called Prime Quarantine Entertainment. This sounds problematic. Really? Think? I'm just going to read the reviews. Please. This is a review from Charlene.
Starting point is 00:08:22 It's from two weeks ago. One star. The plot is really creative from an artistic point of view but who loves their girlfriend more than their parents simon is in jeans all the time there's just a lot of things wrong with that movie isn't ad after the death of jesus oh no oh boy i don't know someone won't stop wearing jeans yes simon I don't know. Someone won't stop wearing jeans? Yes, Simon. I don't know who that is. But he won't stop wearing those jeans.
Starting point is 00:08:50 It doesn't AD. It's an AD after. Okay, no, it's not. I wonder if they accidentally wore jeans to the crucifixion. Because that would make things really awkward. It would really stand out. It probably would prevent. They'd probably crucify them instead well that actually fashion spoilers but there's some uh there's some twists and turns that i read about
Starting point is 00:09:10 in this movie about the cruise the actual crucifixion don't tell me that one of the terrorists gets crucified and becomes jesus or something i don't think he becomes jesus i think they just nail him to a cross instead jesus i know it's really no i'm sorry that was not even on purpose okay i'm gonna i hate this one star review this is by uh wait how many stars is that last one one oh okay you're finally i couldn't tell it was just very kind of vague like random bits and pieces i didn't know what they thought about it overall you have to understand they like the plot though you have to understand their opinion on denim before you really know true what was the first line it's really creative from an artistic point of view
Starting point is 00:09:53 which charlotte knows all about you know what i haven't seen it so i can't judge yes you can you know i cannot alexander i have not seen it so i cannot judge don't knock it till you heard the plot you can decide you heard the plot you can decide whether it's creative or not depends on the ending depends on who gets crucified i just told you this is one star by r it was more like a school project i think the movie is good for low income countries what does that mean it's like not good enough for America. They have like worse taste or something? Shittier entertainment? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:10:28 I just was so taken aback by that. And then finally, this is a three-star review. Heidi Montag, famously lesser income person. Yeah, famously. This is from less than a month ago. It's three stars out of ten by Daryl. It says, don't believe the fake reviews. This is from less than a month ago. It's three stars out of ten by Daryl. It says, don't believe the fake reviews.
Starting point is 00:10:52 I would have, and there's, between every pause, there's a bunch of dot to dots, just to clarify. Of course. I would, of course, give the worst movie ever made a one, as it's the lowest rating possible. This gets a three, because I'm in a good mood today. It has been sunny outside. Think I may have had too much vitamin d amen eight out of nine reviewers found this helpful eight out of nine yeah that ratio is too high too high people so this is an incredibly um terribly racist movie clearly uh that alexander still is holding out judgment on, I guess.
Starting point is 00:11:26 But very problematic. As long as it portrays it artistically. Right, sure. I'm kidding. That sounds terrible. Yeah, it's pretty shitty. I mean, Rachel, let me know what you think since you actually watched it. Maybe we'll watch it. I don't know. We'll see if we ever get enough vitamin D to put this into our brains.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Probably impossible, even in LA. Then again, it's no longer allowed in first world countries. So I guess we're banned. Oh, God. Anyway, thank you, Rachel. That was my first set of reviews. Your turn. Lordy.
Starting point is 00:11:57 Isn't that the wildest shit ever, though? I cannot believe that's real. Me neither. With like an actual well-known actor, too. All right. I got an email from we got an email from chrissy who says hola she for sibs first i want to say thank you for keeping up with your podcast because it gives me something to listen to while i still have to work since my
Starting point is 00:12:17 work deems itself essential to still be open in my opinion it's corporate greed but anywho keep up the great content stay safe and healthy and enjoy the reviews i found for you yay so these are reviews of ass wipes flushable cleaning hygiene wipes with aloe and vitamin e made for bathroom body baby feet and face oh so many options why they put face last i don't use your ass wipes for your baby and your face and your face feet and face i love how it's like feet and face as if it's like those two go together alcohol paraben and fragrance free for sensitive skin one pack 12.95 and free shipping this is a one-star review by amazon customer. Small package. 45 wipes for a huge price of $15. Taking advantage of a pandemic.
Starting point is 00:13:10 Karma will prevail! End of review. Karma back to you. That's what I was thinking of. Oh my god. That's a new one. Were there any emojis in there? No.
Starting point is 00:13:21 Oh, damn. A lot of exclamation points. Damn, damn, damn. I haven't heard that one yet though karma will prevail that's actually a little bit scarier it's really menacing it's really menacing sounds like something they would have said in 33 ad karma or or uh assassin 33 ad yeah um that's frightening and it's a really, really weird thing to be wishing such dramatic ill will upon a company called Ass Wipes. But I mean, you do you. Seems like they wouldn't care.
Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah, they make that pretty clear. Price gouging ain't cool if that's actually what's going on. I don't know. That's the thing. I read this and I'm like, I don't know what they normally sell for. It's not like it's like $80 or something outrageous. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, 15 bucks for a 12 pack? I don't think that's that. No, for 45 pack. Oh, well, that's, for a 12 pack, that's insane, Christina. I meant like a 12 pack of like, oh, I thought you meant like, no, of 12. You can wipe your feet 12 times. No, it's a pack of 45 wipes for $15. I mean, it seems pricey. It's expensive, but it's also a novelty
Starting point is 00:14:21 item. I also, yeah, it literally has like ass wipes and old timey writing and a picture of a donkey on the front. Okay, well, you know what? If you're price gouging, it's shitty, but karma will prevail. So no matter what, karma will prevail. It doesn't even matter, right? Man, don't Google ass wipes.
Starting point is 00:14:36 There's a lot of weird. Why would you do that? I don't know. I don't know. Here's another review sent in by Chrissy. Hand sanitizer gel, refreshing washless hand soap gel, disposable hand sanitizer, pump bottle, 300 milliliters, a two pack, 300 milliliters. According to the screenshot, $17 for a two pack of 300 milliliter hand sanitizer. Anyway, here's what Casey has to say.
Starting point is 00:15:04 Speaking of menacing one star oh this seller is despicable and i assure them they will be judged by the one true god for what they are doing god exists whether you believe in him or not his existence is not dependent on you believing in him end of review what the? This is clearly this person has not seen Assassin 33 AD because a lot of things changed after that film. Seriously. A lot of people are getting extremely vengeful during this. Vengeful
Starting point is 00:15:33 is the right word for this. It's like scary and menacing. Yes. It's frightening to be honest. If this person showed up at my door, like I'd definitely call the police. There was very very little in there about whatever was going on with the product it went downhill fast yeah it went directly back to probably their central argument for any argument they have like i'm pretty sure they just always
Starting point is 00:15:57 kind of divert back to that and they they it's as if they went through their responses pretending that they were receiving responses like they said oh well he does he exists whether you believe him or not as if the seller while they were writing the review said i don't believe in god like what yeah i think who are you talking to it's probably themselves probably themselves late at night um is my guess that makes that makes most sense and i when i say talking i mean yelling but yeah um oh my well that was really dramatic yeah thank you well you're welcome i mean it was chrissy who sent it in thank you chrissy chrissy okay so this is from lauren um it says hello all
Starting point is 00:16:37 i love the pod i've been binging every chance i get i work in a grocery store and our store hasn't been able to provide us any masks or protective gear so most of us have been wearing homemade masks but one of my co-workers joked about how she was going to wear a plague doctor mask until our store got some in this got me wondering what the lovely people of the internet had to say about them here are a few of my favorites and here's the link to the mask if you're interested and i am lauren thank you you knew um our sister has one of those and i despise it that's creepy it's so frightening she walks around when she was like even smaller she walked around with it on with like a crow tied to her shoulder and would just like kind of appear in the front yard it's
Starting point is 00:17:14 very frightening she would like run through the bushes and just stand there she knew it scared me so she that wasn't her she wasn't even alive in 33 a.d no i hate that i keep calling back i'm going to force it into every discussion we have today um okay so this is uh a link to the mask it has great reviews um and i'm going to read the first one that is kind of a jokey review, I think. Like, kind of sarcastic, but I really appreciate it. I thought it was funny. So this is, I hope it's a joke. This is by MJ. Five Star Review.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Published March 17th, 2020. America 1, coronavirus 0. Verified purchase. I bought this mask to protect myself while making my rounds as a doctor treating coronavirus i am still virus free so there's your effectiveness all these disgusting betas running around spreading their weakness but this mask has allowed me to move seamlessly between them i stuffed the beak with old bay seasoning oh my god i love how you're like i hope this is that's when i went that's when i went A doctor going around with Old Bay seasoning and they're plagued up.
Starting point is 00:18:26 Can you imagine they bend over to like check your temperature and they're just like sprinkles on Old Bay? Okay, first of all, their beak would probably poke your eye out first. I can't imagine that, actually. I stuff the beak with Old Bay seasoning so I have a delicious scent in my nose all day. Since I am not actually a doctor in the conventional sense, I mostly give advice in the form of what others believe to be a doctor and questionable prescriptions. Bottom line, the mask seals the deal. I show up and people are instantly ready to listen. Sometimes I pair it
Starting point is 00:18:55 with a cowboy hat to seem more approachable. It is a people business after all. Oh my god, being a plague doctor is a people business. it's like not even a doctor just a semi doctor sort of questionable prescriptions and just sprinkling old bay through their nose everywhere they go um so that's that oh and then there's uh also lauren attached a five-star review actually i went and read all the reviews and there aren't that many but they're all very like fun because all the positive ones you're kind of like well what like there was't that many, but they're all very, like, fun. Because all the positive ones, you're kind of like, well, what? Like, there was one that said, it serves its purpose. And I was like, what is its purpose?
Starting point is 00:19:32 Like, it was really weird, like, off-putting. But this is one by Lily. It's a five-star review called Impulse Buy. Amazing verified purchase. I'm so happy I got this. It's hilarious and, in recent news, fairly relevant. It fits great, easy to breathe in, and I love that it's rubber. It fits both me and my dog great. And then there's a picture of a pug wearing the mask. No, show me. Yeah. Oh, that is so cute.
Starting point is 00:19:58 It's also very frightening, but so sweet. Maybe patrons get to see that photo. Oh God, I feel like we're giving them the dumbest shit. Yeah, well, we got to give them something. Giving us their money. But I will say... Let's give them some more dumb shit. I guess so. I will say, don't worry, the dog can breathe fine.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Like, the eye holes are right around its face, so he's just kind of chilling. And it loves Old Bay seasoning, so that's perfect. That's true. That's true. One of the reviews that I didn't end up reading, literally there's this guy, it was super strange. I'm just going to read it to you because I have it right here. And I don't think I can do it justice. God, look at this fucking product, though.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Like, it's really frightening. That's terrifying. Did you order me mine so we have a picture to post? Oh, I just got mine out of the closet. Oh, nice. Okay. This is a review by logan great mask five stars i wasn't expecting the mask to be as good as it is it came in a small box but it instantly got into the shape it needed to be in the mask is pretty comfortable and i can wear my glasses
Starting point is 00:21:00 while wearing it i can see really good through mask, although a little bit of the view is obscured by the mask. The only problem I see with the mask is that it gets hot fast. It is a little hard to breathe out of, so the heat of your breath fogs up the lenses. Luckily, there is space in the beak, so I might put a small fan in there. What?
Starting point is 00:21:18 What? There's people putting weird shit in the beak. I don't think that's... And the beak doesn't look that crazy big. It's not. It's rubber, too. So I might put a small fan in there overall really good mask and unlike other latex masks i've gotten before this one doesn't smell that strong out of the box i also put some red lights in the eye so that's why they're red end of review and i'm not kidding, Alexander. This person is really frightening. Oh, my God. Click the other photo. Also, they're in a car.
Starting point is 00:21:49 I'm like, what are you doing with that mask? This is from over a year ago. So, like, A, not Halloween season. B, not coronavirus season. Just, like, this is just in the dark in their room with the red eyes. And then the other one is in a car, which makes me wonder, like, where were they going? What is with these masks? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:09 But people act so casual about the fact that they're wearing them regularly. Maybe it's like a specific cult organization and the members have to wear their masks. So it's like, bam, it's no big deal. My cult. We put fans in our weeks. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's weeks. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's like a convention. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:28 You know what I mean? It could be the plague doctor convention, yeah? Coming to town. That's when my sister was gone for so long. She was bringing her. Anyway. Hosted it in our front yard this past year. Like, look at these pictures of people.
Starting point is 00:22:42 I don't know. This person looks like an old-timey jester. And then they zoomed in. I mean, it looks solid. Solid construction. Solid build. Bought this for my brother to wear to his class reunion. Our last name is Crow, so it was quite a unique experience.
Starting point is 00:22:58 To their class reunion? Yeah. It was a little warm to wear, but we live in the desert. What was the theme? I don't think there was a theme, Alexander. Oh, my goodness. I can't. Anyway, so that's the plague doctor mask.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Thank you. Thanks, Lauren. Thank you, Lauren. I really appreciate it. I hope you, until your grocery store provides you with masks, I hope you all start wearing those because corporate will suddenly be like, look at all the masks we masks we found so you don't have to wear plague masks all the time i betcha i approve this is my corporate advice please take it with a grain of salt don't actually don't quote don't quote her on that don't quote me on that please
Starting point is 00:23:36 okay um my last one here is from Anna, who says, Hi, Schieffer sisters. Bless you guys for all the surprise coronavirus-related episodes. My anxiety is at an all-time high with these shenanigans happening, and laughing at dumb people helps. She's laughing at us. That's so mean. Finally, someone called us out for being so dumb.
Starting point is 00:24:02 As if that's the first time someone's called us dumb. Right. I was looking at toilet paper on Amazon, So dumb. As if that's the first time someone's called us dumb. Right. I was looking at toilet paper on Amazon, because of course no one has any still, but lucky for me, my mom already said I can get some from her house if I run out. Lucky. So here's some reviews all from the same toilet paper. Stay safe, stay sane, much love. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:20 So the order that Anna sent them was a little confusing for me, because the first ones, I was like, what is going on in this thread? Like, it felt like these reviews were weirdly related. Oh. And you'll see why. Is Kelly back again? And the last review sent, I think, is what started it all. Oh, shit. This is a five-star review by Big Mike.
Starting point is 00:24:40 And this is the one that started it all? Yes. This is the one that started it all. Got it. So this is of Ultra Gentle Care Toilet Yes, this is the one that started it all. Got it. So this is of ultra gentle care toilet paper, four ply standard rolls, toilet paper, soft skin friendly, no fragrance, bath tissue paper for commercial household, 10 rolls, three ply, 10 rolls. That's my favorite kind. Yeah, commercial household toilet paper. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:59 Gentle skin. This is a five star review by Big Mike. Libs like to shame, don't they? This is a decent price for ten rolls delivered, especially since there's none in stores because of greedy, inconsiderate hoarders. End of review. What? Yeah, that's liberals' fault, I guess.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Yep. So, here's a review. A two-star review by A, titled Stop the Fingerpointing. Oh, God. Here's a review, a two-star review by A, titled Stop the Finger Pointing. Oh, God. Libs? So I suppose cons love paying twice as much for toilet paper. That's great if you can afford it, but maybe we can stop shaming each other for having opinions.
Starting point is 00:25:41 Calling people libs and dems is so ridiculous, as if all the people in any group all think just alike. It's time to be kinder to each other. End of review. Oh, no, this doesn't go well. I can already feel it. Here's another one. This is from Mike 303, one star. Is this the same goddamn person? I don't know. Okay. Or just are they all? I mean, all cons are named Mike, so I figured that actually makes sense.
Starting point is 00:26:00 These are just foreign sellers trying to take advantage during the pandemic. I'd rather wipe myself with a pine cone than support sellers doing this. And political party has nothing to do with it. Anyone trying to sell tissue paper, thin toilet paper for $2 a roll during a national shortage and crisis is the definition of POS. I'll wipe with sandpaper before I support these sellers. End of review. Sounds like he's really brainstormed a lot of options. Mike 303 is going to be just fine. So they all, like the first few were like about,
Starting point is 00:26:32 like stop with the politics. I'm like, wait, who's bringing up politics? And I'm like, oh, it's Big Mike back here. Big Mike is always fucking starting things. And then here's one more review. One star unrelated to these. Okay, I can't wait that is the worst one this is by bulat bulat says this comes from virus ridden china so don't order it unless
Starting point is 00:26:53 you want to get sick you can refuse delivery end of review what you can refuse delivery yeah i don't know so if you order it and then see his review, you change your mind? Yeah, then you can change your mind. What a crazy person. Literally. Especially given the situation here in the United States and how terribly the United States is handling this pandemic. Well, thanks for leaving us on a really crappy note. Well, that's why I left it up to you here. Great. Well, so I have this.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Don't thank me. Thank Anna. Thank you, Anna. This is from Chelson. this don't thank me thank anna thank you anna this is from chelson and it says with the lack of toilet paper many have turned to the magical world of b-i-d-e-t-s bidets and these are some reviews of bidets that's also a good idea you people just know what to look for uh tushy promo code drink just saying hey this is future christine from three minutes before i just realized that the website is hellotushy.com slash drink not tushy because that is a porn site. Anyway, you'll hear me discover that revelation shortly.
Starting point is 00:27:52 The days are amazing. I'm just going to shout it until the day I die. You said it very quietly. That's why I'm not social. You whispered it. Because I know you don't like me promoting my other show on this show. Oh, yeah. It's the worst thing ever.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Okay. This says, thanks for all the entertainment, Schieffer comrades. I'm constantly... That's a new one. I love it. That alarmed me. Schieffer comrades, I'm constantly LM Clean AO. I forgot about that.
Starting point is 00:28:21 How could you? Y'all have kept me distracted from the fact that we all died in 2012. More like 33 AD, am I right? You're so right. This is a product called Luxe Bidet Neo 185 Elite Series Self-Cleaning Dual Nozzle Freshwater Non-Electric Mechanical Bidet Toilet Detachment with Strong Faucet Valves and Metal Hoses. Yeah, that's one of the better ones that i've used he uses a lot he interchanges them throughout the day have you not heard of my youtube channel where i just reviewed bidets oh god no please i got uh demonetized for some
Starting point is 00:28:56 reason probably for bringing politics into this that's what it was all you libs are paying or complaining about paying too much for bidets oh that's why i gotta use promo code drink all right this is a review by mr freeze it's a it's a redemption since i figured we might be ending on a negative note this is a five-star review it says i bought five of these and that pretty much speaks for itself verified purchase i bought five of these and that pretty much speaks for itself everyone that tries it loves it and i end up giving them one i am the oprah winfrey of toilet bidets one for you and one for you have you ever tried getting peanut butter out of a shag carpet best invention ever oh no that part i don't love don't bother
Starting point is 00:29:43 with the hot water option. You don't need it. As a matter of fact, I'd like a super freeze Arctic blast option complete with penguins because it's fantastic when you eat spicy foods. The colder the better. It's delightfully soothing. Ah. That pause made it worse. I debated whether to say that part, but I did.
Starting point is 00:30:02 It is a verified purchase, so this person's not messing around but how many times has it been verified five times are we sure i mean if he keeps giving them away like well that's the thing he's like i keep giving them away and he's like i bought five yeah well so he has four to give away he said you get one and you get one so what are you saying i'm saying i think that this guy only gave away two total, and no one wants the last two that he has to give away. I think this product looks great. I would take it if you'd send me one, sir. I think it looks great.
Starting point is 00:30:31 It has very great reviews. I have nothing against it. All I'm saying is I think it's a little misleading. I guess so. Yeah. I don't think so, but, you know, we all have our own opinions. Yeah. So, thank you.
Starting point is 00:30:42 That is the last one I have. You know what? You did end on a good note, didn't you't you yeah until you tried to ruin it no i didn't i'm just jealous then go to tushy.com promo code if you were called anything else maybe i would that's actually sorry don't go to that because one time i did go to that and i'm pretty sure it's a porn site it's hello tushy.com wow you christina someone probably paused it after you said that i was like i'm gonna go there right now and you just got them in big maybe maybe i'll put this they need a tushy let me put this in okay i put it in oh good that's gonna help everything that's gonna solve it all oh my god their tagline is literally for people who poop which makes me
Starting point is 00:31:25 laugh because i'm a child oh i thought you're gonna say because i'm one of those people i sure am good hashtag crohn's disease okay anyway remember when you accused me of bringing us down with things what's wrong with a chronic illness alexander are you judging me yes that's what i'm doing when you're talking about you pooping no one can blame me for the judgment everybody poops that's news to me anyway thanks everyone for uh still sticking around if you're here they're not they're not that's okay it's a bonus episode we can talk about whatever we want well we did and we will continue to do so whether we're supposed to or not exactly and we'll talk to you for a normal episode on wednesday we will be there and we'll see you square bye Bye.

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