Beantown Podcast - Ten Plagues of Egypt Power Rankings (Beantown Easter Special - 04152022)

Episode Date: April 15, 2022

Quinn comes to you LIVE to discuss Judas' smooching, Jesus' lame slumber party, and the definitive power ranking of the Ten Plagues of Egypt by their badass rating

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn David Furnace. Welcome to my show, Quinn David Furnace presents the Bean Town podcast for Friday, April 15th. It's good Friday. What's going on? How are you? What's happening? Welcome to my show. My name is Quinn David Furnace. Thank you so much for joining us on this holiest of days in a special AM edition of the Bean Town podcast. No, not a live radio show, although that's on the docket. I found myself in like a crazy rabbit hole of 30 minutes, link through so last night watching Prairie Home Companion videos and listening to

songs and Lake Wolf gone and all that stuff. And I totally forgot about that. Mama's little baby loves short cake, rounds, strawberry short cake, bebop, a rebop, a rhubarb pie, and then also powder milk biscuits. How could I forget powder milk biscuits in all time class at at Greslin Peace to a Prairie Home Companion? But gosh, we're coming to you live if you're watching on YouTube or Instagram. Hello, I see we got a couple of people on Instagram.

Good to see you, a couple of people on YouTube. Good to see you too. We're doing our Easter tradition. We always like to talk about Passover, the Ten Commandments. Sometimes we dabble in the New Testament as well. Mount of Olives, get the Semini, Judas Iscariot smoochin scandalous. We're going to get into all of that today, but the kind of the main feature of today's

program. Getting back to what people love here on the Bean Tom podcast. Not just me, Quinn David Furnace, we're also going to be power ranking. The 10 plagues of Egypt, you are not going to want to miss it. And if you are, if you're just listening to us via our SoundCloud link or Apple Podcast, Stitcher Spotify, Play or FM, wherever you find your podcast, hello to you as well. If you want to go back and kind of watch the live stream. You can do that on my YouTube channel, Quinn David Furnace, or on Instagram, I'm Q.QueenD, Twitter, we are at bean-town cast, my personal handle is at white buns.

Thanks so much for tuning in. I don't know if we've ever live streamed a show this early before, it's not natural, it's a new thing for us. And you might be wondering, gosh, Quinn, well, it's 10, 15 in the morning, central time, what happened to your workers' responsibilities, the joys of working for a Catholic school. Good Friday, this is a big day for us. And I don't have to work to just get right to the point. So that's a little bit about what we're doing,

why we're going live, so early in the morning. I got my coffee mug here, if you're on the livestream. It says squad, and it's got members of the peanuts gang. We've got Sally, Linus, Charlie, Lucy, and Snoopy, and then Woodstock bringing up the caboose. And you might be thinking, well, hey, it's an AM podcast. One's probably got some crazy, you know, triple shot, macho latte going on in there or maybe some bourbon or maybe he's just

finishing off those holiday edition Bud Light Seltzers that I've had in the fridge since. Oh, boy, I don't know what was that like right at the start of March I bought those so it hasn't it's been like a month and a half at this point, but I've got two left Thank God the egg nogs are all gone because I drank them, but Otherwise, yeah those those are rough and I'm because I'm moving out of here and you know a month and change I'm gonna have to finish off those Bud Light sellers at some point and I'm gonna have to finish off. I had a I think just like a 12 pack of PBR that I've had in my fridge since I I don't even remember when I think I bought them you know like back in late August or at

September when you know some like we we had the family wedding here and there people you know just at the house or at my apartment here and there. And I think I bought it just to like have a backup beer here. You know, not knowing what was gonna take place. And I just like, they've just been there, right? I think everyone's got one or two of those things that are just in the fridge. For me, that's been PBR.

Throughout pretty much this entire lease and more recently the Bud Light shelters. I've also had, I have one in this last thing we're going to say before we get, you know, more religious with UI Promise. I have one, this thing's golden. A sogituck brewing peanut butter porter, not an official sponsor of the show, but if you ever get the chance, if you find a peanut butter porter at your local, you know, brew house or liquor store or even under a bridge somewhere, definitely pick it up. It's delicious. It's naughty. We had, I

actually had bought the six pack of peanut butter portals, I think, from Trader Joe's back in like November, probably just because it looked interesting. I wanted to try it. I never even heard of Sogutuck brewing at that point. And then had a couple of delicious, we actually went to Sogutuck in early December. Rachel and I did. We had went to Sogutuck brewing, had the peanut butter porters, absolutely delicious in person as well. And I've just been like saving the last one, it's just, you know, 12 ounce can,

because it's so good. And, you know, as if I couldn't just go out, you know, down the street and buy more if I wanted, but it's delicious, this naughty, it's creamy. Remind you of anyone, I am the producer, show runner, and caterer of this program, and listener discretion is advised when you're listening to the bean-town podcast number one We'll occasionally do some language number two of this podcast is objectively terrible, but hey year five Easter special this is a show that I look forward to every year

I think it was year two or year three of our show we did the live Easter sermon in my slightly derogatory or over and flamed I guess, righteous gemstones style, Southern accent, although that show was, that the Easter sermon was premiered long before the righteous gemstones ever came to be. So I don't know if there's some sort of, you know, liturgy or litigious kind of action, liturgist action we could take. But, hey, maybe that was the first and only sermon I've ever written in my life. And it was silly. And this whole show is kind of silly,

but at the same time, I'm proud of myself to be perfectly honest for like writing a half hour sermon. It made me feel like, hey, if I can do it for Easter, I can do it any time. So if you never listened to that, you're looking for a fun sermon. Maybe you'd, okay, here's the thing folks, maybe you don't wanna go all the way to church.

Maybe you're worried about COVID. Maybe you're gonna get stuck at like a Polish mass or something and you don't know what they're saying. There's not even, you know, they don't even do the wine because it's COVID, so you just gotta, you know, they sprinkle water on your face and stuff. You don't have to do any of that. You can settle down with a nice,

again, not official sponsor of the show, Sogatuck, Brewing, peanut butter, porter. You can turn on the Easter sermon and gosh, you're in and out in half an hour. There's no commute time, no traffic. You know, they don't you don't have to do the five minute, you know, kid thing at the start where everyone comes around and circles up and you up and they tell some sort of story time about Easter and rabbits and all that good stuff or even the 10 commandments or the 10 plagues of Egypt. God was really on a kind of a 10 kick back in Exodus and we're going to be talking about that.

In one second here I promise the last thing I I wanna say before we get into our power ranking, so I don't wanna waste any of this time. I wanna dig right into it. It's hello to my friends in Pakistan. I don't think Easter is a huge thing out there, but for the 17 Christians who do live in, constant fear of persecution, dismemberment, and execution. Hello to you, and I hope you're having a great

gosh, it's already Saturday where you are. Actually no it's not. It's it's time in the morning here. Pakistan's like what six eight hours ahead something like that. So yeah you guys got nothing to worry about. Um, Kiber pass. Hydrobad Islamabad. I was doing a little I was just kind of going if you're watching a live stream. It's just kind of moving my hands back and forth. I got Instagram to my right YouTube to my left All of a sudden it turned into a kind of a, you know father son and Holy Spirit kind of trifecta three and one And why not it's a huge day for the Catholics. It's Easter Friday and It's very fun. So as as you know it or maybe you don't know so there's kind of two things going on here, and that's just sort of the way

We decided to do it. I feel like as a nation and the you know starting in the 20th century When I'm talking about his New Testament and Old Testament all kind of converging together That's the thing you would think that you know they'd want to do kind of give Easter and pass over a little bit of a buffer zone for increased celebration. Maybe your household is half Catholic, half Jewish, and maybe you take off the high holidays in both religions, then you could get double days off, but instead maybe it maybe the, you know, the big oil who didn't want their employees taking extra days off was behind this all the way back in the 1930s when they decided to merge the holidays together.

They thought, hey, if our employees are celebrating Passover and Easter, gosh, we could save ourselves a lot of time by putting them on the same day, that way we don't have to do two days off. That would be like if Christmas was on the 4th of July, which would be absolutely dasterdly, D-A-S-T-A-R-D-L-Y. So what I'm getting at here is it's Easter weekend,

it's good Friday, last night was Monday, Thursday, M-A-U-N-D-Y. And I think Passover is like a whole kind of weak deal, right? And I'm not commenting one way or another on this, but people of the Jewish faith, they love those weak long holidays. How come we don't get that in Christianity? Judaism, you got a week of Passover, you got what Hanukkah, that's at least like 11 or 12 days, right? Rasha Shana, I don't know anything about it. It could be one day, it could be eight days. So boy, they're just going,

they're trying to take over a half this Gregorian calendar, if you will. And I think they're on to something, with Christianity, it's like, it Christmas Eve is like a pseudo holiday, and they need to get Christmas, and the day after Christmas is back to work, why not for me personally, but for general people. You know, why couldn't, you know, I don't know why Jesus, he had a lot of things to say,

but he never said anything about boy, hey, let's, you know, the Jews are on to something here, you know, we're going to get rid of a lot of their traditions. We're going to go out with the Jew, or out with the old and with the Jew, except it's the opposite, so the pun doesn't really work. Why couldn't he have held on to this whole week-long holiday, sort of thing? I don't know.

They say Jesus was perfect. I, that seemed like a miss, if you will. Something was a miss in Jesus planning, I suppose. So we're talking Easter, it's New Testament, it's Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, Judas betraying him. And I wanted to just quickly mention that one point. Cause I actually yesterday, gosh, it was a slow day at work. I actually read all the gospels, just like for fun, kind of out of curiosity, as I was preparing for the show today, cause I don't think I've ever like sat down and read one gospel front to back, much less four.

So I just decided to do that. They're pretty short. The quick reads, especially for a trained eye like myself. But here's the thing I don't understand. The Pharisees, the Jews, the whomever Sadducees, Judas goes to them right before the last supper, Thursday night, and he's like, hey, I'll betray you to Jesus. And they give him 30 pieces of silver to do that. But my question about this is like, Jesus, it's not like he's this guy in hiding. It's not like he's been laudin' or something.

Although I reckon they might have looked similar. I'm gonna offend a lot of people today. But here's my issue. Like what's this is all a forest. This is all just for show for the cameras. Like why do you need to be, be, be tray him. He's all over town. He's in the garden. He's in the temple. He's healing lepers. He's maybe something's going on with Mary Magdalene. I don't want to get into that. But like, so what's this whole betray him sort of thing?

Honestly, Judas was a shrewd money man. And I don't want to do any sort of Jewish stereotypes here. But all he's doing is like, hey, meet me at this, you know, garden on the Mount of Olives at 11 p.m. And Jesus will be here either way, but like, you can also do that and give me 30 pieces of silver. Hey, in today's world, that's like a million dollars.

And then, you know, Judas was such a sissy. He does all of this. He gets paid and then like two hours later, he goes and hangs himself. Like, gosh, I hope he had his beneficiaries lined up on his vanguard account. Geez. And the one other thing I want to say, and I promise we're getting into 10 plagues after that. But while we're still kind of in new testament mode, because we're going hard, hard left into the Old Testament right after this book of Exodus. Jesus got through such a fit when he takes these 12 guys up to the Garden of Gethsemane on the Mount of Olives. They just had that, okay, here it is, let's set the scene. They just had

this huge lavish dinner, a last supper, if you will. You've seen the painting, you've seen the Da Vinci rendering. There's glass of wine, they're, you know, hyper decanted. I'm pretty sure I saw Ville on there, beef wellington or you know, it's just all this heavy stuff and more wine and more Ville and You know, shepherds pie and more wine. And all of a sudden Jesus is like, hey guys, let's go up to this mountain. So let's do all this vigorous exercise to get up there. You know, probably have some more wine. And let's do an overnight thing

where there's not even an agenda. Jesus is just like praying by himself. He leaves these 12 guys. And then they happen to try to catch some Zs. And he comes back, you know, it's two in the morning. And Jesus comes back and they're snoozing. And he's like, uh, why you guys couldn't stay awake for like two hours

after all this heavy wine and protein and a big long hike halfway up the side of a mountain. So Jesus was kind of a diva. I think is what I learned from the later chapters of these gospels. And then you get the whole Judas, you know, he smooches him. I don't know if there was some homo eroticism there or just general eroticism, or general homo, or gosh, that sounds like something right out of platoon or something. But this whole deal was just botched, poorly executed. Was it the Romans who got Jesus,

or was it the Jews, or both at the same time or You know, there's not very clear. They're paying Judas to do nothing to do a smooch. It's like It's like he's in that practical impractical joker show and they're like, oh, we'll give you 30 pens of the silver if you smooch Jesus and then he doesn't like Sal is that his name? I don't know any of the guys, I've never seen that show. You just see the occasional YouTube clip. Jesus getting pissed off, cause I think Jesus knew that he had what was coming to him

and he was just kind of probably lashing out emotionally at other people about problems that were his fault. So with that in mind, we're 18 minutes into our Easter special, we've offended a lot of people already, and that's totally okay. Cause here's the thing, kinda like Jesus, I'm just out here spitting truths, biblical truths.

I really don't think what I, I haven't made any giant leaps of faith, if you will. I'm like Indiana Jones at the end of last crusade. Okay, so, hey, speaking of last crusade, if this peanut smug squad was one of the cups they had in that room with the night at the end of last crusade, I would have taken this one. That's gotta be the holy grail.

Okay, let's give a quick thank you to our sponsors and then we're going to power rank these 10 plagues of Egypt. I'm not doing a full ad read today. I promise because I want to get into these power rankings. I want to say a shout out to our friends at Home Pride Oregon. When you need your home inspecting an essential organ called a safe, reliable guy. He's been in the business for a long time. He knows your needs. He's not going to screw you. Unlike Judas Iskariot, call Steve at a lot of fun. If you missed last week's episode, we talked to our tax experts and Easter enthusiasts, Matthew Feedler. He was kind enough to come on the show right in the heat.

I'm going to show you a little bit of the stuff that I'm going to do. I'm going to show you a little bit of the stuff that I'm going to do. I'm going to show you a little bit of the stuff that I'm going to do. I'm going to show you a little bit of the stuff that I'm going to do. If you missed last week's episode, we talked to our tax experts and Easter enthusiasts, Matthew Feedler. He was kind enough to come on the show right in the heat of tax season, so we really appreciate that. And Samson pulled double duty for us last week, sounded great, crisp, clean, and clear, as always.

And remember when God speaks, whether it's the Easter or special, or any of our other shows throughout the year, he uses this amp's in. And if you're just like, if you're a bean town, if you're a bean head, if you will, who only catches our video streams on YouTube and you think, gosh, Quinn does a podcast once every two or three months, like he's really fell off, you're missing out. Go to beantownpodcast.com, go to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you find your podcast, it's one a week, baby.

Without fail, we have never missed since January, since we started in January 2018, okay? Never missed one a week every single time. It's just the videos come rather infrequently because it's a whole lecture production, two or three minutes there. Lastly, I wanna give a shout out to our friends, Cuts by Q, if you're looking at us on the audio stream,

you need to take a shower. The humidity in Chicago this last week was doing, you know, just whatever the opposite of wonders is, I looked like frickin' Shirley Temple singing the good Shiv Lollipot. But we're doing okay right now. But the hat's going back on, because I'm kind of cold.

We had like 70 degrees in Chicago on what was a Tuesday or something and now it's about 40 degrees in hailing. Speaking of hailing, when you need to fresh do some of the snappy new call the experts that cuts by cue, let's get into these 10 playsagues of Egypt. Okay, it's what's you tune in for? It's the main event, the title card, the heavyweight championship, the 10 plagues of Egypt. So if you're wondering why we're talking about this, it's Passover, it's the 10 Commandments, the famous film. It happens that they showed on ABC, you know, what, tomorrow night, tonight, something like that.

It's like three and a half hours long. You will bring her, Charles and Heston, the classic Exodus classic, if you will. So in case you don't know the story, basically the Egyptians go into Israel, they take all the Hebrews, they're like, hey, you guys come work for us now, they're enslaved. And basically Moses gets put in like this bread basket in the river and he gets picked up by Ramsey's mistress

or something like that. He gets raised in Egypt alongside Ramsey's the second who may or may not actually be Ramsey's the second. He's just a Pharaoh. And then eventually Moses ends up killing some guy. It's this whole big production. Yeah, you heard me right. Moses kills a guy.

And then he flees to the burning bush who talks to him and is like, yo, you got to go back. And Moses is throwing a little fit. And the burning bush is like, yeah, take Aaron with you, he's your brother. And, uh, it's, you know, big reveal end of the season one or something. And so they go back to Egypt and Moses through via Aaron, his mouthpiece, you know, first is like, yo, let's do some magic to show the wonders and power of God. One of my favorite moments in biblical history, just casual magic. We've talked about this before, those Egyptian magician sorcerers, they throw down their rods and they turn into snakes. That's pretty badass. It means the bad guys can do magic too, which I felt was a part of the Bible that was heavily under explored.

I would have loved if like, you know, Pontius Pilate, you know, Jesus head is wedding of Cana, maybe in Water and the Wine, maybe Pontius Pilate has like a wedding of Bethlehem and it's like Water and the Absent. That's a story I would read. You know, they could do a sequel series of some kind. Pontius origin story, P-O-N-T-I-U-S.

And then Ramsey's or Pharaoh's like, no, it's not going to work. And so that brings us to the point of today's power rankings. God, unleashes 10 plagues upon Egypt. One after another, I'm pretty sure after each one Moses is like, Hey, you know, you want to, you, can we go now and then he's like, No. And finally, spoiler alert does happen after the 10th one. But let's go from in chronological order in terms of when they appear in the Bible. And then we will jump into our actual power rankings of these plagues. So in chronological order we have Jesus or excuse me not he's not in

this one yet. God who's also Jesus with this confusing turns the Nile into blood. Okay that's the first one. I got it, I got to tell you, I don't want to spoil anything in the power rankings, but God really came out swinging here. I mean, completely cutting off the water supply. It's a pretty badass way to recceivization. Okay, second, we have frogs. Third, we have lice or gnats, depending on your translation. Fourth, we have flies. Fifth, we have the livestock. It's not, I was reading it this morning actually, an Exodus to prepare for today's episode. I actually did, I read a lot of Bible to prepare for today's show, unlike usual. It's not clear what exactly he does to the

livestock. The Bible just says, basically, like, God will come down upon the livestock. And obviously, people like, oh, that means like he's going gonna murder them. And for the point of this show, well that's what we'll go with. But it could just be like maybe all of a sudden there were a lot of cows that were overcome with the spirit of the Lord. I don't know. Six we have boils. Seven we have hail. Eight we have locusts. Nine we have three days of darkness and 10 we have something we talk about pretty much every year to celebrate Easter, the death of the first born of all Egyptians, so you know an absolute classic. So here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go through these, excuse me, big belch. We're going to go through these 10 to 1 from least badass to most badass, okay? The 10 plagues of Egypt here, and thank you for those comments on Instagram and YouTube, I see you very clearly. Thank you for being here, okay? Starting at number 10, so we're going from least badass to most badass.

Number 10, we have the three days of darkness Okay, it's like It would be kind of scary at first if you were in Egyptian Like oh isn't it usually sunny out, but they didn't have clocks. They didn't have watches um And so it's like you know at first to be like I don't think it's supposed to be dark right now, but they may Would just be like You know what I could get used to this. Here's the other thing about this.

I really think, and again, we're gonna ruffle some feathers here, that God didn't even know like what he was, you know, he was so focused on Egypt, he didn't even realize, you go up to the Arctic Circle in December, you go to the Antarctic Circle in July. Three days of darkness is nothing. I mean, has anyone ever seen that movie Insomnia? The either the original or the The remake the who's the guy who did dark night Christopher

Christopher dark night You know that movie Insnia, it's light out 24 a seven. So it's actually the opposite of what I'm talking about here. But if they were in Antarctica, it would be the opposite. It'd be completely dark. If you've never seen Christopher Nolan's in Somnia, it's actually really good. It's Robin Williams and Robert Teniro from the late 90s. And Hillary Swank, I think, and all-time classic. It's a great thriller. So here's the thing, three days of darkness, that's nothing.

You know, like up there in Alaska, in December, you got like 50 days of darkness. So this whole, ooh, three days of darkness, stuff is like, who cares? It sounds like a good opportunity to catch some z's if you ask me, okay, so that's our least badass of the 10 plagues.

Coming in at number nine, we have Hale. Because it's like Hale would, you know, Hale might, you know, it might tear your canopy a little bit or it might be a minor irritant, but it was hailing outside in Chicago this morning. It doesn't bug me, like just wear a hat or something. I don't know. Did they have hats in Egypt?

You would think so, if not, I don't know what that says about their civilization if you can't make a freaking hat. But hail is kinda just like, okay, well, we'll just go inside. Okay, good opportunity. Good opportunity to catch up on sleep, play cards, do some of those hieroglyphics. Hieroglyph, hieroglyphics. Hieroglyphics sounds cooler.

I don't know if that's actually what it is. It could be like a Pokemon thing. We had this like tablet of some kind or a tapestry or something. I don't remember if that's actually what it is. Could be like a Pokemon thing. We had this like tablet of some kind or a tapestry or something. I don't remember that my dad received from his pharmacist at the cameart growing up, Manny. Manny, if you're still out there, I don't think, I don't think Manny made it.

I think Manny passed away some number of years ago, but Manny, if you're watching the show, hello. And thank you for our Egyptian hieroglyphic. I don't know what it means. We never got a translation. I don't know if it was pharmacy related, but came art pharmacy. What a time to be alive. I don't even remember where the pharmacy was in the came art. That's okay. Probably back XJ due back where the cafe used to be. They repurposed the whole area. Coming in at number eight, we're going to get into

some animals here. We've got frogs. OK, so there are varying levels. And we're going to talk about every one of those levels of animals and pests going on here in the 10 plagues. God clearly got caught up on this whole animals thing and just went nuts with it. But I think out of all the animals we're chatting about here today, frogs are just kind

of the most dopey, if he will, DOP-EY. Like, yeah, it would, okay, I'm not going to, we're into plague eight now, okay? So this isn't like the darkness or the hail where it's like, yeah, whatever, like, good one, God. Frogs would suck, okay, they're smelly, they're slimy. You know, your figure is gonna be a lot of tadpoles somewhere because these frogs gotta spawn somehow. That's the thing, it's like, did God just like

send a shipment of frogs from, you know, the, you know, Zambi, Zy or something up to Egypt or did they like spawn somewhere or did it is Magically appear we've already seen some cool magic in Exodus But you know having all those frogs around would I think it would more than anything would just be loud Frogs can be very vocal especially if they were like bull frogs What would be scary and we don't really get this and actually this because lazy writing is if they were some of those venomous tree frogs,

now that would be pretty badass. I think that could move frogs up from eight, maybe to five or six, getting more into that first run draft pick range. But, you know, frogs is like, yeah, okay, whatever you, hey, you could eat them. Remember Doc Hop, Doc Hopper, whatever his name is from the Muppet movie,

he wants to kill Kermit or make, make, it wasn't clear to me when I watched it when I was seven years old. I always thought he wanted to eat Kermit, but I think it's actually like he wants Kermit to become the official spokesperson for Doc Hopper frog legs. I'm never eating frog legs, I don't think. I think that's more of a southern thing.

I've never spent a lot of time in the deep South By choice. I've had chicken feet, but I've never had frog legs. So anyways, it kind of seems like God was actually giving them a Kind of an out there and extra food source. Coming in at number seven seven, here's where things are starting to get a little bit tougher. I think those first three in the list for me were like, yeah, we're going to do this, this, and this. Now we're getting into ones that are going to go from minor inconvenience to like, boy, this is a real pain in the ass. So I had a hard time kind of ranking the next four.

They were all, I don't want to say interchangeable, but the next four were really tough for me to decide where to put them. So at number seven, I put flies. And my reasoning for putting flies, as a less bad ass plague compared to things like lyse-leshnats, boils, locusts,, you know, others. It's just kind of like flies suck, okay? I don't like flies, you don't like flies. I used to get flies in my Rodgers Park

apartment. I used to have to buy these little like fly traps that you like taped to the window. They had flowers painted on them. I think there was some sort of pharomone going on to attract them. It worked. They would fly into it. They would get stuck. That sort of thing. But they were total pain in the ass. But it's just like, unless you get those really nasty horse flies or deer flies where they bite you in a hurtful hell, they're just kind of, you know, you go to the petting zoo, okay? They got flies there, it sucks. No one's having a good time, but it's like, you know, you just kinda swat them away and you go about your day.

So that's why I put flies there because I think we're about to get, I think things are about to get real serious. Things are about to get real badass. So flies came in at number seven on our list. Number six is where I think we're really starting to get into a little bit of trouble here for Pharaoh. Number six, I have Lice Slash Nats. So it's not exactly clear in my doing some trans-translative TR-A-N-S-A-S-A-T-I-V-E, trans-allotive, trans-allotive. There's an extra A in there. That's okay. In my work, whether it is actually locusts or gnats, but they both would be a total chore,

excuse me, not locusts or gnats. Nats or lice is what we're doing here. Number six. So if it's lice, that sucks, because it's like, we're all gonna have to shave our heads. Maybe that's why Ramsey was bald. Ramsey, been watching too much else kitchen. Ramsey's the second, who again may or may not be the Pharaoh in the Bible. I guess we should just say Pharaoh.

The Ten Commandments film takes the liberty of naming the Pharaoh character Ramsey, this is the second Portrait, you know, by the unequivocable Yule Brenner. But I guess in reality it's just Pharaoh. So Lice would be a pain in the ass. You have to shave your head. You'd look like Jada Pinkett Smith Checking to make sure Will Smith doesn't come slap me. So that would be bad. If it was Nats, that would suck too. Kind of like the flies just really irritating except Nats are

like Nats you can't even really see until it's too late. I can't tell you how many runs at 6am along the lake I had last summer in the summer before. Where you're just running, you know, you feeling good about yourself and all of a sudden just boom right through a swarm of gnats. And then there's something to this, you know, we mentioned pharaoh moments five minutes ago. There's actually something to that where like gnats are naturally attracted to some people more than others. And I think I got the bad genes for that because sometimes I'll be out there running in the summers in the early

mornings and it's just like this swarm that just won't leave my head. And I recall detastling as a youngster, there was this one field in particular around the Rochelle area, I think, where we had really bad nats. And the first couple of days, I didn't really know what to do about it. And they were just like all over your face,

you know, and they can't go anywhere. You're just like walking slowly through these corn fields. And so I actually ended up in my my hat that I always wore, which is a Quincy University hat. The trick is, and it worked. So if those of you, you know, Egypt, you got a time capsule, time travelers, time travelers, wife, which I never saw. If you can go back to Egypt and handle this plague, take some vanilla extract and dab it on the brim of your hat, Quincy University or otherwise.

And it actually does a good job of keeping the gnats away. So, and gosh, I mean, this has got to be what about 13 years later, something like that. I still have that hat. And if you take a strong whiff, you can still get the vanilla. So, Lice Slash Nats, not good, but I think we're now really about to start to get

into some hardcore area. At number five, so we've made it to the, to the sort of top half of our power rankings here. So to remind you, we've got three days of darkness, hail, frogs, flies, light slash gnats. Number five, we have boils. And this is the first one that's like straight up affecting the humans of Egypt. So now I think this is where Pharaoh was like, oh shit, like what's happening to us? Okay, if you've seen the end of Raiders of the Lost Dark, you probably remember when their face is melt and the angel of death who will come back to it a little bit here, comes out of

the ark and starts melting people's faces and shooting through their bodies. That's not exactly what the boils were like, but I imagine if you're just, maybe you take a lot of pride, you're an Egyptian, it's 1000 BC, you're good at skin care, you got kind of the, you know, antiquity version of, you know, Neutrogena, Acne Cream, all that good stuff, and all of a sudden you're breaking out in boils. And it's just like, well, gosh, this sucks. Like, what am I supposed to do about this?

I've personally never had a boil. I don't even really understand what it is. It's just like a bump on your skin that's boiling. Filled with blood or pus or something, I assume. I don't really know. I don't know why you get them, who gets them other than the Egyptians. But it doesn't sound like fun, especially if you're someone who takes a lot of pride in your skin.

And I think the Egyptians were. I think they were constantly doing those mud baths, those clay masks. I think they had a lot more resources than most civilizations at that point in time. So I mean, for vein people like the Egyptians, those boils were going to be tough and just frankly uncomfortable. Okay, so number four, boy, we are getting down to the nitty gritty here, and out of all of our kind of little pests that God sent, these ones are the kings of pests, and they come up over and over again in the Bible, locusts at number four. So if you don't know, a locust is, I believe, like a grasshopper.

It's kind of the same type of thing. Let's see, locusts are a group, it's the Cornel Wikipedia. Locust are a group of certain species of shorthorn grasshoppers that have a swarming phase, and that's the thing. That's what we think of when we think of Locus. Oh, this is interesting. These insects are usually solitary,

but under certain circumstances to become more abundant in change, their behavior and habits becoming Gregarius. So those are two things you don't want to put together. Gregoriousness and Locus, because those Locus, they came in hot and here's the thing with locus when we talk about flies we talk about gnats you know gnats swarm and they're in groups and that sort of thing they're painting the ass but the thing

with locus dude they're coming into town they're eating all the vegetation so remember though remember from land before time there are those special leaves like the shining stars or whatever, that little foot was always bitching about. They're taking all of those. They're taking your maize, they're taking your beans. They're, you know, if you had any flowers, you know, and you're hanging gardens of Babylon, if you will,

Egyptian edition, they're taking all that. And they just come right through, they clean up, and they just go right along their merry way. Next thing you know, 30 seconds later, your whole crop system is devastated. And so that's why Locus come in at number, number, gosh, where are we on the, since three already?

Are we at number three? No, Locus come in at number four, because it's just total badass. God was really starting to take no prisoners here with the locusts. And I mean, hey, if locusts came in and destroyed my, you know, Arbivitis or allopplants,

which would be helpful cause the sun is very intense. You're getting sunburned, you want that natural allovera to help with your skin. You still got boils. That's right, you know, we're not completely done with the boils yet and I'll send your aloe plant gone boom That would suck. Okay, so number three. We're now into our top three here I think at this point anyone who's listening to the bean-tongued podcast for the last five years knows what number one is going to be So there's probably not a big surprise because it's the same plague we always talk about

But I'm gonna stick to my guns here today. Number three, this is one we briefly talked about earlier, the livestock plague. So it's not entirely clear what happens to the livestock. And I think, you know, for bad-ass reasons, we're saying God came down and he slaughtered him, you know, with his hand of justice. But, you know, the Bible pretty much just says that God came down upon the livestock. Which, yeah, I think it's fair to say like, that was probably a bad thing for the livestock, not a good thing.

And here's the problem. You're going to have a lot of livestock. God's going to come down, he's going to wipe him out. And you figure they don't really have refrigeration back in these days. So the problem with the Egyptians now is like, you got all these dead cows pigs horses camels a lot of camels I don't know if they had domesticated hippopotamai back in those days but potential hippopotamai and they're just dead and the big something we're not considering is, we still got all these flies, gnats, locusts here, for the most part, they're gone,

but there's still some old vestiges of the prior plagues. And they're gonna do, they're gonna find those dead carcasses before you do. And so because the fact that we got all these pests around, we don't have a good way to preserve the meat, you know, I don't think they had a lot of salt back in those days. Certainly no refrigeration.

I don't know, you could probably take them in size with a pyramid, but it's got to be what, 5, 10 degrees cooler in there. Egypt in the summer, at least 90 degrees. So it's diminishing returns at that point. So you're losing all your meat. And you just had all your vegetation wiped out and all of a sudden you're thinking, gosh,

what are we gonna eat? Dead, rancid meat, that's gonna be real tough on the indoor plumbing. So for that reason, that's why life.com's all the way up at number three and it works well in conjunction with the vegetation loss from the locus, but that's why I'm putting life, second number three. Okay, we're down to our last two plagues of Egypt, and we're down

to our first one and our last one in terms of chronological order. And I got to tell you, one of these is just like extremely frightening and would be terrifying. And the other one is just straight up murder. And because of that reason, we gotta go blood in the water first. So that's coming in at number two on our power rankings of the bad assery of the plagues of Egypt.

God, in his first stroke of justice, turns the Nile River into blood. Okay, and it's not clear for how long and shout out to my mom on YouTube. Good to see you. If anyone has ever been in downtown Chicago, let's paint a picture. Okay. If anyone has ever been in downtown Chicago on St. Patrick's Day or more specifically the Saturday before St. Patrick's Day, you've seen it. They die the river green. It's cool. It's fun. People are celebrating and cheering. They're taping the fugitive and parades and all that stuff. Now imagine it's 1000 BC and you're in

Egypt and it's the same thing except there's no lake Michigan. There's only the Nile River and that's where you get all your water from and instead of dying the river green, you're dying it red, but you're not just dying it, it's actually blood. So here's a question that I had in an area where I would like to point out one of God's inefficiencies, let's say So he does this first now where did this blood come from?

He had he had to manufacture a lot of blood I don't know if there was you know human sacrifice and going on maybe he got you know Isaac clones And he took him back up on the mountain and this time he did it for real or Live stock from Namibia or Greece or you know Bhutan wherever Oxins What what's the name of there's another type of yaks y a k yaks That would be a lot of blood

Wampas But here's my issue if God was smart if he wanted to save on cost, time, manpower, whatever, he would have done turning the river into blood at the end, at least after the livestock, or after the other plague, which is going to be number one, which you all know at this point. Because then he's got all this blood lying around, you know, he could dig some trenches so that it flows right into the river.

And all of a sudden, he's basically getting a free plague. But instead God puts this plague at the front end and now he's got to do all this extra blood. So that's one thing that's not really covered in the Bible is where does the blood come from. I don't, you know, like so later on in the Bible in the Bibles, where did this blood come from? I don't, you know, like, so later on in the Bible, in the New Testament, Jesus turns the water into wine, which is pretty cool. So there is, you know, we know that the God had three and one has that kind of superpower, but you kind of wonder, did he have, you know, is this like a very taxing, tolling thing

for God to, you know, do all, look. There's a big difference between two gallons of water turning into wine for a small private wedding in Cana and turning into the longest river in the world into blood, okay? Like, use your head, God. Regardless of all this, I wanted to air my grievances about that play, because it just felt really poorly executed It's pretty badass. What are the Egyptians gonna drink?

Now I will say they still had their livestock. They still had their vegetation at this point. So it's like Yeah, it would be a pain in the ass to not have fresh water But I feel like you could like collect the morning dew off of your leaves, and you could, you know, make a dew with the dew, if you will, which if Mountain Dew wants to use that as a marketing slogan, they can, they just have to pay me. I think a biblical themed exit is 10 commandments style Mountain Dew marketing marketing campaign could be good You know, they're trying to win back those church-going folk I don't know how they lost them, but that's a separate podcast. Okay, we've arrived at number one and You all know what it is we talk about it every year on our Easter special. It's easily

the most badass slash, slash awful thing that God has ever done. And here's the thing. When I bring this up with Christians, which I don't really, because I don't converse with Christians about Christianity frequently, they're always like, well, that's the old God, okay? Like, you know, he, he, that was the old God. He was benevolent and rude and malicious and, you know, new, he, he, that was the old God. He was benevolent and rude and malicious and, you know, new God, new testament like that God is cool.

I don't think like you get to murder a bunch of people and then, you know, a thousand years later, be like, oh, I don't murder people anymore. So now I'm cool. Like you wouldn't, you wouldn't have that in real life, right? What if someone murders a bunch of people, he's 20 years old and then 50 years later, you're like, oh, I love this guy.

He definitely is good now. He didn't murder like a million people. No, he's cool. See the issues here, God. It's the slaughtering of the Egyptian firstborn sons, which also a little I don't want to get into all the social issues of the day, but I mean, what here's the thing. If you think about this, so it's all he's only killing the the male babies. First of all, he's he's assuming people's gender identities. Second of all, imagine going on Egyptian Tinder after this.

Imagine if you were a second or third born son in Egypt and one third to one half of the eligible, you know, male population was just gone. The dating pool as all of a sudden you got all these Egyptian babes, which, if Prince of Egypt was any indication, they're babes. And you got all of these, I mean, all I'm saying is like, man, 1000 BC, if you survived the final plague, and you were a male and eligible male bachelor that dating scene was prime back in Egypt. But you all know what happens by now.

God tells the Hebrews that the night of Passover, he's sending the angel of death, which is awesome, just like, you know, that could be like my metal band name, into town, to wipe out the firstborn. Here's the other thing too, is like, he didn't, God had to put a little like, oh, you got to do this to show your love for me, which is bullshit. But it's like, if you don't want your firstborn son to be killed, then kill lamb more killing a lot of killing in this book. And smear their blood across the top of your door frame outside. So the angel of death knows that, no, you're good. Like they're chill. Okay, they're chill fam. And he'll pass over your house and it's the name of the holiday. You learned something new on the bean town podcast today. It's a very educational program.

But he didn't obviously, I mean, he wasn't going to do this, but he didn't tell the Egyptians that they didn't relay the message. So obviously the Egyptians are just like, you know, they've survived nine plagues. They're feeling very hearty and tough at this point. And all of a sudden the angel of death just swoops in overnight while they're sleeping and kills all the babies, the first born babies, first born male babies. And that's just like straight up murder. So yeah, that kind of sucks. It's easily the most badass thing. It's horrifying. It's awful, but you can't deny that God just came in there and wiped out approximately a quarter of the population of the entire civilization. Slash, here's the thing.

Is it translated a firstborn baby or just all firstborn males? It's so worth looking at more like 35 to 40% of the population. Anyways, those are the 10 plagues of Egypt, our power rankings again from 10 to 1, least badass to most badass. We've got the three days of darkness, the hail, the frogs, the flies, the light slash gnats, the boils, the locusts, the coming upon of the livestock, the blood in the nile, and then the death of the first born. And we're at about 52 minutes here in the Beentown podcast.

And that's what we wanted to talk about today. The 10 Plagues of Egypt, we talked about some issues with the Jesus and the slumber party and Judas is smooching and all that good stuff. But gosh, it was a lot of fun. I got to say, this is, I think this has been one of our best Easter specials yet. The Easter sermon, which we talked about already, was a lot of fun. I got to say this is, I think this has been one of our best Easter specials yet, the Easter sermon, which we talked about already was a lot of fun.

But this one was great. I think despite being 50 plus minutes, it was tight. Excuse me, I talked about the things I wanted to talk about. We said hello to our sponsors, technically, no big issues yet, as far as I can tell. We got an Instagram stream going, we got a YouTube stream going, it's been a lot of fun. So everyone, it's good Friday.

I hope that either you have the day off or it's a little chill where you're at. Hopefully I have better weather than Chicago. And enjoy this holiest of holy weekends if you're gonna go to communion, go back twice, they'll'll up on that wine and maybe they'll maybe your maybe your congregation will splurge for name brand wine and crackers this weekend if you're lucky for anyone doing any Easter egg hunts or egg dying or general dying if you're in Egyptian firstborn son enjoy your time, have, you know, a good

merriment and cheer with your family and loved ones. And I think I'm gonna, we're gonna wrap this up and I'm gonna turn on the Easter brown, Easter brown. Easter brown sounds like a, like a Catholic church detective or something. Isn't there the father brown, is that the name? He's like a priest or something? And he's a detective. I've never read those Is that what it's called if you know email us bean-town podcast yahoo.com again this bean-town bean Yahoo.com and let us know I remember it being a point of discussion when I was homeschooled in

Like seventh grade in a Bible class and it's there's something there. It's like Father Brown or like Friar, Joe or something like that. He's a Catholic detective, I think. Didn't you know, investigate the, you know, priests sexually abusing the boys though. So I don't know how good of a detective he is. I want to thank everyone for listening to our show whether you are liturgists or not, whether you are religious or not. I hope you enjoyed our Easter special and our power ranking of the 10 Plegs of Egypt. So for all of us here at Beentown, productions, happy Friday, happy good Friday, happy Easter weekend, and hopefully spring will come to us sooner rather than later.

So we're going to get our outro music going here. I love you, stay safe, stay sane, and I'll check in on you next time. Bye everyone! I'm just a little bit more I'm just a little bit more I'm just a little bit more I'm just a little bit more I'm just a little bit more ndご視聴ありがとうございました