Beantown Podcast - Top Ten Medical Procedures Power Ranking (08062021 Beantown)

Episode Date: August 6, 2021

Quinn comes to you LIVE to discuss the top ten medical procedures he's always been wanting to try. If you are open to me doing this to you then just text me or something

Hey, what's going on? It's Quinn David Furnace. Welcome to my show. Quinn David Furnace presents the bean town podcast for Friday, August 6th, 2021. What's going on? How are you? This is the road to 200, baby. I think this is 187. Something like that. We went through when 200 actually is a couple episodes ago. I think it's like Thanksgiving, the week before Thanksgiving, something like that. It'll be pretty hot. It'll be pretty exciting. So thank you all for tuning in. My name is Quinn David Furnace. And this is my show.

We are the people's podcast. There's a little slogan for you that we haven't whipped out in a while. David Furnace and this is my show. We are the People's Podcast. There's a little slogan for you that we haven't whipped out in a while. I was on a run yesterday. It was pretty warm in Chicago. It was, you know, not excruciating, but probably high 80s, straight sun.

Humidity was pretty high. And I don't know what it was about What I did yesterday, but Usually I can go through you know in the middle of the day heat of the day I can still run a 10k and it's like okay, I'm really sweaty like this is a tough workout But I'm like I feel good yesterday was not the case I I was Slugin and Trudge and my speed actually never dropped off or anything, but it was really, I was very dehydrated by the end of it, which is not usually the case, because you only out there for, you know, it's a 10 case of 50 minutes, 55 minutes slower pace, but boy, I was

getting a little delirious towards the end of it. I was having all sorts of visions of gumdrop forests and candy cane woods floating through my head. And I knew I was dehydrated, but I was like, well, I don't want to stop. I'd rather just power through and get home because I pretty much run three plus miles away from home. And then I run three miles back. One of the things that popped in my head, the whole point of the last 60 seconds of this show was to tell you that the people's podcasts popped into my head.

We are also the Karachi kid, where the King of Karachi, I just like a literary, either way, if you missed it, we are the 104th ranked comedy podcast in the country of Pakistan, which is pretty impressive. And I'm just leaning into that. So hello to all my friends in Karachi, Hyderabad, the Kiber Pass, you know, all those places. I think I was trying to think of that term, Kiberpass last week and I couldn't. Although I don't even remember if Kiberpass is in Pakistan or if that's more of an Afghani thing. But speaking of, or not speaking of, but I want to give a couple of shout-outs here and the second one

I give is actually going to lead into today's episode, which is very different. I know we've been talking Olympics the last couple of weeks. And the Olympics are technically still going on. I assume, because I know opening ceremonies were two weeks ago this morning. So you figure it's, I don't know if they go all the way until Sunday, which is Saturday our time. But we're pretty much at the end here.

I think there's a men's basketball, gold medal game going on tonight, AKA tomorrow morning in Japan, but otherwise, I mean, to be perfectly honest, I've not really been following any of the Olympics live. This week, I was really good with swimming the first week, but this past week, it's mostly, you know, emphasis have been track and field. And I have just been kind of catching YouTube highlights

because I just, I don't know, personally not as invested. But before I give those two shout outs, I want to mention that listening to discretion is advised when you're listening to the Bean Tom podcast. Number one, we'll occasionally use some language number two. This podcast is objectively terrible. Although we're gonna take it in a new direction today, we're gonna be talking about something

I've never really discussed on the show before, at least in detail or in any sort of depth. And it comes from, stems from one of our shout outs, which we'll mention in a second here, where the first shout out, just because it popped up on my memories from what was it four years ago, I think, was a shout out, I'm giving a shout out to the person

who bought the shout out. From Brian Scalibreni, aka the White Mamba, if you don't know, if you're not an NBA fan, Brian Scalibreni is kind of like a cult fan favorite basketball player who's like super white, orange curly hair, not particularly amazing at basketball, like a total bench warmer, but occasionally would get to come in games at the end and just hit these random shots and the crowd would go nuts.

Anyways, he's pretty popular amongst fans or was 10 years ago. It's a shout out from Brian Scalabrini as ordered from my dear friends Ryan Austin English and Kristen Austin English, her middle name is not Austin, but I just threw it in there. So thank you both. That popped up in my like Facebook memories from four years ago, I guess already. It feels like longer and shorter at the same time But you know what wasn't there cuz I know I get like all my Facebook memories directly from Facebook Dim there used to be an app. It was called like time hop or something like that Honestly, I don't really recall

And I think I had it on my phone for a hot second and I think it would aggregate all of your Social media together, tweets, woops, Facebook, all that fun stuff. And I don't have it anymore. And I feel like you used to see a lot of people would like post it, post their results for that day on Facebook or Twitter or whatever it is. I don't know if Facebook bought them out and then just integrated it into their memories, time capsule system, whatever. But I felt like that was a big thing six or seven years ago. And now you don't even hear about it anymore. So I assume it has gone extinct, which is actually

kind of fitting because their mascot was a dinosaur. So in the hopes of embodying this image of, remember these things from the Cretaceous period, but in fact they were spelling their own doom. So what I want to get into here today is you can probably tell from the title of this episode, although we're hitting seven minutes and I haven't even touched it yet, but we'll run through it pretty quickly, I promise. Because it's actually Friday afternoon and I got stuff to do. But is a shout out to my brother, my oldest brother, Walter Fernes, brother of the podcast,

Hashtag, who's actually getting married in like six weeks years as a wild. First and foremost are call the action this week. If you have any bachelor party ideas email us beantownpodcastyahoo.com and spent on podcast at yahoo.com. Not only will we read them live on the air but we will actually do them. Okay? So this is probably the most influence a listener has ever had over a podcast. Here's your chance. But my brother, while I was texting him, I think he was yesterday, the day before, and I don't recall.

But he mentioned that he was at the doctor's office, getting an MRI, and he wore, he was kind enough to wear his bean town podcast 2020 I think shirt to the doctor's office attracted a lot of attention I don't know if it was mostly a Pakistani run clinic or if it was more kind of organic growth but It was pretty exciting to hear that he was giving us some free advertising Which I really appreciate. I also think and I wear the Bean Tom podcast shirt myself from

time to time and it's actually in the washing machine running right now. But I think it's a pretty comfy shirt. I believe it's Haynes quality Haynes H-A-N-E-S. And it's pretty comfy. I mean, I'm pretty happy with the shirt. The only thing I don't love, it's a little bit longer than I like my shirts to be. My T-shirts, at least. I don't want them to be too short

because then sometimes you bend over you get crackage exposed. Or if anyone has ever worn a backpack before if you wear a backpack with a a shirt that's too short it tends to kind of bunch up and then all in the back and then all of a sudden your backpack is rubbing up against your skin and that's never fun. But yeah it's a quality shirt, but I told my brother Walt II things. Number one, that in honor of him wearing it to the doctor's

office, today's episode would be a power ranking. Of my top 10 favorite medical procedures, and we'll get to that in a second here. The other thing is a little bit more involved. But I'm thinking we should do a bean town podcast, takes a deep dive into the underbelly, is the word I was looking for when I was texting him and I couldn't think of it,

but the underbelly of the American healthcare system, is he asked why he's asked me to figure out why his MRI is so expensive, and he said maybe I could win a P body, which I think is something to do with journalism. So that's pretty high praise right there. Because right now, it just feels like the Grammy or the Tony are less likely to happen than maybe I was hoping for. So that's potentially to come.

But if I do do that, I would literally want to go undercover in a hospital or something, maybe show up in a body bag, a gurney, is that what they use to carry bodies in host six flags, adventure parks? I think it could be pretty fun, but it would take a lot of time and effort in planning and probably need to hire a lawyer too.

So I don't know, we'll see. Be-be-be-town legal team. Contact other brother of the podcast, Jeff Vernness. Okay. Let's get into today's topic. We are doing the top 10, Quinn's top 10 favorite medical procedures. And these are through the lens of my own work in career

as an unregistered nurse. And I haven't actually performed any of these yet, but I'm kind of thinking like from 10 to one, these are all things that I would like to perform. And let me just clarify, 10 is not, because this isn't a closed list here, there are millions of medical procedures that I could do. So by the time we get to 10,

we're already top of the top. So this isn't going from bad to great, this is going from great to awesome. Okay, that makes sense. And we're going to read a couple. Then we'll read some ads and we'll finish up. And this is a common saying on the Beating Town podcast, but we are, we are going to move pretty quickly here because, because I got stuff to do. I got to pack up. I'm gonna try to get myself a little haircut.

Excuse me, a little cuts by Q-action. I have not touched the top of this hair in a year. And the sides and back, it's been at least since, I don't know, March, April. So I'm gonna let this be my time stamp at 3.35 p.m. on a Friday afternoon I'm gonna do my best to give myself a trim without messing up so badly that we go to square one buzz cut style Cause Rachel's never seen me like that and I think she'd be grumpy.

But at the same time, I take no responsibility cause she's also the one who wants me to get a haircut. So what are you gonna do? Coming in at number 10 of the top 10 medical procedures, I would like to perform slash just kind of an arbitrary 10 to one sort of ranking and appendectomy It's classic Everyone gets one. What is it like 94% of adults under the age of 26 have received an appendectomy before

My friend Sam Anderson who I lived with in college for a year He had an emergency appendectomy about two or three months ago. And I always have wondered, like, because your appendix is, you know, you only got one of them, and it's in your lower left or right side, maybe right, I don't really know, I don't really care. I'll just start digging around in there until I find it. But, you know, some people I feel like your appendix

starts to hurt and you're like, oh, it's a very specific area of my body, so that's what it's got to be. Other people, like one of my friends Sam had it earlier this year, I think he just started puking and couldn't really isolate it, so I ended up going to the doctor and somehow they discovered it. But that's scary, you know, if my side starts hurting, like I'll be like, okay, well, let me go grab my scissors, let's take care of this. But if I just started puking and I wasn't getting any better and it was my appendix, but I didn't know that would be spooky. So they say that we don't know what the appendix does, but I could tell you right now it provides us with great listener material.

OK, that's number 10. Number 9. Oh, call Randall Mick Lovin. Whatever his name is from the Ken Casey novel, one flew over the cookies nest. It's a lobotomy, L-O-B-O-T-O-M-Y, like Terrell Owens, T-O. What's his name Randall, it's Randall Mick something, right? And Randall is spelled like handle, R-A-N-D-L-E.

I was trying to say Randall flag, but he's the villain in Stephen King's epic, the stand, Randall Mick Murphy. That's what it is, Mick Murphy, a little Irish bastard. One floor of the Cougars Nest, I have both read the book and seen the film. I have not seen the spin-off television

or streaming service series that they did called Ratchet. But one floor of the Kukuznest, great story. Sorry, got gotta work thing. But yeah, he gets a lobotomy at the end. And lobotomy is such an old school thing, but I think I'd like to try it once, you know, perform, not receive. But what exactly do they do?

We didn't as a disclaimer. I, yeah, this is going to go against expectations. But I didn't actually research much of this going in. What do they do? And you get a lobotomy and it's like, you come out on the other end mentally you're just like not really functioning close to 100%. It is not a lot going on, you know, up above. So what actually, what do they actually do? Do they just like send electric shocks and fry your axons and your synapses and your neuro cortex. Or do they like, what's a phlobotomy? Ph. L. E. B. O. T. O. M. Y.

Now we got to figure this out. There's Flem. Ph. L. E. GM. A phlobotomy, a procedure in which a needle is used to take blood from a vein. Oh, well that, you couldn't have two more different types of procedures that sound exactly the same. Lobotomy and phlebotomy. Lobotomy, according to Wikipedia, is a form of psychosurgery. Oh, I think I'd be good at that.

Then it involves severing connections in the brain's prefrontal cortex. So they basically take, you know, like if it was a spider web and they just cut down all the connectors. Most of the connections tune from the cortex. The interior is a lot of terminology here are severed. Okay, so I could do that. I mean, you slice the head open. You take the top off like your native American

going scalping. And you basically just get some snips, I think, you know, like a fingernail clipper could be good. And you just start snipping. We're going to be talking about snipping when we get to number seven here. But before we get to number eight, you have an organ transplant, which

is what they called my dad growing up in Minnesota. And here's my question, what's more expensive? Your average run in the mill organ transplant, whether it be heart, kidney, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, So what's more of a hassle? The Oregon or the Oregon? There was one time slash just probably like a period of week, a week, two weeks. I think when I worked in Baltimore, where I got really into playing Oregon Trail, the original through like an emulator on the internet.

And it was really awesome. I think I broke the game in terms of like figuring out how to win which Is probably not that big of an accomplishment considering I'm not four years old, but Yeah, there's like a certain strategy you want to travel light but not too light and Don't be afraid to dump your kids in the snake river because those they're just dead weight. You know, it's like the game of life. One of the more realistic games I've ever played, it doesn't hold a candle to monopoly or operation, which is relevant to what we're discussing today. But I love in the game of life, you get to the bridge to retirement

and you sell your kids for $24,000 a piece. If that actually happened in real life, I would be like Vince Vaughn in that movie, 1,000 dads, or whatever that one was. Talk about Vince Vaughn's got a list of like 30 movies that are all probably rated in the 30% range Talk about Vince Vaughn's got a list of like 30 movies that are all probably rated in the 30% range on rotten tomatoes. He just turns them out kind of like Sandler,

but worse and better at the same time. And there is one, I don't know what it's called. It's like a thousand dads or, you know, sperm my ride or something. Where he finds out that his sperm that he donated led to like a thousand kids and he meets all of them. I don't, it's kind of, it sounds like a goofy premise. I would rather see boss baby two family action

if we're going for a family-themed film. Okay, that's number eight. Number seven is actually a triple threat, kind of like me, because I can sleep, I can eat, and I'll go number two. You have, we're going south of the border for the next two, and in fact, the next three kind of all involve sexual organs to an extent. Number seven, your triple threat. We have vasectomy, hysterectomy, and circumcision.

Ooh, the dark horse. So a vasectomy is when I don't even, how do they enter? Do they cut a hole in your, you know, something? I don't even wanna think about it. I'm starting to feel a little, whoo, just thinking about this. And then they, what do they do? They find your, your, you know, the tubes from where your sperm comes out

and they basically like put a stopper in there. I don't know. That's seeing, it is basic, you know, if I go going there tomorrow on the street and start performing this, that's kind of what my strategy would be. Look for something that you can, you know, insert some sort of rubber stopper into

that you get from the Home Depot. And I know, okay, I don't want to hear all your Trump, anti-Trump, whatever. I only go to the Home Depot because it's literally down the street from my house and there isn't a low close, okay? So, come me some slack. The hysterectomy, I'm pretty sure they, they, they, they, they they they they sing your fallopian tubes and then The I also don't know where they enter for that though do they go up through the the ha ha or do they make a little slit or What okay? Then you got your circumcision a Classic move how old how how how young is too young for a circumcision,

and how old is too old? Legitimate questions, something I've never considered before. What do you do? You get born, and then a week later they're like, let's take care of business, or is it, you know, five years, ten years? I don't know. How much do moils make? Or is it, you know, five years, 10 years? I don't know. How much do moils make?

Are moils, is that like their full-time gig is performing Jewish circumcisions? Are they full-time moils? Are they like rabbis who do side hustles? That's a question that I have. they like rabbis who do side hustles. That's a question that I have. Number six, a C section. Growing up, I always thought it was C as an SEA, like Captain A-hab or Ishmael.

A C section, I'm pretty sure this is where they basically, like you get one of those saws if you're, you know, cutting down a Christmas tree. And basically from the belly button down, you just go, tt tt tt tt tt tt. And I don't know, there's probably some sort of amniotic, embryonic sack of some kind that the little kid is hanging out in. But I suppose you just kind of reach in there. I would probably wash my hands first, but then you reach in there. And you just kind of, you just kind of, you know, get in there and make it happen. OK? That's probably what a C section is.

OK, let's hear briefly from our sponsors. We find the ad read first here. It's always a hassle. I got something in my phone or under my notes section and some things are in my like Google Docs application. Here we go. Are you tired of selling your house for less than a quarter of what is worth all because you can find a reliable home inspection time? Well, Oregon listeners, I got good news for you. Hope pride in inspection services in Bandoorgan is central organs. Hot news. hottest new home inspection provider with inspection services including things like heating and cooling, roofing, plumbing and so much more.

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because Samson is going to have an integral line in my karaoke. It's like the podcast buildings, that's not how it goes, but something like that. Shukha, the bean town is, the Samson series bean town is, you know, it's something like that. So beyond the lookout for that, we can got speaks, sorry, reading an email. When God speaks, He uses a Samsung. Finally, our good friends cuts by Q Potentially going to be thrust into action in about half an hour here Bob and we we all know the hairstyle. We all love it

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All right, welcome back to the second half of the Bean Town podcast, where we are power-ranking my favorite medical procedures that I might go out on the street and perform later if I can get legal clearance. This is Quinn David Furnace. And we're gonna briefly, before we jump into the top five, introduce a new segment called Quinn changes his laundry live on air from washer to dryer

Excuse me and sings herbie Hancock. Here we go But I'm a butter butter I'm a butter butter I'm a butter butter I'm a butter butter I'm a butter butter To do do Butter butter I'm a butter I'm a butter I'm a butter

I'm a butter I'm a butter I'm a butter To do bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom bottom Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I don't even remember what it was. I got to pull a list up. Something with your second, oh, it's a boob job. Yeah, that's right. I don't know what the technical medical term is. A breast enhancement. I think it's the only plastic surgery one on here we got.

You know, there's not much else to say about that. If it's done well, it's a beautiful thing. If it's done poorly, you end up on real housewives, okay? And real housewives, oh man, if you haven't been following the drama with Erica Jane, she is screwed, but more relevant to this show where we do our, you know, when it's in the season, we do our Salt Lake City recaps. We've talked about Jen Shaw many, many times, but guess who just got, I don't know, sighted, parold cited or something for harboring a fugitive. What was it Rachel was telling me about it this morning. She's working from home today in my home, working from someone else's home.

Yeah, but it was like a family member who was like on the run from the law. I think what it boils down to is like one of her grandkids, step-grandkids or something was probably like on the run or had a warrant out for his arrest. And she like knowingly provided a home for that person to stay in. I think that's what she's like getting you know she's not in like big deep legal trouble or anything but that's you know whatever her violation was that's what it was. So that's boob job at number five. Number four this is one that I would like to do, but you can't just walk up to

anyone on the street and do it. And it's not even like a boob job or a hysterectomy where you can walk up to 50% of the people on the street and do it. You're talking like 0.00000% of people here. zero, zero, zero percent of people here. Number four, separation of conjoined twins. The other thing that's tough with that is you kind of have to be right there in the maternity ward or the pediatrics ward or whatever, you know, the operating room to jump on it, right? You can't, if you're late, you're gonna miss the boat. Because I feel like most conjoined twins are, they are, they are undoined minutes or hours into their first couple of waking moments. hours into their first couple of, you know, waking moments. It's not, it feels uncommon to see conjoined twins in real life. And if they are, they're, they're,

they probably are doing a special guest spot feature at on the Today Show. From 8 to 9, we're talking about the Warren, Afghanistan. From 9 to 10, we are doing a feature at and can join twins. From 10 to 11, it's just Al Roker's weather report. And then from 11 to 12, it's fun pillow shams that your nephews will love. That was essentially the Today Show formula when I was growing up. And now I think there's more emphasis on the pillow shams

unless on the Warren Afghanistan for multiple reasons. But number three, oh, this is what I always wanted to try. Because all you really need is like a knife and a straw, a tracheotomy. That's when someone's got something stuck in their throat and you got to go in there and give them some air. We had we had some sort of like survival book in our bathroom growing up which is a great place to because if you ever had any of Quinn's honeycomb bread on the toilet after, you're gonna need tips for surviving. No, we had this book

and one of the like tips in there are like procedures, I don't know. They were random things like what to do with a bear attacks or what to do if you get audited by the IRS One of them was a tracheotomy. How did how to perform on I think basically it looks pretty simple like this is why I think I I could do this. I think you just need a knife or You know like a branch with a sharp a tree branch with a sharp ending could work for jabbing. And you basically just like find where that person, where the obstruction is, you want to go below that. And then you just do a little, cut them open. Don't worry about the blood. It'll happen. And then,

although I don't know about this, because sometimes in movies or real life, people get their throat slit and then they die. So this one, I might be simplifying it too much. But basically, you get that whole, and then you jam a straw in there. Now, I know the trend these days is to have the paper straws. I get a sense that with the blood and the stomach acid, you might want to stick to classic plastic.

So sorry to the emperor, Pingwan's out there, but there are more pressing things happening right now. And you just get in there and you start blowing. So that kind of buys you some time. But the question is, it kind of seems like, now that I'm thinking about this, it kind of seems like a two-man job. Because if I'm here, I'm cutting and blowing, then what do we do next? Because we're not gonna live like this.

That's like being conjoined twins, but worse. Cause I'm doing a lot of work here and you're unconscious. So you probably need a second person to get in there with some tweezers and remove the obstruction through the mouth, I suppose? Not sure. I honestly, I didn't think that far, because I didn't think we would get there.

So, TBD. Number two on our list, I have a whole, I say it's a screenplay, but it's all in my head. A ton select to me. You know, in the film, in the Zamekis film, cast away with Tom Hanks. When he gets the ice skate package,

and he's got that real bad toothache, and well, you know how it goes. Yadda, yadda, yadda. I thought it'd be a great idea to take that concept and really bam, kick it up a notch. What if you were stranded on a desert island and you got real bad tonsillitis? I think this was one of the hallucinations I had during the multiple times. I've had real bad tonsillitis. One of the options I've considered is you're on an island by yourself stranded and you're going to die unless you remove your own

Tonsils which from what I've read online is not likely to end successfully But I feel like You know not not me, but a general like you could could try it and if it doesn't work it doesn't work You know like her cousin said if I die I die But if it works I mean that'd be pretty amazing So I it it's kind of like 50 50 on the fence Another Seth Rogan movie I think I've never actually seen it. Is that Joseph Gordon Levin and Seth Rogen?

I don't know. Apparently it's good. It's, what, like, 15 years old. I never saw it. I think it's on Netflix. That's a tons-electomy. I've had many people ask when I've had my tonsilitis a couple times, why don't you get a tonsilectomy? And it's like, well, one, I would have to,

I couldn't use my voice. One and only, OK, there's a million reasons, but the number one reason legitimately is like, how would I do my podcast? Because I don't know if you've been living under a rock or living in Iraq because I know we're big in Pakistan, but it's close to Iraq, but you got Afghanistan in Iran in the way. So I could understand that.

I don't miss a show. I don't miss a show. I don't miss shows. There will come a time in a place, probably due to a gunshot wound, or if I tried to give myself my own tracheotomy, where I won't be able to do a show. I'll miss a week, but we'll get a guest host. But I'm not gonna, that's not gonna happen just because

I was like, oh yeah, let me get a tons elect to me. It's gonna have to be better than that. Okay. You're not going to get rid of me that easily. Number one on our list, it's the ultimate surgery. It's it's it's it's as cardiac as it gets cardiac, cardiac. One of my friends was posting some Instagrams from Anchorage this afternoon. Told them to go to AK Alchemist, get some hot sauce. It's open heart surgery. I don't even really know what they're doing because open heart surgery

frankly sounds a little like not specific. Okay, we're gonna open you up, and you get the jaws of life, pry your chest cavity open. I don't really know what they do with their ribs. What do they do? They take your sternum out and say, well, you know, toss it back in later

cause it feels like it's in the way. But then, okay, so now you got your open, you get to the heart, you got your heart, it's pumping, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and then surgery is the last word. Well, that can mean a million different things. So we haven't really determined what we're actually doing with the open heart surgery. And maybe it's just kind of a catch-all term. Like, if you wanted, Like if you wanted to put a stint in there, or maybe remove an aorta, or if you wanted to put a pacemaker in, these are all things that you could do in an open heart surgery. Maybe that's why it's the ultimate surgery,

because it's actually like 27 surgeries rolled into one. That's pretty neat. I don't know. I'm going to give you our list from 10 to 1 to remind you. And thanks again for brother of the podcast Walt Furnace for inspiring today's episode. And I promise you a shorter episode and yeah, there's a lot more I could say. A lot more rambling I could do. But we're going to try to leave it clean and neat and efficient, just like if I was performing my own lobotomy. Number 10, app and deck to me.

Number 9, lobotomy. Number 8, organ transplant. Number 7 was the triple threat, vasectomy, histectomy, circumcision. Number 6, Oregon Transplant. Number seven was the triple threat bestsectomy, hysterectomy, circumcision. Number six, a C, section number five, boob job. Number four, separation of conjoined twins. Number three, trakiatomy. Number two, tonsillectomy. And number one, on today's list, open heart surgery.

Friends, family, and fans, I want to thank you all so much for listening to my show. We are in year four. We are stronger than ever. And I'm excited to announce, I don't know the exact format of it yet. You will recall last fall we did a New England road trip in October. This year it's the first one we first road trip. Hopefully not the last I'd like to do another little one not quite as epic as you know last year or what I'm about to announce but in let's see not next week nor the week after Let's see not next week nor the week after Right like no next week is Friday the 13th. Whoa talk about spooktacular So not that weekend and not the weekend after but the weekend after that so in three episodes

We will have our American Southwest Road trip special I Don't anticipate breaking it into four parts like we did last time because to be perfectly honest this road trip is going to be a lot of driving hopefully in a car with air conditioning and not as much like lots of lots of little stops. There's still going be stops. But every day I'm driving like three or 400 miles minimum. So there's just gonna be a lot of time spent in the car. My plan is to bring my recorder, not my, not, you know what,

you play in middle school, but rather like my Sony handheld recorder. And maybe, you know, give you some, the podcast could very well kind of be like an anthology disjointed. Like you might get a little clip from the Grand Canyon, Joshua Tree, Palm Springs, Death Valley from the top of Mount Whitney. You know, it's going to be a real hodgepodge. But that's the plan. And I'll do my best to get, you know, we're going

Monday through Friday. So it should be able to get come back, get some stuff edited together. You know, I think, I think we can make it work. But that's something to look forward to. Full itinerary, just in terms of major stops and sights. We're going Phoenix, Flagstaff, Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Death Valley, the Sequoias, Bakersfield, Santa Monica Pier baby, Palm Springs, and Joshua Tree. That's kind of the rough, you know, two weeks out, itinerary. So yeah, leaving for that in two and a half weeks should be fun. And I'm excited to bring bean town to the Southwest. We have, I mean, we've taken the show many, many places,

not so much the last year and a half for obvious reasons, but one place bean town has never been. It is the American Southwest. We've never done a bean town, you know, from Arizona, nothing from Nevada, because I don't think I broadcasted when I was, or maybe I did. I have to go back. Two years ago, I was in Las Vegas, May of 2019. I got to go back. That's when I saw James Taylor the first time

to see if I did a show from there. I don't recall, to be honest. We done half of a show from LAX one time. Although I don't even remember, I think I was going to and then I didn't. I don't recall. I had to lay over there. So we really haven't done anything from California.

So it should be exciting. And I haven't been to California outside of LAX in I got I don't know. It's been a long time. So I'm excited because I never been to the Sequoias or Death Valley or Bakersfield or Palm Springs or Joshua Tree. So, hidden some sights. That's what I got for you. Thanks everyone for tuning in. I really appreciate it.

I hope you enjoyed today's power rankings. I've got stuff to do, so I'm going to leave it there. Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is enjoying the rest of their summer. Happy August. We are on the road to 200. My name is Quinn David Furnace. Stay safe.

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