Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 023. 7 Things Men Do To Ruin Their Lives

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

In this episode of the Bedros Keuilian Show, I explain the 7 things men do to become cautionary tales and ruin their lives and what you can do to avoid them. Look, in my 10+ years of helping high-performing individuals level up their businesses, lives, and purpose I’ve realized these 7 common threads ruin men’s lives. And I share this with you because I don’t want you to take the path of the cautionary tale. JOIN MY FREE 6-WEEK CHALLENGE https://bedroskeuilian.com/challenge

Because a man who is settling into a profession and not pursuing their life's work is a man who was slowly committing suicide. Welcome to the Bedroes Coolian show. Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental. What's happening, friends? Welcome to another episode of the Bedroskulian show. And today we're going to talk about seven things that men do to ruin their lives. But before we jump into that, I want to share. another story with you guys. I told you guys probably a few episodes ago the story of when I worked in a gay club and drunk gay lesbian beat the shit out of me and I was just bloodied by the time I kicked her out.

So here's another story for you, something probably not as funny, but definitely a cautionary tale how the wrong friends can lead you down a wrong path. But here we go. So believe it or not, I was once involved in a police helicopter chase and I was the one in the car trying to get away from the coppers. Well, one of the things we did, me and a few friends, is we realize that people have possessions in their homes that are valuable that you can take to a pawn shop and basically pawn them for money. And the pawn shops back then at least, I don't know how they do it now, but they don't say shit. Well, there's one time they go into the house and within like 20 seconds, they come running out. Two of my friends come running out. actually three of them, if I remember correctly.

I almost mentioned the name of one of the dudes, but I'm not going to do that. Three of them came running out and they're like, drive, drive, drive. So they jump in the truck. I start driving and I think we're free and clear. And before you know it, I see a helicopter. And it seems like, you know, each time I can left hand turn, it kind of turns left. If I make a right hand turn, it's kind of tracing me and tracking me. And then I look in my mirrors and I see what looks like unmarked police cars.

two, one on either side of me, but kind of a car or two behind, right? I'm like, all right, guys, I think the coppers are on to us, so we're going to try and get away. Well, you've got a 79 Toyota pickup. You ain't getting away, right? In Southern California, you know, if you have a fast car, you can probably hit the highway and hopefully try and get away without causing any damage. I've got a 79 Toyota pickup. The year was like early 90s.

Ain't no way I'm getting away. So my strategy was, all right, guys, I'm going to drive into this gas station. As soon as I drive in, I'm going to stop, put the truck in park. And we all need to just run out different ways because they can't catch us all. And if they do catch one of us or any of us, then we just have to keep our mouth shut. So that's the strategy. And of course, as luck would have it, as soon as I pull into the gas station, the cop cars just come and slam my doors. So I can't open my doors and come out with guns drawn.

And they empty the truck. And there you go. now here's what happens next that that was a big fork in the road in my life and I want to share this with you and this is in line with what I'm going to kind of share with you guys today the seven things that men do to ruin their lives well turns out there was this little old lady who lived in this house right which really sucks man like I especially didn't didn't want to scare freak out anyone and we had no intention to be to use any violence against anybody the idea was to go into an empty house, steal some shit, take off, go to a pawn shop. Well, lo and behold, another cop car

brings her. And so now they've got all of us sitting kind of on the hood of another cop car. And she's inside of this other cop car, maybe about 10, 15 yards in front of us. And she's pointing out three of my friends and nodding her head, yes, as though she recognize him, she recognizes him, she recognizes him, and then she points to me and then kind of shakes her head, no, like, I don't recognize that guy. It was because of that, that was the fork in the road for me, that my friends ended up going to jail, and I ended up going free that day.

And that day, I was like, you know what, this is it, it's over. And so I share this with you because those of you that are parents, you got to know where your kids are at, even when they're teens. And I love my mom and dad. They brought us here from the Soviet Union, and they risked their lives to bring us to an amazing country. but here's what happened next. They really didn't instill any core values in me, right?

It was just one of those things. Go to school, shut your mouth. We're busy trying to, you know, make money and put a roof over your head, which I totally understand and respect. But guess what? Idle hands are the devil's playground. And so I wasn't in any sports. I didn't have any core values.

My grades were poor. No one ever corrected me to tell me to get my grades right. And so I ended up hanging out with the wrong dudes. and that led to that particular day in my life where I could have ended up going to jail. But thankfully, things worked out in my favor where she wasn't able to identify me. And I made the commitment that day that I'm going to be a very different type of person. And so that is that story there. But today I want to talk to you guys about seven things that men do to ruin their lives.

And this is a really a byproduct of, you know, for, gosh, 18 years now, I've been coaching entrepreneurs of all walks of life across many different industries. Dentists, doctors, guys that own solar companies, you know, internet marketers, coaches, people that came from NFL and who stopped, you know, professional sports and decided to become entrepreneurs and needed business coaching. Like, I've coached every walk of life. Dudes from the special operations community of all branches of the military. You name the entrepreneur I've coached.

And through the project, I get to see a lot of men. We've run now 16 classes, and I get to see a lot of men come through the project. And during those 75 hours, as I talk to them and get to meet them and understand and hear their stories, I realize there's some common threads that ruin a man's life. And every single one of these are things that men do to themselves to end up ruining their lives. And I want to share these with you as not only as a cautionary tale, but as an opportunity for you to go, holy shit, I'm doing this and I need to fix this. Or if you have a son and you know that son needs to hear some of the stuff that I'm sharing with you here, either let him listen to this

or instill this message in him because the things I'm going to share with you here are going to serve as a cautionary tale and an opportunity for you to write the wrong in your life or in the life of someone that you love. Right. So let's jump into it. Thing number one, choosing the wrong spouse. In fact, they've done studies on this over and over again, and the number one determining factor of a man's success is who he chooses as a wife. And the reality is this. When you choose someone as a wife, are you choosing someone who is going to be a believer in your dream, who is going to advocate for you, who is going to be the wind in your sales, who is going to be your support system? And hopefully you're going to do all of that for her as well, right? Or are you rescuing

someone. Are you the type of man who is the Captain Savajo, for a lack of a better term? Are you trying to rescue her from because she's broken, she's damaged, and she is codependent on you and it feels good in that moment while you're dating her? So next thing you know, you put a ring on it. And then she is chaotic. She is sporadic. She is not a supporter of your dreams. She is emotionally reckless. And therefore, every time you try and launch a business, you try and do something great, you try and live your life's purpose, you have to deal with the chaos that is your spouse, right? Now, obviously, this goes the other way as well. You know, how many women try and marry men who are just like their dads, who are broken, who were mean, who were angry, who were assholes. So they are attracted to that kind of man

because they want to fix him. And they realize that they are now living a life of just unsatisfactory life, right? They don't have a modern day night as a man. They don't have a, as a man. They I don't have a man who's a great protector, who's a provider, who is a gentleman. And they're like, shit, man, I didn't sign up for this. Well, you kind of did. You made a choice. So choosing the wrong spouse is one of the determining factors of failure. In fact, the number one highest determining factor of failure.

So this doesn't mean, I don't know what you need to do. Like if you're like, holy shit, bro, you just described my wife. Like she does not support me. She's chaotic. She drinks. And then we end up arguing. And, you know, I want to do this, but she wants to do that. I want to be 2.0.

She's comfortable being 1.0. what, bro, help her level up, right? Every human can change. Every human can change. And if you really love her, if you really want to be with her, then you would find a way to introduce her to self-development, personal development. Maybe she needs to work with a therapist. I've worked with the therapist for 15 months going through my shit, right, unfucking myself. And so maybe you need to do the same thing with your wife and invest in her and let her know that you support her and you want her to become 2.0. Now at some point if the answer is no I don't want to then you're going to have to make a decision. Is this a woman that I want to be with? And if it's not, then you're going to

have to make a decision. Thing number two, vice dependency, right? Let's face it. There's a lot of vices out there. And some of them come off as very harmless, right? The occasional drinking. The, hey, I just smoke weed occasionally. Just watch a TV show every now and again. Or I just watch, you know, sports all weekend long. But how much of that, those little vices are there to help you escape and to help you cope with your reality? Like I get it, even though I quit social drinking recently. And in fact, what I didn't share with you guys in the video a few episodes ago, the podcast a few episodes ago when I told you that on November 12th of 2022, I quit social drinking, right? I was never an alcoholic. I never had an issue or dependency with alcohol. But I realized

Every time I drink a couple of cocktails, three or four times a year, I don't sleep well that night. I get indigestion. I get heartburned. The next morning I wake up and I'm fuzzy headed and I'm a little foggy and I almost like a slight hangover. And I was like, why am I doing this? Right. So that same day that I quit to, that I committed and quit drinking alcohol. I was like, you know what?

That's it, man. I'm done with this. Well, what is the other thing that I might have a codependency on? And that other thing for me was weed, right? every now and again I would either smoke a joint or eat some, you know, three milligram gummies before I fall asleep to help me sleep better. But I realize, you know, that too is a vice. That too is a level of dependency.

Even though it's mild, I didn't want it because I want to be able to control my faculties fully and completely. And so because of that, I decided to quit all vices. Now those vices show up as a vape pen. You might be like, bro, my vape pen is no pen. No, it is something. It is a dependency. It is something that is incongruent.

if you wouldn't want your son or your daughter picking up the vape pen, if you wouldn't want your son or daughter drinking occasionally, if you wouldn't want your son or daughter to, you know, smoke weed occasionally or eat a gummy occasionally, if you don't want them to binge watch television in exchange for, you know, bypassing their life's purpose because they watched so much TV that they slept in and they didn't, they didn't focus on their work and they didn't focus on their fitness and their mindset, right?

There's so many vices. Vices show up as gambling. Oh, we just went to Vegas and we gambled. and we gambled. Well, is there better things you can do with that money? Doesn't gambling create dopamine hits because of a factor called variable response? Variable response mean, am I going to win this hand? Am I going to win this hand? Or if I pull the slot machine, am I going to win this role? No, I didn't, but I almost got close to winning. I had a 19. They had a 20. The next one is going to be a 21 for sure. That's called variable response. And you get these dopamine

hits from gambling. So never mind the fact that you might potentially lose a lot of money. And I get it. Like, hey, man, when you gamble, maybe you have a limit. and it's fun. I'm not saying don't have fun, but I'm just telling you if you are conditioning yourself to get dopamine hits from things that are not necessarily related to

achievement, hard work, you know, thinking through a problem, launching a business, building a business, serving your family and your community, if you're getting cheap dopamine hits

from booze and weed and television and food and alcohol and pornography, gambling, is it really worth it? These are vice dependencies. Now on the flip side, look, if you are straight up addicted to pornography, if you're addicted to gambling, addicted to food, addicted to nicotine, addicted to alcohol, drugs, like you've got a bigger fucking issue. Like you are an incongruent person with the man that you want to be.

Am I right? Like every single one of us inside through consciousness, we know exactly the type of man we want to be. Like you know exactly the type of man you want to be, the core values you want to carry, the character that you want to have, how you want to show up, how you want to articulate, how you want to look, how you want to dress, how you want people to perceive you. And if you are incongruent with that because you have these dependencies on vices, then you might as well get rid of them because this is thing number two of the stupid things that men do

to ruin their lives. Because all of these things on a microscale is a non-issue. on the macro scale over years and then decades is how you ruin your life, is how you look back when you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, and realize that, man, this is who I was supposed to be. But instead, I'm way over here because of these micro decisions I made to get addicted or to at least get dependent on vices that didn't serve my life. thing number three that men do to ruin their life is they settle in a profession they settle in a profession and they don't pursue their life's work they go well you know i've got a wife i've got a

kid so i need to create this income i need to get a paycheck coming in on a consistent basis and it comes with health benefits and vacation pay and i get it 401k and all that stuff you settle in in a profession that you're not necessarily excited about i'm not saying like quit your job tomorrow and put your family and your livelihood at risk. But what I am saying is, if you're doing something and you're in a state of just being this robot coming in and mindlessly working for an organization that you don't necessarily get value from, that doesn't necessarily fill your cup, what can you start doing on nights and weekends to start creating that purpose-driven work, to start figuring out what you want

to do either by working for another organization that is more aligned with your life's work and purpose or creating your own business that is aligned with your core purpose. Because a man who is settling into a profession and not pursuing their life's work is a man who was slowly committing suicide. I am convinced of that. The slowest form of suicide, the slowest form of death is to be doing something as a vocation that is not your life's work or passion or purpose. And it is just there to make money and to feed your family and put a roof over their head. I get it as commendable and admirable. But man, it sure is a great way to ruin your life in the long term. So use those nights and weekends while everyone else is watching football and getting stupid watching television

or doing dumb shit at nights. You ought to be the one. Doing the ones. Doing the work on your life's purpose to be able to go, man, I love working for this organization. Like maybe if you're a big Elon Musk fan, maybe you ought to figure out how you can work for Tesla or SpaceX or whatever, right? Like that doesn't mean you have to go and start a business, start a company and put the risk out there. I am convinced that not everyone needs to be an entrepreneur. I can tell you that right now. Not everyone on this planet needs to be an entrepreneur. Not everyone has cut out to be an entrepreneur. In fact, a very small percentage of humanity is cut out to be an entrepreneur, the risks that come with it. However, what are you doing to at least

work in an organization that is aligned with your core values, where you look forward to coming into, that compensates you well, has an opportunity for you to grow, both in title and recognition and pay. Think about that. And if you're not doing that, you're just that rat on a hamster wheel. And how long are you going to do that before your fire is completely extinguished, right? number four of seven things that men do to ruin their lives. They complain.

Listen, I'm not saying that you should internalize everything. But I am saying if you're the dude that complains and adopts this victim mindset, but you don't do anything about it, then you deserve the suffering that you're experiencing. You cannot complain about things. Complaining about things, all it does is it's like throwing oxygen on fire. Right? So to be to be unhappy about something is very reasonable. To complain about something is reasonable. To complain and be unhappy and not do anything about it is stupid. It is being a victim. And I know you, my friend, are not a victim. And I can tell you this right now. People around you aren't going to tell you.

But if you're like, man, why do people not want to hang out with me? Why do people kind of distance themselves from me? if you're that low tone, low energy, complainer, victim mindset dude that's just kind of every time people go, hey man, how's it going? You're like, oh, you know, hanging in there. You're the hanging in there guy. Hey, how's it going, bro? Hang in and hanging. Think about that little saying. Everybody dobs that fucking saying, but hanging in there, I just picture someone off a cliff, white knuckling, holding on, just hanging in there, man, I'm just hanging. Life is not meant to be hung in there. Life is meant to be experienced. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Life, life is meant to be challenged. Life is meant to have suffering and adversity, but all of life

should not be suffering and adversity. There is joy and fulfillment and significance in life. And if you don't have it, if you're just hanging in there, what the fuck are you doing, man? You're slowly putting out your fire. And by complaining to everyone and I'm hanging in there, man, you know, thank God it's Friday. Thank God it's the weekend. Don't be like that, man. Don't be that person because soon you end up being the Eeyore. You know, like Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, that little depressed, sad, pathetic donkey. Hey, or what's going on? Oh, I don't know.

You know, just getting by. Who the fuck wants to hang out with that man? Not me. Not you. So fucking flip the switch and do something about it. Thing number five that men do to ruin their lives. And it is not sticking with the shit that you say you're going to do. Not finishing what you start.

When a man does not stick to the things that he says he's going to do, like you got a business idea and then you launch it and before you start making money and it starts getting traction, you just let it go and you know, idea fairy comes and you go on to the next thing. That's fucking stupid, bro. You're creating a pattern and a habit. Each time you start something and you don't finish it. One, you're losing credibility with yourself. You're losing your own reputation.

You lose reputation with yourself and others. People go, wow, that guy has a failure to launch every time. He starts something. He tells everyone he's got a new idea. He's about to make this change. He's about to lose weight. He's about to improve his marriage. he's about to stop drinking, he's about to start making money, he's about to impact the world,

and then you stop. You stop before the thing happens. Here's a rule that I have. When I start something, I finish it. Now, if people that I trust and I love and I admire, my advisors are like, hey, Bezos, that's a stupid idea, right? Tap dance shoes for pigeons was a stupid idea, Baderos. How did you think of that, and why did you create that?

That will never work, and it comes from people that. that I love, respect, and take their advice, yeah, I'll stop that for sure. But if something has the ability to be successful, but I just stop it and I don't stick with it because it's hard, because it's difficult, because they're going got tough. All of life comes with its sets of adversities and setbacks and speed bumps. That is how life tests you to see if you are worthy of happiness, of success, of financial freedom, of abundance, of love. Could you imagine? Imagine if like the very first chick you met was like a 10 across the board on everything. Hot, fit, beautiful, like a lady in the streets, a freak in the bed.

No, that ain't going to happen, bro. That ain't going to happen. You have to go and interview and date enough women until you find the one that you jive and connect with because they align with your core values. Right? And so understand that it's the same thing here. If you're willing to do that in your relational life, why not do that in your rest of the part of your life?

Like why have a short attention span where you start something and you don't finish and soon you create this pattern and people get to know you as the person that starts and never finishes? Like the false start guy. I never want to be the false start guy. I have a rule for myself. When I start something, I finish it unless an advisor or two who I trust, love, and respect tells me it's a bad idea.

And then I just move on, dump it, don't think twice about it, even if I lost a lot of money. And that's happened to me before. Thing number six, that men do to ruin their lives. And it is when they don't have core values. They have no non-negotiables. They don't have a line in the sand. And here's what happens. When you don't have core values, when you don't have non-negotiables, you begin to just kind of agree with everything.

I heard Jordan Peterson say this once. He said he and his wife have a rule. And the rule is this, that they will never agree to something if they don't agree to it. Isn't that brilliant? They will never agree to something if they don't agree with it. In other words, if my wife was like, hey, man, we should go to Europe and see this, this castle and take that tour and do this and do that. And I'm like, man, if I go to Europe, I just want to be able to chill for 10, 15 days.

I don't want to take all these tours and move to 10 different hotels over 10 days. but I agree to it reluctantly because I didn't stand my ground. Guess what? You become this slippery slope where you're just this pushover. And over time, you begin to build resentment towards all the people that you agreed with, but you secretly didn't agree with them. And therefore, you begin to resent them. So if you have core values, if you have non-negotiables,

If you have a line in the sand that you're willing to draw on certain things, then guess what? You now become the kind of man who is sure-footed and who is confident in his path in life. Now, that doesn't mean that you can't compromise, right? But that does mean that you ought to have a set of core values. Like as a kid, as a young man, if I had core values and my friends were like, dude, let's go carjack. dude, let's go and rob Holmes, I would have been like, bro, that's against my core values. It ain't happening, right? One thing I've taught my son is that, hey, man, these are your core values for our family's

core values. And oh, by the way, after 11 o'clock p.m., it's stupid time. And we're not going to hang out at stupid hours with stupid people doing stupid things because you get stupid outcomes, right? It's stupid time. I wish somebody would have told me that because a lot of the shit, that I did was after 11 p.m. as a young man getting in trouble. So I share that with you because if you don't have core values, you don't have a set of non-negotiables, you just say yes to everybody

and then you begin to resent them and hate them. And they see you as like this little jellyfish who is just easily pliable. I don't want to be that guy. And thing number seven that men do to ruin their lives is that they don't keep a brotherhood of like, minded men around them. They don't have a band of brothers. They are not part of a tribe. The thing that men do that really ruins their life is that they live like an island. You act like a lone wolf. You are not meant to be a lone wolf. You are not meant to be an island. You are meant to find like minded dudes who share your core values. Yet another reason to have core values and non-negotiables. Because if you're like, dude, these are my core values. These are my non-negotiables. This is how I

role in life, I'm an extreme, unreasonable, impatient, motherfucker that wants to make a lot of money, be fit and jacked, be self-actualized and self-disciplined, and do a lot of good for humanity. And I find other dudes like that to connect with. That's my tribe. That's my band of brothers. That is the brotherhood that I belong to. Like, that's why we have that modern day night project, brotherhood. All of a sudden, the dudes don't feel like islands anymore.

You're not meant to be an island. from the beginning of man, beginning of time. We were tribal. We hunted as a tribe. We survived as a tribe in a community. So find your band of brothers. But to find your band of brothers, you must put yourself out there

and you must have a set of core values that you can test another group of men against. And if they have your core values, get in that group. Don't be an island. Don't be a lone wolf, suffering in silence, white knuckling through life

and just desperately hoping that things will change. Like hope is not a game plan. Guys, I hope you got a lot of value from this episode. If you did, please do me a favor and subscribe. If you're on YouTube, like and share. And of course, on all the different podcast platforms, leave us reviews, leave us comments.

Thank you so much for blowing up the Bedros Kulian show. We are like brand new in terms of this podcast. And we are just blowing up on YouTube, on Spotify, on iTunes, across all the platforms, because of you and I want to thank you guys. I want to massively show gratitude and thank you for that for sharing this message for giving me your time and of course for going out and taking action on this

because remember, average is the enemy. Success is your responsibility and everything in your life can change for the better when you decide to flip the switch. All right guys, we'll see you all later. Take care. What's the difference between me and you? Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo,

I was banging with a gang of instrumental.