Bedros Keuilian Podcast Show - 066. How To Silence The Negative Voices In Your Head in 2024

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

In my latest episode of the Bedros Keuilian Show, I show you how to confront the “monster” living in your head – that relentless inner critic. This voice can be a major barrier to your success and happiness, but you have the power to change it. And as we step into 2024, I'm here to guide you on how to take control of that inner dialogue... REGISTER FOR THE LEGACY TRIBE Get the Life, Money, Meaning & Impact You Deserve https://bedroskeuilian.com/legacytribe SUBSCRIBE TO DOMINATION DOWNLOAD A Weekly Newsletter to Help You Dominate in Business & Life https://bedroskeuilian.com/ JOIN MY FREE 6-WEEK CHALLENGE: Transform into a Purpose-Driven Man https://bedroskeuilian.com/challenge TruLean Supplements | https://www.trulean.com/pages/bedros Get 50% Off Trulean Subscribe & Save Bundle Use Code: BEDROS Few Will Hunt Apparel | https://fewwillhunt.com/ Get 20% Off Your Entire Order Use Code: BEDROS BECOME A MODERN DAY KNIGHT: Join the MDK Project https://www.themdkproject.com/ PODCAST EPISODES: https://bedroskeuilian.com/podcast/ STAY CONNECTED: Website | https://bedroskeuilian.com/ Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/bedroskeuilian/ LinkedIn | https://www.linkedin.com/in/bedroskeuilian Twitter | https://twitter.com/bedroskeuilian

Because if you are unable to change the dialogue that's taken place in your head, then you are not going to be able to produce a productive, impactful, successful, happy life, period. Welcome to the Bedroskulean show. Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental. The most important conversation you could ever have is the conversation that you have with yourself. Hey guys, my name is Bedroskulian. Welcome to the Bedros Kulian show. And if you are watching this on YouTube,

I want to let you know that 72% of you watching this are not subscribed to the channel. So if I'm able to add any value to your life with this episode, please consider subscribing. Leave us a comment, hit the thumbs up and all that shit. And if you're on Spotify and iTunes, thank you for listening. You guys are growing the show, leaps and bounds.

We are number five in our category because of all of you. So thank you, thank you. Let's continue to grow. So I want to talk to you about the monster that's living in your head. And the reason I titled it that, the monster living in your head, is because I really believe that the most detrimental conversations that take place are not between two people, but it is between you and yourself, right? And I'm here to prove it to.

So I was reading about the study. This is how this whole episode came out. There's a study that said that 30% of people out there don't have inner dialogue. Like they don't have this inner conversation that I have with myself and I thought most people have with themselves. 30% of population just have no inner dialogue. And I suppose that's better than having negative dialogue, right? But if 30% have no inner conversation, that means there's 70% of us that do. I'm one of the 70% and if you're one of the 70% that have inner conversation, inner dialogue,

then it's important to figure out what the fuck am I saying to myself? What is the conversation? What outcomes is it producing in my life? Can I control that conversation? Is there anything I can do to turn it positive if it's negative? Because the other thing I want you guys to know is 75% of all of the self-talk that we have in our heads is negative, right? Now, I can tell you that from firsthand experience because first and foremost,

I'm one of those people that does have inner dialogue. I do have self-conversations. and the 1.0 version of me, remember I was molested as a kid growing up in Armenia. We escaped. We came to the United States. And I grew up in Section 8 housing. And I was bullied and beat up by gangbangers.

And kids at school weren't the nicest to me because I was a foreigner with a funny haircut and all that shit. And all of those things end up leaving scars on you, emotional and mental scars that end up acting as limiting beliefs in your pursuit of happiness, in your pursuit of success. In your pursuit of anything, actually, I suppose, of worthwhile if you have limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging behavior and you've had trauma that you've dealt with and that trauma has gone unprocessed, you haven't healed from it and you're the type of person that has dialogue in your head, well, that self-talk is going to be negative. And for me, it was negative. And if you're one of those people, it turns out you can fix that.

And I'm going to tell you how because otherwise there's this monster living in your head and every time you try and do something good, something great, something impactful, make more money, have a better relationship, get fit, like develop a purpose, you end up hitting this upper limits. And Gay Hendricks in his book, The Big Leap, talks about the upper limit being this place of joy, success, fulfillment, significance, satisfaction that is uncomfortable to you because you're not used to having that high level of joy, success, you know, abundance, comfort. And so you begin to limit it, right? You hit this glass ceiling. Then you begin to limit it and go back to what's comfortable. And you do that by having negative self-talk. Oh man, what if this doesn't

work out? What if things go wrong? What if people find out and laugh at me about it? And so the negative self-talk can be fixed. But how do you fix that negative self-talk in head. Well, you have to first understand that all negative self-talk is is your brain trying to fix a problem that has gone wrong once in your life, right? The problem with that is because we have this negative bias. In other words, when something great happens in your life, you might think about it once or twice. Like let's say you went to the beach and you surfed and you caught some amazing waves and, you know, you had a great time surfing and the sun was out and people were like high-fiving you and all that.

Well, you might remember that once or twice. Let's say you went to that same beach on the same day, nice and sunny, beautiful, you were catching waves and all that. And then, you know, what happened to me happens to you. One of the times that I was surfing where I surf in Dana Point at Doho, Doheny. Shout out to all the homies who surf out there in Doheny in Dana Point. Dude, I got off my board. I was walking my board in, in the water.

And if you guys know anything about Dana Point. Doheny, that area, the water, it's not sand underneath, it's rocks. And I think that has to do with the waves being slow like molasses, because the waves are really slow and it's perfect for longboarding. And I longboard. So, you know, once the water is like chest high, I get off my board and I just kind of, you know, slide my board along the water as I'm walking towards the shore. And apparently I stepped on a stingray and this fucking thing stuck me right on the side of my foot. It was the most excruciating, painful burning feeling ever. I felt it stick and then pull out.

And then, of course, I pulled my leg out of the water and it's bleeding. I'm like, fuck, this sucks. Like, it was traumatizing, right? There's a negative bias that I had when I was stuck in the foot by that stingray, right? It's like, fuck, this hurts. I don't want to go in and get stuck by a stingray or get bit by a shark or whatever. So for like a whole month, I didn't go surfing. And then when I did go surfing, dude, like, soon as I was a couple feet in the water,

I would get on my board and start paddling out. Like I used to walk my board out because I didn't, you know, if it's low tide, remember I said there's rocks under there. It's not sand at Dana Point. And I've got a long 11-inch fin on one of my boards. Like that fin will sometimes scrape against the rocks. You know, I'm a big fella. I'm 224 pounds currently.

And I can really, even though my 10-foot board is pretty buoyant when it's low tide, I got to get that board out there in the water and then get on it. otherwise that fin will start hitting the rocks underneath. But I was like, fuck the fin. I'm going to jump on and start paddling. And if it scrapes a little bit, that's fine. Because I'm not going to step on another fucking stingray. But all that to say that my negative bias was like always searching and worried that I'm

going to step on something that's going to fucking sting me again for like months at a time. And truth be told, when I still go out there, I'm just like, all right, shuffle your feet. But you can't really shuffle when you're walking on rocks. And so you kind of have to be careful where you step on. So watch out. If I step on something soft, quickly pull my foot. away. All that to say that there's a negative bias that we have. When something goes wrong in your life, your brain, your reptilian mind is like, okay, I got to watch out for this thing to go wrong

again. I got to watch out for this thing to go wrong again. So while I'm out there surfing, trying to have a good time, there was this negative conversation in my head like, oh shit, like what's lurking around me that I don't know that might end up stinging me or fucking biting me or freaking me out, right? There was a period of time that like my surf experience was less than extravagance because, well, quite honestly, I was a bit nervous about being in the water. Now, I got over it, but how did I get over it? Well, it was through positive reinforcement, right?

Each time nothing bad happened, I was like reminding myself because I know what negative self-talk does. I was like, see, dude, nothing happened. That was a one-off anomaly. There's a high likelihood if you're going to surf the rest of your life that that might happen again. There is. But you didn't die from it.

And I know who was the crocodile hunter guy, who was like stung in the chest with a stingray and fucking died on the spot because it got his heart. I don't plan on getting stung in the chest because I don't plan on fucking going under the water and swimming with the fish because guess what? I'm a fucking human. I'm going to stay above water. But I am going to stay on the water and it does feel good to surf. Some people are like, man, we don't even belong in water.

Well, I get it. But it's also really cool when you're catching waves and you're surfing and you're on a long board and you're like, fuck, man, I'm doing what Jesus did. Man, I'm walking on water right now. I'm like Jesus, right? And so, but it's a cool feeling, man. You're just, you're, you're, you realize how insignificant you and your problems are when you're looking at the mighty Pacific Ocean.

And then you get to meet some of the coolest people, man. I'm a fucking UPS driver, a fucking former executive of a fucking big company and old guy who's been a sponsored fucking surfer for like 40 years. And they're all in the water with you. But all that to say that your brain will have a negative bias. And it's always searching for the negative things that went wrong in your life. And it's always going to try and bring it up to then solve. it. The problem is you bring it up and just replay it, replay it, replay it. This is why when you hear

about, you know, people that have a negative mindset or negative self-talk have health issues, it's because when you're constantly reliving, in my case, the stinging of the stingray, right, or getting molested or being abused or being called names, whatever your trauma was, if you're constantly reliving it in the attempt of trying to solve it, but you're not because you're just reliving it, you're increasing your blood pressure, you're increasing cortisol, all, you're increasing all these things, negative factors in your life that are deteriorating to your health over time. And this is how you end up having that stroke or heart attack or whatever.

You literally are stressing yourself out. So then how do you deal with that monster living in your head? If we know that the greatest conversations we can have or the conversations that we have between our two ears, how can we deal with it? How can we fix it? Well, for one, you have to start stacking wins, right? You have to start stacking wins. When someone starts stacking wins, you'd be.

become, you, you, you start developing this pattern of proof that shows that you start something and you finish it and you win at things, right? That's a very powerful thing to do, to be able to start something, finish, and win constantly. Now, from time to time, you're going to start things and try and finish it and you didn't win. That's okay. Go back and finish it. If you've started something and you haven't finished, go back and finish it. Number one.

Number two, become self-aware. Like, pay attention to the conversation that's happening in your head. Because if you're not paying attention to the conversation taking place in your head, you don't know if it's negative. You don't know if it's positive as in it's building you. It's lifting you up. It is setting you up for success or is it tearing you down and creating more patterns of negativity in your head that's going to lead to a health issue down the line, right? Like become self-aware. Like what the fuck is happening in my head?

Like you would never let your child around a group of people who were cussing up a storm and and talking negatively and saying fearful and scary stuff, you would want to rescue your child from a group of people who were angry and mad and talking in a negative way. So why wouldn't you be that self-aware about the conversations that are taking place in your head? Because those conversations do end up creating an outcome, right? But each time you can become self-aware,

you can stop that. You can actively stop that and then go to incantation. incantations could be as simple as I like myself I like myself I like myself you've heard me say this before I get nervous when I'm gonna speak on stage and when I'm speaking on stage I love it once I'm on stage speaking I feel like I'm in flow with the audience 700 or 7,000 people makes no difference to me I love it I'm in flow all the way to the point of getting on stage the negative little fucking monster in my head wants to have those like dude you're gonna fail you're a foreigner you English is a second language you're not

going to be good at this. What if what if you just freeze up and people start laughing? What if you can't even impact these people? What if what if? Right. And so soon as I become aware that that's happening, I'm like, well, that ain't going to happen. Why? Because number one, I've stacked enough evidence, right? So the negative monster does come up. Don't think it won't come up. One, being self-aware allows me to stop it and then replace it with positivity and evidence of wins. This is why I said you got to stack wins. I go, dude, you've had several hundred speaking it. You. You've had, Every single one of them had positive reviews and you've been asked to come back to them. Why would this one be any different?

It wouldn't. It wouldn't be any different. However, this one being a bigger event, this one being at a different location, this one being a different audience that I'm not used to, I start, the negative brain starts looking for what can go wrong. If I'm not self-aware of it, then I can't stop it. If I can't stop it and produce evidence of the wins that I've had, I won't be able to then change it to positive conversation, right? And those are the things that I want to stress to you here. Because if you are unable to change the dialogue that's taken place in your head,

then you are not going to be able to produce a productive, impactful, successful, happy life, period. You are the byproduct of the conversation that takes place in your head. You're the byproduct of the five people that you hang out with them. most. You're the byproduct of your thoughts and feelings, right? And so all of those things you could have impact and change. I can change who I hang out with. I can change my thought patterns once I'm self-aware. I can reinforce it with positive things that I've accomplished as evidence of being a winner. And so if you're like, man, I've never accomplished anything

positive. So when negative thoughts come, they just fucking swirl, swirl, swirl and take me down the spiral of fucking sadness and anxiety and depression. Well, guess what? do something about it. And so what is that something? One way you can start stacking winds, like if you come from a place that I come from where you have been abused, I don't care if it's sexual abuse like I was,

physical abuse like I was, emotional abuse, mental abuse, it doesn't matter. You can go work with the therapist. You can go find a good therapist and start healing through the trauma that you've experienced in life. And if you can start healing

through the trauma that you've experienced in life, you are going to process it and put it away. When you process it and put it away, it's not going to keep coming up and you're not going to keep dwelling on it and reliving that same trauma over and over again. See, that's a scary thing, man.

A bad thing could happen to you once in your life, but if you don't have control of the conversations that take place in your head, you can relive that bad thing over and over and over and over and over again for years. Now imagine how many bad things happen to people throughout their life. Like, bad things are a byproduct of life.

I don't know anyone that's got the perfect life that nothing bad has ever happened to them, right? And so most people are walking around with a conversation in their head that's negative 75% of the time. So how do they think they're going to produce a positive outcome in their life when they're walking around with a negative conversation?

That's never going to happen. Those two dots will never connect. Those two roads will never connect. Listen, I stopped taking all of those and I started taking this, the Trulian Wellness Shot. In fact, I created this because I was sick and tired of every morning taking 11 different supplements like turmeric, ginger, cayenne pepper, black pepper, vitamin B12, echinacea, vitamin C, zinc, right? Think about this. If you want to improve your immune system, if you want to fight off inflammation in your body so that you have better gut health, you have more energy, your joints don't hurt. then you're going to want to take all those supplements.

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Fair enough. Go check it out. Use the code word bedroes get 50% off Pete you're like man I can't just go stacking evidence Of winning because I was abused physically mentally sexually emotionally What you can do is you can heal through that work with a professional a therapist Go see a counselor read books on it there's experts that have written books on everything From having a fucking sociopathic mother to to fucking fucked up dad, to sexual abuse, to physical abuse, to mental abuse, at least start

with a book. Like, go to Amazon and find the books on that topic that have at least 100 five-star reviews. Buy that book and read it. You might take away one lesson that helps you heal, that helps you process what happened and helps you put it away. That way it doesn't have to replay in your head over. and over again. Because think about this.

It may have happened to you when you were young. It may have happened to when you were a teenager in your 20s and you were single. But then you get married and then you bring kids to this earth. And if you haven't processed to the negative dialogue that's taken place in your head and you're reliving all that shit, it impacts your relationship. It impacts your kids. It impacts the way you run your business. It impacts the way you lead people.

It impacts the conversations that you have. It impacts the energy that you put out, right? We could all feel people's energies. Like most people who are self-aware, and I imagine if you watch and listen to the show, you're a self-aware person, you've done the work, you're developing into the 2.0 version,

you can sense when someone's got shit energy and it's kind of like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh where their energy is just dragging you down and you're making you funky, or they've got energy that lifts you up and makes you feel fucking amazing, right? Well, you don't want to be that person. that's got shit energy because you're emotionally constipated because of one or two

and three negative things that have happened in your life that have now become the soundtrack of the conversation taking place in your head. So if you can stack wins so that you can have evidence to the contrary when that negative talking monster comes up. Number two actually become self-aware so that when the negative talk begins you can stop it and then produce those wins as evidence to self that this negative self-talk is unnecessary. Right? And you change it to positive self-talk by saying,

hey, I did this, I achieved that, I accomplished that. I got that gold medal. I got that standing ovation. I created that company. We made that many hundreds of millions of dollars. That, that, that, that, that, that, da, da. This is why it's so important to stack wins

because it's inevitable that bad things will happen to you. It's a human condition. Adversity will come. Hardships will come. Abuse will happen. if you've got no evidence to the contrary of wins, of you being a good human, of you accomplishing and achieving things,

then you can't use that as evidence to the contrary to silence the fucking monster within, right? And if you can't silence the monster within, then it begins to take hold and it grows bigger and stronger each time you replay those conversations in your head. And remember, you're trying to replay those conversations in an attempt to fix your problem.

The problem is what got you here won't get you there. Like you don't have the tools to fix your problem. So all you're doing is identifying the problem, identifying the problem, identifying the problem, identifying the problem. I was abused. I was beaten. I was lied to. Trust was lost.

Loyalty was lost. Those people fucked me over. I got screwed over. I was left on the side of the road. Okay. Okay. Got it. Got it.

That happened 20 years ago? 10 years ago? Five years ago? You're still replaying that? Will you go and heal? If it's something you can heal through it by reading a book, by working with the therapist, will you stack wins to build an over, I want to like overbuild so much evidence of bad assery so that when there's one little negative seed that starts sprouting, I can take all that

evidence of bad assery that I am and be like drown out that one little seed of negativity, right? And then like I said, guys, the third thing, self-awareness. when you are self-aware of what is happening, the conversations in your head, the dialogue in your head, you can stop it and you can change its path. And when you're able to start going to it from a place of inner dialogue that is just fucking ran rampant

and out of control to inner dialogue that is quiet, controlled, managed, positive, optimistic, uplifting. Like, that is the dialogue that I have now. My inner self-talk is just like, dude, you're a badass motherfucker. You tore your tricep. You felt shitty about it for a couple weeks.

And then you're like, that's it. I'm done. Two weeks is my timeline to feel shitty about it. Time to start figuring out how to train around a torn tricep. Time to start getting even leaner. Time to start doing jujitsu, right? I don't know if y'all know this,

but, you know, well, you guys follow me. You guys know that I did the ghee jujitsu. Like recently I started, no ghee. And turns out I'm a lot better at no ghee than I was with ghee with a fucking torn tricep where if I'm trying to do like an Americana on someone from Mount and I can't use my left hand, left arm to push their arm down. I have to use my head on top of my fist to use for strength because I can't do a tricep extension when they're giving me resistance.

But I figured out how to push someone's hand out. the, right? That is, I built so much fucking evidence of badassery in my life that I'm like, I can work around a torn tricep that has pain and that has limited strength currently. I'm building it up, but I know it's going to take a year or two to build up all that strength and what little tricep is left, but I know I could do it.

So I took on the no-gee challenge. And I'm having a fucking blast doing it. But if I constantly let that monster that's living in all of our heads take over. It's that inner critic, right? We talk about the inner critic, that bitch voice instead of the advocate. Once the advocate can always produce more evidence than the critic can, it will drown out the critic.

And then you will constantly play the positive self-talk by showcasing evidence of being awesome, by solving through and healing through traumas and fucking shit that's happened to you because that is the human condition. Shit will happen to you. Don't think like you're somebody special and that shit can't happen to you. It can and it will and it probably has. And you're like, I just put it away.

Okay, you're just living it in the back of your mind, carrying it into every other fucking relationship of your life, damaging yourself, treating your body like a dumpster. And then self-awareness, guys. That's what it takes. Guys, I hope you got a lot of value from this episode. If you did, please share it.

Please like it. Please leave us a five-star review. And remember this, that averages the enemy, that success is your responsibility, and change can take place in an instant if you are willing to flip the switch. I'll see you next time. What's the difference between me and you? Back when Q was rolling with Lorenzo and a Benzo, I was banging with a gang of instrumental.