Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 016. F*ck money. Master THIS first.

Episode Date: January 17, 2023

Look when I was young and wild, I was the king of going out with crazy chicks. But here's the thing, I was to fix others because I didn't know how to fix myself. Self-sabotaging any chance I had to become a better version of myself. Make no mistake, we all self-sabotage. It shows up by us trying to fix others, turning to vices, or neglecting our health in an attempt to feel better. In this episode, I discuss the real reason why we all self-sabotage and what you can do to break the cycle.

You don't have to have this 1.0 version. You don't have to have this victim mentality. You don't have to go around telling everybody your sad story of what happened to you and why you're this way. You can go and rewrite the story. You can grab the pen back from the hands of the abusers, of the bullies, of those that created limiting beliefs, and you could rewrite the story yourself in all the blank pages that exist in your book of life.

Welcome to the Bedroves Coolie and Show. In Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo I was banging with a gang of instrumental. Guys, I was the king of dating crazy chicks. In fact, I was the king of dating crazy chicks. I was the king of self-sabotaging my work. I got fired from more jobs than I wished to admit. And then I was the king of eating away all my emotions. Like when I would get stressed and overwhelmed and emotional, I would just eat.

And I want to talk to you guys about this one crazy chick that I dated just to prove to you how self-sabotaging I was. Let's just say her name was Jennifer. Man, this chick was so freaking nuts. And I'm like, we're going back like 23, 24 years, well before I was married. And this chick was so nuts, which is for some reason, the nuttier they were, the more I was attracted to them, which really says something about a guy. By the way, if you're not evolved, you're not.

not self-developed, you're going to go and look for broken people to save. And that's, in hindsight, I realized what I was doing. But man, this chick was a mess, bro. And for some reason, I was tracked it to the crazier, nuttier chicks. They were like, if they would kill my cat and then punch a hole in my tire and then light my apartment on fire, I would be into them, right? And then I'd be like, man, why am I with this crazy chick? Well, it's because I devalued myself and I didn't have any self-worth. And when you don't have self-worth and you devalue yourself and you try and then fix others instead of trying to fix yourself that's what happens but this chick Jennifer within the first week of dating her we went to some like local pub it was like a pool hall

and you know I'm sitting at the bar she's sitting at the bar we're having a couple drinks shooting the shit this is like version 1.0 of me and ed she goes hey I'm gonna run to the restaurant I'm like cool 20 minutes go by bro she's still not coming and this is like a small pub like two pool tables and like one decent bar, maybe like eight people in the whole place. So I'm like, where's Jennifer at, man? 30 minutes go by. Still no Jennifer. Now I'm like asking the bartender. Like, hey, man, did you see my date having to go out or something? Like take off on me? He's like, no. Like, all right. So I asked this woman. I'm like, excuse me, can you go in the women's restroom and see if there's a Jennifer in there? She comes out. She goes, nope, no Jennifer. I'm like,

man, what in the hell is happening here? Right? So I get up out of my seat, walk towards the door, and as I stick my head out the front door, looking towards the parking lot, to the right, there she is, sucking face with another dude. Bro, I was just dating her. Like, we were one week into our relationship. And she's making out with another dude, right? And I'm like, yo, Jennifer, what the hell? And she's like, oh, and I'm out, right?

But think about the choices that I made. And if you're making choices like this and then going, man, she was a crazy chick. Well, what the fuck does that make you? How crazy are you? How messed up are you? How low do you think of yourself? How low do you value yourself that you are with someone like that or you're sabotaging your work like I did or you're eating away your emotions or drinking away your emotions? Whatever your vice is, you're video gaming away your feelings, right? Numbing yourself, soothing yourself. And so what we're going to talk about today is self mastery. How to achieve a high level of self mastery. How to go from being a human animal to connecting with consciousness and really being a true human being because we are not all the same. I can tell you that. After 25 years of hard evolution, the last decade especially after my anxiety attack, the last decade of working with a therapist doing the self-work, really digging deep into the scars

that were left on me and in me through the sexually. abuse, the physical abuse, I've been able to evolve and look back in hindsight and realize that I did not value myself. And I realize that the greatest work in a human could ever do is not how much money you make. It is not how much cool stuff you can own. It is the work that you do on yourself. To self-actualize. To go from a human animal who is impulsive and selfish and self-destructive. to self-actualized, service-driven, and literally passion-focused. And I can't believe that that older version of me even existed. It's so long ago.

It's so far ago. I feel like I've almost lived two different lives. And so let's talk about that for a moment. Like if you are in a place that you feel stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, quite often, you feel that you are meant for more, yet you are not achieving what more looks like to you in your mind's eye, it's probably because you're hitting what's known as a upper limit. When there's an upper limit, that means there are belief systems that you have to break through, belief systems that make you feel like you're not deserving, you're not lovable, that you're

not worthy. And if you feel like you're not deserving, you're not lovable, you're not worthy of success and happiness and abundance, financial freedom, a great relationship, a fit body, then why would you ever achieve it? Right. So it is important to break through those limits. And I'm here to tell you that the reason that most people quit and never finish what they started is because they continually stack L's instead of W's. What I mean by that is you don't, you don't realize this, but you probably do things to set yourself up to fail in life. And these are micro things.

It's like micro dosing. I know micro dosing is a thing now with like either acid or mushrooms and all that stuff. And that ain't my thing. If it's your thing, hey, good for you. I really believe that the highest level of consciousness, the highest level of universal connection that you can build is through self-awareness and self-mastery.

I think it is a false experience when you do it through drugs, alcohol, or anything that alters your self-mastery. is your state. But that's a discussion for another day. And I'm not looking to have that discussion. But if you want to have that discussion in the comment section, hey, be my guest. But I can tell you that if you set the intention to wake up at a certain time and so therefore you set your alarm clock to wake up at a certain time and then you hit that snooze button, what did you do? You stack the L. And I get it, man. What's the big deal? I just hit the snooze button, right? There's a lot of big deal to that.

because you told your subconscious mind that you will take 10, 12, 15 more minutes of mediocre sleep instead of getting up and dominating your life, doing what God or the universe has planned for your purpose, right? And therefore, throughout the whole day, you're going to subconsciously feel that pain gnawing away at you, that you broke a promise to yourself. And when you break a promise to yourself, you begin to erode your confidence.

So think about this. If you think that you're meant for big goals and big dreams and you're meant to have big things and you're meant to change lots of lives and impact and inspire people, well, you probably need a lot of confidence. I don't think someone who stacks elves is a confident person. If you're always stacking losses, hitting this snooze button, saying you're going to go work out and you don't, saying you're going to eat clean and you don't, saying you're going to read a few pages out of a book and you don't, saying that you're going to call a friend because

you haven't talked to them for a while and you don't. don't. And all those things seem small and trivial until they add up over days, weeks, months, and years. And you have hardened your subconscious into knowing that you are an imposter, that you are not a promise keeper. And therefore, your reputation with yourself erodes. Your reputation with yourself, as it turns out, is your confidence, right? And so if your confidence is low, how in the world are you going to make a lot of money, impact a lot of people, influence people, inspire people have a lot of meaning, fulfillment, happiness, or not. Instead, you're going to be suffering in silence, white knuckling through life, anxious, depressed, and finding different

addictions, vices, alcohol, infidelity, strip clubs, pornography to fill in the gap so that you can shield and soothe to keep you from thinking about what you ought to be doing and therefore you lean into the vices. Like for me, it was food. Every, time I didn't want to think about what I should be doing, I would lean into food because I would get that dopamine hit. And then I go like, man, here I am in the fitness industry, but I'm, but I'm fat and I'm not congruent to what I teach my clients. Therefore, I feel like an imposter. Therefore, I don't have a good reputation with myself. So then what's my confidence like? Horrible, right? I don't want that for you.

And so I want to let you know that most people, they do set low expectations for themselves and then they meet them. Like the most damaging thing you could do is set low expectations for yourself and meet those low expectations. And people set those low expectations for themselves because they somehow got used to accepting average or mediocre as the standard. That should not be the standard for your life. Like you deserve more.

You are meant for more. You are not here as an accident. You know you feel the nying of greatness within you that I'm supposed to do more. You know you're different than all your friends and the people that you hang out with. You know that you are here to help people, to serve people. But each time you ignore that calling, each time you are incongruent with your purpose, you begin to shield and soothe through vices, addictions, food, drugs, alcohol, whatever it might be, video games, binge watching television.

So I'm here to tell you what would happen if you set high expectations for yourself. What would happen if you actually said higher standards for yourself? What would happen if you disconnected from people who are crop dusters and only hung out with fighter jets? In my book Man Up, I talk about how there's two types of people in this world, crop dusters and fighter jets. Fighter jets are people who are driven by purpose, who lead themselves through discipline, focus and consistency. And then crop dusters are people who are impulsive.

Crop dusters are people who are emotional. Crop dusters are people who have vices and addictions that control them instead of them controlling the outcome of their lives. And what would happen if you just disconnected from the crop dusters in your life and actually leaned into higher standards, higher expectations? And then you started surrounding yourself with people who are of higher standards and higher expectations. Because rising tides lift all ships, right?

I don't want to be the smartest person in the room. I don't want to be the strongest person in the room. I don't want to be the most self-developed person in the room. Because if I am, then I'm going to sink down to the average of the room. Instead, I want to come into a room and be the dumbest person so I could elevate up. I want to be the least self-developed so I can elevate up. I want to be the least strongest so I can elevate up. What are you doing to put yourself around people like that who are of higher caliber, right?

Who are of fighter jet material instead of cropped up. material. And again, guys, I shared this with you and I'm going to lean on you on this because I know that you're meant for more. When I knew I had greater purpose, but I constantly lived like a human animal, impulsive, over eight, didn't, didn't set high standards for myself. I felt shitty. I felt shitty. And then I did shitty things, like dating broken chicks and sabotaging myself at work and getting fired, eating emotionally. Like, that's, like, that's, like, literally slow suicide as far as I'm concerned. Like if you know you're meant for more, you're meant to inspire, you're meant to have greater income, impact, influence,

you're meant to be able to be an orator. You want to start your own YouTube channel. You want to start your own podcast. You want to start your own business. You want to start donating to your church and your charity that you believe in. But you're not and you're dragging your feet on it. Every day that you drag your feet, your subconscious mind begins to punish you through anxiety, depression, overwhelm.

All those things that you are feeling, that you are medicating yourself, through video games and overeating and smoking weed and television and pornography, strip clubs, alcohol. I don't know. All those things are designed to shield you. You do that so you could shield yourself from feeling your calling. But how long are you going to do that? Because when you sober up, what do you feel?

Regret. You feel worse. You don't feel better. No one wakes up after a night of heavy smoking and video gaming. and eating like a fucking animal, you don't wake up the next morning and go, man, I feel good about myself. You don't.

You don't. You know when I feel best about myself? When I take my friends and family out to an amazing dinner and I leave a $7,000 tip, feel good about myself. I love that when I'm driving through a parking lot, I see someone with a flat tire, I can get out and help them change their tire.

Like, I love that. Makes me good about myself when I serve people. I love that when I get on stage in front of thousands of people and I can deliver an impactful talk that really, really changes a person's trajectory in life. I feel good about myself. Now, all those things are not comfortable. Like, I could be driving to the parking lot

and I can negotiate with myself and say, look, I don't have time to help that woman with her flat tire. I got to get to work. I got shit to do. But I know that I'm meant to serve. And so if I don't pull over and help, consciousness is going to eat away at me. And here's what happens is you end up negotiating

so much with your inner bitch. And you begin to negotiate away your dreams. You begin to negotiate your purpose. You begin to negotiate and say, you know what, I'll settle for the crumbs instead of settling for the whole loaf. Hell, why not negotiate your way and buy the bakery instead of settling for crumbs? And if you're wondering, well, where does all this come from? Like, why do we settle?

Why do we soothe and shield ourselves with drugs? and vices and addictions. Well, it's simple. It's simple. No one gets out of life without having some emotional and mental scars. And emotional and mental scars end up creating stories. I'll give you a great example.

As a young boy, between the ages of four and six, I was molested by two older boys in Armenia, right? So I've experienced sexual abuse. When we escaped the Soviet Union and came to the United States, not only did my parents bring me to an amazing country of freedom and opportunity, what they don't realize is they freed me from a constant barrage of being molested. Now, you can imagine being molested, sexually abused, left emotional scars on me. It made me feel unlovable, made me feel broken, made me feel like I'm not worthy,

made me not trust men. It made me feel anxious and depressed. Now, until I dealt with that, all those feelings were like this dark passenger that drove with me everywhere I went. And even when I tried to get in a great relationship, my dark passenger, a little nod to Dexter, the TV show, right? My dark passenger was there to remind me that I'm a piece of shit, that I'm not worthy. I'm not lovable, that I'm broken. And who would want me? So if that's her inner dialogue because you've dealt with sexual abuse, physical abuse,

mental abuse, maybe you were bullied, I don't know what your situation was. But I can tell you that most of us, in fact, studies show that one out of every three people have had some kind of mental, physical, sexual abuse. and that abuse begins to cause these stories that you create in your head. And these are all stories that are inaccurate. They are false narratives. It's like you're wearing a false mask. They create insecurities in you.

And you operate from a place of storytelling instead of reality. So what are the stories that you're telling yourself, my friends? What are the stories? Is it because you were a fat kid and they called you? gordito. I had a Mexican friend when I lived in one of the Section 8 housings. They call them Gordito, right? I think in Spanish it means like little fatty. I get it. Cute little name, you know, cute little nickname for a 10 year old, 11 year old. But didn't little Gordito end up taking on the personality and feeling like, well,

just a fat fuck as he got older? And if you feel like a fat fuck and if the people that you love and who are supposed to protect you with the best of intentions, called you gordito. Didn't that leave scars? And doesn't it make sense then? This friend of mine might end up sabotaging a lot of things in life

because he believes that he's unworthy, unlovable, that he's to be made fun of. So unless you process through your pain, unless you overcome your traumas that you've experienced, it's not just going to happen by reading books. It's going to happen. by working with a therapist and if you're a dude I'm here to tell you because I've worked with three therapists my third and final therapist was the one Kevin Downing in

Brea California I'm here to tell you that if you're a dude you got to work with the male therapist and you got to work with one that's got some experience who's dealt with people like you otherwise you keep telling yourself these bullshit stories these narratives that aren't even real and once you start doing the self work and you tap into self-mastery and you connect with higher consciousness and you begin to deal with the traumas that you've experienced you know what ends up happening you begin to rewrite a different story see up until this point the people that abused you that hurt you that even family members that meant well but you know said you were clumsy or slow or unworthy

or goofy or you just not good at math you know they ended up projecting all these things on you, right? And by projecting all these things on you, what happens next? You begin to tell yourself this fake story. But what if you could heal through that? Take on new challenges, push yourself through new adversities, learn new skills and traits, rewrite your story moving forward.

You will literally have a 2.0 version of your life. You don't have to have this 1.0 version. You don't have to have this victim mentality. You don't have to go around telling everybody your sad story of what happened to you and why you're this way. You can go and rewrite the story. You can grab the pen back from the hands of the abusers, of the bullies, of those that created limiting beliefs. And you could rewrite the story yourself in all the blank pages that exist in your book of life. But that only happens when you start doing the self-work, when you commit to self-mastery.

And I'm telling you is not just by reading a couple of self-help books. It is by working with the therapist. It is by doing the deep work. It is by going through things like the project. It is by putting yourself through hardship. It is by figuring out who you are at your core, at your essence, what makes you tick. And only then will you be able to set higher standards of expectations for yourself. Only then will you begin to reach the milestone of impact, income, influence, inspiration.

God, it's such a fucking cool thing to be able to break through the same. seals of all your limiting beliefs in life. But I'm here to tell you that your past is not your future. It's not. But each time you go talking about your past and what went wrong and why you're this way, you just reinforce the past to become your future. So please hear me as I tell you this. Your past is not your future.

You can heal. You can get past your traumas. You can fall back in love with the person. that you are, you can inspire, you can influence, you can make more money, you can have greater meaning. You don't have to be depressed, you don't have to be addicted, you don't have to have the vices, but you do have to do the work.

And when you do, you will take that pen back and start rewriting the next version of yourself. You get to decide what the next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 years look like. No one else. Guys, I love you to pieces and I wanna let you know that I'm here rooting for you. Thank you so much for listening to the show, for watching this show,

and I appreciate all the comments, the shares that you guys do, all the engagement means the world to me, man. And above all, understand that averages the enemy, that success is your duty, and you can change your life the moment you decide to flip that switch. Much love. Talk soon.

What's the difference between me and you? Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang and instrumental.