Beantown Podcast - Bidding Adieu to Quinn's Dating Life in Stories

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

Quinn comes to you LIVE 3 days before his wedding to reminisce about some of his worst dating moments, including Goodwill Christmas presents, the parking girl, and never getting to see Carmen.

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn, David Furness. Welcome to my show. Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown podcast for Wednesday, April 23rd, 2025. What's going on? What's happening? How are you? My name is Quinn and this is I kind of this one of my pet peeves when people I go

This is your last so-and-so as a single man. It's like well technically, I'm single for tax reasons, but I've been in a relationship for Going on five and a half years now and I haven't Felt like or identified as a single man for a very long time Five and a half years give or long time, five and a half years, give or take five to five and a half years. So you know what it is, what it is, if that's how the IRS wants to joke around, that's fine. Cause I love to joke on this program. Quinn David furnace presents the Beantown podcast. That's right, I'm getting married in three days. Holy moly, it's pretty exciting. It's all coming together. Just like Kronk would say. The unforgettable role of Kronk

portrayed by Patrick Warburton in Disney's 2001 animated smash hit The Emperor's New Groove. No idea if 2001 is the right year as soon as our outro music finishes we're gonna go check and see how close I was on that guess we don't have our research team here today well we have half of it we have gotten maple over here on the couch she's snoozing but Rachel is out to a workout class and so we don't have those those fast fingers fastest fingers right that's? That's what? it's what they used to do in old school who wants to be a millionaire it would be a

multiple choice or a Order question you have to put them in the right order the person who put the four responses in the correct order the fastest would Win fastest finger and that's how they would choose contestants. That's kind of cool, right? imagine if it was like Jeopardy and every episode started with five people and Only the three smartest people from that pool got to actually compete on the show. I would watch that I feel like there aren't a lot slash. I haven't seen any game shows in the last 20 years that have followed that model that Who wants to be a millionaire did. And the best

was when it would be the celebrities. I know there's at least one clip out there that, that showcases this exactly, but you know, they used to do celebrity who wants to be a millionaire. And it was always not always, but like the ones I remember it's got like Norm McDonald, who did really well, Ray Romano, Rosie O'Donnell, you know this is like peak 2000s type stuff when those people were really popular. And it'll get to the very last person I think it's usually Ray Romano because he's just a nice guy but not the brightest guy in the traditional book smart sense. And they'll give him a fastest finger, and it will be like, put the, you know, like Celebrity Jeopardy on SNL. Put these four cocktails in alphabetical order,

and hopefully he can pull it off. But fastest finger, yeah, there's a little bit of a throwback. But yeah, getting married on Saturday, bachelor party tomorrow. Thanks in advance to brothers and frequent guests of the program, Walter and Jack Furness, for putting that together. Looking forward to seeing folks.

We got a rehearsal dinner on Friday night at a pizza spot, up in the private second floor bar. Very exclusive. If you got an invite to that, it's extremely exclusive. Emperor's New Groove, by the way, 2000. Kind of bummed at myself for missing it. That's one of those, in some of the trivia games we play, I haven't played trivia in a while, but some of them will be like name the year and you have to get it exactly. And they'll give you three clues essentially and you have to get it exactly. And they'll give you three clues essentially and

you have to get the year exactly right. That's one of those, if I saw Emperor's New Groove came out, there's something in my mind instinctually I was just like, oh, that's 2001. But now we've learned it's 2000. Okay. So file that one away. We'll have some more trivia for you later on in the show. But first, we need to mention that I am the creator, the host, and the groom of this program. And of course, shout out to Pakistan. The Islamic Republic probably has very different ideas around marriage. I don't know, when I think of the whole arranged marriage

thing, I always gravitate mentally towards India. But considering Pakistan is right next door, I wonder if they got a similar setup. Unclear if someone wants to email us from the Karachi server or I don't know if they got 5G in the Khyber Pass or what, but email us. Khyber Pass sounds like something Verizon would roll out when you travel to South Asia to get unlimited minutes for $20 a day, right? The Kyber Pass. Kyber crystals, that's a thing, right? Is that real or is that made up? Is that from Star Wars? I think Kyber crystals is from Star Wars. That's how you make a lightsaber right you got to get a kyber crystal There hasn't in any of the Star Wars I've watched

Which is you know about ten movies and a couple of TV shows I saw and or season two Premiered yesterday. I got to go watch that one that that shows excellent But kyber crystals, I think it's mentioned in one or two of the movies But you never really get to see the lightsabers being made or like where are these? Kyber crystal mines and if you can make lightsabers out of them shouldn't it be like spice from dune Paul Atreides arachnid or whatever the plan is called shouldn't shouldn't that those kyber crystals be particularly valuable shouldn't those kyber crystals be particularly valuable? Not sure.

But Pakistan, thank you for making us the 112th ranked comedy podcast in your fantastic Islamic Republic. And of course, listener discretion advised when you're listening to the Bean Tom podcast, number one, we'll occasionally use some language. Number two, this podcast is subjectively terrible. Number three, we're going down a very personal memory lane today. And most of you listening will have very little

Experience or context with some of these ladies or stories that I'm going to mention The plan for today, you know, I this all came together quickly in the last hour or so I was in the shower giving myself a good scrub and I was like should we my first instincts? I'm getting married Wednesday or scrub. And I was like, should we, my first instinct, because I'm getting married Wednesday, or it's Wednesday now, Saturday, is like, should we power rank all of my ex-girlfriends? And then I was like, you know what, that's a really, like, I don't know. I'm not really into ranking people so much.

And even then, it would be really tough, because it's like, how much do you really remember about the person you dated 11 years ago, your sophomore year of college, for like two months? Like it was, you know, it was like a pseudo relationship, you know, a situationship. I had, dude, I was the king of situationships before that term even came about I Feel like more than half of my quote girlfriends if you will have been situationships just because my own poor lack of planning communication and

Look this isn't a dump on my upbringing podcast, but maybe When I raise my kids I'm gonna to go a little bit differently on the whole like girlfriends or romantic partners route. Instead of just saying a hundred percent, you know, black and white off limits, not a, not a color thing. I could have dated someone black if I wanted to, although I never have. Maybe we talk a little bit more about sex and relationships and how to approach these things rather than just sweeping it under the rug.

So no shade, you know, different times, different parenting philosophies. Everyone's got their own paths, their own journey, their own vision. It is what it is. That's the path I'm going to choose to take in hopes of helping Quinn Jr., Dusty, Dusty May, whatever, maybe avoiding some of the pain points that I experienced in my last, my dating career, which lasted from my first first ever situationship when I was about 16 to three days from now the official termination of the dating career. Although again it's funny because we've been engaged for two years and we haven't really been on a date since like August because we got a sweet little puppy over here, my co-host, who

current record for being alone at least in this iteration right now is 33 minutes. That's what we did today of alone time. So we could go across the street to O'Donovan's here in Irving Park and maybe take a shot and look into each other's eyes longingly. But that's about the extent of what our date could look like. But maybe we'll push it up, maybe by next month we'll hit 40, 45. Now we're talking, you get a beer, you can take your jacket off. The dates are just going to get better and better. Wait until we can go see, you get a beer, you can take your jacket off. The dates are just gonna get better and better. Wait until we can go see, and we're not gonna get there, cuz this comes out in like two or three weeks here. I saw Mission Impossible, what are we up to?

Is this eight or nine? I think it's eight. Mission Impossible, the final reckoning is two hours and 51 minutes. So all the film buffs out there can rejoice. Not quite as long as the Ten Commandments, but we're getting into Ten Commandments territory. It's going to be a while before Maple can handle us going on that date, especially when you factor in transit time, but it is what it is. But yeah, we're not going to power rank ex-girlfriends or situations. We're just going to go... This was just briefly down memory lane into some of my iconic,

is not the right word, because it makes them sound grand. They're not grand. Most of them are pretty mundane. But just the moments that stick out in my mind. I'm never going to have another girlfriend or probably any ridiculous dating stories ever again. So you know what? Let's memorialize it. We're not going to look into them longingly, but we are going to recollect not even reflect. Probably not going to

reflect much. Mostly we're just going to have a laugh or two. I am sipping on my Trader Joe's limeime Sparkling Water here. We are less than 24 hours away from me drinking. Bachelor Party fired up. Now I do still need to be conscious. I need to be careful. We're going to go clear liquids, lots of water. I want to have a good time tomorrow.

Bachelor Party is the NFL draft. There's a lot going on, but I got to be in-top shape for rehearsal then a Friday and same thing there. I gotta pace myself because I've lost 20-ish pounds this year so far in preparation for Saturday and the photos and fitting into the suits. So I want to have a good time the next two days, but got to be careful of that as well. And then after Saturday, after the pictures, let the whiskey flow. We went through the bar cart line up last week. I didn't even mention the cognac that I have. I forgot to mention that last week.

So we got all sorts of stuff ready to rip. I have been going extremist mode on the diet this week. It's only been three days so it's I'm not crowning myself yet. But yeah I've been having an apple and then carrots and hummus and for dinner we have bowls which is salmon bowls, rice, arugula, edamame, salmon, avocado, garbanzo beans, and something else I'm forgetting. But pretty much just that. No dessert. I haven't had any dessert this week. This is actually my first carbonated beverage I've had. I asked Chad GPT, hey, what should you avoid eating the week of your wedding to try to look slim in photos and it said avoid Carbonated beverages, so I said, you know what? I'm gonna do this podcast. We're gonna talk for 45 minutes to an hour. I

Got at least have a little bit of fun with it We got chat GPT said to have lots of food with waters Waters waters plural water which reminds me of of the ingredient I forgot in our bowls, cucumbers. I've been munching down on some cucumbers. It says to try to have lots of tea because it helps flush your system of toxins. So I had a big old cup of tea, a mug of tea, my Panama Canal mug from grandparents of the podcast. Dave and Sal. Had that during Maple's training today. Just me sitting on the stairs playing Toon Blast on my Amazon Kindle fire tablet, excuse me, sipping my tea. What a world that we live

in on a Wednesday afternoon at 3 p.m. Just who would have thought that would be my life a year ago? Not me. And yeah, that's been the diet. Trying to pound the water. I've been peeing a lot just every hour or so, which is okay during the day and then total pain in the ass when you're sleeping but we only got a couple more sleeps three more sleeps and then I'll be married there it is Maples minute of the week here we've been hyping her up because she is going to stay with a Rover Friday through Monday and hyping her up and saying, you're getting a big vacation. But from Maple's lips to your ears,

Maple is starting to think that this whole vacation term is being used as a ruse for maybe just getting pawned off for the weekend. So we got a day and a half more, Maple. Then your vacation starts. You're really going to like it, I think. OK? You can bring some of your toys.

You can still sleep. You can still get walks. It's only half a mile away. It's more like a staycation, where you're not staying. You're going to like it, buddy. That's Maple's Minute. My hot take of the week this week is very simple. Rachel, Rachy, my love, is the total package.

And we're going to go through all of these, some of these moments here from dating, Quinn's dating inventory, Quinn's dating history. And each one has their flaws. Certainly some more than the others. certainly some more than the others but I I struck gold just like the contestants on the 30 Rock game show gold case did hosted by John McEnroe you struck gold on gold case and all the models it's like a deal or no deal style and one of them is holding real gold and it's really heavy and they're struggling. That's Rachel. Not heavy. I don't struggle the holder, but I like looking longingly into her eyes. So there you go.

Looking forward to this weekend. That's my hot take of the week. Before we get into these moments here, I won't drag it out too much, but I do want to say thank you to our sponsors. In fact, it's been a hot minute. Let's go ahead and give them a full read. First and foremost, shout out to the owner of Home Pride Oregon, Steve. That's my dad, because before we actually get into it, I will let you know that he's

gonna be a little bit preoccupied this weekend officiating my wedding. So thank you very much to my dad for officiating. It's going to be fantastic. But when he's not doing your wedding, you might know him from home pride Oregon guys. Are you tired of selling your house for less than a quarter of what it's worth all because you couldn't find a reliable home inspector in time? Well, Oregon listeners, I got good news for you. HomePride Inspection Services in Bend, Oregon is Central Oregon's hottest new home inspection provider with inspection services including things like heating and cooling, roofing, plumbing, and so much more.

HomePride Oregon is both contractor certified and home inspection certified. So you know you're getting the good stuff. If you're tired of big real estate angle hold on the home inspection market and you want a safe certified home inspector you can trust call Steve at 541-410-0316 or email homeprideoregon at gmail.com again that's 514-030-0316 or email homeprideoregon at gmail.com home prideorgan.com. Homepartorgan inspection perfection. I also want to give a shout out to the Samson Q2U series. Had a great Easter weekend. Easter Monday is a thing apparently, so it really covered all the bases. Whatever plague you're into, if you're more of a blood in the Nile guy,

or you like the darkness retreat, Aaron Rodgers would have loved that plague, or the lice or the locusts or the livestock, whatever it might be, the triple L's of Exodus they call it. When God speaks, he uses a Samson. And since we're reminiscing today and since it's still listed here in my ad read copy, I've never deleted this, I want to give a shout out to the TV guide. Thank you to my spirit points for allowing me to get what was supposed to be a year long subscription to the TV guide back in 2018 when I lived in Baltimore. And then I only got three copies and I'll never forgive TV guide for not sending me the copy where, you know, Roseanne Barr got fired from the Roseanne remake and so they rebooted it as the Connors and John Goodman was going to be the big star they were highlighting and there was going to be a TV Guide cover with just him on the cover in his big red flannel shirt kind of doing a shrug

like and the text on the front of the cover would say, the Connors, dot, dot, dot. They're back, but I never got that copy because I only ever got three TV guides and I should have kept them. They're long since gone. Probably used for fuel to cook my food when the gas in my stove in Baltimore would just casually go in and out. You never know what was gonna happen. Over in Beantown. That's the TV guide and of course, oh guys, it's our good friends.

Cuts by Q, Bob and Weave, first wedding ever this weekend. Very exciting. We all know the hairstyle, we all love it, but how many Chicago based independent barbers can actually give it to you the way you deserve? Enter cuts by Q. It's like enter Sandman just different cuts by Q has been independently owned and operated since 1995 how about that and is probably one of the better barbershop operations serving Chicago Cook County, Northwest, Indiana in the Greater, Chicago land area From beehives to bangs full hawks to flat tops and everything in between called cuts by Q at 815

298 7200 or you can email cuts by q at Yahoo.com again. That's cuts Q you TZ right maple Looking at me like I'm crazy. I'll give you a cut by Q at Yahoo.com Oh You need a fresh do something snappy or new new just call the experts at cuts by Q Here comes the dog Here comes the dog Here comes the dog dog dog dog dog dog dog Poor maple. I'm probably never gonna get married

No one likes an anxious anxious girl. Okay, we gotta get this under control. Then we'll make you a dog Tinder. Okay. We'll make you a dog Tinder. It'll be nice. We'll take some glamour shots. Mom got a great shot of her with a nice pink bow this morning with her ears floppy. That could be your profile picture. Head to Bean Town Cast on X or Bean Town Podcast on Blue Sky to see

it. It's not actually there, but you could text me or email me. It's just something you say to get the algorithm to pick it up and blast it on socials. Pretty sure I know how SEO works. I've been doing this for 300 and what is this 377 episodes, something like that. I know my way around social marketing and referral marketing guys. If you are listening, if you can get five people to listen to the Bean Town podcast, you'll get an extra $10 bonus from me here. Okay. You can take that to the bank. I just withdrew, what, $3,500 in cash? 30, yeah, $3,400 in cash the last two days from an ATM.

The most I'd ever done before that was about $50. And so I broke a new record, hoping to not have to withdraw $3,500 in cash, $3,400 in cash for any other reasons soon here. Usually it would be like ransom, right? Like they took maple hostage and they're demanding $3,400 in cash. Well, I hope they're okay with 2,000 at a time because that's my... 2018 is my Bank of America ATM withdrawal limit. Also, please, if you're listening, don't break into my house and rob me of my money. It's all gone.

I passed it off to the proper parties. Not actually. Okay, so let's reminisce here. I thought about trying to power rank these and then I was just like, you know what? Let's try to keep it largely sequential from a time perspective there might be one or two inaccuracies here but not I didn't I didn't come into this with a lot of like oh I got to say this about that and that about this just we're just gonna put

some ideas out there and put these stories to bed they've been dormant already for many, many years, some of them 15 years ago, but we're gonna officially put the kibosh on them. I don't know, K-A-I-B-A-S-H, is that how you spell kibosh? There's no way to know. These are some of Quinn's worst dating moments.

Number one, our first up. My first ever, this was definitely a situationship. Hannah Johnson, number one, the OG Hannah Johnson. Definitely the more I think about it, I think the better Hannah Johnson. No shade to the other Hannah Johnson, but some shade to the other Hannah Johnson. You'll get your due here in a couple minutes here. Just be patient. Hannah Johnson, my junior year of high school, went to homecoming with a whole situation ship, a lot of fun. One of my favorite moments, this wasn't even what I was going to mention, but after we were no longer on good terms, it was the 4th of July,

must have been 4th of July 2012, I reckon, I gander. I had a hat, a Cal Berkeley Bears hat that I really liked that my dad had bought me. And we had done that cute thing where like, oh, I've got a piece of her clothing and she has a piece of mine, although I don't think I ever had a piece of her clothing. So she had my hat in her closet and we were no longer speaking. And shout out to the OG, the Cherokee warrior, Peter Schiller, who I will see this weekend, came as my backup, my bodyguard. I think the only time I've ever felt like I wanted a bodyguard in my life. I drove, PJ and I drove to, uh, Hannah's, Kathy's house, Kathy's shout out, hope you're doing well, nothing but the best on the 4th of July of all dates. So like, like 4 PM in the afternoon, I just,

I guess, I don't know, I had the day off, not sure what I was thinking. And I knocked on the door, I rapped on the door and said, hey, I think Hannah in Hannah's bedroom, my hat is somewhere. And Cathy certainly knew what the lowdown was on the end of our situations, presumably. And yeah, she made us stand out on the porch or on on on the front stoop And she returned inside she was probably inside for about 30 seconds came back out with a hat and that was the last I ever saw her so Kathy hope you're doing okay But I wanted to mention

this was long before I knew like How to date or what was an appropriate gift or I didn't have any money back then. So for Christmas, I went to on the way to her house when we were celebrating Christmas, I went to Goodwill and I don't remember what I bought her, but it was like two or three pieces of clothing, not like sexy clothing. The one thing I remember was some sort of like zip up jacket with some sort of image printed on the back. I that's as specific as I can recall. But literally like packed

it up in a plastic bag. And just that was my Christmas gift. So I I believe that my gift giving I don't consider myself to be an expert gift-giver by any means, but that was the first and last time I ever got someone a Christmas gift from Goodwill. No shade to Goodwill, but it's just like, you know, maybe a used hooded sweatshirt is maybe not the move. Unclear. I certainly have given Christmas gifts since then in plastic bags, however. You know? You got to use what you have. You know, these Hallmark stores upsell you big time on the bags and the tinsel paper or whatever.

What do they call it? Is that tissue paper? Is that what it's called? Is there another term for it? I don't know. We're so far from the holidays. It makes a specific sound when you ruffle it. I think you know what I'm talking about. Let's keep going here. My senior year of homecoming was a cluster. I guess this is maybe even a more interesting story than what I was going to say, but I asked three people, like three and a half people,

if my memory serves me correctly, to homecoming senior year. So for context, when I was a junior, I mostly hung out with seniors, and I was also always in math class with kids a grade above me. And so when I got to senior year, it was like, oh, now there's all these other people

who are the people that are actually in my grade and I don't really know them and so when it came time for homecoming I'd gone the previous two years definitely wanted to go again as my last senior year homecoming although I never did go to prom I'm trying to remember how this went the first person I asked it was it was three that's all I remember. One person I made a YouTube video for asking, because I thought that would be like a cute little like, oh, open up this video, see what's inside.

She said no. And I asked someone else, a girl in my physics class, and she just said she wasn't going. And so then I was kind of out high and dry and got a recommendation, a friend you may know essentially, the original Haley, H-0 as we call her. And we went out as a group to homecoming dinner, right? You go out to dinner before the dance. And I think, you know, I probably had like 60 bucks on me,

something like that, which seems like a pretty normal amount of cash to have as a 17-year-old. A lot of cash to have, frankly, at the time for me. And I think it was the Surf and Turf, not sure. It was like a mid-scale Italian restaurant we went to. And I just, because I was paying for the date. So I did not have enough to get that and something else. So I ordered the $8 hamburger from the Italian restaurant and had to text my friend under the table and see if he had

like an extra five bucks so I could cover tax and tip. And then when we got to the dance, I never saw or heard from H-Zero again. So homecoming, junior year was when I was going to say proverbially. I wouldn't say it's a proverb, but junior year was definitely like the peak of my high school popularity, I guess. And then I think senior year, I was just such of like, I don't know, kind of out on my own doing my own thing. We're not going to go back and break down every, every high school dynamic, but yeah, junior year I was probably writing the highest, but probably had more concrete friendships my senior year.

That being like one or two total. Me and the Asians from AP Physics just hanging out. Next up here, my freshman year girlfriend, Katie S, who is now married and is no longer Katie S, but Cybold was her name. I don't know I waffled as I was writing this I was like should these be anonymous and then I was like who gives a fuck? Okay we're not dragging anyone through the mud this is my life. Scott Farrell I've been relistening in the last like three four months to the audiobook that I recorded. I love how Scott Farrell reminds me of this. He'll just tell stories that use the actual

people's names because it'll reference people I know from growing up in Rockford, including my own name because I'm in one of the chapters of the book when I played for his opera company. But then he will have other moments in his book where he'll say like, let's call this person Diane because they requested that their name be withheld. And I'm sitting here 10 years later recording this book being like, I probably would have requested that my name be mentioned if you had reached out. I don't know the whole laws around libel and slander and stuff, but well, slander or libel, not slander, but I feel like I should have been consulted if we had the opportunity to

change our names. But no, everyone's names in here on this podcast are actual, uh, real live names. I don't have much bad to say about Katie Cybold. I mean, we dated from about November through August, something like that. So it was like seven eight months basically Maybe a little bit more than that my freshman year girlfriend just very conservative very religious was sort of the last vestige of my conservative upbringing before I fully shed that I feel like This is probably one of the reasons we broke up. I don't remember sex before marriage I remember being a thing but this is this is maybe the most like this isn't a terrible disastrous dating moment. This is just kind of like a

I don't know the word for it sad thing that happened We were both classical music majors, right? School of music She's a horn player and she really excitedly got us tickets to go see She's a horn player and she really excitedly got us tickets to go see The opera Carmen at the Lyric Opera, which is the big opera company here in Chicago. I'd never seen Carmen before spoiler alert I still haven't Bum-bada-bada-bada-dum-bada-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum That's the overture you might know the Torleador song. Yum Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum-dum a Torleador song. Or a Carmen's song. I don't know what it's called. I just call it Carmen's song. Those are all from Carmen. So you can understand my excitement. Well, we take the

train all the way from Lincoln Park to downtown. It's very cold. I think it was February and we get there and she forgot the tickets in her dorm room. So to this day, never seen Carmen. We went to a McDonald's instead and had soft drinks, 99 cent sodas and took the train home and that was our date. So nothing really bad to say other than, you know, nice, nice job for getting the tickets, but we've all forgotten something in our lives. That's, that's that memory. I think Carmen dies at the end of Carmen spoiler alert, but I've never seen it. So not sure. I don't want to go into the full weeds on this. It wasn't, it wasn't even a, you know, some of these are relationships

officially. Some of these are situationships. There was a, there was a girl I knew from work in undergrad. I'll just, we'll just call her Callie because her name is Callie. And I think one night my senior year of college, I was probably just like drinking a lot. And I never even had a thing for her. And I didn't at the time, still don't think I did. But we kind of like got in like this flirtatious Facebook messenger thing back and forth, because that's what everyone was using back then. And I think she just like really wanted me to come out.

She was having a party at her apartment, and I was excited because it was a fancy high rise in Old Town. But even though, look, Lincoln Park is very fancy, I was not part of the fancy crowd or going to fancy apartments or anything like that. So eventually, we went out. It was late. It was already like 11 PM. I walked there, got lost, eventually found my way.

It was her and a bunch of friends but I didn't know any of them and then eventually she was super drunk. We went back up to her room and she wanted to hook up and I was, I was drunk too but she was really drunk and she was like you want to hook up and I was like no I feel like you're super drunk. Pretty much what I said. And she got really upset and fell asleep. And the only reason that it really stands out to me is because she snored very loudly.

And I don't even want to besmirch her, because she was always very nice to me. Never had any really bad things to say other than this one night was kind of strange. But eventually after I was pretty sure she fell asleep, I snuck out of her bedroom, walked downstairs. There were still a couple of, it was completely dark, but there's, it was kind of creepy. There's still people milling or mulling about. They were both mulling and milling and they're

like, Oh, are you leaving? And I was like, yeah. And I walked all the way back home. Felt like a long walk. I think in retrospect, it was only like two miles. But when it's about five in the morning and you've had a lot of drinks and you just like had a very weird thing that's hard to describe, kind of stands out in your mind.

Next up in there's, oh man, there's other things we're passing over here, but that's okay. The second Hannah Johnson, that's right, if you don't know me super well personally and you're newer to the show, although we don't talk about my dating relationships that much, certainly not in the last five seasons, I have dated two Hannah Johnsons in my life. Although the second one is certainly more of a situationship. Here's all I want to say cuz that whole thing I mean that really scarred me for a long time Really like leading up until basically the point we started this show that was still

not a thing like it ended when I moved to Baltimore, but When I was in grad school, I was involved. Let's just say in Various formats and fashions with this Hannah Johnson has also been married and prison we changed her last name by now But it was the weirdest back and forth will they won't they sort of thing? Basically, I was super into her we went on a couple dates She was really into me too, and then I think I wasn't Christian enough for her I'm not sure but then even past that I was super into her we went on a couple dates She was really into me too, and then I think I wasn't Christian enough for her I'm not sure but then even past that I was

basically the the the rest of that relationship was me trying to our Situationship after she basically said I don't think we should date anymore I was like okay So I'm gonna pull away and she still really wanted to be very close friends. And that just wasn't gonna like jive for me because I was still had feelings for her, but she just didn't seem to get that. So anytime I would pull away and distance myself, she'd throw a big fit. It was extremely manipulative. At the time, I was a little bit more like sensitive,

dancing around, like not calling it out for the bullshit it was. And now, you know, what, eight years later or so, extremely manipulative, easy for me to say. And I don't want to just completely dump on Hannah Johnson too for this. I mean, it was a, it takes two to tango as they might say but Just rough that one moment more than anything that stands out in my mind we went to because back then Wichita State used to play in the Missouri Valley Conference back when they were going undefeated and going to final fours and Stuff and guy I knew from high school Fred van Vliet was their point guard

so when I was in grad school, we went to the Wichita State Loyola game up in Rogers Park, which I went to a handful of times when I lived, when I was in college and grad school. And she went with me because she was from Wichita. And we watched the game. I don't remember anything really happening at the game, pretty normal.

But then on the way back, this was well after the, hey, I don't think we should date anymore, any any sort of thing she held my hand for the whole walk home and I was like oh like here we go we're going somewhere and Hannah's stance was that public holding of hands does not indicate or is not indicative of romantic interest and that's the sort of just weird, bizarre, manipulative thing that went on back and forth for about pretty much a full year. Which, uh, I would say that was probably the first person I dated or situation shipped where I felt like, oh, this, this, like, could be my life partner.

But not to be, thank goodness. I'll also never forget Hannah Johnson's hot take. This should have been our hot take of the week. This was her firm belief. And presumably this was just grounded in her own experience and perspective. And I'm not here to like drag her through the mud on this, but I believe this to be patently false.

Her perspective was that all other things equal. It's easier on any given night, whether you go to a bar or use a dating app, whatever you want to use, it's easier for a man to get laid than a woman. And we'll make this our Beantown Podcast poll question of the week. There are very few stances on dating I've heard in my life that I disagree with more strongly. I believe it is like 10 times easier if a girl wanted to hook up randomly than the opposite of a guy wanted hookup randomly. Obviously, a conventional attractiveness comes into play here. But that's the other thing too. I think you could have a girl who is I wanted hook up randomly. Obviously, a conventional attractiveness

comes into play here, but that's the other thing too. I think you could have a girl who is, let's say a conventional five and a guy who's a conventional five. Way easier for the five female to slide into some DMs and get jiggy with it than the guy who's a five, which is like where I would consider myself to be.

Okay. So that was Hannah's hot take of the week. Thank you, Hannah Johnson, whatever your last name is now, and Mazel Tov on the wedding. We told this story, we had a whole episode about it. It's just a classic parking girl in Baltimore. This was never a relationship or a situationship. It was just a first date that never happened. The brief recap, very brief,

because we got a skedaddle here. We got a Cubs game starting in two minutes versus the Dodgers. I don't want to miss too much. Basically, met with a, you know, matched with a girl, Tinder, Bumble, who knows what it was, I don't know. miss too much Basically met with a you know match with a girl tinder bumble who knows what it was I don't know there used to be an old fire station one block away from my apartment in Baltimore and Mount Vernon It's no longer a restaurant. It was like a microbrewery kind of thing. It was kind of neat

I liked it went a handful of times Outdoor seating nice spring day went out there told this girl who lived up in the county You know, hey, this is where we're gonna meet this time, let's say 6 PM, whatever. So I go there, I get there a couple minutes early cuz I live a block away. I grab a table outside, great seat, drinking a beer, and she pulls up on, what is it, not St. Paul Street, but the one next to it, Guilford maybe, Calvert, I think Calvert. Losing my Baltimore roots here. My Beantown roots.

And you know, it's at like at the crosswalk. She can't park there and she's just like, oh hey, like found you. Like let me go find a parking spot. And then she took off and I was like, great, this is awesome. She'll be here in, I don't know, anywhere from 30 seconds to two minutes. And I don't remember the exact timing. I think it was close to an hour though We were texting back and forth. She was really struggling with city parking and if you've been to Mount Vernon in Baltimore You know that you know it's not as easy as

Nebraska farmland, but it is certainly not Manhattan at 9 a.m. Like there are spots And just a lot of texting back and forth And she never did find a spot after about an hour of waiting and I think I had two or three beers I pretty much just told her This was a great date, but i'm gonna go back home now And we never never had a second date Or a first date, for that matter.

Next up I dated a law student, Erica Boyd, who was really weird. And I don't know why we even stayed together for so long because there were times when it felt like she really hated me. And I always thought she was just kind of it always felt like she was being like she was very like deadpan dry personality but like wickedly sarcastic too and I never really felt like I completely got inside that inner shell of like who she actually was as a person I don't know if she was like really sweet or kind. I don't know what her core values were. Our first date, this wasn't even what I was going to mention, but our first date was at Seinfeld trivia because

she mentioned in her dating profile she liked Seinfeld. And so she brought her roommate, which I didn't mind her roommate was really nice. And I think roommates getting married soon. Congratulations Ashley. But she, Erica pulled out a big astrology like book slash diagram and wanted to know all of my mercury retrogrades and my waning waxing gibbons and that sort of stuff. And I don't know how well we did in trivia, but it was kind of a strange first date. But the story is this actually, if you go back a number of years, there was a lost Bean Town podcast episode that the two of us did from like a cabin in Virginia. And eventually things got really like awkward, didn't go well. I never released it, but then I did like two years later, three years later,

something like that when I didn't have material for a week. I just released the lost footage and that was the episode. But then we drove home, things had gone awkward. She was mad there wasn't wifi, whatever. I was driving, we went the entire, swear to God, two to two and a half hour drive from Virginia back to Baltimore without saying anything. I think I said a couple of things and she just didn't respond. You know, after you do that like three times, you're just kind of like,

okay, well I'm just going to like shut up then and wait for you to say something. And then she just never did. And I think I dropped her off at her apartment in Highland town. And I don't, that may have been the last I ever saw her I think it was I don't remember at this point it's been seven eight years something like that it's been so that was pretty awkward Haley Krauss one of the three well I've only had official relationship even then look these are all it's a romance and sex and dating is all a vast spectrum of

Missed first dates due to parking to five-year engaged married all that stuff There's a lot of wiggle room in between. Okay, so I'm throwing the term relationship, dating, and situationships around loosely here. But I dated for like three months another Haley and I went on a, I was gone for about 35 days on a work trip. I hit, I was all over the place. Nashville, Des Moines, Milwaukee, Indianapolis, Chicago, Salt Lake City, Louisville, all over Dallas. All true except for Dallas. I didn't go to Dallas. But I asked her to keep an eye on my cacti while I was on that trip. And this cactus, four tiny little cacti in a refurbished beer bottle. I thought it was really cool looking. And my aunt, my Auntie Anna, bought it for me at Longwood Gardens,

which is a beautiful DuPont estate, I believe in southeastern Philadelphia or Pennsylvania. And she bought it for me, and I thought that was the sweetest thing. And so I asked H2O to watch my only plants. And while I was gone, she killed it by over watering it. Like really rough to do. So rest in peace to my cacti.

And then Haley broke up with me over voicemail I think it was. I had written text here but I think it was voicemail actually. After I think probably like three ish, four months of dating, something like that. And I'm a firm believer after like three or four dates, you got to do it in person. But Hailey did not feel that way. Just two more here. After I moved back to Chicago in 2019, I had a classic story. I think I told this on air. I got catfished first and last time I've ever been actively catfished. I don't want to relive the whole thing, but essentially I spent about an hour in like River North, old town Chicago area, waiting for someone to show up who wasn't real. But it was, I picked the place. It wasn't all bad. I don't remember what place it was, but they had a wine happy hour, $5 pours. And so I got, you know, relatively drunk,

you know, three, three glasses of wine in an hour, three glasses of red. That'll do it. And after tax and tip, it was like 21, 22 bucks getting catfish sucks, but having a lot of wine by yourself on a nice patio? Not so bad. Okay, so I got catfish. And then the last thing I had here, it's my most TMI story that I have here, but I hadn't thought about this in a long time. I just thought about it as I was writing this show. The last, the final last Haley, there were, it's three that I ever like took on a date and then my actual friend Haley,

who will be at the wedding, is not someone I ever dated, but she's just in the line of Haley's that are part of my life. So we refer to homecoming Haley's H0, my good friend Haley Benson, who's also getting married this year, H1. Haley from Baltimore, the voicemail breaker upper, that's H2, and then the final Haley, Haley Marietta, who was a student at Loyola and worked at a Chase Bank. She's H3, the last of them of them to Hannah Johnson's for Haley's

Welcome to my world She had mentioned on a date. This was definitely more of a situationship than a relationship, but she had mentioned to me on a date Prior to the Christmas holidays that I don't know how we got on this topic I'm just gonna tell it like it is She really wanted a new vibrator for Christmas. And I took note of that. Seeing as my gift giving skills had improved drastically from goodwill to online sex toy shops, I took it upon myself to buy her the vibrator

she had indicated she wanted. I got it for her as a Christmas gift and gave it to her. And it was one of the most awkward moments of my life when she opened it up. I don't even really remember what happened but all I know is that's the last I saw of her. So I don't know if she was just weird because she was weird, which she was, or if this was her long con excuse me to go on a number of dates with a guy. I think one of my brothers even met her. And pawn a 35 probably dollar vibrator off of me. It's probably still in my Amazon purchase history. If we go back to like November 2019 or something,

it's probably there. I don't really know my makes and models of vibrators, but I don't know. Well, user poll, what make it and model vibrators best. Next next holidays come around. I want to do better this time. So there you go that's uh that's not extensive or exhaustive there's many other dates even a couple other situationships that I either remember but don't really have much to say about or have been lost to the dustbin of time I am NOT one of those people who like keeps a little you know

They call it the little black book where it's like oh like rate rate this this Lady on a scale 1 to 10 like I've never done anything like that I think that's kind of creepy it also means you'll forget people over the years, but that's okay cuz I got the best Lover I could have ever asked for in rechi. Let's finish up with a related trivia question. And this was in about, I don't know, probably like 29, 2018, 2019, something like that. I'd been using Tinder here and there since like, I don't know, probably like a junior in college, something like that was probably when I first got on dating apps like that But and I've I've used gosh Rachel and I met on hinge. I used bumble. I used tinder

I think I went on one date with coffee meets bagels This this Jewish girl who was really sweet and we got coffee, but there is no place to sit So we walked around in the rain for a while and I actually thought it went quite well, but she didn't apparently I'm trying to think I don't think I've ever been on any other dating. Oh, okay, Cupid. I think but I never That whole okay Cupid just never felt legit, right? I don't think I have any other apps that I was ever on but here's the trivia question Quinn Some years ago, was banned from Tinder because out of frustration of no longer getting matches and

wanting to prove a point that it was just came down to your just baseline attractiveness of your first photo, Quinn switched his profile picture to be this vampire diaries actor in order to get likes. And no, I don't know what my plan was. It wasn't like a, oh, I'm going to catfish someone situation. It was just like a, gee, I bet I'm going to get into a bunch of likes now. So I think at the time I was like, what's a C-list actor that's not very popular that people will think is the real me? But turns out he was too popular because I got banned for it. Oh, well. But which Vampire Diaries actor was it?

He's also in Lost, although he gets schnooked pretty early on in that show. I think Vampire Diaries is what he's most known for. You probably can picture what he looks like. You might just not know his name And that's okay, but yes, I changed my profile image to be that of actor in summer holder summer halder Somer HAL der and a couple of days later Out the door I went and I've never been back on tinder again, so rest in peace to Quinn's tinder and other dating apps. I kind of wish, I looked, I think we both, Rachel and I looked for this, you know, probably like three years ago, something like that two or three years ago, could we like still go into our hinge profiles and see what our initial conversations look like? And no, I'm sure it lives somewhere, but our accounts have been deleted.

Conversations lost to the dustbin of history. But yeah, goodbye to dating apps. No more swiping for Quinster. Not that I've swiped in five plus years, but it's officially official at this point. All right, that is the wedding show. Hope you enjoyed that trip down at memory lane and That's about all I got for you. Let's make sure we covered everything we got our Walk through history. We got our trivia maples minute hot take That's it next week final reminder our horse name special is next week

Send us text Blue sky skied at us, email, BeantownPodcast, yahoo.com, whatever you want to do. Your suggestions for a great horse name for this year and we'll read anything that gets submitted live on air along with my top 10 list as always. But that'll be our next episode, our horse names special. So for all of us here, the Beantown Podcast, thank you so much for supporting the show in the single years and looking forward to you supporting our show in the married years.

Guys, my name is Quinn David Furness. This is my show. Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown Podcast. Stay safe, stay sane. I'll check in on you next time. Bye. So so so Thank you.