Beantown Podcast - Spires, Shires, and the all new Beantown Cafe (04122026 Beantown Podcast LIVE from Louisville)

Episode Date: April 12, 2026

Quinn comes to you LIVE from Louisville, KY to discuss nut allergies, Bill the Pony, and another Mummy Movie

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn David Furness. Welcome to my show. Quinn David Furness presents the Beantown podcast for Sunday, April 12th, 2026. What's going on? What's happening? How are you? My name is Quinn. This is my program. We are coming to you live from Louisville, Kentucky, Sunday morning at 7.30 a.m. while the world sleeps or goes to church maybe. I tell you what, I'm in the back of this Airbnb, back patio situation. and behind me, I don't remember the name that it's a Catholic church, I think, but huge green steeple. God be one of the tallest spires. That's right, spires. S-P-I-R-E in Kentucky. What's the difference between a spire and a steeple? I think steeple is specifically church. Spire, I think, can be anything, is my understanding.

What was that thing you did as a kid with your hands? Here is the steeple. Here's the stout. Here's where the milk comes out. Something like that. I don't know. There was something you did with your hands and your fingers. I think if you're expert level handiwork, you could parlay it into a cat's cradle.

I love doing the cat's cradle with the string. And you've got to get all the steps right. And someone messes it up. And it's a jolly good time. Just like we had here, these past three days here in Louisville, Kentucky. That's right. You got to say Louisville. And it's tough when you're like telling people in Chicago that you're going to Louisville because you say Louisville because that's how you're supposed to say it. If you say Louisville down here, they can shoot you legally.

They don't really need a reason to do that. It's just open carry. Anything goes down here. It's like the opening scene of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Temple of Doom. Temple of June. What the heck is that? Completely different movie.

Temple of Doom, Kate Capshaw. There you go. You guys hear that? Scared the crap out of me. My question is why are the bells going off at 7.34 in the morning? This is very interesting. I don't know if we've ever had good church bells like this in the Vintown podcast.

I hope it's picking it up. It legitimately shocked me. If it was like top of the hour, I'd be like, okay, all right. Makes sense. By the way, because I almost swore when it happened, listener discretion advised when you're listening to the Beantown podcast. Number one, this podcast is objectively terrible.

Number two, occasionally need some language. It's interesting. They're just kind of playing a little ditty here, but it's not a traditional liturgical hymn that I'm familiar with. I don't know. It seems like these bells only have two notes. It's kind of hard to, you can't even. really do chopsticks with two notes. I don't know. What is it the lime and the coconut song just

uses one chord throughout? But at least that's a chord. Everyone knows that a good solid triad has three notes to it, not two. So whoever is manning these bells is just, you know, doing the best they can. Speaking of manning, by the way, we're in Louisville for another half hour or so about to head back home to Chicago but here for a bastard party celebrating Tom congratulations Tom on your upcoming nuptials I love nuptials but when I said manning the bells it made me think we were on a a couple of distillery tours yesterday and the first one we went to castle and key which is a local kind of small production just got launched in like 2014 something like that. This guy bought this huge plot, this distillery in 2014. This attorney from Louisville bought it

from Lexington, can't remember, for 950 grand. And I'm over here wondering if I can afford a million dollar home in the Chicago suburbs. Gotta get down to Louisville. God's country's calling, y'all. I mean, the racehorse is, it's crazy to me that a racehorse is like a million and a half or something. And I don't know if that's right. It just sounds good. But 10 years ago, you can buy an old distillery for 950 grand. Now, it wasn't a fully functioning, you know, operational distillery. There's a lot of work that had to go into it to get it up and running.

But still, 950 is not bad. The reason I thought of it, not only did it happen yesterday, but I said Manning. Well, this college girl is given our tour yesterday. Shout out Olivia. Also, shout out Pakistan. Thank you for Macy 112th comedy podcast in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. I don't know how much bourbon they get in Pakistan. It feels like with the whole lack of corn.

You know, those bells are still going, aren't they? Lack of corn, bourbon having to be made in America. You can make Pakistani whiskey, but I don't know. I haven't seen anything about Pakistani whiskey. Is there something you can make from poppy seeds? Can you distill a spirit from poppy seeds? That might be what Pakistani is getting into. I'll have to look it up later.

It's going to be short episodes, so we're not going to have a ton of time for deep dives, if you will. But Pakistani spirits, Lahore Distilling Co. founded, you know, 82 BC, something like that. That would be pretty badass. our nice college girl Olivia on our tourier, she kept saying, oh, there's men inside the facility, so be careful.

You know, like, you know, like don't touch anything if they need to get through. Don't, you know, make way. Part of the Red Sea, like Moses and the Hebrews. But she, on like four or five different occasions, said, oh, there's men working inside. And I was going to ask, but it just, the time wasn't right. It's like, are women allowed? inside the production facility? You're making a real show of saying, you know, men are doing it.

I also got to say, and this is not to rag on her, she got some tough questions about trees and botany as part of the tour, but there were some questions where she was like, hmm, I assume so, but I don't really know if that's, if you think that's the right answer, then it probably is. I don't know. Someone's got to give her some tips. Maybe send her back to, I don't know, You got to study up and train to be one of these tour guides. I always thought it would be cool to be like a, man, these bells are still going. Holy Lord. Is it like calling because service is starting?

I think they might be done. Wow, it was quite a show. That was like five minutes of bells. That's crazy. Wow. Huh. You learn something new every day in Louisville. It's crazy.

I was just telling you about the church. We were having the steward. people versus spire argument and then two minutes later here we go just two notes clanking back and forth clamoring and i lost my train of thought what was i going to say i don't know it's a damn shame it probably wasn't anything that interesting i'm in the back patio of this uh war zone not kentucky the Airbnb and just peering off to my right here looking at this table all sorts of accoutrements but the real damn shame is the big plate of grilled chicken that was left out overnight. And at least what appears to be three or four full sticks of butter.

I don't know. If you let butter soften for, what are we at, like 10 hours. Is it good? Can we get a dairyologist in here? That's right. D-A-I-R-Y-O-L-G-I-S-T, a dairyologist, and some Philadelphia spreadable cream cheese as well. It's a damn shame. I'm not as concerned about the bush light and the hot dog buns going to waste or the fruit gushers, but the dairy hurts my heart to see. When Rachel and I

went to like our first ever trip we took as a couple, six years ago, we went to Dorr County, Wisconsin, but we stayed in Green Bay. We stayed down the street from the dairy lab. The Green Bay or Wisconsin dairy lab and tried to find some history on it online but couldn't find anything too notable. I think it was just like a dairy lab probably. But it's all boarded up now. It's still got the, you know, the letters on the front of the building. But I don't think there's a lot of, you know, cheese taste testing going on there or frozen yogurt being churned. concrete mixers being made.

Dairy Lab could be like a great little local ice cream shop, though, don't you think? I love those little ice cream shops. They're only open from like Memorial Day to Labor Day. You can probably go a little bit further than that. I feel like if you're shutting down Labor Day, you're probably missing out on some big, big profits. But then all the college kids go back to school. So who's going to man your shop? That's right. It can only be men working those jobs.

Scooping. We had a great local ice cream store here in Oklahoma, Illinois. Primos. Is that what it's called? I think so. It means cousins in probably like 27 different languages. Don't let me forget I got to keep my duolingo going here. I had to use a streak freeze. This was so upsetting.

I should talk to dualingo support about this. You know, Thursday, had to use a streak freeze because there's a time change, and so we lose an hour going from Chicago to Louisville on the drive down. And when I whip out my duolingo to play, it's like 12.04 a.m. shortly after midnight. But it's 11.04 p.m. my time, because I got my duolingo synced to my biological clock. So I know when it's time. Let's just put it that way, literally. And so I played my little duolingo and that counted for Friday. I had to use my streak freeze for Thursday. What a damn shame.

I made sure to play it yesterday on the bus ride to the next distillery. Did Castle and Key in the morning, as we mentioned, and then Woodford Reserve in the afternoon. Going on the shit list a little bit here. I got to say I tend to, I tend to, I tend to. to give local businesses. I was going to say small businesses, but they're not really a small business anymore, are they? They're 170 countries they're distributing too. I think they're doing just fine. But two things that kind of pissed me off at Woodford Reserve and the Beantown

podcast will be calling for an official boycott of all Woodford Reserve purchases for at least a year. Not that I ever spend that much on whiskey anyways, but I do have a bottle that I got from like an uncle or something for Christmas. I'm going to have to finish up and then no more supporting Woodford Reserve for now. Fault one, wouldn't let some members of the group on the tour because they were having too much of a good time. Not being physical or anything, just talking loudly and didn't make it. And you know what? I tend to side with, you know, peace and quiet. But, you know, when you got a bachelor party, you know what you're getting yourself into in Louisville or Lexington, Frankfurt, wherever Woodford Reserve is.

If you're opening up a distillery and you're going to ask people to pay $35 to come on your half-hour tour, I feel like you got to give folks the benefit of doubt. That's my personal opinion. And then fault two, at the end, you're doing a little whiskey sipping, a little tasting, a little rye, bourbon, you know, what have you, all sorts of stuff. And at the end, they got these little chocolates that I've seen some other places in the area. It's almost like the Kentucky version of a buck-eye chocolate, if you know about that up in Ohio. This is just like a little like soft chocolate with a big walnut on top.

Anyways, we got a member of our party, severe nut allergy, epipen, you know, locked and loaded. And it tells the tour guide who's leading our tasting, hey, you know, I got nut allergy, anything you can do for me. He says, oh, yeah, let me swap that out. I got a just regular old chocolate for you here. And our friend says, cool, like, you're sure that no nuts because, you know, you're on a bachelor party. You don't want to spend the last 12 hours of it in the Frankfurt, Kentucky urgent care. That's not a, that's not to say anything about the quality of health care down in the

bluegrass state. I have no experience with it myself. It's really just not wanting to die. Preferably. It's like if you can go on a bachelor trip and not die, that's much more preferable than the alternative. And so the guide is like, yeah, let me, you know, I got the nutrition information here. Like, I'll go grab it for you. He hands our friend the card and he scanned the ingredients. This guy's an attorney so he knows what's up. And all of a sudden, halfway down in the ingredient list, there you go, pecanes in the chocolate. And it's just, this is my PSA for Woodford Reserve and anyone else listening.

You can't have a nut alternative chock full of nuts. It's pretty basic. I've never run a distillery, nor have I ever worked in the food and beverage industry. But if the Beantown Cafe ever got off the ground and we served a delicious, I don't know, granola bar appetizer, with little shredded, what's the green one, pistachio nuts on top? And I get a, it doesn't even have to be a bachelor party. It could be a young farm girl or an old retired boxer.

Not a boxer, but the guy who announces the boxing. If you come in with a nut allergy, or even a racehorse, frankly, It would have been nice if we were here on Derby weekend because we could have done our horse special, but we never could have afforded to stay here during that weekend, and that's okay. We will have our horse special on what three weeks here. It's very exciting.

But if you come in and you say, oh, please, sir, hello, Mr. Quinn. I'm so happy to be here at the Beantown Cafe. You know, all new, brand new opening. This granola bar looks delicious, as does the tapioca pudding, the boba tea. and something, a third thing with bubbles, a fizzy diet Coke. Say it looks delicious.

However, I have a nut allergy. My doctor says I can't have nuts, much to my chagrin. Both of our chagrins, because there's a delicious granola bar, what else do you have? And I bring out, you know, just a bag of raisins in cashews and say, here, go nuts. You know, make the pun. And this guy or, you know, this farm girl. or retired boxing announcer or, you know, a boba tea connoisseur, whomever. He's coming around from the, you know,

Eidoli magazine or something. He's writing reviews on hot new spots to try. Chicago's best granola bars bars. It would be a granola bar bars because it's not, like a granola bar would be like you walk down the buffet line and there's like 10 different types of granola, but this is a granola bar bar bar, and so you walk down the line and there's 10 different types of granola bars.

And they all have possess. pistachios on them, including the, well, the backup is not a granola bar. It's, it's raisins and cashews. But this guy or this farm girl, or the connoisseur, is reading down the list of ingredients, and, you know, he's first, it's red dye 40, for the, for the raisins. And then it's raisins, and then it's xanthum gum, and then natural flavors, and then cashew's last, and he's saying, hmm, now a cashew may not technically be. a nut, but when you're lying on the operating table in the ER and your trachea has completely closed up, your trachea is not concerned about whether a cashew is, you know, taxonomically

a nut or not, because you're still dying. So that is not how I would run my business. So moral of the story, Woodford Reserve, I don't really understand what the plan was. it would be nice to have a non-nut option. I feel anecdotally, having eaten chocolate in the past, and a whole myriad of sweet treats, that there are non-nut sweet options you could offer as the final coup de grasse, if you will, of the distillery tasting experience.

But because you haven't figured that out yet, we're doing a soft ban on Woodford Reserve purchases. So there you go, that was Woodford Reserve. By the way, our animal of the week, you might think a race horse. No, we're doing a pony because it's just like, so ponies are not little horses. They are like horses, but they are smaller. They're not just like a horse that didn't get the growth hormone or something or, you know, the 27th chromosome, however that stuff works.

I don't really know how many chromosomes horses have. I think humans have 23 because there's that whole company, 23 and me jostling with ancestry DNA for market share. But I didn't bring any pony research into it. I'm just thinking like, how did we ever decide as a society we wanted ponies? I know Jerry Seinfeld's got the whole bit on non, you know, pony and non. pony countries in Poland and all that stuff early on in his show. But my question is just from like the evolutionary perspective, how did we even get to the point of, you know, you got these wild horses.

Chinquetteague, Asateague, I always thought that was a fun name, Asateague. Asateague could be a good way to describe that Chicago Bulls first round draft pick from 15 years ago. Marquis Teague. T-E-A-G-U-E. His older brother, Jeff, was a point guard for the Atlanta Hawks for a number of years. And a quality player and his brother, Marquise, younger brother, just did not pan out. But in that sense, the Chicago Bulls are kind of like, you know, the NBA version of like the Jets or something in football where it's like you're not going to, it's like trying to divide by zero on your graphing calculator. It just doesn't exist.

not going to be able to draft a guy and all of a sudden he's going to be really good for your team in five years or even gasp one or two years or an immediate contributor. That's just not really how the Bulls operate as a franchise. We occasionally will have a player who gets drafted who plays like crap and then we let him go to another team and he ends up being really good. But even then, they're not superstars, even the highly drafted guys. You're Wendell Carter Jr.'s, your Lori Markan's, You don't see a lot of guys named Lori these days. Should look into that. Yeah, ponies, why did we decide we're going to take these big beautiful stallions,

these big beasts, and say, let's get a small version of that. What's the utility of a pony? Or was it just someone said, yeah, this would be fun, let's do it. Or was it not even an evolutionary thing? Because, I mean, I don't want to get into the whole big bang theory, but did all animals just come from like one organism? or did at some point in the universe, we just started with like a set amount of animals,

kind of your base pack, and then you get into the expansions eventually, but, you know, maybe you start with like a horse and, I don't know, a salamander, and a tyrannosaurus rex. Like those are kind of the three animals and everyone else came from that. I'd be curious what animal,

the dragonfly, came from. Did we have to go like Tyrannosaurus Rex? But wasn't the whole thing? Oh yeah, dinosaurs became birds. It's kind of a leading theory these days. So a dinosaur, a T-Rex became a bald eagle, and then a bald eagle eventually became a dragonfly. I'm guessing is how it goes.

I don't know. Between being homeschooled and not being allowed to learn about evolution until I was like 16 and then the high school, or the, yeah, the biology class I took at community. community college was, you know, it's like life science 101. We didn't really have time in the 16-week semester to dig in, if you will. So I didn't, we didn't get to the chapter on how the T-Rex became the bald eagle and how that bald eagle became a dragonfly.

Something to look into in the future for Beantown investigates. That's our animal of the week, the pony. Shout out Bill the week, Bill the week, Bill the pony. from Lord of the Rings, Samwise Gamgey's pony. They get to the gates. There's the crazy thing about Bill. My 60-second soapbox I'll get on. They bring Bill's ass all over the shire.

And then they get into the other one with, you know, Brie and Rivendell and stuff like that, and the Witch King of Angmar, and they're traversing all across that land. And Bill's, you know, he's going through Farmer Magid's land, and he's not complaining. He's just happy to be along for the ride. Like, he's one of the...

the fellowship practically. And they get to Rivendell. He's still just hanging out, eating his hay. He sees his good old friend Bill Wobaggans, and they're catching up and smoking joints and stuff, pipes. And then the whole fellowship happens. Bill doesn't get any lines in that badass scene with her. It's like, you have my bow and my axe.

And Billy Boyd is like, where are we going? Can't do a Hobbit accent, I apologize. And then here's the kicker. They're like, all right, let's go walk to mortar. It'll be fun. And Bill's, again, he doesn't complain. Bill's a champ. And they walk all through these, what are they, the Caradras Mountains?

C-A-R-A-D-R-A-S. And they're going through the snow and these hobbits are, you know, in snow up to their knickers. Knickers, K-N-I-C-E-R-S. And Sauramon, Christopher Lee, St. and on top of his magic tower in Eisengard. I don't even know how he got up there. There's no stairs.

Maybe he takes the same eagle that Gandalf took, and then eventually by the end of the movie, it's a dragonfly. And they're on these mountains trying to go through the gap of Rohan. And Bill's still there, traversing, not complaining, just happy to be part of the group. There's no vegetation there. It's just snow.

I don't know if they gave him lembous bread or what. And eventually, they're collectively, of course, Bill doesn't get a vote. They're like, we got to turn back. We got to go through the minds of Moria, which is like the, oh shit option because there's the, what is that, Durrins-Bain, something like that. They're going to call him the Brock Osweiler. That's not right. What's the name of that big demon-looking guy, the Ball Rock? It's like Ball Rock with a G, but you got to add a little.

Q action to it, the ball rock. Same thing when you're saying the dragon smog, it's, you know, S-M-A-U-G, it's not smog, it's smog. So they get halfway across these mountains and they turn all the way back to go down the mountains into Moria, sea level, mind you. And Bill's still not complaining he's being a champ about it. And then after walking for months and months or however long it was, like 30 minutes of screen time, they're like, all right, Bill.

I know you, like, kicked ass on those mountains and didn't bitch about anything, but we're just going to send you back to the shire. And, yeah, we're not going to send you with a person or food and water or anything. I know you're like 3,000 miles from home, but, you know, you probably can know how to get back. And then they just, the rest of the fellowship goes in Moria and the rest is history. We never see Bill again. and maybe I need to have more confidence in ponies but it's like even if you're like yeah Bill knows the way he can figure it out

it's like well what's he's supposed to eat and it would be really easy you know ponies aren't cheap it'd be really easy for some anyone human goblin elf hobbit wizard a wizard's human or are they kind of their own little race unclear really easier for someone to just be walking on the road and be like, oh, there's an abandoned pony.

I'll just take this pony. And then you never see Bill again because now he's moved to, I don't know, Merckwood or something. Hobbit heads, no. That's my 60 second soapbox rant on Bill the pony. I wanted to keep this around half an hour, so that means we should get to our trivia question of the week. My last comment I had before the trivia question,

I just saw this and I didn't look into it. it's like an ad on Twitter or something. They're making another movie, another mummy movie rather, called The Mummy. And that's going to be like, what, the third movie, the fourth The Mummy movie in the last 25 years. There's like the OG Brendan Fraser and I think they made a sequel called The Mummy Chronicles or something like that. I don't know. Then there was a Tom Cruise one from like eight years ago with a weird ass audio in the trailer. Remember that?

And he's like flying in the plane and it's like going down. He's doing like the weird ass screen. What the heck was up with that? It was such a bizarre thing. I think they fixed it eventually. But when that trailer first dropped, it was like, what the hell is this? And now there's another movie,

another The Mummy. They all have to be called The Mummy. There's no other movie film titles you can make with Mummy. If it's going to be about mummies, the movie has to be called The Mummy. That's written in Hollywood Code. So, I've never actually seen any The Mummy movies. and I don't plan to, but I just thought it was wild.

Between that and the Anaconda movie they made with Jack Black and what was it, Paul Rudd. And I learned the plot is that they actually, like, the plot of the 2026 movie Anaconda is that they're trying to remake the J-Lo 2000 movie or whatever Anaconda. Like, the actual movie they just made is about making a movie called Anaconda. and that movie is called Anaconda. It's just, we need some fresh blood in Hollywood. Okay. Maybe not so much fresh blood, maybe just fresh titles.

Could be good. At least Prince of Persia. That was a cool title. There hadn't been a Prince of Persia before other than the video game. Or the English patient? You don't get a new English patient movie every five years. There's just one English patient. Despite there being millions of actual real-life English patients

and only like seven mummies. The ratio's all off. Our trivia question of the week, we were talking about how many states, Kentucky borders, how it borders a lot of states was a topic of conversation at one point in time in this bachelor party. And so I informed the group or whomever I was talking to. I remember that Kentucky is a lot,

but there's actually two states that top it. And I don't even remember, it's Kentucky 7, I think, but I'll have to go back and think about that. Our trivia question of the week, name the two U.S. states that border eight other states. And yes, they are tied atop the leaderboard for most neighboring border states. So there's two states with eight border states. And the hint, I guess, is that they border each other, I believe. I think one of these states has a little squidgey thing on its bottom half that helps it border these other state. I have to go back and check on that.

Yeah, there's two states that border eight other states. This one probably, well, if you really wanted to name out the states, you might want, we might have already done this tribute question as I'm saying it out loud, maybe like a year or two ago, I don't remember. But it's fun regardless. So that's my question. It would take a little bit more time if we wanted to list out all the states, but we're not going to do that today. So the two states that border eight other states each are Missouri and Tennessee.

There you go. And your bonus question today, name the one U.S. state that borders one other U.S. state. I believe I'll do a quick little mental run through. I believe there's only one U.S. state that borders one other U.S. state. There's two that are at zero, Alaska and Hawaii. And there's at least a couple that are at two. Washington State comes to mind. South Carolina comes to mind.

That's at two. What do you think is Florida at two? Florida borders Georgia and Alabama. I think Florida is at two. There's probably one or two other ones. Maybe Vermont might be up there. I'm not sure. But the actual answer,

the one U.S. state that borders one other U.S. state is Maine. Up there in the northeast, only borders New Hampshire. And if you're driving south out of Maine, you can spend a lovely day on the New Hampshire coast. You can go for about 17 miles or whatever it is. And then you're done. That's what I have for you today on the Beantown podcast. Thanks for listening.

Thanks, apologies for the church bells. But sometimes when church is going, church is going. If that's what I had, we will come to you live next week. week with another installment. And last, pretty much last call now for your horse names, email those Beantown Podcast at Yahoo.com. We got a full list, but we're still carving out the actual top 10. We're going to have a bunch of great honorable mentions this year. So get your name in to be read live on air. For all of us here at the Beentown podcast, I'm walking over to this table that I mentioned earlier. And something I forgot to see or mention earlier is an unopened thing of

sliced white mushrooms. It's from Kroger. It says, great for pizza or salads. Not both. One or the other. And best if used by 414.26. So these have been sitting out for about 10 hours, but they're still good for another four days. So that's good to know.

My name is Quindy vurnas. Stay safe. Stay sane. I'll check in on you next time. Bye-bye.