Beantown Podcast - New Ballpark Foods, Vietnamese Manmade Beaches, & Self Immolation

Episode Date: March 27, 2026

Quinn comes to you LIVE to discuss live action remakes, Celine Dion hits, and tsunamis

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn David Furness. Welcome to my show. Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown podcast for Friday, March 27th, 2026. What's happening? What's going on? How are you? My name is Quinn and I am the creator, the host, and the chief bracketologist of this show. Quinn David Furness presents a Beantown podcast now in season nine. The brackets officially busted. And I got to tell you, this wasn't necessarily my, my plan to emotionally hedge when I made my bracket, but I picked Houston to go all the way. They had that magical run last year.

Well, not magical they were at one seed, but just kind of kept ekeen by and had the final national championship within their fingers against Florida and blew it in the last second. It was really embarrassing. And I thought, you know what? I was thinking like a, you know, Virginia kind of situation.

Remember eight years ago, whatever, they lose in the first round of UMBC, the retrievers, and then they come back next year and win it all. And obviously Houston losing in the national championship by a point, whatever it was, is a very different experience than getting knocked out by a 16 seat for the first time ever. But I feel like the emotional kind of toll is probably, it's similarly weighty. W-E-I-G-H-T-Y. And I really thought they were going to do it. I've got to tell you, first two games of the tournament last weekend,

they were looking hot, unstoppable. And then last night, running to Illinois, you know it's going to be a good game. Illinois is a solid team. They can really score, but shoddy defense up to this point. And, man, they locked it down last night. Houston just zero ability to drive the basketball. I don't know because I kind of stopped keeping track of this, but with five minutes left in the game, the entire game.

Houston hadn't shot a free throw, which is, I think the stat I saw was there's been one game in March Madness history where a team didn't attempt a free throw. And it was Illinois, which was funny enough because they were playing Illinois. And so I don't know if the game actually went all the way without them shooting a free throw. I don't probably not because I think I would have heard about it. but the long and short of it is that I picked Houston to win, and the reason it was a little bit of emotional hedging was because, well, they lost Illinois who looked amazing last night, and now at least Illinois is in the Elite 8 tomorrow,

with a real, real legitimate chance to go to the final four. I mean, they're playing Iowa, and it's always, you always got to be careful how you say it. By the time you're listening to this, the game's probably already been decided. it's always easy to be like, oh, well, this team is this seed, they're not that good, or so-and-so. If you win three straight games out of, you know, six to start in March Madness, you're not there by accident. It's not a fluke.

You're good. You know, I was well coached. But it's interesting, you know, I don't know, I assume Illinois and Iowa probably played each other twice in the regular season, although with a big 10-haven 37 teams now, the scheduling gets a little bit wonky. I assume Illinois won both games, but I don't know that for sure. But yeah, they're going to be, I would assume, relatively heavy favorites. I would assume Illinois is like a five or six-point favorite against Iowa tomorrow. So that's very exciting.

If they win, then they're in the final four. I don't know the last time Illinois was in the final four, 2005, something like that. So that could be pretty cool. And then the other two teams on that side of the bracket, Arizona and Purdue, Purdue barely squeaking by. I wouldn't say they got bailed out by Texas, but it was interesting. It was like Purdue just looked like twice as fast, twice as good, like they were doing everything twice as well as Texas, and Texas just somehow kept lingering.

And it took Purdue until basically a buzzer-beat or tip-in to actually knock off the longhorns, 11-seated longhorns. And then there's Arizona who has just steamrolled everyone, very similar up to this point, very similar to how Yukon did it, remember was it two or three years ago, Yukon won the national championship, and they won every game my double digits, which I assume was the first time that's ever happened.

I don't know if that's true or not. We're making a lot of assumptions here. But this has been your March Madness breakdown here on the Beantown podcast. Listen to discretion advice when you're listening to this podcast, number one, we'll occasionally some language. Number two, this podcast is objectively terrible.

And yeah, I won two out of my three brackets last year, picking Florida. And, you know, when you, win it, it's the same thing with fantasy football. Once you win it, you come in the next year, and that's the expectation. So anything shy of that is a letdown. I will say this, I would much

rather have my bracket dashed in the Sweet 16 than have a situation where you like get to the national championship game like last year. You know, it was Houston versus Florida and I picked Houston and I'm sure I was in brackets with people who picked Houston and it just came down to like what's going to happen. Like if, you know, if Florida wins, I win a bunch of money. If they lose, then I don't, you know, I lose out on the money. Emotionally, I would much rather be knocked out here 10 days before the national championship than have it all come down to the last second. I think it's the same thing, too, with like fantasy football or something. I don't know. You can let us know if you feel differently. I get the perspective of like, well, I'd rather win a couple, like,

rounds and playoff games and be proud of my performance and make it all the way to the end and get knocked out at the end. I think that's probably true in like real life sports to a certain extent, but I don't know. When we're talking kind of fake sports and brackets and fantasy and stuff, I think I would much rather lose early than get all the way to the championship game because that's the thing. And it's probably this way in any competition. But once you get all the way to the last round and you work that hard, the blood sweat, in tears of filling out a Marchmanus bracket or whatever it is, Stanley Cup final, you get all

the way there and then you lose, it's brutal. Because it's just like, once you hit that point, it's so, you're so close you can taste it. It's just, that's the expectation. I think I'd have a similar mindset. I always think of this playing or watching wheel fortune. When you get the people on there and if people are assholes, then who cares? But when you get the nice people on there who get the minimum, you know, they walk away with like a thousand bucks or something. And, you know, 20 years ago when you get the minimum $1,000, it's like, okay, it's a bad night missed opportunity.

But whatever nowadays, $1,000 is like, well, you almost, depending on where in the country you're from and how many nights you stayed in L.A., you almost certainly spent more than that just on the trip itself. And it's still the experience trip of a lifetime. but I always have that fear. One day I'm going to go on Wheel of Fortune, hopefully. That's on me. I got to apply myself, literally I got to apply. But one day I'm going to get on Wheel of Fortune, and it's like you got all the buildup, all the hype,

knowing whether you look, you don't even have to win the bonus round or get the car or the Hawaiian trip, whatever. It's just you're there for 30 minutes and you have the opportunity of a lifetime to make, I wouldn't say, life-changing money these days on Wheel of Fortune, you know, in a half hour unless you, like, win the million dollars or the $100,000. I mean, I guess if you get the minimum and the bonus, $40,000, that's still life-changing for me, but it's not like, I'm not going from like living in my two-bedroom apartment here in Chicago living a somewhat Spartan, but happy, comfortable life. I'm not going from that to like, well, I got a yacht now. Never have to work again. I don't even know if I'd do that with a million. After taxes, how much do you think you take home on a million dollars from wheel of fortune?

I mean, those taxes get aggressive when you get up into that bracket. What do you think it is? Probably like 700,000, 750 that you take home, something in that range. And it's like, yeah, I could buy something nice. I could, you know, go to Duncan. I haven't been going to to Duncan lately because they just don't have any good deal, so I definitely feel like I could go to Duncan. But honestly, I would probably just like do the down payment on the nice house without being house poor and get my Duncan and I don't know, probably just put some away for Quinn Jr's college fund and probably wouldn't buy a boat, but I would take more boat trips, you know that's the thing i don't know you know the like luxury boat as cool as boating is i don't know in

my life if i'm ever going to want to own a boat because all you ever hear about boats is just oh man it is a money pit just you're going to lose lose lose lose the ultimate depreciating investment and i i think i'm inclined to agree with that so i think maybe i would buy a canoe or a nice catamaran, but a catarine you got a row. Me and my wife, Rachi Baby 95, can row the catamaran. Maple can be the Coxon, C-O-X-W-A-I-N. I've been going on my runs here down Chicago River, south from Irving Park down to Belmont back up.

and most days in the afternoons right around this time of year you get to catch the lane tech rowing team practices mostly girls i don't know do boys and girls rowing seasons are they different seasons are like boys this fall girls this spring i don't know anything about high school rowing or like is are rowing is rowing as a sport here in chicago kind of dependent on like what schools are close to the river. Obviously rowing is a niche thing in and in of itself. But it's like, okay, if you're Lane Tech or DePaul Prep or something, you're literally backed up to the river.

So it works pretty well. But if you're over in Back of the Yards or something, I guess back of the yards, you've got the Desplanes or the channel. It's not Desplanes. It's the B&O channel or whatever it's called. It's got a specific name. I can't remember. So if let's just say you're over in,

Austin, Austin neighborhood or something, gridlocked. Too far from the Des Plains. No rivers in sight. Are they going to have a rowing team at Austin High School? Probably not. It's also like a rich kid thing. Now I'm thinking about the Winklevoss twins. North, not North Central.

What's the name of that college? Northeastern. Yeah, northeastern right up against the North Channel. You could definitely row down the North Channel. You go up to the Baha'i Temple. This is your North Chicago geography lesson of the week. I actually have something else on water. I don't know why I said it like that, water,

that I came across just hours ago that I want to share with you. Relatively interesting, we won't belabor the point too much because we've already belabored for sure. One of those episodes where we're 12 minutes in, I'm just like, don't know what we've done so far. One thing we haven't done is say thank you to our good friends in Pakistan. Thank you, Lahore, Karachi, Mumbai. Thank you for making us the 112th ranked comedy podcast in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.

Today on the Beantown podcast, we are drinking a classic cheap but accessible beer. It's the Trader Joe's Drive Through Red. It's their red ale. I was gearing up. You know, some people like to go hoard groceries and toilet paper and stuff. before a big winter storm. I do that when my wife is going out of town for four days because I'm stuck here with the dog. And let's be real. We did training earlier today, me and Maple, and 40 minutes, some whimpering, some whining, but never got to full on howling, which is kind of, you know,

you just, you live with it at this point. So it's like, that's plenty of time for me to walk downstairs, hop in the car, drive to Trader Joe's, come back. I can do that in about 20, 25 minutes. give or take. So it's not like I'm some sort of hostage prisoner who can't get groceries at all. It's just it's a stressful ticking time bomb experience. That's been such a big part of my life the last year and a half as like the stressful. I know I just said stressful ticking time bomb where you're like out for a run. It's not so bad when you're just training because I'm just sitting on the stairs. But if I'm out for a run, it's like she could be good for 45 minutes today and no problems.

or she could just go ballistic 10 minutes in. And that's the beauty of dog separation and anxiety. That's the toughest thing is the lack of consistency. You never know what's going to be a good day or a bad day. It's brutal. So we try to minimize those experiences as much as possible. I'm going to spin the wheel of fortune to cap that thought tomorrow morning, go for a run, maybe a 5K, maybe check the cameras if she's not howling,

push it up to four miles, my luck. I don't think I've ever really seen Press Your Luck before. Sounds like a fun one. I mentioned something watery that I want to come across or that I want to share briefly. I thought it was interesting. I never really seen anything quite like this before. I was doing a software test earlier today and it had some, you know, a component of it was a map feature and it was a prototype. And, you know, I was seeing a lot of names on this map locations. I had no idea what they were. And they were written in English, but I was like, this doesn't seem American or even European.

I was like, what is this? So, like, where on the map am I? Because it was pretty zoomed in. So on this map, it is called VINHomes Ocean Park, V-I-N-H-O-M-E-S. I'm like, what the heck is a VIN home? So I go Google it after the test ends. This is a recently built community, a living community in Hanoi. Vietnam, if you can believe it, I never even think about Hanoi Vietnam.

Even when people say, oh, we're going to Vietnam, it's like, oh, yeah, that's, you know, it's kind of an underrated spot, probably going staying on the coast or something like that. I never hear people talk about, oh, yeah, we're going to Hanoi or even Hociman City. When people talk about Southeast Asia, it's always like, oh, yeah, we're going to Bangkok. Like, that's the place you want to go, or there's another place in Thailand where all the, it's like the Amsterdam of Southeast Asia. I don't remember what it's called. I learned about it during the White Lotus.

And then you got kind of the middling cities you don't really hear about like Hanoi. And then you got places like Laos where it's like I never knew a single person in my life except for this homeschool family we knew growing up who even knew what Laos was. It's a country, if you can believe it. Back in the 90s you'd hear a little bit about Burma and Pol Pot and stuff, Camer Rouge. What is Burma? Myanmar, or Cambodia rather, and then Myanmar was, I don't know, had another name, Siam that was Thailand, the king and I, I think that was Siam.

But case and point, you don't hear much about Hanoi. So I go to this map, I look it up. Then Homes Ocean Park, well, that's the thing I thought like, oh, there's got to be some sort of like cool beach resort. It is and it isn't. It's not on the ocean. So Hanoi, the Hanoi Department of Public Works decided we're going to create our own ocean. So they built this like, it's not massive, but sizable saltwater lake surrounded by

beach and like beach homes on the east side of Hanoi right across the river from downtown and south a little bit. I don't know. What do you think that is? The Irrawaddy that they got running through Hanoi? I don't know. I guess we could look it up and learn something. our Hanoi history lesson here in the Beantown podcast. What's the river that runs through it? You guys can take a guess if you like. Oh, you'll never guess. It's the Red River.

But not the one between North Dakota and Minnesota and not the one in the south, the Red River rivalry. But yeah, there it is. The Vin-Homes Ocean Homes, whatever we called it. Like a man-made lake and it's just, people are just hanging out at the beach they're finishing up work whatever the local industry is in hanoi i don't know rice and they're just going down to the beach but they're not even close to the beach because hanoi is still like i don't know what do you think this is 70 miles from the ocean something

like that from high fong h a i p h ong went to grad school with an guy named fong p hong I'm sure at least one point in my life I said, Hi Fong. And maybe he thought I was, you know, I knew about beach cities in Vietnam. I feel like I've always said Vietnam and you hear people here and there say Vietnam. And I feel like for a long time it was always like, oh yeah, the rednecks or however you want to.

identify and the less politically correct people say Vietnam and then I was I was like oh Vietnam that's like the more proper way but turns out maybe it's full circle like is Vietnam actually how you're supposed to say it it's like the whole Nevada Nevada thing Nevada sounds like oh yeah this is gonna I'm going to like go through the motions to say it the right way so I say Nevada but it's not it's Nevada then there's the Oregon Oregon thing I feel like I haven't heard a lot of Oregon's lately, which is good, because that's when we can just strike from history. I don't know, are there other states that have kind of 50-50 pronunciations? You hear the S at the end of Illinois rarely, but it's not unheard of.

You'll hear in Illinois from time to time. Nevada, I think, is a classic one. That's probably like the most commonly referenced one that I can think of. Nevada and Oregon seem like the true like 50-50s. Hawaii, I guess. You get the, you know, I think it's supposed to be with the apostrophe. It's more like Hawaii. You know, you got to kind of add a little break in your speech cadence, Hawaii, not Hawaii.

If you catch my drift, hang 10. Speaking of Hawaii, you guys see that new, and we'll come back to the states thing, figure out if there's anything else. And then we've got to get to our actual topic today, new ballpark foods. my favorite. I don't know if we can call it an annual episode yet. I know we've done it at least once before. This is either a second or third time. But new, I got to take my socks off. It's blistering cold outside. So I'm wearing socks and I'm walking the dog. Makes sense. You wearing shoes and then come inside and you're like, man, it's so cold outside. I better

just keep these socks on and then enough time passes and you're sweating. The new Moana trailer is out and i got to tell you i just it's not even like oh man what is disney doing they're doing it because money money money it's just so pointless they got to stop with these remakes and most importantly to me they got to stop calling them live action remakes because it's like you get the human actors in there and they're human actors and everything else is cg i And that's not even as bad as the whole Lion King remake fiasco. And then wasn't there a lion, was there a, did they make a Mufasa prequel? Didn't we spend a whole season of the shows like season six or something?

Promoting Mufasa, the Lion King? That's all coming back to me now. When you touch me like this and you hold me like that. But it's all coming back to me. Oh, coming back, it's coming back to me now. There are nights of endless pleasure. Oh, oh, baby, baby, baby, when you touch me like this, and when you hold me like that.

It's all coming back to me now. But the whole, you know, Lion King thing, Jungle Book, what we get, a human mogulie, everything else is animated. We got to stop remake. One, we got to stop remaking, Leel and Stitch, don't get me started. We got to stop remaking these movies,

and we have to stop calling them live action. There's actually another, I'm not going to reveal it, but this is a clue to our trivia question we'll get to at the end today, which is a clue for the film buffs. There's another Disney live action film that is going to be a part of the answer

to our trivia questions. So just keep that in mind. Jot that down in your notes. But yeah, the rock looks just really stupid. We got to stop. I think what we need to do, because we could make a whole episode out of this, let's play an Uno Reverse card.

Let's start making classic Disney live action films animated. Okay, and I don't even know, like, Mary Poppins. Everyone loves Mary Poppins. We're going to make an animated. Other live-action Disney films. I don't know. I guess that's not really their thing.

Ella Enchanted. You think that's Disney? What's the one where it's Ice Princess? Is that the name of a Disney film? Like an early 2000s thing that I never saw. There's got to be other live-action Disney movies that we could remake and do an animated thing. I mean, they got the Star Wars IP now.

And I know Star Wars has done like clone wars and rebels and stuff, but why don't we make animated Empire Strikes back? Even throwing a little grogoo there just for fun. Sub out Yoda, sub and grogou. It's not my best idea, and it's much closer to my worst idea. Let's keep going here. Let's do this. Let's briefly say thank you to our sponsors,

and then we'll talk about new ballpark foods, and then we'll finish up with our trivia question of the day, which is going to be a top 10 list, by the way. A quick reminder also, what's coming up, what's coming down the pike here on the Beantown Podcast, Beentown Podcast at Yahoo.com. Again, it's Beentown, Been Podcasts at Yahoo.com. Next week is Easter.

So we got Palm Sunday this Sunday. I was just talking to my mother-in-law about it this morning. We were bouncing some show ideas off each other. Mostly I was bouncing things to her. but, you know, Gabriel and Mary, something was going on there behind closed doors. Let's just leave it there. A little taste preview for Easter weekend. Easter show next weekend, Jesus' birthday or rebirth day, if you will.

So pretty exciting. And then the reason I thought to mention this, we have our horse name special not too far away, guys. I think it's the first weekend of May is the Kentucky Derby this year, every year probably. So we have just over what, probably like four or five shows until we get to our horse names for this year. I'll tell you this. I'm excited this year because we haven't even gotten much in the way of like listener suggestions yet. And the list is well over 10. I think I just added another one this week.

We're at like 12 or 13. And that's exciting because that means it's quality because I'm only writing down quality names. And we're going to have to like tussle it out and fight to narrow. narrowed down to a top 10 and pick a number one. There are some years where I come into the horse name special. I'm like, you know, the number one just speaks to me and I know what it is. And then there's other years like this year where it's wide open. And you don't know what it's going to be.

So I'm excited about that. I got to tell you, I was going back through my notes app on my phone to find the ad reads, which I still haven't found yet. But one of my notes from like January was me brainstorming of what my performance goals were supposed to be at my new job because I started halfway through the cycle. We go, you know, July to June. And so when I started, we were supposed to be, you were supposed to have goals. However, my manager never brought it up. It was one of those things that was like listed in onboarding orientation.

And then you just wait for your manager to bring it up and like open it up in the HR software. and it never happened and then our head of HR got fired. So, or quit, I don't know. TBD. And so now it's, the reason I mentioned is because I wrote down some goals and as anyone would in a new job, you want to make them super basic. And also, I don't know how you guys feel about goals and smart goals, but I don't know how long I'm going to be at this current organization.

No one knows. One year, three months, 20 years. Who knows? but I've you know my previous employer I was there for six and a half years and you get to a certain point with goals where you just kind of run out a you run out of things to put down right it's like you've done everything you're not like taking on a million new responsibilities every year and even when you do it's like it doesn't necessarily perfectly line up with goal setting week or month or whatever it is so the whole like goal setting just not great anyways the final thing is the reason i i mentioned it two minutes ago is i took a look a quick skate of these goals i wrote down and holy cow they are uh simple when i when i think back i've been doing this job for like 12 weeks now something like that and it's just like the amount that i have taken on and done that that was not in the job description at all not part of the plan when i started

or when I was interviewing what they told me I was going to be doing, it's laughable. So not to get too deep into my professional life here. But things change. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I think that's like a song lyric or something. Are you tired of selling your house for less than a quarter of what it's worth

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to be the maiden voyage of my second. ever set of hair clippers. I think I mentioned this when I bought it. The last time I gave myself a haircut, I was just doing a trim. I think it was like early January maybe. And the clippers just weren't cutting it. It just no amount of oil was sharpening those babies. So we ditched it.

I bought them 10 years ago and said, let's get a replacement. It's only like 30 bucks or something. I'm a wall brand loyalist W. W.H.L. Wall Drug. It could be a good brand partnership there. South Dakota fans, no. Jack rabbits.

And so we got the new clippers. I was just pulling them out from under the sink. Got it all lined up. I got to oil my clipper heads or oil my blades, clipper heads. That's not what you call them. That's fans of Kawhi Leonard. Oil my blades.

And we're going to step out to the back patio after this. Maybe make myself an old-fashioned. and we'll see how it goes. I think I'm going to use a 7 or an 8. Considering I own my own barber boutique firm, more of a consulting agency, really more of a Shell Corporation, if we're being honest, I should probably know what the different numbers mean.

I mean, I know bigger number, bigger size, but is 8 like 1 inch? 7 is 7 8.7 inch? Is that how that goes? Six is three quarters. Certain things I should learn, but I just can't keep it straight. Same with dress sizes? I think I'm a little more off the hook for that,

but I was measuring my wife a couple weeks ago for a dress size. You know, you got the little tape, and, you know, I feel like I'm in Devil Wears Prada, or Calvin Klein from that new love story show on Hulu, Ryan Murphy, with John John and what's her name, Angela Bassett. No, it's something like that, though. It's like Claire Bassinet or something. I don't know.

I thought that was for a baby. Calvin Klein, he's always, you know, tailoring and measuring and all that fun stuff. Do we think Calvin Klein and what's his name from Talking Heads kind of look the same? David Byrne. Let's see. Calvin Klein. There he is. Okay.

Not really. kind of if you squint Calvin Klein and David Byrne the fact that you're not getting any Google results means probably not

when you just Google Calvin Klein and David Byrne you just get David Byrne and then one or two of his big suits so let's move past that okay this is new ballpark foods and I apologize, it took us 35 minutes to get there.

I had a number of articles to pick from. I paged through a couple. That's right. I paged when I was out walking the dog earlier today. And I thought this one from Sports Illustrated, I thought, excuse me, categorized things in a unique way. So these are all brand new ballpark foods. And again, this is a fun one if you got the visual.

So if you want to follow along, if you're curious at all, you just hear something, you want to see what it looks like. Obviously, you could Google it, but I'm on the Sports Illustrated article. Oh, there's S.I. Swimsuit at the top. I might have to check that out later. I didn't know that was still a thing, S.I. SwimSuit. I feel like that was like a really big deal, you know,

even as recent as like 10, 15 years ago. And then I think when Kate Upton kind of, she was the last person. I remember like an S.I. SwimSuit model being like a big deal. and that was i mean what do you think that was like 15 years ago something like that and since then there's just uh i don't know maybe life has passed me by but i feel like no one's talking on the internet about like oh the new swimsuit cover model i think jared goffs uh well they weren't married at the time but the person he's married to now i think was like a swimsuit cover model because I think there was a clip of, there's an infamous Detroit Lions season where they started like 0 and 12 or something.

I think it was Jared Goss's first season with the team, so like five or six years ago. And they beat the Vikings because it was like a last second touchdown. I don't remember who it was, but the Vikings cornerback. The lions are at like the 20-yard line needing a touchdown to win with like 10 seconds left in the game. And the Vikings cornerback just keeps back. up into the end zone and i think it's amnara st brown just runs like a a hitch route and you know a little button hook and it's just like oh yeah that's like a very easy timing play disgusting so that's uh jared goff's i think her name is christin with a c i think she was on the cover

swimsuit uh illustrated whatever it's called sports illustrated swimsuit like five years ago or something i'm not plugged in i don't know Has Sidney Sweeney been on there? Not sure. I'd like a Demi Moore, a more mature audience. That's where I'm at in my life. This is from Sports Illustrated, the most appetizing, most absurd, and most stomach ache-inducing new ballpark foods. This was just published yesterday. Again, we got three categories here. And the kind of thumbnail image at the top is the take me out to the ballgame shake at Chase Field where the Diamondbacks play. and I see caramel corn. I assume this is going to be in the list, so maybe we'll break it down then.

But I see caramel corn, Kit Katz, and Nutter Butters. I got to tell you, Nutter Butter, I feel it doesn't really get a lot of attention. As far as snacks, you know, highly ranked snacks, junk food, I love Nutter Butters, man. If I had, you know, a couple more of these beers and was just chilling out for the night, You give me a package of nutter butters.

Oh boy. I'm not waking up in the morning. Or probably better yet, I'm not falling asleep. All that sugar. Nutter butter is good. Okay, here we go. So starting in the category, Most Absurd Rockies Pizza Donuts.

And yeah, we're really seeing a pizza with like some, a little bit of mozzarella, a lot of pepperoni. Or, no, it's like tomato sauce, a little bit of mozzarella on the top. And then it's like a pesto. It's not like a traditional pepperoni pizza-looking thing. There's a pesto, like, glaze on it. And it's kind of hard to see what the donut looks like.

It doesn't look like a, you know, sugary glazed kind of donut. It looks like, I know, maybe a little bit more savory. But yeah, this is the pizza donut available at Coors Field. The Rockies have yet to share a description, actually. So we're just looking at it. Looks like the donut bases perhaps seasoned or baked in a way that resembles a pizza crust, topped with a pizza sauce, pepperoni cheese, and it looks to be a pesto-esque drizzle.

That's not a bad horse name. It feels too forced, so we're not going to include it on the list, but it's a good honorable mention, pesto-esque drizzle. Perhaps not the cheesy handheld we envisioned for this season, but we can't lie. It looks pretty good. I would try it. Maybe should we rank these one out of ten,

like not how good it looks, but like how much I'd be willing to try it? A pizza donut? I don't think, I think you've got to take into context that like you're at a ball game. It's a nice summer day. You're having a beer. It's like, because it's very different in that context for me versus, and we'll try to take price out of it. I don't know the price of these things.

But it's very different if it's like a Friday night. I'm at home. I'm a little buzz and I just want something naughty to eat versus like I'm at the ball game. And, you know, you got to consider napkins and utensils easy. of eating this and how embarrassing or not do you want to look when you're eating it. So with that in mind, the pizza bagel and like how good it feel, like how much do you think it would slap on a scale of, you know, cold oatmeal at one to a hot dog with mustard at 10 and an ice cold beer, like that's a 10, how much I think it would slap and how much I'd want

to try it. I'm putting the pizza bagel at like a 5 or a pizza donut at a 5 rather. and you can rate along with us at home. Next up, the Royals Beef Wellington Hot Dog. It's pretty straightforward. It's like a giant hot dog, but, you know, it's covered in the beef Wellington thing and then it's sliced up. I don't think there's much more I really need to say to kind of describe what it is.

It's a Frank hot dog topped with prosciutto, minced mushrooms, Chipotle ketchup, and yellow mustard, all wrapped up inside a puff pastry. someone get Gordon Ramsey on the phone. I'm going to give this one like an eight. Because I don't know if it comes sliced or not. Either way, slice would be nice because it would just be pop-able. You could pop those babies. That's right, you pop them.

I'm giving, yeah, what did I say? Like an eight? Yeah, I mean, you get the kind of authentic hot dog flavor. No one's ever been mad when there's puff pastry around something. Chipotle ketchup sounds pretty good. I think that would slap pretty hard. especially if I had to go to a game at Coffin Stadium, not to shit on the Royals too much,

but I think I would want a distraction, a diversion. Next up, back to Coors Field, the Rockies, G-L-ZILA, G-L-A, this thing is long. Two-foot dog is designed to be shared. The Rockies earned themselves another nomination, the most absurd section, thanks to their so-called Glyzilla Dog, a two-foot one-pound hot dog

that's apparently designed for sharing. so it's topped with some sort of pasta salad. Yeah, like macaroni pasta, which I'm not feeling because you got this big bun. And look, the dog looks great, but the pasta with the bun, maybe when I was like, you know, in my mid-20s or something, early 20s, I would have been like, oh, yeah, like pile it on, baby. I can't even, I just can't do the carbs anymore. Not even so much like, oh, man, this is going to go right. to my waistline, which it will, but it's just like the physical, like, eating of all those carbs in one bite, I wouldn't enjoy it that much. Yeah, that's pretty much all we have on the Glazilla

hot dog. I'm going to give that a four, because even though I'm not jazz about the pasta salad, I'll still take a two-foot hot dog. I'm not going to complain, okay? If it was one foot, it'd be a three. Next up, we have the Orioles Big Scrap Burger. My phone always does this. My phone is not great with links, and it refreshes the page, and then it completely loses where I was, and it's very unfortunate. And then we got ads playing. And now my phone is like 4,000 degrees.

All right, we're back. The Orioles Big Scrap Burger, so I'm seeing, okay, we got a, from bottom to top, we got a bun, two patties, each with, like, provolone cheese, pickle or a red onion pickles lettuce and then what is that on the top it's a mush together pork scraps is that what they're saying with like a chipotle kind of thing scrapple oh it is scrapple i didn't even realize that it's the big scrap burger yeah okay i know if you've watched the wire you know there's a scene where jimmy mcnaulty orders a scrapple and then he bangs the waitress gird your arteries the big scrap burger is here to wreak havoc on your inside it's the centerpiece

of the O's cholesterol-detonating masterpiece is a piece of fried scrapple, which if you don't know is like a block of pork scraps, essentially. I've never had it. That sits atop the two smashed beef patties covered in cheese, all the other stuff we mentioned, a house-made brick sauce. I got to tell you, scruple every time I hear it or think about it, I'm like, I don't know if that would be good. But if you get me the brick sauce, I'm putting this at like a seven.

It looks like a solid burger. And if you weren't enjoying the scrapple, just take it off or watch it down with some good old-fashioned Natty Bow. That's right. It's a callback to my Beantown Day. Natty Bow, National Bohemian. It's the most popular beer in Baltimore. This is interesting.

The Marlins Machete. It comes in its own carrying case. It's a massive carne Asada cassid. It's two feet long, comes in its own carrying case. It's stuffed with a metric ton of meat, mozzarella, and Wahaka, Wahaka, O-A-H-H-Sah, sorry, O-A-X-A-C-A-Guahilo pepper sauce, salsa verity and cilantro into a homemade flour tortilla.

Consider this proof that anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Marlins have done themselves. This brings us to a quick sidebar because I completely forgot it, I'm glad we came across the, whatever that Marlins thing was just called, the Wahaka, K-Sidia, what was it called the machete? Our animal of the week is the G-I-L-A, Hila, G-I-L-A, excuse me, is a very venomous lizard, southwest United States and Mexico. I think pretty much all over Mexico, not necessarily southwest Mexico.

I don't have much else on it. You know, we're so deep into the show here that I'm not going to go down a big one. along Gila monster hole of research. I assume they burrow. We talked about burrowing animals last week with a badger. But they're pretty venomous. It was a final jeopardy response a couple weeks ago, something about their venom being really strong.

And I got to tell you, I always, personally, I feel like I have more fear of the Komodo dragon, but they only live on like an island in Indonesia or something. These Gila monsters are all over and they're smaller. They're probably faster. And the thing with the Komodo dragon, they probably got some speed, but they're just going to try to swallow you. And that's not to say they couldn't.

They'll kill men and goats and little mapled up brown dogs. But I think I'd probably be more scared of these little Gila monsters, man. They're not microscopic by any means, but they're highly venomous. They don't want to swallow you. They just want to get them. you. Okay. So next time you're hiking in the Sonoran desert, watch out for the Gila Monster and maybe take a trip over to, what is it, Globe Life Field where the Marlins play to get the Miami Machete. All right, we are now into the most appetizing category. We're back in Beintown, the Orioles

B-more yak, which doesn't sound appetizing based off of the title, Y-A-K. Now, I'm looking at this, and I've never seen a yak or an ox or a woolly mammoth cooked up and fried before. And I just still don't think I have this. This appears to be shrimp. The B-Mor Yack looks like an absolute delight. New at Camden Yards making its introduction on opening day. The B-M-M-R-Y-M-R-Y-M-N is Baltimore-S-Rimp-Y-A-M-N dish. I'm not familiar with that term.

Y-A-K-A-N. so it's not like yak the animal it's yakamine they'll be sort of the Utah street butchery loaded with udon noodles beef shrimp and a hard boiled egg the be more yak looks both delicious and filling and I there was like 27 people Asians who live in Baltimore so that's you know good industry for them I guess I don't know I'm giving this a four I don't like shrimp and they got like the whole hard boiled egg in here actually i'm bumping it down to it too i'm taking a stand on this i don't want i don't want weird not i was going to say like weird asian food but like complicated asian food and shrimp at the ballpark i just don't it's not what

that's not my america okay cubs chicken and churros uh let's see anything interesting here it's at rigley field obviously they're introducing a mouthwatering chicken and churros plate set to satisfy both sweet and savory cravings. The fried chicken is brined in pickle juice. The dessert is served with ancho syrup and fresh strawberries. It looks pretty good. I feel like in this picture I can't even see. Oh, the churros are on the outside and then the chicken's on the inside.

It's all kind of the same color. And it's got powdered sugar on top. I'm giving this an eight because there's something so great about like getting your bite of protein and some carbs to go with it. and even like the sweetness of the strawberries. I know I'm a little bit of a homer here with my Cubs take, but it looks pretty delicious. Next up, the Dodgers, Charsu pork-loaded fries.

C-H-A-R-S-I-U-R-S-I-U-Pork-Loded fries. Let's see. I don't know what char-sue, but they're crispy fries topped with charsu pork and fur-a-caki spice. F-U-R-I-K-A-K-E. A lot of new words today. along with seracha mayo. So it's basically fries with saracin mayo on the side and pork on top.

I'm doing another eight. It's the same principle. You got the carb, you got the protein, a nice sauce. This is just missing a strawberry, but it looks pretty good. I'm not a huge pork guy, but I'll take some pork at the ballpark. Nationals, D.C. Monument Chicken Tower. Now this is a sandwich and it's I can already tell you right now by looking at it. It's one of those bigger isn't always better things because it's just too big.

And it's like how are you supposed to eat it? At least the machete, the foot long cassidia or the glizzy or whatever, you know, it's manageable. And you got its own case. This is just like they're going to give you this two foot tall burger or something. And it's like, what are you supposed to do with it? It's a burger. There's cheese, lettuce, bacon, chicken. It's not a burger.

It's a chicken sandwich. a toasted, roasted bun, and then three pickles on top held together with a toothpick. It's just too much. I'd give this a six because I'd still go ham on it and take big bites, but I don't even know how you get started. Like what angle, what mouth angle are you supposed to deploy in this situation? I don't know. The Pirates, Nutella Benyase.

I mean, this looks ridiculous. This has got to be a nine. It's a canoe of delectable Nutella-filled bignets coated in granulated sugar, drizzled the caramel and served with whipped cream, six-piece servings. Holy moly. I mean, I'm not really a sweets-at-the-ballpark kind of guy, but Nutella, caramel, bignets, are you kidding me? That's a nine.

That's the highest one so far. And then finally, most likely to give you a stomachache that Diamond Beck's golden hour vibe. Now, what do we got here? This looks to be a beer with some sort of whipped cream on top. What's going on? Okay, in case the Diamondbacks bullpen isn't giving you enough heart palpitations, feast your eyes on the golden hour vibe.

It's got mango and strawberry puree combined with peach flavored Celsius. Celsius, that's like an energy drink or something. I think my wife's had it before. And it's topped with whipped cream gold sprinkles, and in case you need more sugar, a peach candy slice. It'll keep you awake through the late innings. So is this It's non-alcoholic?

What is the golden hour vibe? This is the first one I actually don't understand. I'm getting the sense that's just like sugar on sugar. So I'm going to give it a two. There's nothing appealing about that. I can do like a shot of apple juice these days and occasionally go the extra mile on some ice cream. And otherwise that's about the extent of the sugar I can manage.

multiple teams oh this was the big thing the 999 challenge and that's basically finishing nine hot dogs and nine beers over nine inning game although i saw this um there was a a a ballpark i don't remember who it was where they're like advertising the 999 or something like that i don't i think it's something similar but different but it was like you get like six or nine hot dogs or something but then the beers themselves come like the little tasting sniffers so you're not getting like a 12 ounce beer every inning, you're getting like two ounces or something. And that's how they're doing their cost cutting.

I got to tell you. I don't know if I'll ever attempt it, but I think if I show up to the ballpark in the right mindset, I can absolutely do the 9-99 challenge. The hard part is not the dogs. The hard part is absolutely the beer because I'm not a super fast drinker. But if it's a hot day and you can give me some,

some crisp bud lights. Those are things that can pound. Anything above like 5% it's not going to happen. The nine hot dogs doesn't bother me at all. You ever have a ballpark hot dog before? Even a good one, it's like you take three bites and you're like where did this thing go? The White Sox, it used to like seven or eight years ago, I guess, yeah, like six or seven years ago, I used to go to White Sox games.

And on Tuesdays or Wednesdays, I can't remember, they do Dollar Dog Night. and that's i think usually i'd have like three or four i mean i only did this like a couple of times one time though you get two at a time and i went back twice so six dogs total that was good stuff but yeah you mean you you pound those babies and it's like seems kind of ridiculous to say i had six hot dogs at a baseball game but when they go down that easily it's not so bad another one from chase field i feel like half of these have been the diamond Here it is. This was from the thumbnail. Take me out to the ball game. Shake. Let's see. Combines a bunch of ballpark favorites into one giant sugar rush, including whipped cream. Oh, the 999, by the way, I'd give it a

solid five. A whipped cream, peanut butter sandwich, cookies, Kit Kat bars, and Cracker Jacks. If you eat this, more just fluff. But yeah, that's what we talked about at the top. I don't know. I'd be down. Get some caramel. Get some peanut butter. I'd give this like a six. And then we've got to be almost done here. The Nationals' bases loaded footlong dog. It's a foot long dog as you'd expect, but on top I'm seeing some crispy onions, some red peppers and like a pesto glaze of something. Yeah, roasted peppers, crispy, this says friend onions.

I'm guessing that's fried onions. Butter, pickle chips, fried potatoes, smoky bacon jam, chili guacamole, pico de gallo, and cheese sauce. I'd give this like a six. Kind of hard to eat, but it's going to be a good flavors if you can get it all together. The Philly Swarbaum Sunday. So this is one of those they serve in the little hat cup. Ice cream, fruity pebbles, and what looks to be a funnel cake fried dough.

Or no, funnel cake fried uncrustable. There it is, with fresh strawberry sauce and fruity pebbles. Enjoy a swarbum on Sunday. Leave a swarbaum in your toilet on. on Monday. I'm going to give that a, I'll give that a seven. I mean, it's like ice cream with a fried uncrustable. Sounds pretty good to me.

I never had an uncrustable, but I imagine they're pretty good. So there you go. There's some new ballpark foods for this year. There were a lot of stadiums or teams that were multiple representatives, like Arizona and Baltimore, at least both had a couple of nationals had two, I think. Not a lot out of your Toronto's or your Tampa's. I guess they're more focused on trying to get a roof. You would have thought, you know, the athletics playing in Sacramento

that we'd get some cool Sacramento-inspired food, like the Lady Bird Sunday or something. But to no avail. All right, let's finish things up here. Last night, watching March Madness movie trailer comes on. Usually I don't pay attention to commercials. but when you see a movie trailer with one of your favorite actors, you perk up.

That actor was Ewan McGregor. He's starring in a new movie this year with Anne Hathaway. I think it's called something like the house at the end of Oak Street, maybe, or the house on Oak Street. I don't know. It's like a sci-fi adventure kind of movie. And I'm not here to promote that movie necessarily. It looked interesting.

And Ewan McGregor is one of those actors where I pretty much blindly trust If he's in a movie, it's going to be worth watching to some extent. And there's not a lot of actors I personally feel that way about. But this got me thinking, you know, I thought, let's get outside the box a little. Let's do an admittedly fun but tough trivia question. Top 10 highest grossing of all time, Ewan McGregor films per IMDB. I can't tell you right now if it's box office, worldwide box office, includes DVD, D sales, whatever.

IMDB, top 10 Ewan McGregor grossing films. Good luck. There it is. I did not play along before I saw the answers. I kind of just wanted to like look at the list first to make sure it was legit. And it seems like it. I didn't cross-reference any numbers or anything. But yeah, that's that, I mean, it's that simple.

10 films. There's probably, I don't know, if you know Ewan McGregor and you know kind of his famous films, I think you could knock three out of the park very quickly. But that's not number one. Those three that I mentioned are 234, or that I alluded to. And in fact, I alluded to another film about 40 minutes ago. And that one, Disney Live Action, that is actually number one,

if that helps you at all. So go ahead and take a few more moments here because I've got to get ready for my big haircut. Make myself an old-fashioned, give myself a haircut. See what happens. You're probably thinking bad idea, Quinn, drinking and giving yourself a haircut. Well, I'm still working on my first drink of the day,

my oatmeal, or not my oatmeal, my red ale. The old-fashioned is just kind of a for celebratory sipping and probably bringing into the shower with me after the fact. So I'm feeling confident still. The one thing is I don't have a mirror out there, so you've got to kind of use the force. There's another clue for you. Okay, let's open up the list. Let's go through it.

Top 10 highest grossing Ewan McGregor films. I guess we'll go 10 to 1. It's probably more interesting that way. And for honorable mentions, just to make yourself feel better in case you just missed something. We'll go number 12 was Big Fish, 2003, and 11, the island from 2005, which I have not seen, but it's a Michael Bay, Scarjo, Ewan McGregor film. All right, here we go. Coming in at number 10, you may have forgotten that he was in this because the movie is 25 years old this year, which is hard to believe. But he was, it's one of the most loaded cast of all time, Black Hawk Down,

which I think I watched when I was like 15 or something. Got a DVD from the library. Number 10, Black Hawk Down from 2001. Number nine, if you are an Oscars fan, then you know that U.N. and his co-star, Nicole, presented the best picture this year for the 25th, also from 2001. Black Hawk Down was 2001.

This one is also from 2001, the 25-year anniversary of Moulon Rouge, which I've actually never seen. Mulan Rouge number nine Coming in at number eight Also have not seen it But it was one of those where I saw the title I was like I don't really know what that is

And then I looked it up Watch the trailer and I was like Oh I actually legitimately remember seeing a trailer for this I think in the theaters I don't know if I was seeing happy feet Or March of the Penguins Or Balto 2 winds of change in theaters I guess I was really on an Arctic kick back then

But I did see a trailer for this, but I never saw it. It's U.N. and it is Naomi Watts. And this was an interesting bit of film trivia I learned. Tom Holland's first film. He's 16, I guess when it came out. But he looks like he's like eight. It's wild how much of a baby face he has. The name of the film is The Impossible.

It's about the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami. All right, number seven, poo heads will appreciate this one. In fact, I was going to, it's been so blustery and windy out. I was going to show Maple Winnie the Pooh in the Blustery Day, one of my favorites. And we still might, maybe after the haircut. Maple, you want to watch Wendy the Pooh? She's never seen it before. Number seven, Christopher Robin from 2018.

There was like the two Winnie the Pooh movies that came out within like a couple months of each other. and Christopher Robin is the Ewan McGregor one and then there's one with Dominole Gleason, right? And I think they focus on slightly different things, but they came out right next to each other. It's kind of like an ant's bug life situation. Number six, never seen it, didn't know he was in it,

don't know what role he plays. If he got this one, let us know you'll get a prize. Jack and the Giant Slayer from 2000. 13. Number six. All right, now we're getting into a little bit more chalk here. I promise if you're not, well, I don't want to promise anything, but you may not have been as familiar with the Impossible or Jack and the Giant Slayer,

but I think you're probably a little bit more plugged into five through one. Number five, Da Vinci Heads know it. Angels and Demons. I said Da Vinci Heads. I guess that's more of a Da Vinci Code kind of thing, but prequels, nonetheless. Angels and demons. I love the emulation scene when he lights himself on fire. Spoiler alert, he was the bad guy.

Number four through two, if you couldn't get these ones, you may not have gotten any of the other ones, because four through two, I guess the interesting thing is, okay, so let's call a square or square. We all know four through two, they're a series, they're a trilogy, they are, of course, these Star Wars prequels. The more interesting aspect of this before we get to number one is can you name the order in which they go?

from least grossing to highest grossing. And I didn't, I've already seen it. I think I would have gotten the least, the lowest grossing, no problem. But I think I would have mixed up two and three. So lowest grossing number four is Attack of the Clones. We're talking Star Wars, of course. And the number three is Revenge of the Sith, episode three. I would have thought Revenge of the Sith with higher.

But Phantom Menace, Star Wars, episode one from 1999, comes in at number three. number two. And then you've had all this time to think about what is the live action Disney remake, live action and heavy quotation marks that comes in at number one. He gets the best song in the movie. He gets to sing it. It is Beauty and the Beast. The song, of course, is not Beauty and the Beast. It is our guest. Although who sings, you know, Beauty and the Beast, the song happens like right at the end of the second act in Beauty and the Beast? I've never seen the live action remake, but just from what I know of it. Is it like one of the characters sings Beauty and the Beast? Or do they kind of switch verses? Is it like the teapot and her son Chip?

I think the teapot gets a verse. But I think Ewan McGregory, he plays the candlestick, right? I think he gets a verse. I don't know who plays the clock in that one, Josh Gad or something like that. But yes, Beauty and the Beast number one, 2017, almost a decade old. So there you go. There's your top 10 list from 10, to one, Black Hawk down, Moulon Rouge, The Impossible, Christopher Robin, Jack and the Giant

Slayer, Angels and Demons, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, Phantom Menace, and Beauty, and the Beast. That's what I got for you guys. We have Palm Sunday this weekend, Easter Sunday, our Easter special coming at you hot next weekend. That's what I got for you here on the Beantown podcast. Thank you for staying with us, enjoying those ballpark foods. If you go to the ballpark this weekend and try a two-foot-long glizzy or a swore bomb. Let us know. Send us a picture and we'll review it or we'll read your review live on air. For all of us here at the Bean Town podcast, my name is Quinn David Furness. This is my program. Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown podcast. I hope you stay safe. I hope you stay sane. I'll check in on you next time for

Easter. Bye-bye.