Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 036. How to GET What You WANT!

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

In today's episode of the Bedros Keuilian Show, I go into why this voice, the inner critic, is plaguing a large number of men, leading to a lack of confidence and a crippling level of self-doubt and dissatisfaction.  I struggled with my inner critic until my mid-30s and many of you might be wrestling with it now. For over a decade now I've learned how to muzzle my inner critic and turn up the volume on my inner advocate.  And surprisingly it wasn't age that helped me overcome my inner critic, but I want to share certain strategies I implemented in my life with you in this episode. So if you're ready to silence your self-doubt and unlock unstoppable confidence so that you can start stacking big wins, this episode is for you. JOIN MY FREE 6-WEEK CHALLENGE: Transform into a Purpose-Driven Man https://bedroskeuilian.com/challenge BECOME BATTLE READY: Build a lean and jacked body in 90 days https://battlereadyfit.com/90-day

Say what you're going to do, and then you do it, and then you finish it. That's the man who has an enormous amount of confidence. Welcome to the Bedros Koolian Show. Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental. Hey friends, I'm Bedros Kulian, and this is the Bedros Koolian show. Welcome to another awesome episode. Hopefully it'll be an awesome episode if I can deliver on my part. All right, let's jump into it.

Today's topic is a topic that I think plagues a lot of you. out there and it's a topic that ties in with poor confidence and having a high level of self-doubt, right? So I'm starting to hear from a lot of you ever since we've been doing this BK show. And, you know, the topic of confidence and self-doubt keep coming up. How do I build more confidence? How do I overcome self-doubt? So I want to talk to you guys about that. And I guess the best place for me to start is by giving you this example like, I don't believe that I have any diagnosable mental health issues, although some people around me might say that I do. And I say this because, like, I don't, you know, I don't think I have multiple personality disorder.

I don't think I'm bipolar. Yet I do hear a voice in my head. And that voice, if I'm going to be really honest, is a voice that sometimes wants me to quit. wants me to give up, wants me to stop, wants me to say I've done enough, wants me to give into complacency, wants me to lie to the people around me, and tell them that I did everything I was going to do even though I didn't. And that voice in my, you know, teens and 20s was fucking loud. It was so loud, guys. And it created so much self-doubt in me because I was the king of quitting things.

I was the king of not finishing. And I look back now, I'm 48 now, and I look back and I realize that voice was my inner bitch voice. You know, some of you might call it your bitch voice. Some of you might call it your inner critic, right? I talk about the critic and the advocate that we have within us. It's definitely the critic. Some of you might say that that's your, the devil. It's just the devil speaking to you, trying to get you to quit, trying to get you to give up.

Whatever you want to call it, man, I don't know, but I can tell you that that voice, I've been able to shut down more and more as I've gotten into my 30s and 40s. And it's not because of age. It's not because of age. Because my son and daughter, they have been able to quiet that negative voice in their head, the voice that gets them to quit, that wants them to stop, the voice that tells them that you're not enough, they've been able to shut that voice down early on in life. My daughter is 15, my son is 17.

It's a byproduct of my wife and I teaching our kids what I'm about to share with you here and what I figured out in my mid-30s and then started to apply in my life. Now, I've told you guys about the marathon challenge, right? I've told you guys that if you really want to challenge yourself, you'll go to bedroskoolion.com forward slash challenge and you can download and access for free the marathon training guide. It's a six-week guide, literally the same program that my coach wrote out for me to train for and run a full marathon in six weeks. And includes the nutrition guide. And I even added my own bonus for you guys.

I added six weeks of motivation, inspiration, and accountability. videos and audio in there for you. But the reason that six week challenge came to be that I now gifted to you guys is because it completely transformed me. That was the first thing that I really did in life that was really big, really difficult, really meaningful that I stuck to. You know what I mean? And so I'm going to tell you that story and how it came to be that I ran a marathon in six weeks because if you're wondering like, hey, why did Pedro come up with the six week challenge? it could have very well been a 12-week challenge had circumstances worked out that way. So let me give you the story.

When I met my wife back in 2002, maybe it was 2001. Yeah, I met her in 2001. When I met her then, we were both personal trainers and a gym. She was also a runner. So, you know, she would run in the mornings or afternoons. And sometimes she would run from her apartment to the gym that she would work at where we worked that together. And as we started to work out together and we got to know each other, we started dating, she jokingly said, hey, you know, you should, since I'm working hard in the gym with you,

doing weights, how about you go out there and run with me? And I was like, hmm, you know, fair enough. And I went on like a little short jog with her, like a half mile jog. And I almost died, right? So you fast forward about a year and a half, two years. And, you know, I realize like, this is a woman that I want to marry. This is a woman that I want to be with. And so I jokingly told her to test the waters out if she was going to say yes or not, I was like, listen, if I, if I proposed to you and you said, yes, I would run a marathon with you. And the reason I brought that up is because at the time she would run about two or three marathons a year, right? So she was an avid runner, but then she would run two or three marathons a year. And of course, I would go as her boyfriend and cheer for her

and root for her and wait for her at the finish line. Awesome times, right? And so, you know, while I jokingly said that, that hey, if you marry me, I'll run a marathon. She said yes when I proposed. And long story short, you know, we got married. We had our first child, Andrew, in 2005. Two years later, we have Chloe in 2007.

At this point, my wife's still running two or three marathons a year. And I've got the kids in the stroller. And we're like having a good time while mom's running, you know, we're getting treats and stuff in whatever city she's running her marathon and, you know, going to the finish line in time to see her and root for her. But remember, I had told her years earlier that if you say yes to my proposal, I will run a marathon. So now you fast forward. Nine years had gone by. Nine years had gone by. And she was averaging two or three marathons a year. And I had yet to run that marathon with her. And it was gnawing on me. It was eaten away. It was. It was eaten away.

me like subconsciously I knew that I had broken a promise to myself and a promise to her the truth is it wasn't even bothering her one bit it was bothering me because while I jokingly said it back in 2002 or three I kind of meant it right I kind of meant it like and then I didn't do it nine years had gone by she had run over whatever like 20 marathons and I hadn't done shit and so one day my business partner at the time, Craig Ballantyne, awesome human beings. You guys should follow Craig on Instagram and all the social media platforms. Great, great mind where entrepreneurship, life structure, productivity is concerned. Craig is a fucking genius at it, right?

Anyways. So Craig and I were running a mastermind. And in our mastermind, we had a running coach who sold a info product. the digital product that taught people how to run properly and had a train for a half marathon and a full marathon and an iron man and all these things. And so Craig happened to be coaching someone in the group and kind of chastising this guy. And he was telling this one guy, he was like, dude, what you need to do is need to cut your deadlines in half and then cut your deadlines in half again. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, Craig's right. People take too long on

their deadlines. People fucking waste too much time to procrastinate. And everyone needs to cut their deadlines in half. So Craig is really chastising this guy during the mastermind that we're having. And this running coach who's in that group also is just kind of listening to this. And I'm listening to Craig going off. Like he was just having a brilliant, brilliant moment of just awesomeness displaying his intensity and passion towards helping this coaching client of ours. And I'm like, fuck man, I should have already run this marathon. So I start texting my wife. I'm like, hey, when's your next marathon? She goes eight weeks from now, the San Diego Marathon. I'm like, great, sign me up for it, right? Sign me up for it. So now I got a six-week

timeline. She goes, are you sure that you want to do a full marathon? You could also do the San Diego half marathon at the same time. I'm like, nope, sign me up for the full marathon. And so she does. So I reach out to that running coach who's also in that group. I'm like, hey, I need you to write up a training program for me where I can go from pretty much never running, just lifting weights. to being a decent runner and being able to run and finish the San Diego Marathon. Because I'm going to do this in six weeks with my wife. So long story short, that's how that all went. But now keep in mind, I'm running the marathon.

So, you know, gun goes off, boom, six weeks later. We start and everything's going fine. Mile number 10, 11, 12, I start feeling the real fatigue setting in. Now my knees and hips and ankles are hurting. Now keep in mind, back then I was 240 pounds. I'm now 226. handsomeness of 226. But I was 240 pounds on a lot of Cestin on, a lot of testosterone, and I was designed to lift

heavy weights, right? That's how I told what I told myself. That was a story that I told myself. And I share this with you because at this point, I'm running, carrying a lot of weight, but I felt confident until mile number 12, 13, 14, and then my body just started cramping and falling apart. Everything was hurting, including my beautiful mass of traps. And I'm like, fuck, this is not going to work.

I should have done the half marathon. Now my wife's running. She's excited. She's happy that her husband's running a marathon with her. And guess what? I start seeing people mile number 15, 16, 17, starting to drop left and right, cramping, grabbing their knees, grabbing their hamstrings, grabbing their chest, everything. People are just going all types of cramps, right?

And I'm like, holy shit, I know what I need to do. I need to fake an injury. I'm already hurting anyway. Now at this point, I'm running straight up on willpower, right? And at this point, I need to figure out what injury I'm going to fake, collapse to the ground, roll a couple times and go, I can't finish, right? That is the fucking inner voice. That is that little bitch voice.

That is the devil. That is the critic telling me that like, dude, you bit off more than you can chew. This is enough. You've gone 16, 17 miles. Why do you want to do more? Why do you have to prove yourself? Why are you going to try and finish this? You don't need to, right?

And I started that negotiation process. Now mile number 19, 20, 21, right? I really start negotiation, the negotiation process. And I see people, again, falling, quitting, giving up. And at some point, by mile number 24, 25, we're talking two, three miles away from the finish line. People were quitting. And at this point, instead of having this negative negotiation with myself, I was willing

those people not to quit. I'm like, no, don't quit. I figured if I just focus on them and put one foot in front of the other, that maybe I'll just somehow cross that finish line, having all this. immense pain. And that was the first time I was able to fight against that inner critic doing something so difficult, so painful. Remember, had I trained for beyond six weeks, like 12 weeks, 24 weeks, half a year for a marathon, it would have been a different story. Had I lost, let's say, 20, 30 pounds of muscle so that I would have been lighter and more conditioned, I would have done

that marathon without feeling massive amounts of pain and cramping and injuries, right? The guy had toenails falling off at the end of this thing for months after. my shins and my femurs were hurting, like the fucking bones were hurting, right? And that's because I was putting so much jarring weight on it in such a short amount of time. Guys, and I share that with you because there was such a great opportunity

for me to quit and give up and fake an injury, and nobody would have known but me. And for the first time in my life, I chose not to do that. I chose not to do that. And that marathon, the fact that I accomplished that marathon, built so much confidence

in such a short amount of time. Six weeks is not a long time when you think about it. And every day that I would go out and do my routine, my running, one mile became two miles, two became three, three became six, six became eight, eight became 13, right? 13 became 16 at the longest distance that I ran during the six week training was 16 miles. And the marathon coach is like, but don't worry, if you can use, you know, 13 to 16 miles, you'll be able to do 26.2, a full marathon. Yes, That is true. But I was still highly deconditioned. Six weeks was not long enough.

But I willed myself. I fought that inner voice. I fought the devil every step of the way. And I share that with you because I realized in that moment that I stacked so many wins during the six weeks. And then during that marathon, I stacked the biggest win. But I made the promise and I finally kept it. And it felt so good. And so I want to share this with you because I realized there was so much to be gained from that.

Right? confidence. You gain confidence and then you begin to build your self-esteem and you overcome self-doubt by stacking little wins over time and then periodically you'll get those big win opportunities where you can negotiate. You can find a reason not to come, but then you go to that battlefield or you get on the field anyway, right? When I think about the project, the project is a 75-hour experience for men who want to develop themselves, right? We run the project. One of my instructors is an maybe seal, the other one's a Marine, and then I teach life management, time management, productivity, entrepreneurship, making money, et cetera. And so it's physical, mental, emotional for 75 hours. And then we put them in a 12-month mastermind. It's like, and then it's 12 months of coaching. The project is this awesome, amazing things. Like 12 months of like full-on pouring into these men who go through the experience, 75 hours plus 12 months on the back end of it, all like inclusive. But I share that with you because even though these men know they're going to benefit

so much from the project, about 10% don't even show up to their class. Like, imagine that. 10% of the people don't even show up to their class to do the project. That's because they started that negotiation process. That's because they started to give in to that inner voice. And each time you give in, you begin to erode your credibility, right? So I always look at confidence like credit score. Like if you pay your bills on time, if you pay your debt on time, if you never miss a payment, you

will have a high credit score. Well, if you keep the promises to yourself, little promises, big promises, you will begin to build your personal credit score, your reputation with yourself. Confidence is exactly that. Confidence is reputation with self. And if you're a confident person, then you're the type of person who makes a promise and keeps a promise. You have high self-worth, high self-esteem, because each time that you keep your promise, you are stacking an undeniable amount of evidence and proof that you keep your word.

And that is very important to build your reputation with yourself, right? Think about it. If you and I were friends and I'm like, dude, I'm going to show up at 7 o'clock tonight and we're going to go and hang out and play pool and have a good time, right? But then 7 o'clock comes, I don't show up. I'm always 30, 40 minutes late. Soon you began to lose confidence in my ability to show up on time. Soon you began to lose trust in me. And if I'm a flake and I just don't show up, soon you begin to really, I begin to erode my reputation with you, right?

Well, the same thing happens with self. In other words, if you are not, if you are not showing up as a confident person, it's because you are breaking the little promises. And those promises start, by the way, the night before when you set your alarm to wake up tomorrow morning and then the morning comes, your alarm goes off and then you hit the snooze button. You, my friend, just broke a promise. You chose 10 or 15 minutes of shitty sleep over getting up and keeping your word to yourself and dominating your path.

You just told your subconscious mind that you're an imposter and that you're a hypocrite. You're a liar. You're not to be trusted. That is how we erode our confidence. That is how we begin to create self-doubt. that is how that inner voice gets louder and louder and louder and has more control over us and forces us to go the way of comfort, convenience, complacency. Instead of choosing hard, we start choosing easy.

Each time that you break a promise to yourself, each time that you are not able to keep that promise, each time that you are a hypocrite or a imposter, even on the little things, I was told myself I'm going to work out this morning, but then you didn't. And yeah, you make some bullshit excuse. Well, I didn't work out because I didn't sleep well. Then I was late to work. And so I'll work out harder tomorrow. Guess what?

You stacked an L. And if you keep stacking L's, you are going to have undeniable evidence that you're a fucking loser. Do you understand that? And if you're a loser, you cannot have high confidence and high self-esteem. Instead, you will have high self-doubt because the inner critic, the devil, your inner bitch voice will constantly control. your mind and negotiate with your actions. You'll never elevate to your higher self. And so what do we do

to build high levels of confidence? Let's talk about that. One, you have to understand that to build confidence, you have to actually start something and finish it. You have to commit something and see it through, right? That is just an important thing to do. Confidence is also a byproduct of stacking little wins. Little wins like not hitting that snooze button in the morning. Little wins like eating clean all day long. Little wins like going to your workout and bringing the fucking thunder in the gym. Little wins like making the right number of sales calls if you're in sales or setting up that funnel if you're if you're in business for yourself or leading your team and having that tough conversation. Whatever it is that you have on your list to do that day to check those fucking boxes

off and to be able to finally say with certainty, with undeniable evidence, by showing yourself that you, my friend, have confidence and high self-esteem and self-worth because you kept your promises throughout the day. And when you do that, the day becomes a month. The month becomes a year. The year becomes a decade. And before you know it, you've got such momentum as a confident, high self-esteem, high self-worth human, that the inner critic, that inner voice is silenced, is dead, is no longer able to control you, is not able to talk you out of doing the things that you know you're meant to do to become the greater, higher level version of yourself. Because make no mistake about it, if you're watching the show, if you're listening to

this show, you are the kind of guy that is striving for excellence. You are striving for personal excellence, are you not? that means you have higher standards and higher expectations of yourself. And that means your conscience knows that you want more, that you are purpose driven. And each time you break a promise and don't stack those wins, you begin to erode your reputation. You begin to erode your confidence. Now I get it. Look, you might start doing like people go, well, you know, look, when I do a couple of shots of whiskey, I have a lot of confidence.

I could talk to the ladies. What, liquid courage? Like, you think that's confidence? Like, it's not. People are like, well, you know, ayahuasca. Maybe I just need to do ayahuasca to build my confidence. I just need to look. I get it.

Look, there's ayahuasca. There's liquid courage. There's chanting, right? And make no mistake about it. I fucking chant to myself. You've watched a show long enough. You know that one of the things I do when I'm backstage, I'm about to speak to hundreds or thousands of people

is I jump up and down, standing in the corner and just, I like myself, I like myself, I like myself, I like myself. I like myself. And I do that because I visualize myself. I just winning that fucking talk, getting a standing ovation, moving people and their emotions

to the outcome that they want. And I feel so good. I already feel the standing ovation backstage before I ever take the fucking stage. I visualize by saying, I like myself, I like myself, I like myself.

And I close my eyes. And I jump up and down. And I have this little shit-eaten grin on my face because it's such a funny thing to say. But if you think just standing in a corner in a dark room, chanting to myself is how I've built my confidence, you were wrong, my friend. I've built it by stacking wins, little wins, big wins, medium-sized wins, taking fucking losses and turning them into fucking wins. I've taken chicken shit and turned it into chicken salad simply by force of will, commitment, and discipline.

And I know you can do the same. I've got two arms and two legs and have. fucking brain and the average IQ and so do you. There's nothing special about me other than I put one foot in front of the other and I chose not to fake an injury during that marathon some 20 years ago, 18 years ago. And so here's your chance to do the same, to begin to build your reputation, your credit score with yourself. And so while you can go do all the ayahuasca and therapy and chanting and journaling and drink booze to feel confident and have courage, And make no mistake about it. I'm all for therapy, man.

I fucking talk about therapy 80% of the episodes. But therapy alone is not going to give you the confidence, right? Journaling alone will not give you the confidence. Chanting, you love yourself, will not give you the confidence. Those are all secondary to stacking the wins, creating a massive amount of proof and evidence that you say what you're going to do and then you do it. And then you finish it.

That's the man who has an enormous amount of confidence. And so what do you do next? One, start what you finish. Two, stack little wins, medium-sized wins, and big wins. Just keep stacking wins. Number three, do the marathon challenge. If you're watching this on YouTube, then you can go into the description box and you can click on that link and get the marathon challenge for free.

You're like, I don't like running. I don't like running. There's a marathon everywhere somewhere. not go drive 13.1 miles and drive back. There's your mileage 26.2. Use the program that I literally am giving you for free. Train and then run that marathon and feel like a fucking savage when you're done. Right. And if you're not on YouTube right now and you don't have that link handy, you're just going to go to bedrosecoolion.com forward slash challenge and you can access the full marathon training guide for free. And I give this to you for free because it absolutely

changed my life and I wanted to change your life too but the only way that's going to happen is if you download it and then either register for a marathon or pace out that 13.1 miles in back so that you have 26.2 miles in total. Train for that marathon just like I have for you and then run it. Set the date and run it. Could you imagine that? What stacking little daily wins of your nutrition? Like that whole marathon challenge is literally designed to build confidence. That's all it is. It's designed to build confidence and credibility with yourself. Because it's got built-in little wins. Win number one is the fact that you're going to go and download the fucking thing, right?

Because in your head right now, if you're like, I'm going to go download this thing. And then you don't. You've already broken a promise to yourself. So go to bedroescooling.com forward slash challenge and for free download it. Number two, soon as you do, open it up, watch that first video. It's going to tell you to register for a marathon, find a marathon that's local. and if you can't, then pace out 13.1 miles with your car and back on whatever street, you know, pace out a little 26.2 mile thing loop.

And now you've got your marathon. And then every day follow that program. Each one of those days, it's a rest day, it's a workout day, it's a running day. Do the things on the day. Stack those little wins on a daily. It's a nutrition day. It's a recovery day, right? Do those things.

Listen to the inspirational, motivational, accountability. videos that I have there for you, packaged up, stack all the little wins over the six weeks. When you do, then you'll be ready for that marathon. And when you finish that marathon, you cross that 26.2 miles. You have that conversation with the fucking devil himself. And you fucking tell that devil to shut up. You tell that devil to take the back seat. You tell that devil to never open its goddamn mouth again because you are going to run

across that finish line and what an amazing feeling that will be. And I'm promising you this, my friend, that it will bleed into every area of your life into your relationship, into your business, into how you carry yourself, because confidence is contagious. And you will see that you become the person who inspires everyone else around you to level up to their higher self. Guys and gals, thank you so much for watching this episode of the Bedrose Cullion show. And always remember that average is the enemy. Success is your responsibility and change can take place

in an instant when you decide to flip the switch. What's the difference between me and you? Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental.