Beantown Podcast - The Worst Christmas Songs Ever (12082021 Beantown)

Episode Date: December 9, 2021

Quinn comes to you LIVE on a Wednesday (???) to tell you about his list favorite Christmas songs of all time. Seriously, these suck. Domestic violence and vagina innuendos? Mmm the holidays!

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn David furnace. Welcome to my show. Quinn David furnace presents the bean town podcast for Wednesday. Whoa. The last time we said that, it's kind of like when the NFL plays a game on a Tuesday, I think it's happened like twice in history or something like that. And one of them was definitely, um definitely maybe, I don't know, seven or eight years ago in Minneapolis when the metradome roof collapsed or something like that, or there's a bad snowstorm and the team couldn't get where they needed to go or something. And I think the Vikings played the New York football giants at Ford Field in Detroit or something like that. It was on a Tuesday night. It was crazy.

And actually now that I think about it, I would have to go back and check this. But I think there may have been a Tuesday game once or twice last season because it's easy to forget. Last season in the NFL, dude, the COVID was stuff was crazy. There were, you know, games were being switched. There were crazy time slots, all sorts of stuff. And this year, there haven't been any, you know, forfeits or switching of times of games or anything like that. But last season was nuts with that. It is Wednesday, December 8th, 2021, and you might be wondering what's going on. How am I? We're going to Michigan this weekend. Just for fun, got an Airbnb in downtown Sagittuck. Great word.

S-A-U-G-A-T-U-C-K. Like Justin Tuck, but Sagittuck. Um, and it's got a hot tub. Okay. It's going to be lit. I wanted to go somewhere warm, but couldn't find the flights that, you know, were that good combination of good timing, good pricing, and a place where we actually wanted to go.

So we settled for, hey, you know what, let's do a little Midwest Christmas getaway, and there's a hot tub, which I am very excited for, but it's probably gonna be a lot of like go into wineries, go into breweries and Again hot tub action. I'm thinking at least twice a day Two days. They'll be like I'm back in high school. What's going on? My name is Quinn David furnace. This is my show. I'm the creator host and

Gaffer for this fine program. Quinn even first presents the bean Tom podcast. I want to thank you all so much for listening and let you know that listener discretion is advised when you are tuning into the bean Tom podcast. Number one, we'll occasionally use some language. And I can tell you on a little bit later on in the program, when we get into the meet and potatoes of what we're talking about today on what should be a relatively short episode, there will be some innuendos, okay?

Because I just looked at the lyrics to this song and oh, it's Adoosy, we're gonna be talking about songs today on the Beentown podcast. Number two, this podcast is objectively terrible, but I got a show for you today that I think, you know, we are known as the People's Podcast, okay? And we are really going to put our money where our mouth is today,

because we're gonna be talking about the worst Christmas songs of all time. And there's an extensive list, I've paired it down, I think I have maybe five or six on my list that I wanna briefly discuss. And then turn it over to you all the fans to let us know at our email address Being Tom podcast Yahoo dot com again's be done podcast at Yahoo dot com. What is your least favorite Christmas song of all time because it is absolutely subjective

There's probably gonna be things on the list that I mentioned that you love, things that you can't believe that I listed it, but we're going to get to that in a second here. So I think that's going to be a lot of fun. Hopefully you learned something. Hopefully, there's probably going to be stuff on there that you know about. Songs you have heard of there will probably be songs that are new to you, but I'm just sharing with you my unique perspective of the festive songs I like and I dislike. And again, when we get to it, it's not an extensive list at all. It's just going to be my perspective. Okay, so before we get into that, I wanted to first, two things,

first to say hello to my friends in Pakistan, how are you, what's going on? Hello, Hyderabad, hello, Kyberpass, hello, Islamabad, what's happening? I should learn how to say hello in What's the language or do that they speak in Pakistan? I don't know. I'm gonna have to check it But hello to my friends out there on the you know East Coast across the pond then across a couple more ponds and hello to Pakistan

Second thing is just a brief check in on real housewives So to let you know with with this most recent episode that aired this past Sunday just three days ago, we've reached the midway point of real housewives assault like cities is in two, which is kind of hard to believe, but we're there. I think I think it's maybe like 10 or 11 episodes in something like that. So we've made it. Basically, there's not a ton to check in on in this episode. There wasn't a lot of new kind of plot development that happened. All you really need to know,

it was the last episode of their veil trip. And to refresh your memory, everybody went to an Airbnb that Meredith had rented, except for Gen Shaw because she got arrested literally like she was in the van to go and then got the phone call left and got arrested. And we're still on that trip. I know that feels like months ago, but this is the end of that trip. I mean, there were a good three to four episodes at this house. We don't get any of Jen Shaw on this episode. Her actual real life trial isn't about three months.

I believe some time you've been marched. So they've got the six other ladies at this house. And this is an exhausting episode because they're not really doing anything. No one really goes anywhere. There are no, like you remember the episode before there were activities like dog sledding, ice skating, I think there were there were some things going on. This episode is literally just like all politics, all weird stuff going on and it's pretty much centered around

Mary. Basically the ladies are growing suspicious as we all should be that like Mary is definitely a cult leader. She's, you know, obviously weird. She's been weird, but like maybe illegal, maybe evil as well. And she, I'm just going to read to you some of her quotes from this episode because it's crazy. But essentially, she's like getting into it with just about everybody on this trip. But then she's very, it's kind of like trumpet. She's, she's all about loyalty and like she gives very fancy gifts to everyone except for Whitney. We're talking, I think Heather got like a $5,300 handbag or something like that. It was crazy.

There's just a lot going on in this house right now. And it's, it's very exhausting. It's not that interesting The only really points to to take away are like Meredith so so there's a lot swirling a lot going on about Mary and Meredith was just like No one her her she gets really worked up like unexpectedly and her point is like no one Lifted a finger when Jen was cyberbullying Brooks, Meredith Sun Brooks. And so Meredith is basically like, you guys stop sitting staying shit about Mary because I don't really know, it's kind of confusing. I don't have

any good, I don't really have anything for you there but Mary basically just like goes off and she was already really crazy the episode before the Gen Shaw rest at her weird Italian streetwear party where she asked what on earth is her name Whitney Whitney Wildrose sorry for the dead air to dress like a slut That was super uncomfortable, but she really goes off and I found the the vulture article They do a really nice right-up recap after every episode and it's just got some tidbits From from what Mary said in this episode So here we go. I'm just gonna read it out to you because you'll get a sense now of how just

batch it insane Mary is. Okay. Some of them are gonna be like crazy, some of them are just gonna be like, whatever I'm just gonna reach it the list. Okay, first, I don't know why any of you in an explanation and why it would be a conversation. Second, to Whitney, you're exhausting.

Ugh, eh. On being unfairly cruel. I don't care. It's like Tommy Lee Jones in the fugitive. OK, on gifts. I haven't given it to her yet, and it's none of your business. Essentially, she gave everyone a gift except for Heather or Whitney, excuse me.

And then everyone was like, well, why don't you get why didn't you give Whitney a gift? And that's what Mary said. I haven't given it to her yet, and it's none of your business. On any question whatsoever, no one question Jen, I didn't ask for my life, my inheritance, to compare me with what's going on with her, that's evil. On Heather, I could have manipulated you,

on Meredith's apologies. Truth of the matter, if you were a good friend, this would not be happening. On, I don't even know anymore. And it's in all caps. Because I believe in what I do, but I was given it, and I took it on like a woman, and I was a child. I believe in God, I believe in rescue,

I believe in deliverance, I believe in it all. On attempts for clarification, I was born in money, okay? I didn't ask for it, it was given to me now then, and all you guys go from Jen to me, how they're doing all here yelling, her chubby self. Yes, she said that on strife. I've been through this my whole life. People hating me for my lifestyle. I okay, I've said that before. A two left on God complexes. I'm not a God. I worship the God in me and he's in me. And finally, my favorite one on race.

When I think about Jen, I see a heartless, I see a thug. Like, you know, those Mexican people that make all the drugs. So there you go. Mary Cosby is officially off the rocker. I mean, she's been off the rocker, but we're just getting some more increased exposure to it. And looking forward, because, you know, all going into real housewives of Salt Lake City season two is obviously all on Jen. And now, obviously, she's been sidelined. You

know she's going to come back at a certain point, but it kind of seems like the big bruise is simmering between Jen and Mary who are both potentially doing illegal things, both just batch it crazy and both very terrible people, not kind, not fun to be around. And so it's going to be really interesting to see what happens when you put the two of them together because they clearly hate each other. And then you got these four other ladies who like are five, how many ladies? Four other ladies, five other ladies, Whitney Heather, Lisa Meredith and Jenny who got their stuff going on too. Nothing that interesting with Jenny, but like what's the latest? Yeah, Lisa's obviously like

always a little shady. Meredith is kind of a, you know, a lot of people root for her and I find myself rooting for her most of the times too, but she can really just kind of like go off on her own thing and I sometimes they don't really follow where she's going. And then you got Heather and Whitney who are just kind of like, you feel like they're just kind of like trying to stay alive every day and not get sucked into the madness. So it's a second half of season two, it's going to be good. I'm excited.

Tune in Sundays at 8 p.m. Central on Bravo. But let's go ahead and get into the second half of our programming today, which is all about Christmas. So the first or not the first, but to remind you of where we're going with this, this is going to be a list of my personal least favorite Christmas songs. And at the end, I'm going to throw you a couple bonus Christmas

songs that are basically the best way to think of them as bands that are not known for doing Christmas or like festive things but they have a couple Christmas songs that I'm just going to recommend you listen to because I think they're really fun and I listen to them all the time. So that's sort of what we're doing today and we're in the second half of today's program and as always I want to hear what you like what what you dislike, and what are your, what are some of your favorite songs that you hate, Christmas songs that you hate,

and then what are some kind of, but under the radar ones that you want us to know about. So you can email us, you can also tweet at me. I'm at White Buns, the show is at Bean Town Cast. You can also send in a comment on the website, BeantownPodcast.com, and get in touch with us. Okay, so the first one, I'll start off with what I feel is a pretty common dislike,

but I voice my opinion on this anytime I get the chance because I really hate it. I just think it's one of the worst things I've ever heard. And it's the Paul McCartney wonderful Christmas time song. Simply having a wonderful Christmas time. It feels like my mind is on drugs or something like that. Or I am like ADHD or I don't really know how to describe it. It's just one of the worst things of all time. I think what really pisses me off with this song more than anything is the consistent sleigh bells.

In the background, if you know the song or you've listened to it recently, you'll I think recall what I'm saying. And I hope that's accurate, because I actually haven't heard the song or you've listened to it recently, you'll, I think recall what I'm saying. And I hope that's accurate, because I actually haven't heard the song in a couple, days at least if not maybe a week, two weeks, and I'll listen to the radio that much, and I never intentionally listened to this song. But I think then the whole song, there's just like the ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch,

going on in the background, and it's just incessant. It's like some sort of ancient Chinese torture or something. I don't know, really dislike it. And I don't think I think that's a pretty common opinion. Like I feel like that song is divisive, but in the sense of you either don't have a strong opinion on it or you absolutely load it. and I certainly fall into the camp of absolutely loading, detesting, abhorring, all of that stuff. I think that song is awful. I don't know who who decided it was a good idea. Okay, the next next one and this one is a classic and Again, it's the sort of thing where I feel like a lot of people don't really have a strong opinion on it But then there are people out there that really hate it and for the longest time I kind of been amused by it

But in my older age now. I'm just like I Am happy to listen to this song once a holiday season, and I don't want to hear it any more than that. And unfortunately, if you're ever listening to the radio or any sort of Christmas compilation, you're probably going to hear it a lot. I want a hip eponymous for Christmas by Gala Peevi. Yeah, I didn't know who it was either. I had to look it up. If you don't know the song,

the worst part is this shrieking, heartbeat voice. It's just it's very unique. And I think the like vibrato aspect of it is what I really hate the most. I wanna hip-hop out of this for Christmas. It's like a goats singing or something. It's just like chiseling away at my brain cells. I'll say this, it's kinda got the old timey, like orchestra horns, not really orchestra, but like a brass section kinda going with it and it's kinda got a zip in its step, okay?

Like for sure, but and I appreciate that aspect of it, but just the voice I if it was like if the song was maybe 15 seconds long I would probably be happier to listen to it twice, but It just keeps going and there's all sorts of weird rhyming schemes, not quite Katy Perry egregious-esque, but. I give that song one listen, Christmas, and that's all I can do. Okay, this next one, some of you might know this, some of you might not.

It's a little bit more old-timey, and I'm gonna read the lyrics for you, which I'll do for our last selection as well, but it's by a famous, for some well-loved, cherished country artist, but when you really know how awful a person he was, you might not love him as much. John Denver, Rest in Peace, please daddy,

don't get drunk this Christmas. And you'll have to listen to it. It's fairly short. It's only about two and a half minutes, I think. But here's at least a snippet of the lyrics. We'll see how far we want to go. Please, daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't want to see my mama cry.

Please, daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't want to see my mama cry. Please daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas. I don't want to see my mama cry. Just last year when I was only seven, now I'm almost eight, as you can see, you came home a quarter past 11. It fell down underneath our Christmas tree. Then the chorus repeats itself and then mama smiled and looked outside the window.

She told me, son, you better go upstairs. Then you laughed and hollered, married Christmas. I turned around and saw my mama's tears please daddy don't get drunk this Christmas I don't want to see my mama cry no I don't want to see my mama cry if there's one thing that screams home for the holidays it's alcoholism and domestic violence I mean there's nothing better than that this time of year, okay? And unfortunately John Dender picked up on some of his daddy's tendencies Bastard in life thus a bastard in death. It's from Ben Gibberd. Okay, next up here. This one might be the most I

Here this one might be the most I I have a sense this one is is probably one where people are like oh, I love this song and I to be honest Up until recently haven't had a strong opinion on it But Rachel is kind of influenced me because she really doesn't like this song and now I'm just kind of I kind of lost my My patience for it as well. This one by Jackson 5, I saw Mommy Kiss and Santa Claus. And I'm known this song for a long time because we had it in a book of duets, piano duets that we would play growing up. But there's just something about the little turd Michael again, Rustin P's, where when he's just he's he's doing a little bit too much talking at the end

they're like I did. I really did see Santa Claus. And I'm just hmm. Again, this sort of thing where I listen to it once. And I'm like, yeah, okay, whatever. whatever. And I like the Jackson 5. But it just a little bit too high pitched, a little bit too whiny. It's just a little too Luke Skywalker for me. I really am not a huge fan these days of Little Michael Jackson singing. I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Okay, two more to go here. One more that is similar to hippopotamus in terms of the voice really effing sucks. And it's one that you might not think of very frequently and thank God I don't either, but man, I hate it. Alvin in the Chipmunks, I think it's just called

the Chipmunks song. It's like Christmas, Christmas time is here. time for booze and time for cheer. And then at the end that one chipmunk, I don't know his name is like Freud or Jessica or something. He's like, I just want to hoolah hoolah. And boy, I hope they paid Jason Lealot to be in that movie. And as well as the sequels, what is there? It was, they made like four. There's Alvin and the Chipmunks. We're talking the 21st century movie's not the cartoon.

There's the original. And then there's the squeak wall, number two, I think. Then there's the road ship. there's the squeak wool. Number two, I think. Then there's the road ship. I can't believe I know this. And then there's chip racked. I've never seen a single one. But that song sucks. I hate it. And it's very repetitive and is awful, okay? Can't stand it. Okay, this last one is probably one that you never heard.

It's shockingly bad. Okay, like here's the thing with all these songs. Like I dislike them for a variety of reasons, but outside of maybe the Paul McCartney one, I really don't have any issues with like, how they're constructed as a song. But this one just, this is just an awful song. And I don't, for someone who is absolutely talented and knows

what they're doing with music, it's shocking to me that they ever allowed this, that they ever considered making this record, comes from my arch nemesis in our highly public feud, Lady Gaga, the song is called Christmas Tree. And you heard me mention at the outset of today's program that, well, there may or may not be language, there would definitely be sexual innuendos and well, here we are So

Like I did with Mr. Denver I'm just gonna read you these lyrics and you I I mean, I think everyone if you don't know the song again, it's Christmas tree by Lady Gaga I think you should listen to it once and you could even watch the official music video because Tony Bennett's in it but it's just it's real bad. I don't know how How this ever came about. It's terrible. Okay, here are the lyrics rap-a-pum-pum-pum-pum Same thing light me up or light me on top,

let's follow-la-la-la, as in let's fuck, but follow-la-la-la. Light me up, put me on top, let's follow-la-la-la-la. Here we go. The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree. The only place you wanna be is underneath my Christmas tree. This is lyrical genius right here. Light me up, put me on top. Let's follow.

La la la la la la la. Light me up, put me on top. Let's follow. La la la la la. Ho ho ho. Under the mistletoe, yes, everybody knows we will take our off our clothes. Yes, if you want us to, we will.

You owe a Christmas. My Christmas tree is delicious. Oh, oh, a Christmas. My Christmas tree is delicious. Oh, oh, a Christmas. My Christmas tree is delicious. Light you up, put you on top. Let's follow. Well, let's go. Light you up. Put you on top. Let's follow. Let's go. Oh, ho, ho under the mistletoe. Yes, everybody knows we will take off our clothes. Yes, if you want us to we will God repeat much. You owe a Christmas. My Christmas tree is delicious. Oh, oh, oh, Christmas. My Christmas tree is delicious. Here, here, here Christmas, my Christmas tree is delicious. Space cowboy, lady Gaga, lady Gaga. There she goes. Space cowboy, lady Gaga, lady Gaga. Here we go. Cherry,

cherry, boom, boom. I am not exaggerating anything. That is, those are the, that's how that song goes. So if you wanted to I mean the way Lady Gaga Used to sing and I not as familiar with her her her current records, but that's kind of like how she sings where it's just like My Christmas Jays delicious. Yes put me up on top. That's blah blah blah blah blah while there's just like dance music going on in the background That's just sort of like what a Lady Gaga song was in 2010. Boy, the feud was not to help at all by that. I expect there to be a front page story about me throwing shade at, you know, whatever her real first name is, Chelsea or something.

What is it? It's like Anastasia or something. Lady Gaga. No, I don't. Oh, I Google lay guy Christmas tree lyrics and I got to see that Stephanie that's your name Stephanie Joanne Angelina Germanada What a great name. Okay, and I mentioned I did want to just plug briefly before we wrap things up today Some under the radar Christmas songs that you might not know about by some of my favorite bands

that are fun. So first, if you never knew that Weezer did a Christmas album they did and the whole album is fun but I really like their version of O Holy Night. It's classic, it's straight up. It's fun. If you ever wanted to hear River's Cuomo singing Weezer. And by the way, River's Cuomo is a last Cuomo standing, so good for him. Okay, Arcade Fire, there's two things here. They're both, it's like shit, posting, trolling, but it's hilarious.

So first and foremost, there's an arcade fire Christmas album, I think it's four songs from a really long time ago, like as they were putting out their first album. And I believe the backstory is they were just like at a Christmas party and all super drunk. And they just like put some instruments and mics in front of them and that's what happened. There's four songs on there.

It's a total, it's not like a studio recorded album. It's like somebody held out their phone and like picked them up playing it. So the quality is really poor, but you can listen to that. And then also on the, this is what I was going to plug on the between two ferns episode with Toby McGuire and Samuel L Jackson from I don't know maybe seven or eight years ago If maybe a little bit longer probably probably eight years ago There they play the the only time between two ferns has ever had a musical guest I believe is

Arcade fire and they do their rendition of Little Drummer Boy and wind butler's smoking a cigarette. And it's just, it's fun. Okay. So you got to watch that on YouTube if you don't know it. And then finally, I think most people like in my family probably know this already, but Twisted Sisters got an entire Christmas album. It's kickass. You got to check it out. It's just pure fire man. I got I listened to that album at least once a year

and it's just man. It's fun. De-Snyter and the boys really let loose. So those are some Christmas songs that I really hate and then a couple under the radar ones that I always enjoy this time of year. So what do you like? What do you dislike? Let us know. And we'll read it live on air next week. But here's the thing, man, Christmas is Christmas is only two episodes away because the next time we record will be in about 10 days or so, that'll be the 18th and the next thing you know, boom, it's Christmas. So yeah, it's coming up hot here on a bean town podcast year four. Uh, I do want to, this isn't even a shout out, but something that I've

thought about here and there in the last month, uh, slash just, I don't know, what else to say about it, but shout out to myself for the you'll recall I think this was season one of the Bean Town podcast. I spent Christmas by myself and attempted a 24 hour live stream video which started at midnight on Christmas 8 K seven hours of me sleeping and snoring. The stream ended up cutting out while I was asleep. I restarted it when I woke up at like 8 a.m. And then I think I made it all the way

to like four o'clock in the afternoon. So I still streamed while I was awake for like eight hours straight, which I'm proud of myself for. But the shining moment from that one was the, the window or not windows, the Apple MacBook surgery live on air, which is still the MacBook I'm using today. We've recorded what, this is now 205 episodes with it,

which is pretty amazing. There was, I don't even remember exactly what it was, was some sort of ribbon. I had to take all the screws out, take the backing off. I felt like, you know, it was playing operation, but with hundreds of dollars in my hands. It was pretty nerve-racking to be honest. And then at a certain point, I was just all Christmas-doubt. And we ended the stream in the mid-afternoon, late-afternoon.

But that was a lot of fun. I'm not doing any crazy hijinks like that this year because I got better things to do. But those were some Christmas songs that I'm not really a big fan of. So definitely listen to any of those that you don't know and let us know what you think. But this was a fun one to do.

And I'm thinking maybe we power rank, Santa's reindeer next time. I don't know. Could be good. We'll see what happens. That's what I got for you. I fit this in after getting home from work after a long day. I haven't even had supper yet. Busy man. But we're going to Michigan and we're going to hot tub it up. I'm excited. Not been in a hot tub in a long time. Okay. That's what I got for you folks. Thanks for listening. Thanks for supporting this show as always. My name is Quintet Furnison. This has been my show, the Bean Town podcast, the people's podcast saying, Sionara and we'll queue up that music and I'm going to check in on you next time. So everyone stay safe. stay sane and I already said it. So bye! I'm just going to sit there and say, I'm just going to sit there and say,

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